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"(its 9 inches)" lmao


Press X for Doubt.


Yeah I don't know much, but I do know he does not have a 9 inch peepee


The only people that brag about having a big dick are the people that definitely don’t have a big dick lol


Because of this I now tell everyone I'm small because they think it's some sort of uno reverse, but I just like to see the disappointment in their faces when they find out I didn't lie. Like a kid unwrapping a big present and it's really just a smaller present of socks, it's my jam.


Damnit now I want to play Blackthorne.


I thought it was a reference to L.A. Noire


I thought it was Heavy Rain but that's press x to Jason.


If you look closely, the guy sending the message is Jason


Jason? JaY-Sahn? JASON? JAYSAHN??!


It was.


Apparently this game still has a lot of love which makes me happy. They really need to remaster for real or make like a sequel in the 70s. Or step their game up and make a game where you play as both the villain and the detective and every mission you decide which of the two gets their way. Even throw in one where the "perp" isn't actually guilty to really mess your brain up.


The 32x game?


Yeah same game just the Super Nintendo version.


Not on that phone screen. She'll cut herself


Sorry, wrong side of the ruler. (its 9 cm)


Still being too generous there.


Sorry, confused it with the microscope, it's 10^-10000000nm


That sounds way more accurate.


Sorry confused it for a physical dimension it’s actually undefined because it is lim d(x) x—>+infinity =DNE


Unless my memory of calculus is fucked (which…probably), your equation is correct. The limit does not exist


Think the unit you are referring to is still a tad too generous Yoctometer sounds more precise


It's 1 planck length. Which is 10-³⁵m. The smallest unit of measurement in the universe. You could effectively. Fit 1,000,000,000,000-¹² planck lengths inside one atom.


Narrator: it wasn’t.


Fyi... just to narrow your suspect list, everyone on battle net has a 12 inch cock. Obviously this guy never played warcraft.


I think he forgot the minus sign :P


Not minus, but anus


Homie mistook millimeters for inches lmao


he's talking about the dick that went in *him,* not his own dick.


That was when I laughed and stopped reading.


Man, that guy has a penis so large that only maybe 3/1000 people have one larger than him. Press X to doubt for sure. But in all seriousness, even if he did, at that point, I think it’s more of a curse than a blessing. I’m 6 long and 6 around and I used to be insecure about that because all you see in porn are dudes with dicks the size of a bow staff and thicker than a bowling pin, but that’s just another way I had to learn that porn is not real life, and to the vast majority of women, something like a 9 inch penis would just be painful and not enjoyable. You’d be stabbing their cervix. Not to mention I don’t even know how blowjobs would work. You’d have to date a sword swallower. Even an 8 inch dick seems too huge to me. I mean, idk, I’m a cis heterosexual male so I’ve never been penetrated and I’m not a cis heterosexual woman, so I don’t know what it’s like to be penetrated by a huge penis nor perform oral on someone like that, but I don’t think it’s nearly as pleasurable for everybody like it seems. Sure, there are women and men out there who’d enjoy a size like that, but I don’t think they’re the norm. I’m just speaking as a statistician because that’s my profession, and man, women who say they’re size queens should relabel themselves to be treasure hunters because statistically, the odds of you finding someone with a dick that huge are quite small. I’d be curious to know if evolutionarily speaking there’s a reason that the human reproductive organs are the size they are. I imagine it’s just a matter of functionality. If it works and helps further the species that’s all that’s needed, so there’s no real evolutionary benefit to having a huge member (that’s just my guess). It seems that evolution just favors things that work, not necessarily optimal or best pleasing, but what do I know? I’m not an evolutionary biologist.


Strangely, us humans have the biggest penis of all apes. Even the gorilla... Chimps and gorillas have amazingly small dicks. Supposedly because when they fight, they sometimes tear their opponents off, so they evolved to continue have their penis shrink over generations. 🌈 The more you know!


For me 7" is the longest it can be before it gets painful. Not many like one bigger than that. I think that a lot of men lie about their size because of insecurity and it leads to people thinking 5" is 7" bc that's what he said it was. That's just an opinion based on life experience though. 5" is around average and there's nothing wrong with it. Size isn't everything, and your ability to please a woman is a skill you can learn. I've been with both sizes I mentioned and had equally amazing sex.


I dont know why that made me laugh so hard but goddam


My dad is the CEO of Xbox Live and he's gonna hack your account!


Fuck happened to that phone?


It’s a tempered glass screen protector. It breaks instead of your phone’s screen. But you’re supposed to replace it.


People never replaces those and it bothers me.


I use to fix phones and people would bring in their devices with these protectors on them and think their screen was cracked. So I just imagine people never replace them because they forgot it's there and they think it's their actual screen that's broken.


I absolutely did. After having the phone almost three years, took mine in to be repaired and they said it was irreparable(the back is also cracked. Guess they won't touch it at all if the back is cracked), so I went home thinking I was gonna need to buy a new phone but started picking at the edge with anxiety and up came the protector. My screen has some cracks but it's barely noticable. I just need to pick up a new protector.


You didn't remember putting a screen protector on it? Must have been a killer fit if you didn't see the edges on it either


It came with the protector, or maybe the guy at the store put it on while I was breaking down bills with the gal at the register. I didn't put it on myself, but thinking about it I do remember the guy at least telling me about the protector. Definately a perfect fit though. I remember fixing a corner crack with acrylic paste and thinking it was strange it had cracked with such an edge I had to get the paste under.


That's a fuckin awesome screen protector


Absolutely! Idk how much it would cost to get a new one that good, and I'd never be able to put one on that well. I'd end u with one loose edge and end up picking it back off within a week.


Dude, how do you get the fucker off? Mine is cracked to shit, and when I get my fingernail under it, it just chips off. I spent ages trying to get it off. Google told me to use a hair dryer, and that helped a little bit? It's really stuck on there (I bought the phone referbished from Virgin and it came with it). I don't care if I have to buy some product on Amazon. If you could help me I would really appreciate it.


Cover the screen protector in duct tape to prevent it from scattering shards everywhere while you remove it. Pick a corner and just very carefully peel it up and off.


Maybe use a debit card and keep trying to get under it… or flathead screw driver


An old debit card. My stupid self did something like this and it ended up separating the layers of the card. Still gotta get that replaced.


Oh didn’t know that was possible! You could also use a knife


Wouldn't there be the huge chance of scratching the screen?


When I buy a new phone, I buy also 3 screen protectors. When the 1st one breaks, I use the 2nd, and also buy another one. With this, I have always a replacement, and also have one extra in case that I put it bad (position, dirt in the screen or whatever).


Are you also a Scout?


Bruh no matter what there is always 1 tiny spec of dust or hair on my screen whenever I try to put screen protectors on. I refuse to use them anymore lol


As I read this thru a smashed glass protector.


Remove it now.


Only remove it if you have a replacement


If even a small piece of dust is under mine I have to replace it. I don't know how people walk around with shattered screen protectors like that.


I just replaced mine after a year of being on my phone and holy crap it looks brand new now!


Like fr, the company I buy mine from does free replacements lmao


I get those. They cost only like 2-3$ when purchased in packs of 2-5…….they work to the best of my knowledge, but the most I’ve had on them is maybe two or three cracks. So I’m in no particular hurry to replace them when one breaks. If this is indeed a glass protector, that person is clumsy as all hell, and that’s coming from a clumsy person.


Love that the bottom comment says that it's a "clearer version." I wonder what the worse version looked like on this phone?


The fact that someone took a picture of it, instead of just taking a screen shot baffles me.


This is exactly what happens when you accidentally leave your phone in your coat pocket and then accidentally run over your coat with a lawnmower. Has happened to me a number of times.


Just another Tuesday, huh?


You've run over your coat with a lawn mower "a number of times"? Perhaps you should just hire someone because you clearly aren't cut out for operating lawn mowers. edit to fix typo


>law mowers


Sounds like someone’s got a heavy southern accent lol




He mistook it for a 'whore' and raped and beat it.


High schoolers


Idk how people break their phones all the time. I've had a touchscreen smart phone for over 10 years, even back when the glass wasn't nearly as strong as newer smart phones, and have never once broken a phone screen.


I broke one iPhone 4 many years ago. That was a very expensive learning experience.


You don't have teens do you? Every fucking phone looks like it's been backed over by a mack truck by the time mine are done with one. I don't really even want to know what they do to them to get them that way, so I don't ask questions.


I have 2 actually. And to be honest, my wife breaks hers constantly. Not my kids. Screen protectors are like 3 for $10 so I don’t see why it haven’t been replaced yet. It was more of a rhetorical question, my bad.


I think his phone was beat and raped.


It’s what happens when you give a child a phone


Til I am a 28 yr old child


and you're adopted


We weren't supposed to tell them that, yet.


Someone needs to stop watching so much porn and start taking anger management classes.


