Sunday, 5 July 2015

The Calorie Free 'Mum Diet'!

Since I have had children I have been rushed off my feet. I barely get chance to eat. There are no lovely long meals with the other half. Not many chances to pop out with my friends. Or have a take away evening round theirs. I seem to constantly be making food of everyone else but never really sitting down and eating myself. By rights? I should be the size of a slightly larger Kate Moss.

But then why am I still walking around with a belly that looks like I am 7 months gone and the less said about my bottom? The better. So I thought I would jot down the times I do eat during the day. It can't be much and as I am running around really all these foods consumed are calorie free aren't they? They don't really count. So here is my 'Mum Diet'. Let's try and see why I'm not Mossy's younger, slightly chubbier, Brummy sister.

No time for breakfast for me in this house! In between clearing up spilt milk and squashed bananas! Hang on they haven't eaten their toast? Oh I will just have that then. It would be a waste wouldn't it? And that half of a banana. I will just finish off my luke warm tea as I haven't had anything to eat have I? So I better have a few biscuits. I don't want to faint.

Calorie free as I walked for a bit. And only had one biscuit for breakfast. Kinda.

Oh my boy has fallen asleep on the pre-school run. And I am ever so tired from all the rushing around. The ten minute walk there must have burned off a few calories so I better have a big slab of cake. As that doesn't count as I didn't really have breakfast bar one biscuit. And then the ten minute walk back will burn it off. Won't it?

Cheese sandwiches means that for every piece of cheese I cut for their sandwiches? I must have one bit for myself as I've barely eaten today. No time to make a sandwich for myself. Again. Oh they have both left half a sandwich and some of their crisps. Waste not want not!

Afternoon Treat!:
Time for a movie. To make it an authentic experience we shall have popcorn! In dead shabby chic pop corn holders! And I read somewhere once that Madonna lost loads of weight just eating popcorn. As I've had nothing else to eat today, bar I think I may have had one biscuit, I better treat myself to a few handfuls. And eat any remains they have left.

Have you finished with your popcorn. Save some for Mummy! She's barely eaten!

Huzzah for the easy joy that is fish fingers and waffles! I've got to do all the washing up so I will have to miss another meal. Oh look! There's two fish fingers left and I think my son dropped a waffle on the floor? Better get that up before the dog eats it. Wonder if it still tastes OK...

Dinner no2:
HOORAY IT IS A FRIDAY AND WE HAVE TAKE AWAY! Which is just as well really as I have nothing to eat today but a bit of diet popcorn. And that Madonna's too thin anyway.

*Please note other calorie free foods include: party food (as parties are stressful and you sweat a lot), picnic food (as all food is calorie free in the summer!), ice creams from Ikea (it's tiring buying candles), cake's when meeting up with other new mums (new mums get to eat as much as they like. It's the rules)...and so on...


  1. Lol!Love it.I'm so glad I'm not the only one that picks at crap and then moans I haven't had a thing all day #cakescoffingmums

  2. Ha! Perfect. Might take this to Slimming World with me next time to prove that those dark chocolate digestives and a half eaten gingerbread man don't count as Syns...

  3. Ha! I never have time for any meals either....ever.
    But today I've had crisps for breakfast (quick to prepare and eat on the move) and I've eaten two slices of pizza off the floor and the leftovers of two icecreams....They were gonna mess up my kid's hands you see.
    And I ate my actual dinner of steak and chips at 930pm and heading to bed soon so hopefully I will burn it all off as I lie horizontal for the next 6 hours.
    Ah! The joys of motherhood x

  4. Yep, all sounds totally normal to me! Friday night is always takeaway night, surely?! xx PS my boy is looking at this with me, and is now begging for multicoloured cake, thanks!

  5. So I was just discussing this with my boss as we don't actually eat a lot and we run around a shop for at least 9 hours a day 5 days a week yet we don't look anything like kate moss! Today I had a doughnut and a peanut butter kitkat for breakfast while putting away last nights shopping and making packed lunches but I'm sure I'll burn them off running around the shop won't I........

  6. It's depressingly easy to put on weight if you're not watching what you put in your mouth, isn't it. I'm like you. Can't abide waste. I blame my mum - she was brought up during the war!!!

  7. Oh man do I get this!!! 11months breastfeeding hadn't even cancelled my calories... I long for the diet that works when you click your fingers!!

  8. hahaha!! I live on This is hilarious x

  9. Brilliant - I have to confess I do exactly the same, can't bear to see good food go to waste. Probably why I keep putting the pounds on......!

  10. Haha! So true. We don't really eat as mothers, just the crappy little scraps that are left from the kids. Who cares if it is super cold, or has dirt on it from the floor. At least it's food. Whether it be cake, or popcorn :)

  11. I live by and love this diet! I shall forever be a little bit wobbly but I shall also be forever able to blame the kids. Hurrah! Time for cake..... :0)


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