Friday, January 25, 2013

Juicageddon Day 2, 3 & 4 - Or, How I Almost Died

O.k., obviously I'm not dead. {unless I'm a highly dexterous Zombie who's fingers have not yet atrophied).

But I was almost dead!

Well, not so much.. But, if you think about it, we could die at any time - it's not something you can actually predict. So, yeah....

Perhaps the truth is that I was no where near death, but might have 'felt' like I was. A smidgen.

And so, today's post will be to tell y'all how my Juicing challenge is going to hell in a hand basket, like the express bullet train to hell. 

Day 2 was fine, I went through the day feeling hungry, but physically doing o.k. I was run down, feeling a bit tired, but nothing that slowed me down too much.

My breakfast and lunch consisted of:
Sweet potato

This was THE tastiest juice yet! I really liked it, but alas did not save any for Hubbypants to try. Sorry, Hubbypants. Love you!

I'll skip the rest of the juices I made, because it's B.O.R.I.N.G. Other than to say, don't juice Swiss chard, unless you enjoy drinking things that taste like lawn clippings that turned to the dark side or holding your nose while you drink. I'm still gagging just thinking about it.

I started feeling a bit run down the evening of day 2 and ended up slogging through day 3. I stuck to the plan of just juice, but the night of Day 3 did me in.  While sitting on the couch, playing on my laptop, I felt as if my brain did a reboot - things got twirly, as if a giant troll picked up my house, spun it around quickly and set it back down. I had to go to bed after that. (let's note, here, that Hubbypants has been doing perfectly fine...the bastard...Love you oodles, sweet of my heart).  

The morning of Day 4, still feeling a bit woozy, found me inhaling three heapinglyginromouslyhumungous soup spoon size bites of leftover soup before leaving for an appointment. Said appointment took much longer than I expected, so I was HON-GRAY by the time I got home. I then whipped up some juice for lunch, which...I think...actually evaporated before it hit my stomach. The run down feeling, achy tummy and blah feeling persisted, so I ate two heapinglyginromouslyhumungous spoonfuls of peanut butter. I didn't even care about potential gluten cross contamination - shoveled that shit right into my mouth. At least it was a smaller spoon than I used for the soup. (have you ever noticed how much peanut butter you can fit on a little spoon? I'm equally adept with Nutella). I drank my dinner juice, thought I was doing fine, until that sneaky woozy feeling started to come on. So, I said, "Screw it", and had more soup. Slightly more than the morning, but certainly NOT what a normal person would consider a serving. Poor Hubbypants, I sat right next to him while I ate it. It might have been a passive/aggressive attempt at getting back at him for doing so well.

How well IS he doing, you ask?

Oh, he's doing fine. Dandy, even. He isn't even feeling hungry. It is merely because I love him so dearly and that we don't have enough life insurance on him to keep me in the princess lifestyle I've grown accustomed to that I don't kill him in his sleep.

To round out my rapid descent into Hell is the glasses glass (singular...that's my story, sticking to it) of tequila I sipped last night. Apparently, soup is a gateway food. What? I just enrolled my daughter in the homeschooling program through our school district. She's in 9th grade, so it isn't like the work is easy. Did I mention that I'm the 'teacher' according to the district. You would deny me tequila?, you would not.

Besides, tequila is 'natural'. It is 100% agave after all. I think that is considered a vegetable, right? A vegetable that has, for all practical purposes, been juiced...and fermented. Fermented stuff is good for you.

