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South China Sea arbitration: don't count on a decisive Philippines winPosted: July 10, 2016 Filed under: China-Philippines, State media, Xinhua | Tags: AIIA, arbitration, Australian Institute of International Affairs, China-Philippines relations, external propaganda, Law of the Sea, Philippines vs China arbitration, Philippines vs China case, south china sea, South China Sea arbitration, UNCLOS, UNCLOS and South China Sea, 强词夺理 1 Comment
Here's a bit of speculation ahead of the UNCLOS arbitration decision on Tuesday, written for the Australian Institute of International Affairs's website.
My argument is that, however shrill and legally unconvincing the PRC's propaganda campaign may seem, it will force the tribunal to take politics into account to an even greater extent than it would have otherwise — so expect some significant concessions to China. As Bill Bishop points out, the CCP has a long tradition of overcoming deficiencies of reason via sheer force of rhetoric (强词夺理). Of course, i could be proved wrong in short order; if so, things may get very interesting for the PRC's relationship with the UNCLOS.
I've also added in the page numbers of the article's references to the tribunal's Award on Jurisdiction. Obviously i'm not a lawyer and it's a case where the fine-grain details are crucial, so i'd especially appreciate any corrections.
South China Sea arbitration: don't count on a decisive Philippines win
AIIA Australian Outlook
July 7, 2016
By Andrew Chubb
On 12 July, an international arbitral tribunal will hand down its findings in a landmark case brought by the Philippines against China over the South China Sea issue. The decision will have far-reaching implications, not only for this contentious maritime dispute but also for international law and politics in East Asia.
United States officials have expressed concern that the decision may exacerbate tensions in the region if China responds to an adverse finding with new assertive moves in the disputed area. However, contrary to the expectations of many observers, a total victory for the Philippines is unlikely. At least some key findings will probably favour China due in part to the political interest of the tribunal in protecting the status and relevance of the law of the sea in international politics.
The case has been particularly contentious due to China's allegation that the Philippines is "abusing" the UN Convention on the Law of the Sea (UNCLOS) processes. China's subsequent refusal to take part in the proceedings, relentless propaganda campaign aimed at delegitimising the tribunal among domestic and international audiences, and its frenetic efforts to enlist statements of support from foreign governments, have created a backdrop that means the tribunal is unlikely to decide the case on legal merits alone.
Even if the merits of the Philippines' claims are strong, the arbitrators will be keen to avoid appearing to make a one-sided ruling. Instead, they will seek to make at least some concessions to China in order to neutralise Beijing's political attacks on the tribunal's authority, minimise the political fallout, and forestall the possibility of a Chinese withdrawal from UNCLOS. The latter scenario, while highly unlikely, would be a major disaster for the cause of international law, so it is likely to be among their considerations as legal professionals.
The current state of play
The Philippines has asked the arbitral panel to rule on 15 specific questions concerning the South China Sea with the aim of clarifying the limits of the sea areas that China can legally claim under UNCLOS. The Philippines' contentions can be summarised as:
- China's claims to "historic rights" within the nine-dash line are invalid under the Convention (submissions 1 & 2)
- Scarborough Shoal is not an island, and therefore generates no entitlement to maritime rights beyond 12 nautical miles (nm), such as an Exclusive Economic Zone (EEZ) or Continental Shelf (submission 3)
- China's outposts in the disputed Spratly archipelago are also not islands, and therefore also generate no EEZ or Continental Shelf entitlement (submissions 4, 5, 6 & 7)
- China has conducted maritime law enforcement and economic exploitation activities in areas where it does not have any lawful claim, thereby violating the Philippines' lawful rights under the Convention, while also violating the Convention's safety requirements (submissions 8, 9, 10, 13 & 14)
- China's massive island-building projects breach the Convention's rules on artificial islands, constitute unlawful appropriation of maritime spaces, and violate the Convention's obligations not to damage the marine environment – as do its fishing, coral and clam harvesting activities at Scarborough Shoal and in the Spratly Islands (submissions 11 & 12)
The Philippines is also asking the tribunal to order China to drop any unlawful claims and desist from any unlawful activities (submission 15).
In response, China argues that these matters are "in essence" issues of territorial sovereignty, which UNCLOS was not intended to govern, and maritime boundary demarcation on which China has invoked its right to reject compulsory dispute resolution. Beijing also argues the Philippines is legally bound by its previous "commitments" to settle its disputes with China through bilateral negotiations.
However, in October 2015, the tribunal issued its preliminary award and found that it is competent to rule on at least seven of the Philippines' 15 claims against China. In an official statement, China expressed anger at the ruling, this time accusing both the Philippines and the arbitrators themselves of having "abused the relevant procedures". Notably, however, it avoided any suggestion that it was rejecting the UNCLOS itself.
Political considerations
Numerous analysts, including many in Manila both inside and outside government, expect that when the arbitral tribunal hands down its final award, the ruling will find in favour of the Philippines.
But as Phillipines legal academic Jay Batongbacal has noted, the tribunal had a strong incentive to accept jurisdiction over the case because doing otherwise would have been tantamount to an admission that UNCLOS is irrelevant in one of the world's most important waterways, and one of its most dangerous maritime hotspots.
However, the same considerations make a total victory for the Philippines unlikely. Not only would this outcome draw even more furious political attacks on the tribunal's authority from China, a decision seen as one-sided would increase the rhetorical bite of Beijing's international propaganda.
The Award on Jurisdiction issued last October foreshadowed findings favourable to China on some key issues. For example, it noted that if China's island-building and law enforcement actions are found to be "military in nature" then it may be unable to rule on their legality as these are excluded from the Convention's dispute resolution procedures (p.140).
Perhaps even more importantly, the Award (pp.62-63) also flagged the possibility of the tribunal providing an implied reading of the nine-dash line's meaning for China: development that could effectively legalise the PRC's infamously unclear and expansive claim.
What to expect
The case's greatest significance may lie in providing the first legal precedent defining specific criteria for what constitutes an "island" (entitled to an Exclusive Economic Zone and Continental Shelf under UNCLOS), as opposed to a "rock" (which is only entitled to 12 nautical miles of territorial sea).
Previous international legal rulings have deliberately avoided this question, but the Philippines' submission has put the issue front and centre. The Award explicitly noted that "the Philippines has in fact presented a dispute concerning the status of every maritime feature claimed by China" in the disputed area (p.72). This suggests the tribunal may make the long-awaited definition. This would also accord with the arbitrators' imperative to maximise UNCLOS' relevance in international politics as it would help clarify the status of other disputed maritime rights claims in Asia and beyond, notably Japan's claim to a 200nm EEZ around Okinotorishima.
It is no certainty that this will happen. It remains possible that the tribunal would simply rule that there may exist one or more islands within 200nm of the relevant areas: a conclusion that would be sufficient to prevent consideration of the Philippines' claims against China in those areas.
Although the case is too complex to predict specific findings with certainty, the Philippines' best hopes probably lie in obtaining an explicit rejection of China's claims to "historic rights" and an affirmation that Scarborough Shoal—but not the much larger Spratly archipelago—is a rock and not an island, meaning the surrounding waters outside 12nm cannot be subject to any legitimate Chinese claim.
US officials worry that the ruling may exacerbate tensions in the region if China responds to an adverse finding with more assertive moves. Reclamation activities at Scarborough Shoal and the declaration of an Air Defense Identification Zone in the South China Sea have been touted as possible responses.
Despite China's decision to ignore the tribunal's verdict, it has major stakes in UNCLOS' ongoing viability. These include deep seabed mining concessions in international waters and its outer continental shelf claim in the East China Sea. UNCLOS is also central to China's argument that US naval surveillance activities off its coast are illegal.
This leaves Beijing in the awkward position of trying to cast itself as a defender of UNCLOS while ceaselessly attacking an arbitration process constituted directly under its auspices. The continuation or even intensification of China's political campaign threatens the global authority of UNCLOS as it seeks to divide signatory states into opposing camps. I may be proved wrong on Tuesday but I suspect the SCS tribunal's arbitrators will be only too aware of this as they prepare their ruling.
"The arbitrators will themselves be judged by history": domestic aspects of China's UNCLOS propaganda blitzPosted: June 27, 2016 Filed under: Article summaries, China-Philippines, Mouthpieces, People's Daily, South China Sea, State media, Xinhua | Tags: arbitration, contradictions, dialectics, external propaganda, People's Daily, Renmin Ribao, south china sea, South China Sea arbitration, UNCLOS, Zhong Sheng 2 Comments There has rightly been plenty of attention directed towards the PRC's furious campaign to enlist, or at least appear to enlist, international support for its rejection of the arbitral tribunal that will shortly adjudicate on 15 complaints about China's actions in the South China Sea. The latest broadside against the tribunal from the People's Daily is a helpful reminder of some domestic aspects shaping the propaganda blitz.
The wave of propaganda from China's English-language mouthpieces (and presumably those in other languages too) is certainly not receding, and in fact judging by Xinhua's Twitter stream it is gathering momentum.
