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Lost your job because of coronavirus? You might face an identity crisis — but you can overcome it

By Anna Kelsey-Sugg and Maria Tickle for This Working Life

A close-up of a man in blue suit jacket and shirt, with short facial hair, smiling widely.
Alex Reiff has found new ways to define himself — and his worth — since suddenly losing his job due to coronavirus.(



When Alex Reiff lost his job as a result of the coronavirus pandemic, it was an unprecedented shock. For the first time since his early teens, he didn't know where his next pay cheque would come from.

The American former senior sales director shared his fear and uncertainties in a LinkedIn post, writing: "Absolutely fearful right now. No job. Five-month-old son. Global pandemic. Competitive job market. Confidence shot."

His words struck a nerve — the post went viral, and has now been read by 950,000 people.

A smiling man holds his arm around an infant who is happily squeezing a toy giraffe.
Alex Reiff has now decided to make the most of being a full-time father.(



And while it's no secret that suddenly being unemployed can have drastic economic implications, the immediate problem presented to Alex was more psychological than financial.

He was left wondering, 'Without my career, how do I define myself? What is my identity?' Then, he was struck with an answer.

"I'm defined by the way I treat people," Alex tells ABC RN's This Working Life.

"I hope that I'm defined by the way I make people smile and laugh.

"I hope I'm defined by the way I love my wife and care for my son. That's who I am as a person."

He's now managed to transition positively out of his sudden job loss — and these experts say you can too.

When we lose the 'organising principle of our lives'

Hundreds of thousands of Australians across a range of industries have lost their jobs in the past few months.

Aliya Rao, an assistant professor of sociology at Singapore Management University, says that has a very real human impact, beyond dollars and cents.

With a body of water blurred in background, a woman with large patterned scarf and brown hair smiles slightly.
Losing a job means having to find a new way to structure your day, says Dr Aliya Rao.(



"Employment is really an organising principle of our lives," she says.

"It's where we often meet our friends. It's what gives structure to our days. It's often what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.

"So when you lose a job, you're obviously losing an income, but you're also losing a way of [navigating] the world."

It's an experience Australian freelance classical musician Deirdre Dowling likens to grief.

A woman sitting dressed in black cradles a violin in her lap and, with a neutral expression, looks up towards the camera.
Musician Deirdre Dowling feels that, since losing all performing work, a part of her has died.(

Supplied: Annelies van der Vegt


Deirdre has lived in Europe for nearly 20 years. When coronavirus struck, all her work there was cancelled for the foreseeable future, forcing her to return to Australia.

"I didn't realise until now how much that [work] is a part of me and a part of my identity," she says.

"At the moment that has basically died, in a way, without sounding too dramatic about it. It's a part that's not expressed. [It] has to die, has to become dormant, because it just literally cannot exist."

Silvia Regos, a Melbourne-based business growth advisor and coach, says Deirdre is far from alone.

She says a career change that we haven't chosen is "very unsettling".

"[It] can spark quite deep emotions and anxiety ... it's a very dark time for some people," she says.

"You actually do lose your identity ... You're in a time of, in a way, nothingness, because you're not quite sure what you're heading into."

Alex says when we lose a job, we lose the markers of success we're used to, which our "identity may be wrapped up in".

And he's trying to look beyond that.

"What I'm challenging myself with, and I hope other people do, is [the notion] that as individuals, we all have our own ability to define success," he says.

"And it doesn't have to be defined by outside sources."

Recovering from a sudden career change

A woman with curly brown hair, glasses and blue jacket leans against a brick wall smiling widely.
Don't try to cope with a job-loss shock alone, advises Silvia Regos.(



Silvia believes, in the face of suddenly losing a job, no-one should try to cope alone.

"It's really important to surround yourself with a couple of people who can support you through that transition," she says.

Janna Koretz, a Boston-based clinical psychologist specialising in mental health in high pressure careers, says it's also important to move beyond an "inward focus".

That inward focus can mean we struggle to see past the "litany of problems" we face in the wake of a job loss.

"I don't know where my pay cheque is going to come from. I have to provide for my family and now I can't and I feel badly about that. I'm nervous about the future and what it holds for me not having a job," she says, listing a few examples.

Janna says pulling back to ask "broader stroke" questions of ourselves is more useful.

"What am I doing with my life? What's important to me? What are my values? What do I want to incorporate into my day to day, my career, when all of this is over?"

They're questions we probably have more time than usual to contemplate.

"One silver lining of the COVID epidemic is that it allows people to slow down a little bit, whether or not they've lost their job, and to sort of take a step back," Janna says.

"There's nowhere to go. There's no-one to see. There's no school to take kids. There's no place to be.

"So it gives a little bit of space to sort of re-evaluate those things."

A close-up shot of a woman with bright blue eyes and a wide smile, looking straight ahead.
Challenging situations can still present opportunities, says Janna Koretz.(



And if you can't identify exactly what it is you want, figuring out what you don't want is just as valuable.

"Even if it's just, I definitely don't want to work 100 hours a week. I don't want to work in corporate law. I don't want to work by myself," Janna says.

"Those don'ts are just as important as the do's."

Seeing the silver lining

Silvia also believes an opportunity to pause can be great for taking stock of what we want for our future, and can provide an "exciting period of exploration".

"For those who are financially stressed I think it is important to [find] some sort of work to get some income coming in, but balance that with spending some time working through what you may want to do next," she says.

"Spend some time thinking about the future of jobs and look to a level of excitement around reskilling potentially, and making sure you remember that you have some fantastic transferable skills that you can take with you into that next phase.

"Spend a little time thinking through what you're passionate about. Spend a bit of time thinking through what will be more sustainable for you in the future, both personally and professionally. Work through that first."

It's been a matter of weeks since Alex lost his job, and he has rushed into a new role — but it's not a paid one.

He says after being someone who "just works, works, works", he's now a full-time dad now, and he's loving it.

"When my son was born, I actually ended up taking some meetings the next day, and at the time, I didn't realise how ridiculous that was," he says.

"Thinking back I went, 'man, that's really, really stupid. Why did I do that?'"

Full-time parent status "has strengthened my sense of identity", he says.

"When things such as a career and profession are stripped away, you actually realise, 'man, I can figure out something else'."

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