Holidays of Future Passed
Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson
The D'oh-cial Network
Homer: You can check my carry-on, but you can't check my spirit! And why is there moisture between the windows?! And don't wake me up to land! Just land!

Homer: [heavily disguised] A six-pack of Duff, please?
Apu: Oh yes, Mr. Homer.
Homer: Awwww, what gave me away?
Apu: Well, the hotdogs spin counter-clockwise in fear whenever you are near, sir.

Nash Kastor: Yes, your video has been mashed up, Autotuned, Jimmy Falloned, Philippine Prisonered and occasionally even watched! Ha!

Homer: If we lose football, we lose the blitz, cheerleaders, Rudys, Ochocincos, something for fat kids to play. [starts crying] Ochocincos! [sobbing loudly]

Carl: Is it a little weird how much he cries?
Lenny: No way! When a guy who loves America cries it makes him super-straight.

Homer: Aw, Marge, don't worry. People know I'm doing a character, like Stephen Colbert or Newt Gingrich.

Homer: Now Lisa, I'm an entertainer. And you can't entertain and inform at the same time. And if you're Access Hollywood, you do neither. [chuckles]

Mr. Burns: Now they're all excellent choices, so simply pick the white male candidate you prefer and we'll elect him.
Homer: I dunno, can't we get Chris Christie to run?
Mr. Burns: I don't think so.
[Meanwhile, Chris Christie is gorging himself on a large amount of food. He starts choking on the turkey he was eating.]
Chris Christie: Save me, Obamacare!

Homer: Ted Nugent! I made love on my honeymoon to your sweet music. YOU'RE MY MAN!

Lisa: You're endorsing Ted Nugent? He's a right-wing rock star who likes everything I hate!
Bart: Could there be anyone awesomer?
Ted Nugent: [entering with a gravy boat on his head and a freshly-killed elk] Who's hungry for elk?
Lisa: [screams and runs away from the dinner table]
Marge: My daughter's a vegetarian.
Ted Nugent: That's alright, she can munch on an antler. Antlers ain't meat.

Homer: [screams] Mozart!
James Madison: I am James Madison, Sir.
Homer: [screams]
James Madison: Fourth President of these United States.

Homer: My fellow Americans, I am full of crap.
Lisa: I knew you were, Dad. [hugs Homer] I always knew!

Season 22 Season 23 Quotes Season 24


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