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Only Srila Prabhupada
By Gokulananda das ACBSP
Lord Caitanya's magnanimous desire was to bless the whole world with His infinite mercy by displaying His most sublime lila of tasting and widely distributing the supreme fruit of love of God, Krishna prema. He thus desired to engage all willing souls to help Him distribute His sublime gifts everywhere. To fulfill his divine desire, Lord Nityananda Mahajan became the chief distributor of this transcendental harvest of pure love through the chanting of the nectarean Holy Names of Lord Krishna, the Hare Krishna maha-mantra. And Lord Nityananda forever continues to fulfill Mahaprabhu's merciful desire by empowering so many worthy devoted souls with Gaura-shakti, the divine force to awaken bhakti in all hearts.
Among so many glorious dedicated servants of Gaura-Nitai, Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur was specially chosen as the perfect transmitter of the pure Gaura-vani to contemporary mankind. Nurtured by his own exalted father Srila Sacidananda Bhaktivinode, he imbibed from him the deepest compassion for all of suffering mankind. He then dedicated every ounce of his life's energy to propagate pure bhakti through his missionary institution, the Gaudiya Math, with over 60 temples throughout all of India. And he intensely desired to see Mahaprabhu's divine gifts brought to the rest of the world.
Among his many qualified disciples, one very rare pure soul, Abhay Charanaravinda Das, specially understood his mind's desire. Abhay took to heart this first and last instruction he received from his great master, as his only life and soul: to deliver the pure message of Sri Caitanyadev to the English-speaking countries. While deepening his own devotion to Lord Caitanya's teachings, he also prepared himself for the arduous service of his western spiritual mission by taking the sannyas order in 1959, as A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami. He then began his life's magnum opus: his enlightening translation into English of the "Granta Raja" (the king of all scriptures), Srimad Bhagavatam.
Thus, in the summer of 1965, at the advanced age of 69, he finally made his historic journey aboard the steamship Jaladuta to the shores of America, carrying with him his rare matchless gifts: the sacred order of his master and his translation of the Bhagavatam. What he was about to accomplish – the world-wide Hare Krishna explosion – is nothing short of miraculous, as the most rapidly expanded spiritual movement in all of history. Let us succinctly explore the salient features of Srila Prabhupada's very rare empowerment that demonstrate his unique stature as the most effective preacher of the Bhagavat Dharma in the entire history of Vedic culture (within the present Kali-yuga):
Only Srila Prabhupada fearlessly ventured outside of India as the first Vaisnava sannyasi to inject into the materialistic wasteland of America the sublime vision of God's true identity and our loving connection to Him. Only Srila Prabhupada brought with him to the West the first english edition of the luminous Srimad Bhagavatam, as the formost theistic exposition of God's supreme Personhood. Only Srila Prabhupada, moved by universal compassion, sat down alone in the midst of decrepid New York City, to chant Hare Krishna for the pleasure of Lord Caitanya and his guru.
Only he lived among the degraded and confused youth of the Lower East Side to mercifully uplift them back to sanity. Only he masterfully injected into their muddled mentality the sacred words of Lord Krishna to begin their progress towards His eternal service. Only he patiently fanned their spark of sincerity to gradually mold the most receptive into his fledging followers. Only he lovingly nurtured their tender creeper of devotion to allow them to become attached to his strict teachings. Only he was empowered to deliver to the world the pure Gaura-vani (from the bona-fide Sarasvata lineage), in its most complete, succinct and accessible form, within his 60 enlightening books of translations of the essential devotional scriptures. Only he could inspire his growing numbers of dedicated disciples to abundantly distribute these unique works of spiritual genius with millions of copies worldwide. Only he is by now the most abundantly printed and read author in history.
Only he devoted himself day and night to propagate the Sankirtan Movement of Lord Caitanya with such intense enthousiasm that his many disciples were inspired to follow his awesome example and also accomplish super-human feats of devotion. Thus Srila Prabhupada was able to establish over 100 temples worldwide in only 11 years. Only Srila Prabhupada, as a fully-realized rasika-guru, could inject into their hearts a deep taste for the Holy Name and a steady desire to also give access to this great blessing to all future generations.
Srila Prabhupada's contribution to the spiritual progress of humankind remains unequalled within recent history. And that divine force will continue to grow through his greatest legacy: his pure-hearted followers worldwide. The secret of his miraculous success was, in his own words, his unconditional faith in the words of his own great master. Such pure guru-nistha is the inestimable example he left us all, to nourish our own desire to become his worthy servants and representatives. We will forever remain in awe of his unique greatness, as our constant meditation and strength.
3 Responses to "Only Srila Prabhupada"
dhimana_krishna says : Log in to Reply
I really liked this glorification of Shrila Prabhupada. Shriman Golulananda Prabhu herewith demonstrates a real love for his Guru Maharaja and a fiery devotion that is at once both genuine and realized in the heart. He has understood the essence of who Shrila Prabhupada is to the world, and to each of us, his struggling disciples. May all devotees drink deeply this realization and understand Krishna consciousness through the empowered representative of the Supreme Absolute Turth. Only Shrila Prabhupada! All glories to Shrila Prabhupada!
Patita Pavana das Adhilary
Padmapani_das says : Log in to Reply
Yes Patita Pavana Prabhu, your astute eye for literary excellence — especially in the field of transcendence — shines on brightly once again. Please keep that trained eye open for Gokulanandaji's articles, because due to his natural Vaisnava humility, one might accidentally overlook his mighty spiritual realizations and writings, which would be a great shame indeed. Gokulananda Prabhu's vast literary talents employed in the service of our beloved Spiritual Master, Srila Prabhupada, are far beyond those we may have emulated in our youth, such as Blake, Keats, Shelley, Whitman, Baudelaire, Rimbaud, etc., because this dear Prabhu understands the true import and purpose of writing — to glorify the Lord's pure devotee extraordinaire. In due course of time, I'm more than certain that Gokulanandaji Prabhu and his superb writing abilities and accomplishments will become nothing less than world famous, and rightly so. Thank you for seeing and fanning the spark. This dear Prabhu definitely deserves it!
dhimana_krishna says : Log in to Reply
My dear Padmapani das Prabhuji,
The understanding of "Only Sila Prabhupada" , as expressed above, is the supreme knowledge, end of story. For the disciple, there is nothing beyond guru-seva because as great and vast as the spiritual domain is, iVaikuntha with all its blisswill remain a locked door unless selfless devotional service at the feet of the pure devotee is accomplished. The spiritual master is the Key to open that door, but he is so much more than that. For he is our shelter, our eternal savior and the path to loving bliss at the twin lotus feet of Shri Krishna, the Absolute Truth.
Those who understand this and boldly broadcast his glories to a thirsty world will certainly find themselves empowered every time they take up the pen. And this is the literary secret of Gokulanananda Prabhu, yourself or even of this humble scribe. Indeed, it applies to all devotees, but it requires practice and meditation. Hidden literary talent for each and every devotee will be revealed if , with every word, he or she just remembers the glorious all-powerful spiritual master. Then it is assured that the truth will flow from the heart like the rivulets that become the holy Yamuna, as they burst forth from the Himalayas at Surya Kund to become roaring torrents in their eagerness to reach Vrindavana.
