To A Facebook Acquaintance

I know you are angry.
I know that below that anger is hurt.
And I know that below that hurt is fear.
I know.
Don’t tell me I don’t know, because I’m not you. It makes no sense. Because you see, you are not me, therefore by your own formula you can’t know, whether or not I know, because you don’t know, because you’re not me.
See, the thing is I can’t hear you when you are angry. I can’t hear you when you are screaming. The louder and angrier you get the more I shut down. The more I don’t want to hear you. I cannot focus on your words or your wounds, because all I hear and see is your behavior. Its frightening. As frightening to me as that which you are yelling about.
It doesn’t mean I don’t care. It doesn’t even mean I don’t agree, I just can’t be with that energy you see. I can’t align with you there, in that place.
Everything is anger with you. Your anger is so loud you cannot even hear those who support you. Your anger is so big it blinds you to those who stand with you. It prevents you from seeing that you are part of the problem. That anger is part of the problem. That anger can never be part of the solution.
Solutions live where anger can’t. Anger is not of the heart, it is of the mind. You convince yourself that anger is passion, it is not. It is fear and where fear is, passion cannot breathe. Passion lives where there is Peace, because Peace has no limits. There it can live and breathe unfettered. It can have life and solutions can come forth.
But they will not come while you are angry. They will not come while you are screaming. They will not come while you flail your arms.
They will not come until your mouth quiets and your mind opens.
Until your heart opens.
Until your arms open.
I know there is pain and fear. I know there is hurt. I’m not asking you to put that aside. I’m asking you to let go of the anger that created the problem to find the solution.
I’m asking you to BE the solution.
I love you.

The Inter-Dependent Relationship Model

blue and brown yin yang illustration
Photo by Fancycrave on

You’ve heard of independence, right? Dependence? And co-dependence?  But how often do you hear of interdependence? This is not surprising in a society that uses fear as a tactic to motivate us.

Imagine making a journey across the country, before the industrial age, in a horse drawn wagon traveling dirt roads.  You are driving your horse to pull your wagon full of precious cargo through undiscovered terrain to an uncertain destination.  Upon this journey you meet with another and decide to travel together.  But how do you proceed?

To travel independently, in your respective wagons side-by-side, each wagon retains autonomy in decision-making, planning and action.  Individually each wagon will experience a different journey because though they are next to each other they are not traveling the exact terrain.  One may hit more bumps, ruts or rocks. Another may get stuck in muddy ground.  Pieces of cargo may fall off a wagon unnoticed. With two wagons to maneuver side-by-side going through narrow passages proves impossible so one must take the lead.  Who goes first?  Keeping exact pace may also be difficult when one tires quicker than another, or one may have a quicker horse or lighter cargo.  Coming to a fork in the road they may each feel a different direction would be best.  If one does not acquiesce to the other, then time and energy will be wasted in arguing may which could lead to separation.  At one time or another one will feel disadvantaged while the other will feel impeded.

To travel dependently, the respective separate wagons are positioned one behind the other.  While each retains control of their reins, one wagon is in the lead and the driver of that wagon has the decision-making and planning authority, directing the action of the other.  Although they travel the exact same terrain they are not experiencing it together.  Pieces of cargo from the first wagon may fall off and be trampled underfoot of the following horses, while pieces of cargo from the second wagon may fall off unnoticed.  In time both will feel resentful; the lead driver being overly responsible and the following driver being under valued.

To travel interdependently, resources are combined in an organized collaborative measure.  The horses are joined under one rein, to one wagon where the precious cargo has been combined orderly and secured. Together the individual drivers discuss their vision for the journey and their destination.  They agree upon the division of roles and responsibilities each will execute. One person is the designated driver and is responsible for the direction the wagon will go based upon the mutually agreed upon destination.  The driver directs the horses and judges how best for them both to arrive safely and accomplish the mission they’ve outlined together. The other person is the designated shotgun and is responsible for keeping an eye open to dangers that may not be visible to the driver. The shotgun is also charged with managing the precious cargo, making sure items are secure and do not fall of the wagon unnoticed and left behind.  Whereas the driver is responsible for the maintenance of the wagon ensuring its continued function,   the shotgun is responsible for managing the precious cargo to ensure that they have enough resources for the journey. Though they play different roles, each is valued and honored for their contributions as they share equal responsibility for the journey.

