Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Senseless Sensibility: Keep Your Reason To Yourself

While unremarkable by world standards, New York City is an anomaly in the United States of America (otherwise known as Canada's stick-on air vent). For example, it's still possible (though increasingly difficult) to eat food in a non-chain restaurant here. Also, New York is incredibly diverse, with over 400 different variations of caucasian "hipster" calling it home (or at least temporarily calling it home until they downgrade to modular Ikea cities like Austin and Portland.) Most impressively, New York is the only city in America that hasn't yet outsourced its fire, police, and sanitation departments to call centers in India.

At the same time, New York is still very much an American city. Consider the way people here react to Department of Transportation Commissioner Janette Sadik-Khan, who's installed a bunch of pedestrian malls and bike lanes during her tenure so fewer people get run over and killed by giant SUVs with stick-on air vents. Elsewhere on the planet Earth, a transportation commissioner who wants to prevent people from getting run over and killed by other people's luxury consumer goods would merely be doing their job. However, in America, a person who actually places people over cars (or who even suggests that maybe people are almost as important as cars) is considered a crazy shrewish bike lady in the throes of menstruation-induced hysteria.

Sure, thanks to the movies of people like Woody Allen, people think New York is a great walking city where the local inhabitants perambulate while discussing Wittgenstein and impotence. This is not true. Like the people in the rest of America, New Yorkers are actually terrorized by cars. This past weekend, someone in Brooklyn drove a BMW into a supermarket, and then people looted the supermarket. A couple weeks back, someone else drove a minivan into my neighborhood playground. Absolutely none of this is in any way unusual here.

For this reasons above, New Yorkers should be thanking Janette Sadik-Khan for "retrofitting" some sanity into the way the streets are designed. Instead, they consider her a witch and are trying to cast the demons out of her womb.

I mention all of this for two reasons: 1) I've been talking about Portland for like two days now, and it's about time I turned my attention back to an actual city; and, 2) "newsmagazine" show "Rock Center" recently aired a profile of Sadik-Khan herself:

(Follow this link to watch, because if there's a way to embed the video I'm too lazy to find it.)

In introducing the piece, host Brian Williams called Sadik-Khan "a very powerful woman with an exotic name," which seemed a bit odd to me since that name isn't even remotely exotic by New York standards. If anything, you'd be hard-pressed to find two people named "Brian Williams" here. One of my next-door neighbors is named "அனைத்து நீ வெறுப்பாளர்களின் என் பந்துகளில் சக்," and the other spells her name in a single hieroglyph. If someone calling himself "Brian Williams" were to come to my door, I'd just assume it was an alias and that he had some nefarious purpose, like robbing G5's apartment.

Sadik-Khan is certainly is powerful though--more powerful than Barack Obama. (That's the person who plays our President on TV.) See, all Obama can do is make speeches and maybe veto stuff. Janette Sadik-Khan lives in a secret fortress where she can control every traffic signal in all of New York City:

("Hey Brian, I've told you my name a thousand times already, why do you keep mispronouncing it?!?")

Having that kind of power makes having your finger on "the button" about as impressive as being in control of the iPod at a coffee house in the Mission District. I would give anything to have the run of that room for a day, since it's surely the closest I'd ever feel to being God. (Or, in my faith, the Almighty Lobster on High.) From my ergonomic swivel throne I would mete out swift and arbitrary justice in Biblical fashion. I would punish the city with hours upon hours of red lights. Just for fun, I'd raise and lower the drawbridge over the Gowanus. I'd spell out obscene messages on those electronic highway signs. Sadik-Khan has been called powermad, but the fact that all she's really doing with all that power is painting some streets green and putting out some lawn furniture in Times Square is actually a testament to her tremendous restraint.

Anyway, it's a pretty good segment, but like any newsmagazine show the best part is the "b-roll." For example, check out this voluminous example of "cycle chic:"

Earlier I mentioned Woody Allen, and I'm fairly certain that's the flying suit from "The Sleeper:"

Also, here's a woman protesting the Prospect Park West bike lane:

Amazingly, she is not wearing the flying suit from "The Sleeper," and indeed that is her actual body. And when she's not protesting, she simply sits in her crow's nest of entitlement where she films the bike lane and counts cyclists as her body quietly expands:

("When I'm not filming, I drink Dr. Pepper out of it.")

Ironically, she also happens to be a psychology professor, which presumably provides her with ample free time to pursue her true passion, which is being insane.

Of course, there are few things more dangerous than an idle rich person with some crazy ideas, and whether you think this applies to billionaire Michael Bloomberg and his zany madcap "bike lanes," or to the psychologist who doesn't want you riding your bike past her luxury apartment for reasons unknown, it's no secret that America is increasingly rife with class hostility. This is what's driving the whole #Occupy movement, and it just so happens I recently received a "press release" informing me of the following:


This frightened me. As it is, simply being on a bicycle near an #Occupy protest is dangerous enough, since in America the police tend to assume anybody on a bicycle must be protesting something. So now that the 99% is harnessing the protest power of the hunger strike, and is endeavoring to become the 1% at least in terms of body fat, what happens if the police start cracking down on alleged hunger strikers too? Will they arrest anybody not eating within 50 feet of a drum circle? Certainly failing to eat constantly is unusual behavior in America--almost as strange as riding a bike--so I for one plan to walk around with a bag of McDonald's in one hand and a "venti" Starbucks cup in the other just to be sure police don't get the wrong idea.

In any case, speaking of cycling in the media, Salon.com published the following article recently:

The article itself was pretty sensible, but apparently Salon.com realized they were about to publish a bike-friendly article and so they tacked on that stupid headline before going to "press."

It goes without saying that we all need to be responsible cyclists who respect fellow road users and so forth, but the headline's implication--that the future of practical cycling relies entirely on cyclists' behavior--is idiotic. This is like publishing an article about how more people are starting to eat healthily because of the obesity epidemic and then putting this headline on it:

Are healthy eaters just elite snobs?
As healthy eating rises, the healthy are despised. If healthy eaters want others to eat healthy, they need better table manners.

So whether you're riding a bike or eating some steamed vegetables, you better keep your head down and be quiet about it, because here in America it's a cardinal sin to offend the majority with your sensible behavior.

Speaking of smugness, there are few things smugger than bamboo bicycles, and I recently came across a bamboo bicycle-themed Kickstarter campaign:

It's rare that I'd actually implore people to give money to a Kickstarter project, but in this case I am urging you to give to this one as generously as possible. This is not because I think the world needs more crude and misshapen panda bait that looks like it was made by Gilligan. Rather, it's because this person is making them in his own bedroom, and if he doesn't get a new workspace--and soon--he's going to suffer long-term health effects from all those epoxy fumes.

(Philip Silver Ankney, a.k.a. "Bamboo Phil," moments before falling over.)

So please, give generously and help save a well-meaning but increasingly woozy bamboosmith.

And if you do end up owning one of Bamboo Phil's creations, be sure to accessorize with this fake Catlike helmet, forwarded to me by the ever-vigilant Joachim:

(Be the fake World Champion of Bamboo.)

It's Catlike-like.


Kenny said...


Kenny said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
le Correcteur said...

podium; top spot?

le Correcteur said...

Damn; third!

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...


oops said...

no podium for mee :(

Chafed Scranus said...

taint funny

Buy-cycle said...

Top 100?

petrus said...

Top X skid.

Bees blood.

g said...

Top 10. Damn work getting in the way.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Rounding out the top ten?

g said...

Oh yeah,

Marcel Da Chump said...

Is salon.com for complete slobs?

Anonymous said...


We're nearing that time of year when the "year end retrospect" lists, compilations, etc are expected. We, of course, expect such a review from you. I'm thinking a BSNYC "Women Who Make Bicycle Cycling Something to Live For" or something equally silly. Recumbabe, Uberhood green shorts, Wrath of Sadik-Kahn, you get the drift.
Maybe even a 2012 calender.

