Saturday, January 24, 2015



















Do I feel that negates my experience?  No.






I just think that's wrong.


  1. Ann, the only problem with what you did by saying the word "just" is that you made people think critically, and you probably made them question themselves. People don't like to do that. They'd much rather strut around, puffing their chests out like pigeons and believing that they're always right. They don't like to have to look at themselves that deeply.

    This was a GREAT post.

  2. I wish I "just" had stage 0 DCIS disease again. There is no "just" in stage IV disease for you, me, and so many others. No spanking needed.

  3. Maybe it's because I have read too many cancer blogs. But the word "just" didn't come across as 'bad' to me. You didn't seem to have any superiority or judgmental air...Oh well.

  4. "Just," just did not stand out at all until others made a big deal of it. I really wonder, how many of those others who were so upset by "just," realize what stage 4 cancer is like?

    One of my pet peeves, is that to the media, a mastectomy is a mastectomy. Most likely she was getting a skin, maybe even a nipple sparing one, immediate reconstruction (yeah, I know it still takes some stages - but it beats waking up totally flat), and lymph nodes intact. Not a very nice surgery at all, but not like the modified radical mastectomy with axillary dissection (and lymphedema) of so many of us cancer patients, either.

    You are right, the focus should have been that because she knows, she gets a shot at a life free of cancer. That cancer is so awful, that a woman who knows because of the BRCA gene, wants to avoid the death her mother had, even at the sacrifice of her clearly spectacular breasts. That cancer still kills.
    My own daughters are considering that surgery someday. I am not BRCA positive, but I am the third generation in a line to have breast cancer, with an unhealthy sprinkling of breast cancer on the other side of the family.

    If anyone deserves a spanking, it is those who downplay the awfulness, the deadliness of cancer. Something this young lady clearly knew.
    Elizabeth J.

  5. Ann,

    I love your blog and FB posts, and I love your insights and humor. I also agree with you and the commentators above, who say there really are different kinds of suffering related to breast cancer. It makes sense that you would use the word "just" about having the BRCA gene, in comparison to being metastatic. You've explained yourself well, and I don't think you should worry about this anymore. Keep on keeping on!

    I wanted to comment on the actual focus of your original post, though, which was the notion of having a party prior to a double mastectomy. I get why the media coverage of such parties plays into the stupid sexualization of breast cancer and the wrongful focus on "ta-tas." I'm the last person who wants to encourage those things. But I also think it is possible for such a party (or a similar sort of party) to serve a real purpose for the woman who chooses to have one. I am one of those women. I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer and found out I needed to have a double mastectomy all in a very short time frame. I had zero thought of wanting to discuss "ta-tas" or have a party with a boob cake or any other such thing. But in the midst of all the stress and fear, it occurred to me that I felt like having a WAKE for the body parts I was about to lose. The thought of having a wake seemed to come from nowhere. It was not inspired by some Pinterest photos or other media coverage of someone else's ta-ta party, that's for sure. If anything, it arose out of my Irish Catholic background. I looked up the history and cultural meaning of wakes, and I thought "this really fits." So I sent out an invitation including nerdy information on "why a wake" to all my friends. We took over my favorite Irish pub, listened to a band, ordered pizza, and just spent time together. I was still sad and afraid, but having people gathered around me whom I love and who love me was so helpful. Maybe it's because I am such an over-the-top extrovert, but having a wake felt just right to me, and it helped me a lot. To me, it did serve roughly the same function as a sad-but-raucous wake serves after someone has died.

    So - I think this issue is complicated. I know you of all people know that - you always provide us with such a thoughtful analysis of the nonsense associated with breast cancer. I just wanted to share some thoughts about my experience, in case it adds to the discussion.

    Thanks for everything you do - hoping for the best possible results from your latest scan -

    Your fan in MN

  6. I hate to see you beat yourself up over this but it did give you a chance to write another interesting post.

