feedslist Information & Knowledge. https://www.feedslist.com/group_jokes-riddles/ Jokes & Riddles & Humor Tue, 26 May 2020 11:06:40 +0800 en-US daily 1 https://www.feedslist.com/ Traditional Marriage https://www.feedslist.com/articles_t7n0ja.html https://www.feedslist.com/articles_t7n0ja.html#respond Sat, 25 May 2019 09:03:00 +0800 https://www.feedslist.com/articles_t7n0ja.html#commentRss 18 Lame Duck Obama https://www.feedslist.com/articles_qn9rja.html https://www.feedslist.com/articles_qn9rja.html#respond Sat, 25 May 2019 08:40:00 +0800 https://www.feedslist.com/articles_qn9rja.html#commentRss 6 Pimp My Nutcracker https://www.feedslist.com/articles_p22vja.html https://www.feedslist.com/articles_p22vja.html#respond Sat, 25 May 2019 08:32:00 +0800
And isn't that what Christmas is all about?
Go: Pimp My Nutcracker
For All Your Interactive Nutcracker Pimping Needs The old holiday classic, the "Nutcracker Ballet," first performed in the 1890s -- and probably in black-and-white -- could use some updating for us swangin' now a-go-go hepcats. Time to Queer Eye for the Wooden Toy Soldier Guy by accessorizing the Nutcracker's head, body, and legs with modern threads and gear utilizing this online holiday toy from Creature. Make some sugar plum bling for the boy and make Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky roll over in his grave. And isn't that what Christmas is all about?
Go: Pimp My Nutcracker
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We Must Save Our Billionaires https://www.feedslist.com/articles_mdndda.html https://www.feedslist.com/articles_mdndda.html#respond Sat, 25 May 2019 08:18:00 +0800 In any case, those jewels he dispenses at the beginning of almost every session are full of wisdom and reflect the workings of an alert and experienced mind.
"Just what do you mean about saving our billionaires?" I asked.
"Just what it means.
Do not try to read in between the lines; there are no lines.
Saving our billionaires embodies a purpose similar to saving the buffalo, the bald eagle and the US Dollar! We can not allow that our billionaires, a natural resource and a shining example of American ingenuity to the rest of the world, be exposed at this time of crisis to unnecessary inquisitions and embarrassing queries" "Natural resources?' In a serious tone, Teacher Tom answered: "Just think of a cactus.
It has an exceptional capacity to absorb water in the driest soil and least attractive climate.
It grows quickly and in the process develops its self defenses in the form of needles that keep him safe from predators and stray cowboys.
It knows how to extract the smallest drop from nowhere; it manages to keep it and allows it to attract more with not the slightest concern for other life forms that could use some of the magic element.
A cactus, like a billionaire, enhances the view and provides a feeling of envy in many.
You know, if he can make it, so can I!' "That is a strange analogy, Teach!" "Nothing simple about cactus or billionaires, my friend!" He laughed out loud and then added: "We are the only rich country in the world that can create billionaires at the drop of an uninsured short term triple reverse debenture and in the process protect the American dream.
That is, nothing like an American billionaire to proclaim the opportunities, justice and fairness of our system.
You see, our billionaires spread wealth and goodwill among many countries abroad by buying choice estates in the Med, the Caribbean islands, expensive jewelry in Paris and Geneva, custom-made 24-seat business jets in Manchester, 100 foot Swedish yachts, Austrian skis and those 3 thousand dollar shoes you find in Rue de Rivoli or Regent Street!" "I get it, but how can they manage to accumulate such wealth that is obviously obtained at the expense of other less fortunate and less mentally awake competitors, bureaucrats and little old ladies in peaceful suburbs?" Teacher Tom looked at me as if I had just broken out of the shell.
He observed: "My friend, there are more than one thousand billionaires in the world today.
Not all of them have attained their privileged status by robbing little old ladies, playing the stock market and selling How To books! The two valid reasons that justify their billionaire status are simply opportunity and blood equalization.
Their success comes from those admirable conditions/" "Blood equalization? What the hell is that?' "In simple terms, it is the blood lines in wealthy families that allow a member to join their billionaire ranks.
For instance, if you are born into the ruling Saudi Royal family, the Malaspina family in the Bronx or the Terushenko Oil family in Moscow, your billionaire status is assured.
But the other facet of blood equalization is the subtle manner in which a bond is created with those who control the many government rulings and mandates and also those who quietly open the door of the vaults for you.
A link as strong as a blood link is created and is conveniently supported by discreet contributions that enable you to continue your ascent into the billionaire status.
Blood is thicker than...
you know what!" I must admit that I felt a bit dizzy from the peculiar descriptions made by Teacher Tom.
I could understand that the billionaire's maneuvers and deceitful plans of all those on the stairways to billions would attract large quantities of money from seduced investment management companies and their inevitable 'dark pools', and their shady deals behind the backs of consultants, auditors, comptrollers and the Federal Deposit Insurance.
As they all crashed, the billionaires managed to save the major portion of their billions in strange nests and doubtful corporations abroad; then we, the taxpayers, thanks to a magnanimous government had to cover the deficits of practically the entire banking and financial structure of the country in ways that were simple appropriations.
I marveled about where the government was going to get all that money, keeping in mind that tax revenues were not the answer.
I thought about those 800 billion in tax reductions granted those billionaires.
I asked the Teacher about it: "Who is going to pay for this debacle, Teach?" "Probably China, Japan, India and a few other suckers!" "How are we going to pay that back? The country has a financial hole of more than 70 trillions!" He laughed and answered: "Easy, we just do not pay it.
In time it will go as a bad debt in the books of those countries!" I could not believe my ears.
But had to agree that there was reason behind the Teacher's observation.
I was also puzzled to his money-making reference of 'How To' books as a source of immense wealth.
I asked: "You mentioned a How To book.
What is it?" He reached into the bookcase next to him and pulled an imitation leather-covered book, beautifully engraved, also containing a CD.
He smiled and said: "This my latest E-book 'How to Become a Billionaire in Six Easy Lessons" He handed it to me with these words: "This is a numbered issue.
The chance of a lifetime.
Now, write me a check for $995.
99 dollars and you will be on your way to untold riches!" PS - The book number was 175,337 Copyright@Marco Miranda Sr.
, 2009 ]]>
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Mocking Trump https://www.feedslist.com/articles_bmztja.html https://www.feedslist.com/articles_bmztja.html#respond Sat, 25 May 2019 07:52:00 +0800 https://www.feedslist.com/articles_bmztja.html#commentRss 7 If You Clone A Schizophrenic https://www.feedslist.com/articles_we4dba.html https://www.feedslist.com/articles_we4dba.html#respond Sat, 25 May 2019 07:48:00 +0800
I sit and ponder things like:

