Christmas Dinner Conversations with the Muppets

I kid you not, dinner with my Muppet Family is HILARIOUS! Our regular, everyday life is filled with bizarre and strange happenings that only seem to happen to us and Newfies. This always makes for interesting conversation.

The women folk were sitting around the dinner table last night visiting and catching up when Aunt Scooter asks Mrs. Statler, “Mom are you reading ET’s blog?”

Mrs. Statler “Hmmm? Sure I do.”

ET: “You know Mrs. Statler is you right?”

Mrs. Statler: ” What?!”

Later on in the evening, we sat with Cousin Animal. Now that he is balding you can see the scar on his head where he had surgery a few years back. He said he feels self-conscious when people ask him what happened. So being the kind and thoughtful Muppet family we are, we all offered suggestions:

“Tell people you brother pushed in your baby soft spot when you were little” or “I cut myself shaving” or “everyone has that scar, wait until you go bald” We are a kind and loving family.

Tonight at dinner, we were engaged in lovely conversation when my brother Gonzo (who is 41), was laying on the couch, suddenly jumps up, interrupts the conversation with: “I got a bookmark and a Qutluch for Christmas!” My Dad looks at him and asks, “What the …? Is a Qutauch?” “A Klingon war weapon!” The room went silent and we all stared at Gonzo for a good five minutes. He sat there smiling because he thought we were jealous. My Dad turns to Granny The Ukrainian Swedish Chef and says, “that’s why we keep him in the corner”.

Granny The Ukrainian Swedish Chef suddenly blurts out, ” I bought a 26lb Turkey I need to cook tomorrow.” My mom looks at her and said, “you live alone, why would you buy such a big Turkey?”

Granny The Ukrainian Swedish Chef said: “I thought it would be nice. I told the girls at Bridge about it and they kept adding 5lbs to the turkey as the night went on. Before you knew it they had accused me of buying a 75lb Turkey”

Mom: “But what on earth possessed you to buy such a big Turkey?”

Granny the Ukrainian Swedish Chef’s grandson said: “I am willing to bet she bought it because it was on sale AND double Airmiles. She will cook it up and send half on the Greyhound Bus to British Columbia and the other half to Saskatchewan and not eat any for herself.”

Granny the Ukrainian Swedish Chef shrugs her shoulders and said: “But it was a good deal!”

So there you have it, a very small but insightful look at my Muppet Family Christmas. Two family dinners down, one more to go. Boxing Day tomorrow with Honey’s Family. I know you are wondering if they are crazy Muppets too. My answer is, of course they are! Do you really think I would be a part of anything else?

It's time to play the music
It's time to light the lights
It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.

It's time to put on makeup
It's time to dress up right
It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight.

Why do we always come here
I guess we'll never know
It's like a kind of torture
To have to watch the show

And now let's get things started
Why don't you get things started
It's time to get things started
On the most sensational inspirational celebrational
This is what we call the Muppet Show

ARTIST: Jim Henson and Sam Pottle
TITLE: The Muppet Show Theme Song

6 thoughts on “Christmas Dinner Conversations with the Muppets

  1. Are all grannies the same? My gran always used to get the turkey, and worry about it, and probably at a good deal too. This year- we didnt have turkey……. too much stress on all of us who have never attempted the big bird. Maybe next year…….
    Love your muppet family.

  2. ET-
    Your post brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I can only imagine what stress and chaos you were under! Did your mother have any left over turkey? I mean all “75lb’s” of it….hehe
    Much love and good tidings to you sweet lady!

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