system
Given the following post, respond as if you're commenting on Reddit:
human
Could humans best vampires in any Olympic event?

Edit: shall we assume, in the interests of Olympic spirit and fairness, that the events take place in non-sunlight conditions where Vampires can at least compete...
gpt
How would vampire athletes even work?  Would they carry around hyperactive little kids to use as sport drinks?

'Seriously' though, humans would win most swimming-based events.  In most interpretations, vampires are undead with shriveled or useless internal organs.  That means that neither their lungs (they don't need to breathe) nor their digestive tracts holds any gas, so they'd no longer be naturally buoyant.  They'd come out in their little speedos and ghastly white skin, dive into the water, and sink right to the bottom.  Meanwhile, all the human competitors zoom past them up on the surface.