Big Hairy Ones, I Tell ‘Ya…

It's a Dirty Job...

I’ve lived in Arkansas for what? Almost five years now?

Five long years.

One would assume that five years of being a transplant hillbilly would be a sufficient amount of time to… Adjust. However, five long years of hillbilly doesn’t quite overshadow or replace twenty-three years of coonass.

No matter how hard I try.

Waiting Patiently, Patiently Waiting

“Honey, is it still strange to you not to smell beer at a fair like this? Or are you fully converted at this point?”

He laughs, “It’s a church fair, Judith.”

“Your point?”

“It’s also a dry county, Judith.”

“Have I mentioned yet today that Arkansas sucks sweaty monkey balls and that I hate you for moving me here?”


“Good. Because it does, and I do. And I want a beer, demmit.”

For the record, when we first moved here, the concept of “counties” as opposed to “parishes” threw me for a bit of a loop.

But the concept of a “dry” county as opposed to a “wet” county still blows my mind.

I mean… I don’t get it.

At all.

And I’m a pretty smart gal.

Most of the time.

Yet no one has managed to properly explain to me the benefits of living in a place that neither sells nor serves alcohol in terms that make any sense.

I just don’t get it.

“It’s a great place to raise children, ” they say…

The Air Up There...

And they may be right.

But I still firmly believe that my children would be much happier if
I were holding one of those giant Styrofoam cups filled with strawberry
margarita while standing in line in the hundred degree weather waiting for them to ride the damn
bumper cars for the fiftieth time.

Don’t you?

High Hopes

July 2, 2008
Categories: I Heart Demerol

1.©2008 by Courtney Hebert as Judith Shakespeare.