Feb. 3, 2021

Episode 52 - The Amish

The Wolf And The Shepherd decided that an untapped market is podcasts for Amish people to listen to, so they sat down and had a quick discussion on the Amish, including online dating for Amish, Amish doll manufacturing in China, and how they can make money using a new cryptocurrency specifically designed for the Amish communities. 


welcome to this episode of the wolf and

the shepherd today we figured we

would jump into one of those topics that

a lot of our potential listeners are

probably following

but can't just seem to find a podcast

out there about their specific niche

their specific

topic their way of life so through my


i went to the wolf and i said i i found

a subset of people that need a podcast

about them

so they can listen so the one that i

chose was

the amish yeah now before we actually

start today

i just want to let our listening

audience know that

we do actually do a little bit of

research listening to other people's


a little bit a little bit a little bit

like i think we've listened to four in

five months but um and no not whole


well now come on i mean there's

podcasters out there that we are

listening to oh no not the big ones i'm

talking oh

oh okay i'm talking about the

competition the nobody's

oh yeah that is yeah anyway so we

listened to about

three and a half minutes of a podcast

tonight before we started

um and let's not let's not name it

let's not be careful now i've forgotten

the name of it oh okay good i'm good

but it amazed me how enthusiastic

it was you know just like the guy who

introduced it he was just so


now i know why we're not enthusiastic

at the beginning of our podcast it's

because we know what's in it we like to

get the disappointment out of the way on

behalf of our listeners before we start

well that's our delivery system right

yeah why

why should we try to flavor something up

that is going to be

so different and that's the point yeah

like you say let's get the

disappointment out of it yeah

disappointment's not the way up front so

anyway the amish which

until are you saying you're disappointed

in the amish

no oh okay you can't be disappointed in

the amish but even if you are they're

not going to find out about it


so anyway um as

normal we try and start off with a

definition for our listeners

because people kind of have a view of

what the amish are

well well before we even define that

should we talk about

how we had a conversation just before we

hit record that you kept calling them

the amish

and not the amish well i'd never heard

of them before until i

came to texas yeah so that that's just

kind of bizarre because you kept saying

amos i didn't know there was a silent r


amish well y'all talk funny

well we don't have the amish or the army


anyway wikipedia you know possibly one

of the uh

least reputable and unfat

check sources on the interwebs which in

our go-to for

all of our research needs work closely

aligns with our vision

yes so anyway it defines the amish as


a group of traditionalist

traditionalists i think i spelt that

wrong when i first wrote it down

uh christian church fellowships with

swiss german

and alsatian anabaptist origins

they are closely related to but a


branch from the mennonite churches

so that's going to be fun for the

automated transcript thing that we use

to try to spell those words well you

think after that

definition right you'd figure we'd have

looked up the definitions of the words

anabaptist and mennonite but i didn't do

either no i didn't do ideas

i kind of know what a mennonite is but


i would have just said uh chick named

anna goes to a baptist church yeah

well i thought men are like anabaptist i

thought a mennonite was a certain type

of meteorite so

well that that does make sense yeah yes

i i can tell you that um

in england an alsatian is a german

shepherd duckling

that's interesting so what a um alsatian


is i don't really know yeah it's a dog

it's a dog named anna who goes to a

baptist church right

yeah and eats potluck dinner on sunday


that's fair enough okay let's go with

that maybe

maybe we should create a wikipedia page

based off of that

yeah and go ahead and fill that

information in well no we don't

solve that problem we can go in we can

actually um we can actually go in and

edit what they've got on wikipedia right

now and update it with our definition oh

because that's how good it is as a yeah

but accurate resource once again that

sounds like a lot of work it's a lot of

work yeah but if any of our listeners

want to go in and do that on our behalf

yeah yeah please you can actually

because of the way wikipedia works right

you have to cite a source

and so this podcast can be the whole


so there you go so somebody can jump in

and do that for us because

yeah we're too lazy to do that but if

you do go ahead and do it

send us an email from the shepherd at

gmail.com and we will send you a signed

copy of today's notes for the episode

yeah and not only that but because we're

so lazy i mean we do have our own


but we're just too lazy to set up the

email that comes along with our domain

name yeah so that's why we still have a

gmail address

so anyway i figured like i was a bit

confused by that definition

so i should probably go to a more

reputable source

okay which i fought that kind of

inclination for a couple of minutes but

thought i should go ahead and do it so

anyway i went to britannica.com which i


is linked to the britannica like

encyclopedia stuff

okay all right um so anyway it's far

more respected source of information

which is

probably why we avoid using it yes

exactly so anyway

it describes the uh amish like this it

goes out

amish also called amish mennonite

member of a christine group in north


primarily the old order amish mennonite

church which originated in the late 17th


among followers of jacob ahman

now it's one of those names jacob where

it's spelt with a k so he's

oh j j a k o b yeah he's trying to be

street i think yeah

that that sounds yeah yeah yeah

yeah okay yeah i i think that's a street


which is kind of ironic if you think

about it but

okay good for jacob right yeah

yeah no it should be j hyphen a carb

there you go j carb j yeah j

whatever that grammatical symbol is


i've forgotten yeah yeah jacob yeah


there you go he gave birth to the amish


good for him yeah i mean so you got jake

cobb and you got

a couple other people in some other

different religions that

are you know fairly recent but j cobb is

up there jacob

he gave birth to the amish yeah so good

for him yeah props to jacob

so if our listeners at this point have

learned nothing about the amish which is


accurate um other than jacob jacob

um i'm about to drop some kind of facts

about the amish

yeah just to get the factual part out of

the way before we start pooping on them


yeah let's uh let's talk some facts

about the army yeah all right

well again this was like first page of

google so this might not be as factual

as it could be

anyway the amish came to the united

states in the early 18th century

to escape religious persecution in


like the rest of us yeah like pretty

much everybody's no bad shyvana that's

why we all ran over here well

okay well not everybody i can already

see the hate mail coming there

so it you know not everybody came over

here escaping religious persecution

well no i came over in 1999 to to escape

religious persecution and i was a


well yeah but you like soccer too yeah

that's true

yeah so that makes sense yeah one thing

which actually shocked me

was uh because we we all have these

um i guess preconceptions of the amish

of not

wanting anything to do with like

anything modern society right yeah

modern technology yeah you don't want to

have any part of that

so um each amish community they actually

