Tarot Deck Accurately Predicts 1974

An internationally renowned psychic "seer" has successfully predicted events of 1974 under strictly controlled conditions, say reports coming out of New Orleans, a significant event that is sending shockwaves through the scientific community, which previously has had an attitude of skepticism towards psychics.

Using a standard Ride Waite tarot deck manufactured in 1968, Leroi MaCaroni, a prominent New Orleans psychic, has astounded research scientists by predicting with 100% accuracy events that actually occurred in 1974.

"We're frankly amazed at the high degree of reproducibility Mr. MaCaroni has exhibited in these batteries of tests," said one supervising scientist. "We're not certain how he does it, but I can say beyond the shadow of a doubt that no trickery was involved."

When asked to elaborate on his feat, Mr. MaCaroni remarked, "I began by attempting the deck to predict events that were going to happen, you know, in the future, but what I discovered is that it's actually remarkably accurate in describing events from 30 years ago."

For example, MaCaroni said, when asked what the number one song of the year would be, the cards answered accordingly.

"The deck gave me 'The Lovers' in the past position, and the 'Death' card, meaning 'change', in the current position. The 'Eight of Cups' in the Environment cinched it, indicating 'a time to move on', referring mainly to relationships. This was clearly referring to 'The Way We Were' as the number one song of the year...which was true in 1974."

Another question regarding the Presidency obtained "The Tower", inverted, as well as "The Emperor", inverted, answers MaCaroni believed "definitely referred" to the resignation of former President Richard M. Nixon following the months of turmoil in the White House.

"I think it's pretty clear what the cards were trying to say with that answer," he said confidently. "If anyone else out there can read a deck of tarot cards that can provide similarly accurate answers about 1974 politics, I sure haven't heard of them."

When asked about the usefulness of having a tarot deck that predicts 30-year-old events, MaCaroni said there is plenty to use it for.

"Baby-Boomers do a lot of living in the past," he said. "People want to know who had crushes on them in high school, what really happened to their car after a particular high school football game, or who knocked up their girlfriend. I can't tell them those things...but I can tell them that Godfather II won the Academy Award for Best Picture in the year that all those things were happening."

When not reading fortunes, Mr. MaCaroni uses his abilities at his job at a programming consultant for VIACOM, prognosticating on the success or failure of television shows and movies. He maintains an 88% accuracy rate.

"I told them in the beginning that 'My Big Fat Greek Life' would suck, and it did," he said. "They were foolish not to believe me in the first place, but they cut their loses quickly enough once they saw I was right."

"Let's see one of my skeptics do that," he added with a grin.

In Other News






Your Letters Answered (06/17/10)




Even More Shit:



The Beast

RSS Feed

Paying The Bills: