Monday, January 6, 2014

Marville #6-7

 photo Marville-6-Thumbnail_zps6a5cb588.jpg

Our long national nightmare is over! It's the final issues of Marville!


LucasChad said...

Sleepaway Camp 4 much Linkara? Just kidding!

When you do eventually review Trouble, I hope you'll the Pink song Trouble as part of the video.

I need to put Combine Harvester on my iPod!

Michael Roby said...

And so ends THAT strange foray of waxing philosophical what-the-fuckery and blatant creator jerking with an altogether baffling understanding of how science, God and the universe fit together in some vain shot at parody and preach at world peace.
I am still seriously hoping you review Punk Rock Jesus in some capacity some day. Then we can have all of those things again, but with the added insult of being three pretty good, intelligent issues of comic followed by a mind-numbing amount of stupid. And they compared it to fucking Watchmen...
Sorry for the tangent. Enjoyed the review. Missing your old outfit even more than I usually do.

Anonymous said...

Marville; You were in inept comedy for your first two issues and a snobby and preachy inept philosophical debate with flawed or debunked research for the rest of your run! How can you expect us to take you seriously!?

I bet the reason that Wolverine’s on the cover is so any casual comic fan in a hurry would see this on the shelf and think it’s X-Men. Great way to sell your comics by tricking us into thinking it was another series.

I like your subtle take that to recaps too.
Also, Al is complaining about how Superman, Batman & Spiderman stories are getting Old…and yet he precedes to have his entire backstory be a rip off of one. Also, How the heck is Al like Batman!? Neelix is a better detective than Al!

The more you hear Al pitch the idea of his Comic, the more it starts to sound like something a Five Year Old would write in a Self-Insert Fanfic!
“And I got a time machine! And a Dog! Then I become a Billionaire! Then I fought crime with Spiderman! And then I met God! And became friends with a Talking Dinosaur! And then I met Wolverine! And then I discovered the Meaning Of Life!”

Also, is Al implying that the reason the Dinosaurs aren’t with us today is cause they were friends with each other? I thought it was because Jemas was idiotic enough to think that it had something to do with their Spines or some load of bull.

I just hate how up his rear Jemas is! Blaming US for Poor Comic Sales because we’re Stupid Idiots! Not even considering that maybe he’s just a bad writer! He just likes to throw mean spirited insults to anything that doesn’t agree with his opinion.
The Five Year Old example springs to mind again; “No! You’re wrong cause you’re a big stinky head!”
Yeah! That really makes your argument sound better!

Marville in a nutshell. Taking Six Issues to tell us Nothing that Common Sense hasn’t told us already.

It is a shame you didn’t burn all the Marville Comics! Can you do so when you get back from Magfest?
At least we don’t have to put up with the Preachy Stuck Up Snobs of Marville now!

Nice Review, Linkara.
I look forward to seeing more from you.

Benjamin Artwohl said...

Marville AND ASBAR? It's like Christmas came twice! AM I a bad person because I like to watch you torture yourself with bad comics?

Adam said...


Until Linkara references it in future episodes, but I'm OK with that.

I have never met Bill Jemas personally. But, after enduring all 7 issues of this book, I wish him the worst possible fates ever conceived by humanity. Not only was this book utter mindless prattling from a pretentious fuckwit and a combined waste of time, effort, and money, but Jemas has the fucking balls to piss in the faces of other publishers (some who are doing way better work than Marville) and every single person that has ever picked up a comic book. To quote game journalist Ben "Yahtzee" Crowshaw "THERE IS NO MIDDLE FINGER BIG ENOUGH!!" If there is a fair and just God in this universe, Bill Jemas will die alone, poor, and in the most embarrassing manner possible!

I'm sorry. I'm getting too worked up by this mess. I need to go to my happy place after this post.

Linkara, I hope you are having a great time at Magfest along with your fellow reviewers and fans. This episode recapped a lot of good times with the show and some bad times. But, please... PLEEEEEAAAASSSSE! I BEG OF YOU! POST A VIDEO OF YOU BURNING EVERY ISSUE OF MARVILLE IN YOUR COLLECTION!! WE NEED CLOSURE WITH THIS MESS!

In fact, I encourage everyone that has a copy of Marville to do the same! Post a video of yourself burning copies of Marville and tell Bill Jemas what you think of him, his dumbass beliefs in this book, and his bass-ackwards view of the comic book industry. I want everyone to pull a page from Howard Beale in Network. Let Bill Jemas and every douche-bag that undermines this industry for the almighty dollar know "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

OK, for real. I'm getting out of here. Gonna watch some episodes of Night Court and go to my happy place now. Thank you for listening.

harmonicajay said...

*Gets a pile of firewood.* Let's burn this mutha down tonight.

David Dauz said...

Maybe "Don't take origin stories so seriously" is Jemas's way of saying "I meant for the first two issues to be completely different from the rest. Embrace change! Embrace poor, sudden, inorganic, unwarranted, and unearned change!"

Rue Ryuzaki said...

You know what, I was going to rant about how terrible and insulting marville is, but no that is not what is annoying me. What irritates me, was that this trash endgame was to be a encouragement piece to inspire new artists, writers, creators,TALENT to try their hand in the industry. Well Linkara if anything positive came out of these reviews of marville, as a novelist I definitely know whose example not to follow. Isn't that right Bill? & knowing is half the battle. GI JOE!!! haha

Anonymous said...

Okay, forget Bill Jemas's deluded conceptions of reality for one second. What even drove him to make some of his decisions for the comic in the first place? What made him think that prefacing a "serious" discussion about God and humanity with two issues of superhero parodies would make anyone take the discussion seriously? What made him think writing issue three with no speech balloons was a good idea? What drove him to slap cheesecake shots of some random woman on a comic that was trying to "say" something? (Was it more "ingenious commentary" on how sex sells? If so, I think that's another point under the "no duh" category; or it would have been if it had actually sold.) Why does issue 6 exist? What made him think blaming the reader for the poor sales would make his message sink in any deeper when the poor sales obviously indicate that his message was not getting through at all? Why was issue 7 not billed as what it really was, considering what was at stake? As completely insane a philosopher he apparently is, he should at least have had enough common sense not to take every step to ensure that his so-called ideas would be colored by technical ineptitude.

