system
Given the following post, respond as if you're commenting on Reddit:
human
CMV: Attraction isn’t a choice (but interest in the potential partner can grow)

I’ve been taking a lot with other people about this recently, and I’ve come to learn that for some women “attraction” can be very different from men.

I am male, and I’ve begun to learn that for many women they were not instantly smitten with their future husband, but became more interested as they got to know the character of the man on dates.

Unlike men, women often feel things more on an emotional level, than basic visual attraction toward outer beauty and physical appearance, so maybe the statement “attraction is not a choice” doesn’t entirely work for women, but I do believe it works for men, speaking from experience.

HOWEVER, I still feel that what women have described could very well be different than attraction, because I feel like attraction involves sexual appeal based on appearance and personality whereas they are trying to get to know the character of the man in order to trust him and may have an easier time overcoming the “look” of the man, his features, because they like his heart. I could see getting past the appearance of the women to be much harder for most men.

However that’s different from finding him attractive from the get go. Also, people can make themselves more attractive to a person depending on if they are motivated to enhancing their appearance (getting a good haircut, losing weight, good hygiene etc). Nonetheless women, and men, could easily agree that someone who is naturally good looking and appealing to them can be labeled under “attractive” compared to someone they have zero sexual attraction towards.

We have certain traits or features that we find appealing in the people we are attracted to, compared to those we do not wish to enter into a relationship with. There are certainly people who are attracted to the same gender as themselves or are into other sexual orientations, all of which do not make the conscious choice to sexually desire these people. Same is true of straight people.

It seems that our attraction comes from a deeper place than just our thought life where we imagine and crave a future partner. Rather who we find attractive may instead come from our genetic makeup or early development and childhood behavior. Maybe we had a crush as a kid, the same age as us, and those traits (brown eyes, brown hair, skin color) just appealed to us and transferred over to adulthood. But it’s certainly not simply a choice who we find attractive.
gpt
Women and Men are human beings, not hive minds. You cannot lump all of them into the two baskets of ‘attracted to looks’ and ‘attracted to personality’.

Women have one night stands and find guys sexy without knowing anything about them and men have deep emotional binds with a girl after getting to know her before dating.