The weekend just gone brought forth one of the more brazen pieces of propaganda from Xinhua, titled, Turkey agrees China's stance for resolving disputes via dialogue. Readers who clicked through to the story may or may not have noticed that by "Turkey," the article was in fact referring to Dogu Perincek, Chairman of the Patriotic Party, which has zero seats in the Turkish parliament, and who just recently got out of jail following one of Erdogan's crackdowns.
But "Chairman of the Turkish Patriotic Party" sounds quite legitimate and credible, at least when translated into Chinese. Not surprisingly, then, the story was widely publicized in the domestic media under the headline: Turkish Patriotic Party Chairman says China has no duty to obey the South China Sea arbitration ruling.
This points to the importance of domestic considerations shaping China's campaign to delegitimize the UNCLOS arbitration. As is so often the case, domestic may help explain quite a bit: the curiously un-legalistic tone of China's critiques of the international legal process, with lots of high-strung rhetoric of brazen betrayals and malicious conspiracies instead; a fixation with getting foreigners to back the PRC's position (even as the Beijing maintains its resolute opposition to "internationalizing" the issue); and a conga-line of usually obscure domestic organs lining up to say exactly the same thing, from the China Society of the Law of the Sea to the China Fisheries Association.
Besides pursuing the ever-elusive goal of "unified thinking" among party and military, there are good reasons why the CCP would be concerned about shoring up support among the general public in China. In early 2013, before the PRC had gone public with its rejection of the arbitration, about 6 out of 10 urban survey respondents indicated that they thought international arbitration sounded like a reasonable way of handling the South China Sea disputes. The article that appears below in summary translation, from the People's Daily's foreign affairs commentary team "Zhong Sheng," seems illustrative of how hard the CCP is trying to delegitimize the arbitration among domestic audiences. It appeared on p.3 of the official party mouthpiece, and became a top headline throughout the day on major commercial news portals on June 27.
The article also makes plain the PRC's heavy stake in the ongoing viability of the UNCLOS system, which has put China is in the awkward position of trying not to undermine the convention while ceaselessly attacking an arbitration process constituted directly under its auspices. This may seem hopelessly contradictory, but in the CCP's eternally-correct dialectical approach to policy there's generally a way for the party to have its cake and eat it too. In this case, the correct handling of the contradiction lies in convincing domestic and international audiences that China is in fact defending the authority and integrity of the UNCLOS by rejecting the arbitration. Not only is the Philippines maliciously "abusing" the process, and the US hegemon puppeteering behind the scenes, the arbitrators themselves are reckless and ill-intentioned co-conspirators who will be judged by history.
(Now just repeat ad nausem and — bingo! — another contradiction inevitably resolved…as long as the immutable laws of history haven't been infiltrated by those same shadowy forces who got to the law of the sea.)
Appearing next to the article in the People's Daily print version was a piece proclaiming that participants at a conference at Leiden University, co-organized with Wuhan University, had concluded: Philippines' South China Sea arbitration violates international legal principles. An English version of the latter piece is available here: Int'l experts question proceedings of South China Sea arbitration.
Zhong Sheng: China's inevitable choice of determination and capability
Top headline on Sina, QQ, Baidu, Huanqiu, NetEase news platforms under headline. "Party paper: China completely capable of towing away Philippines ship on Second Thomas Shoal"
"Zhong Sheng" begins by observing that America's pushing of the militarization of the SCS and words and deeds showing off its weaponry, have deepened China's concerns about harm to its own interests, and raised China's resolve to increase its capabilities to defend those interests.
Of course, the islands of the SCS belong to China and no country even said anything to the contrary otherwise until the 1970s. But then,
"tempted by the prospect of resources, the Philippines and other countries, under the excuse that the islands were within 200nm of their shores, attempted to using maritime administrative rights claims to negate China's sovereignty over the Spratlys. To use a common expression, China's Spratly islands were looted."
As to why the PRC allowed this to happen,
"it wasn't because China did not have the ability to stop the illegal occupations, but rather because of China's extremely restrained response. However, China has bottom lines, and no Chinese government administration has made any compromise on the sovereignty questions. Today, in the southern part of the South China Sea China does not have a single oil well, Chinese fishing boats are often impounded, and fisherfolk often detained. People should ask whether this is the 'strong bullying the weak' or the 'weak bullying the strong.' "
Since the 1960s China has settled border disputes with 12 out of 14 land neighbours. This is "the best example of China resolving disputes through bilateral negotiation, of its independent foreign policy, its peripheral diplomacy policy of good-neighbourliness, and its practice and upholding of international law."
The story of Second Thomas Shoal, according to Zhong Sheng, is evidence of China's good intentions:
"China is completely capable of towing away the Philippine ship grounded there, but for the sake of the overall situation of stability in the SCS, China has kindly and patiently waited, all along maintaining an extremely restrained attitude."
The Philippines' has openly engaged in vile treachery 背信弃义 by requesting arbitration, Zhong Sheng tells readers, for in 2011 Pres Aquino agreed to joint development and promised to resolve disputes through negotiation. But then 18 months later he wantonly filed for arbitration without even telling China beforehand.
UNCLOS article 298 provides for state parties to declare non-acceptance of dispute resolution processes, including arbitration. China did this in 2006 and nearly 30 other countries have done likewise. Thus,
"China's non-acceptance and non-participation, much less recognition, is completely in accordance with international law including UNCLOS. It is proper and legitimate, and is an action that respects international law and safeguards the integrity and authority of the UNCLOS. If the tribunal ignores basic principles of UNCLOS, and basic common sense in international law, forcing a judgement, it will set a dangerous precedent, opening a maritime 'Pandora's Box', for which the arbitrators will themselves be judged by history."
Finally, America is militarizing the SCS in the name of opposing militarization – it's America's ships and aircraft making waves there, and American officials who are "issuing evil words that destroy the peace and stability of the region."
"America's advancing of the militarization of the SCS, and its words and deeds that show off its weaponry, have deepened China's concerns about harm to its own interests, and raised China's resolve to increase its capabilities to defend those interests."
China's capabilities and determination mean that it will not compromise. However, China has no intention of becoming a world superpower, or even a regional boss.
"America absolutely does not need to worry about a strong China challenging its global interests. Ideas about treasuring peace have been handed down through the generations in China, and the gene of peace is deeply planted in the blood of the Chinese people."
China's Information Management in the Sino-Vietnamese Confrontation: Caution and Sophistication in the Internet EraPosted: June 9, 2014 Filed under: China-Vietnam, Global Times, PRC News Portals, South China Sea, State media, TV, Weibo, Xinhua | Tags: CCP Propaganda Department, China-Vietnam, China-Vietnam relations, Chinese foreign policy, Chinese internet, Chinese internet censorship, Chinese patriotism, 理性爱国, 舆论引导, 西沙, HYSY-981, internet censorship, paracel islands, Paracels, Propaganda department, rational patriotism, Sino-Vietnamese incidents, south china sea, 南海, 南海问题, 宣传部, 海洋石油-981, 中越, 中越撞船 2 Comments
Jamestown China Brief piece published last week:
China's Information Management in the Sino-Vietnamese Confrontation: Caution and Sophistication in the Internet Era
China Brief, Volume 14 Issue 11 (June 4, 2014)
After the worst anti-China violence for 15 years took place in Vietnam this month, it took China's propaganda authorities nearly two days to work out how the story should be handled publicly. However, this was not a simple information blackout. The 48-hour gap between the start of the riots and their eventual presentation to the country's mass audiences exemplified some of the Chinese Communist Party's (CCP) sophisticated techniques for managing information during fast-breaking foreign affairs incidents in the Internet era. Far from seizing on incidents at sea to demonstrate China's strength to a domestic audience, the official line played down China's assertive actions in the South China Sea and emphasized Vietnamese efforts to stop the riots, effectively de-coupling the violence from the issue that sparked them. This indicated that, rather than trying to appease popular nationalism, China's leaders were in fact reluctant to appear aggressive in front of their own people.[1]
By framing the issue in this way, China's media authorities cultivated a measured "rational patriotism" in support of the country's territorial claims. In contrast to the 2012 Sino-Japanese confrontation over the Diaoyu Islands, when Beijing appears to have encouraged nationalist outrage to increase its leverage in the dispute,[2] during the recent incident the Party-state was determined to limit popular participation in the issue, thus maximizing its ability to control the escalation of the situation, a cornerstone of the high-level policy of "unifying" the defense of its maritime claims with the maintenance of regional stability (Shijie Zhishi [World Affairs], 2011).
China-Vietnam clash in the Paracels: history still rhyming in the Internet era?Posted: May 7, 2014 Filed under: Academic debates, China-Vietnam, Global Times, PRC News Portals, South China Sea, Xinhua | Tags: Chinese foreign policy, Chinese internet censorship, Chinese internet news portals, Chinese media, Chinese nationalism, CNOOC, HYSY-981, internet censorship, Netease, oil and gas, online opinion, paracel islands, Sina weibo, Sino-Vietnamese incidents, Sino-Vietnamese relations, south china sea, Weibo, 海洋石油-981, 中越撞船 11 Comments
Vietnamese diplomats are saying Chinese and Vietnamese ships collided today in the disputed Paracel Islands, where China has stationed the massive oil and gas drilling platform HYSY-981. The incident may be in some ways unprecedented as the first time China has attempted to drill for hydrocarbons in a disputed area of the South China Sea. But it also resonates with the past in some surprising ways, from the PRC's initiation of the incident, to Vietnam's response, and even the information environment facing the two sides.