make their own decisions

when it comes to technology so whether

they're allowed telephones or cars

all that stuff so you might have one

community doesn't have any phones

no cars and you know i don't know how

far apart these communities

live but wouldn't it be weird if you

were like one side of the road and like

there's another amish community the

other side of the road and you

see them like driving around in open top

cars you know

talking on their cell phones right that

would be a little bit frustrating

that's frustrating that that's literally

growing up on the wrong side of the


i would ride over there and my horse and

buggy and shout out them

yes absolutely yeah uh shout with a

homemade megaphone but yeah you wouldn't

have one of the

yeah you know modern speakers that you

could yell at them

well you don't know but some communities

might consider that homemade megaphone

too much technology because you're

amplifying your voice

that is true right that's one way to

look at it a bit so

feel already feeling sorry for him yeah

now already feeling

now far from us this was not supposed to

be depressing

this was supposed to be you know another

happy podcast and now i'm already

feeling sorry for these people well i

mean far from us to make

light of the subject of the amish but


some communities allow bicycles right

okay but some only allow bicycles

with no pedals how do you ride a bicycle

without pedals

i don't know if you just push it and

jump on it you know it's like a

skateboard you kind of have to do

like a lot of the work i don't know but

yeah no pedals

now i don't know if they buy the bike

and like take the pedals off

or it's just a bike literally with no

propulsion system other than it just has

wheels and you have to do all the leg

work i i wonder if there is

a manufacturer of bicycles with no


that you know a couple of guys like you

and i were sitting around were like

you know what market we need to corner

the amish

no pedal bicycle market we can sell

four of these a year so let's mass

produce these in china

ship them over and trade them for


or something however they're paying for

this yeah mass produce them for a year

yeah yeah well actually no i think we

need to probably order five because


probably get a a bigger discount and b

that's true

as the number of amish keep increasing

that our market

might kind of yeah well and also if

we're going to have a

manufactured we got to make sure that


this bicycle with no pedal is going to

break down

and can't be fixed so they'll trade it

in to get a new bicycle

and somehow like redesign this no pedal

bicycle every few years to keep the

the model years fresh say oh i gotta

have the the freshest new

bicycle with no pedals my my thing with

it though is like if you live in an

insular community where you're gonna go

with it anyway

like 50 yards to like your best friend's


maybe so but i mean i'm sure there's

jealousy out there that it's like

oh well you know jacob the eighth

has this fantastic no-pedal bicycle and

mine's three years old i i want a better

no-pedal bicycle

i'll tell you what though i'd be showing

off if i had the one with the pedals i'd

be just

i'd be pulling wheelies and doing like

stunts on it

well you know what now i want to go home

and take the pedals off my kids bicycles

and say

you know we're gonna learn about the


it's good enough for you so you can you

can have your bicycle with no pedals

they've figured it out

now go in the backyard and build me a

barn that's right yeah

so um um this isn't a stump the shepherd

question but how many um

armist do you think approximately you're

in the us canada

at the moment oh usa and canada yeah i'm

gonna guess

probably somewhere around like say 20


it's actually 250 000. wow okay

now in 1989 there was only a hundred

thousand now we do know they like large

families and breed like rabbits because

they don't have

sling tv or xbox there's no distractions

yeah anything to do other than right

around although

although i did come up with an idea

about this right okay because they do

like to have large families right but

they tend to all live in the same house

so it must be off-putting knowing you've

got nine children

within about 20 feet of you and you're

trying to produce child number 10 or

yeah but maybe that's why they build

such big barns maybe they send the kids


they don't live in them well yeah to do

what i feed the horses all night yeah


shine the no pedal bicycles yeah you

know they gotta have chores

something like that to get them out of

the house i mean i don't know i'm not

amish i don't know

i don't you're supposed to be teaching

me these things i don't want to appear

judgmental but it seems like we're


creating more problems for the amish

community than they already have at the


yeah it's a good thing that they they're

gonna listen to this podcast

uh through their devices and and realize

we're gonna solve all the problems in

the amish community well the ones

when given some of the communities are

allowed telephones i don't know if that

was just kind of landlines or whether

they're actually allowed an iphone or

like a samsung or something

because they can actually listen to the

podcast can't they if they have like


yeah but don't they have to have

electricity to charge up the battery on

their smartphone well maybe

maybe on their no pedal bicycle they can

do a kind of like a generator type thing


little timmy has to pedal for four hours

to charge up the iphone

feel sorry for little timmy or they

could get us well no i guess solar

powered technology is going too far

yeah i i think that's a little bit

farther than just a rudimentary version

of the

generator and capacitor and all that

stuff so um

about 63 of the amish

um they're actually located in


ohio and indiana okay that's where most

of them are now how many

um amish people do you think there are

in texas uh

less than twenty five hundred sixty five

sixty five yeah i think we should so i

was correct i think we should go and

pay him a visit yeah uh we're out in

texas do we know

uh they're in town the internet knows i

didn't know they're looking it up

but i do think we should go visit them

because it's got to all be in one


well yeah right and you're talking about

these big families so you're talking

about like four families basically

i mean they're living in a cul-de-sac

somewhere basically yeah and they're

like hey

uh we're gonna all move here we're gonna

live in this cul-de-sac

and we're all gonna be amish yeah so

i know if there are any attractive women

in that amish community if you'd like to

uh drop us a line we will come in and

dilute the bloodline

for you i don't know about it through

our frozen

um remember we froze that oh that's true

we yeah we'll see if anybody would sign

up yeah we did

answer that email that came in and uh

see if anybody wants

our children from our frozen sperm

that's true right still waiting on the

check from that

well we i thought it was it they only

pay us if somebody

like has one of the no that's why we're

still waiting on the chat yeah

okay okay so um amish children

uh mostly kind of like go to private

school but they drop

but they drop out about eighth grade

which is what like age

14 yeah somewhere around so they missed

the whole high school

experience which probably isn't a biggie

but yeah they drop

out now thinking back to high school

what did you learn in high school

which if you hadn't have learned would

have been quite detrimental i mean if

you'd have cut your education off

at age 14 what kind of surprises would

there have been now remember this is the

amish so i mean it's

you know not like right some of the

things you learned in high school were

really that pertinent to life school

