Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Well Done, Sirs

I'm the first one to admit when someone does something I wish I had done.

Well, generally I call them a fag a few times and pretend as if what they did wasn't that good. Then, once doors are closed and people have left, I'll admit that I wish I'd been the one to think of it.

This is an example of one of those cases. A freestyle rap battle translated for the masses. There isn't any swearing but because people suck, and you don't want some jackass telling on you for watching a video, I'd only watch it if you know you can get away with it.

Speaking of stereotypes, I got a rental this week while my car was getting its air conditioning fixed. Thank god my car is a fleet car because it's had a ton of issues I wouldn't have wanted to pay for on my own. It's had more strange dudes inside of it than a hooker. Seems like every time I get something done it's only a couple weeks before something else happens. Buy foreign.

So I get enough rentals from this particular Enterprise that the broads working there always try to hook me up with a better car than my fleet pays for. I've had a jag, Envoy, and now a Durango.

We do the walkaround and there isn't anything wrong. I'm told it's brand new. A 2008. I open the door to throw my bag inside and I notice the seats a moment before the smell hits me. The seats look as if they were in a food fight. The smell is a bit funky, like when too many people are in a car for too long together. Not disgusting, but not exactly like roses.

I figure the smell will go away with the windows down for a minute or two, so I'm mainly concerned with the stains. They're unreal. On the driver's seat is a stain that looks as if the renter purposely dumped a mug of coffee directly onto the seat. The passenger seat has a large tear and over ten dark stains on the seat. I look in back because I'm amazed a car can get this dirty so fast. The back seat has had the same treatment. Bad food and drink stains cover the entire back seat as well.

I'm standing there thinking that you've got to be a classless douchebag of the highest order to treat a car this way, rental or not. This wasn't caused by an accident where a kid knocks his sister's cup out of her hand or someone elbows a coke over. This was people who knew what they were doing and didn't give a shit. Otherwise there'd be less stains as the renter got things under control.

I pointed out the stains to the Enterprise broad, making sure she knew it was already there but also amazed that someone would treat a vehicle that way. I also touched the driver seat to see if the stain was fresh or long since soaked in. It was dry.

She told me the people rented it and took it to Chicago. So in the four hours they drove there and the four hours they drove back they destroyed the interior. Unreal.

I took it for the Sirius radio. What do I care if I sit on a stained but dry seat?

As soon as I fired it up the sounds of this areas most ghetto music station blared out. I hit the first set channel on the radio and it changed to an equally annoying station. In fact, every preset had been changed to either ghetto rap or R&B. Even the sirius presets were urban.

It all came together. The stains, the music, the classless treatment of the vehicle.

It was the Jews.


jjok said...


Kid Dynamite said...

awesome. homey. sir.

by the way, your car wasn't damaged by the jews... we would have gotten a smaller, more economical car.

StB said...

I thought you were all about the ghetto music.

Joe Speaker said...

I find myself watching that electronic movie with palpable amusement and an innate, while also overwhelming, sense of envy for its cerebral treatment of socioeconomic hardships.

Matzo stains?

Unknown said...

Here's another you-stay-classy Detroit moment.

Didn't know if you saw this one. As a side note, I want a "part-time" job that pays $81K with a free car.

KajaPoker said...

That last line actually made me laugh out loud. And I was in a room full of Jews. How do I explain that? Uncomfortable much?

Wwonka said...

I am not sure what your Point is?

Racist? maybe a bit.

maybe they were some Hasidim who loves RAP.