Nut jokes

82 jokes about nuts


The sad life a penis: "I only have one eye, my hair is a mess, my skin is wrinkly, and my relatives are nuts, my neighbor is an asshole and my best friend’s a cunt!"

8     → Joke

How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut.

1     → Joke

What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?


37     → Joke

The 5 worst things about being a penis is ...

1. You have a hole in your head.
2. Your best friend is a cunt.
3. Your next door neighbors are 2 nuts and an asshole.
4. Every time you get excited you throw up.
5. You always are wearing a collar.

64     → Joke

Broccoli, "I look like a small tree."

Mushroom, "I look like an umbrella."

Walnut, "I look like a brain."

Banana, "Can we please change the topic?"

6     → Joke

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