system
Given the following post, respond as if you're commenting on Reddit:
human
I suspect the Flash is stealing my newspapers, is there anything I can do?

After a sternly written letter to my local newspaper about the misconducts of mr.runningsuperfastthroughmygarden, I know see my newspaper disappearing every morning right when I want to grab it from my threshold. I suspect it's some kind of sick joke of him to get back at me for exposing him to the world. Is there anything I can do to stop him from doing that or at least get proof its him?
gpt
Yeah. The Flash is a dick. A petulant man-child who more often than not steals people's coffee and papers when he is late to the next meeting of the super-"Lets-save-the-world-today"-Friends. 

But here is what you do. Cancel your newspaper delivery and find someone with a one-off newspaper printer. If you are not someone who likes elaborate pranks this may not be for you. 

You start printing your own papers. Sometimes print yesterdays paper, but fresh again, and with slight alterations. Someone's hair is now black, last nights game was won by the other team, things like that. 

You start small, with things he wouldn't notice at first. Then you start getting bigger. One paper is from last year, commemorating the 75th year of Titanic's succesfull maiden voyage. A paper, printed fresh like all the others, from april 1969 about how Buzz Aldrin was the first man to step on the moon.

Hopefully he starts thinking your house is the center for some temporal vortex, he brings in the team, you get to meet superman and hawk-girl (Hello bedtime fantasies). Then they see nothing is wrong. But Flash keeps showing up. You swear you haven't gotten a paper for months, you have no idea whats wrong. 

Then you start dropping words into the middle of articles. "wake up" will appear in the middle of something about talks in the middle east. "Please wake up". over the course of the next few months they appear more and more frequently in the articles. Soon, one day, all it says is "Wake up" over and over again. 

Thats what the fucker gets for stealing your papers.