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NobleShadowHunter last won the day on March 27

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About NobleShadowHunter

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    The Queen of Crafty
  • Birthday 02/18/1995

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    The Mortal Plane of The Living

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  1. I just decided to put my HoK married to Ocato back into the Sims 3, and he's already fathered 5 children and made it to the top of the Culinary Career.  Ocato is Elven Chef Ramsay confirmed.

    1. AndalayBay
    2. NobleShadowHunter



      "Where's the MUTTON SAUCE?!?!?"


      "The fish is dying faster than Martin Septim!!!"

  2. Choices the Masquerade: Blood Bound

    So before I begin with the next chapter, I do have to go back and correct a jab I did earlier. For giggles, I went to see if there were any castles in the United States, and quite a few states do (Texas apparently has some, go figure). So yes, there are castles in New York. Go figure. Many have been converted to venues where you can book and host events like balls, reunions, weddings, while others function as museums or luxury hotels, complete with spas and restaurants. Now, why did I mention that last line? Because it raises a few more questions. Many of these castles, and castles across the US, are either open to the public or were at one point. A person can gather rudimentary information on these properties by doing a quick Google search, which begs the question: What is stopping a regular person within the universe of Blood Bound from finding out about French Vampire Child's castle? In order to build, he would need to purchase the land from the government first. He would also have to pay taxes as well under normal circumstances. But he hasn't aged in hundreds of years, so how was a child-looking vampire able to enter into an agreement for such a thing? I would assume someone else would have to legally be on the paper for the property while FVC would funnel the money to pay for expenses. Side note, where is he getting this money from? What does he do to generate income? He mentions when the group firsts arrives that he had the castle moved and built "brick by brick." That's a hell of a lot of money. Also, would that not raise some eyebrows somewhere? Dear Writers of the Story, for fuck's sake, what in the goddamn hell is the answer?! Let me guess, A Vampire Did It? Is that right? Is your writing so shit that you have to do the whole, "We wuz puppeet mahsterz" so you can handwave everything that's inconsistent? Vampire the Masquerade did this concept brilliantly. You got the sense that yes, Kindred society was pulling some strings on regular society, but it cost them something and it got progressively harder as time went on and modern technology developed. Remember LaCroix? How he would lose his shit every time you threatened the Masquerade? How when the Sabbat assaulted his building, they had to spin it to the media as a failed terrorist attack? How even though vampires had a hand in things, there was always this delicate balance of getting what they wanted and keeping things under wraps? It was literally the whole conflict between the Camerilla and the Sabbat, who consistantly say "Fuck the Masquerade, we're the dominate species here." VtM had tension, had characters with motivations, had characters that had to compromise in the short term to get what they wanted in the long haul. You could see and expect consequences for particular characters that chose to either go with the general consensus of "don't be stupid about things," and you did. Even the player could have this happen to them. You could get a non-standard Game Over for becoming a murderous bastard or a Masquerade violating idiot. Fucking Smilin' "My Humanity is Barely Above Lucita's" JACK even followed this and he's the one who responsible for the majority of the plot in Bloodlines. But here? It's hard to get invested, because the writers just make up fantastical nonsense as they go along. The care more about the spectacle than the substance of the story. They want that escapist fantasy that they can sell to any young 20-something who is bored with how dull their life is in a corporate setting, how they aren't experiencing the glories of [Insert Generic Big City Here] from the perspective of someone who can afford it, how they just want some wealthy, handsome bastard (or woman because EMX is an option too) who will treat them like royalty. Funny how Pixleberry will rag on the EVILS of capitalism and profit, but yet they know exactly who to market that shit to in order to make the most amount of money for themselves as a corporation. But back to the main point... There's no sense of urgency, no sense that actions carry consequence. Why would we? Look at all these conveniences and handwaves? Issues with world building? We're a super secret vampire society and we have our hands in everything! Ferals roam the streets and no one knows why? Welp, guess we have a mystery to solve!!! With what resources? No idea! We'll just...do nothing...and blame the Dollar General Anarchs. Yep. That's our plan. Nope, nada. More on this will be covered at the end. Don't. You. Worry.
  3. Choices the Masquerade: Blood Bound

