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You are correct. Let us make more positive decissions when it comes to our families.
This is exactly what I thought after listening to her story. Though her family was not the poorest of the poor, what monies they made went to their daughter attending the best schools they could afford. It paid off and I believe had she she not caught the eye of the Prince, she most definitely would have walked away with solid connections (the college she attended was tight knit) and perhaps more than a few marriageable partners (that was a part of the school's character as I recall they said the school was traditional in that most men and women who attend often end up marrying who they attended the school with). I will say that I am interested to know how a young black woman would fair at that university if given the proper guidance? Something to really think about.
Chrisandra you are dead on right. I have only just listened to a program where the 'head' of the school himself was being interviewed and he admitted that he tells the students 'you may well meet your spouse here'.
so this is coming from the horses mouth not second hand!
Kate Middleton is definitely a beautiful woman and you can tell her parents groomed her well.
She took a gap year off after graduating from high school before attending college--I think she and some friends went to Italy. I think Prince William took a gap year too. Clearly she and her parents understood the value of traveling and seeing a bit of the world in order to gain perspective and maturity before college.
I hope black women who are raising girls will be able to look at Kate and get some lessons on how to groom their future women for life.
I really believe that many black women are so messed up that they don't want their daughters to have a better life than they. Since they suffered, then their children should suffer too. My mother was such a woman. She tried to discourage me from finishing high school and encouraged me to become sexually active at a very young age. I did not engage in sexual activity because I had plans for my life, even though she did not.
When I went away to college, she disowned me for several years. She claimed that I looked down on her because I wanted an education and I did not want to be a serial baby momma by different men as she was. Now that she is older and not doing well financially, she regrets not helping me to realize my full potential when I was younger and my female card was worth a lot more than it is now.
She says that she wishes she had done everything to help me get into the right social circles and find a rich white man because I was so pretty. I actually feel sorry for her now because she realizes that she did not do right by me and, as a result, she is not at peace with herself.
This was the major take away for me as well when hearing more about Kate's background. It's not where you're born, it's where you're going that matters. Her parents really did their due diligence by using whatever means they had to ensure their children had the best life possible.
It may seem a bit selfish, but I also consider that when I get old, more than likely it will be my children who are taking care of me.
If I don't do my due diligence by raising them up well and ensuring they have the best life possible, how can they take care of me in my old age if they don't have a pot to "tinkle" in themselves?
Brilliant! I always had the feeling that if I'd had parents who set me up I'd be in a COMPLETELY different place. Affluent families make sure they do, I plan on following that lead, even though I'm single!
You become whom you surround yourself with and I am not mad at Kate's parents for wanting to see their daughter up to succeed and marry well. That is why I have a big issue with how the black woman who lied to get her child in a better school is being treated, they want to give her 20 years, that is a little excessive, she did not rob a bank. Some will argue "well she should not have lied" I agree, but maybe she felt she had no other resource but was desparate to get her child a better chance. i wonder if she had been a white mother would she been thrown in jail. No defending it just saying. The probelm in the black community is that many parents who want to put their children in better schools are accused of "selling out" and so to "keep it real" they keep their children in dire conditions or they simply don't care, I just don't know why many (NOT ALL) of them are so indifferent to their children doing well. I hate to say it but it is true for alot of black parents. I have a colleague who is over a program to help black students to go to college and she said the hardest people to get on board are the PARENTS! So I find it very annoying when they do try to help their kids, they catch hell sometimes from the DBR black community.
Yes, I don't understand why so many bw these days don't think about their decisions to have children. It's treated like going to the bathroom.
I especially agree with you about how a lot of bw have children under the worst circumstances. I'm not even thinking about getting pregnant until I know for SURE that my both my husband and I can provide for them financially and be emotionally stable.
When I was in high school I used to see black girls getting pregnant, and they have no type of job and end up having to drop out, or go to an alternative school. What makes that so bad is with a child, you're forced to put off pursuing an education. On top of that, when they were able to get some type of work. It's usually minimum wage work. I know that I wasn't going to allow myself to end up like that. That's the main reason why I went to college and I'm getting ready to go enter graduate school.
*apologies if I come off as elitist.*
If I ever have children, especially for my daughters. I'm going to try my best to make sure they have every advantage that I didn't have. Being a woman and a minority, things are already stacked against them.
I'm also glad you brought up the black woman who lied to get her child into a better school Betty Boo. That's why I made the point of the system is set up in a way where some people are at a disadvantage.
I'm also not defending what the woman did either, but to me it shows how far she was willing to go to make sure her child would have a decent education.
This is an important point, and it represents a multi-generational strategy that began with her maternal grandmother, ie.:
"Middleton's paternal family came from Leeds, West Yorkshire, and her great-grandmother Olivia was a member of the Lupton family, who were active for generations in Leeds in commercial and municipal work. Her ancestors include The Rev. Thomas Davis, a Church of England hymn-writer. Carole Middleton's maternal family, the Harrisons, were working class labourers and miners from Sunderland and County Durham."
From my understanding of it, the strategy began with her maternal grandmother, who began married life in public housing, but who was determined to move up. She obviously passed that on to her Ms. Middleton's mother, who became a stewardess and married and more middle class man. Ms. Middleton's mother was the one behind the business they began which gave them the wealth to advance even further, into upper middle class status and now into the elite royalty and aristocracy.
This was a great post and totally true.Structure is definitely what is needed for black girls to go further sooner.Many of us are having to teach ourselves things that we should have learned at home or are having to put ourselves through school and develop the vision for our own futures.As a kid, this is can be so hard when you just don't know what to do or what you want to do.
@Bettyboo prevention is key.We cannot go back and stop that woman from making the wrong choice that SHE made,but we can raise our daughters right and let them know that when they choose to have children by uninvolved unloving selfish dbr males they will be on their own.
We can make them realize that certain privileges will be unavailable to them and their children despite how hard they work depending on the bum they have the children with.
I happen to know a couple of women who plan families with what the government will give them in mind.They want to have kids,the man won't commit or get a job(even though they have one),and they choose to have kids anyway because they have already decided in their minds to seek assistance from the government, and EVERYONE EXCEPT THE FATHER, BEFORE the kids are ever even born.
I sympathize with some never married single women with children I really do, but you get to an age where you have to start doing grown up things.Maybe the chick was young and dumb and completely misled when she was impregnated and left to fend for herself and children.I don't know, but as a grown woman she stole and now she has to pay.I also wonder if the father was paying child support?
I wonder if he is doing anything to keep the mother of his children out of jail?I bet he isn't.Chances are the lady won't do twenty years,she might but I don't think she will.She will get in trouble in some way though which she should.She took a gamble and she loss that's life.
Someone said women rise and fall everyday according to the man they are attached to.They couldn't have been more "righter".
"Structure is definitely what is needed for black girls to go further sooner.Many of us are having to teach ourselves things that we should have learned at home or are having to put ourselves through school and develop the vision for our own futures.As a kid, this is can be so hard when you just don't know what to do or what you want to do."
So true.
There seems to be little understanding among BW that we are to train and prepare our offspring for the best. I meet lots of BW around their 50's who are pining for their daughters to give them grandchildren. When I ask whether their daughters are married they look puzzled. Truly, these women look like I slapped them on the side of the head when I mention marriage. Now, these women are not lower-class BW who were brought up in single-parent homes on government assistance. These are women who went to Sunday school and had mum and dad and close knit community when they were growing up. Yet, they don't mind their unmarried daughters becoming a mother before a wife.
Now, if BW like these have such low expectation for their beautiful 20 something daughters what chance do these young women have, let alone positioning them for greatness.
There is much we can do. Take our daughters to the ballet, opera, fine restaurants, art galleries etc. Get them used to speaking to all walks of people so they don't clam up and become defensive when in an alien social setting. And whether we like it or not it is women who are responsible for preparing daughters. It simply wont do relying on teachers to prepare our daughters.
