text:
To the young man in the red dress
and sneakers
at Kenwood Theater in Cincinnati last night:
I noticed you at the candy counter as I left the theater. I noted your dress right away. And that you're a guy. Admittedly, I don't understand why you were wearing a dress…but it's really none of my business, is it? What is my business is how I treat people, and I can't stop thinking that I let you down.
This morning I was thinking about you, so I prayed.
I prayed…
…that you are grounded in who you are and know that your individuality is a gift.
…that you have people in your life that love you and embrace you.
…that you not edit yourself because of unsolicited, outside noise.
…that you know you are enough, exactly as you are.
…that you understand that peoples' misunderstanding of you is more about them than it is of you.
…that you know you are a child of God and every last detail about you is intentional.
To the two middle-aged, conservative looking women who were blatantly rude to you, I prayed for you this morning, too.
I prayed...
…that you remember the young man in the red dress is someone's son, someone's grandchild, and isn't deserving of your public or private ridicule.
…that you stop and really think about your impact on the life of the young man you casually cut down in front of others.
…that you recognize your behavior was that of a bully, and going forward you practice kindness and compassion.
…that last night was a turning point in the way you see and treat people who are different than you.
I'm sorry I didn't say anything last night.
I regret that.
I was focused on leaving. The lobby was loud and bustling, and the situation didn't quite register until I reached my car. Did someone speak up on your behalf? I hope so. I wish it would have been me. Next time, it will.
Hang in there.
Remember that you count just as much as the next person, regardless what they wear or how they look. Stand tall in your different-ness; it takes courage to be unique and the world desperately needs people brave enough to be different. Just. Like. You.
an understanding lady that doesn't exactly understand, but wants to do better and be better
Tattooed trailblazer
I've been having so much fun working on my newest book project taking a closer look at people and their tattoos . Here's a sneak peek at one of my new tattoo'd friends!
Meet Mackenzie...a cool girl who happily marches, er, hikes to the beat of her own drum. She's a Greenpeace trained, obsessive enthusiast who loves the outdoors like nobody's business and lives a well-intentioned life. Mainly outside. If you live on Cincinnati's east side and own a pair of Chacos you got from RRT in Old Milford, she probably sold them to you. Pigtail braids with a hint of pink and a confidence that defies her 23 years, Mackenzie is saving to hike the Appalachian Trail next summer. Alone. Nine tattoos decorate her body: a whole chest piece of a mountain and river view, the word: amor, the Cincinnati skyline, the beginnings of a dixieland band ensemble, and what I found most interesting, a tattoo of the molecular structure of dimethyltryptamine. It's a simple molecule that our bodies release when we dream, AND it also happens to be present in every other living thing on earth. Dreaming trees? Interesting, huh? Like I said, girlfriend is in tune with nature. Go buy some outdoorsy stuff at RRT and see for yourself. Or if you want to live vicariously through this adventurous pioneer lady and be a part of her trek on the AT, throw a couple bucks her way at https://www.gofundme.com/katahdinorbust.
Determined to take my house back at the beginning of 2016, I wrote a letter to my daughters highlighting expectations about their contributions around the house and answers to their questions of "my friends don't have to do any chores, why do I?" My husband suggested I post the letter as a blog, because surely we aren't alone in our parenting fails/insecurities/worries. I'd love to know what others are doing to prepare their kids for life.
One thing I've noticed that my kids respond to is frank conversations about life. My life: past, present and future. Their lives: past present and future. They like to hear that I wasn't perfect as a teenager and that I've flunked a test before. They need to know that when they become adults, they will struggle, make mistakes and have fears...and that it's perfectly normal. Oftentimes we shield our kids by presenting this seamless utopia of adulthood when we should be letting them see how we mucked something up or stood tall (or didn't) in the face of adversity or that we worked through something that was really, really hard and it made us stronger.
I'm not saying tell your kids everything...no...that would be bad. But if our kids see the adults in their lives being vulnerable and transparent, won't that give them a better chance of being vulnerable and transparent too?
Before I digress any further and forget about the topic at hand...the letter.
Disclaimer: I do not fancy myself a parenting expert. At all. I'm more of a parenting student. Some days I skip class, while others I'm on the dean's list. Most days are somewhere in between.
Sydney and Avery,
I wanted to write this all down so I could get my point across completely and fully, and also so you would have the opportunity to process my words before we talk about them.
I have been very frustrated lately, as I'm sure you've noticed, about the effort and care you put into doing chores, taking care of your personal items, and our home. I also feel badly that Dad and I have done a poor job teaching you the skills you need to manage your use of technology. It's quite possible that we didn't clearly lie out our expectations, and that is on us, not you.
Going forward, our expectations should be very clear to you. If they aren't, please ask questions to clarify.
When you are asked to do a chore, we expect that you will do it to the best of your ability. We want you to take pride in your work. I know you think it's silly to take pride in vacuuming or wiping off the kitchen table, but it's more than a clean floor or table to us. We ask you to give your best because nurturing this habit now will pay off in incredible ways throughout your life. How? By simply doing things properly and with care, you will earn the respect of your peers. I'm telling you, people will take notice. You'll be considered for privileges that others won't. You'll know how to do things that will allow you independence. All because you took the time to do something right the first time around. It matters.
You are fortunate to have nice things. Take a moment and think about this. All of the clothes, trinkets and technology that have been entrusted to you are enormous blessings. We expect that you'll take care of what you've been blessed with. You wanted, and in some cases, begged, for some of these things, and when we see them crumpled in a heap on the floor it's very disappointing. You send a message every time you toss your coat, backpack and/or socks (oh, the socks!) on the floor that you don't appreciate what you have. I want you to develop an awareness that you have more than most kids in the world. No, it doesn't always feel that way, but it's a true statement.
I want you to think about why it's easy to not take care of your belongings.
Did you think having X, Y or Z would change things somehow and make you feel like a better version of yourself? It's a trap and a lie that we tell ourselves and it never works out...in which case it makes sense to me why there are things on the floor. They weren't as satisfying as you thought they'd be. Be honest with yourself about your motives in wanting things. The longer you ignore those motives, the harder they are to face. Trust me, I know this firsthand.
The other message you send when you leave piles of your stuff throughout the house is that you don't respect our home or the efforts that have been made to make it a nice home for our family.
Time, effort and planning have gone into creating an environment for you two to flourish and grow into who you were meant to be. We work hard (happily), to make this happen. We open our doors to your friends so you all have a safe place to be teenagers. You have done a wonderful job picking your friends, by the way, and we love when you are all here.
It's our expectation that you will use technology as a tool to further your education, to communicate appropriately with your friends, and as entertainment. We like watching funny things on YouTube, too. We totally get it. You may watch one hour of Netflix or non-homework related shows/videos, etc… per day. And not in your bedroom. I know this is unpopular, but this is one of those times when you have to trust that we have your best interest at heart. Think about your 80-year-old self, looking back on your life. Will she be bitter that she didn't get to spend more time scrolling through other people's experiences, or will she be satisfied with her own? We only get one shot at life, and to waste it is a shame. These are the things that everyone who spends time on technology needs to consider, not just you. So please spend some time considering it.
We also expect that all technology will be charged at night in the charging station in the family room, including weekends. At your ages, your sleep is so important, and we love you enough to accept that you'll be mad about this. If you can continue this habit of unplugging in college and beyond, you'll be amazed at how much freer you will feel than your peers, who are slaves to their technology. It might not seem like a gift, to have you relinquish control of your devices at night, but it is. We want you to enjoy your own company. Being alone with nothing to entertain you enables you to think your own original thoughts. It gives your mind the opportunity to wander. When was the last time you sat comfortably without a device, just waiting for someone or something?
I read an article recently that tracked a group of over achievers (like you two) who were expected to impact their chosen fields in big ways after they graduated from college. But they didn't. They ended up being good at their jobs, successful even, but they didn't make the splash they were predicted to make. Why? Because their free-thinking and creativity were never developed. They missed reaching their potential because they weren't intentional about flexing the part of their brain that goes dormant when mindless scrolling occurs. Important: this is not pressure to go cure cancer or end world hunger; it's simply something that I want you to think about. Think about how you spend your time. Be proud of how you spend your time.
Dad and I don't expect you to be perfect. Ever.
We expect that you will try your hardest and give your best in every situation. And be kind. That's it.
It's our job to prepare you for life, and our vision is to launch you off into the world as independent thinkers, problem solvers, and capable young women who are kind and fun lovers of life. Fast forward to the day you go off to college or move into your first place. As you sit inside those four walls, what kind of young woman have you become? Write it down and let's talk about what you need to do now to turn that into reality. It won't just happen...it will take work. Work that you are both capable of doing. I think you are worth it. Do you?
Love you so, so much,
A must read for parents and their teens: One girl's rise above the battle within
I am incredibly honored to host guest blogger Cameron Byers! I reached out to her a few months ago after she posted an adorable message on our neighborhood email service looking for a new home for her family's pet guinea pig, and asked if she would write a blog for me. I told her the topic was her choice, but if she was up for it, I wanted to feature open and honest thoughts about being a teenager. Lucky for me, she was. In getting to know Cameron, I've learned that hers is a story of darkness, light, strength and inspiration. Did I mention she's 16? This girl is a fighter. She's driven. She's a role model and she doesn't even know it yet.
Mental disorders are real and they are isolating and shame inducing which perpetuates their tortuous cycles. I was plagued with anxiety for over a year, I have a sibling who has near debilitating anxiety/disorders and friends who battle depression. Guess what? Most of us don't make a habit of sharing our feelings, but we should! We gloss over our struggles because we don't want to make anyone uncomfortable with our realness or are afraid of being judged. We assume that everyone else has it all together. To have a teenager offer up such transparency and vulnerability is sheer bravery. I love that Cameron is ready to start the conversation and is ready to write the next chapter in her life. I, for one, plan on taking a page out of her book and hope you will, too.
Check out Cameron's photography website here...she does wonderful work!
There are some things not meant to be said, but to be written. I firmly believe that this writing is one of those things. And so here I sit, surrounded by darkness with the exception of the glare of my computer screen.
I'm writing this because it hurts my feelings when people say that "we all have a little OCD in us". I'm writing this because people don't seem to understand that ADHD is more than the punch line of a joke. I am writing this because depression is being glamorized and glossed over and made to be a trend by sites like Tumblr.
I was in 3rd grade when I was diagnosed with OCD. My parents knew that I had it because of stupid little things that I would do, like refuse to wear socks if they didn't look and feel a certain way, or check the stove constantly to make sure it wasn't on, or when I would only do things in 3s or 5s or 10s.
Even once I was diagnosed, nothing got better. I didn't feel any different. In fact, I think that I felt worse. Then I was diagnosed with ADHD. I had trouble paying attention to anything (I still do at times) and the doctors thought that they could give me medicine to help. And it did help, until 8th grade. I don't want to write about what triggered it, but things got really bad- to the point where I self harmed. I'm ashamed of it now, but at the time I thought that I was getting rid of all of the bad thoughts and feelings. I thought that it was symbolic or something. That I was releasing all of the negative energy running through me. I still have scars on my arms to this day from it and usually only wear long sleeves now because of it. I was in the 8th grade.
