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Book review: The Reluctant Caregiver: Learning to Care for a Loved One with Alzheimer's

I admittedly have grown weary of most memoirs written about caring for a relative with Alzheimer's disease. Common themes, such as personal struggle and family conflict, tend to overshadow more useful explanations about the disease and ways of coping. The authors of these two books combine their personal stories with information about the disease and caring for a loved one, but use completely different approaches. I was hopeful that the first book, by Anna Hendershott, would meet the goal stated in the introduction: "to show readers how to become reality-based caregivers." The author tells about caring for her mother-in-law with Alzheimer's disease from her perspective as a professor of sociology. Unfortunately, the technique of blending together the personal and professional perspectives diverts attention from the goal of helping families. Although there are some gems in this book, they are hard to find amidst explanations and commentary about controversial issues, such as euthanasia and genetic testing. Perhaps the best chapter in The Reluctant Caregiver is the first one, "Moving from Denial to Diagnosis." The author recounts the confusion about her mother-in-law's early symptoms and the family's inability to face the painful reality that indeed something was awry. Bits and pieces of evidence, such as the inability to prepare holiday meals or to pay her bills, do not make sense except in hindsight. An incompetent physician then reinforces collective denial by explaining that symptoms are likely due to anemia and a poor diet. The author correctly points out that obtaining an accurate diagnosis is the most important step in coming to terms. By the time the diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease is finally made, the mother-in law is already terribly confused. Henderson's account of subsequent events illustrates the failure of the American health care system to address the complex needs of families facing chronic illnesses. When she, her husband, and their 11-year-old son take their loved one with Alzheimer's into their home, the family becomes overwhelmed. Everyone is caught up in reacting to problems and lacks basic information about coping with the disease. Hiring a series of helpers turns out to be a mixed bag of relief and added stress. As the