It’s possible that I’ve been cheated on in my dating career.

I say it that way because I don’t know because I never asked because I don’t give a flying ****.

Snooping Around in other people’s business IS A LIFESTYLE.

If someone wants to tell you something, they will.

If they don’t want to tell you something, what exactly do you intend to do about that? o_O

Comms & Intel

There is a myth that when you become romantically involved with someone, all of a sudden all of this stuff that was never your business suddenly becomes your business.

I don’t know where that started, but the first time I noticed it IRL was when my homegirl was having her voicemail messages monitored by her boyfriend.

I was like how TF does he know how to access your voicemail? o_O

“He demanded that I tell him the PIN, so I did.”


Um…. Get the **** out of here.

This dude wasn’t her father.

This dude wasn’t paying for her voicemail.

This dude blackmailed her as a condition of their relationship that he was going to have to have access to ANY COMMUNICATIONS SHE HAD, WHATSOEVER.

**** that.

I told her to change her PIN and she did and the dude called her up SPAZZING OUT ON THE PHONE approximately one hour later.

So this asshat was spending all day checking her voicemail every hour.


Another homegirl of mine started dating some dude who had too much information about me and I’m like how TF does he know this and that? And she’s like

“I couldn’t pay my phone bill so he picked up the payments and the phone is in his name now.”



Meaning that first of all he had access to all of our text messages, and second of all when I was interacting with her, it was looking TO LAW ENFORCEMENT as if I was interacting with him, so she got cut off from all communications for approximately 365 days (1 year) because **** that when whatever criminal she’s dating gets busted for some RICO (Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act situation, *MY* *NUMBER* is going to be on *HIS* phone bill?!?!?!

GET. THE. ****. OUT. OF. HERE!!!




I’ve heard of a bunch of other situations where dudes have strongarmed chicks into divulging their private information under the guise of it being the dude’s business because she was “his woman” or some other bullshit.


Everybody that I KNOW keeps their phone locked and has to unlock it to interact when we’re all sitting in the bar and our phones are on the table lighting up when notifications come through. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This is not because anything sneaky or underhanded is going on.


Most of the times I’ve heard of this, it’s because the dude had some kind of upper hand, either monetarily or sexually.

The chick is broke and she’s living with him rent-free = Leverage.

He’s paying for the chick’s kids to eat food and remain alive = Leverage.

He’s physically taxing that ass like the government and she doesn’t have any other options = Leverage.

She’d rather be with ANYBODY than be single = Leverage.

As far as the dudes, look at Tiger Woods. 😀

Somehow, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ he managed to get busted by his woman on the phone with the next chick and she beat his ass and caused him to drive into a ******* TREE he was so scared running away from getting busted doing what he wasn’t supposed to do.

Look at these bums who are only eating food because they get to live with their girl who’s on Section 8 and cooks for them off of her Welfare Check. Leverage.

Look at these dudes who are so glad to EVAR have pulled ONE GIRL in their entire LIFETIME that they give up anything and everything she asks for just to remain in the pocket. Leverage.

These are all lopsided relationships.

There are no equals here.

There’s the person who’s worth something and the person who’s worth nothing.

Might Makes Right.

The Victor gets to Write History.

Get Down or Lay Down.

Consequences & Repercussions

There are several problems with snooping, however. >:D


A lot of people think they want information until they get it.

A lot of people think it’s fun and games to snoop in other people’s business until they find out the truth.

They fancy themselves as a private eye or detective or investigator or someone finding breadcrumbs of clues about “infidelity” or “cheating” but then here’s the problem…

An actual detective doesn’t care about what he or she finds.. That person’s JOB is to tell the person who hired them who actually cares.

It’s a different situation when you’re both the detective and the person who cares. o_O

Let’s say you own a dog and your “significant other” has been lying to you and telling you they like your dog and then you snoop around in their business and find out that if they could get away with it, they would drive your dog to a different neighborhood and drop it off so it looks like a stray and gets picked up by the ASPCA for adoption.

😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

Now What? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What are you going to do with that information? o_O

Are you going to confront a human over not liking a dog? 😀

Are you going to confront a human over not liking dogs in general? 😀

Are you going to confront a guy because you snooped in his personal business and found out he only even TOLERATES YOUR DOG because he likes screwing you? 😀

Are you going to suddenly and suspiciously start locking the dog in another room or garage every time he comes over?

