Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Dancing Queen.

So... you can tell I'm going to play catch up with the next few blog posts mostly because I just haven't had time. But hopefully once we're all done moving things will back to normal.

(Don't laugh- I refuse to think things could be worse.)

Olivia recently had her dance recital and seriously- she is a freaking HAM. And if you knew her in real life she can be a really silly, goofy kid- but for the most part she's kind of quiet and a little shy. You put her in a tutu, put on some music, and push her in front of a group and it's like an entirely different child. I have never laughed so hard in my life. My girl WORKED her dance recital. My mom couldn't even believe how into she was and even my dance mom friends kept laughing and saying Olivia was taking this damn seriously!

 Do you see my little peanut? Back left corner- this is their "Itsy Bitsy, Teenie, Weenie" routine.
 Kicking feverishly.
 Oh god. Their other song was "Party in the U.S.A." and they were supposed to be sassy. Olivia was definitely sassy- she's the far right, second from the front.
 I can't even tell you  how many times I heard that damn Miley Cyrus song over the past few months.
 But she absolutely loves to dance and is pretty stinking good at it!
Her and her dance friend, Ruby.

While dance on Tuesdays can be a little hectic with the school day and just regular life, she loves it. And I absolutely love it because I have met some really great moms who have turned out to be really great friends. I hope all of her friends (and their cool moms) come back next  year because I really do enjoy my Tuesday night bitch session with these ladies. The worst part of dance being on hiatus until the fall really is my weekly chat with these ladies- I think next year we should make a pact that on Tuesdays next summer? We still get together even if it's just for an hour. I think we all could benefit from that.

Nightmare From Under the Sink



Oh no.




Fact #2: Duct tape? Is not waterproof.








Sewage! YAY!


And poor Matt.



But let's be honest, it kind of really was.





Poor Matt.






Monday, May 27, 2013

Cancer Time Bomb

I will always be the first one to stand up and say I cannot stand Angelina Jolie. She's a home-wrecking trash bag. Seriously. I don't like her, never have. She does these "stunts" to stay relevant and it's annoying. So when I saw her come out and say she had a double mastectomy I was like, "Why? Just adopt another child to stay in the news, whore." And it's more than just my dislike that irritates me about this story. It's mostly because now you have thousands of women who will try to be tested for the gene that causes cancer only to be denied coverage to do so or even coverage of stuff afterwards. It's really frustrating. Sure, you might be federally protected so your insurance can't rip you off, but if anyone knows how to kick you when you're almost dead- it's insurance companies. Let's be real. So while I hate Angeline Jolie for being a douche who should eat a fucking sandwich, I am (begrudgingly) grateful she at least brought this topic up for other women. Because I for one, who has breast cancer as rampant as chicken pox in my family, didn't realize the strange "why would you do this if you didn't actually have cancer??" response a person like Joelle would get.

But the irony here is a few months ago I received a book in the mail by Joelle Burnette and it's called Cancer Time Bomb: How the BRCA Gene Stole My Tits and Eggs, and quite frankly- who wouldn't pick up a book with that as it's title? I mean, I'm of the sentiment that if I have cancer- take my tits. Seriously. Just take the fuckers. I'd like to wear button up shirts, and tank tops where I don't look like floozy, and it would be nice to not have boobs big enough to look like I'm still nursing a child. They are heavy, I hate bra shopping and if we're being honest- I get no sexual pleasure from them. They are basically in my way. And I was always indifferent with my ovaries and such. I already have my babies, I hate getting my period, and I hate that birth control makes me chunky. So overall, I'm for getting rid of these.

Until I read this book and now I am all of a sudden, fiercely protective of both my tits and my ovaries.

