He is NOT who you love.

That's a confusing statement! If he's not who you love, then who is he?

Manipulators manipulate, charm, and are like chameleons. They become the person YOU want them to be, and they do this so that they can manipulate you into becoming their tool, their minion, their source. They manipulate you so they can use you up, like an emotional vampire. They may use your body, your money, your house, car, expertise, ideas, and more.

How do they do this? They create a False Self, like a character actor, that is based on your vision of a perfect partner. He tells the lies required to get you to believe him, and to get you into a subordinate position.

He is highly skilled at examining your Authentic Self, the person who you really are, the core of your personality, your self, your soul, the person your friends and family know, the self with frailties and vulnerabilities. These are what the manipulator looks for.

Once he identifies your vulnerabilities, he becomes the answer. He becomes what you need, who you want, and creates the man of your dreams. He gives you everything you've been looking for, such as attention, dates, calls, sex, texting, talk of family, babies, and a future. He'll dazzle  you with charm and make you feel so special.

Eventually, the mask drops because maintaining the False Self is impossible for the manipulator. His true colors begin to show through, and you'll be left wondering what happened. You're a victim of a Bait and Switch.

Don't mourn the loss of the man or woman you knew because that person doesn't actually exist. It is not possible for your lover or friend to return to that person because the mask has been discarded. He has not changed because you aren't good enough; he returned to his normal, constant, manipulative self. Don't fall into the trap that you can get him back to where he once was. That character is gone forever.

Next: How the abusive narcissist uses you.

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