A Twist Of Fate
July, 2007 Entries
As seen in the Colloquialism Now! newsletter and The World Series Of Manatee Fighting on ESPN 76

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(07/31/07 - 10:47 PM)
We had to fire a guy I actually liked at work today. Why, you might ask? Because he thought that it was OKAY to smoke marijuana on his breaks. He thought for certain that it was okay, because: OTHER PEOPLE SAID IT WAS OKAY.


(07/30/07 - 11:22 PM)
Today is a day that should have happened a long time ago. I got high-speed internet. All I can say is:

"Oh my God, Stan - these Chocodiles".

And what I mean by that is: Yippee!

(07/29/07 - 11:07PM)
Okay, so - vacation. We went to Charleston, South Carolina and it was a good time (not as good as Savannah, but good nonetheless.)

The highlights of the trip included a tour of the U.S.S. Yorktown aircraft carrier (who knew that aircraft carriers were so big?) and touring several old and amazing plantation gardens (where what were supposed to be shrubs looked like trees, because they were 170 years old and where trees looked like super-trees because they were 1000+ years old.)

We got to try Cheerwine (a popular cherry-flavored cola beverage that has nothing to do, in fact, with wine, that is found down there in abundance but that 'we'all' up here don't have access to) which was like Dr. Pepper mixed with Cherry Coke. Not bad, in fact.

We got to eat at The Crab Shack on James Island (as featured on "Flip That House") and the food was amazing.

Our accomodations were nothing short of wonderful, and we walked just about everywhere (or so it seemed.)

We caught the newest Harry Potter movie while we were down there (about as good as the first one, but not really impressive) at an inside- out mall (it's a conceptual thing, apparently.)

We went and played in the ocean for a bit, and had a six-foot sand shark swimming alongside us about ten feet out in the water. We also encountered in the wild spiders about the size of a coaster, alligators, turtles, giant 3-inch grasshoppers, a black rat snake about two feet long, and a ton of little lizards (except the eight-inch long one that scared the crap out of me as it scurried across our path.)

In summary, there is alot to see but each facet of things to see is limited to your desires to visit certain sites. What I mean is that many sites deal with historical homes, the civil war, etc. So if you aren't interested in sites in certain categories such as these, it tends to limit the amount of things for your to do and see.

Would we go back? We might pass through, but I don't know that we might make it a destination again, as we would other places. But it was definately worth seeing.

(07/28/07 - 11:12PM)
Dear Reader:
We regret to inform you that no witticism will be imparted here today, as Master Heath and Mistress Wanda are simultaneously reading the final installment of the Harry Potter books. They have waited an extra week to do so, because their ordered copies were in Rockton, while they were in Charleston.

It was difficult, especially since people at breakfast were talking about the outcome of the book, and USA Today had a spoiler cover story that was narrowly avoided.

They will be reading for twelve hours or so, so please return tomorrow.


Plinky, The House Elf

(07/27/07 - 11:12PM)
Drove from 2:00 AM to 7:15 PM stopping only for gas and a 20 minute lunch.


Heath sleep now.

(07/20/07 - 07/26/07)

(entertain yourselves as you deem fit)

(07/17/07 - 11:37 PM)
We have decided to pay off our first Subaru instead of doing another house this fall. The reasons were many, but the big ones were working on Mom's house to sell it (now that we know she's intending to sell it, there's alot more to do to make it the best house people will see) and the fact that the market seems very unstable at the moment. Plus my flipping partner, along with his usual cadre of projects, is doing a great deal of her plumbing work, etc.

The good news is that this will free up a nice chunk of capital each month. So, while it's a downer about the house, there's a black cloud inside of this silver lining.


(07/16/07 - 10:18 PM)
We ordered yet another vertical machining center at work today. For those of you who don't know, this is a big box that makes stuff by itself once you've told it how. This is really exciting, because these machines are exponentially more expensive than conventional machines, but they bill at 2x the rate of conventional, and one operator can run several if he is skilled (and ours is exceedingly skilled.)

What this REALLY means, is that we are less and less reliant upon traditional machinists who are becoming more and more impossible to find, while we are simultaneously leveraging all of our resources to the highest profit potential possible.

(07/15/07 - 9:37 AM)
My brother was bornded today. Happy bornded day, Nick. We's glad you was bornded, but we'd never want to see the video.

(07/14/07 - 9:27 PM)
After sixteen years of faithful service, my Mitsubishi™ television has finally begun to wonk out. It's been a good run.

So, I went and bought a new television today. Man - TV's are expensive. I promised myself that I would not look at price until I found the perfect television. Then - and only then - would I look. WOW...

