Zach Quotes in Jurassic World (2015)


Zach Quotes:

  • Gray: Can we stay with you?

    Claire: I am never leaving you again!


  • Owen: I am a kitten farmer.

    Zach: How much does that pay?

    Owen: It pays the bills.

    Zach: How do you grow them?

  • Zach: You see? I told you. Your welcome. Up close and personal with four... dinosauruses.

    Gray: Ankylosaurus. We shouldn't be here. And there's five dinosaurs.

    Zach: Aren't u supposed to b a genius or something? Look. One, two, three, four.

    Gray: [points to the Indominus Rex reflection on the gyro sphere glass] ... five...

  • Gray: If mom and dad get divorced, will one of us be with mom and the other with dad?

    Zach: What? Why would you say that?

    Gray: Because they are.

    Zach: No, they're not getting divor... they're not getting divorced! Look, you haven't been around long enough; they've always been that way.

    Gray: They get mail from two different lawyers.

    Zach: That doesn't mean anything.

    Gray: I googled it. They're divorce lawyers.

  • [from trailer]

    Zach: That was awesome!

  • Gray: [when going off road in the Gyrosphere] No, no, bad idea.

    Zach: No, it's a great idea.

    Gray: No, it's a bad idea. We're gonna get arrested, they're gonna shave our heads. and we're going to have to make root beer in the toilet.

    Zach: What are you talking about?

  • Zach: Did you get anything from the old lady?

    Jake Green: No.

    Zach: Did you get anything from Horwitz?

    Jake Green: No.

    Zach: Why not?

    Jake Green: Because he didn't have it.

    Zach: Listen, pal. Either he pays or you pay.

    Jake Green: I pay anyway.

    Zach: Don't be a smartass.

  • Hagan: One more word out of you...

    Zach: You gonna what? You gonna double arrest me?

  • Woody: Is that it?

    Zach: No, it's another spaceship that fell out of the sky, dumbass.

  • Zach: Guys, guys, guys. Help, help. Hagan, I promise I won't try and bang your daughter. Third base tops.


    Warren Peace: What are you doing?

    Magenta: It's called sitting.

    Warren Peace: No one sits here but me.

    Magenta: Mm-hmm.

    Magenta: [starts talking to Layla again] What'd you get for number four? I wasn't sure if Tigerman was, A: bitten by a radioactive tiger, or B: bitten by a regular tiger, then exposed to radiation.

    Ethan: [sitting down beside Warren] Hey. Eating at Warren's table now? I feel extremely dangerous.

    Warren Peace: Whoa. Whoa.


    Warren Peace: Try the other way around.

  • Zach: [dancing ridiculously] Hey, you wanna dance?

    Magenta: No.

    Zach: [stops dancing] Me neither.

  • [during Power Placement]

    Coach Boomer: Did I say you were next?

    Zach: Name's Zach, Coach Boomer. Try not to drop your clipboard.


    Coach Boomer: Any day now, superstar.

    Zach: I'm doing it.

    Coach Boomer: Doing what?

    Zach: I'm glowing!

    Coach Boomer: I don't think so.

    Zach: Well, it's easier to see in a dark room, maybe we could turn off these lights, you could cup your hands around your eyes and look real close...

    Coach Boomer: Sidekick!

  • Ethan: You're on! If Will beats you in Save The Citizen, you lay off the sidekicks for the rest of the year.

    Zach: Yeah, and if he loses, you can dunk Ethan's head in the toilet every day until graduation.

    Ethan: Yeah! Huh?

    Lash: You got yourself a deal!

    Will Stronghold: Wait, guys, guys! Come on, guys, are you crazy? No freshman ever won Save the Citizen, and those guys are undefeated!

    Layla: And you barely know how to use your powers!


    Layla: Sorry... not helping.

    Zach: Will, you have no choice. You can't let them dunk Ethan's head in the toilet. Not again.

    [dead serious]

    Zach: The dunking - must end.

  • Steve: What's your name, what's your power?

    Ethan: I'm Ethan, and I melt.

    Steve: Ok.

    Zach: I'm Zach, I glow.

    Steve: I see.

    Magenta: Magenta, I shape-shift.

    Steve: Shape-shift?

    Magenta: Into a guinea pig.

  • Will Stronghold: How was your summer?

    Zach: To be honest, it was tough, man. T-U-P-H.

  • Zach: Uh, when do we get to pick our names and costumes? Because I call dibs on Zach-attack.

  • Zach: I'm Zach and I glow...

  • [first lines]

    Amy: [off-screen] Still recording?

    Dan: [off-screen] Yeah.

