Fingerless Gloves and Other Pointless Things

I’m all for looking awesome, but sometimes I wonder why looking awesome has recently come at the expense of wearing useless things.

The fingerless gloves have got to go. Honestly. Unless you’re homeless or happen to need them in order to properly be a mechanic or something, you should be ashamed of yourself for wearing them. You should be ashamed of yourselves for imitating homeless “fashion.” Homeless people do not wear clothes for fashion. They wear them because they’re clothes. And the fact that you have chosen to emulate their “wardrobe” is an affront to homeless people everywhere.

Stop wearing your headband across your forehead. The purpose of a headband is to keep things OFF of your forehead, not add a bedazzled strip across it. Why would anyone think that looks attractive, you ask? Answer: They’re cutting off the circulation to their brain.

Your lensless/non-prescription glasses make you look like a fool. You’re not playing Harry Potter. You’re not, even though you dreamed you would. Weren’t you the kid who made fun of the “nerds” wearing glasses? Well, you’ve apparently joined their club, but they don’t want you. I speak for all glasses-wearing nerds because…I am not one…and…um…

Jesus doesn’t care that you tattooed his fish onto your hip. In fact, he might be frowning from the right hand of God right now, because you purposefully put it there in order to look sexy. I understand that many people feel that their faith is so important to them that they want to permanently mark their body with it, but…well, actually, I don’t understand that. Because I thought that faith was meant to be spiritual, not physical, and I’m pretty sure it’s not meant to be shown off while wearing a bathing suit.

And finally, stop putting inspiring posters/plaques up in your dorm room. I don’t want to walk into a room and be immediately told to or some other nonsense. And for heaven’s sake…the God sayings have to end.

Now that I’ve proven that I’m a total grump, have a wonderful day!

13 thoughts on “Fingerless Gloves and Other Pointless Things

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  1. I could not agree more! And on every point! Those fish tattoos are the ones that really get me.

    From a fashion standpoint I would also add Uggs that are worn with Nike shorts. If it’s warm enough to wear shorts, then I don’t want to think of the hotbed of bacteria and nastiness going on in those fur boots. If it’s cold enough to need Uggs then slap a pair of pants on those legs and quit moaning about the fact that you have goosebumps.

    1. How did I not think of that? I completely agree. Also, since when do Nike shorts go with Uggs anyway? Uggs are not athletic shoes.
      Also, Uggs in the summer. Those are made of sheep, you know. Not exactly summer apparel.

  2. *Your lensless/non-prescription glasses make you look like a fool.*
    They totally do! and this bugs the crap out of me… I hate stupid people that would wear just about anything to look cool v_________v

    The Jesus fish thing is just too much!

    Nice post.

  3. Ha! Oh yes, the fake glasses KILL me (in the bad, serial-killer-who-wants-to-make-a-skin-coat kind of way).

    I have this fake ‘motivational’ poster on my wall at work (from, and I love that NO ONE ever catches on. (It’s a picture of a sunset and it says: “MOTIVATION. If a pretty picture and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.”)

  4. I agree with all of these except the first. There is a value to fingerless gloves, and it is something that you in your innocence to drug culture would not have been exposed to. Fingerless gloves keep you hands warm, but you can still easily operate a lighter because the tips of your fingers still are dextrous and have traction on the plastic and sparking wheel.

    Always watching out for the truth

    1. How can I break this to you…cold fingers mean blood clots that are formed in your fingers. Once you enter a warm area the blood clots start circulating and can end up in the brain or in the heart and can kill you.

      Also if the fingers are numb you lose fine control over them. Check your facts.

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