text:
Anritsu announces a series of new software packages supporting the measurement of 3GPP LTE mobile terminals, demonstrating its continued commitment to the effective deployment of next-generation mobile phone systems.
The three new packages, the MX269020A LTE Downlink Measurement Software, the MX269021A LTE Uplink Measurement Software, and the MX269908A LTE IQproducer are easily installed on Anritsu's MS269XA series Signal Analyzers and combine to provide an extremely powerful tool to support fast and easy evaluation of the Rx and Tx characteristics of 3GPP LTE RF uplink and downlink signals. The MX269020A and MX269021A software measures the Tx characteristics of 3GPP LTE FDD (Frequency Division Duplex) compliant signals and when installed in either the MS2690A/2691A models or in the new MS2692A, supports quick and easy measurement of both downlink (base station to mobile) and uplink (mobile to base station) signals.
The MX269908A software generates 3GPP LTE compliant waveform patterns which can then be output as an RF signal from the optional signal generator installed in the MS269xA. The signal can then be used to test RF Rx characteristics, as well as to perform Tx/Rx evaluations. This greatly increases the efficiency of research and development of 3GPP LTE base stations, mobile terminals, and components.
This world-first 3GPP LTE analysis software is installed directly into the measuring instrument itself, eliminating any requirement for an external PC in the test setup, thereby reducing cost and time and increasing measurement efficiency.
The 3GPP LTE FDD specification is rapidly becoming the de-facto standard for next-generation mobile devices supporting high-speed, large-capacity, wide-area communications. While the 3GPP Working Group is discussing various standardization subjects, leading-edge makers are already moving forward with development of 3GPP-compliant modules, amplifiers, and components, and urgently require measuring instruments supporting 3GPP LTE standards.MS269XA Signal Analyzer Series These high-performance signal analyzers have excellent total level and modulation accuracy over a wide band from 50 Hz to 6 GHz. They have a built-in vector signal analyzer function for performing wideband FFT (Fast Fourier Transform) analysis, as well as a digitize function for capturing signal waveforms as digital data. This provides efficient support for performance tests of base stations, both in R&D and manufacturing of advanced, next-generation wireless communications systems.
Three models cover frequency ranges of 50 Hz to 6 GHz (MS2690A), 50 Hz to 13.5 GHz (MS2691A), and 50 Hz to 26.5 GHz (MS2692A). This allows users to match performance with measurement requirements. In addition, all three models have a vector signal generator option (MS2690A/MS2691A/MS2692A-020) covering a frequency range of 6 GHz and an RF modulation band of 120 MHz, so supporting Tx and Rx tests with a single instrument.


text:
In today's market, the question is how do we reduce inventory and return the market to a level of stability?
RealtyHive's accelerated marketing strategy of the Real Estate Auction method allows the seller to rise above the clutter of the traditional market and grab the attention of potential buyers. Once the buyer is aware of the property and knows that the property will be sold, a genuine sense of urgency has been developed for the buyer. This sense of urgency typically creates a very competitive bidding environment either at the auction event or in the weeks leading up to the event.
Why sell with RealtyHive Hybrid Sales System?
Our system generates attention and awareness of each individual property, in a marketplace cluttered with inventory for sale under the traditional "listing method."
It creates a sense of urgency with the potential buyers, so they know a date and time the property will be sold if the property fits the buyer's criteria; they know they may miss out if they do not act immediately.
The sale process is very transparent to the seller, thus the seller can see firsthand the true "market value" of their property. They know that no money has been "left on the table." Buyers come prepared to buy with "non-contingent" offers and "non-refundable" earnest money. Sellers know with a high degree of certainty that their property is going to close. Worst case scenario, our system lays the foundation for negotiations to begin. Even if a property does not reach the "reserve sale price" on sale day an opportunity for negotiation with a buyer is established.
Quick disposal reduces long term carrying costs including taxes, maintenance, utilities, vandalism and insurance; most importantly, the opportunity cost of funds.
The Seller Advantage
- Generate heightened attention and awareness to your listing in a market that is cluttered with inventory. The market is virtually frozen by the Hybrid listing. Attractive opening bid pricing results in all potential buyers being insistent on viewing the auction property prior to placing a bid on any others.
- Bringing back urgency in the marketplace by having properties on sale with a deadline.
- Being an active part of the solution by negotiating with the lender and offering a win-win solution for the seller & lender.
- Offers have fewer contingencies making for a smoother transaction. Quick disposal reduces long tem carrying costs.
- Bonus
- The sales process is very transparent; thus the seller can really see the true market value of the property. The seller has the opportunity to sell, or at worse case, a point in which to begin a negotiation.
- Unlike traditional auction companies, there are no upfront fees charged to the seller with the Hybrid Sales System. Our "parallel" marketing plan combines the best the traditional listing method of marketing, with the added sense of urgency developed by an accelerated or pre-sale plan of creating the necessary awareness of the seller's property in the marketplace.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
dark grey
Joint it is a paving jointing mortar
Joint-It Jointing Compound is quick and easy to install. It can be applied to the following:
Joint it ready use is completely permeable allowing the water to pass through the joints. We recommend you lay paving on sharp sand and cement bed of approx 35-50mm which is semi dry.
For pedestrian and patio area base for paving we recommend using 6 parts sharp sand and 1 part cement. This will allow the base and the jointing to be completely permeable.
The benefits of the permeable jointing system is that water will not get trapped in the joints of paving which in freezing conditions would expand and crack out but in extreme conditions this is still possible
We strongly recommend to never use the dot and dab method when laying paving as over time the paving will rock, crack and move and jointing mortar will crack out of joints.
Before applying joint it make sure all paving is free from dirt, oil , grease and debris.


text:
TEHRAN, July 2 (UPI) -- Engagement and cooperation with members of the international community will drive Iran's foreign policy agenda, President-elect Hassan Rouhani said.
Rouhani, a cleric and former nuclear negotiator, bested his conservative counterparts during Iran's presidential elections in June. He is considered a moderate when compared to his rivals.
The Shiite cleric said in response to congratulatory messages from Middle East leaders he would reach out to the international community when he takes office in August.
"Expanding ties with the neighboring countries and strengthening regional cooperation in order to maintain peace and provide the interests of the regional nations is one of the foreign policy priorities of Iran's 11th administration," he was quoted as saying Tuesday by state-funded broadcaster Press TV.
Iran has been criticized for remaining loyal to Syrian President Bashar Assad during the civil war. Iran's nuclear program remains a sore spot for Western countries who suspect Iran's nuclear research is geared toward a weapons program.
Iran denies the allegations, saying it has the right to a peaceful nuclear program as a signatory to the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.
Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Khamanei has the ultimate say over Iranian policies.


