Do I Have to Invite All of My Cousins to My Wedding?

Finally, an answer to the one of the trickiest wedding guest list dilemmas!

Making the guest list is probably the wedding chore that couples find to be the most taxing, which is hardly surprising. In family and friend groups, there's always politics at play, and it's shockingly easy for feelings to get hurt. Unfortunately though, your wedding venue doesn't have unlimited capacity, and you don't have unlimited money with which to feed everyone, so lines do have to be drawn somewhere! This is why your cousins often come up for debate, along with those of your partner! We've lost count of the number of times we've been asked, "Do I have to invite cousins to my wedding?" so today, we wanted to offer a definitive answer, once and for all!

Do I Have to Invite Cousins to My Wedding?: The Short Answer

No, you don't have to invite your cousins, or your partner's cousins to your wedding, if you don't want to. It's your wedding day, and you and your partner should feel free to invite only the people you really want to share the day with. That said, you should take into account the possibility that some cousins may get upset if they aren't invited (but they'll likely get over it in time), and that your parents may get upset that you weren't able to accommodate all of your extended family members, especially if your partner's cousins are invited. It's also worth bearing in mind that it's a nice gesture to invite all of the cousins if you have a good relationship with them, and if it's possible to do so.

Do I Have to Invite Cousins to My Wedding?: The Long Answer

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but, it depends. It actually depends on several factors;

  • The size of your guest list, taking into account venue capacity and budget restrictions
  • How many cousins you've got
  • Whether your partner is inviting their cousins
  • What your relationship with your cousins is like
  • How upset your parents will be if cousins aren't invited

Our chosen method for priorising guests, which we wrote about in this useful post, is to make an A, B, C and D list of all of the people in your life. This may sound cutthroat, but we've found it to be an incredibly efficient way of making guest list-related decisions. In general, cousins fall on the C list, which means that you'd probably like to invite them, but that this may not be possible. So, how do you decide? We suggest proceeding as follows;

  1. Ensure that your A list and B list guests are already on your list, as well as those of your partner. These are the people you simply can't imagine getting married without (parents, siblings, best friends, etc.), along with some very special people that you'd love to spend the day with (grandparents, close pals, and the extended family members you're closest to.)
  2. Take note of whether any of your cousins fit the above description. If so, make sure they're on your guest list now.
  3. Calculate how many spots are left on your guest list.
  4. Count your cousins.
  5. Count your partner's cousins.
  6. Make a total count for all of the people on your C list, which may also include aunts, uncles, old pals and work colleagues.
  7. Calculate how many people, if any, need to be cut from the C list in order to fit them on the guest list.
  8. Ask yourself if there are any cousins that you'd prefer not to attend the wedding. If the answer to this question is no, and you've got room for them, then you can happily put all of the cousins on both sides on the guest list, and move on to your D list. If you're not comfortable having someone at your wedding, then you really shouldn't feel guilty about excluding them from the day. If they're cousins, as opposed to immediate family members, this is a reasonably easy call to make.

From here, there are a few options;

  • If you've determined that you can't fit everyone from the C list onto your guest list, you should prioritise the people on your C list. Discuss it with your partner, and ask yourself, who will make the day special, and who plays the more important role in your lives.
  • If your results are mixed (i.e. some cousins have made the cut, but not others, or all of your partner's cousins have made the cut, but only some of yours), consider the family relationship. Will your parents be upset that all of the cousins haven't been invited? Ask yourself if the fallout from the decision will be worse than not having your work colleagues and other C list friends there on the day. If you think you can handle the repercussions within the family, then only invite the cousins you want to invite, and assign the other spaces elsewhere.
  • If all of the cousins have made the cut, you can invite all of them to your wedding.
  • If none of the cousins have made the cut, and you are willing to deal with the repercussions within the family, then you don't have to invite them to your wedding.

A Note on The Afters

If you live in Ireland, you may be having extra guests attend the wedding after the meal, but before the dancing, known as The Afters. This is a great way to include all of the cousins in your day when capacity is limited. This usually helps you avoid hurt feelings on the part of the cousins, uncles, aunts and your parents, but not always! That said, it's a great catch-all solution for guests whom you're not sure about inviting.

OK, But Do I Have to Invite All of My Cousins to My Wedding?

Many people, and crucially, many families, operate an all-or-nothing policy for cousins, which can be really helpful for decision making, but it can also make things incredibly difficult. If, for example, you are extremely close to two of your cousins, and not at all close to the other ten, and you're hoping to get your guest list down to 80 people, an all-or-nothing approach just isn't realistic! If you're able to comfortably invite all of your cousins to your wedding, it's nice to do so, but if your relationship with them is mixed, it's fine to only invite some cousins to the wedding, as long as you're willing to deal with any potential resulting upset within the family. For some couples, it isn't worth the hassle they expect to get from their parents, aunts or uncles.

Featured image: Livia Figueiredo Photography via One Fab Day

Having trouble making your guest list? This episode of the One Fab Day Wedding Podcast is essential listening!


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