January 02, 2020

All this time I've been trying to be a supergirl. Always workaholic and nothing can stop me. I didn't lie. There was a phase where I did enjoy being so and having such image embedded on my forehead for everyone to see.

But now I'm tired.

I thought it was because of my burnout a few years back and thinking I might get back to normal. Unstoppable and fast-moving human. I work like machine, I treat my body as something else, making it easy to be programmed.

I did everything to get myself back to normal. Back to my old self. Now I think I might have become another persona.

Me and my stuffed puppy - 2018

The lazy, braindead Bree.

Then it developed to another revelation. Along the way, while trying to get back to normal, I realized all this time I did everything yet not treating myself as human. Now I'm tired.

I've been living with people and working in the industry where you have to be always nice, always ready to pick up the phone, looking sleek every day, stay being healthy that you're allowed to sick, looking fresh all the time as if you sleep with makeup on and hair blownout, 24/7 energized like you have electric plug keep charging you every second.

Those pressures make me forget about being human. I yearn where I can enjoy being low, going out casual without dressing up, living my mood drop... where all of it is okay and normal.

It pushes me to 'celebrate' by saying it whenever I'm being weak, slow, bored, sick, annoyed, lazy, etc, as a form of admitting my humane sides and living alongside them.

Those words might sound negative, but again, they are humane. There are things we need to balance out coz not everything is made glittery and sparkly, especially us. We are not fairies. Let's just be what we are: humans...

... something we forgot too often.

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