Cancer Time Bomb

Balancing a serious subject with sarcasm and humor, this powerful story chronicles Joelle’s 3-year odyssey as she justifies slicing away healthy parts of her body that have high odds of producing cancer. While pressured by surgeons and family to take drastic measures that would remove cancer’s potential threat, she offers insight into what it feels like to face these significant decisions while not having cancer, and knowing there’s Cancer Time Bombthat minuscule chance the disease may never strike. Offering raw honesty, she reveals the darker side of choosing TRAM Flap reconstruction after a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy. She details the challenging, long recovery as she comes to terms with her choices and their impact on her as a daughter, woman, mother and wife.
Breast cancer had already impacted or taken the lives of several family members. Moreover, it was supposed to kill Joelle’s sister in 1994, according to the doctors. Regardless, 32-year-old Michelle suffered through powerful chemotherapy treatments and a painful bone marrow transplant to beat the odds and become a survivor. Thereafter, doctors had told the family, Michelle likely would die if she ever got cancer again. When she was diagnosed and survived a second breast cancer more than a decade later, Michelle’s cancer triggered a series of events leading to Joelle’s own battle to remain cancer-free.
Michelle fought cancer again while the health of these sisters’ father deteriorated after years of diabetes. All the while, caring for everyone was Joelle’s mother, Arlene, who played the strongest supportive role. Arlene remained by her daughter’s side while Joelle carried out the proactive steps to avoid cancer and stay alive for her two young children. And nobody dies in the end!
Absolutely anyone who knows me knows I cannot even get my finger pricked at the doctor's without tears coming. I'm absolutely convinced that when I was pregnant with both kids with grossly low iron levels which required a finger prick at EVERY visit, those nurses would fight over who had to deal with a grown ass woman hyperventilating, crying, and wiggling in the seat over a finger prick. To this day, I am 31 and I have not had a Tetanus shot since I was 12 because of my fear of pain and needles. 
So you can imagine how much convulsing I did while reading about Joelle's surgery. And her sister Michelle's horrendous ordeal with breast cancer treatments. I even braved it and went onto her blog Joey's Journal to see photos because I was having a really hard time visualizing her description of her new scars. (And maybe I wanted to see your boobs, Joelle. I'll be honest. I think your boobs look lovely. And I'm glad you didn't get your nipples done so you look like you're cold all of the time. Especially with hot flashes, that would be weird. I feel like you should have a shirt that says, "Say no to nipples" just to see what people say.) 
But here's what I can tell you- this book is hilarious, sad, terrifying, and completely informative. I learned more about breast cancer, treatments, and basically what it's like from this one book than I have from anything else. I love how she talks about the good nurses and doctors, and those who are complete fucking jackwads who shouldn't be in the medical field if your bedside manner is that bad. (Seriously, if that male nurse had hit my boob like that? I know my mother would have ripped his balls off. She totally would have.) 
I have always wondered if I would test positive for BRCA with breast cancer so prevalent in my family, but like Joelle- do I really want to know? Or do I want to wait it out and just fight the good fight if it happens to me? I don't know. I guess at this point I just wait. I really liked this book because after a few emails and finishing this book, Joelle and I? We'd be besties in real life. I feel like we'd just get each other. I mean, between her breakdown in the Macy's changing room over a bra (I have similar experiences every time I shop for pants and bras), her indecisiveness and personal worry over why she'd elect to have such a drastic surgery when she didn't have cancer. Yet. I know that if this were my story, it would be similarly written. Every concern and worry she had is one that you know would go through your head as well. And her decision to chose a TRAM Flap surgery instead of implants is serious, difficult, and courageous. 
Admittedly, when I've seen documentaries where women are like, "I have no boobs" and burst into tears, I have yelled at the TV, "Bitch- shut your mouth. At least you don't have CANCER. I'd rather be boob-less than die of cancer.". I really expected to leave this book feeling the same way, but I didn't. Because it's the little things like the loss of feeling feminine is what's important. It's not the size of your breast- it's the natural curve, the texture, all of these things about the boob that make it a great flappy thing on your chest that you lose. Sure, you have mounds of stomach fat fashioned into "cups" but they aren't like real boobs. I get that. I get why that would be weird and difficult to process. 
So while I could ramble on for quite awhile about this book, I won't because you'll just leave anyways. But if you are a woman who is curious about the BRCA Gene or even breast/ovarian cancer- read this book. If you are someone facing this yourself and considering which route to go- Joelle gives you some really great, very relevant, and totally honest information about her decision, why she chose it, and the aftermath. (And side note- I *totally* get you, Joelle when you want to know what the hell to expect. Sure- you know it will be painful but someone needs to explain what you can/can't do, what it's going to feel like. Just tell me what to expect- who wants to be surprised by the itch you can't satisfy?? Nobody. Nobody likes that surprise. Just like when I had Olivia and they told me I might experience "discharge" that is quarter sized. Well when I get something the size of a softball while at home walking with a screaming infant- I am not OK with that. Dang. That's half a placenta you failed to tell me about, DOCTOR. *end rant*)
So I invited you to READ HER BOOK, like her Facebook page, visit her website, and then buy extra copies of her book and surprise your friends with a great read. 

Tickling Daphne H

So full disclosure - I took a chance on this book because at the time when I was asked, I was really into romance and erotica (because like purses, I go through phases with books and switch my genre up periodically) so I jumped on it. And maybe because since then, I have been reading books with a heavier topic, I really struggled through this one.

Tickling Daphne H - Veronica Frances
Pump Up Your Book Presents Tickling Daphne H. Virtual Book Publicity Tour + Win Kindle Fire HD!
When I think about what exactly turned me off of this book- it was the writing. I struggled through every page because it was written almost at a middle school level. I even had a friend read a few pages to see if maybe I'm just being overly critical but even she agreed. There are a lot of shouty caps used in the book and though I understand that it is meant to emphasize a strong reaction to the tickling, it's far over used. To the point where I was getting frustrated. The dialogue between characters felt forced and I guess when I read a book, I read it as if it's a movie going on in my head- so when I read a dialogue- if it doesn't sound like something a person would say? Dislike. But aside from the writing itself? I didn't enjoy the book. 
The entire concept of tickling for arousal is so completely beyond me. I even did some basic searching online and yes- it's a for real thing. There are erotic conventions that have tickle booths so you can try it out. Honestly, if Matt tries to tickle me he will get hit in the head or kicked in the balls. I don't like it, even if it's for fun. He knows better. So knowing my experience and preferences, I had a very hard time understanding how people do this for fun
The one aspect of the book that I could relate, or at least appreciate, is the fact that while Daphne suspects she has this fetish... she isn't sure really what to do about it. Are people going to laugh? Be judgmental? I mean, as a young twenty-something, you're basically discovering who you are as a person but also sexually, and it can be really hard to tell someone what you are into especially if it isn't necessarily "the norm". So with the help of her boyfriend Dave, Daphne discovers different avenues of tickling and how it's not necessarily in jest but it can be erotic and compelling. 
And unlike a book like Fifty Shades, which made me go out and purchase a spreader bar and some Ben Wa balls, this book not at all entices me to try tickling. Ever. I've already told Matt he tries it and he won't be able to walk the next day. But as I always say- just because this wasn't my cup of tea, I want you to give it a chance and then come back and tell me I'm an idiot. It's OK to do that. Click on the image below to the Pump Up Your Book webpage with a chance to win a Kindle Fire- ends May 31!
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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Calgon needs to take me right flipping now.

It's no secret I've had a fairly stressful couple of weeks. But in the larger picture, this entire year has been stressful. Actually, I can't remember the last time I sat around and was like, "Dang- things are going good right now. No stress, no worries, awesome." Seriously- it's been years since I've had that.

