2001-10-28 08:53:59 (UTC)

too young

I am always being told that I am too young to do anything,
but I am already 14! I know how life works, I know that
there is a world out there to explore, and I know that
money do not grow on trees. Why does people around me judge
me on the person I am not? I am trying to live my life as
well as possible but how can I when everyone around me is
trying to change me? Everyone is trying to change me into
someone I cannot bare to become. I know that I am not the
smartest or the prettiest, I accepted that along time ago,
why cannot everyone else? My life has never been easy for
me, I have the greatest friends in world history but why am
I still not happy? A lot of peoples think I have it all I
have my family, I have my friends, I have a home to go to
everyday and every night, and I seem to have it all. What
they do not know is that I spend hours at home thinking
about my life. Have I really lived? They do not know that
my family is not perfect, my parents are divorced, my
sister is gone off to college, and my mom will not accept
me as I am. All I want is to be accepted as me and not as
someone I do not want to be. Why is it that my mom cannot
see that I am not perfect, my sister, or the daughter of
her dreams? I am sick and tried of being questioned
everyday about how my life is by her. If I wanted her to
know I would have told her but I do not want her to know.
Why does she question my life? I am already tired of it
just by living does she really have to bug me more about
it? She keeps telling me that I am too young, I know about
the world, and I know that I can make it. I do not want to
be called young. I make a wish every night that my life can
get better. There is nothing in my life worth living for.
Why do I even bother going though the same thing everyday?
Is this life really worth living for? Having the one guy
not know Im alive?
I do not want to be called too young. I have grown up. The
once little girl that everyone in my city have known have
grown up. I am not too young to ride on the roller coaster,
I am not too young to know that life is not fair, and I am
not too young to know what real love is. I have felt real
love and I know that it bring you pain and joy. I am not
the little girl that you have remembered saying eww
boys! I want to keep my childhood within my heart and soul
but I am not too young to know things! I am not young but I
am scared. I am afraid of telling that one special guy that
he is the one. He is the one that sees more in me and don't
just judge on the outside. He looks deeper into my soul;
all I need is to have one person to know that I am Jessica
Sheu and not someone else. Although, I love him so very
much I know that I cannot have him cause even though I know
that I am not too young to do anything, the fact is that I
will always be too young to have someone like him. He is
too special, too sweet, too perfect, and too smart to go
for someone like me. I do not want another relationship
with a guy, all it does is to end up with another broken
heart, that is one thing I am too young to face. However, I
am not too young to know what true love is, do not doubt me
on that! I AM NOT TOO YOUNG!

Jessica Sheu