Christmas Gone

Christmas is over.  I'm still not wrapping my mind completely around how different it is than it used to be.

I grew up totally immersed in Christmas.  Our family wasn't a church-going family so it really wasn't the religious version of Christmas, which is of course what Christmas really is, but neither was it the overdose of commercialism that takes place now.  Back in those days we weren't immersed in the media blitz of commercialism that we are now.  Instead it was a feeling that permeated our lives, starting slowly but grew and grew as the month of December progressed. 

It was an experience.  It was something to feel good about.

To me, Christmas season was things like the weather getting cold, playing in snow, the daylight hours getting shorter, the colored lights going up around the houses, the smells of homemade scented candles and pine needles in the house, the sounds of Christmas music wafting from the oversize stereo cabinet.  It was a huge experience.  It was anticipation, of course, because we knew we would get presents.  We also were raised knowing the difference between good and bad, and of doing the right thing.  When Christmas season came around, we put on our best behavior at all times because we knew that Santa would not be kind to us.  You know what though?  That mentality is what made the season so merry and bright.  Everyone just felt strangely good inside.  It also taught us to be good people.

I don't know when I first became aware of how good it felt to give gifts, but I know it was at a young age.  That was another facet of Christmas I loved as a kid.  I loved to watch someone's face as they opened a gift from me.  Hoping with all my heart that it would be the best gift anyone had ever given them in their whole life.  Kids aren't aware enough to notice the subtle little things about adults pretending to be impressed with a gift, but it didn't matter.  We gave with our hearts, and we meant it.

The Christmas experience started waning several years ago.  I don't remember when.  I don't remember even if it was before I was grown with a family of my own or not.  I do know that I experienced a resurgence of interest in it when my daughter was born though.  My life was intensely focused on her childhood experiences of Christmas.  I didn't just give her things, we had rituals of going out driving, looking at the displays of Christmas lights that people had put up on their homes.  We played music, we read Christmas stories, and we watched Christmas movies.  I lived my life through my daughter's eyes.

When I divorced it was a time of turmoil.  On one hand I was relieved that it was behind me.  On the other hand, there was loneliness.  My first Christmas was one of an empty apartment.  No tree, no decorations, no nothing.  I remember taking walks and looking at Christmas lights, but it was weird--like a past life.  The following year I told myself I was going to make a halfhearted attempt at putting some Christmas into my stark apartment.  I bought a tree and all the decorations to make it look like a Christmas tree, but it wasn't the same.  Something was missing.  Sure, it was a fake tree, but that wasn't it.  It went deeper.

Now I'm married to a fantastic woman that doesn't celebrate Christmas.  Do I feel remorse?  No.  Do I feel like something is missing?  Maybe.  I can't quite put my finger on it.  Part of me is glad that I don't have the same pressures of gift-giving that I once had.  I know that Christmas gift-giving has become a requirement, and for many people has dropped to the point of being an obligatory checklist affair.  That part I don't miss.  But I miss something.  Maybe it's just the fact that there is nothing.  Maybe that's it.  I see Christmas lights all around, but I don't even feel the desire to go driving around to look at them.  It's just different.

Now Christmas this year is behind me, and it's almost like it never happened.  I guess I want the "magic" feeling that Christmas used to provide.  The childhood innocence and the wonder.  Now when I go to work someone (probably multiple people) will ask me, "Did you have a good Christmas?" Part of me wants to say, "What Christmas?" or "No, I didn't have a Christmas."  No, instead I'll say, "Sure... you?"

It's just not worth explaining.

The Short Guy in the Back

Again we find Microsoft as the short guy in the back of a crowd of onlookers, jumping up and down, waving some new product, screaming, "Hey, we can do that!  Hey, over here!  We can make one of those too!  Hey, look at me--I can do that!"

When will they stop?  It has gone on and on for several years now.  The Apple iPod came out and Microsoft brought out their Zune. The marketplace shrugs... Eh.  They keep doing that sort of thing.  They keep making the same mistakes on every one of their products.  First of all, they wait a certain amount of time to see if the competitor's product will really sell.  By the time they do decide to bring out a competing product the innovative company has become firmly entrenched as the leader.  The second thing they continually do is to try to create things using things they already own.  Kind of like a car company bringing out a new model that uses an old engine because they had a warehouse full of them already.

This time it's a "new" tablet to compete with the Apple iPad, only it's going to run Windows 7.  Hahaha...

They opened the Microsoft Store (hey, Apple had one so we should too!) so they wouldn't feel left out.  They brought out the Windows Phone so they wouldn't feel left out.  Both times the marketplace wondered why. 

Don't get me wrong--I like what Microsoft did for the computing world.  When I was in the computer sales business in the late 80's there were so many "flavors" of computers it was mind-boggling.  There was no one that out-shined the rest.  Microsoft has been instrumental in making the computer a ubiquitous item of our lives.

