Another election looms. Another chance to choose a side. Another load of unreal promises and lies to withstand. Another social media bombardment from the do gooders and keyboard warriors who will accuse you of ‘not caring’ or being ‘scum’ for not agreeing with whatever opinion you might have even if you haven’t expressed it.

Another visit to the scout hut it is then. Another night of analysis on all the channels followed by days and weeks of moaning from the losers, whoever they are, with statements like ‘I didn’t sign up for this’ and ‘not in my name’…

Democracy….. outstanding stuff… But not liked by everyone it seems.

This will be my eighth general election as a voter. There have been other votes but this is the big one. Do you really give a toss who is on the card for the local council? Probably not. Do we really care about whether the Scots want their much-mooted Freedom? Not really. Do we really care whether we are in Europe or not? ahhh…. now here’s the issue. We should and we did care and that is what brought us to this massive cluster fuck.


The manifesto promise of a puffy faced, Old Etonian ponce looking to extend his non-working career. If anyone is to blame it was this prick.

For now though we have to deal with the General Election which has coughed up, gagged and spewed out two of the least likeable humans ever to have existed as options to run the country. Two personality vacuums. To be fair we’ve had the personalities in politics over the years who have also been despicable.

Thatcher had a personality, it was arrogant and hateful and born out of some dark recess of hell where only the truly horrific dwell.  Blair had a charismatic personality until he was spotted awkwardly walking in jeans with his hands in his pockets in that kind of Status Quo dance type manner while selling his soul to a dimwit in a flying jacket. Another twat is Johnson who oozes the kind of buffoonery that gets killed ‘in theatre’ by his own troops and Abbott is that kind of thick piss head that shouts ‘ You know what your problem is?’ before falling asleep in a pool of their own piss.   Classic Political Arseholes.

In the Blue Corner we have Mother Theresa, Terri Mandroid or ‘Maggie’ May….. Jesus.

It would be hard to find any love for May. The awkward gait, the super long ‘Close Encounters’ Alien arms, the hunched back and the awkward talking style. She’s a difficult watch. She seems perplexed when confronted with humans of any kind if she is away from the safety of the dispatch box.  She strikes me as the lost Alien like ‘The Man who fell to earth’ or ‘Starman’, Emotionless, fixed, focussed, dispassionate, learning on the hoof…dead inside. It’s not all bad. She has nice shoes and a smashing death stare.

May is disliked because she is dislikeable. It’s really that simple. Her only potentially redeeming feature is toughness or a perceived toughness in her own head. She has this reputation because she is a childless Tory and so in the mind of majority of the general populous she clearly hates kids or anything fluffy and soft and thrives on the hearts of yoof. She is also partial to changing her mind which is seen as complete sacrilege if you are a politician and is punishable by instant resignation and the long walk into the Cursed Earth.  I see it differently.

In life there are only really two ways to do things. The right way and the wrong way. If you do something right then that’s great, you’re a genius. If you do something wrong, learn from it and immediately do the right thing. The hardest part is making a decision in the first place. She seems capable of at least making a decision but of course they aren’t always the right ones. To be fair the ‘right way’ ratio needs to be greater than the ‘wrong way’ or you look like a plum. She can look like a plum.

I don’t get too worried about U-turns or stealing other parties ideas, as to win you need to be ruthless to a ‘no one will get out alive’ level.

The Tories are like the motto of Blackwater the CIA employed security firm / death machine used in Iraq:

“Be polite and courteous but have a plan to kill everyone in the room”

It’s why they generally win, It’s about them and them alone.

On a personal level May is almost everything I dislike in a person in one single distorted body. Cold, distant, a closed book, religious, superior, grubby (looks like she could do with a hosing down and a yard brush scrub), arrogant…she has the lot. Not the kind of woman you’d want to wake up with… in fact she’s exactly the type of woman you would wake with to find staring at you in disgust from a chair in the bedroom holding an engagement ring while praying for forgiveness.

