Male energy vs. Female engergy...opinions please

  • Hi All,

    I have been reading about male energy and female energy and just wanted to get others ideas or opinions on how this affects our abilities with the respect to relationships. It was mentioned during a conversation with a friend, that women now a days do not know how to be in their feminine energy because of all that we do, with working and raising families. As I sat there just thinking about what he said, I started thinking about hard it can be for couples on both sides of the fence to handle their significant other when we are pushing and pulling in so many directions.

    My observation within myself has been, I am comfortable being feminine when I am alone, but not so much when I am around others be they females or males and even my kids notice when I shift from one mode to the next. Are there any books or has anyone come across this as I am wanting to learn more about how to not come across so defensive or combative. Has anyone really dealt with this in some form or another?

    Your thoughts and ideas are most welcome and have a Happy Easter all

  • Are you sure that it's not just being stressed when you are around other people ? I've noticed it about myself, that very often the amount of things which need to be done (or so we perceive) don't leave any room for the passive "femenine" energy. I'm thinking of finding the way of internally slowing down. Of course that would drive my perfectionistic partner crazy.

  • I think it could be, it may be the feeling like you always have to be "on" when others are around, but I am not sure how to tone that defensive thing I do down, if I am with the guys, I find myself competing with them or trying to constantly defend myself and I find it hard to relate to woman that are close to my age. I enjoy the calming peace I have when I am alone because I don't have to rush and I can think. I am trying to learn how to carry that with me in the real world, lol. I do know for myself I am always in my male energy it seems.

    Please share if you wouldn't mind if you find a good way to do this as I am trying to learn to be passive and calm and just be.

  • I'm Aquarius so I have the male influence energy and still very much girl. Because I'm not one of the feminine female signs, I know there's a difference. I can come across more direct, I guess.

  • yes cancergirl it is the yen/yang you have to find balance I have an article that I saved and I will try and find it ( its in my junk room/office :)) I always seem to be male mode myself

  • What's interesting to me is the female/nurturer and how we tend to pine over men and I don't see that so much in the male energy.

  • Thank you Shadowmist and Daliolite,

    Shadowmist, yes, if you can find it, I would love to know the name. Its just so hard to know how not to be in that male state all the time. I so often watch my boys and how they react and sometimes I feel like it is a huge challenge when it should be so easy. They do not get as much of my nurturing side I dont feel as they should be. Also, I want to stop feeling like I have to challenge that aspect- I sort of feel like there is a huge peice of me hidden and when I get around adult males I hate the feeling like I have to posture up. Can a woman be feminine and still be thought of as independant ??

    Daolite, I know I think men do but in a different way, if I am understanding your post. I think men like to protect and build things. lol

  • The most interesting men I ever met in my life were the ones who combined both male and female energies - were both active and enterprising, yet caring, nurturing and sensitive. I believe the same applies to women - a healthy amount of male energy is what makes a woman interesting. Preferably there should be a good balance between the two energies. Cancergirl, I wouldn't worry too much about being thought of as either feminine or independent, just be yourself and act as it naturally comes to you. At the same time you can observe your own reactions from the point of neutrality, and your way of being around other people will naturally get more balanced with practice.

  • Cancergirlfromtheheart - I gave this a lot of thought too - I was on a relationship blog that strictly enforces you being in your "girl/feminine energies" and lean back - or never stepping forward - or some such. I don't think it's as cut and dried as that - women can get things done too, it doesn't mean they're masculine. For me, anything I do is feminine as I am a woman, I think it can be devaluing to try and seperate out our actions like that and label them. Creativity is a feminine force, yet men build's not so much in the results as perhaps where one comes from? Empathy or a lot of verbal assurance might be considered feminine...but really, for me - I found when I put the focus on whether I was a good person in alighnment with my highest good and right action...the question didn't matter. I just am. There's also a lot of blog talk about alpha and beta men - and I think you'd like a beta kind of guy. If you google "lean back tool," you'll find the woman's site. It's definitely all about being girly - but also kind of powerless. Reading it is informative anyway....and good luck in your quest.

    And LOL - I took all of that to say what VoplySoply said so!

  • Hmmmm Thank you both VolpySoply and jlinaangel,

    I am glad you both said that as I think I figured one thing out, that looking at it from the point of view I am is limiting my ability to see the whole picture. It is more of a feeling you carry with you and having always walked the world kind of peeking around corners, when I try something new or out of my comfort zone I slap up this wall, which I am misinterpreting as the male energy to (no offense, guys, I know how that sounds) just push forward and keep trudging along. I don't want to be powerless ( I hope I am using your phrasing correctly) as much as but want to be powerful within that feminine part of me and comfortable with it. I will keep thinking on it, lol.

    Thank you for your insight everyone. I will keep looking and reading again thanks :)))

  • CancerGFTH- today I thought of something else. Celebrate your feminity. I stayed up til 1:30 a.m. to paint my toenails before church on Easter - silly? yeah, probably no one looked at my toes. But when I told my boyfriend I shouldn't try so hard - especially since he didn't even shave! he said nooooo, you should. Sometimes we forget how much fun we can have to express ourselves with a flower headband, a flirty glance, an open laugh, a hair toss.....

    and still, underneath it all, it doesn't stop us from being able to accomplish all that we set out to accomplish. Just being is enough, you are you and you are worth it. And all it takes is one person to model a behavior that can suddenly become acceptable to society - like Michelle Obama baring her arms.

