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On being a family caregiver.

For nearly 20 years, my husband and I have had our parents living in our home. My mother-in-law was the first to join us when she decided at the age of 80 to retire from the neighborhood tavern business. Now, at age 97, she occasionally questions whether or not she made the right decision to stop working. Five years after my mother-in law, my parents moved in when my mother’s dementia became too problematic for my father to manage alone. My mother-in-law became my mother’s protector and best friend and the only person whom my mother continued to recognize as her memories and personal essence slowly slipped away. My mother survived for 3 years and spent her last 6 months as an “in-home” hospice patient as her multi-infarct dementia took the last of her identity and spunky personality. She died peacefully in our second floor bedroom on a crisp fall morning with my father and mother-in-law at her side. My father, now approaching his 99th birthday, continues to thrive despite a brush with bladder cancer and a broken femur that was surgically repaired 2 years ago. The only medication he takes is something for his blood pressure once a day. His resilience is quite remarkable, perhaps because of his low arousal personality, his sense of humor, and his genetic endowment, including the ability to heal quickly and completely. My husband and I are family caregivers among the more than 50 million individuals who provide care for chronically ill or aged family members and friends. The National Family Caregivers Association1 reports that the typical family caregiver is a married, employed woman. In fact, 60% of family caregivers are women and 30% are seniors caring for seniors, like my husband and me. In years to come, the number of elderly will grow at a faster rate (2.3%) than those available to care for them. Fortunately, we have not had to consider nursing home or assisted living care for our parents. We are, after all, a family of family caregivers. We know how to access the care that we need and we have a strong support system in our children and grandchildren. So, are my husband and I family caregivers? Or are we just folks living an extended family lifestyle? The latter designation seems to be more accurate because the caring function in our home moves effortlessly among us all. And, after so many years it would be difficult for us to live any other way.