Sep 24, 2017


If you fill a wooden barrel with goblin intestines - and one or several other mundane things - under a full moon while reciting the nine verses of Bubbling Blurbs of Boghat, you'll get a golemblin.

For every mundane thing you throw in, roll a d6 and look up the result below:
1: utter failure. Regardless of what you've tossed in, the golemblin goes insane and rages, starting with you
2-3: yay, the item's positive side-effect kicks in
4: both positive and negative side-effect (if any) kicks in
5-6: yikes, only the negative side-effect of this item kicks in

Golemblins speak ghargel - a mixed dialect that sounds like stew cooking. If a golemblin gets into a heaty discussion, it may start to leak some of its gooey inside through whatever cracks in the barrel it speaks through (some golemblins have thus talked themselves to death by dehydration).

You may put in some other stuff as well to give additional properties. Be inspired by this nice table compiled by the folks over at Google+:

#ItemPositive effectNegative effect
1Copper wiresElectrical attackChance of getting electrified and stunned when hit by metal
2Hot coalsSmoke attackGets a heart of burning coal that needs to be kept burning by feeding it hot embers. One hot ember keeps the heart burning for 24 hours. There is also a chance the Golemblin creates a small flame around it whenever it takes damage.
3Raptor clawsExtra claw attackGains an extra arm and claw but develops physical dysphoria and gets -1d6 on all attacks
4Crystal ballClairvoyanceMakes a sound of crushing glass when walking that can be heard about 20 feet away
5Elf earsSharp sensesElf ears
6Crushed butterfliesFlightAddiction to pollen
7DucklingMore obedient to its creatorWon't shut up
8Beef shankMore HPIs lazy and sleepy all the time
9Jug of moonshineBonus to morale, immune to fearSings, stumbles, is drunk all the time
10Bowl of curdled milkFireproofStinks
11Sulfur and saltpetreShoots fire blastsExplodes when reduced to 0 hp
12Hangman's nooseHas +3 to all saving throwsEveryone in 10' radius has -3 to all saving throws
13Big diamondAC as full plateKleptomaniac
14Viper skinsPoison biteAlways lies
15Turtle shellPlus 1 to ACMoves at half speed
16Troll skull19 Strength2 Intelligence
17Rabbit's footReroll 1sAlways limping
18Tree branchBark skinStiff like a tree: -1d6 to Dexterity/Agility/Flexibility
19Spotted dogtrip attack and good sense of smellProne to chasing small animals
20Eye of a flesh demon of ChoomCone of Disintegrationdisassociative flesh tends to collapse on a failed Con save every round, pulling itself together slowly
21Big rockSlam and knockdown attack
22Little rockSlingshot attack
23Dirty shoeStinking cloud attack
24Floppy hatCircle of comfortable shade (protects goblins from sunlight)
25EyepatchBlindness attack
26Coil of ropeEntangling lasso attack
27Ingot of ironCold iron attack
28Shiver of silverSilver attack
29Lump of goldDetect richest target
30Clod of claySlowing attack
31Shard of potteryBanish attack (ostrakha)
32AxeheadSlashing attack
33Bundle of boltsShoots bolts of goblin juju
34Stack of paperAdministrative red tape aura increases zone of controlExtremely good at administrative tasks but is not very likely to follow any order unless it is administrative. Has a fondness for complicated tasks that takes long time to complete.
35Coiled springJump attack
36Toy or real clownFear attack
37SnailSlime attackAny movement is at half speed
38Puppy dog's tailAura of cuteness
39Cat eyesSees in the darkGet an own agenda (only known to the Golemblin) to serve itself and wont hesitate to use others to fulfill it.
40Frog legsLeap and swimmingGets slimy mucous coverd skin that is glue like
41Fish tailsFaster swimmingVery short memory
42Seven snakesConstriction attack with intestines in barrelPetrifying gaze.
43Sword and stoneTrue king detectionChance of havinging attacks returned on self.
44Crypt Cup-1d6 to highest ability, -1d6 to lowest abilityIf the same character drings from the cup twice, it turns to dust. -1d6 on ALL abilites
45Molted snake skinOily skin making it difficult to grappleGet blind and only sense vibrations (not that sensitive though)
46Handful of candyMoves faster and is permanently excited (will not retreat)Huge deficit of attention - Easy to distract
47MarblesImpossible to trip and make fall proneClattering noise (no surprise)
48Watercolour paletteCan open passages through walls by painting a door Becomes mute and socially awkward

(Contributors in no particular order: Luka Rejec, Liban Issa, Simon Forster, Łukasz Krupiński, Cody Mazza, Jean-François Lebreton, and that Swedish bloke.)

Some nice illustrations by some very talented people to get your imagination going:

Matthew Adams
("A barrel Golem, made with predominately with snails and spiders. I suspect an apple with a maggot was thrown in too.")

Henrik Rosenborg

Scrap Princess

Scrap Princess

Luka Rejec

Actual footage of an actual golemblin. Taken in Sweden yesterday by yours truly.