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March 11, 2015

Three Ways to Have the Best Date Ever

Kelvin headshot Oct2013 HDRWhenever my wife and I go out on a dinner date, we play a little game called, “Who’s Married? Who’s Dating?” Here’s how it works: we covertly look at the other couples who are seated within close proximity to our table, and we try to figure out which pairs are in a dating relationship and which ones are actually married.

It’s an easy game to play because the married couples all have what, in poker, is called a “tell.” In other words, by their actions, they give away the answer that my wife and I are searching for. To be more specific, it is actually their inactivity that is the giveaway.

Most of the married couples are not talking to one other. The ones in the dating relationship…well, they are chatting it up.

Why is this? I have a theory that I believe has merit. See, the married folks aren’t talking because they believe they already know one another. The couples who are dating are still in the active discovery phase. Their conversation is electric and engaging. The married conversation is dry and distant. It is mired in details about the kids or work. Perhaps the conversation has even morphed into playing a game of eye-spy at the restaurant — kinda like yours truly.

Married folks, listen to me: people who are dating cannot have all the fun! It is time to trade in our boring, lifeless dates for something more. We are the ones who have (hopefully) won the dating race, so let’s celebrate!

Here are three ways we can create the best dates ever with our spouses:

1. Just Do It—Right
Put it on the calendar, get the babysitter, choose your clothes, and put on just enough perfume/cologne. You are going on a date! More importantly, you are dating the love of your life; approach it that way. This means doing a little work on the front end in order to create the right atmosphere, mood, and ambiance.

That might mean getting dressed in separate rooms, buying flowers, and planning the evening out to a “T.” What you get out of the date is directly proportional to what you put into it.

2. Do Something Different
Nothing sets the atmosphere for a boring date like predictability. Venture away from the same old, same old. Yes, the both of you might love going to Olive Garden and eating their bottomless pasta bowls, but trying the non-chain Italian restaurant and ordering something different might spark something special in your conversation—whether you like the place or not.

Instead of always going to dinner and a movie, perhaps you can go zip-lining or skydiving. Switching things up can keep things fresh.

3. Keep On Learning
To have a great date requires that you learn to learn something new about your spouse. You think you know them, but the truth is, your spouse is a dynamic, ever-changing human being. They are not the same person now that they were when you first married them. Make a list of some questions that you want to ask them before you go out on your date. Spend some time asking these questions back and forth. You might just find out something new about the person you live with, and learning something new helps keep the spark alive.

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