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Less cool names for criminals

Stop encouraging them.
(+30, -1)
  [vote for,

Instead of giving serial killers and assassins cool names like "The Jackal", "Jack the Ripper", and the "UNAbomber", saddle them with names like "The Maggot", and "The Worm" so they don't gain any positive reinforcement for their actions or become idolized and emulated by teenagers.
I was originally thinking they should be labelled with embarrasing names such as "Mr. Floppy", but it's a bit harsh on relatives of the victims to tell them their loved one has been killed by "The Small Part" or some such, and then they have to live with that. So.. just something unpleasant.
Jim, Sep 05 2001


       I dunno; I think "The Maggot"'s a pretty cool name...   

       Maybe names like "The Dummy," "The Bastard-Head" or "The Guy Everyone Hates" would be better
snarfyguy, Sep 05 2001

       Yeah, I admit it's a tricky one.. for instance I think "The Guy Everyone Hates" is pretty cool, like a WWF wrestler name, but "The Bastard-Head" is a winner. I love that.
Jim, Sep 05 2001

       Jim, I'm giving this my croissant for the simple reason that you truly care how the victim's families might suffer. Bravo! It's my opinion that perps will die sooner than later and it won't really matter what people say about them then. My opinion's wasted in a pissing contest with such diseased personalities.
reensure, Sep 05 2001

       Let's include movie villians in this one, especially the ones that are made out to be misunderstood heroes forced by the evils of society into a life of crime. Is it Rrrraaambo? No, it's Flubbie Dinkhead!
Dog Ed, Sep 05 2001

       Examples like 'The Worm' and The Maggot' still make me think of bad things. The Bastard-Head is better but is still a bit naughty therefore being only slightly scathing. What about names of bad taste such as The Menstruate or The Tampon? Or even gentler things like The Flower? I can't see any male criminal wanting to be named after the time of the month. However, I like the idea.
Miss Weston Smith, Sep 05 2001

{{{{{{ShimmeringFlashback}}}}}}After he'd been caught doing the same... I called a kid 'dogfucker' - clear across Campus 25 years ago - during lunch - THEN the school knew about it{{{{{{{/ShimmeringFlashback}}}}}}
thumbwax, Sep 05 2001

       "J Edgar Hoover" would have meant different things at different times. The same as "Nazi" would have meant different things at different times to different people. The name given to an offender is arbitrary, so why change it? It'll only make he/she look like the victim of some media conspiracy. I say, ensure that the name of the offender is well associated with the crimes he or she has been convicted of.   

       (Apologies for the localised dialogue to follow) Australian 'bakers, look at Pauline Hanson. That wouldn't have always been such a scoffed at name...
sdm, Sep 05 2001

       Would Her Majesty's Secret Service have even taken note of the doings of Dr. Undecided?
The Military, Sep 05 2001

       Or "Brownfinger".

[sdm] You can fit the name to the crime once you know who they are, but until then you'll be needing a moniker.
Jim, Sep 05 2001

       Surely names have to be associated to their crimes e.g: The 'menstruator' only strikes periodically and is a warm blooded killer. The 'Tampon' kills women in their own pad and no strings attached. etc. etc.
fretzman, Sep 05 2001

       That's puntastic! Take that humorless feminism!
sdm, Sep 05 2001

       What about Conan the Embroiderer?
pussygalore, Sep 05 2001

       Mephista: apologies, but it does work both ways. i can't see many female criminals wanting to be called The Scrotum or something esle masculine that I can't think of.
Miss Weston Smith, Sep 05 2001

       Additionally, you could mock the criminal's appearance in the name. "The fat guy with the ugly nose," "Bill Gates wannabe," or "the criminal who walks like he has a glass bottle lodged in his ass and sounds like Woody Allen." As a bonus, these names may also keep people on the lookout for villains matching these descriptions and attack them with a pencil.
AfroAssault, Sep 05 2001

       Keep a lookout for "The guy with the afro who attacks people with a pencil."
Jim, Sep 05 2001

       Afro-- you've got it! Just call them all Woody Allen.   

       ("... coming up on tonight's news, a vicious assault by Woody Allen and a string of gas station robberies by Woody Allen...")
wats, Sep 05 2001

       grandiloquent popinjay, venal pettifogger, nefarious miscreant, flagitious recidivist, sententious blatherskite, mawkish ditherer, arrant peculator, irascible misanthrope, hubiristic narcissist, feckless sycophant, vituperative virago, vapid yahoo . . . et cetera
bristolz, Sep 05 2001

       To get the best results with this new naming convention, criminals should be assigned their embarrassing new names when first sent to their cells.   

