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15 decembrie 2019

4. The feminist proposal of exclusively female courtship initiation.

4. The feminist proposal of exclusively female courtship initiation.

This article continues the previous one

In 2017, the social media networks were shocked by the stories regarding the sexual harassment. It all started from some important Hollywood actresses’ complaints about the film producer Harvey Weinstein behavior towards them. This snowball later turned into an avalanche, revealing a lot of allegations from other sexually harassed women, under the well-known #MeeToo. Some of these allegations are exaggerations. But there were others that proved to be true, as revealed the current social system inability to protect women from the artificial pressures of obtaining consent for intimate relationships. This lack of prevention raised the ball for the 1990s feminism, also called third wave feminism. It argues that the rules of gender relations need to be changed in order to stop the courting messages communication coming from men. More specifically, it argues that an unknown man must obtain consent from a woman for greeting and complimenting her. By extension, it sustain further on the exclusively female initiation of courtship.

In continuation of those published so far , I will publish further on new materials regarding this proposal analysis from the biological, legal, sociological and political point of view. Throughout it I will describe the diverse spectrum of the categories of people who support this revolution of the courtship initiation, the honest or perfidious interests from the people involved in this matter, the conflicts with the legislation and with other social categories, but also the solution that I see in stopping abuses that are often associated with the male initiation of street conversation for courtship. To begin with, I will describe the rules used by the traditional society to avoid such abuses as above, and how they have become obsolete in the contemporary world.

4.1. The traditional rules of courting women and their obsolescence after the contemporary lifestyle.

The human civilization was built by conquering armies that robbed fortresses and raped the women inside. The armed robbery and piracy were considered by Aristotle to be far more respectable than agriculture or trading. But eventually, the robberies and rapes practiced by the conquerors are perceived today as a dark side on the humanity. The male animals sometimes kill babies which are not their own in order to make the females enter the heat again. In people, such loss of children, friends or husband after a siege has led to post-traumatic stress behaviors. The pain produced among the losers led to the defense techniques evolution against such military attacks. They functioned as a result of the military techniques innovations, so that the siege success was guaranteed. After a while the victims were able to find remedies and the military siege worked neither practical nor, especially, emotionally. So progressively the armed robbery itself was seen as a reprehensible act.

But the mass rapes practiced after the cities siege and conquest paradoxically had a positive part at the species level, in the sense that they avoided the marriage between relatives. The more hermetic a community was, the greater the risk of mating between its members, followed by consanguinity problems. The primitive societies could not avoid this problem even with their complicated rules of totemic marriage. In the ancient and medieval times, the risks were even bigger, as a result of the communities’ isolation within the cities defense walls. The result of this hermeticism was that the communities became were populated by with strong blood relatives members. Even if they became distant relative and could marry according to social rules, they carried a great risk of consanguinity. If foreigners were not brought to genetically refresh those communities then they would have stagnated or risked malformations children, a phenomenon specific to repeated crossovers. The aristocracy was especially threatened by such a thing, being an even more hermetic minority to the community in which it developed. Instead of marrying lower members of the community and spread the wealth, the high-ranking families made marriages between cousins of rank 1 or even brother and sister. Because of this, the genetic malformations were more common among aristocrats.

The community's genetic refreshment has become very important, and the Western society has adopted and mitigated it, so not longer produce those emotional disorders specific to the armed conquest. So, the humanity has learned to (re)bring inside the community for mating certain individuals with different social or geographical experience, originating in the robbery culture. There military force policy was abandoned and there were instituted four courtship rules so that the women consent for love should be naturally given, without abuse.

The first of these rules is the man physical, mental and moral compatibility like his attractive qualities such as health, bodily integrity, lack of mental disabilities, generosity, humanism, etc. Initially, the marriages were arranged by the parents. Then the role of parents in arranging marriages diminished, and the choice was made by future spouses between people in the community and professional proximity. At the base of the social pyramid community the two future spouses or lovers first knew each other as citizens and only then as intimate. The second rule is the elegant manner of introducing or the letter of recommendation. It directly derives from the aforementioned flaming need for diversification of the community genetic background consolidated for several centuries. After several such relatives’ crossings between the members of the community and the emergence of the risk of consanguinity, there encouraged this outsider through the introducing policy or the letter of recommendation. That person was simply introduced into a restricted circle of acquaintances or into a small community by another person who guarantees for his moral qualities. Without presentation, the courtship of such a man was risky for a woman. Once introduced, such a person can flirt with an opposite sex person within the group for the purpose of initiating the courtship and creating a couple.

So the need for an outsider "fresh blood" was facilitated by this practice of introducing or the letter of recommendation. Then, the aristocrats became very mobile, paying visits or organizing numerous parties so that the most diverse and geographically distant individuals to know each other. The protocol of presentation to the aristocrats' residences has become very diverse. The marriages between the royal families’ members from the different countries have also reached reasons for alliance. Even in the rudimentary communities a certain outsider appearance arouses curiosity which implies by itself a more rudimentary protocol for introducing from those who know her/him. This rule has remained standing until today.

