"Coming Out" Without a Label

Am I bisexual? A question I sat with and ruminated over for months. Coming out, for some, is easier, because they just know. For others—myself included—it takes time, because they don’t know.

All I knew was that the attraction was there, but I didn’t know how far that attraction went. I kissed women in the past, but kissing a woman is one thing, exploring her body is a whole other thing.

In October of 2017 I had my first experience with a woman. Instantly, it became clear to me that it wasn’t just admiration, it was more.

But here’s the catch...

Three months passed by, and at this point, I knew I loved being with women (I was even in polyamorous relationship with one), but I was uncertain about what that meant.

Does this make me bi? Could I be something other than bi? Would I be with a woman romantically, if a man wasn’t involved? WHAT THE FUCK DO I IDENTIFY AS?

I felt overwhelmingly frustrated and bemused which equated to hiding it. I didn’t talk about my experiences...or my girlfriend.

It wasn’t due to shame, it was more or so that I didn’t feel comfortable claiming a label....yet. And I knew if I did talk about it, people would ask, “So are you bi?!?!” “Are you gay?!?” “WHAT ARE YOU?!?!”

I didn’t want to be pried with questions I didn’t have the answers too. So, I avoided it all together.

My then-partners told me something extremely helpful and it made my “coming out” process a hell of a lot easier:

You don’t need a label in order to “come out” or to talk about the things that make you happy. People want black and white answers, but it isn’t your job to give it to them.

So, for awhile, it was just, “I’m Devon and I like both men and women.” If they asked for more, I just said, “I don’t know.”

^^ and there’s nothing wrong with that answer.

We get so wrapped up in labels and identities, which can create unnecessary stress, pressure, and removes the joy from the freedom of expression.

Don’t let labels or meanings keep you from exploring your sexuality. You’re YOU. And whatever you do doesn’t have to mean anything.

You’re more than welcome to claim a label...WHEN and IF it feels right, but you’re not obligated to take that on ⚡

What I Learned From an Open Relationship

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐧𝐨𝐧-𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬, 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐲𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩:

If your partner loves someone else, it 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 means they love them, too. If you’re partner finds someone else attractive, it 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 means they find them attractive, too. It doesn’t detract from the love they have for you or the beauty they see in you.

Love is expansive. You can love multiple people.

ALL your insecurities will bubble up to the surface. You’ll even become aware of insecurities you never knew existed. Being in an open relationship doesn’t mean you’re immune to jealousy or you’re less susceptible to feeling it. It will come up, even when you least expect it. It’s inevitable.

^^ When insecurities or jealousy arises, it’s important never to judge, but seek to understand. Examine the external situation causing it, and identify the internal emotions triggering it. Dismantling these feelings will allow you to have a greater understanding of yourself.

Being jealous or insecure does not make you a jealous or insecure person. It means you’re a human, having a normal emotional experience.

You must let go of the need to control the outcome and accept all possibilities.

It’s work. A tremendous amount of work. It’s easy to get lost in the glamor of it all—the sex, the multiple connections, the novelty you can frequently experience. But let me assure you, shit ain’t easy. It’s a lot to manage, and requires so much bandwidth.

It will lovingly force you to dive a little deeper into cultivating more self assurance, more self awareness, and more self confidence. It will demand you to vocalize your needs, have difficult conversations, declare boundaries, and effectively communicate. It’ll remind you to stop trivializing your feelings in order to please someone else, because the way you feel is just as important. It will ask you to neglect beliefs no longer serving you or your partners.

Ultimately, for me, this relationship paved my path to a road full of self discovery and growth. And I’m utterly grateful for the valuable and crucial lessons this set up brought me.


What Happened When I Entered a Polyamorous Relationship









Devon then compared to Devon now isn’t remotely the same.




And so much more herself.



Happy New Year.



Bisexuality - My Story.

































Coming Out As BiSexual - Becca's Story

Just like any other day, I was mindlessly swiping through Bumble, except on this particularly day, someone caught my attention. A beautiful soul named Becca had sent me a message and I was immediately drawn to her - not just because she's beautiful, but because of the conversation we exchanged. We talked about bisexuality, polyamory, and non-monogamy - all things I was new or open to exploring and it felt great to discuss it with someone who shared common ground.

