March 12, 2012

The Weight

If the scale were to break down my poundage by body part, it wouldn't be my thighs, hips or rear that win the prize for the heaviest part of me. It's a smaller piece that people can't see, it's my heart.

Special needs moms carry around an extra heavy weight in their heart. We don't have time or energy to spend an hour at the mall pondering if we should purchase the green blouse or blue one. . . we don't have time or energy to worry about some catty remarks said about us by a friend of a friend. . . we don't have time or energy for time-suckers like pinterest. . .  beyond the all-consuming care of our special children, there is no time for the superficial because we are just too weighed down - by that heavy heart.

Special needs moms are also sorority sisters. Without a previous introduction we find ourselves instantly drawn to each other and immediate bff's. We just returned from Disney and waiting in our "special lines" I'd see another mom with her special kiddo, and we'll launch a classic pickup line like, "that is such a cool push chair!" (special moms love compliments on our equipment) and so the friendship begins and I often leave such encounters with a few new email addresses. The analogy I would give this instant relationship is if you were in some remote village of a third world country and you ran into another American who not only spoke your language but was from your very hometown.

As sorority sisters you hurt for your friends that hurt. Having medically fragile children, that means a lot of hurt. You ache for their heavy hearts and their challenges they are so gracefully bearing. At this moment I have 3 friends that are with their children in the hospital. They all know the staff there, which tells you how frequent of an event this is in their lives. I'm sure they would all rather be getting French manicures and perusing pinterest but that is not possible in this sorority. In the past couple months 3 special little boys that I have been acquainted with have finished their journey on this earth. I ache for their mothers, for their families and having to say a temporary goodbye to the purest form of love their family has known and the hole that will never be filled while they patiently wait for the day they will be reunited in perfect wholeness and form. Life's fragility is something we are keenly aware of, but because of its looming closeness to us, we rarely speak of.

So my heart is heavy, not a weight that pulls you down, but a weight that pulls you in a different direction, towards what really matters in life.

A mother of a sweet little angel boy has shared her journey on her blog. She is a beautiful mother and a beautiful writer.  I invite you to visit her blog and read the entry linked here and the entries written just prior and see if you, too, don't have a little more weight in your heart after you read of her journey and if that heavier heart doesn't pull you away from the superficial and towards things of greater importance.