First Luo Yuan, now Liu Yuan: from one "public opinion incident" to anotherPosted: March 19, 2013 Filed under: China-Japan, Comment threads, Diaoyu, PLA & PLAN, PRC News Portals, Weibo, Xinhua | Tags: Chinese internet, Chinese internet news portals, Chinese public opinion, 罗援少将, Dai Xu, Diaoyu Islands, 钓鱼岛, General Liu Yuan, iFeng, Liu Yuan, Luo Yuan, Netease, online nationalism, phoenix, PHoenix online, PLA, public opinion, public opinion incident, Senkaku Islands, Sina, Sina weibo, Weibo, 刘源, 戴旭 9 Comments
Over the past few weeks i've counted five instances of PLA General Liu Yuan publicly warning against military conflict with Japan over the Diaoyu Islands. If this puzzled the SCMP's seasoned reporters, who described Liu as "hawkish" in a story quoting him saying, "The friendship between people in China and Japan is everlasting," it was positively shocking for many of the Chinese internet's e-nationalists. [1]
Actual serving General Liu Yuan is not to be confused with retired academic "Major-General" Luo Yuan (i'll continue to put his rank in quotes to distinguish them), who was dumped from the CPPCC this month for being "too outspoken".
That rationale was a bit ironic given he too has been oddly conciliatory on the Diaoyu issue of late. Not only did "Major-General" Luo categorically refute a Japanese media report that he had called for Tokyo to be bombed, he also seemed to deny he had ever suggested establishing a military presence on Diaoyu. And in one of his earliest Weibos, Luo raised a historical episode that seemed to imply that the US could secretly be trying to fool China into giving it a rationale for military intervention over Diaoyu:
In 1990, as Iraq massed military forces on the Kuwait border, the US ambassador told Saddam, "We do not take a position." On July 31, US Assistant Secretary of State affirmed that "there is no duty compelling us to use our military". As a result Iraq invaded Kuwait, under the belief that the US would not intervene, whereupon the US gained a great number of rationales for sending troops. From this we can see, the US wields not only high technology, but also strategic deception.
"Relax wife, the fisheries administration is here!": triumph, grief and human interest with the fisherfolk of TanmenPosted: June 13, 2012 Filed under: China-Malaysia, China-Philippines, China-Vietnam, CMS (China Maritime Surveillance), FLEC & Ministry of Agriculture, PRC News Portals, State media, TV, Xinhua | Tags: Cheng Gang, chinese fishermen, Chinese media, Chinese nationalism, Chongqing Morning News, 程刚, 羊城晚报, 重庆晨报, 黄岩岛, fenqing, huangyan island, New Express, patriotism, scarborough shoal, south china sea, south china sea fishermen, Tanmen, Xin Kuai Bao, Yangcheng Evening News, 愤青, 新快报 7 Comments
This year the PRC media have published a succession of detailed stories on the plight of Chinese fisherfolk through the South China Sea disputes.
On February 22, for example, the Guangzhou-based Yangcheng Evening News 羊城晚报 published 'More than 95% of licenced Chinese fishermen have withdrawn from the Spratlys, afraid of detention by foreign gunboats'.
There was no joy in 2011 for Spratly fishing boat captain Chen Songhan 陈松汉 of Taishan in Guangdong Province. He said that harassment from foreign gunboats had led to greatly increasing costs, declining fisheries resources, and decreasing benefits. And on May 9 last year, Beihai (Guangxi) fisherman Li Rixi's 李日喜 fishing boat was siezed by foreign gunboats, causing economic losses of 1.23 million RMB, and he told the Yangcheng Evening News he was still a long way from recovering his strength.
Following the Chinese fishing boats' escape from Philippines authorities at the start of the Scarborough Shoal standoff in mid-April, Xinhua put out some rather more rousing stories of triumph. There were numerous interviews with the returnees, apparently all from Tanmen town in Qionghai City, Hainan Province, such as this one, for which a version is available in English here under the headline, 'Chinese fishermen recall clash with Philippine navy'.
In early May there emerged the tale of more Qionghainese fishermen who had come home to avoid a typhoon, then turned around the very next day and gone straight back to Scarborough Shoal to "participate in the standoff". That story contained the rather unforgettable line, as one fisherman's wife recalled hearing her husband saying:
Relax wife, the fisheries administration is here!
This was splashed across the special total-coverage page in the May 4 edition of the Zhengzhou Evening News seen at the top. According to that story, it was originally taken from the Legal System Evening News 法制晚报.
Mid-May saw the return of Xu Detan 许德潭, the skipper of one of the Scarborough protagonist vessels, Qiong-Qionghai 09099, and who had featured prominently in Xinhua's stories the previous month. This time he was telling CCTV that he'd just brought back a bumper haul of fish, and that it was all thanks to FLEC and the State Oceanic Administration's China Maritime Surveillance force. According to the English version (here), Xu said:
Our boats are everywhere around the island, and we are afraid of nothing. The Chinese Marine Surveillance ships kept in contact with us around-the-clock.
Actually, Xu sort-of uttered words to that effect, but he didn't name either of the agencies. Instead, their names were inserted by a CCTV editor as the subtitles in this frame show:


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Ironman UK 2012
After some initial nerves at the expo, it took until I went to bed for me to get remotely nervous. I was staying with Howard and Nina for the night, and we had a nice evening meal, and Nina kept commenting how blasé I was about the whole thing. I got to bed pretty early and only then did I have trouble falling to sleep, though I think this was more to do with excitement of being back in the game again. Once asleep, however, I didn't have any issues and slept solidly through to half 3, waking up feeling fresh just before my alarm (I wish I could do that during the working week!). I wolfed down a couple of bowls of cereal, though I wasn't particularly hungry, mixed my drinks and left for Bolton.
The coach from the Reebok to T1 was a sea of nervous first timers looking like they were about to go to the Gallows. This only got worse once we arrived; of the 1500 starts, 900 were first-timers! Lots of worried faces and questions, but good to see. I slowly went through the routine of setting up the bike, which quickly came back to me, with the exception that I had put my cycling shoes in my bag to put on in T1 instead of having them on the bike – with my dodgy elbow and weak wrist, I wanted to put these on sat down, rather than struggling whilst on the bike. The wetsuit went on over the layers of tubigrip I had put on my arm and I lined up for the start, after having to get 2 people to zip my suit up…should probably get back down to 'full-time' weight, or get a bigger wetsuit! We were rushed into the water, and I got in gingerly and swam to the start line. No, grumbles for the arm – so far, so good. I put myself quite near the back, with the aim of clear water to protect my arm and waited for the start.
The Swim
With seemingly no warning, I heard the start horn and set off. Within about 30s I hit a problem. I felt good and was swimming strongly, and despite trying to hold back as much as possible in the hopes of keeping the arm for the whole swim, almost immediately hit the swimmers I had been behind. I moved over to the left and slowly overtook the pack I was stuck behind. After about 10 minutes, we hit the first buoy. As I was trying to protect my left arm from the fights, and the course was anti-clockwise, it meant I was swimming on the inside, so when we hit the buoy, it was time to suck it up and accept my punishment. Thankfully the beating wasn't too bad, and I emerged unscathed and then had a fairly good swim for the rest of the lap. I came out of the first lap in 38 minutes, rather pleased with myself, and had to stop myself getting carried away one the 2nd. This was the longest I had swum since my crash, and certainly the longest I had swum continuously since my last IM nearly a year ago. However, it felt good and held up well. By now the pack had thinned, and I only got one or two bashes on the turns and all on the right side. Coming towards the halfway point of the 2nd lap and my elbow let out its first few grumbles as it got tired. I found that if I dropped my elbow (going against every technique lesson I've ever had) I could take the strain with my tricep and remove the pressure off my elbow, so that's how I swam for the rest of the swim! At the last buoy I decided to pick up the pace to my normal IM pace and see how I held up and I felt really good, which made me think that I probably could have pushed a bit harder, but nevermind, out of the swim in one piece with my arm still intact in 1:18. Job done.
T1 was a fairly leisurely affair for me, as I had no time goals. Wetsuit off, bike socks on, bike shoes on, chamois cream, helmet, sunglasses, race belt. Stuff arm warmers down the side of my trishorts in case I got cold and replace wet tubigrip with dry one. With a quick detour to use the toilet, I jogged over to my bike and set off. Felt very odd running in bike shoes!
