Wednesday, December 14, 2011

silicon valley startups

I work for a small start-up in Silicon "no, it isn't actually a valley so would you stupid tourists stop looking for one" Valley. The company recently updated its social media policy, which I was too lazy to actually read,1 so let's leave it nameless for now.

There are lots of great things about working for a startup.

Bragging that you work for a startup

In most parts of the country, if you tell someone you work for a startup, they will immediately assume you failed to get a job at any legitimate company, and treat you like the pariah you are. Which might be true, but here in Silicon "holy cow, leave it alone, we get it, we freaking get it, it's not a valley and there isn't any silicon, and there aren't hard boundaries, it's just a lousy name so please leave it alone before we beat you down with a keyboard" Valley, you're treated a little bit like royalty, minus the televised weddings, the taxpayer support, and the nazi costumes.

Meeting cool people

I don't want to brag or anything, but I walked by the founder of Netscape a few months ago, and he looked at me. And I recently said hi to one of the famous "super angels", and he ignored me like the slime I am. And this morning a gaggle of people from an unknown organization showed up in the reception area at 8:35, approximately three hours before anyone starts working here, and refused to tell me who they were here to see. So you get to meet all sorts of cool people.

Open office spaces

If your office is anything like mine, your monitor is visible from every single angle in the office. I especially love it when people silently sneak up and stare at what I'm doing, then make fun of me. This in no way makes me want to hurt you.

Working with amazing people

I've worked with some pretty great people in my day. There's the man with the alter-ego Becky, the man who wore the same uniform every day, the man who referred to himself in the third person including the title of uncle, the man who started a competing company while working with us, and the woman who obsessed about polygamy and quizzed me on it every day.2

Distributing unflattering pictures of your coworker in a compromising position with a dog, implying bestiality

While you could do this in major companies, only in a Silicon "of course it's not a bubble!" Valley startup can you do it without a major lawsuit. Incidentally, Tim, I still feel bad about that.

Replying to an email asking if anyone had seen the french press with a link to Le Monde.

I know I already bragged about this on Facebook, but seriously, the response was way too tepid, possibly because none of my non-coffee-drinking Mormon friends know what a french press is. But if you do, how is that not the funniest thing you have ever heard? I think I laughed for six hours straight. Yes, at my own joke. Which is why I'm repeating it here. Does that make me lame? Yes, it does.

1. I'm kidding Michelle, I totally read it! I promise! Now how about making my vacation balance un-negative? Please?
2. To be clear: I have no personal knowledge of this subject.


drfindley said...

Sobering between thesanta Cruz mountains and whatever those pointy things are in the east bay doesn't make this a valley?

brittney perry said...

my favorite part = the nazi costume part. which I feel... kind of bad about.

but that was hilarious, chris.

whatever. I don't have to explain myself to you: the nazi costume part was hilarious.

drfindley said...

One handed iPad fail. Here's what I meant to say:

So being between the Santa Cruz mountains and whatever those pointy things are in the East Bay doesn't make this a valley?

chris said...

Right. I totally forgot to respond. You're right. There is actually a valley. I had no idea. The Santa Clara Valley. But I still feel okay with this post, because that technically ends in the south bay, and Mountain View/Palo Alto/the Peninsula exist beyond that.

I think that's the case. Or maybe I'm super wrong.

chris said...

and honey, you don't need to explain yourself to me. true.