> " So, Seiya you made it. HARUKA: What are you gonna do now? DARIEN (as Seiya): I'm going to Disney World! >What room do you want to sleep in?" SEIYA: Yours! DARIEN: Don't even think it, pal. > " It doesn't matter. I still owe you something for all this." " No you >don't, you'll be keeping me company for 2 whole months, my parents and my >brother are gone for that length of time. So we'll be all alone in this >house." " Oh, okay." She led him up to a room, it was Shingo's room. HARUKA (as Usagi): Just ignore the pee stains on the bed. > " Sorry, that we don't have any guestroom, but we never have guests over >at night." DARIEN: My father turns into a werewolf every full moon. It's kinda embarrassing. > " That's all right. This seems like a nice room." " My brother sleeps in >this room," Usagi motioned for him to put his things down and follow her, " >This is my parents' room," She led him to one last room near the stairway, >" And this is my room." " Yeah, I've been here before, remember?" " Yeah, I >remember." " Yeah, we were only in our first year of High School, now we're >in our second year." DARIEN: Thank you, Mr. Obvious! > " Yeah. Now there's no more wars." SERENA: Right. Sure. Whatever. > " Yeah. Well, I'll unpack now." HARUKA: There aren't this many "yeahs" in the whole of "She Loves You!" >" Okay, what do you want to eat for dinner tonight?" " Anything. It doesn't >matter." > (Night time wishes) DARIEN: The new novel from Harlequin Historical Romances, featuring a nude Fabio centerfold! ALL: EEEEEWWWW!!! SERENA: Another one like that, and you're sleeping on the couch tonight, buster. > " Knock, knock." SERENA: Who's there? DARIEN: Ivana. SERENA: Ivana who? DARIEN: Ivana get out of this theater. >Usagi got out of her bed and opened the door. " Yes, Seiya, is there >anything I can do for you?" ~ Wow, you can do many things for me in that >sexy lingerie. ~ SEIYA: Thank you, thank you ladies and gentlemen, you've been a wonderful audience! I'll be here all week! >Seiya was staring at Usagi's clothes. " Yes, Seiya, what >is that you need?" " Oh, I just needed to tell you that I'm not so >comfortable in your brother's bed, it's kind of short. Maybe I'll sleep on >the couch, could you help me move my things?" " Sure, but why don't you >sleep in my parents' room?" " It's far too big for me." DARIEN: Papa Bear's bed was too big, Baby Bear's bed was too small. . . SERENA: So why does Sister Rabbit's bed have to be just right? > " But, the couch is > far more uncomfortable. Sleep in my bed, I'll sleep in my parents' room, or > on the couch." " I don't want to be a nuisance. You should sleep in your > own bed." " Seiya, just sleep with me tonight." Usagi blushed. ~ Wow, am I > dreaming, is she asking me to actually sleep with her?! HARUKA (as Seiya): I think I just wet myself! ~ " Sorry, Seiya, I >put it in the wrong words. Just come and spend the night with me, or a few >nights." DARIEN: Oh, yeah, *that* sounds more innocent. >" Okay." Seiya went into her bed and Usagi went in next to him. " Seiya?" " >Yes?" " Remember last year, when all of the teens in our class said that >you had a crush on me, was it true?" HARUKA: All the *teens* in our class? Nobody talks like that outside of "Leave it to Beaver!" DARIEN: "After him, teen gang!" > " Well, a...okay, it's true, but actually a had a huge crush on you." >Seiya blushed. " Really, I thought that the guys in school aren't >interested in me." " No, actually the group of guys I was talking to this >morning all like you, they don't have girlfriends." " Really, all those >guys?!" " Yeah, it's true. But I'm the luckiest because I get to be with >you." Seiya leaned toward Usagi and tried to kiss her. Usagi backed away. DARIEN (as Usagi): Yuk! Garlic breath! > " Seiya, what about know?" " What do you mean?" " How do you feel about