Icon (blackfemininity.com) wrote a valuable piece on BW not othering ourselves with the clothes we wear. This has helped me enormously. Her arguments can be extended to other areas of our self-presentation. We need to insert ourselves in unfamiliar environments to grow in confidence. We need to take the steps to do what will work for us and our children. Getting them out of toxic environments is only the first step. Getting them into productive, dominant environments is the next.
Our girls need parents who think, plan and guide. Our girls need to know how to be women who get what they need and want. I suggest two resources: Fascinating Womanhood and wwnh.wordpress.com
All good points Halima. This is how enterprising women position themselves and their offspring to live much better than they. Some people never plan or plan ahead so they have no expectations. Or their plans are built on more superficial ventures, not to position their family to dominate.
Black women have GOT to learn to think ahead BEFORE they sleep with a guy--the BABY WONT STAY A BABY FOREVER, and you have to find mentors for them especially when they hit the TEEN YEARS; college, the right 'people' to be around for that child---I don't understand why women are sooo stoopid with this; they need to get a puppy instead because it will become a dog;, and wait until marriage for children....
I watched the entire ceremony, up at 3:00 am EST! I enjoyed watching it. I found it interesting that they don't want wedding gifts, but instead, money can be given to charities, one that she likes that combats bullying, since she was bullied in school. I wonder whether that took place in part because she was not upper class but her parents sent her to upper class schools? In any event, look who has the last laugh! Thinking of that "doors to manual joke" about her mom having been a stewardess. None of those aristocratic girls who might have looked down at her and her family got him! Tee hee...
I liked the fact that Duke William did the 4ps
1. Provide
2. Protect
3. Problem solved
4. Produced
This is the guide to use when we vet our future King (smile).
Way to go Duchess Kate
Let's pray that the obama's girl's are the next Kate Middleton.
PionerVAlleyWoman: "...since she was bullied in school. I wonder whether that took place in part because she was not upper class but her parents sent her to upper class schools?"
I did not know that about her. Now I admire her even more. I am so glad that she did not let those bullies destroy her self-esteem. She clearly felt that she deserved to have Prince William, otherwise she would not have hung in there for so long.
I am very bothered by the tone of some of the BWE blogs (not this one), admonishing BW that we are in no position to be choosy and are obligated to consider any white man who wants us. Black women need to be the choosiest of all women, because we are at the bottom of the food chain and we will benefit the most from marrying the best man that we can attract.
Kate is 29 years old and she got her marriage proposal from William maybe 5 months ago. What if she had decided to settle for less than what she wanted 5 or 6 years ago, when there were probably people telling her that William would never marry her?
Princess Angela of Lichtenstein was over forty when she married her Prince. There were probably people telling her to hurry up and settle for a man she didn't want or else she would be old and lonely.
It also does not hurt that the Middleton women are attractive. Of course, looks are the icing on the cake. We all should have relatives who put into action a plan to move us up the economic ladder.
I noticed that Kate does not look like a typical british woman. LOL, one can tell she does not drink alot of tea because she has beautiful teeth, good dentist. I noticed that she and her brother has a tan, which is appealing. Her family prepared her well. Kate was cool as a cucumber.
Island girl you have to play that one very carefully. put plainly kate had everything to gain and a lot less to loose by waiting for Prince William, therefore I can see the sense in waiting for such a man (BTW Kate is actually older than prince william by a few months!).
The bullying I beolieve was becuase she was seen to be 'perfect' (well turned out and well behaved), i hear it was very vicious with nasty things done and I am very glad she kept her self together.
Indeed there are a lot of people who will try to make you behave 'your station', unfortunately many bw succumb in these kinds of scenerios. I have seen people 'compel' bw to act the sterotypical 'black woman' and many bw give in just to get the pressure off their backs.
Those are four great Ps.
No offense, the Obama girls are going to do well in life. So far so good. It's the rest of us everyday bw that need to be concern about our futures.
Tan? Probably fake. Teeth? Well many young women look after their teeth today - if they can afford to. My sense is Catherine made the most of herself and stuck with what suited her. Rather than opt for fashion forward apparel she chooses clothing which are considered timeless. I noted the many comparisons between her wedding dress and Grace Kelly's. Long hair, slim figure and a winning smile will open doors.
I do think it was a risky strategy waiting for William. Who knows what went on between them but I get the feeling she was very much in command. She steered the relationship to marriage.
I too have noticed how BW are 'encouraged' overtly and covertly to act the stereotypical BW. It is no joke. Sadly we often make the mistake of assuming the role without the nudge. I think it goes back to the same old argument of wishing to appear authentically black. Which hasn't served us well. We end up constricting ourselves to such a degree that we only feel comfortable when wearing black style clothing, going to black social events, reading black literature and so on. Until we break out of these boxes all the talk about marrying a prince is academic.
Funny, but I'm not aware of any BWE blogs that tell black women to settle for just anything that comes their way as long as he's white.
ALL of them do say to put certain qualities ahead of others... and that if you're still single well into your 30s and 40s and expecting to find a perfect 10 looks-wise (instead of considering a 7 or 8 who is a great provider and treats you like a queen... as many white and Asian women do), then maybe you're contributing to your own unmarried status by not understanding the point people are trying to make about vetting WM.
And I know that I am certainly not at the bottom of anyone's food chain!
I really wish BW would stop saying that. Go ahead and be at the bottom of the food chain if you want to be, but I've never accepted that for MY life, nor should any BW.
anon thanks for picking up on the issue of bw seeing themselves at the bottom of the food chain(i tend to gloss over comments and often miss out details).
Honestly folks, if you believe that then you are already defeated from inside. many people deem bw less but that is their construction, because all too often and easily we prove that we are not at the bottom of any food chain.
bw have to be careful how they use or adopt phrases and terms, explaining how the society might position bw does not mean BWE are accepting we are at the bottom of a food chain.
can i get bw to retire that phrase or statement. maybe we would start feeling and acing better if we didnt have such phrases in our vocabulary!
Certainly Halima! :)
I'm not one who tries to dismiss certain internal and external struggles that BW might be having because of our upbringings and current circumstances, in some cases, but I believe it's incredibly counterproductive and self-defeating to continue to have a defeatist thought process.
I appreciate the last three posts you've had to try to challenge us to be more proactive about dating IR and helping our children (or future children if we don't have any now) along a path that ensures their overall success -- and that includes romantic success!
But I fear they fall on deaf ears if the constant refrain is how "BW are at the bottom of the food chain/totem pole," "WM in this location don't date BW," "Matchmaking/dating services are too expensive," etc.
I just hope people are using the wisdom shared on these boards to improve their lives and not just using them to have venting sessions while they remain stagnant both mentally and physically.
We BW deserve all the success we can get... and the world is OUR oyster, so we need to get out there and start claiming what's ours instead of crying about what we don't have right now.
Anonymous: "and that if you're still single well into your 30s and 40s and expecting to find a perfect 10 looks-wise (instead of considering a 7 or 8 who is a great provider and treats you like a queen... as many white and Asian women do),"
What makes you so certain that BW who are still single are in that position because they are waiting for a perfect 10? I have yet to meet a man that I considered a perfect 10 and I don't believe that there is such a thing; everyone has flaws.
Many people like to claim that BW want Brad Pitt, but guess what. I don't think that Brad Pitt is a "10". I think he is nice looking, but I don't dream about him. I have been attracted to guys much less attractive than Brad Pitt.
I also don't believe that less attractive men are necessarily more loving and kinder than men who are considered more attractive. I once dated a guy who was quite plain and he was so possessive and jealous it drove me crazy. He felt that I was too pretty for him and that one day I would cheat on him with a nicer looking guy. He was also very bothered by other men looking at me and wanted me to dress to downplay my attractiveness in order for him to feel more secure. I did not feel like a Queen with him; I felt like a prisoner.
