Jack and Bob Make Babies

Here it is, almost 9:30 and I don't know where the day went.

First of all, school needs to be out, like yesterday. My kids are so over and done with this school year. They don't want to go anymore and they for sure don't want to go to sleep. So what are they doing? Right now, they are in bed and have been (off and on) since a little after 8:00.

Unfortunately though, thanks to Daylight Saving's Time, it's still nice and light outside at 8:00. Why go to sleep when the sun's not down? And since they don't want to go to sleep, they get to fooling around.

First there was an itty bitty spider on the wall in their room. I had to stand on a chair to kill it and then they were scared it was going to come back from the dead like a zombie. Next they were hungry yet again. Trust me though, I believe them when they say they're hungry because these growing boys are like bottomless pits.

How bottomless pit-ish? Well, we went to the Los Feliz Street Fair yesterday, and I watched my seven year-old, "O", sit on the sidewalk in front of Skylight Books and devour one large Jamba Juice and one slice of cheese pizza from Palermo. Then he started begging for my bowl of Channa Masala and rice from Electric Lotus. I felt sorry for him so I went on and gave it to him. Twenty minutes later, he wanted a hot dog. As I sat there watching him scarf down the hot dog, I couldn't help but think, "10th percentile for weight. 90th percentile for height. He's gotta have tapeworms."

Anyway, back to tonight. Their second "dinner" got served to them around 8:45. Then folks had to go to the bathroom yet again. Now they're in their beds pretending that one of them is Robin Hood and the other is the Sheriff of Nottingham.

There's no point in going in there and making some sort of threat like, "If you don't go to sleep I'm gonna throw out all your toys," especially since the acting is so entertaining. Oh wait, they must be finished with Robin Hood and have clearly moved on to scientific inquiry because "O" just yelled, "Hey Mom, what are Jack and Bob doing?"

Remember those silkworms, Jack and Bob, that we picked up at the Bug Fair a few weeks ago? Yeah, if you don't, I don't blame you. I forgot about them too because Jack and Bob spun cocoons and have been chillin' inside them for over two weeks.

Well, today after school, O discovered that Jack and Bob, finally hatched from those cozy cocoons. Our two newly hatched moths then proceeded to have sex with each other all afternoon. Wait, let me go check... yep, still having sex with each other.

Gosh, silkworms. I had no idea the moth Kama Sutra would be going on in my house.

The most awkward moment of the evening was during their second dinner (peanut butter and jelly) when "O" just had to put their little plastic box next to his plate so that he could observe Jack and Bob. He was watching them intently and then he narrowed his eyes and asked, "Why are their butts stuck together like that? And why does Jack keep moving like that?"

Um, er, um. Mommy really doesn't know how to answer those questions without freaking both of us out, so that's why she said, "Because that's what moths do, so eat your sandwich and go to bed!"

Clearly I'm just as unprepared for the animal sex talk as I am for the human sex talk. Eek!

So, yeah, my kids will both be total zombies in the morning. This could work in my favor if Jack and Bob haven't detached from each other by then. The kids might not even notice if they haven't. And if the boys are little tired, hey, they only have a few days of school left. "T" graduates from Pre-K on Thursday and "O" only has till the following Thursday and then we are DONE with this school year!


Jen said…
Mine has exams this week.

When C was around 4 1/2, my mother was with us at a zoo, where two Siberian tigers were mating.

My mom said, "Oh, look, C, the tigers are playing!"

C said, "Don't be silly, Grandma, they're procreating."

Um... yeah. So that's how it was around my house at that time. And I don't even know where he got that particular word from, lol.
Jessalyn said…
Move to Atlanta. Our kids got out of school May 23rd. They go back August 11th, though.

I hear you on not being ready for the sex talk yet. I'm not ready either. My 6 year old asks too many questions, so I'm sure it's only a matter of time. (sigh)
Liz Dwyer said…
LOL! I love your mom saying that the tigers are playing and C's response is genius!

Wow, August 11th is super early. Whatever happened to the good ole days of going back after Labor Day and getting out in early June?

I've noticed that O's questions come in waves. He asks nothing for weeks or months, and then suddenly he's all, "How does the baby get in the tummy?" I need to practice some responses so that I'm ready instead of totally stumbling for words!
I sure hope Jack and Bob are done by then, too.

When my youngest, C, was two, she asked "Where did I come from?"

I said, "I made you in my tummy and Daddy helped."

