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Busted! 6 Gender Myths in the Bedroom & Beyond

Mars vs. Venus?

man and woman in bed

How much do you really know about the differences between men and women when it comes to sex? (Image credit: auremar | Shutterstock)

The difference in men's and women's attitudes toward sex are often taken for granted. Men want sex, women want commitment; men look for attractive mates and women go after social status.


In a new review, University of Michigan psychologist Terri Conley and colleagues sift through psychology studies and find gender differences aren't always as black-and-white (or pink-and-blue) as they seem. Here are six gender differences that may not be innate after all.

Men Think About Sex More Than Women Do

romantic couple daydreaming on couch

Do guys really think about sex more than gals do? (Image credit: Rido | Shutterstock)

The cliché that men think about sex every seven seconds is not true. And while it's true that men think about sex more often than women do, they also think about other bodily needs, such as food and sleep, more than women do.

In a study published in 2011 in the Journal of Sex Research, psychologists asked research participants to record their thoughts throughout the day. They found that men pondered sex 18 times a day to a woman's 10 times a day, but men also thought about food and sleep proportionately more than women. That suggests sex doesn't hold as vaunted a position for men as you might expect.

Men Want More Sex Partners Than Women

Men find thin, seductive women attractive, while women tend to disagree on what makes a potential mate hot.

Men find thin, seductive women attractive, while women tend to disagree on what makes a potential mate hot. (Image credit: Stockxpert.)

If you ask a lot of men and women how many sex partners they'd want in a given period of time, the numbers provided by men average higher than the women's numbers. But it seems that a few randy fellows at the top are skewing the results as a whole.

Calculating an average does not always give you the clearest view of the data. (If, for example, researchers asked 10 men how many sex partners they wanted in the next year and nine said "one," while one said "20," the average would be 2.9, and you might expect that any given man wants about three sex partners in a year.)

If you look instead at the "typical" response to the question of how many partners people want, you find that the majority of both men and women offer the same answer: one.



Men Want 'Sexy' & Women Want 'Status'

A couple flirts over drinks.

A couple flirts in a bar. College students tend to overestimate how often a scene like this ends in a sexual hookup, according to a study published online in Aug. 2011. (Image credit: AISPIX, Shutterstock)



When the research participants met potential dates face to face, there was no difference in the way they rated their romantic interest based on those people's attractiveness and earnings. So it seems real-world attraction may go beyond simple stereotypes. [10 Things Every Woman Should Know About a Man's Brain]

"Thinking about 'ideal' elicits more stereotypical thoughts about women and men — and what women and men 'should' do," Conley wrote in an email to LiveScience. "When someone evaluates a real person, it is a little different."

Women Have Far Fewer Orgasms Than Men Do

A couple in the bedroom look distressed.

A mysterious condition called transient global amnesia can leave people with gaps in their memory after strenuous activities such as sex. (Image credit: wavebreakmedia ltd, )



The fact that the gap can shrink so much based on relationship type suggests that having a partner who cares about a woman's sexual satisfaction is more important than biology, Conley and her colleagues wrote.

Men Like Casual Sex More Than Women Do

feet sticking out of bed sex

(Image credit: Dreamstime)

For a 1989 study, researchers trained young men and women to approach opposite-sex individuals of a similar age and proposition them. In a striking contrast, 70 percent of the men approached by a woman seeking sex said, "Sure." Not a single woman agreed.



"Women accepted fewer casual-sex offers from men than vice versa," she wrote, "because male proposers were perceived to have relatively poorer sexual capabilities."

Women Are Pickier Than Men

woman holding a magnifying glass

Women may not really be pickier than men when it comes to romance. (Image credit: lev dolgachov | Shutterstock)


A 2009 study published in Psychological Science found that people are choosier when they're approached by a potential partner, and less choosy when they're doing the approaching. The experiment, conducted in a real-life speed-dating environment, showed that when men rotated through women who stayed seated in the same spot, the women were more selective about whom they chose to date. When the women did the rotating, it was the guys who were pickier.


Conley said that these against-the-grain studies highlight the importance of following the data to their conclusion, even when that conclusion isn't what you'd expect.

"Psychologists  –  including me  –  always have to be looking beyond their own biases. They need to avoid getting so attached to a particular theory or perspective that they go out of their way to protect the theory," Conley said. "Data should be the guide, and you have to look at data in every way you can think of to see if the story you are telling is really the best one."