Ways to say NO. Part II

By October 9, 2018SHE Foundation

In the previous article we gave you three simple techniques you can practice at home with your children. In this article we’ll show you three more so you can carry on working on this skill that your children will find very helpful.

Firstly, there is a brief description of a technique, then a short guide to each technique so you can present them together.

Technique 1Broken record
Explanation of the techniqueThis involves repeatedly saying a word or phrase that expresses what you want to say (like an automatic answering machine), without getting angry or raising your voice, until the other person gives up and stops putting on the pressure.
Guide for interpretationPerson 1: ‘Hi! Terrible concert, isn’t it? Let’s liven things up a bit, what do you think? I’ve brought a couple of cigarettes we can try out; it’ll be great fun to sneak off so they can’t see us!’
Person 2: ‘Sorry, I’m NOT interested…’
1. ‘Come on, don’t be such a chicken, nothing’s going to happen!
2: ‘Sorry, I’m NOT interested…’
1: ‘But it’ll be cool!’
2: ‘Sorry, I’m NOT interested…’
1: ‘Nobody will find out, I promise!’
2: ‘Sorry, I’m NOT interested…’
1: ‘Just one drag, look on it as a new adventure.’
2: ‘Sorry, I’m NOT interested…’
1: ‘If you do this tonight, we’ll play that stupid statue game you like so much.’
2: ‘Sorry, I’m NOT interested…’
1: ‘So, don’t you know how to enjoy yourself a bit?’
2: ‘Sorry, I’m NOT interested…’
Technique 2Suggest alternatives
Explanation of the techniqueThis involves suggesting something positive that the person or group will like. You can look for support from someone who might be interested in the suggestion.
Guide for interpretationPerson 1: ‘This concert is all very well, but we could do something a bit more exciting, don’t you think? There are people smoking here, I’m sure someone will give us a cigarette. Anyone interested in trying, come with me!’
Person 2: ‘Who thinks it would be better for us all to place bets on who can keep dancing the longest?’
Technique 3Bank of fog
Explanation of the techniqueThis is a technique we can use when we are on the receiving end of pressure, verbal aggression or unfair criticism intended to manipulate us when we respond in the negative. It involves saying the other person is right: acknowledging whatever truth there might be in what they say when they suggest something we don’t think is advisable (‘It’s possible that…, ‘it might be…’), without accepting their suggestion (‘but, sorry, I can’t do that’, ‘thanks, but no thanks’, ‘…but I prefer not to have it’).
Guide for interpretationPerson 1: ‘Now would be a good time to smoke the cigarette I brought with me, the teachers are not paying attention and nobody cares what we get up to’.
Person 2: ‘You could be right about them not paying attention, but it does matter to me what I do with my body.’
1: ‘Come on, don’t tell me that you’ve swallowed all that nonsense about tobacco!’
2: ‘It might be nonsense, but it doesn’t seem that way to me.’
1: ‘Everyone knows nothing will happen if you smoke a cigarette, go on, try it!’
2: ‘You might be right that nothing will happen, but no thanks.’
1: ‘If you don’t do it, we will ignore you for the rest of the trip, because you’re boring!’
2: ‘Yes, perhaps I am boring, but I’m not going to smoke.’
1: ‘So, you have no idea about how to have a good time?’
2: ‘You could be right, but I don’t fancy it anyway.’

Image: pixabay