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I hate that SEPTember, OCTober, NOVember, and DECember aren't the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months......

Whoever fucked this up should be stabbed!

After the COVID-19 pandemic winds down, we should honor truck drivers with a national holiday on October 4th.

A big 10-4, if you will.

To be sure to not miss any of the Russian dialog in the movie,Hunt for Red October.

Make sure the SUB titles are turned on.

Actual transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95...

*US Ship*: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."

*Canadians*: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."

*US Ship*: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."

*Canadians*: "N...



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Sex in October is...

The leading cause of Cancers.

(Yes, I made this joke the other way round, but maybe this is easier to get, and more enticing a subject line)

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I made a million dollars in October, it's now mid-November and I'm fucking broke.

I hate working at he Mint.

I can’t believe people are letting fireworks off in October!

It’s scared the dog so badly he’s knocked the Christmas tree over.

I guess October is


How many quantitative psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, p <= .05.

How many qualitative psychologists does it take?

_disguy. (2020). *Construction and Deconstruction Methods for Lightbulb Assembly* (Doctoral Dissertation). Reddit University,
San Francisco.

Thomas Alva Edison (February 11, 1847 – October 18, 1931) was an A...



Dear Mrs. Harris:


Our com...

Trump says he will bring Jobs back to America;

The problem is he died on October 5th 2011, and I've never seen anyone brought back like that.

When it's October but there aren't any spooky jokes yet...

Never seen such boo-sheet before.

October is Eczema awareness month.

So I'm raising money by selling scratch off lottery tickets.

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Why are dyslexic people scared of the 27th of October?

Because they heard that all the cocks turn black

I guess you could say October is...


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Bad news for dyslexics on the 28th October

Your cocks go black

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On the the 31st of October...

A group of friends were playing with an Ouija board in the attic of one of their houses. They lit 4 candles around the board and placed their hands on the planchet.

One of them asks: "Oh spirit of the board, how will I die?"
Silence followed...

Another asks: "Oh spirit of the boar...

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Leading cause of Cancers

Is having sex in October.


Donald and Kanye

I just re-watched The Hunt for Red October.

The entire movie is the sub plot.


Guess I spook too soon.

I was in germany at octoberfest and they asked me how many beers I wanted...

I said nine, but they didn't bring me any.

My wife said I’m not sophisticated.

I said, “that’s ridiculous, why, I’m reading a novel right now that’s full of subtext.

She was impressed and asked, “what novel?” I said, “The Hunt for Red October.”

October is finally here...

Can somebody finally wake Billie joe Armstrong up? Sick of being reminded.

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The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

Edit: Apparently somebody posted this joke to Twitter in October and that makes me a piece of shit.


What is a clinical trial done in October called?

a trick or treatment.

TIL - as of 2019, Halloween has not fallen on Friday the 13th for the last 666 years

This is probably because Halloween is October 31st

An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage.

The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked:


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For our silver wedding anniversary I got a map of the world, gave my wife a dart, and said we'd go wherever the dart lands!

I'm happy to announce in october were going to spend a lovely 2 weeks by the fucking skirting board!

I used to not believe in climate change

But around October I started supporting global warming

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With it being October, I thought I'd tell y'all about the time I had sex in a cornmaze

It was a-maizeing.

A Sliced Dairy Product


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October 10th was such a great day


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A blonde participates in the television show Who wants to be a millionaire...

The TV host asks her the following questions:

How long did the 100-year war last?

a) 116 years
b) 99 years
c) 100 years
d) 150 years

The blonde chooses to use the opportunity not to respond.

In which country did you find the Panama Cabin?

a) ...

I was doing a survey on hello and hi

Every month I will tally if most people greet me with hello or hi.
most of the months, Hi won, but every October...

Hello win!

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An American spy is sent into the Soviet Union

His name is John Smith and he has been training for this moment the last five years. He has perfectly mastered the Russian language and accent, can sing the Soviet anthem from memory and knows everything about Russian history.

In 1971, sixth of October, 3 AM local time he parachutes to the ou...

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New Scam - Long but worth the read.



