Wednesday, March 22, 2017

The Slow and the Furious, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Lawrence Lawton was idling in a station in Jita when his name was noticed in local by a pair of Code haters: Argyss Oqemi and Neocount. As the two raged, Lawrence tried quoting the Code to calm them down.
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton no, code is killing the fucking game, fucking alp[-has, pie3ces of shit, you wanna get your rocks off, get a prostitute, if you wanna pick on somebody, pick a fight in real life, you so much a coward you pick on freighters ineve
Lawrence Lawton > No, that's a fallacy. CCP commissioned a study showing that I improve player retention.
Lawrence Lawton > CCP Proves the New Order Was Right about Ganking and New Players
Lawrence Lawton > Grinding solo PvE scares off new players. Mining literally makes people quit.
Citing a classic MinerBumping post, Lawrence busted the carebear myth about gankers driving players away from the game.
Argyss Oqemi > lol
Argyss Oqemi > HE QUOTES HIS OWN SITE!!!
Neocount > the fallacy is you pedo's justifying your existance trying to blow up UNARMED people for you profit claiming it for whatever
Argyss Oqemi > Lawrence Lawton Im new and was thinking of quiting AGAIN, 5 year old character, 1.6m sp, wtf should i do?
Neocount--who had lost an Orca to CODE.--couldn't be reasoned with, but Argyss seemed interested in getting some good advice from an EVE expert.
Lawrence Lawton > Argyss Oqemi You should make some friends and go have fun with them. Teamwork is the cornerstone of an MMO.
Argyss Oqemi > so i cant really help a corp
Argyss Oqemi > but i want to play
Argyss Oqemi > Lawrence Lawton i suck at making friends, everyone always stabs me in the back and is only looking for themselves
Argyss Oqemi > i actually hate the world
Argyss poured out his heart for all Jita to see. Lawrence patiently listened to the miner's problems. Perhaps our Agent was making progress after all. And who knows? Maybe Neocount would start calming down, too.
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton your are the biggest piece of shit in this game and if ANYONE found out who you are, i would not worry a SECOND if they reported you were fucking killed
Neocount > you are making more ppl quit this game than anything else
Truii Tokila > What's all the hate in local? What'd I miss?
Goofus wishes our Agents were dead IRL. Gallant sees an Agent and says, "Thank you for your service."
Lawrence Lawton > No, I'm not. I think miners with bad attitudes are scaring off new players. I heard some alpha just entered Jita, saw your comment, and started crying.
Lawrence Lawton > Or maybe EVE isn't dying and it's all just a bunch of scaremongering
DIRTNAPZ > if eve was dying, it woulda happened already
Neocount > eve has at MAX 50k ppl logged in at once.... that is the SMALLEST MMO i have EVER played
Neocount > and i have played this over 6 years off and on
The miner claimed to be worried about EVE's player retention levels, but Lawrence was unconvinced. Neocount's hatred of the New Order was clearly motivated by something else. Something personal.
Lawrence Lawton > That's why we have a Saviour. Praise James 315!
Neocount > james 315 is the head pedophiles
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton is a pedo of eve
Neocount > he preys on the defenseless
Neocount > how honorable is that
Another test: Lawrence name-dropped the Saviour of Highsec. Doing this always cuts to the heart of the matter. That's why I've often said that my name is the ultimate litmus test. Neocount's reaction to hearing "James 315" immediately confirmed that he was a Goofus. It probably never even occurred to Neocount that he ought to praise me.
DIRTNAPZ > um, you dont eve much do you kid ?
DIRTNAPZ > undock from jita and i'll show you preying on defenless
DIRTNAPZ > and here you got concord supporting ur brokeback mountain arse
Neocount > yes, our shit CAN be stolen, and I"M pointing out that the pppl that would do such a thing, have the same mentality as pedophiles
Neocount was starting to draw attention from onlookers in Jita. They didn't take his side like he'd assumed they would.
Neocount > they prey on the defenseless, CODE is the pedophiles of Eve
DIRTNAPZ > Neocount undock so i can pod ur dumbass
Neocount > and as much as you assholes have cost All OF us in freight or shipping, i will SOCIALLY attack you end of story
Crua Elgot > Neocount I am intrigued by your ideas and if you send me 100m ISK I will subscribe to your newsletter.
Neocount's plan was to tarnish the Code's reputation in Jita. So far, however, the only image he had damaged was his own.
Lawrence Lawton > Neocount Oh you must be one of the freighter pilots caught up in Burn Jita.
Neocount > auctually i wasn't u uninformed unintelligent prick lawrence
Neocount > U
Neocount > i didn't get killed in burn jita
Neocount > what also doesn't change, the mentality of a pedophile
Annex Tormi > Neocount THAT escalated quickly
Agent Lawrence dropped more bait for Neocount, who quickly snatched it up. Now Lawrence was ready to show Jita a jaw-dropping killmail.
Lawrence Lawton > Kill: Neocount's Orca I see now where the Catalyst touched you. 6.6 billion ISK anti-tanked Orca in Uedama. Should have bought a permit!
Neocount > one that picks on defenseless people that have no way to stop a bump or a gank when numerous piece of shit alphas are involved
Neocount > you can buy this B==========D
Sean HellFire > Bro... everybody gets ganked sometimes. Its part of this game
Neocount was furious, though it's difficult to say whether his fury was in response to the Orca killmail going public, or merely a continuation of his preexisting fury.
Neocount > adn your gonna be blocked again, i'm switching back to my ps4, where the real gaming happens, not with your pedophiles
Lawrence Lawton > I left a jetcan by 5-17 station for you to deposit your tears in. I'll collect them later, I promise.
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton you prey on FREIGHTERS AND MINERS..... how in the FUCK do you fell ok abt that?
Kitten Pawz > Neocount, Do you even Damage Control II and Bulkhead bro?
Neocount > Kitten Pawz you are a piece of shit with CODE and are blocked
Having seen the Neocount killmail, the people of Jita had no sympathy for the miner. Neocount began to lash out against everyone around him.
Borisaurus > The whining in question -
Lawrence Lawton > Kill: Neocount's Orca Do you like making Carebears cry? Join the New Order! Spontaneous Tears in Jita Local relating to this month old loss
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton i wish your parents were worth a damn, they obliviously raised an entitled cocksucker outta you
Jezzer Shras > Glourious Knight Lawrence Lawton is fighting to save EVE from bots and bot aspirants. YOU should be thanking him for making the game a better place.
The scene turned into a feeding frenzy. With all of Jita supporting the New Order against Neocount, would the Goofus miner finally see reason?

