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Friday, May 30, 2008

When it stops being play time

I'm sitting here with my morning cup of java, and I'm going to share something with you that I am not proud of. It's something I realized a few days ago, and am now determined to live out.
First, I'll begin with a confession. I'm probably the world's worst homemaker. Particularly for one who claims to want nothing more than to just be at home with her family. It's pretty bad. Certainly not what one could even call decent. I can pull it together for a few days at a time, and usually for an inspection. But for a complete lifestyle change? Well, it hasn't happened yet. Truth be told, I haven't really put in the effort yet. I'm also the reigning champion at making excuses for myself, and to myself. Telling myself the housework didn't get done because my body hurt too much, the kids were too wild, my mental health was too fragile, I was too tired, or Mr. P. was unwilling to help, well, that's all just excuses. And oftentimes, blown way out of proportion. Yeah, the kids *can* be pretty wild, but lately they've been getting better. Yeah, I *do* struggle with chronic pain, but I'm learning more how to handle it. And quite frankly Mr. P. works way too many hours for me to be expecting him to take on more duties at home.
So, while I was brewing my cuppa, looking at the sink (and counter) full of dishes, I knew today was the day. You see, last week, the kiddos and I watched a preview of Planet Green's Wasted, on our fancy schmancy On Demand. And lo, I was convicted. Shocking to me, really. I've always said I'm not the one to ever feel "convicted" over anything. What's that phrase? Never say never, right? Anywho, on the show, this one family was very similar to mine own. I had taken to using paper and Styrofoam products in the kitchen for the last year, simply so I would not have any dishes to wash. At the time, it seemed a simple solution to my laziness. Now, I can see it for what it is. Completely wasteful, in more ways than just environmental. They showed what happens to my Styrofoam coffee cups when they come into contact with various chemicals, such as would happen in a landfill. Bleah. Ever seen that slime stuff that comes out of gumball machines in those little eggs that little boys like mine love to play with? Yeah. Just in white. And then there's the sheer amount of trash that is produced when an average family of 4 lives like that. Mind boggling. Oh but wait! Don't forget to factor in the cost of purchasing these products every few days. They quoted around $430 a year. Mmmmk, I don't have that kinda money to just toss around.
The next day was shopping-at-Walmart day. You know, where we as a family wander the aisles for about an hour or so, only to buy the exact same things I buy each and every week, forever and ever, amen. Ah, not this week. Instead of my usual round of disposables, we picked up some of the summer line of plastic bowls, plates, yada yada. I chose these because not only are they cheap, but with the way my hands claw up these days, if I happen to drop a few while washing them, no biggie. I vowed to myself that we would use up the last of our "sposies" and then I would get it together as a wife and mother should.
So here I am. Today is the day. It stops being play time. I think a big part of me always felt that I was "playing house". I know that until just about a month ago, I never felt like an adult. Maybe part of that is having grown up with parents who drilled it into me that I would never be an adult til I was at least 30. Maybe it's because I had to mature so fast in many ways as a kid that I now cling to some childish ways. Who knows? All I know is that it's to step up, for me, for my kids and husband, and for our planet. I need to put in an effort in order to become the kind of woman God has called me to be. Now I just need to figure out a way to stay accountable.

Til next squeak,

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