The Check Up

An elderly couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together.

After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man "You appear to be in good health, do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

"In fact I do," said the man, "After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then,after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."

"This is very interesting," replied the doctor, "Let me do some research and get back to you."

After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns.

The doctor then asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh that old Man!" She replied. "That's because the first time is usually in July, and the second time is usually in December!

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'Sex' and 'Love'

At the retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.'

The woman wrote:

'When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and they respect each other very much, just like my hubby and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act physical sex with one another.'

The Husband wrote:

'I love sex.'

Windows Menu in Hindi

Bill Gates was in India a few days ago. Everybody from Devi Gowda down to Manohar Joshi was licking his rich billionaire ass. He just gave some pocket change ($ 1 million) as charity to the IITs but made no firm commitment as to investments in India. He did announce that Microsoft will come out with a windows version in Hindi. He has hired my help for this purpose.

I am currently hard at work on the Menu commands and would appreciate your suggestions. Windows Commands in Hindi version shoonya bindu shoonya ek (0.01).
Phile = File
Kholo = Open
Bandh Karo = Close
Naya = New
Khatara = Old
Bachao = Save
Aise Bachao = Save as
Paise Bachao = Save money
Bhaago = Run
Chaapo = Print
Dekh Ke Chaapo = Print Preview
Paise Deke Chokri Dekho = Pay Per View
Phirsay = Edit
Kaapi = Copy
Kaato = Cut
Kato = Stupid Houseguest
Chipkao = Paste
Payshul Chipkao = Paste Special
Goli Maaro = Delete
Nazaara = View
Bakwaas Nazaara = View From My Apartment
Hatyaar = Tools
Hatyaar Khamba = Toolbar
Uh Buh Kuh Duh Thik Thak = Spell Check
Isko Kya Kehte Hain = Thesaurus
Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
Iska Bhi Naam Nahin Aaata = Database
Futaas Ki Goli Kha = Exit

Lawyers are assholes

A guy in a bar stood up and shouted, "Lawyers are assholes!"
A guy at the other end of the bar shouted back "I resent that!"

The first guy asked, "Are you a lawyer?"
The second guy responded, "No, I'm an asshole."

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