How to Get Good at Picking Up Girls

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Updated: July 28, 2019 | References

Picking up girls is a skill, and as with any other skill, the fundamental idea is the same; you start by practicing it consistently and learn more along the way to enhance it. Below are some key habits and practices that will help you get good at pickup.

Method One of Seven:
Honing Your Approach skills

  1. 1
    Have fun. When you go out having fun should be one of your primary motives. So its important to amuse yourself and talk about things that you find interesting. As you will read later. If you are not having fun, you will most likely give up.
  2. 2
    Go out often. Like any other skill, 'pick up' should be practiced on a regular basis. So going out consistently helps a lot.
    • Don't use 'going out often' as a crutch though. You can always start by going out consistently until it becomes second nature. Or you can practice while you're grocery shopping, walking around town, running errands, commuting via public transport, etc. So you don't always have to dedicate special time to practice. It is highly recommended that you read How to Cold Approach a Girl and How to Pull a Girl Home to get yourself started.
  3. 3
    Know how to stop girls properly. There will be many occasions when you will need to stop a girl to talk to her. The way you stop a girl is quite important as it can distinguish you as being either creepy or confident.
    • When a girl or girls are walking towards you, start talking or wave at them while they are about 7 to 15 feet away from you. Use common sense; don't start talking when they are too far away or too close. This would not surprise them much and they would have enough of a time window to let their initial reaction subside. For example, when you and the girl are walking towards each other, wave to her and say something that you find funny like "Hi, Do you know who said 'Love is trash. People need cash'?" or something indirect like "Hi, Do you know if there is a coffee place around here?". As per the social conditioning, she usually would stop. Then you can tell her your intentions like "I was just kidding; I thought you are absolutely adorable and I had to say hi." You can also remain indirect on the basis of the response and energy exchange with the girl. In fact, remaining indirect can help you stay longer in a conversation, which helps hone your interactions skills. At the same time be sure to honestly sub-communicate your intentions (as you will read in the next section).
      • Also, if you want to be more dominant, simply stand in front of her as you give her a hand gesture to stop. Make sure there is enough distance between you and her. See if this works for you or not. If not, no need to keep doing it. A humble smile helps a lot.
    • If the girl is walking in the same direction and in front of you, then jog or run up to her, give her a light tap on the shoulder, and say "Hi". This may surprise her, but it communicates confidence. Alternatively, you can just walk up to her until you are shoulder to shoulder, turn your head toward her, say "hi", and do your spiel. Try to make sure that she sees you coming.
      • Another way would be to call her from the back. Say something like "Excuse me" or "hi", as you are a walking towards her and when she stops or turns around, do your spiel.
    • When a girl is behind you and is walking in your direction, simply turn around and do your spiel. Make sure there is an appropriate distance between you and the girl so you don't surprise her too much.
    • Stand your ground. Don't follow the girl or walk backwards if she's walking away, despite your assertive request of asking her to stop or after doing your spiel. Stand your ground and let her walk away. You wouldn't want to talk to someone who can't stop for a few minutes to have a conversation with you.
      • However, it's okay to walk with a girl if she genuinely seems to be in a hurry and/or asks you to walk with her. It's also fine to walk with a girl for some time to tune into her state. When you feel you are in tune, you can ask her to stop or simply keep walking with her, if you just want to get into a social mood, interact with her or build social muscle. Whatever feels more natural.
  4. 4
    Be calmly assertive and lead with common sense. Most girls like an assertive, commanding, and leading guy.[1] It doesn't matter how confident or independent they are. It's because of biological and evolutionary factors.[2] Many of the attractive girls, most likely, will not stop or have a conversation with you unless you are commanding and assertive. Try this next time: when a girl is walking away from you, assertively but calmly say something like, "Hey, wait! I am talking to you." You may also use the "beckoning finger" or the "beckoning palm" gesture to call her back. If you do it right, it may turn on a biological switch in her head and make her compliant. If you are not assertive enough, you may lose her. Yes, attraction is mutual but you are initiating and leading it.
    • This doesn't mean to force yourself to be assertive. Use common sense and naturally calibrate as per the response from the girl and your personality. So you don't have to be assertive all the time. Also, keep in mind that majority of the girls will not be interested in you due to the factors like being taken, personal choices, biases, or life situation.[3] Just move on and no need to keep doing the same thing again and again, if its not working for you. Being in touch with inner body helps a lot.
    • Considering large number of rejections from cold approach pickup, it should not be seen just as a way to meet and date girls but its other benefits should also be recognized and kept in mind. Or you may not feel that motivated.
  5. 5
    Recognize the level of interest from girls. Girls can be categorized into three categories:
    • "Yes" girls. "Yes" girls are those who are attracted to you from the beginning itself. These are girls who are easiest to maintain conversation and go on dates with.[4] Unless you screwed up something, that attraction remains almost indefinitely.
    • "Maybe" girls. These are those girls who are not sure if they are attracted to you or not. To get them to be attracted to you, you need to be polarizing from the beginning itself or they will lose interest. Polarizing means to talk about things that you find fun (your humor) and interesting with common sense and calibration. As this helps you filter out girls pretty quickly with whom you would not be more compatible with. However, at the same time being polarizing may offend others. Which is ok but it helps to not be highly and explicitly polarizing from the beginning itself, as girls may get 'too repelled'. So its a good practice to be slowly and subtly polarize to filter out girls who would not be compatible with you. This comes with practice and is quite yielding in the long run, especially if you practice at the same places. As quickly you would know if you would get along or not. Read How to Be Polarizing for more info on this.
    • "No" girls. These are girls who are not attracted to you at all. It is better not to waste your time and theirs, as you are most likely not going to get anywhere.[5] Some 'No' girls may flirt with you, just to seek attention. You may use that to improve interaction and social skills, but do not take that seriously. The majority of girls will be "maybe" or "no" girls.
  6. 6
    Record yourself. It's quite important that you record yourself while practicing pickup. Analyzing your recordings will improve your social skills by many folds. You will be pleasantly surprised how quickly it helps you identify your mistakes and sticking points of which you were unaware of. Such things can include body language, facial gestures, weird noises you make, up-talk (unassertive tone), neediness, supplicating behavior, etc. In fact, it's so important to record yourself that without it you will most likely end up ruminating for weeks or months or years, trying to figure out what you might be doing wrong. You don't have to record every interaction. Just a few recordings from time to time should be good enough to help you recognize your sticking points and make you conscious of the mistakes you have been making repeatedly.
    • Before you go out and start recording interactions, ensure that it's legal in your country or jurisdiction. For example, recording someone without their consent is illegal in most states in the US.[6] If that's the case, do it at your own risk.
    • Audio recording. Most smartphones have a recording feature, so use yours as a recording device. Just wear earphones as if you are listening to music or wrap around neck like a stethoscope, and turn on the recorder before approaching. Make sure to test it before going out to see if the voice quality is good enough, when recorded from different angles. You can also use a digital recorder with a good quality mic for better sound quality. Look it up on any e-commerce website.
    • Video recording. If you want to go more advanced, you should have a friend video record you. Before every approach, turn on your audio and signal your friend to start video recording. It's pretty fruitful, as signalling makes it easier to sync audio and video while using a video editing program. Or you can use spy or body cam. Again, do it at your own risk.
    • Yes, it may make you cringe to listen and/or watch yourself, but that's exactly what you need to become more aware of your sticking points and good things, as the truth will be right in front of you; if you are open to it.