The Bike
Once I was through the swim, the bike was the next thing I was apprehensive about. For the first 10k me and another guy swapped turns leading out of Pennington before I let him go. I was feeling very weird on the bike: first off, outside and riding, a bit different to the turbo! Also, as my turbo is slightly at an angle, my I was a lot further down that used to, and had to crane my neck to be able to see! It's a lot easier to just put your head down for a minute on the turbo! However, despite the unfamiliarity I felt pretty good. By the first time up sheep house, I had made up a good few placings and finally dropped the chain into the smaller chainring for the ascent. Having spent the last few months on the turbo and riding around London, the climb came as a bit of a shock! It wasn't quite the 'oh, is that it' that last year's daily rides around the Peak District produced. The wrist felt weak, but I could climb out of the saddle pretty well, though did think I probably pushed it a little too hard. 6 IMs and I still get carried away…
By the time the end of the first lap had come around, my fortunes took a turn for the worse. I was on good pace, and hit 60k in a little over 2 hours, but my lack of strength was beginning to show. My wrist was now extremely weak by this point, and holding myself up on my bike was becoming a challenge, so I spent most of the time in the aero position. However, having only had one ride outside on the bike in the new position, I was not used to it, and my core strength was rubbish, so my back soon followed the wrist, followed by my neck from craning up to see the road in front of me. For now the pain was bearable but over the next 40k, it only got worse. The 2nd ascent of sheephouse really put my lower back out for a while, and the bumpy descents did nothing to help my wrist.
By 100k, I was in trouble. Trying to lighten the load on my fractured wrist as much as possible, meant taking most of my weight on the right wrist, which is bad enough at the best of times, having fractured that a few years ago. I could take the weight off both and sit on the aerobars, but my back was not happy, and neck was burning from looking up constantly. Add to this the vibrations of the road sending pains up my fractured elbow and it was not looking good! I couldn't sit comfortably in any position on the bike, and I also couldn't eat or drink anything as I couldn't hold myself up on the bike with one hand.
The final 80k of the bike went as follows: Get off bike at aid station, (possible loo break), grab food and drink from aid station and wolf down, stretch back, drink more, stretch neck, drink more, flex wrists, eat and drink more, get back on bike, feel really good for 5 mins, wait for back and neck to go again, sit up, wait for wrist to go, swear at road and body until the next aid station and repeat. It's difficult to describe how much pain I was in for the last 80k of the bike, everything hurt, and it wasn't your average dull ache, this was severe eye-watering pain that I could do nothing about with shard shooting pains every bump and vibration. I have never been in so much pain in my life. It hurt less to roll my shoulder back into place when I had fractured my collar bone and I would wake up with it sticking out and I would have to manoeuver it back into position. I have never had tears in my eyes during a race til now, but both wrists were screaming in pain. I usually zone out after the 100k mark of an IM and just get on with it, but I had a constant reminder of what I was doing to my body as my computer clicked down agonizingly slowly. Annoyingly, when my back and neck wanted to play ball, my legs felt pretty good! But my average speed soon dropped off and I rolled to the 7 hour mark. After a crash course in dealing with pain, I somehow I made it to T2 and after a bit of shuffling managed to get off my bike.
I think getting off my bike for T2 ranks up there as one of my happiest moments of my life! My mood lifted instantly and I made the most of it. I fell into the chair and emptied my bag. Thankfully a kind volunteer asked if I wanted some sun cream, having gotten off the bike I suddenly became aware of the burning on my shoulders – probably a bit late for cream but would certainly help! Blister plaster on, shoes on, fuel belt on (annoyingly missing one bottle I soon realised) and visor on. I stopped for some coke, even queued for the toilet, before putting my splint and sling on and set off.
The Run
As my muscles began to relax I felt pretty good. My elbow had stopped hurting almost immediately so I took the sling off and just tucked it into my race belt. The crowd were incredible on the run, lining all the streets to the start of the laps and it provided a much needed pick-me-up. After half an hour my legs started to return and I actually managed to pick the pace off and run pretty well! I knew it was a matter of time before my lack of eating or drinking anything, and my lack of any long runs hit me, so I wanted to make the most of it.
I played little games with myself, promising myself a walk once I hit the laps, then pushing this to an hour, then an hour and a half, and then two hours. This soon turned into walking through aid stations to allow myself to get some food on board but running the rest, and I lasted a pretty long time! Coming through town on the 2nd lap I saw Howard and the rents, and the crowds were incredible. On the way out of town, up the hill that I (and I'm sure many others) had nicknamed the ****, I saw another friend from uni who doused me in water which helped with the cooling.
At the aid stations, I generally grabbed a couple of cups of water to dunk over myself, some coke and a banana. It was starting to get seriously hot out there, and with no ice or sponges at the aid stations, the families that lived on the course that had set up a hose were gratefully received and helped cool us all down. At the end of the 2nd lap I had my first stop for a loo break and to change my socks as my blisters were starting to flare up with my shuffling style and lack of time in the shoes. After over 2 hours of running pretty well, the exhaustion began to set in and the pace dropped off. Finally on the penultimate leg into town, I allowed myself a walk up the long draggy hill from the far end. Coming back out was mentally pretty tough, as I kept telling myself 'just one more hour'. It went slowly and for the first time I was reduced to walk that didn't involve an incline or aid station. After what seemed like an age, I was trying to jog down the **** and back into town and I finally hit the finish chute:
I didn't feel anything as I ran down, though I managed to summon up the strength the high five the crowd. The overwhelming sense of relief as I crossed the finish line did nothing to set off the fatigue. I was spent and out of it, but I had finished against the odds, and ticked off Ironman number 6.
The Aftermath
Ironman is what defines me and my life centres around the challenge and has done for the last 4 years. I am yet to fully understand why I do it to myself, but I am always searching for my limits and seeing how far I can push myself, wether it be trying to perform the best than I can, or attempting stupid challenges like 3 in 10 weeks or racing with 3 fractured bones. I have to agree with one comment, that it was lunacy for me to even be on the start line, but I had something to prove and was determined to show it was possible. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best idea, but I wouldn't go back and change it. I do, however, think I have found my limit for what I am prepared to put my body through in an Ironman. At no point in the race did it ever cross my mind that maybe I should stop or give up. Not once. It may come back to haunt me at some point in the future, when I do myself some serious damage, but it never even occurred to me. I never doubted my ability to finish the race, even from the moment I crashed to be honest. I was just missing the will to finish, which was given to me when my doctor told me I wouldn't be able to. I have a complete belief in my body; I know what I can do, and what I am capable of. Sure, I don't know if I will ever qualify for Kona, or if I can ever knock on the doors of sub-9, but finishing – my body will probably give up on me before my mind does, quitting is never even a thought. I suspect this is why I didn't get nervous once I had no time goals as it was never in doubt. It may also be why I didn't get any satisfaction from the race or any sense of achievement. Even now, when speaking to people (my physio's jaw dropping on the floor when I casually mentioned I did an Ironman at the weekend when having my fractures assessed for example), I still think "Meh, no big deal".
For the first time ever in a race, however, the thought of 'Never Again' crossed my mind. I believe I have found the limits of what I am prepared to suffer, and don't think I am prepared to put my body through another Ironman untrained like this one, fractures aside. As the pain has subsided, I still want to compete at Ironman but need to achieve something, which I can't do without the training. So I am going to take (most of) next year off and race middle-distance and below, something I can race without having to worry about life getting in the way. I am currently planning on racing Ironman Arizona in November, but if this doesn't happen then I am happy not to race Ironman at all in 2013. I believe I know now what I need to do to achieve the level I will be satisfied with, and the one thing this race has done for me is to get my hunger back to train properly and get motivated again, something that has been missing since before Henley last year.
In other news, my fractures are slowly on the mend and if anything, actually did a lot of good for my wrist as it was effectively a 7 hour strengthening session! Not recommended though! My elbow fracture is taking a long time to heal (admittedly not helped by this…) but is slowly straightening out, but the winter will see a lot of time in the gym getting my strength back and working on my flexibility and the core.
Ironman UK Plan – Rediscovering My Dark Place
I go into my 6th Ironman in probably my worst ever shape and with 3 fractured bones…so not good! At Henley, I was extremely fatigued but had a massive base and was extremely fit. This time, I had a fairly good base, mainly due to 2 big training camps and as much training as I could as I adjusted to full-time work. But my plan of having a nice 6 week build were trashed with my crash and replaced by a week of nothing, 5 weeks of mind-numbing shorter turbo sessions, 2 weeks of running and 5 swim sessions… I haven't ridden more than 120k since Malaga in April, and don't think I've run more than an hour and a half since Challenge Henley!
My entire motivation for racing is to prove a point. When I first saw my specialist, and told him I had an Ironman in 5 weeks, he said "No you don't" and that was the lightbulb off in my head to complete it. But for the first time I don't know if I can physically complete it. Whilst I know I can drag my body through any amount of pain due to lack of fitness, if I cannot physically hold myself up on my bike, I can't finish. I'm hoping that somewhere under my stubbornness is a sensible voice before I do myself any serious damage!
I had a swim this morning and it was quite promising, I actually felt pretty good in the water! My arm is slowing getting stronger, and there is a hope it might last the whole swim! Along those lines, I played a visit to the Rocktape stand, and they have taped my wrist and elbow up to give it a bit of support tomorrow, so a big thanks to them! I also got out on my race bike for the first time in 7 weeks today, and I've forgotten how different it is! I've only ridden on the ISM saddle and in my new position once out of the turbo, so hardly ideal preparation! But hopefully all of those hours on the turbo will have helped somewhat. My wrist was a little painful when sat up, but I think I've found a position to hold the bars where it doesn't hurt, though I doubt I'll be thinking that 160k in!
