system
Given the following post, respond as if you're commenting on Reddit:
human
[Tropic Thunder/MCU] Actor Kirk Lazarus is set to play one of the original six Avengers in adaptation of The Battle Of New York. What does he do to prepare for each possible role?

Kirk Lazarus in the universe of Tropic Thunder is a world renowned method actor who will go to *any* length to perfectly capture the character he's playing. In the upcoming Battle Of New York movie set to come out in 2021, he has been cast to play one of the six leads who helped save the world(Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye). How would he prepare to play each of these characters? 

Bonus: What MCU characters could you see Tugg Speedman, Jeff Portnoy, and Alpa Chino playing, and how would each of them do?


Edit: Just realized that half the world is snapped in 2021. Just pretend that Infinity War/Endgame doesn't play into this What If? scenario.
gpt
**Thor:** Lazarus goes to live in Iceland, listens to a lot of black metal, studies Old Norse, and joins an Asatru cult. Lazarus being Lazarus, this particular group of neo-pagans are also neo-Nazis (apologies to actual neo-pagans, most of whom are obviously not neo-Nazis). He arrives on set sporting a full sleeve of what he maintains are "runic tattoos", but which are instantly recognisable to any scholar of mid 20th century history. The resulting scandal tanks his career, until Jodie Foster casts him in her film The Beaver.

**Iron Man:** Lazarus drinks heavily, sleeps with a series of models, and is then arrested trying to sell a shipload of antitank missiles to what turns out to be an undercover ATF agent. He maintains that this was preparation for a role, but since the rest of his behaviour was indistinguishable from the regular Hollywood star stereotype the judge doesn't buy it.

**Captain America:** A course of HGH, steroids, and 12 hours a day of working out and training in boxing and judo still can't do anything to fix Lazarus's greatest weakness: His height. His insistence on doing all his own stunts (okay, most of his own stunts) clashes with his insistence on doing every scene standing on an apple box. He also insists on adopting stereotypical 1940s attitudes (with little awareness of Steve Rogers' actual background in the socialism-heavy melting pot of 1930s New York), referring to all women on set as "broads" or "dames", and getting himself publicly called out for racism by Samuel L Jackson.

**Hawkeye:** This role requires no preparation whatsoever.

**Bruce Banner/Hulk:** Over the course of eight months, Lazarus spends his evenings studying theoretical physics, completing almost 90 per cent of a PhD and accidentally discovering several new and interesting things about how gamma radiation interacts with \*insert science stuff here\*. His days are spent working as a teaching assistant in a kindergarten for "problematic" children. As a result, his performance as the Hulk is raved about by critics and audiences alike, he wins yet another Oscar, and the MCU is expanded to include a spin-off Hulk trilogy, rights issues be damned.

**Black Widow:** Lazarus begins living as a woman, in Russia, while training extensively in firearms, infiltration, and sambo. She perfects her Russian accent, takes a course of hormone treatments, and legally changes her name to Kimberly. Nobody is quite sure what to make of all this; the mainstream media makes token gestures towards being sensitive and polite while also getting them clickbait headlines going. The film is utterly overshadowed by Kimberly Lazarus's journey, which her PR team insists is just preparation for a role. Finally, she gives a press conference in which she explains that her endless re-invention was part of a desperate search for her true self, and she's finally found what she was looking for.

The film tanks at the box office, Kimberly Lazarus's career is never the same, but all indications are that she's happier than she's ever been.