They won't pole-dance around <em>these</em> questions

Since all you ever wonder about at a strip club is what those girls really think about the "No Touching" policy life's greatest quandaries, your favorite Physical-Challenge-taking email newsletter bit the bullet and went to The Penthouse Club's grand opening with enough Sacajawea coins to get those (and more) questions answered, courtesy of six clothes-removing professionals. Start feeling smarter in 3... 2... 1...

Whiskey or Bourbon?Jordan: Neither... but I love Scotch. Simea: [While housing a beef slider] You mind if I eat during this?

Obama or Ninjas?Simea: Obama... as a ninja. Nikita: I'm Asian, so I gotta go ninjas. Jordan: Yeah, ninjas, they have those nunchucks that look like dildos.

Pogo Sticks or Skip-Its?Jordan: Oh, [places hand on Thrillist's thigh] I'm definitely more of a pogo stick type of girl.

Mario or Luigi?Jasmine: [Staring at Thrillist's feet] What size are your shoes? Jordan: I like Luigi, he's green. Simea: Ugh, they both have plumber's cracks.

Striptease or Showgirls? [Jordan gets up and wanders away] Nikita:Striptease. Are you kidding me? Showgirls is f***ing stupid, like, just really bad acting.

Twilight or Hunger Games? [Jordan returns!] Nikita:Twilight. Shaunette:Twilight. Jordan: ... I'm hungry.

"Jesse's Girl" or "Stacy's Mom"?Nikita: "Stacy's Mom". I mean... I'm gonna be her someday.

Unicorns or Leprechauns?Jordan: Unicorns 'cause... they have horns!

Bloodhound Gang or Pussycat Dolls?Jordan: [Singing] You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel...Jasmine: Pussycat Dolls. I know a thing or two about p*ssy.