can't say

that i have anything that i had learned

in high school

that i didn't have to either relearn in

college or couldn't have figured out for


uh trying to go through all my high

school classes

uh yeah i mean i took uh an autocad

class that worked out very well for me

uh since i've never used autocad since


so uh yeah i'm gonna go with nothing

before we end the facts on the amish

because i think we've already overdone

it in terms of facts

yeah i mean now now we've pretty much

said all the facts we need to know about

the amish yeah

we're now experts well the most famous

aspect of armist

social life which we didn't even know

they had a social life before so

we've even got to a fact before we've

even got to the fact

it's called a rum springer ah

so now i've i've heard about this rum

springer r-u-m-s-p-r

a rum springer yeah that's when the kids

get to go out and experience the

quote-unquote english lifestyle right

yeah well it

it actually translates as running around

okay yeah i don't i don't know that

means literally they just like

run around a barn in circles i

i remember watching some tv shows and

everything about this rum springer or

rumsfrogger however you pronounce it and

you know they get to go out and they get


do whatever they want for a while

experience what they call the english

lifestyle which is basically the

american lifestyle

and then make their decision as to

whether or not

they want to be a permanent member of

the amish community

so it gives them kind of a little taste

of temptation

and then they can make their decision

whether or not they want to be amish

now one thing i do remember about

hearing about this

is if they decide to go ahead

and we'll use the term americanized


they're shunned and they don't

get to communicate with their family and

friends and

and they ignore them basically so

they're all out on their own where

they have no money they have no

possessions they have nothing

and they're just they're on their own

and they got to figure it out for


now one thing i did learn which has just

come back to me from

accidentally watching some reality tv

show about the amish is that when people

do get kicked out of the community or

voluntarily leave the community

the amish actually send these kind of

people out like bounty hunters

to go and try and like win them back

into the community after

and but when they come back they have to

do all this kind of

attrition for their sins admit they were

wrong and they try and bring them back


it's like dog the bounty hunter but

jacob the bounty hunter

the amish bounty hunter yeah doesn't

that sound like a great

should be a great shot yeah like we

should be executive producers yeah jacob

the amish bounty banner

so there's some rum springer when i

when i looked it up and i'm sure i kind

of like skimmed across the paragraph

because this doesn't sound

as entirely thorough as probably

it should but it begins with socializing

with friends

and ends up in marriage there was more

to it but that's all i got out the

entire paragraph it begins with

socializing with friends at around age


and ends up with marriage yeah

sounds like uh some church groups that

i knew about when i was younger too yeah

i mean they kind of

along those same lines yeah crazy i

don't know if running around's got a

little bit more yeah

it makes it sound a little bit more

exciting than it really is

yeah you know other than that kind of

in-depth expose of the amish their


their lifestyle there are regular people

out there

who have questions about the amish right

about things which they haven't

necessarily got factually but you know

some maybe some misconceptions

right some ideas and stuff so i um

again went on google and researched

the four most popular questions about

the amish

oh got the answers yeah so this probably

covers about 83

of the population who have any questions

about the amish whatsoever

okay i actually got the questions and i

got the answers now when i say i got the


i didn't click to see the source of the

answers but that's fine but they are

i'm sure they're i'm sure they're

accurate so what i was going to do

i was going to sneak in a stump the

shepherd thing here where

where you might not be wrong even if

your answer doesn't agree with what i

found out because

what i find out found out might be

complete crap so

true there we go okay so um this was the

first question

and i don't know why like if you were

very curious about the amish actually if

you were very curious about the amish

right what would be the

first question you would ask why

why yeah what what why

why do this i mean they're they're

sitting there

and they know everything going on

in the country well maybe they don't uh


i think they do yeah no i've got a

friend of mine

who used to live in ohio and he talked

about going to walmart and they actually

had horse and buggy parking and

everything i mean

they know what's going on outside their

little community

so my question would be why why

why would you want to live this life

why why choose this way when you know

what else is out there so why yeah

that's not what people wanted to know

apparently really

the number one question was what do the

amish do for fun what do you think the

amish do for fun

shepard horseshoes like play horseshoes

i could see that that shouldn't be

against a religion

uh i think they're a bit of a waste not

want not community do you really think

they're producing more horseshoes that

they've got a surplus

yeah but they once they take off yeah

but they have horses going down

we know that and i'm guessing they're

shoeing the horses

and you know when you have a farrier

that goes in and

you know replaces horseshoes that old


have to be discarded so they've got to

be playing horseshoes

so uh horseshoes uh

that's it yeah okay so so horseshoes

that's what they do for fun

well they play horseshoes well this was

a bit of a shock to me but um

games are big among most amish

communities right

and apparently they're very competitive

now there was a side note when i read

this and it said

there are some individuals and who are

not enthusiastic about taking part in

the games

really yeah so you get like real moody

amish sitting at the side there like not

want to take part well you know every

community is going to have something

it's going to be moody so well yeah it's

probably some equipment

of a millennial who just doesn't want to

get involved just right

but better one of the games yeah oh yeah


no it didn't mention all shows really so

it says here adults in big groups now i

don't know

what necessary a big

group whether it be like six or 34 or

obviously no more than 65 in texas

yeah um it says uh they will play games


charades right charades schrades

well charades charades yeah charades now

how do you play charades over here uh

what is it

uh you're supposed to start out with uh


yeah now hold up stop right there uh

this is where the game falls flat

yeah no that's true

am i thinking of that i've never watched

yeah and you've never watched or

probably never heard of either

yeah so yeah so if we went in to play

charades with them

and white stripes wasted star wars yeah

yeah it'd take like 17 months we'd have

to actually act out the letters and let

them join the letters and then say the


yeah and then they would try to wonder


yeah and and why the sparkly items in

the sky are fighting each other yeah

um it's another one they play pictionary


nothing wrong with pictionary okay um

apples to apples what's that i've not

actually heard of that one

is this like bobbing for apples no i i

was thinking it's some kind of

comparison game what am i

like a kind of what am i thinking of

type thing again i didn't bother looking

it up yeah

