Why You are Still Single

young woman smiling

"Why am I still single?" is a common question singles ask. A good one, because understanding why you are still single helps you wait the right way or make necessary adjustments.

Why you are still single: It is not yet God's timing.

God is making more singles wait than they (or the society or the church) are willing to accept.

We have this mindset that marriage shouldn’t delay once a woman is biologically qualified. That if she's not getting married soon, something must be wrong with her.

That's how we come up with phrases like 'tapping into the grace for marriage', 'spirit of late marriage', etc.

Because of some of these mentalities, many Christian single women find it hard to accept the waiting process. There's a stigma to being single. They let doubt and fear breed impatience.

Some singles believe they are cursed. Others run after prophets for prayers, losing money as 'seed' for a husband.

Sis, you don't have to bribe God to have a husband. If his will for you includes a man, you'll have to walk away from God not to marry.

I will not be bold to deny demonic influence in some singles' lives, but I believe that it's very minimal compared to the other causes of singleness.

Why you are still single: You are not ready for marriage

"How can you say this? I'm 24, 28, 30, above 30! Of course, I'm more than ready for marriage.

"I'm born-again, serve in my church, and work a job. What else do I need to get married?"

God must be shaking his head when Christian singles reason this way.

Being born-again is not a ticket to the land of the married.

Age is not a qualification for marriage. Well, it is, but you understand I'm saying you can be 40 and still a baby.

Marriage preparation takes spiritual, emotional, psychological, and financial planning.

This does not say every married person was prepared. If they were, some of the ailing marriages and divorces would not be happening.

This is not also saying you have to be perfect to be prepared for marriage. But aim to attain the baseline.

You have an opportunity that many couples wish they had taken advantage of before marriage.

This point is different from God making you wait in the sense that it is dependent on you.

God will not prepare you for marriage. He works with your willingness, meaning you can delay or speed up the process.

As you pray for a godly mate, prepare for a good Christian marriage by cultivating godliness in your life right now and learning to be a good wife and mother.

Don't wait to start learning when you are already married.

Why you are still single: You are unattractive to the opposite sex

They say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Very true. But you may possess a 'beauty' that is ugly to most beholders and can cause you to remain single.

It's hard to find physically ugly women today. Almost everyone is taking their physical beauty seriously.

So, I'm not going into details here but to state that if you're neglecting your looks, oral and body hygiene, your prayers for a husband may not be answered. That mouth odor is probably pushing him away.

Although there are still men that don't care how a woman looks, their numbers have greatly diminished.

But, don't focus on physical beauty and forget to cultivate your inner beauty. It remains the most potent attraction you can possess as a single.

How is your character? Are you striving to cultivate the fruit of the Spirit? Are you crying out to God for deliverance from destructive habits?

"I see silly girls getting married as if it's no big deal. How dare you tell me my character is my problem?"

Sis, don't justify your ugly character, for you may be the unlucky one. Work on yourself.

Another area of beauty I want to highlight is psychological beauty. You may look as humble as a dove, walk like a snail that never hurts anyone, be so shy you never raise your voice at anyone.

Still, if you have issues with low self-esteem, feelings of inferiority, and depression, it will show up in your relationships.

Unless you get a strong man who sees beyond the surface, these mental disorders will ruin your connection. How?

You would demand so much from the man that the strain would send him away. Or you may become vulnerable to abuse.

You must seek wholeness before you enter into a relationship. Every relationship, even the godliest, has challenges. If you're not psychologically stable, your hidden issues will rise to the top and potentially ruin things even before they blossom.

Different men are attracted by different things. As much as you should not pretend to be someone you're not, do a self-evaluation, from the spiritual to the physical to the psychological.

Where are you lacking? What adjustments can you make?

Work on those.

Why you are still single: You are desperate for marriage

This should have fallen under point three above, but it speaks louder standing on its own.

When you are desperate for marriage, you send off a stench. This would be bad odor for the right guys but just the right rotting smell that attracts flies to come feast on filth.

Let the desire for marriage cause you to prepare, pray, and 'work' as God leads you. It should never lead you to dishonor the Lord through fear, anxiety, and desperation.

Why you are still single: You are putting God in a box

I believe singles should trust God to lead them to their spouses. However, journeys to marriage are not the same. Therefore, you should not expect to have an exact testimony with someone else.

For some, God dropped their husbands from the sky, and for others, he gave specific instructions on how to meet that right person.

You may be waiting on God to act while he is waiting for you to take a step.

From your relationship with the Lord, you need to understand how he wants you to go about getting a husband.

Does he want you to make yourself available online? Or does he want you to patiently wait and let him bring your paths to cross 'effortlessly' in his own time?

I'm not a fan of online dating, but I recommend it as a valid way to find a mate. If you're not desperate; if you determine from the beginning to conduct the relationship according to biblical principles; if you're willing to let go should the Lord tell you it's not his will.

If you choose that route, go for reputable sites that have elaborate matching criteria. Such sites usually have expensive subscriptions.

If you go for free or cheap sites, you may spend your time unknowingly chatting with bots.

Also, engage only with men with paid membership. No serious man in search of a wife would take free membership on a dating site.

And remember to pray! Scammers and predators abound on dating sites.

Why you are still single: You are not following God

If your future husband is in the north, God's path for you will likely lead to the north. But if you are bent on going south, you would either end up with a mismatch or remain single for much longer.

Following God doesn't have to be about a big idea. It could be as little as changing town, church, or job. If God nudges you, move. You might be surprised where that leads you.

Many singles have some sense of direction from God, but they are too fearful to move, waiting on everything to fall into place, including marriage, before they can obey God.

Sis, you're only putting yourself in trouble when you exalt your wisdom above God's instructions.

Make that move!

Janet is a Christian with a knack for writing. While it helps her to unclutter her mind, she also uses the talent to encourage the pursuit of intimacy with God and a purpose-driven life.

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