Before 31st!

Please please please take a look at my essay. The topic is: Describe the personal experience that gave you the feeling of greatest achievement or satisfaction because of the challenges you met.
I’ve already had my first 2 paragraphs critiqued so if you guys could focus on the 3rd and 4th more, that would be great. Please, I’ve got to turn this in before Oct. 31st! Are my use of words correct? Grammar? Anything else…
Ok, here it is…all 4 paragraphs…

Were moving to Georgia. Moving, the word carries with it a certain edge of excitement, but also triggers a sense of dread and apprehension. Three days after the announcement, I stood at the front door, taking one last survey of the warm winter rays of California pouring through the windows, the rows of lanky petticoat palm trees laden with black fruit, and even the beautiful layer of smog blanketing the city of Los Angeles. At that moment, I felt an overwhelming sadness mixed with a twinge of familiar resentment. I would be moving, once again.

Of course, this being the eleventh move in twelve years, one would think the act of merely packing ones belongings would become easier each time. However, for me, moving had never simply meant a relocation to a new area. Instead, it was a heartrending task that signified an end to the one or two friendly connections I had arduously worked all year long to achieve, the time to harden my emotions and show only indifference to help bear the pain, and the time to fearfully anticipate my new life amongst people who had known each other since childhood. Nevertheless, I gritted my teeth through each tumultuous state of uncertainty and vowed to succeed.

Instead of turning toward despair, I focused on completing the criterions needed to fulfill my promise. Even through the disruptions posed by the constant uprooting and resettling from city to city, I resolutely followed the path I had determined for my future prosperity. Unwavering in my determination, I excelled in my studies and adapted to the varying nuances of each of my unfamiliar surroundings. This is not to say that I adjusted with flawless ease and grace, but I found, much to my surprise, that I could effortlessly relate to a wide variety of subjects as I had gathered such an extensive library of experience from my travels around the nation. I soon began to view my circumstances with increasing optimism and eagerly yearned to encounter the many adventures still left untouched.

Now, as I leaf through the multitude of brochures and invitations sent to me by colleges around the nation, I cannot help but feel a sense of satisfaction and completion in knowing that I have overcome loss, isolation, and confusion to finally reach this crucial point. Experiencing these harsh challenges has allowed me to celebrate my achievements in a light I would otherwise never have known. In the end, what I had initially considered to be a great source of grief showed itself as an unforgettable experience of which I am immensely proud to have been a part of and to have succeeded in surpassing.

<p>I like it, it portrays you in a very positive light. The essay more or less follows your train of thought from being in a depressed state to realizing that moving around a lot may actually be a good thing. Loss, isolation, and confusion are very hard things to overcome. All three of these are mentioned in your essay as you describe your anxieties about moving and then readdressed when you realize that moving is not that bad. That makes the essay make sense and shows that you understand what you got out of the experience. Good job with the essay and good luck with the rest of your application.</p>

<p>criterions sounds archaic and a little bit pedantic, I would go with criteria</p>

<p>Other than that, I think it flows well and shows how you've been able to overcome your 'adversity' and all the while be a successful student.</p>

<p>Thank you guys so much!
seahorse_05, thank you. Good luck to you too! I'm just really scared to press the "send" button..heh.
slipstream99, ahh thanks. Yes, I agree. I actually picked criterions over criteria only because it sounds more plural in my mind. I just kept wanting to put an s at the end, heh.</p>

<p>What're the things that you guys most dislike about my essay? Please, rip it apart..
Does the grammar sound correct, did I place the commas in the right places? That's one of my biggest concerns..
Thank you thank you!</p>

<p>Anyone else? It's due by midnight I think and I wrote it in a hurry (started at 4 pm and stayed up until 5 am) yesterday..which is why I'm so worried. Of course, it is for a safety school so I'm not AS worried as I would be if it was for like..well, you know. So tell me the worsts of my essay, I still have time to possibly fix!</p>