New Beginnings...


 The last five years or so have been challenging, exhausting and emotional. For the most part they changed me into someone I could barely recognise anymore, I felt drowned and could barely keep up with what was going on, let alone begin new adventures for myself. Something's along the way, however, did teach me things - things that I needed to learn. You make mistakes, you get hurt, you move on. As someone said to me once "it won't be the first time you get hurt and hopefully it won't be the last time - we need these experiences to show us the mistakes so we can learn from them and move on.'
    For ages I was stuck in the mentality that  meant everything I did was awful and I felt shit all the time. Recently, I have begun to look at life more positively and with a little help from someone who means the world it means I've been much happier than I have been for a long time. I have begun to like who I am and become more comfortable with myself, looking at things from a new perspective and looking at the positive things, not looking back into the past, because the past is in the past - it has happened and you can't do a thing to change it as everything happens for a reason. Your past shapes who you are today, it might make you weaker or it might make you stronger. You use it to your ability; whether you dwell on the past or whether you look at it and think "yeah that has happened and I didn't like it, but I can't do anything to change it so I'll learn from it and move on." You can't change what has happened but you can learn from your mistakes made and you can use it to change your future and sculpt it into something you'd like to live. Someone asked 'Have you ever thought that if you tried to look for the good things, you might be happier? And wouldn't get upset by every little detail?'  Rather than looking at the negative things, look at the good things and smile.
    To me, it's kinda scary to feel like this, mainly because after so long you get comfortable
with feeling sad and unhappy and you don't feel like you can get out of it. Now I'm in a whole new territory, trying to find my feet - there are still doubts in my mind that this won't last for long or that something will happen and I will be back to square one, but I'm going to take each day as it comes. I think back to where I was a year ago - even 6 months ago - and look to where I am now and I realise just how far I have come. A year ago, if people took the slightest bit of time to reply to a text, I would become paranoid and text them saying 'do you hate me? what have I done?' or if someone jokingly sent me a text calling me something rude, I'd believe them and sit for hours thinking it over. 6 months ago, I was a mess - four panic attacks every day, feeling like crap and not wanting to do much. But now despite a few days where I was stressed and feeling sad, it seems the majority of the time I'm really good and feeling sad lasts a couple of hours and then I'm back to normal. The panic attacks happen very rarely at the moment and I'm beginning to look forward to what will come.

   So with this realisation, I've decided that although it might take some time to feel comfortable with this new me and to learn to love myself, this new Victoria will be much better than the old one. I've spent too long living in the past and feeling sad and as things in my life seem to be taking a turn for the better; it's time to look forward and think positively!
Do the things that make you happy, don't do the things that everyone wants you to do because that is the way you become unhappy. Be yourself, because no one can be. Don't go looking for things, just live the moment and you never know what might be round the corner waiting for you.
Victoria xx

"The struggle you're in today is the strength you need for tomorrow" - Robert Trew


This is the video that a friend sent me a long time ago - It has helped me so much over the past few years
These are the words that Dakota Wint speaks:
I was thinking todayThat we’re all gonna die one day
And I was thinking of all the things that I take for granted
And sometimes I forget how blessed I am

And I just wanted to say that if you’re ever feeling down
Truly take a moment out of your day to think of everything that you cherish

Go squeeze someone you love
put your heart and soul into that hug
and don’t let go until you both can’t breathe

Go make a friend with someone completely random
Hold the door open for someone
and if they don’t even acknowledge you
just smile

never stop smiling
And if you’re ever feeling lost
take a chance
If you’ve got nowhere to go any road will get you there

and sing
Like no one’s watching

If you like someone
tell them

Laugh at the stupid jokes only you and your best friend find funny
Laugh until your stomach hurts

And if you’ve ever been mean to anyone
And never got the chance to say sorry
Life’s too short to waste your time being a jerk

And if people are mean to you for no reason
Screw ‘em

Be yourself because nobody else can be
And if you want to cry
Let it out

Expectation is the root of all heartache
The best thing to do is to stop thinking
And to just let things happen

And if the world ever makes you feel small
Look up at the stars and know someone somewhere is doing the same thing

and just because today might’ve been a terrible day
doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be the best day of your entire life
you just have to wake up and get there

We learn from experience that we never really learn anything from experience
We never know what’s gonna happen
and that’s the thing about life
You just have to breathe every moment in like it’s your last

& never look back
& never regret
& always stay happy

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