Friday, October 11, 2013

FFS!? Friday : This is war

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Oh school holidays,  how I love thee.

I love not having to spring out of bed and shout/wrangle The Feral Threesome into school uniforms and shove breakfast down their whining throats.  No FFS!?

I love not having to slap on some 'war paint' and do my hair at the arse crack of dawn.  No FFS!?

I love not having to whip up three unique lunch boxes of nutritional food that will be compared to the contents of other kids' lunchboxes and duly judged and possibly shunned.  No FFS!?

I am not a morning person.  Not remotely.  Thanks to school holidays Nickelodeon and ABC4Kids, I can delay the whole morning process until at least 9am.  No FFS!?

And usually by around 9:30am I suddenly realise....oh shit, they're here all bloody day....FFS!?

Around the same time, I have fielded / refereed the following :

She farted on me

Well she spat on me

He called me a poops

But she looked at me

She won't share the crayon

He ate the crayon

She called me a mingo

That's because she said I smelled like sand

She licked me

She licked me too

He licked us

I mean, seriously....FFS!?

In my opinion, they are all poops by 9:30am most days during school holidays.  FFS!?

In our house, school holidays means war.  Sibling smack down style.

It's times like these that I most fondly think back to our Bali trips and our beloved Nanny, and I wonder what price for citizenship sponsorship and renovating the house to add an extra bedroom and bathroom.  FFS!?

And what kind of idiot enacts a serious 'no alcohol during the week' policy....on school holidays?  I am some kind of poops moron.  FFS!?


  1. I LOVE the lazy mornings of school holidays, but the umpiring, the whinging, the fighting, and the cries of 'I'm bored!' grind me down. I tell them only boring people get bored but they don't seem to get it. I love my kids, but gosh I'm glad when school starts back!

    1. Amen to that! 3 days to go, just 3 days to go. And it's the weekend so I can survive via wine. I am fairly confident I will make it.

  2. Ha very funny post. I haven't got to the school holidays yet as mine is too small but I can imagine being exactly the same when the time comes. This made me laugh.
    Hope youve not torn your hair out too much. :-)

    1. I predict you will love school time for the first year. The concept of your kid making new friends, the fun of packing a lunch box. It's great, really. But it wears off. And then you'll live for the mornings that you don't have to spring out of bed and shout manage everyone out the door by 8am, while ignoring their whining over yet another vegemite sandwich for lunch.

  3. I lolled the LOL that only can be lolled by the mother that no longer has bickering siblings at home.

    1. But you can have. I can send one, two or all three over. Just tell Boo they are like real life Lego girls/boy.

  4. You know I think Tina the Bali nanny would welcome the toy room, but I have first dibs. xx

    1. That's fine. I checked out our car-free garage and I reckon I can add a toilet in one corner, a bit of partitioning around that, a shower above it - voila, granny flat / nanny flat!

  5. I think you might be onto something there re: bringing the nanny out from Bali. Do you think she has a sister? Asking for a friend....

    1. Sadly no, but I am prepared to share her and split costs. I will have her during the day, and you can have her at night, from 9pm - 7am. Heh.

  6. Your house sounds exactly like mine! I try to get out of the house from dusk til dawn coz mine are always better behaved when we're out :p

    1. I've often pondered the effort required to get them public-ready, versus the half arsed effort of cleaning up after them when we stay at home. So far staying at home wins out because I don't have to get myself even remotely public-ready for that.


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