Method Two of Seven:
Cultivating Conversation Habits and Practices

  1. 1
    Make a deep genuine connection. Most guys "want" something from girls. It could be sex, social status, physical intimacy, showing off, etc. Even if they get it, they don't feel satisfied. Why? It's because the human mind is inherently needy or insatiable. It always wants something without realizing that no "thing" or achievement or success can provide it long lasting fulfillment.[7] Read last step of How to Stop Being Needy for more insight. Here's the deeper truth: in essence, she's a human being just like you. This means they have been through phases of suffering and happiness, have a life story, have passions or interests, and most importantly, in essence, you both are the same. Isn't that enough to make a deep connection with them? The deeper you go into it, the more you will realize that sex or physical intimacy is just a by-product of true communication. Dropping the small talk and jumping to deeper conversations is also polarizing.
    • "Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." - Tao Te Ching.
    • Here are few conversations topics that can help: passions, childhood, goals, personality, traveling, ups and downs in life, ambition, and fun things. Watch the linked video for more details. 36 questions
    • Yes, most of the guys are result-oriented, which means that getting laid is a great motivator and end goal for them. So instead of 'trying' to make a deep genuine connection, which doesn't work anyway, simply be aware of this to naturally internalize it into your game, as you explore its benefits in the long run. Or experiment with it to collect evidence to see if it works for you or not and adapt it in to your game(as you will read in section 3).
  2. 2
    Remember that honest communication of intentions is important. Even if you are making an deep connection with a woman, you may not necessarily want to commit to her, and this should be communicated through your intentions, so she doesn't feel lead. Sub-communication (body language, tone etc) should be aligned with what you say.
    • In the long run, it's about your priorities. What is your intention and is more important to you? Is it physical looks, sex, showing off, meaningful connection or all and to what degree? Be very truthful as intention is communicated, far more than your words. Only knowing and accepting this will take you beyond that states or desire and fear. This means that if you are into looks or your goal is to have sex, then be honest and go for it rather than trying to suppress your intentions. However, simply be aware that your actions are motivated from your desire to have sex with women. As mere awareness will eventually take you beyond. Either way, no trying.
  3. 3
    Understand romantic connection. Romance has a very high value for women because of the fundamental idea it's based upon. In ancient times, men were the ones who used to provide for the family while women used to rear children and take care of the house. Even though people are slowly coming out of it, as environment supports self-dependence, but the majority of the people still have the same conditioning.[8] Romantic connection implies to a woman that a man will be there for her when she needs him. That's what makes it so powerful and rare. This is something to become aware of and allow to grow naturally.
  4. 4
    Make a habit of talking to the old or "least attractive" girls (or even guys) when you go out. As it'd be easier to have a normal fun and genuine conversation with them without wanting anything. Not only does it help you to perceive people beyond their looks but also helps change and dissolve your pre-conceived concepts, biases and paradigms that eventually cause a lot of suffering. It also helps you gain reference experience, if you want to see it that way. Plus, it's a practical way to get yourself in a social mood and sustain it. So when you approach that hot girl you find attractive, you are already in a more fun and confident state. Also, you can stay longer in a conversation with a less attractive girl. Thus, it helps you build social muscle. Polarizing doesn't always mean to move on to other girls because you realize that you are not going to be compatible with them.
    • Keep in mind that seeing people through concepts or beliefs on the basis of their looks, age or background is not only limiting yourself and others but also missing "not so often" opportunities to meet some genuinely cool people and know their life experiences. By following this practice, you may have experiences that can change your current paradigms and mindset for good. Which can put you on a fast track and can cut down years of effort and frustration. This is one of the reasons you should not reject the opportunities to interact or go on dates or meetup with girls who are taken or are less attractive.
    • “When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly. When people see some things as good, other things become bad." Tao Te Ching.
    • At the same time, be practical about it. Yes, attraction towards good-looking girls/women is a great motivator.[9]. So it's fine to use this motivation to approach and converse, but at the same time, to go beyond it, be aware that the motivation is coming from attraction towards their physical looks, which is based on conditioning(desire). Else you will remain stuck at that level and won't be able to go deeper. Read last step of How to Become Mentally Flexible for more.
  5. 5
    Use non-reaction to deal with tests. Girls are very good at testing your patience and you as a person overall. It's an inherent behavior so at times, they don't even know that they are testing you. They will do all kinds of shenanigans and play games just to get a rise or reaction out of you. It's like they are qualifying you to see if you deserve them or not.
    • For example, if they say something like "You are quite older than me; I am just a little sophomore girl," what would be your normal response? It might be something like "Yeah I know, but I am not that old," or "I have dated girls your age before." These are very defensive and supplicating responses.
    • Instead, turn the tables by looking deeply in their eyes and say something like "Yeah, I am old. I don't think you can handle me", "I always wanted to be a sugar-daddy," or "Yeah, you better watch out. I am a pedophile." This way you can also qualify them.
    • It's like using the opponents energy against themselves without conflict or using force. As it's seen in non-aggressive martial arts like Aikido or Tai-Chi. So play it cool. Once you pass a test, she will like you more. A non-reactive and non-needy mindset is extremely attractive to most girls.
    • Second example: If they say something like, "I have a boyfriend," or "I am seeing someone," then instead of replying with generic answers like, "Okay, it's nice meeting you," remain non-reactive. Reply with something like, "Oh yeah, me too," "Amazing, let me give you a hug" (then go in for the hug)," or "Oh, that's fine. I don't mind a three-way." or "But I love you though". It's subconsciously telling the girl, "I don't care if you have a boyfriend or not. I'm going to have fun either way." Again Having fun should be one of your primary motives when you go out. Else, you will take rejections seriously and most likely give up. Read Get a Girl to Go Home With You for more.
    • Third example: When a girl rejects you then instead of reacting, channel the reaction into something constructive or fun. For example: bow down as you leave, or approach another girl immediately, instead of dwelling on the reaction from rejection. You can also say something like "I am just gonna tuck in my tail and go talk to that girl." You can also simply express what you are feeling honestly by saying something like, "Man, that hurts," or "I knew it. You are so tall, good looking and out of my league." It's therapeutic when you truthfully express your mental-emotional state and/or just channel your reactions in a creative and constructive way.[10].