Your servant,
Patita Pavana das
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StorageInterface work on the principal of not knowing or caring what is
on the disk until the user first attempt to access it, the process of initial interaction with the disk is called
"Binding." Variables and directories are considered "unbound" if they have not accessed the disk yet, and
"bound" if they have. This bound/unbound mechanism is to reduce the amount of IO actions to disk, which is a slow
process relative to the main code.
|Abstract class to define the basic functions any storage driver needs to read/write to the disk.
|Driver to handle all NetCDF IO operations, variable creation, and other operations.
|Pointer class which provides instructions on how to handle a given nc_variable
Unbound variables and directories do not know what type of data they will handle, and only store where on the disk data will be accessed. Upon the first attempt to read/write/append, a binding action occurs. The variables check if there is already data on the disk at the known location, what happens next depends on what operation was called: * If read and on disk:
- Determine the codec the variable will use.
- Fetch data, only accept data the codec can interpret.
If read and NOT on disk: Raise error.
If write/append and on disk:
- Ensure data to write is compatible with codec that was used to store data.
- Ensure data to store is of the same shape (for non-scalar data)
- Store new data.
If write/append and not on disk:
- Allocate storage on disk
- Store new data
The variable is now considered "bound" and there are some checks which ensure new data can now be stored on this variable.
StorageInterface (SI) is a layer which runs on top of a provided
StorageIODriver to create an way for
users to interface with the disk with as minimal effort as possible. Variables and directories are treated as user
defined properties of the SI, which then those properties can also be given user defined properties to point to other
variables below it. E.g.
SI.mydir.myvar creates a directory object called
mydir at the top level of the SI
object on disk, then
myvar is the variable inside
mydir on disk. The depth of this can be arbitrary. None of the
user defined properties are bound until the first read/write/append operation, which is done with
.write() and
.append() functions respectively.
StorageInterfaceDirVar (SIDV) is the class which is assigned to each of the user defined properties in the SI
are attached to. This class is what hooks into the
StorageIODriver and passes the instructions to
create/manage variables and handle any other sub-directories/variables attached to it.
|This class interfaces with a StorageIODriver class to internally hold what folders and variables are known to the file on the disk, and dynamically creates them on the fly.
|Storage Interface Directory/Variable (SIDV) class is a versatile, dynamic class which gives structure to the variables stored on disk by representing them as methods of the StorageInterface and other instances of itself.


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TRYO SENER Group
Antenna systems for broadcast and air traffic control
At RYMSA we are leaders of the market for RF antennas, antenna systems and passive equipment for radio and television since the eighties, when we created an antenna test field at our facilities in Madrid and thereby started a process of internationalization that has continued until today.
We are the first supplier of the Spanish DTT network, the first to be developed in the world and we have consolidated ourselves as leader in the Latin American market and an important reference in the rest of the world.
+34 91 876 06 99
Recently, at RYMSA RF we have positioned ourselves as pioneers in the manufacture of radiant television systems in elliptical polarization, one of the key trends in the development of DTT networks in the international market. Moreover, today we are the world's leading manufacturer of secondary radar antennas for air traffic control.
As part of our strategy of geographical and product diversification, we have become part of Mega Industries, an American company based in Gorham (Maine), leader in the design and manufacture of rigid and flexible wave guides and very high power coaxial components for broadcasting, medicine, defense, industrial and scientific applications.
In RYMSA RF we are ready to respond both to the global implementation of digital radio and TV services via terrestrial broadcasting and to the modernization of air traffic management systems.
We are also currently very active in emerging Asia-Pacific markets, where we operate from a new sales office in Singapore.
Principal products and solutions
- Complex custom-made broadcasting antenna systems.
- Filters and channel combiners for radio and TV (analog and digital)
- Turnkey broadcasting system solutions
- Complete radiating system for secondary air traffic control radar
- Complex systems for industrial and scientific applications (particle accelerators)
- Passive RF components and accessories.
Some of our customers
We are the preferred supplier for the principal international radio and TV operators, such as:
- Abertis Telecom S.A. (Cellnex S.A.) and Itelazpi, S.A., Spain
- Andina de radiodifusión S.A.C., Cia. Peruana de Radiodifusión S.A., Corporación radial del Perú S.A.C., Radio Programas del Perú y América TV, Peru
- INVAP S.E., Argentina
- Nexstar Broadcasting Group Inc., The United States of America
- RTVC y CCNP, Colombia
- TDF, France
- Televisa S.A.B. y TV Azteca, Mexico
- TRT, Turkey
Furthermore, at RYMSA RF we also supply air traffic control equipment to important customers:
- Indra S.A., Spain
- Airbus Defence and Space, Germany
- Raytheon, U.K.
- Thales Communications & Security S.A., France
- NRPL, Finland
"Our commitment to quality is the foundation of our firm commitment to excellence"


text:
Corporate Travel
"A customer is the most important visitor in our premises. He is not dependent on us. We are dependent on him. He is not an interruption of our work. He is the purpose of it. He is not an outsider to our business. He is a part of it. We are not doing him a favour by serving him. He is doing us a favour by giving us an opportunity to do so." - Mahatma Gandhi (1890)
We mind the detail while you focus on the big picture.
Accent on Travel offers you a complete travel service. Tailor making solutions to ensure you a stress free trip; your needs are our responsibility.
Whatever your requirements we pride ourselves on listening, understanding and delivering. To name a few of our services:
- Airline reservations - the right fare for the journey, it's more than getting from A-B
- Pre-seating
- Transfers
- Accommodation - the perfect hotel for you, it's more than just a room
- Rental cars
- Travel insurance
- Visas
- Foreign currency
- Comprehensive travel documentation
- Full Frequent Flyer management
- Theatre and restaurant bookings
We're passionate about what we do. We are professional, responsive and solution based distinguishing ourselves in a competitive corporate travel market.
Accent on Travel has over 20 years of experience allowing us to develop strong and meaningful relationships with the airlines and travel suppliers with whom we work to secure you choice, quality and value.
Our customers are key to the success of our business as we establish long term partnerships with the smallest to the biggest of corporate clients.
Accent on Travel is a proud member of New Zealand's largest corporate travel buying group, the First Travel Group. This ensures our strong purchasing power gets you the best available products at the best available price.
Accent on Travel understand business as well as travel. We are available to you 24 hours a day 7 days a week no matter where in the world you are.
What our clients have to say ...
Accent on Travel understand the particular needs of the business traveller well. This, combined with their extensive knowledge of travel destinations for both work and pleasure, makes them a delight to deal with.
Roz Calder - Director, NeedScope International
The team at Accent on Travel are fantastic, always a pleasure to deal with, nothing is a problem and bookings are made in a timely manner reflecting desired seats, airlines, flights and accommodation. Their recommendations are always spot on and their understanding of my requirements makes it so much easier. I would highly recommend.
Matthew Cashmore, General Manager Australasia, Zeetags
Accent on Travel have managed both my corporate and personal travel arrangements for almost 25 years. In this era of click, compare and switch and thousands of options for managing travel, we still find that Accent on Travel is able to provide the best service, advice and prices for all our domestic and international travel needs.
John Seton, Chief Executive Officer, Besra
I travel a lot from NZ to a variety of global destinations for business. Nicola, Kelly and the team at Accent on Travel are awesome. Their abilities in finding flights, getting seats and accommodation are unparalleled. They know my travel patterns, what I like and don't like and provide a great friendly service. I often have to reschedule flights and it is never a problem for Accent. Having utilised a number of travel agents over the years - none have come close to Accent.
John Humphrey, Strategic Advisor, Kymeta Corporation


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As surely as the swallows head back to Capistrano every year, we can be assured that all is well when a smiling former Covington Mayor Sam Ramsey pops into our offices at this time of year. We know that he has come to announce that the Salem Camp Meeting is about to reconvene.
