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the moon is a girl with the sun in her eyes

26 February 2021

it felt a bit like a lost air got back to my lungs this sunday. like the promise of something i have once loved was getting back. yet, one really cannot see it or touch it. one can just feel the returning. in the glims of sunshine on a cheek, a smile, a solid joke, or just a walk outside. with a friend, not just by yourself, for once.
we had an agenda behind these photos, but i would say surprisingly for both of us, it went better than expected. probably i was even more surprised when i was editing it on sunday evening, with the strange notion of time passing by with the transition to a different dimension of something one actually loves. 
it comes with each spring. like a promise of small pieces of beauty.  the real beauty. 
the real beauty of when you hear new music of your favorite artist and goosebumps go down your spine and tears stay in your eyes as you feel like there cannot be anything more intense than the sound.
the beauty of saying a joke only certain people can understand and you laugh so much, that yet again, you cry. how many times that has happened last year?
the beauty of the first moment when you feel the sunlight touching your skin.
when you finish a book that put your heart in the right place and your mind away.
the very first attraction to a person you see for the very first time with the sight of love.
the smell of your favorite person.
the beauty of inspiration and creativity when it decides to seek you and give you its presence.
the beauty of pain leaving your body as it took you higher.

as emily dickinson said:
if your nerve, deny you - go above your nerve.
can i say:
if your pain, define you - go above your pain.

if the winter in our souls and outside represents our pain, is the spring the elevation in it? if pain and honesty elevate, and one goes above it - is it the spring of soul and the beauty we seek? 
embracing the eternal and never leaving pain as part of the existence of the evermore overwhelmed soul?
i truly wish for all of us spring brings this promise of something so beautiful that makes our eyes water. for good or bad. to seek the pain as the elevator to clarity out of the madness. repeating myself, again and again, requoting cheryl strayed forever - to put ourselves in the way of beauty. to create space for each other when one thought no space can be given anymore to anybody. it is a different kind of beauty you find in pain, a very rare one, not many can experience, hard to understand. it is the element of differentiation. it makes us painfully beautiful. whole and imperfect.

*nick cave, warren ellis - shattered ground HERE
and sometimes she's laughing and sometimes she's crying
and sometimes the moon is talking to nobody
and there's a madness in her and a madness in me
and together it forms a kind of sanity


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