I saw a few comments in the previous Marville videos actually try to defend it (especially the ones that try to defend all this as being Jemas's opinion, forgetting that said opinion was based on "science" that was FACTUALLY INCORRECT), but let's face it, even if the argument that Jemas was making wasn't as insane as it was flimsy, the whole thing is marred by bad decisions from beginning to end, not the least of which was the President of Marvel Comics pouring company resources into making this weak comic ON A BET.

Anonymous said...

I believe the world owes you a drink for reading and summarizing all of these Marville comics.

PRATN said...

It's...over. It's finally over.

And Good Lord All Mighty, the end result and final issue I say was the worst of the lot for indeed being an utter waste of time.

I gotta admit that I did feel jipped. Given how utterly lousy 1-5 was and 5's conclusion, I really was expecting Marville #6/7 to continue the idiocy and delve into modern society and whatnot so that we can continue to witness Bill Jemas's descent into madness.

But no... a clip comic. BLAGH. Just wasteful. Combine that with the final letter in #6 and it encapsulates that Jemas was not only a moron for starting this, but an utter jerk too for blaming everybody but himself for Marville crashing and burning.

Rest in pieces Marville, your entertaining/insulting idiocy shall not be missed.

RickClassic said...

I watched The Image Revolution doc last night (which by the way I recommend seeing) and the way they do business is that the creators, not Image Comics, own 100% of their creations. Yes they have to pay for the production but they keep all of the profits. It's no wonder that Jemes and Marvel would object to this because the profits go to Marvel and the creators at best get work for hire pay.
Oh, and I'm not surprised that any of the big wigs past or present at Marvel see Spider-Man as supposed to be young considering how they've treated the character. But if Stan Lee himself made the call to put Peter parker in college which is considered a gateway to adulthood does that mean that Marvel believes that Stan was wrong about the direction his and Steve Ditko's character was to go in? I'll let you make the call.

Anonymous said...

Not even a minute in, I was really shocked

Anonymous said...

Well, technically the superhero genre dipped out of top reigning in the 50s and 70s... but the point is well taken.

Anonymous said...

you are going to review Trouble?

The comic where it is reveled that Aunt May is in reality Peter's biological mother, and that she had him when she was a teen, even tho it does not make sense within the time-line?

Honestly, when I first heard of it (never actually read it), I thought it was a pretty amusing twist, until I remembered that Aunt May was already an elderly woman when peter was in his early teens, meaning she couldn't have had him when she was a teen herself
she'd be much younger otherwise


IDW has a pretty nice tendency to hire young artists, usually straight from the internet
The guy who's currently drawing IDW's Godzilla, started out drawing Godzilla fanart of DeviantArt
(his human characters look extremely cartoonish, but his monsters are amazing, and that's what matter in a Godzilla comic)

And seriously, I'm starting to get sick of the Marvel arrogance
Face it, even at their worst, DC is still better
Even tho they may not have had much of a long run, at least bothered to publish stuff like Demon Knights, to give some variety to their titles
Marvel wouldn't even do that, instead, they dedicated an entire series just to killing characters

and to something happier
will you add Fat Grandma to the cast of characters?
she's probably the second greatest character you've portrayed, right after 90s Kid
And let's face it, she makes for an awesome comedic foil
and considering how melodramatic you'r storylines have become, you could need someone to provide the laughs

Anonymous said...

Even if it's another reacp, I still saw the Combine Harverster joke coming

Mitchell Martinez said...

Lewis, maybe it's just me, but I just wanted to say that...well...your reviews since December, they've all been really, well, boring.

I really hate to saying that, but after getting nothing but a brief chuckle or two from a MARVILLE review, I've really become concerned. I'm not sure if others are thinking the same thing or if it's just me with this issue, but as a fan, I just wanted to get this out.

Pat Rick said...

Oh god, Marville is finally over! The darkness has lifted and I can see into the light of tomorrow to say, "Yes, it will be a better future!"

Your sacrifice to review these comics shall not be in vain!

Xavi Golden said...

Has Linkara seen Fargo?

Anonymous said...

So Bill Jemas says Epic is about telling new creator-owned stories with new characters by new writers.... and they end up making Trouble, by Mark Millar and about the suposed origins of an established Marvel hero....
No wonder Bill Jemas was fired if he couldn't even follow through with his own ideas, plus you know, most of his ideas were dumb.

SchweitzerMan said...

I find Jemas' comments about "indy" publishers being in black and white and not looking that great a bit funny considering that a year later, Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life hit the shelves and began a series that was all in black and white and became one of the biggest comic/graphic novels of the decade

Anonymous said...




"That's why I say 'hey man, nice shot'"

"What a good shot, man"


"what a good shot, man"

phew... really sorry about that I just REALLY needed to get that off my chest, you what I'm saying.

Anonymous said...

oh Marvel, it's always nice to see that even back in the day, you still hated character development

By the way Lewis, I made some thinking, and came to a possibly sacrilegious conclusions
Maybe killing characters, as much as we may hate it, is ultimately a good thing
I found my self not caring too much about big name heroes, like Batman or Spiderman
On the other hand, I love the lesser known heroes, like Frankenstein, Nelson from Dial H, or the characters from The Movement and The Green Team (especially Burden and Cecilia Sunbeam, never would have thought I'd ever want to give a Christian Fundamentalist and a Paris Hilton expy a hug)
I somehow find my self more invested in these so called "C-Listers" than the big name heroes (which is also why I currently don't read Marvel, seeing how they have no comics dedicated to characters like that)
And then it hit me, the characters I like are characters that are very likely to die, because they are expendable from the publisher's point of view
I do not want the characters to die, and so I return each month to see if they survive the next issue.
There is a very real sense of danger surrounding the characters, that is completely absent around the "mascot heroes" (you KNOW Peter Parker won't stay dead, so why even care?)
I don't want my favorite characters to die, but if there was no risk of them dying, then there would be no reason to get invested in them in the first place
What do you think?