but apples to apples never heard of it


but anyway there was no mention of any

xbox so those are the kind of uh games

or horseshoes or horseshoes yeah you

would have thought i was a given but


so come on yeah that's gotta be

yeah right so um it's the second


i typed this typed it i wrote it down i

couldn't be bothered open word

um why do amish remove

girls teeth not any girl they come

across within their own community

remember remove girls teeth yeah

that doesn't make any sense to me so

just girls i'm i'm

guessing yeah so obviously they're

assuming they're genders

uh so they're you know thinking that way


uh removing the teeth yeah

uh you got me first of all

come up with a theory think about

everything you know about the amish

why would they remove the girl's teeth

so they can't eat as much food and keep

them skinny

right no kidding moderate no modern


modern problems require modern solutions

but that's not it

oh thank you dave chappelle for that

yeah but then that no

almost makes sense yeah admit and admit

to me right now

something that's something you would do

if you lived in the army community yeah

yeah yeah i mean i'll be an amish

dentist and i'll say hey

you know you've got slim pickings here


i'm gonna remove some of these chicks

teeth to make sure

they're gonna be like size four yeah but

your advert would be something like oi

fatty come here i can make you help

i can help you lose weight yeah i mean

that that would be the

ginny craig but there's no pc culture it

doesn't matter you can use those words

hey fatty come here i'm going to help

you lose weight

that's true yeah yeah yeah it'd be hard

to mass produce those advertisements and

you don't have tv

we're gonna have to hand write them yeah

with horse stung or something

yeah or maybe old horseshoes

and you just yeah maybe you could throw

old horseshoes at their mouths and bust

the teeth out that'd be

good past time maybe yeah man we're


south real quick on this one so anyway


the amish believe that vanity goes


god that that's their explanation vanity

goes against god right so they've run

with that

so they've run with that idea right okay

and it says um the appearance of teeth

in women is looked down upon in amish


so a number of amish reality tv shows of

which i have watched a few episodes here

and there

introduced the concept of having a

healthy set of teeth

pulled out even at a young age okay so

all right you confused me a little bit


you're talking about not like taking out

the back teeth

or whatever and leaving you know the

front teeth

when you open your mouth and you see the

front teeth you're talking about

no kidding just yanking them all well

you know well you know what

i don't know because if we're talking

about vanity nobody really kind of oh

yeah they've got a nice pair of back

teeth it might just be the front ones

anything which makes them look

attractive they might just knock out

so they might keep all the ones at the

back which you can't see

again probably should have done more

research yeah probably you should have


it there was a question yeah at the same

time i'm sitting right down the cliff

thinking it you know there must be

a kind of insider

industry outside of amish communities

when these girls get these teeth yanked


that they're gonna turn around and go

get new teeth yeah so

i mean you could set up a dentist shop

somewhere like a cosmetic dentist


and put new teeth in there man that's


that's gotta suck yeah i don't remember

what part of the

bible it talks about taking the teeth

out well

that's why i think that's why i think

they run with the kind of

belief of vanity goes against god

okay you know that that one's that one

to me is up

it kind of it kind of um led me to think

well do the amish women kind of

shave their armpits and shave their legs

or is it just like

the whole her sweet approach of you know

if i turn into chewbacca after the age

of uh

puberty then that's right but if you've


met an amish person you've seen their


and it's like okay well

you don't need any additional help i

mean they're not wearing makeup

so there's not that much vanity

probably explains why most of them live

in pennsylvania

yeah that's true there's a lot of

pennsylvanian women even the non-amish

ones are pretty basic

they don't really wear

congratulations to us we just lost every

listener in pennsylvania but

uh sucks to be y'all because y'all are

here in texas

where the women are yeah beautiful

beautiful yeah so um

is one which i figured you might have


input on what the amish not allowed to


amish women are not allowed to brush

their teeth

so it would be easier for the amish

dentist to remove them

so i'm going to go with that with number


how long do you think dentistry school

takes in the amish community i mean

if you're an orthodontist there and

you're just responsible for knocking out

the front teeth it's going to be like a

weak course

oh no not even a week i'm thinking you


big breakfast big big breakfast meeting


everybody's eggs and sausage biscuits

and gravy

all that and then dude gets up there and


okay uh bust their teeth out who's ready

for lunch

i think that's how it goes yeah i could

teach that now

you gotta think they probably don't have

anesthetic or any of that

so do you think they pull them out but

like pliers bash them in with the

horseshoes or yeah but i wonder

you know like you say with the

anesthetic uh

do they drink have we looked that up i

don't think they do

interesting you'd figure though with you

know if they're

more agricultural or rural they could

find a way to

make some alcoholic beverage

from fermentation of say that right

natural produce right

that's true yeah but i don't think at

any point

during that paragraph i read about why

did the amish remove

girls teeth it was inferring that

they get young teenage girls drunk then

hit their teeth out with a brick

but we can't prove but we can't prove

that so it's a possibility

so go on more things what the amish not

allowed to do

ah drive cars again we know that's not

true some communities they are

oh really because because you always

picture that you know horse and buggy


right well yeah that that's that

stereotypical amish that

that they've got the horse and body and

they're driving around there and they're

not allowed to

drive cars uh i'm gonna guess

they're not allowed to you know it and

we kind of joked about this before but

you know watch movies watch tv

what watch any kind of entertainment put

out by

the hollywood machine so do you think

when it comes back to the telephone

thing then

then smartphones are definitely not

allowed because i would think so i think

if they if they

just be honest i mean they can do

anything with an iphone yeah but

but if they've got a samsung galaxy yeah

if they've got

phones and they're allowed to have

phones you would honestly think they're


landline phones or their flip phones

like that somebody's bought a box

like a case or whatever a motorola

razors from the

late 1990s and are finally letting them

have phones

and that's it bet they don't pay the

bill online though

oh that's true maybe they got to do the

prepaid thing yeah

maybe they pay in straw

yeah well i know a lot of them sell

their furniture

so maybe they trade furniture for you

know 7-eleven flip phones

this is where an etsy or an ebay store

would really work in their favor

yeah it would if they had a computer

yeah that's right

so anyway the answers from the interwebs

about what they're not allowed to do

it says uh old order now we did

establish before the show began that

there were four

different um types of amish there was

old order new order and i forgot the

other two and we didn't bother looking

up see what those other two are but

anyway old order amish communities um

