Paladinrja. (Parents pay for dinners generally, they wouldn't single out a working-class girlfriend.). She might not have said it but she might not be able to afford the insurance and gas on a $60k car. The guilt was making me say these things. She has had to work at shitty jobs she probably hates for all hours plus not have eaten meat for a year just to get that car and it broke down, and you are like "hey I have this thing lying around, use it!" 758.6k Likes, 8,963 Comments - RICH BRIAN (@brianimanuel) on Instagram: âsome cool pictures of me and my girlfriendâ Life Love Music. When I was finishing uni I needed a car, I was going to buy some heap of shit cause it was cheap and I like to avoid debt - my father was worried about safety (brother died in a MVA) especially since I do night duty. It will take real work and real desire to expand and change. My advice would probably be to try and let her pay for herself when possible - at least for now. I think you both need to compromise. Yours might be a certain lack of respect for people who didn't do the same, mine might be a certain aloofness and focus on personal competence, hers might be a prickliness about money and self sufficiency or independence. From your point of view its you and your parents being generous and thoughtful. She doesn't know that i care so much about money, but in my mind, i keep worrying about it. You should learn how to believe in your intuition. Neither mine nor my SOs parents have ever allowed us to pay for dinner even when we insist, and they're not rich (we actually make about the same as they do). ", But the wall your girlfriend is putting up around the issue is a problem, too. As you are finding out one's philosophy of money impacts all areas of life. Korean Drama dubbed in Hindi. Her parents never supported her. It does sort of suck. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationships community. Here's the thing. KDramas Hindi and Korean Dramas in Urdu and Hindi dubbed by HB Hammad Dyar. Honestly, I wish i can buy her stuff like brand name purses, shoes, etc like my rich guy friends that i know. She immediately became visibly annoyed and said she did not want to use the car, but would rather continue taking the bus to work (which is 2 hours vs 30 minutes with a car). Iâm now dating someone who doesnât have much, but he has my trust. I'm the exact same. I am the oldest and my younger siblings are currently 8F, 9M, and 10M. Yeah bro, I know how it feels. I will say from the personal experience it gets better over time. My girlfriend is rich and i`m poor.? That said, I can see where this would become a point of friction. If it makes you feel any better, I have lost just about everything I've owned, after having it all. Spoilt and having your parents buy you stuff is different. Not only did you get college paid for, but you lived very comfortably, and they help you live extremely comfortably even now (expensive car). I certainly wouldn't categorize her as SILLY. If they have the money, how is it spoiling? She'd need a neutral party to diffuse her defenses. (This does not make you or your parents bad in any way.) sometimes i feel like i don't have enough money to get her things for any holiday or her birthday.l feel like breaking up with her but i â¦ Why? she goes to all these places, and travels alot. To someone who's grown up poor, it's like saying "Oh, all that pain and sweat and tears you've put in to earning your education and your living? Your resources are pooled, it isn't yours versus hers. My family isn't poor by any means, we are a middle class family. Religion without humanity is very poor human stuff. What does this mean when a guy does this ? I do this by praying and loving god, teaching tennis, spending quality time with family and friends, traveling, meeting people, reading, writing, meditating, piloting, journaling and writing and playing live music. Join Yahoo Answers and get 100 points today. she tells me about all the places she goes to, and it makes me feel bad bc i dont have what she has. When I was buying my house he matched my savings so I could have a bigger deposit (20% down) as he was impressed with the research I'd done into the market etc. I completely understand where you are coming from, but you need to understand where she's coming from too. Maybe in the future when she feels more comfortable, she may be more open to it and less likely to take it personally. Iâd say stupid things about growing up on a farm in rural Nebraska. She needs to be able to see that offering to pay for things it not a sign of snobbishness, but genuine good will. Tldr: people from low income families feel awkward when given handouts. The other day my parents took us out to dinner and paid the tab. You can't act too hard about that. My parents have been married for 32 years and until this day he still does not have that much money( but he worked a lot harder) they arent poor and they only use my mothers inhirated money for my siblings unis x, Thennu gotta man up and work bro! While me my mom and my little brother do have nice things, through a lot of hard work I still feel very poor compared to not only my boyfriend but also my â¦ Your girlfriend may have a very hard time coping with it after her past, though. From hers it's (even if it's unconscious) you rubbing how much better off you are in her face (oh, that car thing that's a huge issue for you? I grew up â¦ When it comes to extreme wealth, people often think that marriages occur within the same socioeconomic background because of some crazy plutocratic nonsense. I personally don't think from the OP that you or your family are in the wrong. Just some quick background info: I grew up in a wealthy family, my parents paid for my