Guy who invented the piano: 200 hundred years from now it may need tuning but it will be sturdy. So sturdy.

His friend, who invented piano benches: the legs are designed for maximum wobble

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Awake in the streets,
Asleep in the sheets.

Did I do that right? I don’t get it.




Coming Soon
Jason Statham is a reluctant thief with a heart of gold

*cue explosion*


*fade to black*


Pro: I will make you a gourmet meal.

Con: I will pronounce the t in gourmet.


The last apple tree in the world shrivels up and dies. In the distance a horde of doctors are ready.


[I time travel to 1998]
Guy: This is the first showing of Mulan, how does that dude in the front row already know the words to all the songs


“Is there a dull film on your dishes?”
Me: [looking closely] Holy shit is that The English Patient?




My friend told me to let loose and be reckless today so I walked really fast with a bowl full of hot soup.