      • Reactions are not you but conditioned patterns in your head. Don't take them too seriously. For more non reaction practices read section 4. Read Dissolve the Ego (According to Eckhart Tolle's Teachings) for more depth. The longer you practice, you will become more and more non-reactive. Also, more you fail at something, more likely you are going to succeed at it.[11]. It's also called the "fail-fast mentality".
      • So don't react, as in the long run, you may realize that rejections or failures can be equally, if not more, valuable experiences than desired responses. Read Become Mentally Flexible for more. No experience goes to waste.
    • "Behind every seemingly bad situation lies concealed a deeper good and that deeper good reveals itself to you through inner acceptance of what is[12]. Eckhart Tolle.
    • Also, reactions drain you of energy and as a result you may not be able to practice for long. A practical pointer: if you react then you may, most likely, feel uncomfortable at the venue when you go about talking to other girls because you just reacted to a girl at the same venue. Also, in western society, women are more likely to be believed than men.
      • Again, polarize subtly and slowly to filter those with whom you will not be compatible with so they don't get offended too much.
      • "She is good to people who are good. She is also good to people who aren't good. This is true goodness." Tao Te Ching.
    • Since facts are empowering, here's a factual pointer: Doesn't matter how scarily beautiful they are, their physical beauty or body is subjected to the law of impermanence. Which means in few years, it will turn to dust just like your form will turn to dust. With this realization comes a playfulness and devaluation of form[13].
  6. 6
    Practice being funny. A good sense of humor is on the top of list of qualities of an attractive person. If you don't know how to be funny then watch standup, funny videos or shows, go through funny content etc..
    • Use apps like iFunny and YouTube. There is funny and informative content that is posted regularly on these apps that you can use in your own life situation. Not only does the content on these apps help you fix the problem of running out of interesting things to talk about, but it also helps you be funnier and wittier.
    • However do not use sense of humor as a mask to avoid rejection. Rejections are unavoidable.
    • If you just practice non-reaction, being funny and making deep genuine connections with women (or people in general), then the below conversation practices are no more than supplements to boost your conversation and social skills.
  7. 7
    Use "us" mentality. It's a quite persuasive conversation tool to keep the girl engaged. It can also make both of you feel comfortable pretty quickly. It means making the conversation about both of you, rather than you and the girl. For example, if she says she likes the video game series "Sims", you can reply with something like "You know, we should play "Sims" game at my place. I'll order pizza and you can bring the soda. We can build a home together with a garden full of lilies and roses. Also, what color do you think we should paint the room for our baby?". It's like bringing her into your world or bubble you made for both of you. Don't be too serious as you could end up pushing her away. But again, be honest with your intentions.
    • Use the "us" mentality in accordance with your personality and humor, or else it's not going to come out as genuine. Experiment to get a better understanding of your humor and personality. You could try using sexual or plain, lame humor in your conversations to see if you find it funny. If the girl finds it fun too, that's what makes a good connection.
    • Remember, it's about you and not the girls. You always have to put yourself first, talk and do things that you like. It sounds selfish, but it's not. It's because when you are having fun, then in the long run, people in your company will also have fun, if they are compatible with your personality.[14]
  8. 8
    Use roleplay. This means you both play roles in an imaginary scenario created by you. Read the conversation in the image to get a better idea.
  9. 9
    Make it sexual. If your motive is to have sex with the girl, then sexual hints are quite essential. Some of these ideas may come in handy to create sexual energy:
    • Think about having sex while talking to a girl; this charges the conversation with sexual energy. Be careful to avoid getting lost in fantasizing and/or getting an erection.
    • Use sexual humor with common sense, during conversations without forcing it. Let it come naturally as if you are having a normal conversation talking to a friend. Read Get a Girl to Go Home With You for more.
    • Show intent with body language. While interacting with a girl, try leaning in a little closer, touch her, sub-communicate your intentions with facial gestures, etc. But, don't force it, let it come naturally. Again, if you truly realize the essence of who you are, it would be immensely easier to make a deep connection with them as in subtle or apparent ways, they will naturally be drawn to you, if they already have some depth.
      • "When you realize where you come from, you naturally become disinterested, kind hearted as a grand mother. Dignified as a King." Tao Te Ching.
    • Keep a strong eye contact. It's quite effective to keep a strong eye contact. Your eye contact should be piercing her soul, as the expression goes.
    • Physical escalation. This is gold if you do it right, and it works best during the night time. Although, its fine to do it in daytime, in moderation. Read Make Out with a Random Girl and Pull a Girl Home for more details.
    • Stop masturbating. Abstaining from masturbation, or at least reducing the frequency, helps naturally build sexual energy within you that surfaces during your interactions. Keep in mind that this may or may not work for you. Also, if and when you masturbate, think of your sexual experiences or fantasies, rather than masturbating to porn. This helps improve your imagination and doesn't let you to use porn as a crutch. Relying on pornography can be a destructive habit that can affect your sex and personal life.[15]
  10. 10
    Balance interest and disinterest. Be careful about overdoing disinterest (teasing, sarcasm, playfulness, etc.) and interest (compliments, praise, etc.). Keep the girl on her toes.
    • Here are some verbal examples:
      • "You look cute (pull) but you don't seem to be my type (push)"
      • "Here, put your number in my phone (pull), but promise me you won't call me again and again (push)"
      • "Let's go to my place (pull), but promise you won't touch me below my waist (push)"
      • "You forgot my name? Go away I don't wanna talk to you (push). However, I forgot your name too (pull)."
    • Here are some physical examples:
      • While making out, "push" at the right moment when her craving for you is the highest. This will make her want you even more.
      • While touching the girl, don't go for her breasts or vagina (push); instead, gently touch around other areas (pull).
  11. 11
    Know the difference between persistence and supplication. Persistence is when you continue to persuade or pull the girl into a conversation when the girl/girls seems interested but is bound by social conditioning ("yes" and "maybe" girls). Signs could be laughing at your average jokes, trying to walk away but still not leaving, smiling, keeping a longer eye contact than usual, playing with her hair, giving vague answers when you ask for her number, or going for a beverage etc. Use common sense while looking for these signs though. If she is serious, back off. Read How to Cold Approach a Girl for more tips on this.
    • Keep it simple. If a girl is not properly replying to you or your texts or calling back, take the hint that she's not interested or has other priorities. There may be no need to continuously persist. Yes, some girls do like to play games, but in the long run, you may realize how irrational and futile they are. Although keep in mind, some girls can be genuinely busy. So, as a guideline, its ok to contact them, once or twice, a few days after your last text.

