Feel the eyes of someone looking in on you - Let It All Flow Out - Kinmunity Jump to content
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Feel the eyes of someone looking in on you


Wanting to connect more with my fauntaur side, and hoping to figure out something about the theories I discussed last time, I decided to do a bit of a nature walk last week. As it turns out, there's been this nature preserve in my neighborhood this whole time and I never knew about it. I brought my costume horns and my pipes with me, as I wanted to go for as much "immersion" as I could. This went well for a little while, until other people started walking towards the part of the park I was sitting in. It is difficult to fully appreciate the feelings that come with bringing my horns and pipe to the preserve since I'm always worried someone will see me and think I'm a crazy person. But, it was nice when I could enjoy it. After walking around a bit, I decided to sit on a bench and do some meditation, something I hadn't done in a while. I was concerned that the noise (I wasn't that far from the street) would stop me, but I was actually able to meditate for a little while. Initially I did so with my horns on, but I eventually had to start over without them.


As soon as I began, I started seeing images in my head. Now, this wasn't a regression meditation or anything, so I didn't really expect that. But I did go in focusing on my theory, and it's possible that what I saw is related to that. It was hard to fully make out the images flashing in my head, but my best guess was that it was Pan, in bed with a man who either did not want to be there or was unaware. Maybe because I was focused on my descendant theory, I got the idea into my head that the man was the biological father of past-life-me. This brought to mind the idea that maybe Pan influenced my past life birth by doing something to my biological father before past-life-me was conceived. I have previously considered the theory that Pan influenced my birth rather than being an actual biological ancestor, so who knows? Most likely these things I saw in my head were just manifestations of my own thoughts, but seeing them that way helped me come up with a new idea.


There were a couple of other things I saw during my meditation as well. There seemed to be a lot of snakes and dragons, for one. My mental image of myself also briefly changed, showing my faun self, wearing white shorts. This isn't the first time I've visualized myself wearing white clothes that don't cover much, so I can't help but think that might mean something; previously, I had visualized my past-life-self wearing a somewhat revealing white shirt. So perhaps this is a step towards confirming who exactly my past-life-self was before I met Pan: someone whose job or place required wearing this kind of thing. I've discussed the possibilities before, and I'd rather not go too far into it here. The final thing I saw was a hunter chasing a faun, but the faun was too slippery for him. At the end, the faun slid and knocked the hunter down. No idea what to make of that.


After my meditation, I decided to walk around a bit and listen to music that felt fitting. Primarily I listened to "Cradle of Forest," the song from which I got this post's title. Now, I've talked plenty about how Pan seems to communicate with me through musical coincidences, and how sometimes those are just a bit off, suggesting that he wants me to know I'm close but not quite right. That happened here. The song's lyrics make reference to butterflies, birds, and beasts. At one point for each of them, said creature crossed my path just before the song mentioned them (the "beast" was a squirrel). This, combined with what I said above, leads me to believe that my descendant theory is close but not exactly right. I'll see how that new theory works, imprecise as it may be.


One last thing. On Discord, someone suggested to me that I should use a pendulum to communicate with Pan. I've heard worse ideas; I'll post later about how that goes.

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