Category Archives: Telemachus

Too wimpy to get even without help

Imaginary Friends And Fantasy Lovers





Go ahead and regale me with tales of tail.



Could Clytemnestra Contract Chlamydia Chewing Gum?

She would have to be coordinated enough to do more than walk while chewing gum.

Ted must be short for Agamemnon, and Barbara must a nickname for Cassandra.

Clytemnestra being a Greek wouldn’t have liked Trojans.

Wrigleys wasn’t around back then although chicle was. But that was half a world away. And it was similar to latex. If that was a problem for her she might be more likely to get chlamydia. And chlamydia is from the GREEK meaning “Cloak” so see what can happen if you don’t wear a raincoat in the shower.

And you thought history was boring.

Satyrical Post; Do Onions Affect Nymph Loads


Curiosity has me wondering what kind of responses I would get if I left this as a one word post.

Nymphs are supposed to be female demigods so “Their” loads could refer a load of nymphs {how many nymphs can dance on the head of a penis}. It could refer to the loads inspired by them, either by quantity, or by quantity, or by quality. Quantity could refer to the number of loads donated. Quantity could refer to the number of donors.
Quantity could refer to the size of each donation.
Quantity could even refer to the number of donations per donor.

And then there is quality. Do you REALLY want to go there? Stay hydrated.

Are you SURE you really really want to go there?

Before 1970, yes 1970, ancient history to some, ancient history in terms of modern porn, yesterday to older folks, a second ago in the history of humans with porn, the term “Bukkake” referred to a method of cooking noodles by splashing them with hot water. It was a verb. Perhaps a re-verb if done more than once by musicians. Curious trains of thought derail and ask the question, I wonder if anybody has added cornstarch to loads to make real noodles? Some fake loads were made using egg whites and cornstarch. Raw, of course, actresses often grimaced when holding the mixture in their mouth.

Onion, a pungent tuber know for tricking readers, particularly enjoyed if they trick news people. I used to date a woman that always complained that I ate too many onions before a date. I would try brushing and mouthwash right before the date, but then I think she knew BECAUSE of the mouthwash. Years later, my wife would hate when I would pick a chive growing in the yard and eat it before kissing.


Another Link In The Chain








Maybe I should go fishing instead?


Cetaceans Vs Crustaceans, Prawn Wars for the Krill of it

Not much of a war really, the cetaceans have a whale of a time, and the krill are tiny. A really big one would be…., oh, a Jumbo Shrimp. That’s an oxymoron. I can’t help wondering if idiots aflame would have the same impact. When the lightbulb breaks the filament oxidizes rapidly and the ideas fade to darkness.

It is better to light a single candle than curse the darkness. The final panel of that Peanuts strip was black with Lucy saying, “Stupid Darkness.” Thank You Mr Schultz.

In times of doubt and uncertainty, one should reflect on the absolutes of life.

I refer to death and taxes

A Trivial Incivility

Okay, what’s the deal with the 22 cal rimfire cartridges? I have a feeling some of you would tell me it’s a conspiracy. The government is buying up all the ammo. Yeah I’ve heard that before. REALLY? How much ammo can the big companies produce? Ya think the Guvmint is gonna buy it all? I can find plenty of centerfire ammo. The government isn’t buying all of that. Maybe it’s a conspiracy to get people to buy bigger guns. I’m not real big on conspiracy theories. It’s kind of like conspiracies to commit grand crimes. Someone always talks. That’s why grand conspiracies don’t work. But you never know they might be willing to sell you a map to buried pirate treasure. One-Eyed Willie sailed away at the end of Goonies.

Last time I checked you could buy a black powder replica kit without filling out any paperwork. It’s not a firearm until you assemble it. Some people might scoff at a revolver or a pepperbox. You only get one shot with that muzzle loader. Well yeah maybe you only NEED one shot. They worked pretty well in the Civil War. I would consider it incivility to shoot at someone, even with a muzzle loader. Maybe a cordial war would be nicer. Cordials are alcoholic beverages, even if they did shoot they would be less likely to hit their target after a few cordials.

Belle Boyd was not a Hooker. Hookers were the ladies following Gen. Fightin’ Joe Hooker. I had heard of hookers before. Actually Jay Leno used to do a segment with 911 calls. This obviously drunk guy calls 911 and says there are people playing horseshoes in his back yard and they won’t leave. The dispatcher asks him if he knows who they are. “Yes, they’re Hookers.” The dispatcher says she’ll send someone over. A little later the cop calls dispatch. “The guy with people playing horseshoes in his back yard, their last name is Hooker.” Belle Boyd was a Confederate spy. I had heard that she would seduce Union Officers and then get information from them and relay it south. She was captured, jailed, traded for other prisoners, captured again, then released. Now I may have been listening to a conspiracy nut, but I did hear that she spied for the Union to get her freedom the second time. I might be wholly wrong in that. Wiki says I’m wrong. In any case…

I’m not gonna worry about it.

When this song came out in the 80’s they played it TO DEATH. I didn’t think I would ever want to hear it again.


Contempt Of Court And Other Dating Hazards

“Froggy went a courtin’ He did ride uh-huh.” Woo Coo, I mean ribbet. Language changes in the strangest ways. Sometimes it’s even weirder when it stays the same.

If you don’t like tennis is it contempt of court?

If you date someone for rational reasons does that mean you’re using carbon-14 to find out how old they are?

Why is Sue on the courts so much?

If you take a deposition from someone do you depose them? This one was actually in the local paper. It really bugged me when the reporter said they deposed some witness. Really? When did he take power?

When chemists form a labor organization and reduce free electrons how do they pronounce Unionize?

How do Bill collectors get money from people not named William?

My day is off to a roaring start, so sayeth Leo