Method Three of Seven:

  1. 1
    Experiment with your approach. Pickup is very subjective, as you meet many different people who all have vastly different personalities, mental interpretations to things, and humor; the list goes on. For example: suppose telling a joke to a girl, Martha, makes her laugh and telling the same joke to another girl, Anna, creeps her out. Does this mean that Martha is cooler than Anna? Perhaps. There could be countless reasons for their different reactions. A few of them could be:
    • Your personality and sense of humor resonates better with Martha, as joke was polarizing.
    • Anna could be in a bad mood, didn't like you or the joke, didn't like your physical appearance, likes taller guys, likes guys her own race, thinks you smell bad, doesn't like to crack jokes with random strangers, is insecure, or has irrational beliefs, realizes you were not confident enough for her, maybe you didn't groom well, saw that you are not wearing good clothes, is a "no" girl etc.
    • You have no control over other people's reactions, actions, personality, and mood, and if you worried about it, you will just suffer. Even your own thoughts and emotions are not in your control; they are automatic and come and go. Read How to Become Mentally Flexible and How to Surrender to the Present Moment for more depth.
    • Work on the key practices or habits, as mentioned in the article and related articles, that are in your "direct" control. Read Become Mentally Flexible for more. For example: Dress well, groom and smell good, work out, speak with confidence and assertiveness, analyze your audio recordings, keep strong eye-contact, stop girls properly, keep an analysis journal, be nonreactive, meditate, keep some attention with in inner body or breath, make a deep connection, correct your body posture and have fun.
  2. 2
    Try new things. Practicing pickup as an experiment means you can try new things as test cases and just observe their outcome like a good scientist, without any emotional or mental interpretations. Then the true unconditioned interpretation will come naturally, and you will clearly see what works and what doesn't work for you. Tao Te Ching says, "A good scientist has freed himself of concepts and keeps his mind open to what is."
    • For example: if you learned that maintaining eye contact during interaction builds attraction, then don't just reject or accept it right away. Use it as an experiment test case. Practice maintaining a gentle and focused eye contact in all of your approaches and just truly observe the outcome. Like a good scientist, don't get identified with the outcome. This may go on for some days or be over after a few approaches. It will depend on your personality, your openness to try new things, your humility, and learning curve. Like a successful scientific discovery is adopted by people on a larger scale, integrate what you discover into your game.
    • Be aware of the mental constructs. A construct like, "When I keep a strong eye contact, girls seem to be pretty attracted to me. So if I keep doing that, I will get same or similar results all the time," would be another mind-made concept made in a futile attempt to understand the world through mind. It's fine to use concepts in the beginning or from time to time, but as you go along, you shouldn't cling to concepts, as they fragment the reality. So a truly intelligent action is not possible.[16]. Mind is not the most intelligent faculty in human beings. Read How to Stay Rooted in Being for more depth on this.
    • "The scientist's religious feeling takes the form of a rapturous amazement at the harmony of natural laws, which reveals an intelligence of such superiority that in comparison with it, all systematic thinking of human being is an utterly insignificant reflection. This feeling is the guiding principle of my work." - Albert Einstein.
  3. 3
    Test the validity of your self-limiting beliefs. Different people may have different self-limiting core beliefs that have a vast impact on their actions and personality. These beliefs are also reflected from the people around you, as the world is just a reflection of your state of consciousness.[17] Suppose you have a belief that says "They would feel threatened by me." or "What if I do something out of the norm?" These beliefs or [[Dissolve the Ego (According to Eckhart Tolle's Teachings) |thoughts in head]], would be reflected in the people around you, as this energy is felt by others subliminally. As a result, people may find you threatening. Even though, in reality, you may be a nice person. Yes, there is a possibility that they may find you threatening because of their irrational beliefs or stereotypes. This may make you perceive yourself the same way; like a mirror. Primary reality is within. So you need to make these conditioned patterns conscious to go beyond this loop. Read Become Mentally Flexible for more depth.
    • Most of these irrational and negative beliefs exist because of personal and cultural conditioning, misinterpretations and primarily identification with thinking.[18] It's a good practice to test the validity of the beliefs by being aware to collect evidence, to see whether they are erroneous or not, to become free of them. Or you can also just allow the thoughts to be. Whichever practice seems more natural and easier at that time. Read Dissolve the Ego (According to Eckhart Tolle's Teachings)