In the Red Corner we have Comrade Corbyn. Mr ‘Mandate’, Mr Adequate payslip, Mr ‘what you fuckin’ looking at’…

Corbyn started off as a joke with rumours of Tories joining the labour party to ensure he won the leadership battle. I’m not sure about this….not the joke part…he remains a joke in my view.

Corbyn is a throwback to a different time, a time when people may have cared more and had less. But he’s not a complete criminal and probably not a bad person. None of this is his fault it is simply his beliefs but a belief that, I feel, won’t work for the country we are in or any country in history regardless of the word ‘Cuba’.

Corbyn strikes me as a man who doesn’t actually want to do any of this and was dared or badgered into it to after the shame of the wrong Millibland and the concrete slab of failure.

In the early stages of his tenure Corbyn seemed incapable of dealing with the press and the attention. He was visibly uncomfortable with it, tetchy and stroppy without realising it’s all a game played by professional layabouts. He also had trouble hiding his disdain for valid questions thrown at him and seem to resort to a ‘you going to get your fuckin head kicked in’ face that he engaged in his years as a party activist. Not really what you expect from a pacifist leader of the peoples’ party.

It would be easy to make cheap gags about Jezza with regard to his initial scruffy appearance and poor quality suits but that would be pathetic and would deflect from the real issue which is belief in ‘Mandate’.

Corbyn took the view that he had the mandate of the party without actually doing the maths. True, he was voted in by the membership of which there are about 700,000 but not all of them wanted him.

Let’s say he had 400,000 of them backing him….Great… it still left about 9,000,000 labour voters from the last election who may or may not vote for him. I’d imagine a large proportion of those labour voters still wouldn’t vote for him because his socialist utopian vision which a large chunk of them don’t care for.

Corbyn’s appointment in the name of his mandate has effectively split the party and resulted in the Tories romping ahead. He likes to ignore the non-member voters like they don’t exist which is a bit like a football club only wanting to associate itself with the punters in the ground while ignore the fans who follow from afar….y’know….’The Masses’. It’s unacceptable. As equally unacceptable to most of us that Trump has the support of certain areas of the country but not the popular vote. He answers to that crowd and that crowd alone under his ‘mandate’. Trump is rightly slaughtered for that by the same people banging on about Corbyn’s right to mention it at every opportunity.

How can I be sure that the country doesn’t want Corbyn? I can’t.

I can only speak from my own perspective which is that if it came to the crunch I think that most of the liberal left who spout on and on within the security of social media would be affected more than they think they would. It’s a nice idea but we all have too much to start with to change. Your average Facebook warrior forgets this and likes to merely talk about it while making sure they are ‘all right Jack’. Each to their own but personally I like to live by a mantra I stick to all the time and not just when it suits me or makes me look radical or compassionate to people that I’m actually quite distant from.

I’ve worked for 32 years with a wage taxed at source. I have no cash in hand, no money under the bed or the means or access to a tax avoidance expert. I simply work and pay my taxes with no tricks. On the upside I’m lucky enough to live in the middle banding of earners (not too much, not too little) who remain relatively unaffected by a change of government to any real level. This isn’t my fault as I’d love to be in the small yet wealthy top bracket where I would be equally unaffected.

The biggest issue and reason why Corbyn’s stance won’t work is greed.

This country is greedy in general from King to Pauper. The King wants a bigger house and nicer car and the Pauper wants a bigger TV and a better dog. It is instilled in our society from top to bottom and that is where we are. A socialist agenda only works for the few, much like the tory right agenda. There is no middle ground but the majority are in that middle ground… the ‘Meh’ generation…

People will ask me ‘don’t you want to help those less fortunate?’. Well the answer is Yes… and No.

You’d be pretty heartless if you didn’t occasionally or even regularly put your hand in your pocket to assist someone or some organisation but I’m not keen on being told to do it as it should be a personal choice.