text:
picket fence 3
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To ensure the very best quality, we only use slow-grown White Spruce Timber, which is harvested in cold climates to ensure solid, dense log rings. This gives the wood superior strength and longevity, and also a much more consistent colour than the likes of Pine.
Despite the care we take in selecting the very best Timber available, it's not like predictable brick or cold steel, this natural material has characteristics and quirks unique to every log.
Because our timber logs once fed water and nutrients back and forth from its roots to its leaves, its very nature is to be porous and swell up when it gets wet. Any wooden product will do this throughout its life, but there are a few things you can do to help limit this movement.
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After building your timber product, this natural construction will begin to 'settle'. This means that you will likely see some natural timber imperfections appear. These types of natural imperfections can include:
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text:
Otto is stood in front of a banner holding a large golden trophy. Despite his smart dressed appearance he still manages to rock his trademark hat and old-school headphones.
'Wow. You know, most of my life I've... I've had to live with the shame of being a screw-up. But now, as I stand here with the award for the district's safest bus driver... well, it... it's like a dream come true.'
[Milhouse's voice:]
'Otto, wake up!'
Otto's head lurches up, he has been sleeping at the wheel again (proving that it definitely was a dream.) Otto is forced into a series of driving moves reminiscent of GTA. Narrowly avoiding Jasper he ends up in the 'auto wrecking yard.'
As the kids flee the bus is slowly crushed into a smaller and smaller cube, which is then ejected and is left as a smoking cube at the children's feet.
[Otto] 'So, um... who's good at keeping secrets?'
[Marge- reading a letter]
As she reads her voice becomes more skeptical and cross, eventually taking what has become her 'nagging tone.'
'Dear parents. Due to yesterday's unscheduled field trip to the auto wrecking yard, the school bus will be out of commission for two weeks.
By reading this letter out loud, you have waived any legal responsibility on our part in perpetuity throughout the universe.'
[Homer:] Well, we'll have to organize a car pool. Hey! Every day will be like a road trip... with your dad... to school!
Bart and Lisa: [groans]
The next morning, Homer is driving Bart,Lisa, Milhouse, Nelson and Janey. In typical 'parent' fashion he insists on talking to the kids, despite
the awkward situation he is creating.
[Homer:] So... how about those rainbow suspenders, huh?
[Bart:] Dad...?
[Homer:]Pretty cool way to keep your pants up, eh?
[Bart]: Dad!
[Homer:] I see these kids now with "Jive" printed on their shirts.
Pftt... Now, I can teach you how you're supposed to say "jive".
[Lisa:] Dad... Please just drive the car, dad.
Homer: I'm watching the road, sweetie.
You jive turkey. See? You got to sass it. Quit jivin' me,
turkey. You got to sass it. A "turkey" is a bad person.
Homer switches on the radio, presumably to impress the kids.
'KFSL: Fossil 103. Classic hits from Abba to Zeppelin, comma, Led.'
Homer begins smiling contently nodding his head to the strains of a band that the children clearly find terrible.
Nelson, looking awkward begins to punch Milhouse in the shoulder.
Nelson: 'Tell him.'
Milhouse: 'Mr Simpson sir? Can you please change the radio station?'
Homer looks round, a small amount of shock and surprise on his face.
Homer: 'But this is Grand Funk Railroad? You kids know Grand Funk right?'
As the kids look embarrassed at not knowing the band, Homer begins to look fearfully into the distance.
Homer: 'Nobody knows the band Grand Funk? The wild shirtless lyrics of Mark Farner? The bong rattling bass of Mel Schacher? The competent drum work of Don Brewer? Oh man....
The car pulls to a screeching halt outside the school and the kids sprint off (even work shy kids like Nelson and Bart) presumably to get away from Homer. Homer,not to be outdone, leans out of his car window and shouts.
Homer: 'For more information on Grand Funk, consult your local library!'
Homer (who seems to dominate the car pool rota) is taking the kids to school.
The song playing in the background is Mississippi Queen by Mountain.
As Homer enthusiastically nods his head, telling the kids how to headbang.
Homer: 'When I listen to a really good song, I start nodding my head like I'm saying yes to every beat. YES! YES! YES!
This rocks and then sometimes I switch it up like NO!NO!NO! Don't stop rocking!
Bart: 'Dad, please, you're embarrassing us.
Homer: 'No, I'm not. I'm teaching you about rock music. Now Grand Funk Railroad paved the way for Jefferson airplane, which cleared the way for Jefferson starship. The stage was now set for The Alan Parson's Project, which I believe was some sort of hovercraft.
Bart: 'Dad, no one cares about your stupid dinosaur bands! You have the worst, lamest taste in music ever!'
Homer: 'I'm just trying to party with you guys.'
Bart: 'Homer, first of all the word is paar-tay and second we wouldn't paar-tay with you if you were the last dad on earth.
Homer heads to a music store (remember those?) called 'Suicide Notes.'
The sign says the shop was formerly called 'Good Vibrations.'
As Homer walks along the aisles he end up confused and distressed. He asks the clerk:
Homer: Hi there, been a while since I've been in Good Vibrations Music. Where can I find the latest releases by Bread?'
Clerk: 'Oldies.'
Homer: 'Oldies? But you got all the top bands in here. Styx! I just heard them on the King Biscuit Flower Hour.'
Looking around, Homer sees the posters of modern bands on the wall's of the store.
Homer: Now, here are some of your no-name bands. Sonic Youth? Nine Inch Nails? Hullabalooza?
Clerk: Hullabalooza is a music festival; the greatest music festival of all time.
Homer: There can only be one truly great festival a lifetime and it's the "Us Festival".
Clerk: The what festival?
Homer: The "Us Festival"! Geez! It was sponsored by the guy from Apple Computers.
Clerk: What computers?
Homer walks in the street, dejected and confused.
Homer: Why do you need new bands? Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact.
Flashback to the aforementioned year, where a group of people are installing a strobe light in a custom van of theirs:
Jock: "Quadraphonic sound, a waterbed, and now a strobe light. Gentlemen, say hello to the second-base mobile."
When they resume dancing on "Frankenstein" with the lights flashing, Homer sneaks up and hovers , before giving up and retreating.
Homer [voice-over]: "Back then, we didn't care what anyone thought and the chicks found that irresistible."
He remembers drinking from the school fountain as attractive girls walk by.
Girl: "I think you're cool, Homer Simpson."
Other: 'Sandra, that was mean.'
Homer [voice-over]: "But most of all, I remember the music..."
In Homer's room, Him and Barney ruin "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing", when Abe barges in.
Homer: 'You make me feel like dancing...'
Barney: 'Make me wanna dance the night away.'
Abe: "What the hell are you two doing?"
Barney: "It's called rockin' out,"
Homer: 'You wouldn't understand dad cause he's not "with it".
Abe: I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now, what I'm with isn't it, and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you too.'
Homer reacts angrily, denying Abe's assertion.
Homer: "No way man, we're gonna keep on rockin' forever... forever... forever..."
Fade-in to adult Homer, bald, fat and tired realizing that Abe's warning has come true. He is in the bedroom moaning to Marge.
Marge: What's wrong, Homie?
Homer: I went to the record store today and they were playing all that music I've never heard of. It was like the store had gone crazy.
Marge: Hmm. Record stores have always seemed crazy to me, but it doesn't upset me. Music is none of my business.
Homer: "That's fine for you, Marge but I used to Rock 'N' Roll all night and party everyday. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky.'
Homer: 'I've gotta get out of this rut, and back into the groove.'
Marge: 'Well good. Try to include Bart and Lisa.'
The next morning, Bart and Lisa are prepared to enter a dangerous pact to prevent further upset.
Bart: Dear Lord, if you keep Homer from embarrassing us today, we
promise to build several churches in your honor.
Lisa: Bart, no!
Homer, still roped into the car duty it seems, guns it past Milhouse, leaving him chasing the car down the road.
Milhouse: "Hey, wait! I'm okay today! My mom bought me deodorant"
Lisa: "Dad, you forgot to pick up Milhouse."
Homer in a vain attempt at sarcasm that is made even funnier by his comically enlarged eyes. As this was the nineties, he probably intended to finish with some form or 'Not!' joke or an even 'funnier' Psyche!
Homer: "I did ? I must be getting forgetful in my old age. Open the glove compartment and fetch me my brain medicine."
Lisa: "What are you talking about ?"
Homer keeps pointing at the glove compartment. Lisa opens it and several tickets fall out.
Homer: "Well? What have we here? Looks like your uncool dad scored
tickets to Hullabalooza!"
Lisa: "Bart... these look real..."
Bart: "Check the authenticator spot"
Lisa removes a sticker, which reveals a microchip
Microchip:"This is an authentic Hullabalooza ticket. For authentic
refreshment, eat Clark bars. And for totally outrageous class
rings, it's Josten's. Go, Josten's!"
Homer: "You're not going to school today. Today your classroom will be the Capitol City amphitheater; your teacher, four dozen rock bands. So, get ready for some well-supervised craziness while you rock out with your father!"
They reach Hullabalooza, passing throughput the entrance to the festival.
Lisa: Wow! It's like Woodstock, only with advertisements everywhere and tons of security guards.
As the kids rush in Homer is forced to handover his homemade Kahlúa
Security guard: 'People have your have your tickets out,throw your cameras out,surrender all identification.
Homer: 'Ohh my, homemade Kahlúa'
The Simpsons begin to wander through the crowd passing various stalls and shops.
Lisa: Generation X may be shallow but at least they have tolerance and respect for all people.
Homer: Hey: a freak show!
The freak show consists of a bearded lady, a man with hundreds of cigarettes in his mouth,a man nailing a large spike into his face and two pink poodles. The man nailing his face whacks his thumb and then ,complaining bitterly, introduces the act coming onto the stage.
Preformer: 'Thankyou, thankyou very much. And now the band you have all been waiting for.... Cypress Hill!'
Cypress Hill come charging onto the stage but before they perform, they have an important message to relay.
B-Real:'Before we start, we have a lost child here. If she's not claimed within the next hour, she will become property of Blockbuster Entertainment.'
As Cypress Hill begin to preform Throw Your Set In The Air Bart and Lisa notice something smells weird.
Bart: 'What is that smell?'
Lisa: 'It smells like Otto's jacket.'
Homer, oblivious to what is going on, is off buying a Rasta hat and a badge. After his purchase, the clerk begins to point at the 'Tips' box.Clerk: Dude, karma.
Homer: What?
Clerk: Karma, karma.
Homer blankly stares at the man before walking away.
Homer: Oh, I get it.
Homer walks to over to rejoin Bart and Lisa, proudly sporting his new hat.
Bart: Dad, you cannot wear that! That's a rastafarian hat.
Homer: Pft. Hey, I've been safariing since before you were born.
Lisa: Wearing a Jamaican hat makes a bold statement about your
connection to reggae music.
Homer: Well, excuse me.
Homer then makes things much worse by sticking a 'Too Cool For This Planet' sticker on his controversial headpiece.
Bart: You know what, dad? Maybe we'll go exploring on our own for a
Left alone, Homer decides to regain his place with the 'cool people.'
Homer: 'Well Homer, this is it. Time to get back with the people, the young people.'
Homer begins to strut along, with a bemused grin on his face. He walks over to a unkempt teen and tries to strike up a conversation.'
Homer: 'Alright, yeah!'Homer: Good concert, am I right?
Teen 1: 'Yeah, nice try, narc.'
Teen 2: 'Where's a narc?'
Teen 3: 'Who?'
Teen 1: 'That fat Jamaican guy.'
Homer: 'What did I say? What's going on?'
Teen 4: 'Hey, we're just trying to have a good time, narc. Why do you
want to destroy us?'
Teen 5: 'Don't commit your hate crimes here.'
Teen 5: 'Hate crime!'
Homer is lifted over head and begins to be thrown to the edge of the crowd.
Homer: 'More butt support,more butt support!'
Homer is thrown to the ground behind the crowd. Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa are dancing and listening to the festival. The Smashing Pumpkins are playing and the crowd is swaying in a zombie like manner
Lisa: It may be bleak, but this music is really getting to the crowd.
Bart: Eh, making teenagers depressed is like shooting fish in a barrel.
Homer walks away, sulking and muttering to himself.
Homer It makes no sense. I haven't changed since high school and suddenly I'm uncool. Uh....I been kicked out of paradise.'
Homer starts watching the teamsters unload the trucks and he is depressed when he sees how 'cool they are.
Homer: 'I'll never be part of the scene again.'
Homer punts a small cannon in a fit of rage. It starts to fizz and spark, malfunctioning. Homer backs away looking terrified.
Homer: 'Uh-oh.'
An object shoots out of the cannon and slams Homer in the gut. As he doubles over in pain, the object inflates and turns into a giant saloon pig.
Teamster: Aw, man. There goes Peter Frampton's big finale. He's gonna be pissed off.
Frampton: You're damn right I'm going to be pissed off; I bought that
pig at Pink Floyd's yard sale!
As the crowd surrounds Homer, Bart and Lisa run over to comfort him.
Lisa: 'Dad,dad are you ok?'
Homer: 'I'm....fine'
The crowd begins to mutter and point, amazed at Homers' resilience. The manager moves over, shaking Homer firmly by the hand.'
Manager:'Sir, I run Hullabalooza's pageant of the transmundane -- the freak show -- and I've been looking for a big fatso to shoot with a cannon. I'd like very much for you to be that fatso.'
Homer stands there with an awestruck look on his face, as hallelujah music plays in the background.
Homer tells Marge, but she does not see eye to eye with him on this.
Marge: So... you want to go on tour with a traveling freak show.
Homer: I don't think I have a choice, Marge.
Marge: Of course you have a choice.
Homer: How do you figure?
Marge: You don't have to join a freak show just because the opportunity came along.
Homer: You know, Marge, in some ways, you and I are very different
Homer, dense as usual, does not listen to Marge. He is now naked down to the waist, hiding behind a sheet. In the background a large crowd can be seen. Homer has joined the freakshow and he is preparing for his first act.
Manager: 'And now, get ready for the man with the iron stomach!'
Homer walks on stage and nervously addresses the audience.
Homer: ''Hi everybody. Is everybody... good?'
The orderlies wheel the giant cannon onto the stage. Homer, in the interests of safety, applies his lab goggles and braces for the impact. The cannon fires and hits him square in the gut. To the cheers of the audience, he seems unharmed and rises to his feet.'
Homer: 'Thankyou...thank you very much.'
A little person walks on stage and takes Homer by the hand and leads him off stage. Homer is then signing autographs for his loyal fans. He is signing a bowling ball with the text, Stay in school, your
hero, Homer. Homer hands the ball to the punter who is revealed to be a small child, who is predictably crushed by the heavy ball.
Billy Corgan: 'Hey cannonball, I like your statement: when life takes a cheap shot at you, you stand your ground. Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.'
Homer: 'Homer Simpson, smiling politely.'
Homer: 'You know, my kids think you're the greatest. And thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide.'
Corgan: 'Well, we try to make a difference.'
At school, Bart reads a letter from his father.
Homer (voiceover):"Dear Bart and Lisa. All is well on tour with America's most popular alternative music
Cut to a shot of the Hullabalooza bus on a 3-way crossing with the signs reading Cleveland and Cincinnati. They turn to Cleveland, then for Cincinnati, then they change their minds and turn back home (Take that!).
Homer (voiceover):"Our first job is to entertain."
Homer gets shot with a cannon.
Homer (voiceover):"And I like to think sometimes we get a
message across as well."
Same scene again, but this time Homer has "No Litter" written on his stomach before he gets shot.
Homer (voiceover):"But the main thing is: I've finally tapped into that spirit of self-destruction that makes Rock 'N' Roll the king of music."
The rock stars on the bus are cheering on Homer, who's "water-skiing" with the bus, only with frying pans instead of skis. Health and safety unconscious as ever,Cypress Hill hurl cans at him.
Homer (voiceover):"Woo-hoo!"
The montage continues and Homer visits more and more cities.
Homer: 'Hello, ticket holders!'
Teen1: Oh, here comes that cannonball guy. He's cool.
Teen2: Are you being sarcastic, dude?
Teen1: I don't even know anymore.
Homer takes another cannon ball in the gut. He leaps up clutching a microphone.
Homer: Thank you! And remember, don't trust anyone over 30! And now, Peter Frampton!
Peter Frampton: 'Thanks Homer! Homer Simpson everyone!'
Homer walks off the stage and starts chatting with the Pumpkins.
Corgan: 'Hey, Homer, looks like our next stop is your hometown, Springfield.'
D'Arcy: 'Is it true that we have to bring our own water?'
Homer: 'We got a little rule back home: if it's brown, drink it down; if it's black, send it back.'
Chamberlin: 'The hometown show's the big one, Homer.'
Iha: 'Yeah, people who called you a weirdo in high school get to see what a successful freak you've become.'
D'Arcy: 'Hey, I wasn't a weirdo. I was in the audio-visual club.'
Homer: 'Really? Me too! But I got kicked out cause of my views of Vietnam. Also, I was stealing projectors.'
Homer: Get ready beer belly, we are going to show Springfield what we are made of.'
When Homer drinks beer to celebrate, but his stomach echoes when he burps. The manager comes over a listens to Homer's stomach. He looks worried, slaps his stomach and the same sounds is emitted.
Manager: 'Homer, nothing's more important to me than the health and well-being of my freaks. I'm sending you to a vet.'
Cut to Homer in the vets. The vet looks extremely worried for Homers' safety.
Vet:'My God.! Those cannonballs have practically demolished your stomach. From now on, no cannonballs, no spicy foods and when you lie in a hammock, please rest your beer on your head or your genitals. '
Homer:'Pfft.Rules.I'm a rocker! I don't care for rules.'
vet:'Mr.Simpson, this is serious. If you take one more cannonball to the gut, you will die.'
Homer:'Die? Well, you don't scare me, Doc.Cause dyin' would be a stone groove! Got any messages for Jimi Hendrix?'
The camera pans to an old hippy spaniel, lying in a basket. The basket reads 'Rover Hendrix.'
Vet:'Yes. Pick up your puppy.'
Back at home, Bart is nagging Homer for answers to a set of questions.
Bart: So, what's it like being famous, dad?
Homer: People know your name, but you don't know theirs. It's great.
Bart: Do you wear boxers or briefs?
Homer (checking): Nope.
Bart: What religion are you?
Homer: You know, the one with all the well-meaning rules that don't
work out in real life. Uh... Christianity.
Homer begins to get curious, as Bart begins to scribble down his answers.
Homer : 'What is with all the questions boy?'
Bart : 'Just some report I gotta do for school...hey you want some pie?'
Homer: 'Sure, we gotta lot of catching up to do.'
Homer takes a quick look at Bart's scribblings. He sees that Bart is doing a report titled 'The person I admire most' and has chosen Homer as his subject. Homer seems genuinely touched, and smiles to himself.' As the two of them share the pie, Homer's stomach begins to rumble, reminding him of his fate if he carries on with his act.
Homer brings out the entire family to watch his last performance (kinda morbid but whatever) and they pull into the fairground. At Springfield Fairgrounds, the family is allowed access to the backstage of Hullabalooza.
Guard: 'Clear the way, clear the way! Performer coming through.'
Marge>: 'This is so exciting. Last time I got to go backstage was when
Bart ripped his pants at the Christmas play.'
Bart: 'Mom...'
B-Real: 'Ha-ha!'
Once backstage, the bands begin to form for their performances
Roadie: 'Hello bands,Who is playing with the London Symphony Orchestra? Come on people,somebody ordered the London Symphony Orchestra... possibly while high? Cypress Hill I'm looking in your direction!'
Cypress Hill begin to mutter amongst themselves.
B-Real: Uh, do you know "Insane in the Brain"?
Violinist: 'We mostly know classical... but we could
give it a shot.'
The orchestra pulls off a pretty great version of Insane in the Brain.
Marge: 'Now this, I like.'
On stage, Peter Frampton uses a robotic voice to create the
idea that his guitar "talks" while playing.
Jimbo: Man, that guy's guitar is talking.
Otto: Hey, my shoes are talking too!
Left Shoe: Don't worry. We won't hurt you.
Right Shoe: We only want to have some fun.
For some reason, Mr Burns is at the concert along with Smithers
Burns: And to think, Smithers: you laughed when I bought
TicketMaster. "Nobody's going to pay a 100% service charge."
Smithers: Well, it's a policy that ensures a healthy mix of the rich
and the ignorant, sir.
Peter Frampton is finishing his performance and he bangs his foot on a concealed pedal. The desired effect does not happen.
Peter Frampton: 'Thankyou Springfield, Do you feel?....do you feel....do you feel. Ah come on....do you feel. Gahh....Homer Simpson Homer Simpson wrecks my pig, Cypress Hill steals my orchestra, and Sonic Youth's in my cooler! Get out of there, you kids!'
Moore: 'Aw, come on, Mr. Frampton. You're not gonna eat all that
Frampton:'Please, I'm trying to perform!'
Shelley: 'Go ahead. We'll stay here and guard your cooler!'
Fuming, Frampton leaves the stage and on comes Homer.
Announcer : And now, Springfield, this is the moment that you've been waiting for,the man who embodies everything about Rock 'N' Roll, except the music. Give it up for your very own Springfield home grown hero – Homer Simpson!'
Homer comes strutting on stage, wearing some sort of cape with a skull on it.
Milhouse: "I used to carpool with that guy".
As the cannon is wheeled out, Homer begins to panic.
Homer:'Oh, this is heavy. Okay Homer, don't fear the reaper. Ah I'm gonna die!'
Marge: 'Cannons are designed to hurt. They're designed to hurt.'
Lisa: 'Shh! Mom, dad needs our support.'
Bart: 'You're the coolest dad alive!'
As the cannon fuse burns, everybody is waiting with baited breath in anticipation of Homer's stunt, even Sonic Youth who have stopped eating their watermelon. Homer dodges the cannon, to the disappointment and fury of the crowd. Homer walks out and hugs Marge.
Homer: 'Oh, Marge. I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.'
Marge: 'There might be one in this cooler.Oh, here you go.'
Frampton: 'Ohh!'
Lee Ranaldo:'Oh, man. Homer wussed out. I'm so disillusioned.'
Kim Gordon:'Hullabalooza isn't about freaks; it's about music, and advertisement and youth-oriented product positioning.'
Sen-Dog: 'That, and getting toasted. Nicely toasted.'
Manager: Homer, I'm sorry. There's nothing worse than a yellow-bellied freak... unless that's his act. I expect your letter ofresignation on my desk.
Homer: You have a desk?
Manager: I mean the hood of my car.
Homer: I'll miss you, Pumpkins, but I just can't share your bleakworld view. I've got too much to live for.
Corgan: We envy you, Homer. All we have is our music, our legions of fans, our million of dollars and our youth. Woo-Hoo!
Iha: Let's all go out and buy fur coats!
Chamberlin: I want a walk-in humidor.
In the car, on the trip to go home, Homer cand the family discuss their day.
Homer: So, I realized that being with my family is more important
than being cool.
Bart: Dad, what you just said was powerfully uncool.
Homer: You know what the song says: "It's hip to be square".
Lisa: That song is so lame.
Homer: So lame that it's... cool?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Am I cool, kids?
Bart+Lisa: No.
Marge: Good. I'm glad. And that's what makes me cool, not caring,
Bart+Lisa: No.
Marge: Well, how the hell do you be cool? I feel like we've tried
everything here.
Homer: Wait, Marge. Maybe if you're truly cool, you don't need to
be told you're cool.
Bart: Well, sure you do.
Lisa: How else would you know?
Originally from The Simpsons episode "Homerpalooza."
Via FOX.


text:
MOBILE, Ala. (AP) – Circumstances have changed dramatically for Stacy Lewis since last year's Mobile Bay LPGA Classic, and that tournament might have been an impetus to her career surge.
The defending champion and No. 2-ranked Lewis returns to The Crossings Course at Magnolia Grove Thursday seeking her third straight win on Alabama's Robert Trent Jones Golf Trail courses.
"It's really nice to be back,'' Lewis said on Wednesday. "You know, about this time last year is when things really kind of started going right for me. I'm in a completely different place coming into this year than I was last year. I mean, to even think I had six wins since we were here is pretty amazing. I'm excited to be back.
"I love this golf course, it fits my eye and the greens are perfect, so scores are definitely going to be low again.''
The former Arkansas star, who also won in Prattville last fall, wound up winning four tournaments and player of the year honors in 2012. She already has claimed two more titles this year with consecutive victories in Singapore and Phoenix.
Lewis won't have to compete against top-ranked Inbee Park, who has won three times this year but is skipping the tournament. Jiyai Shin is the only other player ranked in the Top 10 who is playing in Mobile.
Still around is Lexi Thompson, who surged back to within a stroke of Lewis last year with a closing 65 and also finished second in Prattville.
Lewis managed to shoot in the 60s all four rounds on the par-72, 6251-yard course in Mobile.
Perception makes it clear how different things have become for Lewis, who is coming off a fifth-place finish at the Kingsmill Championship.
She arrived in Mobile last year after failing to make the cut in Hawaii.
"I've had three Top 10s in a row and people think I'm struggling,'' she said. "I guess I set the bar a little too high, but my game's in a good place so getting back to a course (where) I'm comfortable is really nice.''
She even got a week at home after Kingsmill. Lewis said she "practiced a little bit'' and spent enough time at the beach to get sunburned.
"It's something that I needed to kind of get away and just clear my head more than anything,'' Lewis said.