    • Suppose you have a negative belief or thought that comes before approaching an attractive girl that says "What's the point? she's going to reject me anyway." or "She's going to frown on me". Then test the validity of that belief via experimentation. This means when you approach a girl, simply observe if it's really the case. Don't just stop after a few approaches. As mentioned above, it depends on your personality, openness, and level of awareness.
    • To add more evidence, think of any experiences when girls have been receptive and interested in you. When the evidence suggests otherwise, that's what helps to dissolve these self-limiting beliefs. This practice resembles cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).[19] Read How to Eradicate and Stop Negative Thoughts for more.
    • Be aware of the unconscious expectation before testing the beliefs or you may end up in a state of scotoma.[20] Scotoma means a state when your mind sees what it wants to see and ignores any evidence that contradicts the belief. For example: if a girl rejects you and you say "See, I knew she will reject me,". This means there was an unconscious expectation attached to it. This implies that your mind is more open to evidence that would support the belief rather than seeing the subtle truth of the situation. Again, like a good scientist, be very honest, open to what is and just observe without any attachment or expectation. Be there as the background presence without adding any interpretation to anything. Read How to Stay Rooted in Being for more depth.
      • Although, most effective way to overcome self limiting beliefs is to realize that you are not your mind(thoughts, emotions and reactions).
    • Use affirmations. For some people, it can be fruitful practice to replace negative beliefs with affirmations. Whenever a negative or demoralizing thought comes up, like "she's too hot for me" or "She's so out of my league", replace it immediately with something like "I deserve it," or "You are worthy."[21]Or immediately feel your inner-body. Which is actually most effective. As a practical measure, it helps to have a balance between relationships, health, and wealth to back these affirmations (as you will read in the second step of section 6).
  4. 4
    Get another opinion. While analyzing your recordings, an unbiased third person wouldn't care whether you do good or bad; he/she would just observe. There is a strong identification in the word "I" and its forms. In the sentences "I failed the test," or "She failed the test," which would be more distressing? And yet they are no more than thoughts in your head.
    • Alternatively, you can simply ask the girls if they find anything about you that could be improved. You will be surprised how many of them tell you. However, just because they have a vagina doesn't automatically make them DE-facto expert about dating and pickup. Also, girls usually are not good authority to tell why they like or don't like certain things.[22]
  5. 5
    Keep a journal. After practicing pickup, jot down the good things and things you need to improve, in a journal. You cannot always record yourself, so keeping a journal can be quite yielding to become more aware of the mistakes and good things you have been doing, during your interactions. Or we can say to become more aware of the truth. You can also make voice recordings of your mental notes. Read the notes in the image for a better idea.
  6. 6
    Find your demographics. As mentioned, everyone is different, have different personalities, passions, and different interpretations. It helps immensely to go to places where there is a higher possibility of finding like-minded people. For example: if you are really into video games, then chances of meeting like-minded people will be higher at a video game arcade as compared to an outdoor club. Similarly, if you are into books, then chances of meeting like-minded people will be higher at a book club or library rather than a bar. Just meeting girls at the places of your demographics can increase your success rate many folds. Also, if you want to increase your chances even higher, then be the leader in your trade. For example: instead of going to meditation events, organize the events. Or instead of going to libraries, organize book clubs events, where you can share your thoughts about books and of course meet girls.
    • This doesn't mean that you shouldn't go to places like bars, events, or outdoor clubs. You can still meet cool people there and practice social skills. As almost all people have more than one interest, but your chances may not be high. So keep a balance. At the same time its not always about getting girls, but going out consistently helps you in so many other interconnected areas like public speaking, dissolving irrational fears and social anxiety, caring less what people think, making new friends, having fun no matter what, etc. It can also be a great spiritual practice as it can help you be in the now.