Are you going to complain to and commiserate with your girlfriends who are in the same situation?

What happens when you snoop in his personal business and find out that he thinks your smoking habit is trashy and kissing you is like licking an ash tray? o_O

Are you going to suddenly stop smoking?

Are you going to smoke more than usual?

What happens when you snoop in his private business and you find out that he’s also screwing your cousin? 😀

Are you going to get mad at him for apparently no reason?

Are you going to get mad at your cousin for apparently no reason?

Are you going to try to “bust them in the act”? 😀 hahahaha

People don’t tend to think these situations out to their predictable conclusions.

They’re so happy to “gain the upper hand” by snooping that they don’t pay attention to what happens next.

If you don’t confront the person after snooping, your emotions will be bottled up inside you preparing for detonation.

If you DO confront the person…. Well… What happens if you DO confront the person? o_O

What happens when you step to the guy and gal in question and they tell you they’re happy together and you can kick rocks?


After you’ve underhandedly snooped into the private business of someone who was supposed to “trust you” whatever that’s supposed to mean.. How do you fix your face to tell someone what you did? o_O

Do you say it was an accident?

Do you say you were drunk?

Do you say you don’t trust them so you took the first chance you got to mind their business?

Do you say you did it for their own good?

Do you say you did it for the relationship?

Do you say you did it because y’all should share everything?


That time you went out for a platonic drink with your homegirl, did you tell your girlfriend/wife/whatever you did that?

That time you said you were working late but you were chillin’ with your homeboys, did you run tell dat?

That time you said you had to visit your family but you were playing golf, did you divulge that?

There is NO WAY AROUND the fact that you were snooping in business that is not your own.

Your only explanation is that you feel like your “significant other”’s business is your personal property.

As far as I’m aware, Lincoln freed the slaves.

So how are you going to explain how you felt free to pry into her private business? o_O

The person who pays for the lifestyle gets to snoop?… Good Luck that you never lose your job.

The person who performs the better sex acts gets to snoop?

The person whose name is on the lease gets to snoop?

The person with the higher earning potential gets to snoop?

Watch Out For The Ricochet

What happens if you snitch on yourself for being a busybody snoop and then your “significant other” decides to dump you for insubordination or breach of contract? o_O

Was that worth it?

Would you rather not be in a relationship at all than to mind your own business?

What happens when your “SO” admits to the information you dug up and then tells you even more stuff that you hadn’t even fathomed?

What happens when you say “It’s you or my dog” and the human bounces?

What happens when you say “It’s me or hanging out at the bar after work” and your “SO” selects the bar and ejects YOU?

This is what I mean.

First of all, there are certain things that you just plain don’t want to know.

Second, there are things that even if you find out about them, you aren’t going to do jack-**** about it, so why did you snoop around in the first place? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Some things aren’t being told to you because it’s above your pay grade.

You aren’t N2K (need to know)

You have neither the authority nor the ability to do anything about this, so what’s the point in telling you?

If you find out that your girlfriend gets better orgasms from some other dude, what are you going to do?.. Google how the female body works? o_O ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Regardless of what you intend to do and whether that works out for you or not, how do you feel now? o_O

There’s a difference between SUSPECTING that you’re being “cheated” on and KNOWING that you’re being “cheated” on.

There’s also a difference between KNOWING that you’re being “cheated” on and DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

How did your snooping change the way you feel about yourself?

I’ve never asked a chick whether she was “cheating” on me because IDGAF because I’ve never asked a chick to be “faithful” to me. o_O

How can you be upset about something you didn’t ask for?

How can you fix your face to snoop around for information about something you never asked for?

Working Girls

If a chick gets something unique from sexually interacting with you, she’s going to value that and only hook up with you.

Unless she’s an actual prostitute, in which case any dude willing to pay her can tap that.

If you’re having sex with a chick who’s a prostitute, that makes you a John and you can’t expect “fidelity” and you CERTAINLY can’t enforce it.

If you AREN’T CERTAIN whether you’re having sex with an actual prostitute or not, why would you snoop around for evidence that she is?