    Amy: [off-screen] Alright.

    Dan: [off-screen] Alright, 'kay, can we clear this area please! See that. I talk, people listen.

    Dan: [video footage / Dan is behind the camera] Hi babe.

    Amy: Hi babe.

    Dan: How are you.

    Amy: I'm good. How are you?

    Dan: I'm good. You having fun?

    Amy: Yeah. You having fun?

    Dan: [as Zach burps off-screen] You look mighty tanned.

    Zach: Hey!

    Amy: [laughs] Oh my God!

    Amy: [cut to] Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Ready.

    Zach: Hold on.


  • "Mud": Dad! Just because I'm smart doesn't mean I can't act stupid.

    Zach: If Mud's guilty I am too.

    Gaby: Me too! I'm smart enough to act stupid.

    Trish: Yeah and I'm stupid too! Well... you know what I mean.

  • Grocery Checker: Can I see your ID? You gotta be 19 to buy this stuff.

    Zach: No problem.

    Grocery Checker: You were born in 1963?

    Zach: Yeah.

    Grocery Checker: And that would make you?

    Zach: 21.

    Grocery Checker: Wrong. It's 1994. That would make you 31.

    Trish: Wrong! If he was born in 1963, and he's 21, then it's 1984! Uh!

  • Zach: You know, if you were wearing a skirt right now, I'd be in heaven.

  • Trish: So why are you wasting all your time fixing up an old car when you're too young to drive?

    Zach: In Tijuana you can drive at 14.

    Trish: Yeah, like they're going to let you cut class to go take driver's ed in Mexico?

    Zach: Who says I'm going back?

    Trish: You mean you're dropping out?

    Zach: Maybe... would you miss me?

    Trish: ...No.

    Zach: No?

    Trish: ...Maybe.

    Zach: Maybe?

    [smiles at her]

    Trish: No.

  • Karl Dell: I'm freezing my nuts off out here!

    Zach: You can thaw em' out later.

  • Zach: I just gotta say... THIS IS MAJOR COOL,YEAH!

  • Zach: We're not 'delinquent friends'.

    Trish: Oh really? Then how come you go to military camps every summer, because you like the haircuts?

    Zach: You know my Dad. 'Military camp builds character'

    Gaby: [about Camp Slenderella] 'It's for your own good, Gabs'.

    Trish: [about Broadway Camp] 'But Trish, all the OTHER kids are going!'

    "Mud": Hey, how about this one? 'It'll be fun'.

  • [When Lyle's team are declared the winners of the Google internship program, Graham then blames his team]

    Graham Hawtrey: [furious] Well, I hope you're all happy! What were you thinking? Maybe if I had a team of individuals who contributed once in a while, this never would've happened.

    [to Zach]

    Graham Hawtrey: And what about you? What do you have to say for yourself, eh? Huh?

    Zach: I think it's time to fake an injury.

    Graham Hawtrey: [confused] What are you talking about, you fat...

    [Zach, who has had enough of his bullying, gives Graham a blow to the chest, immobilizing him. Graham groans]

    Zach: [yells] Man down!

  • Zach: [putting exploded bird entrails on his father's pizza] Here's your double-topping, dickhead.

  • Zach: I just saw a live tire.

  • Zach: I think "scat" is poop.

    Dan: Really, son?

    Zach: Yeah.

    Charlie: You wiped poop on my face?

    Dan: Yeah. Scat happens, man.

  • Zach: I take it back. You're too much of a cunt to be a prick.

  • Zach: There is a God! And he's a gag-writer!

  • Zach: What would you do if I told you I've been celibate for six months?

    Alex: Cross my legs.

  • Zach: Not being able to write is like not being able to screw.

  • Zach: I've never felt this way before. I'm seriously unhappy. This is just not the bush-league blues. We're talking major-league depression here. I can't sleep. I take pills. But they only last a couple of hours and then I'm up at 4:00 in the morning pacing the fucking house or walking on the cold fucking beach. I'm so miserable, I wanna fucking shoot myself. But, I can't because I'm afraid to die. How's that for fucked-up?

    [Zach hits the wall and starts sobbing]

    Zach: So what's the answer? Oh, I forgot. You don't have answers. You're not the burning bush. You just give suggestions. Well, I need help. I'm in the fucking dumper. Give me a suggestion because I know you've got one. I can see it in those beady little Freudian eyes.

    Dr. Westford: If an alcoholic wants me to cure him, you know what I say?


    Zach: That's a question. That's not a suggestion.

    [sighs again]

    Zach: Okay. What do you say?

    Dr. Westford: First, stop drinking.

    Zach: I don't get it.

    Dr. Westford: Go home and think about it. That's my suggestion.

  • Zach: [after Angie catches him in bed with another woman and is pointing a gun at him] I don't know what to say...

    Angela 'Angie' Smith: [cocks gun] How about "The Lord is my shepherd"?

  • Molly: I'm not going to argue with you anymore, Zach. You're dishonest, and you're too good with words.

    Zach: Hey. When have I ever been dishonest with you?

    Molly: Oh, come on! You were dishonest with me from the time you decided you wanted to fuck me!

    Zach: We were introduced. I said, "How do you do? I want to fuck you." What's dishonest about that?

    Molly: Zach, in the six months of living together, we had 100 arguments.

    Zach: I only counted 99.

    Molly: Okay. Out of those 99 arguments, was there ever a time that you thought I was right?

    Zach: Honestly? No.

    Molly: What does that tell you?

    Zach: That you were wrong 99 times out of 100.

  • Alex: Nobody's perfect.

    Zach: Right. I'm glad you feel that way because I was just about to suggest that we give it another try.

    Alex: We?

    [Zach nods his head happily]

    Alex: Are you completely off your nut?

    Zach: [sarcastically] Don't beg, Alex. It doesn't suit you.

    Alex: Oh, Zach.

    Zach: Oh, what?

    Alex: There are a lot of things about you that I would highly recommend. But you're never gonna last with anyone. You may settle down for a while, but then something will happen. You'll get scared and start to look for some... thing, some... place. Some young girl to save you. You're on a merry-go-round, Zach, and the brass ring is just a brass ring. It solves nothing.

    Zach: I'm doomed?

    Alex: You're Zach, and you like merry-go-rounds.

  • Zach: You see, I truly love women.

    Barney: Oh, I see.

    Zach: I love everything about them, Barney. I love the way they feel, the way they smell, most of the time. I have to admit, I don't like women with long, round toenails. But that is the only abrogation so far. And so far has been quite a while and quite a few.

    Barney: Oh, that's true.

    Zach: I long for a meaningful, monogamous, healthy relationship. And I was sure I had it with Alex, but the truth is, Barney, in the deep dark silence of my considered conscience, where there's just me and me, the unmitigated truth is, I want it all.

    Barney: Hey, wanting is okay.

    Zach: I want a loving, faithful, caring, caretaking wife, and I wanna make love to everything else in long skirts, with bare feet and ripe, juicy mouths. Little boy-girls with small firm breasts and tight asses. Rubensque round women with big Mother Earth breasts and green eyes. God! I could go on and on.

    Barney: Don't. I'm getting a hard-on.

    Zach: Me too.

  • Zach: I'm a desperate man, Doctor. I need help. I gotta change my way of living, and if that ain't enough, I'm gonna change the way I strut my stuff.

    [Zach starts singing]

    Zach: 'Cause nobody loves you when your old and gray. There'll be some changes made today. Yes, sir, there'll be some changes made. Duh-duh-da.

    [Zach leaves the room for a couple of seconds and re-enters the room]

    Zach: I couldn't resist it. You think I'm crazy?

    Dr. Westford: No.

    Zach: Then what the hell is wrong with me?

    Dr. Westford: Well, for one thing, you can't sing worth shit.

  • [Lonnie walks into the bedroom with a robe on while Zach waits in bed]

    Lonnie Jones: Look at it this way, Zach. I've worked 5 years, 52 weeks a year, five days a week, 3 hours a day, to build this body.

    [She takes off the robe and reveals her muscled body in a bikini]

    Lonnie Jones: And for one night, this night, it's all yours.

    [She starts flexing her muscles]

    Lonnie Jones: How do you feel about that?

    Zach: Like Mrs. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

    [Lonnie laughs]

    Lonnie Jones: I love your sense of humor.

    Zach: And it loves you.

    Lonnie Jones: Do you always try to joke your way out of a tight spot?

    Zach: Not always. Occasionally, I'm too frightened to make my lips move.

    Lonnie Jones: I hope you're not frightened now, Zach.

    Zach: I'm not, but fortunately my cock is scared stiff.

  • Zach: What have you got against my typewriter?

    Alex: You used to write on it. Books and plays and movies. Once, once you wrote me a poem on our 2nd anniversary and gave it to me. And you were happy. You exorcised your demons with credible thoughts and good words on that typewriter, and your talent turned me on. I really thought we had a chance "until death do us part," and then one day you stopped. You gave up.

    Zach: I dried up. It happens to writers.

    Alex: Oh, so you bury yourself with the first available young female that comes along, in the hopes that she's going to magically restore your lost talent?

