Etienne Sin: What the Actual Fuck


This is a year-and-a-half old, but our friend Richard Nickson just brought it to my attention. And even though we made fun of this nitwit once before, I still feel compelled to share this video, because, well… comedy. I implore you to stick around ’til the end of the clip, ’cause I guarantee you, the narrative, such as it is, isn’t going where you think it’s going.

Consider it NSFW  (Not Safe for Work) because of one of the most out-of-left-field uses of the n-word I’ve ever heard in my life. Consider it NSFL (Not Safe for Life) because it is FUCKING TERRIBLE (albeit hilariously so). Pregnant women should be aware that listening to it could cause birth deformities in their child. Also, nobody show it Nergal, because if he finds out this dude is a fan, he might very well break-up Behemoth.

Okay, so a couple of questions. I mean, besides “HUH?”

Is calling a girl “after practice just to get you on that mattress” considered romantic by anyone? ‘Cause the song isn’t about how he liked hooking up with her; it’s about how he’s sad because they broke up. This being the case, “We used to engage in booty calls” just doesn’t really seem relevant.

The whole song, he’s like “You left me and you shouldn’t have ’cause I’m that”… y’know. And then later she’s like “You were never the guy for me, just move on.” And then she sings that he was out of his mind because she’s “that bitch.” So who left who? Does she want him to forget about her or not?

What is the main idiot using to blackmail the rest of the band to be involved with this garbage?

What is the point of the dude wearing a ski mask at the end if the the girl is not only in on the robbery, but isn’t even going to hide that she’s in on the robbery? Like, I’d get it if she left the door unlocked “by accident” and played the victim, but I wonder how it hasn’t occurred to these idiots that if one of them can be identified, they’re both fucked. Unless they’re planning to kill the witness, in which case they, y’know, never needed the ski mask to begin with.

Also not sure what any of the shit in the video has to do with the song. But honestly, that’s, like, tenth on the list of things about this video that left me bumfuzzled.

Completely unrelated thought: maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if nuclear war between the U.S. and North Korea decimated us all?

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