Dealing with the loss of a relationship is the pain that most often brings us to our knees. When a relationship ends, we usually think that the pain is about the relationship that just ended. What we don't realize is that it is truly an accumulation of pains from different types of perceived and real relationship endings over the course of our lives.


For example, in my own life when I was eight years old, my best friend, Gail, would change her mind and go play with Sharon, instead of me. I would feel rejected and hurt and watch them play hopscotch from a distance in my hiding place in an old oak tree. Most people experience these feelings of rejection in childhood and carry them over into their adult lives. They are often devastated when someone who they are close to, moves on.


If we break a relationship ending down into its smallest parts, we know that this situation causes thoughts of hurt and rejection within our own minds. These thoughts lead to feelings of resentment and sadness. Feelings and thoughts are merely strands of energy. For many, this is a difficult concept to grasp because we cannot see energy vibrations.


Yet, it is easy for us to believe in radio waves, x-ray waves, and telephone vibrations, even though we can’t really see them, either! So, in its most refined form, the loss of a relationship is actually an energy vibration that we carry with us throughout life. The vibrations of sadness and fear are reignited whenever we experience any future losses in our lives. Therefore, the pain is best relieved when it is addressed on an energy level.


When friends, lovers, and family members break up, distance themselves, or go their separate ways, we often say it is because we are on different wave lengths. Little do we know how true this really is! When someone’s frequency of vibration is similar to or the same as our own, we feel close to the person. We resonate with them. (It is so important not to choose a partner when we are in pain or experiencing a difficult time because we will attract like negative frequency, which is generally not for our highest good! That’s why we are told to heal before we move on.)


We learn and grow from all of life’s experiences. This personal development eventually causes us to think and feel differently again, which in turn causes our frequency of vibration to rise yet, to another level. We no longer feel connected to the person, unless they learn and grow at the same rate and change their frequency of vibration to match ours.


It is important to understand what is really going on when break ups occur. By doing this you can transcend the emotional pain. You realize that the breakup is really about a mismatch of energy and thought vibrations rather than more ego-based reasoning such as “He doesn’t make enough money,” or, “He doesn’t give me enough attention“, or “She doesn’t love me anymore.” These are merely human manifestations, or symptoms, of what has really happened. Transcending this level of consciousness takes you out of ego and into spirit. Not only does it set you free, it sets your partner free as well.


How do you learn to perceive a relationship breakup as a mismatch or a break in an energy frequency connection? Do you just pretend that you do not feel the actual pain of the loss of a relationship? No. You think of the situation in its highest form in terms of energy connections. If everything in this universe including thoughts, emotions, and material things can be broken down into energy, then you need to think of the situation in its most basic form.


Letting go is a process. This is a path of many small steps. At the beginning of each step we learn to become aware, rather than reacting. Your ego is going to try to prevent you from making progress since it believes that you have to hold on in order to survive. Your only ally in letting go is spirit, which sees reality as a whole and therefore has no need to create partial realities based on limitation, guilt, embarrassment, and fear.


A reaction is automatic: it draws upon fixed beliefs and expectations, images of past pain and pleasure residing in memory, waiting to guide you in future situations. The way to get beyond this is to become aware and practice living more from our spirits, rather than egos.


Imagine the frequencies of energy that you are attracting to you, in all forms, when you try to own, control, manipulate, or judge another person from your ego state. Higher levels of energy are more serene and have the capacity to change your thought patterns for your highest good, rather than keep you in an emotional turmoil. Picture very clear, calm and balanced energy entering into your essence: and that is the energy and the level of consciousness that you will attract.


It seems that most attachment difficulties originate from difficulties in separating from our parents. However, it has occurred to me that the real problem has to do with the separation from a higher part of ourselves that we were all born with. It seems that in most cases society forces us to forget our connection with this incredible entity. Thus, we have to let go of the greatest love of all.


Ultimately, this is the love and connection to our creator. Some refer to it as being disconnected from the Source, or the higher part within us. This dynamic of being disconnected from something that we perceive to be greater than ourselves is recreated in our lives with the natural course of individualization or separation from our parents; and then later on, when we are faced with the loss of a relationship.


Repeatedly, the pain from the original loss (the disconnection from the higher part within us), is re-experienced every time the loss or disconnection vibration is triggered in our lives. Maybe this helps to explain why the ending of a relationship seems to cause such incredible distress for most people. To prevent ongoing pain from repeated relationship endings, the only cure is to reconnect to, and mend our relationship with, the greatest love of all; our higher self or our creator. At the root of the pain, this is who we are really grieving the loss of in the first place! Some refer to this journey as 'finding yourself.'