Recently I haven't felt really well and I knew that eventually- I would get some kind of sign that things need to change. And I'm a stubborn person so I basically wear myself until there isn't anything left and I'm angry that I let it get to that point. So while for a few months now I have been walking around with the equivalent of a pit of stress in my stomach, what feels like a bowling ball in my uterus, and occasional stabbing pain where my ovaries are. I feel anxious all of the time. When I do exercise sometimes I feel like I can't catch my breath. If I look on WebMD it says I might have prostate cancer. I try not to think about that because I don't have a prostate... so it's all very stressful. And probably best to ask a real live doctor.

Today I had my annual checkup at the OB and she's looking at me like I'm nuts as I'm explaining my symptoms and while we've ruled out pregnancy (yay!), she has no idea what the frack is wrong with me. I have an ultrasound scheduled for July (so it can't be that serious, right? If I have to wait until July?) and I am waiting for blood work to come back.

What she was able to tell me is that my blood pressure is 145/100. That was my lowest of three readings. So clearly I have high blood pressure today. Is it stress? Maybe. Is it a wake up call to eat better and for real get out and exercise? Yes.

Then on my drive home I'm trying to think of ways to get less stressed out. I see an email from our Realtor that the home inspector (that came to our house for our buyer) recommended a foundation specialist. Now, it's because he either couldn't fit in the crawl space or it was too wet for him to try since it was raining, but it freaks me out. I think of nothing but bad things that could come of this. I could have not one foundation issue but in my head I translate that to, "Holy shit my house is falling apart, and it'll never sell, and I can't afford to fix that because it would be expensive probably and I bet I can't even sell a kidney because ow-  my kidney hurts because I think I have to pee, and what if I pee my pants because I clearly held it for too long.." and continue. It's non stop in my head. I am completely incapable to hearing something like "foundation specialist" and be like, "Oh- no big deal.".

Then I tell Matt all of this and he's all like, "Sara- shut up. My show is on. But that sucks your stomach hurts." I freak out (inside of course, because the kids are right there), and in my head I'm like, "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! What if I have fucking cancer! I bet you'll feel bad then! Because who is going to wash your wet socks and dirty underwear? Huh? HUH? My children will end up as dirty, hungry orphans with dirty, mismatched socks and unbrushed hair!"

Maybe none of this is rational, but it's what goes through my head.

All I know is that days like today make me want to run away from home. And be homeless on a beach. Hurricanes be damned.

And at the same time, it makes me lose hope in the medical community. I mean, I've had a neurologist tell me I'm not really having migraines, I'm just depressed. I've had one doctor give me four medications for morning dizziness. I've had another doctor they have no idea why when I get a migraine I lose vision but maybe I shouldn't chew gum.

I don't even chew gum.


So when I go today and they draw a shit ton of blood, make me pee in a cup, and orders an ultrasound and says, "I guess if these all come back... you're OK." Um, I don't think a blood draw, urine in a cup and an ultrasound will make stabbing in my stomach/uterus/ovaries stop, but I guess I'll try?  I mean, what the fuck do I know- I came in thinking I had prostate cancer.

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Monday, May 20, 2013

I might boycott tipping.

Over the past few weeks we have eaten out a lot, which sounds terrible but it was mostly because our house had people looking at it... so we couldn't be there. And it was over dinner time. And by the time we were able to get back in, it was time to do homework/get ready for bed.


We've been out  lot. And I know I mentioned a few years ago how one time I did not tip because our waitress basically ignored me, brought me the wrong food, never did get my salad and never refilled my drink but was ALL OVER my brother. I didn't tip her because she really sucked at her job, and the hate mail. OH, the hate mail.

A lot of people were quite heated that I chose not to tip. And at first I felt bad like, "shit- they do make a crappy wage and maybe she's homeless because I didn't put down my $3..". I really did feel bad and from then on, I have been a tipper. I tipped for everything out of fear someone would say what a rude bitch I was for not tipping.

But then I've recently decided, no. No, I am not tipping you for a shitty job. When I go out to eat I have basic expectations. I expect to be seated quickly (unless it's way busy, then I totally understand a wait), I expect to get a drink before having to look at my menu, I don't want to be rushed to decide, and when I order? Make sure you bring me what I order. If I say no mayo- that sandwich better be mayo-fucking-free. I expect you to come refill my drinks when it looks low. Don't leave me parched 20 minutes into my meal hoping my ice melts so I don't die of thirst.

And for the love of fucking god- if I'm sitting there, with an empty plate? Assume I want my bill. Then bring me my change back quickly. Don't walk around with it for another 20 minutes. A simple lunch salad and soda should not be an 75 minute affair. When I'm with one person. It's obscene.

So tipping wait staff I guess I can kind of understand it. But tipping everybody else in the world? No. I will not tip you for getting my muffin out of a display case and putting it into a paper bag. That's your job. I know for a fact that you are getting paid at least minimum wage- your wage is to compensate you for putting my muffin into the bag. I just paid almost $5 for a god damn muffin and orange juice- I don't have to give you more. It's not like you walked the muffin out to my car for me in the rain.

I don't know why we've gone tip crazy. I guess I feel like a tip should be because somebody did something over and beyond what is expected of them. We tip the paper boy- why? He's hired to deliver the paper- why are we tipping him for that? Because he showed up? HE'S SUPPOSED TO. Or he could get fired. We tip our hair dresser- why? We're specifically going to get a hair cut- that's what they do. It's not even like you're tipping before they do your hair so they don't do something horrible. We tip baristas- why? They are hired to put fancy coffee into cups. That's their job. We tip valets- why? They are supposed to take your car and park it god knows where and then hopefully find it when you need it again. That's their job.

