Thursday, April 30, 2009

Feels Like Law School

I'm sitting in a coffee shop, with a legal pad doubling as a mouse pad. I've got a hot medium roast with two creams and five Splendas. My glasses are on, but since I only need them for distances, they are propped atop my forehead, holding my hair out of my eyes. I have a stack of work beside me and the plan is to get through it all.

It's almost dead week at most colleges, so people all around me are working. One 25ish lady has little forms spread out around her. I overheard enough of a conversation to assume she is almost done student-teaching and is finishing a project related to that. Another lady, closer to thirty, is writing a paper. It looks, well, PAINFUL. Glad I'm not her. The other person is just straight up studying for a test. Reading notes, highlighting, and writing mneumonics down every now and then.

Other people in the coffee shop include a 30-40ish male reading the paper, wearing jeans and a t-shirt bought in Tahiti. He doesn't look rich, so I wonder how he finds time to sit around and read the paper.

A businessman is one the phone, sipping coffee, talking to his office, and clearly waiting to meet with someone.

Other people pop in every three or four minutes, grab coffee, and run back to the nearby offices.

I feel like it was when I used to study in law school, except that Ander and Loki are at my mom's, I can't skip lunch because I'm a nursing mom (though I'll settle for a bagel with cream cheese and honey), and I have to leave on time to pick up the kids.

I wonder if these other people have kids. And, if so, what are their kids up to right now.


Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I Can Only Do So Much

I have a ton of work to do, after taking a whole week and a day(and now yesterday afternoon)off to take care of Loki. But I feel like I have the flu. I don't have fever, so no swine flu here, but my poor baby if he felt this way last week. Alan's working crazy and unpredictable overtime, meaning I am stuck trying to get the basics done.

I never, or rarely, hear anyone else complaining about being this far behind. Hello? Aren't the rest of you overwhelmed, too?

More coffee.


Monday, April 27, 2009

Interesting Breastfeeding/Family Leave Discussion

While sitting home with Loki a couple of days ago, I happened to turn on the public broadcasting network. There was a fascinating discussion of breastfeeding and it's affect on income. Apparently, a study recently came out that said, over a woman's lifetime, she makes less if she breastfeeds. As a working and nursing mom, I'm not shocked.

Sure, maybe in the end I'll spend less on medical bills (doesn't feel like it this week, though, with our doctor and hospital visits :/) and less sick time off. But, right now, breastfeeding cuts into my pay, probably more than formula would cost. I took longer off of work to nurse Loki. I go in later, take a longer lunch, and leave earlier, all to nurse my baby.

I'm okay with all of that. My choice to breastfeed was not based on money, but what was best for my family. I do think some moms HAVE to work and end up using formula because of it, but I could afford a little bit of a flexible schedule, at lower pay, to breastfeed, so that wasn't a real factor for my family. (I'm not okay with my infections, overproduction, lack of breaks, lack of sleep...but that's a different story. :)-)

Back to the discussion, though. There were liberal women there discussing how paid family leave would be fair, so moms could breastfeed. They pointed out that giving mandatory breaks for pumping and supplying private areas would go a long way to helping moms breastfeed. I agree.

And then the more conservative women spoke up. And they talked about how a family works together to pay the bills. Sometimes, that means mom takes a year off and a cut in pay (over time) to nurse each baby. I agree.

I found myself wanting paid leaves for moms. (As a small business owner, this would be tough for me to provide. But if all small business owners had to do it, prices would go up to cover it, and it's something I could budget for.) But I also find myself thinking that families do need to rearrange things, not necessarily to breastfeed, but to give the baby extra attention in the first year. Maybe part of that is breastfeeding. Maybe it's not. But babies take a lot of work in year one and families need to be available for it.

I rarely agree with a conservative viewpoint. And, clearly, I was MORE in agreement with the liberal speakers. But I understood the conservative viewpoint, too, which was sort of disconcerting for me.


Sunday, April 26, 2009

Chore Chart

The chore chart we made for Ander is working great. It has 8 or 9 things on it each day. They are sort of divided into morning (brush teeth, brush hair, get dressed without a fight), daytime/afternoon (help with household chore on Sat & Sun, clean room on Sun, Wed, & Fri, pick up toys left in the living room on days when he doesn't clean room), goals (potty dry all day and poopy in the potty), and nighttime (brush teeth and floss). Although someday it will have consequences attached to it, right now it's just a motivational tool. He loves putting checks when he does the stuff on the chart. If we are out of the house, obviously he won't get all the checks. But so far, he is doing great getting some every single day, like brushing his teeth. On an average day, he gets 5 or 6 checks.

