Busted Smoking a Cigarette

I should have known I'd grow up to be a smoker, because my cousin and I used to enjoy sifting through the ash tray in her mothers car; smoking the cigarette butts. And the reason why we did this was because my aunt had a habit of taking only two buffs on a cigarette and then putting it out. Her car ashtray looked like a cigarette case because there would always be anywhere from 5-7 barely smoked cigarettes, perfectly lined up around the edge.

I’ll never forget the time when I was in my early teens and my mother found out that I was not only stealing her 35 cents a-pack unfiltered Chesterfield cigarettes, but also secretively smoking them out of my bedroom bathroom window.

However, I’m the one to blame for that because I stupidly forgot to check the toilet after I flushed the butt and it regurgitated back up; delicately floating on the surface like a water lily the second I walked out the door and left for school that morning.

I should have wrapped that DAMN cigarette butt in a wad of toilet paper to give it some weight, before flushing.

Anyway, I can still remember that afternoon when I got home from school, as my mother inquired, “Ronnie…are you smoking cigarettes?”

Me (nervously caught off-guard): “um…no…why do you ask?”

She: “Are you SURE you’re not smoking cigarettes?”

Me (more nervously caught off-guard): “um…yes….wwwhy?”

She: “Well then…please tell me how a cigarette butt got in your toilet?”

Me (thinking fast): “um…I have no idea. But I do know that my friend Billy Jenkins smokes his parents cigarettes sometimes, so maybe he left it in my toilet.

She (laughing): “Oh really?…well, was Billy Jenkins in your bathroom at 6:30 this morning smoking a cigarette?”

Me: “um…I honestly can‘t remember”


My mother immediately sent me to my room and told me to stay there until my father came home, when they would discuss a form of punishment.

Now mind you, both my parents smoked, so I thought it ironic when my father gave me a long lecture on the hazards of smoking.

(do as I ask, don‘t do as I do)

Later that evening they finally came up with a punishment to fit my crime.

They decided that since I couldn’t be trusted, they were going to remove my bedroom door from it’s hinges for a month, so I would have no privacy.

OMG…..it was like they were sentencing me to a month in Alcatraz because I was VERY particular about my privacy.

So, before I went to sleep that night my older brother came up to my bedroom with a screw driver and hammer, and took down my door.

And for the next few days it was absolute torture, because I couldn’t sleep at night without having a door - it drove me insane.

So, do you know what I did?

I took my allowance money and walked to Grants department store and bought myself a plastic beaded door curtain.

Ok…technically it wasn’t a DOOR, I know.

But it did give me a few SLIVERS of privacy….


  1. Joan honey...again ya disappoint me. Do you have to be taught everything...of shit...your too old to learn anything new...oops but that's right the plastic whatchamacallit dohickey was from when you were a child.

    Now see what ya should have been doing is lighting up ciggy after ciggy...you know like Ms. Crawford smoked in the movies...or did she...well anyway you get the drift and just sat in the open room and smoked away. And ya should have had one of those fancy ass cigarette holders.

    Of course your ass probably would have been beaten blood red. But just think of the power you would have had over them by smoking with your pumps on, cigarette holder making it about a foot long, legs crossed, so daintily sitting in your room. Oh the thought gives me chills up my spine. To be that evil.

    But no you lay your money down on some god damn plastic thing.

    "Gypsys, tramps, and thieves
    Wed hear it from the people of the town
    Theyd call us gypsys, tramps, and thieves
    But every night all the men would come around
    And lay their money down"

    Oh I so love Cher. Speaking of which have ya seen the episode of W&G where Jack has his Cher doll at the restaurant with them and she's got her very own table. And then then Cher shows up and bitch slaps Jack. OMG I would have said more you trampy slut...more.

    "Picked up a boy just south of mobile
    Gave him a ride, filled him with a hot meal
    I was sixteen, he was twenty-one
    Rode with us to memphis
    And papa woulda shot him if he knew what hed done"



    PS...yeah know, I wish Deb would comment before I do...I could so make sure that all comments were taken care of at one time. But no she's to god damn busy watching some asshole showing a joint in the bus to comment first.

    "Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
    Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
    Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
    Ah... Ah..."


