Crouching to answer questions

A wise man’s question contains half the answer.

Sir and I got back into a routine of contact but our vanilla lives got in the way of seeing each other.  

As ever I felt that buzz whenever I got that email notification from him. With my world being so busy it was almost a relief that he did not ask me to complete tasks as often as before he went missing. There were no questions that his needs of a semi-regular scene partner matched my desire to have him back in my life but with a lack of availability. The first chance we had to meet up again fell through due to a last-minute change in his work location. The second fell through because P decided last minute that he wouldn’t be having the children as planned.

But still we forged ahead with conversation and an online companionship of sorts.

My local friendship with K was blossoming, and she would invite me to dinner on evenings when I was child free. And there were M and R who, though further away, I enjoyed spending time with too. As my confidence grew in these three friendships I would make plans, with the knowledge that they would fully understand if I needed to change my plans last-minute. That could be due to Sir becoming available, or P being a wally!

It felt very much like things were starting to fall into place in my life.

I had made friends with understanding and kinky people, and Sir was just an email away, what I was missing was real-life interaction with deviants. Not for play, but for learning about the way people enjoy the BDSM lifestyle. I find people endlessly fascinating, and this curiosity was burning away inside me. I was still on Fetlife, finding my way and making those online connections. Two people who I was in contact with were Cephelo and Eretria. They were the owners of studio onyx which is where I had played with H on a number of occasions. They hosted a number of different events, and one was happening on a weekend when the boys were staying with their dad. It was also a weekend that Sir would definitely not be free, and as ever he encouraged me to continue growing.

We had discussed the “community” when he first took me on.

He chose not to be actively involved in the community due to the number of “experts” and the associated drama. He fully supported me in finding my own way. The event I had found was a fetish party. They held it monthly at the time, and I was itching to go along and dip my toes into the wider scene. So I spoke to Sir about it, sending him the information I had available for him. We chatted about the studio and the owners, the dress code, and my nerves…. Though excited at the thought of attending I was very, very nervous. I’d been to Onyx before, but never driven myself there. I sent an email to them, asking for the postcode and directions  and while I waited for a response I decided on an outfit of sorts…

Side shot of outfit Crouching shot of outfit


I sent the pictures to Sir, expressing my worries about the party.

The outfit met with his approval, though he pointed out that I may get a little chilly. A very valid point, given the time of year particularly! He asked me two questions about the evening:

  1. Did I want to go?
  2. Would I be safe?

If the answer to both of those questions was Yes then I would have my answer. If either came back as a No then I should stay home with my back up plan: my toy box and my imagination.

I had just about convinced myself that I would go when I noticed the time.

I would need to drive for an hour to reach Onyx, and for me to reach the event in time I had to hear back with directions before the cut off time. And I didn’t.  They got back to me ten minutes past that point. Could I have gone along at that point? Probably. Did I end up just chickening out? Highly likely. Hindsight shows me that I could have called the number on their event page, but also I don’t think I was ready for a fetish party at that point. I was heartened to know that I was growing and getting braver all of the time. Planning an outfit, and asking for directions were two major steps for me. It is funny how two simple questions can have such an impact on my understanding of myself and my lifestyle, but those two questions asked by Sir have remained as clear guidelines since then.

Answering Yes to two simple questions opens so many doors.

opening doors

A wise mans question contains half the answer was originally posted on A leap of faith.


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