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Book Review: Embracing the End of Life: Help for those who Accompany the Dying

process is to take an intimate journey on which both people learn about themselves as human beings and as members of a community. The most important quality we bring to caring for the dying is our own understanding of, and relationship with, dying and death. We all have legacies from our cultures and our families related to the meaning of death. To serve the dying, we need to understand our predisposition to action, our fears, and our unfinished business with past dying and death experiences. Self-knowledge strengthens the virtues of honesty, openness, courage, and steadfastness — qualities that are often felt by the seriously ill or dying and that inform our caring. In addition, when we bear witness to the dying process of another person, we learn about the fragility of our own lives, and this helps to pre pare us for our own dying journey. How do we understand ourselves as fellow travellers of the dying, and what skills do we need to help them? Many have written about the pragmatic importance of narrative self-reflection as an approach to understanding oneself and one’s reactions to others. The experience of accompanying the dying on their journey can be enhanced by developing an awareness of the wide variety of approaches to offering comfort and emotional support and by applying them with sensitivity. Such approaches range from employing narrative communication skills (mindful listening, compassionate presence, and responsive processes of relating) to using the therapeutic power of ritual, spirituality, and art to relieve suffering. With Embracing the End of Life: Help for Those Who Accompany the Dying, O’Rourke and Dufour seek a broad audience — family and friends of the dying as well as health care professionals and trained volunteers. They have developed and written this book in a way that will appeal to this wide audience and be useful to them. The book is divided into six chapters: “Be friending Death,” “Loss,” “Hope and Healing,” “Dying Well,” “Caring Well,” and “Grieving Well.” Each chapter is subdivided into a comprehensive set of categories that serve to detail the major theme. So, for example, the theme “caring well” is treated through these concepts: “the gift of presence,” “the three Rs of caring,” “uncomfortable conversations,” “self-care for the care partner,” “share the care,” “spiritual care,” “the language of dying,” “the power of music,” and “celebrating fruitful encounters.” As in the other chapters, such complex concepts are explored in a clear, detailed, and practical manner so that they can be eminently useful to those interacting with a person at the end of life. The effectiveness of the material covered by O’Rourke and Dufour derives from several elements found in all sections and themes. First, readers are encouraged to keep a journal of their thoughts and ideas as they engage with the text, which sets in motion a therapeutic writing/narrative approach. Second, inspirational patient stories are used to illustrate various ideas. Finally, sets of reflective questions are provided, making the text interactive and allowing readers to become more aware of their own beliefs, predispositions, judgements, feelings, and emotions. While I wish that the authors had included more references for the various ideas and materials they mentioned, I believe that this book makes a significant contribution to the literature on the care provided by those who accompany the dying. For the good of the dying, and for the benefit of their care partners, it deserves the reader’s careful attention.