Chapter 30 – Yay! Winter Is Here!

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If you couldn’t tell by the title of my chapter, winter at Lamone was MISERABLE.

A hostile debate enraged in my mind as it froze to death in the blistering cold wind: What did I dislike more, freezing my butt off in the winter at Lamone, or the multitude of pimples that enveloped my face? 

Unfortunately, I didn’t have a choice between one or the other. I was stuck with both of them: I was freezing my butt off in the winter at Lamone AND had a multitude of pimples enveloping my face.

However, after being forced to brave the East Coast winter cold against my will (I couldn’t just leave Lamone), I created a brief guide, from my own experience, on how to survive. I would like to share it with you, so you will not turn into an icicle or ice cube or an Abominable Snowman or, worse, Frosty the Snowman. 

Brrrrrrrr. My pimple-covered face shivers at the sheer thought of that. (And I’m writing this from inside a well-heated room) 

There are not many scarier things than a singing snowman that dances.

Anyway, before sharing this survival guide with you, I must ask you to channel your inner Man vs. Wild. Asking one to survive winter on the East Coast without never having experienced something of this magnitude before is like asking you to remove the pimples off my face. An impossible and daunting task (these pimples don’t go away, I tell you).

Now, you are no longer human. No. You are an animal, a beast, a force of nature. Close your eyes and imagine yourself as one who is not against nature, but one that works with nature. You can’t beat nature. You can only work alongside it.

Now, here is a packing list for surviving winter on the East Coast. The items and their quantities below are what you should be wearing DAILY.

-3 immensely furry coats

-2 shirts under those jackets

-1 or 2 beanies, depending on how cold your head gets (And don’t forget to cover those ears!)

-1 pair of insulated gloves

-Thermal underwear

-Thick, thick wool socks

-1 scarf, if your neck gets cold

-Snow boots

This is how I survived the blistering temperatures that range from well below zero to twenty degrees Fahrenheit. So, in short, there are three steps to surviving a normal winter day on the East Coast:

  1. Channel your inner animal/beast
  2. Wear LOTS and LOTS of clothes
  3. Repeat

You follow these steps, and you just might live to see the next day. Otherwise, you will find yourself encapsulated in freezing snow. And if that happens, whatever you do, don’t panic and start singing and dancing. Otherwise…

You will have just been Frosty the Snowman-ed.

And I don’t know about you, but that THING gives me nightmares.

But in all seriousness, the most important thing to remember is:

Life Lesson #30: Be able to adapt. (This applies whether we are talking about surviving brutal winters or when your teacher at school tells you at the last minute to switch your topic for a big science project.)