Tuesday, 21st January 2020

Trump understanding as much of Nato summit as a dog would

DONALD Trump is sitting uncomprehending through the Nato summit looking up eagerly whenever he hears his own name, aides have confirmed. 

The President, who has already done the bit at the photocall where he screws his tiny eyes up to look powerful, believes everyone is speaking in a different language even though it is only accented English.

An aide said: “He only pays attention when drinks arrive, when ISIS are mentioned and he says loudly ‘It was my idea that we should beat them’, or when his name comes up and he looks wildly around for who said it, desperate for approval.

“When anyone tries to involve him he barks something like ‘Gotta be tough. I’ve been very, very clear on that,’ and there’s a moment of silence while they struggle to relate it to the subject at hand, then shrug and carry on.

“At one point he started talking about his electoral college victory and Justin Trudeau patted him on the head, which seemed to mollify him.”

French President Emmanual Macron said: “It is not fair to keep him cooped up in here all day so we will take him out for a walk later, let him get some fresh air.

“And he can do his business. You know. His tweets.”