And now I have to get all new HD receivers, so I have to change satellite providers in order to receive them for free. This might be a good thing though, as the provider I have is no longer the top of the heap as far as service and selection goes. Plus, I get a free DVR and HD local channels without a second or third dish (who needs that?)

The only drawback? Of all the televisions I had to pick from, I had to pick the one that they didn't have in stock >sigh<. So now I have to wait. And two things I don't like are change and waiting.

(07/13/07 - 11:44 PM)
Happy Friday the thirteenth, blah, blah, blah. Been there, done that.

We're still unsure what in the hell to do for vacation this year. After last year's triumph in Savannah, nothing seems worth doing as it will probably never be that good.

We've racked our brains, but all we get in return is that flatline noise found in any decent medical show worth it's salt. I think this weekend I might just get on Expedia or something and see what kind of packages I can stumble into, as I'm not in the mood to drive thousands of miles aimlessly this year (though some years that's exactly what I want to do.)

Suggestions? Anyone?

(07/12/07 - 11:39 PM)
I receive alot of calls at work from guys and gals (99% guys, though) who ooze charm and want something bad enough to try and schmooze me with rhetoric like "How about that local sports team, huh?" or "Chicks: they sure are hot, huh?"

Now, anyone who knows me knows two things:
Heath no likey sports.
Heath super likey wife.

I got one of these calls today from a guy who said, "Hey! Is David there?"

My boss is named Dave. Two people in this world call him David - his Mom, and his sister. So, now I'm wary.

"May I say who is calling please?"

"Sure! This is Tom."

"And who are you with, sir?"

"I'm just from Beloit. Tell him it's Tom Jennings."

I've known my boss for 24 years and some change, so I'm familiar with his family, churchmembers, and even his former classmates. This guy didn't appear to be any of those.

"I understand, sir. Are you returning his call?"

"Nope? Is he in or not?"

"He is sir. May I inquire what this call is in regard to?"


"He is sir. May I inquire what this call is in regard to?", I repeat.

Then, I got a response I have never gotten before: "Welp, that's too many questions. You are the weakest link. Goodbye." Then, he made a loud honking noise and hung up on me.

Alright. Now, even if I were a salesperson of some sort, what is my motivation to make an ass of myself to someone who is clearly doing his job of protecting his boss from the umpteen bogus calls that come in each day? Bear in mind that I am most likely 35-50 years old (this guy screamed early- to mid-forties.)

It's kind of pathetic.

(07/11/07 - 11:11 PM)
Oh, My Various Gods - Happy Apu Day!

(07/10/07 - 10:17 PM)
The guy who was threatening to leave before has now decided that it would be more fun to remain and torment me. He refused to sign his insurance waiver (so we as a company could go through underwriting as a group) because he thought that we were somehow trying to screw him - even though he didn't WANT insurance.

Then, when he had filled out the form, my insurance guy lets me know that he put in his reason for declination field, "Because I have to eat too.". This from the guy who is my number one work-misser and who chooses not to work forty hours a week. Yeah - that's so totally my fault.

He missed working full days before and after a holiday - again - and for the third time in as many holidays, yet he expects holiday pay to be forthcoming. This, even though we have outlined, diagrammed, explained and programmed him to understand our policy - no workie, no payie.

To add a candle to the icing on the cake, he went home for lunch and never came back - AGAIN. The reason this time? His wife called for him - also AGAIN - and said that he was reaching the point in his life where his father had had some health issues, and she was concerned that he was not looking so well and might be experiencing the same health issues.


(07/07/07 - 11:23 PM)
My wife went to Farm & Fleet today to get a few things. Someone spoke over the loudspeaker, "So and so to the Ag department please".

The woman in front of her immediately turned to her significant other and said, "They have eggs here? I didn't know that. I need milk and bacon too." *(I'm telling it like I remember it - it might not have been those two specific things she was looking for, but the point is made nonetheless.)

We are soooooo doomed.

(07/06/07 - 11:42 PM)
I recently bought a Husky model 1800 pressure washer to perform a few tasks at Mom's house. Within the first six hours of use, the seal blew in the wand. I returned it without hassle (yay Home Depot!). I got a new one. One and one half hours later, the same seal blew in the same place in the new unit.

The moral of the story: Don't buy a cheap pressure washer.

(07/01/07 - 10:11 PM)
Went and had dinner with my Mom and her siblings and significant others last night at Lino's. We ended up cramped in this railroad-car style booth, after they had mis-reserved me for the day before (even though the reservationist had repeated back to me the correct information.)

It was nice to see everyone, but the whole thing felt a bit forced. I don't know... Anyway, it's never bad to see chunks of your family all together in one place, regardless of circumstance.

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