American Doublethink

Democracy is the best political system. I’m glad the courts threw out that voter initiative.


Discrimination is wrong. We need hiring and admissions quotas to correct past injustices.


I care about the poor. Let’s raise cigarette, sales, and gas taxes.


I believe in charity. We need to collect more tax money for assistance programs.


The war is evil, but I support our troops.


A volunteer army victimizes the poor. We should conscript the troops.


I would never assault someone just because they are doing something I don’t care for. I’ll call the police instead.


Slavery is wrong! The draft is necessary.


I believe in freedom. There ought to be a law against that!


My personal life is my own business. People should be made to accept my lifestyle.


Everyone should be equal. I am a special and unique individual.


I vote for the democrats because the rich have too much power over us!


I vote for the republicans because I want leaders with integrity!


Could you imagine how bad the political system would be if we didn’t have public education to make people into knowledgeable voters?


We need to keep publicly funding college so that tuition rates remain affordable.


Only white people are racists.


The meaning of the written constitution should change with the times.


The second amendment was meant for militias. Militias are full of crazy people and should be illegal.


My second amendment rights should be preserved in case we need to rebel against the government that controls the largest military in the history of the world. I have a right to my assault rifle. What? Who would actually need a tank?


The American education system is the worst in the world. Public education is what we need more than anything.


The poor are worthy of respect and admiration. We can’t give them direct aid in the form of cash because they would spend it on drugs.


Home ownership is an important part of the American dream. We need to make it easier for people to get 30 year variable rate mortgages so they can live in homes they might eventually own.


I believe in freedom of expression. There should be a law against burning the flag.


I believe in freedom of speech. Ban the word “bossy.”


Supporting the arts is important. Yes, we’ll pay you $15,000 in tax money for a crucifix in a bottle of your own urine.


Women are equal to men in every way. Can you open this jar? I can’t reach that. Can you help me change my tire? He didn’t hold the door for me. Chivalry is dead.


That dude is such a pimp! God, she’s such a slut!


Guns are evil. We should send policemen to take them away.


The government needs to regulate or administer directly public utilities and common carriers, otherwise they will become monopolies and gouge the consumer. Hold on, let me answer this text real quick. And check my facebook.


I can dress however I want. Stop raping me with your eyes!


Video games can affect kids’ attitudes toward sex and violence. Why would I keep my child from watching the Avengers? It’s harmless fantasy.


I heard on CNN that there is a correlation between watching TV and being obese.


Vaccines are just a money-making racket created by big pharma. Excuse me, I need to refill my Xanax prescription.


The inheritance tax is important. It isn’t fair that some people are born with huge inherit advantage over others. Shaquille O’Neil is my favorite basketball player.

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