The key comment in the excellent article “Dealing with kidnappers” by Hazel Davis ( comes when hostage negotiator, Dr James Alvarez, remarks that “people’s behaviour isn’t random. There’s a psycho-logic usually, but finding this out comes from listening and having a quick mind”.

Everybody has certain filters through which they interpret the world which become ingrained as patterns of thought or “Meta-Programmes”, and it’s these patterns of thought which determine our behaviour.

You can often pick these patterns up through the language people use. For example, some people interpret the world through their emotions or senses – they will say things like “It doesn’t feel right” or “Something smells fishy”. Some people filter the world through mental pictures, and will say things like “that looks great” or “I get the picture”. Some people interpret the world through auditory cues – they may say things like “I hear what you say” or “tell me more about…”.

There are many other such programmes. Some people think in big chunks, and some prefer to focus on detail. Some people are optimistic; some always think disaster is just around the corner. Some move towards outcomes; others like to avoid them.

As a negotiator it’s really important to pick up these cues. If you can interpret them correctly you can then model your own behaviour and language so that you match the “programme” being displayed on the other side. This will make it more likely that you are able to influence them, as you will be using the same cues that they use to interpret the world.

The stakes may be much higher in kidnap negotiations but the process of interpreting what makes the other side tick is the same as in any other negotiation.