Feminine Gays: The strongest of the bunch 2

A Gay Tutorial – by Uriel Ezequiel

This is Uriel’s second featured gay tutorial following on from Being gay isn’t a choice – a gay tutorial.

Can we please have a moment of silence… For all the homosexual hypocrites who endorse and promote gay-on-gay hate.

It doesn’t make sense right? Victims of discrimination, discriminating against other people. Well it happens all the time; after all bigotry is contagious.

Feminine gay

Humanity itself places a blind eye on hypocrisy, the notion only arises when it’s used as a mechanism of defence or a crutch to justify hate. A representation of difference normally attracts hate due to ignorance. Skinheads discriminate against everyone who isn’t aryan, black supremacists use historical motives to hate Caucasians, gay skinheads (yes they do exist, google G.A.S.H – Gay Aryan Skin-heads) hate all kinds of gays except white and masculine gays.

But that isn’t something new right? Feminine gays are always the primary victims of homophobia and gay-on-gay hate. That should be taboo within the gay community. It is only logical that victims of discrimination should unite and help each other in finding solutions to combat the modern oppression gays face on a daily basis. Unfortunately it isn’t so.

Before I continue let me elaborate a personal story.

While I was in my closet days, I made it a point that any association with feminine gays was a complete no-no. Obvious reasons for that were I would fall victim to the ‘guilt by association’ theory (befriending a particular group of people automatically confirms that you are just like them or you also follow their way of life, e.g. if one befriends gangsters, people might assume that person is also a gangster), which would have blown my cover. Besides that, I didn’t understand why certain gays adopted feminine behaviour and social etiquette at that time. So I distanced myself from fems until I met my boyfriend. To be honest I didn’t really think he was a true fem. To my surprise, not only was he fem, he was also a part time cross-dresser. I still remember the first time we met and spoke officially, my mind was filled with doubts and concerns but then as I learned more about him, I discovered a persona of gold and one of the highest IQ level I’ve discovered in my life. It was a thrill to note that behind the make up, feminine behaviour and clothes lay a human being who possessed a lot of positive qualities I rarely see on the rest of the pretentious gays. His ability to reason, his emotional maturity, his brave attitude towards taking a stand against homophobia inspired me. As our relationship progressed, he slowly introduced me to his way of life, friends, social interactions, the parties, the lifestyle, etc. That’s when I discovered a valuable lesson: fems are braver and stronger than any other man. You see, a man’s description of true and brute strength is exaggerated aggression and a hyperbolic ego.

But then tell me who is stronger?

  1. A man who can start a fight just to impress his friends who will probably laugh at him if he gets beaten up. But miraculously finishes the fight and roars like a hungry beast. However, when it comes to facing facts, he hides under his ego, pride or a bunch of lies.
  2. Or a man who chooses to be himself regardless of what society says or does and expresses his true self whilst facing the risk of intimidation, ridicule, injury, humiliation, death and makes no excuses about who he is?

Tell me, which man is brave enough to dress up in a bum short, heels, lipstick and as soon as they step outside, they face laughter, ridicule, being pelted with stones, perverse sneers, sinister wolf-whistles, stares, profanity and death threats?
Imagine doing that on a daily basis. would you handle even an hour in that situation?

So called “men” wouldn’t even dare to do that. The same men are the ones who are failed fathers, who got kids everywhere, who don’t know the meaning of responsibility, who take pride in stupid actions and decisions because they have nothing that is worth celebrating, who keep making excuses for doing the wrong things, who pretend and conform just to avoid being ridiculed or patronised by the same people they call friends.

Real men are not cowards of any kind and they stand up for the truth and righteousness.

Real men think for themselves:

  • They know what’s wrong and what’s right
  • They own up to their mistakes and overcome them
  • They never justify a wrong decision
  • They humble themselves and apologise if they are wrong
  • They take care of business
  • They don’t use their challenges as an excuse to make another person suffer
  • They don’t need to prove their manliness by fighting
  • They treat everyone with respect
  • They honour their commitments and pledges
  • How many men in South Africa have these qualities?