they actually

um won't allow you to have buttons or


you can't button anything up can't zip

yeah so no buttons

no zippers draw strings only son oh

wow okay so can you use a belt

i i don't know okay it'd probably be a

drawstring again

if you're not going to use the zipper

you might as well just use use a piece

of string for every function all right


so so walk me through this so so you're

an amish dude

right and they're making their own

clothes and you want

a wife that's going to be able to sew

those clothes

she can't use buttons she can't use


i think you just do holes and put the

string through don't you yeah but

okay now follow me here but all her

teeth are busted out

so she can't take that thread and just

can't hold it in a teeth and yeah

she can't do that so isn't that kind of

a fallacy

and what they're trying to accomplish

here oh i don't know

um this is getting very complicated so

anyway i thought this was going to be


now now i have all done there yeah

yeah for men they regulate the hair and

the beard length

okay can't have your beard too long

can't have your hair too long whereas

women are not allowed to

cut the hair at all and what about beard

length for the women

well again i'd be more worried about the

armpit and the leg

hair really because you can close your

eyes to the beard you can't really

ignore the hair everywhere else thing

if you're trying to make a large family

and that this is uh

man this is going south i i'm really

feeling sorry for it well no actually

it's a it's an uplift

the last question actually was quite


i don't know how we can make this one go

south let's put it that way okay well

good because we

we need something on a high note here in

this section so

please end this on a high note so uh why


amish get married on thursdays the

wedding venues are gonna be cheaper on a

thursday because everybody wants to get

married on a friday saturday or sunday

but i don't think they're

too worried about well they get married

in the amish community

exactly well that's what i mean they're

not too worried about paying for that

so thursday okay well i'm guessing

they're going to church on sunday right

so is this a thursday

night you know going into friday and

saturday kind of like a

two-day honeymoon

doubtful you know consummating the


thing i very much doubt there's any

honeymoon involved

unless they're going across the road to

the other community

well when i say honeymoon i'm not

talking about a trip i'm i'm talking


you know the consummation of the

marriage type deal

to give you know this poor kid that's

looking at his new wife that has no

teeth and can't sew

two days to try to consummate the


because maybe he needs 48 hours to make

it happen i mean i'm not trying to be

crass but

you know use your imagination maybe it

takes that long to

go ahead and and you know make the magic


so to speak we can't say they don't sew

because i think they make all their own


well i know right now they must be out


it's not like they're putting because at

some point you've got about as so

well okay so follow me here

i don't think you need teeth to sew i

think at some point on the interwebs

you've found this correlation between

sewing and having teeth and decided one

cannot happen without

the other that's true yeah i don't think

that's true i think you're talking about

threading the eye of a needle but you


when you're sewing big clothes it's not

a thin needle it's not fine stuff i mean

it's probably one of those

needle eyes where you know even somebody

with uh parkinson's disease can thread

the needle

yeah but but but follow me here let

let's take the sewing out of it

so it with everything you've described

you have to consummate the marriage

yeah and you know what you're facing


maybe it takes you a little bit of time

to be able to

be quote unquote up to the challenge

and so that's maybe the thursday i mean

i'm shooting in the dark

here i mean you you hit me with this

it's on thursdays

so hopefully you're gonna tell me why

it's on thursday this is where jacob

needs some alcohol

yeah um so anyway amish weddings they're

normally on thursdays sometimes on

tuesdays actually

depending upon the community um because

it's actually the least

busy day of the week in terms of farming

i don't know why so all of a sudden

thursday's not a busy day for farming i

don't have the cows kind of

it's their day off or right are they in

some kind of a

cow union where they're like we're not

going to do anything

all the animals all the animals have

trade unions yeah the chickens

chickens and the cows kind of lay down

tools and don't forget about the ducks

the ducks are probably the ones that

started this yeah yeah

little mini hitlers um so apparently

for a wedding right it takes a full day

to prepare

and a full day to clean up for the event


you can't let your parents know on a

wednesday that you're going to be

married on a thursday you have to kind

of give them two days so they can

spend like so if you let them know on

tuesday they can prepare on wednesday

right you get married on thursday

yeah so so when wednesday all the prep

work's done

thursday's the wedding friday they gotta

clean up

yeah and that's it and then you got

saturday night and they're not waking up

and watching cartoons

there should be a reality show on the

amish wedding planner

do you think they wear wedding dresses

and have all that type stuff oh i

guarantee there's no bachelorette party

no no night

let's be honest that that would be

pretty boring based off all the stuff

that you're talking to me about right

now but

uh yeah i mean what are they doing on

saturday right i mean are they just

going back to normal

i was thinking about that and i was

thinking about the hmm

i thought well yeah be a pretty cushy

and easy job to be an orthodontist

in the amish community and wedding

planner might be an untapped

resource for us to go into and do so i

was thinking about

some entrepreneurship that you and i the

wolf and the shepherd could do

to provide services for the amish


right and let's be honest you could

probably do

both of those jobs and still do another


yeah well because if if you're a wedding

planner right

i mean you gotta make sure that you're

there for

wednesday to get everything set up

thursday make sure everything's good

friday make sure everything gets cleaned


saturday you take a day off sunday you

go to church

monday and tuesday you run your dentist


so i mean now two jobs

why not well i do want to say that if

this is

about the amish community in texas where

there's only 65 of them

we're going to have to be salaried

because there's not going to be much

work there mostly you can have a lot of

days off

no that's a good point that's a good


you've got to be able to make a living

yeah so uh

i mean with 65 people maybe

once twice a year you're going to have a

wedding right

because i forgot to mention the amish

aren't allowed to get divorced so you're

not going to have to remember

so with those 65 other than the one

person who's going to be sadly left out

best you're going to have 32 marriages

yeah so

so you couldn't add amish divorce


to that list because you're not going to

make any money okay now marriage

counseling yes

you could see how this one guy is this

yeah he's gonna wear a lot of hats

yeah yeah and i'm i'm guessing you know

they all wear hats

yeah so i wonder if they switch out hats

depending on

you know literally what hat they're

wearing now it doesn't i mean i can't


from uh watching um the reality

tv shows do the women wear those bonnets

because i know the men wearing those

hats the women will have

bonuses yeah the little white blonde

braided braided hair and bonnets

yeah yeah well i don't know about the