    For that fandom? A bunch of them gloss over it, getting really worked up when you call out how bland the story is, however, there is a sizable group that feels similar to how I do. I used to love Choices as a guilty pleasure, starting with The Crown and The Flame, which had fantastic characters and story. It was simple: You're a fugitive queen, your home was stolen from you from another king, said king is responsible for your mother's death, your friend has flame powers that he has to leave and train up, you run into others along the way that will help/hinder your quest, and to top it all off, there's a bigger bad across the sea. Very simple, but very well done. This story? It feels like someone is trying to do their own VtM New York by Night, but without any concept on how to DM a game. Looking back on previous chapters, I know that I have nitpicked some things, but dammit all details matter. When I read a story, I want to know how things work, I want to know what motivates the characters, and (considering the app's name Choices) I want the ability to decide how to navigate the world I'm given. Don't sell me this epic story where my character has to navigate deadly vampire politics where one fuckup can cost a person everything, and then force me into the role of a Meek-And-Mild Midwestern Girl with the IQ of a ruck sack loaded up with rocks. The ruck sack is still smarter than Too Dumb To Live. Also, like I mentioned just a second ago, TDTL hails from somewhere in the Midwest of America. Now, the stereotype of the people from that region of the states is that they are extremely naive. In many areas, a handshake is a handshake and by god that is binding. However, they are sick of being viewed as naive. Have you ever pissed off a Midwesterner before? Don't. Do they reach Texan-Levels of pissed? No, but stop painting them (especially the women for fuck's sake) as this soft, overly mild mannered folk who have the spine of a column of jello. Why can't I RP as a badass? I don't need to be Jason Bourne, but my sweet lord, can I not hint at that I have some experience in basic survival/fighting? She's from the Midwest. Depending on the state she grew up in, she would have very likely would have had some firearm training. Can she go toe-to-toe with highly trained mercs? No, but give me something. Anything. There is also a strange cognitive dissonance I've noticed. In other more recent books, there's a very strong Anti-Corporation, Anti-Capitalism sentiment that your character (and you have no control over this) will make at random moments. Usually after you've encountered an Obviously Evil CEO or Evil Rich Man Who Likely Eats Babies. If my character is going to say stupid shit, can I at least choose? Pixelberry is trying to be clever, wanting to provide commentary on the EVILS!!!! of money and wealth and profit-- And they're really, really, really, really bad at it. No nuance, no creative thought, no allowing the player to state their own piece without being punished in game, just nothing. Because guess what Not-Christian Grey is? He's a CEO. Of a Corporation. A corporation that produces a multi-billion dollar profit annually. I guess CEOs of multi-BILLION DOLLAR CORPORATIONS are fine, so as long as he's handsome, treats you to the high life, and "has a kind heart." I'm sure the company has done absolutely nothing shady in its entire history ever. Nothing he has to account for business-wise. Nope. Nothing.
  4. Choices the Masquerade: Blood Bound

    This story is so fucked and even though I'm going to cover this point at the end, I'll say this anyway: Details and Dialogue matter. Details are the lifeblood of any world, any story, any character, and dialogue is the way by which we discover and explore these details. Is it super important to the matter at hand that Not-Christian Grey didn't differentiate between New York state vs city? No, not really, but it is telling about the writers. Does every writer know every single facet of their story right as they begin to write it out? No. Never. And that's fine. But good lord, drafting is important. Overt plot holes are easily identifiable, but I would argue that a story that suffers from a Death By a Thousand Cuts is worse. It indicates that the writers didn't give a damn about the details, which can easily be corrected through small bits of dialogue. You don't have to shoot for Tolkien-Levels of depth, but it's not too much to ask for consistency. And to borrow from a friend of mine, why not be consistent?
  5. Choices the Masquerade: Blood Bound

