It looks like it was time for me to receive the biannual unwanted solicitous phone call from the children’s hospital radio station thing fund-raisers.

See, generally speaking, I intensely dislike making and receiving phone calls. I don’t know why, but it’s been like this my whole life.

So if I get a phone call that’s someone trying to get me to buy something, be it charity donations or some dodgy mortgage seminar, I don’t take to it kindly, and try to at least make it entertaining for myself.

So, there I was, relaxing on the couch, watching edited highlights of UK Big Brother on YouTube, when I got a phone call. It went like this:

Caller: Hi, I’m calling in behalf of [children’s hospital radio station thing]. Have you heard of us?
Me: Yes.

The caller was probably probably following a script that expected my answer to have been no, because then she said:

Caller: It’s a non-profit children’s hospital radio station.
Me: Yep, that’s right.

She paused, which made me think no one had responded like this before.

Caller: Well, we’re currently selling tickets for a musical in August. All proceeds will go directly to helping the children. Are you interested in buying a ticket?

I paused and then said:

Me: No.

It was a long, drawn-out, slightly suspicious sounding no. Or at least that’s what I was aiming for.

Caller: Ok, well is it all right if I phone you back in August closer to the date to see if you’ve changed your mind?

What? Does she think I will have grown a tolerance for annoying phone calls and have a newly acquired appreciation for amateur dramatics?

Me: No.
Caller: Um, ok, then. Goodbye.
Me: [In the happinest sunshine voice I could muster] Bye!!!!!11one <3 <3

I’m so glad that other charities don’t use this approach.

4 thoughts on “Hang-ups”

  1. I get a lot of phone calls from charities and private businesses soliciting donations or “free financial planning seminars”. Invariably they ask if that’s Mrs. Bird when I answer the phone. I’m almost certain they assume two things:

    1. I’m listed as Dr. Bird in the phone book, so when a woman answers the phone they assume it’s the good doctor’s wife (because there’s no such thing as a lady doctor)

    2. Because a doctor lives here, there’s lots of disposable income to be spent.

    Of course, both these assumptions are false. The strategy I use has recently changed, from a polite but firm “no thank you” to their pitch. Now, when asked if that’s Mrs. Bird, I say, “no, there’s no-one of that name at this address.” They check if the number’s correct and then delete me from their records. Bingo! I knew my PhD would be good for something practical.

  2. Hmmm, I know many people who have trouble talking on telephones (perhaps that’s why they like texting so much).
    I used to have trouble making calls but due to all the wasted time at work I eventually developed to the point where I can make necessary calls without a fuss.

    I think the pauses after “No” are due to the fact they can’t comprehend that someone wouldn’t want to help the little kiddies/kittens. I’m sure they are used to excuses and avoidance… but when someone flat out refuses to give away their money?

  3. I managed to make one caller so flustered that they actually hung up on me! Hooray. Back when I was Miss Bailey they rang and said “is that Mrs Bailey?” I said “no, this is Miss Bailey” “Oh well could i speak to Mrs Bailey” “there is no Mrs Bailey here” “Oh well…” I interrupted with “don’t you think it’s rude to assume that there is a Mrs Bailey” “ummm” “Perhaps you shouldn’t just call random numbers and pretend you know who you are speaking to” “oh…” “don’t you think thats rude?” CLICK.

    Evil laugh.

    Also the other night we got one Me:”Hello” click strange indian sounding woman “is that (our ph number)” “Who are you looking for?” “Is that (our ph number)” “Who were you looking for?” “I’m in Auckland” “Yes, so are we. Who did you want?” “I’m calling from…” and thats when I hung up.

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