    Zach: Alex...

    Alex: No, don't say it. This is a lecture. Not a debate. And since I don't intend to speak to you for the rest of this lifetime, you either get out now, or shut up and let me finish.

    [Zach listens]

    Alex: I'm not saying that your condition is unique. In fact, quite a few older men do the same thing.

    Zach: How about a few older women?

    Alex: If your trying to redeem yourself by implying that I might have been unfaithful to you, you're barking up the wrong older woman. I could have, but regrettably didn't. I threw out that typewriter because it represents everything that could have been loving and lasting and wonderful, and everything that wasn't.

    Zach: Can I say something please?

    Alex: No! No! No! You have 20 minutes to get your things and get out of this house forever, or I will get a restraining order and have you removed!

  • [Zach is drunk in a bar]

    Lonnie Jones: You know what your problem is, Zach?

    Zach: Yep.

    Lonnie Jones: You drink too much.

    Zach: Yep.

    Lonnie Jones: You're probably an alcoholic.

    Zach: Yep. But that's not my problem. You know what my problem is? I'm an addict.

    Lonnie Jones: Drugs?

    Zach: Nope. Merry-go-rounds.

    Lonnie Jones: You wanna go home with me, Zach?

    Zach: Yep.

    Lonnie Jones: Let's go.

    Zach: Can't.

    Lonnie Jones: Why not?

    Zach: I'm just a kid.

    Lonnie Jones: You're sweet.

    Zach: That too.

    Lonnie Jones: Give me a call if you change your mind.

    Zach: I will give you a call even if I don't change my mind, okay?



    Zach: Yeah? Why didn't you?


    Zach: Okay, wise guy, what's my problem?


    Zach: You've known that all along?

    Barney: I'm a good bartender.

  • [after getting stopped by a cop for speeding]

    Traffic Judge: The arresting officer states that you were clocked at 134 miles an hour. Anything to say about that, Mr. Hutton?

    Zach: I was in a hurry, Your Honor.

    Traffic Judge: Me too. Five hundred dollars or 30 days.

  • Zach: I'm in a lot of trouble, Doctor. Frankly, I don't have the strength or the courage to go on like this, and even if I did, I wouldn't want to. Everyday, I get a little more depressed. I get a little more desperate. I feel like I'm worse off than when I first started with you.

    Dr. Westford: When you first started with me, you were a mess.

    [Zach chuckles]

    Zach: I'm still a mess. I haven't changed.

    Dr. Westford: Don't you know by now that changing one's basic character is next to impossible?

    Zach: No. I don't know that. Jesus, Doctor, if I thought I couldn't change, I wouldn't cine see you in the first place.

    Dr. Westford: I didn't say that you couldn't.

    Zach: You just said it was impossible.

    Dr. Westford: I said it was next to impossible.

    Zach: Well, shit, Doctor. "Next to" isn't that far removed.

    Dr. Westford: If it were, there'd be no analysts.

    Zach: Not an entirely unhappy prospect, Doctor.


    Zach: No.


    Zach: You know what I feel like saying to you?

    Dr. Westford: Yes. You feel like telling me to go fuck myself, and you probably will, because it's your character.

    Zach: See you next Tuesday.

  • [Zach goes to a formal party dressed as Aladdin]

    Zach: Jake! You told me this was a costume party!

  • Zach: You are such a prick!

    Leon 'Sparky' Sparks: Most of my friends are pricks.

    Zach: Most of your pricks are friends.

  • [Zach's mistress has caught him in bed with another woman, and is pointing a gun at both of them]

    Zach: We both know you're not going to shoot. You couldn't hurt a fly.

    Angela 'Angie' Smith: I could if I caught it fucking my hairdresser!

  • Felix Bean: Well, there's no way she heard that.

    Zach: How do you know?

    Felix Bean: She would have called by now.

    [Phone begins to ring]

    Felix Bean: I'm not here.

    Grogan: Me neither.

    Zach: Me neither.

    Freaky Reaky: Me neither.

    Matt: Me neither.

    Grogan: [On answering machine] Greetings earthing. At the lazor please record your communication... And take me to your leader

    [Lazor sounds on recording]

    Matt: That is the funniest message I've ever heard.

  • Matt: [Discussing the six digit phone number a girl gave Zach] Maybe it's one of those love numbers.

    Felix Bean: What like I want to be with you 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year

    [Matt nods]

    Zach: Yeah, but these numbers are 213147.

    Felix Bean: Oh well I guess she wants to be with you three days a week 21 hours a day 147 days a year.

