Thesaurus Rex (virtuistic) wrote,
Thesaurus Rex

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3 Truths about Summer

*sneeze* This... is not cool. *wheeze* It's summer...snnrrrrk...right? *COUGH* Then what is with the sniffly sneezey whosimcwotsit? I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS. *flees to the land of Kleenex*

Alright, here are some well known facts about summer. Mind you, these are NOT CONTESTED. If you're in the midwest, and you're in either June, July, or August - you are immediately disqualified for argument. You can (and will) agree all you want, because the following are facts. If you're from some other strange locale that is ridden with geographic oddities therefore causing the climate to defy these basic rules, move.

1. Summer is never cold. Summer is hot, and that's good.

That is what separates Summer from the rest of the seasons. Fall, Spring, and, obviously, Winter all have moments of extreme bone-chilling coldness that makes your snot freeze and your face sting because the wind from the arctic tundra has decided you need to be ice-crystal blasted. We get sick because the temperature wavers between decency and those deplorable depths. Summer however, is salvation from the "brrrr". Summer is never "cold". It might be a "cool, rainy day" but you don't have to wear a goddamn parka-pancho. At any rate, these rainy days are rare and instead we get a pretty steady flow of hot. Granted, that generally implies scorching to the point of your skin turning colors and peeling off but it's glorious I tell you. In the land of steady temperatures, we don't have to worry about much except dehydration, sunburn, and heat stroke - and those are pushovers. Trust me.

2. People don't get sick in the summer. **

This is another luxury afforded by steady temperatures. When I look back on my life, I note that I hardly ever got sick in the summer. During the school year, however, I got sick roughly every other day. It's a mystery of science... *ahem*. Yet one respiratory irritation remains, the dreaded allergies. If you're like me, and at all sensitive to any form of pollen, you're fucked. Still, summer is the time of activity. This is when we go out and run, play ridiculous games in the yard, swim, and we literally don't want to get sick... so we don't. In winter, you'll latch ahold of any excuse to avoid going out into the frigid beyond. "Yeah, I'm sorry I can't come to work for awhile, I'm in hibernation a coma. They say I'll probably wake with the first thaw." You never hear someone say, "Naw man, I got the sniffles so I better stay off that jet ski."

3. Summer is the time for loud music and parties.

Granted, with me, every time is time for loud music but I digress. Everyone has their windows down and they're all inevitably playing and singing along to their favorite song. Don't act like you haven't done it, I've seen you. It's ok, you have good taste in music. It's everyone else I have a slight problem with. Which is why I've decided to start killing anyone that is shreiking Britney Spears, wailing to some horrible country song, or any unbelievably nerdy white kid that is insisting on blasting gangsta rap through the subwoofers he bought in order to try to legitimize his wiggerness. Season's open. Feel free.

Now, we've all heard the term "Summer Block Party" and if you're fortunate enough to live near a college campus you've probably seen a few of them. Now, while they are generally teeming with slobbering drunks that are falling all over each other and screaming lewd suggestions at several more decibels than is even remotely necessary, I can assure you that there is nothing more satisfying than watching the party crumble under the authoritative powers of the 5-0. So pull up a lawn chair and enjoy the show.
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