  2. Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame on you.
    (sorry I'm late. I couldn't be online at work for most of the day today. So just a few words before nitey nite.)

  3. Good morning, Ron dear..I loved reading this with my coffee!! Always good to start your day with a good laugh!
    My stepdaughter would smoke while waiting for the school bus. We busted her..we simply followed her foot prints (path) to all of her hidden butts! She never did figure out how we knew! HA! She is married now, with children and trying to quit smoking!!
    I was at a lecture on Native American pottery last week, and the gallery had a gorgeous beaded door curtain..which brought back so many memories. :)



    Ps I hope to get back to read more..I am so far behind. :(

  4. That was an ingenious move Ron but did you stop smoking? LOL

  5. I can't remember when my parents first found out that I smoked. I used to have a little soda cup filled with water that sat behind my bookcase so I'd smoke a little and then put what was left out in the cup. I'd try to blow it out the window of course but probably didn't think too much about it because both of my parents smoked too. Mom quit though at some point because of a heart issue but Dad continued on. Infact, he was still smoking a couple months before he died of lung cancer.

    But back then it seemed that EVERYONE smoked and they did it everywhere, even in grocery stores.
    I think most of my baby pictures have a bottle of beer and an ashtray on a table somewhere nearby. LOL

    Oooh Oooh... speaking of those plastic beaded curtains,
    one of my best girlfriends had them growing up. We always liked going to her house the most. The carpet was a mishmash of assorted squares of color, beads hung in the doorways, her parents were hip and cool....
    Now, her daughter just got a set of plastic ones to hang at her bedroom entrance.
    If I could find them in purple and clear CRYSTALS (or could afford them done that way) I'd have them here too!!!

    Well, I did manage to quit smoking ... hmmm... 14 years ago?? Can't remember now. I don't miss it at all. Infact, I'm one of THOSE people who, since I've quit, can't stand to smell it anymore, like around food or in a closed place like a car. So we make our smoking friends go outside when they ... as our one friend puts it... pray to the fire Gods. ;)

    Have a great day.

  6. Aloha Ethel!


    LOVE IT!

    Oh, you have no idea how much I enjoyed watching Joan AND Bette Davis smoke in films. Especially Bette. I use to try to exhale real slow like she did, and then inhale it through my nose. VERY dramatic. VERY dramatic!

    YES...as a matter of fact, I just recently watched the W&G episode where Cher was on the show. OMG...Jack was hysterical. I kept rewinding the scene over and over again. He's such a GREAT actor!

    Well, Cher....I can't thank you enough for stopping by today and giving us all a private concert. Your voice sounded better than it's ever been!


    You KILL ME!

    Have a great day, buddy!

  7. Aloha Debi!

    I know...

    ...wasn't I an EVIL child??

    Unfortunately, I'm also an evil adult.


    Thanks for stopping by, Deb!

    Hope you had a good nitey-nite!

    *I keep forgetting about the time difference.

    Have a great day!

  8. Good Morning Dearest Gypsy-Heart!

    So glad you had a laugh.

    I too am reading your comment right now having my morning cup of coffee!


    OMG....that's TOOO funny about finding your daughters cigarette butts!! Parents ALWAYS find out, don't they? I called my mother last night to tell her about this post and she and I had the greatest laugh remembering it!!!

    *as we were BOTH smoking a cigarette


    Don't cha just LOVE beaded door curtains? When I was a kid (in the 60's) they were VERY popular. You hardly ever see them anymore. I also had inflatable furniture!!!

    ALWAYS great seeing ya, my friend!

    Thanks so much for stopping!

    Enjoy your coffee!


  9. Morning Akelamalu!

    Thank you, m'dear!

    VERY ingenious of me, wasn't it?


    No...I'm still smoking.

    Thanks for dropping by today, my friend!

    I REALLY enjoyed your slide show yesterday!

    Have a great Wednesday!

  10. Hiya Crystal Chick!

    Your comment about having a little soda cup filled with water to put your cigarette butts in reminded me of what my mother use to do when we were at a picnic - she did SAME THING!

    My mother still smokes, but while my father was still alive, he had stopped years and years before.

    OMG...you are so right. Back then EVERYONE practically smoked. My god, I actually remember seeing an old movie where a DOCTOR was sitting in a hospital room with his patient SMOKING!! It was a Bette Davis film called Dark Victory.

