Trump v. Biden?

Forget about a possible 2020 match-up, we're still obsessed with last week's President Donald Trump/Joe Biden kerfuffle, which devolved into childish threats of a fist fight.

After we were done laughing (and cringing) at the mental image of President Trump, 71, and former Vice President Biden, 75, going for a knockout, old-schoolyard style, we asked readers for some good Delaware locations for the septuagenarian scuffle.

Sure, Delaware Joe would have home advantage, but our little state just has so many spots that would be perfect for a brawl such as this. (And Delaware has plenty of "fight club" history.)

Perhaps they could do it at the Wilmington Blue Rocks' Frawley Stadium with Mr. Celery as the guest referee?

Maybe The Patio at Biden’s alma mater, Archmere Academy?

Or how about the parking lot of the Charcoal Pit on Concord Pike?

There's plenty of space if you move the cars, plus Trump could eat cheeseburgers and Biden could chow down on ice cream in between rounds for energy. The winner gets a complimentary Kitchen Sink sundae with 20 scoops of ice cream, which retails for $19.95, and unlimited Diet Cokes.

Could we call it The Whoppin' in Wilmington?

This battle has actually been bubblin' for a while.

In the 2016 campaign, Biden said he wished he could take Trump "behind the gym" after sexual assault allegations were made against the current president.

Biden resurrected those comments once again in a Miami speech last week and added that he would "beat the hell out of him" behind the previously referenced gym.

"I've been in a lot of locker rooms my whole life," Biden continued. "I was a pretty damn good athlete. Any guy who talked that way was usually the fattest, ugliest S.O.B. in the room."


While most of us don't really want to see these two go at it hairy eyebrow-to-hairy eyebrow — it would seem too much like a deleted scene from Mike Judge's dystopian comedy "Idiocracy" — our readers were up for having some fun with the concept.

Newark's Sean McEvilly may have had the best idea of all. He simply sent a photo of one of the World War II towers from the beach — you know the ones with the circular steel railings on the top.

"Cage match," he wrote. "Nobody wins, we all lose."

Here are a few more Delaware places we could put the ring:

"The basement of a bar in Newark à la 'Fight Club.' Just for that night, the bar should be renamed Lou's Tavern! Of course, I have already broken the first rule of 'Over 70 Fight Club.'" — Paul Surowiec, Clayton

"Yes, two balding septuagenarians flailing at each other in their tighty-whities. Let’s host it at the Methodist Country House at 4 p.m., with supper immediately following so everyone goes to bed on time and gets their meds. Somebody needs to put both these boys in timeout." — Valerie Helmbreck, Wilmington

"The Bottle & Cork." — Garrett Aidan, Lewes

"Behind the Dumpster at Newark Grotto Pizza. No, wait..." — Robert Lhulier, Wilmington

"After giving the subject much thought, I have decided the best place for the bout would be the Tybouts Corner Superfund location. Tybouts Corner is toxic, as can be politicians. Trump would win by a 'hair.' I predict the bout would go one term because it would [be] difficult to endure more." — Sandy Knauer, Townsend

"How about the Candlelight Theatre? Biden would come out as the Scrappy Man from Scranton with fists up. Trump would land a low blow and both would fall down." — Joe Conway, Bear

"How about the parking lot of The Jackson Inn [in Wilmington], for the sake of authenticity?" — David Nordheimer, Arden

"Re-open Kahunaville on the Riverfront!" — Michael Ryan, Wilmington

"Meet at the Dairy Palace [near New Castle] for a proper scrap." — John Mabrey, Wilmington

"The Bob Carpenter Center [in Newark]. Joe played football at UD while Trump was nursing his bone spurs to get out of 'Nam. Hopefully Joe breaks Trump's jaw in Round 1 so that the world gets relief from his rants. Biden cheerleaders? Stormy Daniels, Karen McDougal and Summer Zervos. Trump's cheerleaders? Hope Hicks, Kellyanne Conway and Sarah Sanders. Melania will probably demur." — Greer Firestone, Wilmington

"The former [Olympia Boxing Gym] upstairs at The Queen [in Wilmington]." — Mike Janis, Newark

"I think it should be in the underground circuit. Maybe even use the new underground parking garage downtown. Biden would destroy Trump in under a minute face to face, but I have a feeling Trump would run a lot and then fake a sprained ankle or something to get out of it. He would then tweet that he would've kicked Biden's ass if he hadn't injured himself." — Billy Dowling, Wilmington

"Delaware State Fairgrounds [in Harrington] between rounds of Demolition Derby action. Tonya Harding makes her triumphant return to Delaware as the ring card, er, celebrity." — Guy VanderLek, Wilmington

"On the stage of the Hak's strip club in Wilmington." — Bob Warburton, Wilmington


"The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon"

"Did you hear about this? First Joe Biden said that he would have beaten up Trump in high school. Then Trump tweeted that he'd beat Biden in a fight and that Biden would go down fast and hard. Women everywhere said, 'Thank God we didn't elect an emotional woman as the leader of our country.'" 

"That's right, even though they are both in their 70s, Biden and Trump are talking about fighting. Experts say the match would go nine rounds with 10 bathroom breaks."

"Right after Biden brought up the idea of fighting Trump, the president sent this tweet and this is real: 'Crazy Joe Biden is trying to act like a tough guy. He doesn’t know me, but he would go down fast and hard, crying all the way.' Wow. Then Biden replied, 'White House. Bike racks. 3 o'clock. Be there.'"  

"Jimmy Kimmel Live"

"[Trump] tweeted, 'Crazy Joe Biden is trying to act like a tough guy. Actually, he is weak, both mentally and physically, and yet he threatens me, for the second time, with physical assault. He doesn’t know me, but he would go down fast and hard, crying all the way just like Stormy Daniels.' OK, I added that."


"Late Night with Seth Meyers"

"God, can you imagine that fight? 'What did you say bro? Seriously, my hearing isn't so good anymore, what did you say? Honey, what did he say?'"

"This is just what America needs: The Thrilla in Vanilla."

"The last time I saw two old dudes go at it like that, my local Walmart was down to its last bottle of prune juice."

"Can you imagine these two actually fighting? It would end the moment one of them accidentally stepped on his own super-long testicles."

"Also, shame on Joe Biden. You don't have to say you want to fight Donald Trump because we all know you want to fight Donald Trump. When it comes time for someone to fight Donald Trump, I'm sorry, we're just not going to pick you. We're gonna pick Ronda Rousey."

"The Daily Show with Trevor Noah"

"Personally, I have no idea who would win this fight. Biden seems scrappy, but if 70 years of McDonald's couldn't take Trump down, I don't know what can."


Mid-town Park Garage brings eases parking woes for downtown Wilmington eateries, venues

Newark's Kelsea Johnson advances on 'The Voice'

Get your selfie on a latte at Rehoboth coffeehouse


Read or Share this story: