And so it goes…







The weekend before last, I wrote about feeling lost because She has unfollowed and blocked me on Instagram. Yesterday, I believe it became clear-er why she did that. From some things that were said here and there, it would seem that she was rather upset seeing me relaxing with my friends and playing Cards Against Humanity enough that She, being impulsive, decided to take that out of her feed. Apparently, She misses hanging out and having fun with me. Well… Isn’t that something 7

Day 50. Picking Up.




I have got to stop doing that!




Day 46. My Version Of Cutting?

I should have let my knee and my wrist more time to rest but instead the innate force of familial responsibility has overcome my soul and I went to help my mother with her garden. So three hours later, after spending that time digging up clay and on my knees digging out dandelions.

Me remembering Her is my equivalent of self-harming, cutting. My memories of Her are like dandelions, spreading their roots everywhere through my subconscious, unable to be removed without leaving pieces of themselves around and sprouting back up just when I think they are gone. One accidental glimpse of her life and I am reduced to a quivering puddle of snot and tears. How long can this torture go on? I can’t breathe, my pulse is racing so hard that every heartbeat is a deafening noise in my ears, my blood feels like it is boiling hot in my veins, my mind is on fire.

I need to stop! This has to stop!

Standing Fast.



The time stops.




What if… If only…
I don’t know anything any more.


I listen to music and I think of you.
I run away but my mind stays.
So I stop here that is nowhere.
I fall to my knees and scream into the void.
I try to eat but food has lost its taste.
I am yours and yours alone, my love.