    Oooh...Oooh...your comment about the beaded curtains brought back memories for me. Do you remember inflatable furniture? Shag carpet? Lava lamps? Blue light posters? God...I had all of it!

    Even though I'm a smoker, I can't stand smelling it on someone. This why I only smoke in the evenings in my own home. And definitely not around food or in a car. I'm a very considerate smoker. If it bothers someone, I won't smoke around them. Perhaps one day I may stop, but for now....I enjoy it.

    It's always such a pleasure sharing with you, M! I love our chats!

    Hope you had a great reflexology session.

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Have a great day!

  11. Came back to read some of the comments and noticed your mention of the W & G episode where Jack was imitating Cher and she was there.... sooooo funny. He's a riot! They all are good but he's just extra fun. Of course Karen is my favorite though. LOL

    YES, I had a long tube light, that florescent purple kind... I think they called it a black light... the posters on my wall would GLOW! I think I had some sort of grim reaper and sickle one. Yikes. LOL
    I had a wonderful big black and white bean bag chair and a strobe light. I don't think I had a lava lamp but I did have one for my desk that was all plastic and had a red plastic shade.
    Those were the days.....

    Reflexology was good. I had a couple sore spots so Margie had to go a little easy this week but it does feel very good. She puts on nice music and I lay on her table with a couple pillows so I could drift off a little if I wanted to but mostly we chat. She's been doing it sooooo long that she knows the positions inside and out and can very easily talk while she works, ask me questions about tender spots or tell me the points she's working on, but then go right back to whatever conversation we were having. She's a very neat lady. I know that you would just love her. Into all sorts of things like Tarot, Reiki, Crystals, Astrology, communicating with Angels, etc.

  12. Hello again Crystal Chick!

    I agree...Karen is my FAVORITE! And being someone who LOVES sarcasm, it doesn't get any better than KAREN! She and Jack made a great foil for one another.

    And you're right...they were BLACK light posters, not BLUE light! What the hell was I thinking???


    Ooooh...and STROBE lights!!! Yes...I had one of those too! When I was a kid, all the haunted houses in amusement parks would use them. At the time, is was VERY high-tech.

    Thanks for sharing about your reflexology session, M! Margie sounds like a VERY seasoned practitioner - I'm so glad you found her. Maybe I'll meet her someday, because I haven't met many reflexologist here in Philly. It's such a specialty modality and very few people do it. Yes...sore spots all correspond to various parts of the body, so that's why she was asking you questions.

    When I work, I close my eyes and allow my hands to take me where they need to go. Sometimes I'll chat with a client, especially if it's their first time. But I mostly enjoy working with some quiet background music and in silence. My sessions are more spiritual than physical. I think Reiki has a lot to do with that.

    Anyway, M....thank you so much for stopping back and sharing.

    I really enjoyed it!

    Have a great day, neighbor!

  13. "was he in your room at 6:30?"

    "Honestly, I don't remember."

    This is hysterical! I ALWAYS wanted a beaded door like Rhoda but my parents wouldn't let me. You were so lucky!

  14. Hiya Chrissy!

    When I got older, my mother told me that when I was a kid, it was so hard for her not to laugh at my LIES!

    You are soooo damn psychic, because I just finished watching a DVD collection of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, and I SOOOOO remember seeing those PINK door beads she had hanging in her attic apartment.

    Oh god...what a GREAT show that was!

    Thanks for stopping by, you wild woman, you!

    Enjoy your week off!

    *smooch to Bern!

  15. Millie, Cher here.

    What you say we get together and just blow smoke in Deb's eyes. How rude of her:

    "Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame on you." to think she let's work interfere.

    "Now laughing friends deride
    Tears I can not hide
    Oh, so I smile and say
    When a lovely flame dies
    Smoke gets in your eyes
    Smoke gets in your eyes"

    That'll show her.

    Oh can you stand that dumb ass Sonny. Bang himself straight into a tree?

    "Blop Blop Gee Whiz, OH What a Relief It Is"

    My ass is freezing today. I should just dress not so casual.

