Breaking Down

Everything is falling apart. You wake up into a nightmare more chaotic than the one that you‘ve awaken from. All the pieces that you’ve tried to fit in place, the world that you wanted to love and save, the universe that was your life mission. Everything is falling chaotically into so many little pieces. Nothing but the eternal loneliness feels real anymore. You want to scream, you want to feel alive, but there’s no one to hear you. Everything just makes sense only when shared. But you are lonely in this universe. Floating into nowhere in deep space eternally. You don’t want to die; you want to live. Live to the fullest, visit places, share beautiful moments, you know… kiss in sunset, hold hands and walk bare foot in the sand by the sea, watch the stars at dark night.

This is it. This is meant to be it. Life is meant to be shared but it seems impossible from this point. There is no one.

So, I ask again to myself: what would you do? How would yoy fight to get your life back? What are your limits? Where is your manifesto? You want to travel the whole world but only with someone who completes your missing piece. You want to do literally everything, live your wildest dreams, be yourself, but you are fucking alone. It has been so long since you’ve touched someone and actually felt something real. It has been so long since someone that you’ve got close was more than a sexual object.

So fuck all your good-looking bodies, egoistic identities, fragile masks, good looking profiles that you use to seduce people. It doesn’t mean anything to me. It doesn’t mean to anyone who’s real. 

I just want to be myself. I just want to be real again. I just want to wake up in the mornings without trying to run away from reality everyday. I just want to stay sane, hold hands, share moments, kiss, have sex with true feelings, share good and bad together, fly together…

So, what would you really do if you’ve found yourself in a worse nightmare that you can ever imagine? What would you do if life itself became that nightmare? What would you do if you want to live, but can’t, and only thing that keeps you alive is fear of death? What would you do if everything seems perfectly okay on the outside, but falling apart inside?

How long does it take you to go crazy? Wouldn’t you try everything to escape? Wouldn’t you get down on your knees and hope for a miracle? A miracle that would change everything… a small adjustment in the parameters that would…

Change everything.