This morning I was finally able to grieve — able to grieve for an officer who was shot and killed last night on the streets of Rochester. My heart is heavy and tears fill my chest. I'm angry and my emotions are running high after only four hours of sleep.

What was the shooter thinking? Why did he pull the trigger on the gun? Was he just trying to scare the cop off? Or, did the shooter know the officer was going down when he pointed the gun?

We may never know. But I do know one thing: this fallen officer knew the risks of his job, and he still went to work each and every day. And I'm sure if he had to make the same choice again, he would have.

When I heard the words "officer down" come over the scanner, I immediately put on what I call my pilot's hat. A pilot's main focus is to fly a plane. So, I sat down in the pilot's seat of the digital desk at the Democrat and Chronicle and began to do what I do every day: put out reliable and accurate information as quickly as possible through social media and the website.

I immediately sent out a team, a reporter and photographer, and gathered help from inside the newsroom because I had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

But it's virtually impossible to shut down all emotions and feeling, and in the back of my head I was praying. I was praying that the officer would be all right. Nobody — including those of us who work in news — wants to hear that an officer doing his job was shot and killed.

News trickled in, as it normally does when a situation is developing. Bits and pieces come in one at a time, and not necessarily in the order that you want. We had heard reports through second-hand information of what was going on, but when you work in journalism, you can't just report what John Smith told you that a friend told him who has a friend at the hospital who told him.

But in the back of your mind, underneath the pilot's hat, you know that it's true. And it's everything you can do to fight back the emotions and work as objectively as possible to retrieve information in a chaotic space when your heart wants to grieve. The first responders need to do their due diligence. The investigators need to take a first look at a scene when it's hot. The leaders need to take control and provide a calm, but firm voice.

And it's up to the media to be part of that leadership. I realize that information is not always calming, but it is part of our job to sound the alarm and let you know that something is going on, to act as a bridge that is made up of solid building materials.

It's my job to make sure the information that I am putting out there is not only timely, but right.

It's my job to make sure that this officer's story gets told right the first time.

His life is far too precious, it's worth far too much for me to put a half-hearted effort into anything less. After all, he just gave his life for me and the community at large. How can I do anything less?

So I kept my heart firmly next to my pilot's hat.

I owed him no less.

Real-time editor Judy Mendoza works on the digital desk where she focuses on content management, social media and SEO strategy for the

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