The third rule is the woman age. A woman could be courted in the past (and so is much of today) only in a certain age segment, namely the premarital one. The traditional societies have put pressure on women to get married, and the generally optimal age for marriage was 17-26 years. In the classical Western culture, those who resisted these pressures risked ending up on the map as witches. After this age and life experience, most women are already in stable relationships and no longer want to be approached by men, or do not want to risk their relationship security. At that time, the courtship was useless and annoying even in the traditional societies, although some women accepted it if were not already in a relationship.

Finally, the fourth rule is the restriction to approach higher social class women. A man can only court a woman if she belongs to the same or a lower social class as his. The exceptions happened in special situations. The marriages or stable relationships between a woman and a lower social status man were possible especially after wars, as the men number of decreased. But in these cases it was no longer a question of courting in the true sense of the word.

These are "pre-courtship" rules but not sure success steps for achieving it. They are just conditions of the courtship starting, and not predetermined behaviors of the couple members within it. The fact that one or several or all of these conditions are met by a man does not mean that he is already courting a woman. These rules make him a potential partner for that woman. These conditions meeting are an eliminatory test for a possible courtship start. If the woman refuses to marry, then these criteria do nothing to help building a couple. Therefore, these rules are only conditions of courtship, meaning that they are necessary but not sufficient for the man to begin courting a woman. In a later article I will show that, in addition to them, there is another set of eliminatory rules that refer to the pre-courting stages , and that only after they are accomplished can the courting can properly begin. The good manners book somehow offers clearer rules within the court, as can be seen on pages 8-9 of this one bellow:

The above last two rules were more clearly stated in the traditional culture. The civilization came to consolidate them with two related institutions. For the third rule, the institution of marriage and of the ring / wedding was created, as a distinguishing sign of the person who is already in a stable relationship. This distinctive sign was intended to avoid such unpleasant situations. For the fourth rule there was created the differentiated clothes. In the past centuries, belonging to such a social class was clearly marked by the clothes worn in everyday life. Coupling members of different classes was practically impossible because the courtship itself was avoided from the start as a result of these signs. In some western countries the purple color was used for exclusively royalty clothing. If a lower class person wore purple clothing, then he or she would be punished by imprisonment. For the fourth rule, the culture itself was consolidated, which focused on dance and music, which facilitated the rapprochement between strangers in peasant parties, banquets or proms for courtship encouragement and the marriage purpose.

The other two were more elusive, but very important. The fact that they were not stated clearly does not mean that they did not exist by default. The third rule facilitates bigger chances of success in courting. An unknown man has been and still is viewed with suspicion by a possible partner, precisely because these plundering societies habits I have mentioned above. An outsider recommended by a basic member of the community is more familiarly treated. The third rule is intended to maintain or lift up the woman social status and reflects the selection standards specific to her female sexuality. The poets or other lovers have been constantly rejected by higher social classes women, even if their feelings have been recorded in history.

Others surprisingly find the fourth rule and look as they have not understood much of human nature or society. There are a lot of videos on the internet that pretend to unveil a supposedly immoral female behavior of different response to the one and the same man courting initiative that first play the base and then the top of the social pyramid. These videos authors want us to believe that they reveal the certain women falsity by falling in love with the material situation. Indeed, when a woman abandons a stable relationship of engagement or marriage (certified by distinctive signs such as the ring) following such a courtship street initiator, she is close to the disguised prostitution I discussed here   . But there is nothing abnormal in these examples given when the woman is not in such a relationship. The refusal of the courtship initiated by the social system base worker and the accepting that initiated by a social system top man, follow these strongly rooted rules in the traditional culture. The problem lies with those who only now discover these rules from the position of inexperienced sociologists.

As we can see, the street courtship initiation is excluded by these traditional pre-courtship rules. But from some time these traditional institutions began to be no longer clear. The contemporary lifestyle brought unexpected changes since the society created them. The social classes are no longer as hermetic as in the past. The cycles of personal motivation can lead to ups and downs on the social ladder within a short period. Belonging to a higher social class does not need to be so clearly advertised, because the social classes are no longer so hermetic. Someone's social status may collapse or increase in short period of time. Under these nowadays conditions, the clothing is no longer a clear indication of belonging to a certain social class. An upper-class man can dress up in grey colors in order not to attract attention and enjoy community living. On the contrary, another one from a lower class can afford to buy a very expensive suit, even if it might be the only shopping for a long time because of the price. So, the clothing is no longer a sure criterion that a potential partner is part of a particular class.

Then, the freedom of movement allowed relocations of people to another places. The result was a huge influx of outsiders for whom no one can guarantee, as unknown. The social media allowed such virtual trips on the internet where the traditional introducing rules were broken under the curiosity of the novelty and the outlandish. The frequent relocations and lack of time specific to the contemporary lifestyle have made the introducing rule generally forgotten. Moreover, even in the case of belonging to a traditional community, this rule is sometimes skipped by unattractive women who are willing for a loving relationship. Under the desire to form a couple, they are willing to take the risk of being approached by a criminal.

