system
Given the following post, respond as if you're commenting on Reddit:
human
[Dungeons and Dragons] My seductive ways have finally caught up with me...

Wellp, it's finally happened. Out of all those peasants, guards, bounty hunters, thieves, innkeepers, nobles, shopkeepers, orks, mimics, dragons, and doors that I've seduced into helping me and my party with my adventures against Kikkkikarikkkaldigganikkan and his evil hordes of minions...

...I end up getting a letter from a *Red Dragon* about how I now have a child to help raise.

Some context - I'm just a humble human bard with jokes corny enough to sell at the farmer's market. It's not a bad lifestyle, and to be honest, it pays the bills. So after a one-night dance with the resident dragon in the abandoned castle of the *very* late Sir Donoggan and his fifty thieves in the valley between the bleeding mountains, I figured my friends and I were in the clear to make off with the loot and adventure somewhere else with a disproportionately smaller abundance of flames, skulls, zombies and murderous lych-fueled furnishings.

Only *now*, I'm being told by a courier (who was evidently paid by the aforementioned red dragon a total and generous sum of being allowed to live) that I have a daughter that I need to raise and look after.

So I come to you fair fellow of the lands, one with words of wisdom and wonder. Tell me - what must I expect in raising this daughter? What will she look like? How can I help her blend in to my meager world of soft squishy and humble humanity? Will she attract other dragons? What will I need to feed her? Will she or her mother try to murder me in my sleep? Can you stop looking at me like that? - Seriously, it was like, only two doors and a rough relationship at best (they kept getting in the way). What problems may arise as a result of her presence? Should I keep her away from any specific members of the party? How can she help with our adventures? Will she outlive me?  

Most important of all - how can I ensure she lives a happy life?

I'm normally not worried, what with having the company of Buff Ramstock with his many debts to some big guy in the sky, a darkly clad person that always seems to be around when our very important and very expensive world saving artifact suspiciously and suddenly isn't, and a spindly book-bound lad that can vaporize entire legions of orks just as quickly as he needs rescuing from a scraped knee... but!... None of them have really actually *fought* a dragon, thanks to me and my way with words.

Speaking of which... Would you happen to be busy tonight? I hear the fields around these parts are gorgeous in the moonlight, and I'm itching to try this silver ring of smooth-talking....
gpt
The first thing to remember is that nobody’s ready to be a parent, even if they think they are. Do your best, love her, and don’t give up. 

The second thing to remember is that there is no such thing as too young to make your first unholy pact with the beings of outer darkness. 

The third thing to remember is child seats. You can’t just sit her in a regular jousting saddle; get a special boosted one with extra support.