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human
Worst first day of graduate school

So I started Master’s in Computer Science in top 15 USA University. I just graduated form bachelors in CS from same university recently. 

I still have doubts and felt the imposter syndrome because I don’t think I’m very smart for this. But yet again, I’m an international student and want to work hard to find sponsorship later on.


*During my undergrad I have gone through depressive episodes and have certainly faced a lot of problems also concerning health and had a surgery. *


Covid really weakened my learning during sophomore- junior year. And In my senior year, I just thought of graduating. 

But going into Master’s I have motivated myself to get serious and change habits like waking up at 5am, working out, and setting out studying hours.

Anyways I started master’s today and went to see professor who I had been working for as an unpaid research intern during undergrad. I set an appointment and reached his office.


I was humiliated. I guess for the right reasons.


He asked me what I was there of, and I told him respectfully about restarting my research.  He replied infront of other students, saying why should I keep you in my team, so that you’d disappear again for few months? 

I replied that I take full responsibility and this time it’s different but his response was that you said that last time.

Well it’s true, there have been times when due to mental health I stopped my research and focused mainly on my health and pushing for graduating as an undergrad, but in masters I wanted to start my first day with a different mindset yet got rejected by the same professor who was excited and motivating when I got into the program. 

He told me to find another faculty as I have broken his trust and I don’t deliver.

This setback really upset me today and I did contemplate life for hours. 

Words are everything. It can definitely make or break a person.


Today was just not my day.
gpt
It sounds like you got a very honest appraisal and a valuable lesson from that faculty member. It kind of sounds like your problem was not covid or surgeries, but communication.

Sounds like you are taking responsibility for your actions and hopefully will learn from the experience.