My life may not be perfect, but at least I haven’t had THIS happen to me.

Vanity can be a dangerous thing. Some of the stuff people do to try and look younger is often silly and can come with some unconsidered risks. Take, for example, bathing with eels to remove dead skin:

Thinking that the eels would make him look ten years younger, Nan dived into the water and let them feast upon layers of dead skin.

But after laying in the spa bath, Nan felt a sharp pain and realised a small eel was working its way up his urethra and into his bladder.

‘I climbed into the bath and I could feel the eels nibbling my body. But then suddenly I felt a severe pain and realised a small eel had gone into the end of my penis,’ the 56-year-old from Honghu, Hubei province said.

Oh yeah, that would definitely ruin my day. I’ll leave out the photograph of the eel from the original article, but you can see it at the link above if you’re really that curious.

It took three hours of surgery to remove the six-inch eel from the man’s bladder where, fortunately, it had already expired thus limiting the damage done. Still I’m sure it’s a traumatizing experience which probably isn’t helped by the fact that all his friends will forevermore refer to him as “eel dick.”

This is why I try to keep my sense of vanity as low as possible. I do the basic grooming stuff like bathing, shampooing what little hair I have, using deodorants, etc., but I don’t bother with worrying about how wrinkly I’m getting or whether I’ve used the proper amount of moisturizer on my skin. I’m getting old and I look like I’m getting old and I don’t really give a damn that I look like I’m getting old. Looking younger is just not worth having some tiny animal try to crawl it’s way up inappropriate orifices in ways both painful and embarrassing.