       "Okay, we've got Pansy-Ass Crybaby in with Bipolar Dickwad ... SuperFart, you're in with The Spewer."
1percent, Sep 05 2001

       I remember back in grade school I was always followed around the playground at recess by a misguided little kid who was jealous that I possessed my father rather than he (the kid) did. The little kid always called me "Mr. Green Head." I always felt like a comic-book villain, but without the x-ray sense of smell or anything neato like that.
jester, Sep 06 2001

       You know me so well, [bristolz].   

       How about simply prefixing every criminal's name with the adjective "Wee" - e.g. "Wee Charlie Manson"? (I understand he is actually quite short). It's dismissive and condescending, therefore affording less status than a complex insult which implies that the criminal is actually "worth" giving a damn about. It could, of course, be expanded upon, if so required - "That Wee Gobshite...", "That Wee Nyaff...", "That Wee Bawheid..." [pr. 'boh-heed', trans. 'testicle-head']
Guy Fox, Sep 06 2001

       [Rods] It's "less cool" as in "make them less appealing", rather than "not so many of them." Any more mistakes like that and we'll throw you out of the PA.
Jim, Sep 06 2001, last modified Sep 18 2001

       Guy Fox, everyone round the world (almost) knows the diminutive 'wee', but it is more likely to be considered a term of endearment than one of belittlement. I like your idea but suggest we employ the Latin diminutive '-olys' (I don't know the original spelling) which will be more confusing and therefore more likely to be used inadvertently, which is pretty much what we want, right?

Today, Mansonolys escaped from a high security unit... A Brazilian rent boy has been paid 25,000 pounds sterling by a UK tabloid for exclusive rights to his bleating sobstory on the failing health of the clapped-out old London gangster, Reginald Krayolys. (hee hee, Crayola)
lewisgirl, Sep 06 2001

       Well... maybe... but I'd think the last thing a rufty-tufty criminal wants is that patronising (and thereby ballbreaking) verbal *pat-on-the-head*. I reckon they're used to the hostile exchange of open insults and may well be proud to be considered a "bastard"; on the other hand "wee man" is often used here as the direct opposite of "big yin", a term of respect and renown. Indeed "wee man" is often used by neds and criminal types as an insult laced with menace:   

       "A'right rer, big yin."...
"Oy, wee man. C'mere."...
Compare and contrast.

       Still... Krayolys, Crayola... snigger
Guy Fox, Sep 06 2001

       No [UnaBubba] just a love for oddball words at work . . .
bristolz, Nov 08 2001

       The Premature Ejaculator. Mr. Underarm Odor. The Pedantic Pedophile.
arghblah, Nov 09 2001

       I vote we name them all after really dumb movies, lousy actors, TV shows that bombed, or boy-band members.   

       Talk about your deterrents...
RayfordSteele, Feb 15 2002

       Seems that the news media usually refer to the perpetrator as "the gunman", before s/he has been apprehended, when the crime involved the use of a gun. "Gunman" is probably meant to be neutrally descriptive, but just sounds too glorified. "Poopy- pants gunman" ? 'The poopy-pants gunman was last seen fleeing the scene in a beat-up pick-up truck with out-of-state license plates.'
entremanure, Feb 16 2002

       The term "gunman" is a propaganda term used to make people equate guns with evil.
supercat, Feb 16 2002

       If we started calling all criminals one name, for instance, John Ashcroft, we wouldn't have any more problem:) Since this name denotes a criminal mentality anyway, why not? If you don't know who he is, you're missing out,... actually you aren't.
verklompen, Apr 11 2002

       Tim "Lil' Wiener" McVeigh.
mrthingy, Apr 11 2002

       I think the relentless use of their full name in every reference would do the trick, when was the last time anyone included your middle names during a form of address that wasn't deeply negative. If they don't have one- make one up like Cecil or Alphonse. And including a foreword from the victims families in the current crop of criminal biographies (thats biographies of criminals) might help provide a counterpoint to the sickening celebration of violence they peddle.
IvanIdea, Apr 11 2002

       I remember in the news a few years back some small town was having trouble with a gang of ruffians who hung out on a street corner and called themselves "The Crawford Street gang" (or something like that) after the name of the street. The town had tried everything to get rid of these guys to no avail- until someone had the idea to change the name of the street to "Pansy street". Much to everyone's delight, the gang did break up or at least stop hanging out there because everyone started calling them "The Pansy Street gang"!
ginger, Apr 11 2002

       The bit about being harsh on relatives made me laugh. "I'm afraid your son's been murdered, Mrs Smith. We believe it may be another attack by the serial killer Mr. Floppy".
percy, Apr 12 2002

       I don't think the name really has to go with the crime. The point is to make the perp feel ridiculous about the crimes. Who would want to be called The Tampon, male or female! Surely no one would brag about crimes committed if there was a bad name tagged to it. "Hey man, you know the string of bank robberies committed by The Bedwetter? That's me alright!"
beezlebum, Apr 13 2002

       Home Alone: "The Wet Bandits"
calum, Apr 13 2002


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