Why is it that my kids want nothing to do with me until I lock the bathroom door?
Why is it that my wife only needs feminine hygiene products when it's my turn to go to the store?
Why is it that when you go to the mall with your hair all a mess and no makeup on you always run into an old boyfriend (my wife asked me to ponder that one).
And finally, if you clone a schizophrenic, how many people would you get?
That last deep thought was spurred by a story that appeared in last Sunday's "Huntsville Times," a story entitled: "Headless Frogs, Human Questions." From the headline, I didn't know if I was going to be reading about mutant tadpoles in somebody's well water or the review of some new punk band. Turns out I was wrong on both counts. Here's how the article began:

From the Associated Press: "British scientists have created a frog embryo without a head, a technique that may lead to the production of headless human clones to grow organs for tissue transplant."

Being a man of superior intelligence, my initial reaction was: Wonder how these things croak? On I read.

"Scientists believe the technique could be adapted to grow human organs such as hearts, kidneys, and livers in an embryonic sac living in an artificial womb."

Second highly intelligent thought: We can grow people but we can't grow hair? And these guys call themselves scientists.

"People needing transplants could have organs 'grown to order' from their own cloned cells."

Third incredibly intelligent thought: I've just discovered the next great franchise opportunity! Forget Domino's, McDonald's, and Subway. I'm sinking my money into Organs-R-Us! Wonder if they'll have a drive-thru?

"May I take your order?"
"I need one kidney and an order of lungs to go."
"One kidney, side of lungs, yes sir. You want fries with that?"
The article was pretty impressive, but not everything there was fresh news. China recently announced that it will attempt to clone giant pandas to prevent them from becoming extinct. Pandas, it turns out, are an extremely picky breed when it comes to the birds and bees. Buy them dinner, nice bottle of wine, throw in a little romantic music, and still no dice. There's only two or three of these things left on earth. I don't think they realize how narrow a field they have to play in.

The Chinese are hoping they'll be as successful as scientists in Scotland who have cloned sheep and scientists here in America who have cloned cows. Sheep and cows and panda bears, oh my! Not your most intelligent mammals, there. I guess they decided to start cloning from the bottom of the intelligence chain and work their way up.

So what's next, pigs? Dogs? Cats? Chimps? Professional wrestlers? Dan Quayle? Me?

Though there is a law against the United States government officially sponsoring cloning experiments on human beings (or as my mama calls them, human beans), there's no law that prohibits commercial firms from giving it a go. And you know they will. "Cloning consumers," the marketeers will call it. Make your own customers and you'll never go out of business.

I expect Xerox to be at the forefront of this new technology. After all, people have been photocopying their butts for years. It's just a matter of hitting ENLARGE.

