I can totally pass a drug screen. #TrueStoryTuesday

The 5 lamest failed drug screen excuses… #truestorytuesday

Drug Test

Sir, you’re drug screen results are showing postive for cocaine.

I’ve never done cocaine. I must’ve got it on my hands somehow and transferred it into my urine when I was peeing in the cup.

<insert cricket chirp here>

Candidate studies drug screen form for seriously 12 minutes, reading the list of drugs we are testing for over and over and over and over again. Finally signs it and proceeds with the process.

Sir, you’re drug screen is showing positive for marijuana.

Dang-I didn’t see that on the list of drugs you were testing for.

It’s the first one on the list-THC.

Sir, you’re drug screen is showing positive for marijuana.


I can’t send you to a job site with a positive drug screen.

I didn’t know I couldn’t smoke it.

You do know smoking marijuana is illegal, right?

I didn’t realize I couldn’t do it because at my last job I would smoke with my supervisor.

<blank stare>

Sir, you’re drug screen is showing positive for marijuana.

I don’t smoke. My roomates smoke, but I don’t. They smoked in the car on the way up here.

This last one was a special situation where the employee was actually on workers comp.

Sir- you’re drug test today had no trace of the medication we prescribed you.

So now you mad because I can pass a drug screen?

Sir- you do realize it is illegal to falsely obtain a prescription and sell it to other people.





On our AL SHRM Hill visit this past week one of our topics we chose to discuss with our Congressmen/women and Senators was Tax Reform. Naturally, we threw in our own opinions on the topic as the day went on and I was disgusted when someone brought up that he couldn’t find any employees because everyone would rather stay on their “entitlements” than work for min wage, 8, 9, or $10/hr. This guy works for a temp service and considering that’s the majority of my background I couldn’t help but size him and his service up as a less than par “temp service”. I’m being judgemental and very cross in my summary, but I think that temp services would rather project that answer to their clients, network, employees and apparently congressmen than take some responsibility for this issue.

I’ll tell you one of my clients in my previous job started the majority of their temps at minimum wage. We were often greeted with sighs and grunts when trying to fill their positions because of the pay. And yes, a lot of times they said it would interfere with their food stamps/unemployment/cma/etc. So we had to start thinking outside of the box. I happen to believe that when “You know better, you do better” and took a shot at informing applicants. Communicating clearly where they could start with this position and where they could end with this position. What the pros and cons were for the programs they were depending on and the pros and cons for taking a position that may interfere with some of these programs. It was more time-consuming on the front end, but gave us far better results in our hiring process, eliminated walk offs and reduced turnover. There were still candidates that turned the positions down, but there were far more that accepted the positions and were able to maximize the opportunity to ultimately better themselves. Why so often do we underestimate the power of communication? #SPEAKUP

its not who you are

The mindset has to change, not just in the temp world, but in HR as a whole. On the hiring project I’m working on now I’ve recently had to send out almost 500 emails to candidates that we have not chosen for a position. I made a case to my employer that when people respond to those emails that we answer their questions. When they want to know why they weren’t chosen, we tell them. As HR we need to capture that opportunity to enhance the candidate pool in our own community. Sometimes people are making mistakes that they don’t even know are mistakes #KnowBetterDoBetter. Of course you still have the ones that will be angry or out to get you and you have to decide what you can pour your efforts into, but I don’t believe HR is only valuable to its current workforce, I believe HR is valuable to its past/present/future workforce and that means we have to offer advice and coaching to people who don’t work within our organization now.

Where are you missing communication? How is your HR team enhancing your community?

I’m still here!


right meow

