Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Small Specks In a Larger Universe

Lately, all we've been doing is fighting.

Serious! All week long, all we did last week was fight. We'd wake up and be at each others throats in the morning. We'd ignore each other all afternoon. By late evening, when we're laying down to bed, we're at it all over again and on until after midnight. By Saturday, we were teetering on the edge of madness and the tension unleashed itself. Our HUGE fight ended in him leaving with his friend and me taking off in the car. The fight sent me straight to 7-11 to pick up a pack of smokes. Now, I haven't had a smoke since June and I broke the streak on Saturday... but this is a new week and I've forgiven myself for that moment of weekness.

What could we possibly be fighting about? Well, we're both so busy analyzing all the "money" options we have in front of us, that we've forgotten to take care of each others hearts, each others spirits. Not even an hour after our big fight on Saturday, husband called me to apologize. I was floored because USUALLY I'm the first to "submit". Everything was all better in an instant. Our yelling match had revealed MANY truths that we both needed to hear.

Husband relies solely on me for money moves. Most of the time it's such a heavy burden because the thought of money doesn't stir me in the least bit.... yet I've been blessed with a good brain to be able to analyze information. The only language he's been speaking in the past couple of months is BUSINESS, BUSINESS, BUSINESS. Yet I am so much more than that! That is the TRUTH that I needed him to hear.

I needed him to feed my spirit, feed my heart and tend to my emotions and physical affections. He heard me. He apologized.

That knock down argument is probably why I find myself at such a crossroad. I've been granted so much free time that I don't know what to do with. Should I get a job? Should I go back to school? Should I pursue my "magazine"? **shrugs**

Well anyway... husband and I have been really communicating lately. He UNDERSTANDS completely what I've been saying about learning to balance every area of our life.
I asked him, "When was the last time we did something really nice?" He had no answer.

I asked him, "When was the last time you bought me flowers?" He had no answer.

I asked him, "When was the last time you spoke with God?" He had no answer.
So on Monday I went out and bought him some scriptures... embossed with his name. This... so that he can feed his spirit, right alongside me. Our souls can mingle as we reflect on things of an eternal nature... to remind us that we are but small pieces of intelligence in a much larger picture. Have yall seen Men In Black II? At the end, when Jay opens the locker and he realizes that his universe is a small speck to an even larger universe... that's EXACTLY what I mean.

The truth is, when we seek for higher understanding, higher learning, we gain an eternal perspective that is priceless. So even as I rant and rave about the evil that is so rampant on planet earth, I do find peace in acknowledging God's hand in my life. Ultimately, we are just small specks in God's large universe. Can you dig it?


Victorious Sis said...

Dag girl, you need to have a talk show or something! Us newleyweds can learn a lot from you. Thanks for the post

Chele said...

I can definitely dig it Neena. You guys were specks floating away from each other in the this big ol universe....but now you're reconnected. *sighs* I love your happy endings.

ShellyP said...

I like you, Neena.

NORA said...

I can dig it.

Glad ya'll were able to step back, and COMMUNICATION with one another, instead of AT one another...(There is a big difference)

COMMUNICATE AND LISTEN, I think are two of the biggest things that a couple have to be able to do.

May GOD continue to bless your union!!!

Glen said...

Sounds like you guys need to communicate more. Maintaining a marriage is tough but if you have solid friendship and communication then you will make it

Anonymous said...

i can. it's remembering to, that we need to do. that i need to do.