Thursday, May 29, 2008

Shells, But No Bananas: The Women of Mario Kart



Last place: Baby Daisy


Sixth place: Baby Peach


Fifth place: Princess Daisy


Fourth: Toadette


Third: Princess Peach


Second: Birdo


And the winner: Princess Rosalina



  1. Anonymous10:17 AM

    What is Birdo from if she's not from Mario?

  2. Anonymous11:08 AM

    hi. since i found this blog for your other site a year ago, these kinds of posts make me happy.

    personally, i was surprised that mario kart wii didn't have dixie kong, because she'd been in the mario baseball and mario basketabll. i wouldn't have ever expected that big stupid funky kong would the one to make it in.

    also, dixie is SO much cooler than baby daisy.

  3. Anonymous11:09 AM

    also, have you ever noticed that mario ladies are pretty but never sexy? or the sexy ones don't ever become playable>

  4. Rosalina's weight might be attributable to the fact that she's from another planet where the gravity's different. Sort of like how Superman could originally jump really high because of Kryptonian gravity, but the other way around.

  5. Anonymous: It’s complicated, but Birdo came from a game called Doki Doki Panic, which starred an Arab family. When Nintendo decided that the Japanese sequel to Super Mario Bros. was too difficult, they replaced the Arab family with Mario and company, making it so they were now fighting Birdo and the like, not people wearing turbans. There’s more here:

    Thus, Birdo was not initially conceived as a Mario character, but she eventually became one.

    Hominy: Yes, that’s a good point about the non-sexy ladies becoming the stars. Women who wear gloves and ankle-length dresses are way more common than the ones who might come from less-than-strict upbringings. It’s probably not a conscious decision on Nintendo’s part, but it’s nonetheless telling.

    Will: No, hadn’t thought of that. I prefer to think of her having a lead plate somewhere, or possibly a weighty fetus that we don’t know about.

  6. Anonymous4:35 PM

    Thanks for answering!

    I have another. What are Yoshi's gender issues?

  7. Wasn't Birdo in Mario 2? That one where you threw mushrooms at people and fell from the sky at the start?

    And is there no place in the Mario world for awkward looking girls? I think all these dressed up, make-up'd, tiara clad video game female characters are still creating what they are trying to possibly prevent: spoiled, high maintenance princess bitches.
    We didn't have too many female characters, and we turned out okay, right?

  8. Jenni: That Arabian family Doki Doki Panic game WAS Super Mario Bros. 2. I left that key part out. And on the subject of whether having most visible female characters be princesses, I'm still not sure on whether thats enforcing stereotypes and badly as some might think. On one hand, these characters are giggling and pink, and that's bad. However, by dressing up a character in a dress and a tiara and all other conceivable trappings of femininity but then letting her do anything the boy characters can do, isn't that progressive in a sense? Like, the girl in heels can drive as fast as the boy in shoes or the dinosaur in... dinosaur feet? It would be a lot better if a girl who wears something radical like pants were included as well.

    Anonymous: Yoshi's weird in that he's a boy who lays eggs. But then again Birdo doesn't have a clearly define gender, and she/it spits eggs. There's also weirdness with both Yoshi and Birdo in the respect that their simultaneously an individual and an entire race that looks just like them — there's Yoshi and the Yoshis and Birdo and the Birdos, but that gets into a whole distinctly non-American senses of individual identity group identity that you could probably write a book on.

  9. I just unlocked Birdo. Probably the scariest character in the game so far.

  10. Anonymous9:56 PM

    I don't ever remember a slutty female character, but then again I haven't played these games in years. I'm more interested in why there's so many pretty women and so few attractive men. Unless they've added some?

  11. You've got a point there. That is pretty progressive if you think about it. I just think it'd be kinda entertaining to see some Emo Goth Chick Princess driving a hearse in mario kart. I think I'm just stubborn because they make princesses in video games to intentionally appeal to females as if that's the only way to do it.

    And I never thought it was weird Yoshi was a boy and laid eggs, I accepted it as fact, I don't think I've ever questioned it before (which goes to show you how impressionable kids can be). And I think you blew my mind a little with the group identity thing.

  12. Daniel: The fontanel is the the soft spot on a baby's head where the skull bones haven't quite closed yet. I'd tell you to go find one yourself, but you're not supposed to jab your finger in there.

    Jenni: There is actually a emo goth girl in these games. She's just not prominent enough to warrant a spot in Mario Kart. Yet. Her name is Ashley. She's kind of a rip on Emily the Strange.

    I wrote a post about her and some weird Satanic associations she has some time ago.

  13. Rosalina's weight might be hidden by that empire-cut waistline on her dress. It's supposed to be quite flattering.

  14. Ha. That's the best reasoning I've heard so far.

  15. Anonymous3:37 PM

    i love this post. you are hilarious!

  16. Anonymous8:13 AM

    Pauline. Pauline isn't a princess, and thanks to Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2 on the DS, she's still around.

  17. Anonymous9:31 PM

    I did think it was a funny post, but I really like baby Daisy, Daisy, baby Peach, Peach, etc. but Rosalina is very cool and I agree with that. Plus, I think the fact that Rosalina is a heavyweight has mainly to do with her height. I don't think character weights influence car weights that much (except the apes and the bowsers). It's more about how well they can probably fit into a car, since the cars probably weigh much more than the character anyway.

  18. Anonymous12:02 PM

    yeah but I don't see how Rosalina can fit into a car the same way an ape can fit into a car. And another thing on the heavyweight issue: King Boo is a ghost. GHOST. He doesn't weigh anything.

  19. Anonymous11:44 PM

    i agree. nintendo focuses entirely too much on the *trophy girl*. But, in their hand, Daisy was originally supposed to be a tomboy, or 'one of the guys.' As for does Mario know any female that isn't a princess, unless there is something I don't know, those include Pauline, Jill *i think thats her name she was from golf* and a few other older characters. other than paper mario things, no.

  20. Anonymous2:57 PM


  21. Anonymous6:02 PM

    Your logic and reasoning is flawed, sir.

    You put Rosalina first because she's.. not wearing pink? Is heavier than the other girls because of her height? And she has an annoying star creature sucking on her brain?

    You put Baby Daisy last because as a small infant character, there was so much more they could have done to make her look different from Baby Peach?

    Toadette comes in fourth because...?

    Birdo comes in second because she's a he?

    Peach gets third because she's slightly smarter than a sandwich spread?

    Oh and get this, Daisy gets third to last because you don't like how she looks, AND know so little about her to compare her to a family guy character.

  22. I'm very offended because you hate Daisy.I'm not saying you can't hate Daisy.Also,Daisy does not look Irish. She accually looked like a retard
    in the old games,with the tan skin and long hair. She looks like Peach gave her a makeover. p.s.I think Peach and Daisy look better NOW.

    sorry *clears throat*

  24. Anonymous9:29 AM

    omg i just got to say is that princess peach and baby peach are so cute how come people can not tell that they are so cute who ever dosent i will hunt you because iam dead and i have a computer so watch your mouth people ok watchin who ever is saying that princess peach and baby peach are so ugly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ok i i think my work here is done pice out (3 <: <;

  25. Anonymous9:34 AM

    ew birdo is som ugly if i see her i will vomet)3

  26. Anonymous2:27 PM

    Wellll... In A different Mario game Yoshi gives Birdo that diamond ring that shes wearing.