Honestly seems like that kind of wild copypasta doesn't it?


To tell you the truth, it probably is. Either way it’s fucking sickening


this was posted in a chan forum and someone commented and said the dude was hacked cuz he wasn’t like that irl


We all know the chans are very reliable sources of information.


that’s why i specified it’s a chan


True. But honestly unless someone is having a mental breakdown I can't see how they would willfully torch their reputation/incite potential criminal charges. This is extremely on the nose, and I honestly would believe that they were hacked by someone bent on ruining their life should evidence be presented supporting those circumstances.


The op said that the person that sent the message also touched 11 year old girls


Ah. Well. Into the volcano he goes.


I’ve scoured hundreds of replies and haven’t seen a single one from OP. I give up. Can you point me in the direction of that comment pretty please? My eyes are now burning and my curiosity is making me bisexual.


"my curiosity is making me bisexual." ​ Kittycat's Third Law of Curiosity states that in a closed system, curiosity not converted into kinetic or thermal energy shall be converted into bi-curious energy.


What about Chris?


The most degenerate of the chans by far.


They always say that.


Oh hey, look at that, free evidence for the police. I hear juvie is great this time of year!


They’re probably a teenager so you’re looking to be tried as an adult.


Depends on his age and the crime they decide to charge him with.


This kid needs therapy and a mom. I know teenagers are edgy and I’ve sent some cringey shit when I was a kid but man this is another level.


Yea, as much of an POS as he is, the kid definitely needs some help first. Hell, he might even turn out an alright adult, teenagers do stupid shit (some more than others evidently).


There’s a line, and this crosses it. I hope he gets the harshest sentence possible for this type of crime, because he sure as hell can’t be trusted to operate as a functioning member of society


hope they found this piece of shit. it’s most likely a stupid kid, but play stupid games, win stupid prizes.


It is very well known whom sent this mass message out.


I think it’s Jason


I think it's Andrew. Jason f Andrew girl and he said it during recess , he will pull this.


>during recess 0.o


I just hope the “99” isn’t a reference to his birth year, because that would make it even more confusing.


What you talking about? People born in 99 are still kids....wait...oh god I'm getting old....


Zoomer Billy Madison. Goes back to school and gets fucking canceled into oblivion three seconds after walking in.


Yes, right after our naps


I honestly wish this was just some high school hijinx, but it's not. If you look up AZ high-school protest you will see this is not a joke.


Can you link a source, I looked it up all I was finding was prtests over a student being raped, but nothing that verifies its related to this text. I was just curious :), thanks


Hopefully they get the help they need in the psych ward.


>whom Why would you use this word.. *Whom* is a direct object. A person *to whom* something *is done*.


Who says whom? Who says it to whom?


Someone who consistently hits the damned m key and the space bar when in a hurry typing.


To whom are you referring?


Yeah, whom's that?


'To whom are you referring' works!


Fucking Ronny. It was Ronny


Truly surprised no female has taken him aside to show him the error of his ways... ...


How do you know?


Once they find out who, that is 100% grounds for expulsion. And immediately suspended and get a psych evaluation started.


Probably doesn’t get enough attention at home


It's gonna be some scrawny little shit who has a hard time making eye contact with anyone.


He actually got arrested towards the end of school today.


He needs his ass beat at the very least.


Send it to his familia and work, see how they feel about that!


No, it needs to go to the police.


What do you people think the police are gonna do?


I mean he’s straight up saying he’s going to commit a heinous crime. That’s grounds for police to investigate


Bold of you to assume this kid is old enough to have a job lol. Sounds like some “edgy” crotch goblin


Can almost guarantee they’re not using their real name for this. I’m sure the police can somehow trace it back to a phone though.


That person needs to get their phone screen fixed.


And learn how to take a screenshot


I think they're getting around Snapchat's screenshot detection


But why? Who cares if this guy knows you ss it


Bc if he’s serious about all that he might assault this person in retaliation for taking a screenshot of it. You never know with these types of people.


Fair point


That thing definitely got run over by a car. Happened to me and my phone looked identical.


It looks like a screen protector is on it and cracked tho?


9 inches of screen protection


That's exactly what it is. It's a tempered glass screen protector that has been completely destroyed. You can see where the edges of the screen protector end and meet the screen.


They need to get a new screen protector then.


Who wants to bet this creep has a three inch Grinch? Il put a 50 on it!


3 is generous.


Yeah but I mean while erect!


So do i.


Til a new way to refer to my noodle


I think I'd only call it a grinch if I had an infection.