    Chapter 9: Filler + Bullshit + Random People Dying = TOTES GOOD WRITING!!!! So this chapter is gonna go WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY quick. Why is that you ask? Because nothing really happens. Filler. Like 95% of it. So here we go. AND WITHIN THE FIRST 30 SECONDS, TOO DUMB TO LIVE UTTERS THIS SHIT: "I'm going to a beautiful castle surrounded by vampires. Is this a dream?" Is this a dream? Is this a dream? IS THIS A DREAM? ARE YOU FUCKING WITH MY SOUL?! This bitch has lost her mind. Less than 24 hours ago, your friend was inches from death. Then, you had to watch her come to terms with her new state of being (though the writers partially fucked that up but it's whatever at this point. Fuck development). Hours later, you were bargaining for her continued existence, knowing that she could be put to the sword. Now, you and your roommate are now ass deep in vampire politics, as shown with this stupid Awakening Ball. The number of people who actually give a shit about your well-being can be counted on one hand. Said people are also now in a compromised position because of you, including your fucking roommate, which you haven't given half a shit about since it initially happened. This isn't even covering the fact that there are ferals running around and killing indiscriminately. And now, that you are going into the domain of a another vampire, someone you know nothing about, where the other Council Vampires are at (who are in a much stronger position that you and your boss), where tensions between the council members are rather high, at a time when the Discount Catiff and Zero Calorie Camerilla still royally hate each other, and feral vampires are on the loose and nobody has any idea who is behind this plot... That's what you have to say? Am I alone in the fact that if I were in the MC's shoes, I would be a tad bit more cautious? Maybe I would pack a weapon, or two, or twelve for fuck's sake. Shouldn't either NCG or Egyptian Ming Xiao be advocating a policy of those two staying as far away as possible from vampire politics? For Black and Nerdy, it's now somewhat unavoidable, but TDTL? Can EMX not also train TDTL in self defense? That seems kinda useful. But no, it's a dream! Fuck off. You run into Frenchy Vampire Child, which highlights yet another issue. Stick with me, because this might be a little scattered at first. Though out the story, TDTL has had brief flashes into the past by touching painting fragments. At the end of each fragment, the text then tells you that "Oh! But you forgot all the things!" Does TDTL forget about the painting fragment's existence? Or do they remember the fragment, but forget the memory? The story never explains. Now, there's nothing wrong with the audience knowing something that a protagonist does not. When used well, you can create some fantastic dramatic irony. But TDTL is meant to be a blank slate, and it causes some dissonance when the Player knows something, but their character does not and it pertains to a major part the story. In a sense, in order to figure out what is going on, the Player has to meta-game. Anyone who has ever played an RPG (which is technically what this game is supposed to be), knows that this is a big problem. It's why many players of older RPGs make the comment that they wish they could play a game again for the first time. To recap: the Player and TDTL have both experienced flashbacks that pertain to NCG and his origins, the appearance of Chekhov's Sire, EMX and Likable Frenchy Vampire Child interacting with Chekhov's Sire, and will continue to see these pieces through out the rest of the story. However, the Player is the only one who remembers this, not TDTL. Meaning that the player is the one who has to figure out the story and figure out the best way to navigate the world with the information given. But TDTL doesn't remember any of this, so it bars the player from asking others relevant questions about the world and the people in it. Because of this disconnect, there is a huge frustration caused by the writers. The story has to be pieced together via meta-gaming by the player, but the player is forced to watch their character (TDTL) fumble through the world and story like an moron. It's like watching your idiot cousin stumble through a china shop drunk and all you can do is bang on the glass and hope for the best. This is not good writing, would you please fucking stop? Moving on... So FVC reveals that he had his castle moved brick by brick from Europe (I've already covered the nonsense of castles in New York so I won't be doing that again). You change into clothes that befit an actual ball (if you pay diamonds. It does nothing.), you hang out with B&N, eat some food, see the vampires from the Zero Calorie Camerilla do nothing real important, Princess Lacroix not-so-subtlety hints that she wants to eat out TDTL, and then you run into another new fledgling who I will name Borderline Retcon. TDTL and B&N decide to chat up Borderline Retcon and figure out which clan she belongs to. Turns out she was embraced by Likable Babette, and here is yet another problem in this dumpster fire of a story. So back in chapter 2, one of the questions that Too Dumb To Live asked Not-Christian Grey was "How many vampires are there?" He reveals that, legally, in New York, there are 180, meaning 30 people between the six clans. Now obviously, we know this is inaccurate, but that's due to the presence of the Diet Catiff within the city. Logically, this prompts a question from our Nimrods, since this a flagrant contradiction to previous information. However, Borderline Retcon has this line to say: "That's in New York City. They're the most powerful factions...but there are a few others throughout the state. They're allowed fewer members and the city clans have authority over them." Which now calls a few things into question. When TDTL asked about how many vampires were in New York, I had originally thought she meant the state New York and not just the city of New York. Since, you know, New York can refer to either one, and many New Yorkers tend to get a bit pissy when you all assume they come from NYC. It made sense for the But now, the information from Borderline Retcon confuses things. With the "strict" 180 number, it gave the impression that the Zero Calorie Camerilla actually kept a tight leash on Embraces in the area. It makes sense that vampires would want to keep it centralized, especially in a place like New York City. Large cities provide access to resources that one might have issues getting a hold of in a more rural setting. With the qualifier of "New York," one would think that you have one council for the entire state, but apparently it's only for the City of New York but even that's kinda fucked. Borderline Retcon says the city clans have authority. Which city? Do the clans of New York City have the final say over everything in the state? Or is there a council in every major city? What is the chain of command? What the fuck is going on? Do the writers realized that New York has multiple large cities? In this book, there is no mention of any authority outside of the Council that we run into. We don't need to know every facet of every form of governance in vampire society, but we do need consistency. Not-Christian Grey should have been able to answer this. If you wanted both characters to make statements that support each other, then NCG should have said something like this: NCG: We have 180 within New York City, but there are other smaller clans nearby that we have authority over. There's a similar system throughout the state of New York, but we try to stay out of each other's way. Boom. Not fucking hard. What this ultimately sounds like is a disastrous combination of sloppy writing and attempting to do an Ass Pull because the writers wanted to do a Fancy Ball scene. But... I'm not done yet. Almost. The Awakening Ball itself is apparently held every year to welcome in and show off the newest additions to vampire society. But the City Vampires are at a hard limit of 30 people per clan. Other clans, apparently, exist but in smaller numbers and influence. I would also assume that the City vampires also control how many these smaller clans can accept, as well as recognizing any small group of vampires as a legitimate clan. This Diet-Primogen of this bullshit Zero Calorie Camerilla is supposed to rule with an iron fist, but apparently for some damn reason, can have enough inductees to their Cardboard World of Darkness that they can have a ball to celebrate them every year? By someone who isn't even a member of the council? what the fuck. The rest of the chapter is fluff crap, where you spend diamonds to hang out with TDTL's equivalent of the cardboard cutout cast of Friends. Nothing happens. What a shock. The chapter then ends with the Rejected Nosferatu Ferals busting through the door like they're all trying out for the role of Undead John Cena.
  6. Choices the Masquerade: Blood Bound