The Plan
So the plan for tomorrow – well, there isn't one really! With no time pressures, I am determined to try and enjoy my race, so if you're out supporting and see me looking miserable, remind me that I am actually doing what I love! In an ideal world, I would like to be close to the hour for the swim, but I doubt my elbow will allow me, so if I make the cutoff, I'll be happy! I guess the bike will probably be similar to last years 6:15, though I suspect at 120k in, things are going to go downhill! The run is anyones guess! I'm hoping that somewhere in my legs is the memory of 35 hour training weeks and years of endurance, and they come through, but I am mentally prepared to hit a rough patch and visit some dark places. If the crowds are anything like last year, that will provide a much needed lift! Speaking of spectators, if you see me, I'm number 123, but will be easy to spot with my colourful tape, double tubigrips and blue cast on in the run! You can also track me at http://www.ironmanuk.com or http://www.ironmanlive.com
Finally a quote, which has become something of a motto for me:
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.
Ironman UK – Game On
So a few days after the last post, I was back in the doctors for yet more x-rays (I've had more than my fair dosage recently!) and to get the results of my MRI. I had my elbow x-rayed, which came back looking nice and calcified and well on its way to healing. The MRI results, however, put a big dent in my hopes for getting fit. Upon reading my report, my Doctor called in another specialist to come and take a look. I had done a number on my wrist, that's for sure! The full report is below, but the short version is I fractured two bones (my triquetral and hamate), bruised two other bones (trapezium, which is what was originally a suspected scaphoid with my symptoms, and my capitate). The main problem was that the MRI had picked up a tear in my TFCC, which (correct my if I'm wrong) is a group of ligaments and cartilage that holds the radius and ulnar arm bones together and allows the forearm rotation, and essentially holds the wrist to the arm. Combined with my radial head (elbow) fracture, this is what is known as an Essex-Lopresti fracture, which essentially meant I was in the splint til it had healed. The fact that it was non-displaced and the radius and ulnar were still in the right place and the different fractured wrist bones was the confusing part, which is why the other specialist was drafted in. They were trying to work out how I actually landed (I had no cuts or grazes anywhere on my arm…) as apparently a non-displaced fracture of this type is very uncommon. The plus side of the non-displacement meant I was not going to need surgery on it to put it back into place, the downside of it was I was in a splint until it had healed; any further tearing and I was risking having the two bones pop apart, which would be surgery and in a cast for 3 months – not good!
For once, I was actually good with my recovery, and stayed in the splint religiously to allow it to heal. Running was still off the cards as any jolt risked tearing the TFCC further and swimming obviously was a definite no-no with half my range of movement in my elbow still missing.
3 weeks on and the injuries are finally starting to heal, after a couple of weeks of not much improvement. The last week, things have rapidly fallen into place (which, I would like to think coincides with return to some sort of normal training, but unlikely). My legs were slowly coming back on the turbo, I was back running and still running pretty well thanks to avoiding the kitkats and excessive meals whilst injured and I even ventured into the pool once most of the movement in my elbow returned.
The first swim back was an interesting one! Tubigriped-up to the max, I tentatively pushed off with my arms in front and attempted some single arm swimming. So far, so good. I then picked up the kickboard and even that was fine until it came to turning around (one arm holds the board, one arm grabs the edge to turn, either way, my fractured wrist was going to have to do something!). After 15 minutes of single arm and kick, and no pain, I decided it was time to try using both arms…and it was ok! I had absolutely no strength, which is a really weird feeling, but it didn't really hurt! So happy!
The only concern I had was that in the evening, when for some completely stupid reason, I decided to see if I could lift myself up out of my chair with my arms (really, don't ask) to see how my wrist was. I had forgotten I had a fractured elbow. With new-found mobility thanks to my swimming, I was fine until my arm was straight enough that the fracture was rubbing against my humerus….OW! Felt like I had refractured it again, what a complete tit! Thankfully the pain was short-lived and went, and what muscles I had left rallied around to prevent me doing it again and restricting my movement to pre-swim levels.
The other concerning issue was when I was brushing my teeth. At this point I was trying to live life as normally as possible (a check-up a week earlier showed everything was still in place, the TFCC had almost healed and I was allowed to start getting movement back) so I was brushing my teeth with my busted hand. When looking in the mirror I saw my ulnar protruding so prominently I nearly carted myself off to A&E there and then, worried I had knocked it out of alignment. Calming myself down, with no pain during arm bending and wrist rotation, I could at least wait a few days til my next check up. It wasn't until I showed a friend at work, and they noticed how much smaller my arm was compared to the other one. It had never occurred to me but my muscle atrophy was shocking. If you bend your arm, you have a nice lump of muscle running down the upper arm to the lower arm – mine is completely flat and non-existent, even now after getting back in the pool and normal use! The reason my ulnar was so prominent was because I now had arms skinnier than Bradley Wiggins!
My final check-up was Tuesday, and the x-rays showed my wrist was still stable and the fractures looked good. With my elbow giving me more grief than my wrist, I requested another x-ray on it, which showed that it had not completely healed. The fracture had fused, but the fracture line was still visible in the x-ray, meaning it still had a little bit to go, probably at the top, which is why I don't have full extension yet. However, he referred me to physio so I could 'start and get everything moving again'. That was good enough to me, I had told him I was back swimming, cycling and running again, and he didn't raise his eyebrows too much. It didn't hurt, so he was happy with that, and didn't tell me I shouldn't! I neglected to mention the fact I was planning on doing my IM on Sunday, but that was permission good enough for me! Game On!
Yesterday morning saw me start to switch my body clock to IM time, and an early start saw me back in the pool 10 hours after leaving. My swim on Monday lasted 45 mins until my elbow died, but it felt OK yesterday morning. My replacement helmet also arrived this week, so I ventured out on the roads at six yesterday. It felt very alien, and very weird after 5 weeks exclusively in the TT position, but being back out on my bike made me so happy! I just have a few days now to get stregth back in my arm, and have been spending lots of time in the pool to try and build the muscle back, as well as trying to use it normally, including typing and playing xbox and guitar (definitely a medical recommendation that…) This morning was my final day of proper training, and saw me getting up at 5 for a run, cycling to the pool, having a good pool session where my arm is really starting to feel strong again, and cycling home. The grief my arm gives me seems to switch between my elbow and wrist. I think the elbow fracture has just about finally healed, and full extension has almost returned and the muscle is helping to protect it, I just hope it holds for the swim. My wrist is still very weak, so will be strapping my wrist up rugby-style, as well as wearing a double tubigrip. Day-by-day it is getting back to normal, I just hope my legs remember how to work now!
My MRI Report:
Sequences obtained:
Coronal STIR, T1, T2*, sagittal STIR, T1, axial STIR,
Scan findings:
Marrow signal is intensely increased within the triquetral on STIR, with associated intense signal increase within the trapezium and to a lesser extent within the ulnar border of the distal capitate (images 07-10 of series eight).
There is preservation of radio/ulna carpal joint space and alignment.
The TFCC is of altered signal, with evidence of a partial tear of its distal attachment to the capsule. The scapholunate ligament, lunotriquetral ligament and radioscaphocapitate ligaments are intact.
The flexor extensor tendons appear normal.
The median and ulnar nerves appear of normal signal and calibre.
There is marked ulnar sided synovitis seen.
1.) Undisplaced fracture of the triquetral, and the dorsal aspect of the hamate, with no significant displaced fragments.
2.) Associated dorsal synovitis, that may mask a small avulsion fragment.
3.) Bone contusion of the trapezium, and ulnar margin of the capitate.
4.) Compromise to the capsular attachment of the TFCC with ulnar gutter synovitis.
For clarification of the morphology of the fracture of the dorsal triquetral and hamate further, a CT may be useful.
2 Weeks On
So 2 weeks on from my crash, and I am slowly remembering how to live life one-handed again, although I am typing this out OAP-style, using one finger on my broken hand (though don't tell my doctor!). It's rather amusing looking through my old blog posts detailing my last break, and seeing how my recovery compares, and it seems that physically at least, the bone healing is following a roughly similar timescale, albeit slowed down a bit, which is hardly surprising as I don't have the opportunity to sit in the sun all day, and sleep for 14 hours a day! Mentally, the bad moods hit me a lot sooner due to a variety of reasons. When I broke my collar bone, the aim of the season was to finish an Ironman; I had the opportunity to focus everything in my life on getting healed up as quickly as possibly, and concentrating on it 24 hours a day; I was surrounded by my friends in a place that I loved (and had significantly better air quality!) and I had an excellent doctor who understood me and wanted to help me achieve my goals.
Compare this to my current situation, where I have this annoying work thing taking up my day(!), seem to spend most of my spare time on tubes and trains living a London life, and I had a doctor who, to be frank, couldn't seemed to have care anymore had I been a health and safety notice on his wall, and was more interested with getting me through as quickly as possible. I'll be the first to admit I am one of the most difficult patients an orthopeadic surgeon will come across, as I try aqnd push my recovery as much as I can, but this one wasn't interested in the slightest.
