Tag Archive: what happened to the catholic church?

Secret Relationships with priests

Relationships are common like air. Everybody is in a kind of relationship: at home; at work or with neighbours. The surprise is, that like parenthood, very few receive any kind of instructions or training. When things go wrong, people realise that something important is missing. People are aware of the importance to cultivate free, positive, healthy and educational relationships.

The relationship between a woman and a priest is no exception although it has its own peculiarities. Several of the readers who write about their hidden love, seems to be unaware of some basic needs/information about relationships. We are trying to make some people aware of some pitfalls before undergoing or letting go into such relationships.

Any relationship needs some basic things to survive. Let’s try to write about some of them.

Communication: Each one of us needs to tell our significant other about our daily events, the pros and the cons of our life etc… the fact that for most of our woman, the priest does not communicate or else communicates in a very strange way, is an indication that the relationship has already some major problems. Communication is a thermometer which indicates the level of strength or weakness of a relationship. No communication is equal to no relationship at all.

Mr Evasive: Any relationship involves two persons. Now maybe one is already dreaming of the priest as a future husband, plus children etc.. but does the priest think in the same way? It’s incredible how some women run really fast in a relationship whilst the priest may simply be, first having fun or else, emptying his reproductive sacks! Did some of our women check what the priest really wants from such a relationship? Is he going to be committed to you? People have a habit of procrastination or be very evasive when faced with deep questions. As we amply wrote last time, one cannot be evasive for too long. A time frame makes sure that beyond a certain time frame, one needs to let go and forget all about the priest. If not, one is letting himself become abused by the priest.

Secrecy: We understand that most loving relationships are not born by choice involving a woman and a priest. We understand the need for secrecy at the beginning of a clandestine relationship and for a certain period of time. But would you like to live all your life in secrecy? Would you accept that you can never walk hand in hand with him in public? Would you accept the fact that you can never have your own house where to live twenty four hours with your loved one? If she doesn’t have a problem with secrecy than surely she is going to hit the wall at an incredible speed. The pain will surely be unbearable at that very moment.

The significant other: the beauty of a relationship is that one comes close to another person and sees his/her personal life. Priests have a knack of preaching to others and hide behind several masks. Incredibly you might not get to know the real person. Please forget what the priest might tell you. Remember that priests are very good, persuasive talkers. They might chat about many subjects yet avoid to tell you how they really feel. They might emphasize about how bad his superiors are and/or other situations in the church, yet he does not share with you how is he going to face the situation nor does he mention any concrete steps how to come out of it. For a change look at facts! They speak louder. Does he flirt with other women? Is he just experimenting with your body? Priests lack physical and intimate contact, hence if you give him permission to touch you, he might be just releasing some physical and sexual tensions.

Loneliness: Is the priest just passing through a middle age crisis or is he just feeling lonely? In some cases the priest might look at you, first as a close friend (maybe with sexual benefits), but nothing less and nothing more! He might use you for some weeks or months, never to be seen again. This is because he is using your relationship just to fill his empty and lonely soul. If you listen to him with your mind rather than with your heart, you might get the hidden message. Homilies indirectly reveal a lot about his psychological being. One needs to listen attentively and connect the missing dots. When you read between the lines, what is he trying to say (the unsaid words)?

Daydreaming: This sounds sinister and odd yet very true. Some women incredibly make up a whole story just because the priest paid some special attention in just one occasion! Fantasies or thoughts do not constitute a real and true relationship! It has to be real. One cannot exchange just a few glances with a real relationship. How can one be sure of a relationship if there has never been a real dialogue? It’s just a waste of time and energy which will definitely lead to a great depression. One cannot live his whole life imagining what if…..

The Real One: We might have given the impression that all relationships with priests will fail. No it’s not true. There is the priest who has taken the necessary time for reflection and he has definitely decided to leave the parish. He faces the big decision on his own. Separately he has thought a lot about having a full relationship with a woman. These two great decisions should never be mixed up together. Each one of them should be examined carefully and separately. The priest should take a decision after a long time of reflection and discernment. This applies especially to the case when his woman is pregnant. The priest, although he has to accept his paternal responsibilities, must not be forced to marry. He needs to take one step at a time.

In many cases, the married priest, if all decisions were taken in a mature way, should have a wonderful relationship with his future wife. It proves that in a mature relationship, the priest can lead a healthy, spiritual life where he could be of a better service to the whole community. One can easily google the many cases where the priests live happily with their wives. The community can testify that in most cases, one can notice the positive change in the priest leading their parish in a married state. The number of married priests is increasing all the time in the Catholic Church. This is a positive seed which might grow bigger and give more bountiful results.

If the Catholic church was all black, or bad, I would have still asked to be baptised in it. Why? Just for one simple reason: because of the documents of Vatican II. There is no other church or organisation who could boast of such documents which were truly avantgarde. It was truly a big step forward for the Catholic Church and all the world. Many non-catholics were invited to that meeting which took place between 1962-1965. So many theologians, who heard the cry of the people, were summoned and wrote their reflections…and amazingly their ideas were adopted into the official documents. Many people returned to church. Even non-Catholic ones were touched by such an experience. It gave hope to many. Some people called it the Spring of the Catholic Church.

Now after 50 years, the church is in disarray. Some authors have described it as the worst period of time in the history of the church! What happened in such a  short period of time when compared to the 2 centuries of history within the church? It’s not only because of the sexual abuse of the clergy on small innocent children but rather the alienation of the clergy from the true aspirations, challenges of the common people.

For people who have studied theology, they have noticed this many years ago. But surprisingly, the call for change was put aside. Old ways and systems have replaced what was supposed to be the new theology. Pope Paul VI started closing the door again and taking the wrong decisions. The most famous one was about the contraceptive pill where he went against the opinion of a commission which he himself had set up. People were hurt because the non married Pope had just put aside the opinion of the people and imposed his own opinion and put it as divine will. After so many years, some people are still baffled what made the Pope act like a dictator.

Then the charismatic Polish Pope made people love the chair of Peter. Yet secretly he was actually going against the Second Vatican Council. He reversed most of the theological points discussed in Vatican II. He appointed bishops which were truly conservatives. Till this day most of the appointed bishops are towing the official line. It’s very rare that a bishop would talk in a different way. The few who dared to do so were immediately silenced and put aside.  Surprisingly the bishops who have been held accountable for the sexual abuse of innocent children are still in the church!!

The only positive thing which we can see in the last years of the Catholic Church is the ordination of Anglican priests who are being accepted as married priests in the Catholic Church.  This is already training people to accept married priests. Hopefully some of them would reach the higher steps of the ladder and consequently they could change the image of the church by changing the way we study, live and pray theology. A married priest would look at things totally different than a man who lives protected in a monastery where his daily needs are usually looked after.