    Holy shit, it's been almost a year since updating. A ton has happened since then: first job, first house, first year of teaching done, VtMB 2 was announced, SPYRO REIGNITED WAS A THING... But, I figured it was high time that I finished this damn review, give my final two cents, and then spoil the Sequel (Blood Bound 2), though it is incomplete as of writing this section. I'll say this right now, it's still just as bad. At this point, I don't even really play through any of the stories because it feels like Pixelberry has given up on writing. Which is sad because they have some great early works and A Courtesan in Rome was actually decent (except maybe the ending). Maybe I'll do a review on it. Maybe. Also, I'm changing the MC's name to Too Dumb To Live or TDTL. I think you can all figure out why. So chapter 8 picks up immediately where seven ended. Not-Christian Grey shows Too Dumb To Live his magical serum. TDTL asks him where he got it from, prompting a groan from everyone with half a functioning brain cell. Hmm, multi billion dollar corporation. With research and development in a myriad of fields, however the existence of the serum raises a few more questions that we will never get an answer to. Here's a few: 1. What kind of department would be in charge of this sort of thing? Something like this needing to be so secretive in nature would need to be assembled by people NCG and his Right Hand Woman trusted. 2. Assuming that such a secretive department was created, who keeps tabs on the security? NCG, when asks, says that it was developed by "Some of the greatest scientific minds in the vampire world." On one hand, it would explain how word of this never got out, but on the other, it is a huge threat to NCG. All it would take is one individual to leak information out to the other Diet-Primogen and he's fucked. It's not like any of the others that rule on the Zero Calorie Camerilla Committee would feel threatened by such a thing and attempt to kill you. It's not like he's pissed off anyone and has given them motivation to do so. Though maybe I'm jumping too far ahead... 3. How is NCG getting away with keeping it a secret? His company is private, beholden to investors, and there's no mention of him dabbling in government contracts/deals a la Tony Stark. It's one thing if this serum is related to a government funded project, but there's no mention of that. It's like the whole project was done on the whim of NCG who has grown tired of living forever. Materials, funding, and anything else would eventually pop up, unless NCG is illegally fixing the books in such a way that the IRS wouldn't catch it. So he's either stupid, or running the greatest duping of the IRS/US government the world has ever seen. Is his entire clan, which we know exactly how many there are thanks to earlier rules establishing definitive numbers, running the operation? Not saying this couldn't be a possibility, but it's not even addressed. It could have added a little more to his character. Not that we got much to begin with, but moving on... 4. If the answer to #3 is yes, he is duping officials, shouldn't we get some internal conflict with NCG? Think about it, he is likely not running this project through 100% legal means, and there is a high likelihood that there are some shady aspects to this whole serum. My first impression was the possibility of smuggling materials and possible money laundering (which would be fucking amazing to see how he handles that), but TDTL doesn't even mention that. With things like smuggling and money laundering, NCG is risking more than just his own skin for the serum; he's risking everyone involved as well but this doesn't even seem to cross his mind. You would think that NCG, who has been established to care about others and not wanting them to end up in danger on his behalf, would have some reservations to this, but no. Nothing. We get nothing. Nothing on the morality of his desire to become human again, outside of MUH CLAN. We are less than 30 seconds into the chapter, and already I have a bunch questions. Let that sink in. 30 seconds and already this many objections. How does writing get this bad? Wait a minute, never mind. By the way, I'm completely skipping the part where he says "this curse is more of a biological thing than supernatural," because THAT my friends, will be saved for the very end in the Final Word for the whole book. NCG declares that it is a prototype, stating that all it does is make him not hate the sun. All his powers and thirst remain but he can work on a tan for about 4 hours and... GOD FUCKING