It took me a week to get an appointment at a fracture clinic (compared to a day with Manchester…) and I turned up, he looked at my hand, said yes it's broken, go and get a cast fitted and come back in 5 weeks. No x-rays to confirm the wrist fractures, no advice on management, and certainly no help to get myself fit again quickly. Given my Ironman was 5 weeks away, this is far from ideal and I tried to push for a closer time, but both him and the receptionist said I wasn't allowed, and it could only be 5 weeks or later. Great. I also heavily pushed to stay in my splint, as though although it wasn't the most comfortable and giving me the best support, I could at least wash, manage my own recovery as pain allowed, and most importantly still train. He didn't seem to be too bothered, as long as I didn't ever take it off in the 5 weeks, so at least I could still train.
A few days later, I got fed up with this, and decided it was time to get a 2nd opinion, and time to make the most of having private medical insurance through work. After sweet-talking the receptionist at my local GP so I could register, see the nurse and then see a GP to get a referral all in the same morning, I found myself at London Bridge Hospital at lunchtime to see a specialist, who was great and understands type of patient I am! I had X-rays done, which showed the elbow healing nicely, but the wrist x-ray was inconclusive so a few days later I was being squeezed into an MRI scanner to get a more definitive answer. Certainly making the most of my insurance, and the £3 a month I pay to remove my excess is paying off in spades, but I have to say that MRI scanners are not designed for people who can't straighten their arm! I had to lie down, with my arm straight and wrist clamped into a cage, not ideally comfortable! So meant it stopped me having a kip during my scan, but at least I know my arm can just about straighten! On the plus side, between me, my specialist and the physio I saw to get my fancy, custom splint fitted, I think we know which of my wrist bones are actually damaged, none of which the fracture clinic doctor suggested!
Having had a look through my MRI results, I think I have found the culprit bones, though I can't really tell what is a break, and what is just detail from the cross-section! I am off to see the specialist again tomorrow, so I can found out what the damage is, and hopefully I should get a better timeframe for my recovery, as opposed to just 'come back in 5 weeks and we'll see how it is'.
My elbow recovery has gone well and is starting to slow down, so it must be nearing completion. There is still a bit of pain when I force the movement in the bone, so I reckon another week until the bone has finished fusing. I have about 75% of my movement back in my elbow, with more and more of it now comfortable and pain-free and can be achieved unaided. There is still a little bit of swelling left preventing me from full extension, but I am confident I should be able to get full movement back in a couple of weeks with the help of my sports therapist once I get the all-clear from the doctor to do so. I am trying to get back to normality and use it as much as possible, as long as it is pain-free, and can now do little things like put my toothbrush underneath the tap! Still can't reach the back of my mouth with that arm… But arm is getting happier at least and thankfully my shoulder has fully recovered and moves properly, it must have taken one hell of a hit when I crashed as I couldn't raise my arm above my head for a week, was getting worried something else was broken! The whole arm can't be that bad any more, I have left the house having forgotten to put my sling on, on more than one occasion!
My wrist seems to be improving rapidly after a couple of weeks of not much improvement, and having said about my one-fingered typing at the start, I am now typing happily away almost normally now with hardly any pain. The latest thinking is that I have fractured my hamate (physio and doctor's thoughts) and my trapezium (my thoughts, undetected pain in that region, which was originally a suspect scaphoid fracture, but that has been cleared). How I have managed to fracture these two bones, and avoid the scaphoid (again!), I have no idea! They seem to be healing well though, and I am finally getting some strength back in my wrist. I did some serious ligament damage, which is going to take some time to heal, but movement is slowly beginning to return and strength is coming back. I can even hold my phone in my hand now with no splint or tubigrip!
So whilst my recovery is progressing, training isn't going to well! Being unable to run or swim, my life is confined to the turbo, which I hate on the best of days. Unfortunately I can't just sit up on it like I could on my road bike as it puts me very forward and there is a fair old. Holding myself up with one arm gets rather tiring rather quickly! If I take my splint off, I can sit in the TT position, but with a broken elbow I can only take putting weight through it for so long before it begins to hurt. Mentally I am also fed up, so bailing out is happening far too often. I am hoping to get the go ahead to start running this week, and I just need to build up on the turbo. With 4 weeks til IMUK, there are going to be some rapid increases in training load, and I am going to have to train full-on up until the week if the race. At least I have managed to keep the diet pretty much under control, so haven't put on too much weight so my return to running shouldn't be too painful.
I am still hopeful of making it to the start line. If I can do that, then I know I'll finish.
A Little Update
I have been meaning to write an update for a while now, as a lot has happened since the last, but it was always one of those things that got put off as life got in the way. It has taken (another) accident on the bike to get an update.
So, as many of you will now know, I have a fall on my bike at the weekend crossing lanes on the road onto a bike path, and I didn't see the ridge for the stupidly designed junction and hit the deck. I'm not quite sure how I landed, but my left leg is pretty torn up and my hip and shoulder have some nice bruising. I think I landed with my arm outstretched, but I haven't got any cuts on my hand or arms, which is odd. However, my wrist and elbow were severely painful and I knew right away something was broken. I walked the few miles home (barefoot..), dropped my bike off and walked to A&E. I was seen quickly and x-rays confirm that I have a fracture in the radius head and they suspect a fracture in my scaphoid, which apparently takes a few days to show up on x-rays.
To say this is frustrating is the less colourful term I am using now I have calmed down. After a couple of years incident-free, it seems I am back to ruining my season after two previous bike crashes at almost identical times of the year. I can come up with hundreds of what-ifs, first and foremost was my stupidity of ordering brake cables instead of gear cables, as I was on my way to the bike shop to pick up the right ones. However, what is done is done, and I have to find a way to move forward.
Obviously this means I am missing IMUK 70.3, which I am absolutely gutted about. Not only do I have so many friends racing who I would have loved to have seen, I was the strongest I have been across the board. I have built on my massive swimming improvements from last year, and my stroke was greatly improved with times dow; a recent bike fit at Freespeed put the icing on the cake on my bike strength; and whilst my running has been hampered by a shin injury, I am the quickest I have been and was confident of putting in a PB for the half marathon. Whilst I don't have the endurance from last year, with my greater speed and strength, I was confident of at least getting a roll-down slot for the World Champs in Vegas. It also means I will unlikely to be racing at Liverpool 5150, which world have been fun as I had another pro slot and the opportunity to line up against an amazing field, including Macca (and Joe Skipper ;))
This also puts my participation for IMUK in doubt. Whilst a 'home race' would be good, I don't have anything left to prove for rocking up to an Ironman unprepared. I will have to wait and see how long I am going to be out before making a call. I will be back on the turbo once my elbow starts to fuse, but I won't be running for a while, and certainly won't be in the pool for a long time, and that assumes I don't have any issues with mobility and a full range of movement, but I already have a good sports therapist friend ready to help with rehab.
Once I know whether I can race Bolton, I will have to decide what to do if not. I could be tempted to leave it for a year and just race short, something which I think I will do next year, with Ironman Arizona at the end of 2013. Right now, however, I just need to pick myself up and get healed. Thanks for all the well-wishes, that have been coming in, I just can't believe I've had another season ruined by fractures.

subset: commoncrawl


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Revitalization's WeblogFor the curious, questioning, and wandering soul
Archive for December, 2010
Snatching the Unattainable, Only for You
Fuck this shit. FUCK this. These expectations are too high. You put them there, on the highest shelf. Out of reach. Criticize and criticize, until you're blue in the face. Fuck this shit. I hate it. I cannot handle it. I'm supposed to be hard and tough, build a hard, plastic shell around myself to protect my fragile innards from the verbal wasteland known as your mouth. Well, I don't. I don't have a shell, perhaps I tried to build one, make one…. but it has cracks, deep cracks and go straight to the core. and every time you poke, every time you comment, it sticks that dagger a little deeper, it widens the crack a little more, revealing a swirl of vulnerabilities.
Ok, so I'm not good enough. Is that what you're getting at? That I'm not worthy of this time and this money, these resources and all that you've given me? Is that it? Because I cannot achieve the best, be the best, be the one and only BEST, that I am not worthy. This may have been a bad investment. I may have been a bad investment, because I certainly am not what you want, what you desire in your heart.
You, you want perfection. You want this from me. How cruel and undeserved. You tell me I'm wasting time, I'm wasting money, I am wrong, I only do things wrong wrong wrong. I can hardly take anymore. It is hurting my heart. And I'm afraid that there may be some permanent damage.
Oh sure, you're blind with a vision. You're blind with ego. But, you don't see what you're doing to me. Breaking me down, with every small comment, telling me oh so very indirectly that I am imperfect and wrong. Never right. I can never be right or good.
Disappointment, that's all I ever feel. Well, perhaps that's a bit extreme, but that's what I feel right now. Disappointment because I cannot attain the unattainable. Because I am not good enough, and you expected more. You set the bar too high. And while I have tried for years and years to reach that bar, standing on the tippiest toes, I always stumbled, I always bumbled in your eyes. You don't see me, you only see my faults. You only see what could be, what should be. You don't see what I am, and what I have achieved, what I have managed to accomplished in the endless pursuit of trying to appease you and your thirst for perfection from me.
