In Dinner
For Schmucks
, Paul Rudd (I Love You, Man) plays Tim, an
average guy who has paid his dues at his job and is just inches from
reaching his high-paying dream job. In order to receive the promotion,
Tim must participate in something he views as morally incorrect – he
must bring the biggest idiot (a.k.a. “schmuck”) he can find to a dinner
where everyone else also brings a schmuck. The joke is on them, as the
“schmucks” have no idea that the only reason they are there is to be
laughed at. Steve Carell (The Office) plays Barry, the schmuck
Tim brings to dinner. Also playing schmucks are Zach Galifianakis (The
) and Jemaine Clement (Flight Of The Conchords).

The following is a list of my top five places to host a “Dinner For
Schmucks” and why.

5. Applebee’s
Taking a group of schmucks to an average popular national chain would
give you twice the show. Almost any afternoon you can find unique groups
of people dinning out in major chains: the senior citizens from the
local rest home; the away team playing in the local high school
volleyball tournament; the made-up “Little Miss Sunshine” girls
dolled to look like adults for a beauty contest. A group of schmucks
wouldn’t be uncommon in a restaurant like this, but seeing how other the
employees and fellow patrons reacted to your odd compadres could
heighten the experience.

4. Red Lobster
Have you ever tried to watch a schmuck crack open crab legs? Have you
ever seen one play with a boiled crab leg, moving the joints and claws
as if it were still alive? Now imagine how far a group of schmucks would
take it, all trying do out-do one another. Enough said.

3. A Champaign Buffet in Las Vegas
On the days leading up to and following big holidays like Christmas,
buffets in Las Vegas turn into “Champaign Buffets,” meaning they go from
“all-you-can-eat” to “all-you-can-drink” by throwing complimentary
Champaign into the mix. While it does cost about twice the price of the
normal buffets, wouldn’t a group of out-of-control drunk schmucks be
more entertaining than sober ones? If you thought they were redonkulous
before, you should see them tipsy!

2. Benihana
Most people like hibachi grill restaurants because the food is
absolutely delicious (anyone else go for double the noodles?) and it is a
fun experience. But have you ever been there and noticed that one extra
loud out-of-place table? You know, the one that looks like Chevy
Chase’s brother (Randy Quaid) and his family from Christmas Vacation?
Those schmucks are there just for the show. They are more excited to
see a flaming volcano of vodka-covered yellow onions than to eat the
expensive food. They would rather watch Jim-bo try to catch 12 flying
shrimp in his mouth than savor the delicious flavor of a medium rare
fillet. These annoying schmucks are not fun when you are sitting in the
table behind them, but they sure would be fun if your intention of being
there were just to laugh at them.

1. The Burger Hole
“Nothing says royalty like The Burger Hole.”
A fictional restaurant from Paul Rudd’s Role Models, it is like
the Denny’s of burger joints. The geeky of the geekiest hang out here.
Live action role-playing adults come here before “epic battles” to get
their grub on and build strength. Any average schmuck would consider
this “fine dining,” but everyone else is the wiser. It is also an
efficient place to host a dinner for schmucks because of its low-prices.
Schmucks are schmuck-magnets, so considering how many schmucks hang out
here anyway, you might even collect a few more at your dinner.
If you were going to host a “Dinner For Schmucks,” where would you host
it and why? Post comments below!

Take The Reel Place’s Dinner For Schmuck quiz here to
get passes to see a free advanced screening of Dinner For Schmucks
on Wednesday, July 28 in Sandy, Utah. Dinner For Schmucks opens
nationwide July 30 and is rated PG-13 for sequences of crude and sexual
content, some partial nudity and language.

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