DAMMIT AGAIN?! Why does he not use this to his advantage over Senator Douchecannoe? Douchecannoe has to lie to the public about why he can't be outdoors for long. Rather than have to drop a few million every time he needs a favor, he can just buy his alliance outright with this serum. The best secrets to keep are the ones that are out in the open, you fucking ham sandwich, meaning that he can develop his serum under the guise of helping out a fellow Diet-Primogen while placing Senator Douchecannoe into his debt and not the other way around. Meaning that, NCG doesn't have to be beholden to Senator Douche. He can just take away The Juice and force him to cave. NCG has been around since the Revolutionary War. He can be the Nice Guy, sure, but Nice Guy shouldn't equate to Nice is Dumb. The Baron is the youngest vampire on the council out of all of them, and yet, he's playing that game better than anyone we've met. NCG is the 3rd in terms of age, and yet he's reminiscent of the Idiot Newcomer who naively believes in all of his ideals all the time. On that note, NCG has the potential to become the most powerful in the council, no fuck that the entirety of vampire society. Just tell them you are working on a way to offset the effects of the sun, deliver on that promise, and make it to where he's the only one to create and, therefor, distribute The Juice. How the fuck do you still exist? Don't worry, because this too will be covered in the end. In fact, his whole character is getting a section. Because the stupid is simply stunning. Keeping with his character, NCG decides to momentarily wax on about how yes, he wants to be human, but MUH CLAN, seemingly skipping over the idea of simply promoting Right Hand Woman (RHW) to his position and turning her into a vampire. We can't have logic here. Fuck that. His solution to his melancholy? Go on a date(ish) with TDTL, to see the sights of New York, but in the daytime. In a moment of clarity, after NCG reveals that this is the most "important piece of technology developed" (because fuck all the humanitarian shit they apparently do, that's not important), TDTL has the option to ask "Why are you showing me this?" to which NCG replies, and I shit you not... "Why not?" Why not WHY FUCKING NOT To counter this, he's all, "But you're mah personal assistant!" TDTL counters that she's known him for a week. But don't worry guys! He's got a super secret safe thingy that burns people trying to steal his shit. That's great, but am I alone in thinking that if someone were smart enough they could manipulate NCG into opening the safe to bypass the security measure? It's not like it's obvious that he's got a hard-on for his newest assistant, providing someone with the ammunition to get what they want. Maybe I should have renamed Not-Christian Grey to Too Dumb To Live. This story has lost its mind. I have no further words so let's just move on. NCG visits some areas of NYC, going on about how the Revolutionary War was fought and won by the aid of vampires and mentions how he fought in every war. I am assuming that he's referring to the early wars of the United States, because going any further than that would raise a million more questions, namely how no one has been able to trace his name throughout time. Or better yet, the audience is left to wonder why NCG has no scars, and is apparently ageless compared to his fellow veterans of his time. Other than that, there's nothing really worth mentioning of note. You tour the city with him, nothing happens, yada yada fucking yawn. TDTL returns and learns of the Awakening Ball. Hosted by the little shit vampire that was featured in the flashback of Egyptian Ming Xiao from her Ye Ole Medieval Days. The group takes a train to the castle, yes, a castle in NEW YORK STATE, do not ask why this is a thing. It just is. Shut up. At the train station, RHW is asked by NCG to attend. Just as a reminder, we haven't seen her since Black and Nerdy became a vampire, and it's implied that she was not all too thrilled about it. Kinda makes you wonder what she's been up to. She turns it down, saying that I MUST GO THE COMPANY NEED MEH, and NCG is all "you da best!" Depending if you shell out diamonds you either ride with the plebeians humans who don't mind being walking blood bags or ride with the vampires. Either way you get to the castle and Chapter 8 ends. Yet another chapter where there was more questions than content. The worst part? Too Dumb To Live isn't even the dumbest person in the group anymore, it's Not-Christen Grey. Holy fuck. Eight chapters down, Eight to go.

