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The LOL WAR, otherwise known as teh H4X W4R, is commonly believed to be the least awesome war ever waged on the internet, took place in the year 13459, two years after the more awesome n00b r0xx0r. On one side of the war were the 12 year olds invading the internet and the n00bs; on the other, the Intellect and the h4Xx0rz (known as the Inth4x alliance).


Events leading up to the war[edit]

In the year 13457, the n00b r0xx0r ended, leaving the Intellect and h4Xx0r populations forced into highly defensive strongholds. As time progressed, so did h4Xx0r technology, and in the year 13773 the h4Xx0rz developed a superweapon, a highly powerful bomb known as the OMGWTFLOL. The OMGWTFLOL was subsequently detonated, and the force cast the n00bs out of the internet and into the outernet. The outernet is inhospitable due to its suffocating atmosphere of poor grammar. Additionally, it is full of gay porn and goatse, and is known to house gr00bs, grue-n00b hybrids.

The AFK uberh4Xx0r

The n00bs, wanting to return to the internet, logged off of the outernet and tried to reconnect to the internet, but found that they had been banned by h4Xx0r patrols. On the cold morning of February 3, 13774, one of the uberh4Xx0rz went AFK. His computer was then hijacked by an exceedingly clever n00b named was able to remove all of the bans, and the n00bs once again flooded the gates of the internet. More importantly, they took up their assault of IRC3, the Intellect stronghold, with renewed fury. The relentless assault accomplished what the Intellect had previously believed impossible: the destruction of their advanced firewall technology. The Intellect barely survived the encounter, and many of their citizens were killed. A small force did survive to fight, however. H4xx0r diplomat phyr3 (who was, fittingly, a direct descendant of ph4373, the h4Xx0r diplomat from the n00b r0xx0r) approached the remaining Intellect forces and rekindeled with them the Inth4x alliance from the previous era. The h4Xx0rz officially declared war on February 5, 13774, and the LOL WAR began. It was so named due to the n00b Prezdnt's response to the h4Xx0rz' war declaration: "LOL WAR!!1"

IRC3 during the attack

The history of the 12 year old intervention[edit]

The 12 year olds, who were NOT cast into the outernet due to their neutrality during the time of the n00b r0xx0r, saw what the n00bs were doing, and decided to help them after seeing that people were "making fun of them." In spite of efforts from both the Intellect and the h4Xx0rz to persuade them otherwise, the 12 year olds retained their allegiance.

The War[edit]

The first battle of the LOL WAR!1! In it the n00bs reentered the internetz, via a horribly defended H4x0r beachhead

The war, on the whole, sucked. The n00bs were weakened from the detonation of the OMGWTFLOL; their technology was advancing at a slow crawl, as well, and their weapons were far out of date. Most of these weapons were merely slightly improved versions of those used during the n00b r0xx0r; OMGZ Pistols, AFK-47s (technology stolen from the h4Xx0rz), and the now extremely outdated Fag Grenades. The 12 year olds, however, were much more prepared for full-scale war than the n00bs. On their time at their training ground, EmoSpace, they had learned the ways of combat. They possessed more advanced weapons such as OMFG Cannons and ASL 9mms, as well as Rocket-propelled URGAYs. However, while they did potent damage, the 12 year olds seemed to repeatedly use the same weapons over and over until the server was literally spammed by rocket-propelled URGAYs. Additionally, they had developed highly destructive Nuclear URMOMs, the power of which rivaled many of the weapons developed by the h4Xx0rz. The h4Xx0rz had the advantage of the most advanced weaponry, including !ent_fire Bazookas, Speedhack Mk 16s, and the amazing super-piercing /noclip Rifles, which allowed the bullets to go through any enemy shields instantly, rendering enemy armor useless. The h4Xx0rz also began developing a second bomb to succeed the OMGWTFLOL, but it was not completed during the time frame of the war. The Intellect warriors, the Intelurai, wielding weapons coveted by the Internets as a whole, Logistical Argument Sabers, launched a large-scale guerrilla campaign against the twelve year old army, a tactic that would ultimately prove invaluable to the Inth4x alliance.

