1. How to Use Positive Psychology To Build Your Child’s Character

    July 13, 2014

    How to Use Positive Psychology To Build Your Child's Character

    When it comes to raising our children, there are many available methodologies to help them build character. Positive psychology is one of them. Positive psychology focuses on the achievement of authentic happiness, as well as the ability of individuals to enhance themselves, their experiences and ultimately, their lives. I am a conventionally trained child psychologist, so it took me a long time to accept positive psychology as a legitimate science, yet there is undeniable evidence that it works for many patients.

    Positive psychology focuses on fostering positive emotions, positive traits and positive institutions. These three pillars can be incredibly beneficial in the development of your child’s character.  Positive psychology  teaches parents that in order to build their child’s character, they must focus on the strengths and positive aspects of the child’s development. It is imperative to remember that capacities differ from one child to another; your child’s capacity to love, to be creative, courageous, or compassionate may differ from that of other children.

    My staff and I do a lot of psychological assessments for children, and during that testing, especially during social emotional psychological testing, we can observe the effects of different parenting techniques. There is clearly a very strong correlation between the parenting style you use and child’s emotional health. Positive parenting style focusing on child’s strengths rather than weaknesses is the best approach to raise confident, emotionally mature person.

    Parents must always remember to reward their children with praise whenever appropriate. Positive reinforcement is essential for positive child development. Children can identify the desired behaviors that elicited the meaningful praise. It is vital to provide children with specific feedback, especially when they believe no one is watching them.  This will help developing a child’s inner strengths and virtues that will have a positive effect on their thoughts, emotions, and actions. Teamwork, an example of character strength, can be praised when siblings clean up their playroom together. Honesty, another example of character strength, can be complemented when your child admits that he got in trouble at school or tells you that returned a toy that he took without permission from his sibling. The praise should be honest, meaningful, and relevant. When such praise is given to a child, he develops healthy self-esteem, that is an essential component of emotional intelligence..


  2. Are you making the best of your talents and strengths?

    July 9, 2014

    Are you making the best of your talents and strengths?

    The father of the Positive Psychology movement, Martin Seligman, talks about character strengths as opposed to pathologies. He even designed a classification system similar to the famous DSM (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) but simply focusing on those personality traits that make you function best.

    Why do that? Simply put, we are more than just the sum of our parts. We have many talents and strengths going for us and we may achieve success in our lives if we use them well. Please understand that success is relative for each person, it’s not just professional and financial success, but it can also be personal, related to family or your community. Would you say that someone who is known for its volunteer work in the neighbor’s kitchen soup is not successful at that? Or that a single mom that keeps the family going is not successful? You don’t have to invent the wheel again to be successful in your daily life. Or even acknowledged for it.

    But do we know our own talents?

    What are best at? Are you a great communicator, are you a leader, and are you well-organized? If you can’t answer this question yourself just yet, ask your friends and family what they believe to be your strengths and talents. If their answers are inconclusive, you can try to do Dr. Seligman’s questionnaire at https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/ and find out what are your character and signature strengths.


  3. A Life of Contentment: The Truth about Happiness

    July 6, 2014

    A Life of Contentment: The Truth about Happiness







  4. The Search for Meaning: A Road Less Traveled.

    July 3, 2014

    The Search for Meaning: A Road Less Traveled.

    Isn’t life a bit like taking a trip to some unknown destination? Let’s call our destination Meaning. If your trip is well planned and organized you will want directions to where you are going. But, before you can get those directions you will need to know where you are starting from. This all seems simple  enough.

    It’s time for a truth test. Have you noticed how we all wear different hats. Sometimes we even wear different hats at the same time. In our haste to find our way to Meaning we often fall victim to the latest “in” terms. Adjectives that we unquestionably accept as true. Some of these adjectives include descriptors like:

    “Soccer mom”, “Easy”, “A loud mouth”, “Smart/stupid”, “Fat/skinny/Wow”, “Nerd”,  “Friend”, “Rich/poor”, “Lazy/on their way to the top”

    Is it any wonder that we get confused about who we are or what our role in life is?

    Added to this is a world of contradictions, or mixed messages. Such things as the generation you most identify with, your gender, your position in life, and your level of involvement in the world around you all influence how you filter these mixed messages. Here are just a few of these messages:

    “Stop and smell the roses”


    “I want the world and I want it now!”

