Thursday, October 15, 2015

Top 5 Reasons I'll Never Marry


Top Five Reasons I'll Never Marry

Fire away.


  1. My dear, dear SR. I so much want to come over and just give you a hug, but I already cry at work enough. Friends can be so hard to find, especially when your life is full of children who so easily take up whatever "free" time you might have.

    I keep wanting to give something of encouragement, but everything seems to be just platitudes. I hope someday we can come to being actual friends.

  2. Listen, ordinarily this wouldn't be something that I would write because it is something that is poorly communicated without being face-to-face and without a background of trust. But it appears that you genuinely want someone to present the deficiencies in your logic, and as your writing has helped me through my difficult divorce I wanted to return the favor in some small measure if I could. The are a number of thoughts I have reading your list, but two seem most relevant.

    First, those of us who practice apologetics (for the most part) do so not to convince others that the Church is true but to open their minds to the point that they can be open to receiving the inspiration from the Lord telling them the Church is true. I take that same approach here -- I can't convince you that you are wrong in your list of five but I do want to ensure there is sufficient uncertainty in your list for you to be open to being told otherwise by the Lord. In my opinion, this is the weakness in your developing paradigm -- it doesn't allow for God to miraculously heal you. Sarah had less possibility of having Isaac than you have of being happily married, and yet with God nothing is impossible (so long as we are willing to believe). So on the other side of the ledger, add miracles from a loving God (and be open to them, whether they arrive or not) -- and make sure your reasoning doesn't become so certain that you discount the possibility of it happening.

    The second thing I noticed is that you are working towards the ultimate end (getting married), but it is like eating an elephant in one bite -- impossible. If you truly want to get married (or even, paraphrasing Alma 32, all you can muster is to want to want to get married), start with the smallest of steps. Ask the Lord what lack you yet to progress towards having (or desiring to have) an eternal companion. Those of us on the Internet, your friends, and even your family might have some good ideas but the Lord absolutely knows (a) what you need to do, and (b) what you can do. He will give you the first step, and step by step and from Grace to Grace you can walk the pathway that will lead you to your eternal destiny. Maybe you are right that it won't reach its endpoint in mortality, but even if that is the case when you get to the other side your efforts will not be in vain and not a single drop of sweat nor a single tear will have been wasted.

    I hope this is of some help, and if not feel free to disregard it. Thank you for your help to me with what you have written.

  3. Thank you, both, for your responses.

    I agree with everything you both say. My head knows to be patient, stay open to miracles, and have faith. But none of that changes how I feel. I thought that sharing that might, at least, help others who don't measure up know that they aren't alone, and that it is possible to stay faithful even while your heart is breaking.

    The point of the Gospel is that our weak and paltry efforts will be sanctified and consecrated to the Father through the blood of the Son. Some things cannot be comforted away, and must simply be mourned. But that's okay, too. Mourning is also a necessary part of a mortal life.

  4. And that's what I meant by "platitudes". This (to me) is a "mourn with me" post, not a request for reminders that "everything will be ok". While the platitudes may be true, it does not negate the need to "mourn with those who mourn".



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