On the other hand, 10 years ago, I did not take seriously the interest of a VERY handsome man because certain people whose opinion I trusted at the time said that he was too pretty and would never settle down. Well, that pretty boy is now married to an average looking woman several years older than he, owns his own home, has a PHd and is well respected in his field.
Black women would not need to settle for less than what they wanted if they started looking for a mate much earlier. Kate Middleton did not meet William 2 years ago. They dated off and on for eight years. So that means she started looking for a companion in her early 20s. Even if she did not get William, I am sure there were other great guys whom she met along the way who would have wanted her.
So I would advice young BW to do as Kate did. Start early. An education and employment is important, but it is possible to do those things concurrent with finding a mate.
You are right. The food chain expression was not the right one. What I meant to convey is that since BW as a group are lower down on the socioeconomic ladder, they will benefit more by getting the best guy and that often means dating a lot and waiting to see how things will turn out. They should not of course, wait forever, but that would not be necessary if they started early.
To IslandGirl,
In reference to that Ph.D. pretty boy...Ouch, when he married.
Brad Pitt is on a scale of 8.
To anony:
Of course, the tan is fake and she is wearing veneers on her original teeth.
From the interview I saw of them upon their engagement, I have a sense that his waiting had less to do with what typically happens in instances where women "wait and wait and wait" for a man who can marry them in six months, but was really about them maturing into being able to handle together the stresses of his life.
He has been in the public eye since he was a baby. Any woman in his life would have to be able to handle that and all the demands that goes with being a future queen.
Something else interesting, I find, is that they apparently were friends first, especially since he has had to be so careful about who he lets into his life, with all kinds of people who are of the type who are looking to get something from him because of his position. He obviously needed to find a woman he could trust.
Wasn't there this story about their breakup and people looking to buy her "story," but she refused? It probably cemented their relationship.
She obviously proved herself to be the kind of woman he needs as a life partner--someone who seems discreet, loyal, mature, poised, quiet, feminine all around. As she apparently once said, "he's lucky to have her, not necessarily that she is lucky to be with him!"
I say all this because he could have his pick of women of all types whom he dated before, all sorts of attractive women. But the physical attraction is just one aspect...
I must say I liked the entire thing, the warmth I could see between them in the ceremony, their connection, affection, the support they give each other. I think I melted when I saw him check her out upon reaching the altar and he told her she looked beautiful. I think I swooned again when he bowed to his grandmother after the ceremony...
Quite delightful, the ceremony, the formality...
I liked seeing how my Anglican "cousins" do church over there...not as high a service as I would have expected for an Anglican service at Westminster, but I can see why--it was religious, but not as religious as a full mass....
I agree with Island Girl that there are many Black mothers who do not want their daughters to do better than they. You'd think that any parent would long for that, but many Black moms are jealous of their daughters.
My mom was such a mom. While I had many advantages growing up (I went to the ballet and plays growing up and took dance and piano classes and went to good, private, Catholic schools from K-12), she was more and more against me dating, well, anyone as I grew older. I think a huge part of it was she had a mental illness, but a huge part of that was she was born in the 1920s and I was born right after the Civil Rights movement. Here was a daughter who'd grow up with opportunities she could have only dreamed of in her youth. It created not a generation gap but a generation chasm between us.
I think a large part of her was jealous of that. Even as she insisted upon it, why should I have a better education at integrated schools? Why should I have all these opportunities that she didn't have including the option to date and wed a non-Black man? She was stuck in the "it's not fair" space of comparing her life to my potential one.
In many ways, she tried to sabotage me. And I must admit in some ways, she succeeded. I'm married to a wonderful man, a REAL man. I know my mother would not be happy for me even though he treats me like gold because of the bitterness she wears like a shroud.
I also believe that Black women, especially Black women in America, can learn a LOT from the lessons of now PRINCESS Kate's upbringing. if nothing else, the idea that marrying a good, decent, loving, successful (or at least an earnest provider) man is NOT outside the realm of possibility for us. I remember a time when folks thought, no-KNEW that William would treat Kate like Charles treated Camilla way back in the day (pre-Diana), basically have his fun with her and move on and settle down with a titled young lady because anything else was just preposterous. Oops, that didn't happen, now did it?
There is Princess Angela as someone mentioned and an African (West African with the features and hair and all) woman who married a French count. And remember the Real Housewives of NYC? Well, the FORMER Countess Luann got thrown over for an Ethiopian woman. Black women, ESPECIALLY AA women, need to quit putting limits and breaks on our own dreams. You get a lot more when your reach exceeds your grasp than if you're only going to reach for what's closeby. Will you get yourself a titled man? Maybe not, but you'll get a better one if you extend your reach than if you kept your arms at your sides.
Now there's speculation about Kate's sister, Pippa, but she's already dating a successful financier who used to be a professional cricket player. So it seems that BOTH daughters got the "marry well" message.
PioneerValleyWoman I agree with all your sentiments. I am not a Christian nor do I believe in a god but I was moved by the ceremony. The words and music were apt and important. As I mature I see more value in tradition, belief in something greater than ourselves and self-discipline. In the past I would have seen it as stuffy and boring. Now I have great respect for it all.
I used to be anti The Royal Family; I just couldn't see the sense in spending our tax money on them (lets face it; they haven't behaved royally a lot of the time). However, I see now that the institution is greater than the individuals.
I hope Catherine will be an example for all British women. There is a lot we could learn from her. Not least a return to modesty. I just don't know how I missed the value and power of femininity.
As an aside; pending parents please think carefully about the name you give your child.
I think your take on Kate waiting for William is the correct one.
While I do believe that Kate's upbringing and behavior can provide a lot of lessons for women (and black women in our particular case), I don't think her "waiting for a man" decision should be one of them. I even saw a dating blog geared toward a mainstream audience (so mostly white women) using Kate and William's long courtship and living together as an example for people to follow for their own future marriages.
I don't think so.
Obviously, I'm not privy to the innermost details of William and Kate's courtship, but we know that William well understood the pressures that a princess would face from the outside world and how difficult it would be if she was unprepared. He watched his father, Charles, initially miss out on being with the love of his life (Camilla) because a man of his background was expected to marry a blushing virginal bride with some royal ties (Diana).
Charles was 32 when he married 19-year-old Diana. The wedding might have been a fairytale, but the marriage certainly was not, and Diana met an untimely death just as she was coming into full bloom as a woman in her 30s. The two barely knew each other, and it was clear that it was a forced match.
William, I'm sure, knew that whenever he was going to marry, he would want a wife whom he truly knew, loved and trusted, and a wife who would not suffer under the pressure of being a queen-in-waiting like his mother did.
Plus, royals usually have children very soon after marriage, so if William and Kate follow tradition, there will be no multi-year period of having fun as a couple before babies come along like most of us get.
Long story short, the waiting that Kate did for marriage to William seemed to have a purpose. And during that time, she was gradually being groomed for her future role. Considering how short their engagement was, I seriously doubt Kate was sitting around for the last 3-4 years having no idea where her relationship was headed.
(And let's not forget that she did break up with William for a brief period... so obviously, she was willing to let him go if she wasn't getting what she wanted.)
All this being said, the average "commoner" (so, all of us) would be foolish to date someone for the majority of our 20s, move in with him and hope we ended up married to him at some point. It doesn't take long for a normal man of quality who doesn't have royal duties hanging over his head to propose marriage to a woman.
That being said... as for Princess Angela, she married Prince Max six months after they began dating. They met two years earlier and were friends, but became a couple in the summer of 1999 and married in winter 2000. While she might have waited a long time to meet Mr. Right, she did NOT wait very long to get a ring!
I wish I knew more about their courtship, but either way, the message was clear (either from him or her) that there would not be a long dating period before they got hitched! I think that's a great lesson for us commoners to learn. :)
Not least a return to modesty. I just don't know how I missed the value and power of femininity.
My reply:
And of integrity, decency, courage...Or in today's society, we don't even think of it.
