02 February 2011

Picky, Picky

I'm not a huge talker.  Some people like and/or need to talk things out even if it's just to sort things out.  I usually don't which Ryan loves/hates.  Perhaps that's why I don't sleep well, I tend to start my thinking sessions when I get in bed.  And that's also usually when my great ideas come.
Well, last night was different.  We were snuggled down for the night and Ryan and I began chatting...about everything.  
We talked and talked and talked.  It was wonderful.  
Then he said, as we were discussing [and doing lots of laughing about] each of the girls, I don't feel like I really parent.  I feel like it's just chaos all the time, and we're trying to just get through each day.
Yes.  That's exactly how it is.  There are very few conscientious parent-ing moments, and more like constant survival mode.
Which is why I've decided that I need to focus on just being a better me--for everyone's sake.


  1. So true, Katy. When it comes down to it, the only person we can change is ourselves. And you pray your kids notice the good things you do and not so much the bad.

  2. My husband and I had a similar conversation this morning. Constant chaos is an exhausting way to live, but the good news is that it's like that because we have close, strong relationships with our children. Ultimately, I wouldn't have it any other way. Thanks for posting this though -- it's nice to know that we're not alone.

  3. This is so how I feel. I was reading a post somewhere once about parenting, and one of the commenters wrote:
    But the general point I think is that we need to parent with deliberateness. I think it’s too easy as parents to be passive (and that can show up in myriad ways). As I have thought about this, I have found that it’s so easy to be acted upon. I feel the Spirit more as a parent when I’m active. So I’m trying to be more deliberate, asking myself, “Why are we doing this? Why am I doing this? What is really the right thing here, given our situation, our goals, our kids, the big picture?”

    This could go for pretty much anything. And it can also even boil down to simple decisions. Am I doing what is easiest, or am I being deliberate about taking time to teach and interact in those fleeting moments that come? How many times have I done something that I could have instead handed to a child to do so they could learn a new something.

    That resonated and has been what I've been working on ever since. Unfortunately, I think about it and vow to do better every NIGHT, but the next DAY- it's the same thing as before. Sigh.

  4. Thank you, you are absolutely right. I always want to be a better mother/wife/employee/friend/daughter/etc. But everything in life would follow suit with the pursuit of a better me.

  5. We have our sixth baby arriving in one month & I don't like to talk too much about it b/c I am no good with facing reality (more chaos) so instead I parent with realistic expectations...
    -all of them will be able to independantly take care of themselves before the baby is born.
    -the four girls will be able to clean all the bathrooms, bedrooms, floors, & kitchen with no help from me.
    -the oldest will handle all of the laundry.
    -the youngest will learn to change his own diaper within the next 30 days.
    See how realistic expectations make life so easy?

    I don't usually leave such lengthy comments so maybe it's time I just post a new post on my blog & leave all my thoughts there :)
    I just love to see your big, bright, beautiful pictures!

  6. Has anyone told you you have 5 little kids? You're doing a fantastic job of loving and having fun with your family. As your girls get older, they'll teach you how to be more of a "parent" by asking you tough questions and by mirroring you...don't rush the tough parts, enjoy the crazy, innocent chaos.

  7. Thank you for being so transparent, for wanting to parent with purpose. Your precious dills will be little for only a short season, then they're off blazing their own trails. I too am on a similar "cleaning of house" in my own brain and life... I feel I've let too many moments slip by already.

    Big hugs to you, Katy. Even though you have no idea who I am. :grin: I'm just a fellow mama wanting the best for her own kids, just like you.

  8. I so love the way you express the feelings of your soul. Parenting is the hardest, most joyful, frustrating, fulfilling, scariest, loveliest job ever. With God as your mentor and your optimal destination is to be in His presence I feel you are raising a beautiful group of mothers-to-be.

    Thank you for your diligence. I love you so and admire all that you are.

  9. lovely post. and thanks for the reminder of an important focus for us all...bettering one's own self is the one and only thing each of us has any true control over.

  10. Oh, I think you are hard on yourself. Yes, do spend some focus on yourself, but you are an amazing mom!

  11. Just yesterday I was telling a friend, "when I get organized...do I say that too much? my life seems like I'm always planning if or when I am organized, and not doing enough of actual organizing." As a mom of 5 I often feel like I'm putting out too many fires and not doing enough of fire prevention, as life rolls by me. Thanks for your inspiration. chilemom24atyahoodotcom

  12. Katy, never a truer word was spoken!

    With three kids or five, the story of survival is the same. There is a very good reason why they suggest that parents place their oxygen masks on first in case of an emergency :)

  13. What a lovely post! I love your photos and I enjoy your blog!

    I hope that you're both feeling good about things, and very *proud* still (it seems to me like you're doing an amazing job). Just don't forget to tell yourself how well you're doing! A friend of mine gave me the same advice recently- and it may seem self-indulgent, but when you're having concerns with doing things better, its useful for keeping perspective! Good luck with the changes that you make :)

  14. Brilliant! We've only got 2 children (soon to be 3 in June...) and this is EXACTLY how we feel!
    Thanks for your honesty, it's so refreshing hearing that there are other parents out there who feel like this :)

  15. So good to hear you say this! I only have one kid and that's how I feel on most days!

  16. I love these thoughts! I am newly full-time SAHM. Quit my part-time job when my third girl was born and I feel I am learning so much being home with them every hour. It's such a blessing and opportunity to learn through parenting. I feel some days I'm more engaged and actively parenting than others, when I a moving from appt to appt or task to task. I wish every day could be filled with game-playing and book reading, but alas, it can't I try to take advantage of the small opportunities to connect, love, laugh--whether it's readin gone book before folding the laundry or singing a song on the way to preschool, or whatever. Good to know others feel like it's survival too. I appreciate your honesty and your GORGEOUS photography!

  17. I really enjoy your blog. Thank you for the reminder. I also have five young children and I often feel the same way....like I am in survival mode. Thanks for sharing!

  18. That's exactly how Tom and I feel!!

  19. i'm appreciating the fact that even though you are not a talker, you still really enjoyed the talk talk talking. i am the opposite—that like/need to talk things out even to sort things out. i'm hoping that if ben's not-a-talker genes are the same, maybe he enjoys it too when we catch the rare moment of talk talk talk. here i thought he was maybe just humoring me in those moments.

    thanks as always for your wise words and fancy fotos. ;)


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