Monday, October 12, 2009

Funny Bone Monday

Welcome to Funny Bone Monday! Today's is birthday humor. I'll be the meaning of life for an entire year. Woot!

A: "What's eating you?"

It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. 'Oh, I don't know ,' she said . 'Just give me something with diamonds. That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.

Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.



"When's your birthday?"
"July 23."
"What year?"
"Every year!"


Q: Did you hear about the dancer's birthday?
A: It was a tappy one!

"My birthday's coming"
Do you know what I need?"
"Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?"

Q: What did one candle say to the other?
A: "Don't birthdays burn you up?"

Q: "Were any famous men born on your birthday?"
A: "No, only little babies."

Q: How can you tell that you're getting old?


Q: Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
A: Because people kept toasting him!

  • All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.

  • At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

  • Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

  • Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.


  • It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.


  • It takes twice as long to look half as good.


  • No one expects you to run into a burning building.


  • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.


  • The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

  • The pharmacist has become you new best friend.

  • There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

  • Things you buy now won't wear out.


  • When happy hour is a nap.

  • When you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.


  • You and your teeth don't sleep together.

  • You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
These gems were found here


You Are Old, Father William

by Lewis Carroll

'And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head --

'I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again.'

And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Pray, what is the reason of that?'

'I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment - one shilling the box -
Allow me to sell you a couple?'

For anything tougher than suet;
Pray, how did you manage to do it?'

And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life.'

That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose -
What made you so awfully clever?'

Said his father, 'don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you downstairs!'


If there are 23 people in a room, there's a 50% chance that two of them will share a birthday (it's been proven mathematically).


Q. What was the average age of a cave man?
A. Stone Age!

Q. What goes up and never comes down?
A. Your age!

Q. What party game do rabbits like to play?
A. Musical Hares!

A. Thanks. I'll never part with it!

Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.

It's not about age, it's about attitude.









Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.

When is your birthday?
17th January.
What year?
Every year!

Here are some more great birthday jokes:

Grandma, is it exciting being 99?
It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.

Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards?
The stamps kept falling off the rocks!

Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
In a cat-alogue!

Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?
He wanted to have a birthday potty!

Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!

What does a clam do on his birthday?
He shellabrates!

Where would you learn to make ice cream?
At sundae school.


What is the left side of a birthday cake?
The side that's not eaten.

A. No, they both burn shorter!

Q. Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
A. Because it was feeling crumby!

Q. What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
A. Angel food cake!

What did one candle say to the other?
"Don't birthdays burn you up?"

Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!


Found these here

The kids showed me this vid this weekend and now I want to watch them all!

Oh, and here's the humor:

Until I write again ...



Marguerite said...

Hope you had a happy day! I did get you a card. Just haven't sent it yet. :(

Mental P Mama said...

From one well adjusted woman to another: Hope it was a good one!

Trisha said...

Flea! I missed your birthday! I also just missed you! Hope it was a super one!

♥georgie♥ said...

How did I miss your Bday?!?
Hope it was all that and MORE!!!!

Ellyn said...

Hope you had a fabulous birthday.

Karen said...

Mini-van paddy wagon......LOL!

I hope this is your best year yet Flea. Happy Birthday!