Oh it's tiring, oh I am tired. This has been an arduous journey and I feel myself breaking down. I try to shield my fragile beating heart from those words, I try to persevere. But, there comes a time when you get through to me. You cut right into me, break me down and tell me to stand up to take some more.
How am I supposed to be a confident young woman, outgoing and smart? How am I supposed to tackle this world and believe that anything is possible, when, you have undoubtedly shoved straight into my face that hardly anything is possible, because I have achieved almost nothing.
You break me down, but I still come whimpering back, trying to please and appease, trying to gain your approval and praise, trying, desperately trying to snatch the unattainable-only for you. I try, I try, and I keep trying.
I dream of a love…
"Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there's a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing… I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don't want to believe it but, there is no man…"
-Sandra Bullock, Practical Magic
Oh Hello Perfect Man. Where have you been?
Love. In this life it may mean more than many things. More than most things. It's what we want. It's what we know. It's what we search for. We look for love. Or…. Lust? Strong arms, chiseled jaw, broad shoulders, kind eyes…
I want to feel your arms, tight around me
I want to look into your beautiful eyes and let the world melt away
I want you to brush my cheek with your fingertips
mmMmm baby, I want to kiss you. I want to get lost in you.
I want to feel your warmth
I want you to be the only thing that's sure. The only thing that I know is sure.
I want our silence to speak more than words ever could
Superficial? Perhaps…..or, probably. I can admit that because in reality it's what I want. It's in my nature, my DNA, and deeply engrained in my core. That's all I can act on and all I want is a perfect man.
A Series of Infinite Happenings
EVERYTHING has led up to this moment. The mountains moved, the earth turned, the stars exploded, and here I am. I'm sitting here, under an infinite mass of everything that has ever existed. It's all above my head, all that is. It's sometimes hard to believe that this moment has been pre-destined since the beginning of time. Since the Big Bang. Since the universe itself began. For this moment to happen, this one, an infinite things had to have occured. In a sense, we're all connected, and anything and everything we do shapes each and every life.
In life, from birth, you start moving towards this moment. From that first cry, to that first walk and talk. From that first fight to that first love, you move towards this moment. Everything you've ever done, all the people you've ever met, grazed by, made eye-contact with, it has all culminated, it has all added up… and the result? right now. This is it. You've been moving towards this moment forever. A series of infinite happenings must have occured for you to be here. right. now.
It's astounding. I can't help but revel in such an idea.


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What Is Confidence?Adapted from the resource The Confident Women Devotional - by
What is confidence? I believe confidence is all about being positive concerning what you can do—and not worrying over what you can't do.
A confident person is open to learning because they know that their confidence allows them to walk through life's doorways, eager to discover what waits on the other side. They know that every new unknown is a chance to learn more about themselves and unleash their abilities.
Confident people do not concentrate on their weaknesses; they develop and maximize their strengths.
For example, on a scale of one to ten, I might be a three when it comes to playing the piano. Now, if I were to practice long and hard—and if my husband could put up with the racket—I could, maybe, transform myself into a middle-of-the road, level-five pianist.
However, as a public speaker, I might be an eight. So, if I invested my time and effort into this ability, I might just be able to get to a level ten. When you look at it this way, it's easy to see where you need to invest your efforts.
Prayer Starter: Lord, if Hezekiah could learn to lean upon and be confident in You, I know that it's also possible for me. Enable me to focus on developing and maximizing my strengths rather than concentrating on my weaknesses. In Jesus' Name, Amen.


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Thrifty Tip: Browse Aisles and Shelves For Unadvertised Sales
I realize that the title of this post could trigger whatever the modern-day version of "duh" (I realize that dates me). However, I'm not sure if it's merely the discovery aspect of an unadvertised deal or if unadvertised deals are somehow inherently better deals. Whichever they may be, they are of my favorite kinds of deals to score. And, there's a corollary to this principle. This applies to all stores, even the ones you may consider "pricey!"
Stores like Walgreens and Target usually have clearance items marked with red tags and placed at the ends of the aisles. However, once in a while, clearance items are left on the shelves. At my local grocery store recently, I found some organic whole bean coffee, which normally sells for $12, marked as clearance for $4. At first I thought that maybe it was old and something was wrong with it. So, I only bought one as a test. It was just fine. So, I went back and stocked up. The price is back up again. I'm sure they were just clearing out stock. It was good timing for us, good pricing for us…and delicious!
I've heard some people say that they won't shop at Whole Foods because it's just too expensive. I wouldn't tell anyone to go to any store that's out of their way to browse aisles and shelves for deals. However, if it is a relatively easy stop for you, it would be worth it. I happened to be browsing the aisles at Whole Foods last week and found the Garden of Life probiotic that we give our children that I normally order online for about $18 (the best price I've found anywhere) for $16.99. So, saving a dollar is nice but nothing to write home about. It just so happens that the Whole Foods website has a $5 off coupon for any Garden of Life probiotic. Yep! What they normally sell for$24.99 and what I normally buy for $18, I bought for $11.99 last night. Now, that's a deal!
What's the best unadvertised deal you discovered recently?
2 Comments
I agree, it just requires patience and time. That is two things I have when shopping looking for a deal. TJ Maxx had a pair of shoes I had been eyeing for a while marked down to $7.00. The first markdown I saw was $25.00 (not sure of the original cost or the even the first markdown price) My size and my price!
Thanks for sharing such a deal.
Susan, that's an awesome deal! Great job!
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.


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Why should you ask for what you want?
A few days ago, I was going out with my family for shopping and dinner. And we went to a beautiful shopping mall.
I met one of my oldest students. We were meeting after about 1-2 years. She is brilliant.
I asked about how is her life and career. Sadly, he was not doing well. She has been struggling for 2 years.
She added that he always wanted to call me but he was hesitant.
The reason, she thought that she did not want to disturb me.
Well, everybody who is close to me knows that I am generally accessible and available to talk on a condition of appointment.
I generally answer email and phone. I reply immediately or after I finish my work.
She knew it but somehow she did not contact me to ask for help.
It's not the problem with her only. There are many who don't ask for the help.
When you don't ask for the help, you get stuck.
If you too are holding yourself to ask for help, watch this video.
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Share this with your friends you feel who need to watch.
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– Mayur Bardolia
Results Coach/ Author
Email: firstname.lastname@example.com
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P.S. Reply directly if you want to chat about your struggles with time management, or how I can help to enjoy the work that you do and to achieve goals quickly and maximizing productivity without working for longer hours. So that you can create more profit and more time for yourselves and family.


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I'm currently working at a fairly large complex of interconnecting buildings that - I had believed - I know well. I came down to the first floor today, stepped out of the elevator and was completely disoriented. To my right and left, about fifty feet away, were big closed metal doors. (These doors probably closed during a power failure; I've never noticed them before because they are always open, and all they do is to cordon a long hallway into segments.) I couldn't decide which way I wanted to turn to get where I was going. I picked one direction, opened the doors, glanced further, and then at last I knew where I was.
Fire doors that do not need to be kept closed are one of humanity's great inventions. The doors are held open by electromagnets that will release the doors if a fire is sensed in the building, or if power is lost. I've been in other buildings where it seems to be a godsend when these devices are installed, so we don't have to keep opening and closing the heavy fire doors all the time. (Not to mention the danger that impatient people create by blocking ordinary fire doors in the open position because they are sick of closing them.)
But today I learned that these fancy fire doors, when closed, can change the look of the building enough to be disorienting. If there had been a fire, my confusion might have been critical, and choosing to open the wrong door to find my way might have been a disaster. I'm setting out now to find all the fire doors in this place. If there ever IS a fire, I want to know what to look for.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Knowing how to get out of a building in case of fire:
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1779f.it to Scotland, which was violently opposed. The opposition originated in Gasgow, the inhabitants of which are almost all on the fide of administration in the American contest *. The general indignation against the design showed itself in the different riots that happened at Edinburgh and Glasgow in February. In the metropolis, an attack was made upon a new house, in which the principal popish clergyman or bishop, with four other families of the fame persuasion dwelt, and in which a room was laid out for a chapel, about 34 feet long. The house was set on fire, and the flames continued until noon of the following day. The inhabitants with difficulty escaped alive. During the demolition of this "main pillar of popery," as it was called, a detachment from the main body of the people resorted to the old chapel. The house containing it was inhabited by several families (agreeable to custom, and the nature of many buildings in that city) whose property and effects, as well as the inside of the house and chapel, were totally destroyed, together with a considerable library belonging to the popish bishop. The rioters afterward directed- their violence against the papists in other parts of the town, and totally destroyed the stock in trade and effects of two or three tradesmen of that profession. One or two ladies of fashion of that communion were obliged to take refuge in the castle. They at length concluded upon the punishment or destruction of those gentlemen, of whatever rank or religion, who had been supposed to favor the late design of obtaining a relaxation of the laws against papists. Their first fury was pointed against Dr. Robertson the celebrated historian, * Dr. John Erikine's Considerations on the Spirit of Popery, p. 31.
and and to that os Mr. Crosbie an eminent advocate. The 1779* mob found the houses of these gentlemen so well armed, and guarded with so determined a resolution by their numerous friends, that they proceeded not to extremities, but retired without any further outrage than the breaking of some windows. The magistrates did not exert themselves for the suppression of the riots, till the last day of the week. The conduct of the magistrates in Glasgow was widely different. The populace made their first and principal attack upon Mr. Bagnal, an 9. English papist from Staffordshire, who had for several years established and conducted a considerable manusactory of stone ware. They burnt his house, totally destroyed all the works for carrying on his business, and obliged him and his family to fly to the fields for their lives. But the measures pursued by the magistrates and principal inhabitants soon restored order and security. Mr. Bagnal was also speedily acquainted, that he should be reimbursed for every part of his losses to the utmost farthing. Toward the end of March, the citizens of Edinburgh agreed to make full restitution to the sufferers in that city. Through this religious combustion, and the circumstances attending it, administration have lost that firm hold of the temper and disposition of the people in Scodand, which perhaps nothing else could have loosened.
