Embracing Anxiety and Mental Health

On this episode of Curves Welcome Suzie Car is joined by Ash Harris and they talk about Embracing Anxiety and Mental Health

I have welcomed a talented artist on today’s show. We’re going to chat about some of life’s curves and how they helped shape the course of their life.

I am so excited to introduce you to Ash Harris, also known as Acoustic Ash. Ash is a prolific indie singer songwriter who continues to excel within the songwriting field whether it be through political poetry or the ever-emotionally evoking and sincerity of Ash’s interpretation of everyday events. These events include loss, love, money, and politics.

Ash uses an acoustic guitar in a smoky, soulful expression as a platform for diversity and equality. Rumor has it that if you stick around to the end of this episode you will be in for a musical treat.

And what a treat it is!

Listen to this episode here


Connect with Ash Harris





[Music] hey thanks for joining me today for this episode of curves welcome a podcast about facing and embracing the curves of life if this is your first time tuning in this is Suzie Carr today I’m gonna do something a little bit different I have welcomed a talented artist on my show and we are going to chat about some of life’s curves and how they helped shape the course of their life today I am so excited to introduce you to Ash Harris also known as acoustic ash ash is a prolific indie singer songwriter who continues to excel within the songwriting field whether it be through a political poetry or the ever emotionally evoke and sincerity of Ash’s interpretation of everyday events such as loss love money and politics Ash uses an acoustic guitar in a smoky soulful expression as a platform for diversity and equality rumor has it that if you stick around to the end of this episode you will be in for a musical treat I’m excited to be here today with ash so hey ash welcome hey how’s it going it’s going great thank you so much for coming on the show today I really appreciate it it’s not every day you get to talk twenty favorite authors so I mean what do you do or every day that you get that an author gets to talk to one of our favorite indie musicians I mean I have been listening to you for a few years now we’ve sort of been in the same circle yeah you’ve shared some incredible songs with me and I just I love listening to your voice and to your ability which I am completely just blown away by I am always so engaged when I listen to somebody playing a guitar because there’s nothing like an acoustic guitar excited to have you here and to chat with you a little bit about life and about well you know life’s curves and things of that sort because we’ve all been through them but let’s get started why don’t you tell us a little bit about your journey into music and some of your in winces so uh I wrote poetry for years but when I would write a poem it would have a melody but I didn’t play in it then so you know that Wade kid that kind of walks around singing nothing that was me I think I reached the point where I was like yeah I need to do something finished but it wasn’t it wasn’t quick like I did a few PS he wasn’t cat was keyboard and if you keep both lessons when I was like maybe and then that was it and so they kind of got to a point where I was like you know I need to actually do something because I’ve got all these things written and going around in my head and I can’t get them out so I was like I wish I was 18 maybe 17 18 before I even picked up a guitar and a friend showed me how to play he was a big country fun and so he showed me how to play a gospel song and that was the style in it and the second I picked up the guitar I was like hey this this feels good that’s like it hurts but it feels good oh it hurts so bad the funny part is I always remember the lyrics play my first real six-string played some up in his blood and it’s true story like I literally played no I was like oh my hand really hurts I was like I don’t my hands bleed in like nobody told me it was gonna be this big that’s so funny what was that Garth Brooks song because I’m a huge fan of Garth Brooks it was the dunce oh my god it’s really the theme song to my book the dance it’s such a good song I think that’s kind of what pulled me in maybe if you just show me a terrible songs like yeah I don’t know if this is me but that really pulled me in and then from there like I think that once you learn the basics of you know how it kind of works which I’m still learning from there you just kind of go of what sounds right like I’ve never been very good at the theory of music even though I do have a degree in music I was always more like the performance side in the field sighs and so even now when I write I don’t sit and think home this card goes with this chord in this key and I’m like yeah I’m just gonna chew my guitar until I like the sound of the strings and then we’ll go for that where are you musical career like oh you’re on find at this point tell me what your life is like as a musician um so right now I still have a full-time job as well as doing music I’m always on the go like you’re working normal Monday 9:00 to 5:00 but then after that straight after it’s either rehearsing or right in or gigging and I try and gig as much and as many places as possible this month for example I think I play maybe 10 gigs this month and then next month is like 13 so like I’m trying to play as much as possible also trying to find new places because I only move to America like three years ago which is when I got married and so I’m still trying to like tell people no like I can do this I promise I can come in and play for you and I won’t like freaky speakers and stuff because when people don’t know you they don’t know like you could turn up and be like a strangled cat on a Thursday night that’s been chased by 12 foxes like they don’t know he can play oh well that would be me if I ever decided my dream is to become you know a musician on the road and just you know go play at some fun pubs yeah that would be me the question of like where I’m in the music career path right