Today marks the opening of the 185th version of the camp meeting, and families from all over the world will be coming back to Covington to eat, socialize and pray together.
If you missed our stories about the lineup of guest ministers and music, go to covnews.com.
This year's Salem Camp Meeting will run July 12-19, with worship services and other events from morning through evening at the Salem Camp Ground on Salem Road.
If you're new to our area or have never taken the time to attend, we strongly recommend that you do so.
The camp meetings are guaranteed to make you nostalgic. A good dose of God's word and the music will have you clapping your hands and tapping your feet with joy.
To all of our visitors, welcome back. Thanks for helping to keep such a great tradition going.


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New WVO timeshare resort opens in Austin, Texas
Wyndham Vacation Ownership (WVO) has celebrated the opening of Wyndham Austin, its newest timeshare vacation destination in downtown Austin in Texas, USA.
Decked out in an eclectic urban chic style with a decidedly Texas twist, Wyndham Austin is a 22-storey resort in the heart of downtown, featuring one- to three-bedroom condo-style suites. The resort design was inspired by the city's popular theme of 'Keep Austin Weird'.
Michael Brown, president and chief executive officer of Wyndham Vacation Ownership, said: "We're so excited to embrace this unique city and hope that locals and visitors alike will enjoy our efforts to incorporate Austin's cool and contemporary vibe in the design of this new resort.
"Our owners count on us to provide a dynamic, diverse collection of vacation possibilities. That's why we offer vacation resort options from the city to the country across Central Texas."
Built for the owners in the company's CLUB WYNDHAM and WorldMark by Wyndham vacation ownership clubs, Wyndham Austin adds to the WVO portfolio of resorts offering city experiences, which includes more metropolitan destinations than any of our major competitors. This dual-branded property features 147 CLUB WYNDHAM suites and 42 WorldMark suites for owners in either timeshare club.
The resort features ideal amenities, including a rooftop swimming pool and barbecue area overlooking downtown Austin. Plus, its central location in the Texas capital puts guests within walking distance of a variety of Austin attractions.
As the self-proclaimed Live Music Capital of the World, Austin has hundreds of venues with live music in every imaginable genre. Visitors can experience a diverse assortment of dining and shopping all over town.
The new resort opened with fewer than 100 associates and will grow to 150 by this summer. Employment opportunities at this location are posted on the Wyndham Careers website.
As its first contribution to the Austin region, the company announced a $10,000 donation to the Central Texas Food Bank. WVO has long partnered with local food relief agencies to support the needs of local communities. In 2017, WVO resorts in the U.S. contributed a combined 51 tons of food to food banks around the country.
"People who live in Texas love to vacation in Texas," Brown said. "With the addition of Wyndham Austin, our owners now have six resorts to choose from across the region. Owners can enjoy the scenic Hill Country at WorldMark Marble Falls Resort and the clubs in Austin or on the Riverwalk in San Antonio – all in one vacation."
Wyndham Vacation Ownership resorts in Texas include: WorldMark Marble Falls, Marble Falls; WorldMark Hunt – Stablewood Springs, Hunt; WorldMark New Braunfels, New Braunfels; Wyndham La Cascada, San Antonio; Wyndham Riverside Suites, San Antonio; and the new Wyndham Austin, Austin. CLUB WYNDHAM owners can also use their ownership to stay at the Hotel Galvez & Spa – A Wyndham Grand Hotel on the beautiful Texas coast in Galveston.
Wyndham Austin is located at 516 West 8th Street in downtown Austin, and a modern sales experience centre on the top floor of the resort provides future owners with an extraordinary view of the city.
For more information visit clubwyndham.com.


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The Presbyterian Home for Central New York opened as an 80-bed nursing home 50 years ago.
Over the decades, the institution has gone through a lot of change and growth, but one thing hasn't changed — its faith-based focus, officials said.
"We are here to care and show compassion, to maintain an individual's dignity at this time in their lives," Chaplain Tom Lorenz said. "That flow from faith based ... It's not just about a for-profit organization, a bottom line, what's our net. Here, it's an indication of the fact that we really do care, not that the others don't care; it's kind of like the motivation. What we do is beyond the dollar."
Back in 1962, members of the Utica Presbytery — an administrative body overseeing area Presbyterian congregations — decided they wanted to build a nursing home for elderly Presbyterians (although all faiths always have been welcome), Lorenz said. Construction began in 1965 and the home was dedicated June 4, 1967, at which time the first five residents were admitted.
Now, Presbyterian Homes & Services houses 600 residents in its skilled nursing facility, independent-living complex and community for adult care and assisted care.
"We've grown exponentially over the last 50 years," said Lenora D'Apice, executive director of advancement for the Presbyterian Homes Foundation.
Over the years, the home has been ahead of the pack in recognizing the need for special-care niches. It opened the first unit in Central New York specializing in care for patients with Alzheimer's disease and other dementias in 1990. And in 2001, the home opened its Elm Unit for patients with Parkinson's disease. Presbyterian now offers a number of programs for Parkinson's patients and their families — open to residents and community members — including a Rock Steady Boxing class, a speakers' series and a telemedicine program that is free to participants.
That program, which lets patients consult far-flung specialists close to home, is thriving with 60 or 70 patients a year, D'Apice said.
Last summer, Presbyterian made one of its biggest changes, forming an affiliation with LutheranCare in Clinton, called Community Wellness Partners. That affiliation works, Lorenz said, because both organizations remain faith based.
"To have chaplains at both facilities, to have that today, in this day and age, is quite a thing," he said. "That the communities are willing to invest in it and have the services that are offered to people because both communities in the affiliation now agree that we are providing holistic care, and that includes the spiritual welfare and the spiritual care as well as the physical, the emotional care that's provided."
And turning 50 isn't going to slow Presbyterian down, officials said.
"We're in the process of redeveloping our Meadows, which is our low-income housing project on our campus," D'Apice said. "Meadows was built on, unfortunately, a flood plain and the buildings of the time were constructed without consideration of elevators."
So the project, with a possible groundbreaking on Saturday, July 1, will put in efficient heating and air conditioning, lift the independent-living apartments out of the flood plain and add elevators.


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The gains the nations have made over the last quarter century or so have come through the courts, considering history that's something of a novelty.
With the looming Trump presidency in view of his appointments and the manner in which he will undoubtedly stack the DOJ and Supreme Court there is an impending dark age not just for the nations but civil rights, the environment, and inclusion as well.
Ignorance apparently knows no bounds as Trump and those he surrounds himself deny the reality of climate change – Trump going so far as to proclaim it nothing more than a "Chinese hoax" even as China ramps up it's own efforts to address what is obvious.
Michael Moore, a documentarian and social commentator is of the belief that Trump is going to get us all killed – I don't know what the odds are but I believe they will incrementally increase the longer Trump is in office.
Our demise could come as the result of a war as Moore believes but it also could come as the result of the ongoing degradation of the environment.
Sounds a little fantastic, too alarmist?
Maybe so, hopefully so, but for the uninformed there has been five mass extinctions and the stage is being set for a sixth.
A mass extinction is defined by the rate and percentage of extinction among species – in the neighborhood of seventy percent and upwards qualifies.
Even a cursory examination reveals that species globally are either going extinct or on the verge of extinction at an alarming rate.
I don't know about others but that doesn't sound like a hoax to me.
Within a hundred years give or take the global population is estimated to be around thirty four billion – the planets resources are not infinite and whether or not it is capable of sustaining such numbers is probably anybodies guess.
