Friday, September 21, 2012

Phone Call I Just Received

Home phone rings: Private number. I ignore it.

Cell phone rings: blocked number. Oops, that's the signs of a doctor and not a spammer. I answer.

Here is the exact conversation:

"Hello, I'm calling from Dr. PCP's office. We have been going through our records and noticed you are behind on your mammogram."

"Um, no, I don't think I am."

"Oh?  Why is that?  Did you just have it?"

"No, I have Stage IV, metastatic breast cancer. Your records on me should be about five inches thick."

"Oh!  I'm sorry! I, um, I, ugh, well, um, we'll be sure to update your, um, records with us."




Wednesday, September 19, 2012

A fookin' good book - The Dog Lived and So Will I

One of the perks of being a world famous blogger is that you are on the lists of PR companies who want you to pimp their products for them.  I am, surprisingly, picky about what I choose to tell you about.  First, the item has to mostly relate to cancer (if the product is something Cancerous Ann is interested in, of course, that means it does relate.)  Then it has to somehow help my reader.  That would be you.

(Excuse me while I let my dogs in.)

Now, with my fame and beauty and with my future dying and all, you would think I'd be on lists to get backstage passes to Disneyland and Maui vacations and stuff, wouldn't you?  I mean, there are other people who only have a year or so to live - other people who got early payouts on their life insurance and are looking to make memories, and who want me to tell them where to go.

Just sayin'

But I'm not on those lists.  Mostly what I get are books.  And, mostly what I get are unreadable, forgettable books.  Everybody who has a cancer experience feels they must share it, whether they have writing talent or not.   After the last one, I told my husband that I really have to stop agreeing to read books anymore.

(Excuse me while I let my dogs out.)

Because, I'm kinda honorable about it, you know?  If I get a free book, I'm going to read it and review it and even try to say something nice about it   Even if it's horrible.  Because, at least that author did something that I'm not capable of doing, and that is getting a book written and published.  Unfortunately, right now, I have books lined up behind me and I'm not sure I have that much time left to read them all.

Dear PR Firms.  Yes, I know I'm behind.

(Excuse me while I let the dogs in.)

So, when the package for the book The Dog Lived (and So Will I) arrived in the mail, I was distressed.  Oh no, another book, I can't do it.  I don't feel good, my back hurts, my knees are fookin' killing me,  I just want to read some crappy chick lit about shopping for purses and not another book about cancer.

But, when I opened the package and saw a picture of a beautiful beagle smiling up at me, I smiled back.  It immediately went to the head of the line.  I opened the book, and read it from start to finish.  I even dragged my dusty old book light out of the drawer and fired up new batteries so I could read in bed.

It was such a pleasure, I sighed in relief.  It was well-written, entertaining and well-edited, too, I might add.  (I've come to realize how important that is.)

This is the memoir of a woman just a bit younger than me who is dating a much younger man.  She reminds me of myself, in a sense.  (Hey, I could be a couger too, if I still had eyebrows/lashes, hair and boobs.).  She, like me, has a toast-loving hound dog (although I have two and they are greyhounds).  She nurses her spoiled little beagle through his frightening (for her, not the dog) bout of cancer, (two of my pets died of cancer while I was undergoing initial therapy)  and then she - like me -  finds out she has breast cancer.  She also, like me, blogs her experience, for the same reasons I started mine - ease of updating family and friends.

(Excuse me, I have to let the dogs out.)

Well, what can I say about her memoir without giving it away?  She survives, as the title implies.  She has problems with family and work, just like we all do, with a bit of cancer thrown into the mix.   She is funny and warm-hearted and honest.   Why do I love this book?  Because, aside from its doggy goodness, Teresa doesn't whine through her cancer experience. (Either of them).  She seems to have put it and any subsequent fear in the proper perspective.   She chooses, from the beginning, to look at the bright, hopeful side.  She recounts a tale of being accosted by a woman at radiation who wants to know her "number."  When she sorts out what that means, (odds of recurrence) Teresa says "85% chance it won't come back."  And, of course, the woman accuses her of being in denial for not seeing that she has a 15% chance that it will.

