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Gay Cancer Astrology Profile

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The Gay Cancer: You have a license to mother.

Crabby?  You?  Only in the morning.  Before lunch.  All day Tuesday and most of Sunday.  Leap years.  At high altitudes and low barometric pressures.  Oh, just admit it, Cancer.  You're a moody one.  You are ruled by the moon after all, and we know what that means: it's always your time of the month.  I'd try to cheer you up, but you have the most annoying habit of twisting a compliment into a death sentence.  It's one thing to be creative, but however did you get "You look tired" from "You look lovely in pink"?  Impossible is what you are!  Given the right state of mind, every innocent comment can be a back-handed cutter waiting to be discovered.  We love you for your sensitivity.  But there are times when we just can't stand your sensitivity.  If you're a smart little crab, you'll surround yourself with people you love and trust.  It's no guarantee that you won't have your sad days, fat days and Boy George in rehab days, but without a solid home base you'd be miserable.

I don't mean to gnaw on an empty crab shell, Cancer, but you'd better watch it.  You're getting a rep.  What's that in the corner, wallowing in a pool of snot and self-pity?  Oh, just the Piteous Cancerous.  You'll find them in the restaurant restrooms, department store dressing rooms, blandly decorated living rooms and garish art-deco rumpus rooms... bad home decoration offends the Cancer's sensibilities.  Between sobs, you'll sit the offender down and flip on HGTV or TLC as though you are leading some kind of intervention.  If Hildi happens to be terrorizing some poor suburban family on "Trading Spaces," you'll quickly change the channel.  And don't pretend you don't know Hildi.  You know Hildi.  You've been riding the cable television home-improvement craze since it's nascence.  And the food network.  Especially the food network.  Home just isn't home unless the scent of pot roast and strudel knocks your guests over the head from the moment they step across your kitchy straw welcome-mat.  You have a license to mother.   And people let you, because you do it with a zeal that borders on obsessive compulsive disorder.  You embody an army of Italian/Polish/Mexican/Armenian Grandmothers who insist that even the Type II Diabetics among us must be starving.  It's hard to resist that kind of charm for long.  That, and everybody is afraid of making you cry.  And did I mention you make pie?  Damn good pie, in fact.

Please don't shoot the messenger: you're the ultimate girly-man.  I guess in your line of work (being gay, that is) it's not a bad thing.  Whenever the boys stop by for a visit you've got the coffee and the gossip brewing, always ready to employ the most cunning pie-diplomacy where ever it might be needed.  Sadly, it is not useful enough in this carb-conscious age of ours.  Still there's plenty to keep you busy: shuttling your mother to the hairdresser, picking up your sweetie's dry cleaning, fertilizing your herb garden, vacuuming under the sofas and bedazzling your niece's jumpsuits.  Bedazzling?  Where do you find the time?  It seems that all the home arts are your especial domain.  You can't wait to get your M.R.S., if only so you can push your partner out of the way when it comes time cultivate a pack of Lhasa Apsos or Homo Erectus-es.  Not that your partner will be going anywhere.  He'll be so fat by the time you're through with him, he couldn't turn the head of a stripper at Gold Coast. 

You like your romance like you like your meals: rich and leisurely.  You're a sentimental sap, that's all.  What's the use in trying not to fall?  None, my dear.  You fall in love and stay there.  Security is the name of the game.  You want it at any cost.  Too bad it can't be outright purchased, though it doesn't mean you won't try.  You'll stop at a boutique window and admire the new seersucker trousers they're showing this spring, and then lament that you're too poor to indulge.  Too poor to indulge from your clothing budget, that is.  As opposed to your travel fund, hope chest,  unborn grandchildren college trust and Swiss bank account.  You're not stingy, hardly.  You're very generous with your friends and family.  But money buys drapes and Ghirardelli chocolate, the things that make you happiest; therefore, one can never have enough.  Sometimes, this desire to be prepared for a rainy day can manifest itself in an unfortunate tendency to accumulate clutter.  I could evoke the happily discarded clothing styles from a bygone age, but I think one word sums it up: Rave.  I went there.  Don't you think putting old clothing out of it's misery is the humanitarian thing to do?  I suggest watching "Mission: Organization".  Check HGTV for times.


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Pinched much?
The fact that there is not one upside to this description is enough to know it is skewed, yes some points touched might be considered yet there are positive traits to the Cancer sign. They seemed to have disappeared here though, haha.
#267 - strangecrab - 05/03/2016 - 21:11
I'm in love wih a discreet bisexual cancerian :(
i just have a question :( is there any chances that a people like you to be a real straight? im really in love to this man. my world fall apart when he confess his identity. im hoping to any response.

by the im a girl zodiac sign of pisces.
#266 - ellysa - 02/15/2016 - 13:07
Leo love
Ive fallen for a fella whos not quite ready to commit. Hes younger. We are both Roosters (chinese).

Im not sure if working on this will end with good results. I'm not ready to quit..but would appreciate advise.
#265 - Mr.Z - 10/20/2015 - 05:06
(New) folks,
Let me just humbly inform you all: this was likely written by a begruntled Pisces. I actually have a few fish acquaintances, mostly online, who, in very approximate style, say the EXACT same things about Cancers: that we're MOODY and turn compliments into attacks, we're all about cooking and have certain obsessions with people and material things and money, Pisces usually end up "swimming away" because of what Cancer has done *roll eyes*, everyone is driven away because of Cancer (and Pisces is the one that saves them, I'm guessing?), we're "ARROGANT", we make bold-face claims only to hide our !@#$%ty moody faces when refuted *roll eyes*, we're cheaters, we're liars, we're unfaithful (but overly-attached, OBSESSED and smothering all the same?), we think we're "saving the world" but we're really drunk-!@#$%s who sleep our lives away criticizing people...yoidle yoidle yoidle....


They then go about to spread their sock-puppet smurves on the Cancer forum that they start, pretending to be various people who have "bad experiences" with Cancers and how the Cancer profile in front of them (that THEY wrote) fits them well.

There's a reason why so many Gemini's say that Pisces are "Self-absorbed". I'm just saying.

Shoot the messenger, do we? What does that have to do with anything, Cancer or otherwise?
#264 - YenYenYEN!! - 03/07/2015 - 20:05
u should kno
Bitch please
#263 - me - 01/29/2015 - 00:27
Falling for a younger Cancer
I am a cancer guy who is falling for a younger cancer guy in his mid 20s. Besides his good looks he is a real nice guy and we have a lot of fun together. I am a bi guy and he is not sure what he is. My question is what do I do? I am tryting to give him space very puzzeled,
should I just move on?
#262 - Dave - 12/17/2014 - 21:18
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