text:
PCHelpWare is a free alternative to the various comercial remote assistance services that can be found on the netPCHelpWare is a powerful remote support software that allows you to control (right from your own PC) a distant PC connected to the internet. It is the ideal solution to provide quick remote assistance and help your customers, colleagues, friends and family members, even if they are on the other side of the worldPCHelpWare is customizable: you can create your own server package with your logo and -company- nameThe individual you want to remotely assist only has to download and execute your customized package. That's allNo router/modem/firewall configuration is needed to access a remote PC even when it's standing on a protected network behind a NATIf your PC is also behind Firewall/NAT routers, PCHelpware has the solution that makes everything simple anywayUsing the provided Repeater service, no router configuration is needed at all
(The Viewer is used to provide remote support and controls the remote PC once connected)
(The server is the application that runs on the remote machine to be controlled)
* Vista UAC temporarily disables the remote keyboard when asking for administrator access. This new security feature in Vista locks all applications when asking the user for this access level. It can be disabled it in Vista...
The PCHelpware remote server initiates the connection to your Viewer. Thus the Viewer needs to be reachable from outside (the internet). If you are behind a router you have to configure it so the viewer port is forwarded to your machine. But no configuration is needed on server (remote) side
When using the Repeater, both the Server and Viewer can stand behind a NAT firewall/router without having to configure ports forwarding. A Repeater is most time available on the uvnc server.
The server use one outgoing port ( default port = 5500 )The viewer use one outgoing port ( default = 5901 ) and one incoming port (same than server default port = 5500)
View the license
PCHelpware has been made compatible with the helpdesk.txt (UltraVNC SC custom.zip file). But internally, all has been rewritten from scratch to be able to easily handle encryption, unicode and intel performance libraries. PCHelpWare capture, display and communication engine comes from a commercial real time remote screen application... it has his own protocole and is not compatible with UltraVNC or any other VNC flavorTo use PCHelpware you need to use both its server and viewer
> Global PCHelpware SC connectivity scheme
> Login screen
> Controls remote PC desktop viewed through the connected Viewer


text:
Football future odds
More Live Lines / Wagering Channel / Bullz-Eye Home
Have a Super Bowl hunch this year? Think your team is going to rule college football? Check out the football future odds below, powered by Bodog!
You can follow us on Twitter and Facebook for content updates. Also, sign up for our email list for weekly updates and check us out on Google+ as well.


text:
Webmin Documentation
The primary source of Webmin documentation is now the Webmin Wiki hosted by Doxfer. If you are looking for instructions on how to use the various modules, you should go direct to the module documentation pages.
Since this is a Wiki, we welcome anyone to sign up and contribute documentation for both core modules and those written by other developers. At the moment the documentation is a work in progress with some screenshots missing or out of date, but I plan to correct this shortly.


text:
Upcoming and recently released MAC Cosmetics color collection information. If you publish content/information obtained from this resource, please credit appropriately. Plagiarism isn't cool, the content authors appreciate it!
Use this control to limit the display of threads to those newer than the specified time frame.
Allows you to choose the data by which the thread list will be sorted.
Order threads in...
Note: when sorting by date, 'descending order' will show the newest results first.
Forum Rules


