

Christianity and the love of God is what has given me the hope and courage to continue healing, and not give up in the face of the sometimes overwhelming despair and pain that breaking programming causes. I do understand that not everyone makes this choice, and respect those who try to heal under a different faith system. But simply put, I am not strong enough, or courageous enough, to heal from a lifetime of abuse and torture without the love and encouragement that my faith brings.

The group I was raised in was blatantly satanic and luciferian, and Christianity is the opposite of this faith system. Simply put, satanists torture and abuse people; while the majority of Christians do not. I do realize that there is spiritual abuse by people who claim to be Christians, and this is sad. I also realize that there are Christian therapists and ministries that are fronts for cult activity; but there are also non-Christian therapists and social justice groups that are also fronts for cult activity. Bad therapy, and cult therapists, come from every belief system, not just Christian churches.

The group that I was raised in did a lot of anti-Christian programming, but did not do any anti-buddhist, anti-islamic, or anti-Hindu programming. This made me wonder why; I believe it is because Christianity – the real, Biblical type – is a threat to these groups and to their programming. I became a Christian at the age of 14, in my American presentation. But the word got out inside, and my cult host also became a Christian at that age. For two months, I was at a rehab center for drug use (I had run away from home and used drugs) and during this time, went to a Bible study and was befriended by a Christian on the staff of the facility, who took me home on the weekends where I learned more about my new faith.

When I went back home, I was immediately flown overseas, where six weeks was spent in torturing me and loved ones in order to get me to recant my faith. I was called an “adulterous” for having chosen Christianity by the members of my group, who saw my newfound faith as betraying satan and his supposed “love” for me. They tortured six of my classmates to death in front of me, and hung my twin brother and sister on crosses after this, to get me to turn from my faith. I did cave at the time, and this hurt my faith greatly for years, because unconsciously I believed that God could not forgive me (He did). Why did they spend so much time trying to program out a belief system like this? The only explanation is that they feared the one power that could overcome everything they were doing to me; they feared losing control of me if I continued in my Christian faith. Fortunately, faith is not something that they could program out, torture out or guilt out of me, in spite of the group’s best efforts.

The love of God is real, and truth is truth, regardless of the lies told. I went through two other periods of severe anti-Christian programming as an adult (my presenters and back parts kept turning to Jesus for help), and each time, the Lord helped me come back to Him. God is greater than satan. His love is greater than the pain, terror and abuse that the cult can inflict. And He is able to help those who call out to Him. This does not negate the fact that my parts have yelled at Him in anger and rage, asking “Where were you when I was being hurt? Why did you let me get abused like this?” Fortunately, He is big enough, and loving enough, to “take it”. He has never stopped loving me throughout the journey, and this love has given me the courage to heal.

I remember that years ago, when I was in my mid-20’s, long before I knew that I was dissociative, or had ritual abuse and mind control in my background, I had a dream. In the dream, I was being chased by three witches dressed in black robes, who were cackling and trying to scratch me with their long, red fingernails. Terrified, I fled, and saw a small wooden shed ahead. I ran into the shed, closed the door, and turned. There with me in the shed was Jesus. I cannot begin to describe the sense of safety and comfort that I experienced in His presence. He looked at me with such love and compassion, and the fear left. I then looked in the corner of the shed. There as a wooden chest with ornate carvings in it. I opened the chest, and inside was a pure white alabaster statue that looked exactly like me. As I held it, I heard Jesus say “smash it.” In my dream, I tried and tried and tried for what seemed like hours to smash the statue and could not. I exerted all of my will, until sweat was pouring out of me, but could not. Sad and anguished, I turned to Him and said, “Lord, I want to, but I can’t.” At that moment, He said to me, “Let me help you, let’s do this together.” He placed His hands beneath mine, and this time, I was able to easily lift the statue above my head, then smash it. It broke into a fine powder that then blew away.

I turned around to thank Jesus for His help, and He was gone. I then went to the door of the shed, and began walking away. As I did, the three dark witches reappeared, screeching and trying to claw at me. This time, I laughed and said, “You can’t hurt me anymore. I’m free.” The dream ended there. Over the years, I have thought about that dream, and realized that the alabaster statue represented my programming. I was unable to break it alone, through sheer effort of will, regardless of how much I wanted to. But when I allowed the Lord to help me, it was possible – and I was free. This is my wish for each person who reads these articles, and is trying to leave an abusive group : that you will be able to get free as well.