I'm really ticked right now!!!

by sammielee24 50 Replies latest jw friends

  • Stephanus
    Renee (of the pray for your enemies class)

    Synergy, do you have the ability to create and project holographic illusions?


    of the "has watched too many of the wrong cartoons" class

  • geevee

    The advice is spot on. But, yes the question remains, What is "necessary family business"?? When I was "in" and an "elder" this term was bandied about, as in "only necessary family business" and nothing else. [You know, elders laying the law down because someone thinks that someone else has crossed the line and needs a sharp jab up the rear!!]
    But the family with the df'ed member says, yes, the wt says necessary family business, so there are times when we can have contact.
    NO ONE not even the mighty elders almanac spell out exactly what is and isn't necessary family business.
    What have others been canned for? What have others been "allowed" to do?

  • nelly136

    take the gift card for the meal and take you both out for a dinner (i'm assuming they sent that bit back?)

    you could honestly drive yourselves nuts thinking about it, step over em, you've been more than patient all this time, i wouldnt give them any response that would give them any indication its bothered you, and i'd definately cross em off the need to know in an emergency list.

  • Dr Jekyll
    Dr Jekyll

    I'd just send a brief note back saying something like "Whilst I do not agree with your decision to cut us off I will respect your decision. You have my word neither your father or myself will ever contact you again."

    Keep it short and to the point, don't waffle and don't turn it into an I'm right you're wrong argument, dubs will just turn off to that.

    Put the ball firmly in their court, lay the guilt on their heads and point out the consequences of their actions. Let them live with the guilt that they were the ones that cut you off.


  • blondie
    I'm so ticked that I feel like writing the nasty little ingrate back to ask her to provide me a list of what she deems emergency situations - just so I can post it by the fridge....in case we really have one you know.

    When they want money from you or a "favor" that benefits them only.

    (Then I saw Scully's comment)

    After all this, do you want them by his bedside to give "comfort" when he is dying? What does your husband think?

    Family business = money, what they will inherit when you or he die. Why not make arrangements now to see that your funds go to the deserving and somehow let them know that they don't have to worry about being contaminated by it.


  • ferret

    Don't waste one minute even thinking about it. I have put up with this same crap for 25 years.

    to try and communicate with them is futile. I have told my daughters that my door is always open if

    they ever change their minds.

  • roybatty
    I would tend to ignore them completely, sammielee.

    Speaking from experience, I would agree with Luna. When I da'd myself, it soon became clear that my family would enforce the JW cult rules to the extreme. Since they wouldn't talk to me, I simply dropped each one a note. In it I told them I loved them dearly, will miss them but will honor their request and not contact them. Years went by and they did indeed have nothing to do with me. What shocked me the most was something that happened years later at my father's funeral. I spoke with my mother and made sure that everything she needed was taken care of (fixing stuff around the house, any auto repairs, etc.). My brother was there "standing guard" next to her - suddenly he broke down and began crying. He was sobbing, babbling on about how much he misses me. Sadly though, I had already "grieved" the loss of my JW family. There was nothing there anymore, the bond of two brothers was gone. I don't know if he was simply reacting to the emotions of the day (that's what I personally believe) or if he really missed me or perhaps he felt a little bit of guilt knowing that he/they have really treated me like shit. Whatever the case, I have peace of mind knowing that I did the right thing by sending them a note wishing them well.

  • FlyingHighNow
    Please contact us only in family emergency situations'.

    My sister, who is like a mother to me, she and her husband informed me that even if someone is dying or dead, we are not to have contact. I wrote her son and told him how ludicrous that sounds to Andy and his family and how psychotic they look. I also gave them all kinds of instances of elders we know who have showed more mercy that that. I got an indirect apology from my brother in law, but no contact since nearly a year ago.

    One of their sons was hoodwinked by them to live with them and forced to study. He recently admitted to them he is smoking again and not interested at all in going to the meetings. At first they were going to kick him out with only what he could carry. Now he is going to be allowed to stay, to smoke and not required to attend meetings. But guess what, he has been advised not to have ANY contact with me. How hilarious. He told me he makes his own decisions now.

    His youngest brother is not a JW and avoids his parents' controlling long arm by having brief contact with them every few years. He despises their sick need to attempt to control him.

  • kid-A

    "I fully comprehend the Witness way of thinking but this goes beyond the pale.."

    It goes beyond the pale in a "sane" world....but in the psychosis-laden psychological universe of the JW, this behaviour is just par for the course. In their dementia, they genuinely believe they are obeying direct edicts from lord jehoobie himself. Dont waste time on them anymore because really, you have lost them to this JW bizarro world.

    In their minds, they may be thinking that this diplorable behaviour and disrespect is a way to "correct you" from your evil apostate ways and force you back into the cult via emotional blackmail. After all, this is one of the stated purposes behind the WTS doctrine of shunning and DFing: so that you may "see the error of your ways" and return to lord jehoobie and start peddling magazines again. Some relationships in life, regardless of the degree of 'biological' relatedness simply turn toxic. For the sake of your own well-being, these ties must be severed. I wouldnt contact them under ANY circumstances. Someday they will see their evil behaviour for what it is, and perhaps, just maybe, redemption will be possible. But until then, living well really is the best revenge.....

  • Finally-Free

    "Necessary family business".

    First, you need to define what the word "family" means to you. In my opinion a blood relation who treats me like shit or refuses to acknowledge my existence is not family. They are nothing more than an asshole who has an insignificant biological tie to me - a tie that does not entail any obligation on my part. I won't let people like that into my life, and they certainly don't need to think they will have any claim on my estate when I croak. I'd sooner leave my money to a complete stranger.

    If someone decides to shun me I accept that shunning, and I shun them in return, in the most absolute sense possible. I won't allow them to change their minds either - if someone can withdraw their "love" once, they can just as easily do it a thousand times. I won't give anyone a chance to shit on me a second time; I don't care who they are, nor do I care if they do it because they are influenced by a cult. The cult may tell them to shun, but they are adults with their own brain, and as such they are responsible to accept the consequenses of their choice to obey the cult.

    Either I am family in everything or in nothing. There is no middle ground.


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