Cafeteria Should Take Vegetarian Options Further

Mariana Aguirre, Staff Writer

Forgot your lunch again? Not to worry; Campo Cafeteria to the rescue!

What kind of sustenance wilt thou purchase today? A grease-dripping pizza or a soggy burrito? Maybe iceberg lettuce covered in a milk sauce goo so chemical laden that a droplet loosed from a wayward forkful may just singe your eyebrows off.

But wait! Dare to dream… Of a place where you could buy a hummus and falafel pita wrap, quinoa, hot minestrone! Options that are tastebud-tingling, artery-clearing, and most importantly, vegan friendly!

No longer will the hungry masses be condemned to consume cheap factory-farmed flesh!

And why must they eat meat at all? Why has it become so natural that humans eat animal muscle with every meal– muscle harvested by an industry that is anything but natural.

It’s so very unnecessary to eat meat, really, but it has become so completely “normal.” Some people eat dogs, and that’s considered abnormal. Some people eat other people. Also not considered normal. And why? Seriously, what’s the difference?

If cannibalism isn’t “normal,” then what is? Stuffing five defenseless birds into a cage that’s too small for one? Sticking baby cows into tiny crates for the entirety of their short lives so that their muscles atrophy, killed without ever having seen light so that we may superficially smack our lips after a ten minute meal?

You’d think that by this point in time, we may have advanced past succumbing to primal instinct and desire for the bloody sacrifice and consumption of beast and fowl. You’d think that humanity might, by now, have earned its title of being HUMANE. Yet, knowing personally a few members of this strange race, it’s clear that many shall never relinquish their atavistic hold on their precious BACON.

Health and environmental benefits aside, even those who do not eschew animal products cannot deny the possibilities here.

Social and cultural opportunities shall abound as vegans, vegetarians, and omnivores unite for the first time in history to partake of the same meal. Perhaps homemade lunches will be abandoned in favor of a hip new epicurean milieu, where contemporary ideas are exchanged over a simmered kale Marsala. Making vegan foods available in the cafeteria would be a large stride away from generic filler foods towards a student body that might actually take care in what they consume at lunchtime.