Did you know Ronnie Pickering invented the giraffe?

He got into an argument with a horse and uppercutted it

Breaking News

Local police are seeking a shoplifter who attacked a store this lunch time but was tackled by a have-a-go shopkeep with his labelling gun.

Officers say they're seeking a man with a price on his head.

- RIP Ronnie Corbett.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Always loved the awful jokes on The Two Ronnies.

"Well, that's all we have time for tonight, but before we go, here are a few items of late news:

"Roughhouse Row, Tower Hamlets, which is London’s toughest street, held a party today for its oldest inhabitant. He’ll be twenty-three on Monday."

"F. C. Rawls, the train conductor, who has...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Memory of Ronnie Corbett

Here's some of his best jokes



- A man was maro...

So there’s three guys in the middle of the Great Depression.


3 rednecks were working on a cell tower...

Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, 'Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.'

Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do ...







Two tanker ships collided and sank in the southern Pacific Ocean yesterday. One was filled with red paint and the other, smaller tanker, was filled with blue paint. All crew members survived but now are marooned on an uninhabited island.

(Thanks to The Two Ronnies for this oldie)

The perfect crime was committed last night,

when thieves broke into Scotland Yard and stole all the toilets.
Police say they have absolutely nothing to go on
– Ronnie Corbett

Damn Amazon and their Black Friday deals

I ordered 4 Kindles and they sent me a 2 Ronnies DVD instead!

A man wakes up late one night to find his wife eating candy.

The man says "Honey, why are you eating that this late at night?"

and his wife replies with "Because unlike you, Snickers satisfies me."

Credit to Ronnie Serrano.

Jokes about Dad's new glasses

My Dad needs glasses for the first time. He's in his 50s and needs them for reading small print. Happens to most people with age. No biggie...
However, I have worn glasses from a young age and he mocked me mercilessly for being a specky four-eyes with neverending delight. So now I have my op...
