Elder Wisdom Circle

Broken Heart Advice

Elder Wisdom Circle is a nationwide network of volunteers aged 60-105, who offer caring and personal advice based on their own experiences. They are a nonprofit service, and all advice is free. Please visit them online at www.ElderWisdomCircle.org.

Original Letter (anonymous) 

I was in a relationship for about a year.  We were really close. I lost my virginity to him.

We were going to the same college but then he moved out of state he said he loved me and and would come back next semester. I found out on a social media site that he had a girlfriend. He posted pictures of them kissing on their anniversary. I texted him saying it’s over because I’m not a home wrecker. He never responded I just wanted an explanation or apology. How do I get over him?

Elder Response

A break up is always very difficult.  Yours is even more difficult because you lost your virginity to this boy. Your wanting an explanation or an apology is very understandable.  It’s what most people want.  Unfortunately, it’s something that doesn’t usually happen.  Your ex has moved on and, as tough as this may be to hear, he is focusing entirely on his new girlfriend.  You are part of his past, and he probably doesn’t see any reason to give you the explanation or apology you want. Even if he did give you an explanation, it probably wouldn’t be the truth, anyway.

So, the question to ask yourself now, is what is best for you. That’s all that matters. Here’s what you can do: First, be good to yourself. Spend time with friends who love you and make you feel good about yourself. Then, focus on all the great experiences you are going to have in college. You will be meeting new people.  Your world will be opening up, more than it ever has before. Take it all in. If you are open to new relationships, they will certainly come along.

You are a very special person. You are smart, and you have a lot to give. College is a time to look forward, not backward. My guess is that after awhile, you won’t even think about your ex.  He will be someone in your past, just as you are someone in his. So laugh, learn, love, and grow. This is your time. Make the most of it. Enjoy every single day.
Best Regards, 

ReneeFisherPhotoRenee is a Realtor in the Washington, DC area.  She also has a home in Bradenton, FL.  She is married, with three children and five grandchildren. Her website is www.lifeintheboomerlane.com.

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