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. NobleShadowHunter


      @MalonnThe largest class I have is about 65 kids (but that's the high school band and I'm the assistant).  My classes from this year ranged from 16-65 kids.  The tough part was the art because so many of them needed a fine art credit and didn't want to do anything.

    3. Malonn


      Well good job.  Teaching is a noble profession, indeed.  Wouldn't it be nice if your pay was commensurate with your blood, sweat and tears?

    4. Amadaun


      You're amazing!

  8. Almost done with my first year as a teacher.  Once Spring Break is over, it's the home stretch!

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. NobleShadowHunter


      It’s been crazy. We have a group of Freshman boys who think they run the school, despite multiple teachers writing them up all throughout the year. My only consolation is that they’re giving ALL their teachers a hard time, even those with 10+ years experience.  I remember one day I wrote up four of them in one single class because they refused to do any work and were loud as hell. 

    3. Sue


      Gosh. Sounds as if you're doing a good job of surviving! Congrats on completing a full year. :)


    4. NobleShadowHunter


      Thanks!  I’ve got a few big things left to do, like take my 7th graders to a music festival and to their spring trip. But it’s pretty smooth from here.


      Also, what do you call the thing where you purposely avoid your Prom in high school only to be volun-told to chaperone the one for your students?  Is that called irony?  I think it is.

  9. *Looks through old Oblivion and Sims 3 Saves*...*Shudders*

  10. The number of assignments that I have to put a zero down in the grade book is too damn high.

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. NobleShadowHunter


      My school could always use a science teacher!  $5k (I think) sign on bonus!

    3. AndalayBay


      Actually he teaches media studies, when that was part of the cirriculum and now teaches English.

    4. NobleShadowHunter


      We'll take English too!  God knows there's a huge writing gap.

  11. Happy Birthday Sue!

    Bit late, but happy birthday Sue! Hope all is well!
  12. I had a hankering for some really old games from my childhood and not gonna lie, being older has made me realize all of its damn plotholes.  Dammit, Naughty Dog.  I might actually do a post about it.

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. AndalayBay
    3. NobleShadowHunter


      @Malonn, yeah!  I know 23 is basically nothing compared to others.  

    4. Malonn


      Haha, well you're definitely not old.

