Crucial Conversations QA

How to Confront a Suspected Thief

Dear Cricket,



Dear Shoeless,


Master Your Stories:


Start With Heart:


STATE Your Path:











Cricket Buchler

Cricket Buchler is a corporate coach and a VitalSmarts Master Trainer. She has helped thousands of people around the globe build dialogue skills, create accountability, and drive behavior change.

4 thoughts on “How to Confront a Suspected Thief”

  1. Wow! A good response if the theft happened outside of school. Too often advice providers circumvent the adults set in place to deal gently and supportively with all involved – school counsellors and administrators. How about we teach kids to go to the right people so that they are in the know from the get-go rather than putting out fires if the conversation goes sideways. They might give the same advice, but at least they can monitor the interaction and provide direct support.

  2. Cricket,

    You could not be more wrong in this instance. The young lady has only two real alternatives in this situation: (1) go to her school counselor with this matter, or (2) learn a hard lesson of life that thieves will steal anything that they have an opportunity to take (and say goodbye to the shoes). The dynamics of this school environment are not known to you and addressing the matter with the thief could have some rather dire results for the victim no matter how understanding she might try to be.

  3. First, regarding this specific situation, I very much concur with the comments to remember the setting–get adults involved.

    Second, I’m disappointed that the article and advice stopped where it did. The response failed to realistically address the what if’s. There is no “ask” in the message. One of the delineated goals is to get back the girl’s shoes. Yet, the response stops well short of describing a path to that outcome. For lots of folks, that is the hardest part of practicing Crucial Conversations–how to ask for what we want and knowing how to respond when the other person goes directly to silence or violence despite our best efforts. This response would have been much more useful and cross-situation relevant if it had gone on to say to deal the possible (likely) response of the second girl demanding whether the first was accusing her of stealing her shoes, strongly affirming she bought the shoes herself. That’s when the conversation gets truly “crucial.”

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