June 26th, 2007


The Forward Pass

Well, since the PoweredBySports and PoweredByTunes sites are down temporarily/permanently (depending on whether you're an optimist or a pessimist), I've decided to at least stay in the practice of writing regularly about music and sports, so I started up an alternate LiveJournal dedicated to both at the same time.

It's called The Forward Pass, so named because the greatest innovation in all of sports is when football installed the forward pass ... and the greatest innovation in all of sports and music writing is when I ate eight White Castles and sprayed diarrhea all over the toilet.

You'll notice that LJ looks exactly like this one, only with different colors. That's because I'm lazy and none of the other schemes are any good.

Now, if you want to differentiate between the sports and music articles, just go to the Tags below each piece. A (M) indicates it's a music article, click on that and you'll see displayed all the music articles from most recent to least. The (S) is for sports and the same thing applies.

This way, I won't be so inclined to infringe upon this page with my music and sports rantings, it should free me up for my other nonsensical rantings, like the one I've got planned for later today.


Clusterfuck: 2008

Whoa-ho! Look who's making waves in the republican race for the presidential nomination ... why it's none other than Mitt Romney! Just like I predicted.

Oh, everyone scoffed. I said I like John Edwards and Mitt Romney facing off for the presidential race in 2008 and everybody said, "Hey! You're crazy man! It's so obviously going to be Clinton vs. McCain ... or Obama vs. Giuliani."

I'm here to tell you right now, when push comes to shove and it's time for voters to make a decision, I don't care how progressive Democrats are, they won't put a woman or a black man in the driver's seat. Not now. Not when the stakes are as high as they've been since 2000.

Likewise, the Republicans won't give Giuliani the nod when he's liberal enough to make Michael Moore blush and they won't back McCain when not only is he a loser, but a loser who's now eight years older.

That just leaves John Edwards, who makes white bread look rye, and Romney, who's a republican governor in a liberal state (Massachusetts) with similar moral values as their base while being a Mormon (his only significant blemish). He's worth $350 million, so money shouldn't be an issue, and now I'm hearing that he's polling very well in earlybird primary states over his competition.

As the races start shaking down, they'll level off into 3-person races. While Clinton and Obama are the hotshots of the Democratic campaign, they're spending all their time attacking one another while Edwards is running pretty much hog-wild. If he turns in some strong numbers in the south - which will be the only way he'll ever succeed - I for one wouldn't be opposed to an Edwards/Richardson ticket come '08.

As it stands, I'll be an Obama man until somebody tells me he's no longer in contention. After that, I'm going to be very selective in who I back.

No more am I following the party line in voting for whoever the Democrats put on the executioner's block. Obama has my vote first, then Edwards, then I'm considering all candidates. I'll throw away my vote on a Ralph Nader if it comes to it; no more am I voting for someone I don't believe in.

The Art of Seeing Through the Relatively Hot Co-worker

Bill Simmons originally brought this up, I believe he was referring to the show The Wire and how after watching a few episodes, you find the women on that show incredibly attractive even though if you saw them under regular circumstances they wouldn't turn your head one way or the other. One thing's for sure, he wasn't talking about Oz; there's like two women on there and one of them is Carmella from The Sopranos (and she'd be considered "The Hot One").

I work in an office with six women and twenty six men. Of the six women, one is old, one is preggers, one is anal-retentive, one is a phony cunt, one has big jugs and a lazy eye, and one is pretty cool but just not my type. Under normal circumstances, again, I'd be paying no mind to any of them. But, when you work with these people day-in and day-out, you start to take notice and ponder hypothetical circumstances. What if ... there was a late-night drinking session which turned to beer-goggled ecstacy? Pretty soon, the one who's Pretty Cool But Just Not My Type is seeming like the catch of the century and you're finding yourself saying, "I definitely wouldn't throw the one with Big Jugs and a Lazy Eye out of bed."

And then all of a sudden, this other company has moved in on our floor with three times the employees - with a 2:1 female to male ratio at least - and it throws my whole Relatively Hot Co-worker scale out of whack. Whack, being the ultimate word here.

Now, I've got to go with the Comparatively Hot Co-worker scale and see how they measure up to the new company on the block. Unfortunately, there are too many to remember right now and I'm on my final week here. Suffice it to say, I've seen at least a dozen who've already attained the 'I Wouldn't Throw Her Out Of Bed' status.

To bring it back into proper perspective, this same thing occurs within the dormatory setting. Plenty of girls from Mercer 4-West wouldn't have been thrown out of MY bed. Of course, I'm not dumb enough to go around flashing names on LiveJournal for all to see, but you know who you are (with a pervy wink-and-a-gun flashed for seductive effect).

What I'm really trying to say is: Don't fall for the Relatively Hot Co-worker! It's my dream that one day I'll have former presidents Bush and Clinton going around the world raising awareness for Relatively Hot Co-worker Syndrome and its debilitating effects on those it afflicts.

You've got to find a way around it. First and foremost: you'll never stop fixating on that lazy eye. It just won't be happening and it'll never stop creeping you out. It's like a glass eye, big-fat-hairy mole on the face, a lopsided boob, a missing tooth, a Fran Drescher laugh, or eye-watering B.O. Secondly, unless you're hitting the jackpot (a la either version of the show The Office), most likely there are cooler people out there in the world, personality-wise. Just because she seems cool compared to the batch of stiffs in your office/place of employment, doesn't necessarily mean she'll match up with anyone who's happening to be sitting at a park reading Hunter S. Thompson for instance. Third - and this is huge - if you can tell she's a phony cunt while you're on the job, know that it won't get any better out in a social setting. The anal retentive one might be a freak once she rids herself of the professional veneer, but the phony cunt will always be phony. Especially if she's particularly attractive.

And so ends the chauvinist's superficial rant on the office co-worker. Go in peace, my children.