  13. Choices the Masquerade: Blood Bound

    And now for the continuation of Some Ol' Bullshit: The Game! So I'll be combining the next two chapters, mainly because of all the damn filler, in addition to some nickname changes. Originally, I had used "Not-[insert ripped off element here]" as a way to keep track of just how much Pixelberry stole from outside source material. However, when that naming convention gets used a bunch, it can (and does) get quite confusing (i.e Not-Heather Poe is now Black and Nerdy). Anyway, let's get on with it. Chapter 6 picks right back up where the story left off. Black and Nerdy is losing her shit as she has just awoken from her vampiric slumber. Lilith manages to calm her down by telling her some pretty heavy shit, because that always works! Unfortunately, Black and Nerdy runs off to have a good cry in the women's bathroom. She tracks down Black and Nerdy, gives her a vile of her blood, asks her how she's feeling, and tells her that, in addition to being a vampire, she still has to go through an approval process and if denied, it's basically going to be a recreation to the Intro of VtMB. Now, hold onto your ass cheeks because I'm about to say something positive: This section of the story is actually not that bad. Black and Nerdy emotes like an honest to god person. Imagine this, you get ambushed in your own apartment, be inches away from death, only to be resurrected and then told, "hey, you consume blood now and btw, if they don't approve you, you get axed. Fingers crossed!" Not sure about you, but I'd probably would flip my shit too. My only concern is that Lilith doesn't own up to her role in all of this, since I doubt this would happen if she decided to go through the Mind Wipe. But, eh. I'll take what I can get. Don't worry, this all gets thrown away really quickly. Lilith returns to Not-Christian Grey's office and they discuss what to do next. Not-Christian Grey then comments that even though Black and Nerdy had a legitimate reason FOR being Embraced, it is likely that the Zero Calorie Camarilla will vote to execute her anyway and Lilith is stunned by this. HOW?! This was a major point in the last chapter, and for fuck's sake SHE TOLD HER THIS LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES AGO. AND SHE'S SURPRISED THAT THIS IS AN OPTION?! I. AM. SO. GLAD. THAT. THIS. IS. OUR. PROTAGONIST. Moving on, they discuss who would vote in favor of sparing Black and Nerdy. Protocol for this is a vote by the Zero Calorie Camarilla, and (for some fucking reason) they need 4 out of 6 members to agree. Why is there not an odd number of Council members? That would sound really fucking handy, because, you know tie breakers are a fucking thing. Anyway, Black and Nerdy then leaves with Egyptian Ming Xiao for training. Not-Christian Grey: Check. Egyptian Ming Xiao: Check. Vampire Baron Praxis: LOL. Nope.avi Mr. Doesn't-Respect-Women: After the first meeting? Ha. Get fucked. Princess Lacriox: No, well...Maybe...? (Hint Hint: That's Chapter 7) And finally, we learn the last member of the Zero Calorie Camarilla: Senator Douchecannoe. Lilith is confused as to how the hell a vampire could be a Senator, because sessions take place during the day. Remember waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in the earlier chapters where Not-Christian Grey said that vampires could withstand about 30 minutes at most? Yeah. That's important now. For this very reason. To explain the existence of a vampiric senator. Not saying that wouldn't be an interesting concept, but it really comes off as a "we want this to be a thing, but vampires are nocturnal. How do we get around this?" Perhaps a better option would be, oh, I don't know, back a very specific thrall and be a shadowy puppet master? That way you don't a have a fucking Masquerade violation from hell further down the road? Since, you know, politicians are very public people and that's a hell of a gamble? Whatever, fuck world building I guess. According to Not-Christian Grey, Senator Douchecannoe is...a douchecannoe. In fact, back in his prime, he was a bloodthirsty Spanish noble and time hasn't made him any better. A politician? That's an asshole? And our character is stunned by this? Hey guys, can I have a game where I have the option to not RP as a dumbass? You've got to be fucking kidding me. But never fear, Not-Christian Grey is loaded and like anyone with special interests, he's down with buying the vote from Senator Douchecannoe. One car ride later and the meet up with Senator Douchecannoe, who's giving a press conference saying how he will up police patrols to combat the random attacks and MAKE NEW YORK CITY GREAT AGAIN! First off, I thought the mayor is the one who orders for patrols to be increased, not a Senator...? Can anyone correct me on this? I could be wrong, but local stuff is controlled by local officials, not Senators who should be in DC right now. They talked to Senator Douchecannoe and he's a stereotypical douche, and yet again another interesting concept is shit on yet again. The only interesting part is that, in addition to taking a bribe from Not-Christian Grey, Senator Douchecannoe agrees to vote to spare Black and Nerdy in return for a vote on a future motion to lead a purge on the Discount Caitiff. He agrees, and then tells Lilith that they are in a shitty spot, since they are now in his debt. Wouldn't this be something to go over beforehand? Or wouldn't have that been implied when Not-Christian Grey told us that he was a bastard of a person? Sweet Jesus, Pixelberry, stop treating your players like they've got the attention span of a goldfish who has smoked badly laced weed for two decades. The two return, and lo and behold if