February 2020 Birth Club

Is a 2nd child easier?

First time mum here and, oh. my. god. - our first baby turned our lives upside down completely. No amount of pre natal classes, books, movies, stories could have prepared me for it! I do want a 2nd and potentially a 3rd one? What are people's experiences with more than 1? I get that it'll be double the work: coordinating schedules/naps getting ready to go out, feeding, baths, nappies/toilet etc ,it all sounds like pure chaos but also sounds like the days might go a bit quicker? I've really enjoyed my 1 to 1 time with my son but there have been plenty of boring bits on my mat leave, is a 2nd child easier? Harder? Just different? I love spending and playing with my son now, that he is walking and showing more of his personality I just feel I'm not a newborn baby-type mum, and hope that doesn't get interpreted the wrong way! Just wondered how harder can it be? Lots of people have more than 1 child, it can't be THAT BAD surely? 🤣
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comments (23)

  • Hi Ana, I conceived my son around the same time as his age now. So there was 21 months between my daughter and son. Having my daughter was chaos, but I was kind of prepped already for my son because I knew what to expect. My daughter, was still a baby herself in reality when my son was born so she still needed a lot of attention but I couldn’t always give it which was hard. Now that my son is a bit more independent she has started to demand me a bit more now and I feel like he doesn’t get as much of me as he needs. It’s a constant battle of sharing myself between them (which doesn’t leave hardly anytime for myself but that’s fine) and there’s still a lot of guilt which is normal. It’s hard, but worth it, but hard 🤣
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  • I've a bigger age gap between mine. Eldest is 8, youngest 1. I wasn't keen on having a second as my first was so so hard as a baby and like you im definently not a newborn baby lover. I also felt id got to a stage where life was so much easier as my son is quite independent etc and couldn't even imagine going back and starting again. My second was a nightmare too to begin with. She would only sleep on me for the first almost 4 months and I couldn't put her down during the day much either or she screamed. Throw in homeschooling in a pandemic, multiple food intolerances, not sleeping during the day for longer than 20 minutes (on me), waking up several times a night before starting our day at 3/4 am - even now I've only managed to push that back until 5am. Its been super hard again and really put a strain on my marriage............ however I would honestly consider doing it one more time if I thought it wouldn't break me abd my husband up. I love the toddler stage and its so true that nothing lasts forever. Good and bad. They are only tiny for so long, they all (mostly) learn to sleep, you find your routines (you change them lots more) everything does get easier. I look at my 8 year old and can't believe the boy he is. His hands are almost the same size as mine- his feet are the same size as mine. Hes kind and thoughtful and loving. His sister is coming on so much too. Shes cheeky, wild and very stubborn. Yes its really hard at times but it is the most amazing thing and you'll find ways to get through the hard bits x
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  • When I went from 0 to 1 it was such a shock to the system. The lack of sleep, the feeling of responsibility and the endless hours I also found it quite isolating as I knew noone with kids, friends were working and everyone was trying to tell me why their way of parenting was better than mine. Our gap is 2 years 9months and I won't lie, if I thought 0 to 1 was hard, 1 to 2 was off the chart. Yes you're already in the mindset and some things are no extra effort e.g nappy changes, weaning and meals, packing to go out for the day, but in every single other way it is harder. With one, if you have a rough night you can slack with them the following day. A baby naps, you sod the housework and nap too. You're playing the game in front of you and get to focus on that child. With 2 you are constantly chasing your tail. I have 2 children running in 2 different directions with different abilities and interests and safety needs and it goes on. With 1, you can make them safe and pop to the loo. With 2, you don't get that because if eldest is in a mood and she grabs what he's doing he'll shove her. Same with showering. My eldest doesn't nap. That makes life hard. And there's days like today, eldest had nightmare and came through to me. He wet bed soaking me, the baby and the bed. OH sorted him whilst I sorted myself, the baby and the bed. Then OH took baby so I could try and get him to sleep, then we swapped children so I could boob baby. Eldest did not go back to sleep and at 5am OH calls it quits and they are up for the day. Eldest finally napped at 2pm, baby at least napped at the same time. But both OH and I were done in. Neither of us were working today, I don't know how we would have survived otherwise! It was brutal. That said, I love my 2. They complete me. Before Feb LO there was a hole in who I was that I couldn't stop, that sense of something missing. She completes me and our family and I couldn't be without her despite it being so damn hard! I'm hoping as they get older it gets easier, like DS will be at school soon a day she will be a toddler rather than a baby, which is marginally easier.