    "If I could turn back time
    If I could find a way
    I'd take back those words that hurt you
    And you'd stay
    If I could reach the stars
    I'd give them all to you
    Then you'd love me, love me
    Like you used to do

    If I could turn back time"


  16. Thom-Ethel,
    I'm here! Sorry...I'm just going through some stressful stuff at work and home and haven't been online as much and haven't been Ron's first poster in awhile. (oops)

    I will not be absent for Ron-Joan.
    I will not be absent for Ron-Joan.
    I will not be absent for Ron-Joan.
    I will not be absent for Ron-Joan.

  17. Grant's! Beaded curtains! Ron, you're giving me flashbacks! LOL

    We shoulda listened to our parents and not smoked, we'd be healthier and richer today!

  18. ron you are the best. i have to stop starting my comments like this but seriously you crack me up!

    delicately floating on the surface like a water lily - that's gold.

    and your new door is so funny. LOLOL.

    the thing with kids is to never give them a door in the first place. my kid doesn't have one, took that sucker off and she's only 9. she will have nothing to miss when she's 13 and trying to pull something over on me.

  19. Aloha Millie/Cher/Ethel!

    OMG...I LOVE that song, Smoke Gets In Your EYES!!!

    My father had an LP with some guy singing it (I can't remember who), but he played that album often.

    Such great memories that brought back for me!

    OMG...that's right, I totally forgot how Sonny died. Wasn't he sking in Aspen or some place like that? OUCH!#!?

    Do remember Cher in the movie Suspect? That's the first time I realized what a FREAKING fabulous actress she is! I wish she would do more films.

    Anway, Cher look-a-like....I hope you had a great day driving your bus. It's hotter than hell here today. I just got home from work and I'm SHVITZING!!!!

    Talk to ya, later!


  20. Hi Deb!

    Don't you worry, girl....I totally understand! I enjoy your comments whether they're first, second, third, or fourth.

    Sending you a big HUG!!!


  21. Howdy Nitebyrd!

    OMG...I can't believe that you ACTUALLY remember GRANTS department store!!!!!

    That's amazing!

    Everytime I mention Grants, people say, "What the HELL is Grants??"

    When I was a kid, my only life ambition was to work at a GRANTS!


    I know...the price of cigarettes have gotten WAY out of hand! I pay $5.71 a pack. In NYC they're $8.00!!! One day I may quit...who knows!?!

    ALways great seeing ya, Sis!

    Hope you had a great day!

    X ya!

  22. Hiya Valerie!

    Thanks again, sweet lady!

    So happy you giggled.

    When I was writing this post, a water lily was the first thing I thought of.

    DAMN that cigarette butt!


    I wish I still had those door beads. They were very cool-looking. It was something that a lot of people used in the 60's and 70's.

    I think my mother wished she had removed my door from day one. I was always getting into something. A little DEVIL, I was!

    tee, hee!

    Thank you for dropping by, Val!

    Always enjoyed.

    Have a great evening!

  23. Funny how we thought our ridicules stories would pass right by our parents. Now that I am a parent, I get to be on the other side of it. On more than one occasion, Lisa or I have asked one another, "How dumb do they think we are?"

    Good seeing you again my friend. I'm not back to posting yet, but had to get by to see a few of my buds.

    Later dude.

  24. OMG, Jeff....I was JUST thinking about you earlier this evening; wondering how you were and missing ya. I was actually going to email you tomorrow!

    It's SOOOOOO great seeing ya!


    Yeah, you're right, "How dumb did I think my parents were?!?!?!"


    Thanks a bunch for stopping by and saying, Hi!

    Can't wait til you start posting again.

    Your FANS await you!

    Hope you're having a great summer. We just started getting the summer heat here in Philly and I'm BITCHIN' up a storm. Oh, well...about 4 more weeks and it should be over!

    Take care, bud!


  25. Thom-Ethel,
    It was a situation I could only compare to this way: if Muffie got on your bus route and rode with you until the end of your shift. You can't sing songs or utter things under your breath to people who can't understand you heheeee.

  26. Oh sure you two bitches stick up for each other and just forgive her just like that!!! pffft...that little inner circle ya go going there with Deb is well...