text:
Maggie is no longer certain nails are in her long-term future.
Read more
Maggie says if she'd known then what she knows now about the business, she might have chosen a different career.
Maggie takes a moment to appreciate the swirl of activity around her.
It recently occurred to me — more like fell on my head like a piano in a cartoon — that I might not be able to work forever. The last few months have been busy, and
*sigh* I'm gonna get letters. Let me start with a disclaimer, because people skim through what they read and don't take time to think about what the words are actually saying. Watch — it'll happen. I don't
Being a professional nail tech — at least the type of nail tech I am; you know, out here in the "trenches" — is all about finding a balance between that nagging quest for perfection in
I have worked very hard to set up my workstation in a manner that is ergonomic for me. I put thought into it when I designed my desk. I thought about it when I bought my
The title comes from the 1956 science fiction movie "Forbidden Planet." The concept comes from Carl Jung. And my oversimplified explanation comes from the elementary schoolyard poo-flinging fest taking place in my Facebook newsfeed: The more we
Well, I admit, for the last couple of months I've been feeling a little less than enthusiastic about coming to work each day. Not a full-on "burnt out" feeling, but not as entertained by the daily routine
I believe I've mentioned that in the last few years I've had several former clients embark upon a career in the nail industry. Most of them didn't even tell me. Some of them were former clients
I used to think that once I built my clientele, I'd be set. I knew there would always be a few people who strayed off because they moved away or couldn't afford their nails anymore, but
Twenty-one years ago today (as I write this on October 2), I was a terrified 22 year old sitting in a room in a Fairfield, Calif., office complex, taking my California Manicuring State Board Exam. I had
The other night, lying in bed, trying to convince myself that 11 o'clock is a perfectly acceptable time to be in bed (I'm a night person. Going to bed before 1 a.m. doesn't really jibe with
For the most part, I think I'm pretty wise to the fact that we — as professionals — are all different. The industry is comprised of thousands of different people working within it and almost as
I was recently advised to watch some YouTube videos in order to gain motorcycling skills.Yep. True story. Somehow, watching someone do something will magically make me able to do it as well.By that logic, I should
I think by far the most challenging aspect of my job is the personal interaction required. My job is not merely comprised of the physical act of performing services, but complicated by the need to effectively
I have such mixed feelings when learning that a new client is also a nail tech. I've long gotten over the anxiety of feeling judged, and I nary bat an eye anymore when someone tells me
Why do so many people feel obligated to greet me with the words, "Isn't it terrible...?" From a rape/murder three counties over to a missing child report three states over, people mire themselves in misery and feel
I had very few jobs before I started doing nails. I worked at McDonald's for about five minutes, then I worked for a small mail order company that sold ancient coins and artifacts for about two
So I was talking about picking a niche, right? But there are a lot of people out there who are convinced that my own niche — all that clunky acrylic loaded down with glitter and artwork —
I was recently contemplating how diverse the nail industry has become in the last couple of years. It's actually offered a lot of diversity for a very long time, but just these last few years that diversity
I was recently thumbing through my June copy of NAILS and stopped to read Jennifer Lambert's "Just My Opinion" piece. Now I don't know about "getting along," and I have tons of thoughts about why we don't
I've been burned out before. Back in '02 I was so over my job that I started giving some serious thought to what else I might want to do for a living. I knew it wasn't nails,
How often do your clients tell you how much everyone loves their nails and asks where they have them done — only to have your clients end the story with how those same people who were
The sister of one of my clients went to nail school. In and of itself, this is neither great nor terrible news to me. I hope she loves doing nails and that it turns out to
Over the years I have had so many people tell me they could never be "good at nails" because they can't paint. I've heard many different versions of this thought, but essentially it always comes down
A significant portion of the comments on a recent post accused me of being "jealous" because the blogosphere is filled with talented nail artists who are "self-taught." Apparently, there's a widespread misconception that when one enrolls
Let's face it, there are certain jobs that make the rounds of the "what can I do to make a decent living without having to spend a lot of time in school?" mindset. Dental hygienist, court
You probaby haven't forgotten that I broke my wrist. Actually, the doctor's report uses the word "shattered." *gulp* No wonder it hurts.The orthopedist has me off work till the first of the year, a total of
I recently found a post on Facebook from a fellow tech that made me think to myself, "Hmmm. She does have a point."Her post was a pretty to-the-point rant that she would be charging a specific
I've been out of work for two weeks now. And being out of work has been depressing, so I haven't spent nearly as much time in front of the Internet as usual. I have new trade
Tuesday, October 2, 2012 was my official 20th anniversary as a licensed nail technician.It was October 2, 1992 that I took my state board exams and received my license. What an adventure that was! For one
Well, not you. I sorta figure most of my readers are actually nail techs themselves. But that's what I want to shout at people sometimes. I hear people whining about finding a "good" nail tech all
It has long befuddled me how the state determines its methods of regulating our industry. Mostly, I'm one of those curmudgeon-types who thinks the government should stay out of what they don't have any experience in.
Since I just wrote about calculating booked-ness (if I can spell it, it's a word!) I figured this would be a good time to write this post too. There's no such thing as a full book. OK ...
I've been looking at photos of nails online. In fact, it's something I do on a regular basis — some people are into Pinterest, I look at nails. If no one interrupts me, or reminds me
I love talking shop, I love networking, I love mentoring, and I love sitting down and trying to pass on my skills to the less experienced. Every so often I get a call from someone who
I know I've discussed calling in sick before: We just can't do it. There's no one to cover for us most of the time; we don't get paid sick leave; and when you're really booked, it
Yes, I am still talking about the new year and resolutions and stuff. No. None of it is about losing weight. I can still bend over and paint my own toenails — I'm doing just fine. It
Only a couple of weeks ago now, an e-mail arrived in my inbox with a link to a blog and very little other information, but the e-mail came from a trusted colleague and the link looked interesting.
So, we (the BF and I) cook. I mean, neither of us are in danger of any Iron Chef titles mind you, but we are constantly reminded by the people we are surrounded by that we
... you might be sitting in it for a long time before they come. I always find myself wondering why people decide to go to nail school. So many people do it for so many reasons. Many of
I spend the weekend thinking so many great thoughts for blogging, then the week starts over and I sit here wondering what all those ideas were. Someone really ought to start keeping notes — not me
So I was reading the comments left on the "Perfect Timing" post a few days ago (and it never ceases to boggle my mind which posts will collect so many comments while others go unnoticed) and I
Look, I have a huge issue with finding my photos out there with someone else taking credit for the work shown in them. And I'm still struggling to decide how I feel about my photos being
It was 1996. Her name was Denise, she worked at the Holiday Inn, and she's the only person who's ever broken a nail by stapling it. I don't see nearly as much talk about timing these days
I see most clients every two to three weeks ... which means they also see me every two to three weeks. This is a good amount of time to put between visits with most people. It
I just said good bye to my last client and, as I was cleaning up my station and dusting off my pants to settle in for the short break I'd been looking forward to, heard myself
Seriously. I loathe shopping at CosmoProf. I'm not thrilled with the experience Sally's offers. And I don't even go to that place that used to be Maly's.Which leaves me with few — no, pretty much NO
For the poor girl's sake, I am not going to include her contact info, but check out this post I found on our local Craigslist:"Hiiii(: My name is Ashley i am 17 years old && im
Just to finish (as if I'll EVER finish this subject!) my thoughts about the ludicrous-osity (it's a word now!) of the way our schooling and licensing works, not only does the cosmetology program in California only
This year we became Disneyland annual passport holders. Disneyland is — on a good trip—about a 3-1/2 hour drive for us, and I am determined to make our purchase worthwhile by making one weekend trip per
I am exhausted. And famished. I haven't even had time to drink my pumpkin spice latte today. Don't worry, I still like it after it's been sitting on the corner of my desk for eight hours.
I don't believe in "nail emergencies." There's no such thing, and if it really is that bad, then you need a doctor, not a nail tech.I like that my job comes with a very low responsibility
Welcome to the week of Thanksgiving. It is for me, as well as for many of us, I'm sure, a three-day work week. When I lock the door at the end of an exhausting but profitable
There's a little newspaper-style publication that gets sent out to salons in California called California Stylist. Apparently they have them in other states too, and I have a series of thoughts concerning the publication itself, but
It was probably a couple of months ago that my ex-client-turned-hairstylist-across-the-hall, Breanna, mentioned that a local salon was going to be putting on a fashion and hair show for charity. She found out about it because
Recently I found myself talking with another nail tech who I know has specialized in natural nail manicures for a while now. I didn't realize, however, that when she tells me that she "only does manicures"
One of my clients passed away a couple of weeks ago. It was quite unexpected. She was only 50 and she'd been in for her regular appointment just the week before.I got the call from a
I started doing nails when I was 22 — PFFT! Who am I kidding? I started doing nails when I was 15! But I started my career as a nail professional when I was 22. Either
We have spent so much time and effort over the last 40 years (that's as long as I've been around for it anyway) trying to improve our children's self-esteem by assuring them that it doesn't matter
I was just over at the Competition Insider, catching up on Lynn's blog — I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I'm terrible at keeping up with my fellow bloggers. Heck, I'm terrible at keeping up with
Nothing nearly as good as Martin Luther King Jr., but significantly more nail-related. In my dream I attended a class offered by a major manufacturer — a real manufacturer that exists here in the waking world
On Fridays, the BF's family does "pizza and beer" at a local pizza joint. It's an open invite occasion for family and close friends and I think it's the BF's mom's way of bribing her kids
You may recall the BF and I recently became homeowners. And, seeing as how we are nearing the end of the moving process, it looks like we may also survive to live "happily ever after" after
I've talked it over with a few other folks in the personal service industry — pretty much anyone who works by appointment with people — and we all agree: It doesn't take long before you develop
Well. Most days anyway. In fact, even on the days when I am less than enthusiastic about a day at work, I have to admit that I'd still rather be doing nails if I have to
So the BF and I were furniture shopping this weekend, again. That's the problem with a new house — it needs new furniture. I maintain that I found our new couch, and promptly sat down on
I have to remember to change my habits. I keep telling myself I'm going to start settling with my clients at the beginning of their appointment, before I start the service, instead of at the end
Wait, what? That saying just doesn't really translate well to the nail industry, does it? Well, you get what I'm driving at, right?During the recent Pennsylvania adventure, the BF and I stopped in Dubois to visit
When this gets posted, I will be in Pennsylvania. On "vacation" as it were, with the BF and his family. We will be gone for just over a week. I am taking seven days off of
So this weekend the BF and I went "furniture shopping." We have decided that if we ever actually buy this house — but that's a different story — we want a bar-height pub set as our
That's how I feel sometimes. Especially now, when I'm in the process of changing my business checking to a new bank, changing my credit card processing account from the sub-account under the salon owner where I
Can you believe it?! The editors here at NAILS actually told me they didn't feel one of the last entries I submitted for my blog was "relevant." It was all about my new cell phone —
Last night while we were making dinner, the BF and I got to discussing Enterprise Rent-A-Car. More so, we were discussing Enterprise's policy of requiring a bachelor's degree in order to be in management in the
So, I got a message via Facebook yesterday regarding all my ranting about the Dr. Oz fiasco. She wanted to know what I thought the answer was. Of course I sat down and wrote back. And,
Yet another hair salon has opened up in my town. Not a full-service salon — a hair salon. Not another walk-in, Supercuts-style hair salon — a nice salon. An upscale, young, trendy, hip salon. In our
Whew. My editor tells me that I should not send her epic entries very often. I wrote those last three posts all at once, e-mailed it in, and let my poor editor earn her paycheck. For
A few years ago I went through a major burn-out. It was bad. I was so over doing nails I was packing up my polish. Problem was, I didn't know what else I wanted to do.
Right now, things around my appointment book are a little slow. I think I've discussed that the back-to-school season leaves me alone at my table every year, with time to contemplate the meaning of life and
Never mind that I picked up a copy of the latest issue of NAILS while I was at the IBS Vegas show. I didn't have a chance to start reading it until I received my regularly
So I got a new car! Since this is a nails-related blog, I will spare you the details of the transaction, and refrain from offering a certain online auto brokerage any free advertisement, but I would
You know what I hate? I hate being treated as "just the manicurist." It's not the clients who do this the most, it's people who are in the industry. Hairstylists, supply stores, sales reps — they
I would love to be an educator. For a manufacturer, freelance, or even as an instructor in a school — as long as I get to teach nails. Because that's pretty much the only thing I
Within a week of starting nail school I knew nails was all I ever wanted to do. And nails is all I have done since having that revelation. I've known a lot of people who went into
And I don't mean the bread! Well, the case of the Maggie-imposter seems to have been handled with swift and iron-fisted justice; it's now just another footnote in the adventures of being me. But the experience of
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Dial 3-1-1 to access information on city services and more
Resources for having or finding animals in Knoxville
City Council is the Legislative body for the City
Fire Department provides fire protection and rescue services for the City
Garbage & recycling services provided by the City
Vehicles impounded by the City
KAT provides transportation in the City through numerous bus routes and downtown trolleys
Planning, zoning and land use regulations for Knoxville and Knox County
Maps of Knoxville and the surrounding area
Services available for City neighborhoods
The City's Parks, Greenways & Centers provide many recreational opportunities for Knoxvillians
PARC helps strengthen the relationship between KPD and citizens through an independent review of police actions
Police Department provides public safety for the City
The City hosts many events - Christmas in the City, Concerts on the Square, Festival on the 4th
Knoxville prides itself in providing the best citizen services in the area including a 311 Call Center to track requests
Accessibility resources in Knoxville
Local services to aid citizens of Knoxville with health, living and enjoying the area
Programs available to aid in home improvement
Information on Neighborhoods in the City
Hey newcomer, here's a starting point to help you learn about Knoxville
Locate a park, greenway or community center near you
Property tax rates & info, search & pay online
Safety services and resources for Knoxville citizens and visitors
Public Service provides the majority of services to City residents
Airports, bus, trolleys, streets & traffic concerns, impound lot, maps, parking, tickets
Electric, water/sewage, gas, trash, telephone, and cable utilities info for Knoxville area
Volunteer opportunities in the Knoxville area
Residents of Knoxville enjoy a beautiful city with an abundance of activities and wonderful City services
Current bid opportunities with the City
Redevelopment, grants, chamber, entrepreneurship, and other sources to aid in business development
Business License Tax Office handles business licenses, permits, inspections and taxes
Bid opportunities, auctions, contracts, development incentives, equal business opportunity
A Community Indicator Project for East Tennessee
Licenses, permits and inspection requirements for local businesses
Business Support Office connects local businesses with the City
List of Diversity Businesses
Knoxville provides wonderful business opportunities with its location, City assistance, and growth possibilities
Knoxville's Visitor's Center
Police Department, Fire Department, hospitals and maps
Demographics, history of Knoxville, media, maps, volunteer info, chamber and visitor's center
Get busy outdoors with Knoxville's abundance of recreational opportunities
Things to do in Knoxville for residents and visitors
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Weather for the Knoxville area
Visitors enjoy outdoor recreation, music, shopping, amazing food and more while in Knoxville
Bio & photo of Mayor Rogero, organizational chart, operating budget, proclamation requests, and history of the Mayors of Knoxville
City Council is the legislative body for the City
A list of City affiliated Boards & Commissions
Operating Budget information for the City
City Court deals with traffic citations and parking tickets
A list of Departments & Offices in the City
Civil Service Department is the employment office for the City
The Code of Ordinances for the City of Knoxville
Community Relations Department aids in the connection of the City with community organizations
Applications for various grants offered by the City
Information and data about City operations and services
Current construction and design projects associated with the City
Knoxville is governed by a Mayor and nine member City Council
General Services rollover text that comes preloaded into the "Services" menu.
Call 311 or (865) 215-4311
Send email to email@example.com
Adopt A Golden Knoxville
Amy Johnston, President
Adopt a Golden Knoxville, an all-volunteer nonprofit golden retriever rescue, is committed to finding loving homes for golden retrievers who need to be rehomed for any reason, and to reducing the number of goldens in shelters. We welcome volunteers to transport and walk dogs, review applications, provide foster homes, and help with fundraising and community events. Benefits include golden kisses and slobbery tennis balls! To volunteer contact firstname.lastname@example.com.
Adopt-A-Stream Program
Charissa Oglesby
