Infidelity... Are You Struggling With a Man
Who Has Been Unfaithful To You 

By Ange Fonce

You still love him and want him... even though he has “cheated” on you... “lied” to you and "betrayed your trust”... and I will say to you...

“You need to take a deep internal look at yourself as to WHY?”

If you are struggling with a man who has “betrayed your trust” by "sexual infidelity...cheating” and “lying” and yet you still love him and want to be with him... you need to take a "deep internal look" at yourself as to "why" you want to be with such a man? 

And to say you "love" him... is a poor excuse for "approving" and "allowing" such poor behaviour towards you.

If you want help with making that “choice” of wanting to be with him or leave him... then contact me and we can arrange sessions... where you can “safely” and in “confidence” explore your “thoughts” and “feelings” of "how to deal" with such a man after “infidelity” and "betrayal" has occurred.

And working together... you can work out if you need to leave him or how to make CHANGES and save your relationship... to help you both “change... I know you are not supposed to be able to change anyone else or even WANT to change anyone else and I would be the first to tell you that... yet here is the thing...

If you “focus” on “transforming” YOU first... on “changing” what it is that draws you to a man who is hurting you... that makes you feel “compelled” to create “safety” when a man is providing NONE for you... you will learn HOW to become “stronger” and have more “boundaries” of what is “acceptable” and “not acceptable” to you and STILL open up your heart and stay warm to a man no matter what... and he may DECIDE to change too!

Now I want you to take you mind back some time to Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver and what they can teach us "about lying and cheating in a relationship"... I studied the process as to what happened to Maria Shriver and made connections to how to help you... let us first look at Maria... 

A beautiful women... accomplished... famous... powerful... strong... and yet “how” could she have been “fooled” by such a ”continual major lie” by her husband for over 10 years?

And while it is great to know that someone like her can be “fooled” just like me and you can... it makes me think...

"If she cannot have a good man who creates safety and honesty for her... what chance do many women have?"

Just because Maria has all those famous and powerful things about her does not mean she has an advantage over you... in fact it actually may be that YOU have much "more power" when it comes to "love" and "your relationships"... because you KNOW so many things about how “relationships” and honesty works by the articles you read here in The Intimate Communion Magazine... yes blow my own horn here.

The Betrayal of TRUST is the REAL Problem...

And for me the “sexual infidelity” here is just one part of this problem... and not even the biggest part! 

For me.. when I work with couples... it is the “lying” and “deception”... and the “betrayal of trust” that I see causes the greatest pain... hurt and confusion...and if you have had this happen to you... you know it really sucks... when someone who you are “sharing” your life with is covering up a major part of their life with continual lies about it... it really does HURT when you become “aware” of the “betrayal of trust”... what is it about “deceit” that is worse than the actually “sexual infidelity” in the first place?

I mean... truly we all lie... we lie to protect ourselves... we lie to protect other people... and sometimes that is true.. perhaps mostly we lie to protect ourselves from what would happen if we told the truth.

And if your man lied about being with friends watching sports on TV when actually he was at a club with those friends because he was afraid you would be upset about him being at a club and what he might have been doing there does that mean you would end the relationship? 

Or if he had a fling with another woman and lied about it... would that be the end of a long marriage? 

Or if he had a child you did not know about... would that be the end? 

Or if he had a child you did not know about and that you KNEW and thought was someone else's... would that end it?

How big does a lie have to be to end things... where does “trust” break down? 

I often think about many of the scenarios of the couples I work with when they hit REAL problems in their relationships... and if I was in their situation... how would I handle it...

Do I really want to leave my partner if she had a one night fling with a man on a business trip? 

Do I really want to know? 

Do I really want to deal with knowing? 

Do I really want to know the “whole truth?”

And though I would really... really love to answer "no lies... no way"... I consider that in some cases... “not knowing” might be the "nicer" way to go... what you do not know cannot harm you... because “being witness” to those men and women who do find out... often through others... is a HUGE OUCH to experience!

And when I am “reflecting” from an my “imaginary place” trying to imagine an imaginary thing that feels upsetting even to imagine... “empathising”... because even just to “experience” that pain of anothers... hurt... confusion... guilt... loss of confidence... loss of esteem... and many other “feelings”... of a relationship that has been “blown apart” by “lies... deceit” and “deception”... is a “painful experience" for me... let alone the man or woman who has having that happen to them... and they are living that “experience” of the "betrayal of their trust”... because that is what REALLY HURTS... the betrayal of TRUST... and it is not so much the “sexual infidelity”... which turns a persons life “upside down.”

I am going to stick with imagination here... and use the scenario from the movie The Firm.

Tom Cruise had a one night fling... which had been set up by villains so they could blackmail him later... then he told his wife the "truth" so they could not blackmail him and they lived though trials and adventures which at the end of they had built a stronger bond together... and she decided to forgive him and be done with it... I like that one better.

In other words... I want to know and I want to have my own “options”... and I want all that “information”... no matter how “painful” it maybe... so I still have the “personal power” and “freedom” to make my own choices.

I am going to share with you an “personal experience” from my own life... going back about ten years now I was in a new relationship with a lovely beautiful woman called Shara... I actually meet her and asked her out in a Tescos super market when I was shopping... and as I am a “petrol head” it was her jacket that caught my eye first... it turned out she was the PR Manager for the Renault F1 Motor Racing Engine Team.

You can already tell where this is going... "male petrol head" meets "female petrol head"... manner from heaven as the saying goes!

We were together and about 5 months and one night she went out with her friends to celebrate a Hen Night... and they went to a house party afterwards... well to get to the point... next morning she woke up buck naked in bed with a guy.

