Sunday, May 13, 2007

How Long?

The Wife asked me a question yesterday afternoon that I had never thought about.

But it may need a little background first. And setup.

Back in December -- five months ago to the day, in fact -- our oldest granddaughter lost her grandmother. One of them, anyway. Her father's mother.

Now, the little girl thought the world of her "Granny." And she of the granddaughter.

Yesterday -- five months to the day after her passing -- there was a big Mother's Day cookout over at the granddaughter's house.

Following a death in the family, there's always going to be all the "firsts." You know, first Christmas since she died. First birthday since she died. First Valentine's Day since she died. First this, first that. All those dates and events that happen within the first year following a death.

Yesterday was the first Mother's Day since the little girl's Granny died.

Still, the little girl's father -- the son of the woman who died in December -- invited his father to the cookout. It was the first Mother's Day since "Granny" had died.

The widower came.

And brought his new girlfriend. And her son.

There were some uncomfortable moments there. I wasn't there for all of them. But I was there for some of them. The silences. The looks.

It's human nature. I'm not criticizing those that thought that perhaps it was "a little too soon."

But, neither am I going to criticize the recent widower for "not waiting long enough."

I don't know how long "long enough" is. I don't know when it's no longer "too soon."

And if I did, so what? It's not my life. It's his. He doesn't need my approval. And he shouldn't care if I approve or don't.

There are people that wait years and years and years. There are some situations where folks wonder how long someone will take to get over a death. He's obviously not one of those people.

Still, all in all, it's up to him how long is "long enough." It's not a question for me.

Or it wasn't.

You see, that's the setup.

The Wife asked me how long I'd wait after ... and her voice trailed off.

I made a joke. One in really bad taste. And one I can't really tell here. Oh, you'd get it. But to get the full effect, it'd take a really long setup. And I'm not going to spend the time setting it up.

The point is, I didn't answer the question. I deflected it with a joke.

I've never thought about how long I'd wait if ...

Because I don't want to think about it.


  1. I think the last 2 lines would've been a perfect answer! But yeah, you can get into alot of trouble answering those type of questions! heh

  2. Not a fair question to ask ... but one we wives sometimes ask (sigh).

  3. I know what you mean. It's hard to truly understand the word "unthinkable" until you are either married or have a child.

  4. Was it the golfer joke? When the wife asks if he would let her use my clubs? ...and the guy says, "No, she's left handed?"

    Sorry Mrs. Basil. That joke is hilarious.

  5. Tony: That would have been much better than the response I gave, because I would have been the butt of the joke. Then again, I'd've had to watch my butt for some time after saying that.

  6. Quite frankly, you don't have to answer that. You don't have to think about that. And that question was as out of line as any joke you might have spouted off.

    I'm sure that man had a friendship with the new woman before and this was only natural. I'll be that she was also friends with the decedent. And it wouldn't surprise me a bit if the wife approves of that choice from her place in heaven.

    You are right on the money. That is that man's business.

  7. I can only go from experience. My wife died on April 26, 2004. Unexpectedly. My first date after was in August or September 2005. The trick for me is to live each day as if it's the last. That allows me the freedom to let the people around me know that they are important. And it makes me that much more dangerous and chicks dig the bad boys. Just saying.

