Tuesday, December 9, 2008

What is a "Car Czar"?


You Never Give Me Your Money, The Beatles



Is a Car Czar a dot gov kind of guy or gal?

Does the Car Czar drive a big flashy American car?

Does the Car Czar wear a crown?

Pinkie rings?

A carnation on his/her pocket?

Does the Car Czar smoke a giant stogie?

Does the Car Czar hang out with the Drug Czar?

What do two Czars talk about?

Cars and Drugs? How to build a Czar Car?

To stash Czar Drugs into a secret space?

Never mind How to Build Green...

Will the Car Czar make The Big Three Tow The Line?

Or will the Car Czar (wink, wink) slip The Three Beggars

Cool billions without a blink?

Will the Car Czar hand out money like carnival candy?

Hire me.

I'm available, and I would make a great Car Czar.

My name will be Scrooge.

You will have to kneel before me

Serf hat in hand.

My Car Czar checkbook before me,

Big quill pen in hand,

Nib hovering over paper.

You will have to take a Car Czar test:

First question (Choose One):

When you are asked to testify before Congress,

A) You fly to Washington in your private jet.

B) Your flunky drives you to Washington in a hybrid car.

C) You go coach on Amtrak (where you will be required to sit in front of a young mother and her two squawking babies).

D) You walk from Detroit to Washington, wearing a sandwich board that says,

"My name is Big BAD CEO, and I'm a recovering spendaholic."
You know the right answer.

I will lend you money,

But you shall obey my Ten Commandments:

1. Thou shalt dance like a marionette before me and worship no other special interest groups.

2. Thou shalt build green cars.

3. Thou shalt innovate on a budget.

4. Thou shalt pay your workers a fair wage.

(But only after the unions have knelt down before me with their own promises.)
5. Thou shalt repay the taxpayers (with interest).

6. Thou shalt not covet big bonuses for thyself and/or cronies.

7. Thou shalt share profits with workers and taxpayers.

8. Thou shalt present weekly budgets to the Car Czar and account for every penny spent.

9. For major projects, thou shalt first get my permission to proceed.

10. When all is said and done, thou shalt not beg for more money, and you shall treat this bailout with great respect and honor.
Hire me, and I will require only a small living-wage salary.

In fact, the Car Czar should do the job for nothing,

A reasonable bonus

To be paid ONLY

If the Car Czar


Capitalism in Poetry.


  1. Dear jennifer;
    Autoworkers also pay taxes.The bailout money is our tax dollars too!

  2. Jennifer,

    My email to you keeps bouncing


    I need to talk you about something.

    Dennis Kelly

  3. *

    Good point, Anonymous.

    These days, I worry more about greedy bankers.

    They just don't get it!


  4. *


    I just sent you an email!



So snark me!