I suppose, selflessly (which I freely admit) I see it that no fucker ever helped me.  No government, no inheritance, no parental advice or encouragement, no nothing. I’ve acquired all the work I’ve ever had and remained employed since. I’m a great believer in making your own luck, relying on no one and not expecting anyone to assist me. I’m Lucky (I get that) but I see my role on the planet as looking after me and mine and then maybe someone else if I can.

The new Labour manifesto is a dreamer’s wish list. It is costed but it is fuelled by dreams of untapped money and nothing happening globally that would affect growth projections and the plan as it stands now.

It’s generally easy in opposition as you can promise what you like due to the fact that most Governments in power are hated anyway and whatever they do is open to abuse as it’s real and in action rather than on a piece of paper. Corbyn is promising free child care, free school meals, free university education, more money for the NHS, more money for virtually everything based on a source of money that he feels he can summon up with ease.   Unpaid tax and more Tax from the ‘rich’. Triffic. I’m not a believer as I have experience in this field.

The idea that you can claw back money from tax avoidance and evasion is fairly stupid. This is a well-used source of untapped money on a lot of manifestos and the perception is that it is just sitting there waiting for someone to spot it. This money is used as the great bail out within policy party manifestos and is endlessly trotted out. Given that no one has ever managed to tap into this divine ambrosia can you believe anyone that says they have a plan for it? ‘No’ is the answer. If it could be easily obtained it would have been already. The fact is it is a notional figure used to pad out manifestos from both sides. HMRC are tasked with collecting this money and they are partial to doing deals as they are revenue collectors and not law enforcers and so cleaning slates with as little hassle as possible is their job. Something is better than noting and years in a court room to get nothing, it’s the line of least resistance approach.

This figure is used to placate an aggrieved electorate who would do exactly what the tax evader/avoider does if they had the means and inclination……Greed once more with a hint of jealously chucked in….all fairly human as we all want to pay less to get more.

Labour know this and so trot out the ‘Free!! Free!!’ shtick knowing in reality that they will not have to deliver that if in government as you always have the fall back position of ‘the country is more skint than we realised’,  famously used when Labour left a note for an incoming Coalition Chancellor. The next thing you know the new Chancellor says ‘We never knew it was this bad’ and revises everything downwards with ‘unforeseen’ cuts. Tis the way it is and will always be….

The Tory manifesto is not costed. Why cost it anyway? The Tories will do pretty much what they like and no manifesto they have ever written has ever been realised anyway. As usual the Tories are looking to crucify anyone who isn’t them and some people who are them…. Tough on people, tough on the causes of people.

They are like a death cult without the mass causalities, perhaps a ‘slow-death cult’, but at least there is an element of realism unlike Labour and the other current opposition parties. There has to be an element of realism as they are in the now ‘running’ the country. The fantasy isn’t acceptable as we can see it failing in real time. The opposition manifesto is the lifeboat on the horizon but without you seeing the pirates manning the ship and looking to kill you….any lifeboat will do when you are drowning, you’ll take the risk of buggery and cheap, low grade rum…

The Tory plan is about pain and misery for most of us rather than the promise of free university education or 10,000 shiny new police spilling out on the streets when you haven’t factored in the cost of training, equipment, uniform, overtime or the fact that when they resign due to stress or the realisation that you don’t want to be hated on a daily basis they have to be replaced at further cost.

The sad reality is wherever we look and whatever path we take pain will hit us under the Tories…. There will be no sunshine. Winter is coming and it’s either wearing ludicrous shoes and a bauble necklace or a shabby beard and elbow patches.

Of course, all this was as avoidable as the tax on a trader’s wages if smooth skinned Dave hadn’t called for a vote on leaving the EU. His game of bluff backfired leaving him with no Knighthood, no party and no credibility. This was the cocky actions of a puffy faced snob who has never worked or experienced real people and so didn’t realise that you cannot rely on or trust real people.

Brexit will inevitably be a disaster regardless of what the leavers think or tell you. In 10 years’ time when we are suffering beyond what we think now you’ll barely find anyone admitting to voting leave either through death or embarrassment. It was a generational decision with a hint of island mentality stoked by a millionaire with a French name, a German wife and an income from a job he tried to dismantle in a part of the planet he hated.

