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My journey to hope

I was 13 years old and in Grade 8 when my mother started getting sick. I lived in Atlantis, about 60 kilometres outside of Cape Town on the West Coast, with my parents, two older brothers and a baby brother who was four years old. My mother was becoming ill, and the doctors weren't able to find a medical reason for her illness. She couldn't go to the toilet or make food for herself or my family. This situation kept me from going to school. It was difficult for me to stay out of school, but I found it hard to sit in class worrying about whether my baby brother and mother were eating. In the end, I dropped out of school because my father was always working, and my older brothers weren't around to help out. I was exposed to many things at that time. There was a time when the situation was so bad that I had to clean the house, make food, look after my younger brother and take care of my mother. One day, a friend's father came to visit my mother and was so shocked by how she was looking that he immediately took her to Somerset hospital. My mother was admitted and spent three long months in hospital before she was able to come home. Having my mother home did not repair our family, though, and things started to fall apart. I started smoking mandrax to help me cope and became addicted to the drug, so I begun doing prostitution work with Bianca*, a friend of mine. I used to join her on the road but would just sit between the bushes and keep her money until she returned from her clients. One day, Bianca suggested that I go with her and a client to a hotel where we started taking drugs and drinking. They tried to talk me into having sex with her client, but I refused because I was young and still a virgin. After a few hours, they decided that Bianca should spend the night with one of her other clients so that I could be alone with him and he could try and change my mind, but the whole night I refused until he eventually dropped me off at my friends place early the next morning. From then, Bianca kept telling me that I should go and make money by myself since I didn't want to have sex with any clients. I tried many things but learned that the only way I could get money for my drug habit was to start giving men hand jobs and body shows. Bianca was not impressed with my actions because most of her clients started coming to me. One day, one of her clients asked me to go with him but, when we got to the spot, he pulled out a gun and forced himself on me. That is the day I lost my virginity. At the time, I didn't tell anybody what happened to me because he was a very powerful drug dealer in the area. A few days later, I started having sex on the road. It was terrible. I had sex with up to five men a day men I didn't even know. I felt trapped, but