


Rebel Without a Pause Key (Part 3: Beatings)


We left the people’s revolution in somewhat dire straits last time. Alec Furious, heroic leader, ended up in hospital. His second, Alecina Furious, gets talked into being a housewise or something by a phallocratic oppressor or something. We’re left with a bunch of hippies and teenagers Alec managed to recruit to before being beaten up by the lackeys of the state who turned counter-revolutionary due to being shot at. That said, it’s not all bad. When browsing opinion polls, the following nugget brings us hope.

Some know our names. And some of them even like us. In fact (hits calculator) that means there’s a 4.5 million (COUNT ‘EM!) people who approve of our activities in America. This is enough to show that Alec and Alecina’s sacrifices weren’t in vain. The revolution cannot be contained!

A quick look around allowed us to find the character with the most potential to go out in the field. In a ceremony which involves a ceremonial donning of Alec Furious’ underpants, she rechristens herself Lady With Liberal Politics and goes forth to work. Let’s have a look at her…


You’ll note that compared to Alec, she’s a bit of a bozo. What makes her the leader is her charisma and a fledgling persuasion skill. I don’t have enough members, and she’s the only person who may be able to fill the ranks. Heading back to the Vegan Tofu Bar, it’s hard going. Most people tell Lady With Liberal Politics to sling her hook… but some are far more impressionable and soon recruited into selling brownies for cash and torturing prisoners.

We’ll get to that in a minute.

I try to focus on people with professions, thinking they’ll probably have more skills than the majority of tofu-eaters. Photographers, Musicians and even a socialite are welcomed into the organisation. I start actually moving people to be in the squad alongside Lady with Liberal Politics, each taking on a new name – clearly, only members who have worked in the fields rather petty brownie-peddling deserve a heroic moniker that’ll inspire future generations. This is handy, because if you offend someone by talking to them, they won’t speak to that member any more, but another Liberal can have a crack.

This squad’s finest hour doesn’t come in the art of flirting and coffee-shop politics. It actually comes when they broke into a Labratory. As well as stealing all sorts of equipment, they kidnap a scientist and a lab worker (Who are clearly not the good kind of worker we extol in song, but the bad collaborative worker who we shun) before disappearing silently into the night. While the team proper head to the edge of town to pawn the loot and buy some guns, the stay-at-home get on with the brutality.

Now, I’d kidnapped someone back at the start of my campaign of freedomfighting, and one member was determinedly working on her.


Now, yes, she’s turned… but 12 days is too long by half. We had an alert that people had realised she’d disappeared, and so a manhunt started. I could spend some money on props to improve it but I want to spend my money on sexy revolutionary AK-47s and hats to pose with. But there’s another solution – I realise you can actually set multiple people to try and turn the same guy. I do so with the new victims, and sit back and wait for the results.


Erk. Er… hey, guys, in the other room, perhaps you shouldn’t do…


Oh, forget I said anything. Carry on the beatings, ladies and gentlemen.

Things are clearly on the up. Yes, someone has to be put on body-disposal duty, but everyone else is making money, re-educating corporate worms or out in the field. Here’s a shot of the Liberal Crime Squad in their oil-rig raid which secured a load of pawnable goods.


Ruthanne is still going by her slave-name, but otherwise it’s a lean, mean, slightly underarmed liberation team. Admire them and their stern yet sexy revolutionary bearing. So, all is going well. Not perfectly – the Neocons are still in power, obv!- but Lady With Liberal Politics leadership has been a fine and noble one and the future is ours for the…


Shit! It’s the Filth!

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Kieron Gillen


Kieron Gillen is robo-crazy.

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