Anywhooo...I'm going to wrap up with some thoughts, because all the stuff above didn't involve any brain power - pretty much like most of my blog posts.
  • Juicing is a pain in the ass.
  • Juicing takes a huge amount of effort as well as produce.
  • Planning is super important for anyone planning to bring juice to work. Hubbypants needed a breakfast juice AND a lunch juice, plus a snack juice. 
  • We FAILED on planning a snack juice. Big time. 
  • Everyone is different, but for us we should have been drinking AT LEAST 4-5 twenty ounce glasses of juice. AT LEAST. To get enough calories to not feel woozy and out of sorts, I think closer to 30 ounces per juice would have been wise. Hubbypants did fine on 3-4 sixteen ounce juices a day, but I did not. 
  • I got sick of juicing, the actual preparing of the juice, 2 days ago. Too much work for a long period of time.
  • Ease back into solid food with small, nutritious meals. Going the veggie route for a couple of days is probably the best choice. You certainly wouldn't want to cancel out all the effort of several days of fasting in one meal!
Yes, I would do it again. My experience with our very first fast will help me prepare much better for future fasts. I'll certainly plan to juice double the amount to make sure we are getting enough calories. Losing weight is great, but losing it from severe calorie deprivation isn't good, since it will likely come flooding back. I'm going to work really hard to keep off most, if not all, of the 9 pounds I lost this week.

Also, I do think juice (or even green smoothie) fasts are great. It is a challenge to disengage ourselves from food and can also help us gain a bit of control over cravings. If the volume of work, or buying a juicer scares you, there are purchasing prepared juices (and not just a giant jug of orange juice).

Whatever you do, understand how much you should consume, what the side effects might be and to listen to your body. I did, but fell short.

That's it, my descent into hell is complete. I'm not unhappy about it, I'm pretty sure I was destined to live eternity there anyway.

p.s. You may have noticed there is no day 5. Shut up, someone will hear you. I'm hoping no one else notices.
p.p.s. The chicken sausage and egg I ate this morning was practically orgasmic.
p.p.p.s. Hubbypants is STILL sticking to plan. Because he is awesome, a natural at it even.
p.p.p.p.s. I hate him just a little bit.


  1. You may want to check for ketchup around his collar. He may be stepping out on his juices for afternoon McDonald's quickies. Just sayin'. ;)

    1. With my hubbypants it is unlikely to be ketchup and more likely to be pizza sauce from the pizza bread of our favorite happy hour establishment. I'm going to have to kiss him big when he gets home to test his breath.

  2. Still considering it! I have friends who do juice cleanses periodically, and while I like the *idea* of it, I have a fast metabolism and have proven eminently successful at sugar-crashing all on my own. I don't want to think about how much juice I would have to drink to keep up. Now, a milkshake fast? That I could do. Especially if they were chocolate milkshakes. Oooh, or chocolate HAZELNUT milkshakes!!! I could call them fat-enhanced smoothies and make them with all-natural French vanilla ice cream and Dutch-process chocolate... *swoons*

    1. I honestly have no idea what my metabolism is. It is technically in a hypo state, because I have no thryoid. thyroid medication dose is high (so, chemically hyper) to prevent cancer recurrence. So, I'm in a weird state. I did some serious crashing (not too serious, but you know what I mean) and found that I need solid food or something more than just veggie/fruit juice. I'm all for natural, bring on the milkshakes! I wonder if I could swirl nutella in them?

    2. Healthy fats from the hazelnuts, mood regulating effects from the chocolate, all that relaxing calcium in the milk.... Nutella must be the most healthiest food on the planet. The perfect additive to a nutritive-enhanced milkshake-I-mean-smoothie.

    3. A Moothie! It's perfect!

  3. I suspect Hubbypants is eating solids while at work.

    1., not him. He took this challenge seriously and didn't 'cheat'. I guess because we really didn't approach it as a challenge. He knew he could eat at any time, which may be why he didn't need to - mentally allowing himself the option made it easier for him to get through the week.

  4. Maybe next time add a scoop or two of protein powder with the veggies might help a little? I have no clue if protein powder is GF or can be found that way but it might help prevent the crashing next time. Just a thought.

    I'm so impressed you held out as long as you did! Yaaaay you!

    1. Hi! I did think about protein powder, but I wanted this to be completely veggie/fruit juice with no additives. I do think I would do better with MORE calories. Also, I'm going to adapt it to include veggie soups with homemade broth, so I'll get the protein that way as well. It was a good lesson and a great way to reboot, I learned much! Thanks for stopping by~

  5. I have heard about juicing. I don't know if i could survive the juice apocolypse. I tip my hat to you!!! Go girl!!!

    1. It takes a hearty soul, of which I am not...apparently. But, I'm glad I tried it!