So… Where Is Heaven?

The notion crossed my mind recently and being the curious sort I Googled it. I found many claims of heaven being for sure real. Claims of it being some ethereal place somewhere. Claims of it existing on an astral plane. Bible verses as proof it is there, but the where is never mentioned. Bible claims that it is among the atmosphere of earth (I pity the fools that would be there, right now. Also I do wonder if jets fly through frequently? Boy that would mess up a hair day.)  Claims that Jesus is there as I speak, building mansions for all the good x-ians. Damn good thing he was a carpenter! Put those skills to use Jesus!

All of my life I have heard of heaven. People tend to look up when they mention it. I have looked up too. Didn’t see it there, anywhere. I have a multitude of telescopes that I have looked up with as well. I have seen galaxies thousands of light years away, nebulas in their grand splendor, star clusters of the open and globular varieties, comets, planets, double stars, triple stars, quadruple stars, planetary nebula, and multitudes of stars along one of the spiral arms of our Milky Way. I didn’t see heaven in any of those places. Did I perhaps miss it? The Hubble telescope has been taking pictures out there for a LONG time now, I haven’t seen any pics of heaven yet. I’m sure it’s on the list of things to do… right?

The thing is, if you are going to base an entire freaking religion on the premise that all the good people will go to this heaven when they die, why in the hell can’t you at least point in the general direction that this supposed place exists? Claims of its existence are bountiful, everybody seems to just know it exists, but not a one of them can show me where. I’ve yet to see any gods yet either as a matter of fact. Odd.

Heaven. That paradise we are all told of. That place where all of lifes miseries and aggravations no longer exist. A place where we are simply content to be because we are with our gods. That place where grandma and grandpa are waiting for us, still very much alive and happy to be. The place where Fido and Guppy went when they died. The place where margaritas, good bourbon, and medical quality weed flow like water along the Danube (hey you pick your heaven, I’ll pick mine.)

A place no one apparently really knows where in the hell it actually is… 🙂  Which makes me think someone is full of shit. Every religion across the globe has a heaven to promise its adherents. They line the pews every Wednesday and twice on Sunday, dropping their afterlife insurance payment in the collection plate, but none of them have a clue where the fuck this final payoff, heaven, is. Pardon me while I… Lol!

The moral of the story folks, is do not just be content with what the preachers tell you, or what the people you may know heard from their preacher, and are now convinced it is factual. Do a little research of your own, ask questions until you are satisfied with the answer.

There are those in religion who would lie to you, and gladly take your money. You know why? Because they never have to actually deliver on their con, and they are pretty damn sure you aren’t going to ask for your money back once you are dead! Next time someone tells you heaven is real, ask them where the heck it is! For me, okay? 😉

FWIW, heaven or hell is IMO what we tend to make for ourselves in this life. Here is hoping you all have a slice of whatever you perceive as heaven. I couldn’t imagine life without a smile, a laugh, and good time with friends/family. At least every once in a while.

30 thoughts on “So… Where Is Heaven?

  1. Heaven is filled with concourses of angels singing praises to god (ego?) with eternal group hugs waiting in line to eternally bath the feet of Jesus with happy tears…ps, how’s your choral voice these days?

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  2. Heaven, like every other Christian belief, is in your mind.

    And truly, truly, I say unto you …. all you must do is B.E.L.I.E.V.E. … and you will find it.

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  3. I love that saying then. We do have to find what we need in our selves, rather than rely on outside influences to do that for us. Only one of those is Zen.

    And I need to get me some good bourbon, just talking about it has me a tad thirsty. All I have on hand is what is left of a quart of some the smoothest moonshine I have ever tasted. It will do for now… but x-mas is right around the corner.

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  4. One thing that has always bothered me, is how big is heaven. I ask because a dang lot of people think they are going there. At this rate it has to be one of the most crowed places possible. Add all those mansions and they must be zero lots because that many would be wall to wall. Seriously we have already over populated it from just earth, add in all the other possible life in the universe and heave is going to be murder to live in. Maybe I should angle towards hell, sounds like it would be a lot less people and more of the people there will really know how to party. Plus from what I have heard all the people having non missionary heterosexual sex including other kinds of sex in all its glories are going to hell. That is my kind of party place. That’s it, where to I make a reservation. Is there a waiting list? Is luggage an extra fee. Who is pricing this trip anyway? A soul? What the is the exchange rate on a soul? Does it matter if it is slightly used, a bit dented, got keyed in a parking lot? Can I get more for it if I get a new paint job and a wax on it? I need a better travel agent. Hugs

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    • Now that’s the kind of questions we need answers to dammit!. I’m with you, by now the place ought to be getting pretty crowded as all of the x-ians are going there. I can’t imagine how heavenly a heaven would be if there is standing room only. And where the hell is the bathroom?

      I have always preferred the thought of hell myself, being around a bunch of smug ass asskissing x-ians would get old quick. I’d much rather “laugh with the sinners, than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun.” Billy Joel “Only the Good Die Young”

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  5. Go up the north pole, take a left, then a right to the south, the head east, walk for 50km then head west, continue westward till kingdom come, you will be in heaven

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  6. Belinda Carlisle answered this question some time ago. Enjoy the 80s hair! 🙂

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    • Yikes! I remember that song, I’m a bit disappointed though cuz “a place on earth” is rather vague. 😉

      Anyone up for a trip to the Noth Pole? I have a good lead from Mak /grin. Even if I can’t get in I’d like to verify its existence.

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      • Well you might find heaven up at the North Pole, but it’s cold as hell. Also isn’t it interesting that hell is used in many similes that are exactly opposite to each other. It’s dry as hell, it’s humid as hell, it’s hot as hell, it’s cold as hell…lol

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        • A very interesting observation with your hells there, I never gave that much thought, now you went and made me think about it 🙂

          Yes it’s cold, but someone has to do this 😉 C’mon Swarn grab yer long johns and a good jacket, let’s go find heaven at the North Pole. I’m sure Mak wouldn’t give me bogus directions. Right Mak?

          You know all sorts of people make buku bucks, after being resuscitated from sure death, when they tell tales of heaven afterword. Imagine what a big deal it would be to actually find it! I smell a book deal, maybe a movie 😉

          Liked by 3 people

          • LOL…I’m certainly not afraid of the cold as a Canadian. Alright I’m in. But I won’t do it with a huskies pulling a sleigh!

            However I can find warmer ways to pass out from exhaustion and claim I went to the other side. lol

            Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m a bit disappointed that no one seems to know where heaven is. Heaven exists? Of course it exists, filled with angels, eternal souls, and God(s). Where? Between the ears of deluded humans who believe they have an appointment with eternity. GROG


  8. Those directions up there lead straight to heaven, via the narrow road. There is a shortcut that goes through hell, via the wide road, then you turn left

    Liked by 1 person

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