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15 July 2005 @ 11:37 pm
i think some raving emotion is occupying my body.

"sometimes its like someone took a knife baby edgy and dull and cut a six inch valley through the middle of my soul..."

hmm... time to re-quote one of my favorite rock'n'roll lyrics. cos that's how i feel, man...

i kinda accidentally fell in love. well, there's no "kinda" about it. i totally fell in love. like slipping on a banana peel. wwhoooooops! and now the girl's in costa rica. and i'm cursing myself, wondering why i didn't take her up on her offer of 'you should come visit me in costa rica'...

and i'm wondering what does it mean that i just take for granted that she'll be there. and she tells me about how she gets at the end of the semester and says, 'you'll see' like its the most natural thing that i would still be in her life in a few months. and speaking of months, i'm thinking about monthiversary dates... and welcome home parties... and cooking dinner together... how we've got hot hair... how her passion for her scholarship and working with kids is both intimidating and beautiful... how i want to empower her to stretch farther than she thought possible...

and how i'm worried about posting this publicly, like anticipating some melodramatic backlash or something. like taking on others' hurt feelings, like my love for someone means i can't be something to them...

poly. there's some classical language stem-ness happening here. and this is the first time the amo part of the stem-ness has been a factor.

falling without a net. or slipping on a banana peel, i guess, was more like it. or maybe running away, only on an elliptical machine (e.g., not going far...)

totally incoherent now,
Current Mood: oh, jeezus, don't ask.
Current Music: been listening to 99.1 'siempre de fiesta'
15 July 2005 @ 11:48 pm
and i'm wondering if/when my ass will be handed to me. like, "Drink Coke. Play Again"...

a word of advice to anyone reading: never drop the L-bomb the morning that someone is going out of the country for a month. if at all possible, postpone the falling-in-love business until the object of your affections is within arm's reach.

it's all really romantic in the movies, ya know, saying those words before some extended absence, revealed like an understood truth that finally needed speaking in those last hurried moments before lift-off... (ok, so my scene wasn't quite like that, but the emotions totally match)

a dazed boy in need of some distraction...