In cancerland, there are far too many people who focus on the wrong numbers, the wrong ideals, the wrong statistics, and for whom the glass is always half empty.  So many are focused on the potential for death that they forget to enjoy life.   Teresa is not one of them.  She believes in the day-to-day goodness of living: good food and hot tubs and love, which is a teeny bit dog-like (and why we love them so), and why you will love Teresa too.    Teresa is the cancer survivor I would have been, if my story had taken a different turn.

(Excuse me, I have to let the dogs in, and pet their sweet, scruffy heads)

Her book is a great read, humorous, real and interesting, and I am pretty sure you do not have to be a cancer survivor to enjoy it. You can buy her book by clicking on the photo below:

There are two books I've read in my 3 years with cancer that I found really wonderful, especially for the newly diagnosed.  One is Lopsided: A Memoir, by Meredith Norton, and the other is this one.  Both of these woman had triple negative breast cancer and both of these woman carried on with their lives with grace, humor and a big dose of perspective. I think both of these woman can show a newly diagnosed cancer patient just how its done. In Teresa's case, it's by grabbing life one lovely day at a time.

*Oh and I actually did get up and down all those times to let my dogs in and out.  Now you know why my knees fookin' hurt.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


Here's the way my personal ad would go:

"Are you interested in a girl who's hot?  (Then cold, then hot, then cold, then hot, then cold again?)  One who can pull out a kleenex at the drop of a hat for her constantly drippy nose, and who wears sunglasses for eyes that water at the slightest breeze?  If so, call me.  I enjoy having my port accessed, pulling my hair out, and oxycontin.  If your dream girl has one breast, no eyebrows or eyelashes, and if you love the sound of hiccups, we are a dream match."

Hiccups, you say?  What is that about hiccups?

Intriguing, I know.  I have the juices of many a man flowing right now.  Sorry wives.

Many people don't know that one of the side effects of chemo and/or abdominal surgery is hiccups.  I am finally able to eat spicy food, which I love, but these days, each time I bite down on a pepper I get the hiccups.  Very disappointing - unless you like that sort of sound across the dinner table from you.

A few weeks back, I was at the State Fair and I came across a booth with a guy selling a product called Hiccural, touted as "fast and effective relief from hiccups."  The gentleman, who happened to be the owner of the company, demonstrated his product for me.

It worked, which turned out to be less than impressive since he did not, in fact, have the hiccups.  But when I told him why I was interested, he kindly gave me one to test.

And, my hiccups promptly disappeared.  Apparently, just owning the device prevents hiccups.

I waited a while and then bought a jar of hot peppers.  This kick-started my duodenum into action, and I ran to grab the hiccural stick.  I pulled it out of the package, put it in my mouth, sipped a glass of water through the cleverly designed hole in the center (basically, I followed the directions) and it worked! My hiccups stopped.

Me and my hiccural
But wait.  This is supposed to be a personals ad:

Hiccural with red lipstick

I've had the chance to use it numerous times since then, and it has worked about 98% of the time.  I don't recommend it for people with regular hiccups and TMJ, as it does put your jaw in a funny position.  I obviously have more teeth than jaw so I can't hold the stick for long.  But, I imagine that's why it works, maybe it opens up the back of your throat or something.

Another plus in the dating world, if old porn movies are to be believed.

So, there you go. A product you didn't know you needed, but do all the same.

(Men:  I'm not really in the market, tempting as I sound.)

Friday, September 7, 2012

Time with Cancer

I was diagnosed with cancer a little more than 3 years ago on August 17th, 2009. I've been curious to know how many appointments I've had since then, so like Jeff Probst might say, "Let's tally the vote."

Yesterday, at my most recent MUGA, I requested that they print out all the tests I'd had in their facility.  Last night, I sat down and added my doctor's appointments and chemos - going through old calendars, my iPhone, and relying on memory. It helps that all of my oncology appointments have been Wednesdays. The final number may be more or less than I remembered, as once you go as regularly as I do, you just stop keeping physical track.