Before cloning becomes as simple as entering the number of copies desired and pressing a button, I think we should establish a few guidelines to cut down on the number of "misclones" that are bound to occur. The first thing we should do is compile a master list of people who should not, under any circumstances, be cloned. I'll get things started. Here's my top ten:

    1. Kathy Lee Gifford (for poor Frank's sake)
    2. Richard Simmons
    3. Dennis Rodman
    4. Bill Clinton (think how much trouble two of this guy would be)
    5. Kathy Lee again (she really gets on my nerves, sorry)
    6. Anyone professing to be a rap singer
    7. Lawyers/Politicians/Criminals (this counts as one entry)
    8. The Olson twins (separately or as a pair)
    9. That obnoxious ponytailed guy who sells gut busters on TV
    10. My uncle Buddy, who shows up unannounced then eats you out of house and home before stinking up the bathroom and passing out on the couch.

Maybe when they get the bugs worked out I'll have myself cloned. He could cut the grass for me, go to work in my place, play with the kids, go to Wal-Mart with my wife and hold her purse while she tries on shoes. Then again, he'd probably just want to sit in my recliner and think.

Maybe cloning isn't such a great idea, after all.]]>
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Scrabble https://www.feedslist.com/articles_c931ja.html https://www.feedslist.com/articles_c931ja.html#respond Sat, 25 May 2019 07:47:00 +0800 https://www.feedslist.com/articles_c931ja.html#commentRss 6 Off-Track Vetting https://www.feedslist.com/articles_hi3uja.html https://www.feedslist.com/articles_hi3uja.html#respond Sat, 25 May 2019 07:43:00 +0800 https://www.feedslist.com/articles_hi3uja.html#commentRss 20 Best #CareerEndingTwitterTypos https://www.feedslist.com/articles_r3mija.html https://www.feedslist.com/articles_r3mija.html#respond Sat, 25 May 2019 07:40:00 +0800 https://www.feedslist.com/articles_r3mija.html#commentRss 3 2010-11 Calendar - Get Free Online Printable Calendar 2010 and 2011 https://www.feedslist.com/articles_6hlhaa.html https://www.feedslist.com/articles_6hlhaa.html#respond Sat, 25 May 2019 07:29:00 +0800
History of Calendars-

The history of calendar dates back to the Chinese. In ancient times from Romans, Greeks to Mayan and Aztec all had advanced calendar systems. It was used to predict eclipses, moon phases, sunrises, sunsets and weather changes. These calendars were remarkably accurate. Modern day calendar is the Gregorian Calendar, which is also termed as the "Christian Calendar" traditionally used to designate the calendar originated in pre-Christian Rome. It was proposed by a Naples physician XIII and is based on the tropical year. This calendar was foremost used by in United States of America and most European countries. It has total 365 or 366 days (leap year) in the year. It is divided into 12 months consisting of 30 or 31 days, along with the parallel system of weeks in sets of 7 days, weekly horoscopes.

Shift from Julian to Gregorian Calendar-

Julian calendar was introduced by Julius Caesar in 45 B.C, but this calendar showed the error of 1 day in every 128 years and hence the tropical years shifted one day backwards. Other reason was the method of calculating the date for Easter was inaccurate. The calendar was used until in 1500s, when countries switched to Gregorian Calendar.

Utility of Calendar-

Calendar informs us of important days like festivals, birthday's of God and Saints, advent of seasons, as well as cycle of moon.
Calendar helps us keep the track of our lives on day-to-day basis.
It keeps our fast pace world organized and helps us work systematically.
It informs us of important days and festivals like Christmas, New Year, Valentine, Thanksgiving, Easter and lots more.
It helps us reschedule and set important work assignments, and business meetings we must attend.
Calendars is systematic way to get information of social gathering, family functions, travel trips and celebrations.
One can write important information or mark dates on calendar and just a glance through it can inform us our daily or weekly schedule.

Free Online Calendar 2010-

Online calendars are electronic calendars that can be easily found on computers and cell phones. Gone are the days when people used to buy calendars from the market. Now various sites online displays array of distinct and fabulous looking calendars. Just surf the net and flip through the pages to select a calendar of your choice, new year cruises.

Online calendars are in vogue. Firstly they are free calendar and users don't have to pay a single penny from their pocket. All your need is Internet connectivity and one can save time, money and energy to go to the market and get a calendar. Secondly, one can find calendars in various patterns and eye-catching texts. These calendars are highly creative and merges attractive fonts and images. Users have plenty of options to choose from Online calendars from various sites.

Printable Calendar-

Various sites have posted: 2010 calendar online. One can easily download the calendar or take its print for further reference. Users can afford great collection of calendars and enjoy a different view every month.
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