But even if it is what will the impact be on the environment, the air we breathe, the water we drink, the food we consume, the quality of life?
Climate change isn't something to deny or kick efforts to address it down the road – it is THE issue of our time – an issue that due to dwindling resources and associated tensions could very well lead to wars.
And let's face it, wars predicated on the demand for resources like fossil fuels are already a fact of life, how much more the likelihood when it comes to food, water, minerals, and land?
Resource wars have been going on in this country, this hemisphere, for centuries, and continue to this day, imminent domain, legislation created to transfer ownership of water and minerals even on privately held land are the favored weapons and vehicles of choice.
Municipalities passing laws making it illegal to collect rainfall in cisterns or barrels in townships.
Laws affecting mineral rights even in the backyard of someone's home.
The Dakota Access Pipeline is another example of resource wars – wars that demonstrate a complete disregard for treaty or human rights, much less the environment, a disregard predicated solely on greed.
Paul Revere is lauded as an heroic figure in the nations history books – a hero during Revolutionary times that made his midnight ride sounding the alarm that the British were coming.
The Paul Revere's of today by way of analogy are those who sound the alarm about climate change, those who put themselves in harms way, scientists who collect the data, and even endangered species – additionally it is receding glaciers, melting ice caps, acid rain, smog, and runaway pollution.
If a hoax then one only Dr. Evil could create or a Trump like mini me minion could deny and facilitate.
Denial or pursuing the latest bling won't alter reality, a reality no one is immune to regardless of station in life or how much wealth they may have accumulated.
Life, if it can be said is owned, then it can only be that as individuals we own our individual life, not corporations, not governments.
An ownership that collectively should possess the ability to address issues of personal and communal welfare – that I believe would be the definition of a representative democracy.


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"Bachelorette" News, Ben & Lauren Filming Yesterday, Grant Is At It Again, & The Return of "Daily Links"
So family arrived here Friday. My sister, brother in law, and niece and nephew. Here's something I learned over the weekend. Kids have energy. Like, A LOT. Like, to the point where it's non stop all day every day. They can play in the pool for hours, stay up ridiculously late, then be back at the next day wanting to do all sorts of things. Olivia's birthday was on Sunday and all she wanted to do was go to the indoor rock climbing place. If that place didn't have hours, she would've stayed there all day trying to scale every different wall they had within reason. And you'll never guess what she wanted when we were leaving? To be signed up for a week long class starting next week. She's happy as a clam right now. It'd be nice if she and her brother didn't compete over every single thing they do though. You know, important stuff like who ordered their lunch first or ran to the car … Continue reading


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Carolyn Robertson has earned Certification through the Biofeedback Certification International Alliance (BCIA) (#1408).
EEG Biofeedback is employed to modify the electrical activity of the central nervous system including EEG, event related potentials, slow cortical potentials and other electrical activity either of subcortical or cortical origin. EEG biofeedback is a specialized application of biofeedback or brainwave data in an operant conditioning paradigm. The method is also referred to as neurofeedback. The method may serve as the basis for neurotherapy (treatment of a clinical disorder) or performance enhancement (enhancement of normal functioning).
EEG Biofeedback is a learning strategy that enables persons to alter their brain waves. When information about a person's own brain wave characteristics is made available to him, he can learn to change them. You can think of it as exercise for the brain. EEG Biofeedback is used for many conditions and disabilities in which the brain is not working as well as it might.
An initial interview is done to obtain a description of symptoms, and to get a picture of the health history and family history. Some testing may be done as well. And the person does the first EEG training session, at which time we get a look at the EEG. This all may take about two hours. (The details may differ among the various affiliate offices. In some offices a full brain map, or quantitative EEG, is routinely obtained, which may require a separate office visit. Or more extensive testing may be done.) Subsequent training sessions last about 40 minutes to an hour, and are conducted from one to five times per week. Some improvement is generally seen within ten sessions. Once learning is consolidated, the benefit appears to be permanent in most cases.
The EEG biofeedback training is a painless, non-invasive procedure. One or more sensors are placed on the scalp, and one to each ear. The brain waves are monitored by means of an amplifier and a computer-based instrument that processes the signal and provides the proper feedback. This is displayed to the trainee by means of a video game or other video display, along with audio signals. The trainee is asked to make the video game go with his brain. As activity in a desirable frequency band increases, the video game moves faster, or some other reward is given. As activity in an adverse band increases, the video game is inhibited. Gradually, the brain responds to the cues that it is being given, and a "learning" of new brain wave patterns takes place. The new pattern is one which is closer to what is normally observed in individuals without such disabilities.
EEG-Driven stimulation is an advanced form of biofeedback which has had rather startling effects in alleviating the effects of head injuries, stroke, and other difficulties such as:
- depression
- irritability and explosiveness
- clouding of consciousness
- low energy during the day
- sleeping problems at night
- problems initiating activities
- short-term memory
- attention problems
- movement problems
- stamina
- irritability and explosiveness
- difficulty absorbing verbal and written material
There is no conscious learning or practice involved. People sit in chairs, eyes closed, and while away from 5 minutes, to 20 minutes on average. Average numbers of sessions for anything except stroke or spinal cord injuries is 25 sessions. Paralysis from stroke or spinal cord injuries does respond, however it may take hundreds of sessions. We can arrange travel plans and concentrated treatment blocks for those visiting from out of town, state, or country.
People who have had functioning problems prior to their head injuries and other traumas take the longest to work with, and with very complex problems it could easily run near 100 sessions. But people who were high-functioning before their injuries, who have mild-to-moderate injuries take around 10-20 sessions.
"I have been a clinician for 30 years and have never seen the progress in people that I have seen using Neurotherapy. This is truly a gift to those who have been told they would not get better or who have not known how to access their superior abilities."
Carolyn Robertson,
M.A., M.S., CEAP, BCIA EEG Certified #1408


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An Update to the F# Microsoft Dynamics CRM Type Provider Sample
[ The CRM type provider sample is available as the FSharpx.TypeProviders.Xrm NuGet package, pat of the FSharpx community library. The namespace has changed from "Samples" to "FSharpx" The updates below are in the process of being transferred into FSharpx package ]
Part 1 - The Microsoft Dynamics CRM Type Provider Sample
Part 2 - The Microsoft Dynamics CRM Type Provider Sample - Static Parameters
Part 3 - The Microsoft Dynamics CRM Type Provider Sample - Updated Functionality
An update of the Microsoft Dynamics CRM type provider sample is now available. The new features from this update are demonstrated below.
CRUD Operations
You are now able to create entities and set their attributes using the properties provided by the type provider. The OrganizationService instance is exposed so that you can pass entities to the relevant create / update / delete methods. You can create entities either by calling the Create method on the relevant entity set, or you can call the constructor of the provided entity type from within the XrmService type.
let account = XRM.XrmService.account()
let account2 = dc.accountSet.Create()
account.name <- "John"
account2.name <- "Juan"
account.accountid <- dc.OrganizationService.Create account
account2.accountid <- dc.OrganizationService.Create account2
account.name <- "Jean"
dc.OrganizationService.Update account
Explicit Joins
You are now able to use the standard join syntax in the query expressions. This syntax is not supported when combined with the select many syntax, you must choose one or the other for the query.
let (contactName,accountName,leadName) =
query{ for a in dc.accountSet do
join c in dc.contactSet on (a.primarycontactid.Id = c.contactid)
join l in dc.leadSet on (a.originatingleadid.Id = l.leadid)
select (c.fullname, a.name, l.fullname )
exactlyOne }
There is no support for outer joins using this syntax – the recommended approach is to use the select many syntax directly over the relationships where you can use the outer join operator (!!) if required.
