system
Given the following post, respond as if you're commenting on Reddit:
human
CMV: There is absolutely nothing insulting about being interested in someone only for sex

There is nothing wrong or insulting with wanting to have sex with  someone and only being interested in a human being for sex. There is nothing to feel bad about if someone feels this way about you either. 

It seems to me that women are told to perceive this as an offense. For instance if a stranger approached me and said "hey, I find you very attractive, want to have sex?" being very insulted would seem like an appropriate reaction for me. I don't think that makes any sense at all. 


This can be a problem though, depending on the circumstance, so of course context plays a role. Some main examples of when this is a problem:

a) there is a reasonable expectation that the person in question should be interested in you for something else. If your mentor in the university or your employer or your parent or your doctor is only interested in you for sex, I don't have to explain why this would be a huge problem.

b) the person interested in you for sex is being pushy about it and doesn't accept that you aren't interested. Of course you don't have to share that interest and they should then let it go.

c) the person is attempting to get closer to you by deliberately pretenting they are interested in something else, thereby creating the situation a). For instance, someone acting like they want to hire you because you are very capable and then it turns out they just wanted you to have sex with them.

d) the person expresses their interest in an obviously inappropriate time and situation. Like, on a funeral or in the middle of your date with your so.

But these don't affect my view because my view only deals with the insult coming from the fact a person is only interested in sexual part of you. similar examples can be used for any number of things and stem from some form of inappropriateness and not sex itself.

Other than that, the idea that there are some people who see you and don't care about anything more from you than the possibility of sex isn't anything to feel angry about. If they weren't physically attracted to you they would likely not be interested at all, so it isn't like their interest in sex is taking away from potentally more meaningful relationship (in fact if they would be interested in something else as well, but are also interested in sex, one doesn't take from the other.)

Once back when I was in school we watched a video in psychology where a guy approached about 20 different women asking them if they want sex with him (he was actually attractive, maybe 8) and they all declined and most of them were pretty angry. Then a woman (imo, less attractive than a guy but it doesn't matter) approached about 20 men. Not only did the most agree, but those who didn't were very polite about it "oh, Im sorry but I am married, thanks for asking" and similar answers. Very shocking difference in responses. I am not interested in the part where some declined and some accepted, but rather in the way they took it. For men it was always a compliment, for women, almost always (some did find it funny) an offense.

Also when that catcalling video was posted and on many discussions after, girls pointed out how it is offensive to know that someoen is only interested in your body and approaching you for sex. Many people defended what happened saying that sometimes you start small talk or greet a stranger without wanting sex, and that is perfectly fine, but my question is, even if someone shows interest in you only because of attraction and some hope for sex, shouldn't the only appropriate response be politely declining if you aren't interested? Or even if you just don't respond at all, like you wouldn't every time someoen is trying to sell something to you from the street, it still shouldn't warrant personal offense. I also noticed that when women tried to explain to men why catcalling botheres them so much and asked them to imagine a role reversal in the video, most men couldn't understand why they should feel bad about many women trying to chat them up.


The deeper issue with this is that I think it promotes much deeper insecurity in women. Why can most men accept the idea of being objectified and not have it be important, perhaps just a nice compliment. And when it happens to women it becomes a huge issue, it becomes about someone taking away from your very humanity, reducing you to an object etc. 

Why would I think a stranger or acquaitance has such power over me that the mere fact they only care about my body reduces me to anything objectively? Why would I not feel enough basic confidence in the fact that I am a person (a very small thing to feel confident about) that this becomes only a compliment of one of my attributes?

I am not sure if i am articulating this second part well, but it is something that has been bothering me for a while. I just think it would be much healthier if a non threatening expression of purely sexual interest isn't treated like anything negative - because it isn't negative. It's neutral to positive, depending on what you take from it.


EDIT: I just want to include this part of my response from the comments because I think it is relevant to what I was trying to say in the second part.

The huge problem here for me is the assumption that somebody being interested in one specific thing from you (which let's face it is the case in most human interactions unless with people close to us, and only seen as an issue when its this specific case) actually has the power to take away your complexity. It propagates the idea that being interested in your body takes the value off other things about you in general. It promotes almost pathological and irrational insecurity and a weird need for affirmation from men. Which is ironic. **The whole time same mentality keeps telling women that we aren't doing things for male validation, especially with looks - and then it ends up saying that if the man happens to only validate your looks he is insulting you since he failed to validate the other parts.**
gpt
> Why can most men accept the idea of being objectified and not have it be important, perhaps just a nice compliment. And when it happens to women it becomes a huge issue, it becomes about someone taking away from your very humanity, reducing you to an object etc.

Because historically, women have derived value from *what they where*, and men derived value from *what they did.* 

Oftentimes, catcalling a woman is a reminder of a time when that's all that women were "good for."