The Idea Bank

There should be a idea bank, where you can drop off your extra ideas and get paid some small stipend for it. Like a sperm bank except for ideas which, of course, means it’s just like a sperm bank only with ideas instead of sperm.

Every sperm represents a possible future and set of outcomes. Ditto for your ideas which represent some form of fuzzy potential, the result of which could either benefit humanity or screw things up even worse. There are differences between sperm and ideas, however. Instead of masturbating into a vial, you write your ideas down on a scrap of paper or enter them in a Web form (who uses paper anymore?), and some person doing their best to act like they aren’t judging you, pay you for your idea. Once again, you can see that idea donation is a lot like sperm donation.

The big difference is that with sperm donation, you masturbate for a few minutes, or seconds (hey, who am I to judge?) and you’re pretty much done. Until the next time.

With ideas, however, you mentally masturbate non-stop, 24 hours a day, even while you’re sleeping. And unlike sperm donation (is it donation if they pay you?), where every sample looks pretty much the same, ideas already have a kind of form and it’s likely you’ve already become attached to many of them. You may even have given them names and imagined how wonderful it will be when the idea is fully developed and you begin to reap the rewards that will no doubt come from the world’s realization of your genius.

Trouble is, you’ve got tons of ideas, more than you can ever adequately support, and the rent is due. You can’t feed the ideas and you can’t afford to raise them. The only hope you have of ever seeing any of them grow up is to release them in the wild and hope that somebody raises them, nurtures them, and allows them to reach their full potential. But maybe you can make a few dollars off them by visiting the idea bank and making a deposit.

Also unlike a sperm bank, the idea bank would be open to all sexes. But just like the sperm bank, sometimes you walk away wondering if you’ll ever recognize any of your ideas after they’re all grown up.

Note: I’ve never made a donation, or whatever you call it, to a sperm bank.

Cover image : “Le penseur de la Porte de lEnfer (musée Rodin) (4528252054)” by dalbera from Paris, France – Le penseur de la Porte de l’Enfer (musée Rodin)Uploaded by russavia. Licensed under CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons.


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