What To Do If You Hate Your Husband But Want To Save Your Marriage

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I Hate My Husband: How To Save A Marriage If You Resent Your Spouse

The day you wake up and say to yourself, "I hate my husband!" is not a fun one.

Nobody goes into a marriage with the hope that they will end up hating their partner, but sadly, it happens more often than you might think.

Today I'm going to explain how to save your marriage by pulling it out of the deepening well of hatred it's been sinking into for longer than you may be able to remember.

The first step is finding out the underlying cause — the real reason(s) why you hate your husband so much.

RELATED: 6 Reasons Women Start To Hate Their Husbands

Once you understand the underlying resentment you feel, you can then start taking the next necessary steps to stop hating your spouse and hopefully start caring about him again in order to avoid a painful divorce.

Do you hate your husband because of something he did or does?

You need to understand if there's something specific your husband is doing that's making you hate him so much.

What many women discover is that it's not something major or truly terrible that their spouse does that upsets them. Instead, it's the small resentments that slowly build up in a marriage over time that cause the real trouble — things like not putting the toilet seat down after using the bathroom or not washing his hands before a meal or forgetting to take his shoes off when he comes into the house.

While these aren't major problems in the grand scheme of things, it's easy for them to pile up and become bigger issues than they need to.

If you find that it's the small things that bug you and cause you to utter the words, "I hate my husband," then you need to talk to him and let him know what's bothering you. You'll be surprised at just how willing most guys are to make changes if you just let them know what's going on.

RELATED: 5 Common Causes Of Resentment In Relationships You've Probably Never Thought Of Before

Do you hate your husband because of something you did or do?

If you can't find fault with your husband, there is a possibility that it's something you do or have done that's causing friction between you two.

Again, you need to take the same course of action. Think about the things that might be causing your hatred and anger.

Did he stop buying you flowers because you stopped communicating your appreciation for them, and now you feel like he's a jerk?

Did you accidentally go hard on him during a time when he could have really done with your support, like losing his job or a loved one?

It's usually not something that you've done that makes a woman hate her husband, but it can happen.

RELATED: Beware! These 12 Common Problems Threaten Even Happy Marriages

The next reason you may hate your husband can be a hard one to think about, but it's important to be honest with yourself.

Are you attracted to someone else and using feelings of hatred for your husband as your justification for potentially cheating on him?

Sometimes when a married woman (or man) is incredibly attracted to someone else, they subconsciously start to hate or resent their current partner so that they can allow themselves to be attracted to this new person without guilt.

Have you ever found yourself doing this? Perhaps you are infatuated with a guy at work (and maybe this guy feels the same about you) and, as a result, you push away from your spouse? If so, then it's time to re-evaluate your relationship and decide what you truly want and value.

Did your husband cheat on you?

Another reason you may feel hatred toward your husband is if he cheated on you.

Cheating is a massive cause for understandably high levels of negative emotions like resentment, anger, hatred and jealousy.

It goes without saying that if your man cheated on you, then you are right to hate him at least a little bit.

But if you are serious about fixing your relationship and moving forward, then you really do need to look past it and move on.

RELATED: Believe It Or Not, It's Totally Possible To Move On From An Affair

So we've covered four of the main reasons why women end up hating their husbands (actual emotional or physical abuse aside, as those are far different matters and must be addressed in another way entirely).

Now it's time to learn how to stop this hate and hopefully turn your feelings for him back into love.

You need to start off by understanding that changing your attitude and feelings is not something that's going to happen overnight. It takes time.

You'll also find that it's often a combination of things that help you get over the hate, hurt and anger — not just one magical technique.

Here are 4 things to try if you want to stop hating your husband, save your marriage and avoid a divorce:

1. Accept what's happened and leave the past behind you.

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The hardest but most effective technique you can use to stop hating your husband is to accept that he may not be perfect and that he may have made some mistakes in his past, and then do your best to leave them in the past.

This can be especially helpful if you hate your husband because of something he did just once or while drunk. Accepting that he is not perfect and made a mistake and then coming to peace with that mistake are crucial steps to take in moving forward and starting to love your husband again.

2. Find the good in your husband and in your marriage.

Another super powerful way to start loving your husband again (or at least to stop hating him) is to make yourself become hyper-aware of his good attributes, habits and the nice things he does for you.

Being appreciative and showing him your appreciation will actually make you feel more connected to your man.

At the very least, try making a mental list of what you like about your husband. Even better, write that list down on a piece of paper you can look at when you begin to forget those good things again.

3. Work on communicating more effectively with your spouse.

Improving your communication with your partner can work wonders in reducing resentment between you. It's incredible how much anger and hatred between couples is created by a lack of proper communication.

You may well find that if you let your husband know something is bothering you as he is doing it, it will be a lot more effective than saying nothing and letting your frustration build and stew.

4. Try something new in the bedroom.

One of the quickest ways to stop hating your husband and start loving him again is to simply try something new in the bedroom.

Adding some spice back into your love life will release feel good hormones, deepening your bond and reminding you both of better days you've shared in the past and could very well share in the future.

RELATED: 4 Ways To Be Better At Solving Your Marriage Problems

Sean Jameson is the creator of the Bad Girl's Bible, a resource for women looking to improve their love lives and have more fun with their partner. Sign up for his free newsletter for more expert tips advice.