I Asked My 7-Year-Old About Her Favorite Part of ‘Dolittle.’ She Couldn’t Remember.

20 questions we still have after seeing Robert Downey Jr.'s disastrous kids movie.

Squirrel, Fur, Photography, Companion dog, Fawn,
Universal Pictures

I have two daughters, ages four and seven. If I’m being honest with you (and myself), at this stage in my life, I watch more kids entertainment than the stuff meant for grown people. If you’re a parent or caretaker of young ones, chances are you’re in the same boat. Or, you know, you just like watching PG movies—all good! And so, I took my 7-year-old to see a screening of Robert Downey Jr.'s rebooted Dolittle. She was not entertained. Neither was I, but we did leave with a number of questions about this film. And they are:

1. Why did Robert Downey Jr., after his Marvel millions, decide to make Dolittle, a kids movie with the barest of plots?

      2. Why was Stephen Gaghan, writer of Traffic and writer/director of Syriana, tapped to do a kids movie with the barest of plots?

        3. Why does RDJ have such a weird accent, that sounds like Jack Sparrow, filtered through Sherlock Holmes, except his jaw might be wired shut?

        4. Why is it that when one of the greatest actors of our time speaks, I’m thinking: where are the subtitles?

        5. Why is the comic talent of Craig Robinson wasted on a CGI chipmunk with about five unfunny jokes?

        6. Why is Ralph Fiennes (!) in this movie?

        7. How is the CGI so bad that it makes Cats look good?


        8. Why does this kid's movie teach us nothing about animals except that they’re all neurotic?

        9. Why is this movie, that’s supposed to be about animals, actually about real estate? The only reason that Dolittle agrees to help save the life of a mysteriously ill Queen Victoria is that he’ll lose his fancy estate if she falls out of power—right?

        10. Why does the movie then morph into a sea voyage movie, not unlike Moana, but with none of the earth mother overtones?


        12. How has climate change affected the oceanic setting of this movie?

        13. Why is Michael Sheen (!) I this movie?

        Premiere Of Universal Pictures' "Dolittle" - Arrivals
        Robert Downey Jr., seen wearing an ascot to the premiere of Dolittle.
        Tibrina HobsonGetty Images

        14. Why do the two "Aww"-worthy cute animals in this movie only get 15 seconds of screen time.

        15. Why does it seem Dolittle kinda has a romantic relationship with a mallard played by Emma Thompson?


        17. Why does a kids movie end in a scene that involves giving a dragon what can best be described as an enema?

        18. Why does the enema drag on to ultimately become a fart joke?

        19. Why, when I asked my seven year old daughter what her favorite scene was, she couldn’t recall? And why was this movie the one that hit her with the major life-changing revelation that not all movies are actually good?

        20. Why, RDJ? Why? Why? Why?

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