Thirdly, the institution of marriage has vanished. The mistrust towards the state institutions causes many to not formalize their relationship, although their lifestyle is identical to that of married people. Moreover, the modern woman marries later, after consolidating her career. The lack of the ring on her fingers can communicate wrong information to the potential emotional closeness initiator, according to this standard. Then, the cosmetic industry and plastic surgery brought even more confusion to this rule. They made the woman age very difficult to determine by the way she looks, as she might look much younger, when this kind of approach is appropriate.

Finally, the very capitalist social system that praises itself for the granted freedom to citizens is a big hoax . In the past, the limits of citizens' liberties were very strict and those who violate them risked certain penalties. Today it is said on paper that the citizen is free to choose, but its choice is influenced by a huge and ruthless propaganda manipulation device. The promised freedom in capitalist societies does not differ much from the force policy of the dictatorial or authoritarian ones of the past. The main difference relies in the consent engineering techniques interposition between the force policy and the refusal, which was later called Public Relations (PR). Where the PR fails, the so-called free countries cheerfully get back to the force politics, using somewhat more sophisticated weapons. These usually do not kill, but cause just enough physical or mental damage, so that the liberties guaranteed by the constitutions of the states seem rather empty words than actual fact.

The application of the various manipulation techniques and consent forcing in the contemporary society is an authority typical abuse that has been applied in the same way regarding the women courtship consent. In the western countries were published many books with different hanging techniques (pick up art), which effectively trample the woman initial refusal to be approached to accept the courtship. Although there are also legal restrictions regarding the street harassment, according to these criminal practices of artificially obtaining consent at the high level of society, some practice them constantly, which has led to the emergence of the feminist slogan #nomeansno.

So these rules can be easily ignored. The traditional restrictions on initiating love relationships are kind of obsolete these days. The direct courting initiation in the public space, especially on the street, without the traditional psycho-moral testing and familiarization, saved time for the building loving relationships. But it also brought many other emotional problems that recently were spoken out. The weakening these rules became the more Casanova type abusers and disguised prostitutes appeared which I described in this article . I showed there that not only men abuse these pre-courting traditional rules. Women also abuse them. In the urban areas there are a lot of parties where the people go daily to spend the free time after the working hours. Some of these parties simulate the party traditional institution, especially for men. In these places are working certain women who intentionally give men the wrong impression that there would be a place for acquaintance of partners in order to create a couple. Their main role is to smile and artificially flirt with men looking for a relationship. Having a huge consumption mechanism behind it, such a woman receives bonuses if convinces such a naive suitor to be as generous and to consume as much as possible. Usually such clubs have high prices on entry or to their products, so we there is a genuine seduction profit gear. In this case, we are talking about a misleading sale of the starting a relationship hope, as the woman that attracts clients is not interested in love relationship with such men, and basically would reject them outside the club.

So the speeding up the time for couple consolidation and breaking the traditional courtship pre-rules has a dangerous side. Whether they come from women, or men, these abusive social phenomena are difficult to counter. There are no specialized institutions for this. It is impossible to distinguish between such a disguised entertainer and a normal client. In countries that do not violate human rights, the authorities partially counteract the Casanova type abusive men in order to prevent them from committing emotional abuse on women. For example, in the Netherlands, an expensive car macho is stopped by cops and asked about his income. But in this way can be identified and identified only those who are not rich and cannot prove where they have the money to purchase these cars. Besides them there are Casanova abusers that can justify their properties very well. They belong to a wealthy family or went through an accelerated social ascension after being very active in the well paid jobs and have earned very well for a certain period. And this type of "vulgar rich" man is exactly the profile of the Casanova abuser. That’s why this measure efficiency only partially works. Moreover, these small obstacles are efficient in countries where abuses of women are rare. But in those countries with frequent abuses like these such measures are not taken at all. This is because the authorities themselves, from the policeman at the base of the system to the politicians and the big social engineers, fully use these behaviors to increase their wealth and liberties.

The feminist movement has taken a stand against these abuses, describing them more or less realistic, and publicly condemning them. The problem has become really alarming and there is a real increasing need for a public debate on this subject. Many women have become emotionally frozen and radicalized after experiencing negative experiences in their past love relationships. They do not want to live such an experience and have come to hate the macho men. Some of them adopt radical positions such as extending the notion of "sexual harassment" or even "rape" to these Casanova-like behaviors, as I mentioned in the previous article , regarding this video, at minute 01.45,

Other feminists do not support the legislative incrimination of the man approaching an unknown in the public space for courtship initiation. They only want the manipulation of the traditional rules regarding the courtship by some additional granted to women liberties, as I have already mentioned in the series of articles started here   . Such a vision promotes the mentality of initiating the first step in loving relationships exclusively by women in all contexts and at any age.

The main problem of this revolution is that the traditional rules are already well consolidated in the collective mind. There cannot be made exceptions only for women regarding the courtship initiation. Anyone who has a traditional mindset will reject the idea of starting the courtship from the position of unknown person for both men and women. Then, there are no legal arguments for incrimination, as I will detail in the next article.

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