The “story of the lawns” in NZ and around the world

Saint Francis of Assisi is honored by the Catholic Church as the patron saint of animals and ECOLOGY.
It is said that his good nature, tamed wild animals that came into contact with him, and that no creature feared him.

St. Francis was born at Assisi in Umbria (great wines and superb food)

Now, this is an imaginary conversation God, The Creator of the Universe might have had with St. Francis on the subject of lawns:

GOD: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature.
What in the world is going on down there in the suburbs of Auckland NZ?


I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan.


I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now.
But all I can see are these green rectangles…..

The “Suburbanites.”
They started calling your flowers “weeds” and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with “grass.”

GOD: Grass?
But it’s so boring.
It’s not colorful. 

Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord.

That must make the Suburbanites happy.

St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord.
As soon as it grows a little, they cut it.
Sometimes once or twice a week.

God: They cut it?
Do they then bale it like hay?

St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord.
Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

God: They bag it?
Is it a cash crop?
Do they sell it?

St. Francis: Oh, No Sir.
Just the opposite.
They have to pay to throw it away.

God: Now let me get this straight.
They fertilize grass so it will grow.

St. Francis: Mmmmm……Yes, Sir.


St. Francis: Well…….You aren’t going to believe this Lord.
When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out the water hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

God: What nonsense!!!!
At least they kept some of the trees.


In the autumn the leaves fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. 

It’s a natural circle of life.

St. Francis: Sir……..You better sit down, Lord.
The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle of life…

God: No…..

St. Francis: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call “mulch.”

God: And where do they get this mulch?


God: Enough.
I don’t want to think about this anymore.
Who is the saint that is in charge of the arts?
What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

St. Catherine (the patron of the arts): “Dumb and Dumber,” Lord. It’s a really stupid movie about…

God: Never mind,
I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis….


(I found this on the Internet with no credit to the writer and only changed it a little bit….)

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