Method Four of Seven:
Understanding Your State of Consciousness

  1. 1
    Ask yourself often "What is my state of consciousness now?". None of these guidelines will work if your consciousness is not in a state of acceptance, enjoyment, or enthusiasm. There will be no creativity and you will be forced to live the same mind-made reality again and again. Read How to Surrender to the Present Moment for more insight.
    • Have fun. When you are having fun, the static of mental resistance and negativity dissolves and your true nature comes out. Ask yourself, "How can I make this situation fun?" Again, do not force it. Let it come on its own. Read How to Stay Rooted in Being for more info on this.
    • Whenever you feel anxious or afraid or have any other negative emotions, think of some funny things or simply shift your attention from negative emotions to present moment anchors. Or channel it out by making the situation fun and silly. For example, you can say to yourself or girls something like, "I am feeling dead inside," or "I am being a vagina," or "You look so good that my fingernails are sweating" etc, depending on your sense of humor. If that's not possible, take action immediately. Its helpful to use apps like iFunny, Vine or YouTube etc. as they have funny memes or videos that you can relate to your situation. Plus, memes can be gold while texting girls. To learn more about this, read Become Mentally Flexible.
      • It's all energy (low to high frequency) that's arising in your space of awareness. Since energy can only be transmuted, so practices like these help to channel or transmute this negative energy in a creative and constructive way.
  2. 2
    Practice acceptance. Like anything in life, pickup has ups and downs. There will be times when you will have tons of successful interactions and times when you will fail a lot. Also amid these ups and downs, there may be micro-periods of ups and downs.
    • Realizing deeply that this is a part of life is acceptance. Acceptance comes into action when life is in down movement. Whether you have some type of sickness, weak body, suffered a loss, or are in a bad phase in life, etc. In the greater scheme of events, these phases of 'down' are absolutely necessary for spiritual growth and can be great teachers to help you be more compassionate and cope when life hits rock bottom. So hang in there and trust the process.
    • "Behind every seemingly bad situation lies concealed a greater good and that good reveals itself to you through inner acceptance of what is." Eckhart Tolle. Read How to Surrender to the Present Moment for more depth.

