system
Given the following post, respond as if you're commenting on Reddit:
human
CMV: If one is trying to get into a healthy, serious relationship, they should first go on relatively low cost dates until they are ready to get into a relationship

*I define "relatively low cost" as under 2 hrs worth of wages, less if you have low-mid income in a high COL area. Where I live with a high COL, I would put the price of "relatively low cost" dates at <$30 for a lower wage worker, <$20 for most dates.*

Spending a lot on the first couple of dates is usually a bad idea if you want to get into a loving, serious relationship.  Here are four reasons why:

**1**

Early dates often don't lead to a serious relationship so spending a lot of money can be a burden on one's finances.

**2**

Some people will take advantage of a person who is willing to go out on expensive dates with them.  This leads to many expensive dates that don't lead to a serious relationship.

**3**

Spending large sums on a first date can attract people who want to live a lavish lifestyle.  This can lead to compatibility issues arising if you are unwilling to spend that sort of money on a regular basis.  

**4**

Expensive early dates can create an unhealthy dating dynamic.  Imagine a situation where Person A pays for the cost of an expensive date for themselves and Person B.  Person A, who spends a great deal of money on the dates, might feel entitled to more time with Person B or believe that Person B was taking advantage of them if Person B chooses not to go on any more dates.  Meanwhile, Person B, who is not paying for the dates, might feel pressured to go on more dates, even if a healthy, serious relationship is extremely unlikely to form, since they don't want to seem like they were taking advantage of Person A.

**There are some exceptions that I recognize if they meet the following criteria.**

-  Neither person will take advantage of the other person or pressure them to continue dating.

- Both parties are transparent and quickly learn about each other's expectations regarding their finances.  This will prevent people from going on many dates before realizing they are incompatible when it comes to their spending habits.

- You have enough disposable income to pay for expensive dates without being financially hurt in any significant way.

**Here are some very specific exceptions:**

- If you like a hobby/activity that requires >2 hours of wages to do during a date, you want a partner who likes that hobby/activity, you would like to know if they like that hobby/activity ASAP, the hobby/activity will not break the bank, and you are good at determining whether a date is actually interested in the activity, it might be worth paying for it on one of the first dates.  

- If they live quite a distance away from you then spending more than 2x your hourly wages on a date might be a good idea in order to cover transport costs.  Yes, it will cost more money but it doesn't lead to other significant problems.  

**EDIT:**

I gave a delta and added the criteria regarding hobbies and transportation.
gpt
That's fair. But there's only so much personality that one can exhibit in a coffee shop. If you're looking for someone to share your life with, you should demonstrate that you are interesting.

So, really you should start as you mean to go on. And whether this is going to lead anywhere or not, you should act as if it doesn't matter. The point of you being here doing this is that you're here for a good time, this is your environment. And you're putting out feelers for someone to join you in that environment.

I think the problem with dating is that there's a level at which you're always trying to act in a way that you don't actually act.

So, if you're the sort of person that actually does something that costs money, or requires effort, you shouldn't be afraid to bring someone there with you. It's the artificial nature of the situation that's really a problem. You shouldn't start having fancy dinners because you think that's what your partner would like.