Wadda ya think?

Broccoli Snob NYC said...


Andre The Giant Has A Pussy said...

I like cats!

ken e. said...

although i resisted yesterday, today i will watch the garborator and fork dance!

OBA said...

Mocking Portland is OVER!

wishiwasmerckx said...

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

grog said...

wrenched my nipple

KickStopThisGuy said...

"I make things instead of going to the store or something."

What's the or something?

That's it.
You make it.
You buy it.

Fumes working efficiently.

crosspalms said...

When you're in the traffic nerve center, see if you can get the cops to hand out tickets to every jaywalker, even if it's just for an hour or so. If I had a nickel for every idiot who crosses against the light, or in the middle of a block, or runs through traffic, I'd be in the 1 percent in no time. On my ride to work this morning I got a dirty look from a woman who was walking down the street in the middle of the bus lane.

Anonymous said...


mikeweb said...


Your lips to Lob's ears, WCRM. Or - er, ear holes(?)

Anonymous said...


Snubby. I know how much you wanted to add links to those two words "Austin" and "Portland". But it was just too much work to find the perfect interweb refmeme to fill out your "Ikea Cities" idea and do it justice.

That's a shame because that's a spot on critique.

mikeweb said...

Apologies to Lob on high. I just consulted my copy of the Claw'ran and it states thusly:

"The great Lob heareth our prayers, hopes and fast food delivery orders not with ears of flesh, but by peering into our minds and divining our deepest thoughts"

Praise be to Lob.

Loiuse Hainline said...


ant1 said...


Anonymous said...

OBA, mocking Portland will be uncool when mocking the midwest is uncool. Living in the midwest, I regret to inform you, that it will always be cool...

ant1 said...

snobby - "Brian Willaims"

mikeweb said...

As coincidence would have it, I also read that since Lob doesn't have a scrotum or anus, per se, that area is called the scranus. The "Lob-ly scranus" to be exact, but a scranus none the less.

Praise Lob.

Hungry Panda said...

MMM Bamboo,another maker of useless bikes held together by ducttape.

I will take two, you can keep the hardware.

I am a disturbed engine said...


Just take 1 psych 101 course in college, and you know that is true, which came first the insanity or a phD?

Listing Error said...

That faux catlike like helment is not new. It's being worn in the photo.

cyclotourist said...

I used to like reading your blog, but now that you're mocking the Prospect Park West Bike Lane Video Lady you've crossed the line. As many people know, she is a caring and helpful person. She supports amateur videographers and in fact has won awards for her work in the past. You also probably don't know as you didn't care to take the time to find out, but her promotion of Dr. Pepper consumption among needy youth is also a HUGE charity undertaking. She just doesn't brag about it in a web-blog.

In light of today's posting, I request an immediate full and complete refund of my subscription.

Good day to you, sir.

Podium said...

why does everyone like me so much?

Janette Sadik-Khan said...


David Puddy said...

If you need me I will be in the crow's nest of entitlement working on my true passion, be insane. That's gold Jerry, GOLD!!!

Anonymous said...

At least with the Catlike-like helment, the straps are long enough to fit over the arms of your Oakleys. The ebay ad photos demonstrate this feature nicely. All of the pros seem to need to wear the straps of their real Catlike helmets underneath their sunglasses' arms.

Etherhuffer said...

Jaywalkers, cyclists who blow lights, Crazy as a loon shrinks....

Culture of Narcissism.

JB said...

That Kickstarter bamboo bike guy sure has fallen since he starred in The O.C.

Anonymous said...

You see, I'm from Portland, and I don't know the Butlers, but, um, your Mountain Bike SUCKS!!!

Not Tim Butler

OBA said...

@ Anonymous 12:54

It's a joke...from Portlandia...which mocks Portland.

Anonymous said...


Etherhuffer said...

Portland, Seattle's heroin addicted nephew.....

Anonymous said...

No mention of fixies today, but does NY law allow for them to be ridden on streets?
NEW YORK PENAL LAW (that's the law north of the Scranus) says in Section 1236 c) Every bicycle shall be equipped with a brake which will enable the operator to make the braked wheels skid on dry, level, clean pavement.
Will hilpsters be claiming that their pedals are brakes? This could shut down the entire fixie fad, as well as give the cops something to do besides ticket folks with shopping bags on their handlebars.

Anonymous said...

puttin the 'anal' in artisanal

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:51pm,

Brakeless riders are occasionally ticketed but police seem more interesting in ticketing for stuff that's not actually illegal.

There was of course a landmark legal case involving the fixed-gear-transmission-as-brake in...well, I shouldn't have to tell you which city.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Chris W said...

Anyone else bother to translate Snob's neighbor's name? AYHSMB.

Anonymous said...

WRM 1:58,

Nice find on the BikePortland article. That was back in 2006 so I wonder what happened on appeal. Seems to me that the law says "equipped with a brake" which Rabbi Gamaliel took to mean "brake as a piece of equipment," leaving out the legs-as-brake argument. If the cops want a wholesale bike crackdown next summer, let them take on the hilpsters!

Producer said...

I'd love for Woody Allen
to direct the BSNYC movie.

Anonymous said...

Haha, Google translate is amazing!

You gotta laugh when you hear the yokels complaining about bike lanes in NYC. It's always one of the following complaints:

1. Will destroy businesses! Utter crap.
2. Makes it hard to get a cab. Don't understand this one.
3. Makes traffic terrible! There aren't any bike lanes on the West Side highway, but have you tried to go upstate on a Friday at 4:30 pm? Cars make traffic terrible, not bikes.

leogodoy said...

LOL at your friend called "அனைத்து நீ வெறுப்பாளர்களின் என் பந்துகளில் சக்", now I know how to tell a hater he should orally treat my testicles in Tamil.

I'm not anonymous I just don't want to tell you my hieroglyph said...

As Captain Kirk said, KHHAAAAANNNNN's

broken fixed said...

Brian Panties Williams is an erotic sounding name.

Blog Drafter said...

Is LOB ultimately edible? I've been wondering about that.

Shrimpton said...

There's a lobster lunch truck parked in front of my office building. Lobster on a roll: $19.00

crosspalms said...


damn, it's on the tip of my tongut

crosspalms said...

or the top of my tlingit the way i type

mikeweb said...

@anon 2:31,

Agreed. When I chat or converse with someone complaining that the bike lanes cause traffic backups, I usually respond thusly:

Q: "When you're in a traffic jam, what is directly in front of you? A, a car. B, A bicycle. C, Brian Williams sipping espresso in a pedestrian mall."

Q: "If you answered A, a car, what is directly in front of that car? A, a car. B, ..."

You get the idea.

Joe Monk Wolf said...

The photo of the Prospect West bike lane protesters is so damn revealing. All those folks cringe at the mere sight of exercise.

Ben Levy said...

Brilliant. I am in awe of how you constantly come up with such great posts. Best reading of my whole day.

Anonymous said...

lobster bisque

David Byrne said...


Joey said...

You know... Some fat people read your blog.

As one of them, it sucks to read you hating on someone for being fat.

Especially because you hate her ideas, and not (I hope) her body.

Neil said...

avoid arrest...strap on the feedbag !

Anonymous said...

I'm sure this is a mean thing to say but, all the people protesting the bike lanes are disgusting looking. Really, each one a hideously awful looking fat slob.

Alec Baldwin McDonald said...

"A.B.E. Always be eating. A, always, B, be, E, eating. Always be eating. ALWAYS be eating!!... Thin guy? I don't give shit! Good vegan? Fuck you! Go home and play with your organic garden."

Anonymous said...

joey @3:30, i think we hate her ideas and her body. i also find her face and voice kind of annoying. but I think the point is what could this fat crazy bitch possibly have against the bike lane?

