system
Given the following post, respond as if you're commenting on Reddit:
human
CMV: Insults such as 'You're gay' are not an affront to gay people

I've seen some discussion about this topic, where many kids and adults may call people something they aren't to try and insult them. For example: 'That's so gay' and 'You throw like a girl' type insults. Many people come to the conclusion that these type of insults are homophobic and misogynistic, but I don't believe that's necessarily the case at all.

I think the most insulting thing about being called a girl for a boy is the affront to his own identity. He is being called something he is not. He doesn't think its insulting because he hates girls and thinks they're inferior, but rather because his identity as a boy is being taken away.

Women in general also hate being associated with masculinity. They tend to want to be smaller than their partners because they feel masculine if they are taller. They religiously pluck facial hair and shave away body hair because that's manly. But they probably don't hate men.

Similarly, being called gay is a huge insult to many guys not because they are all homophobic, but because they are being called something they are not.

I think the best way to see it from my point of view is looking at how offensive it is for trans people when they are mis-gendered (Purposely). It is a deliberate refusal of their identity. No one says a trans woman is a misandrist if she hates being referred to as 'he'. The people calling them 'he' are also unlikely to hate men, but say it to hurt the trans person. 

So CMV, insults such as those above aren't necessarily homophobic or misogynist. They sting because they are an affront to identity more so than because being gay or a woman is a bad thing.

_____
gpt
You're correct that saying "you're gay" is not necessarily insulting to gay people. If someone is legitimately behaving like a homosexual (in jest, or seriously), then there's nothing wrong with saying "you're gay." In these cases, the phrase "you're gay" has power because the person is, well, acting gay. But if someone is doing something that has nothing to do with sexuality, then it definitely is insulting to gay people to say "you're gay." 

For example, if someone is afraid of something (say, afraid to ride a roller-coaster, for example), then it would be insulting to gay people to say "you're gay." The phrase "you're gay" is often directed as an insult to someone who exhibits *any* behavior that's considered unpopular by the person giving the insult. Oftentimes, the behaviors have nothing to do with sexuality. In these cases, the phrase "you're gay" has power because of an underlying implication that being gay is bad. That's an affront to gay people.