Sunday, 6 January 2013


Now that was surprisingly not awful.

It was bad, don’t get me wrong, but it wasn’t the long drawn out hell of relatives I want to kill with a flamethrower  but can’t because there’s so many of them and it’d cause a severe fire hazard.

Part of it is simply that our vast huge family is breaking up. As the oldest generation shuffles off their mortal coil, a lot of my parent’s generation, my generation and my nieces and nephew’s generation are less inclined to make the effort to stay in touch with 3rd cousins and the like. There are one or two lynchpins and the clan will generally keep in touch – but the endless visiting and HUGE DAMN PARTIES are probably a thing of the past. I think I’m, supposed to be sad about this but… I’m not. I’m generally of the opinion that if you lose touch with someone, there’s usually a reason.

Of course some of the awful was still there with the family gatherings I couldn’t duck, but I’ve found a nice counter tactic if just gasping “WHY DO YOU WANT TO RUIN CHRISTMAS?!” at them in an increasingly shrill and louder voice until they subside and leave me alone. Not the most mature response, but surprisingly effective. I’ve backed it up by assuming anyone mentioning anything about being gay is coming out to me, when they say they’re not, I ask them a) why they care and b) why I should care what they have to say. Also rather effective.

Thankfully, my own holiday celebrations happen on the solstice, so I can endure the annoying without it ruining my day. Beloved’s holiday celebrations happen around wherever bottles of booze are open

Dramas aside, we were faced with a terrible terrible scourge. Poultry.

See, the eternal chickens from Beloved’s ill-advised, unsupervised shopping are still kind of hanging around, despite numerous chicken meals. And then there was going to my parents for Xmas day where we have turkey and a vehement insistence that everyone take home left overs.

Then there’s our new sorta-27th tradition. See, for reasons that make no sense since we go to my parent’s house for Xmas every year and his parent’s house for New Year (we always do this, mainly because my family’s nastiness can spoil Xmas for me but not anyone else. Beloved’s parent’s “ZOMG IT’S A VISIT FROM THE QUEEN” awkwardness can stifle it for everyone), we still stock up for the holidays. Including getting a turkey. Because, damn it, it’s the holidays and we will shop for vast amounts of food!

So on the 27th… I cook Christmas dinner and we invite lots of friends who don’t give me grey hairs, friends who don’t mind a second Christmas dinner, friends who may not have had one, friends who have had one but it was awful and F, The Emergency Appetite (she has a mask now).

Which means more left overs.

So we’ve had nearly 2 months of chicken, turkey, chicken, turkey, chicken, turkey, chicken, turkey. Yes they’re flexible but even I’ve reached my limits. And I nearly brought Beloved to tears of relief by cooking a steak and kidney pudding  and a sort of cheesey beef stew and dumplings (good British winter food! MOAR SUET!) last week. SWEET RED MEAT! Oh how I missed ye!

I’m kind of avoiding the freezer where the rest of the birds lurk, like a menacing, clucking hoard.

On the shiny loot side, I got a tablet. A 10 inch Galaxy Note and I now CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT IT. It is grafted to my hand permanently, how could I ever have existed without it before.

Of course, Beloved was torn over this since it means my tablet is technically newer and shinier than his Ipad which means he doesn’t have the shiniest shiny! (He actually made sure I didn’t get an Ipad so he could claim Ipad superiority so he could cling to his shiniest badge. I reject this, mine is shinier, it is known). My kindle is now feeling neglected. I also think YEB turns on another generator at night, with the tablets, e-readers, mobile phones et al all going on charge when we go to bed.

I bought Beloved technical computer things (I was given specific instructions on what to buy, then a list, then was sent out with someone who knows what they’re doing. One would almost think he didn’t trust me. Plus side is that I used knowledge person to guide in me in getting surprise things as well. And then embarrassed them in front of the store clerk he was trying to impress. Success!) and a fishy. The fishy was a masterful move that has resulted in beloved reigniting in his obsession with the fishies and meaning I don’t have to any more (for now anyway). He now splits his time between staring at the fish going round and round and round, and tearing off the back of his computer to do unspeakable things to it. He has repeatedly told me what he’s doing, I nod and smile in the right places.

All in all, one of the better holidays.