I saw a book recently that 100+ years ago, when young women wrote in their diaries about what they hoped to become, they spoke of their interest in being decent women as we are describing here--the hallmark of a different time. What do young women want today? I don't think all young women aspire to the same values as those so long ago.
But haven't many young women miss it because they are told that those types of values are "old fashioned," or "prissy," or "white," as in the case of black women??? Someone spare us!
And who downplays those values, who benefits? Women without those values in a misery-loves-company type of thing, who like to tear down the women who are doing better, or men who don't value decent women, because those are the types of women who are "high maintenance," ie., they are the types of women who expect to be treated well, with courtesy and respect...Those types of women expect to get the ring. They won't be women they go to for sex only...
to Lisa99:
Regarding Kate Middleton and waiting, that is what I was getting at. It seems that is the lesson some have been taking from here, that waiting alone was worth it, just because she won in the end.
That is no different from black women who wait, wait and wait, when marriage could have taken place much earlier, so I was cautioning readers to realize that their situation of waiting was far different.
Readers should take a look at the interview they gave right after their engagement--very informative. Informative as well, William and Harry interviewing with Matt Lauer (?) about what it is like for them to have normal lives with friends and girlfriends.
"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."
— Muhammad Ali
just a thought.
Right again! The aumenting of family status is understood by EVERYONE but us, it seems. We should use Kate's family timeline as a template and a working example of what that looks like, since most of us have not a clue.
I have to admit something that is very hard for me to admit, and that is, the first time I dated out, I unconsciously sabotaged that relationship because of my own insecurities and my always-present feeling that I didn't deserve a partner to be so good to me.
And so I was always in a perpetual state of waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to break up with me because:
I was too coarse, too loud, too black, too fat, too bitchy, too demanding, too something. Or, that his mother would convince him to leave me, or he would get the white woman he really wanted, or he was embarrassed to be with me around his friends, or something.
None of these things happened and none of these things was present, but I was so suspicious and so touchy about any/all of these things that eventually I drove him away. And he was a good man and a good-looking man and he really, truly loved me, and his best friend told me two years later he didn't go out on even one date for 14 months after we broke up.
I love my mother but she not only never set me up for great things, she constantly reinforced the point of view that I would be lucky to get married, and then subsequently stay married to some under-achiever, because "men were just no damn good".
Just remember ladies, most of us cannot afford to play the waiting game. Kate probably knew William was on the road to matrimony by the way he behaved with her and her family.
Frannie I hope you are happily married now.
What you describe is, I think, common. BW just don't believe they are good enough. So they (and others) set about unconsciously or otherwise to prove the point. This is why I believe it is counter-productive to repeat that we are the bottom of the barrel or the bottom of the socio-economic scale. All the BW I know work and own their own homes. Most are educated with first and second degrees. But what do we tend to do with those assets? Gobbled up by family and no good men. We make poor choices on who we align ourselves with.
We really do need to learn how to capitalise on all our economic and social assets. Why wouldn't good men want us? We've proved that we are resilient, committed, warm, fun and hard working - even with all the forces that push against us. The Kate Middleton's of this world really have nothing on us. Yet, I know most of us don't believe it.
"BW just don't believe they are good enough. So they (and others) set about unconsciously or otherwise to prove the point."
@ anony. 9:36
Today, 5/3 was I speaking with a friend about her two 20something daughters. One has a bf and the other does not. Again, I was trying to get my friend to at least get her daughters thinking about quality other race men. As usual my friend goes silent, she does not like talking about irr. Oh, well that is her daughters. My friend is married but, miserable and that is one good reason my friend should encourage her daughters to spread their wings as far as they can go.
I remember looking at a Daily Mail newspaper that my Mom had back in 2001 or 2002 possibly (?) that had all over the cover of it and on the inside cover pics of Naomi Campbell and William sitting together at some do or other,
And William was clearly smitten and couldn't take his eyes off her. He was clearly talking to her in the pics. Naomi kept looking away from him and had a quiet slight smsile or smugness but she looked from the pics to not want to draw him in too much or not to lead him on. Actually in those pics Naomi looked slightly bored or like she wanted to talk to someone else. I can see why she felt that she should act that way though.
But the Daily Mail pages themselves even were quoted saying that William was obviously smitten with Naomi. From those pics, it was like he never her left her side, looked or spoke to anyone for the rest of that evening (I assume it was in the evening LOL)
But this is all true and I wish that I had kept that paper now! LOL
AK, I believe you. I actually read an article that mentioned that in the 1990s, Prince Charles saw her at a fashion show and mentioned how beautiful she was.
Naomi, in my opinion, has done a very poor job of using her beauty and access to elite society to her advantage in terms of her romantic relationships. Men of all races love her, but her engagements never end in marriage. Perhaps that is her choice, but I'm not quite sure. Now she's with a married Russian billionaire who seems to have no intention of leaving his wife, even as he pursues Naomi.
If Naomi had had a better plan, she could have been a shining example of overcoming her circumstances growing up as a poor, fatherless black girl in South London.
You know what Lisa99 I think Naomi really is satisfied and accepting of her super jet set lifestyle with her many boyfriends believe it or not. I think she chooses that way of life too. She's been engaged more than once, way more, and I think that she's the one doing the breaking off somehow and it never stops her from getting more men where that came from regarding which phone she throws at whoever's head! LOL
It just sounds from the media at any case as though the rich Russian really 'fell' her as opposed to the men in her past. I cannot see Naomi with any elite, royally or politically connected men at all even if she was little Miss Perfect all the time. Because she has always lived as though she wanted her whole life to be 'no strings attached' with everything.
A friend once told me that this was why Naomi never signed for any restrictive cosmetic contracts or Victoria Secret contracts where they tell you that you can only model for them, Gisele left a contract like that for VS not that long ago for the same reason, and possibly the reason why Naomi appears to have possibly broken so many engagements.
Naomi should be married 100 times over by now! She lives as though she doesn't like ties of any kind. Her life, her choice though.
When I read articles like, I thank the creator that my mother took me to plays and to the ballet when I was younger and put me into better schools and encouraged me to go away to college and to travel. So many of my peers from high school are loaded down with children and no prospects. I purposely did not settle or have a bunch of babies out of wedlock because she specifically groomed me for something better. My aunt is doing the same thing with my cousins - she and her husband moved from the city to the suburbs where her children can make good connections that will last them throughout their lives. That should be our real legacy.
It has been wonderful to read this article and the many informative comments. I have 2 daughters and I am actively raising them to seek the sun, and hopefully reach the heavens. The first thing I am doing is making sure they know at least 2 foreign languages fluently. One of them must be Asian and one European. I just want them to have options I did not have. I married up, and I want them to marry up and out.
-answers all the Key Questions about interracial dating
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AMR ( AAMRQ.PK), the parent of American Airlines, and US Airways ( LCC) are in final negotiations on a merger that could be announced this week, according to reports. The $11 billion merger would create the world's largest airline. The airlines have resolved key differences on valuation and management structure, people familiar with the matter told Reuters.
Southeastern Asset Management has been joined by three of Dell's ( DELL) largest shareholders to object to the $24.4 billion deal to take the No. 3 PC maker private. Harris Associates, Yacktman Asset Management and Pzena Investment Management, which together hold 3.3% of Dell's outstanding stock, now plan to vote against the buyout, sources told Reuters. Dell Deal: Is a Fight Brewing?
Novo Nordisk ( NVO), the Danish drugmaker, said the Food and Drug Administration rejected its applications for approval of once-per-day insulin drugs to treat diabetes.
Film studio Lions Gate Entertainment ( LGF) is expected by Wall Street on Monday to report fiscal third-quarter earnings of 16 cents a share on revenue of $707 million.
