system
Given the following post, respond as if you're commenting on Reddit:
human
CMV: Men should stop trying to “attract” women and start trying to connect with them

I was once in Miami and saw a beautiful woman walking on the beach. I approached by saying, “Hi, I just saw you and had to share my awesome mood.” Her eyes lit up. She liked me instantly. Then, for the next minute or two, I proceeded to spit “good game” at her, saying witty, “cool” lines that would supposedly get her even more attracted to me. (I had been taking an online course about how to talk to women.) But with every passing second, I could feel her interest diminish. The “cooler” and wittier I was, the less relatable I was, and the less she liked me. After a couple minutes, she said, “It was nice meeting you,” which is code for, “Not interested.” Ouch. 

I was trying so hard to “attract” her that I repelled her. Instead, I should have simply connected with her. 

Do a Google or YouTube search for terms like “attraction secrets” or “how to talk to girls” and you’ll see thousands of tips purporting to teach guys how to “attract” women. Be alpha. Be mysterious. Be cocky. Be funny. And on and on.

Men should stop trying to “attract” women. Women are already attracted to us, just as we’re attracted to them. Attraction is handled by Mother Nature, the ultimate wing-woman. As Homo sapiens, we’ve been attracting each other for 200,000 years. Early Man didn’t need clever lines from Youtube. 

You don’t need to “attract” women. They’re already attracted, just as you’re already attracted to them. (If Scarlett Johansson approached you, how good would her “game” have to be?) 

When a guy focuses too much on trying to attract, he hurts himself in two key ways 1: He comes across as a try-hard guy straining to impress her, which makes him less attractive. 2: He’s not focused on what women really want: connection. 

We’re all wired to seek romantic connection. It’s a fact of evolution. But unlike attraction, romantic connection is not instant or automatic. It takes time and effort. You have to both like some of the same things, or share emotional experiences. So, a guy on a date who focuses on “be attractive” is failing to focus on the most important thing to do on a date. 

He’s like the Hulk with a handgun. It’s overkill. Women already find him attractive. They want connection, not attraction. (Watch any episode of “The Bachelor,” and almost every woman will say, “We had the most amazing connection!”)

If you try to “attract” women, you’ll repel them. But if you try to connect, you’ll attract them. 

Change my view!
gpt
I’ve always looked at it like this:
Attractive is something you ARE
Connecting is something you DO.

Don’t attract someone. Just work on yourself through self-improvement so that you ARE attractive... then focus on making genuine connections with the other person.  If they find you attractive and you make a connection, you’re golden.  But directly trying to make them find you attractive is almost never successful.