To date, I have had:

5 biopsies
12 CTs
7 PETs
6 MRIs
1 Bone Scan
1 Dexa Scan
6 chest x-rays
2 shoulder x-rays
4 surgeries
1 cyst removal
5 hospitalizations
1 blood transfusion

That's the test/procedure tally.

Now on to doctor visits and chemos.  I have been to chemo and seen doctors in an appointment setting, as near as I can tell, 144 times.  (And, I suspect that number might be low).

Adding it up, that's over 200 medical appointments in 1000 days, and I'm not including hospitalizations and surgeries in that time.

An astonishing 20% of my time in the last three years has been in dealing with cancer.

It gets worse.  Not one of those appointments took less than 2 hours.  Many took a great deal longer, often up to 8 hours, especially the chemos.  If I average them out at 4 hours, (which I know for sure is low) that means I have spent 800 hours dealing with medical appointments.  Again, this doesn't include hospitalizations and surgeries.   I am guessing if I'd started out keeping an accurate count, it might be a lot higher.

It's pretty clear when tallying these numbers that cancer does not only steal your health, it robs you of a great deal of time.

If I'd spent that much time doing anything else, I'd be an expert by now.  In 800 hours, I could have learned to play the piano, or paint.  I could have gotten my commercial pilot's certificate.   I could have gone to the moon and back - five times.  I could have written a book.

Heck, if I put my mind to it, I could have even had a clean house.


Stand Up 2 Cancer TV Event, Live Tonight

Just a reminder, tonight at 7:00 pm, Stand Up 2 Cancer is having their telethon.  It will be a star-studded event with an all celebrity telephone bank - it's your chance to talk to somebody famous.

All monies raised goes to cancer research. Did you hear that folks? Research.

It'll be entertaining and you'll see lots of impossibly beautiful TV and movie folks asking for money. And, this time, it's for a great cause.

I heard Maura Tierney will be on it. She was a favorite of mine on ER and she was diagnosed with HER2 breast cancer, did the whole chemo, herceptin for a year thing, as did I. She had a new show recently and was adorable with the short chemo-curl. I really related to her, and I think of her as a sister in cancer; that is, if I had rich, famous, beautiful sister who has no idea that I exist.

(I do have a sister and she's one of the three, and it's not rich or famous.)

Check your local listings, (ABC, CBS, FOX, NBC, and HBO) set your DVRs, watch live and most of all - donate. I will be donating this time around. As I promised, 10% of any money I get from donations to this blog goes to a charity that focuses on research - this year it's Stand Up 2 Cancer. (The rest goes to my son's upcoming college education).


Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Travel and Other Labors

This week, the labor day holiday featured a four day weekend away from school for my son. I realized that it has been 3 years since my cancer diagnosis (August 17th, to be exact) and over a year since I have been dealing with metastatic disease. These past years have been focused on me: with doctors' appointments, chemotherapy, surgeries, drugs, dates with CT machines, hair growing in, hair falling out, and loss - loss of my job, my body parts, my physical ability as a wife and mother and yes, even coming to terms with the loss of my life.

As hard as these things have been for me, I realize that my family has been through it with me, silently watching, in what has to be a certain amount of dread.

What did we all need?

A break. A break from cancer, a break from disease, and a break from routine.

I have fond memories of Phoenix, Arizona. My husband and I went there for our tenth anniversary, and we stayed at a Resort called the Pointe Hilton at Tapatio Cliffs. It was a great vacation. I love hot weather and that in Phoenix it never cools off at night. You can swim or sit by the pool at 10:00 pm and it's still 95 degrees. For me, pools, being with my loved ones, never being cold, and relaxation is what the Good Life is all about, so that vacation has never left my mind.

Naturally, when thinking of a quick, four day get-away, Arizona popped into my head once again. It wasn't far, I could do the travel without potential medical problems of a long flight, and still get that pool time I desired. I searched for flight/hotel packages on Southwest and up popped a five day, four night stay at the Pointe Hilton at Squaw Peak with roundtrip air for $1000.00 for all three of us.

