Be “empowered” but keep me out of it!

March was the month for women to bond and celebrate their achievements in time and history. The word “empowerment” was sprinkled abundantly like flour on pizza. I am all for women having the freedom to make choices; however, individual life choices should never become a burden on society. We should be open to all choices that women make, and not only to those  deemed relevant by the few. In the mid-60’s the women’s liberation movement burnt bras as a symbol of freedom. Although thinking about it right now it makes little sense to liberate the breasts while the brain remains in neutral. The movement fought for women’s rights but it also inadvertantly pushed women in taking up roles they might not have felt comfortable in taking. The likes of Gloria Steinbeck wanted a war on men and consiquently the family nucleus became a casualty. Stay-at-home moms were rediculed, and some women were literally bullied into the work force under the pretense that they could have it all: the kids, the house, and the job. They could”bring home the bacon!” If you couldn’t do it; you were ultimately a failure.

Last week I had an interesting encounter with a German young lady who was elated that women in Germany can take three years off for parental leave and then go back to the workforce if they so chose to. They could really “have it all.” I had to remind her that it was these pollyannaish social benefits that gave Germany the destinction of being one of the most expensive European Union countries to do business in. Women go on maternity leave six weeks prior to birth, and a mandatory eight weeks after. A three-year parental leave option can also be taken in two installments of their choice. My question to the enthusiastic “empowered” lady was: where does that leave the employer? Who carries the burden of work in these women’s absence?  The German maternity social plan reads like the works of Shakespeare on a cold winter’s night. Very long and comfortable only to those who pretend that they really know what Bill was talking about. Pages upon pages of “health” restrictions are embedded deep in a labor law that makes the employer accountable for the well being of the pregnant employee without any consideration to the business.  As my young friend excuberated her enthusiasm, I felt my blood pressure reaching critical mass remembering my own experiences with pregnant employees and my futile attempt at providing adequate staffing to our customers. At least the young enthusiast did remark that she had never thought about the impact on the employer and the business. How convenient!

I think that motherhood is a moment in time all women should experience. As women, it brings relevancy to our lives. After all we are biologically made up to procreate. Also, I am all for freedom to have it all: but at whose expense? It boils down to the fact that someone’s choice to procreate becomes an employer’s problem to try and keep a business going. The employer ends up being the accomodating party through long absences and activity restrictions imposed by law on the individual herself, and the team. The business still needs to run and someone has to run it. All the burden falls on the employer. When I chose to be a mother I did not expect society to be involved in my decision to have a child. I was “empowered” to have a child but I was not empowered to make it someone else’s problem. I chose to have the child and I should be soley responsibile for it and for my well being. Not the government, not the church, not social services, and definitely not my employer.

Women seemed to have gone nova when it comes to “their body.” The continual bombardment of how as women we have the right to make decisions about our bodies is becoming as old as my “new 40” body and equally exhausting. We get it: we want equal pay, equal rights, and equal opportunities, BUT: let’s face it, our biological purpose is reproduction. We have the babies and men don’t. Fellow women: get over it, and please quit moaning that you want it all. As a woman you want to be taken seriously yet when it is convenient you become pathetically maternal and whine that there is a “war on women.” My advice to our current generation of women who feel that their biological clock is ticking and get the urge to reproduce: take a V8, take a shower, watch a movie, text inane messages to someone, but please, please, do not become a parent so that at the first opportunity you put the child in day care to be raised by someone else because you get “bored” at home. If you want personal “growth” read a good book. How many “empowered” women have the guts to tell their kids that they prefer”empowerment” to being a parent?

Has the women’s movement in all their eagerness and anger to get back at men make men inconsequential? Is that why so many women are single mothers? Which is ironic, because when I speak with these strong and hard working women who have to raise and provide for the family single-handedly; they all wish they could stay home and raise their kids. They go to work because they have to and not because they would be “bored” being mothers. How sad that the inherent quality that we have as women: nurtering, should be debased as a nuisance by so many in power. How sadder is the fact that so many women believe that unless we do it all we are worthless?  

My mother raised seven children on my father’s salaryy. Some would say that it was easier in the past. Why? Whatever was considered expensive then would still be considered expensive now, relatively speaking. Needs were different. We did not need a television in every room, an electronic gizmo for every child, and two cars. My father managed to take us around in a VW Bug! When I started my family we followed suit and kept our needs in line with my husband’s military salary. It was taken forgranted that when one starts out one takes it slow and generally borrows furniture or buys it second hand until we grow in our role as parents. Now our “needs” have ballooned into the ludicrous brand mania. The ones at the short end of the stick end up being the kids, the family, society, and employers. 