Method Five of Seven:
Practicing Non-Reaction and Humility

  1. 1
    Practice non-reaction. Non-reaction is much more effective and attractive than most other pickup techniques or practices. In general terms, people who are non-reactive are the ones who are considered as cool. It's because they don't react to content and take life too seriously. Below are few pointers that can help you in your practice to become nonreactive:
    • Feel your body from within as much as you can. Especially while interacting with someone. Then monitor the quality of the interaction as compared to when you are not aware of it. Keeping some attention within your body while doing anything, not only brings immense joy and peace from deep within you and but also takes you out of incessant stream of compulsive thinking. Your body is infinitely intelligent than mind and is like an ideal sink that can absorbs all your mind-made negativity, and all you are left with is radiant peace of being. It is highly recommended that you read How to Stay Rooted in Being for more information on this.
    • Be aware of your breath and sense perceptions. Awareness of breath and/or sense perceptions can also get you out of mind or content. Here's something you can practice: keep some attention on your sense perceptions, and/or breathing, while doing anything.
  2. 2
    Practice humility. It means letting the real "you" out and not playing roles while interacting with anyone. Do you talk to your boss the same way you talk to a cashier at the supermarket? If not, you are playing roles, and subsequently, you will play different roles while talking to different people in your life. That's what makes people look gamey and ingenious.
    • People who practice humility are easier to talk to and are much more friendly and real. It's because they are not suppressing their true (negative or positive traits) self with fleeting confidence derived from identification with form such as good looks, wealth, nationality etc. Its cause through becoming "vulnerable" can you discover your true and essential invulnerability.[23].
    • According to Tao Te Ching, "Humility means trusting the Tao, thus never needing to be defensive." Read How to Practice Humility for more insight.
    • This doesn't mean forcing yourself to 'not play roles'. Instead, just be aware of the role-playing patterns, and awareness will take you beyond them. Tao Te Ching says "If you want to get rid of something, allow it to flourish." In this context, it means that even if you notice that you are being gamey, allow it to be. The 'flourishing of gaminess' will eventually dissolve it.
    • When you are aware and allow it to be, a different dimension of consciousness emerges through you, far more intelligent than human mind.[24]
    • However, be aware that ego is very clever. You may be thinking that you are allowing it to be, but in reality it could be ego's hidden desire to dissolve it as quickly as possible. Which means treating the now as a means to an end. Read Surrender to the Present Moment for more on this.

Method Six of Seven:
Finding a Balance

  1. 1
    Live an interesting life. People who follow their passions, hobbies, and desires are considered very attractive, like musicians, tech entrepreneurs, actors, and adventurists. Living an interesting life also gives you a lot of interesting stuff to talk about. It also helps you build confidence and enthusiasm. Most people are boring and lead a quite straightforward life. They might go to work or school, then come back and play some video games, talk and hang with friends or family, watch TV, etc. Life pretty much revolves around these things and that is what they tend to talk about.
    • What is the most interesting, adventurous, spontaneous thing you did in last 100 days? What are your passions? Make a habit of doing something interesting and new from time to time. Try hiking, skydiving, visiting new places or exploring your city, visiting animal shelters, volunteering, and working on your passions or hobbies.
  2. 2
    Work on the balance between health, wealth, and relationships. Having a good balance between these three aspects is tremendously important to get good at pickup. As all these aspects are interconnected and back each other up, people who maintain a good balance between these aspects have a good potential to quickly get good at pickup, as they will easily be able to connect the dots between these areas and sub-areas. For example: People who have a good social life are more likely to be confident.
    • While lacking in one of the aspects would, most likely, affect the other two in the long run. If you are investing too much time in making money (wealth) and working out (health), there is a good possibility that your social life(relationship) may suffer, which may affect your wealth and health (emotional and physical) in the long run. Similarly, if you have the right amount of wealth but don't have good social life or health, then it may eventually affect your wealth.
      • But if you completely accept the lack in one or more of these aspects, that could work for you too.
    • This can also work like a priming effect.[25] This means if you are spending a lot of time just doing pickup, you may realize the importance of relationships, health, and wealth in the long run to get good at it. There's a possibility that you may burn yourself out in this process before realizing it. Since everyone is different, experiment to see what works for you.
  3. 3
    Understand that looks, status, race and money do matter. Let's clear this up: yes, they matter, and if someone says otherwise, they are lying or don't know.
    • In some cases, they matter more, and in others, not as much. For example: In western countries, generally girls find white guys to be more attractive and safe as compared to other races. Yes, its harder for non-white guys in western world but at the same time if you simply accept it then it can also work to your advantage and can potentially help you access inner beauty within. That is to say, become less dependent on looks. Also when you approach and talk to girls, you are already coming out as polarizing. If you keep your composure in difficult situations and rejections, you naturally go deeper.
    • However, overall, above external factors don't matter as much as men think they do.[26]. In a way, men are lucky that women are not into physical looks as much as men.[27].