Each of the above scenarios represents different models of relationships and could respectively be characterized like this:

  • Independent = “I need to take care of me. You need to take care of you.”

  • Codependent = One says, “You need to take care of me.” And the other agrees, “You need me to take care of you.”

  • Interdependent = Each says, “I want us to take care of us.”

The interdependent relationship dynamic offers a collaborative approach with collective responsibility, creating a vehicle for individual growth as well as growth as a couple. People in interdependent relationships do that which is best for both partners by making sincere, reliable agreements with each other based upon their individual wants and needs.  They agree upon and establish solid boundaries and limits within the relationship. Then they honor those agreements. Those agreements should be as unique to the couple as fingerprints to an individual.  However, in every relationship, no matter how different the agreements, each person holds themselves accountable for their part in the relationship and absolute loyalty to the relationship is expected.

Each one charged with giving themselves wholly to the success of the relationship over the success of the individual and developing an intense level of trust, integrity and respect.

The symbol for this model is the Chinese symbol, yin yang, that represents the interaction of two energies, “yin” (black) and “yang” (white), which cause everything to happen. They are not completely black or white, just as things in life are not completely black or white, and they cannot exist without each other.  The two energies are often referred to as male energy (yang) and female energy (yin).  In this symbol the two are recognized as indivisible as they swirl to compliment each other and each holds a part of the other. Each partner has a different skill set that is valued and cherished by the other.  They do not oppose each other or compete, they are complementary.

In the wagon metaphor above, the driver’s role would be seen as the yang (male) and the shotgun’s role would be seen as the yin (female).

In the fight for women to be treated as equals, male dominance has taken on a negative connotation, rightfully so. Yet women across the globe swoon for the likes of Rhett Butler and dream of being bent over in a possessive kiss like the one he planted on Scarlet. There is a natural inclination for women to want men to display dominance. But the character trait of dominance is not the same as being domineering.

Like the yin to the yang there has to be a balance of energy in the relationship. So the counterpart to the active yang male is the passive yin female. However, being passive is far from being subjugated and it is definitely not a meek role. It is a consent to ride shotgun in the partnership. It is understanding that she is an interrelated partner to him. She is the defense to his offense, working on the same team to achieve the same goal, just with different roles. It is this dynamic that Kings with their Queens and Lords with their Ladies employ.

A dominant male is not an oppressor of women, nor is he in any way domineering. On the contrary, a dominant male recognizes that females are the source of life providing a feeling of strength and consistency to his life. A dominant male honors the passive energy of the female. While to the untrained eye the dominant male role may seem more dictatorial and active and the passive female role as submissive and meek, this could not be further from the truth.

Likewise, a passive woman allows the male to provide for her, just as readily as she provides for him. She does not view herself as weak in receiving, merely because she is yin. Yin is as powerful as yang. It is not a power struggle, but an allocation of power. “Here’s the whole pie of power. Yang, you are responsible for this half and Yin, you are responsible for this half.” The collaboration of the yang and yin roles in the interdependent dynamic, perfectly fuses maintained individuality with selflessness to create a passion-fueled relationship.

The feminist movement, though well intended, actually sabotaged itself by inadvertently devaluing the woman’s supportive passive role. The insistence that “equal” means the “same,” (ie: men and women doing the “same” job to be considered equal) rather than “equal” meaning “of equal value,” (ie: men and women doing different jobs that are held at the same value). Our modern movements for gender equality are fought by opening up jobs, traditionally populated by men, to women instead of also assigning due respect and equal value to traditional women’s roles. This is because our society is built upon patriarchal hierarchy where something has to better than another thing and if that something is male it is automatically worth more. As it is, our societal system has no ability to measure value independently of comparison.

