I use to think that being in a long-term relationship would be boring. Being with the same person, experiencing the same circle of events along with the monotony of similar and repeatable sexual experiences just seemed uninteresting.

And then I had an epiphany. What you put into your relationship is what you get out of it.

Relationships stall and become dull when you start taking each other for granted. They also may experience setbacks or problems when you fail to continue developing the areas that made your relationship strong in the first place.

But, the beauty of a long-term relationship with the right person is that it can have many advantages.

The familiarity of having someone you truly love means you can be yourself. You can lay your soul bare, be vulnerable, and be open with your imperfections because it doesn’t matter. Your significant other has proved over time that they love you regardless.

But there can be downsides to long-term relationships as well. Other life responsibilities come into play and can put strains on your union. And being with someone for a long time can lead to obligatory, limited and sometimes boring sex. It’s inevitable and bound to happen unless you are proactive.

If you are feeling a little lackluster in your sex life, here are five sex refreshers for couples in long-term relationships that can break the mold, pun fully intended:

1) Mix it up.

Try a new sex position monthly. There is a great book called, Best Sex Ever by Susan Crain Bakos. It is a pictorial of various sexual positions with techniques, essential skills needed to make it work and tools you need to turn your bedroom into a hot zone. Susan goes to great lengths to educate men and women on each other’s erogenous zones to set you up for success in each position. Try one, try two, or try many. But, without fail, changing up what you would normally do will help you to create a new norm in the bedroom.

2) Display affection in public spaces.

Thinking back on an excellent long-term relationship, I remember dating someone who had a thing for being a bit sexual in public areas. He always wanted to hold hands and be affectionate in open spaces. He liked to express how he felt through affection and it helped to make me feel more connected to him. It was tasteful, but the excitement of kissing and being affectionate in the full view of others was a turn on and provided plenty of foreplay.

3) Role play.

Yes it sounds corny, but meeting up at a bar, lounge, or event and acting like you don’t know one another and meeting one another for the first time can be fun. Setting up your fantasy beforehand and then playing it out for one another later can provide mental stimulation that helps you with the physical stimulation. Just remember to stay in character!

4) Use technology to your advantage.

Sexting can be fun and add flavor to your relationship. And it doesn’t have to be X-rated. A message to let your significant know that you are thinking about them, have a surprise waiting for them later in the evening or just letting them know you appreciate them can go a long way. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings. Also, don’t be scared to show a visual or two. Less is more. The mental and visual reminders via text will go a long way to helping to get you and your partner in the mood for something later on in the day.

5) Kiss regularly.

No, I’m not talking about the peck on the cheek or the lips. Kiss your partner like you did when you initially dated and was getting to know one another. Do it regularly. Remember how the kiss was the determining factor of attraction, compatibility, and substantial interest. The kiss was the impetus of you determining if you were going to take it further. Kiss with the objective of enjoying that physical interaction with your partner. It doesn’t always have to be about it leading to sex. And watch what happens.

There are many upsides to being in a long-term relationship. You just have to know how to add those extra moments of physical connection to create an even stronger emotional connection. Once you do so, there’s no telling what will happen.


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