Although my digression took me all over the place, the thought process remains the same: ladies we cannot have it all. We are only “empowered” as far as doing the right thing for ourselves, our families, and if employed: our employers. We cannot leap tall buildings in a single bound, but we can have the courage and tenacity to realize that to do everything well, we must make hard choices. Those choices should not interfere or put demands on the rest of the world. If there is a “war on women” we are waging it on ourselves because we have become our own worst enemy. We whine, we demand, we expect, and we feel entitled. A few months ago while visiting my 97 year-old mother at the senior’s home. my niece walked in with her toddler to visit. She was lamenting the hardships of motherhood and how she would never have another child because it was too much work. My mother listened patiently and when she left she remarked: “such a fuss, I had seven of you.” How true, and it was my mother who later “empowered” me to be a stay-at-home mum until the children grew up and I could start a career. Not an easy choice, but now I can truthfully say that “I’ve had it all.”

Is my generation responsible?

I am still waiting for this generation to morph into responsible adults. When we were growing up, our parents mentored us and guided us into becoming responsible adults, or at least they hoped that we would eventually get out of our stupid teen stupor and grow up. It seems that parents of this teen generation are missing the train on “growing up” because half of them have missed on maturity themselves. What has become of mentoring our youth? When have adults left responsibility and accountability behind and allowed our youth to become morons? When is this generation going to right itself up and start making serious choices? “But they are only kids!” I can hear the cliché’ from a mile away. It is as painful as nails on a chalk board.

This week I witnessed the worst in adult leadership. It was unbelievable and yet understandable because society has turned a blind eye to decorum and respectability since Clinton entertained an intern in the Oval Office. Once we accepted that behavior, society only had one way to go: downhill. I was the keynote speaker at a Women’s History Month celebration where I urged and challenged community leaders to become involved and mentor young girls into becoming successful professionals and entrepreneurs. Participating at the celebration were four teen girl scouts; immortalizing women in history who had shown courage, character, and commitment. Besides the fact that they had trouble reading the script, they obviously had trouble getting dressed in the morning. I was wondering who would allow these girls to go on stage to celebrate women’s trials and achievements dressed like hookers? My answer appeared slovenly by my side, and I suddenly saw the light like Moses. The “leaders” deported themselves worse than the kids. It was painful watching. The only item of apparel that I recognized as relating to scouting was a vest with badges. What the girls had on would make Lady Gaga and Madonna look like nuns. Torn tight jeans, short skirts, and large body parts appeared out of clothing two sizes too small. How come the two “leaders” were unable or refused to instill standards and propriety to this group of teens? Is this what scouting has turned into? Isn’t scouting supposed to instill a code of conduct and turn children into responsible adults?  I was a Girl Scout and Cub Scout leader for many years, and the children, regardless of age, had to participate in public in crisp uniforms and respectful behavior appropriate to the organizations and themselves. What leadership skills were these two slugs imparting to these girls? Worse still: how could the parents allow these two women disguised as “leaders” to spend even one minute with their kids?

Is my generation responsible for this generation’s lack of reason and sensibility? Have we allowed ourselves to be carried downstream toward the mud and silt of vulgarity and disgusting behavior? How come this generation of parents and adults do not seem to care for our youth? Why is trashy clothing accepted by our young girls? Even in the 60’s, The Beatles wore suits and ties when on stage. Aretha Franklin, Petula Clark, Shirley Bassey, Connie Francis, and other artists went on stage classy and in beautiful clothing that we all envied. Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Herman’s Hermits, The Beachboys, and Sammy Davis Jr. never appeared before an audience in torn anything. They had respect for those watching them. That is the answer. This generation has no respect for anyone, Parents do not respect their kids and vice versa. Hence the utter chaos in families, schools, and social behavior. When did society disintegrate into degradation? Was my 60’s generation at fault; when we burnt our bras and raised our skirts? Did we smoke one joint too many? Did our flower power send pollen into the wind which landed in the brains of this generation of morons? Am I indirectly responsible for what I witnessed on stage? Am I guilty with the rest of my generation of being too compliant with whatever society has been throwing at us for the past 30 years? My parents raised me as a teen in the 60’s and I was a handful, but I also knew the limits and the standards that were set for me. I knew when I crossed the line. Our parents wanted us to be successful. There was no disdain toward the one percenters who had wealth and success; only admiration and some envy which made us work harder at school in the hope that several years down the road we would be them.

