Baby. Infant. Child. Newborn.

We just had our first child and, rather than tell you all about how wonderful it is, or how much work it is, I want to tell you what I wold have told myself all those many months ago. 

Imagine you get up to go to work; some semi-reasonable time like 7am. You do your usual routine of showering, teeth brushing, and getting dressed, and then after a leisurely drive, you get to work. 

You walk in to the office, and your boss lets you know that today might be a little different than you're used to, but not to worry, it will all be fine. Your boss is not typically a liar, just maybe a tad forgetful about when they came in to work on this type of day back when they first started.

You get to your desk, settle in, and realize that everyone is being extra nice to you; all the staff are super supportive, but something is different. Kind of like being on the receiving end of a yet-to-happen surprise birthday party. 

Your email dings, and you click over to read the subject: It's time!  You open the email and see that it is, in fact, time; time to pack up your desk, move to another section of the building, and start your new job. 

Wait. What? "I thought I was just going to do my same job, just with a few added tasks." Yeah, right. Silly mortal. Did you not read the contract when you signed on to this opportunity? It stated the following:

You will be assigned this new job, you will do it regardless of how you feel, and you will be on the clock 24/7. You may occasionally get breaks, but if you need to sleep, there's a nice bench by the vending machines. Just don't stay there for more than 20 minutes; your presence at the jobsite is required. 

Yes, that's right: you are never leaving the office again. Well, at least not until you can show management that you are capable of taking on non-essential tasks in addition to your workload. "But I've done Army bootcamp; surely that counts for something?" you reply, to which you receive a quick answer: "Bootcamp may have been hard, but you actually got to eat and sleep on a regular clock. This is harder. Buck up champ, you'll be great."

And so you get dressed in your new uniform, pack up your desk, put it on a cart, and head to the over-bright (and slightly cold) room for orientation. Orientation takes longer for different people, but since this was a planned move, you are whisked in to begin training. You're office mate for the next all-the-times is there too, already wearing a similar uniform. The two of you countdown to the beginning of the day's shift, and then the work bell rings.

Only it sounds like a baby crying.