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Hey, Are You Free to Get Lunch?


Hey, I just got to Mallot, looking for a table now. There’s like nowhere to sit. Oh, wait, nevermind. I’m in that room in the front, like, it’s to the East. If you look at the mountains you’ll know which way east is because they’re north, can you please hurry up I see Lillian rounding the corner and I really don’t want her to talk to me. How do you not remember Lillian? She was the girl who kept leaving a paper bag filled with crushed-up cheerios in front of my door freshman year. Oh, fuck she’s coming over, are you almost here. I’ve managed to avoid her for like three semesters, where are you? No, I’m not at Collins?? Are you serious? Okay so once you get to Mallot I can try to meet you by the drinks on the side closer to Pitzer. Actually, can you just call me so I know when you’re coming by but seriously why are you taking so long. Oh my god, that ugly guy I fucked freshman year is like two tables away. I really don’t want him to think I have no friends. And seriously you and I are like really good friends. Update: he’s pretending he doesn’t see me. Like, I get it, me too, but I’m definitely the cutest girl he’s slept with? Dude, Mallot is the one at Scripps. You’re in the village right now? Please hurry up. Can you stop at 42nd Street Bagel for me? Wait no, please just come. Jesus, my Spanish teacher is here she thinks I’m such a dumbass for sitting alone. I mean she’s right but still. At least let her think I’m cool and popular and likable. Can you PLEASe just hurry up. I’ll meet you by the silverware. Actually, can you just grab me a fork? Fuck are there really no forks. Can you eat meatloaf with a spoon? Oh my god, dude my bowl is so dirty do they even wash their fucking dishes here!! Yeah, I’m on the side closer to Pitzer, to the left from the front entrance, like you probably haven’t been in this room before because nobody sits here but I actually found a table. And I really can’t sit outside I’m wearing a skirt today. Plus it’s so fucking hot. Why are these lines so fucking long this is absurd what the fuck. Can you PLEASE hurry up. Oh, hey.


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