system
Given the following post, respond as if you're commenting on Reddit:
human
Thoughts/questions about quitting PhD

My apologies in advance for somewhat of a rambling post - I'm a 31/m, have a wife and 2-year old with plans for a second child currently on hold because of financial constraints. I'm currently in the 5th year of a upper mid-tier history PhD program and am juggling quitting. I've lost most all passion and drive for academic research and writing, and the thought of having to finish writing my PhD looms over me and infects every part of my life. It makes me sad, because I have an exciting topic in contemporary European history and have essentially gathered enough sources and interviews (with some unique finds) to complete writing. It's modern and "sexy" enough that I would very likely be able to find a publisher for the manuscript afterwards. But I am miserable.

Once upon a time I was a very social person, always positive and optimistic, likeable and outgoing, but the isolation of writing has turned me into a cranky recluse with zero interest in keeping up with friends and family. I used to spend free time with hobbies like music writing, biking, auto restoration, but now I spend my free time finding ways to shut my brain off, which usually means having a few drinks and sitting in front of the tv pretending to watch something while my mind wanders. I view hanging out with friends and family now first and foremost as a good excuse not to be working, instead of genuinely enjoying their company. I still have that intellectual curiosity and genuine interest in knowledge that started me on this track, but I can't bring myself to pick up any new interesting book, because I instantly feel guilty for investing mental energy into something that is not my dissertation.

Doing a PhD seems to have brought out the worst in my personality in terms of not handling the stress of a large, looming project and letting it overtake my life, poor time management, constant confusion and disorganization and inability to ever be fully "present" when spending time with others etc. I was never one to shirk from work before and always considered myself to be a hard worker and someone happy to put in the extra time and effort to ensure something was done right the first time. I used to be sharp, on the ball and reliable, now I come across as not very bright, disorganized and overall not someone you would want working for you in any job capacity.

I confidently feel that deciding to do a PhD was the single worst decision of my life. I no longer like who I am, and I feel like the strengths I used to have (confidence, social skills, empathy, ability to read people extremely well) have been eroded to the point where I wouldn't even know where to start looking for an alternative job, especially with half a PhD and zero work experience outside academia or teaching for the past 8 years.

At this point, I am only holding on with the hopes of landing a teaching gig at a lib arts college or something similar, as teaching is the only aspect of my professional life right now I still feel rewarded by. Teaching is really something I get passionate about, but I realized early on I didn't want to teach in high school for a variety of reasons. I was very close to quitting my PhD during and right after comps, but I landed a year-long research fellowship and took that as a sign I should stick with it. Now I am still hanging on with the hopes that my persistence will be rewarded with a college teaching gig. Or that my PhD will perhaps help me in landing a decent government job (the US gov. recognizes grad education as a substitute for experience for many positions). I would jump all over virtually any alternative job opportunity that presented itself to me right now, but of course nothing is going to just fall in my lap if I'm not actively making it happen.

I guess I'd like to know how common it is to feel this defeated during a PhD. How bad was it for those who made it through? Would it be dumb to make it this far and stop, or dumb to waste another day of my life being this unhappy? When I signed up for grad school I made the decision to forgo immediate fun (I was teaching abroad and traveling a lot) in order to secure a career and future, and that has been my motivation throughout this, especially the "light" at the end of the tunnel of teaching 15-20 hours a week and having significant schedule flexibility to be a better family man. But are the prospects of a career in the field so slim that I would be crazy to continue doing this to myself for the off chance I land a fleeting academic job?

I'd really appreciate any advice, suggestions or observations. I've been running around in circles between quitting and sticking it out for months now and I'm reaching my wit's end.

edit* In case any one was wondering, I've brought it up with my wife before, though not recently, and she's always been supportive. I'm 100% sure she would back me up in whatever I decide.
gpt
1. If you put your nose to the grindstone, how quickly do you think you could finish your degree?

2. If you dropped out tomorrow, what would you be doing instead?

3. If you dropped out 6 months from now, what do you think you could be doing and how likely is it that would occur?