Funny thing though, I don't think Microsoft has yet to have had a successful product that they invented.  All of their products are things that they have bought, borrowed, tweaked (or completely redeveloped), and sold as theirs.  BASIC, DOS, and Windows are all things invented elsewhere.  The look and feel of a windows-based computer really got started with the Apple Lisa.  Even their Internet Explorer was formerly sombody else's product before Microsoft bought it. I like most Microsoft products.  It does upset me when they change something that was already fine in order to "improve" it but really only make it worse (Office 2007 comes to mind).  There have been countless articles on how Microsoft has failed to innovate or how they haven't really invented anything.  Oh, except for Microsoft Bob--They invented that.  It was such a colossal flop that they actually removed all mention of it like it never existed.

I think they have gotten much better with software apps though.  It's probably due to them buying good products from existing companies and making them their own.  Like LiveWriter--It's an excellent blog writing application and it's free.  In my opinion, one nice thing about Internet Explorer 8 is that it’s the most powerful Firefox downloading tool on the planet. Because that’s all I ever use Internet Explorer for: downloading Firefox.  A lot of people like the Bing search engine.  As I said, they have done a lot of things right, but they should stay out of the electronic gadget business.

I picture a big board room full of out-of-touch people looking blankly at each other, wondering what they can do to increase profits.  They can't come up with anything innovative so they tweak something the public already likes so they'll feel compelled to buy the "new and improved" version.  It's the same kind of thing we used to see when they'd show a bewildered parent listening to one of their children talk and not understanding a word they were saying.

But back to my original point.

Almost every time something new and truly innovative has come out in the world, there is Microsoft in the background: "Hey, don't forget about us!  We're going to sell one of those too, only ours will be better!"

No, I couldn't do better than Microsoft myself, I guess I just love to make fun of them.

Mother and Son

One of the great dilemmas of our time:  Who does a husband listen to--wife or mother?

Under normal circumstances this is a non-issue.  It should never even come up.  There should never be a time when a guy has to wonder which side to lean toward, but sometimes it's hard.  A typical male spends almost two decades under the watchful eye of his mother.  She fixes his wounds when he's hurt, teaches him right from wrong, disciplines him when necessary, helps him up when he falls, feeds him, provides him with a home, makes sure he gets the schooling he needs to succeed in life, and countless other things.

A mother can not turn off the love for her son, but the son can--and usually does--turn off the dependence he may have on his mother.  It's just a part of growing up and finding his independence. 
Part of that independence involves choosing a mate.  When there is a wife in the picture, a man finds that he has a new and different set of rules he is operating by.  Suddenly, and most likely without realizing it, he has a life that has become much more complicated.  There is a new influential figure in his life.  A new person that he confides to, listens to, shares experiences with, and coexists with.

There is usually not a problem when a new person comes into a family--families usually welcome the new spouse in with open arms.  Occasionally however, a there is show of power that takes place between the old authoritative female figure and the new one.  Sometimes it happens before the marriage takes place, and other times a rift develops over something.  The new relationship could also take on what I call the "mother-in-law" syndrome.  That's something we can blame on the media.  All through our lives TV shows and movies have painted the mother-in-laws into being potential problems to a marriage.  Everybody seemed to have at least one of those in a couple.  "It's your mother," the angry spouse would say, trying to pass the blame away from them.

When a man enters into a marriage it is his new life.  It is his life.  Hard as it is, he says goodbye to the old life that nurtured him.  When something arises that causes some sort of a problem and he has to choose between the wants and desires of his wife or his mother, he must choose his wife.  A little voice in the back of his head may scream at him, "What the ---- are you doing--are you crazy?!"  Unless his wife has done something that is morally wrong (murder, etc) he is almost always going to choose his wife's side.  He has to--it's his place to stand strong and support his wife.

There may be times like these that are horribly bleak for his mother.  She is far enough removed to see what is transpiring.  It's a plain as plain can be what or who the problem is but she's helpless to do anything about it.  He has a lot to lose in the short term if he chooses wrong.  He may lose his wife and/or his children if he chooses wrong.  This is a maddening scenario of a son caught between a rock and a hard place.  From a short term standpoint a mother knows that her son must choose to side with his wife and family.  His mother also knows that, from a long-term standpoint, she will always be there to catch him when he falls.

To me, we men are simple, usually non-emotional creatures.  At least we like to think we are.  We try to get through life by taking care of the basic needs of our family.  We work hard for the necessities to care for our family, When we're faced with danger we act, etc.  However, when we are faced with things we can't understand (like female emotions, moods, angst, and a multitude of other differences between men and women) we are stumped.  Our first instinct is to run but we can't.  Instead we are stuck like a deer in the headlights, feeling like we're in a police lineup in something we don't know the answer to.  There is a pressure there that makes us feel that everyone is demanding an answer regardless.

