Six Ways To Help Transition A Loved One To Assisted Living: The Inside Story

assisted livingWhen my 63 year old brother, Robert, had a massive, paralyzing stroke, the doctors thought he wouldn't make it.  Things looked very grim. Until he stood up by the side of his bed a few days later and tried to get to the bathroom.  That began his remarkable road to recovery.  He's still on it.

Fast forward three months, and lots of rehab later and it's time to leave the skilled nursing facility.  I wonder how many of us have been or will be in this situation, figuring out the next step for someone who can't live alone again after being hospitalized. It could be your aging parent. It could be your spouse or partner. It could be you.

My brother still has some issues that would make it unsafe for him to live alone. The stroke left him unable to read and speak clearly.  So, looking for a place for him took family effort.  A good place was located. Then came the transition.

As an advocate for people who have aging parents, I talk about the issues of transition all the time. I consult with families and teach them how to stand up for their loved ones to ensure their safety. Now it was time for me to practice what I preached.  First step:  call a meeting (care conference) with the staff at the rehab facility.  You may not know you can ask for this, but you do have a right to know your loved one's status and what the recommendations are for ongoing care. You can request and attend a care conference.  At our conference, everyone agreed that assisted living would be a good solution.

Next step:  set up a target date for the move. In our case, that meant clearing out his old apartment, getting rid of excess for a smaller apartment, and getting his belongings moved to the new place in assisted living.

As a retired RN, who formerly had the job of seeing patients through transitions from hospital to home, I knew what could go wrong in these situations.  Medications get  mixed up, things get lost, communication is less than ideal.  So, I recommend getting a written summary of your loved one's status from the nursing home or hospital and recommendations for further care, plus a list of all medications he is to be taking.  Got that and provided it to assisted living.

Next, we have another brother who was able to stay with Robert, on move-in day.  He was very kind and oriented Robert to the place.  He showed him how to work things and where to find things. Robert was able to start unpacking and settling in.  I recommend staying with your loved one for the day he or she must move. It can help ease the anxiety.

After that, there was the seemingly endless round of phone calls I had to make to coordinate care.  One of the medications should have been discontinued and it wasn't. Call the doctor and get that cleared up. Another medication. a new one, hadn't been started. Call the nurse and get that going. Call the front desk and ask for various overlooked items.  Review the list.  Add details. Finally, I gave a written summary of Robert's likes and dislikes, his preferences and needs to the director so that all the staff of caregivers could share and understand their new resident better.  I was his voice, given his trouble communicating.

So far, so good. He is doing very well. He likes it there and it is a huge relief.

For those who must deal with any transition for a loved one from a hospital or other care setting, it can be helpful to have a list of what you can do to help. Here's my summary of six things that can help you.

1. Get the healthcare facility's recommendations as to the best next step for your loved one.  Meet them in person if you can. They are the experts. Take their lead as to where to put a dependent loved one next.

2.  Ask for a list of all medications your loved one is supposed to take after leaving the healthcare facility.  Check to be sure he or she is getting all of them.

3.  Stay with your loved one on moving day or arrange for a familiar and trustworthy person to be there. Transitions can be traumatic.

4.  Follow up and see that what needs to be done is being done.  You are your loved one's advocate.

5.  Give the director of the facility a list of your loved one's likes and dislikes, needs and wants.  They don't know him and you do.  With your help they can understand him better and faster.

6.  Remember that assisted living is not a healthcare institution. It is a socially enriched environment with some care but care is limited. It's not 24/7 monitoring.  You need to monitor your loved one's health status yourself as a family member. They take care of his daily needs and social activities, not his overall medical management.  If you are paying attention, your family member has the best chance of thriving and enjoying the new environment.

Until next time,

Carolyn Rosenblatt