Masco ( MAS - Get Report), a provider of building supplies, is expected to post a fourth-quarter loss of 1 cent a share on revenue of $1.8 billion, according to analysts' forecasts. 3 Must-See Stocks Soaring on Unusual Volume
Loews ( L - Get Report) is expected to post fourth-quarter profit of 30 cents a share. -- Written by Joseph Woelfel >To contact the writer of this article, click here: Joseph Woelfel >To submit a news tip, send an email to: firstname.lastname@example.com.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
SAN FRANCISCO — Twitter, the San Francisco microblogging service, suffered through a service disruption Friday afternoon, one day after it mistakenly reset passwords for a significant amount of users.
Just after noon Pacific time Friday, new tweets stopped appearing in timelines for users, and the company acknowledged the issue in a post on its Status blog.
"Some users may be experiencing a delay with new tweets in their timelines. Our engineers are currently working on this issue," the post said at about 10 minutes before 1 p.m. Within minutes, it was updated to say that the issue had been resolved.
Twitter had many problems with the service going down in its early years, leading to the creation of the #FailWhale hashtag to document such instances. The service's stability has strengthened over the years, but it still has issues from time to time, with the last large outage occurring about four months ago.
Service outages are not the only issues Twitter faces, however: The San Francisco company reset the passwords of many users Wednesday night and Thursday morning because it believed their passwords had been compromised, but late admitted that it reset passwords for users whose accounts were not in danger.
"In this case, we unintentionally reset passwords of a larger number of accounts, beyond those that we believed to have been compromised. We apologize for any inconvenience or confusion this may have caused," the company said in a blog post.
Contact Jeremy C. Owens at 408-920-5876; follow him at Twitter.com/mercbizbreak.


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Press L2 or L2(2) for excitement or R2 or R2(2) for frustration. Press L2(3) after missing a point to throw or kick your racquet.Hidden characters
To play as some secret characters, use the random feature of the game; the game will choose one of the career default players instead. Keep pressing Circle then X until you get the desired player. By doing this you can play as players such as Raquel Mello, Candy Spoon, Karen Archer, and many others.Drop shots
Another simple trick to defeat difficult opponents is to use drop shots regularly. Do a drop shot when the opponent is a bit far. He or she either will not get it or reply it; then you can just use Triangle (Lob) to win.Serving
While you are serving, look at your ITZ meter. If the ITZ text is flashing, this indicates a 100% chance that you will serve the ball with 100% accuracy using the risk shot. You can easily hit the ball over the net at speeds of over 108 mph. You only need to tap the button. It will automatically give you a solid risk shot.Replay score
When you or your opponent(s) score a point, watch the replay. Your current score will be displayed on the scoreboard in the background, even before the point was actually made. For example, your score could be 30 - 40 before the play, and 40 - 40 when you make the point. In the replay, the scoreboard will read 40 - 40.Defeating opponents
The simplest trick to defeating every possible opponent is to first hit the ball to one side. They will run and hit it. Then, hit it back hard in the other direction. They will probably make it, but dive or run too far. If they do, smash it to the other direction; they will never hit the ball. This trick works on every opponent. Additionally, the best way to win quickly is to do a very weak serve to the outside. That will get the CPU player off to the side. You can then come into the net a little and smash the ball to the other side, winning the point.
If your opponent attempts to serve with a risk shot, watch his or her meter. If the bar stops above the blue section of the bar, it will be out. If it stops below it, it will hit the net. This is an easy way to determine whether you should just stand your ground or get ready to hit the ball when he or she serves it. As long as you tap the button as soon as your opponent hits the ball, you will always hit it back. Sometimes the risk shot even stuns them for a moment, keeping them from hitting your ball back in time as long as you aim the ball away from them, and you can make an easy point.Recommended tennis racket
It appears that the tennis racket you can purchase for 5,000 coins has different effects depending on how much power and accuracy you have on your swing. Although there are no stats regarding the tennis rackets you can purchase (abilities, strengths/weaknesses) the tennis racket that you start with is by far the best racket you can use.


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The Urban Aboriginal Peoples Study is an extensive new research study that has gone beyond the numbers to capture the values, experiences and aspirations of Aboriginal peoples living in Vancouver, Edmonton, Calgary, Regina, Saskatoon, Winnipeg, Thunder Bay, Toronto, Montreal, Halifax and Ottawa.
Subject: Society & Culture, Government - Cities, Government - National, Indians of North America -- Canada -- Attitudes, Indians of North America -- Canada -- Ethnic identity, Indians of North America -- Canada -- Urban residence, Indians of North America -- Canada -- Social life and customs, Native peoples -- Canada -- Attitudes, Native peoples -- Canada -- Urban residence, Native peoples -- Canada -- Social life and customs, Native peoples -- Canada -- Ethnic identity
Creator: Environics
Date: 2013-06-26 01:08
Rights: The user is granted reasonable rights of use of the content of this (these) data product(s) only for personal, corporate or public policy research, as well as for educational purposes. This permission includes the use of the content in analysis and in the reporting of results and conclusions, including the citation of limited amounts of supporting data, extracted from the data product, in such documents. In such cases, the source of the data must be acknowledged in all such documents and communications by providing the following source citation at the bottom of each table and graph: Source (or 'Adapted from' if appropriate): Environics Institute for Survey Research, Urban Aboriginal Peoples Study, 2010.
Language: English
Contributor: University of Winnipeg
Archived since: Feb, 2014
Oral History Centre
Subject: Arts & Humanities, Society & Culture, Universities & Libraries
Archived since: Mar, 2015
Response to Maclean's article claiming Winnipeg to be the most racist city in Canada.
Subject: Society & Culture, Government - Cities, Blogs & Social Media
Archived since: Jul, 2016
In collaboration with the University of Manitoba Libraries, the National Centre of Truth and Reconciliation, and the Library and Archives of Canada, the University of Winnipeg Library has curated and captured a selection of webpages, blogs, news coverage, and PDF files that pertain to Manitoba's ongoing involvement with the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. This growing collection covers a diverse range of topics, which include survivors' stories, apologies, responses, cultural events, and more. This is an ongoing web-archiving project that will continue to grow as we witness new ways that reconciliation and healing take place in our province. We gratefully acknowledge the financial assistance of Manitoba Tourism, Culture, Heritage, Sport and Consumer Protection, and the Government of Canada in the creation of this collection.
Subject: Society & Culture, Government - Cities, Arts & Humanities, Truth and Reconciliation Canada, Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada, Indigenous peoples—Manitoba, Racism--Canada, Residential Schools, Universities, Research and Teaching
Creator: University of Winnipeg Library
Date: 2016
Rights: This electronic resource is made available by the University of Winnipeg Library for the purposes of research, education, teaching and private study. All intellectual property rights are retained by the legal copyright holders. The University of Winnipeg does not hold the copyright to the content of this file. Formal permission to reuse or republish this content must be obtained from the copyright holder.
Language: English
Collector: University of Winnipeg Library
Archived since: Aug, 2013
University of Winnipeg Websites
Subject: Universities & Libraries
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Rocker Sammy Hagar has won a defamation battle against a former Playboy bunny over his 2011 autobiography.
The former Van Halen star's memoir, "Red: My Uncensored Life In Rock," became a New York Times bestseller upon its release, and included a story about a California woman who falsely named him as her baby's father to extort money from him in the 1980s.
He did not reveal her identity but the female in question – named in court documents as Jane Doe, who now lives in Iowa – sued over the allegations and tried to take the singer to court, accusing him of defaming her, violating her privacy and intentionally inflicting emotional damage on her. She also claimed his recollection of the incident breached a 1989 confidentiality agreement between the pair.
However, U.S. District Judge Linda Reade dismissed the lawsuit last week, and Hagar couldn't be happier.
His lawyer, Wesley Kinnear, tells the Associated Press, "We're certainly gratified by the result and we hope this means that it's all over. It's difficult to be involved in litigation like this. It was a surprise to him. And he's very pleased that the judge ruled the way that she did."


text:
U.S. senators will take their first major test vote today on a package of more than $80 billion in tax breaks, and the outcome is uncertain.