now is a really hard question to answer because I think it the perspective moment is what you deem is being successful and I guess that you probably understand that too because I’m successful also like what is successful to you to me like it’s always been about I want to be able to help or reach people with my music and if I can do that then I’m being successful I love that ash that is exactly my motto to like I think we’re on the same wavelength with that because a lot of people struggle with that definition of success and what it means to them and what in defining if they are successful and it holds a lot of people back because it’s all really subjective – I mean what I think is all like oh my goodness that person is so successful then that person doesn’t believe that they’re successful it’s because they haven’t defined it for themselves and one of my favorite role models as Tony Robbins and one of the things that I remember hearing from him so many times is that you have to set yourself up for success and by that meaning what is your definition if your definition is so unrealistic for success that you never are able to reach it then you’re never going to feel successful that that success definition should apply to your day today right where you are today is where you need to find success and so what you just said about being able to reach somebody and help them connect that you can do at any moment of the day because you can walk down the street and smile at somebody and connect with them and then you have been successful all right right so that right there is I love that you think that way because I wish more people thought that way set yourself up for success by keeping that realistic and then you’ll always be in that sweet pocket people want to know like what you deem is being successful and stuff and I see people selling merchandise and doing all kinds of things some way I just don’t have that driving me like am I saying that money’s not good well no of course money pays for things in it helped you get through life but I can pretty much guarantee that although it might make life a little more comfortable if I went to bed at night with a million dollars and closed my eyes would I be going to sleep at night and not thinking about the same things I’m thinking about now like I don’t know like I’m still gonna worry about the woman next door as dog is gonna get let him within the next 10 minutes or it’s still gonna be outside crime you know like did my music like do anything like my songs working like just because a million people bought it for example does that mean that it’s reaching them the way I want it to or did I just pull out a song that didn’t really reflect anything I’m about I think that people buy into a lot of the merchandise stuff and okay it’s great like I’m not disputing the fact that it’s great that people want to support you that’s fantastic Blake but to me if you really want to show support like of course buy the songs that nice like share the links share the videos all of those things where I leave a review like the the biggest thing I could say is when people actually leave a review or comment on something that you’ve created and they tell you like how it reached them that brings so much more than seeing a revenue dollar coming oh my gosh absolutely ash you know money there’s a certain need for money there’s a certain threshold I don’t know what the exact number is but let’s just call it twenty five thousand US dollars just let’s just say so anybody below that maybe it does affect their happiness because it’s affecting their safety their security their basic needs of food shelter and things of that sort once those needs are met right anything above that the happiness factor for anybody who lives above that the poverty line I guess you could say actually the money doesn’t matter you can make a trillion dollar so you can make fifty thousand dollars but as long as those basic needs are met the happiness doesn’t come from the money anymore it doesn’t it needs are met so now it comes from inside how do you define happiness and success what brings you that and again it’s keeping it realistic and it’s for you it’s connecting knowing that you’ve connected it doesn’t matter if it’s a million people or ten people if ten people said to you my god my life changed as a result if one person said to you my god my life changed because of the song that you just wrote and I just listened to man talk about happiness and success you’ve made a purpose you’ve made a difference in someone’s life so yeah and you know that does a true thing as well because I feel very lucky and fortunate and blessed and humbled by the fact that people have said those things to me which is men way more than anything else that’s happened in my music or in I have had people stop me at gigs there’s one person approached me just recently I was in a really bad funk because part of the curves that will speak about days like social anxiety how that affects everything and the perspectives that people have of musicians because they see us perform and they think that like I don’t know these really cool humans that have no cares of the world but when you’re on a stage like that’s exactly what you are you’re on a stage and and for me it’s always been a huge escape like when I’m on that stage that is that persona and that is where I am because every single song let’s perform is how I’m feeling with those lyrics like it’s not this is how I feel right now in my life it’s like this is the feeling that this Sonny gave me at the time I wrote it and every time I play it I’m baccala and so when you step off the stage it’s like those dreams you have and you wake up and unique it’s somewhere you’re like oh everybody’s gonna see me right now and I just literally know this is a way comparison by compared sometimes to you know like when you have that first encounter with someone that you’re inclined to be close to and the first time is always although it can be like hot and passionate whatever it’s also scary and intimidate you know not so much that first time it happens but straight