Posted in Advanced Motherhood, Basic Adulting, mental health, The adult playground

Scarcity: Pursuit of Happiness

My son took this photo while I was at work and he used a silly face filter and shared it.
I laugh at it today, but 2 years ago. I did feel very much like this filter because I was feeling down
and very entangled in the hustle when I really needed a break.

When I get that job, I will be happy.

When I lose 10 pounds I will start dating again

When my boyfriend finally puts that ring on my finger, I can start planning the rest of my life

When I can afford that classic car, I will go on more road trips.

When I can bench press just another 25 pounds, I will feel strong.

When I get my doctorate degree, I will make more money.

When I make more money, I can spend more time with my family

When I get that promotion, I can finally take more time off

If I can eat healthier, I will lose weight

If I get that job, my family will be happier

If I could make just a little more money, I can buy that car

If I can buy that car, I can appear more attractive to women

If I could keep my house cleaner, I could have friends over more often

If I had a bigger house, I would invite people over

I wish I could make art

I wish I was prettier

I wish had had more muscle

I wish I had a better body

I wish I had more money

I wish I was thin

I wish I wasn’t sick

Do you do this: attach your happiness to your goals? Goal setting is a noble act, but the steps to the goal are as well. I will actually make a concept map or lists just feel the accomplishment in small steps so that I am also enjoying the path to the goal. Yet what do we do as soon as we achieve our goals? We make another one. During that space between goals, do you savor it? For how long? After the initial elation, does the feeling start to fade to the sensation of lack because there is something else we want to reach to be better? Why do we continue a cycle of scarcity? Is it a culturally imprinted illusion? We live and many of us born into a hustle environment.

Our culture thrives on insatiable drive and I am still trying to decide if that drive is more of a draining of the soul rather than a purposeful pursuit. I think that there is some space between and I have a tough time being in that space despite that it’s uncomfortable standing on the edge. Thoughts?

I took that break and I feel a lot better. I make jam, listen to music and I am actively looking for meaningful work. In the meantime, I stay productive and I am mostly content with my imperfect life.