33 *essential* questions for all book clubs

Especially the highbrow ones <hic>

1. Who is hosting?

2. What time are we meeting?

3. Who is bringing the snacks?

4. Who would like a drink?

5. Did anyone read the book, no?

6. Did anyone finish the book, no?

7. Can anyone remember what the book is called, no?

8. More wine anyone?

9. Did anyone think the front cover looked quite nice?

10. What was it that you liked best about the front cover? Was it the jolly font and the swirly pictures of stars?

11. Why is it that the front cover of books about very ordinary people, who realise that no life is ever ordinary and we are all unique and truly remarkable, always have jolly looking fonts and swirly pictures of stars on them?

12. Top Up?

13. Why do people who don’t read the book before book club declare ‘spoiler’ to those members of the book club who advise that the character who appeared boring was, in fact, quite remarkable?

14.My life feels a bit boring. Shall we have a cigarette to spice things up a bit?

15. Does everyone have a half-smoked packet of silk cut purchased in 2005 at the back of their knicker drawer?

16. Should we close the doors so the kids can’t smell the smoke?

17. Who should guard the doors in case the kids come downstairs?

18. Who are the kids in this relationship? Sssh. My husband will hear you.

19. If all this smoking and drinking should lead to an early demise, do you think our life has been remarkable enough to warrant a book covered with jolly fonts and swirly stars?

20. I think I need another drink.

21. Has anyone in the book group got any scurrilous gossip linked either directly, or vaguely, or not at all to anything that happened in the book?

22. Should we write a book?

23. Has anyone got a pen?

24. Has anyone seen my glass?

25. Do you remember the book we read about Greece? I loved that book. I love Greece. I love you guys. I love book club. I don’t know why I’m crying. Who thinks we should arrange a book club trip to Greece?

26. I think I’ve got some ouzo somewhere.

27 Where did I put my passport?

28. Are Teletext holidays still a thing?

29. Shall we take lots of books to read?

30. Sod it, who needs books?

31. I just want book club.

32. I love book club.

33. Do you love book club?

33. Hic.

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