What I wrote 1 year after my brother Nate died (Written May 2017)

So many tears especially these last few weeks… one cannot compare grief, we all feel it deeply even if we put on a smile for others or distract ourselves between being hit with grief again. They say the only way to heal is to feel, and grief is the price we pay for love.

I hear both Aline and Nate through various ways, thoughts of comfort, specific messages in dreams, songs, flickering lights or electronics, and seeing repeated numbers, that they’re okay and are still a part of my life and I’m not alone because they are my guardian angel.

Aline channeled her energy through various animals like the snowy owl, a butterfly and a kitten, Nate likes putting certain things with his name across my path, usually with a song so I know for sure, overheard conversations with Aline’s name, telepathic conversations with Nate in my mind, countless synchronicities I wish I’d written down but I can’t remember them now because they were for that moment.

Their soul and love lives on and they will always be a part of my life, they always comfort me when I’m sad and make me laugh when I’m having a good day. I feel them around, not constantly but often.

I was at an event recently where Wilma Derkson was speaking, she is the mother of Candice who was murdered as a teen in Winnipeg years ago. She had so many insights about how to deal with grief, I’ve read her book, and I took some notes:

When you get stuck, see a psychologist or grief counselor.

Grief is like a river and visualize little boats of forgiveness and compassion.

Art is very important to some whether it’s through making sculptures or colouring mandalas, it’s a way to process.

There is always blame, guilt and truth confusion, usually we don’t do blame well, often blaming someone close to us or ourselves instead of realizing the responsibility is not ours, even though it’s natural to think would, could or should.

We get angry or resist at least 14x per day, we must forgive ourselves and others each time to find inner peace, visualizing little paper boats, acceptance of what is transforms us from victim to survivor.

Have a conversation with yourself, either aloud or on paper, question your thoughts if they’re true, often we convince ourselves of things not true.

Source: Mindful Regeneration

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