system
Given the following post, respond as if you're commenting on Reddit:
human
[marvel] lack of superpowers is causing issues with girlfriend, quickest way to get some.

I met a girl online, and she neglected to mention that she spends most of her time green; if you take my meaning. at first I was a little intimidated, but I got over it and things were awesome for a while. Now though we've run into some practical issues. I can't really keep up with her in bed, and it's putting a bit of tension into our lives that I'd rather not have. 

so what's the easiest was to get some power? I don't plan on doing any hero work, I've just noticed Hercules keeps texting my girl; I trust her, but I'd feel a lot better if I didn't have to compare myself to him like that.
gpt
Mutant Growth Hormone is available on the streets as an illegal drug, as are any number of nastier enhancement therapies. Most are addictive or have nasty side effects.

If you think you might be Inhuman in heritage, take your chances and catch up with the Terrigen mist currently making it's way across the US.

There are any number of companies that will accept you as an experimental test subject, but the results are often risky, and of course, they come with considerable strings.

Gamma irradiation is a dice roll with *very* bad odds. You can also try to duplicate other heroic origin stories, but for most humans they generally end in death. maybe you have the special genetics that might allow you to be empowered, though.

Anyone can learn magic, the problem is finding someone to teach it, and being able to pay the price of scholarship.