Just to prevent any misunderstanding, let me emphasize that I am not saying women shouldn’t take jobs traditionally populated by men. Not at all. The feminist movement rightly opened up the opportunity for women to have free choice in the matter. I am merely saying that those women who choose to work in traditionally female populated positions need to be valued equally.

Author’s note: There is nothing to say that a female cannot or should not be in the yang role (or both roles), however for fluidity I chose not to use the PC he/she. There only must be yin and yang energy for it to work. It matters not, which gender fills which role.

Don’t Be “The Bigger Person”

black-and-white-people-bar-men.jpgYou’ve had a conflict with another person. Things may have gotten out of control and both sides are hurt. You may think the other person is at fault or at least at greater fault. At one point someone suggests you apologize and you reject that notion. That person then says to you, “be the bigger person” and you reluctantly decide to make the first move towards resolution.

Chances are that resolution wasn’t as successful as you would’ve liked. In fact, it may have even made things worse and you might be wondering why.

When you label yourself ‘bigger’, you are -by default- labeling them ‘smaller’ and it immediately sets up an energetic power struggle. “Bigger” is a relative term, which means it has no meaning without reference to something “smaller”. Energetically this is communicated through any interaction then.

You continue the conflict (power struggle) by putting the other person down energetically and with your language. You can’t help it. If being the bigger person is your motivation then all action from that place will be tainted. Can you feel the difference between these two ‘apologies’?

I’m sorry if your feelings were hurt. I’m sorry you felt that way and that you took what I said wrong.


I’m sorry. I never intended for your feelings to get hurt and I apologize that what I said caused you pain.

Can you feel the difference in the energy?!

The first one is passive-aggressive and is pretty typical of someone who is coming from a bigger/smaller place.

While we are not responsible for how someone else feels, we are accountable for our actions and our actions impact others whether we intend for them to or not. I think it is important to understand the intent of our actions, realize there can be miscommunication even with the best of intentions and there need not be ‘fault’ assigned, when accepting accountability. Just clear transparent communication.

If you can’t come to a conflict resolution open hearted with no power struggle strings, then you are not ready for conflict resolution. Wait until you can come to the table with an open heart.

Unless/until you can come with an open heart, the resolution won’t have a solid foundation for a conflict free future and the only point to conflict resolution, is to build a conflict free future. This can’t be done if egos are running amok and the ego is surely running amok if the only way you can think about doing the ‘right’ thing is to consider yourself the bigger person.

Conflict resolution isn’t about getting one over on another. It isn’t about proving anything to anyone. Its about clearing energy from your heart center and improving the vibration between two (or maybe more) parties. Its only about ‘winning’ if both parties are winning. It isn’t about being a better person than the other, merely a better version of your self.

Here’s the thing…

Conflict resolution isn’t necessary unless you create conflict. There is actually a way to live your life in such a way to minimize or even eliminate conflict in a healthy way.

I can hear your disbelief. “Conflict is a part of life” you think, but it isn’t. Conflict, by definition is a “serious and protracted disagreement or argument”. Not seeing eye to on a topic isn’t an automatic conflict. It’s when people believe there is one ‘right’ perspective and endeavor to impose that on others, demanding agreement, that conflict ensues. Simple seeing things differently is not conflict, its perspective.

Now, here are four steps to live your life to minimize if not eliminate conflict healthfully.

  1. Let go of winning.
  2. Disagreements are not automatic conflicts.
  3. Conflict resolution does not equal confrontation.
  4. Shift from the negative to the positive.
Let go of winning

When you are aligned you realize there is no ‘right or wrong’. There is what resonates with you and what does not. You cannot speak for another on the subject of resonating. What resonates with you may resonate with another, but you can never know if it resonates in the same way because neither of you can know the experience of the other! All you can do is trust your inner self, when you are most connected to Spirit to determine what resonates with you. The goal is not to win but to expand!