When the negotiations start (noting has started yet….these are the final halcyon days) we’ll win in some minor places but lose large in others as you can’t give up your membership of the metaphorical golf club and still play during the peak times as the rest of the membership will demand the same. Europe will look to crucify us while still keeping us interested enough as they need us almost as much as we need them. To say otherwise would be ludicrous and similar to assuming that it hasn’t affected us yet so it will be easy.

I wanted to stay in Europe but I’m happy to go with the democracy because that’s the rules, whatever will be will be, the people have spoken etc, etc. The biggest problem is that the Tory mindset (it’s peculiar to the so-called ‘elite’) is that Britannia still rules the waves and all we have to do is point a lot and raise our voices to Johnny Foreigner to get what we think we deserve. Things have moved on and now so do we. You can’t crave democracy and when you lose get the arsehole and demand a new vote….. The scots like to do that and they are derided.

Even though I’m a ‘remainer’ I do see the lunacy of some aspects of the EU particularly the option for one nation to not agree resulting in nothing happening and years of negotiation to collapse. Knowing that this can happen should send a chill up any Tory negotiator with the Empire mentality. It’s sort of like a more important Eurovision where you can near enough predict who gets what from the political scenario at the time. Overall I feel that we would be better off within it than out of it but I’m prepared to get on with it and the consequences as my responsibility is within my own house and there alone.

My greatest annoyance during any political upheaval or election is social media. All the warriors appear. Fear not, I’m well aware of the irony of this be available in another social media format but I’m not actually trying to ram a concept that I believe in down your mush.

As soon as an election starts these keyboard warriors appear. In the old days nobody really knew who you voted for as it was a private personal choice. It’s why the polling booth has screens. It’s different now. You are expected through polls and peer pressure to declare your hand in advance. Funny really that this didn’t work last time with the Tories storming through to shock everyone to win outright. This happens because the Tories fall in line like good soldiers in moments like this. Labour don’t. They fracture and split but believe that you should know on a daily basis what they are going to do, why you should do it also and if you don’t do that you are utter filth.

Tories don’t really do it whether they are embarrassed to do it or just don’t see it as necessary, I’m not sure. Labour supporters (in my recent experience) have become vicious and nasty. You are either with them completely and on the Corbyn bus or you can fuck off. I’ve been told to shut up, leave people’s timelines, offered out and, worst of all, been called a Tory for disagreeing on a what I see as a left-wing agenda. I’m not a Tory I’m just not a Corbyn fan because I feel he makes ludicrous claims that he can’t live up to and doesn’t represent me.

Corbyn’s ‘mandate army’ seem to think they are the only ones with the right to an opinion and if you don’t agree you are worse that a toffee nosed tory who wants to see dead babies floating in the Mediterranean.

Corbyn has failed to unite his own party so it will be some feat if he manages to unite a country, or enough of a country for his party to win. Of course the ‘Mandaters’ will cry ‘largest party membership in the world’ which is probably true but as I said earlier even they ain’t all for one and one for all.

There’s nothing wrong with passion in politics, it should be actively encouraged but you have to accept other opinions exist without tearing into people you supposedly like 99% of the time in real life.

Twitter is the worst format. It is awash with Champagne socialists, Far right, Fois Gras fed Tories and UKIP fuckwits who can easily spout shite in 140 characters and then not even have the good grace to allow a response.

I saw a quote from an interview with a well-known English actor the other day banging on about inequality in this country. The interviewer reminded him that he owned seven properties and he replied that property ownership was his only ‘extravagance’….Lovely.

There’s a lot of celeb socialists always talking from positions of opulence about how we, the people, need to act. They fuck off occasionally to be waited on in far off lands for large sums of money which they hide in off shore accounts or live in other jurisdictions where tax may be less or optional. It’s a bit like that Occupy London toff who will look back on his revolutionary days being ‘kettled’ by the filth with ‘great fondness’ from one of Daddy’s many Mayfair penthouses over a glass of fine wine. They are anecdote creators rather than great humanitarians.

