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Friday, November 6, 2009

What Happened Next To Last Thing That Happened

We are working backwards here. Going forward in real time.....backwards in blogtime. Think of it this way--you're walking in a forest. You come across a talking cow eating a hamburger. Cows don't live in the forest. Cows don't talk. I don't think cows like hamburgers--that's a bit sordid. Get it? No? Me neither. It's like a David Lynch movie in your brain. Welcome to my life.

Before Halloween, we had snow. Lots of snow. So much snow that the first snow on the bottom of all the other snow was like, "Damn, I'm trapped. I wish you'd get off of me."

Evidence. The yard.
Actually there was so much snow that EGB's university cancelled for the day. That's a big deal. Not so much for the university, but for the EGB.....she was to give her molecular biology presentation that day. She tried to practice for me, but it brought back all kinds of repressed memories of high school chemistry. [screen goes blurry just like the flashbacks in the movies]

It was a pleasant fall day in Mrs. Chow's chemistry class. However, the weather was the only pleasant thing around. 25 miscreants....actually make that 24--I was the choir boy wrangling in the miscreants (my parents are reading this). There was a squad of split frogs that had sacrificed their lives in the name of high school science. That's a pretty low is one thing, but high school? These were weak link frogs. Frogs that got picked last in Frogger. Guaranteed to get squashed by the first car across the screen. Frogs that had legs that didn't even taste like chicken. They tasted like frogs.

Anyway, it was our job to take out the organs of fermented frogs. Still to this day, I'm not sure why. I mean I don't have much to learn from a frog kidney. I'm human, not frog. Even if I was frog, I wouldn't be down with frog kidneys. Just show me a picture. I'll get it. As you can see I was a resistant scientist. I didn't really have it in me to cut up formerly living things that smell like old pickles. I'd rather read a book.

What happened next was mind-blowing. Mrs. Chow turns around and my dissection partner who looked like Sloth from Goonies threw our frog out of a 3rd story window. Funny?-yes. Dumb?- super yes. The rest of the class obviously still had their very dead frogs.....we didn't. That presented a rather large issue when Mrs. Chow walked around to see how our frog was doing.

"Where is your frog?!?!?!" said Mrs. Chow.

"He jumped out of the window" said Sloth.

Ok....maybe that wasn't such a bad memory, but EGB's presentation was dragging on and I wasn't really having that much fun. So I told her that her presentation was the best that I'd ever seen and that school was cancelled. She was immediately disappointed that the university was to close on her big day, but got over it rather quickly when I said I had to stay home too. That can only mean one time.

First rule of order. Check out snow.

Since we had over 25 inches of snow and EGB isn't many more inches above that we decided to play AROUND the snow. My one order from the Dairy Queen that day was to not lose EGB. With 25 inches of snow I wasn't taking any chances. Plus EGB didn't have snow pants. Who thinks of 25 inches of snow in October? Eskimos?-Yes. Me?-No.

The Conquistador requested what all 16 month olds request in a big snow storm....wear magic slippers, of course. Forget my warnings--this child was wearing those slips.

Gloves? Check. Hat with kickball on top? Check.
I'm gonna touch this stuff.
That's not so bad. Snow is allright.
Dang. That's a lot of snow. Is that Stacey walking down the street? What's up girl! How'd you get out? Call me.
Ok, so now we got the snow exhibit completed and were successful in no major losses or damages. The Commissioner aka Dairy Momma will be pleased. What's next to do? Costumes, of course. Halloween is just days away and no costume in sight. Up first......

Ellie G. That got nixed early.
Tourist? Nope.
The Accessorized Gladiator? You serious?
Ellie Urkel? This is dumb.
Gloria the Extravagant? Maybe.
Ellie Springsteen! Oh yes! Born In Wheat Ridge!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The resemblance is there......for sure. We got a real rocker on our hands. EGB will be the champion of the little man in Golden.