About a year later, she reminded me of the conversation and said, "HOW did Daddy help?"

Good luck, Liz.
Lola Gets said…
Well, Im not quite sure what the life span of the average moth is, but Im hoping that you wont have to witness their, um, procreating, much longer. Kids are so hilarious!

Anonymous said…
ahahahahahhahahahahhahaha.... I've never HEARD of moth sex but it sounds interesting. I'll tell you that drone bees abdomens rip off during mating. (I think this is only fair since they do absolutely nothing their entire existence except maybe mate - they don't even get out of their cocoons themselves - stupid Bee movie.) Let's hope one doesn't get ripped in half.

Well, all I can say is that at least they aren't having sex at their age. Thank God for that.

Our school schedule is like Jessalyn - they go back in August and get out mid to late May. They also get a hunting week in October - called "reading week" in the East - hunting here in Colorado. Then Thanksgiving, then Christmas break.
Anonymous said…
I suppose you could always say they rub their butts together to greet each other, like eskimos rubbing noses. Then wait for them to say "Don't be silly, they're procreating...."

I can't for the life of me remember where I gleaned the facts of life - parents, teachers, schoolmates, media? I have no idea. Not having children, I've never had to handle that one. But I'm sure you'll find a way!
Jameil said…
i thought this was gonna be abt the pregnant "man." lol. i love the name jack. lmao @ "Because that's what moths do, so eat your sandwich and go to bed!"
Liz Dwyer said…
Jack and Bob are still joined together, busy making babies. I think they only have a week to live after they hatch so I guess they're programmed to get busy while they still can.

And that question, "How?" strikes fear into the hearts of parents everywhere, especially me!

Their life span is like four or five days. We're going to let them go outside tonight because I don't think my kids can take seeing another "pet" die. They're still scarred from the two hamsters. So, I told them that Jack and Bob will be much happier flying around in the wild. Nevermind that silkworm moths can't fly.

I'm such a liar. It's terrible.

I'd never heard of moth sex either. The guy at the bug fair neglected to mention that they'd be getting busy the second they hatch from the cocoon! And goodness, those drone bees! I had no idea.

Hmm... we don't get a week in October. We should though. It should be called, "Survive the fires the Santa Ana's are gonna cause!" week.

But if I say that, I guarantee that my kids will start rubbing their behinds together and saying they're acting like moths. They'll probably decide to do it in public too.

I remember being 12 or 13 and my parents gave me a set of little books that addressed the birds and the bees. And then two weeks later, they asked if I'd read the books. I said yes, and we never discussed it again. I was totally weirded out by the whole experience.

Pregnant man's about to have the baby, isn't he? My neighbor told me that he was just on Oprah. I don't get why he doesn't put on some clothes when he takes pictures... I get it, he's preggers, now stop showing me your belly!
1969 said…
Mine eat nonstop too. My oldest is in the 95th percentile for height and the 25th for weight :)

Tall, skinny and HONGRAY. LOL

I have no animals to even begin to have one of those conversations.

*sigh* RIP Sunny the fish
Anonymous said…
Can we lay to rest the idea that he's a pregnant "man"? He was born a woman and is medically and biologically still basically female despite all the cosmetic and hormonal procedures. I know it makes a great media story but perleez....
Liz Dwyer said…
Why can't I eat like they do and still be a normal sized person? They got those magic genes from their daddy! And I'm still laughing about poor Sunny the fish. Poor thang!

Yes, the whole thing sort of has an "emperor has no clothes" kind of feel to it. If he/she was really smart, he should've shopped it as a reality TV show. I'll bet tons of people would tune in to see the birth.
Anonymous said…
Moth sex? Wow I learn so much here. I had no idea. Setting Jack and Bob free sounds like a great plan. You've given me new things to consider as my science loving boys get older and we venture into bug life(i.e. checking to find out exactly how they procreate post metamorphosis time).

Could it be the warmer months (not that it isn't always warm in LA) making them into bottomless pits? I figure this must be some sort of boy growing season, mine are eating everything that isn't bolted down in between their patented ninja moves.
Liz Dwyer said…
I had no idea about moth sex either. I guess being mothers makes us smarter! So, we set Jack and Bob free and now the boys have been worrying that Jack and Bob are gonna get eaten by a bird or a spider. I didn't have the heart to tell them that there's a strong likelihood of that happening. Poor things! And maybe it is growing season. I just wish groceries weren't so pricey. They eat all the fruit up in the house in like two days!

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