Here is a photo of the part of the grounds:

Nice, yes? It had several pools, a water park complete with a lazy river and a water slide. Perfect, I thought, for a family with a 15 year old boy. Since we'd stayed at the sister property, I knew that the rooms would be clean and the grounds maintained. I made the purchase. We would fly out on Thursday evening after school, spend all day Friday at the pool, and then Saturday and Sunday do some Phoenix area sightseeing. We'd fly home Monday.

There was only one problem with that plan.

It turns out, there is almost nothing to see or do in Phoenix.

Somehow, I had missed that fact with my romantic getaway 8 years before.

Let me backtrack and say that my husband and I had wanted to retire to the Phoenix/Scottsdale area, a decision made due to my aforementioned love of heat and desert landscapes, the fact that it is affordable, (gas was only $3.49!) and especially due to the fact that it is not California. Of course, things have changed, and with my medical needs we likely won't be moving, but it was our goal.

So, we were not only going on vacation, we were showing our son our former dream, which is another reason why I chose Arizona.

The first day was fantastic. If you look closely at that photo I posted above, you will see some waterfalls, top left. That's where we parked for day one, which was all about relaxation. I flipped through the huge September In Style, we were served lunch poolside, and I even got on an inner tube and floated down the lazy river with my son. Getting in that tube was hard for a woman with two frozen shoulders - I promptly capsized and fell overboard. Laughing, I got up and began again, this time successfully, butt dangling in the center, legs over the sides. I used my son's flip-flops as paddles as we cruised down the "river." It was not crowded and was quite fun.

Me at the pool, with some hair (not as much as it seems) but no brows/lashes

My son looking cool.  Look close, you'll see me in a bathing suit reflected in his sunglasses, which is as much of me in a bathing suit as you'll ever get to see.  
We ate that night at a barbecue place next to the waterpark and I had fry bread with prickly pear butter and syrup and ribs that just fell off the bone.  Delicious.

Dinner makes me happy

And, the hotel put on an outdoor movie by the pool, which was fun.  The kid's movie was about dragons but was entertaining nonetheless. As a plus, that night was the Blue Moon.  We sat in the warm Arizona night, blue moon shining overhead, watching an outdoor movie, water bottles in hand, and the ability to take a little dip if necessary.  What could be better?

Getting ready for the movie to begin

The next two days were sightseeing days, and that's where we ran into trouble.

We didn't know it at first.  We went to the Phoenix Botanical Gardens, which was stunning. At the entrance to the gardens are some Chihuly glass sculptures of three cactus which are breathtaking.  For a moment, upon approaching them,  I thought they were real, and I said, "Look, the ends of those cactus are shining like glass!"  Then it became clear that these glittering and impressive cacti were glass sculpture, and I immediately recognized the artist.   I have been a fan of his for some time.

Chihuly Desert Sculpture

The real gardens are pretty breathtaking too.  We had a wonderful time, looking at the various forms cacti take, and hiking into the hills of the Sonoran Desert.  


Fearless at 15
Interesting cactus that grows around trees

Also breathtaking was the heat. Two years of chemo have made me a lot less tolerant of walking in 109 degree heat, and I was pretty wiped out.

Trying to find shade

After the botanical gardens, which took about 3 hours, we looked for something else to do.  And, that's where we ran into trouble.

We didn't go to the zoo because, well, there is a zoo in Sacramento.  Where it also gets hot.  We know the animals tend to sleep during the day and there isn't that much to see.

I only have about 8 good hours in me these days, which is why we didn't want to drive to Sedona or to Flagstaff - the 2 to 3 hour drive each way would have been too hard on me.  My time awake is shortened by the heat.  So, our plans were to stay in the Phoenix area.

We asked some locals what to do, and the only thing they could come up with was to go to downtown Phoenix and see the Science Center.  So, we did that.

Sorry Arizonians, but that's a snooze-fest.  Please don't mention that as a "place to see" to Californians who live near the San Francisco Exploratorium.  It's like inviting your famous chef relative over for a home cooked meal, and then serving them Lean Cuisine.  It is never going to measure up.

