The Life

Tuesday Ramblings…

I really don’t understand how people think that diaper changing a girl is harder than diaper changing a boy.  I get it.  The nooks and crannies.  The fear of the yuckies getting near the girl parts.  I get it.  But boys.  Oh man.  If I get peed in the face one more time…  I mean seriously.  Talk about the most nerve wracking 30 seconds.  I’m all un-fasten, survey damage, push Mini away, freak out that pee may come, cover it back up with the diaper, regain composure, uncover, wipe wipe wipe, tell Mini to get away if she is going to ask a billion times if he pooped when clearly she can see he pooped, do a quick once over for anything left behind, seal new diaper.  All in 30 seconds.  And let me tell you, that is some heart pounding activity.

I think Weight Watchers sucks.  I may only be saying that because I have been following the program for a week and I gained 1.8 lbs.  I mean what the fuck.  It must have been my mother’s day celebrating.  Or the vodka.  Apparently you have to count vodka into the whole point scheme.  I need to create a diet that allows unlimited vodka.  I’ll work on it and get back to you.

Let’s talk about the movie Frozen.  I bet you’re sick of it right?  Not me.  Because Mini HATES it.  I mean seriously.  Go figure.  I swear it’s because she can sense I want to watch it.  She literally cried when I put it on today.  Real tears.  And then asked me to watch the Magic School Bus.  I know, it is more educational, but still.  I want to belt out the words to let it go, not watch Ms. Frizzle go explore the human nose while I’m eating lunch.

I need a recording device in my brain.  I am too busy lately to write everything down, but on a daily basis I think to myself, god I need to remember that.  And then days later I’m like huh?  It’s a shame really.  I want to hang on to every memory possible.  Especially the funny ones.  The ones that make my kids, well, kids.  Like when Mini asked me why her poop was brown.  And got pissed that I didn’t know the answer.  On Mother’s Day no less.  What a day to feel like you failed your toddler.  I am supposed to know everything.  Maybe I will google it, (I’m just terrified I may accidentally click the images button) and have the answer for her over breakfast tomorrow.  😉  But yeah, if you know how I can either record my every thought, or boost my memory, let me know.

How come I had my second baby and still feel like a first time mom.  I have a bazillion questions.  Some of my recent google searches include: How do I get my baby to sleep through the night?  What do I do if my infant sounds congested?  Does my baby poop enough?  They say motherhood is like riding a bike.  Yeah, I get that.  Although I haven’t heaved my fat ass onto a bicycle in quite some time and for the love of god I don’t know if I would make it around the block.  But really…I became a baby pro when Mini was 6 months.  I knew it all.  Then I was a toddler pro.  Again, a know it all.  Now I’m back in infant stages feeling like a complete newbie and I hate it.  Oh well, that’s what google is for right?  Middle of the night feedings = research everything there is to know about baby that you should have done while pregnant but you thought you knew it all.  Damn it.

What are you thinking???


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