Once I realized that cutting wasn't enough, I tried to kill myself. The police came and escorted me in an ambulance to the hospital. I went to the Lindner Center, a very helpful and kind spirited place. However, they could not help me because I didn't think that I needed help.
I went home and almost immediately resumed self harm, and a year later tried to kill myself again. I took a bunch of pills, but once I started getting dizzy, I ran to my parents' room and they rushed me to the hospital. Once I was stable, they took me to another mental health facility. I re-heard the things that I had already been told at the Lindner Center, but I acted interested this time because I didn't want to have to come back. I wanted to go home as soon as possible.
When I went home, I resumed self harm. Nothing was getting better. My grades were at an all time low and even to this day have ruined my chances at getting into my dream school. I was blaming the world for everything that was happening to me and I really thought what I was doing was the right thing to do. I didn't think it was wrong. "As long as I don't kill myself…" I would say.
Besides, who was this hurting besides myself?
Actually, a lot of people. My parents were losing sleep and my siblings lived in constant fear that one day I wouldn't be alive anymore.
Eventually I realized that no one else could help me if I didn't want to be helped. I had to make that decision- did I want to get better? I thought, "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I want to be happy again?" But something in me wasn't ready to let go of all of my anger, fear, and sadness. Then, one day, I was just ready. I didn't want to live in constant misery anymore, but I didn't want to die either. I wanted to get better, and only then did I start to improve. I realized that only I could truly help myself. My journey to recovery was one that I had to take alone.
It was a long journey- and one that, even now, is not over. I felt trapped and thought that I was destined to live like I had been for the past 16 years, for the rest of my life. But then, after much self discovery, I realized that there is more to life than my town's little bubble. I always felt caged in because I live in a small town where everyone knows everyones' business. For a while, I thought that it was like that everywhere- and that no matter where I went, I would never truly be free. I felt confined, like I was doomed to live in my town's bubble forever. Then I realized that I could have a future outside the bubble- that it was not like this everywhere and that I could be successful and leave everything bad behind.
I realized that my looks do not define me, but the content of my character does. So I sought to improve who I was. I started volunteering, I rescued a dog, I took many jobs, I took up new hobbies. My grades sky rocketed. My mental and physical health improved immensely. And it was all thanks to me- to no one else. I had to want to change, and once I realized that I did, the rest came naturally.
I am now in one of the happiest places that I have been in my entire life. My future is looking brighter and I am so much more involved in my community. My grades are still not ideal, but they are getting there and thanks to that a lot of good colleges have taken an interest in me- schools far away from this cold weather!
Had I succeeded in either of my suicide attempts?
I would not be here.
I would not have rescued my beautiful dog.
I would not have realized how much I am loved.
I may not have found my passions.
I would not have seen how bright my future is going to be.
My intent is not to inform you about me, but to instead show you what self realization did for me. It can do it for you too. Don't give up hope, because when you hit rock bottom, you have nowhere else to go but up.
Live every day with purpose and soon you will find yourself doing it naturally, and after a while- who knows, maybe you might actually find out what your purpose really is. Mental disorders are real, they are abundant, and I am not the first (nor the last) to be in this position.
But we can fight this battle together; if we all love each other and treat one another with kindness and respect we can achieve happiness. Most importantly, we need to realize that there is more to us than our high school years. We need to realize that there is life after high school and outside of our towns, that soon we can do whatever we want with our lives. Please just wait it out, and don't do anything impulsive. Because, who knows? You could end up being president. An astronaut. A movie star. Anything you set your mind to- but you (and only you) can do it. You have to want it, you have to work for it. You are the love of someone's life. You are someone's daughter or son. You are someone's role model. You are more than who you see in the mirror. You are powerful and you can be anything or anyone.
No one can define you but you.
Don't let anyone tell you who you are.
Treat every day as a gift- because it is one.
Don't take your life because you're having a hard time now- remember, there is always a storm before a rainbow comes.
-Cameron Byers
Cameron, on the other side of the camera, with her family dogs, and rescue, Molly.
To the young dad who took his little girl to the Ed Sheeran concert in Cincinnati last Thursday night…
I was with some friends tucked way in the back, behind where you were sitting on the lawn. As I settled in, I saw you and noticed you with your daughter and your black t-shirt, ripped jeans and pierced ears.
The music started and Ed pulled off a good show, but the show that you and your daughter put on was much more memorable to me.
The gentle way you sat there with your sweet little girl and experienced the music with her was heartwarming. She knew all the songs and I got to watch her sing and dance, all the while never losing contact with you, like you were home base. Clearly that's what you are to her in more ways than one.
I noticed you held her up so she could see the jumbo screens. When you did, she looked you right in the eyes and sang to you. I could tell how much she loves you. You held her up for a long time; your arms must have been tired. But you held.
I noticed that you didn't spend any time looking at your phone or drinking beer—which is what so many of your peers were doing that night. Instead you looked at your daughter and filled her up with a wonderful gift: Your presence and your undivided attention. You made that night all about her and she had so much fun.
Earlier when I said that I saw you, I really didn't see you at all. I missed the opportunity the first time around. But you were kind enough to give me another chance, and as the night went on I definitely saw you. Your actions spoke volumes.
I could go on, but I wanted to just thank you for the show and for being a great dad to your adorable girl.
Ed rocked… but young guy who took his daughter to see Ed Sheeran, you were way better.
God Bless.
Listen to my radio interview about this blog post that aired on Cincinnati's Q102, 9.23.15.
TBT-Stuck In My Story
TBT to a blog I wrote June of 2013. It took me two (LONG) years to get unstuck. Even with all the tools and knowledge and effort...I was a tough nut to crack. But I cracked and broke and honestly, I'm glad I did. I was like that fancy vase that only gets brought out on special occasions. The one that only sees the house when it's clean, the people when they are at their best and the food when it's company worthy. The vase had a skewed view of life and got wrapped in tissue and put away when the party was over. It wouldn't know what 'real' life was like because it never had the chance to be a part of it. I did that to myself. I protected myself not with tissue, but with a layer of distance from people because I was afraid they would see the imperfections and chips when they got too close. I told myself lies about other people's perfect lives and how mine could never stack up.
The blessing of being broken though, is that it's hard to hide. So I took a leap and bared my ugly scars. What I learned though, is that my scars aren't ugly. I know in my heart they are the most beautiful thing about me. And if I was uncertain, the outpouring of love and support I received after I debuted my scars set it in stone. Thank you kind people for lifting me up.
If you are stuck, take heart and stand tall. Please reach out to your people and share your struggles. Don't fear vulnerability. It puts you in community with others. Fear false strength that keeps you alone.
PS-Don't have people to call? Now you do...you can call me. :)
Stuck In My Story
Have you ever been in a rut? I've been in one for a while, but feel like I'm getting close to a transition. I'm on the cusp of moving in a new direction, putting a new spin on my life, but I keep falling back into a holding pattern.
So I go to that middle place for a while, then begin the climb again. Backslide, then climb. This holding pattern is no stranger to me and I'm learning, albeit slowly, about what makes it tick.
The holding pattern keeps things simple. 'Status Quo' would be its mantra. It has a negative attitude about change, and repeats 'What if?' constantly, like a toddler asks 'Why?'.
'What if I have to go back to work, I will miss out on so much at home.'
'What if we have to sell our house, won't neighbors judge?'
'What if we move to another state, will I be lonely and alone?'
'What if my writing projects aren't successful, will people think I'm a joke?'
The holding pattern can find a dozen reasons not to pursue something...it's too hard, you aren't smart enough, it will never work. It prevents me from failing and protects me from hurt. What I realized though, is that the holding pattern 'protects' me from success too. It holds me back from living a full life, from experiencing the highs along WITH the lows.
You guessed it, I am the holding pattern. Status quo? Yes please! Change? Yikes, no way! I seem to be my own worst enemy. I am living in this middle ground that isn't really living. I'm just sort of waiting, but for what, I don't know. I've been doing this for so long now, that it is all I know. I am stuck in my own story. Half of me is methodically working on getting unstuck, and the other half is feverishly putting on the brakes and holding on for dear life. I am at odds with myself. Fear is running my show.
I have spent years trying to figure out just who I am, and time after time have come up empty handed. I feel like a blank canvas that is being wasted. No masterpiece is being created. Instead, the space is being filled with scribbled out do-overs, well meaning to-do lists, missed opportunities and false images of what I think I SHOULD be. Precious time wasted...posturing and people pleasing, but not being me.
Time to stop the madness and put an end to my journey/quest/search to 'find' myself. A-hem, I'm right here by the way. I have the sole authority and responsibility toCREATE who I choose to be. This is purposeful stuff, nothing is floating out there somewhere waiting to be discovered. It is all right here, WITHIN me, waiting for me to tap in and start the show.
It is time to break free of my story and create a new one. I need to start answering the 'What if?' questions.
What if I have to go back to work? SO WHAT?
Seriously, millions of people do it everyday and live to tell about it. My world has become a tiny little bubble and breaking out of it would be good for me. Financial security is NOT overrated.
What if we have to sell our house? SO WHAT?
Downsizing is not a character flaw. I can make a home out of a cardboard box if I have to. I'm good at stuff like that. My family under one roof = HOME. Period.
What if my writing projects never take off? SO WHAT?
I have enjoyed every moment of these projects and experienced clarity and confidence in myself. Writing is cleansing for me...sort of like free therapy, and who would pass that up? Most importantly I need to remember who I am doing this for anyway. Oh yeah...ME.
So is being a failure better than living in the unknown? Uh, yeah. Trying is living, and the alternative is the holding pattern where nothing happens. I'm tired of waiting for my life to happen TO me, I'm ready to join the ranks of those that MAKE things happen. Of course I'm still afraid, it's just that now I'm ready. Ready for a challenge and change. Ready to embrace the unknown instead of obsessing about it yet avoiding it at the same time.
Remembering though, that Rome wasn't built in a day is key. This is a process of baby steps interspersed with some calculated leaps. There is a fabulous Theodore Roosevelt quote that resonated deep in my core. Before I share it, be it known that normally I am a sharer of quotes from inane things like bad movies, cheesy sitcoms ('We were on a break!') and pop songs, NOT quotes from past presidents. So you know this is going to be good. Prepare yourself.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, ...who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
Wow. Teddy and I could have been friends. This says it all...the ones that make the effort are worthy of credit, EVEN IF THEY FAIL. And guess what? They will. I will, you will, we all will. Success wouldn't exist if there was no failure. And I love that he references the middle place, it is strangely validating, mainly because I have spent so much time there. But I refuse to be that middle person anymore, I'm hungry for the victory but i'm also ready for the defeat too. Mainly, I want to be in that arena.
I want to kick the unknown in the you know what, knock it to the ground and march my way into my wondrous future...flaws, fails and all.
No more holding pattern, I'm ready to fly.
It's Okay Not To Be Okay
We are bombarded daily—hourly even—by images of our friends, family and neighbors' happy vacations, accomplishments, perfect meals, perfect children and perfect lives. Glaringly absent is the daily grind and real-life struggles that I know people are experiencing, but not discussing.
Until now.
Recently I have felt pulled to share my own issues but have been a big fat coward about TMI and judgment. Now that I can see light at the end of the proverbial tunnel of my own odyssey, I'm ready to share, with the hope that my experience will help another's journey be just a little shorter.
In 2006 I had a miscarriage that set off a series of weird events that set the tone for the next nine years of my life. Exactly one month after the miscarriage, I found myself hospitalized for ventricular tachycardia—a heart arrhythmia that popped up from seemingly nowhere and rocked my world. Heart monitors, cardiologists and ER visits became my new normal. But I slapped a happy face on, as I do, and thought: I can handle this.