The City of Knoxville, Knox County, and the Town of Farragut have partnered to form the Adopt-A-Stream Program, a citizen-based monitoring and litter prevention initiative intended to protect the health and serenity of our local waterways. Our goals as an organization are to bolster our citizen's capacity to inspire positive environmental and social change through an elevated awareness of water quality issues, training on stream health monitoring, and an intimate involvement in the solution process through cleanups and other means reducing trash in and around our waterways.
Amachi Knoxville
Knoxville Leadership Foundation
901 E. Summit Hill Drive
Knoxville, TN 37915
Amachi Knoxville is a mentoring program that specifically serves children residing in Knox County between the ages of 4-17 who have an incarcerated parent. Mentors are asked to commit to being a consistent and positive influence in the life of a child one hour per week for the duration of one year.
Amedisys Hospice
1420 Dutch Valley Road, Suite C
Knoxville, TN 37918
As a hospice volunteer, you can help improve the quality of life for our patients, as well as their families and caregivers. Volunteers can make a difference in a variety of ways, including: offering companionship, running errands, providing respite to caregiver and weekly calls. To volunteer, please contact Laura Copeland at email@example.com
American Red Cross - Knoxville Area Chapter
6921 Middlebrook Pike
Knoxville, TN 37909
Volunteers of all ages and backgrounds are needed for short and long term opportunities. Positions available for every skill set and schedule. Some specific needs include bilingual volunteers, licensed health professionals, and those able to assist with facility and vehicle maintenance such as changing lightbulbs, making small office repairs, and ensuring vehicles are regularly serviced.
Big Brothers Big Sisters of East Tennessee
119 W. Summit Hill Dr., Suite 101
Knoxville, TN 37902
Big Brothers Big Sisters of East Tennessee has been transforming the lives of children in East Tennessee since 1970. Volunteer opportunities include becoming a Big Brother or Big Sister or perhaps you are interested in getting involved with the agency through a fundraising committee or helping with some other aspect of volunteering. Whatever your interest is - we have volunteer opportunities available. We serve children 6 to 18 years old in Knoxville and the surrounding area. To volunteer contact firstname.lastname@example.com.
Books for Homebound
Main Library
500 W. Church Avenue
Knoxville, TN 37902
Books for the Homebound provides reading materials and audio recordings to adult Knox County residents who are unable to come to the library without assistance due to a permanent or temporary disability and have no one to pick up materials for them. Librarians select the materials and volunteers take them to the patrons. Volunteers choose their library pick-up location, their delivery areas in Knox County, and the number of patrons. Deliveries to each patron are made once a month on a regular ongoing basis. This requires a long-term commitment on the part of the volunteer.
Bridge Refugee Services, Inc.
3839 Buffat Mill Road
Knoxville, TN 37914
Bridge Refugee Services facilitates the resettlement of refugee families who have fled violence and repression in their countries of origin. Bridge empowers refugees to become self-sufficient through cultural education, English classes, employment services, and many other types of support. With the assistance of volunteers and community organizations, we are able to help refugees start a new life in America. Volunteers serve in many capacities and may become an English tutor, assist with job club, help set up refugee apartments, organize donations, or become a friend and a link to the community. For more information on the volunteer program please contact firstname.lastname@example.com.
CAC Office on Aging
Volunteer Coordinator
2247 Western Avenue
Knoxville, TN 37921
865-524-2786, Fax: 865-546-0832
Adult volunteers are requested to assist programs within the Knoxville-Knox County CAC Office on Aging; which is a public nonprofit agency serving seniors in the Knox County, TN community. The mission of the Office on Aging is to assist Knox County's older residents in achieving the highest possible level of independence, maintaining a high quality of life, and avoiding unnecessary institutionalization. Some Office on Aging programs requesting volunteers include: Affordable Medicine Options for Seniors (AMOS), Mobile Meals, Project LIVE, Retired and Senior Volunteer Program (RSVP), and Volunteer Assisted Transportation (VAT). Volunteers may participate as their schedules allow and in-office or out-of-office volunteering opportunities are available! To volunteer contact Ashley Rex at email@example.com.
CAC Office on Aging Volunteer Assisted Transportation Program
Volunteer Assisted Transportation
2247 Western Avenue
Knoxville, TN 37921
865-673-5001, Fax: 865-546-9013
CAC's Office on Aging is seeking volunteer drivers for the Volunteer Assisted Transportation program. Volunteers will utilize agency-owned hybrid sedans or wheelchair accessible minivans while accompanying seniors or persons with disabilities to appointments, shopping, and other errands. Training provided. To volunteer contact Nancy Welch at email@example.com.
CASA of East Tennessee, Inc.
2250 Sutherland Ave. Suite 101
Knoxville, TN 37919
865-329-3399, Fax 865-329-3311
Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) are trained community volunteers appointed by the Juvenile Court Judge to speak for the best interest of a child who is brought into the court system due to abuse or neglect. CASA volunteers do not need to be a lawyer or a social worker. People from all walks of life can become a CASA. Volunteers are fully trained and well supported. A candidate must pass a background check, participate in 30 classroom hours of training and must agree to stay on their assigned case until it closes.
Catholic Charities of East Tennessee
119 Dameron Ave
Knoxville, TN 37917
Catholic Charities of East Tennessee is a nonprofit whose mission is to help meet the needs of the poor and vulnerable of East Tennessee regardless of their religious affiliation. Our organization was established in the 1970s and incorporated in 1989 to provide social services to the area of the Diocese of Knoxville. Your gifts of time, skill, and caring assist our staff in meeting their responsibilities and enhance the lives of our clients. If you are interested in becoming a volunteer, please contact Rena Ishak at email@example.com.
Centro Hispano de East Tennessee
2455 Sutherland Avenue
Knoxville, TN 37923
Centro Hispano de East Tennessee is a nonprofit organization dedicated to promote the empowerment and civic participation of the local Hispanic community through education, advocacy and social services. Centro provides educational services (English classes, Spanish literacy,elementary and middle school education and GED test preparation in Spanish) and information and referral services to link Hispanic families to important information and services in the community. We need volunteers (you do not have to speak Spanish) to help teach and tutor, answer calls, work in our office, supervise children and much more.
Community Action Committee of Knoxville-Knox County
2247 Western Ave.
Knoxville, TN 37921
865-546-3500, Fax: 865-546-0832
CAC is a public agency serving the citizens of Knoxville and Knox County especially seniors, low to moderate income families, the unemployed and underemployed, persons with disabilities, and other individuals with special need for services. CAC utilizes caring staff and volunteers to deliver efficient services to help people achieve self-sufficiency and independent living through intervention, education and empowerment.
East TN Historicial Society
601 S. Gay Street
Knoxville, TN
Volunteers can work wonders! And the East TN Historical Society needs you. Are you interested in exploring history, meeting people, learning new skills, or sharing your skills and knowledge? Get involved and become a part of East Tennessee history! To volunteer contact firstname.lastname@example.com.
Family Justice Center (FJC)
400 Harriet Tubman St.
Knoxville, TN 37915
865-215-6863, Fax: 865-215-6444
The mission of the Family Justice Center is to provide victims of domestic abuse with a single location to access advocacy and other services necessary to build a future of choice, safety and opportunity. Volunteers at the FJC greet victims of domestic abuse, help them feel comfortable, answer phones and monitor the playroom.
Friends of Literacy
900 E. Hill Avenue, Suite 300
Knoxville TN 37915
Since 1991, Friends of Literacy (FOL) has been a resource for adults in Knox County, Tennessee, who are under-educated or illiterate. Working in partnership with area adult education providers, FOL offers free literacy and high school equivalency diploma (GED and HiSET) classes at locations throughout Knox County. We welcome volunteers to serve as tutors and classroom aids for daytime and evening classes.
Helen Ross McNabb Center
201 W. Springdale Avenue
Knoxville, TN 37917
The Helen Ross McNabb Center is a not-for-profit provider of behavioral health and social services. The mission of the Center is simple - improving the lives of the people we serve. The Center does this by offering a wide-range of quality, comprehensive services to children, adults and families in East Tennessee. The Center relies on a core group of volunteers to help support its mission and daily operations. There are ample volunteer opportunities that vary in interest and commitment level.
Horse Haven of Tennessee
P.O. Box 30393
Knoxville, TN 37930
Horse Haven of Tennessee, Inc. is a 501c3 non-profit equine welfare organization that works with local law enforcement, state agriculture investigators, and the community to rescue abused and neglected horses across the state. Our mission is to rescue, rehabilitate, and re-home God's neglected or abused horses through programs of shelter, adoption, education, and assistance. Volunteers are an integral part of our organization and make daily care for the equine in our custody possible. For more information on different volunteer opportunities contact firstname.lastname@example.com.
Humane Society of the Tennessee Valley
6717 Kingston Pike
Knoxville TN 37919
Founded in 1885, the Humane Society of the Tennessee Valley is the longest standing animal shelter in the State of Tennessee. A stand-alone 501c(3) limited admissions animal shelter, the Humane Society of the Tennessee Valley receives no funding from national humane entities or government agencies; relying solely on private donations and grant funding. Volunteers for the Humane Society of the Tennessee Valley can be found working with animals or assisting in our day-to-day operations 365 days a year. To volunteer please contact Alexis at email@example.com, OR you can apply on our website at https://humanesocietytennessee.org/showyoucare/volunteer.
Inskip Elementary School Garden
4701 High School Rd
Knoxville, TN 37912
Charice Starr, Garden Manager
Inskip Elementary School Garden is a project by University of Tennessee's University-Assisted Community Schools. At Inskip, the garden serves as a hands-on learning opportunity for science, reading, arts, and mathematics enrichment. We welcome volunteers for garden maintenance and projects. We offer a workshare benefit with seasonally available crops! To volunteer contact firstname.lastname@example.com
Junior Achievement of East Tennessee
2135 N. Charles G Seivers Blvd.
Clinton, TN 37716
Junior Achievement is the world's largest organization dedicated to giving young people the knowledge and skills they need to own their economic success, plan for their future, and make smart academic and economic choices. JA programs are delivered by corporate and community volunteers, and provide relevant, hands-on experiences that give students from kindergarten through high school knowledge and skills in financial literacy, work readiness and entrepreneurship.
Keep Knoxville Beautiful
2743 Wimpole Ave, #B
Knoxville, TN 37914
Keep Knoxville Beautiful's mission is to promote litter eradication, recycling, and beautification efforts in Knox County communities using education, events, and volunteer engagement. Volunteers plant bulbs and trees during our "beautification mobs," paint over graffiti, and remove litter on our roadsides, public spaces, and in our creeks and rivers. To sign up please visit our website or email firstname.lastname@example.com.
Knoxville Area Urban League
1514 East Fifth Avenue
Knoxville, TN 37917
865-524-5511, Fax: 865-525-5154
The Knoxville Area Urban League assists African Americans and other disadvantaged groups to achieve social and economic equality primarily through service delivery, with an emphasis on employment and training, education, housing, and business development. The Knoxville Area Urban League needs YOUR help to make a difference in the community. It is through your continued support as a volunteer that the Urban League can provide services for area residents. Giving of your time, skills and experience enhances the effectiveness of our programs and strengthens our ties to the community. To volunteer please contact email@example.com.
Knoxville Habitat for Humanity
1501 Washington Avenue
Knoxville, TN 37917
865-523-3539 , Fax: 865-522-8081
Knoxville Habitat for Humanity is an independent, nonprofit, ecumenical Christian housing ministry that partners with people of all beliefs. They build simple, decent, affordable homes in partnership with those in need. Volunteers and the future homeowners provide the labor in building the homes. Tax deductible donations of money, land and materials are provided by individuals, organizations and corporations.
Knoxville Youth Athletics
Chris Kane at 865-385-6237
The Knoxville Youth Athletics Program was established to focus on developing the sport of track and field and cross country in the local area. The Knoxville Youth Athletics program serves over 10,000 youth per year with 9 Programs and 43 events a year. Volunteers are needed for support for track and field meets and cross country meets.
Knoxville's Race for the Cure
Komen Foundation
Hundreds of volunteer opportunities each year, from handing out water at the Komen Knoxville Race for the Cure® to becoming a community spokesperson on the importance of early detection of breast cancer. Whether you are looking for a year-round commitment or a one-time event, this Knoxville Komen Affiliate has a place for you.
Knoxville Zoo
3500 Knoxville Zoo Drive
P.O. Box 6040
Knoxville, TN 37914
865-637-5331, Fax: 865-637-1943
Help with Special Events and Educational Programs or be a Zoo Aide. Volunteer opportunities are extended on to the family of zoo members. If you are not already a member, you must become and remain a member throughout your career as a Knoxville Zoo volunteer. Contact the membership department at 865-637-5331, ext. 305 to purchase a membership.
Mobile Meals
CAC Office on Aging
2247 Western Avenue
Knoxville, TN 37921
865-524-2786, Fax: 865-546-0832
Deliver Mobile Meals lunches to homebound seniors or help serve and spend time with clients at dining sites.
Parkwest Medical Center
Volunteer Services
9352 Park West Blvd.
Knoxville, TN 37923
865-373-1556 or 865-373-1064
The Volunteer Services program at Parkwest is an integral part of the hospital. The volunteers provide valuable services in many areas of the hospital which is greatly appreciated by patients, family members, staff, physicians and others. Parkwest Medical Center seeks community-minded people over the age of 18 who enjoy helping others and making a difference to join its current network of approximately 150 volunteers. A minimum four-hour volunteer shift per week for one year is requested. Visit Parkwest's website at www.treatedwell.com/volunteers to apply online. To volunteer contact email@example.com.
Peninsula Hospital and Outpatient Services
Volunteer Services
9352 Park West Blvd.
Knoxville, TN 37923
865-373-1556 or 865-373-1064
Peninsula Behavioral Health offers inpatient and outpatient mental health services. Peninsula seeks community-minded people over the age of 18 who enjoy helping others in diverse aspects of mental health programs, including HABIT visits, clothing donations, clerical duties and visitor services at Peninsula Hospital in Louisville, Tenn. Volunteers also assist with clerical duties and events at Peninsula Outpatient Centers in Knoxville, Maryville, Sevierville and Lenoir City. To volunteer contact firstname.lastname@example.com.
Salvation Army
Volunteer Coordinator
409 N. Broadway
Knoxville, TN 37917
The Knoxville area Salvation Army now serves a six-county region (Knox, Blount, Sevier, Anderson, Campbell and Cocke). The mission is to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ and to meet human needs in His name without discrimination. The ministry touches over 30,000 lives annually through our emergency assistance program, aimed at preventing homelessness, as well as through our four residential programs. The Salvation Army could not continue to function without the help of our committed volunteers. Whether its serving a meal, sorting donations in our warehouse and thrift stores, working on maintaining our facility or mentoring a young person, there are regular opportunities for individuals and groups.
Special Olympics of Greater Knoxville
P.O. Box 34024
Knoxville, TN 37930
Area Co-director: Gina Legg
865-689-9130 x1318 (work), 865-661-7440 (cell)
Area Co-director: Tim Lee
865-539-5498 (work), 865-789-3957 (cell)
The Special Olympics provides year-round sports training and athletic competition in a variety of Olympic-type sports for children and adults with intellectual disabilities, giving them continuing opportunities to develop physical fitness, demonstrate courage, experience joy, and participate in sharing of gifts, skills, and friendship with their families, other Special Olympics athletes, and the community. It is a volunteer-driven organization. It takes the effort of many individuals like yourself to make Special Olympics of Greater Knoxville successful.
Subway Race Against Cancer
Thompson Cancer Survival Center
1915 White Ave.
Knoxville, TN 37916
Help with a 5K Run/Walk that benefits Thompson Cancer Survival Center's Outreach Services program.
Tennessee Valley Golden Retriever Rescue
P.O. Box 32973
Knoxville, TN 37930
The mission of TVGRR is to facilitate the adoption of displaced and unwanted Golden Retrievers. We do this through the sole use of our dedicated volunteers. Volunteers provide foster homes, participate in fundraising activities, perform home visits and transport dogs. If you've always had a soft spot in your heart for Goldens, then please join us in rescuing these great dogs!
Tennova Healthcare Volunteer Services
Volunteers come from every stage of life regardless of religion or ethnic background. Those willing to serve include retirees, homemakers, college students, teenagers (14 or older), and anyone looking for an opportunity to serve their community. Volunteers are important - they are a vital part of the Tennova Healthcare System and provide many services that supplement the basic, essential functions of the professional staff. Volunteers add that extra comfort and guidance during a patients stay at a Tennova Healthcare facility.
The Joy of Music School
Francis Graffeo, Executive Director
1209 Euclid Ave
Knoxville, TN 37921
The Joy of Music School is a nonprofit organization providing free music lessons for children who cannot afford them. The School also provides instruments, music and supplies at no cost to students. All teachers are volunteers. The school serves hundreds of children every week and is always looking for qualified music mentors to help teach its growing waiting list of students. Music mentors must be proficient at one or more musical instruments and be willing to commit at least a half hour per week for a minimum of one academic school year. Interested volunteers should contact Ed Sublett, Manager of Volunteer Resources at email@example.com or at 865-525-6806. Please send email to firstname.lastname@example.com for more information about The Joy of Music School.
The Love Kitchen
2418 Martin Luther King Ave.
Knoxville, TN 37914-6839
865-546-3248, Fax: 865-546-3288
The Love Kitchen provides meals, clothing and emergency food packages to homebound, homeless and unemployeed persons. The Love Kitchen welcomes the volunteer spirit with open arms and open hearts. The more "cooks" the better.
Three Rivers Rambler
Erin Cogburn, Manager
2560 University Commons Way
Knoxville, TN, 37871
865-524-9411 ext. 123
The Three Rivers Rambler is a scenic train excursion located in the heart of Knoxville, TN. We are looking for volunteer conductors for our historic train ride. Volunteer conductors assist with boarding passengers, and answering questions about the area & train, and with cleanup after an excursion. If you enjoy Knoxville's history and working with people, we would love to hear from you!


