Waiting, worrying :( (children mentioned)

Hi girls, so I've been stalking this site for a few weeks, I may talk too much, I've got so much running through my mind!


i think it will show at the bottom, but if had my smear and colp, waiting for results from that as he took some off...


I'm crapping it, I haven't been tested for it I don't think but I think I have HPV, back in jan I had a few lumps that I thought were skin tags removed from my bottom, sorry tmi, but they were coming out of the hole, a couple of years ago I had about 4-5 'skin tags' removed from the front, I've got warts on my finger and thumb. But that isn't the only reason why I think, I'm quite ashamed of my past, it is really quite shocking, I'm 24 now, when I was 13 I lost my virginity, I somehow managed to sleep with 10 men from February till July, I used to keep count, after 30 men I lost count.. But I'm certain there's been over 100 men. So that's a lot of people that could have been carrying and passed it on, because of that, I'm so scared, i know that abnormal cells can take years to form into cancer, but this was 12 years ago, could it have turned into it already? I remember having the skin tags at age 15 so I must have had some form of HPV then? 

I phoned doctors today but no results in yet..


im now happily engaged and living with my fiancé, I've had children, I do not see them, 2 adopted and one under guardianship Order, I am not a bad person, I never hurt my babies, it had issues but never hurt them, I feel like my whole life has just been disappointment and then this, what if I have the C and I never see my kids again? So much going through my mind

thanks for reading if you made it to the end! 



lets start at the question at the end. What if you have cancer? the chances are you haven't but if you have I'm sure you woukd  of heard by now. let's say they have a really bad back log and you are told you have cancer it will probably be very early stages and the cure rate for early cervical cancer is very high. 


I know now that's not going to stop you worrying but I thought I'd say it anyway! 


Now for the rest of your post. Obviously the more men you sleep with the more chance you have of contracting hpv BUT 80% of the population have it at one point it another. It us very common. I've had my fair share of partners too but I know people with hpv and cc who have had 1 or 2 partners. 


I'm reading between the lines here, but this is not happening to you because of your past. You are not being punished. Ok?


the wait is hell. I can't help you with that in afraid. You just have to sit it out. X

I Just feel like everything goes wrong, I ended up in care, my mother couldn't give two sh ts about me, my aunt recently passed away from C. My kids ensed up in care and then my ''friend' adopted two and then stopped me seeing them. I feel I have no purpose. 

I read your story a while back, it's amazing that you got through it. I'm sorry for my whining, there's lots of people worse off than me and I shouldn't complain.. But I'm scared :( 

It's natural to be scared. Be crazy if you weren't. But you've had a lot of stuff to deal with and maybe this is the first time you've let yourself get scared, always having to hold it together before. It's ok to be scared. 

Its ok to be angry abd its ok to be sad. X

Thank you :) I don't know who to talk to, my fiancé had issues at the moment and he's telling me all his problems I don't want him to be scared too, but I know he is, co everything goes wrong for him too.. We have had a very crappy start to this year and it's going from bad to worse, 

mum just hoping I get a letter saying all is fine so it's one less thing to worry about. X

I thought I would let you know I had my results today, CIN 3 and go back in 6 months, all my panic for not a lot really!