afterwards because there’s that moment of oh okay so yeah this happened and I don’t yeah coffee and that awkward moment honestly is kind of like the exact same as when you step off stage because you just exposed everything to someone and not just one person like you did it to a roomful of people so the minute you step off and people like start to talk to you I struggle to form sentences with people and like because I’m still on that like calm down I guess of but that change of platform and not realization of okay this is me and hope you liked it please don’t it’s like you know exactly it’s a yeah I would imagine being being in the public eye visually like that it can be at first probably really just you don’t feel grounded because it’s just a totally different way of living life from the regular day-to-day grind of just a person driving a car to go to the grocery store to cook dinner to take care of the dogs the kids the thing you know the family whatnot and then here you become this person on a stage where all the eyes are on you and expecting something for me I would kind of think of it as public speaking for myself but I’m presenting to a large audience it’s the same feeling like God everybody in this room is possibly listening to me right now you can see how that would really drive that social anxiety factor and if you gave into that too much my god that would be so paralyzing if I’m real like especially if you think like when you doing the public speaking if not only you doing that but then 85% of the gigs I would say and not all original material so then on top of that like they’ve got the notes they know the exact words to your thing so if you miss a note they know they know and they’re looking at you like yeah I I know that you just messed up then so yeah you have to learn to lock that stuff off I guess after what else are you gonna do right ash let’s talk a little bit about life’s curves because this is curves welcome and I really I love to talk about ways that people have taken what life has given them and made something better of it or triumphs in the end so do you have a profound curve that you faced in your life that you’d like to speak about today I would honestly say there are a few but I think that the big one really that I wanted to speak about today with you ways around that social anxiety in mental health area and like just how much of an effect that can have on every part of your life and how concede you can be by those days because it isn’t just about you know when you step off the stage it’s about how it affects everything else when you sit down scene for out a good novel very good song and then you sit down to write the next one you like oh now suddenly it’s not just an anxiety about what’s been it’s now it’s an anxiety about how do I do like where do I even start yeah especially if you’ve received any success and I I’m using that word by hand quotes here success in the terms of it’s been well-received right maybe you’ve yeah it’s a song or written a novel that’s been well received by the listenership for the readership and now you’re sitting down to write your next or you write write your next song and all of a sudden you’re like damn I could have live up to that now what if I fail what if that what if i disappoint and all of these feelings are going through your mind and man talk about the railing somebody writes okay with that right and then I’m talk about I mean not so forget that you’re in a you’re in a field that is saturated with body not is new is older art is people that people know people that people don’t know like and so you’re literally surrounded by all of these things and then you think so I don’t so that you have like the press and you have magazines and you have the radio and you listening and you can be swallowed up in the whole my music doesn’t sound like this my lyrics don’t sound like that was my sign cut you know like the people want to hear this is this too depressing to play a place the people even really want to know about these things it took me a while to embrace the way that I used to write so when I originally started writing even poetry it was always real like it was this is my experience in life and I don’t feel I should have to hide this from here and then you go through a stage I think that everybody finds at some point we’re not I would say that not everybody does it consciously but you’re trying to adapt to your surroundings so that you don’t look like such a harried on the side of the road like you look more like a chameleon and so at times you know you’re showing parts of yourself but you’re not really showing you full sound because you don’t want to be completely exposed and I think I reached a point where I was like I don’t feel like I’m right in the best music I can write because I’m not being fully true to going on oh my god I love that ash it’s such a profound thing to say and to realize because as an artist an artist has to dig deep they have to have gone through life and they’ve got to have they’ve got to be able to dig deep and and be that authentic self because you know what the public will know when you’re not being authentic until you summons up the courage to showcase that ingenuity that authenticity I think it’s really hard to connect and if as we talked about earlier we defined success in the career of a musician a writer any other artist to be connecting with whomever you’re creating that art for then to have true connection you’ve got to be authentic really you have to mean it you can’t just say something and have no connection with what you’re saying it’s like okay I don’t understand quantum physics I am not about to write a song about how all that works cuz I have got no idea and I wouldn’t have that passion you can hear when someone’s passionate one they’re not and it got to the point where I was like you know I struggled probably all my life no anxiety and you know getting down and out my people do and I kind of thought that I had to keep that hidden which is the common stigma right the common stigma is that you don’t show those sides you hide them away put them