Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Surviving Arizona

On a positive side, there are beautiful sunsets

It’s been too long since I’ve posted. However, due to circumstances beyond my control, I have been in southern Arizona for the past three weeks. This has forced me to look at life in a place the polar opposite of Alaska. Here are some of the observations I have made.

The sun doesn’t simply shine every day here, it beats down upon you with a vengeance. Such being the case, one would think sunglasses could be your best friend. I found out from sad personal experience that is not always the case. Sunglasses can cause blindness. This is particularly true if you snatch them off the dashboard of your car, which has been baking in the blazing sun for several hours, and immediately put them on. I practically clawed my eyes out in an effort to keep the metal frames from searing into my flesh. 

In southern Arizona shade is at a premium, especially in a Walmart parking lot. The scant shade offered by the spindly palm trees planted willy-nilly about the lot is sought out with an intensity normally reserved for seeking precious gems. People will drive several laps in search of such a haven. This fact led to another observation. There is truly little to match the viciousness of the geriatric smackdown that occurs when two old guys with walkers start arguing over the last parking spot with “shade.”

Crop dusting cotton before picking
In southern Arizona, when golfers compare handicaps, they usually discuss hip and knee replacements. Along with the hip and knee replacements, in southern Arizona, when someone mentions going to “rehab,” it means they are going to a place where they will be given narcotics.

I have noticed people in southern Arizona are more active at four in the morning than four in the afternoon.

People in southern Arizona believe tacking on the phrase, “but it’s a dry heat,” after they say, “It’s one-hundred and six,”  will make you feel cooler. It does not. Whenever it isn’t hot enough to fry an egg on a sidewalk, people in southern Arizona talk about what “nice, cool weather” they are having. A heavy jacket is mandatory when temperatures drop below seventy (generally at four in the morning). 

Arizona humor

Reporting from southern Arizona, yours truly, the baked Alaskan.

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  1. You are a dumb ass, why would anyone put on a pair of sunglasses that has been on your dash in the sun. Why did you leave Alaska, is it because you picked up a spoon in the snow and put it on your tongue? if you cant stand the heat get out of the state!

    1. Thanks for your kind words. I did return to Alaska as I was only visiting your fair state. May I respectfully suggest you work on developing a sense of humor? I think the heat is making you grouchy.