Keveak said...

Oh goodness, that was terrible. I'm with you on wondering how the president of the company, with a good education, would end up writing this comic. It's kind of scary. ._.

On another note of poor science: rubber is generally made from the latex of the rubber tree. While synthetic rubber can be made from petroleum, it seems really odd to lump it in with crude oil to me. Plus, petroleum was not formed by mass extinction events, just by organic matter in the right place to not decompose the typical way and instead end up as petroleum and natural gas. Marville's logic doesn't even make sense when it's supposed to be a critical editor speaking. I guess it is par for the course, but really? It thinks that crude oil was made by killing the non-avian dinosaurs? O_o

I'm also kind of wondering about the divine plan they're talking about. Sounds rather complicated to do all this instead of just making animals herbivores that wouldn't reproduce to the point of causing their own extinction. If duckbills can be Jewish, so can they be smart enough to do family planning.

PS: Technically, Homo Neanderthalensis are animals, as are Homo Sapiens, at least by the classification (of which the other options would be to be plants or to be non-eukaryots such as bacteria), though the comic's logic and understanding of paleonthology are still really really really really nonsensical and erroneous. ^_^'

Lady Nighteyes said...

As if Marville needed more ways to spectacularly fail at everything: crude oil is not composed of dinosaur remains. It's mostly algae.

Nazaru said...

Thanks, Linkara. I bet that you would have a breakdown when Marville was finished (Even if it was a recap) and just won $10. To thank you, I'll try finding a really good comic for you to review and suggest it.

themilo1567 said...

It’s kind of a shame that this was the last issue, I’m so curious what kind of insane direction this story would have taken if it was longer.

FNGLHR said...

So you make a comic, purely to win a bet with one of your writers. And then, when you lose that bet because it flops, you blame the fact it failed on people just not getting it?

Really, Bill? Really? What are you, 5? It would explain your terrible lack of intelligence concerning how evolution works and your terrible account of early human history. We don't think Neanderthals are animals lower than us! No one ever suggests that! They are simply an offshoot of our species, we share a common ancestor and for some reason they died off while we thrived. That is called Natural Selection, over time nature favoured us. Not God, nature, as in the climate, predators, environment, food sources, those things.

Maybe it wasn't because we just didn't get you, Jemas. Maybe it was because we found it unfunny for the first two issues and offensive for the next three. You can't call us jerks because you lost a bet. Maybe if you weren't an idiot who decided to share his stupid inherently wrong and completely inaccurate depictions of evolution and mankind's history, maybe then you would've won. Oh but no, we're wrong for only wanting super heroes punching each other. The fact he fully endorses the concept of "character growth is stupid" and at the same time asks for change within the story telling dynamic of super heroes is ridiculous.

I guess I really don't get him, because he clearly doesn't make any sense at all.

I'm glad this series is done. Its been one big train wreck taking up your time dude. I enjoyed these reviews, to be sure, but there are so many better (or I guess enjoyably worse) comics you could be making reviews out of. ASBAR for one, which is great fodder for skewering because of Miller's insanity. Jemas gave you a lot of terrible jokes to suffer through and later a lot of horrible science to make your brain melt.

It was fun, don't get me wrong, but it's nice to see you move on to bigger and better things. A shame we won't get to see you drinking yourself into a stupor anymore though. Those were always the highlights.

Goodbye, Marville. May your universal stupidity never darken our doors ever again. Hopefully, one day, your ineptitude will be forgotten like so many other works of your calibre.

Here's hoping your new ASBAR review in two weeks continues to hit this year off running, dude. Congrats on finishing this, hopefully it will free up space for works even more deserving of your criticism. To 2014, everyone! Happy New year!

demigod.dragoness said...

Never have I wanted to see a series of comics burn so badly. Please burn them when you return from Magfest.

Anonymous said...

Figures that Marville #7 wouldn't mention Groo the Wanderer as a good example of an Epic comic, considering that it was the most successful of the original Epic line-it ran 120 issues plus some specials, and actually sold decently well. Marvel only dropped Groo because of the bankruptcy.

Arianne Wingard said...

Well, I've always thought that the Marville comics were really stupid and boring.
I'm very glad that this comic series is over .

Jesse said...

As I'm writing this, there have yet to be any comments approved, so it's more likely than usual that I'll be repeating a few of them.

What issue #6 sounded like to me was pretty much Mr. Jemas saying "Yeah, I knew going in that this was a stupid idea, but I went ahead anyway because I could and I thought I had something to prove by doing it." As a little nobody who publishes his own stuff to Blogger and other such sites, I know I don't really have the time or resources to even start a project like that, let alone keep it going for as long Marville went on. I'm baffled as to why Bill Jemas, the head of Marvel Comics at the time this comic was made, as I understand, thought the huge company he was supposed to be running would be any different.

Something else I don't get is how he got away with making the call for pitches and submission guideline book for the Epic imprint a part of the Marville series instead of having it just be its own stand-alone item. I find it hard to believe that his position made his authority that absolute when it came to what was run and how, though I can't think of any other more plausible reason, either. I'd be surprised if there wasn't somebody who at least tried to talk him out of that part of it, anyway.

At any rate, it's over now, which is a good thing, in my book. The fact that we very likely won't see anything else quite like it, at least from such a major company, again, isn't exactly a bad thing, either.

I hope you had a good trip to MagFest and a decent trip home, even if it was delayed because of this deadly cold we've been having. Get well soon, man. We love you.