Disagreements are not automatic conflicts

Speaking to one another with respect and understanding, focusing as much on understanding another as we do on being understood by another is primary to eliminating conflict from your life. Transparency means being authentic without the fear of reprisal or harm. Approaching a problem from two different perspectives is a wonderful way to find the best solution. When you eliminate the need to win from a disagreement, you are automatically opened up to explore the limitless possibilities of outcomes and conflict isn’t even a ‘thing’.

Conflict Resolution does not equal Confrontation

If you do end up in conflict and find yourself approaching conflict resolution, it is important to understand that conflict resolution does not equal confrontation. Confrontation is hostile, conflict resolution is not. It can be uncomfortable (remember what we said about uncomfortable in the intimidation article) but it not hostile. True Conflict resolution, by its very name, will focus on the resolution not the conflict. Whereas confrontation has the aggressiveness built in, defenses are up and an implied right/wrong dynamic exists.


Shift from negative to positive

I’ve saved the first for last. Yes, you read that right. The very first thing you need to do to eliminate conflict from your life is to shift from the negative to the positive. Why did I save it for last? Because if you remember nothing else from this post, I want you to remember this…it is the single most important and powerful thing you can do for the betterment of your life. I have many people confess to me that they wish to be more positive but find themselves stuck in the negative. That is understandable. You were taught to be negative, you weren’t born that way. So, you have to unlearn it in a matter of speaking and relearn to be positive. There is one simple two step trick to making the switch.

The first step is to be aware of your negativity. Pay attention to your thoughts and your words. When you find yourself focusing on the negative, even if it is simply how something didn’t live up to your expectations, notice it. Be aware that you are focusing on the ‘lack’ of something rather than the ‘gift’ of something.

Once you have gotten used to noticing your negativity, the second step is to double up on the positive. What does this mean? For every negative thing you think or say, you counter with two positives. Say you are out to dinner with friends and the waiter forgets the tea you ordered. You find yourself feeling irritated and make a snide remark to your dinner companions. You hear it. Now you find two positive things to say about the waiter. Yes, say them out loud, after all you complained out loud, didn’t you? Maybe the waiter brought you extra rolls or had a pleasant demeanor.

Making this change is conscious, which means it will take effort to 1) notice the negative and 2) double up the positive. However, the shift you will be making will cascade out to all parts of your life. You will be more conscious of how your mind works and whether or not your attention is on the negative of life or the positive (aka the lack or the gifts). Remember that life will bring you whatever you purchase with your attention. (It’s a little like that way!)

All right, this has been sitting in my drafts folder for too long now, so I’m going to hit publish and know that it is on it’s way to those who need to hear this message the most.

As always, remember…

I love you!




Join us for more conversation in our Facebook group Willow Song Firekeepers

As of now Jade is limiting the one on one work she does. For availability please email an inquiry.






When I Want To Give Up

It’s supposed to be Spring here in South East Michigan. On my walk outside this morning I applauded my flowers who never give up even when they must push through the latest layer of snow.


This vision really resonated with my Spirit today.

So many times in life it is hard to keep pushing on when circumstances don’t seem favorable for us. Its hard to know when we are meant to keep pushing on and when we are meant to give up.

If you know anything about me by this time, you know that I look to nature for examples of how things are meant to work in our lives. So, when I see tiny green foliage pushing through the dark soil to find the sun, I find inspiration. Even more so when the situation is even more adverse, like snow in the middle of April.

My plants inspired me so much this morning.

Despite the cold temperature and the ice storm yesterday they aren’t even drooping their little heads. They have no idea of what is going to happen in the future. They just believe that it’s their time to come out of the darkness into their own. They don’t doubt it, even with evidence seemingly to the contrary. They trust in their mission. They trust in their journey. They trust.

There are times in my life when the evidence in support of my plans, just doesn’t seem to be present and I second guess my decisions. It isn’t easy, is it? To keep pushing on our path, no matter what?

Sometimes I want to give up.

At times I’ve struggled on my path, wondering if I am truly meant to serve in the capacity that I intend, because things have not happened the way I wanted them to…when I wanted them to.

Pffft, Gurl Please.