I'd like to incorporate a bigger reward. We are thinking about giving him "book bucks" for each check. Right now, I'm thinking he gets a nickel credit for each check mark. At 5 check marks a day, that's about a quarter a day or a dollar and a half a week. In three weeks, he could pick out an inexpensive book (and, more importantly, make a trip to the bookstore to play with the trains ). More often, and we won't have time to take him to the bookstore. Plus, it wouldn't be as big a treat. But I'm nervous that it's not often enough. He gets excited by the checks, though, and I figure he will probably be excited by the "book bucks," so the trip is just extra, right? Also, I don't want to pay him for chores (because they are just expected), so this way, he gets books instead. Once he gets an allowance, it will be tied to chores, as in if you don't do them, you don't go anywhere and don't get your allowance until they are done, but not a dollar per chore or anything like that. So, in a way, I suspect I might be setting a bad precedent. That said, i really am trying to motivate him and I think books are a great reward and something we like to get once a month or so anyway.

I probably ought to do a chore chart for me and Alan. That would motivate him! But what happens if we don't get our chores done?


Saturday, April 25, 2009

Little Things

It seems like the little things (and the big things, like hospital stays, when you really think about it) are always slowing me down.

Take this morning as an example.

I slept in until 8:30ish (except for waking twice to nurse the baby). Sounds lovely, right? Then I reflect on the fact that I couldn't sleep last night, despite exhaustion, because Loki was coughing and fussy and Alan was so tired and I was nervous and watching Loki until almost 1 a.m., despite not sleeping all of Monday and Tuesday night because of the hospital and all of Wednesday and Thursday night because of the sick baby.

Ander joined us in bed and cuddled. Then we woke for the day. I got dressed and ready to leave to work at a coffee shop. But Alan wants to that a bath and cut his hair before I go. If that happens, I won't have just nursed Loki (which means having to pump). The boys will be ready for a nap when Alan gets home. And I won't get home early enough to make a chili. But Alan really needs a haircut. It sucks all around.

I leave for said coffee shop. I stop to get desperately needed gas. The pumps say pay inside. I go toward inside. The door stops me. It's locked. The gas station is out of power (despite lights being on) and is closed. Of course, it's on the wrong side of the interstate.

Despite leaving the house at 9 a.m., I arrive at the coffee shop (the closest one to my house with tables to work at is at Perkins and Bluebonnet...many, many minutes away) at 10 a.m. Blah!

It's traffic jams and spilled drinks and potty incidents and closed gas stations and a thousand other little, unpredictable things that slow me down.

It suckith mightily.


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Scariest Moment EVER

Yesterday afternoon, Loki was sleeping peacefully after a fitful day. I was sitting next to him, chatting on the phone with a friend. Suddenly, he went pale and limp. He wasn't breathing.

You cannot imagine the level at which I freaked out.

We are in the hospital today and still on lots of oxygen, but Loki really does seem fine. He is maintaining his oxygen at 100% (yippee!!!), nursing fine, and flirting with the nurses. They will start to wean him from oxygen today (in fact, they just turned it down) and then, once he goes 12 to 24 hours with no supplemental oxygen, he can go home.

At this point, they think he has a virus (not RSV, though). He has a bit of cloudy spots on his lungs, probably a bit of pneumonia. In addition, they did test for whooping cough and we won't have results for 72 hours from the test (which means no kiddo visitors). Apparently, despite vaccines, Louisiana has seen a big increase in whooping cough.

It's such a relief that Loki is pulling on all his tubes and laughing and playing (and fussing at us for putting him in his cage). He seems fine.

Thanks for all the positive thoughts and prayers.


Monday, April 20, 2009

Loki Goes To The Doctor

Loki's been having a little cough since Friday, but has been fine and happy. Honestly, I thought it was almost gone.

Last night, I heard him cough quite a bit. This morning, when I went to nurse him, I noticed he was gasping every now and then. He was struggling to get air. Then, after he nursed, he vomited it all. That happened again (and everytime since), so at 8 a.m., I called the doctor.

He has a spot on his lungs (but no fluid, so not diagnosed with pneumonia, yet) and a low oxygen level (around 94) that was fixed with a breathing treatment. The doctor will recheck on Wednesday to make sure he doesn't have to go to the hospital. Of course, if it gets worse and better better, we go in before then.

Since we left the doctor, he is coughing and still struggling to breath, but happier now that we are home. I've never seen any of my kids this sick. It was/is really scary.

He can't eat without vomiting. The peditrician said to try to nurse inside of weaning to bottles this week (even though that will up production again - sigh) so he can get small amounts and not overeat and vomit. Still, he eats for only a couple of minutes and then upchucks. At least we still have wet (barely) diapers.

Also, no daycare allowed this week. Fabulous, really. I have a ton of work, have to nurse every two to three hours, give breathing treatments every four to six hours, watch a three year old, and work from home. Gre-ate. But it's better than the hospital.