under rugs and hope that nobody likes some more absolutely and it’s the one thing that we always speak about when you talk about face and mental health is that people need to speak up and speak out I kind of reached the point where I’m looking around I’m like why I none of the artists in the mainstream address in this like why is nobody shout in this message from the roof song like we all write the songs about one sort of he’s already gone we write the songs about when you get your heart broken but you don’t ever write the songs about it’s gonna be okay oh hey you’re not alone and as I went through it to plague and not having that connection to say you’re not alone it’s probably the most intimidating feeling that anybody goes through in that part because you’re like why is this just me yes that’s probably the hardest thing about being depressed to be and I just is like why am I the only one feeling these things and not only that I think maybe part of society has groomed us to feel like we’re inadequate if we have these feelings right these feelings are real they’re you we’re human beings we have hormones running through our bodies that affect these emotions that affects our brain chemistry we have stuff in our food supply that affects our blood chemistry and things of that sort so we can’t blame ourselves there’s nothing wrong with us it’s just it is what it is we’re OK to accept that somebody’s born with different colored eyes but yeah we can’t accept that they process information differently ok I can accept that you were born and now you’re six foot four and I only reached five foot but I didn’t find six foot but you know you reach that point where you think ok well why doesn’t anybody understand I can’t do things that way and you see it in all different areas of life like when you go to a bar for example okay and you order a drink and they get you drink rum how many different reactions do you see to that just in one side like you see the person that loses their cool and then everyone’s like oh that guy’s a jackass you’re like oh he’s just having a really bad day and not just tip the iceberg like you don’t know but our initial instinct is I feel it would bring to judge before we like give any kind of empathy to of it no unfortunately I am a huge Empire which I say unfortunately because sometimes I feel like there is a scale and if you somewhere in the middle I feel like you’re doing okay you know yeah you’re gonna mess up sometimes you’ll judge a little bit hopefully you’re a good enough person where you’re gonna accept the fact that you probably shouldn’t let them not at that point and then you’ll feel a little bit bad about it for then you’ll go on and I can feel that’s middle of the scale you know then you have the other side of the scale where you have no empathy and you’re a narcissistic like this there’s that side of the scale and then there’s the other where it’s like you can’t even watch a TV advert without tears because you like I I can’t believe that they didn’t even know that there was a surprise inside that kid that I like that’s the kids face was just freshers you know I need Stephen things like that that I would say I am tipped that way but to the point where I feel really connected with people and so I found that actually a lot of like feeling down and feeling overwhelmed can come from being too exposed to a lot of people at once and I know that sounds really weird cuz I’m not a hermit like I don’t hide away but I can only scroll Facebook so much and I can only like read the news so often because the second that I take in too much I feel like I’m in this well that I can’t escape of like you’re trying to climb the sides of the wall but it’s so slippy that you fall back down but every fall the wall is getting higher and so you feel like even if he can the same I totally understand what that feels like because I I’ve actually had to schedule my social media time to three times a day and I am pretty strict about that because I tend to be the same way especially gosh I I’m an animal and past like I can’t handle when I see anything negative about an animal I don’t care what it is I can’t handle it I will have nightmares about that for a week and I just I know people mean well they’re sharing things like to bring awareness I understand that but as I just can’t handle it it literally puts me in the bottom of a well that that keeps growing by the day so I understand that completely and I think that it’s really important to understand anybody who’s listening to this who feels who has that sort of deep empathetic personality is that you’re not alone in that it doesn’t make us a weak people if anything it makes us stronger because we we feel very deeply and that’s a good thing but I think that we we need to be able to say hey you know this is who I am and I am okay with and do what I need to do to take care of myself yeah like those coping mechanisms are a huge factor because if you don’t put them in place and you will hit rock bottom very quickly and and that’s okay people hit rock bottom and it’s just about knowing there’s a way back out of that can we talk about that like what oh yeah but mechanisms are absolutely so I found at some point I hit rock bottom I mean like I was at the bottom of the bottom of the world but I was submerged like the I didn’t think I would have to get back out with that I asked my mom if she could bring me my guitar she was like yeah Bernie guitar and so I started right in music so I started writing music that was a reflection of my wife through the way the ice seems sorta melted and I’m not don’t even edit them out that fine so I started to feel this weight lift like the more I wrote the less I felt like I couldn’t breathe I’m the more that the music came out the left I felt like I was carrying for me I felt like one I had all this like emotion inside of me that I just I didn’t understand why nobody felt all of these emotions at once like it wasn’t just one it was like a thousand emotions at once with no real name like it wasn’t like this is anger and frustration it was like this is everything like this is just