Dot Individuals
All entity sets on the data context now have a new property named Individuals. This will return a type that contains a sample of the entities from the CRM system surfaced directly as properties. The name for each entity property is derived from the Primary Attribute as designated in the CRM metadata. You can adjust how many entities to load using the static parameter IndividualsAmount, the default is 1000.
let ben = dc.accountSet.Individuals.``Ben Smith``
This feature can be extremely useful in data scripting scenarios or where a lot of static data exists in the CRM system, allowing for clearer and easier access to common entities.
Option Sets
Enumerations are now generated for CRM Option Sets on entities. These can be used directly in queries and CRUD operations.
query { for a in dc.contactSet do
where (a.accountrolecode = XRM.XrmService.contact_accountrolecode.``Decision Maker`` )
select a }
If you have nullable types switched on, you will not be able to use the F# nullable operators with the provided enumerations due to a restriction in the provider mechanism. Instead, you can use a standard operator on the Value property. The type provider will transform this into a safe expression containing a null check.
where (c.accountrolecode.Value = XRM.XrmService.contact_accountrolecode.``Decision Maker``)
Formatted Values
The contents of the underlying Microsoft.Xrm.Sdk.Entity.FormattedValues dictionary is now projected directly into a new type, accessed via the Formatted property on the provided entity type. This type contains a string property for each attribute on the entity whose type can possibly have a formatted value. For example; Money, Dates, Integers and Option Sets are the most common. You can use the formatted values directly in the projection expression of a query.
query { for c in dc.contactSet do
select (c.address1_city,c.Formatted.accountrolecode) }
You can also use the original underlying formatted values in a dynamic fashion by indexing the dictionary like normal
query { for c in dc.contactSet do
select (c.address1_city,c.FormattedValues.["accountrolecode"]) }
If you use the dynamic approach you should assert the existence of the key first – the provided version handles this automatically and returns a blank string if the value does not exist.
query { for c in dc.contactSet do
if c.FormattedValues.ContainsKey "accountrolecode" then
"") }
Enumerating Relationships
Given an instance of an entity, you are now able to treat its relationships directly as sequences. The type provider will construct a query that uses the current entity ID as the primary or foreign key of the relationship and retrieves the results as normal.
let lead = dc.leadSet.Individuals.``Diogo Andrade``
let accounts = lead.``1:N account_originating_lead`` |> Seq.toList
In this case the relationship represents children. This code will always work because the query is using the primary key of lead to find matching children, and the primary key for an entity is always present no matter how you retrieve it. When enumerating a parent relationship, the related foreign key attribute must be present on the entity; otherwise the provider will not have enough information to retrieve the parent(s). For example, the following query works fine because no specific attributes were selected. The query returns all the entity's attributes including the foreign key we are interested in.
let lead = dc.accountSet.Individuals.``Contoso Ltd``.``N:1 account_originating_lead`` |> Seq.exactlyOne
The next query will not work, because the initial projection statement specifies the attribute name, thus the provider only returns that single attribute for reasons of efficiency.
let (name,acc) = query { for acc in dc.accountSet do
select (acc.name,acc)} |> Seq.head
let lead = acc.``N:1 account_originating_lead`` |> Seq.exactlyOne
For the subsequent query to work, the foreign key in question would need to be selected as well
let (name,leadId,acc) = query { for acc in dc.accountSet do
select (acc.name,acc.originatingleadid,acc)} |> Seq.head
let lead = acc.``N:1 account_originating_lead`` |> Seq.exactlyOne
It is also possible to write new query expressions directly over the relationships of entity instances, assuming the above criteria is met.
let cont = dc.contactSet.Individuals.``Brian Smith``
let (a,o,l) = query { for acc in cont.``1:N account_primary_contact``do
for lead in acc.``N:1 account_originating_lead`` do
for owner in acc.``N:1 owner_accounts`` do
where (l.firstname = "Diogo")
select (acc,owner,lead)
exactlyOne }
Data Binding
Provided entities can now be bound to any .NET data binding system that makes use of INotifyPropertyChanged and the TypeDescriptor. There are two different data binding modes you can select from, accessed via the static parameter DataBindingMode.
NormalValues is the default mode. All entity attributes will appear as get/set properties to the binding mechanism, directly passing the underlying type of each attribute value. This means that you can use this mode to perform full create / update behaviour, however, whilst most basic types will work just fine, a lot of the attributes will have types such as OptionSet and EntityReference from the XRM SDK. You will need to customise the UI for these types if you want to properly read and modify them - the nature of this work depends on the binding component in question.
FormattedValues is the other available binding mode. Entity attributes will appear as a mix of read/write properties for those that do not have formatted values associated with them, and read-only string properties for other attributes that do have formatted values. This means that types such as OptionSet will show the actual string representation of the option set value; dates appear in localized time, and so forth. Because the formatted values are provided by the server and are always strings, providing the ability to modify them would not impact the underlying entity data – therefore this mode is designed more for explorative code or an application which only needs to show data rather than modify it with a binding mechanism.
The following code shows a complete F# interactive sample script that binds all the account entities to a DataGridView on a Windows Form.
#r @"microsoft.xrm.sdk.dll"
#r @"Samples.XrmProvider.dll"
#r "System.Runtime.Serialization"
#r "System.Windows.Forms"
open Samples.XrmProvider
open Samples.XrmProvider.Runtime.Common
open System.Windows.Forms
open System.ComponentModel
type XRM = XrmDataProvider<"http://server/org/XRMServices/2011/Organization.svc",false,
let dc = XRM.GetDataContext()
let data = BindingList(Seq.toArray dc.accountSet)
let form = new Form(Text="CRM Accounts")
let dg = new DataGridView(Dock = DockStyle.Fill,DataSource=data)
form.Controls.Add dg


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Hwy 16 paving begins June 5 from Hwy 63 west to Dexter, expect short traffic delays
SPRING VALLEY, Minn. – Highway 16 traffic between Highway 63 and Dexter will experience delays as crews begin paving the road on Wednesday, June 5, according to the Minnesota Department of Transportation.
The paving work will move west from Highway 63 toward Grand Meadow and Interstate 90 at Dexter. One lane will remain open for traffic with flaggers stopping vehicles and a pilot car guiding vehicles in each direction. Traffic can be stopped up to 10 minutes. Paving work is expected to continue through next week.
Next week, a culvert replacement west of Highway 63 on Highway 16 is scheduled to begin on June 10, meaning westbound Highway 16 traffic will detour north at Highway 63 to west Mower County Road 2 to southbound Mower County Road 8. The detour is in reverse for eastbound Highway 16 traffic. This detour is expected to last approximately a week, weather permitting.
Once that is completed, approximately June 17, Highway 16 will follow the detour from Highway 63 west: Highway 63 north to Mower County 2 west to Mower County Road 7 into Dexter. This detour is expected to last approximately 2 ½ months, weather permitting.
Rochester Sand and Gravel, the prime contractor, is scheduled to repave approximately 15 miles of Highway 16 from Spring Valley to Grand Meadow to Dexter. The project should be complete by mid-October.
Currently, Highway 16 is detoured from Spring Valley to Highway 63. Westbound Highway 16 traffic from Spring Valley is detoured on Fillmore County Road 8 to Mower County Road 2. At Highway 63, motorists travel south to rejoin Highway 16 until the new detour begins on June 10.