Anonymous said...

I think I'd rather read "Bloodgun #1" than any issue of Marville.

Even if he was a senile old man with Youngblood's disease, he'd still be more interesting than Bill Jemas' little "Science without Science" lesson.

Gary_Billis said...

The Marville issues are your best reviews.

Information Geek said...

Talk about your cosmic concidences, I just happen to be reading Alias as now and have the entire collection of front of me. Alias is awesome (Written by Brian Michael Bendis who did Secret Wars, Ultimate Spider-Man, Powers, and currently Uncanny X-Men) and it is about Jessica Jones, a former superhero who is alcohic and self destructive private eye investigating different cases she gets. The first happens to be about her discovering Captain America's true identity and insanity that follows. Also amusing looking back on Marvel's history, Jessica would end up marrying Luke Cage and having a child with him. Both are still happily married and star side by side in the current series, Mighty Avengers. They are awesome and nuts to those that say married couples are not interesting.

I think the idea of Epic Comics would later turn into Icon Comics, where we see Powers, Kick-Ass, and some others. That brand still continues to this day, but just barely since Marvel doesn't publish much through that imprint (Painkiller Jane is currently being published through that imprint and that character is a spinoff from 22 Brides).

And so it ends, Marville is finally dead. Make sure we get to see a video of you burning them all. I'm sure all of us want to see them go up in flames.

Finally, Trouble from Epic Comics in the future? Should be interesting, seeing how it is written by Mark Millar (also drawn by Terry Dodson, which is a shame since he is a great artist). I figured your first review of a Mark Millar book would be the Unfunnies, but hey, what'd you going to do?

Anonymous said...

arrogance, thine name is Marville

Bluecho said...

In answer to Jemas' assertion that indie publishers have no quality to their comics: IDW prints most of their books on better quality paper than most of the stuff coming out of Marvel. And they are kind enough to put all the ads for their other products in the back on their books instead of interrupting the story.

Not sure if IDW qualifies as indie, but there are plenty of third party publishers besides Image Comics, Jemas, and they work as hard as they can to make good products. Products that exist and continue to exist because people want to read them, not because they were mouthpieces for poorly constructed and obvious ideologies.

Marville did not fail because no one wants to read books about philosophy, religion, and politics. It did not fail because a work exploring the origins of life and the possibilities of harmony between all peoples don't sell. 2001 A Space Odyssey did that perfectly, with pacing and granduer the subject deserved.
Marville failed because it sucked. Because it had nothing intelligent to add to the discussions it brought up. Because it had no weight or emotional resonance. Because it never knew what it wanted to be. Because it was an unfunny, confused parody that morphed into an unintelligent, confused diatribe.

I forgive you Jemas. I forgive you for sucking ass at comics.

Anonymous said...

Glad that saga is over and that I got to see it Live. Managed to find the Chik-Fil-A comic that I mentioned wanting to donate to you. If I can get it for next MagFest, do you want it sealed or not?

Ave said...

Yeah, that was bad. I found myself facepalming a lot. Usually I don't do that in your videos, but Marville has a tendency to make that happen, I guess.

Also, when it mentions that indie comic companies' books don't look so good--wow, that's really insulting to the competition. Dark Horse, being not mentioned by name by them, would fall into that category, and they have always had a high quality. I don't know who else was around right at that time, but before that there was Valiant, who had some wonderful looks to their books, and there was also Malibu, who Marvel actually bought out JUST to get their colorists. I'd say that means indie books have had an ability to look amazing.

Geoffrey Barans said...

Okay, Bill's letter at the end of the issue actually seems even more pretentious than his stupid comic. One thing I picked up from a review another ego-project called Daikatana is that ego-projects are typically guaranteed to fail, even if they had a creative mind behind them since all the creator thinks about is their big head. And this issue, I can see why people think the last on is worse, but I agree that this is worse since it's so scatter brained and can't even decide what it's trying to say and says a comic that tries to be meaningful won't sell. Stupid Marville.

Cyberguy64 said...

"You'll see. Make my comic and you'll see"

Isn't that like the Obama administration telling us that we had to pass the Obamacare bill to see what was in it?

Anonymous said...

What better way to begin the new year than by finishing off an old foe, eh?

Also, to be fair, I have a history degree and a JD. And if I, of all people, can get 'em, that proves they aren't all that impressive as far as credentials go.

Anonymous said...

Thank god that's finally over. Honestly, I can't even say the comics sucked, since that implies they accomplished something, however negative--it was just so...pointless. I mean, the premise of it being a satire on the comics industry could've lead to something, but then it becomes some meandering blathering on god that I'm not sure how to take seriously, and...ugh.

I feel like you could've compressed your review of this series down a bit, since a lot of what you said felt like it was kinda the same...and with a comic like this I don't blame you, but still, there's stuff out there that's just more interesting to review than this pointless nothing.

Now just imagine Quesada doing this comic.

Nerd Blog said...

Well, I am glad to see this.

Arc said...

My god...What the hell Jemas... what the hell.

I... I mean

We have jewish talking dinosaurs in this! And that's not the stupidist thing in this comic series!


Anonymous said...

The Marville saga is finally over. Hurray!!

Anonymous said...

The Marville saga is finally over. Hurray!!

Tia Wheeler said...

Well, this is the end of Marville... it's a pity that it was an extremely frustrating read for a lot of people, including our good Mr. Linkara.

But regardless, there were many things that were just plain ridiculous in these issues such as the claim that the dinosaurs had to die so that modern humans could get oil (never mind evolution and the ability of an organisms to adapt to different environments) and that wars were only sporting events (Avatar Aang would be ashamed of how flimsy that story was).

Based on this, the author of Marville had made himself into seem like a dumb smart person in the eyes of many people w that by creating this badly researched mash-up of comics and academics.

Carliro said...

