Monday, February 20, 2006

You Have Naked Pictures Of Someone Very Powerful Day!

It was over a decade ago, long before anyone knew his name, when you and he slept together on approximately seventeen occasions. When your roommate offered to take pictures of the two of you having sex, he consented readily because he had no idea of the man he would later become. Also, he had hoped your roommate would eventually put down the camera and jump in. But she had to get to work.

The fact that some sexual photos were taken of him long ago is not enough in itself to get him to pay up. He was not married and he had no office to jeopardize at the time. These are new days and no one gets penalized just for having had sexual relations with someone at some point in his life.

The fact that that someone is you, however, makes the destruction of those photos a bargain at any price. For he might have become someone very powerful. But you have become the most reviled and detestable woman of the 21st century.

"Ten million dollars or I'm handing these over to a blog," tell him.

"Anything," he'll say. "Anything."

There'll be a pause.

"So, how've you been?" he'll ask.

Say, "So so. Little short on cash."

He'll say, "It's hard to keep an eye on all of it. I have to hire people to watch over the people I hired to count it."

Chuckle a bit.

"Man," he'll say. "Did you ever think way back then that we'd become who we are today? I mean, you were working at a Kinko's back then. And now you're loathed by the entire population of a planet."

"I know," say. "And you didn't even have a job. And now you can manipulate an entire third world region with just a visit to a particular dictator."

"The right photo op can move mountains," he'll say.

You'll both laugh.

"It's really great to talk to you," he'll say. "It's always nice to talk to the people who knew us when, am I right?"

"Seriously," tell him. "No one can believe there was a time when I wasn't this horrible enemy of all that is good. I guess it�s like the way I can't look at my parents and ever imagine them as young kids just kind of fooling around."

"Yeah," he'll say. "I gotta go. But make sure you get me all the copies and all the negatives okay?"

Say, "I'm keeping a couple of the negatives. So you won't have me killed. They'll be burned when I die old and peaceful. If I die before then�"

"I'll have some 'splaining to dooooooo!"

You'll both laugh like you used to do when you'd laze through an afternoon on a bed together, when you'd think about nothing beyond the twenty seven dollars you had between you and how much dinner that could buy.

Happy You Have Naked Pictures Of Someone Very Powerful Day!