Saturday, December 10, 2016

When Life Hits You (literally)

Oh Hi,

I'm not going to lie and say that I know the point of this blogpost, because I don't. I guess I'm writing it to figure out my thoughts and to process the thing that happened. I don't know.

On Fridays I start school at 11am. It's my favourite day of the week because I get to sleep in, sometimes even to 9am. Yesterday I woke up at 8:30am because I had decided to do my makeup, and that takes time. I usually spend mornings like this (when I start school at 11) by watching youtube videos while doing everything, so I did my makeup while watching youtube videos and I ate my lunch watching youtube videos.
I was running a little late, because I started eating lunch a little late. I had aimed to be out of the house by 10:30am but I got out of the house at 10:34am. Four minutes is a lot when it comes to driving 20 minutes to school. I also had to scrape off the ice that had formed on my car windows so I left in my car at 10:38am. I thought if I drive exactly the speed limit and don't get anyone in front of me who drives super slowly I'd make it just in time to the info-hour at school (that started at 11am then).
I drove through two red lights (well they were turning yellow and they had just turned red when I drove through them) but ended up behind a car going slowly. That car turned off the road and as I was heading out of my town I sped up to 80 km/h (which is the speed limit).
However, I ended up behind a 5-car trail, the first car going about 70 km/h and then obviously the other cars going about the same speed. Annoyingly I wondered if maybe I could overtake the cars but thought there's no way I'll have that much time to one by one pass by 5 cars. So I decided I'm just going to be late to school. I just have to go 70 km/h even though the speed limit is 80 km/h.
The car in front of me was driving kind of slower than the other cars in the trail. I was wondering why and decided I'm going to have to slow down so I don't get too close since I saw that the road was icy. We got up on a hill and as we start rolling down the hill I notice that the car is slowing down, but not signalling or anything like that. The car suddenly start hitting the breaks and signalling like 5 meters before the turn. We're going almost 70 km/h. I hit the breaks, because a car was coming towards us on the other side of the road so I couldn't pass the car, and I just prayed I'd stop in time and not hit the car. My car was sliding on the ice, not coming to a complete stop but slowing down enough so that I didn't hit the car in front of me, which was now turning to the right going off the road to a smaller road. I had time to think angry thoughts and then I hear a loud bang.
I didn't feel anything, I don't remember the feeling of the impact when the car that drove behind me hit me in the back of my car. It was just a loud bang, and my car started sliding forward, and I knew that my car was going to go on the wrong side of the road if I didn't do anything. I remember thinking "WHAT DID I LEARN WHAT SHOULD I DO IF MY CAR STARTS SLIDING ON ICE I DIDN'T LEARN WHAT TO DO IF I GOT HIT BY A CAR" but I turned the wheel to the right, making my car do an almost 180° turn and slamming into a pile of snow on the side of the road that the car in front of me had turned to. As my car came to a stop in the pile of snow the panic of course started.

It was a car of four 20-something-year-old guys that had hit my car in the back. They hadn't kept their distance and when I had to stop they didn't have time to stop and as we were going down a hill they hit me going 40-60 km/h (unclear exactly how fast). The driver did have time to slam the breaks but because of the ice and the downhill the car didn't stop in time.

I'm fine. I'm not hurt, not badly at least. I don't know how because I hit that pile of snow with some force. I should have a dislocated shoulder, whiplash and concussion. But nope. Just pains where the seatbelt was, because obviously the seatbelt did its thing and stopped me from flying forward and I went forward with kind of a lot of force. Also I'm having a horrible headache, my ear hurts (probably from the loud bang), my back hurt because it hit the seat pretty hard, my neck feels very uncomfortable but not directly hurting and my knee hurts a little. But it could be worse, and I feel like it SHOULD be worse. Seeing the damage it did to my car I thought I should be off much worse. I thought I'd wake up today and almost not be able to get out of bed. But I'M FINE.
The mental part is the hardest. I've already had flashbacks to me sliding into the pile of snow, and when I was in my parents' car yesterday, going to school and home from school I was very scared, telling dad to go super slow because whenever he came close to a car I almost felt the feeling when the car hit me. 
It's also hard to think that there's literally nothing I could've done to avoid the situation once I was behind that car that didn't signal in time. I could've not been in a hurry and been way past that hill once the car made the turn. But I could've also been way behind it when it made the turn. But I was in that situation and I couldn't have stopped the guy's car hitting my car. Because it was all on them once my car had stopped.
The guys called the cops (no ambulance though and I would've really liked to sit in an ambulance once in my life, and when a situation like that happened I would've liked to make the most of it) and they came 10 minutes later. I called dad, because I was panicking, and dad came a little after the cops came.
I didn't get out of the car before the cops came because I was scared, I was crying, I was hyperventilating and I couldn't even get out of the car through the driver's side. I didn't even know if I was allowed to get out. I couldn't move the car so I just stayed in the car.
The cops said it was clearly the guy's fault because he should've kept enough distance to be able to stop. He didn't so his insurance is going to have to pay for my car to get fixed or for me to get a new car.
The cops were done with me pretty fast, they saw that I was very shaken up and they ensured me that I had done nothing wrong and that I could go to school if I wanted to. Dad drove me to school.
I had texted my friend to let her know what had happened so she'd know I was late to school and she had told my favourite teacher. That teacher had then informed the rest of the teachers because it was kind of a big thing so when I came to school I got treated like a princess. Teachers hugged me and said they were so glad I was okay and they let me tell them the whole thing (I probably repeated myself a lot because I was in shock) and they got me water and tea and they were really understanding, everyone.
All my friends gave me hugs and told me they were so happy I was okay. I was on the edge of crying every time a friend came to hug me because I was very emotional. And the whole day at school my friends made sure I was okay and that I was never alone in case I needed something.
I'm okay. I'm alive. I'm weak, I'm emotionally unstable, I'm probably going to be scared of driving but I'm here and I'm trying. It's very frustrating that there's nothing I can do to go back to how I was before the accident. I will always see that turn and be scared. My body is sore and it's a constant reminder that something happened yesterday. My whole family is a little shaken up and there's one less car in our yard. Even my dog noticed something was wrong with me (God bless dogs).
The worst part is that life doesn't stop. I have schoolwork that needs to be done before Monday. I have a biology exam on Wednesday that I should study for. I have a social studies exam on Friday that I should study for. But my brain is hurting when concentrating and my body is hurting. And all I want to do is sleep and watch youtube videos. Most of all I want to feel like myself again.
But I have to remind myself I'm alive. I'm not hurt in any bad way, I'm just shaken up really badly. I have to remind myself I get to sleep in my own bed and not in a hospital bed like I could be doing right now. I have to remind myself I have friends and family that are so happy I'm alive. And I have to take deep breaths and try my best to continue with life. I have to try my best to not stop driving (which is why dad and I are going to go drive tomorrow), and I just have to let my body heal. I'm okay. I'm alive.

This is also a reminder to everyone who reads this and drives a car: keep your distance. Wear your seatbelt. Signal in time. Do all you can do to keep yourself and others safe in traffic. So that nobody has to suffer through a car accident because of mistakes that you make. The guy's car was fine, it just had a few scratches. They continued to where they were supposed to go. They didn't have panic attacks. None of them where hurt. Thank God. But I wish they would've kept their distance, so that they would've had time to stop. So that I wouldn't be in this mindset right now.
Do all you can do to stop situations like this from happening. And if it's unavoidable, make sure you wear your seatbelt. It really does save you a lot of pain.
I'm okay. I'm alive. And so are you, please keep it that way too.