system
Given the following post, respond as if you're commenting on Reddit:
human
[Milkshake] Kelis has brought all 3.5 billion boys to the yard. What happens now?
gpt
The sheer mass of so much humanity in one place causes death and denaturing from the heat of compression alone.

All the hydrocarbons are slowly rendered from the now-geographically-classifiable deposit. 

Humanity goes extinct, except for a small band that have survived the Kelis Migratory Extinction Event because their male children had been conceived, though not yet born at the time.

Alluvial sediments borne by rising tidal waters bury the formation, and the weight of eons of accumulated dirt press and cook the remains. Civilisation falls and humanity scrabbles and falls and rises once more.

Once-banned literature is rediscovered, and a renaissance flourishes, a second coming of humanity, as they search — mostly in vain — for easily accessible petrol deposits.

Two brothers with inherited adjoining plots of land over the deposit, one directly, one adjacent, fall into conflict over the mineral rights.

In a plot to exact revenge on the more privileged brother, the more conniving one sinks a diagonal shaft into the Kelis formation and pumps it nearly dry.

When confronted, an argument ensues, and at the height of emotion, explaning his doublecross, the conniving brother shouts 

"I. DRINK. YOUR. MILKSHAKE. *I DRINK IT UP!*".