Friday, March 21, 2014

Double dipped in three shades of fuck.

It hasn't really been a great couple days.

Tuesday night, or early Wednesday morning I fainted.  I was sleeping or that in between sleep/awake state and I remember feeling really sick/weird and thinking that it was not a good time for me to be sick with work being busy.  When I woke up I was queasy, shaky and weak... the exact same symptoms as i have when i faint.

I got up feeling horrible.  Took the kids to school and barely made it to work.  When I got there, they took one look at me and told em to call my Dr.  I called her and she said to go to the ER.

I went to the ER.  They did an EKG and blood tests and didn't find anything.  Shocker... they never seem to find anything.  After about 4 hours, I started to feel somewhat normal again.

But this time, they did something new, they took away my drivers licence.  Great.

I mean I get it. I do.  I don't want to be in the car, have one of these episodes and hurt my boys or someone else.

So if anything I am turning what is a complete shit show of a situation and turning it into something I can use.   Not that I didn't have my little pity party, but now it's time to sack up and just get on with it.

I made an appointment with my regular Dr. for next week. I have a list of things that I want checked including epilepsy, carotid sinus syndrome, cardiac implications etc. I have been tested for a lot of heart problems had a stress test, 24 hr monitor, ultrasound and it all came back fine.  But something they mentioned at the ER was that the can implant loop monitors which are designed to monitor long term, which would be better for me because these episodes happen only or twice a year.  I had also seen a neurologist last time, he concluded that it was because of exposure to heat (hot showers etc), but this time there was none of that and at the time I saw him last, I had never had an episode lying down before.  Not sure if that changes things.

I was doing ok at the hospital, being tough and strong.  Took the bus home because I felt fine and I didn't want to make Brad drive all the way across the city.

Got to the daycare to pick up the boys.  Saw my friend.  She simply asked how I was doing and I lost it. Full on gaspy sobs.

So yeah... hard to recover from that one.  Can't exactly say, "Oh I burnt dinner...".  They know somethings up at that point.

She was great, listened to me spill the whole story. I really am quite fortunate to have such amazing friends and family. Truly.

My new perspective is that I am choosing to take this as a completely unsubtle wake up call.  I really have to figure out if there is some physical reason for this episodes.  If nothing comes up on any tests, then it means that this is my body's reaction to stress (which I have had a lot of lately). So I will have to make some changes, because I need my licence back. NOW.

I got this.


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