I sit.

Step Mother.

Sometimes you just need to sit down. Take the weight off.

And ponder.

Why the word step?  Why the word mother?

The word step creates a distance. A hurdle. A physical barrier to cross to get to the destination.

Mother.  Well that just summons a million emotions!  It is a revered word.  A life giver. A home. A nest. A protector.

Most step moms give it all.  They protect, love, shield, play, clean up after, drive and cook for their step kids.

All things “motherly”.

BUT…the but.  The hiccup.  The eyes that say you aren’t my mom.  You are my Dad’s wife.  You are a good listener.  You are sometimes my friend.  You are a good cook.  But

Being a step mom is one of the hardest things I have ever done. And that is a consistent refrain that I have heard from the emails I have received since the publication of my memoir, Stepmother.

Does the label of stepmother create more hardship from the get go?  Have we made it harder by assigning a name that creates distance, a hurdle and already belongs to another?

As I sit,  I ponder.

step mom 1 (2)



5 thoughts on “I sit.

  1. Wonderful newsletter, Marianne. I think being a “step” parent would be incredibly difficult. I give you so much credit. You bring up some interesting points about the nomenclature. I agree that it creates the illusion of a hurdle/obstacle, and yet even without that barrier, it’s still difficult. My first husband died when our adopted son was two (we had him from birth). When I remarried, my new husband insisted on adopting him (so he’s been adopted twice!). My husband met him when he was three; we married and he adopted him when Nathaniel was four. And it was still hard. Hard to “step” in, even with the best intentions. You make it work, and hopefully everyone grows, but there are always little hurdles to be jumped, aren’t there?

    I really do mean to read your book soon, but I’m always so swamped. I’ll get to it eventually!

    Have a great mother’s day!



  2. Thanks for your recent post. I would imagine that this Day coming up might be fraught with all kinds of feelings for “steps” and from your writing, it sounds that this is certainly the case for you.
    Many mothers, step and biological, are here to commiserate, listen, and wish you well.
    Keep Writing.


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