The British cruisers seized and carried into port the Dutch vessels bound for France, when laden with either naval stores or supposed French property. The merchants, owners and insurers, complained to their high mightinesses, by whose order a memorial was presented to the British court, which was far from having the de
,7-g. fired effect. The answer proposed the purchasing of the naval stores, the paying of the freight, and the indent nifying the proprietors; but expressed a determination to prevent, as much as possible, all naval and military stores being transported into the French ports, accompanied however with an assurance, that all possible regard for the rights of their high mightinesses should be exercised, and that the stipulations and spirit of the treaties between the king and their high mightinesses would be adhered to in the strongest manner as far as it Jhculd be practicable—of which the British court would be judges. The merchants. of Dort, Rotterdam and Amsterdam, not being satisfied with the answer, petitioned their high mightinesses for redress against the British treatment of their flag, and the violences committed against their property. The States General concluded upon such measures as should meet the wishes of the petitioners, and determined upon an augmentation of the fleet for their protection. Sir Joseph Yorke after that, on the 22d of last November, proposed in a memorial by his sovereign's order, a conference with their high mightinesses upon v/hat was most proper to be done respecting the articles of complaint. The States General declined the . offer, and insisted upon the literal and strict observance of the treaty between them and Great Britain. The French king had in a regulation of the preceding July, concerning the navigation of neutral vessels, reserved to himself the power of revoking the advantages granted by the first article, in cafe the belligerent powers should not grant the like within the space of six months. The like not being granted on the part of Britain, the king ordered such revocation, with respect to the subjects of
the Dutch republic; but excepted the cities of Amster- J779* dam and Haerlem, because of their patriotic exertions to persuade the republic to procure from the court of London the security of unlimited liberty to their flag. This measure was considered by that court, as designed to cause the republic to quarrel with Great Britain, and occasioned the presentment of a memorial by Sir Joseph April Yorke, in the name of his sovereign, to the States Ge- 9* neral; in which the literal and strict observance of the treaty insisted upon by them is pronounced incompatible with the security of Britain, and contrary to the spirit and stipulations of all the future treaties between the two nations. His majesty also declares in it, that he cannot depart from the necessity he is under of excluding the transportation of naval stores to the ports of France, and particularly timber, even if they are escorted by men of war; but flatters himself, that he shall never be obliged to take other measures toward the republic, than those which friendship and good harmony may dictate.
The capture of the Dutch vessels occasioned a great dearth of naval stores at Brest, so that the repair of count d'Orvilliers' fleet has been exceedingly hindered. The Ville de Paris, which suffered much in the engagement with admiral Keppel, will not be ready for sea, much before the time for the fleet's sailing. Till April there was not a mast fit for her in all Brest *. A number of store ships however got in from Holland, so that "about the beginning of the year, several small squadrons were prepared and flipped out from different ports nearly at the fame time; one under Mr. de Grasse for Marti
* Advocate M'l 's Political Memoirs,
,779, nico, to reinforce count d'Estaing. Another under the marquis de Vaudreuil, with a land force, sailed for Africa, and has taken the British forts, settlements, factories and property, at Senegal and other parts of that coast.
1778. The English East India company, foreseeing actual hostilities, resolved, very soon after the delivery of the French rescript, on a bold and decisive measure, for the final reduction of the French power in India, and conducted the business with unusual secrecy. Their instructions were happily conveyed with uncommon expedition, and preparations were immediately made for besieging Pondicherry. Gen. Munro invested the fortress closely on the 21st of last August, with an army of 10,500 men, including 1500 Europeans. But before this had taken place, there was a warm engagement between Sir Edward Vernon, with a small squadron, and Monsieur Tronjolly commanding the like, in which the French were so roughly handled, that to escape a second action they abandoned the garrison to their fate on the day Pondicherry was invested. The garrison amounted to near 3000 men, of which 900 were Europeans. They were commanded by Mr. de Bellecombe, who disputed every point of his ground, and persevering to the last extremity in a determined and noble defence, held out to the 16th of October. An honorable capitulation was allowed in testimony of the garrison's gallantry, and every requisition that did not interfere with the public benefit was agreed to. The factories at Chandenagor, Yaman and Karical, with the settlement at Masulipatam, had heen reduced before the capitulation,
1779. The New York, Quebec, and Newfoundland fleets, ^ay to the number of 300, under the convoy of adm. Ar


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Sri Lanka is a fascinating destination with an abundance of culture and opportunities for wildlife encounters.
If your idea of an intriguing getaway involves getting to know the local culture and losing yourself in an unspoiled wilderness, Sri Lanka should be on your bucket list now. It is one of the best destinations in Southeast Asia for culture and wildlife lovers.
Although Sri Lanka has had troubles in recent history, the country is currently a safe and welcoming place to visit. It is rich with history and during your visit you can explore colonial towns, ancient temples, stone forts and much more. If you can, tour these sites with a knowledgeable local guide who can give you some insight into the history and religious significance of the structures and help you to better appreciate what you are looking at.
Visit the ancient capital of Polonnaruwa, close to Sigiriya & Dambulla. It is filled with Buddhist remains such as monasteries and temples and you can spend an entire day exploring and still not see it all. The Dambulla Rock Cave Temple is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and is filled with incredibly Buddha images and paintings from the 2nd century BC.
Dambulla Rock Temple
The Dutch fort of Galle, located on the southern coastline, is home to plenty of intriguing historic colonial homes along its narrow cobblestone streets. You can also visit Anuradhapura, which is one of the oldest continuously inhabited cities in the world. It was founded in 380 BC by Prince Pandukabhaya.
The Sacred City of Kandy is also a culturally significant destination, a gorgeous city surrounded by spectacular mountains. It is home to the Sri Dalada Maligawa, where the Sacred Tooth Relic of the Buddha can be found.
If you are looking for an unspoiled paradise of natural beauty, where you can spot wild creatures in their natural habitat – then Sri Lanka will delight you. Sri Lanka is blessed with a number of fantastic National Parks, including Yala, Bundala, Udawalawe and Horton's Plains. These wilderness areas are home to a wide range of fascinating animals, from leopards to Indian elephants to rare bird species such as green-billed coucal.
Sri Lanka is also a superb destination for whale watching, as it happens to be in the middle of the migration route for blue whales. You may also be able to spot sperm whales, spinner dolphins, Indo-Pacific bottlenose dolphins and much more. Be sure to choose a company that follows eco-friendly practices when taking you on whale watching journeys, so that these gentle giants can be saved.
The best park for wild elephant spotting is Uda Walawe National Park – there are around 500 living within these tea-plantation covered hillsides. Elephant sightings are very likely and you might also see hawk eagles and grey-headed fish eagles.
When it comes to culture and nature, Sri Lanka is a rich and rewarding travel destination – so why not start planning your trip today?
We're hiring energetic people who don't just want to sell travel, but to sell an experience.


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Lagos State Government, yesterday, said the mortuary of Isolo General Hospital would be shut down from March 26, 2013 in the interest of public health.
Announcing the new development, Commissioner for Health, Dr. Jide Idris urged members of the public to make arrangement to claim bodies of deceased family members or relatives kept at the morgue before commencement of closure date.
Idris said any members of the public who still required accommodation for their loved ones, could make arrangements to transfer them to Gbagada General Hospital mortuary or the General Hospital Lagos mortuary.
According to him, mortuaries at the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital, LASUTH, Lagos Island General Hospital, Ikorodu General Hospital and Epe General Hospital remained open for use by members of the public.
The recently renovated mortuary in Mainland General Hospital had now been designated a Social Responsibility Centre and would henceforth receive and accommodate only some categories of bodies, the commissioner explained.


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A product of your dysfunction to you on the right there is only one way You think I should go to school, get a job, find my place ACCEPT QUIESCENCE APATHY OBEY I don't want to grow up if that means I have to admit defeat just like you I won't end up like you... not me, no way Suffering from "Bleeding heart disease" Fighting for a "Lost cause" Passion mistaken for "Teenage resistence" us "looney left" burden you all I'm just another kid with a guitar and a Chomsky book in my backpack "A Phase of Rebellion" that I'll soon grow out of But I know there's no turning back I don't want to grow up if that means I have to admit defeat just like you
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