system
Given the following post, respond as if you're commenting on Reddit:
human
[Cabin in the Woods] How do they wrangle up the monsters after the offering is complete?

Obviously some of them are easier than others, but a lot of them would be friggin impossible. The wraiths, Fornicus, and the angry molesting tree, for example.
gpt
Zombies - Paralyzing neurotoxin

Ghost of a maternity ward nurse - Children's lullaby

Wyverns - Flash bright lights through precious stones

Mermaids - 5472 Hz tone inlaid on white noise and broadcast from under the water

Lamia - Children's laughter

Vampire - Pressure Washers with a garlic infusion

Werewolves - Swords inlaid with silver dust

Sirens - Speech-jamming guns

Giant Wyrms - Pressure washers with salt infusion

Airsharks - Tunas on a stick

Pigmen - Pressure Washers with a barbeque sauce infusion

Elementals - Bacon, for some reason

Tentacle monsters - Pressure Washers with an animal blood infusion

Chupacabra - Mirror

Gorgon - Bacon, still no idea how that one works

Chimera - Chicken blood

Sphinx - The answer is "man"

Goblins - The Mission Impossible soundtrack

Undead Hipster Chicks - Rejection

Fairies - Bread and honey

And the rest are pressure washers infused with bacon grease. Seriously, we have no idea why that works. We just don't really question it.