Sunday, December 09, 2007

Diagnosis X

"Well, the virus in your cornea is gone. But your eyes are getting worse. I'm going to have to send you to see a specialist."

"Okay," I said, choking back tears (I always get upset in health practitioners' offices when I'm alone). "How long will that take?"

"That's the problem," he told me honestly. "You're not triaging. It can take months to get in to see a specialist."

At the receptionist's desk I was asked if I'd be coming back again, for what has become my biweekly visit. "No," I told the receptionist. "Apparently I have to see a specialist." Her face fell. I know she's been rooting for me all along. "Oh, sweetie. . ." she breathed out.

So, it's time for a new plan of attack:

1. Antihistamines: Even though I keep being told it's not allergies, I don't believe this.

2. Water: my eyes are dry. I will single-handedly stop this by chugging back the H2O.

3. Daily blueberry smoothies: I have no clue what antioxidants actually do, but maybe they're good for my eyes?

4. Eyebright herb: I'm not going to go to a holistic practitioner quite yet, but I am going to seek out some of this herb and see if it makes my baby blues (or greens, or whatever) bright again.

5. Alcohol + Makeup = Fun (this is an undisputable mathematical equation): I've been working too hard, too long. As soon as I hand in my second draft and McClung's is sent to the printers, I'm throwing caution to the wind, eyes be damned! Who cares if I wake up with pus oozing down my face if it means I can have an awesome night out?

(This all seems vaguely familiar. Am I starting to repeat myself? But if it worked then, it will work now.)


  1. Visine my dear, visine. That'll help keep your eyes moist.

    Anyways saw your picture and had a wtf moment. I was confused, then I realized what was going on.

  2. Junior,
    Thanks for the advice, but I've had an eye infection for THREE months. You're not supposed to use visine for more than three days. Same goes for Clear Eyes. (I also know this, because at one point during the infection I tried to use visine. It did nothing.)
    The End.
    P.S. I hope to see you on Friday.

  3. Oh. Sorry. :( Didn't know you had tried. I did it, and it worked for me...

    And yes I will be there.

  4. I think it's funny that antihistamines are so consistant in your health regiment.

  5. Anonymous4:36 PM

    Hmmm antioxidants mostly reduce the amount of free radicals in cells. Free radicals increase the risk of cancer.
    Therefore, antioxidants probably aren't the solution. But blueberry smoothies probably do make you feel better, so keep drinking them. :)
    If you're interested in my opinion on viruses and on what I've read about your life on this blog, I think reducing stress and workload (I know that's probably not really an option for you) will definitely help your body fight any infection. Try to force yourself not to do work once in a while. For me, that works wonders when I get sick. Maybe it helps a little.
    I feel really sorry for you, because eye infections aren't pretty. I wish you the best of luck.