Anonymous said...

Both of my nipples are pierced.

The first one hurt while having it done,but it as also kind of a rush. The second one, while the endorphins had been used up and the second hurt like a son of a bitch.

Anonymous said...

in reference to the brian panties williams piece, i think it's pretty misleading to say that they've replaced car lanes with 260 miles of bike lanes. in most places the car lanes still exist as previously and they simply added a defined bike lane. All of this to improve the quality of life for new yorkers. what an absolutely insane idea. although i do find Janette to be a pretty exotic name.

Barbara Cochran said...

@anon 3:41,

You're correct, but they own valuable real estate and that's all that matters. I'm guessing you could barely afford a 700 s.f. studio in Canarsie, not that I'd even list something like that.

BTW, their apartments are worth more than your life. And the lives of your kids and grandkids too. And all your pets.

Ironic that they're that out of shape yet live right next to a beautifully landscaped 500+ acre park with miles of walking paths, huh. The world's a craaazy place, my friend.

careless said...

At the age of 5, I zippered my penis.
Nipples? That tickles in comparison.

Douglas Durst said...

That's right! Babs, my homegirl.
Let 'em know 'what's up'!
New York real estate rules!

Anonymous said...

All you WOOSIES bragging about nipple and peni pain, need to step back, and google the video "pain olympics"

Unknown said...

Great interview with Kahn. Unfortunate that Brian Williams oozed skepticism and ignorance. You, Brian Williams, are NOT a traffic engineer, and its the only intelligent thing you said.

JB said...

Hey, I studied traffic engineering back in ye olde undergrad. All you haters, can suck my calming device.

JB said...

FYI: the fixie brake lawyer focuses on bicycle law. Only in Portland, folks.

TheTye said...

Google Translate made today's post more funnier-er

Sting said...

king of pain
I'll always be
king of pain
I'll always be
king of pain
I'll always be
king of pain

that hurt!

TheTye said...

and for that matter...

போர்ட்லேண்ட் ஒரு ஜோக் எடுக்க முடியாது .... அனைத்து

8===D ~ ~ ~ (oYo) said...


Please show us more of your over priced, unique possessions that define you as a person.

Anonymous said...

"I'm walking here! I'm walking here! .... Fucking asshole."

Elite Snob said...

Yeah? What of it?
When you're sick, don't you want elite medical care?
Who are these morons demonizing 'elite'?

Anonymous said...


Harold and Kumar said...

அதை மழை பெய்கிறது என்றால், பேருந்து எடுக்க

Anonymous said...


Nipples are so cliche said...


Anonymous said...


Never been there said...

I used to think that NYC was a giant, culturally inbred mess. Thanks to your blog I see that it is an amalgam of many smaller, culturally inbred messes. Thanks.

BikeSnobNYC said...

8===D ~ ~ ~ (oYo),

There's really only the bikes. Well, and my artisanal I.M. Pei-inspired pigeon coop. Self-important video about my intense spiritual connection with these wonderful birds to come, stay tuned.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

hey wildcat rock machine

do you sell the squab scat to the local producer of wednsday weed for fertalizer ?

mr. Pissta

Keith Marquee Moon said...

Hey there! Mr. Wildcat Rock Machine Man,

is this Question Night?

red neckerson said...

aw fuck

me and my cousins joe bob jim bob billy bob and ricky is heading down to the occupyviper protest at the pubic libary

JDP16 said...

Wow, New york must have almost as many A-holes on the road as Boston. I drove into to your fair city the other week. Then walked a whole bunch and taxi'd - the only thing I didn't do was bike ( I did see a bunch of hipsters on their bikes - who knew the caricature was simply a description of reality)
Regardless, your traffic system is about the best I've experienced from every perspective - Sadik Kahn is a heroine. if you guys want rid of her, send her up North.
Want to swap some hilpsters for our Knight-riders. We've got about a 5:1 ratio of Ani (? I think this is the plural form) who ride in the night without lights compared to people who think being seen by cars is a good idea - clearly I am one of the uncool bicyclists!

