20 Hilarious Thoughts Dad Had On The Way To The Hospital

Most fathers tend to think about trying to find the fastest route to the hospital when they find out that their significant other is in labor or making sure that they packed everything once they are in the car and en route.

When my mom was in labor with my little sister, my dad later said that even though he was really excited about meeting his new bundle of joy, all he could really think about was making sure that he dropped me off at my aunt’s house so she could watch me and getting to the hospital before a major ice storm was due to arrive later on in the day.

Of course, when dads are jittery in the car or the train, their brains tend to run wild and they have some pretty hilarious thoughts flash through their mind. For example, one father was very concerned that his wife would have their child on the toilet when she went to go to the bathroom while another dad-to-be kept wondering if he remembered to bring scissors for the grand cutting of the cord ceremony.

Dads-to-be and current fathers will definitely get a good laugh at the list of funny thoughts their fellow dads had on the way to the hospital.

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20 Babies Aren't Always Born By The Book

According to Café Mom, one father admitted that he was absolutely baffled when his wife told him that it was go time and they had to drive to the hospital ASAP because she was in labor.

All he could think of was the fact that his wife was only pregnant for 38 weeks and he had read in countless pregnancy books that birth usually happens around week 40. Of course, his brain couldn’t keep these thoughts to himself and he actually blurted out “But it’s only 38 weeks!” when they were in the car. Needless to say, his wife facepalmed at his train of thought.

19 Labor Shouldn't Be That Bad

Café Mom writes that another father that was driving the mother-to-be to the hospital so that she could give birth to their child kept wondering to himself if the labor was really that bad.

Needless to say, the labor lasted eight hours and the medication they gave this poor woman didn’t work, so she had to give birth the all-natural way. One would think that the father-to-be would’ve gotten the hint that yea, labor really is that bad but nope. He actually told the new mom “Honey, it can’t be that bad.” It is probably a good thing that his significant other was exhausted, otherwise he would have had to dodge a shoe that was flung in his direction.

18 Dads Are Lucky To Be Able To Nap

Cafe Mom adds that another dad-to-be admitted that he was feeling totally exhausted when it came time to welcome the new bundle of joy into the world and all he kept thinking was, “If this takes too long, I think I’m just going to go home quickly and take a nap. Text me if anything changes.”

My dude, if you think you’re exhausted, that is nothing compared to what your significant other is going through. The entire labor and birthing process is way more strenuous than running the New York City Marathon; just grab a cup of coffee to ease the fatigue and stay put for moral support.

17 No, You Take It Easy

Another dad admits to Café Mom that he kept listening to his wife swearing up a storm in the seat next to him and all that was going through his mind was “Take it easy.”

He is so lucky that his long-enduring wife isn’t a mind reader, otherwise there is a good chance that she would have figured out a way to stop the car, kick him out of the vehicle’s driver seat and either recruit someone else in her family to drive her to the hospital or simply grin and bear it so that she could drive herself to the venue in question.

16 Wondering If His Mom Can Be In The Room For The Delivery

Café Mom writes that one dad told them that he is very close with his own mother and kept thinking to himself whether or not he should risk ticking off his wife (who didn’t want anyone else in the delivery room aside from him) about whether or not he could invite his mom to join them at the hospital once they finally got there.

During the labor, this father also admitted that he wasn’t able to resist asking his wife several times if he could bring in his mom. You’d think after she said no once or twice that he’d get the hint, but apparently not!

15 Canker Sores Are Painful, People

Mommy Shorts writes that one dad-to-be kept mentally complaining about a canker sore that he had as he was listening to his wife grumble about labor as they made their way to the hospital.

Dude, while I’ve had canker sores before and no, they are not a walk in the park—especially if you like to eat spicy food, but they are a heck of a lot easier to deal with and definitely isn’t as painful as bringing a brand new human being into the world. Next time, grab some ointment from the grocery store so that the canker sore will clear up ASAP.

14 Comfortable Shoes Are A Must

Dads-to-be, learn from this father’s experience and make sure that you wear comfortable shoes when it comes time to head to the hospital and welcome your little one to the world.

MommyShorts writes that this one gentleman was in a deep slumber when his significant other’s water broke. He’d been on his feet all day and fell asleep in a weird position so instead of fretting about how the poor woman in the car next to him must feel extra-crummy or being excited about welcoming his new son or daughter to the world, he kept thinking about how much his foot hurt.

13 Pondering How Clothes Work

What To Expect user PDMadrid writes that her husband admitted to her after she had given birth that when she woke him up in the middle of the night when her water broke that he was still in a sleep-deprived haze.

Not only was he wondering about how clothes worked and thought that he needed to wear not one, but two pairs of underpants in order to go to the hospital, but PDMadrid adds that her husband also admitted that all throughout the ride to get there he kept wondering why his pants suddenly felt so ill-fitting because he completely forgot that in his sleep-deprived haze he layered up.

12 Time To Play Video Games

MommyShorts points out that one father decided to pack not one, but two laptops and two copies of a video game when it came time to head out the hospital because he erroneously thought that “the birth of a first child is going to take forever” and he and his wife will have time to play while they wait for the epidural to kick in.

How this guy’s wife didn’t laugh hysterically when she found out this little nugget of information is beyond me. It amazes me that he honestly believed that there would be time during the entire process of giving birth for his poor wife to play a video game.

11 The Placenta Of Doom

Baby Center user E_Parker writes that her husband later told her on the way home from the hospital that during the drive there, all he could think about was reminding himself to under no circumstances look at the placenta after she gave birth because apparently he'd read from descriptions in books that it looked really odd, and he just didn't want to see it lest the image stay in his brain for days on end.

