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Stoner Movie Review: 'Ted 2'

Best Buds: John (Mark Wahlberg) and Ted do bong hits in "Ted 2."

Seth MacFarlane's Ted 2 sequel predictably brings the raunch. Ted and Tami-Lynn decide to have a baby, but there's one hitch: Ted's a walking and talking teddy bear.

In the original Ted movie, we met best buds Ted (voiced by MacFarlane) and John (Mark Wahlberg). Ted was John's teddy bear who happened to come to life when he was baby. Ted's a foul-mouthed Bostonion who speaks without a filter. John's devoted to his furry friend, even if it meant alienating his girlfriend, Lori (Mila Kunis).

In Ted 2, John's still licking the wound of his split with Lori. Meanwhile, Ted and Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth) tie the knot. The opening musical number at the wedding is a spectacular highlight.

In Seth MacFarlane's world, whoever bongs together, stays together. 

 Watch the Ted 2 Redband Trailer

Ted and John sit around watching TV, drinking beer and doing bong hits. A search for a sperm donor leads them to Tom Brady's house and then to a clinic, where John makes a big sticky mess of things. After trying to adopt, the State of Massachusetts steps in and decides that Ted is a property rather than a person, and hence can't be married or employed.

They hire a lawyer, Samantha (Amanda Seyfried), whom when they first meet is under her desk sucking in a huge bong hit. As they pass the bong, Samantha observes, "The War on Drugs is a joke." This is MacFarlane slipping in his personal opinion about marijuana prohibition. In fact, the website for the movie is

Ted’s lawyer, Samantha (Amanda Seyfried) bonds with Ted and John over a bong in "Ted 2."

In a farcical courtroom scene reminiscent of the Marx Brothers in Duck Soup, they lose the case. Samantha decides they need the services of prestigious New York lawyer Patrick Meigan (Morgan Freeman). En route to the Big Apple, with Ted at the wheel, the car careens off the highway into a farmhouse filled with weed. The campfire, with Samantha singing a tune on guitar, is a very high time.

Donny (Giovanni Ribisi), who snatched Ted in the original film, now works at Hasbro. He and the CEO hatch a scheme to kidnap Ted in hopes of cloning him into multiple living, breathing teddy bears. This leads to a calamitous showdown at ComicCon in New York.

Fans of Family Guy will surely love Ted 2 (in theaters now), as they did Ted. The movie format allows MacFarlane to be as scatological and obscene as he wants to be. Unlike TV, there are no restraints; in MacFarlane's case, maybe a few restraints would be a good thing. For instance, the repetitive "black dick" jokes are particularly offensive.

But Ted 2's heart is in the right place. In MacFarlane's world, whoever bongs together, stays together. 

Steve Bloom

Steve Bloom
