The 10 Most Humiliating Things My Kids Have Said in Public





3. "That man's belly is so big! Is he having a baby?" My 5-year-old in the checkout line at the grocery store.

4. "Mommy, don't choke me!!!" My two-year-old son screamed this at the top of his lungs when I leaned in to take away a box of candy he'd pulled off the shelf at the store. For the record, I have never, ever choked him or any of my children, nor threatened to. Of course that day I wanted to start...

5."I threw up this morning, but mommy said not to tell you." My 4-year-old to his preschool teacher. In my defense, it was because he gagged on piece of fruit he doesn't like and made himself retch. It wasn't real puke, I swear.

6. "Look! When I touch it, it gets all hard!" My 4-year-old son in the middle of a crowded shoe store touching... well, yeah.

7. "Hey Mister! Do you know you have no hairs on your head?" Pretty sure he knows he's bald, sweetie.

8. "My mom did a photo shoot for a magazine for men!" This was my kindergartener's contribution to sharing time. Just to be clear: It was a head shot for an article I'd written for a men's fitness magazine.

9. "I don't have any socks on today because my mom didn't do the laundry yet. My brother isn't wearing any underwear." My 8-year-old to his gym teacher. I have no defense. This one's true.

10. "Mom! Mom! My stomach hurts so bad! I think I'm having a baby! I can feel it kicking my butt! I need to push it out!" My 4-year-old said this at the customer service counter at J.C. Penney's. I took him to the bathroom afterward where he had a very large number two.

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