A blonde takes part in a game show

[Disclaimer: I don't know whether this counts as a joke, if not please tell me which subreddit would be suitable, 'cause it's actually a pretty fun "story"]

First question: how long did the Hundred Years War last?

a) 99 years

b) 116 years

c) 100 years

d) 150 years<...

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I hate that SEPTember, OCTOber, NOVember, and DECember aren't the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months.

Whoever fucked this up should get stabbed.

However, if I recall, they did use to be the corresponding months. It was just that when Roman leaders Julius Caesar and Augustus came to power, the months of July(Julius) and August(Augustus) were added, thus throwing off the number on the calendar....

The class had to write a short, rhyming, two-lines poem as homework.

Lisa stands up and proudly recites :

*Yesterday, my Dad and I we went to town*

*And I got a nice blue bike of my own.*

"That's a lovely poem, Lisa!" says the teacher.

Now it's Timmy's turn. He stands up and recites theatrically :

*When octob...

What do you get when you combine an octopus and a bear?

You get a Frenchman pronouncing October

Overheard in line for a movie...

Theater employee: "That's an R-rated movie. When's your birthday?"

Teenage boy: "October 12th."

Employee: "What year?"

Boy: "Every year."

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So there’s a 12-floor building

The first floor is named January
Second floor is February
Third is March
Forth is April
Fifth is May
Sixth is June
Seventh -July
Eight - August
Ninth - September
Tenth October
Eleventh November
And finally the twelfth floor is named December.

How do ...

What was Humpty Dumpty's favorite month?

October... He had a great fall.

A man meets a Native American with flawless memory...

When he meets this Native American Chief he notices he is older than most.
He asks the Chief many questions, and the Chief replies flawlessly to each one.

Then he thinks of a random date and asks the Chief, "What did you eat on October 18, 1987?" The Chief replies "Eggs".

He leaves ...

Me: You're today's date

She: What?

Me: You're a solid 11/11

She: What kind of a rating scale is out of 11?

Me: I... I had cold feet on 10th October

Me: I have cheated once

Wife: me too

Me: 1st april...

Wife: 8th october

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No Nut November.

Guess it prepares me for Dick Devouring December, Johnson Jumping January, Fuck Frenzy February, Manic Masturbation March, All Anal April, My Magical May, Just Jizz June, Jimmy Jacking July, Arse Adventure August, Stained Sheets September and my all time favourite Oral Only October.

An American couple adopt a German infant...



“Zis is a bit tepid,” he complains.


What's the difference between a Yankee stadium hotdog and a Fenway park hotdog?

You can buy a Yankee stadium hotdog in October

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Blonde Logic Highlights

Blonde Logic



March - Got excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 said "2-4 years!"


September: I had one of the worst hurricane months on record and Hugh Hefner died.

October: Hold my beer

Somebody needs to wake up Green Day

It's October 1st

The Sports Mechanic

Three middle-aged women are sitting on a park bench discussing their children.

"My son William studied Architecture at Cambridge. He's 25 years old now and he makes £70,000 a year at Bregmann and Hamann," the first woman says.

"My son Charlie read Law at Oxford. He'll be turning 23 i...

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An accidental time traveler falls in a wormhole

He emerges into a building in chaos, people running and screaming. Bodies crashing to the pavement outside

"OH FUCK!" He screams. It must be September 11 2001!!

A man screams in return "No you fool! It's October 24th,1929!"

Not sure what you have heard, but it actually only rains twice a year in Seattle.

October through May, then June through September.

There once was a powerful king.

There once was a powerful king who wanted to hire a different court jester for each month of the year. His financial advisor said that it would be best to only get 11 jesters, and simply have one repeat months. The king agreed and 11 court jesters were hired.

Months roll by and everything is...

I found a ghost passed out on my stairs last night.

He must have been really into the boos!

Happy October!

A German Dad Joke

So, because St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow I asked my dad (who is German) if Germans have any day like St. Patrick's Day. His said, "Yes, it's called October."

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the Steel Guitar Network - Church Bulletin Bloopers

Church Ladies With typewriters ...


I can't trust my heart or my brain to tell me who the next President will be

But I can trust my Vegas bookie and will be talking to him in October