If the flowers can plan to bloom on time despite adverse conditions, then so can I. Its not for me to let a little frozen water throw me off my game.

We need to continue to stay true to our inner guidance system despite the evidence that does or does not show up. Despite having second thoughts or hesitations I always come back to what I know. That lesson wasn’t an easy one though.

Plenty of times in my life, before I learned that the Universe is always conspiring on our behalf, I allowed those second guesses to cause me to say ‘no’ to something my inner guidance favored. Those decisions ended up being great lessons in why I need to always listen to my inner guidance system! I don’t like to call things ‘mistakes’, but they are certainly circumstances I don’t want to repeat. I endeavor to never learn a lesson twice!!

The other lesson there is that we never truly miss out on what is meant for us.

If something is in your destiny the Universe is going to make sure to keep it in your face. If you keep saying ‘no’ to it, the Universe will make it more and more uncomfortable to say ‘no’, until eventually you surrender and say ‘yes’!

Isn’t that so beautiful? Isn’t that so comforting to know? We truly can’t get this thing wrong if we listen to our inner Selves. Which means we can’t allow a little thing like ‘frozen water’ slow us down or make us second guess our path.

Life doesn’t come with instructions, nor does it come with guarantees. What it does come with is a guidance system. It’s on us if we choose to ignore it.

So, stay on your path. Let your heart lead the way, never give up and be the hero of your story.

I love you.


P.S. 35 minutes after I posted this, I saw 4:44 for the second time today, so I real quick looked that right up! Here’s the link, so you can see for yourself my message from Spirit!



Join us for more conversation in our Facebook group Willow Song Firekeepers




My Magick Medicine








As always….

I love you.







No One Can Empower You

There are few terms that raise the hairs on my metaphysical neck more than, “I empower women”. I’ve seen a trend, the past few years, of many entrepreneurs and coaches introducing themselves with the phrase, ”I help women, by empowering them to…” Although their heart is in the right place, these women, in an effort to help other women, haven’t made it far enough up the road of personal development yet to realize that we are born empowered, thus to empower another is impossible. Its like giving someone permission to breathe.

You are power. And if you don’t feel powerful, its because you’ve given away your authority, not your power and that is a very different thing.

Power is our birthright. Its more than our birthright, it is what we are. We are power. We are never not powerful. From the time we are born however, we are conditioned to hand over our authority making us feel less powerful. Parents exert parental authority and fail to honor personal authority. A seemingly innocent event such as forcing a small child to give an older relative a hug when the child has indicated discomfort. Academia exerts scholastic authority and fails to honor personal authority by shaming, degrading and only teaching to a small percentage of students’ skillset. Some religions often exert complete spiritual authority obfuscating personal authority in the matter altogether.

We are conditioned out of our authority, by those who live fear-based, because it is far easier to control people when they believe they don’t have choices. When you don’t have personal authority you don’t see how many choices you have. Taking back your authority is as simple and complex as realizing you gave it away in the first place. You have every right to expand your personal authority by distinguishing what resonates with you and what does not. What raises your vibration higher and what weighs your vibration down. A simple question to ask yourself in establishing personal authority is “does this ring true for me?” then listen to your own answer. Don’t think about it, feel it. Does is make you feel lighter or darker?

We are empowered by our very incarnation. We are creators, the creation and the result of that creation. Every single moment we make choices that affect our creation. Every. Single. Moment. Each one no more or less powerful than the other. You might think there are smaller choices and bigger choices, but that is part of the illusion. In fact, often it is the seemingly  small choices that have more impact than the perceived big ones. Begin by examining your beliefs and where they came from. Were they of your experience and interpretation or passed down/acquired from others?

Being empowered means being aware of your personal authority and valuing each choice you make (big or small). This is where your power really is…in the present moment. Each and every present moment you experience is creating the next moment and its impact.

I love you.



Support Female Personal Developers

I’ve been thinking…(uh oh)….





Men take up more space and aren’t ashamed of it.





So, I’m not blaming the men at all.