To learn more about the project or sign up for email updates, go to MnDOT's project website at mndot.gov/d6/projects/hwy16-resurfacing/index.html. To learn more about MnDOT construction projects and activities in southeastern Minnesota, join its Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/MnDOTsoutheast.
For real-time traffic and travel information in Minnesota, visit 511mn.org or get the free smartphone app at Google Play or the App Store.


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Since the start of the Great Recession, which lasted from December 2007 through June 2009, Massachusetts has added nearly 300,000 jobs.1
It took Massachusetts 61 months from the start of the early-1990s recession, and 57 months from the start of the Great Recession, to return to pre-recession employment levels each time. (By contrast, the state never regained the jobs lost during the 2001 recession by the time the next recession began.) This similarity in recoveries from the 1990-1991 recession and the Great Recession is especially impressive considering that the latter lasted twice as long as the former and was the worst the nation had seen since the Great Depression. (Though it should be noted that Massachusetts experienced worse job loss during the 1990-1991 recession than during the Great Recession.)
July 2017 marks another 58 months from the point at which Massachusetts recovered all the jobs it lost during the Great Recession, and job growth has continued apace. Massachusetts now has 9.0 percent more jobs than when the Great Recession began in December 2007, among the highest rates of job growth in the country over that time. Again, this is close to the state's 10.5 percent job growth seen at the same point relative to the start of the recession that began in July 1990.
Alongside strong job growth, Massachusetts has seen the unemployment rate fall sharply since the Great Recession. The official measure of unemployment considers all people who (1) are available to work and (2) have actively looked for work in the four weeks preceding the monthly Current Population Survey administered by the federal government. That is shown in the chart below.
Because this measure includes only recent job seekers, it can increase with the entry of new or returning job seekers into the labor force before they find work. In a strengthening economy, there will be plenty of these types of workers, which can have the effect of increasing the unemployment rate in the short term.
As the chart above shows, the state unemployment rate as of July 2017 (4.3 percent) is more than a full percentage point higher than where it was in December 2016, just seven months previously (3.1 percent). This increase is due to rapid growth in the number of people newly looking for work — growth that has outpaced the increase in employment. This total number — employed workers plus active job seekers — is the labor force. As the following chart shows, Massachusetts leads the nation in labor force growth in the first seven months of 2017.
To give ourselves a more complete understanding of recent changes in the labor market, it is helpful to consider not only how many workers are officially considered unemployed (those who were actively looking in the previous four weeks) but also how many (1) want to work but have given up looking and (2) want full-time work but can only find part-time work. These groups are called "marginally attached workers" and "involuntary part-time workers," respectively. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) publishes statistics that measure all of these situations combined: it's called labor underutilization.2
The underutilization rate dropped 19 percent in Massachusetts from the period covering July 2015 through June 2016 to the period covering July 2016 through June 2017, from 9.4 percent to 7.6 percent.3 Only two states had larger drops in the labor underutilization rate.
The increase in labor force participation and the sharp drop
in the
broader measure of underutilization suggest a growing recognition on
the part of all workers in Massachusetts that they will be able to find
jobs. In particular, while workers with more education fare better in
the Massachusetts economy (as discussed in the Education and the Economy section),
workers with no more than a high school diploma saw the biggest
percentage declines in labor underutilization from 2015 to 2016.
While the employment situation in Massachusetts continues to improve and to outpace most other states, wages still aren't increasing the way we would hope for in a tightening labor market. This is discussed in depth in the Wages and Income section, but here we can see that average wages for middle-class workers in Massachusetts (the middle 60 percent of the wage distribution) have barely moved in recent years. In 2007, just before the Great Recession, the average middle-class wage was $22.33, in 2015 it was $22.53, and in 2016 it was $22.60, after adjusting for inflation.
The following chart shows the share of job growth from the first half of 2016 to the first half of 2017 by sector. Sectors with a median wage below $20 per hour accounted for 46 percent of net new Massachusetts jobs from the first half of 2016 to the first half of 2017. This is close to the previous year-over-year change — the first half of 2015 to the first half of 2016 — when these sectors accounted for 51 percent of net new jobs.
19 years, 7 months from the start of the recession.
2U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Employment Situation Table A-15, "Alternative measures of labor underutilization." https://www.bls.gov/news.release/empsit.t15.htm
3The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics publishes state-level labor underutilization data on a four-quarter moving average basis in order to counteract the problem of small state-level sample sizes, and to eliminate regular seasonal changes in employment patterns. This approach increases the reliability of the estimate but may not reflect up-to-the-moment labor market conditions.


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COVID-19 is an emerging, rapidly evolving situation.
Get the latest information from CDC (coronavirus.gov) | NIH Resources | NIDA Resources
Common Comorbidities with Substance Use Disorders
When two disorders or illnesses occur in the same person, simultaneously or sequentially, they are described as comorbid.1 Comorbidity also implies that the illnesses interact, affecting the course and prognosis of both.1,2 This research report provides information on the state of the science in the comorbidity of substance use disorders with mental illness and physical health conditions
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Cite this article
NIDA. (2020, April 1). Common Comorbidities with Substance Use Disorders. Retrieved from https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/common-comorbidities-substance-use-disorders
Research Reports
This series of reports simplifies the science of research findings for the educated lay public, legislators, educational groups, and practitioners. The series reports on research findings of national interest.


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23 December 2013
Hell Hounds
I've now got 130 points tallied and am in 9th place - 2 slots and 15 points above the Dux!
10 comments:
As mentioned on Curts blog I like the fact that you can chain these two up. Also the blind look is more menacing as it gives the impression that hiding from them would be a bit harder than just being out of sight.ReplyDelete
nice work and a great choice of coloursReplyDelete
I'm with Clint! I love the fact they have collars!ReplyDelete
I have a bunch of these somewhere - you've inspired me to hunt them outReplyDelete
Lovely doggies! :)ReplyDelete
Appropriately disturbing so, well done! Daemonic Hounds in SA are no damn joke... good luck Threshold!ReplyDelete
Excellent work sir. :)ReplyDelete
Keep going with the Challenge. :)
They look great, their pose reminds me of the 'doggies' from Ghostbusters...ReplyDelete
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Inside The Sheepskin
Football news, rumours and lies.
Monthly Archives: March 2011
Chelsea Sign Unborn Brazilian
London, March 28th 2011
Chelsea have followed up their pre-contract signing of 17 year old Brazilian wonderkid Lucas Piazon by snapping up the unborn child of Rio couple Jorge and Rena Teixeres.
The couple have already got three sons – 8 year old twins that have already been signed to a long term deal by Santos, and a 4 year old that is reportedly interesting Real Madrid and Barcelona already despite not even playing a game for his kindergarten team.
Carlo Ancelotti stated this afternoon that the signing of the youngster – already dubbed "Foetusinho" by the press – is a key part of building for the future of the London club. "We are confident that our new signing will be a big part of the team in around 18 years time" said the Italian. "I expect by then I will be in my fourth spell as Chelsea manager".
He then paused for laughter. None followed.
Foetusinho is expected to be great with both feet, have blistering pace and be incredibly skilful, whilst having a slight attitude problem that means Chelsea supporters are always waiting for him to hand in a transfer quest. When quizzed about this Ancelotti added that was "part of the excitement of having a Brazilian in the team".