Republicans, who support many of the provisions in the bill, are complaining about Democrats' refusal to allow them to offer amendments. Democrats say the bill must advance to prevent a tax increase.
"If you don't renew that provision, the research and development credit, in effect, today, the Senate will be voting to raise taxes on innovation," Senate Finance Committee Chairman Ron Wyden, an Oregon Democrat, said on Bloomberg Television.
The bill would revive dozens of tax breaks that lapsed on Dec. 31 and extend them through 2015, including the ability for companies such as Citigroup Inc. to defer U.S. taxes on overseas financing income and a provision that lets individuals deduct state sales taxes.
The bill doesn't include spending cuts or tax increases to offset the $84.1 billion effect on the budget deficit.
Today's procedural vote, scheduled for 1:45 p.m., Washington time, requires at least 60 senators to support it, which means that at least five Republicans must join with Democrats.
Final passage wouldn't occur until next week, and the Republican-controlled House has been taking a different approach to the issue.
No Amendments
Senator Charles Grassley of Iowa said he hasn't decided whether to join Democrats to advance the bill.
Grassley, who supports many of the tax breaks in the bill, including the production tax credit for wind energy, said he won't make up his mind until closer to the vote. Republicans and Democrats will be holding separate party meetings before the vote.
Voting yes would bolster Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's approach of not allowing Republican amendments, Grassley said in a brief interview in the Capitol.
"That's going to enhance what he's been doing," Grassley said.
Wyden said on Bloomberg TV that today's bill lets Congress focus on a broader revamp of the tax code that would lower the corporate tax rate and address the trend of inversion transactions, in which U.S. companies use mergers to move their legal addresses to lower-tax countries.
Wyden wouldn't answer directly when asked whether his broader tax bill should raise additional revenue for the government, as most Democrats insist.
Republicans prefer a revenue-neutral approach, where all the money gained from limiting tax breaks is used to reduce rates.
"When you create jobs, you generate growth, which generates revenue," Wyden said. "Some of this is Washington Beltway talk. The reality is pro-growth tax reform is going to generate revenue."
The bill is HR 3474.


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Have you ever seen a film that's romantic but not sappy, humorous but not slapstick, with religious overtones but not spouting fire and brimstone?
That might be a way to describe Pieces of Easter, a spiritual movie created and filmed in Shelbyville, Simpsonville, Finchville, Oldham and Jefferson counties and in Indiana that hits theaters today.
"The scenery is just breathtaking," said Jefferson Moore, co-owner of Kelly's Filmworks, a tiny movie studio located in Finchville that since 2004 has cranked out seven feature films and a mini-series.
What Moore, who wrote the screenplay, said he likes about this film is that it really showcases Shelby County's countryside in all its spring finery.
"The entire story takes place on the back roads of America," he said. "We filmed in Simpsonville, Finchville, the knobs, back last spring, when everything was green and beautiful."
Moore said all his films have been inspired by David Gregory's novel, Dinner with a Perfect Stranger. He described Pieces of Easter as "a humorous retelling of the prodigal son."
The film focuses on the 3-day adventure of a high-strung executive named Alza Bennett, played by newcomer Christina Karis, a Los Angeles actress who is originally from Louisville. Her car breaks down, and she finds her way to the doorstep of grizzled and reclusive farmer Lincoln James, played by Moore.
Bennett is eager to reunite with her estranged family for Easter, and she convinces Lincoln to get her there, a 700-mile journey on which the mismatched pair encounters rat-infested motels, convenience store hold ups, rural snake stalkers and a star-struck couple from a trailer park.
But the way their extremely diverse personalities mesh is the focus of the film, said Kelly Moore, the film's producer.
"Best of all, they are forced to encounter each other, as the two worlds of the princess and the hermit collide at each and every turn," she said.
In addition to showcasing Shelby County's countryside, several scenes were filmed at local businesses, including the Shelbyville Aquatic Center, Days Inn, Weaver's BP, JT's Pizza and Finchville Baptist Church.
Jeremiah Health, director of the Family Activity Center, said his staff was thrilled to have the FAC included in the movie. "They filmed a pool scene here," he said. "It was great."
Pieces of Easterwill play at the Village 8 in Louisville, as well as in theaters in North Carolina, Tennessee, Florida and Michigan until April, when it is expected to make its way to cable TV, as well as Netflix, Amazon and Walmart.
So how did a salesman from Kinko's and a bank clerk ever end up starting their own film company?
"I never studied acting or writing in college, so I can really say, it all comes from grace," Jefferson Moore said. "I was living in Bowling Green, and I started getting interested in modeling and doing commercials, and I really enjoyed it.
One day a director invited him to "get behind the camera" to see how the other end operated, and he said he was hooked.
"I guess you could say we [he and wife Kelly] really just fell backwards into it," he said with a chuckle.
Moore said he and his wife moved to Shelbyville in 1996 and used $6,000 of their savings to start their film company.
"We have shot entire movies right here in our house in Finchville," he said. "Sometimes we feel like we're living backstage. But we love what we do."
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|An old fashioned southern salad of thinly sliced cucumbers and sweet Vidalia onions, dressed in a sweet and sour mayonnaise dressing.
Creamed Cucumbers and OnionI've been eating my share of cucumbers here lately that's for sure. First, I was gifted with a bag of them. Then, finally after replanting seeds multiple times because the heat was literally melting my poor plants, the last four that I planted finally started producing for me. The Cajun doesn't eat cucumbers at all, but I love garden cucumbers, so that's just all the more for me. I've made cucumber cream cheese sandwiches and every single cucumber salad I have here on the site more than a few times the last few months, and realized I hadn't posted this creamed version yet.
It's similar to the sour cream cucumber salad that is so popular in The South, but for this creamed version, the cucumbers are sliced paper thin and the primary dressing is typically only mayonnaise based, instead of sour cream.
Although it's not a necessary step, I like to salt the cucumbers and let them drain in a colander in the fridge for at least an hour before adding the dressing. It not only helps to enhance the texture of the cucumber, but also helps to take away the bitter taste they sometimes have and seems to help absorb the dressing flavor better too. If you're using a supermarket cucumber, they are often heavily waxed so I'd suggest that you peel those, but if your cucumbers are garden fresh, you can just slice them without peeling them. Slice them paper thin - a mandolin comes in very handy for this salad.
Whisk together the mayonnaise, sugar, vinegar, celery seed, white pepper and dill. Taste the dressing and adjust the vinegar and sugar as needed. Thinly slice the onion. You can also substitute sour cream, Greek yogurt, heavy cream or any combination of them, with or in place of the mayonnaise.
Place the drained cucumber into a serving bowl and add the onion. Pour the dressing over the top.
Toss, taste and adjust seasonings. You can serve this right away, or even better refrigerate it another hour or so, stirring occasionally.
Recipe: Creamed Cucumbers and Onion©From the Kitchen of Deep South Dish
Prep time: 10 min |Inactive time: 1 hour| Yield: About 4 to 6 servings
- 4 to 6 well chilled medium cucumbers, thinly sliced
- 1/2 teaspoon of kosher salt
- 1 cup of mayonnaise
- 1 tablespoon of sugar
- 1/2 cup vinegar
- 1 teaspoon celery seed
- 1/4 teaspoon of white pepper
- 1/2 tablespoon of fresh chopped dill, plus additional for garnish, optional
- 1 Vidalia onion, halved and thinly sliced
Slice cucumber very thin and toss with salt. Place into a colander to drain, then place the colander into a bowl, and refrigerate at least an hour. Pour off water and place cucumbers into the bowl; set aside. In a separate small bowl, whisk together the mayonnaise, sugar, vinegar, celery seed, white pepper and dill. Taste and adjust the vinegar and sugar as needed. Add the onions to the cucumbers; pour dressing over and toss. Taste and adjust seasonings. Serve immediately, or refrigerate an hour or more until ready to serve; garnish with additional dill if desired.
