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      Jake Gold celebrated his recent birthday in isolation at his home in Old Toronto. Though he didn't see anyone in real life that day, he wasn't alone.

      The most overwhelming, connected birthday ever


      Pisces, Aries and now Taurus’ are celebrating their birthdays in self-isolation, and yet, they are not alone. In fact, now more than ever many who are celebrating their big days are being fêted by friends in an overwhelming turn out.

      Jake Gold, 62, owns a talent management company. He identifies as an extrovert, and since he spent many nights at various Toronto industry events or travelling before COVID-19, his birthdays tended to be more laid back and intimate. A typical birthday celebration for him was dinner with friends throughout his birthday week, or dinner with a small group.

      This year though, he did what many are doing: He opted to celebrate his birthday on Zoom. “I hosted a lot of parties at my place earlier this year. A Grammy party, a Golden Globes party, an Oscar party, and had planned on doing a Juno party, which got cancelled because of Covid,” Gold said. “During those parties we talked about doing my birthday in April with all the same people, so I thought let’s pivot given the pandemic and do a Zoom party, so I can also have friends from all different cities come participate,” said Gold.

      He says there was someone from Oregon, a few people from L.A., friends from New York, and someone from New Orleans. “There was a couple friends that were going to come from Europe but the call time was too late for them,” said Gold.

      He called his one hour party for 8 p.m., and when he arrived in the room half hour early to set up, there was already a group of people inside introducing themselves to one another, while sipping drinks. Throughout the evening, over 50 people popped by the party, many staying for what turned into an “after party.”

      He was surprised that some people stayed in the Zoom for three hours. “This pandemic is connecting people in a way that no one has experienced in their lifetime,” Gold said.

      Usually people have a list of excuses to get out of attending a party, but with everyone isolated at home, people are now more readily available and are looking for connection.

      Earlier that day, Gold, went to his Instagram to post a selfie. Alongside it he wrote: ‘Turning 62 so I moved my hair from my head to my face #quarantinelife stay safe everyone.’ The post was just a nod to his newfound COVID-19 look, but after he posted that, his phone went off the hook with endless notifications well into the night.

      Throughout the day he also had various neighbours in his building leaving him gifts at his door. One who works at a restaurant baked him a cake, one left a handwritten note with some tulips, another left a bottle of limoncello, and a friend surprised him with a box of macaroons which were ordered and delivered by UberEats.

      He found both the volume of attention and the various grand gestures overwhelming, giving him a natural high.

      “The next day I felt, wow, I don’t think I’ve ever had that much love on my birthday before. Especially for a non-monumental type birthday. The only difference this year from others is the fact that I was in isolation like everyone else,” Gold said.

      Fellow Aries Deanne Wilder, a Toronto-based lifestyle blogger and influencer, shares the same sentiment as Gold. After hosting an invite-only cowboy-themed Zoom party she boasted it was her “best birthday ever” on her Instagram, and genuinely meant it.

      She tells the Star that throughout the day she received various phone calls and video calls with birthday greetings, whereas during a usual birthday - when there isn’t a global pandemic - she typically just receives texts and well wishes on her Facebook, then goes out with friends that night. More off the hook than her phone was her doorbell, as she received numerous unexpected deliveries (breakfast, flowers, treats and two separate dinners) from various well-wishers.

      She found the outreach much more genuine than that of birthdays past. “To me that’s more sentimental than meeting up with someone at a bar for a drink. Usually people are too busy, but now they are going out of their way to send me something or to call me to connect in a less superficial way. From the moment I woke up until the moment I went to bed it touched my heart,” Wilder says.

      Steve Joordens is a professor of psychology at University of Toronto Scarborough. He tells the Star that it’s not necessarily that it is natural for people to want social closeness now more than ever. “Given the need to keep physically distanced, this is indeed pushing us to find novel ways to emotionally connect with others. So, this could be an instance of that,” Joordens said.

      When asked why people seem to be going so above and beyond for friends birthdays, he refers to Optimal Arousal Theory. According to him this theory suggests we tend to crave some moderate level of social interaction. “If we’ve been isolated for a number of weeks, we crave some form of social interaction. In the current climate, we can’t actually socially interact, but maybe we are primed for any sort of substitute, something that feels like social interaction. Maybe that’s what’s driving this sort of behaviour when it happens,” Joordens said.

      Deanne Wilder was overwhelmed by the volume of attention and the genuine sentiment behind peoples efforts during a pandemic to make her birthday her best one yet.

      After their birthdays, Gold and Wilder went back to their regularly scheduled programming, but with a wave of emotions.



      “We’ve known for some time that the release of dopamine is important to psychological addiction,” Joordens said. He asks readers to imagine you have a big day coming up, any big day. For all the days leading up to it you are in thrill of the chase. You’re anticipating the event and that anticipation feels great. Often when the event actually arrives it is over all too fast and suddenly, the thrill is gone.

      He mentions this because it implies that the natural hangover one experiences has less to do with the event and more to do with its anticipation. “If someone was completely surprised by a positive outpouring on their birthday, they would love it in the moment, but not feel bummed at all the next day. They were not anticipating it to be that good a day. The worst hangover is when you expect some event to be amazing, and you’ve been eagerly awaiting it and then its passed, this is when you feel the literal let down,” Joordens said.

      Once that feeling weaned off, they reported that it was the thoughtfulness and attention that stayed with them. “People were genuinely recognizing the fact that knowing I am someone who’s an extrovert who likes to have parties and host people – am alone in my place celebrating my birthday. People knew that and contributed,” Gold said.

      It wasn’t just the volume that was overwhelming in a really good way but also the intent, the pure genuineness of others going above and beyond. “While we’re physically distant we are actually being more social. Because historically on birthdays past, I wouldn’t have gotten all that attention,” Gold said.

      Jen Kirsch

      Have you celebrated a birthday in isolation? How did it go? Share your experience.


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