    Ethel will not sing for a while as punishment to you two for a while so take those apples

    And suspect...oh I liked the one where she played a lesbian...damn what was that movie...oh yeah Silkwood...and crap could I belt out a tune now...but pffft

    Ethel is being pissy now

  27. I'm thinkin' you need to serve treats. *laughing*

    It might work to feed the lot who hangs around here.
    Personally, coffee would do for me. But I'm easily pleased and just as easily amused.

    Beaded curtains after door removal. Pure genius. ;-)

    Today--if that was the worst thing you were doing I'm thinkin' they'd be proud!
    k....*laughing* Maybe not.

    Coffee--black, thanks!

  28. The smokey days of our youth. When even the TV commercials had doctors telling us what cigarettes were good for us.
    The emphysema doctors telling us to light up L&M. WoW, how far we have come!!
    The Marlboro man and Joe Camel the real American Heros and now all we do is throw good Ron in the mix and our bag of tobacco wonders is full.
    I remember sneaking the cigarettes from my mother father's packs and walking around with my friends and pretending I too was a human chimney. I was cool man.
    Then good sense came in and saved me from a life of addiction to those little white wonders.
    Ron for God's Sake keep your cigarettes out of the toilet dowse them under the faucet and watch the black ash that could be in your lungs go down the drain. Then dispose of the soggy limp residue in the trash.

    Here's to you and your ashtray.
    Stay lit and keep puffing.

    Winston Tareyton.

  29. Hey Debi!



  30. Aloha Pissy Ethel!

    OMG...now you sound like my mother, sentencing me to PUNISHMENT!


    ...I'll just go to Grants and buy me some DOOR BEADS!!!!!


    Oh yes...Silkwood. How could I ever forget that film! Didn't love Jacks imitation of her in the film on W&G? He really sounded like her, too.It was FLAWLESS!

    Anyway, Missy...thank you for stopping by (even though you DIDN'T sing us a tune). Maybe tomorrow?

    No Aloha,

  31. Mornin' Mel!


    And what a cute idea!

    How bout' I serve popcorn, twizzlers, and coffee for those here, who enjoy a nice caffiene BUZZ!

    One coffee---black, comin' up!

    tee, hee!

    Happy Thursday, dear lady!

    Thank you for stopping by!


  32. Oh, Dave-Dave-Dave...

    Winston Tareyton!!!


    That was FLAWLESS!

    Damn, man...you always make me LAUGH!

    You're right...I cannot believe how years ago, DOCTORS were even smoking! It's ironic to walk by one of the hospitals down the street from where I live, and see all the nurses outside PUFFING away on cigarettes! I can't believe they walk back into the hospital with all the nasty cigarette smoke on their hospital greens.

    No...I don't DARE flush my cigs down the toilet, anymore. I'm a good boy - I just THROW them out my apartment window!


    *only kidding.

    Always great seeing ya, bud!

    Have a great day, Winston!

  33. ohhh... thats some childhood memory!! but i guess the punishment didnt work as they planned and you kept smoking?

  34. Joan and Deb:

    Fine go to Grants by all the damn beads you want. Tie Deb up for that little snide tirade she went on. pffft.

    No singing

    Oh and yes...Jack played her so well

    "Hush-a-bye, don't you cry
    Go to sleep-y, little baby.
    When you wake you shall have
    All the pretty little horses.
    Blacks and bays, dapples and grays,
    Coach and six-a-little horses.
    Hush-a-bye, don't you cry,
    Go to sleep-y, little baby"

    Oh damn it I couldn't contain myself


  35. Hi Lena!

    It's so nice to see ya again!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    No...the punishment didn't work. I STILL smoke.

    But I no longer flush the butts down the toilet.


    Hope all is well!

    Enjoy your day!

  36. Hi Cher!

    That song suddenly made me sleepy...


    Tee, hee

  37. You bad boy you! I remember when I had to tell my dad what my bad deed was...wish the deed had been smoking. NOOOOOO, my mom caught me pulling my dress up to show the boys of the hood my panties....Pink with lace. Even when I was six, I liked the pretty stuff.

  38. ha...hi babe.

    I like the bead door. Mother had a door like that in one of the hall ways. heheh I thought it was cool.

    I caught my g/f smoking...kind of. I was empying the small trash cans from the bedroom batahrooms and in the far bedroom bathroom it smelled like cigartte smoke.