Cook's Notes: The first salting helps to enhance the texture and also helps to take away the bitter taste cucumbers sometimes have, but is not necessary if you're in a rush. I like to use apple cider vinegar and sometimes use Slap Ya Mama white pepper blend for the pepper. Store-bought cucumbers are often heavily waxed and should be peeled. If you are using fresh garden cucumbers, you can slice the cucumbers unpeeled. I use a mandolin to get the cucumber and onion paper thin.
Variation: Thinly sliced radishes are not traditional but are a nice addition. Can also toss in seeded chopped tomato just before serving, if desired. Can also substitute sour cream, part mayo and sour cream, Greek yogurt or heavy cream (between 1/2 to 3/4 cup of cream).
Source: http://www.deepsouthdish.com
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Goldfrank's Toxicologic emergencies
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Tachanun in Yerushalayim
Visitors to Yeshivas Ohr Somayach's famous beginner 4:00 P.M. daily Mincha (You are also welcome to join) are wont to comment on the fact that everyone says Tachanun with nefillas apayim, the placing down of the head on an arm, even though the beis medrash where this tefilla is held, the Lauffer Beis Medrash, does not have a Sefer Torah or even an Aron Kodesh.
The reason they find this behavior odd is because the Rema[1], quoting the Rokeach, rules that if there is no Sefer Torah in a shul, Tachanun should still be said, but without nefillas apayim[2]. This is traced back to a Biblical source, that "falling down" in prayer is reserved for when an Aron is present[3]. Although some disagree[4], this remains common practice. If so, the visitors ask, why would Ohr Somayach not follow such a widespread custom?
The answer is: Yerushalayim. Yes, Yerushalayim Ir Hakodesh. Ohr Somayach is privileged and blessed to be located in the Holy City of Jerusalem. As such, it maintains special dispensation for certain tefillos, one of them is Tachanun. In the words of Rav Moshe Feinstein[5], "Yerushalayim contains intrinsic holiness and is designated for prayer, and therefore even without a Sefer Torah one should do nefillas apayim, as it is comparable to a place that has a Sefer Torah!!"
This minhag dates back to the 1700s to the famed Pri HaAdamah[6], who writes that since there are opinions that in lieu of Sefer Torah one may still say Tachanun in a room that contains many sefarim[7], then certainly in the Holy City of Yerushalayim which is superior to a house filled with holy books, one would still say Tachanun with nefillas apayim, even without a Sefer Torah.
This special deference for Yerushalayim is noted by many authorities including those who specialize in the customs of Eretz Yisrael, including Rav Y.M. Tukachinsky, creator of the world-renowned Luach Eretz Yisrael[8].
Another tefillah that is said fully in Yerushalayim in any location, for the same above-mentioned reasons, is Magen Avos on Friday night[9], which technically needs to be recited in the presence of a Sefer Torah, or be said in a set minyan[10].
There is, however, a dispute among contemporary authorities as to what is considered the Holy City of Yerushalayim for our intents and purpose, where one would still recite Tachanun with nefillas apayim. It is well known that Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach[11] was of the opinion that this special regard is meant only for the original Holy City, which is now known as The Old City (bein hachomos), similar to the halachos of eating maaser sheini and kadshim kalim in the times of the Beis Hamikdash. The rest of Yerushalayim, he maintains, does not share this unique intrinsic holiness. In fact, unless he was in the OldCityor in a room filled with sefarim in the rest of Yerushalayim, Rav Shlomo Zalman would not do nefillas apayim in Tachanun[12].
However, the majority of contemporary poskim do not make such a distinction and consider all of Yerushalayim, old and new, to contain inherent kedusha, and therefore maintain that when in any part of Yerushalayim one should always say Tachanun with nefillas apayim[13] (as well as Magen Avos on a Friday night).
Although the importance of the tefillah of Tachanun is underappreciated by many, it should not be; it is actually based on Moshe Rabbeinu's successful entreating of Hashem on Har Sinai to spare Klal Yisrael from punishment after their grievous sins: "Va'esnapel lifnai Hashem[14]- And I threw myself down in prayer before G-d"[15], and is a known catalyst for Hashem to speedily answer our prayers[16]. So the next time you are in Ohr Somayach, or essentially anywhere in Yerushalayim, it is worthwhile to take advantage of the extra dimension and intensity of nefillas apayim that is exclusive to our Holy City.
[1] Rema O.C. 131, 2; Rokeach 324.
[2] It must be noted that general Sefardic practice is to never do nefillas apayim when reciting Tachanun, due to many not having the proper kavannos. See Ben Ish Chai (Year 1, Parshas Ki Sisa 13 s.v. v'heenay) and Yalkut Yosef (Kitzur Shulchan Aruch O.C. 131, 16).
[3] Yehoshua Ch. 7 verse 6.
[4] The Chida (Birkei Yosef O.C .131, 1 and Shiyurei Bracha there 1) argues that one should always do nefillas apayim in Tachanun, due to the fact that the Shulchan Aruch does not bring this as psak l'maaseh, even though he mentions it in his Beis Yosef commentary (ibid s.v. kasav haRivash); also, this was the Mahari"mat's minhag. See also Ben Ish Chai (Year 1, Ki Sisa 14, who writes that nefillas apayim applies everywhere and all the time) and Kaf Hachaim (ibid, 40). The Taz (O.C. 131, 5) also questions this practice, but concludes that nevertheless the halacha still follows the Rema and Rokeach. The Chayei Adam (32, 33), Shulchan Aruch HaRav (ibid 3), Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (22, 4), Aruch Hashulchan (O.C. 131, 10), and Mishna Brura (131, 11) rule this way as well, that without a Sefer Torah, nefillas apayim is not done.
[5] Shu"t Igros Moshe (Y.D. vol. 3, 129, 2).
[6] Mizbach Adamah pg. 2, s.v. siman 268. The Ben Ish Chai (Year 2, Vayera 10) dates this minhag back to the times of the Rashash.
[7] Shiyarei Knesses HaGedolah (O.C 131, Haghos Beis Yosef, 6), Olas Tamid (ibid 10), Magen Giborim (Elef HaMagen ibid, 7), Orchos Rabbeinu (vol. 1 pg. 67). However, many do not agree with this and maintain that even with sefarim one would not do nefillas apayim, including the Elyah Rabba (ibid 5), Derech HaChaim (Dinei Tachanun 5), and Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (22, 4). The Mishna Brura (ibid 11) does not rule conclusively on this.
[8] Sefer Eretz Yisrael and Luach Eretz Yisrael (Dinei Tzom Gedalya in the brackets).
[9] Pri HaAdamah above, Ben Ish Chai (Year 2, Vayera 10; and in Shu"t Rav Pe'alim vol. 3 O.C. 23 ), Shalmei Chagiga (2, 27), Luach Eretz Yisrael (Dinei Shabbos Shuva), Shu"t Har Tzvi (O.C. 152), Kaf HaChaim (O.C. 268, 50), Shu"t Tzitz Eliezer (vol. 7, 23 s.v. zohee), Ishei Yisrael (Ch. 36, 35).
[10] Elyah Rabba (268, 19), Pri Megadim (ibid M.Z. 8) Mishna Brura (ibid 24), Shu"t Igros Moshe (O.C. vol. 4, 69, 3), based on the words of the Shulchan Aruch O.C. 268, 10. See also Ishei Yisrael (Ch. 36, 35, footnote 93) for more on this topic.
[11] For example see Shmiras Shabbos K'hilchasa (vol. 2, 65, 58), V'aleihu Lo Yibol (vol. 1, pg. 95, 105; pg. 298, 15; pg. 348, 2), Ishei Yisrael (Ch. 25, footnote 39), and Halichos Shlomo (Tefilla Ch. 11, 11).
[12] Halichos Shlomo - Tefillah Ch. 11 footnote 37.
