Daily Archives: June 3, 2013

Chakras and joggling

One of the keys to joggling is to access more of your vital life force, or “prana”. Your chakras are centers of vital life energy, sort of like batteries, and accessing the trapped quantum energy from them can strongly influence how well you perform.

How can we access this energy? By opening up an extra chakra and the infinite wisdom they contain. Most of us have one or more of them closed. But by opening up an extra chakra, you will not only be able to joggle, but will be able to do so for miles and miles in a powerful quantum chakra state. Remember that all energy is infinite wisdom transformed through self-love.

To open up an extra chakra, you must:

1) Stop eating all garlic and onions. These foods divert prana away from the arms and legs and toward the stomach, and will make it difficult to open up the chakras that will allow you to joggle, besides bad breath interfering with the desired quantum state. In scientific terms, halitosis interferes with quantum superposition. Eating garlic can also interfere with your dating life, unless you are dating an Italian, but this is a whole other issue.

2) Stand upside down on your hands or hang upside down for 15 minutes a day. This will draw blood to the head and upper body and help to force open the extra chakra you need to be able to joggle. This will allow your wisdom to be liberated.

3) Punch a man with red hair in the face. The red hair must be natural, and he must be at least 5’6″. You must punch him hard. You don’t have to fight him, you can run away very fast afterwards. The very masculine, very hostile energy coming from the angry redhead will help to completely open the closed chakra. If he punches back, it still counts. Remember that chakras are like wheels, and this act will cause the wheels to turn as quickly as possible, helping you toward advanced quantum phasing.

Only by doing these 3 things will you be able to joggle. If you do not go through with them, you will never be able to joggle.

The above is a satire.