Friday, July 9, 2010

Donist the Forgotten

This one might get me in a bit of trouble, but hell, I said I was going to be honest, and in hindsight, it is rather funny.

Once upon a time, Donist was working hard for the wicked music store corporation and having his spirit crushed by both the company and the psychotic customers.  Donist stood at the counter with a somewhat miffed air, while the shift manager was writing him up for being $.87 short on his cash drawer.  Tom Cochrane's evil song "Life is a Higway" was just cuing up for third time that day and Donist was counting the minutes until he was able to go on his lunch break to Harry's Plaza Cafe for a giant container of steak-cut french fries, when Jenn announced that he had a phone call.  Donist signed the write-up sheet acknowledging that he would be more careful in the future and that death was too good a fate for those that costs the company money and removed the phone from off of hold.

"Hello," said the annoyed young man.

"Dude, what's up?  It's Jeff," said Donist's brother from the other end of the phone.

"Hey man, what's going on?"

"Dude, I was thinking that we should go to Fresh Choice and catch that new movie Dumb and Dumber.  Whada-u-sey?"

Now here was something to bring a smile to Donist's face.  It had been a while since he and his brother had spent time together, and to plan something so extravagent as going to Fresh Choice with the prospect of sneaking a couple of large muffins out of the restaurant in a napkin was quite enticing.  Couple that with hilarity from Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels, there was no way that the evening could go wrong.

"That would be cool, man.  Can you come get me?  I am off in four hours at 5:00 PM."

"I'll be there at five.  This will be cool."

"Later," said Donist ignoring the disapproving look from the very same manager that had just written him up.  Now he was doubly in trouble for committing the unthinkable violation of the company's policy of receiving personal phone calls during business hours.  "Can I go on my break now?" begged Donist, after spotting Crazy-Dog-Hair-Lady parking her car.  Not wanting to be anywhere near the store while the foul odoriferous woman perused the classical music section, Donist got lucky yet again and was granted his leave.  He deftly ran the gauntlet of the store to hang his dirty ill-fitting red vest in the back and retraced his steps out tthe front door.  It was then that the manager noticed Crazy-Dog-Hair-Lady, but it was too late for her to do anything about it.

Donist ate his steak-cut french fries and ranch dressing in peace and quiet, with dreams of Fresh Choice and finally seeing the hit comedy.  He could picture in his mind his brother charging to the rescue in the bright red Ford Mustang II Classic, which a mutual friend had deemed "The Ford Flaccid" in acknowledgement of its continual need of repairs.  All that was required of Donist was to man the video rental section, find lost copies of The Bear and alphabeize the porn section and he would be finished in no time at all.

5:00 PM rolled around and hopeful young Donist washed his hands of the porn section grime and clocked out for the day.  During the final half of his shift for the wicked music store corporation, Donist had informed his friends and coworkers of his plans for the evening and he was sent on his way with words of encouragement and envy.

"Hey Donist, let me know how the movie goes," said Paul.

"Dude, steal as many muffins from Fresh Choice as you can, and be sure to skip the salad...I hear they spray the lettuce with a chemical that makes you fuller than you should be," warned Mark.

"Say hi to Jeff," said Rita.

Donist practically skipped out the front doors, but quickly noticed that young Jeff was no where to be found.  Not being one to worry, Donist had a seat on stone wall outside of the store and waited for his brother to drive by.  He waited.  He waited some more.  Then he waited even longer.  A dreadful seathing rage began to build and after half an hour, Donist called his brother's apartment and left a slightly irritated message on the answering machine.  He then returned to the stone wall to wait for another 15 minutes.

Donist's coworker, Sarah, eventually poked her head outside and said, "Still no sign of him?  Huh.  I'm off in 15 minutes, would you like a ride home?  I just need to sign my write-up sheet for being $.45 short on my cash register and I will be out."

"Yes please," he said in a cold, dark defeated tone.

Once at home, Donist relayed his plight to his housemate, Jason, who said, "That sucks.  Do you still want to go to Fresh Choice and see the movie anyways?  I totally want to see Dumb and Dumber."

Donist thought about this for a moment, and said, "Yeah, let's do that," since he had already been excited for most of the day.  He and Jason jumped into the van known as "Space Cruiser" and as they whipped around the block, both men noticed the Ford Flaccid pulling up in front of the house.

"Hey look, there he is.  Should I stop," said Jason as he prepared to turn towards downtown.

"No," said Donist icily, "Forget it.  Let's go to Fresh Choice."

The pair headed to restaurant for a gut-busting meal of excessiveness unlike anything the restaurant chain had ever seen before.  They did eventually return to the house before heading to the theater and found Jeff waiting on the stairs for them.  After kindly reminding Donist of the movie's start time, Jason rushed inside so that he would not be subjected to the harsh words about to pass between the two brothers.  

As it turned out, there was no reason for Jeff to have left Donist outside of the wicked music corporation's store, he had simply forgotten to pick him up.  "But you called ME!  You made the plans with ME.  How the fuck could you have forgotten?" Donist inquired of his guilt-ridden younger brother.

"I don't know.  I'm sorry," Jeff replied.

Still fuming, Donist and his brother gathered Jason and went to see Dumb and Dumber, and the laughter found within healed the rift that occurred...for the most part.

Moral of the story:  Don't make plans with Donist for an elaborate feast, followed by festivities only to leave him stranded outside of a wicked music store corporatio...he might get mad.

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