[13] Including the Luach Eretz Yisrael above, Shu"t Igros Moshe above, Leket Kemach Hachadash (vol. 4, 131, 23), Beis Baruch on the Chayei Adam (32, 170), Shu"t Ba'er Moshe (vol. 7, Dinei Bnei Eretz Yisrael pg. 208 s.v. y"o), Shu"t Rivevos Efraim (vol. 4, 43, 9), sefer Olas Reiyah (brought in Halichos Shlomo above), Ishei Yisrael (Ch.25, 10), and Tefillah K'hilchasah (Ch. 15, 2, quoting sefer Dinei Eretz Yisrael U'Minhageha). Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv explicitly ruled that this includes all of Yerushalayim (Shvus Yitzchak on Purim pg. 92 and Ashrei HaIsh vol. 1, Ch. 24, 3). Although he implies that the minhag follows Rav Shlomo Zalman in an earlier responsa (Shu"t Teshuvos V'Hanhagos vol. 2, 79), Rav Moshe Sternbuch, in a later responsa (Shu"t Teshuvos V'Hanhagos vol. 4, 41) gives an explanation why the minhag is to consider all of Yerushalayim equal for this aspect. In fact, Rav Shlomo Zalman himself acknowleged that the common custom is not to follow his opinion on this (V'Aleihu Lo Yibol above).
[14] Devarim (Parshas Eikev Ch.9, verse 18 and 25).
[15] Tur O.C. 131.
[16] Aruch Hashulchan (O.C. 131, 2), based on Gemara Bava Metzia 59b.
For any questions, comments or for the full Mareh Mekomos / sources, please email the author: firstname.lastname@example.com
Disclaimer: These are just a few basic guidelines and overview of the Halacha discussed in this article. This is by no means a complete comprehensive authoritative guide, but rather a brief summary to raise awareness of the issue. One should not compare similar cases in order to rules in any real case, but should refer his questions to a competent Halachic authority.
Disclaimer: This is not a comprehensive guide, rather a brief summary to raise awareness of the issues. In any real case one should ask a competent Halachic authority.
L'iluy Nishmas the Rosh HaYeshiva - Rav Chonoh Menachem Mendel ben R' Yechezkel Shraga, Rav Yaakov Yeshaya ben R' Boruch Yehuda, and l'zchus for Shira Yaffa bas Rochel Miriam and her children for a yeshua teikef u'miyad!


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Reviewed by Jocelyn G. (age 6)
I like this book because it makes me laugh. My favorite part was when the blue team was winning. It makes me feel like I want to learn how to play soccer. It is funny because it makes me laugh when the blue team fell. I wish that I could be a good soccer player when I am ten.
I recommend this book to kindergarteners and first graders because the words are esay to read and sometimes the pictures help you to read. If you go to the park and play soccer you might enjoy reading this book.


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Finding The Right ENT Physician or Surgeon in Tennessee
Finding the right Otolaryngologist or Ear Nose and Throat ( ENT ) specialist in Tennessee can be a difficult task. With so many different doctors and physicians around, you want to be assured that you are picking an Otolaryngologist or ENT doctor (or surgeon) who is knowledgeable and is able to provide you with the level of comfort and care you deserve.
East Tennessee Ear, Nose & Throat Specialists in Oak Ridge, TN has a specialist physician or Otolaryngologist that has years of experience and will be able to provide you with the treatment you are looking for, as well as an ear nose and throat surgeon that can treat your medical needs. Their Otolaryngologist office has been in practice since 1973.
Committed to helping all sorts of patients with their ear, nose, throat, and neck problems in the Oak Ridge, TN area, the Otolaryngologist or doctor that treats you will be highly qualified and an experienced specialist physician or surgeon that has a successful track record with ENT issues. Finding an Otolaryngologist, physician, specialist, doctor, or surgeon is hard, but nothing can replace the peace of mind you receive when you find the perfect care.
Why You Should See an Ear Nose Throat Doctor or Surgeon
Seeing an Otolaryngologist or ENT physician is important because so many Americans have ear, nose, and throat issues that can only be fixed by an Otolaryngologist, physician, or surgeon.
If you meet the following criteria, you should definitely consider going to an Otolaryngologist or ENT specialist:
- First time – If you have never been to see an ENT specialist it is important that you do.
- Hearing – An ENT specialist can diagnose and treat hearing issues. Many times patients of an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor are unaware that their hearing has deteriorated.
- Allergies – An ENT doctor can diagnose the severity of allergies and treat them.
- Throat Issues – Throat problems are one of the more serious things treated by an Otolaryngologist doctor or physician. Tonsillitis and voice disorders can be very serious.


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born at home December 31, 2007 1:21 AM
8 lbs, 0 oz
Paula after St. Paula, friend of St. Jerome and collaborator with him on the Vulgate Translation.
Also in honor of the upcoming Year of St. Paul (2008-2009) to be proclaimed by Pope Benedict XVI.
"Polly" after Lady Polly Plummer of Narnia :)
Thanks for all your prayers and good wishes!


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O Hell Nah! Some Girl Finds Out Who Her Real Father Is Online! (Guess Who It Is?? You Aint Gonna Belive This!!)
Its Trash Man. Yea the most controversial dude online. Check what she has to say. Dont know if this is true or not? But those eyes def look like they are related some how. Is TrashMan really her family. One of our readers has sent us a link to Trash Man's live blog radio. This dude is crazy to be sending out messages and now has a blog where you can call him up? Check it out at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/TheDarkTrashMan/2008/07/26/Talking-Trash-3
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#neverliberal #nevermarxist
Has anyone here used diatomaceous earth?
I heard about the "dirt" awhile back ..I have a farm, and it's an awesome "sensible" dewormer. I am stocking up on it now, because I think it would be awful if animal owners were denied access to it because of some new liberal legislation. It scratches silver and copper but it worked on a rust stain on a counter in my bathe.I am enjoying this site. It reminds me of Mother Earth News *before they got "managed" by greenies.I always considered myself a "tree hugger" until the media forgot that we are all individuals and don't need to be defined.Thank you for commenting.*my opinion
I use it in my garden on my plants. Kills bugs, but you have to reapply it after each rain. I don't use chemicals so this helps. Also use Pulverizes Clay on my apple fruit trees, same thing though after each rain you have to reapply.
It breaks up clay?I've used gypsum, or old sheet rock to break up clay, but I'll have to try diatoms next time.Thanks for the tip...


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Prof. Walt's discussion (click above link) is over the Obama administration's recent pronouncements on the settlements. We essentially agree but he's more polite and erudite about it than I.
In my view this is a lot of heat without much light. Big wow! The US is finally getting tough on the Israelis - woo hoo! What amounts to a simple reiteration of long standing US policy vis a vis the illegal Israel colonies (sorry, can't call them settlements - too dignified - lets call a spade an effing shovel) in the West Bank to generate this kind of twittering (not the electronic kind - the old fashioned OMG did you hear what he said cocktail party kind) just shows how low the bar has sunk. This is pitiful. The notion that the Obama administration is getting all steely eyed is nonsense. Look, the Israeli power structure of Labor/Kadima/Likud are no more interested in peace than Phillip Morris is interested in getting out of the tobacco business. The status quo is too profitable and besides making tons of money at US taxpayer expense the goal is to completely cleanse Eretz Israel of non-Jews leaving a democracy for one religious group. Tell me how that is so much different than Iran?
It started in '48 with the official stated policy of Ben-Gurion and the Zionists to cleanse the land of Palestinians (mainly Muslim and Christians while enlisting the Druze for inside assistance) and everything that has occurred since has been in the furtherance of that goal. Witness the current cleansing of East Jerusalem and the presence of 300,000 rabid fundamentalists in the West Bank. I'll believe that the administration is finally getting tough on these right wing war criminals when we withhold a couple billion dollars of the several billion we ship over there each year. Now that would make front page news.
And while he's at it he should get tough on our own right wing war criminals.
Still its better than Bush - which is about the same thing as saying its better than nothing.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
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