An artist's impression of what happened

The end of the war[edit]

The h4Xx0rz' numbers were growing smaller by the day, as more and more were cast into the outernet daily, where the vast majority of them died due to the inhospitable conditions found there. Faced with the knowledge that defeat was at hand, the h4Xx0rz retreated to their stronghold, which remained undetected due to its advanced cloaking technology which allowed them to not be listed on Google. The few remaining Intellect managed to survive the war due to the effectiveness of their guerilla tactics. However, their forces were too small to severely cripple their opponents' forces, and the n00bs and 12 year olds claimed the internet as their own. However, in a final mission, an elite group of Intellect fighters staged a conflict between the n00bs and 12 year olds, causing a rift between the sides that ultimately spiraled into full-scale conflict. The Intellect retreated to their again-relocated stronghold, IRC4, and allowed the conflict to cripple their opponents. No formal peace treaty was ever signed between the two warring sides; it is widely accepted that the retreat of the Intellect marked the end of the war.

After the war[edit]

The conflict between the n00bs and the 12 year olds did not begin immediately; shortly after the war, both the n00bs and the 12 year olds were spamming the internet (several 12 year olds tried to marry n00bs over the internet, but the n00bs generally replied "j00 sux lol," echoing the growing hostilities between the two factions). The Intellect and h4Xx0rz were both crippled by the war, and needed to time to recover their forces. War finally broke out between the n00bs and 12 year olds (known as the 12 n00bs' war), and the ensuing conflict dramatically weakened both armies.

With both armies in disarray, the Intellects began to prepare a final counterattack against the n00b forces in what would come to be known as the Pwn War.


XxXx1337snipesl3gitxXxX was the main pushing force in the war. Without the 1337 it was not elite and the legit means that he didn'y use hax. the X's represent that the name was already taken by some other n00b who probably doesnt play life anymore.

The ROFLZZ WAR[edit]

Between the pwn war and the LOL war, there was a war lasting 1337 years. The Intellects and the H4x0rz gathered, and discussed. The 12n00bs were re-united, and they vowed to destroy teh 1337 h4x0rz. They spammed 31337 forums with there 'so-called' godly lol and rofl, and entered absolutely obscene comments such as: lololol j00 iz g01ng 2 g3t teH pWnZ0R- we wantz MT.WTF j00 suxxx0rz l0l j00 N00BX0rzz. An alert came through from the 1337 h4x0rs to the Intellects, and the Intellects used there BRAINY SPAM DETECTER to find these messages, encrypted to such a primitive level that a monkey could decrpyt it. The decryption code follows as:

/J/0/0 /I/S/ /N/0/0/B/X/0/R/Z/Z L/0/0/0/L T/E/H R/O/F/L W/A/R /B/E/G/I/N/S/.

The H4x0rz and the Intellects didn't take this as a strong threat, and ignored this stupidity. Which they shouldn't have. The 12n00bs have transformed Mr. PwNz0rr from the h4x0rzz into a n00b, and Mr. PwnZ0r destroys all. His pwn level is 13 and you will be pwnd by even reading his name. You don't want to get Mr. PwNZ0R angry, making Mr. PwnZ0r angry will result in being pwn3d soo hard you don't even know what teh 1337 is. So 1 year passed, it was the unlucky year for teh 1337 had passed and turned into the 1338. H4xx0rz had been weakened in this year, and the noobs are getting stronger. The 12n00bs attacked and destroyed MT. WTF but the 1337 h4xxrz used there UB3R R3ST0RZZ Gun and got the mountain back in there possesion. The 12n00bs were held captive, shouting inane comments such as 'l0l0l0l0l j00 suxx0rz u dun knos what t0rtur3s iz ur mum proBaBly told j00 thizzz lol we pwnz0rrrzz.' The 12 Noobs managed to escape, leading on to... teh great PWN War.

See also[edit]