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Gender Carols

Inspired by Violet Baudelaire's question here, I set forth to write a gender carol. This one is a parody of Good King Wenceslaus, and it kind of took a turn for the weird as I wrote it, because suddenly I was making an effort to recuperate the image of the Biblical Jezebel for the purposes of making a point about something.

Um, so, yeah. Here it is. It's not very good, and I'm not even sure it qualifies as a gender carol, but yeah. I give you Good Queen Jezebel.


Good Queen Jezebel looked out
on the streets of Israel
when the crowd thronged all about
their hatred for her real
Sticks and stones did fly that night
for the host was cruel
Disgusted was she by the sight
they brayed like a mule

"Hither, page, and stand by me
and if thou know'st it, telling
yon brackish crowd, who they be,
wherefore they've left their dwellings?"
"Lady, they abhor your face,
your power womanly
they cry death for all your race,
and for rights manly."

"Bring me paper, bring me ink,
bring me stylus hither.
Thou and I will see them shrink
when we bear them thither."
Page and monarch forth they went
forth they went together
through the rude wind's wild lament
and the bitter weather

To the crowd presented they
a searing manifesto
refuting the cause MRA
and changing their minds—presto!
Or so it was the Queen did think,
but her words weren't heeded.
They chased her to the tower's brink
shouting "Your words aren't needed!


"To the kitchen, to my cock
or a fit we'll pitch!
Of manliness you've made a mock
feminist slut bitch!"
They threw her from the tower then
and damned her as she fell.
They shouted at her "#Notallmen!"
Patriarchy's Hell.

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