Stupid Things People Say about Adoption

These were actual comments said (out loud) to people considering adoption or already adoptive parents. I’m not kidding—I couldn’t make some of these up if I tried. Which ones have you heard?

  1. “You can’t register here because you are not really expecting.” (Said to a soon-to-be adoptive mom when she tried to register at Babies“R”Us.)
  2. “You must be prejudice against African Americans because you adopted from China.”
  3. “I couldn’t love a child that wasn’t mine. I just don’t get why people would want to adopt.”
  4. “You never know what you are going to get when you adopt!” and this little jewel:  “Why would you want to adopt someone else’s reject?”
  5. Why didn’t his real parents want him (asked in front of her son)? (When the mom explained that she didn’t want to talk about his story, the questioner replied “He won’t remember anything– he’s just a baby.”) (#clueless)
  6. “Oh, since you’re both screwed up, I guess adoption will have to do.” (When told that the couple both had fertility issues.)
  7. “If you adopt from foster care, the child will go back to their bio family just as soon as they are old enough.”
  8. “You’re doing it the easy way.” (Said to a women who was having a rough adoption journey after a long struggle with infertility.)
  9. “Wouldn’t it be easier financially if you didn’t keep him.” (Said to a woman whose husband had just been laid off, referring to their adopted son, hinting that they should “turn him back in”. She said that, financially, life would be easier without any of her children, including her four birth children, but they would manage somehow- and they did!)
  10. “Why can’t black people adopt black kids?” (Said to a white couple that was adopting interracially.)

Thoughts (other than disbelief)? What ridiculous things have people said to you about adoption?

P.S. You might also enjoy these blogs, which talk more about what adoptive parents should and shouldn’t say.

Originally published in 2015; Updated in 2016.