How to Create Understanding

Hi there

I am a 29 year old single Mom with ADHD-PI my is 8 and he is ADHD-C and dysgraphia. I am seeing a wonderful ma who just doesn’t get it. We’ve been seeing each other for about 6 months now and there is talk of moving in together. He is a wonderful man very kind and gentle and loving, he is good with my son most of the time and he makes me very happy. But I can’t seem to get it through his skull that ADHD is a real disability and that certain accommodations and treatments and coping strategies and all that need to be in place. He comes form the just work harder crowd I guess. He turned around a little when he saw the difference between DS on meds vs off meds but it wasn’t enough really. I’m looking for understanding and compassion and for him to “get” the way things have to be done before I’ll let him move in with us. Maybe if I gave an example or two? He went with me to buy a new set of dishes and pots and pans last week. He couldn’t seem to grasp that as an ADHD household all the dishes must be dishwasher friendly and easy to clean and not very breakable. He saw this set of dishes that he really liked but it was not dishwasher or microwave safe. We wound up getting into an argument about it. He doesn’t understand why I can’t just hand wash dishes. He also doesn’t understand why I don’t buy clothes that need to be ironed. He wears a lot of nice shirts for work and has to iron them. I told him as a joke that even if we lived together he would still be ironing his shirts. Between me and the kid theres just no way I am ironing clothing. He thinks it’s a copout that I’m using ADHD as an excuse not to do stuff like that. I tried to explain that its part of the family plan put in place with our counsellor, to cut down on the amount of chores and house work I have to do. I need things to be easy. Clothes that come out of the dryer wrinkle free. How do I make him understand that these little things just pile up and become too much. I need to keep it easy for me and my son.