Sunday, 16 February 2014

Week 127- spinning plates, itchy skin and the world's strongest man...

At what point does the line blur between being a couple and being parents?

Is it when you realise there's been three of you in a bed for the best part of a year?

Or that you thank each other out of habit after you give each other a kiss in the same way you do to a child?

Having kids and having a relationship separate of children has to be one of the biggest challenges to starting a family. 

And those couples who have children to bring them closer together or to mend rifts. 

Don't bother. 


You're going to kill each other before you even get through the first trimester.

The thing is, you have to be so conscious of not letting things slip. 

And that's on top of being so knackered that half the time you can't remember if you've said something out loud or just thought it.

I don't mean buying expensive presents or writing secret notes. (Actually, I don't know if anyone in real life writes notes to one another, other than to remind them to post something/ buy something/ pick something up.)

I just mean not letting the small stuff slip. 

Asking someone how their day was and listening to the answer. Or sitting down to eat tea at the same time, even if that is at 10pm when you'd MUCH rather to be asleep.

You have children and your outlook changes massively. 

There's someone who needs you entirely, completely, like you've never been needed before. 

You've got to man up and look after this tiny, mewing creature, who just cries, and poos and feeds so much that your nipples feel like they've been Chinese burned. 

And it's suddenly not all about you and your partner. 

You've got this third person who comes with you everywhere. 

Who's moved into your house, into your bed and into your every waking thought.

You're no longer a couple. 

You're a threesome. 


And you look at the man who has been your boyfriend. He's now also someone's dad. You're someone's mum. And somewhere in all of that you're still someone's girlfriend.

It's a tricky minefield to navigate through. 

And second children are even more of a challenge, because you're already looking after a small person, and trying to consciously keep all the plates spinning. 

But then a third relationship is thrown into question. 

The one you have with your body. 

The body that has recovered from child birth, fitted back into your old jeans and taken you to work everyday, is once again, foreign. 

Your boobs swell to the size of honey dew melons. 

The skin on your stomach is taught and itches like sun burn. 

And your joints ache as if you've had a bash at pulling a truck in the world's strongest man competition.

I don't know how you're meant to stay true to yourself, your relationship and your children. 

How one person can be so many things to different people. 

But I guess that's the whole game. 

Keep those plates spinning subconsciously, and occasionally you realise it's happening. 

You're doing it. 

You've managed to get to the end of a conversation with your partner and haven't mentioned potty training once. 

You're on the couple side of the line. 

Then a little person starts coughing and you leap straight over to the other side. 

Grab the Calpol and there you go. 

Line seamlessly crossed. 

*quick plea... if you enjoy my blog, please could you vote for it in the Best Blog Writer category in the MAD awards here? MASSIVOS THANKS! x


  1. So true. We were both parents before we were a couple and that, coupled with the fact that all four of ours have additional health needs means us as a couple is usually neglected.

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