braided hair but i know about the bonnet

i don't know anyway so i was sitting

there thinking

how can you and i make money from the


yeah that's the goal here yeah how can

we monetize

the amish community well first of all i

kind of went the rogue route of thinking

well we could just go rob them because

we're not going to be caught on security


oh that's a good point yeah but if they

have no money

chasing it off with pitchforks yeah but

if they have no money

teeth to sell on uh ebay to witches

for um rich okay um some horses because

horses always go for good money

true um past that i well i didn't get

past that because i actually came up

with some really good ideas where we can

make money in the amish community right


so number one create a social media

platform ex

exclusively for the amish because the

amish are now

found in 30 states plus your favorite

country canada

ah so it might be useful to connect them

i think we could go to mark zuckerberg

and he would hand this off to us i i

really do

amish book yeah i mean we could have

amish but we don't need his permission

to make

amish book amisha graham yeah but we're

so lazy

we need to steal the code i mean we're

not gonna write a website for this

we we need something to spin off for us

that we can just

you know drag and drop go on godaddy.com

maybe we should just make it a facebook

page or a facebook group yes

yeah no that's a good idea let's do that

so it's just for amish people a facebook

group for amish people

i'm sure we're going to have

zero people on that group well the

problem is the feed

the news feed is going to be pretty

boring when you've got your friends

connected what did you do today

um built upon

i picked some crops yeah

uh yelled at the ducks sprained it

sprained my leg right in my no pedal


um busted the teeth out of my door

so she fell asleep playing charades

because nobody could guess the movie i

was thinking of yeah

yeah yeah there's not going to be a lot

of content there well anyway

it's just an idea it might be money

anyway the other one

came up with again this does involve

having a computer so i don't know how

many of this was

will relate to but then i thought well

you know what this

doesn't have to be done on computer this

can be done with good old

manual pen and paper right okay online

dating or

offline dating okay now in case of those

communities the old

order communities where maybe they're

not allowed like um cameras and stuff

right i figured you and i if we can't

take profile photos we can do profile

drawings knowing our talent

in artistry especially portraits

of faces yeah because i'll be honest

with you i don't think it's really gonna


i figured yeah either online or offline


and i figured why it'd be such a hit


okay you think of regular dating apps at

the moment

they fail because people were looking

you know

for people who they find attractive and

they have something in common with

gotcha and it is that second bit i

figured well

let's take the guess work out of

everything right similar taste in music

check right similar fashion choices

check like bids check

like large families check like building


check so there we go so i mean already

the interests are like

oh my goodness we have so much in common

that is now

the men all have beards and hair of a

regulated length

the women are wearing the bonnets and

they've got the long hair anyway

remember none of them are going to be

fat because we've knocked all their

front teeth out

right right so i mean it's an easy match

pretty much everybody as long as they're

kind of single

is an easy match so i think we could do

this so how do we get past the uh

swipe left or swipe right if they don't

have this

is it uh you burn a fire

in the backyard when you

have decided yes this is a match and you

burn a fire in the front yard when it's

not a match

yeah how do how do we determine how the

matches are and

we'll track that well i'll be honest

with you i don't really think past the

eventuality that anybody would actually


no yeah that's true this is this is your

match more like it's more actually like

an arranged marriage

type things like this is the person

you're going to marry yeah or

or like yeah certain friends of ours

where it's like

okay well i know my choices are kind of


so i'm just going to take what i need so

anyway so i think we could

do a like i said if they're not up for

the online day and we could do the

offline day yeah for the army

yeah i mean we could put like a a spiral

notebook together

and just kind of pass it around yeah

that could work

i think i'd actually like to date an

amish girl because outside of my

adversion to hard work

i think there's actually less chance of

me disappointing her that's probably

true yeah

the the problem with your theory though

is i think it'd be a lot of hard work

to date an amish girl cause you're gonna

have to infiltrate that we don't have to

worry about our sexting somebody

well no that's true but if you're


going to talk much differently than the


they're already gonna look at you as so

much of an outsider so

that because they're all basically

except for the canadians they're

americanized so they're gonna know

you're from the outside

it and you don't have any hair on your

head so you don't have that goofy


going on i'll just wear a hat with a wig

built into it i think

oh i think that's i mean i can grow i

can grow a good beard i've got

hair on my face yeah but so so maybe

that is how we can make money on this

that you can sell hats with the fake

amish haircut underneath that's the

point you've got to figure some of them

go board right some of them have got to

have a mutated gene where they go bored

and i have to they can't grow long hair

if they're boring

so they've got to have the wigs that

that's true yeah

that's a good point yeah but but then

you have to learn that

you know german version of pennsylvania

dutch or

whatever that they speak but you're so

hard to understand anyway and maybe you

can get away with that

i don't know i don't know good luck to

you i i think if anybody can pull it off

it's going to be you i think i could

become a king in the

amish community because because if i had

because if i had my phone

secretly and especially like once um our

friend elon musk gets all his uh

you know wi-fi everywhere in the world

right yeah you know i can connect

i can have wi-fi always on i can connect

and anything they have a problem with i

can secretly go

you know into the woods and pretend i'm

going to be taking a poo

in a hole yeah and i can look up the

issue on youtube come back and come up


with a solution or any problem they have


the this might work better rather than

being the king

you could be a sorcerer and you could

have type of wizards but

no i think they're very i think they're

very much against any

kind of supernatural thing you know that


consulting with like fortune tellers i

think they're hardcore on that

okay no magic allowed yeah yeah this is

what this is why when they play charades

they're not allowed to do any of the

harry potter movies

uh yeah that's terrible yeah yeah

because there were a lot of good harry

potter movies

think about that though it's one way to

kind of sell yourself out a little bit

when you do charades and nobody guesses

it and it's

oh my goodness people it was harry

potter and the goblet of fire oops

uh idea number three this one might be

pushing it

um because i don't know how familiar

they are with the blockchain

and stuff uh cryptocoin right okay

it's um cryptocurrency just for the

amish and i'm gonna call it

the uh amish mennonite coin or amc

for sure and uh we won't get any

problems from

american movie classes like doing that

well they won't know

yeah yeah and they can use it to buy