Well, not exactly "compassion" per say, but really profound respect. To this day, people like the Inuit depend on wild animals to survive, and therefore came to greatly value them and, at least historically, even consider them sacred, because they owe their lives to the caribou and the narwhal and the musk ox.

It's for reasons like those that religious veganism for the sake of life seems more like a mockery than true spirituality. You simply can't venerate animal life and truly understand it's importance unless you directly rely on those lives to sustain yourself, to hunt in the tundra where the only way for you to survive is to kill.

PopCultureOtaku said...

I didn't get to mention this at magfest but way you describe the framing recap in the issue reminds me how Saban has been using Christmas episode for each year since taking back over for disney to do it as recap episode.
I think us NJ comic fans have long denounced the fact that Bill is from here.
I think there should be case of degree bill has taken away and this series being the evidence why.
To insult Image or Indy comics way he does is just stupid. Especially about the color stuff. Not like it's there has been good black and white indy comics. No Strangers In Paradise, Ninja High School, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, etc.
I said this when you started Marvelle. THANK GOD PETER DAVID won that bet.
Oh boy Trouble.
I hope you feel better get home from MAGFest safe. I saw on your twitter your sick.

Leor said...

At last, Marville ends! Good riddance to Jemas and his rubbish!

The editor probably didn't toss the kid out immediately when he said he was a time traveler because time travel is a proven fact in the Marvel Universe. Doctor Doom, the Fantastic Four, and the West Coast Avengers, have all had time travel adventures, and Kang the Conqueror conquered Earth during Kurt Busiek's run on "Avengers". In addition, in Dan Slott's run on "She-Hulk" we learn that there's a support group for time displaced individuals, which The Two-Gun Kid wound up attending. So saying "I'm a time traveler" in the Manhattan of Earth-616 will just earn you shrugs.

It's all the other stuff he spewed out that should have gotten him kicked out of the office, starting with skinny dipping with a man claiming to be god, talking to Yiddish speaking dinosaurs, and claiming Wolverine was the first human. At this point the editor should have asked the kid if he saw any Celestials or if the Watcher can back up his story.

"Marville" was a waste of money and effort by Marvel, because Bill Jemas was a petulant ass. Jemas and Quesada had wanted to cancel "Captain Marvel", despite the book having decent sales figures. The sales weren't on "Uncanny X-Men" or "Ultimate Spider-Man"'s level, but it sold better than a lot of DC's books. I don't know who proposed the "U-Decide" bet, but if it was Jemas or Quesada, it was a childish decision. PAD ChrisCross and Chris Sotomayor turned in the books on time (with only two fill-in artists, for books 4 and 6). "Ultimate Adventures", a horrible Batman and Robin parody, lagged months between books, and took almost a full year to release six issues. "Marville" speaks for itself: it sucked! As for which book won, Captain Marvel obliterated the competition (and the universe, before restoring it with the Power Cosmic, but that's another story.) This whole thing was a power trip by Jemas and Quesada.

John Ruggeri said...

Wow this comic has issues. Good for you Linkara to finish it for us that could not of been easy.

Rich B said...

This was one of your funnier reviews in a while. I was wondering how this ended and it's nice to finally know. I sure am glad it's done with.

JD said...

Issue 6 is a recap? Wonderful. (Grabs large bottle of alcohol) Let's get this over with.

FugueforFrog said...

Well that was a fun way to end it; a lot of great classic bits (the "Combine Harvester" montage, the "new superhero" scene) amidst the recap of...well, whatever Marville was trying to get across with that ending. Though I don't get why the heck Jemas was trying to say: if my comic sucked (and it does), try to make a better one? Well...duh, anyone can be better than Marville, though its ridiculous to say "be original but understand you have to make money" when a lot of times it takes time and effort for original ideas to catch on. But hey, it's over, let's move on.

Adam Graham said...

I do actually kinda get what Bill Jemas was going for. Issue 6 attempted to show how hard it was to get anything "different" published through the mainstream comic companies, ending with the appeal for Epic and a seventh issue of Marville showing the Epic Guidelines.

I understand it, but that doesn't make it any less stupid.

Chelsey Magnuson said...

After all this's over! It still seemed so far away back in Marville 5...

The laziness in these issues is just staggering. Even worse, and even more maddening to me anyway, is how stuck-up Jemas is about the whole thing. As a creator, especially a professional creator, you have to be able to step back from your ego and judge your work objectively. When nobody's buying your frickin' work, it's time to take another look instead of insisting it's everyone else's lack of "vision" or...whatever he was trying to say we all lacked, exactly. Rrrgh.

Anyhow. Loved the old review footage gimmick, especially the montage of "losing your mind" moments - good times! And of course, congratulations on surviving the series! I raise my glass of hot chocolate to you, sir!

DuelMark said...

We made it. Quite a way to end, the first Marville review was the first review of 2012. Literally 2 years later and it fits.

Lewis, I hope we see you burn all 7 issues someday.

Unknown said...

Bill Jemas forgets Piranha Press and Paradox Press, DC's 'alternative' comics imprints. The Road to Perdition series came from Paradox, as well as A History of Violence. Piranha is best known for Kyle Baker's Why I Hate Saturn, while notable titles from Paradox include the Big Book Of... series, Howard Cruse's Stuck Rubber Baby, the Gon manga, and a couple of Scott McCloud's discussions about the comic book medium (a reprint of Understanding Comics, followed by Reinventing Comics).

It's not that DC avoids "publishing anything that says anything" - it just approaches certain comic book subgenres differently. No one sees MAD as a DC comic, even though MAD Books has been a DC imprint since 1992. In Piranha Press and Paradox Press' cases, they were possible answers to the creator ownership question, launched as a way to get DC's feet wet in the 1980/1990s 'alternative' comics scene.