me >now?" " I don't have a crush on you anymore but I love you." " What?! You >can't love me, I have a boyfriend." " But I deserve a chance." " Yeah, >that's right." SERENA: Whoops, there's an extra word in there. That should have been, "Yeah, right." > Usagi pulled Seiya's shirt closer to her, DARIEN: Twisted it, and started to choke him. . . SERENA: A bit dark today, honey? >then she kissed >him. " I can't believe that this is happening." " Me neither, Seiya, me >neither." Usagi released him. " Maybe not tonight, Seiya." " Yeah, anyway >we are still young." SERENA: The day is yet young. . . and already I'm regretting breakfast. > (Next few nights) > The second night to the 30th night, they just kissed. They >got to know eachother really well and each and every day, they fell more in >love with eachother, but one night in the second month. > " Ring..... Ring....." " Hello, this is Usagi speaking." HARUKA: You've reached my love line. Only $3.95 per minute, all major credit cards accepted. >" Usako, I'm sorry that I haven't called you for a month, but I was >terribily busy, forgive me?" " Of course, but why are you calling?" DARIEN: I wanted to make sure that you weren't being hit on by any sleazeballs like Seiya. >" I wanted to hear your lovely voice, only 2 more years and I will return, >my love. Wait for me." " I will." They hung up. " Who was that?" " Oh, my >boyfriend." " Oh." ~ Hmm, she's still in love with her boyfriend and I >don't have much time left to make her fall in love with me. ~ " Odango, >Usagi?" " Yes, Seiya, why did you call me Usagi?" DARIEN: Because it's your name! " Well, I love you even >more now and I want to show you." " Okay. I guess." Seiya went on top of >Usagi and he kissed her passionately. " Mmmm, Seiya." Usagi mumbled. DARIEN (as Homer Simpson): Mmmm, Seiya. HARUKA: My favorite dish - roast Seiya! >Seiya then took off her loose lingerie and he took off his clothes. He >looked sweetly at her and her body. He then moved down to the edge of the >bed and DARIEN: Fell off, cracking his skull on the floor. SERENA: And then his evil spell wore off of Usagi, allowing her to realize that he was all wrong for her, and then she. . . SEIYA: Stop right there. >he kissed her feet in respect. SERENA: And then realized that Usagi and Marissa Picard aren't the same person. >He then worked his way up and kissed her on >the stomach, he moved on up ALL (singing): To a deeeluxe apartment in the sky-y-y. . . >and kissed her on her hand. He then kissed her on the lips and on her >forehead. Then he turned himself down back on the bed for Usagi to pleasure >him. SERENA: Now that's selfish! >She bit at his nipples, first and made Seiya moan. She then put her >tongue in his mouth and tasted DARIEN: Stale beer. SERENA: And the aftertaste of a bowl of Corn Nuts. >his mouth. She tickled him and made him laugh and then she spun them both >around HARUKA: Step right up! Spin the senshi and win a prize! >signaling to Seiya to start. Seiya saw the reply and he kissed her vagina. >He then went up and licked her breasts with his long tongue. He then took >his jacket and took off a bottle of whip cream spray. He sprayed some whip >cream on her breasts and in her vagina so it wouldn't hurt as much and so >it would feel more good. SERENA: Okay. . . I've heard of having a food fetish, but this is ridiculous. >He then started to make love to her. Usagi yelled >and screamed DARIEN: . . .for mercy, but Blue-Winged Angel kept on writing. >Seiya's name repeatedly. Seiya moaned and groaned and lick the whip cream >off her breasts. She giggled in pleasure. SERENA: Yeah, right. >After they were done, they both >were tired. SERENA: Thank you, miss obvious. >They decided to sleep for the rest of the night. " Seiya, that >was great, I never had a feeling like that before with a man." SERENA: You've taught me to throw up in ways I never knew existed. >" Thank you >for letting me do that." " Thank you." Usagi kissed him a goodnight kiss >and they both fell asleep. > (The next morning) SERENA: Seiya found himself on the sidewalk in front of the Tsukino house. > Usagi awoke and looked over to her right side to find Seiya >sleeping next to her, but he wasn't. " Seiya?!" " Yes, Usagi, I'm in your >parents' bathroom, I have a surprise for you." " Okay, I'll be there." " >Oh, and don't wear too much clothes when you come." " Okay." ~ Hmm, if I'm >not suppose to wear too much clothes, then maybe it's a sexual surprise. >I'll wear this. ~ She chose a nice loose gown up to her thighs. She thought >that Seiya would think of it as sexy! HARUKA: But, she was sadly mistaken. He took one look and jumped out the window, screaming. SEIYA: In order to get out of the 'fic. > (At the bathroom) > Usagi brushed her teeth and went into her parents' >bathroom. " Wow! This is great!" She looked around and saw a whole bunch of >roses around the jacuzzi. She saw Seiya in the jaccuzi with a bucket of >strawberries and whip cream. He was wearing a loose shirt with long, loose >pants. DARIEN: He's wearing *clothes* in the *jacuzzi*? HARUKA: And after he asked her to wear next-to-nothing? What a double standard! >" Wow, Seiya you look very cute and this is great!" " Anything for you, >Usagi." " I love it when you call me by my real name." She went over and >kissed him, they both fell into the tub. SERENA and SEIYA: OW! SERENA: Get your hand off of there. . . now! >Seiya quickly undressed her and >himself. He put the strawberries and whip cream over to the side. He >started to pour some whip cream on her body. She did the same. Usagi took a >whole bunch of strawberries and so did Seiya. Seiya put a strawberry on >Usagi and scooped the whip cream off, they both did until some of them were >gone. DARIEN: I don't think Bill Cosby recommends this use for Cool Whip. SERENA: Or, for that matter, Jell-o. > " Too bad, Usagi, the whip cream is gone." " That's okay, but now >make love to me." SERENA: Darien, is it me or was that the LAMEST come-on you've ever heard? >" Okay, whatever you say." SEIYA: Well, that's certainly the lamest RESPONSE to a come-on that I've ever heard. >They started and continued. It >was hard for them to do it in a jacuzzi but they tried their hardest. " SERENA: There is no "try." Only do. . . or do not. >Usagi, is this great or what?" HARUKA (as Usagi): No. There's a faucet in my butt. >" Yeah, Seiya, it is." They talked as they continued with love making. >After they were done, they were full. " Oh, Seiya, I'm so full, with >strawberries and with love." SERENA: ehehehehe. . . I'll kill her. . . >" Me too, but it's not over yet." Seiya turned >on the hot water and they were both in a jacuzzi full of water. They >started to kiss and bathe eachother. Seiya cleaned every part of Usagi, >especially her two sexual parts HARUKA: *Two* sexual parts? She's turned into a hermaphrodite! SERENA AND DARIEN: NO VIRGIN WARRIOR FLASHBACKS! >, Seiya did the same. " Oh, Seiya, this is great, I did the greatest thing >I have ever done when I invited you over." " Yeah and I'm really thankful." >" Me too." > (After the romantic climax) > " Ring... DARIEN: In the bathtub! >Ring... HARUKA:-go Starr! >Ring.... DARIEN: Of the Niebelung! >Ring..." ALL: FOR GOD'S SAKE, ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE! >" I'll answer it, Usagi." SERENA: No, dammit, this is my house! >" Okay." " Hello?" " Uh, hello? May I speak to >Usagi please?" " Sure. Usagi! There's someone on the phone for you." " Yes, >thank you Seiya, hello?" " Hello, Usako, who was that?" " Oh, it's a >friend." " Oh, well, I just wanted to talk to you, since I am free." " >Okay, but I need to go, I'm busy. Sorry." SERENA: Who