Life of a Stick

Humorous Scriptures

While reading the scriptures, I’ve occasionally come across verses that seem funny or odd. Sometimes in context, sometimes out of it, and sometimes just odd or poor word choices in translations. I’d like to share what I’ve collected so far. Being a Latter-day Saint, or Mormon, many of these versus will come from the Book of Mormon.

They’re sorted by the order they appear, Bible first, then Book of Mormon. Bible translation is the Revised King James version, which is standard for the LDS church. Feel free to comment and add your own if you have some.


The Camel brand cigarette is millennia old.

Genesis 24:64



Moses, supposedly the meekest man on Earth, has several scriptures where he goes into a rage. Such as when the Israelites get tired of eating the miraculous manna they find outside their tents every morning, so they demand meat from God. He gave it to them, but with this stipulation.

Numbers 11



A description of a murder. How a man died after having a nail driven through his temple. I think the record they were transcribing from started skipping.

Judges 5:27



The prophet Elisha does not take well to being mocked.

2 Kings 2



The proper treatment of the wicked: break their arms until they stop being wicked.

Psalms 10:15



Proverb’s method of educating your children is to beat them until they’re smart.

Proverbs 22:15



History’s first recorded food fight.

Zecharaih 5:1



The dangers of falling asleep during a religious lecture.

Acts 20:9



The prophet Abinadi was driven out of a city for preaching. Later he comes back in disguise. A disguise doesn’t last long when you quote someone saying your name.

Mosiah 12:1



Amulek and Alma converted a bunch of people. The prophets were then captured, and their converts were thrown into a big bonfire. I imagine Amulek’s voice in verse 12 resembled that of Eeyore.

Alma 14:12



True to politics, “a few particular points” can be translated as “all the points.”

Alma 51

2 Nevertheless, they did not long maintain an entire peace in the land, for there began to be a contention among the people concerning the chief judge Pahoran; for behold, there were a part of the people who desired that a few particular points of the law should be altered.
5 And it came to pass that those who were desirous that Pahoran should be dethroned from the judgment-seat were called king-men, for they were desirous that the law should be altered in a manner to overthrow the free government and to establish a king over the land.


Helaman lays siege to an enemy held city in order to steal incoming provisions.  The wording implies he takes some humor in this deception.

Alma 57:10



Being on fire is good for moral.

Helaman 5:24



Book of Mormon: The Musical.

3 Nephi 4:31

And it came to pass that they did break forth, all as one, in singing, and praising their God for the great thing which he had done for them, in preserving them from falling into the hands of their enemies.


The Lamanites are the ancestors of the modern day American Indians. See also: Indian reservations.

3 Nephi 6:3


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