Exploring your sexuality can be absolutely fucking terrifying.  I want to do my part by bringing more awareness in hope that it can help others experience ease and comfort through their exploration.

I am thrilled to put the spotlight on Becca today as she shares her truth and story about coming out as bisexual.


When did you realize you were sexually attracted to women?

I realized I was attracted to women around my freshman year of high school. I can’t remember how it occurred to me or if I saw a particular woman that made that part of me “click," but I know it didn’t happen until I was about 15 years old.


Was it hard to come out?

It has not been super difficult with those I opened up to, but I won’t lie, not everyone knows yet - including both of my parents.

I recently wrote a blog post talking about my sexual orientation and "coming out" because I felt it was easier to write than it was to put in words. And despite the fact that most of my family members are still kept in the dark, I willing shared the post to Facebook. Right when I posted it, I couldn't help but hide the post from my parents. Part of me realizes that their opinion does not matter and I also don't even think they would be upset...but I just have not felt ready to address it with them yet, and you know what? That's okay.


Have you faced any negative judgement? If so, how did it make you feel and how did you handle it?

Fortunately, I haven’t faced much scrutiny. I think part of that has to do with the fact that I've always had boyfriends and haven't publicly been with women.

But, a frequent thing I hear is that bisexuals are merely "fetishizing" the same sex, and that we don't actually find ourselves romantically interested in them - this really bothers me.

If you date a woman, you are lesbian. If you date a man, you are straight. People want black and white answers and they have a hard time understanding that you can be bisexual while just dating a man or just dating a women.

It is frustrating when someone tries to tell you that your feelings are wrong and certainly isn't fair because no one has the right to take your feelings away from you. No one can tell you how you feel - only you know how you feel. And in my own experience, I have been sexually and romantically interested in both genders. Sometimes it's just one of those feelings and sometimes it's both. It changes, but it's never wrong.


Do you identify as bisexual?

I do identify as bisexual. For the longest time, I told myself there wasn’t enough evidence nor did I have enough experience to say that I was. But, I have since grown to understand that there is no specific definition I need to follow. I like men and I like women, regardless of who I’ve been with and who I am with now.


Knowing that you are engaged, how does your fiance feel about you exploring your sexuality with women?

He has been very supportive of my exploration in women. I told him from the beginning that it was something I was interested in and he was completely open to the idea of letting me experience that. The reason this is entirely possible is because we have a great communication skills with each other. We communicate our needs,  yet set clear boundaries so that we both feel safe in the relationship.


Have you always felt confident in your sexuality? If not, how did you get there?

It’s been a process, but in the last few months, I have become more accepting and comfortable with owning my sexuality. I realized that it is just as factual as the color of my hair. It’s not an extension of me - this mega-secret that no one should know. It’s just a factual piece of information. I have green eyes. I love wine. I sleep a lot. I like women and I like men, too. That's it - there is no hidden or negative meaning behind it.


What is one thing you have done that has helped you feel more confident in your body during intimate moments with your partner?

Intimacy has always been a struggling of mine, but there have been a few things I've put into practice that has allowed things to flow easier for me.

The first being that I prefer encounters start slower rather than rushed. I like to feel physically connected not only with my partner but with myself.

The second being that I feel sexiest if I am fresh and moisturized while wearing my silk robe. I also find that aroma therapy with scents of rose petals and lavender helps get me in the mood.

The last is that I feel most confident if I am direct and honest with my wants and needs.


What advice would you give to someone who is curious, but feels shameful about exploring their sexuality?

I say just go for it. If you want to try it, try it! With that said, I think it's important to factor in two major things:

The first, it's still sex so practice safe sex. The second, when you are figuring out your sexuality, feelings can still get hurt.

It is always important to remember that no matter what you’re doing or who you’re doing it with, it is crucial to be open and honest so that clear intentions are set. Be upfront and be truthful - even when it's difficult. But most importantly, have some fucking fun.


Becca is a 23 year old from Columbus, OH. She has always had an interest in psychology, especially with adolescence.

When she isn’t watching a crime series, you can find her singing around the kitchen cooking dinner and online shopping. Becca enjoys wine nights, makeup, and time to cuddle with her kitten.

Instagram: @labeeuhtriixx