Stopped reading after the first two sentences, what’s wrong with that person?


You didn't miss much, he literally says the same thing like eight times with the same phrasing and everything.


Humanity be like


Jesus Christ… that screen protector has been through some shit. Also, the psycho who is sending that is disgraceful.


And THATS the clear version?


That's just calling yourself an incel with extra steps.


this person needs psychiatric help


The "it's 9 inches" got me


Women, remember that barbed condoms are a thing. You insert it before you leave the house. If a rapist puts his dick in you it's gonna get the the tipped sliced of it.


Women should not have to be so afraid of being raped that they need to wear a dick slicing condom every time they leave the house.


Yes but it's a temporary solution to anyone genuinely scared of being raped


I’ve always wanted one of those but I think they’ve been banned/outlawed?


Can't take fetus's out, can't stick razor condoms in - what is the governments big concern for women's vaginas


Because a woman just as psychotic as this guy can put it inside their vagina and have consensual sex with someone and permanently mutilate the man's gentials.


And if a woman *is* raped with one of these in, it greatly increases the likelyhood that the rapist will viciously beat/murder the woman in retaliation.


Yeah getting raped is very bad, but so is death


It's one of those ideas that sounds good and clever when heard in passing, but as soon as it's held to any sort of scrutiny just falls to pieces. The inventor obviously had good intentions, but this should never have gotten past the idea phase.


This part is true. But I think some women would make the trade.


She could also just use scissors. What you describe is already a crime.


Doesn't foreplay let you see if your crazy botch radar is wrong. Foreplay is important. It gets the engine running, shows you what she likes, and checks for lady pintel razors.


No way any law would hold up to a jury. One woman on the jury and they guy prosecuting cause his dick got shred is out of luck. That said, this shouldn’t have to exist.


How does some asshat have the numbers of every person in school?


It appears to be through Snapchat, so they probably found the account through “mutual friends” of one person


Or “campus story”. I live near a university and am well past 30, have 0 interest in knowing the goings-on there. They puke near my apartment on weekends.


It looks like someone screen shotted the private message, then it’s the screenshot that’s been sent around the school to socially shame the “Jason” dude. I’m sure they have, but this kind of message should instantly go to authorities and the guy should get serious serious help.


Could be a public Snapchat via the map location.


Call the cops


And this is how to destroy your own life before you have one. As a licensed teacher I don't want my students' mistakes to impact their entire future, but I also won't feel an ounce of pity preventing them from hurting others if I can stop it. Through the legal and proper channels of course.


I mean did they get mad at what they saw and decided to hit the phone? That screen is fucked


If you gotta say that its nine inches. It aint nine inches


Most fucked up incel ive seen


To the people who tried to defend this, you’re probably the same people who wonder why women say they’re afraid of “all men”. If you try to pass this off as “Freedom of speech” to “boys just being boys”, you are a part of the problem. This kid clearly is a threat to his peers, more specifically to his female classmates and action needs to be taken immediately. Even if he’s just trying to be “edgy” or “funny” you don’t know how triggering it could be to some of not, majority of the students especially if they’ve grown up in an abusive household or was sexually abused as an adolescent.


People defended *this?*


Calling them people might be a bit generous. Anyone who defends this kind of stuff is an insult to the genome.


honestly I dont feel like a message to all those defending this is gonna do anything, the type of person who defends this isnt the type of person who would listen to your comment anyway but like in a less constructive comment, if you do defend that absolutely disgusting manifesto then for real just dont go outside anymore it isnt worth it for you or others


Who the fuck would defend this...?


The garbage that takes human form known as an incel.


It most likely is an edgy joke but it needs to be taken seriously just in case it isn't. Some people are seriously fucked up.


The fact that he actually wrote “(it’s 9 inches)” leaves me full of doubt


I think I found the stupidest way to get expelled


How the fuck you gonna get off to them screaming if you drug them? This dudes pretty fucking stupid


This is why I support very very very late term abortion.


(It's 9 inches btw)


Holy shit, that screen.


That’s disgusting but like what happened to your phone


Anyone knows if this is related to the protests happening at Marana high school?


Yeah I’m willing to bet my life savings that this guy is very much an involuntarily celibate person


Copy pastas are supposed to be funny. This is just dumb.


I’m 90% sure that what they’re sending is a copypasta. Still though, this idiot is playing with fire.


As an incel leader, I would really appreciate it if you refrain from calling him an incel as it insults the group


This seems like someone took a phone and sent it out to get another kid in trouble.