31 January 2019


^^ Photo by Jordan Steranka on Unsplash ^^

As I was having my daily mooch through Pinterest I stumbled upon these words ^^ and I stopped in my tracks to ponder them for a moment because they are so very true aren't they? We go through our days chatting about the weather, the television, what over-rated celebrity is dating another equally over-rated celebrity or what ever equals small talk in life, but when do we actually stop and talk about the thinks that matter the most to us.

What is it that you think about the most? In the stillness of the day (if you get any!) or the middle of the night, what is it that is on repeat in your mind, and do you actually share it with anyone in your life at all? I mean, surely, if we have things that are picking away at us, whether they are good or bad, we often don't share them do we?

I think it is human nature to want to protect ourselves from judgement from others; maybe this is through the fear of being seen for who we really are, but is that a bad thing? I really can't wrap my head around why so many people are scared of putting their real selves out there for the world to see. A good example is actually an Instagram stories thread I put up an hour ago (and this was pure coincidence that I happened to want to write this post, but it fits as a valid example, so I'm running with it!). I shared that recently I had started to take a new medication for my migraines, a medication previously used as an anti-depressant, but now more commonly used for pain relief, migraines and to aid sleep. If you know anything at all about anti-depressants then you will know the ironic side effect of increased depression and suicidal thoughts.

One week in to the medication I felt myself start to spiral down hill, very, very fast. I went to a place that I haven't been in for quite a long time. Unfortunately, with my mental health, I do suffer the darkest thoughts on occasion, but this medication took them to a whole new level. 

Having noticed this I kept my eye on it and when I was curled up in bed sobbing and feeling totally helpless I decided to stop taking the meds and see what happened. Sure enough, just 24 hours later, a little fog had lifted and then a little more. The moral of the story, and the link to the post is that I shared this on Instagram to help people. Let me stress that this is a topic that takes courage to talk about because when I post these things to try and bring awareness to someone who may not have too much knowledge on medication and its possible side effects, I do it from a kind-hearted, supportive place, not one of 'hey guys on the internet, look at me and give me attention!', because here are the facts: I hate being the centre of attention, it is a trigger for my mental health, I do not want attention, but if I can help someone then I will make myself do the post; which is the only reason why I put up with the shit I can get online any time I post about mental health... the 'block' button is my best pal!

Back to the quote, my point is that a lot of the time I think of bad thoughts due to my mental state, yes I choose to talk about them, but only to help others; I want people to realise that they are not alone and help to give strategies to cope if and when I can. They are the things I started bringing to the forefront of conversations that I just wasn't talking about but I was most certainly thinking about.

I chose to do that as a conscious effort over the past two years, since leaving my job and actually feeling I could talk openly without judgement of my ability to perform as a professional as a result of talking freely.

So, what are the things you need to talk about? They don't have to be negative things or hard things at all. Maybe, in your private moments, you are dreaming of starting a business (that was me too actually, for years and years!) but you are scared to say to anyone about it because of what they may think! I am here to tell you to start talking about the things you think of the most, whatever they are. If I hadn't of started saying 'do you know what, I want to work for myself, I know it will be hard, and I have zero clue what the f**k I am doing, but I want to try' then I wouldn't have Leaf Lane Studio today!

What is it you are thinking about? Is it work related? Is it someone you love but haven't told them yet (take the risk!), is it that you need more space, more time to work on you? Make this year be the year that you vocalise all the things that you think about the most, because they are the things that matter to you, so find that person who won't judge or that person who will just listen and encourage and get it all out, what is the worst that can happen really?

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