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human
Is it normal to feel confused and scared before joining a faculty position?

Please guide me. I’m 27 american and soon to be a graduating student in the fine arts. I am about to join the faculty of an R1 equivalent university in Canada. I’ve secured a job during the pandemic in a very competitive discipline. I’m relieved to have secured this position during a time of uncertainty for the entire fine arts world, it’s my FIRST real job ever. 

Everyone tells me I'm lucky to get such a good job since I’m not even finished grad school. 

I know I should be super excited and happy as everybody around me is, but honestly every time I think about this new position, what I’m feeling is anxiety, fear and worry. I feel like I’m making a huge mistake in my life and constantly feeling very emotional and borderline wanting to cry. I am so confused as to why I’m feeling this. From an objective point of view, this is a great step in growing my career, but part of me is just like... what am I getting myself into.

I know this is what we are all looking for, a tenure track position in a relatively major research university but yet I’m not feeling so positive about it. I worked my butt off since I was 4 years old basically and I feel like I should be celebrating this transition but yet I’m second guessing everything. I can’t tell if it’s the unknown and fear of possibly of it going so wrong. I get worried that I’m gonna hate it all, and realize that I’m moving to a smaller city of about 1 million as opposed to 5 million even though they’re about 1 hour apart by flight. I’m so confused with all of these mixes of feelings. 

I hope I don’t sound entitled or whiny but I’m truly so confused how to best think clearly and positively about this new role. I know from an objective view this is a great career move and also financially it will help stabilize as a good income source amongst other work. But also at the same time I get worried about how I’m gonna adjust to this role, the obligation of mentoring students and also eventually finding a partner... which has been tough for me in a city of 5 million already but imagining what that might look like with a city of 1 million... and in Canada. I’d probably meet someone American but that would mean long distance AND another country...

I wanna know your experience if you have felt this way and how you dealt with it. 

Thank you :) 



Am I naive for thinking that I should be excited and overjoyed about this job? Does it mean I'm a normal academic that I feel dread, or a terrible academic that I don't see it as an opportunity (besides the great salary)? Does it just make me a privileged a-hole that I'm expecting to feel joy but I don't? I would appreciate any words of advice, your experience with before job jitters/dread and whether it gets better or whether I may be making a huge mistake? So confused!
gpt
I’m in a different profession, but it’s quite common. It may be a bit of impostor syndrome. It happens to a lot of professionals. Fake it till you make it is the best advice. Congrats on your new position. They would not have offered it to you unless you showed good evidence you would do well.