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  • Our age gap is 11years. Lol. I couldn't imagine having to take care of 2 babies. My son being 11 almost 12 now he takes care of himself so I can concentrate on my LG who's 1 at the end of the month. My boy was easy but he was ill and in and out of hospital for the first year of his life. My husband always wanted another and I said no. But then 2years ago I said yes he almost choked on his tea. Lol. My LG is a handful but I wouldn't be without her now.
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  • I have 3 children. The age gap between my boys is 2 years and 6 months. I have a almost 1 year old girl. The age gap between my middle and my lg is 10 years. Having the boys was hard. Both were in nappies at the same time for at least a year. The eldest couldn't understand why I couldn't give him full attention when his brother needed feeding. I was shattered, couldn't sleep when baby slept as toddler needed me. However my middle slept better, he was in a nighttime routine from the off as we were doing it with my eldest. They are incredibly close and have the same interests. With my lg, the boys are old enough to entertain themselves and understand when their sister is being a monkey. Lockdown hasn't made it easier with homeschooling etc but that's an exception (hopefully!) They dote on her and they can play with her, giving me time to have that cuppa! I wouldn't change any of it for anything. It's tough, its hard, I've cried on countless occasions throughout all 3 but I am happier, I have awesome kids and we have fun. I wouldn't even be opposed to adding a 4th to the mix!
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  • Molivan said:
    Hi Ana, I conceived my son around the same time as his age now. So th…
    Oh ibdont know how I'd manage not giving both the same attention, but I guess a new born is much more hands on to begin with, and tiring, the 2nd one gets less attention...and with everything being closed, there are not many options of what to do as a family either. Well done for working through this, sounds like a big but also rewarding job!
  • MrsRdancequeen said:
    I've a bigger age gap between mine. Eldest is 8, youngest 1. I wasn…
    Aw so sorry all this put such a strain on your relationship! It's understandable especially if you get a difficult journey, lack of sleep, not being able to do things out as a family... It's also very real what you said, everything is a phase and they grow out of most of things.... years can go so quickly, just not sure what to do, whether I should wait, but I don't want to be too old either. Yep nobody signed up to have children and having to homeschool so I get how hard it can be, you're doing great. I mean I'm a first time mum and been such a wimp, I just don't know how people with more children manage, and some have to work from home and home school! 😳🥴 crazy
  • In my experience, second is way easier. You’ve already had your world turned upside down, you’ve already adapted to being a mom. You’re more confident, relaxed and know what to expect. I had my second when my daughter was just 13 months old! It wasn’t planned and I worried about how I’d cope throughout my pregnancy. Of course, it’s hard at times. You get even less time to yourself and sleep can be hard. They’re both sleeping really well at the min though! 🤞🏼 When ones up in the night, you’re still up super early with your toddler. Meal times, bath times and bed times are busy but you just get used to it. I am so busy, I do long for an afternoon to myself at times but I really love it and now think about the possibility of a no.3 in a couple of years!
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  • MrsWard5 said:
    When I went from 0 to 1 it was such a shock to the system. The lack o…
    Wow that sounds like a tough night, great you could get husband involved but I don't know what I'd do and the age gap is bigger than what I was thinking for my family. Each time I look at my son I feel something is missing and I hate myself for it because my son should be enough, but I feel/want more just because I feel we're finally in a good routine, we have a good set up home and I'd make his sibling pretty happy too, plus he'd get a friend for life. I don't know whether the empty hole in my soul can be filled by a 2nd but here's for hoping. Thanks for sharing and I keep my fingers crossed things get easier for you. Exhaustion can take its toll on the best of us
  • MrsWoodcock said:
    Our age gap is 11years. Lol. I couldn't imagine having to take care of…
    Thanks for sharing , I had a 7 Yr age gap with my brother and got along so so well! I was thinking of a smaller age gap (mainly because I don't want to be in my 40s with a baby) but o have heard some close in age siblings can be quite competitive and not bond as well... Thanks for sharing x