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When you said you weren’t coming
I got that empty mouth heart sinking
into the pit of my stomach asking
what the point is
then I couldn’t feel anything
past the rush of blood in my ears
the uneasy lump in my throat hiding
behind the armored tone of my voice
still speaking
as if nothing were amiss
as if I’d barely noticed
when for a moment
my world stood still frozen
like a perfect picture broken
a crime without a scene
and the anxiety of being seen
outweighed the pro’s of saying
something, anything
about what you mean to me

In the gaze of my beloved
with eyes of inner shadow
I’ve glimpsed the face of the god
eho presides over my soul
I am learning to hear
the dawn’s chorus
melting inner fear
the song of Horus
tuning to the Seer
who thus spake
the long road home
wish I could read
how far it goes

She looks at me with eyes
like sunset that’s touched
what I’ve dared not
and lost to the day’s end
and now is so over it
come what may
but she says you better
not let this slip
or you’ll regret it the rest
of your life
because you only get one
Mama, you need to heal
so if it comes up
give it up
it’s just a roomkey

My eyes crossed looking
for the real in surreal
past the rose tinting
I prefer it here squinting
in your spotlight anonymously
too many just see what seems
then apply the pressure of their needs
and what’s wild and unconfined in me seeks
restlessly to give meaning
endlessly the secret of the teaching
to the why it exists
where it takes me daily
and why it’s you and me
the scraps of white paper
I threw out there like tiny
flags of respite posing for peace
waving their ironic poetry
like justice prevailing
over the Machiavellian me
that only you evoke so clear
rising from beneath
my paradox visibly deep
even though you have only seen
a very few sides of me
over the transitioning years
with your sideline cheers
it’s enough catharsis to breathe
into the alchemy of suffering
releasing the capacity
for unparalleled devotion
unspoken but free
there is no thing
to release