“I hooked up with Riff Raff” Part 1

Well, I didn’t…but someone did.

So, it’s safe to say that Riff Raff is a polarizing and fascinating character. I’m sure many of my readers have a visceral disdain for him but I’ve always leaned more towards the side of him being a very entertaining person with a unique game plan. I think what it comes down to is trying to get a handle on him as a person. Is he genuine? Is he a character? Is he a slightly exaggerated version of himself? Or is he 100% an act? The thing is, no one really knows. We’ve all seen clips of the guy being different people. Even in interviews where he seems to be acting sincere, you still can’t tell.

So, I had an idea. I have a friend who knows a lot of people. We were talking one day and it casually came up that she had a few friends that had hooked up with Riff raff (sexually). Immediately, my ears perked up. Partially cause hearing those kinda stories in general are alway fun but more so cause I felt like it might be a chance to , perhaps, shed some light on an enigma. So, I had the idea of making a questionnaire for these girls who had hooked up with him. My friend would then give them the questions and return the answers to me. This way, keeping the girls anonymity in tact. Even with this , a few girls declined. But two brave souls whom I’ve never met and have no clue as to their identity, stepped up to the plate. So, to them, I say thank you and , if I ever somehow meet you, drinks are on me.
While the questions are a little personal, I also tried to not go too into depth out of respect for both the girls and Riff Raff. So, sorry fellas, I’m afraid you’ll never know how big Riff Raff’s dick is!
The way I see it, I don’t know the dude. I’d imagine I’d be a little bummed out if my sexual exploits started popping up on the internet. Or maybe he doesn’t care? Who fucking knows. Regardless, this is less about the sex than about the way in which it went down and perhaps seeing Riff raff as a regular, red blooded man who wants to have sex with girls. It should also be noted that I’m just posting what the girls told me. Riff Raff might have a totally different view point on what went down and there are just one persons words. So, also take that into consideration.
So, here is the first interview subject.

How did you meet Riff Raff?

At Santo’s in August at one of his shows. I was introduced by a mutual friend backstage.

Were you attracted to him when you met him?

He definitely has a certain something. Mainly, he’s just fascinating to look at. He has a really striking, crazy face.

Who was the aggressor , in terms of flirting and things escalating to a sexual level?

He was. He was the one who initiated us hanging out and who texted me repeatedly over the weekend after our hookup to “hang out at the hotel”. One of the first things he said to me was, “Wanna make out at the after party?” Didn’t take much.

Is Riff Raff Charming?

Much more charming in performance. In person, he kind of has a mask on and doesn’t really look people in the eyes, or smile that much.

Was any part of sleeping with Riff Raff doing it because there’s something funny about being able to say you had sex with Riff Raff?

Well it certainly wasn’t for the fake MMDA and the scintillating conversation we had about LA vs. NYC. Yes, to be honest with you, that was the main reason I hooked up with him- it felt hilarious.

Have you slept with other “famous” people before?

Not actual famous people, just NYC scenester type famous people. Unfortunately, Riff Raff is the most famous person I’ve ever been with.

Did he break out of character at any point? If so, when and how? If not, he’s actually that guy?

He never once went on like he normally does in his videos. He was pretty quiet. After the show, we went to his hotel suite where his friends were snorting Mollies. He turned to me and nodded to go into his bedroom. We made out on his bed and had very average sex for ten minutes, and I was surprised at how sober and rational he was about everything. It felt like a high school hook up. Neither of us took off our sneakers.

I feel as if most men are most honest and vulnerable post orgasm. Would you say this was true of Riff Raff?

No. He definitely just lay there for a minute with his eyes closed, then looked me up and down suggestively, then got up to wash up.

Were drugs and alcohol involved in your personal time with Riff Raff? if so, what?


Did you enjoy sleeping with Riff Raff? Any regrets?

We used protection and everything, so no regrets there, thank god. It wasn’t good sex by any means but I think it’s funny it happened.

There was a new batch of girls coming in to the room post- hookup, which was skeevy and gross and I felt suddenly really old. So, because it was 4 AM, I got a room in the hotel that night to catch a few hours of sleep before going to work the next day. That means I spent three hundred bucks to have sex with him- bummer. But on the other hand, I went to work the next day wearing the same thing as the night before (minus underwear which was left in Riff Raff’s room) and the amazing secret that I had had sex with a guy who has BET tattooed to his neck and a cultivated zig zag beard. It just felt like I had a really juicy secret, and I LOVE that feeling. Priceless.

I still get texts from him when he’s in town, which is always a treat. I wish I knew what my name was in his phone, because he definitely doesn’t know what my name is.

Would you do it again?

I don’t think so. It was exhausting following him and his retarded bro’s around just to have sex for ten minutes and feel as though I was a part of a revolving door of 22 year olds. You never know, though!

After it was all said and done, what is your take on Riff Raff, as a man? Good guy? Misunderstood genius? Retarded clown?

He’s obviously narccisstic and I’m not sure who he is underneath his visual persona. He seems bored and affected unless people of note are watching him and he’s making himself to be a retarded clown/ misunderstood genius. He’s probably calculating and smart, albeit quiet and lonely at heart. But he could’ve just been zonked out on Mollies.

P.S. on the off chance that anyone reading this has hooked up with riff raff (or another interesting celebrity) and you’re willing to talk about it, holler at me phatfriendblog@gmail.com. Don’t holler at me if you are liar and feel like wasting my time though. you’re better than that…come on.

23 thoughts on ““I hooked up with Riff Raff” Part 1

    • I was wondering about that. is this grounds for anything? I mean, shit, people write tell all books or spill gossip to the media all the time. Considering that it’s just one person’s point of view (the interviewee) , is this really a defamation of his character at all?
      If it ever does come to that (which i hope it wouldn’t) I’d gladly let Riff Raff tell his side of the story. It’s only fair.

      • It’s only libel if it’s untrue. And he’d have to prove it’s untrue.

      • I wonder if I tweet this at Riff Raff, would he read it? I would love to hear his side of the story after reading this. Definitely going to try to make this happen.

      • You really wanna be that person, huh? I mean, if he happens upon it, so be it but I highly doubt he’ll read it and respond directly. (this is where like 7 different people respond pretending to be Riff Raff and it’s TOTALLY hilarious).

  1. I know of a riff raff story that involves him trying to hook up with a model who was at his show and whom i meet afterwards claiming that her and riff were exchanging DM’s which led to direct texting. She said he was trying his damndest to get her to come to his hotel, which she declined but tild me that he sent her dick pics of his “small dick”. So i got her twitter name anf had a friend tweet bith of them saying that she told someone that he has a small dick. Which made her real mad causing some twitter beef.

  2. The only thing that sucks is that riff raff is kinda retarded. I wish he was more Marilyn Manson, and less … retard.

  3. Pingback: riff raff

  4. There’s actually a picture of him online laying in his bed with his dick out, things like 10 inches. Not photoshopped either.

  5. This chick is obviously lying.. His BET tattoo is on his upper chest… MTV is the tattoo on his neck. Next time you make up some bullshit, get your shit straight.

    • It only lasted 10 minutes… she prolly didn’t study him too hard in that short amount of time… (not saying I believe this story 100% tho) people make up story’s that makethem look like celeb fuckjn whores all the time to look cool, only to look like lying whores though…

  6. I actually had a similar expirience. I dont want to give out a ton of information, but I can definitely agree that he is way more quiet in person. Barely talked or made eye contact at all, wouldnt even let me kiss him while we hooked up, and soon after we were done, another girl showed up so I was outta there in a flash. He had to have been on something because he was not the riff raff I thought he was

  7. I loooove this. You have no idea how much he infatuates me and for some reason I feel some kind of connection with him and want to hook up with him real badly. He’s like the love of my life, it’s gonna happen.

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