Then, a call from my OB revealed that there was suspicious tissue during the post-miscarriage DNC—could be a weird form of cancer. Say what? Six months of regular blood tests would show if that's what it was. Passing anxiety. I can handle this. PS-no cancer.
Time passed with financial struggles, but life was good. However, I was not. I had allowed insecurity to take up permanent residence inside of me. I was too afraid that the real me wasn't enough, so I was a version of myself that I thought would be acceptable to others. I found that I didn't know who the hell I was anymore. Like a ship without a sail, I was a woman without any rudders. Directionless, I spent hours pondering my purpose. As demonstrated though, I'm a scaredy-cat, and a life with purpose is one that includes risks. Risks that I wasn't brave enough to take. It made me sad that no one really knew the real me. But I put on a happy face. I had passing anxiety. I was getting by.
Hubby took a job out of state, started commuting during the workweek. He became distant at home as work pressures pushed him to his absolute limits. This meant that I did life alone with our two kids for a year or so. That I could handle. What was hard was the distance between hubs and me even when we were in the same room. I was lonely and sad. I was invisible and taken for granted. I wondered if it would be better to not be married to him anymore. Lingering anxiety, but I kept going. Happy faces are my specialty, after all.
Job blew up and hubby came back literally and figuratively. We were working on us. There was light.
Our annoying and beloved and stinky lab, Elvis, got sick on a Sunday and by Thursday I found myself alone at my vet, petting that dog who loved me, until he took his last breath. I was shattered by that loss and that's when all the hairline cracks that had been quietly forming inside of me, broke from the pressure. I was broken.
And then, that's when things got really bad. Migraines led to an MRI for hubs and a Sunday afternoon house call made by a very kind doctor taught us what a subependymoma was.
A brain tumor.
I was brave on the outside and hollow everywhere else. But like it does, life went on. Turns out, a subependymoma is the best kind of tumor to have. The kids named it Stanley, several months of follow up MRIs showed no growth, which means it doesn't have to come out. Stanley looks to be a boring tumor and we fully expect him to stay that way.
But the dam had broken and there was no way to stop the flow. ANXIETY times infinity.
Then, I decided to write a devotional of sorts, for teens. I never set out to do it, it just sort of happened. I'm the unlikeliest of people to write a book like this, but it was something I knew I was supposed to do. I was nervous that the churchy people wouldn't think I was churchy enough and that the non-churchy people would think I'd gone overboard. More ANXIETY.
And the cracks. They were wide open. I was wide open, but closed off at the same time.
I mistakenly thought that keeping all my lovely reality inside made me strong. Really, it just showed how stupid I was. It's ironic because Glennon Melton is a hero of mine (read her book, Carry On Warrior, it will tear you up and put you back together in one sitting), and she openly shares her bad choices and wrong turns. I never once judged her…actually, her bravery made me love her more.
So I carried around this mental roadblock that wouldn't let me be vulnerable, and I missed out on getting carried by those around me. My people would have been excellent at it too. I'm sorry now that I robbed them of the opportunity to hold me up.
My doc, after a year, convinced me to see a therapist, and to take something for my anxiety. I sat on that therapist's couch and cried. And cried some more. I felt like I should be able to pull myself up by my bootstraps and shake it off, but that wasn't happening, so I agreed to take some anti-anxiety medication. After a week of walking around like a dazed junkie, I decided I'd rather feel the anxiety than feel drugged. My doc prescribed a low dose of something else and then the hallelujah chorus began singing and the world got lifted off my shoulders. I found myself after all those years. I am finally, freaking me.
Hubs asked me the other day how I felt and I said, "I'm so happy. I'm laughing at things." I'm generally not a laugher. But maybe I am and I just haven't for so damn long that I forgot I was.
So, today. Today is the day I share because I want everyone to know—it's not weakness, but an act of sheer bravery to admit that your reality is hard. Asking someone for help is a badge of honor you give them. Let your people be there for you. I have a feeling they are up for it.
As for me, I'm taking some risks with my writing and making conscious efforts to put myself out there. It's scary, but exhilarating too. Hubs is taking his twists and turns and is teaching transparency to business leaders. He's using all the things that broke him down to build others up. It's a beautiful thing.
So many of us assume we are the only ones who feel alone in the world and that everyone else has their stuff together, but really, most of us feel this way! Let's be there and be real with one another. We all have things that make us crack. Those cracks make us into who we are supposed to be, and without them, the light wouldn't shine through.
It's the combination of vulnerability and getting back up when I've fallen that has taught me that I'm strong. If I never fell I'd always wonder if I could handle things. Now I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am someone who gets back up. Me. I do. I get back up. Because I have help.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139.14
I am about the furthest thing from a doctor, but even I can recognize how undeniably miraculous it is that our bodies work the way they do. It simply can't be an accident. It's so purposeful with all the pumping and filtering and breathing that happens without us so much as thinking about it. A human autopilot. Seriously…how on earth do we work?
Like I said, I'm nowhere near qualified to answer that question, but since I have a body that is pumping and breathing, I will take a stab at 'why'.
I think God made us so wonderfully, like the verse says, so that we are capable of being wonderful to one another. To revel in another's good fortune, or to help pick up the pieces when life gets hard. He gave us the capacity to feel. Too often I find myself rushing through everything to actually feel anything, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm in really good company. You know who you are.
I completely take for granted that I will wake up breathing and pumping blood every morning. I think God's okay with that. What I think He'd rather I not take for granted is my ability to love, to be loved and to give what I have to offer to humanity. I have more to offer on some days, but it's tragic when I withhold, when I ignore the pull to do some good because it's not convenient or it's uncomfortable.
I'm sure you've had those odd feelings, when you feel like you're supposed to talk to someone and get drawn into their reality for some unknown reason. Being somewhat of an introvert, I get conflicted when it happens because I know it will be awkward.
I recently met a woman in the parking lot of a nice outdoor mall as I was wrapping up a shopping excursion with my daughters. Deanna was her name and she approached me and right off the bad told me she wasn't going to hurt me, but did I have any loose change? I wasn't afraid because she looked like the African American version of my 69-year old mother.
My kids loaded in the car and I told Deanna I didn't have any cash to give her, but asked what she needed. She needed diapers for her granddaughter, and she'd be thrilled with some meat to give the other three grandkids as their mother is in jail and Deanna is doing it all on her own and things are tight. Really tight.
The introvert in me wanted to get a fistful of change from my car, drive away and not think about THAT anymore. I signaled my kids that we would be going into Whole Foods (a ridiculously expensive place to buy anything, but it was my only option) and Deanna, my two confused daughters and I had a shopping experience together. It was the most proud I have ever been of my girls as they carried armfuls of diapers and oranges and other items Deanna thought her grandkids would enjoy. I think they knew somehow it was an important moment of giving for us, we who have a much looser viewpoint of tight times. And important because we showed Deanna she wasn't invisible.
I left Deanna with a hug and suppressed tears as we made our way back to the car where our shopping bags full of wants, not needs sat waiting for us. Items that seemed much less important than they were an hour earlier.
So… that's WHY I think God made us. To give of ourselves, whether it be time, money or talents, and to love as many people as much as humanly possible.
Liar Liar, Pants on Fire
Lies We Tell Ourselves
This theme keeps coming up in my life. Or maybe it's come up many times before and I wasn't ready to hear it yet.
I heard it in leadership training last month. I read it in one of Anne Lamott's books this spring. I heard it today after church from a friend describing a miracle to me. Yes, you read that right. A miracle.
A woman from my church was diagnosed with cancer and her doctors said it was 99% in her lymph nodes and said the words, "It would take a miracle for it not to be." She was at church the week before, and after a moving service people were praying around her. She confessed that she felt like she deserved bad things because of her past…a huge LIE she was telling herself that was holding her back. The people there praying helped her understand that it's not how it works. The woman was finally able to understand that her past sins were not working in a karmic way against her. The praying continued and my friend who was there said, "I saw her go limp and I knew she was healed, but I didn't want to tell anyone because they would think I was crazy." Yes. Yes they would.
Sure enough, the woman called my friend and said her results came back, her margins were clear and there was no cancer in her lymph nodes. A doctor defined miracle.
My friend was so happy (and not surprised) about the outcome, but she was just as thrilled that the woman was able to tear down some walls that she had built around herself—the lies—move forward, and grow.
I nodded, smiled and muttered one and two word sentences, because tears were attempting to pop out of my eyeballs and speaking would be the gateway to sobbing. So I swallowed the lump and pretended not to be on the verge of a break down.
I felt emotional for a number of reasons. The woman's amazing diagnosis. Hearing about a miracle—because I so long to stand inside the inner circle on this whole faith thing, but I continually find myself on the outside looking in. Because I have an ever-unfurling scroll of lies accumulating that I continue to tell myself even as I'm attempting to cross them off the list, and because I long for my own walls to crack and crumble so that I can be who I was meant to be.
Which brings us back to lies. I think there's something to this theme that is worth examining. We all have them, some screaming in their obviousness, and some we don't even realize are lies because we've been mentally affirming them for so long.
Clearly it's a process to stop the lying. Step one is to figure out what the lies are and then why the lies are. The first few will be easy to pinpoint and others may be less concrete, but still stubborn in the way they quietly undermine.
Step two is to replace the lie with a truth. Make a list with a lie column and a truth column. Go ahead, I'll wait...
Okay. Now rip the list in half, separating the lies from the truth and throw those lies in the trash, burn them ceremoniously or write them on a rock and hurl them somewhere into the stratosphere. Gone, baby, gone. Tape that list of truths about yourself on your bathroom mirror and read them out loud to yourself every day until it stops feeling weird. Then you can start doing it every other day. I mean it.
I read a quote recently that said, "When your past calls, don't answer. It has nothing new to say." That stupid message has been on repeat for way too long. Let's record a new message on the voicemail of our souls. One that allows light to seep through the cracks in the walls we have built up, and then let's take those suckers down.
The truth is, you are. You can. You will.
God bless.
Stop stalking the Joneses
Hey guys, good news! I've met the Joneses and they told me it was never a race in the first place and to stop following them. Seriously, they live a few doors down, are all about their family and don't seem to be looking around for ways to be better than the rest of us.
I think trying to keep up with the Joneses happens when we do that ugly thing called comparing. It can start out innocently enough just noticing someone's fancy house, new car, clothes, accessories, hair, body, career, vacation, social media posts…you name it. But sometimes noticing turns into wanting or jealousy instead of an observation.
I see it happening around me with kids in elementary school all the way to adults who should know better. There's this pressure to get the "thing" because the "thing" brings with it all life's happiness and contentment.
Insert screeching record player noise here.
And therein lies the rub. Because it brings only a temporary feeling of having arrived, yet becomes a reminder that we still fell short. Even though, even though.
So let's stop the self-sabotage and try self-acceptance and turn the focus inward, to what really matters. Now make a list of what really matters to you. Not to stress you out, but this is a test. How long is your list?
It should be super short. Besides humans, there shouldn't be anything else on your list that you can physically touch…because it doesn't MATTER.
People matter, relationships matter, believing in something bigger than yourself matters. Kindness and love matters and the way we treat people matters.
The Joneses matter. Their stuff does not. So back to the Joneses…the ones on my street. Like I said, they are all about their family. Just imagine if we tried to keep up with them in that regard?
Abby Messner
June 2018


