36 Great Conversation Starters

Gym conversation starters

Do you have trouble coming up with things to talk about? Maybe you’re just sick of talking about the weather? Well, a study came up with a list of 36 conversation starters that were designed to build closeness and intimacy between two people.


The Study: 

The study paired participants who had never met and tried to generate closeness between each pair in a 45 minute session. The researchers tested 4 variables: 1) gradually escalating reciprocal self disclosure, 2) matching participants based on agreement on issues, 3) giving participants expectations that they would like each other and 4) making closeness a goal. The researchers found that only the gradually escalating reciprocal self disclosure questions made a significant difference in perceived closeness scores taken after each 45 minute session.

The questions were based on previous research that found “sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personalistic self-disclosure” is a common theme among close relationships. The researchers found that participants who went through the questions not only generated significantly more perceived closeness than participants who engaged in small talk, but 57% had at least one subsequent conversation and 35% had done something together 7 weeks later. Not only that, but a pair from a previous study using a similar procedure ended up getting married!


The Conversation Starters: 

So, here are the 36 questions from the study. They are designed to slowly escalate as you move down the list.















15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?


20. What does friendship mean to you?














34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save anyone item. What would it be? Why?





So, drop the small talk and try weaving a few of these questions into conversations. A few might sound awkward to you, so just pick the ones that you like best. These conversation starters will work at the gym, on a date, pretty much anywhere.



Aron, Arthur, et al. “The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 23.4 (1997): 363-377.