8 Insights For Helping You Win Conflict And Overcome Adversity

success god's way Feb 19, 2018

The term "winning conflict" does not mean winning every argument. Rather, we strive to "win" in conflict by achieving the best possible outcome. Let's look into the insights of Solomon in Proverbs and how he engages in conflict.

#1 Understand the Potential Consequences of the Conflict. It is important to understand the possible ramifications of the conflict you are engaging in. After a bridge is burned, it is difficult to win back someone's trust or friendship. This does not mean that you cannot engage in confrontation, however, just be mindful of the possible outcomes that are at stake.

"A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle" Proverbs 18:19

#2 Achieving the Best Possible Outcome for All Parties. The objective of conflict is not to be right or prove someone else wrong. It is to achieve the best outcome for all parties involved. So, when you engage in conflict just remember that the whole goal of confrontation is to make things better, not worse.

#3 Seek Counsel Before Engaging. If you're going to engage in conflict, it is a good idea to seek out advice from an outside source. Remember, you are just one side of the two-sided coin. So, be wise and seek counsel before you engage.

"Plans are established by counsel; by wise guidance wage war" -Proverbs 20:18

#4 Do Not Answer in the Foolish Manner of Your Attacker. Solomon tells us, "Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him." In other words, don't stoop to someone's level. If the other party in the confrontation attacks you with name-calling or other immature tactics, respond with maturely and if he/she continues to be aggressive then just walk away and let them reflect on their foolishness. We talk about this in great detail in our series Effective & Persuasive Communication.

#5 Don't Reveal Confidential Information. In arguments, it comes naturally for us to use outside opinions as ammo to defend our point. These opinions of others are confidential. Breaking that confidence not only hurts your reputation and relationships but also will likely just stir up another conflict. Solomon states in Proverbs 25:9-10:

"Do not reveal the secret of another, lest he who hears it reproach you, and the evil report about you not pass away."

#6 Never Prolong an Argument. Naturally, we all look to get the last word in when arguing. This will only make things worse and cause the situation to escalate. Solomon says in Proverbs 26:20, "Where no wood is, there the fire goes out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceases." Looking to get the last word in or get one more jab in on somebody just fuels the fire, without fuel the fire will cease. Solomon also states in Proverbs 15:1

"Soft answers turn away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger."

#7 Give an Unexpected gift. Giving a gift is a gesture that easily dissolves tension. One time, a former partner of mine had upset me to the point that I was ready to end the friendship. The next day I walked into my office and on my desk was a gift wrapped with a red bow and a card with an apology. This quickly eased any anger I had and our friendship was right back on track. A simple gesture makes a strong impact.

#8 Be Quick to Forgive. When someone has hurt us and we are given the opportunity to forgive them, be kind and loving. You will see that it's a far greater burden to hold hatred in your heart than it is to forgive the ones who have hurt you. There is not a more Godly act than to forgive. The greater the hurt, the more we can forgive. The more we forgive, the more we build our character as men and women of God.

"Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions" -Proverbs 10:12


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