A couple of days later... I noticed she was not in a good space so I asked what was up... she asked me to sit down with her and with tears streaming down her face told me what happened that night... she got crazy drunk and had sex with the guy... and she was so sorry and upset with herself and if I did not want to be with her any more... she would understand.

Now I sat there for a while silent... yep I could have blown a gasket and got all Alpha on her... called her all the names under the sun... thrown the rattle out of the pram... played the “victim” and kicked her butt out... and I did the exact opposite... why?

First... I have been a Relationship Coach and Therapist for many years... I know this stuff goes down and happens all the time... we do some very “stupid” things when we are drunk or high on drugs... and this was so “out of character” for her.

Second... Shara was being "honest" with me and taking a "big risk" in being really "vulnerable" by showing “trust” in me... I sat there quietly for what seemed ages and then looking her directly in the eye blew her away with what I calmly and firmly said next... 

"Shit happens... we ALL make mistakes... even the very best of us... don't do it again... or I WILL kick your butt out... and now I am going to F69K you!"

And she burst out crying even more... in that moment REAL TRUST was forged between us both... I took her hand... lead her to the bedroom... threw her on the bed and totally "ravished" and "f69ked" her... we were together 3 great years before a career opportunity come along in Australia and I wanted her to take it... I could not leave with Shara as I am a father and my son was 6 years old at the time and I was not going to leave him... I have no regrets about my time I shared with Shara... she is without doubt one of the most “fabulous” women I have ever known... and I have many “treasured memories" of the time we “shared” together... it is part of my life I always look back on fondly and SMILE!

And on a side note here... here is a "lesson for men"... about being SOLID and TRUSTING and MATURE in your own MASCULINITY!

So how much lying can you do in a relationship and still maintain intimacy? 

To me... there is only one answer to this question... and I want to say none... “absolutely none”... you cannot “lie” and share “real intimacy” in a relationship... and yes... that is “high minded” of me... I think and feel I can say that through “personal” and “professional experience”... and a lot of people will agree with me! 

Let us get back to Arnold and Maria's relationship... for this one... the “deceit” you would think would make you doubt Arnold and Maria's level of "intimacy"... and yes that is an assumption on my part... it just makes me “question” big time the “motives” of Arnold by going so public like he did... leaving her with “no choice” she had to leave... so what would you do? 

Personally I would not leave the house as Maria did... unless the hotel is better! 

They say Arnold refused to leave... and so Maria moved herself and the kids into a hotel... and I have to assume that Maria got some good advice and knew what she was doing... it sort of takes the word “humiliating” to a new level. 

And that is what "lies" do... they feel “humiliating”... you “trusted” and are “betrayed”... yet you end up “feeling” like the idiot and guilty... so what is it for you... is it the “long lies of cheating and sexual infidelity”... or the “betrayal of your trust”... that "hurts worse?"

For me... if a man wanted to be with another woman... you would either work it out or you would not with the woman you are with now... at least both of you have some level of "control" and "choice"... that is the "honest" and "authentic" way to do it.

Because When Someone Cheats And Then LIES on you... 

YOU FEEL COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL... and to PROTECT yourself you either SHUT DOWN... or completely BLOW UP!

Do you feel completely out control of your own life and future... as though you have been living with blinders on in a box... there is a lot of crying and healing to be done with getting over the "negative pain" of "betrayal"... the truth is that there is always a lot of “positive” too.

Instead... what you want to do is gather “information”... you make your “best choice” from moment to moment...because when you find out you have been “cheated on" and your “trust betrayed”... one of two things happens... you either “shut down” into numbness and withdraw from everything and everyone or your “feelings” go into an “exploding rage” of anger... pain... hurt... and yes... let us be honest here... “revenge”... you feel you want to “hit back.”

Although this is easier said then done... instead expand your “intuition” to its fullest abilities to "understand" what has happened... you do what is BEST for you and then you take what comes as it comes... you TRUST yourself and you go with it... you choose the “positive” over the “negative” and that you have to “trust” you have actually made the "best choices" for you... because one of the most "crippling things" that will happen to you... is when you let “guilt” and “self doubt” run riot... those "thoughts" and "feelings" will really "screw you up"... remind your self constantly...

You DID not do the “cheating” or “lying” or “deceiving”... you did not BETRAY TRUST.

And being all “righteous” and “revengeful” does not feel all that good either... and living in fear about it feels worse... just talking about it and getting all those “messed up feelings” out... and sharing your “confused thoughts”... does “help” you to “heal” better.

What do you “think” and “feel” about this... loving a man who lies and cheats on you and betrays your TRUST?

I would love to hear from you how this whole concept of "lying" in "intimate relationships" sits with you and if past experiences with "lying men" have made you stop “trusting yourself”... I want to help you “trust yourself again”... and to STAY OPEN  mentally and emotionally no matter what.

Determine once and for all whether your man is “truly toxic” or a decent man in disguise and how to tell "minor flaws" you can work with from "tragic flaws" that mean he is too “dangerous” to be with so you can save yourself a lot of pain and get out before “investing” any more of your “precious time” and "emotions" in such a man.

Learn why it NEVER works to try to treat the “symptoms of a toxic relationship” and how to address the CAUSE instead... knowing this will give you a “new perspective” that will completely enable you to “transform” your relationships for the better

See how shifting the "third presence"... that is the space that is between you and your man can bring you the close... “connected relationship” you truly want to “create”...and how you can “influence” him in ways that will TRANSFORM your man without him even knowing it

I know that once you look at yourself and your man from this “perspective” and know that you ARE strong enough to deal with the "truth" and be with a man who HONOURS TRUST.. everything can change for you.


Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

They are truly Passionate and DYNAMIC Lovers!

Yours Sincerely


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