    “Don’t sweat the small stuff”


    “The truth is in the details”

    “It is what it is”


    “You’re in charge.”


    The last factor holding many of us back from finding our own place called Meaning is our increased dependence on instant gratification. Gone for many is the patience needed to see things through to their logical outcome. It is difficult to have an attachment to things that are disposable.


  5. Turning points in life: how to make the best of them?

    July 1, 2014


    Have you read our previous post on crisis? Well, this is its sequel. There comes a time in life when you come across a choice: the choice is to go forward or pass on an opportunity. Those are what I like to call turning points in life.

    Over time, luckily for us, we’re faced with several turning points in our lives, chances to evolve or to stagnate. Are you making the best of those moments towards a better version of yourself and hopefully a more meaningful and happy life? Do you recognize a turning point when faced with one?

    Of course, you’re going to have to be a little bit of an optimistic to make the most out the turning points in your life. Fear of the unknown and a pessimistic attitude could enable you from taking an opportunity to make positive changes in your life, transforming a low point into an upwards one. Are you ready to live a full life? And discover what lies ahead when you take chances and dare to dream a brighter future?


  6. Fear: is it holding you back?

    June 25, 2014

    Fear: is it holding you back?

    Fear is a powerful feeling. In evolutionary terms, fear has protected our species and helped us survive. And it stills does to this day. Can you imagine if our ancestors felt no fear at all? In the face of a fierce animal and took no measures to protect themselves or run? Fear is a part of our self-preservation instinct and can get us out of many troubles. Trusting your fear, even if you don’t understand it, may be a good call most of the time.

    But what if you’re letting you fear get the best of you?

    What if your fear is actually controlling you and preventing you from achieving greater things? Of not taking the necessary risks to accomplish success? You can never succeed if you don’t try. Most importantly, what if fears are feeding your anxiety and leading you to the brink of mental disorder?

    First thing you need to do is to identify the roots of your fear. Fear has a lot to do with our personal history, the values that our parents and relatives passed on to us. Most of us may look at our parents and realize their parents passed on a fear of financial ruin to them. Why was that? Our grandparents lived through a great economic depression and because of that, passed on to our parents the need to have savings and prevent a rainy day. Some of us incorporate that fear in a constructive way (like having a few savings stored away) and others take that fear to extremes (like becoming a serious cheapskate and not enjoying your own money to spend).

    Knowing your fear and assessing it against your reality, can help you not only understand it but also overcome it.


  7. Procrastination: Your own worst enemy!

    June 21, 2014

    Procrastination: Your own worst enemy

    This is a subject I could talk about for hours. After all, I am the master of procrastination and I know perfectly well it’s my worst enemy and the reason why I seem to boycott my own chances of success more often than I would like to admit it.

    What is procrastination?

    Well, it’s the fine art of postponing everything forever. Tomorrow is always the right day to start doing things. Like starting a diet: tomorrow is always the perfect day. So do you have a deadline that you need to meet? Start it tomorrow. Do you need to do some repair work on your home or your car? Let’s think about it some other time. Or watch TV instead, or read your e-mails, or clean your house… You get the picture.

    Don’t confuse procrastination with laziness. It’s not. When a procrastinator sets his mind on something, he/she can get it done in half the time anyone can, it’s just easier to keep postponing instead of doing and getting it out of your head.

    What does procrastination cause?

    A lot of grief, pain, missed opportunities and frustration. At least on my end. I feel frustrated and so do the people around me who rely on my work or my organization. And I end up giving the wrong image of myself and most importantly, disappointing people.

    Why do people do it? I still don’t have an answer for that. But what I can tell you is that I crave for a little stress in my life, I enjoy causing this much pain to myself. Why? Stress is a great propeller for action. But sometimes I cause too much and just end up paralyzed and not getting things done on time.

    Is it bad time management? Yes, sometimes. Personally speaking, I know how to manage my time and when I’m focused on not being a procrastinator, I can get things done on time or sooner. But procrastination, so far, gets the best of me most of the times.