Sometimes a situation arises like we have down the street in Denny's home.  It's an unusual one because nobody is really sure what is happening, why it's happening or even exactly how it got started.  Things might go fine for a week or so then some sort of an explosion might reoccur.  Sometimes the explosion is public and everybody everywhere around knows about it (fortunately there hasn't been one of those for quite a while).  Other times it's indirect, meaning the animosity is directed at someone through someone else.  Still other times it's all under their roof.  While that may be fine for those of us in different households, it hurts the family members at close range .  Denny's method of coping is to work and work hard so he can stay busy and keep is mind on something.  He's a very talented man when it comes to all things construction-related, and he is busying himself with an almost complete home remodel.

It's confusing time for all of us, but it's especially hard on Suzie.  Like any mother, she wants the best for her family, and she has tried her best remedy any situation that has ever arisen with any of her brood.  This one has her stymied.

You only have to run into a wall so many times before you realize that the wall is not going to move.  All you can do is check back every now and then and hope that you will eventually find some sort of passage through it or maybe a bridge over it.

The Walking Dead

I have a pet name for my coworkers that smoke:  I call them The Walking Dead.

The only times of day that I see The Walking Dead are in the morning before work, break times, and lunch time.  The time when they most look like Walking Dead is in the morning.  Work hasn't started yet, and they move in a slow, shuffling gait--Some staring forward, but most staring down toward the ground.  They see nothing around them.  If you're waiting to turn into a parking spot and they're in your way you have to be patient.  They won't know you're there.  The break time crowd of Walking Dead is a little more lively and focused.  From my vantage point at work near the door, they come my right--From various places in the shop, all moving toward the shop door on my left.  It's a wave of Dead--All seeing only one thing:  The door.  They all have a glazed look in their blank, staring eyes, and they have but one focus:  Smoking a cigarette.  When break is over and they come back in they are much more lethargic than when they left.  I guess it's from having feasted on their dose of nicotine.  You can always tell when they come in though, by their coughing.  The Walking Dead almost always cough when the they start breathing the air in the factory again.

The Walking Dead have a sort of bond that seems to be shared among them.  They don't even know it's there.  It's invisible.  It is an unspoken, unconscious thing that they all have in common.  To be a smoker is a badge of honor among the Walking Dead.  It cements their standing among the others of their kind.  They are too stupid to realize how pathetic they look standing outside in the driving rain and shivering in a futile attempt at keeping their smoldering cigarettes dry.  I'm pretty sure that smoking is mandatory to be a member of the Walking Dead.  After all, what else would the Walking Dead do on their breaks?

The lack of brain activity is of course a given within The Walking Dead.  That is why they don't worry about potential health issues from their smoking. The Walking Dead are pretty much devoid of any brain activity that would lean toward self-preservation.  Without that ability they can't think ahead enough to understand that they should wear ear protection when they operate loud saws or machinery.  It takes a supervisor telling them each time it occurs.  Why should they worry?  They're already Dead.  I think The Walking Dead can only obey one variety of regular human:  A supervisor.  I don't think they can hear any words from any other normal human.  Because its against their nature to look forward they won't invest in any sort of thing that might enhance their workday experience.  Simple things like comfort work footwear--Out of the question.  Most of them are wearing old, nasty athletic shoes.  I'm sure the soles are worn out from dragging their feet all day.  They don't dare bring their own tools to work.  Tools cost money!  Why should they spend their hard-earned money to buy something when they can just borrow and lose someone elses tools instead?  That also takes away from the cash required to buy cigarettes.

None of The Walking Dead are smart enough to bring food to work to eat at lunchtime.  They seem to operate totally without foresight it would take to get out of bed early enough to make a sandwich.  They, instead, use up at least half of their lunch time driving to and from Wendy's or 7-Eleven.  I'm sure those places are filled with Walking Dead from other shops and factories during that small window of the day.  A scary thought indeed.

The Walking Dead don't worry about anything.  They don't worry that they don't have a car, or that they can barely afford the payments they are making on the car they do have.  They don't worry that the price of cigarettes would move them securely into the black financially if they didn't have to pay it.  They don't worry about doing anything during their workday that might move them up in the ranks.  They only want their paycheck and their cigarettes.  I think the only reason The Walking Dead even try to make it to work on time is because if they don't put in a full two hours they will not be allowed to take a break.  That would be tough to take--Watching the other Walking Dead outside the shop inhaling that sweet, life-depleting smoke.  Watching that kind of activity and not being able to partake in it would cause them gut-wrenching pain.  If a waft of smoke would find its way into the shop when the big doors are open it would surely cause their eyes to roll back in their head.  No, they must smoke, and must not do anything that could jeopardize their chance of smoking.

Quitting time is different.  When it's quitting time The Walking Dead almost resemble humans.  They move without much of their usual zombie-like foot dragging. They don't worry about their jobs at all when it's quitting time.  Not only are they not forward-thinking, they don't look behind them either.  When work is over they only see the door to freedom and nicotine.  If they drop something on the way to the exit door they won't pick it up.  Doing so could slow them down as well as potentially placing them in danger of being asked to work a little overtime.  I'm sure that's why The Walking Dead turn almost into The Running Dead at quitting time.