Does she need to step away from you to pick up phone calls?… She might be a prostitute. o_O

Does she have multiple dates on the same night and pretend like she doesn’t?… She might be a prostitute.

Does she inexplicably show up an hour late ever time you invite her somewhere?… She might be a prostitute.

Does she inexplicably show up in various party cities in the USA?… She may be a stripper.

Does she not seem to have any NORMAL FEMALE FRIENDS?… She may be a stripper.

The question here is whether you’re spending time with her because you enjoy her company or because you don’t suspect that she’s a hooker or a dancer?

If you find out that she has sex with guys for money, are you going to stop spending time with her?

If you find out that she takes off her clothes for money, are you going to stop spending time with her?

My blood runs cold!
My memory has just been sold.
My angel is a centerfold. :/

Do you care?

If you don’t care, leave it alone.

If you’re somehow invested in how your girlfriend makes her money, do your best to mind her business but then don’t cry when you find out what’s going on.

Ownership of Humans

People are too invested in the fantasy of their control over other people.

Control is an Illusion

Control can become reality if you have the upper hand over someone, but then what kind of relationship is that? o_O

Master and Slave?

Dog and Trainer?

Employer and Employee?

Is that what makes you feel good about a relationship? 😀 That you’re controlling someone else instead of beneficially interacting with them?

Maybe you believe your control over her is beneficial.

Maybe you believe she’d be nobody without you and she gets to be somebody if she’s with you.

Maybe you get your kicks from telling humans what to do.

Maybe you enjoy having financial control over some destitute chick and her several bastard children.

Maybe you’re tired of being the low man on the totem pole and you want someone in your life who you feel you’re way better than, but now we’re drifting off into other topics…..

Consider not only what your snooping did to the other person but also what your snooping did TO YOU.

Unstoppable Force / Immovable Object

Now that you’ve hacked that voicemail PIN and that phone password and you feel relatively important and powerful in the United States Dominance Hierarchy, what happens when you find out something you can’t change? o_O

What happens when you think you’re going to have some kids in the future and then you find out by snooping in their private personal information that your girlfriend had her tubes tied or your boyfriend had a vasectomy?

What Now? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What happens if you find out the chick you’re dating is biologically infertile?

What happens if the dude you’re dating is sterile?

What are you going to do now?

Are you going to abandon a perfectly good relationship because of your goals of having children?

Are you going to stay in the relationship and adopt?

What happens when you find out you’re dating a Schizo? A Maniac? A Psychopath? A Sociopath? A Racist? A Classist? A Convict? Someone from an opposing political party? Someone from an opposing religious belief?

Hide & Seek

Snooping in other people’s private business IS NOT for the faint of heart.

It might seem like fun when you have no idea what you’re about to find out.

You might feel like you’re about to achieve an “AHA! moment” that will place you in better control of your relationship.

You might think you’ll feel better when you can stop speculating and know things for sure.

Be aware, however, that certain things people don’t tell you are FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

That kid you never got DNA-Tested isn’t your kid.

You are still the kid’s FATHER, as you RAISED HIM OR HER and you’ve been there for their entire lives and you love them but that kid isn’t your biological seed.

That chick you had kids with visually presents as “white” but she’s actually “black” and so are your kids.

That chick you screwed 10 years ago shows up 10 years later with YOUR biological 10-year-old kid.

Your family’s money came from illegal activity like bootlegging alcohol, selling drugs, or murder.

Your family’s money came from legal yet morally-questionable activity like slavery.

The kid who used to attempt to bully you stopped because was beaten halfway to death by your supporters.

Criminals aren’t afraid OF YOU. They’re afraid of what the cops are going to do to them if they attack you.

You call yourself a tough guy but you actually aren’t going to do **** if criminals beat up your mother.

Being a millionaire won’t automatically make girls like you as a person or want to have sex with you.

There are certain things that you aren’t aware that you don’t want to know.

Right Now they’re part of your self-esteem system, but when you find out about reality it might break you.

Snooping is a Lifestyle.

Your Perception of reality isn’t necessarily Actual Reality.

Seek and ye shall Find, but what ye Find might make how you live your life worse than if you had MINDED YOUR OWN ******* BUSINESS.

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