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DOMA is Gone, What Effect Does it Have on Immigration?
The Supreme Court unequivocally affirmed that there is no legitimate reason for the federal government to discriminate against married couples on account of their sexual orientation. In United States v. Windsor, the Justices struck down Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which defines marriage as between a man and a woman, noting in their decision, "DOMA's principal effect is to identify a subset of state-sanctioned marriages and make them unequal."
Because of DOMA, U.S. governmental agencies handling immigration procedures only recognized lawfully married couples - Under DOMA's federally mandated discrimination, that explicitly excluded same-sex couples. This meant that gay and lesbian U.S. citizens and lawful permanent residents couldn't obtain immigration status for their noncitizen spouses. Consequently, bi-national same-sex couples were forced to choose between separation or staying together, but living in exile from the U.S. As a result of DOMA, families have been separated and lawful spouses of U.S. citizens and permanent residents have been deported from the United States.
The Supreme Court decision means that legally married same-sex couples now have the same immigration rights as straight couples, including sponsoring them for legal permanent resident or dependent status. President Obama issued a directive to the Attorney General to "work with other members of [his] Cabinet to review all relevant federal statutes to ensure this decision, including its implications for Federal benefits and obligations, is implemented swiftly and smoothly." In a similarly driven statement the Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano also issued the following statement "I applaud today's Supreme Court decision in United States v. Windsor holding that the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) is unconstitutional. This discriminatory law denied thousands of legally married same-sex couples many important federal benefits, including immigration benefits. I am pleased the Court agreed with the Administration's position that DOMA's restrictions violate the Constitution. Working with our federal partners, including the Department of Justice, we will implement today's decision so that all married couples will be treated equally and fairly in the administration of our immigration laws."
Despite the Supreme Court decision, there will remain challenges for same-sex couples contemplating the commencement of immigration procedures. Only twelve states and Washington, DC (in addition to 15 countries across the world) recognize same-sex marriage. Same-sex bi-national couples may also face more difficulties than heterosexual couples. Applications for legal permanent residence based on sponsorship by a spouse require the provision of evidence of bona fide marital relationship. These factual evidences are subject to agency review and require being able to provide a certain amount of documents or testimonies corroborating the relationship. Unfortunately, some same-sex petitioners and beneficiaries may have not disclosed their sexual orientation to their friends, family, employer, etc. meaning that a bona fide relationship might be hard to prove. For others, it might actually not be safe to openly admit they are homosexuals, much less identify a spouse. The Supreme Court decision strikes down the Federal government's ban on recognition of marriage - while it is a decisive step forward for the immigration rights of same sex couples, they might still face more difficulties than heterosexual couples.