Billy said...

Had to stop reading to comment: that little chit chat at the end of the Rock Center clip made me want to punch out Brian Williams right in his stupid smug SUV-driving-into-playgrounds face.

Also the whole damn thing was yet another example of fake-ass "balance" where media gives equal airtime to opposing views without bothering to check if one of those views is even arguing in good faith.

Anonymous said...

that is not a skid mark
i keep my bacon in my underwear

Tony Def said...

yeah, man.
That's why on this page he's known as
Brian Panties Williams

Anonymous said...

Maybe all of you 'empowered' little bikers should grow up and start paying taxes.
When you get a real job with real responsibilities and stop asking for handouts/bike lanes, then you will be invited to the real adult world.

Phil A

Etherhuffer said...

Scranus taint what it used to be.

JDH said...

#occupyviper? What are thet?

leroy said...

I. M. Pei-inspired pigeon coop?


The Butlers have a real I.M. Pei pigeon coop.

(I am, however, unimpressed. My pigeon coop preferences run to Bauhaus.)

dporpentine said...

Okay, not as great as the ultimate classic Hawk Takes Pigeon post, but damn close. Thank you.

JDH said...

Phil A.--- My friend, I commute by bike every day here in the frigid Midwest. I also pay taxes on my home, my Ford 500 LTD, the wifes' Chevy Cobalt, and all the clothes and food I provide for my family. My church gets a measly $35 a week. Is that grown up enough that I could ask my city for a safe way to get to work? Oh, I forgot, since I and my loaded bike weigh 200 pounds, I am extending the life of the road, no?

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Phil A --

You misunderstand. We cyclists call them "hand ups". Not "hand outs."

I myself merely request a simple crudite hand up along the Second Avenue bike lane. A little ranch dressing on the side would be heaven.

(But I bet your just joshing and Phil A isn't even your real name. Am I right?)

Anonymous said...


The safest way to get to work is to hop in your car, fasten your seatbelt and drive yourself.
Use that church money to fill up your gas tank.
Just thinking outside of the total obvious box.

Phil A

Anonymous said...


Hand ups, hand outs or hand jobs.
The point is that you want them all for free.
The real world doesn't work that way.
You have to pay to have a say.

Phil A

Midge said...

Has anyone seen.Phil A?

He likes to pee on things.


Doesn't listen to logic or reason.

Pethaps ran off to join circus, or the Tea Party.

Will consider a trade for a dog.

leroy said...

Not to burst anyone's bubble, but according to my dog, Viper is so small, Ricky and Red are enough of a crowd to occupy it.

He says it's a one hydrant town, but not without its charms.

The produce aisle at the Piggly Wiggly is Zagat rated.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Phil A --

Now you're just making me giggle.

You should take a look at the Supreme Court's Flast v. Cohen decision, which shredded your "I pay, therefore I say" logic about 50 years ago.

And that's a good thing for you because it's a safe bet that I pay more taxes than you and the difference would certainly cover a couple of buckets of green paint for a bike lane or two.)

(Now that I think of it, it's a shame I can't insist that my contributions fund a modest Greek revival pigeon coop near your parking space when you park on a publicly funded and maintained street. You'd enjoy the cooing and get an aerobic workout washing your vehicle after their fly over. Golly, it's just so hard to tell what's a common good expenditure and what's a pet project, isn't it?))

But if you're upset because my dog sold you one of the streets Ms. Sadik-Kahn painted, I'll make him give your money back. I've told him time and again that it's not nice to take advantage of simpletons.

Yours fondly,


JDH said...

Really Phil? Really? Maybe I should gas up with the money I donate to put a girl in El Salvador thru school for the last 18 years? Forgot to mention that. $30 a month. Since 1993. Beautiful girl. She rides a bike to get around.
I like paying for things that help humankind. Who do you help besides yourself? What is the real reason for your dislike of cyclists? You can't possibly believe we are all jobless beggars.
By the way, I'm a machinist, and I keep the wheels of industry turning by repairing everything from bulldozers to hot dog carts. How about some love?