    Hillary may have a lot more power in her pretty colored pantsuits but they both still look like accomplished women.

    I think we tend to want to hide our femininity instead of embrace it - or better yet, let it embrace us. And that's not how I want to live!

    I hope you get more comfortable with letting down your walls - and I get how it could feel masculine - and just being your authentic self. Painted toenails or long bubble baths or statistical analysis - it's all part of being a woman!

  • TY jlinaangel,

    That couldn't have come at a better time!! :)) The more I am reading about this whole concept the more confused I am getting. I have never been truly comfortable with my "feminine" side, trust me I am the nurturer and love being female, but the true feminine side has never truly been tapped so to say, I always seemed to fit into the catagory of tomboy (not there is anything wrong with it, as it was easier to just keep up with the boys( my brother and his friends and now my two sons) and really would prefer climbing trees to playing dolls, lol)

    I am always apprehensive to be to girly, but I am at the point in my life I want to dress the way I like and be ok with my style of dressing and being. I have hidden behind huge shirts and neutral color as to not attract attention and being rather large up top (sorry, but its always been an identity thing for me) has really made me just want to hide. Most of my attempts at being "pretty" were either ignored or made fun of by the men most important in my life at the time, so it was easier to just not try.

    Yet, there is this whole other side that I may not have been ready for that I want to embrace without giving up my inner beliefs, strength and who I am. Being "passive" is generally a predominant trait of mine, but I also have passive/aggressive tendacys. Learning to work with the passive nature and still maintaining a sense of being able to stick up for myself with out being aggressive is a huge new chapter in the new me. Trying to be still/calm while my insides are churning out of control is just the most gut wrenching experience I have ever felt. I am aware I have many years of bad habbits I need to break to be the me I want to be or maybe they weren't necessarily "bad" just behaviour traits I have learned to cope with the situations put in front of me at the time.

    Anyway, thanks for the post it made my day. :))

    Hope you all have a wonderful day

  • I'm glad! My best friend has similar stuff, she's very proficient at her job, was a VP Investment Banker and always feels so masculine, but still, we can start small. Maybe plant a flower pot with a mix of flowers and feel our feminine self grow as they do....get a special bracelet and wear it on our left arm, our receiving arm, wear a little lace camisole...stuff like that, just for you.

    Once she dyed her hair and her husband's only comment was one side looks redder than the other.....

    so, don't buy into that. Do what you do so that you feel like you are authentic in some way...

    I alwasy envy those older women who don purple and red, lol - but even a good fabric, a pretty sandle, a polka dot headband - sometimes I even get hair ties from the little girl's section - nothing too silly or gaudy, just enough to make myself pleased.

    Oh! and I just got a big picture of you making a vision board - Elle magazine has a shop the look section that I often tear pix out of - and earlier this year resin roses from chanel or gucci were on a $4,000 bracelet! and now I'm seeing them a lot - those pages are kind of like "theme pages" and you finding your theme would be great! In general, subscribe to some women's magazines, Elle and Allure are my favorites - but I even still get Cosmo and believe me< I guess I have for 30 years? Sometimes it's hard to relate to, but at the bottom it is about an aspect of being a woman! and that's always a good thing....

    Sometimes we don't have to break bad stuff as much as add good stuff...hopefully!

    ((hugs)) and flowers and pretty sparkles and confetti eggs in your hair....


  • Thanks and hugs 🙂

    I can so relate to your friend, lol. It is amazing how we let others kind of get into our heads and sort of deminish what we enjoy and how we think of what we like. I do read Cosmo and just drool over some of the styles in there, lol. I did go out and buy myself some new lipstick and a few of the barrettes I adore. :)))

    Today is a gorgeous day here and am taking some time to spend in my garden !!!! Then later I am going to paint my toenails and curl my hair just for fun :))) and I have no where special to go lol

    The whole concept of taking care yourself first we sometimes push ourselves to the back of the list 😕 Today is a me day !!!!

    Thanks J

  • I'm surprised more folks haven't commented on this. For me being feminine/masculine does not have anything to do w/ external stuff like painted nails or external appearance. It's about the energy one carries. How much empathy maternalism caring compassionate one is like. Feminine a more flowing energy. Masculine to me is more like a mountain, solid. Of course they both have their place and we all carry both inside us and have access to them all. Whatever we choose to bring forth in our world is unique. Try Tarot of the Spirit, Pamela Eakins. There are many many books on this subject.

    cheers P

  • Hi, ;just checking in to say good for you for pampering!! Cancergirl - I am happy to hear that!

    and OHMYGOSH< Pfree - I read her book and had her cards and actually went to Half Moon Bay and met Pamela Eakins and got a reading!!! I mean, who could resist a place called Half Moon Bay in Northern California? Her Mom painted her cards....not my favorite deck but a fine adventure and the book's very good. She had a little storefront shop, it was very cool!

