Judas Gets Taken for a Ride

A difficult and perplexing song full of references to an obscure book written 2000 years ago by a group of notorious hashish addicts, Lady Gaga’s Judas is seen by the paranoid amongst us as part of an Illuminati plot to take over the world, probably in order to make everyone wear multicolored clown wigs whenever outside the house.

Needless to say, this interpretation is not only deeply flawed but downright absurd. The song is instead a profound (yet paradoxically insubstantial) post-post-postmodern statement on Gaga’s ongoing struggle with the intrinsic duality of the human soul, as expressed in the following lyrics…

“Jesus is my virtue,
Judas is the demon I cling to”

Which can be only be taken to mean that if her career didn’t require her to stay slim, little Stefani is the kind of gal that would eat every last donut in the box.

The usually over-sexed singer also seems to hint at a previously well hidden sexual ambivalence during a scene in which she  appears to be about to give Jesus a blowjob, but backs out at the last minute. This surprising reluctance to polish the sacred pole explains why at the end of the video J.C’s followers stone her to death, leaving our heroine lying in what appears to be some remnants from that dressmaking place where I used to work as a fridge guard.

Why Jesus and his apostles are portrayed as some sort of motorcycle gang is anyone’s guess, but then she couldn’t very well have them riding around on camels – that would be stupid.