Healing Solutions For You - Alternative and Integrative Healing Practices

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

When the Relationship is Over

Intimate relationships are a very important part of our lives. They bring out our qualities and our shadows, they help us in our growth. They can be a safe place to fall.
Relationships have their purpose. The end of relationships have a purpose as well.

Reasons we fall in love

1) Karma Sutra. We can fall in love with someone we have known in another life in order to resolve karma with them. Karma is the universe law of cause and effect. We reap what we sow. If we do something that harms someone or something, at some point, we will experience an (or multiple) difficult event(s) relevant to what we did. This is the universe giving us an opportunity to understand, learn and evolve. To be in harmony with the universe we must learn honesty, integrity, compassion, forgiveness, love, etc. The universe law of cause and effect, karma, helps us to learn these over time. We will meet the people we have known in lives past time and time again until we have made amends for what we did and learned the lessons karma has brought us. Perhaps in one life we were a cold, slave-driving boss who was too hard on an employee. In this life perhaps we are the ever suffering spouse of a tyrannical person (our former employee). This is a more extreme example of how our lives can be karmically intertwined.

2) Lessons to be learned, plans to be followed. Karma is not the only reason that people come into our lives. Their particular talents or spirit may be a perfect fit to help us along our life plan. Before we incarnate into a life, we decide what the purpose of our life shall be and whom we will encounter. Let's say we decide to come into this life to bring the beauty of music to others. We end up falling in love with a music producer who teaches us about the industry and helps advance our career. As Caroline Myss says, they have a contract with us to be in our lives. Someone's contract with us can require them to be helpful, to be difficult (so that we can learn to stand up for ourselves or to follow our path despite opposition, etc.) or a mixed bag (like a loving spouse who nonetheless opposes our calling). Any of these can help us follow our path. And a contract with someone is not necessarily based from karma but instead from an agreement with that individual to help you on your path.

3) Friends forever. People may be in our lives simply because we enjoy them. They make our lives wonderful. Karma or none, we just want them in our lives. These are probably people from our soul group with whom we reincarnate again and again. A soul group is a group of souls created together. We will continue to share that bond throughout lifetimes.

Why Relationships End

1) The karma has been resolved.

2) The (spirit) reason the two came together has been fulfilled.

3) There still remains something unfulfilled or unresolved but one or both parties chooses not to continue working through it.

In the case of the first two, the contract has been fulfilled. Many of us will have multiple partners in our lifetimes. This is because each relationship and person will bring us something: steps in our growth, a possibility to resolve karma, etc. In the third situation, the person(s) has(ve) decided it's too hard to work through their karma, to take responsibility or face their weaknesses, fears, false beliefs. They will continue to reencounter opportunities to learn the lessons, resolve the karmas. They will probably reincarnate in another life with this person. The difficulty of the classroom setting or situation in which to learn these lessons will over time become more and more difficult or intense until the person has to understand it. The universe gently taps, then nudges, then shoves, then kicks butt, then will cause you to fall on your face until you get it! Evolution is a spiritual law. There is no getting around it.

How to Know that the Contract is Over

1) In the case of a difficult relationship: There is a peace in your heart in regards to that person and your experiences you've had with them. This is a peace that has not previously existed. This doesn't necessarily mean that they are now your buddy. It does mean that the other person no longer pushes your buttons and you can treat them with civility. You can look at your experiences you've had with them in an objective way and recognize the value in having had those interactions. This view is no longer clouded by anger or bitterness. You have forgiven them their transgressions. (If the relationship ends and you have not come to that peaceful or forgiving space, you can still work to get there and resolve it posthumously.)

2) In the case of a positive relationship: If you try to continue the relationship, it doesn't work. Perhaps the chemistry between you has evaporated. There is no anger that prevents the chemistry, simply that it has evaporated because the energy has shifted. Your direction in life is no longer in alignment and your paths have diverged. Obstacles keep coming up that prevent the relationship from being. There is a feeling that this is time to move on. These are signs that the contract and karmas are finished. In this situation, you will still have positive feelings towards the other but your time together, in an intimate relationship, is finished.

The Hard Part

Naturally, the end of a relationship can bring up pain, fear, anger, self-doubt. These are normal to any transition. Take time to heal, ponder and meditate. Journal. Reflect upon what you have learned or could learn about yourself and life from that relationship. Take time to reconnect with yourself through nurturing yourself, relaxing. It is important to get back to a recentered, whole, balanced state before entering another relationship. This will prevent rebound relationships and instead allow you to make wise, careful and clear-minded decisions. Finally, if you are struggling with pain, fear, anger, or self-doubt, flower essence therapy can be a valuable instrument to help you heal and shift out of these states. I would be honored to work with you. Just call to set up a consultation. (828) 808 - 8955 or (877) FLWR - PWR

1 comment:

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