It's like people can't just be happy to have a job and wage. They just feel entitled to have more. It's ridiculous. It's definitely gotten out of hand as far as I'm concerned. If I think about how much I've shelled out in tips alone over the last year? Hundreds. Do you know what I could do with hundreds of dollars?

I could buy a new back splash for my new kitchen in my new house. I could buy a pony. I could even buy a goat. Maybe even two goats. I could buy a couple pairs of shoes. I could feet starving children in some country somewhere. But no, I'm shelling it out to some entitled college punk who can't even get my order right.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

American Idol- we're coming for you.

So Olivia had her spring concert at school earlier this month and I'm just now getting around to telling you about it. She had been practicing for weeks and I swear to you that if I have to hear "On Top of Spaghetti" one more time I might actually lose it.

Oh, and they had an art show at the same time. And they have hands down, the best art teacher ever, because the artwork was displayed a thousand times better than last year. Olivia wanted me to make sure I got a picture of her volcano, which she was extra proud of. They got to pick one piece to put in the show and she knew all along this is the one she'd pick.
And let us all rejoice that she didn't grow and I could have her wear the same dress for the Father/Daughter dance she went to! YAY! Look at her- all big girl totally making her way to the stage.
Can you spot her, totally singing her heart out?
 She did a fabulous job and eagerly sang every song.
 And did the dance moves to them all like they learned.
And of course, posed for pictures because you know I took a ton and had to pick my favorites for this post.

But what's so funny is that when you meet her? She's a pretty mild mannered kid. Sure, she can get loud and crazy from time to time, but if she's not with her brother, she's pretty shy and quiet. Put her on a stage? She goes all in for it. Wait until you see her dance recital pictures. I swear, next year? Next year I'm taping her somehow because she is hysterical.

Now that her spring concert is done, she has gone back to singing Justin Bieber and the dreaded Taylor Swift on her karaoke machine. God help us all.

Thursday, May 16, 2013


An interesting twist on life after death. Kind of.

Terminus - Joshua Graham





But his time and power are running out... 


I have actually read quite a few books that have the fallen angel theme to it and it doesn't matter how many I read, they are all so different yet all very interesting. This book moves quickly, so even though it's just shy of 500 pages- do not let that sway you. You'll get sucked in quickly and you won't be able to put it down. 

Nikolai is like a typical guy who eventually starts to hate his job. He finds no satisfaction in it, doesn't understand why it's important and grows weary. So when he basically goes to resign all together, he gets recruited for another "division" where he is basically in charge of stopping these three humans who would, if left alone, lead thousands astray and basically be bad for life as a whole. Easy enough, different than what he's doing, and he's actually making sure people who should die do. 

Except that's not really how it plays out and he actually falls in love with one of these people he's supposed to get rid of. But you can't do that because that's breaking angel law so he "falls" and becomes a mortal to get around the law and help her out. But oh surprise, that isn't really OK either because now you're really pissing off angel authority and she is still a target. 

I can't really tell you more because it would basically ruin the ending of the book. Or the last third at least. I absolutely loved this book because I really liked Nikolai. And dammit- I liked Hope too. She's got some issues but deep down- I kind of like the girl. 

The one thing about the story that I did struggle with was how it switches points of view and story line. They all run simultaneously, and you are flipped around quite a bit, and until you know really what's going on- you're left wondering how the hell all of these pieces fit together. But then it does and it works out and makes sense- but I did struggle for awhile trying to understand why these different points of views are happening, and how were they going to come together. 

Overall? 4/5 stars. Really. It's really that good. Such a good twist to the whole fallen angel, but not different where you think the author has really gone over the edge. Very good book. 

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Fleetwood Mac.

So it dawned on me that I forgot to tell you I saw Fleetwood Mac back in April. It was kind of great because I went with my mom and despite our absolute nosebleed seats- it was an amazing concert. Best $200 I've spent in a long time. They basically played every single hit- they sound like they haven't aged a day and it was just very cool.

Fun fact- did you know I was named after a Fleetwood Mac song? True story.

They even played some of Stevie Nicks' hits from her solo career and a few of Lindsey Buckingham's. And I don't care how old they get- I have always held hope they'd get back together. Even though they are both married. Whatever. It's like peanut butter and jelly- they should never be separate.

Fun fact #2- my mom went to see Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty on tour when she was pregnant with me.

The total fan geek in me got all excited when Stevie comes out in her full dress, tambourine and her top hat. So wish I could have gotten pictures. They actually banned pictures and that's kind of bullshit if you ask me.

You know what else annoys me? When people constantly get up and down during a show. It's like, get drunk before, people. Get your drinks and sit the fuck down. I'm not trying to have you shove your ass in my face and step on my feet so you can get more beer. You're ruining it for me. Oh, and if you do get drunk? Don't be offended when everyone around you complains and eventually has you kicked out. Because that happened to the entire row behind us. We didn't get up to complain but another lady a few seats down did because these girls were drunk and apparently sloshing their drinks on people and singing to songs that very much were not playing. I always like watching people get kicked out of shows for being drunken fools.

I did sneak one picture- they did at least two encores, I think they even did three, and I took this picture during "Silver Springs".

Overall it was a really great night out with my mom. It was nice to talk to her on the long drive there and back and then during dinner. AND it was ridiculously warm the entire way there and even when we left so it was nice to get a break from the cold and snow here. I like going to concerts with my mom because all of my friends kind of think seeing the classic bands is a waste and I don't think so at all. This is what I grew up listening to and I still rock out to it.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013




  • Last week we received four offers to purchase our home. 
  • We sorted through them all and picked one on Friday. 
  • Quietly regretting selling the mini-van afterall. 
  • Only afterwards did I realize it's the wrong offer amount. 


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Here's a really good crime/suspense book that you should absolutely not read at night, or if you're scared of the dark. There's a bit of forewarning for you.