    How to not be a procrastinator

    (This is the part you want to know about)

    • Find out on what you procrastinate the most. For me it has to do with bureaucratic things (like paying taxes). And put those on the top of your list. The first thing to do on Monday is to get rid of that awful task you hate so much.
    • Find ways to boycott your procrastination. You don’t have to do everything you hate on the same day, but you can plan it. Or just do it and get it over with. You can force yourself into situations that you can’t procrastinate. Ask a friend for help on that day and no other for instance. Set goals for yourself and stick to them. It’s all about personal commitment.
    • “Don’t leave for tomorrow what you can do today”. It’s a saying my grandmother used to tell me often and I guess she was right. Although I also though she was a little bit slave of work and didn’t have any leisure time. But she was obviously far less stressed than I am most the time!
    • Time is the most democratic thing in the world. There is time for everything. You just have to beat your procrastination and make up your mind on how you want to live your life. Always stressed and overwhelmed or relaxed and enjoying the best in life? Your choice.


    Image Credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/markjsebastian/426364168/

  8. Learning Gratitude

    June 16, 2014

    Learning Gratitude

    You may remember the article “Gratitude as a coping mechanism”. In this article, we discussed how being more grateful helps build up positive emotions and cope with life’s stress and setbacks. Most importantly, it helps build a positive relationship with yourself and others. No-one enjoys an ungrateful friend. And on a personal level, not being able to be grateful and recognize what a wonderful life most of us have, is a direct road to leading a life full of frustration and letting the good stuff pass you by.

    Being grateful can also be a way of mindfulness, of becoming more aware of yourself, your life, your relationships and the world around you. And of really beginning to understand what matters to you, what you’re truly grateful for.

    Just a simple example: imagine you fall seriously ill. And your spouse takes care of you with all the love he/she can provide. Yet, you return that love by being ungrateful, grumpy and demanding more and more. How long do you think it will take until he/she can endure the demanding task of taking care of you? My grandmother always said: “Love is repaid with love.” If you’re a grateful person, you will return all that love with love and your relationship will only go stronger.

    An easy exercise to start with

    This exercise is described in Dr. Martin Seligman’s book Authentic Happiness and has been tested on his graduate students successfully. All you have to do, for a week, at the end of each day is write a list of all the things, people, events and experiences you’re grateful for in your life (past, present and future).

    At first, if you’re still new at this whole being grateful thing, you will probably not have many items on your list. But try to think about it and you’ll see that everyday you’ll have something to add to your list you find yourself grateful for in your life. At the end of the week, how many items do you have?


  9. Crisis: a Setback or an Opportunity?

    June 14, 2014

    Crisis: a Setback or an Opportunity?

    If you’re an optimistic like myself, you’ll immediately say opportunity. But what if you’re facing a really big crisis? How to stay positive and optimistic in the face of what seems tragedy to you? Let’s analyze in this post personal crisis, like identity ones.

    Not to remind you of a great financial collapse, but the word crisis comes from the Greek word krisis, which actually means growth. Interesting perspective? Think about it: all of mankind’s greatest evolutions came from a crisis. Don’t believe me? Think about the Middle Ages, such a dark period in time, right? How did we evolve from it? Well basically through the black plague which wiped out a third of the European population and the 100 year war between France and England. What good came out of it? We have the millions of deaths to be sorry for that’s true,  but this particular crisis enabled us to leave the dark ages and change our political and economic system as well it provided an opportunity for development in arts and science.


  10. How to Become an Optimist

    June 11, 2014

    How to Become an Optimist

    Positive Psychology research has brought to light research on the positive effects of being an optimistic. But it has yet to show us how we can be optimistic. Is optimism a life’s choice or is it a matter of personality? Can anyone be an optimistic or is it just for a few? And is not being an optimist a necessarily bad thing?

    Let’s hope we can answer some of these questions and more.

    What is Optimism?

    In the first place, it’s probably necessary to clarify what is optimism and who can qualify as an optimist. Optimism is not an unrealistic view of reality. It’s a positive mind-set where people choose to focus on what can go right instead of what can go wrong. Nonetheless, optimists can still see the bad things in a situation, but choose to ignore it.

    It is a personality trait but it is also a life attitude. Our as someone explained it to me one day, it’s all about the glasses you wear to analyze reality – are they programmed to see the good or the bad?