'Married At First Sight' recap, Episode 26: Martha's tattoo removal and the return of Ivan

By Áine Ryan|

With the grooms' homestays done, the Married At First Sight men in the experiment have packed their bags to see what life is like on the other side. Spare a thought for Mick, who is the only groom who has to travel from the Sydney apartments for five hours to Western Australia, while almost everyone else is a 45-minute plane ride or less away. As if he hasn't been punished enough.

Jules & Cam

During Jules' homestay, she takes Cam clay shooting. And her efforts aren't great.

This is particularly frustrating for Jules because she considers herself to be normally quite good. So when Cam outshines her and even offers her advice, she gets kinda mad.

Not even this fun outfit can lighten the mood.

'Oh, did I not tell you I live in the English countryside in the 1930s?' (Nine)

Jessika & Mick

In Jess' hometown of Perth, Mick has a cunning plan.

"I'll be doing minimal bulls--- as I can get away with until she writes leave. I'll do me hardest to sabotage the home visit and make an absolute tit of myself so she has to write leave," he says.

Proving his dedication to the cause, Mick literally disappears.

He leaves Jess' home to get away from her and Jess takes the opportunity to call Dan to make sure he's still on board with whatever their... thing is.

While on the phone to him, Jess tells Dan, "We share a lot of the same values and memories for the future."

The face you make when you say something dumb. (Nine)

While on the phone to each other, Dan tells Jess that he felt sorry for the way she was confronted by other participants for wanting to stay in the experiment during the most recent commitment ceremony. He tells her he wanted to jump in and defend her, and Jess is lovesick by this hypothetical action which... definitely didn't occur.

I remember how much I swooned when my boyfriend told me he wanted to take me on a whirlwind trip to Paris... but he didn't. So hypothetically romantic.

Dan hangs up and tells Tamara he was on the phone with an insurance company. Coincidentally, his conversation with Jess was about as interesting as a chat with an insurance company.

Jess' stepdad and sister come over for lunch and Jess kindly tells them what Mick has been saying about them behind their backs. Saying it in the first instance was disgusting, but repeating it is totally fine. It's very awkward, but everyone leaves unscathed. Jess also tells her sister that she's into another guy in the experiment.

Heidi & Mike

For the entire 30 seconds that they're on screen, Heidi and Mike argue about the right way to peel garlic. So that's where their relationship is at.

Martha & Michael

We learn that Martha has a tattoo on her butt. It's a love heart with her ex-boyfriend's name. When will the government change the law to stop people getting relationship tattoos? I've been lobbying for years.

As a token of her feelings for Michael, she gets the tattoo removed.

Ning & Mark

Ning takes Mark to have lunch with her friends and it's a highly emotional one. She tells Mark and her friends that she feels like damaged goods, and Mark comforts her. Her friends convince her that Mark's a good guy and that she needs to start giving him a proper chance.

Susie & Billy

If Billy was expecting romance at Susie's homestay, he was sorely mistaken. Susie immediately makes him pick up her dog's poop.

'Neither I or Target deserve to be treated like this.' (Nine)

This will not be helping Billy's theory that she treats him worse than a dog. If she makes him cut the dog's nails I think he may as well do a runner.

Tamara & Dan

After Dan's secret phone call with Jess, Tamara takes Dan for a picnic and it gives him fuzzy feels. He begins to wonder if maybe hitting up Jess this early in the experiment was a mistake. YOU THINK, DAN?!!!!!!!

Side note: do people really go on picnics this often? Should I be doing more picnics? Does it count if you order Uber Eats and eat it on the carpet?

Cyrell & Nic

Cyrell takes Nic home to her parents' house in Sydney. Cyrell's mum does the most mum thing ever and makes Cyrell and Nic sleep in separate beds for their stay. No funny business in Cyrell's mum's house!

They've invited Cyrell's siblings around for a barbecue, and everyone is nervous because of Ivan -- Cyrell's very outspoken brother. And they should be.

Cyrell and Nic are pretty open about the ups and downs in their relationship and Ivan isn't impressed.

"The way I see things with the both of you, I think both you guys go separate ways," says Ivan, who seems to think he is the fourth Bad Cop expert. They could probably use a more pessimistic voice, but I don't think Ivan's the guy for it.

Later, Cyrell takes Ivan aside and tells the story about the leg touching rumour about Jess and Nic that Martha told. She tells Ivan that she believes Nic didn't touch Jess in a romantic away, but that her issue with him is that he didn't have her back during her confrontation with Martha.

"I just don't think you are made for each other," Ivan tells his sister. "He's not defending you in any way knowing that he's the one that's caused all these issues. You shouldn't be treated like that, Cy. I think you're wasting your time with him. I won't allow this to go past me."

Ivan then promptly tells Nic to "stay the f--- away" from Cyrell.

"Grab your s--- and pretty much just f--- off," Ivan says.

Ivan is available to be the celebrant at your next wedding. If you'd like to hire Ivan to sink your marriage before it's begun, just call 1800-F***OFF!



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