Rena Teixeres is currently under the supervision and care of the Chelsea medical staff who are ensuring that she does not eat any peanuts, raw eggs or fish during the course of the pregnancy. Not knowing the full details of how the child will grow up is part of the charm for Ancelotti: "The youngster could be a tall centre back like Lucio, or a strong and stocky centre forward like Adriano. We just don't know at this stage. It is very exciting indeed."
After pausing for thought Ancelotti added: "Unless it's a girl."
Gary Speed: "Bale is the new Giggs"
Cardiff, March 28th 2011
Gary Speed has likened starlet Gareth Bale to Manchester United and Wales legend Ryan Giggs in a press conference this afternoon. Bale may be absent from the Wales squad due to an injury but he is still on the mind of Speed.
"Bale is a tremendous talent. He reminds me of Ryan Giggs on so many levels: Great pace, maturity beyond his years, an amazing left foot and the ability to have a hamstring injury whenever the national team is playing" said the new Wales boss.
Giggs is the all time Manchester United record holder but only appeared 64 times in a Wales career that stretched over 16 years. Speed said of his former team-mate that he was a joy to behold in training: "He would astonish us all with the excuses he would come up with to avoid a Wednesday night trip to Budapest. if our physio ever gave his hamstring the all clear he would find another way. I think he attended the funerals of around 17 different grandparents over the years."
Speed also spoke of his admiration for Giggs' recovering abilities. "I don't think he ever missed a Manchester United game after international duty, so that hamstring must be almost superhuman. You've got to hand it to Giggsy, he's at the top of his game one minute, then virtually crippled to avoid a game against Azerbaijan, then right at the top of his game again. I think Gareth Bale is already learning a lot from him."
Inside The Sheepskin tried to speak to Bale today but upon calling Tottenham's training ground Harry Redknapp answered and told us that in addition to his hamstring strain Bale had got a "dicky tummy and was at home in bed and definitely not at training right now, no."
Further Scandal Over Newcastle Player's Night Out
Newcastle, March 22nd 2011
Whilst Leon Best and Stephen Ireland have apologised to Newcastle United supporters for their night out prior to their teammates being beaten 4-0 by Stoke City at the weekend, further controversy is now likely as more scandal from their evening has emerged.
The first issue is down to their alcohol intake – or lack of it. A NUFC supporters club representative has stated that he was "appalled" at the fact that they only had one drink each, and that drink was thought to be a mere bottle of Budweiser. He added "if they want to play for the Toon they should be drinking 8 bottle of Brown per bar, and gannin' to at least 10 bars a night. Soft southern bastards."
The venue of their evening has also been criticised. Instead of choosing either a garish, loud nightclub filled to the brim with scantily clad girls or a dank, dusty pub full of flat-cap and Toon shirt wearing men; It has now been revealed that the two players instead opted for a quiet wine bar and pretty much kept themselves to themselves. The NUFC supporters club have said that this is "a massive slap in the face".
Our contact saved most of his disgust for the final bit of news though. We showed him CCTV footage of the two players leaving the club and he was visibly sickened by what he saw. He retched and heaved as it became obvious that the two men had committed the most heinous crime that a man can in the North East: Wearing coats.
"They're dead to us now, man" said our contact. "That is the worst thing… I'm ganna hurl again."
Best and Ireland are expected to receive death threats in the coming weeks, written on the back of "North Face" catalogues.
Mario Balotelli Channels Spirit of Charlie Sheen
Manchester, March 22nd 2011
Fruitcake Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli has increased the controversy around his troubled first season in England by holding an impromptu press conference at Eastlands and seemingly being possessed by batshit-insane actor Charlie Sheen.
Balotelli stood for the entire press conference, chain smoking and wearing nothing but a undersized pair of burgundy velour y-fronts. He referred to manager Roberto Mancini as "the floppy haired Antichrist" and called his team-mates "a collection of losers and morons that have been flipped by a spatula from the greasy wok of life."
When quizzed about his red card in the Europa League last week he referred to his "tigerblood". He then paused to crumble up a packet of "Refreshers" sweets and snorted the rainbow coloured powder off the back of his hand whilst screaming "the fizz! The fizz! I am at one with the mother spirit! Suckle at my rubbery teat!"
Inside the Sheepskin understands that Balotelli has moved in with three women – a page three girl from Liverpool, a female professional wrestler only known as "Miss Destructo" and a midget. They apparently sleep together in a jacuzzi filled with blancmange.
When asked about his plans for the rest of the season, Balotelli merely said the word "winning" 43 times before urinating onto a Manchester City shirt that he had lit ablaze.
Roberto Mancini has dismissed Balotelli's behaviour as "him just settling in".
Classic Arsenal Back Four Reunite for Arena Tour
London, March 20th 2011
Hold on to your hats, ladies! Following on from the successful reunions of boybands such as Take That, Boyzone and Blue, the classic Arsenal back four of Lee Dixon, Tony Adams, Steve Bould and Nigel Winterburn have announced that they are getting back together for a special arena tour in the autumn.
At a packed press conference at the Dorchester Hotel in central London this afternoon, creative mastermind Steve "Baldy" Bould insisted that it had been on the cards for some time.
"I was in constant contact with Bernie (Winterburn) and I'd speak to the Dickmeister (Dixon) every month or so, but everything fell into place when we finally reconciled with the Beer Monster (Adams)" said Bould as flashbulbs lit up the room.
"It's good to be back with the lads" added Adams, sporting a large crucifix around his neck and wearing the deepest v-neck t-shirt ever created. "I know we went our seperate ways for a while but this just feels right."
Women across the UK and beyond are thought to be already queuing outside of the tour venues ready for when the tickets go on sale this coming Friday. The assembled press asked the fab four if they would be performing any new material, to which Dixon replied that they had been working on "some amazing new routines around the new craze for zonal marking."
Winterburn was more concerned with revisiting the classics, saying that he couldn't wait to "stand in a row and raise our arms, screaming offside as the crowd goes wild."
Rumours abound that David Seaman was asked to join the group but was unable to grow back his signature ponytail in time.
Neil Warnock Kills 4, Injures 12, Blames Referee
London, March 20th 2011
Outspoken QPR manager Neil Warnock has been released on police bail following a series of incidents in London that he blamed on referee Phil Gibbs.
Gibbs was in charge of QPR's 1-0 victory at Doncaster Rovers on Saturday but it is now clear that Warnock found several of his decisions somewhat contentious. Warnock was arrested this morning at his residence in West London by armed police, and was heard screaming Gibbs' name as he was bundled into a police van with his hands cuffed behind his back.
It is alleged that Warnock deliberately drove his BMW X5 SUV into a crowd that had gathered outside a bar in Putney at around 11pm on Saturday, killing two men and injuring another six people, two of them seriously. He then backed his vehicle out, injuring a street pastor that came to survey the damage and offer assistance.
Despite having a badly damaged front axle, smashed windscreen and punctured tyres Warnock then drove another half a mile in his stricken vehicle before smashing it into a phone box, killing the user of the telephone instantly. He then abandoned his vehicle, setting fire to the seats as he left. The car eventually exploded, causing significant damage to the street and houses on it.
Swigging from a bottle of brandy, Warnock then shuffled towards a nearby petrol station. It is thought that the night cashier desperately tried to call for help as he spied Warnock pouring brandy around a petrol pump and then lighting the mixture of alcohol and spilled fuel with the dog-end of a large Cuban cigar. As the forecourt exploded the cashier was killed, and two bystanders – out late buying bread, mars bars and pot noodles – were hurt.
Further bystanders tried to subdue Warnock but he injured a further three by lashing out with his powerful elbows. He then stole a nearby car and made his escape until his arrest this morning.