subset: commoncrawl


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List of Plants in the U.S.A.
List of Plants by States
List of Plants Starting with the Letter
Black Mangrove
Black Mangrove Plant Information
Black Mangrove grows in the following 4 states:
Mississippi, Florida, Louisiana, Texas
The name "black mangrove" refers to the color of the trunk and heartwood. The leaves often appear whitish from the salt excreted at night and on cloudy days. It is often found in its native range with the red mangrove (Rhizophora mangle) and the white mangrove (Laguncularia racemosa). White mangroves grow inland from black mangroves which themselves grow inland from red mangroves. The three species work together to stabilize the shoreline, provide buffers from storm surges, trap debris and detritus brought in by tides, and provide feeding, breeding, and nursery grounds for a great variety of fish, shellfish, birds, and other wildlife.Unlike other mangrove species, it does not grow on prop roots, but possesses pneumatophores that allow its roots to breathe even when submerged. It is a hardy species and expels absorbed salt mainly from its leathery leaves.Like many other mangrove species, it reproduces by vivipary. Seeds are encased in a fruit, which reveals the germinated seedling when it falls into the water.The black mangrove (Avicennia germinans), is a species of flowering plant in the acanthus family, Acanthaceae. It grows in tropical and subtropical regions of the Americas, on both the Atlantic and Pacific coasts, and on the Atlantic coast of tropical Africa, where it thrives on the sandy and muddy shores that seawater reaches. It is common throughout coastal areas of Texas and Florida, and ranges as far north as southern Louisiana and coastal Georgia in the United States.
The black mangrove grows just above the high tide in coastal lagoons and brackish water estuaries. It is less tolerant of highly saline conditions than certain other species that occur in mangrove ecosystems. It can reach 10-15m (33-49ft) in height, although it is a small shrub in cooler regions of its range. The seeds germinate in midsummer, but may be seen all year on the trees. The seeds can remain viable for over a year once released.
The heartwood is dark-brown to black, while the sapwood is yellow-brown. It has the unusual property of having less dense heartwood than sapwood. The sapwood sinks in water while the heartwood floats. The wood is strong, heavy, and hard, but is difficult to work due to its interlocked grain and is somewhat difficult to finish due to its oily texture. Uses include posts, pilings, charcoal, and fuel. Despite growing in a marine environment, the dry wood is subject to attack by marine borers and termites. Like many species, it contains tannin in the bark and has been used to tan leather products.
Media related to Avicennia germinans at Wikimedia Commons
Data related to Avicennia germinans at Wikispecies
More inforamtion about Black Mangrove.


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Reindeer Tote Bag
Don't go shopping without it! Show your holiday spirit with this colorful reindeer tote bag. Sized to hold your gift items, I used my Basic Purse Pattern and increased the dimensions. Nothing fussy about this construction. It sews up quickly. Download the stencils and paint the fabric before sewing. This is a simple tote that offers a happy "Noel" and "Tis the Season" greeting everywhere you go. Add optional hanging pockets inside to hold Christmas wish lists or your shopping receipts. I used an airbrush to apply the paint but you can do it with with fabric paint and brush or sponge.
Preparation & Painting
step 1 - Download and print out the stencils on heavy card stock or copy to blank stencil sheets.
step 2 - With a craft knife, cut out the grey areas. Spray the back of the stencil with adhesive stencil spray. Also spray the back of the die-cut letters.
step 3 - Cut your canvas and interfacing fabric to measure 17" X 41". Iron the interfacing to the wrong side of your fabric.
step 4 - Create horizontal boundaries for your work using 3 pieces of painter's tape. The first piece should be placed across the width of the fabric at 20.5" from the fabric's top edge. This marks the center bottom of the tote. Place thesecond piece at 17" from the top which will be 3.50" above the bottom center. This will be the base line for the "tis the season" stencil placement. Place the third tape above and touching the second piece of tape.
step 5 - To create vertical boundaries and a straight edge for the 4" wide, white vertical strip, put down three pieces of painters tape that start at the top edge and end at the center bottom. The first tape should be 2.50" away from the right raw edge, another piece 4" away from the first and the third piece 3" away from the left raw edge.
step 9 - Be sure to cover any fabric you don't want to get sprayed. Spray the reindeer and the vertical strip with White Wedding paint. When airbrushing very light colors like white on vibrant colors like red, it will take more than one coat to achieve a good white. Don't try to saturate the fabric. Instead apply a light coat, wait until it dries, then add another. Repeat until you are happy with the whiteness of the painted fabric.
step 10 - Remove the reindeer stencil. Remove the third piece of tape you placed horizontally in step #5, revealing the "tis the season" stencil placement line. Spray the back of the metal stencil and position it on the placement line with it's left edge against the left vertical tape edge. Press in place. Cover any exposed areas to prevent overspray. Spray the stencil with Black Tie paint.
step 11 - The stencil will fit twice across the bag with about 1/2" in between. When the first spray is dry, pick up the stencil and move it 1/2" to the right.
step 12 - When all the paint is dry remove the stencil, the four die-cut letters and all the tape.
Bag Assembly
For assembly images go to my Basic Purse page.
step 1 - On both short ends of fabric, fold under the raw edges, wrong sides together and press to create a .50" hem. Sew down the hem. Turn under again 3" and press but do not sew.
step 2- Open the 3" hem and align the raw edges with right sides together. Be sure the creases match up.
step 3 - Sew the left and right side edges of the bag with 5/8 seams, from the raw edges to the center bottom. Finish off the seams with a serger or a zigzag stitch to prevent fraying.
step 4 - Bring together the bottom point of the right and left seams in a pyramid shape. Smooth layers. Press with your hands to create temporary creases on angled edges.
step 5 - Place a ruler across the layers, aligning the 2" mark with the seam stitching. There should be 2" of fabric to the left and right of center.
step 6 - Make a line against the ruler with a pen or tape. Machine stitch across the ruled line.
step 7 - Turn the bag right side out and push into the corners of the line you just sewed. This will create the 4" flat bottom for your bag. If you like a solid bottom, cut heavy card board 4" by 12". Sew a simple fabric cover for it and place it in the bottom of the bag. Hand stitch the cover to the bag's side seams to keep the cardboard in position if desired.
step 8 - Turn the hem at the crease you made in step #1. Machine stitch around the bag 2" from the top edge.
step 9 - Finish the tote by attaching grommets four inches from the side seams on the front and back of the bag. Cut two pieces of purchased leather strips to 31". Thread through the grommets and tie knots in the ends of the leather.
At Joann's
- 17" X 41" red canvas
- 17" X 41" Craft Fuse Interfacing
- 62" black leather straps
- 4 small grommets
- card stock
- craft knife
- sewing notions
- painters tape
- 4' X 12" heavy cardboard and cotton cover 24.5" x 5"
- Repositionable stencil adhesive spray
- Metal "Tis The Season" stencil
At Testors.com
- ColorArtzairbrush kit and paint color pouches: White Wedding and Black Tie


text:
We offer free over-the-phone and e-mail diagnostics and consultation, and are currently offering a 10% discount to anyone who mentions this ad! There is no risk in contacting us, so don't hesitate to ask any questions! Look for our site on the web for more details, or contact us by phone!
© 2019 AdsInUSA.com - All Rights Reserved.


