Dear Amy: I am a 20-year-old woman who has graduated from college. I have a wonderful full-time job and am in a new relationship with a much older man.

Although the relationship is new, I am constantly daydreaming about becoming pregnant. You know that baby-fever feeling that makes you want to cry about being so empty and barren?

I realize that since my boyfriend is older he's at a stage in his life where he is ready to start settling down. I want so much, so fast. I want the marriage, the kids, the home. But I want it after only a couple months of dating. My question is, how fast is too fast? — Impatient

Dear Impatient: I can say with total honesty that I do NOT know the "baby-fever feeling that makes you want to cry about being so empty and barren."

At the age of 20, describing your womb as "empty and barren" because there isn't a baby in it is extreme.

I do know the feeling, however, of being so hyper-charged smitten that you want to make a baby together before you even know each other's middle names.

This is evolutionary, hormonal and beautifully irrational.

You might be preternaturally mature. The fact that you have a college degree and a full-time job at the age of 20 is a sign that you are self-directed and ambitious.

I can only pass along the advice I would offer if you were my daughter: Once you have children everything else changes. You may not think you will regret all of the years of experience you would miss by having a child at your age, but you probably would.

Most importantly, driving at the speed of light toward marriage, babies, houses, etc., after only two months of dating is unwise. In your haste to get the prize you perceive, you will miss many necessary experiences and opportunities to get to know your partner.

Dear Amy: My best friend and I recently had a falling out. In 10 years we have never really had any type of argument, we could always be open if one of us was acting up or being hostile, and then we would laugh about it. None of that hostility was ever directed at each other. My friend always needs to be the center of attention, and likes to talk about herself. She makes the plans. It is her way or the highway.

I have discovered that I am a pushover (or have manners) and don't interrupt people or try to force my quiet voice over the other person.

Recently, I was speaking with her on the phone trying to tell a little story and she started speaking over me and wouldn't stop.

I was actually yelling into the phone over and over, "Will you let me speak for a minute?" but she just wouldn't shut up. I stopped talking to her for a few days. When I did call her to tell her how I felt, she was apologetic and asked what she could do to make me feel less like a dumping ground for all her issues (my words to her). The conversation ended well and I texted her a few days later. She sent back a one-word answer and we haven't spoken for two weeks.

At 28, I am not sure what to do; should I try to mend this friendship, or move on? — Friendless

Dear Friendless: This incident has completely upended the dynamic in your relationship. You yelled at her, she demonstrated she heard you by apologizing in a detailed way and asking how she could improve.

You should assume that this incident might have sent your friend into a personal re-evaluating tailspin. Keep nudging her toward contact. Accept her apology. Mend AND move on.

Dear Amy: I liked your answer to "68 and Cheating," from a man who was sexually unfaithful to his "wonderful wife" because she had lost interest in sex. I wonder if this man can fathom how painful and lonely it feels to be a woman struggling with loss of libido. — Been There

Dear Been There: Partners should do their best to struggle through this together.


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