[Top] [All Lists]

Tool purchase advice

Subject: Tool purchase advice
From: Andy Banta <Andy.Banta@Eng.Sun.COM>
Date: Wed, 17 Apr 1996 10:37:54 -0700
This is long and entertaining with almost no relevant content.  I
pulled it off the 'net.  Original attributions are at the bottom.



home.  His wife, Joan, and my wife were also the best of friends. . . with

He had married Joan, his high school sweetheart, following their high
school graduation, and had enjoyed almost 31 years of marriage.  The
marriage had produced a beautiful daughter, who had just graduated from
high school herself, and was still living at home.  Joan and Big Jim had
even made a home on the second floor of their house for Joan's mother, who
family.  Big Jim's own mother still lived on a farm just a few miles
her place. 

had apparently been taking its toll.  Big Jim must have thought he was
having some extracurricular activity and excitement in his life.  He 
simply misjudged HOW MUCH excitement he'd be adding.  

plant decided that they'd meet for a "few drinks" one Saturday afternoon. I
an affair that fateful Saturday afternoon.

The fateful Saturday arrived, and Big Jim told Joan that he had to go into
for him.  Instead, this time Big Jim drove to the appointed motel, where
he met "Susy" in the bar.  They had 3-4 drinks and then Big Jim walked to 
the lobby of the motel and checked into a room. I would like to blame the 
incident on alcohol, but this is where Big Jim made the biggest mistake 
any man ever made in his life. . . drunk or sober! 

had overlooked one tiny little fact in his selection of motels: his
daughter was starting her new job that very same day. . . SHE WAS THE NEW

Here is where the tale gets a bit busy. 

Big Jim and "Susy" had retired to the room just moments before his
a fifteen minutes earlier.  As a matter of fact, the person had used the
handwriting as her father and had paid with a credit card having the same
number as the one she had in her own purse! 

She caught up with the clerk from the previous shift in the parking lot.  
The clerk described the man checking in with his wife. . . but only HALF 
of the description matched up to her parents, so to speak.

door at about 4:00.  The poor guy walked to the door with a towel wrapped
then pushed the door all the way open and entered the room to discuss what
they perceived to be Big Jim's indescretions.  There is a saying that,

wearing no clothes, but grabbing her purse.  Buck naked, she got in her
own car and drove away- unharmed- but leaving poor Big Jim to try to

Whenever I hear the old joke; "Who are you going to believe- me, or your
lying eyes?" I think of Big Jim.  There was simply no way he could lie his
way out of it. 

primary women in Big Jim's life paused long enough for him to even get
happened, such as Big Jim's own mother ripping away even his towel, so
into the shower to "wash the filth and sin off him," . . .  you get the
picture.  I doubt if even our imaginations can conjur up all that was 
said and done to the poor guy during that hour. 
chuffing into my garage on his Cub Cadet, towing his trailer.  Big Jim's
my garage for a couple of days.  We ended up making 5 more trips up to Big
dissatisfaction with his indescretion of that afternoon.  I was even
verbally attacked by them because, "I was his best friend and should have
known what he was going to do." When the poor devil was down at my house
unloading the trailer, my own good wife would berate him for what he'd

the appropriate amount of crying, begging and pleading during the
following days, and by the next weekend, he had moved himself and his
tools back into his own house.  I'm happy to say that while the incident
was never forgotten, the pain and anguish eventually diminished. My wife 
still uses Big Jim's predicament as an example of what would happen to me 
if I should attempt to follow the same path.   

>From the incident, there are a couple of lessons that I believe to be 
universally true and that should be shared with the readers: 

move them if you get caught.

2) Always remember where your daughter is working.

Respectfully submitted,

Tom Gauldin
Raleigh, NC            The summerland where the sun doth shine,     Where the weak grow strong and the strong grow great,

<Prev in Thread] Current Thread [Next in Thread>