    I confronted her. i told her i knew she smoked.

    she said...na-huh.

    I said yes, you're busted. i don't smoke and my 3 year old (the prince) I'm sure didn' wlk down to the grocery store and buy a pack of cigs.

    she smiled and admitted it. I just said...you don;t have to hide it from me...I'm not your mother.

    she said...okay okay. just as long as you don't smoke inside i said to her.

    yeah I busted her. I just wondered where she hid her cigarettes. ;)

    Ciao ronnie xxx

  39. Hiya Funny Girl!

    ...my mom caught me pulling my dress up to show the boys of the hood my panties....


    OMG...that is TOOOOOOOOOOO funny!

    You GO, girl!

    Somehow I think you and I as childhood friends would have been fun...but WICKED!!!

    Thank you for the wonderful laugh, FG!

    And thanks for stopping by!

  40. Dear Miss Jones....

    OMG...what is it about us cigarette smokers that makes us want to CONCEAL our identity???

    As if the whole world is on a WITCH HUNT!

    *which they are.


    I'll tell ya, us smokers are EVIL WITCHES!!!

    But I can't help it...I enjoy it!!!

    So glad to hear you don't mind your girl smoking. And I agree, though....NOT in the house. Especially with children.

    Thanks for stopping by, Miss J.

    Always FABU!!!

    Ciao bella

  41. do you mind if i say that the parents were jerks to do this? ok that's good...because this is ridiculous and so not a good idea for a boy who does NEED a little [or maybe even alot but doubtful] of private time...so what if he smokes afterwards for god's sake, do they want to watch everything you do...guess so...was this really about smoking? did they find a playboy or something?

    this is priceless what you did....run down and buy some pretty beads to hang up...i wonder what dear old dad thought of that ? do you remember the reaction to your sudden design diva coming out? *giggles* bet they had a talk in the kitchen over that one about sending you off to military school...

    I had a close girlfriend whose father did this to her because of her talking to guys on the phone in her room and so did i so when he did that, i stopped visiting her because he would tell my parents on me....they were a sick society, if you ask me..very sick monkeys...

    ah well, I am enjoying ethel-cher and her many ways of seeing the world according to joan...fascinating ...like ms ronda's neighborhood with characters and everything...is there a princess yet? i mean besides you, joan, you are the queen and i want to be the princess, wear frilly pink after reading about someone who shows her undies and they sound so cute with the pink lace...OMG, I so wanted them and I am so out of my mind! so i will be the princess, must have jewels, a cute haircut that is happening tomorrow, a deep bubble bath everyday and lu butter cookies and milk to take with meds at night before bed...tomorrow we will talk about the bed...and the jammies with socks...and the nightlight...

    nightynight ronnie....even tho you bring out the worst in me and your cavalcade of gypsies seems to live here with me too, that's ok as long as they stay out of way...I need to be the princess, not ethel, fred, lucy, ricardo or bette...hey BETTE! must think on that for tonight---well, I could be baby charlotte, now that really fits!NOT! I think I want to be princess bitch bette who can be sweet and then she's charlotte...how's that sound, like a play in the making??? hahahahahahahahaahahahaahahahaaaaww

  42. Hellooooo Princess Bitch Bette!


    OMG, girl....you are HYSTERICAL!!!!

    Your comment had me rolling on the floor!!!!

    Go, Princess....GO!!!!

    Honey, you can be anything you want on this blog. And feel free to change names whenever you want!
    My god, Thom has been Ethel, Cher, Mama Cass, and Cat Stevens!!!

    Isn't he a riot???

    Anyway, about my parents taking off my door....

    ....yes, it WAS terrible, but considering my parents BARELY ever punished us kids, (especially ME, because I was a little Devil), I really can't hold it against them. My parents were very lenient parents, but I guess this is one time they felt they needed to be stern with little Ronnie.

    Anway, my dear, dear friend....thank you so much for stopping by tonight!

    I alway enjoy chatting with you and having a laugh!

    Hope you had a great Thursday!



  43. Joan

    Suck Wind!

    I had to dig from the bowels of the face of the earth to remember that one pffft


  44. Ethel...


    tee, hee!