Saturday, April 18, 2009

Saturday Afternoons Suck

Alan and the boys can sleep for up to four hours on a lazy Saturday afternoon. They crashed around 2 p.m. and sleep until almost 6 p.m. I don't mind a quick nap, but then I am up.

I can't really clean up, because the noise will wake the baby. And with Alan sleeping, I'd then be watching a cranky baby.

I can't watch tv, because Saturday tv sucks.

I get bored and lonely. Sometimes we go out on Saturday night, but that's pretty rare. Sometimes I sleep, but I'm not by nature a napper, so that doesn't last long. And then they are wide awake, and I'm cranky from my half-nap sleep. Plus, Alan wants to do all the chores on Sunday, because he sleeps Saturday away.

That makes Sunday suck, too.

So much for the weekend.


Thursday, April 16, 2009

To Wean Or Not To Wean

Loki will be 7 months old on the 19th. He has two teeth, and more certainly on the way, but no biting so far. He is communciating a little. He does the milk sign sporadically. He shakes his head "no" when you tell him "no no." He definitely knows how to get what he wants.

I was planning to be WAY DONE nursing by now. I don't enjoy it. I have a freezer full of milk. If I had kept pumping like I was, and weaned today, I'd have enough milk to last through one year old.


I was a slacker about pumping for the last month and a half. I literally only pump if I miss three bottles in a day, which only happens if Loki spends the night away. Which happened, oh, maybe once. So now I have plenty of milk to supplement two bottles a day until one year, but that's about it.

I have weaned out about two feedings a day on weekdays. He gets frozen milk in a bottle. On the weekends, I mostly nurse the whole time. My dilemma is whether to wean another feeding. (I have to wean slowly, because I get infections very easily.) If I do, I won't have enough milk to last until one year. And if I pump, there's no point in weaning (for my body). But if I don't, how do I wean slowly without going past a year old, which I am really not wanting to do? Honestly, I am wishing I was already weaned. I planned to be, but my body is struggling so much and not cooperating. I still have overproduction, even just nursing morning, after work, and evening.

Do I pump? Do I not?

Ugh. This is not supposed to be so complicated.


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

You'd Think I Could Leave The Stinkin' House...

...without forgeting essential items. I seriously need a checklist. Purse. Cell. Keys. (Okay, I usually remember keys. Well, when I drive, I remember keys. Sigh.) Diaper bag. Actual diapers, wipes, baby food, change of clothes - sometimes. Pump and/or defrosted milk. Ice packs for milk. My lunch. My work bag.

I have a set place for everything. But I forget things that are in the frig, or the freezer, or not put to go out. Sigh. One day, I'll forget the kids. It will be very embarrassing.

I'm only 34. Memory lost? Dementia? Exhaustion?


Stay tuned for a blog about gentle weaning, coming soon. (Brien, that warning was for you.)


Saturday, April 4, 2009

If My Child Was Gay...

I've been thinking about a scenario where one of my boys grows up to discover he is gay. I've been thinking about it for a couple of reasons. One is that a relative made a racist remark about my son potentially marrying a minority, and my natural comeback was that Ander can marry who he wants to marry, regardless of race or gender. Admittedly, I was aiming for a bit of shock factor to make my relative think. The other reason is that Iowa, not exactly a liberal area, just had a court allow gay marriage.

I don't suspect most parents hope their child is gay. I imagine that if I had to deal with the struggles most committed gay couples have to deal with, I would not wish those struggles on my own child, even if I were gay myself. The closest (although not perfect) analogy I can think of is what it must have been like having daughters in the late 70s and 80s - daughters of my generation. Women were making strides towards equality, but boys had an easier road than girls to high paying employment and powerful jobs. It's not that parents didn't want daughters, but they must have worried for their daugthers. That's sort of how I feel about if one of my sons is gay. I would worry for him, but strive to give him the tools and the strength to deal with the challenges society creates.

That said, if one of my boys "comes out of the closet" (and I hope it would not be such a big deal as that, really, because my boys will know that they will have parental support and guidance), I want him to be able to have a family and a committed relationship. I want him to have the joys - and, maybe even more importantly, the RESPONSIBILITIES - of raising children, nuturing a lifelong adult relationship, and participating in the community.

If my child turns out to be gay, I want him to be able to assume NOT ONLY the fun parts of marriage - sex, companionship, shared resources - but the responsibilties as well, including financial commitments, living his promises, and being there for someone other than himself.

Why would society not want that? For me, gay marriage isn't about a privilege. It's not about the Constitution (although there is a strong legal argument for it being a Constitutional right). For me, gay marriage, like all marriage, is about responsibility. Committed relationships are good for families, good for societies, and good for individuals. I'm going to support the opportunity for adult individuals to make that commitment, because I never know if my own kids will need the gift of marriage available to them.