text:
Press Release
Engineering News-Record to Honor Construction Industry's Top 25 Newsmakers at Award of Excellence Gala, April 18 in New York
NEW YORK – March 15, 2013 – Engineering News-Record (http://enr.construction.com/), McGraw-Hill Construction's industry-leading publication and website and part of The McGraw-Hill Companies (NYSE: MHP), will present its 48th annual "Award of Excellence Gala" on April 18, 2013 at the Marriott Marquis in New York. The black-tie awards gala will honor the Top 25 ENR Newsmakers for their innovations and achievements, for giving back to the construction industry and the public, and for going beyond their day-to-day jobs. At the event, one ENR Newsmaker will win the event's highest honor, the Award of Excellence, and will be the subject of a cover story in the April 22 issue of ENR.
This year's Top 25 ENR Newsmakers, featured on the ENR website at http://enr.construction.com/people/awards/2013/0128-The-Top-25-Newsmakers.asp, include:
Michael Alacha
Dean Allen
Sir John Armitt
Charles A. Bacon
Avery Bang
Neil E. Boudreau
Antonio Cardilli
Jakob Carnemark
Mitchell Collins
Glen Frank
Don Hillis
Wayne Jones
Richard M. Kunnath
Randy Larson
Jonathan Mallie
Mike Parnell
Chris Pyke
Roberto Ramirez
Mark Silvera
Barry Thacker
Steven Tipping
Franz-Josef Ulm
Lisa Washington
Brian Winter
Doug Woods
Sponsors of the 48th Annual Award of Excellence include AECOM, The Associated General Contractors of America, American Society of Civil Engineers, CMAA, CMiC, FIGG Engineering Group, HDR Inc., Hill International, Parsons Corporation, and Volvo Rents. For more information on attending or sponsoring the ENR Award of Excellence Gala, visit http://www.aoe2013.com.
For more McGraw-Hill Construction events: https://www.construction.com/events.
# # #
About McGraw Hill Construction:
McGraw-Hill Construction's data, analytics, and media businesses—Dodge, Sweets, Architectural Record, and Engineering News-Record— create opportunities for owners, architects, engineers, contractors, building product manufacturers, and distributors to strengthen their market position, size their markets, prioritize prospects, and target and build relationships that will win more business. McGraw-Hill Construction serves more than one million customers through its trends and forecasts, industry news, and leading platform of construction data, benchmarks, and analytics, including Dodge BuildShare and Dodge SpecShare. To learn more, visit www.construction.com.
About The McGraw Hill Companies:
The McGraw-Hill Companies (NYSE: MHP), a financial intelligence and education company, signed an agreement to sell its McGraw-Hill Education business to investment funds affiliated with Apollo Global Management, LLC in November 2012. Following the sale closing, expected in early 2013, the Company will be renamed McGraw Hill Financial (subject to shareholder approval) and will be a powerhouse in benchmarks, content and analytics for the global capital and commodity markets. The Company's leading brands will include: Standard & Poor's, S&P Capital IQ, S&P Dow Jones Indices, Platts, Crisil, J.D. Power and Associates, McGraw-Hill Construction and Aviation Week. The Company will have approximately 17,000 employees in more than 30 countries. Additional information is available at www.mcgraw-hill.com
Media Contact:
Kathy Malangone, Senior Director, Marketing Communications,
McGraw-Hill Construction, +1 212-904-4376, email@example.com