Warnock's lawyer has issued a statement from the embattled coach, saying that "Neil categorically denies any offences that he is accused of or members of the public may have seen him doing. Or that CCTV may have captured him doing. This is clearly a conspiracy from the Football Association who are defending the dreadful refereeing of Mr Phil Gibbs. My client holds Mr Gibbs 100% accountable for his actions and is certain that the FA and the police will agree."
It is thought that Warnock will somehow manage to have a midfield hatchet man injure 4 of the jury at his trial, ensuring that he remains free to offend again.
Laughing Houllier Says "I Know What I'm Doing, Honest"
Birmingham, March 20th 2011
A jolly Gerard Houllier held a press conference this morning to assure Aston Villa fans that he completely, like totally, knows what he's doing.
Punctuating his statement by lapsing into fits of the giggles, he read from a pre-prepared script that seemed to be written on a "Hello Kitty" notepad. The statement in full is as follows:
"Dear suckers.
I am aware of the Aston Villa fans chanting "you don't know what you're doing" to me during our 1-0 defeat to Wolverhampton Wanderers this weekend. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you all that I certainly do know what I'm doing. I am paid a vast, VAST amount of money to do my job and I happen to be excellent at it. I am achieving everything that I set out to do when I took up my position here as manager – in many ways, I'm ahead of my timescale.
I am confident that I will be able to achieve my goal of taking Aston Villa into the Championship within the next year. I have full backing of the excellently named Randy Lerner to do this, as he views the entire Villa "experiment" as a massive tax write-off.
I fully intend to strengthen the squad with further overpriced transfers in the vein of Darren Bent during the close season, spending as much money over the asking price as need be in order to have a roster of players who are as mercenary and unmotivated as myself. I will add to this by signing overpaid, over-the-hill former superstars such as Robert Pires who have all the pace and guile of a three legged hippopotamus.
Great things are ahead for Aston Villa. In the Championship are fans can enjoy us being in the top ten most important clubs!"
Houllier was then forced to stop talking as he laughed so hard that he started choking. When asked by the assembled media if he would be answering questions he raised his middle finger and left the room, chuckling to himself.
Spurs Fans Won't Shut the Fuck Up About Champions League
London, March 16th 2011
Tottenham Hotspur fans – renowned for being the pickiest in the world – are now irritating football supporters across the country with their constant blathering on about getting to the quarter finals of the Champions League.
One Leyton Orient fan told Inside the Sheepskin that a work colleague of his who supports Spurs had become the "bane of his life" with his constant bleating about a slight form of success in Europe.
"To be honest, I preferred it when he complained constantly about only having five top class strikers at the club or not having won the league that they have a god-given right to since 1961" said the fan. "I support a League One club and make the best of it. Now I have him emailing me 20 times a day asking me if I think they'll win the Champions League, how much better Spurs are than Arsenal and how the Champions League is much more important than any domestic trophy."
Spurs fans are snapping up t-shirts from their White Hart Lane club shop that read "at least the eighth best team in Europe" in their hundreds, and employers in North London have been deluged with requests for the date of the Champions League final off work from any Spurs fans that work for them.
Producers of the BBC's "606" programme had to shorten the length of their programme last week to just half an hour. A source told us that "without Spurs fans calling in to complain about everything, the content of the programme was limited to one Manchester United fan from London, a couple of Liverpool fans using the phrase "nobody is bigger than the club" and a Manchester City fan weeping for three minutes before hanging up."
It is thought that the current wave of optimism will be quashed once Tottenham are knocked out by Shakhtar Donetsk in the next round.
Brazilian Football Names Just Getting Daft
Brasilia, March 16th 2011
The Brazilian football association has been forced to admit this week that they are sadly running out of sensible names for new players.
"The time of catchy names for our players has passed" stated BFA vice president Roberto Ventura. "We are now reduced to scraping the bottom of the name barrel".
A low point came last year when a 15 year old youth team player at Santos ended up being called "Ronaldinhoinhoinhoinhoino" – literally "the fifth little lad called Ronaldo that we rate quite highly". The same youth team side has several Anglicised names too – a Greg, Darren, Steve, Nigel and Tiddles.
Player nicknames are often given based on the skills that the players possesses. Nigel, for example, is thought to be similar in playing style to former Chelsea and Liverpool midfielder Nigel Spackman, whilst Tiddles is a cat-like goalkeeper who happens to take free kicks.
One possible solution is taking the players long Portuguese names and turning their initials into acronyms – this is thought to be fraught with problems though, as Ventura explained: "Gremio have a young player called Carlos Umberto Negredo Thiago and he was fine using the acronym in Brazil but when he played in a tournament in the USA for some reason he got laughed off the park every game."
Flamengo have started naming their players with more exotic names recently. In line with their former full back now plying his trade with SC Braga in Portugal called George Lucas they have players called Indiana, Han, Luke and Darth. When asked about choosing these names their coach stated that he chose the first three because of his fandom of the blockbuster films. For the last he stated that was a factor but mainly "he's called Darth because he's black and has asthma."
Ferdinand to Wrestle Terry for Captaincy
London, March 16th 2011
With Rio Ferdinand reportedly unhappy with Fabio Capello for considering a return to John Terry as England captain, sources close to the Manchester United defender have said that he has issued a challenge to the Chelsea star for a wrestling match.
With England next playing at the end of the month, it is thought that the two will clash after a training session, as the remaining players stand watch and form an impromptu ring around the two combatants. Only the side square – Jermain Defoe – wants no part of this, saying that he'll tell if anyone forces him to watch.
Despite being injured at the moment Ferdinand has been practising piledrivers and suplexes on his bedroom pillows, moonsaults on a bouncy castle that he has hired and applying figure four leglocks to anyone that will sit still for long enough.
"Rio is psyched" said team mate Michael Carrick. "He's been watching Bret Hart videos on YouTube and has even designed his own outfit. This is a grudge match. It's on."
Sources close to John Terry have hinted that he may take a more dirty approach in the fight, with him growing his nails and resorting to kneeing colleagues in the groin when they aren't expecting under the guise of "warming up for Rio." Terry has not ruled out bringing a weapon to the match with him as "insurance" – such as a metal folding chair, baseball bat or salt to throw in Ferdinand's eyes.
Both men are said to be training hard for the clash, with Ferdinand saying that he's training so hard that he unfortunately can't bring himself to urinate for any drugs tests that might occur during the build-up.


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Ah, social media, the beast that seems to always be changing and that no one can tame.
You've been told you need it, that it can drive business and that customers notice if you do not have it.
All of these are true, I think the important point is that you cannot just do social media, you need to do it well.
What a novel concept, doing something well can yield great results. Weird.
This is not a dig at anyone, it is more to remind us all of the importance of quality over quantity.
I would argue that one solid post a day is much better than three posts that are either generic or your audience does not relate to.
But that doesn't answer your question: do you need a social media marketing strategy.
The short answer: yes.
The long answer: still yes.
Here is why:
- A strategy lets you know if you are heading in the right direction as far as targeting and content
- Knowing what you are trying to accomplish with social media will make it that much easier to measure it
- Do you like wasting time and money? No? Then you want to be intentional with your marketing, including social media
But, where to start, social media can feel like drinking from a firehouse.
So, here is a great resource on how to get started with your social media marketing strategy.
And here is a link to a free-consultation, so you are not throwing your hard-earned money away.
Oh, one final piece of advice, social media is supposed to be fun, so try not to take it too seriously.