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Conflict with Dept Chair - Again

Apologies in advance, but this is a long one. As the title indicates, I have recently had a major conflict with my department chair. This is not the first time it has happened, and both times had to do with me asking questions about his course which I am teaching on.


Background on the course: this is an Introduction to European Literature course for 1st year students who then have to decide of they want to continue to study literature at all (so about half of any class is entirely uninterested in literature at all). Half the group is international and taught through English, the other half is taught through the local language. I teach that half.


My boss had revamped the course for this year and was very excited about the changes he'd made, but unlike the etiquette at this institution, he didn't inform or involve his teaching team at all at any point. This meant that everything was sprung on the teaching team last minute. This is where the first conflict came from: he released the mandatory texts a week before the seminars started, and for week 1 chose an article which I see as too difficult (and honestly ill-fitting, but I didn't say that), especially for my students who don't do the course through English. I contacted him about this and explained my concerns, making it clear that I understood we couldn't change the text anymore and instead asking for help in making it accessible for my students. The result was a stream of aggressive messages about how, as I am "so young" and still new to the job (1st academic job post-PhD, started last year) I obviously don't understand anything, ending with the setting of a disciplinary meeting the next day. He then spent the entire meeting smiling and telling me I'm so talented etc. and that he's just worried about me self sabotaging by worrying unnecessarily and "giving the students ammunition" before the course even began.


The second conflict was this week. He asked me to check the translations of the exam. I noticed that some of the questions were from last year's exam and no longer fitted the content of the course, at least the way I had been teaching it. I will admit a mea culpa here that I had been confused by the new course design and instead of asking for help, decided to just do my best to do right by my students, and follow the instructions I got at my disciplinary meeting as well as the syllabus contents. I should have asked my boss for help during the course, but I honestly am scared to talk to him and hoped addressing the topics in the syllabus was sufficient. When I reached out to him at the end of the course and, mistakenly (another mea culpa), in the group chat for the teaching team for the course asked about these questions and if the content was present in the lectures (which my boss gives), as I had not focused on it in my seminars at all, he proceeded to belittle me and (between the lines) vaguely threaten me. This was another incessant stream of messages full of screenshots proving just how wrong I was, again, in the group chat "in front of" my colleagues. I will not go into details about what was said out of fear of being identified, but it came across as extremely vitriolic. I got defensive and the conversation ended there.
Also, although I understand that I may not be in the right here and everyone in this department is doing their best just to get by, it has been extremely hurtful to have received no private messages from my colleagues who witnessed this - not to say I'm right, but at least to check if I'm okay.


After cooling down a little I decided the best course of action would be to send a long apology email to soothe the situation. I am not sorry at all, but I am very concerned about my career. Me getting this job was nothing short of a miracle, and the way the system works here any progression in my career is fully dependent on him - I cannot apply for a promotion with my Faculty, he has to nominate me, and my job is temporary but can be made permanent, dependent on him, again. His answer to my email was lengthy, and although he was no longer angry it outraged me again. The typical "I was not angry but shocked and disappointed", together with a strange mixture of talking about how amazing and talented I am, together with him expressing concern about my insecurities which lead to defensiveness, and my social ineptitude leading to a failure to fit in with the department, with a dash of kind understanding that as an inexperienced and young person I am of course in a different position and he has done his best to take care of me and has (in his words) spoilt me, leading to anger and envy from senior colleagues. I have seen no evidence of this, and feel he's trying to manipulate me into being insecure with my colleagues instead of confiding in them.


I think I took the pressure off the situation for now, but I am looking for another position as this is entirely unsustainable and damaging my mental health. I, perhaps mistakenly, consider myself to be sensitive in some areas but very tough professionally, yet he has me terrified and walking om eggshells anytime I have to get into contact either with him or those in the group who are close to him. I have talked to some colleagues about this, and they agree that he's outrageous, so it is nice to know that this is not some kind of hypersensitivity on my end - but it does not take away the creeping sensation that my boss is a bully and to involve HR or even just to tell him about how his behaviour towards me is inappropriate and damaging me would end my career here. A step I might have been willing to take, if there were any positions available elsewhere.


I love my job. I love teaching (not always and not as much as I have to, but still), I love research, and I dearly miss going for coffee with my colleagues or chatting with them at the office. Because of this I am deeply worried, and it is starting to affect me, especially being in lockdown. Since puberty I have not felt as deeply insecure as after his latest email to me. Am I being gaslit, or am I right even with the mistakes I have made? A tough question for people without the full context I am sure, so perhaps more of a rhetorical one, but one that plagues me nonetheless. I have not heard of any other colleagues being treated like this (the golden child who is also an idiotic piece of shit), but tbh I do not think anyone else ever questions him. I know I should dissociate and, as a colleague adviced me, "fly under the radar", but I don't know how to do that. I guess I am looking for a place to vent and get advice on how to get by in this volatile situation.


TL;DR I suspect I'm in an abusive relationship with my boss, who my career depends on entirely for now. What can I do to survive this situation, as I love academia and - aside from him - my job?
gpt
Are you an instructor? What’s your actual title? Post-doc? TT? More information is needed to give you targeted advice. 

In general, your Dept chair is a poor leader with subpar communication and a dash of noneffective conflict resolution. You have two options (IMO). 

1. Fight him at every turn and make sure every slight is reciprocated. This will lead to distrust, disrespect, hostility and create an overall stressful experience for you. 

2. Play the political game and turn an enemy into an ally. Talk to him and thank him for his guidance and leadership while you are figuring out the learning curve. Admit the mistakes he knows about and ask for advice how to do better next time. Cozy up to him. Treat him to where he thinks he is mentoring you. He will feel more responsible to seeing you succeed and may not be so quick to embarrass you in front of others. 

I’m sorry that your going through it. It sounds absolutely dreadful. Good luck.