My mother always told us that we should never be like “those people.” Till this very day I have no clue who “those people” are, but lately I began to realize that what she really meant was that we should seek out those better than ourselves. To her “those people” did not help us get on in life but rather hamper us toward success. At 97, my mother remains aloof and sets herself apart from most women I know. When I visit her at the senior residence, I attempt to dress nicely because she likes to see us dressed smart. The last time I visited her, we were sitting in the lounge when out of the corner of my eye I noticed a relative of a resident sitting close by. My mother looked at her critically and said: “Look at the way she is dressed, she looks like one…” I never gave her a chance to continue because I knew what was coming next: she was one “of those people.”  My mother was not being insensitive just pragmatic of the fact that we are who we portray to be. If at an early age we allow young girls to look like tramps eventually they may fit the mold. The question is: how are we going to break that mold?


Are we less tolerant as we grow older?

If patience is a virtue than I am doomed. Growing up in a large family I always wondered how my parents kept their cool and sanity because as kids we could be vicious. We seemed to enjoy irking and irritating each other which was easy to do when nine people lived in the same house. When I became a mother I swore that I would be patient with my kids because it was imbedded in my brain by the nuns that motherhood is a blessing. What a crock! There were times when I bit my tongue so hard I could taste my own blood, especially when my daughter became a teenager. I never knew what talking points I was supposed to use especially on school mornings. If I greeted her she responded with a grunt and if I ignored her she got upset because I ignored her. One time I asked her to provide me with cue cards to give me a hint as to an acceptable script. However, I remained cool most of the time because I had to maintain control and discipline, so to some extent I exercised patience and endurance like a saint. Then it happened: both kids left home and I suddenly realized that apart from my own children I really did not like other people’s kids. This happened simultaneously with the fact that I was already 40 years old when we became childless again, except for the occassionaly phone call usually to ask for money; but I digress.

As I grew older and way into my “new 40” age bracket, I gradually grew utterly intolerant and impatient with this generation of parents and their urchins. Just when I think that I should be enjoying my life with peace and quiet I find myself in the same universe with the most annoying, unpleasant, and rude generation I have ever known. I have quit taking vacations in the summer because I refuse to pay good money for a resort to get annoyed at kids running loose like animals. What happened to parenting? It has been diluted into an insignificant and irrelevant event by the politically correct loons who demand government intervention and “counseling” at my taxes’ expense to teach other loons how to raise a child. Amazing! My mother had seven of us, three born during the war, and one raised in a shelter underground and away from Luftwaffe bombs. What is equally amazing is the fact that it never crossed her mind to get parenting classes, she sort of knew what she was supposed to do. 

Society is being held hostage by those who make parenting and having children my concern. Why? This misnomer that it “takes a village” to raise a kid became the mantra of the Clintons in the early 90’s. They made it my concern that someone accepted insemination and got pregnant. Now I was supposed to help raise someone else’s child. What nonsense! We have developed a generation of sperm and egg donors who expect society to tolerate their moronic parenting and their equally moronic children. What is even more frightening is the fact that this generation of self absorbed texting empty-headed Myle Cyrus girating morons will be taking care of me in my old age. I will gladly accept euthanasia!

I think that our generation raised our children in the same way as our parents raised us; to be responsible adults and civil. Unfortunately with the upswing of technology and telecommunication , this young generation lost its ability and skill to communicate within an individualistic and family environment. Parents do not parent any more because they have no time or so they say. My parents managed to raise seven kids on my father’s salary, and I managed to raise two and send them to university on my husband’s salary. So why can’t parents cope any more financially and socially? Quite simple: stuff. They want stuff and more stuff at the expense of parenting. Our needs were not excessive as those of today. Our kids did not have cell phones, a television in every room, and technology that costs an arm and a leg. Our needs were simple, but our families were solid. Discipline and guidance raised our children and gave them a compass in life. We did not expect society to raise them.

As I grow older my patience with younger twits grows even thiner. It is not that I do not tolerate others, it is just that this generation’s nonsensical egotistical nuances tire me. This generation of children is tiring those of us who have already raised families. This generation of parents is equally tiring us as they expect us to tolerate their brats and raise them for them. I find myself scolding kids I do not even know while the mother stands by and watches with amazment as her urchin actually obeys me.  Disciplining a child and teaching them right from wrong has become as foreign as a dial on a phone. In the meantime, those my age who have gone through parenting and managed to raise children without any major production, resent the fact that we are expected to tolerate other people’s brats because some pseudo intellectual politically correct leftist political moron or morons told us to.

At 97 my mother sits in a home for seniors and watches the world go by. However, there are times when she looses her patience with another elderly lady. One time during one of her intolerant spats, I asked her why the woman bugs her so. Her reply was simple: I’m old.