text:
The top image, from Rolling Stone magazine, has sparked a populist social-media revolution:
incase you failed to realize #TheBostonBomber is a muderer not a band & has no place being on the cover of @RollingStone
— Kelly Osbourne (@KellyOsbourne) July 17, 2013
Menino: "The survivors of the Boston attacks deserve Rolling Stone cover stories, though I no longer feel that Rolling Stone deserves them."
— Jake Tapper (@jaketapper) July 17, 2013
The bottom image, from the New York Times, didn't spark much. From all indications, of course, it's the same image. "They look the same," says Michael Wines, a Times reporter who shared a byline on the piece that accompanied the picture (Headline: "The Dark Side, Carefully Masked"). Given that the Times chose to place this sultry, flattering photo of accused Boston marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev on the front page of its Sunday paper on May 5, what kind of nasty backlash did Wines face?
When the Erik Wemple Blog first contacted Wines on this matter, he vowed to go back and check. Later he called back, reporting that he'd sifted through his electronic mails from the period in question. Results? Negative. "I went through my e-mails and I generally save all my e-mails for a long time. I don't see anything dealing" with this, he says. "I have to assume there was no backlash."
That's not to say that Wines didn't get some negative reaction to the story. In the piece, the reporters (Wines and Ian Lovett) write the following: "In sophomore year, he joined the school's wrestling team as a novice and quickly grew so strong and skillful, one teammate said, that he could take down even coaches. His teammates say they looked up to him as a teacher and motivator." Someone out there contested this depiction of grappling virtue. "He wasn't the great wrestler you said he was," says Wines, summing up the complaint. "The guy was actually a lousy wrestler."
"I don't specifically remember anybody getting to me saying this photo glamorizes this guy," says Wines.
Determined to find evidence of the public's consistency in raging against pleasant photos of an alleged terrorist, The Erik Wemple Blog turned to the Times national editor Sam Sifton. Surely he would have gotten an earful from America. Asked about the level of gripes, Sifton replied: "I didn't get a one. I can't speak for the rest of the newsroom, but I think I would have heard about it if a bunch had come in."
Margaret Sullivan is the Times public editor, whose job consists in large part of complaint intake. She had to have been overwhelmed! E-mail overloaded dysfunction! "I don't remember a great deal about it, but I remember [complaints] from a couple of readers. It is a common theme," says Sullivan, referring to the routine occasions on which the paper will write about someone who's done something bad. "I've often heard readers object to what they see as the glorification of someone who's in the news for a negative reason, whether it's the shooter after the Newtown massacre or the Boston bombing suspects, but there is often legitimate news value in using those photos."
Yup. That last sentiment says it. All those protesting Rolling Stone's use of the photo in July should be forced to declare whether they objected to the New York Times treatment in May. If not, what's the fuss?
The disparity in responses to the Times and Rolling Stone tells us everything we don't know about the impact of journalism on the public. It's utterly inscrutable and unpredictable. Timing, presentation, mood, photo-cropping, differing perceptions of the role of these two publications — they all play a role in explaining why today we have a baseless explosion of public outrage and had very little reactionback in May.
RELATED: Tsarnaev just the latest in magazine cover controversies


text: Aired 2004-05. In our time, especially since the decline and fall of Communism, religious violence has become a growth industry. Long suppressed religious rivalries and hatreds have coupled with political turmoil to create an evil stew of murder, torture and even genocide. In Afghanistan, Sudan, Bosnia, Punjab, West Africa, Indonesia and many other places the developed world has been forced to take note of desperate people reacting to their harsh life conditions with violence. In the United States, the 9/11/01 terrorist suicide bombings brought the new reality home to Americans. A growing number of people, both in the developed world and elsewhere, count themselves as "peace-builders" with a lifelong mission of learning what causes people to kill, even in the name of God, and, through formal learning, understanding and patient dialogue to help opposing sides resolve their disputes without war.


text:
Hi! I'm Nicole. I live in Philadelphia, and have been here since 2004. I'm a video editor by day, and though I've been full time at the most corporate of places, I'm now a freelancer and spend my days weeding through documentary footage or chatting up clients at a variety of production houses in town. Though I try to keep professional, I usually manage to slip up and mention my other life…. as a fire dancing circus loving crazy person. I'm one of the founding members of the fire and belly dance troupe Lux Arati, and being involved in fire and flow arts is a rabbit hole I'm steadily falling down.
When I'm not trying to learn new skills with fire or on aerial apparatuses, I usually end up watching bad movies and cheesy TV shows and making a super mess of my livingroom while trying to cobble together my latest project. But its what I like to do, so I plan to keep wrecking the place.
Thanks for stopping by my little corner of the internet! I hope you enjoy your time here.


text:
"The brightest, most sophisticated and creative people are the biggest procrastinators. Leonardo Da Vinci was legendary for never finishing projects on time and left scores of UFOs for us to wonder about. Accept your genius." - Debbie Bates and Liz Kettle
I'm willing to accept my genius, and it's nice to know I'm in good company. But accepting how many Unfinished Fabric Objects I have is a little tough.
Are there ANY unfinished projects you have that you might be able to finish by the holidays? That's THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, after all, isn't it?
Cute isn't he? I didn't dare post a photo of a fabric one or I'd risk another unfinished project, so I picked on our crocheters!
Is there going to be a chance to do something special for the people we care about this year? We have the supplies, we have the GENIUS. What about the ⌚? And if we don't find it very easy to have the time, WHAT do we do about it?


text:
As I continue to search for vanities I find that I am still drawn to creating custom ones. On the most recent Fort Pond Cottage renovation I was able to create 3—mainly due to style and size constraint spaces. The choice to create a custom vanity for the master was inspired from the clients request to use an antique heirloom mirror—I married the more formal look with a modern twist. The material is walnut — and its inspiration is taken from a mid century dresser. I worked onsite with the carpenter to hone the shape of the integrated pulls. The two guest bathrooms are lacquered white wood, simple yet elegant for beach living
Fort Pond Montauk Before and After —Dames at Sea
Montauk Downs Before and After
Furniture Design
It so difficult to find the right vanity, they either look too cheap, or they are the wrong color or style or even just too expensive. I was looking to have a real piece of mid century furniture in this very stark master suite. I came across a small vintage side table that I loved the curved handles. I thought the style would work perfectly on a bigger piece (I love to play with the scale of objects). I did a few sketches, expanding on the inspiration I found and sent it over to the cabinet maker for an estimate. I decided to use walnut since I chose walnut floors on the second floor. A carrara marble top finishes the piece. The walnut vanity is paired perfectly with the Geberit bidet. The first floor guest bathroom is playful with wallpaper created from a Dalton Portella photography of Montauk Point. This bathroom accesses the outdoor shower for this family of surfers.


text:
Books Every UNIX/Linux/AIX Person Should Already Have Read
nagger 100000MRSJ Comments (2) Visits (19032)
Yes, I admit it I am a "hacker" in the old sense of the word i.e. Definition 4 = A person who is good at programming quickly.See Hackers Dictionary below. I was think that there are certain books every one in the computer industry should have read before they can claim any level of computer expertise. If you have not read them don't tell any one and quickly get yourself a copy and read it quickly. Thumbnails are borrowed from Amazon - thanks guys and good to see all these important books are still available. My five top books all... [More]
Which browser & version for HMC and Systems Director?
nagger 100000MRSJ Visits (15642)
For Systems Director 6.2 supports Firefox 3.6, 3.5 and 3.0 - you have to be nuts to not be using 3.6 IMHO! Internet Explorer 7 or 8. See http://publib.boulder.ibm.com/infocenter/director/v6r2x/index.jsp?topic=/com.ibm.director.plan.helps.doc/fqm0_r_supported_web_browsers.html Unofficially, I find Google Chrome 12 works fine too. For Hardware Management Console (HMC) (I am assuming a recent HMC V7R7.3 level here) it supports (from the Power7 manuals) Internet Explorer 7 but says IE 8 is not supported - just tried this and the left hand menu got... [More]


