This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 19 January 2014

Why I Love Liberal Catholics

Following Fr Dwight Longenecker's piece Why I Love Trad Catholics, we have come across a companion piece that he decided not to write.

flowerpot men

A liberal Mass. Note that the Cross is replaced by something Greener.

One of the riches of the Catholic Church is her unity and diversity. Within the Catholic big tent we have many who accept the Church's teaching - informed by scripture and tradition - but there are also many who want to make up their own rules, because they know better.

Christ the King

Do you really need to follow Christ to call yourself a Christian?

What liberal Catholics have concluded is that all this stuff about "eternal verities" is simply nonsense. It is the duty of the Church to adapt to the Spirit of the Age. We mustn't get left behind, trying to teach something different, must we? People might think of us as "different" from atheists, cranky, even. They might even stop inviting us to fashionable dinner parties!

St Paul

St Paul - wrote nothing important.

Liberal Catholics understand that we have to rewrite our religion from scratch. Out goes all that old-fashioned stuff believed by Christ, the Apostles, the Saints and Martyrs, the Popes, and lots of other dead people. We have to find new religious teachers: Leonardo Boff, Hans Küng, Tina Beattie, David Cameron, Barack Obama, and Polly Toynbee! Only by taking a little wisdom from each of these sages can we move forward.

St Pol

"Let us pray." Pol replaces Paul.

Now, if you want to understand modern liberal Catholicism, you need to watch the BBC, or read the Guardian. Remember even Jesus, in one of His more advanced moments, said, And you shall know the comments, and the comments shall make you free (John 8:32). He saw that one day His teachings would be superseded. The teachings of Alan Rusbridger are more modern, and their scriptural authority is undeniable, since the writers are all still alive, and can be located in your nearest nursing home.

Of course liberal Catholics do not reject all moral teaching: adultery, murder, and false witness may no longer be sinful, but we must still condemn all bigoted attempts to impose ideas of sexual morality, any attempts to obstruct Choice, and the denial of climate change.

climate change Hell

Forgive us our carbon dioxide, and deliver us from climate change.

I realize that traditionalists may not appreciate my take on the matter, but like it or not, the second Vatican Council has taken place. And although nobody ever talks about what it decided, God (if you don't mind my using an old-fashioned term) has sent His Spirit of Vatican II to tell us what it should have decided, and liberal Catholics are in the vanguard of inventing new things that could have been decided.

The vernacular Mass is now accepted as the Ordinary Form, and modern liberal Catholics see this as an opportunity for further development of the rite. Since most of them don't attend Mass very often, anyway, they cannot get used to the new translation, and so they have invited Kevin Mishmash, the publisher of Walk in the Light, Follow Me, and so much more, to produce a version without any of the hard words.

Kevin Mayhew

Do your hymns make people ill? If so, Kevin Mishmash may want to publish them.

Out goes: We believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, and of all things visible and invisible.

In comes:

We believe, We believe, We believe, 
That the Father's been making things!
Earth and Heaven, Heaven and Earth, 
The Father's been making things!
Things that we see, things that we don't.
The Father's been making things! Yeah!
© 2014 Kevin Mishmash.

I, for one, am glad that the liberals are there to interpret Catholicism as it was never interpreted before. They are a gift to the whole church.


  1. Eccles


    You left out the rehabilitation of Lucifer - a much misunderstood and maligned angel. How very unecumenical of you. He must have some good points and he is one of God;'s creatures.

    Now we know *sin* is caused by brain development, social conditioning and family backgrounds we can be sure we are not responsible for our actions and neither is the Devil. We need to learn to live with the Devil and not cast him.

    1. Quelle surprise seeing you here Doddles!

      Firstly I had no idea that Bill and Ben the flower pot men were liberal Catholics. I am now going to remove any reference to them from all my poetry and boo hiss to Vatican 2 for giving all our hard words to the Protestants. We should demand that they be returned along with the rest of the stolen property.

      I do not agree with Eccles on climate change. Unless you live in a mole hole its obvious to anyone that climactic conditions have gone awry and that the earth is warming . I believe that the Catholic Church is the only Christian Church who has spoken out on the destruction of environment and that is something to be very proud of !

  2. Darling eccles, these are not real libruls, as dey wouldn't use Farver - unless it was to refer to Farver Arfur xx Jess

  3. You are so kind to those liberalist Catholics, so kind.

  4. That the 'Father'!!! I'm shocked at your insensitivity. It MUST be, according to my inner immoral compass, the Genderfluiditheasss-aunty-uncle-Mother-Father-Daughter-Son-She-He-He-She-cat-dog-dog-cat-dog-god who MIGHT have made something, AND might not have. ******* where do you these neanderthals come from? (yes, originally, of course, the valley of Thal, but that and all history, sorry herstory, damn, itstory, is, according to the spirit of botox-age, simply irrelevant.)

    p.s. and Bishop Mishmash (there's no need not to afford him his correct title just because he burned his birretta in the 60's), I'll have you know that His Eminence was awarded, from 'The Bishop', no less, the Backward prize for poetry 2014. what have you won?!

  5. 'It is the duty of the Church to adapt to the Spirit of the Age.'

    Chesterton's 'democracy of the dead' don't have a vote anymore.

  6. Were any animals hurt in the making of this Post ?

    And why aren't there any mentions of Nelson Mandela ?

    The BBC and The Grauniad will go apoplectic.

  7. And one more thing . . .

    Does this Post contain Nuts ?

    1. no nuts, and just as well, I would have gone into anaphylactic shock already if it did.

  8. Since the Councils The Vatican likes to keep its money clean by laundering it. This model of immaculate confection is laudable. Also, obedience has been tested by the "flex credendi" or flexible beliefs which should be 'moulded' by the "lux organdy" or at first look can be deceiving. This has successfully driven away hundrreds of millions of NO attendees who wouldn't know a Mass form a Mess. QED. Thanks be to the Hermeneutic of crass stupidity,.

  9. Darling eccles, your Bruvver has lost whatever it is - would you like him back yet? xx Jess

    1. He is sufferin a bereavment, Jess, as Chuck Smith of de Calumny Chapel has passed on.

    2. ah, is that what it is - I thought he'd been eating cheese late at night :) xx

  10. And another thing:

    Has this Post, or any animals within it, lowered its/their Carbon Footprints, lately ?

  11. as Bishop Mishmash, pictured above in his full klerikal kit, is my pops, although he always says just call me Kev', I just wanna say, I got an effiggee of the poep an a bick, NA what I'm sayin?

    Virago Femen, Dip. Ouimmins' Stud. Open-Shut University.