schooling, bought me a car, always splurged their money on me and I am in no way spoiled. Plan dates or whatever that she can comfortably afford, respect her decisions to pay for things herself. It may be a fact of life, but it's frustrating. I think you can get stuck in a mindset about always being careful with money, and seeing people spending so much without giving it a second thought probably just feels completely alien to her. She has a different value of money than you do. Iâm not the kind of girl who expects my boyfriend to pay for absolutely everything. Iâm happy to contribute, but since Iâm the only one working full-time in my current relationship, I foot the bill every single time and Iâm over it. Watch âMy Girlfriendâ below: Watch Now âMaster Devil Do Not Kiss Meâ At first glance, it may seem like a typical cliché love story between a poor girl and rich guy. I generally agree with everything you say, but I disagree on calling OP spoiled. 60k is a lot of money to these people, and she may feel guilty about having something that costs so much when they get by on so little. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. Just because he has been given money or high priced gifts does not mean he is a worse person because of it. Handouts in any form obviously make her feel uncomfortable and like an outsider from your family. I get why taking the bus for 2 hours seems silly if there's another option, but standing on your own 2 feet isn't silly. It isn't an insurmountable issue though and OP presumably knew what he was getting into (and if he is as wealthy as it seems it will be an issue that needs to be addressed in any relationship he had with anyone who isn't hyper wealthy themselves). You need to be able to have a conversation with her about money if you plan on going forward. She has never experienced that. I feel inadequate around my girlfriendâs wealthy, high-achieving family Your problem is your own self-worth, not the privileged family you are considering marrying into, says Mariella Frostrup Hard luck from having to care for your girlfriend and her daughter does not equate to having to lose your license. It isn't healthy for her to be angry with them over something like that. A Boogie wit da Hoodie. It can be a tricky balance but she needs to put it into perspective. My GF is very loving but whenever there is a topic about how my parents purchased something for me, or her (or when I buy stuff for her) she becomes very irritated and shuts down the conversation and is moody for the rest of the night. My dad (54M) was left with four kids to raise on his own. There's that old joke about how every happy family is basically the same but dysfunctional ones are all broken in their own unique way; the same thing applies here. Joan Jerkovich May 6, 2014. I feel just as rich, as we did growing up with my min wage job. But I just feel like a worthless, poor pile of shit when they do things like this. While to you, having your parents pick up the bill is not a big deal, to her it may seem like they are acknowledging the fact that she has less money by offering to pay - and therefore feeding those insecurities that she doesn't quite 'fit in'. Your first question is easiest to answer, so Iâll start there: no, love is NOT enough to sustain a happy, long-term relationship. Doesn't have to be fancy. I mean, spending that much extra time just to not have a bruised ego seems pretty silly to me, but not illegitimate. For example, my parents bought me a $60,000 car for my 29th birthday. If this becomes a long-term, serious thing you will probably need couples and financial counseling. It's so irrelevant i can casual toss you my extra car) and thinking so little of her it doesn't even occur to you she could pull her own weight (of course I'll pay for anything we do together). You care about her so you need to push for therapy or this will burn out.. or worse lead to a very unhappy marriage. When you try to have a conversation about this again, wait until it's a calm period--not at a time's when she's recently been reminded that you're rich and she's not. I feel like I'm too poor to afford a girlfriend. I'm currently on full scholarship in an expensive program so I need to interact with people whose parents are funding their education. I assume you respect your girlfriend' grit and determination - her ability to pull herself out from nada. I told her she was being silly and she hissed at me that she did not need my parents' money and that she could support herself like she has "always done. not saying u don't bvut pick up extra shifts, cause the deeper the relationship goes the more intense it gets and the more expensive she gets. No one - except maybe you - has ever helped your girlfriend live comfortably. It comes down to the particulars of the person and the hits they happened to take going through life that stung especially much. But she needs to understand how you view money as well--as a sign of love, not charity. HOWEVER, from your girlfriend's perspective, your life is literally one of "pampering" and "spoiling." If they want to take them both out to dinner, she needs to learn to accept that graciously. I already had a slightly older car, so I told my GF that she could use the new one (her car broke down months ago). To you, this money thing is nothing. If you two truely love each other then it should not matter. And once you do that, I think that you will be in a much better position to handle any issues that arise because of money. Money will be an issue to settle between OP and his SO. If my boyfriend was just given a $60,000 car and then offered it to me like it was a beater bike, I'd be a little emotionally distraught too. My girlfriend was born in to money and grew up with private schools and limousines. Some of them lets me borrow money to take her on short road trips to other states for a little. what lock-down rules were difficult for you ? Plus, girls are easy to please and it doesn't cost a fortune to do that, when you can just buy her flowers (roses) and buy her a bottle of bubbly. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. I think you have some idea, but I also think part of you just accepts it because it's how your life has always been. In addition to this, I get where your girlfriend is coming from. Now I am in a legal battle with his family just to have 50% of the sale of our joint property, which Iâve paid into with steady work, for 10 yrs. I'd be extremely hesitant to draw any deeper conclusions about her level of respect or their compatibility from what we have here. That said, the relationship is only 8 months old, so it's totally reasonable she wouldn't feel comfortable with that yet. If you two ever want to it will take work. My family doesn't get to do any of that, my mom works at night so we can't even go to the movies or go out during the day because she's too tired, lol. I'm not saying your girlfriend is right in lashing out, but she is acting from a place of frustration. Don't break up with her just because she's rich. There â¦ And I make $155k/yr now. The idea of charity from my peers was so viscerally distasteful there were guys I lived with that entire time who couldn't have told you anything about my home life or financial situation besides the basic number of siblings I had, that i lived with my mother when I was home, and that I was a generally generous guy though I didn't tend to go out or on vacations. He sounds appreciative of what he has and grateful for what his parents have done. i don't travel alot or have a succesful life. Gangsta or not, everybody need love in their life. My Girlfriend's Boyfriend, besides being shot in Salt Lake City where this commentary was born, avoids any and all pretense to being anything other than a story about real love that could involve anybody without any special circumstance or position in life. Korean Drama in Urdu. They were 3, 4, and 5 at the time. What kind of gifts would you like for birthdays and holidays? I want a relationship but then again im so lazy and too poor to have one â did some1 say sitc (@sonofaassbutt) August 8, 2013. That means nothing to me, I can always have what I want. Usually. That's all girls want. This could only happen through therapy. I meet a girl about 6months ago, rich parents and she worked in pharmacy, she was loaded, but you couldnt tell by looking at her. When you grow up in a family struggling to make ends meet, being frivolous just isn't something that you do. I would talk it out. Lmao â A real nice guy (@ShotCallerBOSS) August 7, 2013. If youâre saying âmy girlfriend left me for a rich guyâ you probably want to know what to do moving forward. I recently ended things with my girlfriend because she wants and deserves a man that can meet her half way financially. "Dad, I think you'll be happy to know that I'm dating a rich girl for a changeâ¦" Ever since childhood, and especially when my son started to excel at sports, I made it a point to be his biggest fan. Get answers by asking now. This kind of help is different to a 20yr old throwing a tantrum cause they wanted a blue car not green. I can understand if you've been lucky enough to never experience money issues why this behavior may seem strange, however try and see things from her point of view. What do you think of the answers? While I have a horrible immediate family history of poverty and homelessness, the rich side of my family is full of people with lots of money and expensive hobbies, like flying planes. Many of them are deprived of the sensual parts of life and miss out on a lot of warmth. It sounds like she just has a bit of a chip on her shoulder which is understandable, but she needs to relax and graciously accept meals from your family, etc and if she feels uncomfortable accepting large items like the car but actually needs it, offer a compromise (like buying it instead). Part of always being struggling is you don't have the luxury of illusions and from her point of view even barring the emotional baggage she has a very rational need to not become dependent on you (or even just used to the luxury of extra money) when you guys could break up at any time and leave her in the lurch. You two simply do not understand each other on a fundamental level. 5 years ago. Just use your imagination. I would try to talk to her by telling her that, but by also saying that as someone who IS lucky, you like to share, and that you don't see sharing things with her as saying she "can't do it." Thing is, I think your girlfriend already has plenty of character and it wouldn't go away if she borrowed your car. Just give her the dick and pretend you can't live without her. If I spend $100 and they spend $1000, it's probably proportionately equivalent to our incomes. I'll be deleting I guess. How frustrating it is to do a soul crushing job to purchase a car for it to break down, how it feels to have classmates who aren't taking college as serious as her, because this is her way to get out of poverty. sometimes i feel like i don't have enough money to get her things for any holiday or her birthday.l feel like breaking up with her but i like her so much and i want to go further with her. On the way home my GF was iritated and kept going on saying "do your parents think I can't afford to pay my own meal?? It frustrates me that I might never have sex? Gifts does not make you or your parents being generous and thoughtful but it 's proportionately... 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