Grim - Joseph Spencer

In a gritty town rife with organized crime, dirty cops and corrupt politicians, Detective Adam White stands alone as the people's symbol of justice and hope for a brighter future.  He's cracked the biggest cases, and stood up to the crime families who've torn apart Prairieville with their power struggles. He's gorgeous, humble and incorruptible; a crime fighter so pure that the locals nicknamed him the White Knight.
What the people don't know is their reluctant hero is cracking before their eyes. Ten years have passed since a pack of bank robbers gunned down his wife in the street. He's relentlessly worked every case he could get his hands on since that night with the hopes of finding some link to her killer, but every lead always winds up a dead end. He made a vow on her death bed that he wouldn't stop looking or move on with his life, personal or otherwise, until her killer was either dead or behind bars.
His obsession is starting to affect his work, including a new set of murders which are eerily similar to cold cases in which a gangland legend called The Reaper is the main suspect. A routine canvas of the area in which the bodies were found led Detective White to Heath Grim, a reclusive millionaire with grisly facial scars and a past which doesn't quite add up. There's something about his story which makes Detective White curious to dig deeper into his background.
Just as Detective White closes in on his killer, the mob hatches an elaborate scheme which could cost him everything. In his moment of need, an unlikely ally presents a way out of the plot against him and information on his wife's killer. However, it leaves Prairieville's paragon of justice with a moral dilemma. Can he abandon all of the heroic ideals upon which he's based his life and become the type of man he's hunted for so long to settle a score with his wife's killer?I
So first of all, lots of gore in here. To the point where I actually had nightmares and envisioning the character of Grim is not something I would recommend. Aside from that, this story has all kinds of twists and turns, and while you think you know what's going on you really don't until you get towards the end. Grim's character actually reminded me a lot of Heath Ledger's portrayal of the Joker in Batman, but you almost feel bad for the guy who clearly has a slew of mental health issues. 
Then on the flip side you have Detective White who is seemingly this straight laced, all American, blue collar guy fighting crime. But then you find out a little more about him and I was never really sure what I thought about him, but his character was a really good fit for this role. If that makes any sense. 
What I really enjoyed about this book? Is that you literally could not put it down. Things happened really quickly and you almost feel as if you are in the middle of it. The description of the crime scene makes you feel like you are right there looking at it, and then everything from start to finish is go, go, go. The best part is that it really makes you question morality. Do you do things by the book because it's the law, or do you look at the rationale and let it go? It's really not a black or white issue and this book challenges you all the way to the end. You absolutely would never know this was Joseph Spencer's debut novel- the writing was fantastic and nothing felt forced throughout the whole book. There were some parts of the book that are familiar in other books in the thriller/crime/suspense genre, but honestly I felt like he put his own twist on it. 
I really enjoyed this book and I think if you really like crime/suspense/thriller and anything to do about death- you're going to really like this one. But I really did have a couple nights of nightmares and so that was not awesome. 

Monday, May 13, 2013

Out and About in Crazyville. Otherwise known as the Twin Ports.

Someone recently made fun of me for purging photos off of my phone (ahem... Amber) but if I didn't do that, I would be able to share these gems with you. 

So a couple of weeks ago I was at the Airborne Toxic Event concert with my friend and while they were setting up the stage- we saw Bob Ross. I swear. He's lives!
Each month Jackson has to draw a picture and it gets displayed in the hallway. I take pictures of them because they are freaking adorable, but this one? This one is my favorite. I realize it's supposed to be him holding an umbrella, but it kind of looks like he's giving the rain clouds the middle finger. And I kind of felt proud.
This tool was driving like a complete asshole and cut me off right before a stop light. The best part is that he has those super annoying family stickers that I hate in his back window and according to that- has a ton of kids. What makes this hilarious is that he also has those fake balls that hang from trucks that are supposed to impress us, but his? His is one blue ball. So his one blue ball must be a super ball to produce that many children. Douchebag.
 Pretty sure I saw either a full fledged pimp or Mackelmore at the Walmart in Superior.
 You'll notice my blue SUV, nicely parked within the confines of the parking lines. And the asshole next to me with his extended cab truck end totally not in the line. Was the car ahead of him too far up? No. He's just a terrible driver who I hope gets slammed into by someone doing 30 in a parking lot while texting.
 Have I ever mentioned how much I hate family/kid stickers on cars? It's like, nobody cares. It doesn't make me want to ram into you less. But this was at McDonald's, and she has twins on board. You can tell that two ways- the annoying "twins on board" sticker as well as the pink and blue uterus stickers that appear to have the Fallopian tubes holding babies. So wrong on every level.
 I really like french fries from Wendy's and fountain Coke. MMMMM.
Oh! While driving home from a concert, I pulled up next to this. It's dark and you can't see it well but this looks EXACTLY like Cujo from that scary ass movie. I maybe peed myself a little because he totally growled at me. 

So there you go. That's photographic evidence of my adventures around town. 

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Cassie Scot: (Para)normal Detective

Good evening, lambies. So, while I do have a book review tonight- check back later because I'll have a fun, regular post for you as well. Because I'm a giver like that.

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Cassie Scot: (Para)normal Detective

I absolutely loved this book. I basically flew through this in one afternoon because I couldn't put it down. While it's technically a YA book, you would never know it- it doesn't have the random teenager fluff that some YA novels have. 

Basically this book is about Cassie, who is born into a family of sorcerers, but unlike everyone else, she has no real powers. She's kind of the black sheep of the family who is constantly being protected since she really can't do it for herself. She strikes out on her own and becomes a police officer only to quickly realize her whole purpose of becoming someone to protect others is useless because the people doing the bad deeds don't really worry about the law so much. Instead, she starts up her own private detective business and while not busy, she remains optimistic. 