like wooden

stuff you know wood and wood and well

the stuff that make horseshoes out of


yeah wooden metal yeah and that's pretty

much all they're buying maybe

you know some corn i guess and that's

pretty much it

yeah so crypto coin i think that's the

thing we we

could control that whole cryptocurrency


for the army but you see it doesn't even

need to be electronic i figured if we

just get some card

and just like maybe print out before we

go there we can print out the coins and

just hand them out

but what if we use chuck e cheese tokens

yeah we could do that

yeah just tell them it's we'll just

write amc on the back of each of them so

they know it's

not really a mouse who's going to give


access to games

all we need is a chuck e cheese employee

and a sharpie and we could get like a

box of chuck e cheese tokens

and write amc all over these tokens and

say this is your new currency

done yeah i mean finally we're figuring

out a way to make some money off

yeah last idea i had right okay it's an

online clothing store

now again presumes they have access to

the interwebs but

or some of the communities in the new


actually have uh smartphones where they

can have access to the internet but


obviously it's going to accept amc as

one of the forms of currency

has to after because we've got to

increase the value of the uh

coin because we're going to short the

heck out of that so yeah launches

yeah sell it all and just like gamestop


on reddit yeah absolutely we're going to

corner the market on that

because we're going to benefit from this

yeah so i figured like

to save the women some time in the amish


um we get those kind of funny outfits

that way kind of outsource them to china

so we get them real cheap right and we

sell them on this online clothing

store and i figured like i don't know

lumber handling gloves

reusable cloth diapers that type of


and have it on an online clothing store

for the bush okay

so i like where you're going with this

but what if

we take it one step further and we get

somebody like

a kylie jenner to wear

amish outfits you know because she's

always in like some skimpy bikini or


in in people blindly follow her and want

to buy

whatever she has so if we get all these

cheap clothes

right and then we just get kylie jenner

to wear an

amish dress one day we could be


yeah just selling this they're not going

to recognize it it's just going to look

like a [ __ ] in a dress

okay and that's how most clothes are

sold right now

so once again you didn't shoot any holes

in my theory

so if you've got any more ideas for


which can you re actually before you

answer that

okay to give to kind of remind me to

talk about this i did write down


it did i spell that correctly or is

there like six more letters in there

than there should be

no i i i think you left out like 12


and added eight letters yeah to that but


at least you know with the notes and i

was filling it out and it had like eight

syllables when i was spelling it out

you know in in one of these days you

know we're we're working on actually

getting cameras in our

studio and everything so y'all can see

what we actually do while we're

recording but uh this is one of those

moments where we're probably glad we

don't have cameras going on right now

when uh if somebody was to look at your

spelling of



with spelling yeah uh it's probably a

good thing that we

actually didn't have the cameras going

bit shot the amish don't play scrabble

actually scrabble

would be a good one although they're

probably the thing is though

they probably only know like they

wouldn't even have to use most of the

alphabet because as long as you've got

enough to spell like horse

right and stuff like that then or are

they gonna

play scrabble with the pennsylvania

dutch version of german that they talk

so it do you have to turn around and

you know put that in immediately yeah

well i think we

solved all of the problems that we

need to with the amish but uh

as far as what i would do

as far as what kind of

businesses i would run with the amish

gosh i mean that's such a

a tough topic to try and figure out but

honestly i think number one they have

the horse and buggy

right so they they have these buggies i

i would still try to figure out a way

kind of going back to the

bicycles with no pedals i would try to

figure out a way to create

the better buggy some kind of

a i don't know what you want to call it

some kind of feature

with the new versions of the buggy that

you have that would force people to go

ahead and trade in their old buggy and

get a new buggy

you see the same buggy and it's been the

same buggy

for ever i mean anytime you see

that buggy online in pictures or

whatever you're like oh yeah that's an

amish buggy

that that would be mine i i would be a

used buggy

salesman and try to figure out a way to

do that

and of course i mean you you got the

horses that have to pull those buggies

and so maybe if you buy one of these


buggies then maybe you get new

horses to be able to pull the buggies

whenever you trade your

used buggy in for a new buggy

just you know hiding the fact that you

you tell somebody hey this buggy gets

more gallops per

oat bag than the last buggy did

and just kind of fool them into

believing that this

is the reason why you need to come to

the shepherds used buggy

salesmen well i actually came up with

two more ways we could make money out of

the armish actually

number one horse racing they can bet

their amc

crypto currency that's a good point uh

obviously you and i would be the bookies


take a cut off the top yeah there's got

to be some percentage involved

where we take a little bit off the top

and my other one was um what episode was

it we were talking about the american

girl doll

thing it's a few episodes ago about i

can't remember the context

yeah it was so random i can't remember

what episode it could have been on

anything could have been star wars could

have been

right i do remember anything about this

yeah anyway

so i figured what about amish american

girl dolls because you see the great

thing about american girl dolls at the


in terms of making money is that you can

customize them

but again we can have low quality ones

just purely made to exactly all the same

specifications so again we can just get

made in

mass made in china and we can sell the

equivalent of american girl dolls

there'll be pennsylvanian dutch dolls

to the amish children but couldn't we


the amish people make these dolls and

pay them

in our amc currency no they're going to

be more expensive than the chinese

remember they only earn like about

two dollars a full day i'm pretty sure

the armies are going to want

more money than that and that's because

if they're selling their furniture and

they actually build um

barns and houses for outsiders as well

not just within their community

so you've got to think they're getting

paid they've got to have some concept of

money yeah you know because you're going

to run out of trees they've got to buy

lumber from elsewhere

right you know so they've got some

concept of money so i don't think we can

pay them more

than we can pay the chinese for making

our pennsylvania in dutch

dolls right no no no true

so anyway that makes sense if anybody

does have any extra

um ideas send us an email at the wolf

from the shepherd at

gmail.com um we will pick out our

favorite ones and then forget to mention

them at a later date but we might

actually add them to the facebook page

on there uh

yeah yeah we would post this as we do

now i'll be honest with you

right 80 of what i learned about the

amish actually

comes from a tv show i watched uh called

amish haunting amish harmish taunting

yeah it ran on the travel channel back

in i think it was about

2013 2014.

