Relationship Rescue Retreat: Infidelity: Paul and Nora

Relationship Rescue Retreat: Infidelity: Paul and Nora
Dr. Phil continues his intense workshop with six couples on the verge of divorce.
During the retreat, Dr. Phil leads the couples through a forgiveness exercise. "Forgiveness is a choice," Dr. Phil tells them. "Don't stand there and wait for some miracle to wash away the anger and the bitterness and the hurt." Each couple is instructed to stand before their partner, and communicate their forgiveness. The wives go first. Dr. Phil explains, "Husbands, when you know that they mean it, that they are giving you a second chance, then you stand up and not before. Go."

Nora stands before Paul and tells him, "I choose to let you in and not push you away. I choose to forgive you for hurting me. I choose to forgive you for all the mean things you've said. I choose to forgive you for putting me down. I choose to forgive you for everything."

Paul stands up and embraces his wife.

When it's the husbands' turn, Dr. Phil says, "Husbands, I want you to make them know that this marks a new day. Set your ego down and you forgive each and every thing that is in the history of this relationship. And women, when you feel that truly in your hearts, you stand up and not before. Husbands, go."

Paul struggles when it's his turn. "To know that you brought this man into my house. For lying to me, for bringing him into my house around my daughter. I don't know how to let go."
Dr. Phil helps Paul get started. "Tell her how tired you are of hurting. Tell her how it would feel to lay it down and just be free of it, to just start over."

"I want to start over so bad," says Paul, emotional.

"Is she worth it?" Dr. Phil asks.

"Most definitely," says Paul.

"What's the alternative?" Dr. Phil asks. "To remain angry and bitter for the rest of your life, or to be free of this? The ego's hard, isn't it?" Dr. Phil gestures for the rest of the couples to surround Paul and Nora in support.

Paul starts the process. "I forgive you for being with him," he tells Nora. "I forgive you for giving him things that I need from you and that I want so bad."

Dr. Phil prompts him, "Tell her, 'Alright, I don't know how to do it, but I can't do this anymore, it's killing me. It's why I sit around like a zombie.'"

"I can't do it anymore," says Paul. "I'm tired. I've nothing but anger to give you."
"Tell her about the pain you've got to get out of your heart. About knowing that she brought him to your home," prompts Dr. Phil.
"I can't believe you did that. And then all the lies around it," says Paul.

"Tell her, 'I hated you for it,'" Dr. Phil says.

"I hate you for that," says Paul.

"Do you want to hate her?" asks Dr. Phil.

"No, I love her," Paul responds. "I have a lot of hatred for what you did."

Dr. Phil brings Donna over to Paul and Nora. He tells her, "Save him years of pain. Tell him why he has to forgive and he has to lay this down."

"You have to forgive her," Donna tells Paul, getting emotional. "Because it was a mistake. She's here with you now because she loves you and not the other person. You need to forget about it and put it in the past and not bring it up anymore. And focus on her and your baby."

"Tell her, 'I forgive you for you, and I forgive you for Taiya because she doesn't deserve to live with bitterness and anger,'" says Dr. Phil.
"I forgive you for me," Paul starts, "I forgive you for you. And I forgive you for Taiya because I'm a big enough man to do that."

"Tell her what you're going to create in this marriage for the two of you," Dr. Phil says.

"I'm going to leave all that anger behind. Create a happy, working marriage," says Paul.

"Can you do it Paul? Can you choose it?" Dr. Phil asks.

"Yes, I can. I choose to be free of this anger and bitterness and resentment. I'm going to be free of that. It's my choice to make and I'm making it."

Nora stands up and embraces her husband.