Go Fuck Yourself, Faleena Hopkins

So this has been making the rounds.

For the link-adverse, romantic novelist Faleena Hopkins has trademarked the term “cocky” for her books. All usually with a title like “cocky cowboy”, “cocky biker”, “cocky garbageman”, so on and so forth. This, of course, because humans are trash, has led to several cease and desists sent out to other romantic authors for their use of the term. Apparently chick-lit has a lot of cocks. Who knew?

In a way, I get it. You don’t want anyone shitting in your cabbage patch. Shit like this is what led Metallica to sue Napster, George RR Martin to hate fanfiction, and KISS to slap their faces on pretty much everything imaginable.

I, er… what?

But a fairly unremarkable, and unassumingly common phrase

a) can’t usually be trademarked, because it’s doesn’t ‘belong’ to anyone


b) sets a pretty dangerous prescedent, should one be trademarked.

We’ve heard about people trying to trademark phrases before. Paris Hilton, Taylor Swift, being the two more memorable examples, both seemingly have fallen flat since their inception.

But good ol’ Hopkins has gone and done the thing. So here we are, and I have an announcement to make.

I will be writing a novel.

Purely entitled “Cocky”, because fuck shit like this, that’s why, it will be an Australiana-led piece about mateship, camraderie, maybe a bit of romance, and most importantly, this squawky fucker with a sick mowhawk:

If I’m going to be sent a cease and desist for anything, I may as well be a cheeky cunt about it.

Better yet, I’ll be releasing it for free right here on Don’t Eat the Felafel (though if you dig what I do, send a couple of bucks my way, willya? I hate my job)

Come at me, Faleena Hopkins. Barnes and Noble. 20 of your best mates vs 20 of mine. No guns, no nothin’.