Chris Rock’s Tamborine Misses the Point

I watched Chris Rock’s Tamborine on Netflix and was overall lukewarm on entire special. He had some zingers, which I loved, like the bit about bullies being necessary and I loved how he attacked racism and police brutality out the gate. It wasn’t hilarious, but it was interesting as a mf to watch. It was brave and bold and in your face. I loved it. It gave his black on black attire meaning. The brother was literally Black Panther as in the original Black Panther Party type. Dope shit Chris and much props to you for offending the fuck out of Conservatives everywhere and a bunch of Liberals too.

So, where did Chris fall short? Where most men nowadays fall short – marriage, monogamy, and relationships. To be honest, I couldn’t even watch the whole thing in one sitting. It’s hard to watch defeated and regretful men kick their balls off the stage and talk about how they fucked up in their marriage. As if, all the feelings you felt that drove you to pornography and cheating were somehow invalid. That you not fucking your wife everyday wasn’t somehow tied to the fact that you weren’t attracted to her anymore and the fact she wasn’t attracted to you either. The problem with reviewing our past relationships is our memories and accounts of the past are always just fucking wrong. They’re clouded by guilt and shame.


From what I remember Chris – marriage was boring as fuck, right? Remember the Washington, DC comedy routine? Single and lonely as fuck or married and bored as fuck. Well, since you’re single now, that lonely gorilla is sitting on your back and causing your to forget just how bored and unattracted to your wife you actually were. So much so that you developed a porn addiction, which basically compromised your entire sexuality. So much so, you couldn’t wait to get out of the house and bang some hotties, right?

Why do men turn to porn? Because #1 – They don’t have better real life options and #2 – They have certain levels of disfunction when it comes to performing sexually in the real world so they choose to immerse themselves in fantasy. Make sense? You don’t turn to pornography when you’re getting immaculate head every day or fucking your wife for two hours a day. You don’t turn to porn when your getting your balls and ass licked on a regular and penetrating all three holes – P.A.M. Yes, you might watch porn, but you won’t become a porn addict and sexually dysfunctional. The anti-porn is real sex in this mf. Real talk. Take it from a brother who has options and NO desire to watch a video of two people fucking. I’d much rather fuck in real life than watch two other mfs fuck. That’s just me though. It’s like watching sports, right? I know I can never run 100 yards with a football in my arms while dodging mfs who are literally trying to put me in the hospital. We’re talking mfs who are paid to break my ribs. What’s the result? I’ll just watch that shit on TV. See how that works? Rarely will you see football players addicted to watching football outside of studying film or observing peers because they actually play the sport. Same goes for men who are fucking on a regular. They just won’t be addicted to porn when they living their sexual fantasies in real life and getting plenty of sex, love, and touch.

I feel you Chris when you tell couples to fuck every day, but you must realize that it rarely works that way in marriage. His exact advice was, if you want to stay together, you’ve got to fuck. He said you need to fuck no matter what mood you’re in as opposed to waiting for the spirit (i.e. actual attraction and desire) to give you the inspiration. Hmm…I’m not sure about that one. Ladies – how does fucking when you’re not in the mood work for you? I guess you visualize the men you’re really attracted to in order to get wet then lube up and fuck your hubby. Not sure, but I’m guessing that’s how it works along with visualizing you’re actually fucking that ex-boyfriend instead of hubby. Fellas? Same things maybe? You’re visualizing some Instagram or porn star backing that thing up on your cock instead of your wife so you can get an erection? Or maybe you just masturbate for five minutes before sex to get things started. Does your dick get hard when you don’t want to fuck and have no attraction for your wife? Just wondering.



First of all, if you understand women, you’d realize they fall in and out of attraction with their husbands throughout the marriage and that’s assuming they were deeply sexually attracted to their husbands in the first place. Please don’t fall for the lie that all wives are deeply, sexually attractive to their husbands even before marriage. For anyone who believes that sexual attraction is ALWAYS there, I’ve got a beach house in Idaho I’d like to sell you. Here’s the deal – if you and your wife are prone to fuck every day, YOU WILL FUCK EVERYDAY. You won’t have to be told or convinced or coerced. People with strong natural sexual attraction fuck all the time. See the movie Boomerang for a reference.

What about Chris’ advice about not competing with your spouse? I wholeheartedly agree, but why would competition even be a thought inside of a monogamous marriage? I don’t even get the mentality that brings us to a point where we’re competing with our spouse. What’s actually happening is each person is trying to be happy. Each person is attempting to find peace and pleasure in their life while at the same time harboring resentment towards their spouse because they are holding them accountable for their current lack of happiness.

I do agree with Chris that we need to be appreciative of our spouses and that at times we do need to play the TAMBOURINE. We do need to be of service to one another because that’s what the marriage contract and agreement are all about; especially, in monogamy where you have no other options other than your spouse for physical and emotional support. That’s beautiful advice. However, I want to make sure men understand that playing the tambourine doesn’t mean putting your balls in a drawer and kowtowing to you wife’s every command. Because it doesn’t. I mean, I hear what you’re saying when you say it’s HER house, not yours. That would make it a Queendom and you more than likely a subject rather than a King yourself. And if you’re not a king it’s because your balls and testosterone have been sacrificed at the alter of the monogamous marriage trap. #jmo

Chris repeatedly said he wasn’t a good husband because he didn’t listen and wasn’t kind partly because he paid for everything. He also said he cheated on his wife. My thing is #1 – why weren’t you fucking your wife everyday if you’re going to hand that advice out to everyone else and #2 – so the fuck what if you cheated?! Humans aren’t monogamous so get over it. Humans want something fun and passionate, which marriage absolutely is NOT. There is rarely passion in marriage after year five anyway. It’s not personal or an indictment against the couple, but more a result of living in close quarters with another human being over the long-term.

One Love.

Rakhem Seku (Carl E. Stevens, Jr.)

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