Downtown Phoenix is, appropriately, deserted.  Except inside the Science Center, we didn't see a soul walking the streets.  In fact, it was eerie and creepy, an experience this Sacramentan was not expecting.  You see, our mayor is Kevin Johnson, who used to play basketball for the Phoenix Suns.  He is always comparing downtown Sacramento to downtown Phoenix (unfavorably) and saying that what Phoenix is doing to liven the city is working and Sacramento should be more like Phoenix.  Now that I can compare the two, I can say definitively - KJ, you are insane.  In any day of the week, you will see more people in downtown Sacramento - more interesting shops, more activities, than we saw in Phoenix.  Downtown Phoenix could be a  post-apocalyptic scene in a movie, with dust devils blowing through the empty streets.   Nothing moves.  There was even a college right across from the Science Center.  But, not a student in sight, buying a book, grabbing a coffee.  Just cement and shimmering heat and the sound of our echoing footsteps.    I expected the Walking Dead to pop out from somewhere, but no zombies appeared.

Probably because there is not enough food.

Maybe on a day when the basketball team plays, that area has people  But, on a regular old holiday weekend?  It's a ghost town.

When in doubt, take a picture by a cactus

Oh, and everything seems to close super early. The Science Center?  Kicks everybody out at 5:00.   Even the restaurants and bars at our packed resort - on a holiday - closed by 10:00.   The pool bar/restaurant below our room?  Closed at 7:30. On a Saturday!  You would expect this kind of thing in Salt Lake maybe, or Vatican City - but Phoenix?

Staying back at the hotel wasn't much of an option as by now, the pool was extremely crowded and chairs were hard to find, and my picky 15 year old doesn't want to share pools with splashing 3 year olds anyway.

We asked the Concierge at the hotel what else we could do in Phoenix, and all he could suggest was we go to Scottsdale Fashion Square.

A mall.

And, with time on our hands and 105 degree heat  (with humidity, by the way) - we did.

I bought a shirt at H&M.  I found a pair of shoes at Jimmy Choo I loved but um, hello!  I'm dying, not stupid, and I am not spending 2k on shoes, even if they are light as a whisper with iridescent blue peacock feathers on them.

We found a store that I really enjoyed, on Camelback Street, called Denmarket.  It was full of discounted Scandanavian Design furniture, and they had two chairs I've been looking for for only $150.00 each.  I was shocked at the low prices and if I could have carried them on to the plane, I would have.  I'm really disappointed they don't have one in Sacramento.

On the way back, we saw a restaurant called Black Chile.  Black Chile!!!!   I could not believe the racism of that restaurant.  In California you would never get away with naming a restaurant called Black Chile, no matter how southern the cuisine.

Until I realized that they meant black chili, like chile peppers.


We ate there in apology for my stupidity.  It was quite delicious and the service was good. And, no racism in sight.

And, that was pretty much it for our trip.

I did, of course, have a wonderful time, because I was there with my family.  We escaped cancer as much as we could.  It's clear that my strength is gone: there were two nights out of the four that I wasn't able to go eat dinner with the boys, because I was just too tired, a bit nauseated, and not hungry.  I slept while they went out to eat.  But we did spend the days together.  I stupidly forgot my oxycontin, yet still managed to walk and hike like a normal person, although surely for a shorter amount of time.

And now, I know how much I can do on a trip.  My son is extremely interested in going to New York.  I know that will be a harder trip on me, with a lot more walking.  Travel is not easy for me physically, even when it's just a state or two over.  Going across country will need to be planned carefully.  We will have to stay in a room centrally located, arrange transportation in advance and make sure there are things for the boys to do while I'm sleeping.   But, it will happen next spring.  I also would like to go see Texas, but will not go without plenty of things planned in advance.  No more "play it by ear" trips for this family.

Phoenix wasn't all bust - I did get the full monty strip search at Sky Harbor, where my sweaty junk was touched and everything   More on that later.

For now, I'm glad to be home, but am very happy to have had time to make memories with my loved ones.