He also added on the ride home that against his better judgment, he looked at said placenta of doom after she gave birth to their son and predictably, he got said image burned into his brain because it looked like a “weird grey-blue bag" and that weirded him out. Hasn’t this guy ever heard the old saying about curiosity and cats? Never give into your curiosity!

10 Squeamish Dad Wants To Know What The Best Hiding Places Are

Yessie0730 writes on the Baby Center forums that on the way to the hospital, all that was running through the his mind was coming up with excellent hiding places so that he wouldn’t have to see the entire birthing process and once he got there, decided that staying behind the curtain near the television was a good way to block out the audio and visuals.

Since this poor gentleman was so squeamish, while his wife was delivering their child, he decided to hide behind the curtain and shout questions to his sister-in-law about the baby’s progress from his hiding spot.

9 Time To Eat

MommyShorts writes that one gentleman wanted to make sure that his significant other was well-nourished at the hospital, so he thought to himself “Hmmm…it might be a good idea to stop and purchase some apples or oranges from the grocery store so that she can eat while delivering our baby.”

What should have been a 10-minute trip turned into an hour and a half ride because the well-meaning but silly dad just had to make a pit stop to find the right fruit for mom, who is currently in labor. It’s a nice gesture, but he clearly forgot that the hospital has its own cafeteria and the poor mom isn’t likely to want to eat fruit at a time like this.

8 Pondering The Genetics Of Facial Moles


What To Expect user Phmc2016 notes that right before their son was born, she got into a raucous debate at a party held by mutual friends with her husband over facial moles of all things and he was even pondering about the genetics of said moles a few days later as they made their way to the hospital, although his wife kept telling him to keep quiet lest he accidentally jinx their son when he’s born by having one.

Phmc2016 adds that her husband was so concerned over the genetics of facial moles because he personally did not find them to be aesthetically pleasing

7 Hospitals Need Better Technology

According to MommyShorts, one dad had promised the mother-to-be that he would remember to bring her iPod so that she could hook it up to the stereo and be able to listen to her music without the aid of headphones during delivery.

As luck would have it, the poor dad was so proud of himself that he remembered everything, only to think to himself “Hmmm, better take a closer look at this cord” during a red light and found that he had actually purchased the wrong cord! He then started feeling nervous and had to come up with a way to break the news to his wife about his faux pas. Needless to say, she wasn’t thrilled that they had to stop at Radio Shack so that he could get a new one.

6 Bring Your Own Scissors

CafeMom writes that one dad sheepishly admitted that when his wife was pregnant with their very first child, the only thing he could think of on the trip to the hospital was whether or not he had brought scissors so that he could do the honors after the little one was born.

His wife started to laugh hysterically when she found out that he was concerned about such a small detail, especially since there is no need to bring your own scissors to the hospital since the doctors tend to bring one into the delivery room. It’s a routine procedure and they definitely wouldn’t forget such an important item like that.

5 It's My Birthday And I'll Party If I Want To

One father admits on the Essential Baby fo that on the way to take his wife in to deliver their second daughter, he was a bit upset that she didn’t remember that it was midnight and it was officially his birthday. In any other situation he’d have every right to feel a little bit upset that she didn’t realize it was his birthday, but c’mon—she clearly had other things on her mind at the time!

Thankfully, he snapped out of it once he saw how preoccupied his wife was with the whole labor process and even started making jokes about how she “forgot to wish him a happy birthday” during the ride to make her laugh and forget about how much her body aches.

4 Don't Let Her Have A Child In The Bathroom

Another dad writes on Essential Baby that his biggest concern during his significant other’s labor was that her stomach was a bit upset and right before they left for the hospital, she had to run to the bathroom and he kept thinking to himself, “Oh man, I really hope my child isn’t born on a toilet seat.”

What makes the story even more delightful is that he kept fretting over whether or not his child would be born in a toilet bowel because the mom kept saying throughout the entire car ride that her bladder was doing a happy dance during labor. Once they got to the hospital and into the delivery suite, she ran to the bathroom and actually delivered her child there. Move over Theresa Caputo, this dad could steal your spot as a top psychic!

3 Dad's Rooting For A Boy

Reddit user Withanfnotaph writes that her husband told her after she and their daughter came home from the hospital that he was on edge the entire ride there because all he could think about was his smug insistence that the child was going to be a boy.

The pair had decided against doing the usual tests to see if the infant was going to be a girl or a boy because they wanted it to be a surprise. Withanfnotaph was so sure that their little one was going to be a boy that his jaw practically dropped to the floor when he was congratulating himself on his new son and the doctor corrected him and told him that he was the proud father of a baby girl.

2 Siri, I Need Directions To Get To The Hospital

MommyShorts notes that one dad said that he kept fretting about getting to the hospital as fast as he could and it wound up that in the furor to leave, he had forgotten the directions!

You’d think he would realize the error of his ways and just use an app on his smartphone to figure out how to get there, but nope. He was so nervous that he took too many wrong turns and wound up on the other side of town. After many bouts of screeching about the epidural window from his wife, the father-to-be managed to find someone and ask for directions just in time.

1 Construction Workers Build Babies

One dad writes on the Essential Baby forums that he was really jittery on the way to the hospital and kept mixing up words in his head as they drove there.

His wife wanted him to call and let the staff know that they were on their way and because all he kept thinking about was getting there ASAP, he said “Yes, hello… I’m phoning to let you know that my wife is in the first stages of construction.” Who knew that moms-to-be were secretly construction workers that built children in the middle of the night when everyone else was sleeping?

Sources: Cafe Mom, Mommyshorts, PopSugar, Daddy's Grounded, Baby Center, What To Expect, Essential Babies, Reddit

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