If you ask the manager of your local grocery store very nicely (and offer a hefty bribe), he may agree to show you where they keep the psychotropic bananas. These bizarre purple-glowing fruits are pumped so full of psychedelic hoochie-koo, they can cause a full-grown bull elephant to hallucinate that it's actually a small pink pussycat named Boo. Dairy Queen plans to start using them in banana splits any day now.

Your daily bowl of Wheaties will never be the same. And neither will you.
