Winter Sleep

This morning, I emerged feeling heavy in the head after a long winters sleep.

My long awakening from this long sleep, was troubled by visions of snakes hanging down from the mechanical door-closer in some gents toilets, I know not where.

A man sat elsewhere, looking into a glass case which I could not see, counting snakes, and all the while not realising the ones he missed as he repeatedly counted, more frantically each time, were suspended above my head at a door I dare not open.

Deep, deep sleeping mindfulness, punctuated by irrational fear in a state of bodily suspension, whilst I was in the process of emerging from my long winter sleep.

My dream does not help me to resolve my unsettled mind, my waking troubles are quite clear in my head, I am no longer terrorized by them, they are understood and they are raw and complex, but they are not a nightmare.

My journey to know self, has released my waking space, to a clarity of thinking and an acceptance for how things are, because I have made choices which make my life as it is, I have made choices to carry the troubles and the yearnings which I hold.

My awakening from a terrible dream, unsettles my wakened thoughts, ruffles my mind, and stirs my longings, but the clearness of my choices tell me to be calm for a moment, to be still, and dream in the wakening shadows for the life that can not be.

William Defoe

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