

Soap watch

Why are people in soapland not more adventurous? Most appear never to have seen a map of the UK, let alone the world. Apart from Kaffy’s non-deff in Sarf Arfrikka in EastEnders, there’s little evidence anyone has ventured beyond Europe.

This week, Corrie’s residents go to Blackpool (ye gods, how will they cope with the change in air pressure?); EastEnders’ Lisa has been banging on about Portugal for longer than that country’s Eurovision winners did in 2017 (trust me, that was a lot); and in Emmerdale, a trip into Leeds requires more preparation than a six-week safari.

Production budgets limit the adventures characters can enjoy; hence when the EastEnders go ‘up west’ (on the Tube, no less - how exciting is that?), they ponder it for days, worried about where they’ve put their passports. When Corrie writes absences into the scripts, characters are rarely further than a train ride away, yet all return with the kind of tan that makes them invisible in the dark. As for Emmerdale, it seems the second a character suggests leaving the village, they kill them off. Talk about possessive.


‘They make Chernobyl look like a cap gun.’ Gemma to Chesney, about the quads, Corrie


‘You de-gingered me!’ Chesney to Freshco’s PR about a Photoshopped poster, Corrie