Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 190,988,180 Issue: 590 | 12th day of Eating, Y15

The Eight Least Appetizing Sandwiches In Neopia

by silvercomet23


Are your Neopets looking to gross out their friends, enemies, and anyone in a one-mile radius? One of the easiest ways to do so is to fly, bounce, run, swim or slither (or whatever it is that Hissi's do) to your nearest sandwich shop and grab a sub that's sure to insight a case of the heebie-jeebies. Not all of these sandwiches are listed are 'gross' but simply looking at them makes you want to scream to the almighty Neopets Team to update their description to "nausea-inducing'. I warn you and your pets, approach these items enclosed in bread (in most cases) with caution and some Flat-u-less Tablets if you're feeling risky.

8. Stake Sandwich

"Where is the meat? Oh. I get it."

I know how important it is to get your daily serving of iron, but this seems a little extreme. This 'sandwich' is void of any meat, cheese or any food for that matter. If your pet manages to get this hunk of metal past their mouth, I would be particularly worried about this sandwiches green-and-brown-spotted bread and questionable red ooze. Is it fair to even call this monstrosity a sandwich? It should simply be labeled as a choking hazard. If your pet gets a hold of this one, encourage them to seek out another way to get their iron, perhaps in a way that won't scar and scratch their delicate throats as it goes down!

7. Sandy Sandwich

"Just like a sandwich, only this time we use sand rather than bread!"

This item's description excitingly states that bread has been ignored in lieu of that wonderful stuff that gets stuck between your toes at the beach. I don't think that's particularly noteworthy... I think bread works perfectly fine in a sandwich (I know, call me crazy). I can't imagine that sand brings much in terms of taste or texture, so I have no idea what or who could find this stomachable. My pets and I will pass in having sand in our teeth (at least my pets that have teeth).

6. Mystery Meat Sandwich

"The most frightening thing about this sandwich is where Enda got the meat from..."

Ahhh! Edna, why? On first glance this 'wich gets a go ahead from me: it looks like a yummy sub with at least two types of meat and a yellow cheese, enclosed in a poppy-seed(?) sub bun. But then I read the description and quickly whacked this away from my pets' hands. Mystery meat?! We all know that Edna is older than meaty cheese and I'm starting to believe that her old mind is torturing us with this sub. I don't want to know what her choice of meat was, and I can assure you all that my pets won't know either. There are too many options of what the protein source is, and I'm content to sticking with sandwiches that have identifiable sources, like the classic Mega Meat Sandwich.

5. Knuckle Sandwich

"Extra crunchy toenails make this food a delight to eat."

This sandwich brings a new meaning to 'sticking your foot in your mouth". I'm sure that most of us requested this item on playgrounds long ago, and now it's available in eatable form at the Haunted Fairground... Hooray? I don't know whose foot is encased in an odd mucus-green, pita-like bread, but I am content in not knowing. Furthermore, how one obtains "extra-crunchy toenails" is something that I will leave to those who inhabit the Fairground. I think most of us would be content with donating this rather than feeding this "delight to eat" to our beloved pets.

4. Gruel Sandwich

"Two pieces of bread with a generous helping of gruel inside them"

Does anyone even know what gruel tastes like? I hope no one truly understands what makes up this phlegm-looking 'food' because it genuinely creeps me out. The bread itself looks fine, besides the slight discoloring that the gruel has apparently soaked though. I think this sandwich would make a better disease attractor than bedtime snack, and I encourage you to take the same viewpoint.

3. Ham and Hair Sandwich

"This hammy treat is a special favorite of Gargon IV. This one even has special slime on the top for extra flavour!"

One look at this monstrosity is enough to send even the hungriest Skeith sprinting away! Oh Gargon IV, I'm sure you would call your palette 'unique' and 'cultured', but I would just call it revolting. Trying to feed this to one of my pets resulted in her saying, "yuck! I'm not eating one of those!" and I don't think I've ever been prouder of my darling baby Pteri. Normally finding a single hair in your food at a restaurant would be reason for a full refund and an excuse for a hissy fit. But this behemoth throws caution into the wind and just tosses a couple handfuls of the stuff between two buns and tops it off with what looks like a sneeze from a particularly congested day. I'll pass, thank you.

2. Gnorbu Wool and Jelly Sandwich

"This jelly sandwich is made with wool bread."

Another sandwich that forsakes bread... why? My pets and I are perfectly fine with bread! Although this is adorable with its Gnorbu face made out of various vegetables and the slight bit of food-based drool, I can't call this food a sandwich. I don't see meat, bread or cheese! What is between the tufts of 'wool bread' looks like drool, and that certainly doesn't make me drool for one. Also, what is 'wool bread' exactly? Some poor Gnorbu is out there, feeling a little less covered thanks to this gross creation. Call me old-fashioned, but I think it's okay to eat a sandwich that doesn't make me feel nauseated just looking at it.

1. Dung Cream Sandwich

"Well I guess you have to do something with all that dung!"

I don't have anything to say for this one. I understand that there is a ton of dung in Neopia, but eating it should never, ever, ever be even the slightest option of what us Neopians should do with it.

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