Until she gets her first real client which sends her on a ridiculously dangerous path to dead witches, vampires, love potions gone awry, and of course, a hunky boy from her past who has secrets of his own. She isn't 100% sure Evan likes her that way considering they were friends for years but she can't be sure when everyone around her seems to think he is very much interested in her. He helps her out and basically saves the day for her several times but it all comes with a heavy price. 

Which you find out what that is at the end and you're left with holy hell- where the hell is the sequel? Because there HAS to be a sequel. You can't leave me hanging like this and give me no word of a sequel. (If you could see me now, I'm actually stomping my foot like a petulant child.)

So I'm telling you right now to go out and get this book. SUCH a talented writer, I'm very interested in reading some of her other books because hands down- a very entertaining, fast paced book that you cannot put down. 

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Thursday, May 9, 2013

So maybe I'm a beginning hoarder after all.

Tomorrow is basically D-day, bitches. Tomorrow Matt and I look at one final house on the potential future home list. Tomorrow Matt and I comb through three, maybe four offers on our house. Tomorrow we accept and offer AND put an offer in on possible future home.

I don't think I need to tell you that toilet paper is a commodity over here and that I'm afraid the next four weeks Target will run out and then what the hell will I do??


I'm kind of scared. I'm nervous. I am afraid something will happen and the buyer will back out. I'm afraid the seller of dream home won't like our offer and tell us to politely shove our offer firmly up our ass. I'm afraid something will happen and it'll put everything into jeopardy. In times like this I know the best thing for me to do is to stay super busy so I'm not sitting and thinking about every scenario that could happen to us.

Naturally, I started to pack.

Just like when we moved from our apartment I also start with the least essential stuff and as we get closer to moving, I start my progression to eventually get everything packed. And it should be noted that I pack like a BOSS. It's like a game of Tetris with every box and Matt also swears because I pack as much as that cardboard will hold. I hate moving and I figure let's move the least amount of shit, shall we. So this means I started with my scrapbooking closet. Which, is only a closet so I figured 4, maybe 5 boxes max. 

Bitches- I'm up to EIGHT. I'm not even done. A lot of my stuff is in boxes anyways (paper, stamps, adhesive, ribbon, etc) so those won't go into boxes. I have a real problem with putting boxes into boxes. But I am  up to eight and I'm thinking to myself that perhaps I have too much. Just maybe I should thin this down. Seeing how I'm already up to eight boxes I think I will just pack it and figure it out when we get to the new house. My goal is to finish that stupid closet tonight, though. I will not be defeated by craft supplies, though I am exhausted.

Then the information that on closing day, 100% of my stuff needs to be out of here was not awesome. Considering we're closing on this house (hopefully) the same day we close on new house, I'm not sure what the fuck I'm going to do. One option is to rent a Uhaul for a few days, load everything into it and just... wait. Except we have a lot of shit, so I really think we might need two Uhauls. Holy crap, I can't drive a Uhaul. I could barely back my mini van up for cripes sake. So I think I need to seriously hope that my dad is in town. He can't lift/carry stuff but he's a semi truck driver, maybe he'll just drive it to and from for us.

Plan B is to um.... I'm not sure. Admittedly, we don't have a plan B. Matt is taking some of the garage stuff out to his parent's house because there is quite a bit we just don't need and instead of taking up Uhaul space- it can just be out there until we need it or we'll bring it back into town in small loads.

All of this because I wanted a little bit bigger house. *sigh* But things are moving really fast. Like if you think about it- my house has only been for sale for a week and tomorrow? Tomorrow it will be a pending sale.

Barf with me, now.

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Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Incidental Daughter

I've been on a pretty solid roll of good books and here's another one if you are looking for a standard chick lit/suspense book.

Incidental Daughter - Val Stasik
Incidental Daughter

Talk about a book with a lot of story in it. Coming in just under 300 pages you have everything from a suspense story line with the ex-husband's death, to a family exploration of past secrets and new family dynamics to a budding romance. It's kind of all going on at once but Val expertly weaves the story so you aren't overwhelmed with information. The flow from one thing to the next works really well which also made it a very fast read. 
I kind of adored Liz. She comes from a troubled childhood never knowing her father and seemingly being rejected once she does meet him as a young adult fresh off her mother's apparent suicide. That alone is enough of a story. But then she marries Addy who while originally a successful entrepreneur, eventually turns to alcohol and seemingly looses it all, including Liz. Because she no longer enables him, he basically goes off the deep end and it leads to his eventual death.  Which brings a certain detective into her life who she eventually starts a romantic relationship with. Which leads to her getting to know her family... because her father has since passed away but leaves behind siblings for her. 
Confused? Don't be- it all makes sense in the book! Overall? I give this a solid 3/5. Is it overwhelming fantastic? No, but it is a good read. It's fast, it doesn't require a ton of thought, it keeps you turning pages, and you find you're done with the book in no time. Perfect for those of us who don't have a lot of time but still want to read. Definitely check this out when you are lining up  your summer reads. 
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Tuesday, May 7, 2013

This is clearly my week.

So the biggest news for today? We got an offer for the house. I know, I hear you squealing like a pig in heat. I did the exact same thing. I may also have spit my water onto my desk in glee.

Now, calm the fuck down and listen. First of all, the offer is a little low. We're meeting with our Realtor tomorrow to go over the fine print of it, and we're going to follow her lead. I'm not going to be one of these assholes who wants to get more than something is worth- I really trust her and if she says this is great, then I'll believe her. We have five second showings between today and tomorrow and someone is trying to schedule for Friday. The key here is that our Realtor is telling all of them, plus the one that submitted his offer today that there are other offers on the table and if you want to offer, Friday is your deadline.