On a lower more local level you get a lot of so-called ‘working class’ people who work cash in hand and only declare what is basically required while telling everyone that the richer need to pay more. These people don’t really fit the socialist agenda that Jezza wants and, in reality, are no better than the millionaire who can find the means to pay for the assistance to ‘lose’ money. Both these groups hurt the economy to different levels but neither admit it. We all want to pay less for more that is human nature but rules is rules in my book so pay your way because you have to not just when you have to.

I don’t know what the answer for this country is but it isn’t anything I’ve seen lately. The TV interviews with the Lounge Lizard Paxman only proved that they were both a couple of wasters who can’t express an idea with much clarity, honesty or articulation but these are the choices we have. I try to get through it by imagining Comrade Corbyn looking down at Maggie May going ‘at it’ like a dog with a hot chip. This image makes them seem less ludicrous to me than they actually are in real life and at the very least points me in the direction of the Polling Station.

The most important thing in this whole joke scenario is that you vote and mean it. If you don’t vote it means you should pretty much shut the fuck up and bite down on the shit sandwich that will ultimately be delivered as I see no great outcome whoever the winner.

Don’t waste the opportunity to have your say, but be nice with it and accept that others don’t agree or in some cases even care. Vote and we can have friendly adult debate until the next time these fuckers decide they need to be loved or are too scared to do their jobs properly.

5 thoughts on “…Bolloticks…..

  1. Lee Drohan says:

    Well articulated, describes the current dilemma confronting me, history and loyalty are no longer relevant. The golf club analogy is well founded. Just wish the our withdrawal was over and done with.


  2. Sue Grant says:

    I agree that Brexit is a massive issue and should never have come about. I still hope that it WON’T happen….but acknowledge that hope may well be in vain here. Reading this piece, though, leaves me feeling rather sad. You set out the case against both the Tories and Labour, and in part I agree with your analysis, but the logical conclusion of what you say would be not to vote at all as both parties are so awful. I know that you’re in favour of voting, as am I – it should be made compulsory, in my view – BUT….however, you’re right about people being greedy and frequently not giving a toss about their fellow man/woman.
    What a sorry state of affairs.


    • Dr Manhattan says:

      I am completely pro voting … I would make it compulsory. My point Sue was that in my opinion the choices are poor. I will choose between the two and will most likely avoid Maggie May but it shouldn’t be this bad….


      • Jimmy James says:

        As always Jonk, a very good read and entertaining (especially the Abbott part). I see where you are coming from and agree with a lot of what you say.
        However, I’m a passionate person and that’s why I feel connected to Corbyn. I believe in his values and more importantly I believe he is the most honest politician I have seen (not difficult). I know he isn’t perfect (he’s a Gooner for a start) but even if he doesn’t deliver half his manifesto, he will give it a good shot and point us in the right direction and at the very least, there is a difference between the two parties. I despise May and everything she stands for and don’t trust her one bit. Changing your mind is ok but it gets to the point where you lose the trust. I don’t trust anyone who sells firearms to the Saudis cuts Police funding and then complains about terrorism as well as belittling NHS staff and the Police on a regular basis.
        With taxes, like yourself a PAYE from my working birth, I have paid my way and always will. There are a hell of a lot of employed people earning over £80k so I do expect more money coming in from the hmrc however flawed we know they are.
        I will continue to promote him, bevaise i believe in him, but like you, I believe it’s important to respect others beliefs and accept a decision when it is made because that is what democracy is all about and whatever the outcome, we keep calm and carry on.
        I think Corbyn has matured a lot as a Politician and deserves a lot more credit. He even sounds more Statesman-like rather than Citizen Smith.
        Power to the People (although I think the power will remain with the right and they will piss on the rest of us as they always have).


      • Dr Manhattan says:

        I admire your passion. I have no passion for any of them because I believe it will ultimately end the same way it always ends….


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