so um i just wanted to quickly there was

only six episodes i only ran for one


um i just wanted to read you the titles

of the episodes

right there's only six episodes okay

okay six episodes six episodes right

and i want you to give me a quick one or

two sentence

thing of what you think each show was

about so remember this was hauntings in

the amish community right

episode number one every episode has a

title and then like hyphenate and then

maybe a little bit more description of

what's going on all right so are you

only giving me the title or are you

giving no i'm giving you the full thing

okay because actually the second part of


sometimes kind of uh makes it even

harder to work out what's going on

so episode number one was named faceless


the witch's grave i seem to remember

something about the amish in them having

dolls that

have no face that's probably the ones we

sold to them which were made in china

ah yeah well it's cheaper that yeah

so draw your own face yeah so so the

faceless doll and what was the second


the witch's grave remember this is

connected this same episode i don't

think it was like two different things

in one episode

well you lost me on that one i i don't

know how you take the faceless doll and

the witch's grave and tie those together

well actually now thinking about it i'm

wondering if each of these episodes was

two separate stories

oh well and and of course once again

i can't remember this was like seven

years ago oh yeah this is

crack research yeah so anyway so well

either of those ones then

faceless doll or the witch's grave which

ones do you want to

run with giving us an idea i i would

rather watch the witch's grave then the

face will start

probably thinking now that's gravel

which was buried yeah yeah

easy number two crybaby bridge

and the witch's tree now i don't think

this is the same witch which was an

episode yeah

i'm wondering is there a theme running

where it's like oh it's a witch yeah

it's a witch yes

christ is the same as a duck yeah i feel

like a monty python sketches so

crybaby bridge and what may have been

another episode within the same episode

the witch's tree which one of those do

you want to kind of guess what they're


can't be a tree belong to a witch that's

too basic yeah i mean crybaby bridge is

probably somebody that

wanted to walk across a bridge and

started crying about it because their

doll didn't have a face and they were

thinking about

uh they just left the grave of this

witch and now all of a sudden there's

the tree

right all right so episode number three

possessed boy

and buried in black yeah but aren't you

typical for yourself explanatory but you

have to remember this is the amish

community buried in black i don't know

are all people buried in black i i

thought you were supposed to

be buried in well and i'm thinking of

men right now

you know buried in a dark suit uh if


you know which way you want to go uh but


possessed boy yeah he's probably

possessed yeah well he's probably all

wound up because of the faceless doll

and crying about going over the bridge

well episode number four

this one kind of takes a little bit

further possessed barn

and the dark art okay so now you have

the boy who's possessed now he goes to

the barn

and now the barn becomes possessed and

so good for the boy

he gets rid of his possession so

good for him and the dark art part it

has to

be with the buried in black and now all

of a sudden we're gonna put pictures up

in the barn

about uh people being buried in black

now um

by the time it got to episode five the

titles got a little bit more ridiculous


okay episode number five sinner's death

electric lies

electric lies yeah okay that that's uh

reliant does not save you as much as txu

in energy costs and free nights and


given the rate of per whatever yes i i

don't think it's about that

i think it's about something else

electric lies might be related to


well it could be related to the fact

that if you have electricity you

live a life of lies because that's uh

the possessed void and the possessed


made you have electricity and so you

have this magic

that you have light in your house that


not naturally produced right well i'm

interested how are you going to

tie in the last episode even though none

of these episodes were continuing

had any continuity to them episode

number six

entitled goat baby evil

taxi wow okay so uh

goat baby is probably the possessed boy

walking across the uh the bridge

and evil taxi kind of sounds like

uh that reality show about

when you get in the taxi and you have to

answer all the questions and win money

and if you get into a taxi then that's


but i wonder if there's some amish

people that maybe not everybody has a


and so there's like amish uber and so


taking people around in amish uber and

dropping them off places

it kind of makes you wonder why this

show didn't run to season two to be


yeah uh it it it sounds a lot like

keeping up with the kardashians

uh i think they had the same production

staff but they

got a little bored with the amish so um

you know before we end

today if there's any amish you want to

complain about today's episode because i

realized we did say a few things which

might have come across as a little bit

ignorant maybe a little bit

um but if they want to complain um if

they want

if they want to record a video maybe

complaining on their smartphone and

upload it to our facebook page well no

we will watch it

right but but let's back up they need to

go ahead and record a video on their


upload it to their youtube channel yeah

and send us a link maybe post the link

on our facebook page yeah

post the link on our facebook page and

send us an

email with the link at the same time so

we can verify that

yeah then we'll go ahead and watch it

and we'll go ahead and set up a zoom

call with them yeah so we can talk about

it before we come back

on the podcast and talk about it i'm

going to be very specific about i do


them to have some biometric stuff

because they all look the

same with the same length hair cutting

beards and wearing the hats

i don't want to be fooled by one person

sending in multiple complaints so we're

going to need some biometric data

yeah we're definitely going to need some

way to verify

their identity yeah uh maybe

a face id on their iphone yeah and

send us that data so we know that

it's actually the person that we're

talking to so

well with all that said uh thank you to

all of our friends in the amish


who have listened to this podcast and we

hope we accurately

depicted your community and once again

i mean please reach out to us and

we know we're trying to provide podcasts

this year

to different sects of the community just

like we did with vampires

uh we we would love for any amish to

reach out to us who are listening to

this podcast right now

and talk to you and we'll catch you on

the next one