everything like I am so sick of crying right now like why am i crying I’m not even sad and I’m crying like I don’t know what is going on and now like where I cursed myself I do this because with the writing thing now whenever ever I sound happy or sad throughout the process like the first three times I play it I’m crying the whole time and I’m like oh yeah this is ridiculous like I’m fine I’m like looking at my wife for my moment he was around them like I’m fine like I am really fine I just I just it’s I just have to get through this section of it I’m I’m fine but I found that that right in honestly like it saved my life because if I didn’t take that weight off I don’t know why I would have done it like what do you do from that point and it people have their different escapes and I would say you just need to find out what yours is like there’s always something though like I think the biggest overwhelm and dawning feeling is that people like I don’t mind music but I don’t write I don’t write words I don’t play sports I don’t do this do you gain I game play gaily like do you go on walks I go on walks go for a walk yes I completely understand I think what you’re getting at really is being present right finding something that makes you incredibly present and you’re not thinking about your past or your future you’re thinking about this very very moment that you control because this this very moment is yours and so when you are diving into song writing when you’re diving into writing a novel when you are diving into and this may sound really simplistic but hey doing your dishes I mean I gotta tell you one of the most relaxing things that I do to become presence is I actually look forward to doing my dinner dishes at the end of the day I feel up my I fill up my sink with sudsy water that smells really really good I put on some salsa music and I’m like you know dancing away and I’m feeling the suds in my hands in the water and the I don’t know what it is but it’s like the feeling I feel it I feel everything very intensely and I everything else just slips away all the stress from the day if I’m having blockages with writing it doesn’t matter what is going on in my world all I’m focusing on are those suds so to anybody listening if you don’t if you’re not a musician if you’re not a writer if you’re not a game or if you if you’re whatever if you don’t like taking walks in nature whatever your activity is it could be ironing it could be making your bed it could be whatever you know planting gardening machi sucks oh there you go any kind of an activity that you can focus intently on in that very moment I think is really super helpful for getting out of those moments that you feel like you’re falling down the well and also an embrace the way you feel it in them like when I write those those songs about time I’m not running away from how I feel I’m not trying to mask the way I feel I’m saying you know what this is exactly how I feel like I need someone to understand that this is exactly where I am because at some point unknowingly like and for me it is music so for some point unknowingly I will play that song and it’s always those songs always that someone is like I need to tell you that that saying did something for me you’re listening to Lisbon talk show the lesbian talk show calm you have of podcast information I play dumb I play a grocery store once a month yep so like I play it a place called Fresh Start and once a month like when they have their events on I’ll play there and it is one of the most rewarding experiences that you can have because you play in the live loud bars and you play in the silent coffee bars and in the normal venues where you expect to be but when you play in a grocery store in the middle of the produce aisle people are going about their daily business like nobody’s specifically there to see you so when people do make that effort to come and speak to you you reach them there isn’t a question of a you here because you came to see me all your hair and I just happened to be here and you feel like it’s curviest it’s you took time out of your day to come and say hello to me and the last time I played there just a couple of weeks ago I was playing a song and this this girl walked in and I watched her like walk around the store and she looked she looked a little bit like she wasn’t in a normal stride never seen this girl before he picked these things up and she was with a friend and I can see that a friend looked concerned like the whole time that they’re walking I can see this friend looking concerned and they’re walking around and I thought I I wonder if she needs to hear something and so I play this song and she came over at the end of the song and she just wraps around around me she was crying and she was like I needed that I was like wow I was like overcome with emotion I’m like I’m glad that I could help you today and she likes she was like seriously you have no idea how much that means to me like thank you so much I was like wow like how can like we just interact that way and suddenly like you’re making a difference to someone you know man that’s using gas and I was like you know it’s at those times when you figure that if you didn’t embrace i’m ryan brace I don’t mean dwellin I don’t mean get lost in I mean embrace what you feeling accept it voice it and then learn to move from it like those are the things that we need to do in those times if you don’t embrace it if you shrug it off it builds like if you don’t put something in its place and you put it in a closet for the first hundred times you’re probably fine but by the thousandth time everything is gonna fall on you and at that point you can’t get out there’s nobody at home to save you you have to start saving yourself bit by bit and at times you are going to put things into that closet you will at times you’ll put one thing in but take the time take the mental health time to break away from your everyday life and give yourself some quiet you need it you need that time that is your and I call it mental health time but you need that time that is you time we speak about you time