the hell does this Blue-Winged Angel think I am!? I'm never too busy to talk to Darien! SEIYA: Well, the joke was that my name was supposed to mean "He who walks on forbidden ground. . ." >" That's okay." " Okay, bye. I >love you." " Bye." > " Ring... SERENA: Around the rosie. . . >Ring... SEIYA: Around the collar. . . >Ring... SERENA: Of fire. . . >Ring..." ALL: ANSWER THAT PHONE! >" Hello?" " Usagi!" " Mom! >Yes, what is it?" " Well, our flight is going to be delayed for a while, >it's not good over here, the weather, and we will be delayed for 10 >months." (All laugh themselves silly) DARIEN: A 10 month weather delay? I knew El Nino was creating some weird weather patterns, but this is ridiculous! >" 10 months!" " Yes, I'm sorry." " That's okay, I can take care of myself." >~ With a little help from Seiya, of course. ~ " Okay, well, I love you, >dear, bye." " Bye." > " Seiya, did you hear, my parents are going to be gone for >10 months, now!" HARUKA: It's the biggest case of author contrivance in history! SERENA: Bigger than Ratliff, bigger than Clare Mosley, it's Blue Winged Angel! SEIYA: And even bigger than Blue Winged Angel, it's EVA-01! > " That's great!" > End of Part 2 DARIEN: Woo hoo! We can get out of here! VOICE OF DR. FORRESTER: Oh, no you don't. No breaks! You're going to read the rest of this fic straight through! ALL: NANI?!?!?!? VOICE OF DR. FORRESTER: You heard me. Now sit down and. . . HARUKA: You will pay for this, you goggle-eyed freak. When we get out of here, we're going to kidnap you, handcuff you to a lumpy cot, and force you to read Sailor Moon/Xena crossovers! VOICE OF DR. FORRESTER: Been there. Done that. > " Trouble in Paradise" > Part 3: Incident in the love world SERENA: Violence in the Satellite of Love. > " Seiya! After school today, I have a doctor appointment, >could you take me?" " Yeah, sure." > (At the doctor's office) > " So, Usagi, is this your boyfriend?" " Well, you could say >that." " Okay, well, he'll have to wait outside for the checkup." " Okay." >Seiya left the room, but was peeking through a hole. DARIEN (as Seiya): Oooh yeah! Medical exams - that's what I get off on! >The doctor checked Usagi and found something weird. DARIEN: Her asshole opened every time she took a deep breath. >" Usagi, I need to tell you some bad news, tell your boyfriend to come in >also." Yes, what is it? Am I sick?" " Worst then that, you're pregnant." " >What?!" Seiya exclaimed and he got Usagi as she fainted. > (Back at home) > " Seiya, did you have to cause this incident? Why couldn't >you wear a condom?" " Well, I don't have any, you're the first girl I have >made love to." " Oh, Seiya, I can never keep staying angry at you." She >hugged him. HARUKA: She just forgives him, just like that? I would have kicked his ass! SERENA SEIYA: Umm. . . Is this a bad sign, Darien? > (The 9 months waiting) HARUKA: For this fanfic to be over. > Seiya took good care of Usagi for the whole 9 months, I >guess that you could say that he was a good friend and father. SERENA: You could, but that would be a huge leap of logic. > (Delivery day) > " Seiya?" " Yes, is there something that you need?" " Yes, >I need a ride to the hospital, I'm going to have a baby." " Aaahh, now?" " >Yes, now." " Okay, well let's go." Seiya carried Usagi outside and he >hailed a taxi. DARIEN: Hail, taxi! All bow down before the almighty taxi! OTHERS: Chrome. . . Chrome. . . Chrome. . . SEIYA: Bop-bob-a-loom-op! >They went to the hospital, he paid the driver. They got into the hospital >and everything was handled fast, except for the delivery, Seiya watched as >Usagi was in pain. He held her hand. Finally the baby came out and the >mother went to her room. > " Usagi? You have a new baby boy." She handed them a baby. >They looked at him. " Wow, he looks exactly like you Seiya." DARIEN: Poor kid.