text: Host Fred is also the commentator and announcer for Live from Lincoln Center, the only live performing arts series on television. Fred's 9/11 cultural reporting was part of coverage that earned a 2001 George Foster Peabody Award, and his 2002 reading of the audio book Getting to Know William Shakespeare won an Audie Award from the Audio Publishers Association. Live from Lincoln Center has won ten Emmys, two Grammys, and many other broadcast awards.


text:
IEEE conference record: 1976 Underground Transmission and Distribution Conference, Convention Hall, Atlantic City, N.J., Sept. 27-Oct. 1, 1976
available from IEEE Service Center, Single Publication Sales Dept., 1976 - Technology & Engineering - 651 pages
From inside the book
70 pages matching overhead lines in this book
Where's the rest of this book?
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What people are saying - Write a review
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W R Rueth D J Akers GW
Underground Distribution at Alabama Power Company by S G Mastoras
Distribution Utility Report for 1976 IEEE Underground Conference
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Common terms and phrases
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text:
Beautiful words, terrible realityPosted: March 27th, 2010 | Author: ktcita | Filed under: activism, war, writing | Tags: Arundahti Roy, India | 2 Comments »
One reading a piece by Arundahti Roy in the Guardian today I was left with the same bittersweet feeling I always get when reading her work. Such beautiful words for such terrible realities. I was pleased to see that the Guardian had posted a video of Arundahti Roy reading from her essay, as hearing her speak is so powerful. Unfortunately this time the quality of the video is poor, and the usual resonant power of her voice has been lost. If you ever get the chance to hear her speak live, I highly recommend it.
I note that the Guardian has referred to Roy as a author and activist. I recall her questioning the validity of this statement: "It seems to suggest that it isn't the business of writers to look deeply into the society they live in. It reduces what a writer is as well as an activist, suggesting they're somewhat unidimensional," [from here]
The Guardian essay is about the tribal Indian people who are fighting against the better armed Indian government for the rights to their homeland. This is an excerpt:


text:
Vintage Photos of Rock Stars In Their Bathing Suits
[Editor's note: While your Flavorwire editors take a much-needed holiday break, we're revisiting some of our most popular features of the year. This post was originally published July 30, 2011.] It's the last weekend of July and summer is in full swing (it won't last forever, though, so if you haven't busted out your bathing suit by now, you'd better do it soon). We already know that many of the literary greats we admire liked to flit around the beach in their bathing suits, but what about their sonic storytelling counterparts? Turns out they fancied a swim now and again too. Not surprising, since their days were most likely filled with sticky tour bus rides and sweat-inducing live performances. Also not surprising: they tend to look just a little better in their next-to-nothing duds than our dear group of authors, since for many of them, part of their job was inspiring teenage lovesickness. Click through to see our gallery of rock stars from the 60s, 70s and 80s as they frolic, pose and pout in their swimsuits.
Brian Jones, Mick Jagger, and Charlie Watts, 1965 [via]


text:
Olympics for the Rest of Us
Categories: Earth
Jul 23, 2012
Let the games begin! The mad dash to the phone … the sudden spring out of bed … the frantic juggling of car keys, grocery bags and a cell phone! Olympic athletes may have remarkable speed and strength, but it's easy praise the extraordinary. Here's to the extreme averageness of the rest of us. From beer bellies to aching backs, we're all winners in the Darwinian Olympics just by virtue of being here.
Identify the one physical trait that you share with all Olympians – your head – and why it's a remarkable human evolutionary achievement. Plus, the role of genes in putting on the pounds … and what event Spiderman would enter to win the gold.
- Daniel Lieberman – Professor of human evolutionary biology, Harvard University, author of The Evolution of the Human Head
- Callum Ross – Professor of organismal biology and anatomy, University of Chicago
- Kelly Brownell – Psychologist, director of the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at Yale University
- Robert Peaslee – Assistant professor, College of Media and Communications, Texas Tech University and author of Web-Spinning Heroics: Critical Essays on the History and Meaning of Spider-Man


text:
It may not be the next Christmas Vacation, but anyone who enjoyed the prior films (especially the first one), will likely find something to be jolly about.
The original Harold and Kumar (Go to White Castle) was a crazy one-shot comedy that seemed to throw everything but the kitchen sink at audiences in an effort to elicit a laugh. There were strippers, poop games, a raccoon, and even a misogynistic version of Doogie Howser himself, Neil Patrick Harris, before his return to the spotlight.
The film's followup, Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, relied heavily on retooled versions of prior gags, but went on to gross twice as much as its predecessor, which easily paved the way for the third installment, A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas. Is 3D Christmas a lackluster franchise cash-grab? Or like this year's Final Destination 5, does the film make creative use of its 3D gimmick and offer a tongue-in-cheek comedy experience?
Unfortunately, for the majority of the film, the 3D gags are nonexistent - although the Christmas story backdrop definitely provides plenty of entertaining counter-programming for the upcoming holiday season. There are a number of amusing variations on iconic holiday movies staples - such as the frozen tongue scene in A Christmas Story - but, in spite of all the winter movie spoofing, it's unlikely that A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas will find a longterm spot in the holiday classic echelon.
The Harold and Kumar stories aren't as serialized as similar raunchy comedy offerings, such as The Hangover or American Pie series. At its core, 3D Christmas is mostly a holiday film parody that happens to star Harold (John Cho) and Kumar (Kal Penn) and, as a result, filmgoers won't need prior backstory to enjoy the proceedings. That said, there are plenty of call backs for dedicated fans of the franchise.
The basic story occurs six years after the events of Escape from Guantanamo Bay and finds the titular pair estranged (due to different life choices) until they are inevitably forced into the wilds of New York City to find a Christmas tree worthy of Harold's father in law, Mr. Perez (Danny Trejo). Along the way, they stumble into another over-the-top adventure, and also reunite with franchise-friend Neil Patrick Harris.
Like any holiday spoof, the plot is simple enough and progresses for no other purpose than to take the pair into one over-the-top scenario after another. However, in spite of all the crazy antics, A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas is too often bogged down with overly-sentimental drama between the two main characters. While there are a few humorous moments in the first act, the film spends a lot of time upfront playing up the tattered relationship between Harold and Kumar - and it isn't until the second act that the jokes find their footing.
This strained relationship between the two protagonists is only the first indicator that the film is juggling too much; what we ultimately get is a mixed bag of comedy moments juxtaposed against larger (and more mature) storylines. In A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas poop jokes and pregnancy co-exist on the same level - but the sentimental aspects and the comedy gags both land too close to the middle and never find a balance between funny and meaningful. Some moviegoers will defend the film by saying "This is Harold and Kumar - it's not supposed to be meaningful!" but someone should have mentioned that to the filmmakers - since the movie wastes a lot of time on uninteresting (and unfunny) character drama.
That said, moment to moment some of the comedy set pieces and call backs do offer some genuinely funny (and possibly laugh out loud) moments - even if they are surrounded by less interesting padding. Thomas Lennon plays Harold's uptight suburban friend, Todd, who is really only in the film so that his three-year-old daughter, Ava (Ashley and Chloe Coss), can get a secondhand high and have cocaine blown in her face. Ava may be the most humorous addition to the proceedings - and not just because of the "wow, they went there" reaction filmgoers will have to her. Ashley and Chloe's combined effort is, surprisingly, one of the most entertaining performances in the film.
Adding to the glut of storylines, there are a number of franchise call backs shoe-horned into the proceedings - such as appearances by Neil Patrick Harris, Rosenberg (Eddie Kaye Thomas) and Goldstein (David Krumholtz) - which are entirely hit or miss. Unsurprisingly, Harris elevates the film with a number of tongue-in-cheek gags about his sexuality and larger-than-life persona - as well as a few fourth-wall nods to the overarching Harold and Kumar franchise. Unfortunately, the Rosenberg and Goldstein sequence is near cringe-worthy, and a further example that, in the process of attempting to grow up (while staying true to its roots), the film simply bit off more than it could chew.
As for the 3D - unlike the aforementioned Final Destination 5, A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas rarely makes worthwhile use out of the format. Despite a number of tongue-in-cheek references to 3D, the film abandons creative (i.e. over-the-top) use of the medium after the first fifteen minutes. For the remaining run time, the 3D is mostly relegated to confetti poppers and shooting various liquids at the screen in slow motion. Anyone who sees the movie in 2D will no doubt notice where they're missing a 3D gag, but it's hard to imagine that the added benefit is actually worth the price.
A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas definitely offers over-the-top counter-programming for the holiday season (which will be dominated by sappy titles like New Years Eve). That said, the film falls short of being a holiday classic or an enjoyable 3D experience - meaning, in the end, it's little more than another Harold and Kumar film. It may not be the next Christmas Vacation, but anyone who enjoyed the prior films (especially the first one), will likely find something to be jolly about.
If you're still on the fence about A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, check out the trailer below:
[poll id="211"]
Follow me on Twitter @benkendrick - and let us know what you thought of the film below:
A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas is now in theaters.