system
Given the following post, respond as if you're commenting on Reddit:
human
Can someone explain this Cyprus debacle to me like I'm five years old?

Just as the title states. I'm genuinely interested and at this point, the research pool is so diluted with updates and follow up articles, it's hard to find the initial events that led to the current situation.
gpt
Okay, you should know that unlike cyprus's other brothers greece, italy, france, and spain.  Doesn't have a debt crisis, but their economy has been in a year of recession and thats the 2nd recession they had in five years if you include the 2008-2009 recession.  Because southern europe is in austerity mode their economies are contracting and cyprus who does a lot of business with them suddenly finds himself in recession as well, also the cypriot banks have been in the shitter since they took a haircut(they gave up their ownership of greek debt/loans/bonds)  so that was a lot of money lost and the cypriot banks aren't doing so well now. So recession+Bank failure = bad. 

They went to the EU for a bailout and merkel and the EU said no dice, and wary of more bailouts that if they bail out cyprus. But tells cyprus if they can come up with some billions of their own then they will give some billions for cyprus.  The prime minister of cyprus announces a plan to tax bank deposits , yes it hurts people but cyprus for years have been the equivalent of the caymans but for rich russians so thats where they think they can find some money.  People go apeshit and now their trying to prevent a bank run by limiting deposits & transfers and maybe even capital controls. Bank runs are bad because that means the banks collapses and the whole economy will collapse.Today the plan was rejected again and they are trying to find alternative solutions to the deposit tax.

Heres the options
  >   Go to russia for a bailout, sell rights to drill natural gas to a russian company, and let them build a base in cyprus.

 >   Go back to the deposit tax idea and get billions from the EU. But risk a bank run.

 >  Do nothing and collapse


Stocks all over the world and people are nervous because this crisis has the power to cause bank runs in southern europe or even to break up the euro and cause another 2008-ish global economic crisis.