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As workers in Washington were removing scaffolding from the $120 million Martin Luther King Jr. statue on Saturday, Camilo José Vergara stood on a rickety ladder in Camden, taping images of King to the windows of an abandoned diner.
From each poster, a mural of King painted mostly by amateur artists in some of the nation's poorest cities looked out at a desolate strip of Mount Ephraim Avenue in Camden near West Collingswood.
"It seems this fits King, the King I imagine," said Vergara, a photographer whose photos of these murals commemorate the 50th anniversary of the civil rights leader's march, set for Washington later this month. "He was a person for everyone. This expands the celebration, the tribute, to other areas and raises questions. You have to look at this and say, 'What happened to the dream in Camden?' "
Vergara's posters of King, who struggled against poverty and segregation, covered the windows of the historic Elgin Diner in a parking lot blanketed in broken glass and litter. A syringe and a dirty diaper lay next to discarded chip bags and liquor bottles.
Vergara, a nationally renowned artist, approached the City of Camden through a friend to showcase his posters, but when he didn't hear back, he opted to take a more independent approach.
"Putting these up in City Hall as posters standing on easels or something like that didn't interest me too much," he said. "The idea was to do this in venues you would not pick for an exhibit."
For 40 years, Vergara has chronicled urban blight through photography; along the way, he has captured hundreds of murals dedicated to King. Last month, Vergara, originally from Chile and now living in New York City, became the first photographer awarded the National Humanities Medal. He's the author of six photography books, and a seventh, Harlem: The Unmaking of a Ghetto, is due out in November.
In February the U.S. State Department commissioned 1,000 posters of his mural photos to be sent all over the world. His mission is to make sure they are also visible in U.S. cities where their message is most relevant.
"You get a very different perspective when you put King in D.C., in Independence Mall, where the focus will be accomplishments in the black struggle, but here in Camden, in L.A., in Brockton [Mass.], in Gary [Ind.] the questions are very, very different," said Vergara, who already has poster exhibits on buildings in the Bronx and plans for more in Baltimore, Los Angeles, Brockton, and Detroit.
Just as dawn broke Saturday, Vergara pulled up to the diner with a friend, Columbia law professor William Simon, who assured him that in the absence of no-trespassing signs their "poster-bombing" was technically legal.
Indeed, Peter Abdallah, Realtor for the property, later said he planned to leave the artwork up until the building is demolished in the next few months. The property is still for sale, but Abdallah said he was in talks with a developer to make it a Family Dollar store.
In about an hour, Vergara's team had covered the front of the diner with mural images of King from a garage in Chicago, an abandoned factory in Detroit, and even part of the "Equal Rights" mural that remains at Callowhill and Second Streets in Philadelphia.
Vergara's photos are in many cases the only existing record of these public artworks.
The representations of King reflect the communities where the murals were painted; sometimes his likeness is Asian or Hispanic. He might appear with Nelson Mandela, John F. Kennedy, or Cesar Chavez.
Passersby stopped to ask questions. A few hoped the diner was reopening.
Joseph Adams walked by on his way to a barbershop. Adams, 50, grew up in Camden and called the diner a historic fixture.
Despite the deterioration of the city, he pointed out the obvious progress in front of him. "Who knows if blacks could even eat here when he was coming up?" Adams said of King. Then he lamented a lack of leadership to carry out King's dream.
"It's alive, but we still got a long way to go," Adams said. "I think he would have tried to make it better."
Click on this link to watch a video of Vergara's installation:


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Here is a description of your company. Proin ex id consectetur lobortis. Aliquam, velit vel faucibus dapibus, augue justo ullamcorper turpis, nec convallis metus nunc vel turpis.
The purpose of the Standard Method For Measuring Floor Area in Office Buildings is to permit communication and computation on a clear and understandable basis. Over the years this Standard has been the generally accepted method for measuring office space. It should be noted that this standard can and should be used in measuring office space in old as well as new buildings. It is applicable to any architectural design or type of construction.
This usable area measures the actual occupiable area of a floor or an office suite and is of prime interest to a tenant in evaluating the space offered by a landlord and in allocating the space required to house personnel and furniture. The amount of Usable Area on a multi-tenant floor can vary over the life of a building as corridors expand and contract and as floors are remodeled. Usable Area can be converted to Rentable Area by the use of a conversion factor. The Usable Area of an office shall be computed by measuring to the finished surface side of the office side of corridor and other permanent walls, to the center of the partitions that separate the office from adjoining Usable Areas, and to the inside finished surface of the dominant portions of the permanent outer building walls. No deduction shall be made for columns and projections necessary to the building.
The Usable Area of a floor shall be equal to the sum of all Usable Areas on that floor.
The rentable measures the tenant's pro-rata portion of the entire office floor, excluding elements of the building that penetrate through the floor to areas below. The Rentable Area of a building is fixed for the life of a building and is not affected by changes in corridor sizes and configuration. This method is therefore recommended for measuring the total income producing area of a building and for use in computing the tenant's pro-rata share of a building for purposes of rent escalation. The Rentable Area of floor area shall be computed by measuring to the inside finished surface of the dominant portions of the permanent outer building walls, excluding any major vertical penetrations of the floor.
No deduction shall be made for columns and projections necessary to the building. The Rentable Area of an office on the floor shall be computed by multiplying the Usable Area of that office by the quotient of the division of the Rentable Area of the floor by the Usable Area of the floor resulting in the R/U Ratio.
The Load Factor is the percentage of space on a floor that is not usable, expressed as a percent of Usable Area. It is also known as the Common Area Factor or the Loss Factor.
Rentable Area ÷ Usable Area = R/U Ratio
Load Factor (Load) = R/U Ratio - 1
Usable Area x R/U Ratio = Rentable Area
Rentable Area ÷ R/U Ratio = Usable Area
Usable Area x (1 + Load) = Rentable Area
Finished Surface: A wall, ceiling, or floor surface, including glass, as prepared for tenant use, excluding the thickness of any special surfacing materials such as paneling, furring strips and carpet.
Dominant Portion: That portion of the inside finished surface of the permanent outer building wall which is 50% or more of the vertical floor to ceiling dimension measured at the dominant portions. If there is no dominant portion, or if the dominant portion is not vertical, the measurement for area shall be to the inside finished surface of the permanent outer building wall where it intersects the finished floor.
Major Vertical Penetrations: Stairs, elevator shafts, flues, pipe shafts, vertical ducts, and the like, and their enclosing walls, which serve more than one floor of the building, but shall not include stairs, dumb-waiters, lifts, and the like, exclusively serving a tenant occupying offices on more than one floor.


