Dear Jewish Fairy Godmother:

I have a friend of almost 25 years with whom I speak daily, or even
more often in a life crisis. We refer to ourselves as “twin sisters
separated at birth,” even though there’s a decade and more between
us and I’m short, round, and dark and she is tall, thin, and blonde. But
it’s more than a joke; we really have functioned like sisters. Now she’s
moving to a city two hours away, for reasons that I neither agree with
nor understand. I’ve tried to be supportive, including listening for
endless hours about finding and buying this house (and the deals that
fell through before it) and now the remodeling, but she knows how I
feel. She’s been on vacation for the last two weeks, and I’ve barely
heard from her. I feel rejected. I understand she’s had bad Wi-Fi on
some parts of her trip but there’s been a noticeable absence of texting
or chatting in Words With Friends. Do I take this as a sign that she
really wants to unplug from the friendship? Should I say something or
just see how she is when she returns?


Dear Sidelined:

Give her time to get her footing when she comes back. Then set a time
for tea perhaps a week out, after you have gotten back into a normal,
or new normal, daily rhythm. Yes pay attention to changes, if any, but
also remind yourself that working people need more time to recover
after they have been away, so if she is not back to daily chatting, cut
her a little slack.

Virtually anything you say in your current mood will sound
confrontational, so I suggest avoiding the subject of how you relate to
one another and instead simply relate. Act as though nothing has
changed and see how she responds. Once you’ve reestablished that
you enjoy one another will be time enough to say how much you
missed her and to ask the hard questions: How come you were so
quiet on your trip? I know I am upset about you moving how do you
think it will affect the friendship? Then listen. If your relationship is
primarily by phone, it may not change as much as you fear. If it does,
it’s time to cultivate new friends to round out your emotional life.