Thursday, 14 August 2014

Percival Stanion is leaving Barings Bank!

At last! After all this time, Percival Stanion has finally worked out that Barings Bank doesn't actually exist any more. (This guy was educated at Oxford, by the way, so ...) He thought he was head of the global multi asset group at Barings. 'Nonsense!' Oh, you're back, Voice. 'Yeah.' Can you believe this Percival, man? 'I can't believe you.' How many years has he wasted? 'All right, I'll play along. Was he locked in the stationery cupboard with Dagmar Dvorak?' I have no idea. But he's got to rebuild his life now. Christ knows what his CV looks like. Can you imagine him going for another job? ...

So, Mr Stanion - or can I call you Percy?

You can call me Percy, man.

It says on your CV here that you've spent the last thirteen years working at Barings Bank.

Yes, I can explain -

Are you mental or something?! There ain't no Barings Bank. It went out of business in 1995. How did you even get the job? Who hired you?

Well -

You were working at BNP Paribas in 2001. You were head of asset allocation.


So what made you think a move to a non-existent bank would be a good idea?

Let me explain -

Get out of my office!


Jesus, dear reader(s)! It's not going be a lot of fun, is it? If I were Percival I would go self-employed. 'What, boss, selling matches at the end of the street?' I don't know, Voice. But he's going to have a hard time of it, that's for sure.

[Oh, Percy, if you're reading this, mate, how about correcting the spelling mistakes on your LinkedIn profile, yeah? It don't look too good. Know what I mean? What the hell is "poloitics"? Or "philosphy"? Get a grip, son.]