ampage Tech Humor

1234567891011121314151617181920212223242526272829303132333435363738 2/17/100 10:51 am 31 0
A young customer brought me a 70s Ampeg svt. I asked him what the prob was, and he said that it use to work when his friend owned it.? I said,"ok and"? He said he bought it from his friend, and it doesnt work? So I told him my charge to look at it, and he said,"whats wrong with it?"I told him,"it doesnt work". At this point,Im not wanting to work! Then "suprise"! He looked at me and said,"I think its electrical"? "The tubes still have a little light on! I said,"can you show me"? He said,"no it doesnt work"? Just then, he bent down and pulled the back of the cab, and said,"my friend did something back here"? He sure did, spliced all the preamp harness,and used butt conecters. He then told me one of the wires is broken.I said wich one? He said,"I dont know"? I asked him if there was anything else I should know? He said yeah,"this fuse holder here,I think has a broken wire? At the same time hes telling me this his twisting the holder around,and around! I now told him the three didget checkout fee, and that I would call him tomarrow, or the next day. He said," I dont need it till the fourth". I just had to ask him,"wich fourth"? He said,"I dont know"? Kids today just dont know!

Mike 2/11/100 0:40 am 19 0
I like it when guys like Mike come in and want me to put all carbon comp resistors in their silverface twin cause sombody told him it will make it sound old (Like I would know!). So he spends all his cash on it and he still cant play so it still sounds like crap. And then Stu's mom yells at him to "come and eat dinner and because he can't spend his life working in the garage". Stu once ripped off the neighbor kid by "working" on an amp and replacing a fuse with some foil and spray painting the whole amp blue. It looked real trick, promptly blew up the second he plugged it in. ka ching

CA TECH 2/8/100 10:45 pm 34 0
After repairing many English,and American "Tube" amplifiers I have collected a list of strange ,and very wrong parts I have seen,or removed. This is some of them: Wire nuts, electrical tape, acid core solder,telephone hook up wire, "Spark Plug Cables", Rodent droppings, Dead cochroaches,Super glue,silicone,hot glue,masking tape,epoxy,White Elmers school glue,computer wire,100wt resistors, Alum foil,multiple cut and reconected Fender filter cap leads, 1/4 wt plate resistors, 1/2wt screen resistors,20wt screen resistors,coat hanger,springs,wire wound vol pots,speaker wire,batteries,battery bias supply,wire wound pot in series with OPT CT ,oil filled filter cap,RF variable cap,I pulled 5 chokes out of a Marshall once,12volt automotive toggle switches,plumbers tape,duct tape,battery operated mini fan,firecracker,strobe light,tubes solderd into thier sockets,I just bought a Marshall for 40.00 that has a 1100VOLT B+ ZAPPPPP!!!, Jesus! I wish to thank all you wonderfull "I work on amps"people, Thank you for the buisness.

LEE 2/2/100 1:37 pm 12 0
The Transistor

The transistor was invented on Christmas Day, 1948, by Emily Gerund,

a high school teacher of English from Boston, Massachusetts, who was

serving a 20 years-to-life sentence in the state penitentiary for

throwing her husband's coat under a speeding truck. The judge was

rather severe with her because her husband was still in the coat at

the time.

The Governor of the state owned an electronics firm and so was able

to provide surplus vacuum tubes to the prisoners so that they could

decorate their Christmas trees.

Now Emily had an extremely tiny tree, much too small for a string of

SV6s or even for a single QL4. But she just happened to find some

germanium crystals lying around. She stuck three wires in each one

and used them to decorate her tree. She was quite surprised when

after she completed the tree, it started picking up the Jack Benny


The Governor, upon learning about this and realizing its

implications, immediately rushed to the prison and offered the

English teacher a full pardon in exchange for the manufacturing

rights to her invention.

"Of course, Governor," she replied. ... "In this case, I'll be glad

to let you end a sentence with a proposition."

Received from the Groaners list.

Thom L. 2/1/100 0:55 am 6 0
About a year ago, I received a Peavy Classic 50/410 as a gift from a friend to help rebuild my gear that had been stolen.

The only problems were that the reverb didn't work and there was a strange buzz that ran constanly.

Step 1: Replace Pots. Nothing.

Step 2: Replace Tubes. Eh, should have been done any way, but nope.

Step 3: Check Speakers. Still wrong.

Then, I was looking at the schematics and noticed an IC. I looked at the back of the amp and, sure enough, a little 741 OPAMP that I had not noticed. Grand total cost of NECESSARY repairs: $1.49+ tax. Grand Total spent:$250+ and two months of banging my head off the wall. Of course, the solution was the simplest and the cheapest. This IC controlled the Reverb, which, when replaced, killed the buzz. Duh.

Stu 1/29/100 7:57 pm 7 0
I like it when guys like mike come in all whinny actin like the know it all and want me to put all carbon comp resistors in their silverface twin cause sombody told him it will make it sound old and good so he spends all his cash on it and he still cant play so it still sounds like crap ka-ching

GET OFF THE CRACK PIPE 1/29/100 9:06 am 68 0
Tube HiFI,and Guitar amp customer quotes: "Is that your best price?"I like liquid highs,transparent mids,and fat tight bottom."I want silky smoot bass." Do you have any "Western Erectric". You have any EL34 please? Im going on tuor," we just got signed!" "I need it now",we are recording tonight. I can send you all kinds of people,"I know everybody". I dont want to spend to much,"its my practice amp." You have KT88? Im looking for "Western Erection" amp? "Give me good price I come back". I need "wectifier tube". Can I watch you ?,I want to learn how to do this. Do you need any help?, I will work for free! I need "Election tubes"! Do you replace capacitors with old ones? Do you have old resistors? I need "Rectum finder tube"! Please,give me discount? Can you make it sound like a "Marshall"? I need just a "tad" more. Will you detail it? You have 12ech7 tube? I need 5ahaw4 tube? You have any "Hawmen Kawden"amp fo sale? Why so much? Im looking for a cheep Marshall 18wt combo? Im looking for a cheep 50s strat? You have KT66 jube? I have 4 amps I want to bring you,just take care of me on this one? I want to trade my GX100 for a older tube Marshall? Please take extra care of my amp?yeah i'll beat the shit out of it! Will these tube last 100 hour? All my cables are oxygen free! My band just got a 5 album deal. Im leaving for Europe this weekend, and I have to have new Ibanez dialed! The book says, "one sixteenth of an inch" between freetboard and string? You have any E chee chee 83 jube? I payed 4500. for this amp,and you want fix it? I just got a cash advance from the record company,so Im buying all gx100s I can find! Have any E chee chee 88? We just got signed,so I just bought this Vintage Ibanez Roadstar II . I need Tung Sol 60 by 50 jube. Is it going to sound the same? I like the action right on the fingerboard. My amp makes this buzzing sound when I play under florescent lights. You have E chee chee 803ex? I like that smooth break up,you know when it crunches? My amp doesnt work when my standby switch is on? My amp hisses when its on 10! You have E chee chee 82? The reft channle has more bass,than the vite channle,I switch spkr vire and it OK? I need Tele Fun kin E chee chee 83? I dont remember all these scratches? My strings stretch too soon.


ampage Tech Humor