Amazon Vows To Hire Only Eldians

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos reaffirmed in a press conference Wednesday, December 30th 2020, that Amazon would continue to hire only Eldians for their workforce as part of an agreement with transport class titans. The agreement, which has another 10 years left, states that so long as the titan powers remain employed with Amazon Logistics they will only be employing Eldians.

This comes as tensions escalate between Amazon and the Marley, which has wished for titans to return to government control. Amazon has said that the titans make no sense for the government to use; they belong in the private sector where it can provide goods and services to the island of Paradis and others worldwide. This benefits the nation as a whole, rather than “leaving them selfishly under government control” stated an Amazon spokeswoman.

The cart titan has been a blessing for Amazon and other shipping companies due to its ability to move large amounts of goods over terrain that has not yet been modernized. This is important for the transport of necessary goods such as food, water, and toilet paper.

Despite the tension, shares in Amazon rose today as its new Amazon Original Movie “Beast Titan” was announced. It’s rumored to disclose the secret technique of how the beast titan wipes his ass; this secret has been long kept under wraps for decades.

Finally, Amazon disclosed its newest brand of jeans called “Levis” aimed at men under 5’4″.


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