Kue-jin Blades Rodriguez doesn't show up. Lilith, if one pays diamonds, ditches Not-Christian Grey to hang out with him, spills her guts about her friend, Black and Nerdy (which he's pissed about, since she's known Not-Christian Grey for less than a week and he's already making exceptions for her), and tells that Senator Douchecannoe is plotting to kill his Discount Caitiff soon. After more nothing happens, the two return and Black and Nerdy is reunited with the gang. Since their apartment isn't safe, Not-Christian Grey offers up his guest suite...which is in his corporate building. Totally has nothing to do with convenience what so ever. So they go into the guest suite, and, if you pay with diamonds again, you stay up with Black and Nerdy as if it's a goddamn high school sleepover. Oh, and you can bone her too. So much for trying to come to terms with her new life, and any character depth that could have been experienced. Alas, Character Development, it is dead. So chapter 7 rolls around and now that it's established that they've got just enough votes for a tie, they go and seek out the next logical(ish) person: Princess Lacroix. You can pay diamonds for an outfit that gets commented on once, but surprise! it does fuck all to help you. You, Black and Nerdy, and Not-Christian Grey go to her penthouse which looks and feels like Vesuvius and the Palace of Versailles during the reign of Louis the XV got super fucked up on cocaine, champagne, and caviar, experimented a little by shoving a copy of Earthly Delights up their asses, and then their spoiled, fucktastic bastard child that has a penchant for fashion design spawned from the balls of Satan himself. When they get there, Not-Christian Grey leaves you to talk to Generic Russian Houseboy and Black and Nerdy gets the brilliant idea of snooping around the house of the person they're trying to get a vote from. If you pay diamonds, you and Black and Nerdy sneak off and tour the rest of the house. You find a movie theater complete with a Buff Urkel, a swimming pool, and two vampires chopping down on a houseboy (which disturbs Black and Nerdy). In short, nothing. A whole lot of nothing happens. I'm so glad someone else spent diamonds on that and not me. Princess Lacroix, after talking shit about Black and Nerdy's attire, says that she will agree but only if she gets the MC in the exchange. After a resounding "Get fucked," she promptly tells them to GTFO, and the MC and Black and Nerdy are afraid that they don't have the votes. Not-Christian Grey promises that they'll find a way, despite that the only way that's possible is for a total ass pull. I'm sure that won't happen. The Diet-Primogen of the Zero Calorie Camarilla vote on the subject, and the results are as follows: Not-Christian Grey: Yes Egyptian Ming Xiao: Yes Senator Douche: Yes Princess Lacroix: No Mr. Doesn't-Respect-Women: No Before Vampire Baron Praxis gives his vote, he demands from Not-Christian Grey to drop his investigations into the Ferals, and, desperate for the vote, he does so. Princess Lacroix asks "WTF?" and Vampire Baron Praxis tells her to get her head out of her ass and learn to play The Game. So far, he's probably the closest thing we have to an actual vampire. Be a shame if something were to happen to that later on. So Black and Nerdy is accepted into Not-Christian Grey's clan and he and Egyptian Ming Xiao proceed to provide expository dialogue as to why she must get the Clan Hickey. Apparently the Hickies keep them from going feral, and that every generation removed from the first vampire (but it's a woman, so at least they didn't do the whole Caine and Abel thing, but you know, Lilith was responsible for Caine's powers so, whatever) is subsequently weaker and holy fuck. They seriously couldn't go TWO chapters without stealing shit?! AGAIN?! I know it shouldn't be a surprise but fuck me. I'm seriously considering contacting White Wolf about this game, because I think there's enough shit that could warrant a lawsuit. Considering that they make money off these stories by locking choices behind a premium wall and by taking so much from the Vampire the Masquerade universe because coming up with your own universe is too hard. On a serious note, I would love to hear any info on the legalities on that. Anyway, back to the plot. The apartment still isn't safe to go back to and Egyptian Ming Xiao tells Black and Nerdy that she needs to stay at her place until training is complete. If you spend diamonds, yet again, you get to have a girls' night/sleepover at the apartment that wasn't supposed to be safe. Because logic. Lilith then goes back to Not-Christian Grey's office after they leave and he shows her a serum that he's working on, which is to aid in his quest to become human again. And with that Chapter 7 ends. Note to self, never do two chapters at once ever again. Also, after the final chapter is done, I'm going to post a Final Word section for Book I. Oh yeah, apparently they're already planning a sequel. Fuck me.
  14. Choices the Masquerade: Blood Bound

    Unless they decide to skip all the nuisance as to why he's such a great character and boil him down to "Look at me! I made a Snark AND I'm British AND I'm damn find to look at!" The final chapter of this shitshow of a story just came out today. I've got some catching up to do on this series, but holy fuck it does NOT get better from here.
  15. Choices the Masquerade: Blood Bound

    After reading back through the previous chapters, I agree. I have to change Lily’s name anyway, because she actually has some character development and calling her Not-Heather Poe doesn’t fit anymore. Next update will have a list of nickname changes. Glad you like it so far!