I’m Never Going to Congo

I tried. I tried really hard to avoid this story. But the fourteen-year-old in me wouldn’t let me resist.

Penis theft? Seriously?

Actually this is a subject I might look into further.

Not for fourteen-year-old reasons mind you, but for thirty-year-old reasons.

I’m no psychologist, but I kinda get a kick out of figuring out how the mind works, and this would seem a prime example. After all, I feel pretty confident in my belief that there aren’t really any wizards who have the magical ability to steal penises with a single touch. However, folks take these roving bands of penis snatchers pretty seriously.

Serious enough for there to have been lynchings and for some accused wizards being beaten to death in the past.

Likely there is some sort of psychological suggestive work going on here, but I’m not sure what. What we do know is that the human mind is particularly susceptible to suggestion. If you don’t believe me, try it yourself. Yes, in just a few brief steps, you too can be a master of mind control.

Next time you walk into a room and start talking to someone, look them straight in the eye. Now, as the conversation continues, take a moment to look over their shoulder. Don’t be obvious, just briefly glance at the wall behind them.

They’ll look, guaranteed (unless of course they’re being real emotional; that might override whatever miniscule psychological suggestions you are implanting in their mind).

Try it several times, and you’ll notice that with the most subtle of looks, you can get someone to look in just about any direction you want.

I’m guessing that something similar, but on a much larger order, is going on with the mystical penis snatchers.

And if I’m wrong, and there really are penis stealing wizards in the world, I’m staying far, far away. For all the flaws that my penis has, I still like it, and would very much prefer it stay with me.

(edited by DrGail)

7 Responses to “I’m Never Going to Congo”

  1. Beware of the Penis Snatchers… LOL
    The name alone conjures up a new world of visions… 😉


  2. Cody says:

    It’s slightly worrisome that there are people who still believe those kind of superstitions. I read an article about an Indian skeptic who challenged a mystic to kill him with magic on national television. The mystic failed completely, and ended up making all these excuses as to why his magic wasn’t working. A big blow to superstition, I think.

  3. RD, behave yourself! Hehehe.

    Cody, you know, that kind of goes to show what I’m talking about. I’ve read accounts of folks who literally do die when so called wizards look at them wrong or something, and really, a lot of it is psychological; they believe that they are going to die so much that they actually do. The thing about the Indian skeptic is that he simply didn’t believe and his mind was adequately protected from psychological suggestion.

  4. Jim says:

    You know, Newt and Co. were so hungry to get ahold of Bill Clinton’s penis back in the nineties that there may be a first world parallel to this. I remember at the time CNN was seriously contemplating a name change to CCN (Clinton’s Cock Network). It definitely would have fit the programming tack they had taken.

  5. RG says:

    I don’t know about theft, but I have met a witch or two who made mine shrink.

  6. RG says:

    If these wizards really do have power, I wonder how much they’d charge to make Bush’s Dick disappear.

  7. mackiddo5 says:

    Well this does explain the mad rush for war. Can someone find out if the entire Bush cabinet and its media hacks have visited the Congo in the last 7-12 years?

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