very freely and people see you time it o you time it’s when I’m gonna make my body better and go to the gym you time is when I’m gonna clean my bedroom you talent like you time is you time it is taking time to process life categorize it and move on with it like that’s you need that time I call that wiggle time it’s so I just spoke about this in my last podcast wiggle time the the importance of it and my dog bumblebee the one actually passed away in July she taught me the importance of wiggle time and what that means is it’s like you’ve got to take time but she demanded that I sat down with her for a few minutes every day like she demanded sit down with me and pet me and do nothing else don’t look at your phone don’t look it don’t watch television don’t sip coffee just sit here and be with me and I feel like that was my time it’s really important to be able to decompress like you said in processed life and to not run away from it you’re right you know it’s like with fear if something is fearful for you one towards it it’s not gonna kill you unless it’s a tiger maybe not you know if you’re fearing something go run towards it or else it’s gonna keep chasing you and same thing with any kind of an emotional burden on your on your on your mind and your heart grieving any of that it’s a process and you cannot ignore it and you’ve got to go through the stages of it and you have to face it head-on and let it wash over you it’s like a wave it’s gonna come and go AB and flow and you’ve got to ride that out and then one day you’re gonna realize that Evan flow is just really really calm down to a nice gentle roll and then you’re healed for that particular thing you have to go through that process because if you don’t and I feel like as an empath you you get this but you can’t be that understanding person with someone else if you didn’t go through it like I I couldn’t tell you you know and I don’t mean tell sometimes it’s just be in there unless you have gone through something or you can really understand something you can’t give that time to someone else like you talk about dog time I mean today you’ve actually seen my dog there were two of them but you see one but he he does that and Gemini our other dog does the same thing the bumblebee would do but now she’s taking it to a new level so she can tell when I’m stressed and I’ll sit down on the sofa and she’ll come and sit next to me and she’s not small she thinks she but she’s not and she will literally sit there and her her like what what do you want I’m looking at interesting her and unless I literally like put hands on her and start stroke you know she won’t stop she will literally be like no like I’m he loved me and I was he never used to do it the little one and now he does he’ll sit there like Oh like he has the hilarious little pat me back it’s not pockets oh I love it animals are so intuitive they understand what we’re feeling and they are the greatest sources of healing oh my god I miss having the dog energy in my house we are gonna be Pet Sitting soon so I’m so excited I’ve got two Pet Sitting engagements coming up and I just can’t wait I go for a walk in my neighborhood every day and I’m like I stopped every single dog I eat up that energy because their energy is amazing and their love is amazing I feel that when it were the same way so the am passing with the dogs I’m totally whether you like that whole Facebook and avoidance thing I’m with you like stupidly even to the point when we first got our car we went to work to double use a cat oh my god I come home to I was like such a mess I was like I need to go home at lunch and I went home and they were quit all together I’m like seriously seriously guys like this as far as worried about that whole worry I think you’re right animals bring so much comfort and I know that there are some people that don’t take to that sigh I mean I don’t get it I say I got it but I don’t I wish I did I guess the reason I don’t get it is because I have been lucky enough to experience just how much an animal brings to your life even now when he’s growling the window for no reason whatsoever probably a squirrel in his shirt nonetheless you know they just bring elements to your life that without them I mean right now if I wasn’t doing this interview I was sat in this house alone it would be silence right it would be that complete and silence but here he is like making his little noise and trying to tell the world these six-foot-tall when he’s like one foot tall you know animals can bring all that comfort and and I think it’s important like you said to find those things like yes face your fears run at them walk towards me if you need to find what helps you to cope like an animal can be more than just a friend and a family member like they become part of your coping mechanism like for sure I mean you would think of a partner that way right have you go to bed at night you speak to your partner sometimes sometimes people don’t feel that comfortable trying to explain how they feel for their partners you know you can always tell yeah dog and they don’t even look at you a judgment like my dogs knew everything about me like I held nothing back from them they heard everything whether they wanted to or not alright we’ve talked about coping mechanisms and such I like to ask this question because I feel like it’s important to be able to share I have this motto of learn it and share it so like you know you learn life lessons and you share them and you know maybe along the way you can connect with somebody and they can and then you learn is you and no matter and I think that your dog is because cause it’s like yes yes so what would you say to somebody who is facing a similar challenge in life what would you a piece of advice be to them um I think I would tell them that they’re not alone first and foremost and although I know that sometimes that can feel like a lie to people when you’re in not really bad place you like know but you don’t get it like as much as you want to accept it I think to someone that’s going through the similar thing I would tell them to not be afraid because