    I don't like to label nurturing, compassion, etc. as feminine, I know guys who feel that way too. Maybe that's why I have a hard time defining it - flowing I can definitely get behind -

    really tho - I wasn't talking about external presentation, I was talking about expressing your internal feeling through your external actions and presentation....

    Most of the men I know feel hard headed, lol, not solid. The only diference across the board I've ever noticed is men seem to be much more singularly focused on whatever they're focused on -vs. focusing on about six different things at once like me and my girlfriends do.

    Yeah, for self expression!

  • Thanks Pfree and J,

    Hmmm, I hear both of you and Pfree> Yes, I think I and most woman now a days, spend more time in the male engergy than we think, not that its a bad thing, but for me, I have been feeling almost stagnant and constantly on edge and while personally, I have discovered other things about myself that can really directly affect all relationships, I am just not sure what to do with it. It seems as though I feel better when I can switch the energies to almost steer a path for whatever situation (???) which doesn't happen often, I either react or bolt. For as long as I can remember, I have always just shut off that flowing side of me.

    I thought it was a protective thing and I think sometimes it is with my very sensative feelers and that instinct that just can hit me like a freight train, not to mention the fact that I have Libra as my rising sign 😕 lol. Growing up around males and having sons, I think I sort of morphed into that sense of " being" not realizing that that sensative part of me is allowed to be there.

    It is truly amazing when I can work through a situation using the feeling feminine energy and able to accomplish something positive rather than when I just get aggressive and push forward, although that helps me when it is time to drop the hammer and move on a decision. I amnot sure if I am making any sense. I still do not trust that side of me, as in my head and the way I was brought up that being a girl/ feminine meant you were supposed to be weak and not stick up for yourself or be confrontational.

    Ok I am babbling again. It does help to add some little touches to my wardrope or take the time to pamper myself as it is a sense of taking time out to honor that side. I honor the masculine side pretty much all day,lol. Will be good when I can learn to mix them.

    Well, thank you for your posts, I will be sure to look into that book :)))


  • jangel

    Half Moon Bay is just over the hill from where I live. She is still there a friend of mine is now taking her tarot class. I love her deck. Guys most definitely can have feminine qualities/energy.


    yes you are making sense.

    Cheers P

  • Lucky, Lucky you Pfree - no wonder your name is Pfree!!

    I had a thought about this - I bet I don't associate all those typical feminine things with women in particular because my mother was so over having a third child - my sister is 12 years older and my brother 6....supposedly she was complaining as soon as they got back from New Orleans about not wanting to be pg - thanks to my sister, or according to her, this is what I've always heard.

    Anyway, she ended up being a county hospital nurse and just gave everything she strangers. Seriously people thought she was a saint. And she was an amazing woman, but not mothering at all. My sister still has major issues about that...

    me not so much. But no wonder I find men to be just as nurturing, etc. My dad was a genius and an alcoholic so was often checked out...but he was nicer to me than he was to anyone else - we had a connection.

    Anyway - so maybe a whole lot of what we identify with as feminine would depend on what kind of "mothering" we had. That's interesting!

    Cancergirl - hope you're doing well and will check back in sometimes soon.

  • Wow Pfree so close , you are lucky!!! I have been doing some reading on them and am not having luck finding the book locally, may need to order it directly. I have a tarot deck that I am just not into as I find the referrences are not matching the feelings I get when I look at a card. Her decks seem so clean and inspirational to me.

    J~~ Yes I think I am doing well and its odd that I seem to feel the same way as you, it came to me after we discussed the pampering. My mom workded two jobs and was not into treating herself and by the weekend mostly slept. My father was a deeply depressed man and other than clowning around he and I had no connection except for our deep love of music, I could listen to that man play his guitar for hours. They rarely showed appreciation for each other and basically my brother and I raised ourselves and did our own thing.

    I found myself constantly competing with my brother for his attention and just never felt that anything I did was good enough so I just stayed away as much as possible. He seemd sorely disappointed that he had a girl and he made it known that a womans place was at home, however seeing my mom tackle 90% of the financial means and he contributing bare minimum totally confused me as a kid, baffles me some still today.

    I do believe you have hit on something 🙂 even though siblings have genetic relations to the parents each of us has our own take on how we were raised and treated. I discussed alot of this with my brother the last time he was home, as growing up and being older he seemed to get more freedom and there were alot of things that happened with our parents that neither one of us were aware of until we shared together. He never knew the mean things my dad said to me or the way I felt like I was always in his shadow, we did alot together it was almost like having a twin so, I was always known as the little sister, while I would puff my chest in pride at this title around others at home it was a different story. He is the only male in my life that has ever been supportive so for him I am grateful and he will always be my hero.

    I have let alot of the childhood stuff go, it will always be the foundation of my being, but it isnt going to define me. I read somewhere that we all have seasons and I believe for me the wind of change is here and now I just need to find the rest of me. I am glad you didnt let it get to you and you seem like you have such a great foundation of who you are. 🙂

    Thank you both again for your thoughts ❤

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