To be continued...


  1. WooHoo! James315 has blessed me with a mention in this article!

    Praise be James!


    Lol. That was great. I can't believe how angry people get over small amounts of ISK.



  4. Oh man, the things I miss in Jita. I need to get in on one of those fleets. This is priceless!

  5. Antigankers failing incredibly hard right now

  6. Lol, such a great butthurt I see here :) Let the anger flow through you! Unlimited anger :) :) Here is "online math help" for such people :)

  7. Honestly, people like neocount could eat a bullet RL and our species would be better off. He will never contribute anything, and only hold the rest of us back.

  8. I remember starting off and a friend of mine mentioned C.O.D.E. to me. I was upset and concerned that i wouldn't get to my plex goal because you guys existed. I was wrong. I didn't make my plex goal because i was mining in hisec. But i have to say i enjoy the blog and the sad stories of poor sports. I'll never suicide gank or bump, but i might, once i have a more stable isk flow, buy shares or something. Keep teaching people to tank fit their ships.

    1. Just 10Mil for a permit helps support the cause of cleaning up high sec, Anon 10:01. :) And it shows your loyalty to James 315 in what he's trying to accomplish.

      Come on, you know you want a permit. Why NOT have one? Stability, Piece of Mind, Comradery. Take a stand against Bot-Aspirants!

    2. A question, if i were to purchase a permit, could i also purchase one for a friend of mine? He is a bit of a casual, but doesn't need a reason to leave eve ( such as getting surprise murdered by a pair of catalysts).

    3. I believe you can as I've seen (in the archives) corporations buy permits for their members. This would be a question for one of our agents or the Saviour Himself. I do not presume to know his everlasting will.

    4. No agent here either, but Miner Bumping is full of cases when someone bought multiple permits. Remember, having one is just the first step though, have your buddy read The Code for the rest!

  9. wow antigankers are really failing right now.

  10. But where oh where is Ming?

  11. It's their own fault not to defend themselves, even on a combat ship. Orca is a pretty good bait-combat ship, isn't it? Their actions are just like not taking the medicine while blaming the doctors for not curing them. Comme mechant!

    1. What does a Miner do when he gets sick?
      a) Loudly proclaim that God is against him,
      b) Feel cheated because the human body has an implied warranty of safety,
      c) Proclaim that he would have immunized if he had only been warned,
      d) Complain that immunization is a scam,
      e) Whine that microbes are dishonorable and have an unfair advantage,
      f) Expect somebody else to care enough to do something about it for free.
      g) Slip into a coma.

  12. I like coma's they make sentences better. Why did the miner get sick, did he eat too many tacos? I eat tacos sometimes I eat so many that my brain hurts, then I realize I have no brain I'm a GIR, but then I eat more tacos and I don't feel bad. Do you like tacos. I bet those miners like tacos.

