Everyone turn the lights out and get ready for a “spine-tingling story guaranteed to keep you on the edge of your seat.” That’s right, it’s a Dawson’s Creek TALE OF SUSPENSE:


This is how you make a Dawson’s Creek suspense novel: take your basic Dawson’s Creek plot in which two or more characters debate for forty-five minutes whether or not they will kiss- and then add a ghost. Dawson. Joey. Pacey. Jen. GHOST.


The results are surprisingly sexual! Lighthouse Legend is by far the most sexual Dawson’s Creek book I have ever encountered. Check out the innuendo-filled banter involving group sex and internships:


Lighthouse Legend features our favorite “foursome” spending the summer doing “internships” at a lighthouse. Sensitive Joey is haunted non-stop by a little ghost girl who whispers “Play with meeeeee.” Wild-girl Jen spends her time empathizing with a dolphin and drawing random comparisons between it and her erstwhile frenemy Abby Morgan:


Meanwhile, Dawson dopily follows Joey around wondering if ghosts are real, and Pacey’s identity is repeatedly put to the test:


Between being an exasperated Pacey, an unsuspecting Pacey, Lunch Boy, and Mr. Summer Romance, it’s a wonder that Pacey is able to concentrate on his central role as the group’s ordained worthless failure. Yet somehow he manages! Pacey basically does nothing in the entire book besides complain that the ghost investigation is taking up valuable time that could be spent sexually harassing Jen.

Now let’s cut right to my favorite part of the book, in which an exciting game of “Partner Flashlight Tag” is introduced.

Partner flashlight tag, loners! Has a more brilliant game ever been devised? It’s flashlight tag, but you get to hold hands with your crush and run around in the darkness together and sneakily make out. I call partners with the ghost!

And of course, it wouldn’t be a Dawson’s Creek original story without known cinephile Dawson Leery making incessant movie references to showcase his wide-ranging film knowledge. I have to say though, this crop of references was pretty shitty and uninspired. It sounds like Dawson just took all the movies he could think of that had “summer” in the title and/or maritime themes.

movie list
(Children of the Corn, The Perfect Storm, E.T., Jaws, Summer of ’42, One Crazy Summer, Summer of Fear, Indian Summer, Summer, White Squall, The Blair Witch Project, Summer School)

BUT MAGGIE WHAT ABOUT THE GHOST?! You ask. OK, OK! What ends up happening is that the ghost is reunited with her parents who drowned 200 years ago, and then she disappears… MEH. The only actually frightening part of the book comes unexpectedly at the end, when things suddenly get darkly existential:


Um, yikes! The other frightening thing about Lighthouse Legend is that it is book one of a TRILOGY, which means you have two more DC Suspense reviews to dread look forward to!

Till next time,

Play with meeeeeeee