South Shore Anglers Club
Sign up Calendar Latest Topics

  Author   Comment  

Avatar / Picture

Posts: 700
Reply with quote  #1 
If you're expecting a cool poon story there ain't much here.  If you're good with supporting CCA, having a couple cold adult beverages, and thinking hey...I'm too cheap to frame anything at a pro shop read on.
So...the first thing you need is a couple of these and some buddies who imbibe as much (or more) than you do. 
So you're telling stories and making up stuff the usual.  "I'm telling you that Mako was tailing in 3' of water.  I was a bit worried it might chafe the leader, so I decided I would kayak up there and just wrastle the damn thing into submission.  So here I am in my 12' kayak about to jump this 14' Mako, and damned if Tiger doesn't hole jump me.  (And we all know how painful that can be.)  Anyway... " 
Eventually some one says - "Hey did you get an invite to the CCA banquet? Dang if $150 ain't pricey..."  So you have some more beers and tell some more stories.  And your chillaxing with your homies/bros now (this is for the younger generation - gotta speak their lingo)...Then someone says..."That CCA thing - we should go...they do a ton of stuff for us, and we could win some cool stuff."  So you do some more of this...
Finally someone says - "Guys lets go. They'll have steaks, open bar, cool fishing stuff..." 
So your buddy Ringo Starr says "Open bar?"  
"Yup - open bar."
"Hell - I'll get $100 in beer for sure..."
A flurry of texts go out 
"Honey, can I check out my spine in April?"
"I'll leave the penis at home"
"I'll watch that Justin Timberlake interview on the Oprah channel with you."
"And House Hunters international - 3 episodes?"
"Well guys I just told my spousal unit she better have my meal hot and ready when I get home and I'm going to the CCA meeting.   And she had any issues with that tough s***.  You candy a**** in or what?"
So you get 6 guys at the CCA meeting and of course you bring cash - that way the spousal unit really won't know that you spent more money on tickets.  And you check out all the silent auction stuff and you're like - "Whoa.  That's cool. Especially that 75 quart cooler with all that liquor.   Love me some of that." And of course the ticket girls - they know what they're doing, but you left yea ol' manhood at home so it's just a quick transaction of raffle tickets and you have Oprah to look forward to. 
And of course you have some of this...
You go around putting your tickets in all the things you think you might want and go in deep on some stuff that you figure might be good.  Tip : If your smart you go in deep on the Gucci purses to bring home to the wife.  Even if you lose you can honestly say "I was thinking about you when I was there."
So you go have some more of this - but by now you know the barkeep and say, "How about 4 beers.  Gotta take some for my buddies."  So more of this...
You go back out to the silent auction and look around - some stuff is just too much, some there's only one person bidding, but by now your in the right mood to buy stuff.
Got me some Rayban beer goggles going...styling and profiling and by now the auctioneer is going around all the silent auctions "Sold!...Sold!"  So you go around one more time - cause you're cheap, and you want a deal.  So you stalk the auctioneer...waiting to see if anyone is going to bid on that trip, that reel, that painting...then you see it.  You gotta have it and there's only one bid.  You wait until the auctioneer walks up to the item.  As he starts calling out "Final bid."  You strut up like a proud peacock and put your bid in.  Auctioneer calls out - "Is that the final bid.  Final bid?! Sold to the man with Rayban Beer Goggles."
Yes...sniped it like a Marine on Paradise Island.
And you do the same thing for a Homossasa scalloping trip for 4.  Which you justify to the spousal unit that it's a family trip. 
So your buddy drives you home - cause you're a responsible adult.  Hit the bed and wake up next morning to check out your goodies.  The awesomeness of the art could only be appreciated by real men.  It exudes so much testosterone that Ernest Hemingway would shrink before it...but the wife.  It's going to be a crap shoot.
"Hey honey - I was thinking of you last night.  Bought a cool family trip to go scalloping - you know we've talked about doing that.  Can I get you some coffee?  Hey, and check out this cool tarpon art thing I got - cool huh? "
The moment of truth...with bated breath you await the response; you're hoping for that simple nod of approval,  you're hoping for that almost as much as a Daisy Red-rider BB gun - but it's April, in FL, and it's metal art, and there's no snow, and you're 49 years old...
"That is cool.  You gonna put it up in your office?"
"Well...if you're good with that I am.  I thought at first in the garage, but that's a good idea."
"We'll have to frame it."
"Good idea...let me get you some butter for your toast."
Yesssssssss....so you text your fellow hungover beer goggle buddies.  "Told her I was gonna put it up in the office, and if she had issues with it to hit the road."
Being a cheap bastard you sure as hell don't want to spend $200-300 getting it framed.   So you go to Lowes and buy some window framing for $12 and some L brackets to hold everything together.
You do some measuring and cutting...
And you get this...
But who wants white...you go get the paint used for the mailbox and put it on with an old tee shirt.  Then come back and scrub off some of the paint with a scouring pad for pans - you know how to do this from watching way too many HGTV shows with said spousal unit.
Couple drilled holes for the L brackets, some screws,  little JB weld for some picture hangers on the back, and viola - instant manliness.
You text your buds - "CCA is in the house b*****s!"
And that is how you pull off a CCA Tarpon hanging.**
** No tarpon were harmed in this story, but several brain cells may have gone dormant.

Previous Topic | Next Topic

Quick Navigation:

Create your own forum with Website Toolbox!