Self Esteem Issues

low self esteem

Self esteem is how we feel about ourselves, as human beings. People’s feelings  about themselves can be affected by many things. For instance, if someone is made redundant, through that they may lose their main source of income and so also their sense of security: of being able to plan their life and provide for their loved ones. The lost job may also have been an important source of status (of feeling valued and respected by others) and may, in addition, have been a source of meaning:  a way of using their skills, being challenged and stretched and at the same time contributing positively to the wider community . These are all important needs for every one of us: security, status, and meaning, and not being able to get them met can have a major impact on our feelings of worth and value as  human beings, sometimes even triggering a slide into the vicious cycle of self-blame, worry, anxiety and ultimately, depression.

Similarly, feeling guilty about something we have done or not done (but feel we should have) can also affect our feelings of self-worth. Our relationships with the people around us: our family, friends, colleagues and employer have a major impact on our self esteem. If we are feeling guilty or bad about ourselves for some reason, whether our feelings are justified or not (feelings aren’t always logical), can affect how we behave with others: whether we make eye contact appropriately, whether we slouch or hold our head up high and all this can have a domino effect:  affecting how other people see us and treat us and potentially reinforcing our negative feelings about ourselves .

The environments that we live and work in: whether we feel valued and respected, or disrespected and ignored, can also impact on our self esteem. Toxic environments- whether at work or home can be very damaging indeed in this respect.

However, it is possible to be successful and have all the best things that life has to offer- health, love, a supportive family, good relationships, a job where we can use our skills & are valued, every material comfort -and still feel crippled inside by feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness.

Feelings like this often come from our childhood: one of the most vulnerable and important times in life when our view of the world and its possibilities, and our place in it is being shaped. Unfortunately, we are at the mercy of chance and luck in terms of how positive and supportive our experiences are at this crucial time. The environment we are born into and the culture of the people we grow up around has a huge potential impact on our life chances and happiness. If we are lucky-we are born into a loving, supportive, well- adjusted family and culture and grow up valued, loved and respected by the people around us. We are given every opportunity to develop our skills and interests and accepted for who we are: ‘warts and all’.

If we are unlucky though, our experiences can be very different. We can grow up in a culture of criticism and blame; we can be neglected and have our most basic physical and emotional needs unmet; we can be mistreated; we can find ourselves in the charge of people who abuse their power and our vulnerability.

Experiences like this (and even one off humiliating or shaming experiences, for instance at school), can have a life-long, negative impact and can leave us with feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem that continue throughout our lives- however outwardly successful we are as adults. Sometimes, formative experiences like these can stop us in our tracks and leave us without the confidence and skills to make our own way in the world: further reinforcing our feelings of inadequacy and self- blame.

However, growing awareness in society of these issues has led, at times, to an unhealthy focus on the self. As with most things in life, balance is important and too great a focus and opinion of oneself can also be unhealthy. This can also lead to deep unhappiness: often through the pursuit of a hedonistic, yet meaningless and ultimately unrewarding lifestyle: a lifestyle unfortunately all too often presented as the ideal in these materialistic times. In contrast, the healthiest people feel good about themselves and their values but are focused outwards on other people and things and on doing their bit in the world.

Fortunately, using the best, modern, counselling methods it is usually possible to help people overcome self esteem issues and the feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness left by current difficult circumstances or damaging earlier experiences.

All MindFully Well therapists can help you to improve your self esteem and feel better about yourself relatively quickly. Contact any counsellor – psychotherapist in the MindFully Well network and they will be happy to help you.

Therapist Locations


Call us – we can help!