Epic Comics' revival IS a bad legacy. Expecting people to pay $3 ($4.75 in Canada) for submission guidelines is bizarre marketing AT BEST. If Marville was a "subtle" seven-issue advertisement for the Epic Comics relaunch, the Marville money should have been spent on Epic Comics, not playing Hal Warren to Peter David's Stirling Silliphant. From Marshal Law and Stray Toasters to Crimson Dynamo, Trouble, a miniseries abandoned after two issues (Gun Theory), and an anthology series abandoned after its first issue...great legacy there, Bill Jemas.

Joshua Peach said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Gonzo said...

Best Three Kings Day present ever! I've been waiting for this review--thanks for giving this comic (and its creator!) the hilarious verbal thrashing it deserves.

Anonymous said...

The sad thing is, resources were poured into this. If the man just wanted to babble on about his consistently inconsistent (and impossible) philosophy that'd be fine. What isn't is that he decided to use a company's resources on creating this. He didn't spend his own money, no he forced the company to do it for him.

And like I said in the last review, we've got a pretty good idea of how violence happens among our closest highly intelligent relative, chimpanzees. Their 'wars' happen because of limited resources and they collectively attack and try to kill males of other groups of chimpanzees. So yeah, I'm flipping the writer off here.

And apparently they are basing their mythology off of the actions of SOME groups of First Nation tribes that were not indicative of what all tribes and civilizations did, and we have no freaking idea if our oldest ancestors had any concept of the prey having any kind of deity or spirit.

Shanethefilmmaker said...

Of course it's a good thing. Those Asteroids are trying to kill Al before he could begin Marville.

Hey are those flashback clips part of the "You know what I miss? The days where he had the old outfit." Brick Joke?

So basically this comic once again is bingle bongle dingle dangle yickety-doo yickity-dah ping pong lippy-tappy too-tah. Only with a touch of "No it's not my fault it's your fault for not buying it WAAAAAAAAAAH!!! WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" I get the feeling that Bill didn't get his degrees legitimately and he's nothing more than a big baby that wanted to control things.

Oh my god, Jemis is Joe Quesada. He is a Time Lord that Regenerates into different Bodies. Only instead of a Younger/older/goofier/lovable guy, he becomes more of a douche.

Also, why does god need a comic book series to explain his ways?

Great review like always and good thing that series is over. The only thing that would make matters worse is if someone tried to make a movie out of this series. People would think that would never happen but, "Bimbos B.C." says otherwise.

Cat C said...


Just... WOW...

This hurt so much.

You were right, this was the worst of it. I kept wondering how that could possibly be true but it is.

Though I do give you thumbs up for showing off how awesome you've gotten at editing.

And yes I get the joke, at least I think I do.

So very glad this series is DONE.

And yes I watched 'til the end so I won't be asking why you didn't burn them. (btw, how many people have asked so far?)


Moses Magnum said...

Since you brought up Battle for Bludhaven..Father Time (the bearded government guy) really does look like Judas Traveller. Guess that's who you thought he looked like.

Carl said...

You'd think that with God himself as an informant, Al would know that dinosaurs did not become crude oil. Petroleum comes mostly from dead plankton.

Lotus Prince said...

It was a blast watching this at MAGFest. Great job!

Also, should I be worried? I'm near Princeton, and I have a degree from Rutgers. :-P

Ming said...

Great way to start a new year by finishing an epic beat-down on one of Marvel's most hated and absolute worst comics ever made. The stock footage from old episodes are far more entertaining than this abomination. I hope you do get to do a shot of you burning Marville . . . and a beat-down on Trouble.

Five issues of horribleness, all leading to a stupid recap that doesn't even stick to its own continuity, an open letter from the moron that essentially gives out mean-spirited jabs to DC, Image, and other comics, and a guide to getting into Epic Comics. How could someone like Bill Jemas could have college degrees write something this stupid? Did he get mostly Cs? If this is his idea for a grand and lofty work, then no wonder comic readers prefer superhero fights to this!

Oh, dear God, Bill Jemas and his insulting abomination that dares call itself a comic is just so stupid! This is so stupid! Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.



You know, the thought has occurred to me that perhaps I'm not in the proper mindset for this comic series. Just give me a moment to make the proper alterations.

(grabs Hawkgirl's mace and proceeds to hit himself in the head several times)

Duuuuh, me like Superman . . .

Hanyoumaru said...

I am still certain That Bill Jemas If he was allowed to continue this crappy madness HE would be the one responsible for World War III Considering how many kinds of people he insulted here.

Anonymous said...

Good work Linkara.Good work. Wat an awful comic this has been on every front.

Anonymous said...

Good work Linkara,good work.
Here's my theory Galactus ate this entire stupid universe, one minute after issue six ended.

William Ngo said...

Why the hell does that Spidey-girl on the cover look like Miley friggin' Cyrus?! My eyes now need to be washed with detergent. Thanks, Marville.

Anonymous said...

I guess I know what he was going for in this series

with those early misguided parody issues, he was trying to show "why comics these days are dumb"

with those pseudo-philosophical rambling issues, he was trying to show what he thinks comics should be about

and with the last issue, he was guilt shaming other creators and editors for not making the comics he thinks should be made

finally, with the guide-lines thing, he asks people to make the comics he wants, while he he gets to keep the profits

Segatron said...

The long nightmare is over, I wish I had an award for you. I hope the snow didn't make magfest too underpopulated, I hope you had a good time regardless.

Happy new year!

spider said...

Your right, no body likes marvel. Only japan, actually cause toei the same people that created the senti had made a deal with them in the 80's and made there own spider man show. I heard about that a year ago looked at it and it is bad.

Lewis Lovhaug said...



Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. I personally think I've put out some really funny stuff in December, but hopefully I can do better in future episodes. ^_^

Anonymous said...

To his credit, Jemas got one thing right: most of us just do not get him.

And thank God for that.

Happy new year, Linkara!

Adam said...


Heard you got sick, Linkara. Hope you feel better soon.