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Phil A --

I apologize for that last post under my name.

My dog wrote it pretending to be me.

I will have a word with him.

He does, however, make a good point about pigeons. They are magnificient creatures who poop on cars. Famous pigeon fanciers include Iron Mike Tyson and Bert (of Sesame Street fame).

But sadly, no, you wouldn't get much of an aerobic work out cleaning up after them. Nonetheless, that "wax on, wax off" training did wonders for the Karate Kid.

Yours with apologies,


walia said...


Urniary tract infection treatment

Anonymous said...


I was being really real.
You said you gave money to church, not a sexy Latin American lady.
It's good that you have a solid work ethic, don't expect handouts and green bike lanes like the rest of these people.
The safest place is still in your car.

Phil A

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Phil A --

That was "wax on, wax off" not "wax on and whack off".

If you're driving, commenting and fantasizing about "sexy" young women at the same time, that doesn't seem very safe at all.

Yours with concern,


leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
David Henderson said...

ஒப்புதல்! = Approved!

leroy said...

Dear Mr. or Ms. Walia --

Please send your literature on urinary tract infection to my friend Mr. Phil-A.

His writing seems inflamed.

In the meantime, I will contact my congressperson to see if my taxes can fund his treatment.

Thank goodness my work ethic at my adult job in the real world is sufficiently remunerative to afford him this comfort.



leroy said...

Dear Mr. Phil A --

I got my Senator on the phone to see if we could direct our tax payments to get you the help you need.

She said you should grow up, get a job in the real world and stop expecting handouts.

She said your insistence that the government subsidize your driving habits keeps us dependent on foreign oil and is exacerbating the substantial economic problems we face.

But she may just have been grumpy because I woke her.

Don't despair. I'll try again tomorrow during business hours.

Your pal,


Etherhuffer said...

Phil, while this blog may inflame your scranus a little, you may find that many folks here are pragmatic cyclists, not just raging car haters. Some people see the benefits of cars, bikes, motorcycles, etc all at once. After all, most of the blog entries skewer cyclist silliness.

If you really need to spleen-vent, work on Criticl Mass first so thatbwe don't have to.

Anonymous said...

All right, enough already - we get it.
You're both very smug and remarkably intelligent assholes.
Now shut up and go to your rooms.
And no floffing off.

Anonymous said...

I'm so proud of my fellow commenters for not simply exploding in a spittle-shower of rage and profanity at Phil A. This is so much more entertaining -- and vastly more effective!

ce said...

Phil A is a scranus

ce said...

Phil A is a scranus

Anonymous said...

Wow, why all the hate about Bamboo Phil's kickstarter project? He's just trying to raise a little money to start something. You know, make an honest living, contribute to society, and help the economy... "Can't we all just get along"

J-Bird said...

Brian Sadik-Williams is a douchebag with an exotic name.

Anonymous said...


it escaped your comment -- though not I'm sure your notice -- that the District Bikes prototype has a seatpost-mounted shifter (along with an excssive, non-eco-friendly amount of petroleum-based-polymer-coated cable housing zip-tied to the frame.

You're our last bulwark against this kind of horror but you're asking us to give him money to perpetrate more such atrocities -- where's your social conscience?

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Anonymous said...


Check out this craigslist add. This is similar to the guy who can't use his front hub in Nashville. Here is a guy who claims that he won't need his bike in Africa. Absurdo!

helena said...

The fenders really highlight the whitewall tires as well, yet another feature that makes it one of the flashiest and fun-looking cruisers around Affordable Cruiser Bicycle.

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Lovely shoes ! It's perfect for the summer


Fixie Bikes said...

That picture of Woody Allen is confusing.

Fixie Bikes said...

You can handle the criticism.

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