Dynamic Debate

Children are Resilient

Is saying that children are resilient harmful? Particularly in how it's used to brush away the harm caused to children during the pandemic. "It doesn't matter that kids have missed their friends/education/been made to wear face masks/weekly testing/told they'll kill granny if they hug her/ ect, ect because kids are resilient and they'll not be effected in the long term, and any effect it does have on them is secondary to 'stopping covid'" Other situations too I guess, not just covid. Like emotional trauma or witnessing abuse

comments (12)

  • I think building resilience is really important. I think assuming someone is can be harmful.
  • It's a tricky one. We also say that children are resilient and will cope with the split of their parents unhappy relationship. It's not healthy to protect children from everything, they would grow up with no emotional resilience or coping strategies. I don't think it was ever going to be possible to protect them from the covid situation.
  • HulkHemsworth said:
    I think building resilience is really important. I think assuming som…
    I think there is an assumed resilience when it comes to kids. I think it stems from a place of assuming they aren't as effected by things as adults as they don't understand them as much I do think it's a harmful belief
  • Resilience is something children and adults need to learn how to build and doesn't come automatically so it can be harmful to assume kids can just bounce back from things.
  • I think the problem is that a child can experience something awful or tragic and appear to “bounce back”. When my Mum lost her Dad when she was 6 her first response was “is Santa still coming?”. Everyone assumed that meant she was unaffected by his death, and even now nearly 60 years later I still don’t think she has dealt with that particular emotion. So I think people can mistake lack of response for resilience. I very much expect the fall out of all these apparent resilient children will happen over the next few years and decades. Which sounds pretty fucking depressing actually. I do think though that children and young people can handle more than we give them credit for, but I think we need to ensure they have support and coping mechanisms available, and also that we are honest accepting of them. Afterall some people are less affected by things than others: I don’t think that’s necessarily resilience, I think it’s often just personality.
  • I think it's important to teach children resilience. I think it can be harmful to assume it.
  • Dasamoo said:
    I think the problem is that a child can experience something awful or …
    I agree with this. Also, kids often are affected but it’s not noticed straight away. When research was done after the earthquake in New Zealand it was found kids were effected including kids who weren’t directly affected by close family or friends being killed or hurt.
  • I think it's hard to define resilience. Children learn to cope with most things. Sometimes this is a good thing - it's not harmed them and they've learned how to cope with change or whatever. Sometimes it's damaged them and they've learned how to shut it off, or assume adults are unreliable, or whatever, and just get on with life. The children I see around me have all coped with covid and its restrictions. There's definitely been some problems; there's been the occasional unexpected benefit. How it'll work out in the long run I don't know, but I suspect there will be some longterm consequences, particularly for the very young who only saw their parents for the first maybe year of their life, and teenagers who should be gaining independence rather than being cooped up with their parents.
  • And to put it another way - what doesn't kill you gives you really unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humour....
  • I was actually thinking about this yesterday as I was asked what Ds best quality is. Initially I thought his resilience, but actually he is resilient in large part because he has supportive people around him who help him bounce back. Children always find a way to cope, as do most adults, after all there is not really any other option especially for children. Coping mechanisms depend on so many different things, not all coping mechanisms are healthy. The children with the most support alongside more relaxed personalities, and therefore likely to be less vulnerable in general, will probably be fine, whereas those who struggle/don’t have adequate support/are vulnerable, will probably have things compounded and would appear less resilient.