Lostshadows said...

Well, I for one am grateful this was a recap issue. Now I don't have to get round to watching the video for issue 5. :D

Looks like what I missed kinda makes me want to make Bill Jemas read Jean Auel's Earth's Children series, or just drop them on him. (Or both.)

I'm not shocked that he thinks there's a difference between mythology and religion. (Okay, there is, but not in they way he seems to think. (Dear Bill, Christianity has a mythology.))

Lostshadows said...

Oh yeah, and what's the big deal about comics without glossy pages? Those Spider-Man comics where he was still a teenager he was going on about? He should look at the original printings of them.

Bill said...

The thing that strikes me most about this trash, besides Jemas' arrogant self-indulgence in publishing it (really, did he actually have that much power at Marvel that he could green light this project all by himself? And, if not, who else was involved in giving the go-ahead to this mess?), was the amount of bile that Jemas spewed towards DC, Paul Levitz in particular. This does not seem to be good-natured ribbing like some professionals at DC and Marvel sometimes indulge in but true hatred that Jemas felt towards Levitz. It's doubtful that Jemas had many personal dealings with Levitz as Jemas was relatively new to the business, having cut his corporate teeth at the NBA and Fleer (this according to his Wikipedia page, anyway), and the vitriol makes little sense from a business perspective as, despite their problems at the time, Marvel still controlled a good share of the comic book market. I wonder whether the hatred didn't come from the fact that Levitz was a seasoned professional with little formal education, having proven himself at the executive, editorial and creative levels and at one time producing a legendary run on the Legion of Super-Heroes, while Jemas was a well-educated neophyte in the industry. In other words, I wonder if Jemas wasn't intimidated by his opposite number at the competition, using Marville to insult Levitz's ability as an executive while producing (excreting?) a "work of art" of his own (there's a rumor, I don't know how true it is, that Jemas had tried to hire Steve Gerber to write a comic critical of Levitz, not realizing that Gerber and Levitz were good friends). Jemas had no respect for his co-workers, no respect for his competition and, in the end, little respect for the fans that shell out good money for comic books. The industry is better off without him.

Anonymous said...

I just thought of something. If issues 3-5 were supposedly about teaching Al and his friends things they needed to know in order to prevent World War III, then maybe Issue 6 is supposed to show how Al chose to go about that: by publishing a comic book about it. Of course, if that is the case, then this means that he failed (what a shocker) and now the planet's doomed, rendering this whole series a waste of time.

Or maybe I'm mistaken and Bill Jemas just thought he was being "clever". Either way, same difference: this whole series was a waste of time.

TimeTravelerJessica said...

I have never wanted you to burn the comics so badly before ever in my life. Even with One More Day I was like, "But I'm opposed to book burning." Ugh! Screw it, burn Marville! Burn it to ash!

Yeah ... I'm surprised Jemas was able to function in any kind of leadership capacity.

Anonymous said...

The accusations for this comic selling poorly is an even bigger insult than that one about people how enjoy escapist fiction in OMD. Somebody should tell that hack Jemis that the most well-known named comic stories are the ones that aren't just heroes beating up villains, Watchmen, Dark Knight Returns, Sandman, Squadron Supreme, and Marvel printed that last one so that makes Jemis' comment even stupider. I'd tell him to read Squadron Supreme to get an idea of what a good comic thought provoking comic is really like, but I imagine he's thickheaded with his own opinion to grasp it.

DMaster said...

Missed Opportunity: the uber-nightmare-beyond-mortal-ken that is Marville...has yet to actually depart. We may be done with reviewing the comics...but it isn't out of Marvel. Not only has it been COLLECTED IN TRADE ( (GARBLEF%*&^*&^!!!J!!!), ...but they've actually included characters (just Al as far as I know) in official guidebooks to the Marvel Universe. It might very well not be officially gone.

I've also heard that the "Marville" universe has been given an official numeric designation within Marvel's multiverse, but I can't find a link to confirm it.

Allan Olley said...

I enjoyed the review as usual.

I don't mean to defend Jemas but I can see how the ideas in Marville about evolution etc. spring out of half digested encounters with actual scientific ideas. In my experience talking to people casually I find lots of people have similar half-digested combination ideas floating in their heads (maybe not quite a sustained construction of ideas as Jemas). Fortunately most of them don't get a forum and indeed most would probably realize they need some work before showing them off. So I find it weird that this sort of thing was published, but the actual content is not that baffling to me.

My understanding is that some hunter-gather cultures have rituals where you thank the animal they just killed (or its spirit etc.) for the meat it provides, I'm not clear that all do, my impression is that such rituals and practices vary wildly between different groups. The idea that we can have compassion, respect or concern for animals we kill (and in fact because we kill them) is obviously somewhat problematic but Jemas is hardly alone in suggesting it. I think the bigger problem is that Jemas likes to fall back on the idea of some universal human culture that existed in pre-history that I think is as dubious as most of his other ideas.

On the nit pickiest point someone should point out to Jemas that generally one refers to those studying ancient life on Earth as paleontologists, not archaeologists (archaeologists study past human stuff).

Anonymous said...

The arrogance from this issue is staggering. Jemas really believes his nonsense that "I didn't fail! You all failed!" speech. Furthermore, he thinks that he knows so much better than everyone else when it comes to comic creation. This crap is never endearing, just ask everyone's least favorite director, M. Night Shamalyan.

Julie Paulson said...

Yesterday, I went to the Smithsonian Natural History Museum and went through the early history exhibits.

That only makes this series more depressing.

Anonymous said...

Wait! I just had a theory!
You say Marville was made as part of a Bet by Jemas?

Given the themes of the Line and looking at the Publishers reactions; (Ergo, Only getting intrigued when the Women strip), does this mean Jemas was also doing a take that to audience saying; “You only buy books that you think will have Pr0n in it!”
Also considering the Line began as a Parody, before taking the Cruddy Twist, Was Marville’s Joke suppose to be; “You Readers Are Idiots Who Will Buy The Lowest Common Denominator!”
Does this mean he was actually making the Comic Bad…ON PURPOSE!?