  • Zach: So what's his name?

    Felix Bean: Traci Shannon.


  • Zach: What's the difference? It's just a bunch of old white men legislating my uterus anyway.

  • Zach: I didn't want to kiss her in a public place.

    Felix Bean: What? Like on the face?

  • Papa Gibbs: [to Zach] You need a whooping, Boy!

    Zach: Boy?... Where you see a boy?

    Papa Gibbs: And I'm gonna do it with these own two hands!

    Zach: Old man gonna whoop my ass?

    [Papa and Zach have it out with each other]

  • Zach: Don't call me Zach, my name is Zachariah!

    Zach: Say it with me now, Zachariah.

  • Zach: Robert Kennedy said: 'Every society gets the kind of criminal it deserves' - well congratulations Australia, you've earned us...

  • Zach: And starting tonight, with this smashed-up turnover of one of our feared underground arms dealers... we write the new book on infamy. 'Cos our role-call of notorious crims, over here... they couldn't make an impact on a meringue with a fucking jack hammer!

  • Tori: Do you love him?

    Zach: Oh, come on.

    Tori: Seriously. He's a good guy, Zach. You don't belong to people forever.

    Zach: Then why bother?

    Tori: Isn't it worth it?

    Zach: Yeah.

  • Shaun: You're so beautiful.

    Zach: [laughs] Shut up.

    Shaun: Hey, learn to take a compliment.

    Zach: Thanks.

  • Zach: There's something I really need to tell you.

    Tori: I already know. I've known for awhile.

    Zach: You're the only reason I wish I wasn't. I've always wanted to be everything to you. I've always dreamed of providing you with everything you ever wanted or needed.

  • Zach: I can't just take whatever I want. My life is not like that.

    Shaun: You'll never get what you want unless you take it.

  • Zach: I don't think the whole student thing's going to happen right now.



    Gabe: Well you are the king of scholarships.

    Zach: Got me into your richy-rich private school.

    Gabe: On the short bus every day.

    Zach: [laughing] Rich fuck.

    Gabe: [laughing] Fuck you, ghetto trash.

  • Shaun: [looking through Zach's art portfolio] Wow.

    Zach: [trying to grab it away from him] Whoa! What're you doing?

    Shaun: Easy, dude, it's OK. I want to look at it.

    Zach: Nobody ever looks at that.

    Shaun: Wow. Is that Cody?

    Zach: Yeah.

    Shaun: Sad Cody.

    Zach: You could tell?

    Shaun: Yeah, and how you darkened it around his head. This is incredible - and there's no toys in his room. Wow - awesome.

    Zach: Yeah, he'd just gotten scolded. He was trying to understand why. So he came into my room. He hasn't left yet. It's the only place he could sleep.

  • Zach: Student was bad. Made bad judgment call. Now see truth.

  • Shaun: Where are you?

    Zach: Gettin' warmer... colder... turn around. I'm so sorry.

    Shaun: You better be.

    Zach: You sent in my application?

    Shaun: Yeah... why're you here? What changed?

    Zach: I did.

  • Gabe: So...

    Zach: So?

    Gabe: Why didn't you tell me?

    Zach: Tell you what?

    Gabe: I don't care - at all.

    Zach: I don't know what you're talking about.

    Gabe: Okay. Have you... have you always known?

    Zach: Seriously, dude.

    Gabe: Okay. The fact that it's my brother is totally weird.

    Zach: I know.

    Gabe: No, like, really really fucking weird.

    Zach: Alright, I got it. I'm sorry.

    Gabe: Don't be sorry.

    Zach: Don't tell anyone, okay?

    Gabe: Okay. So are you going with other guys?

    Zach: No!

    Gabe: I heard they give better head. They give better head, don't they?

    Zach: Dude, stop!

    Gabe: They swallow?

    Zach: Gabe!


  • Zach: Tell me about the Bronx.

    Diana: What's to tell about the Bronx? It's uptown and to the right.

    Zach: What made you start dancing?

    Diana: Who knows? I'm Puerto Rican. We jump around a lot.

  • Sheila: You were a rotten dancer.

    Zach: Why do you think I became your choreographer?


  • Sheila: Can I sit on your lap?

    Zach: Do you always come on like this?

    Sheila: No. Sometimes I'm aggressive.

  • Connie: Connie Wong. Always Wong, never Wight.

    [Zach looks up]

    Connie: Bad joke. I was born in Chinatown, lower east side.

    Zach: How old are you?

    Connie: I was born December 5th, four thousand six hundred and forty two, the Year of the Chicken.

Browse more character quotes from Jurassic World (2015)