DAWN DRESSLER: Cars are not what they used to be

Sun | Local

I was driving down the road minding my own business the other day, when suddenly the sky darkened. For a moment, I thought the world was experiencing an unexpected eclipse of the sun, until I realized it was just an SUV passing.

SUV. Even the initials sound big.

Sport Utility Vehicle. A manly man's machine. A vehicle anyone can justify owning because it has got the word utility in its name. I figure the manufacturers called it that just in case anyone balked at the idea of paying $30,000-and-way-more for a Joy Toy.

But, the SUV blocking out my sun wasn't just any SUV. This one was a Mercedes SUV. The thing was so big I'm sure it must take a pilot and co-pilot just to land it in a mall parking lot.

OK, maybe I don't understand the concept here, but I thought the purpose of having an SUV was to take it off road - and I don't mean onto the sidewalk.

I mean trips to places an average vehicle can't go. Into the mud and muck. Into the wild and woolly world of all terrain, no roads, bump, bang and go. In other words, into auto body hell, followed by a trip to the fender-bender repair shop.

Does that sound like the kind of thing you'd want to do to a brand-new Mercedes?

If I had one of those SUVs, I wouldn't even park it next to another car in the parking lot because I'd be afraid someone would slam a door into it and cost me $3,000 in paint. Which made me wonder why anyone even owns a Mercedes SUV.

This made me think about a man who owned a 4x4 SUV that was really a 2x2. I didn't even know such a thing existed, but more important I wonder why such a thing exists? Except for the impress-you factor, why would anyone buy a 4x4 that isn't?

I chalked it up to the fact he was from California, where show, apparently, is more important than go.

This all got me to thinking about vehicles in general. It made me wonder about the advertising phrase "luxury pickup truck."

I don't know about you, but I always thought pickup trucks were for hauling manure and other nasty stuff you wouldn't want near your Mercedes SUV.

Now, we've got pickup trucks with leather seats, power windows and expanded seating. You can't pick up anything but a date in those things in good conscience - and maybe not even that.

And, what about the new Volkswagen Beetle? The $18,000 Bug, to be exact.

When the original Bug came out decades ago, it was a hit among the young for two reasons: we were all too poor to own anything else and we couldn't convince our parents that driving zillions of miles in a sardine can with two doors and a bad defroster was a health hazard.

That was then, this is now. These days, middle-aged men in business suits sit behind the wheel of VW Bugs. Of course, these are the same men who drove them as teens, but now they're paying 10 times the price to drive that ugly car and I'm willing to bet the defroster still doesn't work.

All of which brings me to the conclusion cars aren't what they used to be. And neither are the people buying them.

We're all older.

Dawn Dressler's column runs in West Sound.