Now, That is just one of the biggest Insults to Readers that I’ve heard! On level with ‘One More Day’s’; “You enjoy Fiction because you’re a Loser with an Empty Life!” Crud!

And even when he was proven wrong when he lost the Bet, he still couldn’t take a bit of Humble Pie!?

If this Comic isn’t what Jemas got fired for, What was!?

Grady Childs said...

You know I'm wondering just as much as you are Linkara, what the hell was Bill Jemas thinking when writing this...I mean like you said and I knew from reading his Wikipedia page before watching this review that he has several why would think the origin of mankind was that Wolverine was the first human being?!

Well at least Marville is finally over and in just two weeks...IT'S MILLER TIME!

Shanethefilmmaker said...

Now that I think about it. Prior to the out of left field evolution part. Much of Marville is Eric Cartman's view of superheroes. Cartman believes a superhero is supposed to do things that benefit themselves while doing next to nothing helpful, but still get rewarded. I mean that main guy practically did nothing and cops are handing him bagfuls of money. So could that mean Jemas is Eric Cartman in real world form and is poisoning comic book readers with his POV, with only money on the brain?

lostsomething said...

Oh Marville... Marville. What can you even say about it other than that you're glad to be rid of it?

Well, alright, it does still amuse me to no end that he's still calling the time period "Jurassic Park". The editor's fun too even if it's clear he's just there as a device for Jenas to martyr himself and his lofty misunderstood "Vision for World Peace" off the readers "Who just want to read stories about super heroes punching bad guys".

Volvagia said...

TimeTravellerJessica: Except, the truly objectionable part of book burning is due to it's mass and indiscriminate nature. A personal, one COMIC BOOK at a time, act in a back yard? I'm sorry, but where's the problem, exactly?

Rick Hodge said...

(raises hand meekly)



(ducks back into the shadows quickly)

Felix Brunschede said...

Why can't Jemas be a Hönir-follower? He'd shut up out of belief.

Doresh said...

Oh, Marville. Whatever experimental drugs where used in your creation will hopefully never be used by anyone ever again.

I want Arm-Fall-Off Boy to have his own movie adaption.

Tantum Ergo 2 said...

Oh, brother. That stuff about indie comics not looking very good slays me, because that has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of the comics themselves. This is one of the worst series of comics I've ever seen, and the art looks more or less fine.

Meanwhile, my absolute favorite American comic ever (PS238) is an indie comic written and drawn by one guy, which started as a webcomic and was drawn and released in black and white.

Maybe he's trying to appeal to comic -creators,- more than readers, but you'd think that comic-writers would be even less likely to be sifting through Marville for advice on how to make comics.

Anonymous said...

It just hit me, you know what clip would have worked great for this? Lord Zedd going "I DIDN'T FAIL! YOU FAILED! Just like you failed before!"

Anonymous said...

(Nice job looking at the Wikipedia article. I also pointed out that his J.D. year was the same as Sam Casey's. I guess Bill Dumbass was also a part of "Operation: Admit the Dumb")

I've come to name this "Marville: The Final Insult" and ... yeah, it's easy to see why. I also think this whole thing is really just one pot-fueled conversation either Bill Dumbass had personally or someone he knew at Rutgers had. Think about it. It starts with a laugh ("heehee, the dog farts on the guy's face"). Then it goes into the "profound" ("what if, like, we were once just this big family. like, we were all one, man. like, no tribes or anything. therefore, no war."). Then you try to recount the whole damn thing and everybody looks at you weirdly.

So basically ... "I was searching for God but then I got high"

Mattia Garavini said...

''Your right, no body likes marvel''

Really? THen why Avengers is one of the highest grossing movies of all time?

Volvagia said...

Matta Garavini:

They are wrong, in terms of the comics, but how I'd sum up the divide between Marvel and DC, in terms of who's generally interested in adapting them is this:

Marvel is a very filmmaker friendly company, with the higher emphasis on character making longer form cinematically styled stories easier to justify. Two best adaptations of the general "Marvel" style to date: The Avengers, X-2.
DC is an animator/video game designer friendly company, with the focus being on something closer to sky's the limit raw fantasy. Two best adaptations of DC's style to date: Batman: TAS, Teen Titans (2003)

That divide is why, even IF DC was suddenly no longer the property of Warner Bros., DC Comics live-action film adaptations would probably STILL be the rear-end embarassments of the genre in terms of critical reception and gross. There'd just be more of the crap, and we'd lose the substantially better animated and video game stuff because of that.

Anonymous said...

@Mattia I think he got confused and misheard "Nobody likes Marville" as "Nobody likes Marvel."

ThomasMink said...

Probably the worst Marville episode, but honestly, that's not really your fault. I mean, it's probably near impossible to make what is essentially a retelling of bad story all that funny. But, it was watchable.. so there's that. :)

And hey, for those 'commercial break' segments.. how about that 'Biker Bully' character that only ever appeared in that one Warrior comic review? :D

istilldontcare said...

Do you know what the worst part about Marville is (other than all of it)? Both premises, one comic about a character watching God during the act of creation, and a parody of comic book superhero, are great ideas that could have worked for them. How do I know this? Because Marvel, you've done both of this before and way better. Of course for parody we have had comics like Forbrusch Man, Howard the Duck, and the Great Lake Avengers. But for the Religious stuff you can see that done right in a Doctor Strange comic. In Marvel Premiere #14, there is a story called "Death-- at the Dawn of Time" which has God show Dr. Strange the creation of the Universe and do you know something? The book written 40 years ago is a thousand times better than Marville.

starofjustice said...

I would like to hear where the writer got this idea of his that humanity is the only species in the world that kills its members.