system
Given the following post, respond as if you're commenting on Reddit:
human
Dealing with competitive fellow postdoc for faculty jobs

I'm getting stressed out daily about dealing with a fellow postdoc during my faculty application process. For the first 6 years in school, we were good friends and while she was a bit annoying sometimes with playing victim, I didn't mind because those behaviors didn't affect me directly. We both ended up in the same lab for postdoc but have different mentors. But this year we are both applying for the same tenure-track faculty positions at the same universities, and I am stressed out in my daily interactions with her.

It's common in our field to have a recommendation letter from the lab director. The first thing that annoyed me was she convinced the director we both shared to write her recommendation letter and not mine, and while this director claims it's because she worked more closely with her and that it would hurt both our chances if she wrote letters for two people in the same department, my director later admitted that it was because my friend complained and was very sensitive to these "issues" of us competing. The director is new to the position, but last year she wrote recommendation letters for multiple lab postdocs without any problems.

Now I've dealt with this and moved forward, but I end up seeing her almost every day since we work in the same lab. So while her demeanor is friendly and unchanged, she talks about the job applications constantly, and is obsessed where I get interviews. Whenever she hears I have an interview she will go ask her contacts to contact faculty at that department to put in a word for her. Furthermore, since we are in the same lab, I feel like she is always watching who I network with, and she will try to outdo me by talking to those people as well. This extends to our annual conference where she constantly "joins in" my conversations with faculty in other departments. She has asked me what I wear, bring, etc. during interviews, and then bought new clothes and a laptop that are nicer.

Anyways, I don't want to start any conflict because our lab is very friendly and we bring our kids to the park together, etc. But today she noticed me spacing out for a moment, and said something like "oh don't worry, you'll find a job" in front of our students and my advisor, and I got really frustrated. I feel she wins over our mutual friends better who cheerleader her more because she is around the lab more often, so I also have trouble confiding in them because she will later ask them about what I said. I feel like I am losing out on my existing network more and more each day, and this affects my chances of getting a job. Does anyone have advice how to deal with this situation?
gpt
If she's trying to outcompete you, you should try to outcompete her. Don't give her information about your own job search, or even give her misleading information. Or when she asks you a bunch of questions about your search, make sure to return them. If she won't share, then it's easy for you to be tightlipped as well. 

And fight hard for those positions you want. You think your director should have written a letter for you? Bring it up again and try to persuade him/her to write some letters now, if there's still time. 

It sounds like she's playing the mental game and winning, so don't let her ... The job search is a serious thing, but it sounds like you're taking her behavior too seriously. Try laughing about it, because it sounds like she's being pretty silly. And then focus on fighting for those positions. Remember she's not you're only competition, and if she thinks that by beating you out for the job, she'll get it, she doesn't know how competitive those positions really are. Finally, act friendly toward her because not acting friendly won't do you any good.