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September 23, 2016

It's the classic dilemma: God gave you only two hands, but Walmart gave you 10 shopping bags. Luckily for you, Grocery Gripps provides a hands-free solution for bag carrying that's also 100% ergonomic.

So what will you do with you and your hands' newfound freedom? Well, we've been taking stock of all the things in life that you've been missing out on. Here are a few good places to start!

1. Text Bae Some Cute New Emojis You Found

"Babe, you are a stone  . Now  whatever you're doing and put on something  because we're going  tonight."

Of course, you'll probably get a response somewhere along the lines of "", but kudos for creativity.


2. Call Your Mom & Tell Her How Much She Means To You

She brought you into this world, now show her some love. And remember, "Mom I can't talk, my hands are full of groceries" is no longer an acceptable excuse.

3. Catch Up On Kim & Kanye's Latest Shenanigans

Did you hear about their bathroom selfie right before Pablo hit the stage in Miami last week? Of course you didn't. Until today, you've been too busy trying to make it ten blocks home with 24 rolls of Bounty.


4. Nix Some Open Tabs on Your Phone Browser

You probably don't remember why you have 25 open tabs in the first place, including Michael Keaton's IMDB page, spoilers for the next Spiderman movie, and the Wikipedia page on Wikipedia.

But at this point, you can probably take the time to exit out of them without missing out on anything important.

5. (Finally) Scratch That Spot on the Back of Your Neck

Itches are no match for a man or woman who has BOTH hands free! So scratch that itch that's been bothering you all day. And as you bask in that sweet, sweet relief, maybe you'll have earned some sympathy for what your cat went through after you got her spayed.

6. Take Care of Business

Unread texts? Done.

Unheard voicemails? Done.

Unsent emails? Done.

All done. And without putting your bags down for a single second. Boom.

7. Take Over the Pokemon Gym at the Bus Station

Who's got two hands, a Snorlax and is currently killing it in Pokemon Go? You. #goteamvalor*

* Apologies to Team Mystic if that was out of line. If you are seriously offended, maybe we can work out a complimentary blue Grocery Gripp. But we don't have any yellow ones - guess you're out of luck, Team Instinct.

8. Look Up Some Recipes For Dinner

You've just gone shopping and restocked on wine, olive oil and avocados. So why not use your newly freed hands to look up some recipes and put those ingredients to good use?

9. Unsubscribe to the 145,082 Newsletters That Somehow Got Your Email

But first take the time to seriously examine your life and why you're even subscribed to "Baroque Theatre & K-Pop Enthusiasts Monthly" in the first place.

On second thought, never mind that. Just keep clicking unsubscribe buttons until you've made spam a thing of the past.


10. Help Tiffi Save the Candy Kingdom

If you can hit 15,000 points in half a minute then you probably aren't human and you shouldn't even be carrying groceries. Either that or you are a human augmented with a hands-free bag carrier that allows your fingers to move at lightning-fast speeds. One or the other.

11. Book Your Dream Trip to the DR

Seriously, they have resorts in tree house villages! And with the money you're saving by buying in bulk, there's a good chance you can start saving up for it.

12. Queue Up Your Next Conquest on Netflix

You're probably one of those people who's sick of hearing about Stranger Things and how awesome it is. Well, you know how you can fix that?

WATCH STRANGER THINGS. Seriously. It's amazing.

Or, at the very least, put your free hands to good use and add it to your Netflix queue so it'll be waiting for you when you get home.

13. Haz a Cheezburger

There are few things in life that can't be made better by looking at cute, funny pictures of animals. So take a moment for you and head over to I Can Has Cheezburger? for some of the most hilarious and adorable animal memes currently floating around the Web.

14. Take the Time to Catch Up on Current Events

Let's face it: you're shamefully behind on the times. Your one and only source of news is Facebook, and who has time to mess with Facebook while they're lugging home two dozen grocery bags during rush hour?

So, take this opportunity to learn something about the world that you may have missed. Did you know there was an attempted coup in Turkey? Or that the US took home 46 gold medals in the summer Olympics? There's also a presidential election going on... but we're not going to touch upon that.

15. Let the World (i.e. Your Facebook Friends) Know How Knowledgable You Are About Political and Social Issues

Now that you're a know-it-all on all current affairs, feel free to let the Internet know exactly how much knowledgable you are and why your opinions are so profoundly legitimate. Who knows? Your righteous pontification about important issues might actually enlighten a few people.

16. Diddo the Twittersphere

And be sure to let us know what you think of your new Grocery Gripp! Tweet us @grocerygripps!