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human
Post-PhD defense funk

I submitted my thesis in September 2020, and 3 months later successfully defended my PhD (yesterday was my defense day). In between, I got sick with Covid-19, and a guy I was dating broke up with me 1 month before my defense. The effort it took to get me through was EXTRAORDINARY, to say the least. 

Now that I defended my thesis, I feel absoloutely drained: emotionally, mentally, and physically. Everybody is congratulating me and is proud of me, family, friends, colleagues, but i feel apathetic. How can I not be happy and joyous and just wanting to celebrate ? "Congratulations, Dr.!" makes me want to cringe more than smile. I feel guilty and ashamed for feeling this way. 

Yes, I am relieved it's over, and I am sincerely proud of my overall journey, moved to a new country, met great people, and had an amazing time, learned so much and personally grew a lot, but regarding the PhD, i'm feeling so empty .. like, "Is this really it?", and "okay, so what?" 

I don't know what it is, whether it is just tiredness or I haven't had time to process the breakup (which I was blindsided by). 

My research contract is still running for a few months so I'll be back to do some more work after the holidays, and I applied for a postdoc already, but in regards to finishing my PhD, I can't emotionally connect to what happened .. I'm feeling so deattached from it all. 

I don't understand what it is ... Is this normal ?
gpt
It's shockingly normal. People build up the defense to this huge moment, when really it's just a minor coda on a long and draining process. Plus it's really not the "end" people think it is, as you're now starting the next step of the process (applying for jobs, converting the diss into something publishable, etc.)

Get some rest, work through the breakup, and you'll be fine.

Oh, and congratulations!