Method Seven of Seven:
Cultivating Essential Habits and Practices

  1. 1
    Practice essential habits. Apart from the paradigms, habits, and practices mentioned above, below are some common habits that are equally essential:
    • Keep your place ready for company.
    • Go out with wingmen. It helps a lot if you go out with good wingmen. Look on Facebook and online forums to look for wingmen.
    • Work out, groom, smell good and dress well. Just this habit will increase your dating value 20-30% overnight, guaranteed.
    • Speak in an assertive and commanding tone.
    • Speak from your chest or your whole being rather than your nose. Be aware where the air is coming out from while you speak. If it's coming out from your nose, your voice will not be that deep. Hence, your speech has less of an impact.[28]
    • Polarize. Read How to Be Polarizing.
    • Be a Leader.
    • Physically escalating. Read How to Pull a Girl Home, How to Make Out with a Random Girl, and How to Cold Approach a Girl for more details about these habits and practices.
    • Above all, be aware of your breath and/or inner body as much as you can. This practice alone would be more transforming than all the other mentioned practices, combined.

Community Q&A

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  • You are not starting from scratch as most of these experiments have been done. So use their results in accordance with your personality, or test them out to see if they work for you or not.
    0 Helpful?  0
  • Remember, it's a journey and not a means to an end, so be in the moment.
    0 Helpful?  0
  • The quality of the present moment determines the quality of your future. If you became restless and treat an interaction or person or present moment as a means to an end to get to what you desire from the person, you will most likely fail. Be patient and honor the present moment.
    0 Helpful?  0
  • Your state of consciousness should either be in a state of acceptance, enjoyment, or enthusiasm. If that's not the case, then look closely and you will see that you are creating suffering for yourself and others.
    0 Helpful?  0
  • Don't make excuses like "she is not hot or cute enough," "she's too short or tall," "she's with her friends," etc. If you solely find a girl attractive on the basis of how she looks, you are making excuses, have a superficial mindset and are limiting yourself. Cause what you do to others, you do to yourself.
    0 Helpful?  0
  • Here's a rule of thumb: if she can turn you on while she is naked in your bed, she is attractive enough. Be honest.
    0 Helpful?  0
  • If you are too focused on getting laid rather than interaction in the Now, you may most likely not get anywhere. Its cause you are treating the interaction a means to an end.
    0 Helpful?  0
  • Yes, looks have a great magnetic pull. So even you are being drawn towards looks, allow the emotions and desire to be rather than fighting them. As this allowing will eventually lessen your disproportionate attraction towards looks and help you realize the impermanence of all forms.
    0 Helpful?  0
    • See it this way, if you are less phased by women's looks, then you are coming out as polarizing and would be able to connect with them on a deeper level, which is beyond physical appearance.
  • Practice one or two things at a time depending on your personality. Say, "I am going to work on non-reaction for the next few days/weeks/months."
    0 Helpful?  0
  • Do not compare yourself to anyone. Everyone has a different personality, learning curve and conditioning. As a practical measure, its ok to compare to some extent as long as it is giving you motivation, but stop when it starts demotivating you. Read the last step of the article Become Mentally Flexible for more.
    0 Helpful?  0
  • If you are looking for some cool straight girls to meet, then go to the LGBT bar/club areas of your city. People that go to these places are usually chill and open-minded.
    0 Helpful?  0
  • Routines and concepts are no more than stepping stones to be left as quickly as possible. True intelligence is unconditioned and original.
    0 Helpful?  0
  • Point of being polarizing is either people will dislike you for your honesty and personality or love you for it. No middle ground.
    0 Helpful?  0

About This Article

12 votes - 60%
Co-authors: 35
Updated: July 28, 2019
Views: 30,158


  3. Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg 65
  4. Manson, Mark. Models: Attracting women through honesty. Pg 68
  5. Manson, Mark. Models: Attracting women through honesty. Pg 69
  2. Manson, Mark. Subtle art of not giving a F*ck. Pg 156
  3. Tolle, Eckhart. Stillness Speaks. Vancouver, BC: Namaste Publishing, 2003. Page 56.
  5. Manson, Mark. Models: Attracting women through honesty. Pg 42
  8. Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth. Vancouver, BC: Penguin, 2005. Page 290, 308.
  12. Sincero, Jen. You Are a Badass. Philadelphia: Running Press, 2013. Page 56
  13. Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through Honesty. Pg 89
  15. Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth. Vancouver, BC: Penguin, 2005. Page 259, 117.
  17. Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg101
  19. Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg 76

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