Sunday, July 31, 2011

Food Network Star: Comedy Roast

Don't roast a chicken
Roast the next food network stars
Whitney gets sent home.

Food Network Star starts with the contestants heading down to Chelsea Market where they meet Bobby Flay. This week's camera challenge involves the contestants running around, tasting a hell of a lot of food and then taping a 2 minute segment for The Best Thing I Ever Ate. I've seen a few episodes of TBTIEA and it's getting to the point where all the episodes have gotten too detailed. For example, they have a clip of Giada talking about the best thing she ever ate with chopsticks. Next will be the best thing I ever ate on a white plate or while wearing shorts or while being robbed. They are instructed to dig deep into their culinary thesaurus so that they can use more words than, "really good, delicious, yummy, awesome." IMO Mary Beth, the food writer, should kill at this challenge. Whitney approaches it with the scientific method, Vic still can't touch the insides of his arms to his torso, Jeff, the Sandwich King, seeks out pastrami sandwiches, Mary Beth says what I've thought - she knows a bunch of foodie words and Susie gets a montage of her stuffing her face (how does she stay so thin?!).

The camera challenge is extra nerve wracking because the other contestants are like 6 feet away. Susie kinda bombs. Vic also doesn't describe what his dish tastes like and I think he sounds high (he probably doesn't do drugs). Jeff, who I am quickly falling in love with, does extremely well. Mary Beth steals Whitney's thunder by describing a crepe which is exactly what she was going to do. Whitney seems stiff and completely thrown off her game. Jeff wins the challenge! Way to go  (as my friend Jacqelyn calls him) Chubby Jimmy Fallon:


Bobby introduces them to this week's star challenge: each will be assigned a protein (by winner, Jeff) that they will turn into a roast. [Not] surprising this will have the contestants being roasted by a "distinguished" panel of guests. Distinguished is a loosely used word on the Food Network. Louise Anderson, Judy Gold, Anthony Anderson, Aubrey Plaza (YAY!) and Gilbert Gottfried are going to roast the contestants when they present their food and I cannot wait to hear what they say about Vic's arms [I have no idea why I am so obsessed with them].

See how the challenge goes after the jump!

Vic, who I think lucked out, makes a crusted prime rib with potatoes, au jus and horseradish. Sounds delicious. Each plate is topped with a GINORMOUS piece of meat.

Every person is in shock at the size of his meat and the jokes start to fly. Aubrey straight up says she is scared of his food. It's delicious but just too much. Louis seriously tells him to cut the Vegas and stick with Mama's Boy. They love Mama's Boy. I still am not convinced.

Mary Beth was freaked out about making duck so asked the meat guy 20 questions about cooking duck. When she finally decides what to do, she creates a blackberry glazed duck with duck fat roasted potatoes. Gilbert loves the duck and Mary Beth continues to talk like a professor. She gets panned for not partying like it's 1776.

Jeff creates a fancy Italian sandwich with rump roast sliced thin, topped with peppers and served with a side of potato chips fried in suet, which is beef fat and sounds delicious. He takes the jokes in stride but the judges were told about his past in stand up. Gilbert Gottfied offers him a show just so he never has to go back to stand up. They found him at ease and liked the food.

Susie got stuck with a spicy leg of lamb that rubbed served with chipotle scallopped potatoes and some roasted root vegetables. She is uber serious talking about her parents past as migrant farmers and the judges are also serious:         


           No smiles here.

Then they start asking questions and Susie starts to lighten up. Her food is flavorful and they feel she is full of heart.

Whitney makes an upscale version of a BLT. The panel asks about her parents and bring her to tears. She oddly talks about when the animal was slaughtered, but at least Aubrey Plaza says that helped her taste the animal's personality. Happy. All awkward.

The funniest part of the judging was when Bob talks about seeing the big hunk of meat [Vic's plate] come towards him - I doubt it's the first time he's said that aloud. Also, Suzy calls Jeff sexy (didn't she talk about his looks last week too?). I get jealous.

The top three are Vic, Susie and winner Jeff. He's a front runner on the show and in my heart.
That leaves Mary Beth and Whitney at the bottom with Whitney going home for being a beautiful robot.

Next week is the Iron Chef Challenge. Someone makes Alton Brown happy and I hope hope hope it's Jeff.


  1. Yes, yes, yes. Oh such a good review. She said last week that he was cute. This week he's sexy. I don't disagree with her. He's super fun and adorable. I think he's grown up a lot in the last few weeks since Balls on the Roll.

  2. Also, on Entourage, Ari Gold's wife is dating now Bobby Flay. I cannot wait for the guest appearance on that one. She goes to his restaurant every day and eats breakfast. It all cracks me up. Especially because I think him and E look a lot alike. (
    I know they won't, but I hope they have a scene together.

  3. They do kinda look alike. I think bobby flay is shady.

  4. I'm from Canton, Ohio and this is the best blog I've ever read! You should get paid!