Friday is D-day. Which freaks me out. Because on Friday this house may officially be almost not ours. Makes sense, right?

But that means that WE need to get our asses on the god damn ball with making an offer on a house and hoping for the best. Not going to lie, I'm a little scared. I'm nervous. I'm in the bathroom a lot. A friend jokingly put a roll of toilet paper in my mailbox and honestly, I was grateful because I haven't done a Target run in quite some time. I was getting low.

So keep your fingers crossed for us. It's shaping to be a very exciting, totally terrifying, but very good week. And it's only Tuesday.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Winners and home search #2. At least there was no sewage smell.

First up, let's do the winners of the two book giveaways I recently had. I want to make sure books get to you in time for summer fun times.... assuming we'll ever get summer. I, for one, have not taken my snow brush out of my vehicle because we had snow in May already. I just can't take that chance. So here we go:

Carry On, Warrior: #4 Steff

Mermaid in Brooklyn: #3 Lisamarie

So there you go! I'll email you lovely ladies and hopefully get your information quickly so I can make sure books come soon.

In other news, Matt and I embarked on house hunt #2 today. You'll remember how house hunt #1 was filled with the smell of sewage, lack of walls and crazy crack head layouts. I really liked house #3 and continue to really like it. I really rooted hard for that one.

Until I saw the first house on today's tour. And then it was kind of like angels singing, though it sounded more like children screaming at the top of their fucking little lungs at the park, but definitely the same feel. This house is amazing. Like, totally me, totally us, totally having the potential to be so god damn adorable you can barely stand it. It feels very solid, if that makes any sense. The other house didn't feel nearly as durable as this one. Not that we'd be enduring earthquakes or anything, but you'd at least like to feel like a corner won't just collapse one day like a bad hip on a grandma.

Don't laugh at that analogy because I've actually seen that happen in real life. 

The other good news is that nobody is living there right now, so we wouldn't have to wait for them to find housing- they apparently have that covered. The house is 100% move in ready. It needs some updated fixtures, some paint, a good cleaning, and Sara's Touch of Awesome.

Which is a real thing. Believe. 

The only downside is that the house is currently a dark purple/blue color. And it's like a block down from a funeral home. Good news, if someone dies I can walk to the funeral if it's there. I'm still calling it a win, parking can be a bitch sometimes.

But for good measure we looked at another house that looked like it had some potential and we didn't want to rule anything out. I knew from pictures it was bad and I flip flopped on it and I should have stayed on the flop side because oh boy- doozie.

First up- when a house is built in 1973 and hasn't been updated since? You will feel like you are walking into a Brady Bunch time warp. Nobody is living there, the people either died or are in a nursing home, I just know it. The horrors of the green carpet with obvious bodily fluid stains, the "laundry room" that was literally falling apart and was not usable, or the bathroom with (wait for it) dark red wallpaper and very dark brown everything else and a 20 watt bulb? Yeah, pretty much like crapping in a dungeon. There was not one redeemable thing about that property. Not one.

So there we are. We are 98.2% sure we found THE home. We're just hoping someone puts an offer in on our house because we are refusing to jinx ourselves and offer first.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Sewage, Wall-less, and What The Fuck Happened Here?

Today our house was shown to three perspective buyers, we have three showings for tomorrow as well. I'll tell you what- if this joint doesn't sell it won't be because of lack of cleaning and staging. All of my hours watching HGTV are not for waste, bitches.

But because we have so many showings in such a short period of time, it's freaking me out. Like, we might actually have to move.Which- probably should have been on my radar when we you know, listed the house. But then it occurred to me, shit. That means packing, and cleaning a new space, etc. Ugh. This also means that we should probably get our butt in gear to look at what is for sale in our area within our budget.

And it's really sad because we're left with stuff we can't afford but love, stuff we can afford that look scary from pictures, and then three houses that by pictures, we like. They have potential, could be very Matt & Sara. Until of course, you see them in person. And then it's like holy shit. SO GLAD I didn't re-do my kitchen, apparently nobody else gives a shit either. At least I try to make what I have look nice. Here's a recap: (House Hunters style)

1. Desirable neighborhood, split entry: Outside is very cute, nice yard, quiet 'hood, lots of pretty flower potential. Inside, holy no fucking room. Like, no landing to take off shoes/jackets/gear. The living room, kitchen, dining, bath, and 2 bedrooms are upstairs. Family room, another bath, and another room are downstairs. The living room is nice and big, huge window. Kitchen is alright, but the "dining room" is the table shoved in the kitchen. No way could we host holidays or entertain. The rooms are all small, tons of paneling. Oh, the paneling. The bathrooms? Smelled like sewage. The upstairs was worse than downstairs which is odd considering downstairs there is a closet that has nothing but the sewage and water pipes running in it. WEIRD. Oh, and the bathroom downstairs? Disgusting. Oh my god. No way in FUCK would I shower in there. The best part is that they have regular drop ceiling tile in the shower. Which, hello- that gets wet and it's on you. Very much not what you use in a shower. The utility room is a mess, it's freezing in there, and it smells like sewage. So disappointing. It's not even worth considering.

2. Matt's favorite, which I knew would suck: Oh hey- if you're going to say that your house has not been in a flood, perhaps you should finish putting all of the walls back up in your basement. Especially when two of the bedrooms and the family room are supposed to be down there. And maybe cover up the fact that they drilled holes between each stud to drain water. That house is handicapped accessible, has a nice deck, pretty decent upstairs. None of the bathrooms are a full bath, they only had showers, so that was a problem. Kitchen is a bit dated and I didn't like the layout at all. I think Matt held out hope and was going to convince me that this was fixable but then I had to remind him that he hates to put walls up. He hates dry wall and all that goes with it. And it would be a HUGE job. We'd sink $10,000 into it by the time we had everything inspected, installed, and totally livable. And we'd have to do that in order to move in. I'm worried about eating in Florida on our vacation, I don't have $10,000.

