The Truest Sign of Maturity

It isn’t that he is suddenly full of useful information:

#5: Did you know that you can die from shopping? Yeah, if you stay there too long. This is why you should always shop in a place that has a food court.

It isn’t that he went from this:

#5 in the Mustang

To this:


It’s that his zings are getting better:

Me, ranting in a stage whisper: I swear, everyone in this house must be allergic to the dishwasher. How soon they forget the dark days before we lived in a house with a dishwasher. Maybe I should ban it for the summer.

#5: Hey, Julie?

Me: What!

#5: Can I get an epi-pen?

Me: Why on God’s green earth do you want an epi-pen?

#5: Because I’m allergic to the dishwasher.


#1, to #5: So when are you going to get a girlfriend?

#5: When are you going to move out?


During our drive to Indiana over Thanksgiving, the only boy (besides Jack the dog) in a car full of girls:

#5: Why are all these fields empty?

#1: Because nothing grows in the winter, doofus.

#5: Your back hair does.


22 thoughts on “The Truest Sign of Maturity

  1. I worked in shopping centres for 10 years and I swear to you that you can die in them. Or at least your soul can. Thank goodness for McDonalds

  2. Sarcasm is an art, not something easily taught. It can only be nurtured in the next generation. After all, they are the future. Teach him well, and let him lead the way.

  3. #5 sounds fun. Like the kind that makes moms want to punch themselves but is hilarious to everyone else around. Like when my 2 year old yelled out, “I like alcohol (referring to rubbing alcohol we used to clean a wound)! It makes me feel better!” Yep. Me, too, son. Me, too.



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