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Event video
IBM needed to introduce a new engineering service that improves on the traditional waterfall development lifecycle by introducing process checkpoints on a continuous rotation. Could be a dry topic, but I figured that skeptical engineering audiences might need creative vignettes that tell an authentic story for it all to make sense.
Animated video
Client: "I'm looking for something that gets to the heart of these IT guys' lives and the manic energy that radiates throughout the team during an IT emergency."
Animated video
Lenovo wanted to introduce a new software product called Airstack to help companies organize and share software across the business. The resulting explainer video was short, sweet and got some wheels turning.
Integrated campaign
A scandal with Wells Fargo Bank spurred Coastal Credit Union to re-establish their brand as standing in opposition to the mistreatment and exploitation that can often occur with big banks. I helped develop a new brand platform called "Bank Better" – and created a fully integrated campaign that offered people a "better way to bank" and outlined the clear differences between Coastal and the disappointing status quo from banks. See the campaign website here.
We all know that NC State University prepares students for life. These print ads aim to tell another part of the story -- that NCSU creates innovations to make people's lives better.
Videos + social
This campaign for the Hopscotch Music Festival taps into what makes people want to be a part of the festival experience: new sights, infectious sounds — and a weird, intangible spirit.
Integrated campaign
IBM z Systems hardware (also known as the mainframe) was about to turn 50. For their product launch of the new z13, I helped them use this celebration as way to highlight 50 years of innovation for its audience of business leaders, analysts and IT leaders. For these people, some of whom may look at the mainframe as outdated, the challenge was to shape perception and explain z's context in the new digital economy across the categories that tech people care about — cloud, mobile and analytics. Through an integrated campaign that included a documentary film, technical highlight video, infographics, animations, customer reference videos, sales enablement assets, outdoor assets, and various web and social assets, IBM was able to speak to the audience in a way that was technical, informative and engaging — ultimately educating businesses on z13's added value and driving them to buy. The result was a significant increase in market share, plus 118% year-over-year growth. And a handful of content marketing awards (MarCom, Stevie, AVA Digital).
Creative brief strategy = the quietest dishwasher on earth.
The challenge was to frame health insurance as being a dependable, stable part of your life to younger people who may be skeptical of their need for insurance. The resulting ads for BCBS show that a life lived to the fullest requires support that's there when you need it.
Trade magazine
Wrangler wanted to enter the home furnishings game. Step one: acknowledge the denim elephant in the room.
Integrated campaign
These TV spots from Progress Energy (now Duke Energy) show that saving energy and money is a good idea — even your appliances think so. Other elements in the campaign (magazine, newspaper, web) deliver savings advice in the form of "tips."
TV + radio
Hasbro wanted to tap into the fun people remembered from playing their favorite childhood games -- and let them know they could now play those games again, online. The resulting TV and radio campaign captured that infectious energy of playing games and crushing your friends and family.
Animated video
Physicians Pharmacy Alliance (PPA) — an integrated pharmacy services organization — needed to show they understood the difficulties of providing care to the chronically ill, a population whose medication non-compliance drives up medical costs to over $290 billion a year.
This brand manifesto video was developed to show PPA's perspective on how physicians and payors can work more collaboratively to help improve the health of and drive down costs for the chronically ill. As a first communication, this video was an educated and energetic way to show how PPA can work to help bridge the gaps in a broken healthcare system.
Performing arts centers need a big hook to get butts off the couch. These newspaper ads for the Progress Energy Arts Center grabbed audiences with unexpected, tongue-in-cheek humor -- and boosted ticket sales in the process.
For an internal-facing video to highlight Cisco collaborative communication technologies, we told the story of Callie, a 15-year-old with leukemia who had received a bone marrow transplant. Because she had to be isolated for months, she would have missed out on much of her everyday life. Cisco stepped in to help with technology that connected her to her academics and her friends — providing Callie with a lifeline to re-connect with her world.
What makes jazz music different? Melody + harmony + experimentation + catharsis + exuberance + pain + beauty, with a chord change you probably didn't see coming, delivered as a sonic message that hits you square in the gut.
Technology companies often have trouble explaining what their business actually does. These print ads were created to answer that question, as honestly as possible.
LabCorp wanted a way to talk about their specialized experience and testing services that treat each woman individually. The resulting brochure aimed at women's healthcare providers was framed around the simple idea of "No two female patients are alike."
ShelterBox is an international disaster relief charity that provides temporary shelter and life-saving supplies to displaced families. To promote a giving campaign for the holidays, we suggested that giving a gift of ShelterBox is a win-win for everyone involved.
First Citizens Bank wanted to re-imagine their online experience to attract a younger customer base. We helped them transition from a product-centric website to a customer-centric one. The new site (complete re-write and design) emphasized First Citizens' personalized support while still offering competitive and services, as well as help and advice – which helped them build loyalty with existing customers and prove credibility with prospective ones.
Interactive infographic
This interactive infographic for IBM Economic Development was created to show city and regional decision-makers how other areas have used IBM smart technology and services to better the lives of their citizens and achieve greater economic vitality. We developed this piece to work as an adjunct to face-to-face meetings -- where viewers can read as an interactive case study of several success stories, watch supporting video, learn more about the story through statistics, or download a white paper.
Animated video
YMCA of the Triangle wanted an animated video to communicate their theme — The Power of Us. Together with motion graphics studio Dash, I helped create a fun, engaging piece that spoke to the diversity and uniquely warm and collaborative experience that is the YMCA.
Video (live action + animation)
IBM's Global Business Services unit had a new way to use technology and analytics to help auto retailers capture and track sellers along the car buying process. This fun video helps explain the bells and whistles of the product and how it can help boost sales and promote customer engagement.
Magazine + outdoor
Once upon a time, cordless technology was a novel concept. Back in those heady days (1999), I developed an integrated campaign for Logitech to promote the power of cordless freedom while at Arnold in San Francisco.
This inventive campaign used whiteboard animation and kinetic typography to bring to life client testimonials about the ease and effectiveness of IBM Rational services. The resulting pieces were quick, clever and undeniably memorable.


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Dash, the breakthrough driving app for Android, has officially made its debut on iOS. Having been in a beta testing program for some time, Dash is now ready for prime time. The app itself operates much like the Android app, and looks quite similar.
The addition of Dash for iOS brings in a competitor to Automatic, which uses the same kind of technology linking. The Dash app is free, but you'll need to buy a small OBD dongle for your car. Due to some technological differences with iOS, you may not be able to use the same dongle you were for Android (if you were using an Android device). The iOS version also curiously omits the Google log-in.
If you're unfamiliar with Dash, it's an app I consider fairly brilliant. A small plug-in makes a home in your largely unused port under the dash (here are the dongles Dash suggests). Your Android smartphone or iPhone connect to it using Bluetooth, and your phone gains access to your car stats. It can tell how fast you go, how far you drive, and even monitor your car's vital stats — even those you might not have access to on the dash.
Dash also helps you find gas nearby, especially handy when you're on the run. If you need to know where you parked, Dash remembers that, too. All told, it might be the best driving app we've come across.
Dash is available now on the App Store.


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Novel House Rules
I had a fantastic day at the Scottish Association of Writers Conference on the 18th of March 2017. A workshop with fellow Dunfermline author Keith Gray took us all back to the secrecy of teendom and we delved deep into a little group editing with Edinburgh author Regi Claire.
I led a workshop based on date 32 from '52 Dates for Writers', the house-hunting date. I loved the snapshot of all the different narratives that was produced by dwelling on dwellings. At the end of the workshop, everyone wrote a set of 5 house rules for one of the homes in their story. With permission, I share a selection of these here with you.
- Don't encourage Ethan to talk to people who are clearly not there.
- Never leave the front door unlocked and never answer the door to strangers.
- Tidy up your duvet and pillow from the living room couch every morning before breakfast.
- Don't try to manipulate your father into extending your stay.
- Angelo is welcome to visit but must leave by 10pm.
Elizabeth Frattaroli
Do as I say.
Do it when I say.
Don't think you can fool me.
Don't think I don't know.
Whatever happens in this house stays in this house.
Keith Gray
- Spillages must be cleaned unless you have enough in your bank account for a new carpet.
- Dirty fingerprints will be compared with the samples held on file.
- Laundry must be collected from the utility room. Items not collected after 3 months will be bagged for charity.
- Bottles from the wine cellar are tagged.
- Parties are restricted to afternoon tea. Social media will tell the truth if you don't.
Catherine Ogston
- Please remember – don't forget, never leave the bathroom wet.
- No dancing on the ceiling.
- Please give way to individuals measuring 6 foot by 4 foot, or more.
- Leave all indoor doors that are locked, locked.
- No screaming at any time.
Martha Wells
- Anyone wearing hobnailed boots on my newly-fitted tropical hard-wood flooring will be trampled to death.
- Please leave the dishwasher stacking to my husband. He is the only man in the world with a spiritual understanding of the dishwashing psyche.
- Put the tin bath back on its nail on the outside wall of the cludgie when you've finished your ablutions.
- Don't get between the cat and its feeding bowl.
- Play nicely with the dog.
Don Wells
No downstairs food upstairs
No locking bedroom doors
No mobile phones in bed
No leaving / arriving in uniform
No English at the table
Gillian Duff
I loved the questions these little lists provoked and the way just a few lines encapsulated the atmosphere of a household, a home. Who does Ethan try to talk to? Which food is considered fit for eating upstairs, and which downstairs? Is the forbidden screaming the sound of innocent enjoyment or something more sinister? I wanted to know more about both the characters who made the rules and the often unfortunates who have to live by them.
Why not try writing the house rules for one of the dwellings in your story? These could be spelled out on the walls of the home, or in a letter to a house-sitter or guest, or they might remain unspoken - invisible rules that bind none-the-less.
Author Biographies
Elizabeth Frattaroli's first middle grade fantasy novel, 'Pathfinder 13', won the T.C.Farries prize at the Scottish Association of Writers conference last year, and she is a member of the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators and the Scottish Association of Writers, as well as Press Secretary for the Angus Writers' Circle. Find out more here or follow Elizabeth on Twitter @elizfrat. Elizabeth's house rules are inspired by her current work-in-progress, a Young Adult novel called 'Sixteen Again', a modern-day Sleeping Beauty story with a Faustian twist.
Keith Gray is a writer for children and young adults. He has published over 20 books and been translated into over a dozen languages. His novel 'Ostrich Boys' was shortlisted for the Costa Children's Book Awards and the CILIP Carnegie Medal and has been adapted for the stage. His house rules are based on his latest YA novel in progress.
Catherine Ogston writes with Perthshire Writers, has various YA projects on the go and has a short story in New Writing Scotland 35. You can follow her on Twitter on @CatherineOgston
Martha Wells is a member of Aberdeen Writers' Circle and is currently at chapter 37 of a work of historical fiction, 'Incoming Tide', inspired by the true story of her great-grandparents.
Don Wells was born in London, had his young life disrupted in 1940 by a dreadful man called Herman Goering, moved to Buckinghamshire, served Her Majesty in the Army in Aberdeen, Cyprus and Germany and finally settled in Aberdeen, where he now indulges his passions for writing, tai chi, singing and laughing. He is committed to finishing his first novel. You can follow his efforts here.
Gillian Duff is a writer, educator and businesswoman who lives in the beautiful Scottish countryside with her children and friendly Jackadoodle.
Gillian writes non-fiction which focusses on wellbeing which helps others to lead a more natural life. Her recent book on Meditation and Mindfulness is available on Amazon. She is currently working on a crime-fiction novel based in the north east of Scotland but which has its roots all over the world. Find out more about Gillian's writing on her website.
This is one of more than 100 writing exercises and prompts from the creative writing guide '52 Dates for Writers'. To purchase your signed copy direct from the author