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Monday, April 7, 2014

The Continuum of Appropriateness

What discussion topics are taboo at your family table or at family reunions?  Why? (Serendipity Bible 10th Anniversary Edition, page 1460)

There is a continuum of appropriateness and at either end is abuse.  In the center is goodwill which is a combination of respect and love.  The question that confronts is how to arrive at the center between the extremes of abuse.  First, what do I mean by extremes of abuse?  The current atmosphere is Congress where each faction intentionally HURTS one another is a form of abuse.  But so also is the vacuity and desperate emptiness found at family reunions where nothing of importance or real meaning or underlying concern is honestly addressed--this too is HURTFUL.  Somewhere in the middle are forums of  goodwill (certainly NOT cold civility).  For example at a family reunion a young man in his late twenties is present who is seemingly going nowhere; he has no career; he does not have a wife, two children, and a dog all living in a lovely home with a pool.  His life appears stymied and it is evident the situation is becoming painful and embarrassing for him.  The talk at the dinner table is vacuous and painfully so as only saccharin niceties are exchanged.  Surely the young man would appreciate someone casually telling a story illustrating that "those also serve who only stand wait"--for example an abbreviated telling of Hawthorne's "The Great Stone Face."  Such a story would be of general interest and there would be no reason to suspect that it was intended to encourage any particular person.  This technique of approaching problems obliquely but meaningfully and helpfully is a significant attribute of empathy.

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