You find old boys in taverns drinking their salaries whilst their children and wives are hungry back home, then when they are drunk, they keep bragging that they are men.

Then, you find the younger generation seeing such things and following suit instead of changing things.

You are a not a man if you don’t respect people regardless of their race or sexuality. You still an immature boy who will try to defend his opinion by justifying his attitude towards the people he claims to hate.

Fems fight a daily struggle that began the day they became openly gay and they receive no sympathy. They fight against everyone and whenever they go to a new place or meet new people, another battle ensues. The only people who understand their demise are intellectuals who understand the diversity within humanity.

What defines a man?

A social expectation or his ability to reason and stand up to what is right?


You find straight actors, who don’t understand fems, judging and discriminating against them because of idiotic notion. The same people betray the LGBTI cause by playing straight in broad daylight and being a Perez Hilton at night or at gay functions.

Being gay means being a man who is attracted to another man. Whether that man drags, shakes his ass, twerks, sings… as long as he has a penis, he’s still a man just like any other man.

But then again there is no singular definition of the term “man”. Culturally, a man is a male who has kids and has reached a certain age and a level of maturity. Socially, a man is a male who knows and symbolizes maturity and responsibility. Biologically, a man is a person who has masculine characteristics. Physiologically, a man is a person with a penis and has surpassed adolescence.

Since there are fems who fall under all of the mentioned categories, aren’t they men too? There is this tendency inspired by ignorance that is exercised by people who try to be funny and homophobes. They question a fem’s gender just because they act feminine. Just because a male displays feminine characteristics doesn’t make them a woman, just like wearing a chicken costume doesn’t make the wearer a KFC ambassador.

Many ask: “Why do fems have to act womanly?” The same reason why you have to act manly… Personal preference!

Human arrogance always tends to direct people into believing their way of life and beliefs are universal and should be followed by everyone. Anyone who acts differently is seen as an adversary and is treated brutally.

The same people who practice this arrogance tend to try to forcefully factualise their opinions and comfort themselves in a false sense of perfectionism.

But that sad truth is, no matter what you believe in, your opinions won’t change the truth, however the truth will change what you believe in.

The truth in this scenario is that no matter how hard homophobes and femophobes try to justify throwing stones at fems; making them feel cheap by assuming they are nothing more than sex toys; throwing insults just to seem cool among their friends; raping them thinking no one will see; making petty comments about the way they carry themselves; laughing at them and showing it to the world… it is wrong. By doing so, you are merely building the rope they will use to hang themselves.

Will homophobes and femophobes live with themselves if they knew that their words destroyed a life or perhaps killed someone. That their foolishness is the reason why a family is grieving over the loss of a son, father, brother, uncle or nephew?

Will they live with themselves knowing that deep down they are the reason why a person is cutting their veins, contemplating suicide?

Believe it or not, fems are human beings, they have feelings too and each action you do to discredit their existence affects them greatly.

When will one real and righteous man stand and do the right thing? Why are fems the strongest of the bunch? They simply do what 80% of what human beings refuse or are afraid to do. They live life their way; live life to the fullest; giving the middle finger to society’s expectations.

Instead of hating them, how about we take inspiration from their strength and willpower and use that to influence some positive change in this god-forsaken world. Remember that when you try to heighten your self-worth at the expense of other people.

Class dismissed.

Uriel Ezequiel is a crazy, entertaining, professional and qualified writer who has played Russian Roulette with a monkey and nearly lost. If you want to hire him, check out his online writer portfolio here.

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2 thoughts on “Feminine Gays: The strongest of the bunch

  • Gerrit

    Thank you. This article is good and made me see things about myself I want to change. Guess I hated fema because I am scared of being stereotyped. But you are right, that shows weakness.