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A Voice Lost, A Voice Found: After the Death of the Analyst

What is the fate of the analytic life created by the analysand and the analyst when only half the dyad remains? This essay explores the author's experience in the wake of her analyst's sudden death. After experiencing the sudden loss of her analyst, the author loses contact with that part of herself that had come to access thoughts and feelings and share them with a particular other. She describes a process of alteration in her relationship with the person, transferential and real, of her analyst, focusing on a series of dreams after her analyst's death that illustrates how retaining and cementing her relationship with her deceased analyst, through internalization, facilitated the return of her analysand voice. The author explores the confounding variable of entering another analytic relationship within the context of a traumatic ending to her previous analysis.