, , , , , , , ,

she said existence is funny
you never know whose
you could be touching
in ways beyond comprehending
the tiny bubble
of your world horizon
your snow globe of
invisible behind a curtain
of the mundane obvious
struggling to capture
insights from ordinary life
like a daily dose of medicine
trying to come back
from the sick inside
the feeling that you are the worst
no one feels quite as bad
as you do
no one makes these mistakes
day after day
and yet, they’re all the same
different names different shapes
but trudging through the epic
fog of your confusion
you come to realize
this is life
no alternative in sight
why would there ever have
been one to begin with
these thoughts are tiny dreams
happening to affirm their
reality to build an importance
that fights against
not being
the battle with time
that they matter
that you matter
that you meant something
beyond the dishes
and the silence
the anger and the heartbreak
but illusory nonetheless
they pass and you stay
and then what?
the challenge remains
how do I feel OK
in the midst of all this mess
this samsaric compounding
of all my pride and desires
that I will and what I break
to make it anything
I learn to just let it be
because there is no escape
there’s just dealing
and there is no clean slate
there is just here
learning to rock it in
real time and on the fly
from fearlessly looking
at where you tripped up
a thousand times
again and again
the courage to let
what hurts just hurt
and wash away
like all the thoughts
that you thought were real
that kept you tied
to a prison of
a play of your mind
and yet
did you not always
have a choice
did anyone point a gun
to your head
to make you think
or choose a certain way
sure pressure got you
to buckle into your fears
and the complexity of your
many disguises and denials
gets you still
until you freeze in the chill
of your own shadow
to integrate means to find
the answer is always
within the question
of the one who asks