fear is is a massive massive impact on everything and my my dad always gave me the advice if don’t sweat the small stuff but the biggest thing that my dad ever told me and I share this with people is don’t regret anything because in life you make a decision you make it based on the information that you have at the time and you may not make a choice that was the right one at the time you can’t regret making it like that was your choice if you were given the exact same information again at the exact same point in your life you’re gonna make the exact same choice it’s only when you think back in retrospect that you can never have regret so don’t regret it learn from it but don’t regret it like it’s life right now you know you might feel like the world is resting on your shoulders but the fact is there’s only so much you can control and I think that’s a big element affair is that when you’re out of control it’s scary like so for example we’ve been looking at buying a house right buy a house is I’m not gonna lie to you listeners it’s not wonderful it’s stressful it’s so scary very stressful and especially could you hit hiccups like you can do everything right and I feel like buying a house is a really good analogy for life because you can do everything right and it can still not go too far but it doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the road it means that there’s a new room to come so we went in on a house and everything went finally accepted the offer it was great and then the appraisal came back with and so we lost the house like okay all right and at the time I mean we were like why why is the world against us at this point like I don’t understand we didn’t do anything wrong and then the next one we went in on you know we didn’t win a bit we did we just didn’t even get the bit excessive well like our will get in you know we didn’t even get to where we did last time like what are we doing wrong why are we and this is like life you know sometimes you get right near the finish line the next time you don’t even get to the to the selection zone so then were like oh now are we gonna do and then you go to another one and then that one doesn’t work out for whatever reason and then you find one that you weren’t even expecting something out of the blue and you’re like this feels right like you step inside of it and you like this this feels good like this feels like it’s meant to be and then you hit another hiccup but then it comes through against all the odds now of all the different ones that you’ve looked at of all different places and strategies and monies and everything else that came to place and then it falls into place I’m not feeling stress is through the roof you hit rock bottom you hit high as you hit low as you hit mediums you have I don’t care anymore and then you hit oh this is happening is this real this is real okay this is good Wow and then suddenly yeah and all of those really strong happy emotions but if you didn’t stick around if you didn’t wait I’m like he said ride those waves you would never get that highest joy that you feel at the end of the closing and I feel like life’s just like that you know you go through all these different sections of highs and lows and wise and house and I didn’t do anything wrong why why is this person gay and what I wanted when I didn’t do anything wrong and then then it all comes to placing like okay no I get you know I’m good I’m good you can have the house that we didn’t get because we got the one that we didn’t expect yes in Tim all right so that just guessed that is all about understanding that when you go through life’s curves you’re gonna go through them and you’re not gonna understand why you might be asking why why why but if you hadn’t gone through those curves you wouldn’t be where you are today and so I think about that a lot like I think about when I look back on my life and some of the curves that I’ve faced if I hadn’t gone through those curves then other things in my life wouldn’t have fallen into place and then I would be really sad because some really great things resulted from those curves that were faced and I think that’s what you’re getting out there and I think that’s such an important point to make yeah I’m like even if the thing that you got at the end of it isn’t what you’re expecting it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t what you needed sometimes we get things we need that weren’t necessarily what we want but we needed those things and that matters just as much as getting what you want in fact it matters more app it’s more important to get what you need them what you want we wouldn’t even be having this conversation if I hadn’t have reached a little point inside right and because I wouldn’t have picked up you book like I was taking time to find time for me and I was like I I always really struggled with with reading first thing second author but because I didn’t feel like I can connect with with a lot of what was being written I was like hey I can’t do this field like how do you read this best-selling I’m like no I didn’t know I know sorry and I was like I need to read from someone I feel I had connect with and I was browsing through these different books I was like I like this I’m gonna try this huh I took the book and I was working security at the time and so I had all this time to myself I was like okay I just read this book in like a day is it was the muse and I remember that after I’d read it it connected with me so significantly that I left you a review and just for the crack of it because of the way that they had met online with the winky face I left that in the review for you and that was how we started talking and then from there like I feel like we just developed this friendship over I mutual like the things like animals dogs especially and also like the way that year you’re always even when you’re not trying to you trying to make the world a different place like you I feel like every action that you take is the action of an empath like you process and then you try and build bridges and make connections of people and it’s always been