Letter to My Girls: Khayla (35 months) & Khadeeja (11 months)

Dear precious daughters,

This month you both turned a month older - Khayla, 35 months and Khadeeja, 11 months old. I know this sounds cliche but wow, time sure flies fast, right?

My angels,

This year our lives took a little detour from its usual routine. I stay home to take care both of you and at the same time, finishing my studies. 

Sure money isn't as free-flow as it used to be when I was earning my own income. I could not afford to buy new clothes and toys at branded outlets. We don't stay at fancy hotels for Mommy's working trips this year.

But that's ok. The time we spent going swimming, shopping, and those trips to the playground made up big times though. We could all nap in the afternoon and go for walks in the evening more than we used to, right Khayla? Most importantly, I am around all the time for you both which you love so.

Ice cream moment!

Who needs new toys when we could make our own play dough, and construct  a make-shift playhouse from the sofa cushions? Who needs branded clothes when we could buy similar but not so original version from wholesale outlet, right?

My sweet babies,

Although I do admit that sometimes I feel sad that I can't afford one of those expensive toys for either of you when I see friends posted toys they bought for their kids. But that's only one side of life. They also complain about leaving the office after dark due to workload only to find their kids already asleep when they reach home, and for that I wonder whether the toys are really worth the time spent at work? When you grow up, you will learn this concept. It's called 'opportunity cost'.

Enough rambling for now. I want to address this to each of my darling daughters, may you be reminded of how much I love you girls.

Khadeeja my dark-eyed adorable angel,

You probably don't know this but a year back, just slightly over a month before I delivered you, I woke up in the early dawn to the dull pain which later grew stronger and stronger till it alarmed your father he immediately rushed me to the hospital. I was alarmed too - for all the wrong reasons. Who is going to finish my job if I delivered 6 weeks early? 

Thankfully you didn't come out that day and still refused to come out a month later that the doctor had to drag you out from inside me, screaming at the top of your lungs. 

So much time has passed right, baby? Now you are almost a year, perfecting your walking skill and growing more teeth (you have eight now). The other day, Makyeng sent a video clip of you playing peekaboo by yourself, giggling as you drape a towel over your head and then pulling it off your face.

Sweet baby in the red cap

Even though you and your sister are born on the same date, you guys share very few similarities - where your sister is very manja and likes to cuddle, you are more independent and always on the go type. Yet you adore your sister very much. You follow her everywhere, and even though you sometimes scream when she pushes you back or yells no at you, but you still want to be around her and do whatever she does. Sometimes it saddens me that you are kinda in a hurry to grow up when I still need a baby to smother with kisses and cuddles. But at times I'm relieved as well - if you had been more dependent on me, I don't think this whole long-distance parenting will work.

On the day you sent me to the airport

That doesn't mean that you don't need me too. Whenever I'm around, you love checking on me. Losing me from your sight upsets you big time that even when I'm in the bathroom you would stand outside the door banging and crying. But when I came out, hey, there's not a single tear! At 11 months, you could fake a cry!

You take so much after me that I worry that you will grow up a worry-wart like me too. You laugh less often than your sister at this age, it takes quite a complicated trick to make you giggle in a carefree way. You tend to frown when you concentrate on something (like throwing out all the toys from the toy bin). Which I don't get it - because when I was pregnant with you I was almost stress-free where else when I was preggy with your sister, I was constantly worrying about a lot of things!

Giving that appraising look of yours that is just me

You know the best moments that I had when I was back for semester break last couple of weeks? The time when you fall asleep in my arms. Your hand draped across my chest so possessively (yes, you are jealous too when your sister gets near me), your head on my arm. I just love staring at your long, long eyelashes (something that both of you have, but yours are longer and thicker). And, watching you dance (swinging your body side to side or rocking back and forth as I clap and sing for you) is also a precious moment indeed. You are cute in that way, so adorable I just want to gobble you up and then give birth to you again, back to that little baby who scream so much about being born.

Always so inquisitive and curious 

Now to my eldest daughter, Khayla,

People say - good things come in small packages. That is apt enough to describe you. The joy of everyone's life, always singing and saying the darndest thing ever! You love exclaiming, 'Lailahailallah!' to everything wherever possible. It's good that you can mengucap already but I am pretty sure you don't know what it means!

Whenever you come up with new phrases, I get totally blown away. Like that week when Makyeng sent an audio clip where you were singing 'Ana Muslim' (as usual) and then suddenly you stopped and asked Makyeng in an injured tone, 'Why you like this? So how leh?' I'm not sure what Makyeng did to make you feel so hurt but your helpless yet indignant tone is just too cute!

Watching boats pass by

The other day, Makyeng texted me about your new game. You have started to play imaginary roles, first asking in a normal voice, 'Do you want to eat Koko Krunch?' and then answering your own question in softer tone as if you are a second person, 'Yes please…' Every day you surprise us with something new - a new song, a new act, a new phrase. With you, every day is a new discovery which everyone is anticipating to find out.

Let's talk about food, sweetie. When it comes to food, I'm still fighting a losing battle with you. If you can sustain by just breathing air, I'm pretty sure you would be one very happy toddler. Well, occasionally you do show a slight interest in food - but always the same food. Corn for example. Or fries. Or chocolate. Or candies. Vegetable? Fish? Chicken? What's that?

Enjoying your lollipop

As time passes by, I think you have begun to accept your role as a big sister even though you and Khadeeja still fight pretty much of the time. Sometimes you can be really concerned with her, giving her toys to play, asking her to finish her milk and even asking her whereabouts when things get quiet. I think it's lovely the way you are turning into this big girl, but at the same time you still want me to treat you like a baby.

Playing the big sister
It gives me a warm feeling inside when you sometimes still want to nurse with me, because we still share this unbreakable bond - nothing ever really matters in the world when I hold you close to my heart, my baby. 

Khayla & Khadeeja, you two will always be my inspiration.

Love you always,


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