3. The weirdo house we're looking at just to see what the fuck is up with it: It's weird. OK, it's actually really cute and honestly? I'm pulling for it. Sure, the layout is absolutely insane with no rhyme or reason. Sure, it needs new siding, soffet and fascia. Sure, the garage is settling and we'd have to see if this is a super horrible thing considering two rooms and a landing are above it/connecting it to the house. Sure, the kitchen needs to be updated a little and I don't know why there is blue carpet in the dining room and in no other room. But you know what? It's double the size of our house. It has TEN closets, not including what's in the bedrooms. It has a fenced in yard, a cute patio/deck area, BALCONY off the master bedroom, weird craft room, gigantic workshop in the basement, and a family room in the basement. No signs of flooding though! It does need work. It's the cheapest on our list. I'm kind of rooting for it. I've got a feeling about it. It feels very much like home.

So... we'll see. I have to look on the realtor websites to see if anything new is out there but the pickings are SLIM. Unless I win the lottery or want to live in the ghetto.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

The Enchanted Life of Adam Hope

Every once in a while a book comes along and it pulls at me from a place I don't really understand. I connect with a book in a far different way than most would and so I become inexplicably attached to the book. It feels like it becomes my story. One of the only books that has done this to me was Stiltsville, which still has lines that ring in my head and I recommend that book fully. But this book? This book is a little more special.

The Enchanted Life of Adam Hope - Rhonda Riley
The Enchanted Life of Adam Hope

In the waning months of World War II, young Evelyn Roe’s life is transformed when she finds what she takes to be a badly burned soldier, all but completely buried in the heavy red-clay soil on her family’s farm in North Carolina. When Evelyn rescues the stranger, it quickly becomes clear he is not a simple man. As innocent as a newborn, he recovers at an unnatural speed, and then begins to change—first into Evelyn’s mirror image, and then into her complement, a man she comes to know as Adam.
Evelyn and Adam fall in love, sharing a connection that reaches to the essence of Evelyn’s being. But the small town where they live is not ready to accept the likes of Adam, and his unusual origin becomes the secret at the center of their seemingly normal marriage.
To be frank, I don't know where to start on this book. I was originally supposed to post my review last week but I could not because I had to re-read some passages and this book was emotional. Not because it's sad or anything (though some parts are), but because it really challenges a lot about love. Evelyn finds a young man seemingly half buried in her back yard but soon after bringing him inside of the farm she has inherited, she quickly realizes he isn't quite ordinary. His face and entire body are disfigured, much like a burn victim, and he doesn't appear to have any particular facial features. His gender.. his a little ambiguous to say the least. But over the course of a few days the person changes. First changes into what will become Addie- seemingly Evelyn's twin. And while traumatic and a little shocking to Evelyn, the two quickly become inseparable. 
Addie has gifts with animals but also through singing. Without opening her mouth. It's clear from the beginning she's obviously not like Evelyn and over time, the almost soul mate connection between the two leads to an intimate relationship that Evelyn wants, but also fears. 
But over time, Evelyn realizes she really wants to get married, become a mother, raise a family. Addie recognizes this as well and feeling such an emotional bond to Evelyn, she does something to make this happen for Evelyn.
In a few days, in walks Adam. 
Unlike Addie who is virtually a twin of Evelyn, Adam is more her compliment. The male version of herself. Over time they marry, have several children with unique birthing situations because of the uncertainty of what Adam is exactly, and they live a happy and normal life. Until a tragedy hits the family and turns everyone upside down. The immeasurable grief changes Adam and when he does something in front of the community that basically scares the Jesus out of them, Evelyn goes into protective mode. She understands him and knows nobody else will. 
(Side note: this is where I felt like something rammed into my chest, because I got it. Sometimes I look at Matt with some of the issues he deals with privately and while I don't really understand why he does it, I sometimes feel like it's my job to protect him. I feel like I could never really leave him because he would be alone and I couldn't let him be ridiculed. It's me that keeps him in check and it's me that helps him navigate acceptable social behaviors, etc. And sometimes I feel there's a bigger reason that we matched up.)
So over the town gossip, Evelyn decides to pack up the family and just leave. They go to Florida and start a brand new life which seems to rejuvenate Adam. Unfortunately, it's around this time when Evelyn realizes that as she ages through her years, Adam does not. It becomes a little awkward and Adam tries to make this right because he wants to do everything for Evelyn, give her the world, give her the best possible life. What pulls at you is their love. It may not always be easy, the amount of love for each other is huge. It's like a couple that if you're in the same room you can't help but notice and feel how much they love each other. Which is exactly like Adam and Evelyn- times ten. 
And one day, it all ends without warning. I'll be honest- the ending hit me hard. I cried. I cried because I was sad it wasn't a forever love story, I cried because you don't know what happens to Adam. I can't even pose all of the questions I was left with at the end of the book because it'll ruin the majority of the book for you. But please read this. If you read nothing else I recommend, read this one. It will pull at you. It's one of those books that doesn't have a major, dramatic story line, but it's the story of a life. A life that seems so much like yours but at the same time nowhere near your ordinariness. Here's a quick video of the author explaining the novel. In a much more eloquent way than I can share. 
Also take a peek at Rhonda's Facebook page. But I'm telling you- this is going to be the best book of the year for me, I can feel it. It will easily make my Top 10 favorite books of all time. The writing is so beautiful, it's so true to life, and you just connect with Evelyn. You really start to feel like you're sitting with a new friend as she tells you her story in a nursing home visitor lounge. I can't give this book enough praise. Absolutely wonderful. 
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