very real with you like you can see some people they get reviews or they get things they never reply to people and yet every time that you get something I always know it’s that you there and you’re replying to them and it’s always personalized it’s not like good thanks you know it’s like oh thanks so much I see that you did this or thanks so much for noticing this part and it’s always first and I feel like if you can take that time out for people then you really do care about what you’re doing and how it’s impacting people and so I think it’s really cool that our past connected places because I stuck around through the curve and now like although we’ve gone through different curves along our own times like we’re right here now having this conversation and it’s a really cool conversation to have so it’s like again a conversation that I feel like I needed because you get to places in your life we like how am I still different thing is this right I might be one person am i weird I am slightly weird because I’m weird too if I wasn’t you know you have to be weird that that’s what makes the world colorful and divine and I’m just really grateful of the fact that you know we can be here today having this conversation and hopefully reaching some other people that need this that need this conversation this what I mean by what you need you can yo you one you can also get what you need and I know that I needed this conversation today and I’m really hopeful as someone else that listens might just need it as well yeah I god this has been an incredible conversation I have just had a great time and what you’ve said has been so insightful and first of all I just want to say thank you for what you just said it was very really kind and I appreciate that so much thank you very much for that and I’m so happy that we connected and I’m so happy that the Meuse found you and then you know through that we found each other and enjoy your music and and speaking of music giving of this podcast I said that there was a little rumor that maybe people might be treated to a little taste of your music I would love it if you could play us a little bit just to kind of give people a flavor so that they can go seek you out afterwards because I think that once they hear you inspired so can you play us a little something you know what I’m going to I wrote a song like two nights ago so no one’s heard it yet so I figured that this would be a really cool place didn’t share that with people and again part of the whole challenge of challenging yourself and face your face I never used to write in different units I was terrified of it because I don’t feel like a guitar player I feel like someone that sings and plays a little bit guitar and so I started embracing the challenge by actually just teaching about guitar – well I think sounds like and so I started to embrace it by saying okay let me stop writing this a little bit more regal but so I completely changed the lyrics this all happens within the space of fifteen minutes but in that time you’re like okay let me just change the way I’m going with this and let me talk about how I’m feeling right now and so this is a brand new song it’s called anxiety [Music] turn the leg down so I can sleep boy his hair to hold on me grip too tight and I can’t breathe we live by your name and I [Music] door feelings and I I can’t find the words to say it Kurtz is through my way two words I tried to write just to get you out my mind you only [Music] things I [Music] anxiety [Music] shut the door so I can’t go I don’t need the [Music] when I’m scared and flee whoa damn you anxiety Dule feeling I can find words to say Mia Kurtz is through have a dual words I try to write just to get you out my mind she won’t leave anxiety [Music] anxiety [Music] came back from ten pick your hands up on the clock take a breath and try again I’ve done it all it never ends [Music] door feelings that I have I can find to say here curses through my way two words I tried just to get you out my my but you won’t leave anxiety [Music] mentally [Music] Oh oh my god that’s amazing that was so amazing my god honestly I just blow me away oh my god people listening to this they’re gonna be blown away by that is so deep and so real and so raw thank you so much for sharing that it’s a it’s an absolute pleasure like it so I know is kind of like it was almost like a little song at first now it’s like I don’t I don’t feel like I’m consumed by that right now like right now I feel like I can see her bags and I was like what’s the link and I was like well the link is that sometimes you smell it right and you can feel that in relationships too once people hold you like maybe they’re holding too tight and and all those like relationships like when you walk out the door and it’s like anxiety can make you run away and I was like okay maybe there’s a link that I just need to find and yeah and honestly it was almost like it grew itself from that like as soon as I found that like after that I’m like okay hands off someone yeah it was totally amazing ash thank you so much for being here and sharing your story I’ll include links in the show notes for listeners so that they can find you and tune into your beautiful music it’s been a true pleasure and thank you so much for being on here hey friends thanks for spending time with me today first up I want to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who has showed their love and support of my newest novel release the pet boutique a romance novel that has lots of flirty innuendos a fun-loving albeit wacky at times family and a spirited dog who makes sure that everyone adores her it is available on Kindle and Kindle unlimited as well as paperback I also want to thank all who have become patrons of my patreon page your support means a great deal to me for more information on joining me on this journey and gaining access to special rewards visit the link in the show notes also be sure to follow the lesbian talk show to keep up on the latest episodes so thanks for tuning in until next time go out there and continue to learn grow and embrace life’s curves