Wednesday, 17 April 2019

To all the people who have broke my heart.

To everyone who has broke my heart.

To every guy who cheated on me: Wasn’t I good enough for you? Why were you always searching for something more when I gave you everything? Let me tell you something. You will NEVER be satisfied. You will always be searching and hoping and wanting more. Looking back now, I can clearly see you were a lucky escape. The funny thing is the girl you decided over me? She either did the same thing to you or you are still hopelessly searching for something to fill that never-ending void within you. Thank you for leaving me when you did. You are not deserving of me.

To every guy who played mind games: I hope you are happy. Knowing you continuously go around giving people the wrong messages. Why pick me up to only throw me back down? Why give me a tiny bit of hope, a look into the future when you have no intention whatsoever. You are a coward, a coward from yourself and a coward from others. Manipulation is all that fills your body up to the core. It is almost like you enjoy doing it, knocking us down like dominoes. One by one. Must I say, like the rest, you will never find what you are looking for because you have no clue what it is you want. Thank you for teaching me I deserve more than maybes.

To the one-night stand: You didn’t break my heart, but you reminded me how worthless I feel. Yes, I was partly to blame but what we had was nothingness. Empty. Pointless. Just a moment of lust to leave me. Just know, you are nothing in my life and you will never be returned. Thank you for the sex mind.

To the person I trusted: You hurt me the most. You broke me down into a million pieces when I thought you were my safety. It took every inch and particle in my body to open my heart to you. To place my trust in you when I felt no one was left to trust. You poured out your words hearing them so truthful and pure. I truly believed you could never leave me. I would have gone to the ends of the Earth for you. I saw a future and a life ahead of us, something I had felt with no other being. You gave me so much hope to love and friendship. I thought you believed in me, when all you really wanted was to control me. You didn’t love me. You used me. You never had any intention of being with me, only manipulating me to make you feel you were on the high pedestal. Do you realise how disgusting you made me feel about myself? Do you even care? All I did was love you and return you gave me the worst heartbreak I have ever felt. Yet I still thank you, for making me realise how god damn worthy I am. I deserve more than lies and hurt.

To the friend: Friends come and go but your loss was a heartbreak different from the rest. It wasn’t a bad heartbreak but the one that pulls your heart out of your chest knowing I have no more time left with you. Just thinking that our last hug was our last and I cannot hear your voice again. You were taken far too soon, and I cannot stand the thought of you never coming back. I want to talk to you. I want to just tell you everything. I wish I could. Yet I thank you, for being part of my life and continuing to watch over me. You are always with me.

To myself: I am so so so sorry Hollie. I have spent years breaking your heart. Putting you down and destroying you. Putting your through hell and back. Self-hate, illness, shitty relationships and anger. You deserve so much more. You deserve all the love in the world. You deserve all the self-love. You deserve someone who is as full and loveable as you are. Someone who cherishes you as much as you cherish them. You deserve the world. You are beautiful and you deserve to feel that way. Thank you for being you.