Report: You can’t eat those, they are for Christmas

Report: You can’t eat those, they are for Christmas

Atlantic Canada — A new report released today revealed that you can’t eat any those treats that were just baked. I mean not just you can’t eat them — everybody really — but especially you.

Data revealed that those delicious once-per-year baked goodies are not for you to “inhale as fast as you can,” but rather need to be saved for an unspecified period of time for a yet-to-be-determined event sometime between Dec. 24 and Jan. 1. Sources close to the matter revealed that you will be told when that time to eat them has arrived, and until then they are to stay in the fridge, freezer or cupboard and need to be “left alone.”

“The answer is ‘None of them!’ You aren’t allowed to eat any of them! I mean it!”

“Don’t touch these!” said your partner, mother or grandmother, referencing the nearby shortbread, gingerbread, fudge and/or peanut butter balls. “These take a lot of work, and they are not for right now. And those ones are for gifts. So, don’t eat them!”

When asked if you can have just one, the baker in question gave you a knowing glance and laughed derisively. “Yeah right, I know you. First it’s one, then two, then the entire tray. Not even the ruined ones, because that will get you started. The answer is no!”

You were also told that by the way, the ones in the freezer are counted, so “don’t go thinking you can sneak one out of there without me knowing.”

You can, however, have all of the fruitcake that you want, they said.

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