"I am not ___ enough to ___."

Perhaps the most common sentences I hear in sessions with people are constructed like the above one. You can fill in the blanks with endlessly different words or phrases ("I am not good enough to be successful." "I am not attractive enough to find love." "I am not secure, strong, trusting, confident enough to leave my dysfunctional relationship or the job that I hate, or to love my body as it is.").

I have written often on this blog about character structures, and the injuries and defenses that lead to their creation by the immature ego of the little child. I have also written extensively about the essential self-work needed to dismantle the character structures in order to head towards a life of self-actualization. Well, today, for those who are ready, I'd like to offer an exercise that can assist greatly in the process of dismantling the ego's grip on our lives. It will sound simple and straightforward, but it will be a challenge.


Okay. From now on, remove the pronoun "I" from any negative statement about yourself and your life, and replace it either with "my ego" or "the child in me."

So, "I am not attractive enough to find love" becomes... "My ego says I'm not attractive enough to find love." "I am not secure enough to love my body as it is" becomes... "The child in me is not secure enough to love my body as it is." And so on.

Try it. You will discover how powerful this simple exercise is in revealing how identified with your ego you are, how often when you say "I" you are actually speaking the words, statements and beliefs of the ego. And specifically what, you may wonder, is the problem with such an identification? Well, a great deal, actually.

You see, the ego did have an original purpose in the developing child's psychology. That purpose was to observe events and experiences and store them in memory, very useful if you don't want to keep getting burned over and over from touching a hot stove to discover once again that it's not a desirable action.

However, what went awry living in the environments we did as little children, chronically getting wounded emotionally and psychologically by our un-self-actualized parents, relatives, teachers, etc., is that we turned to our ego to protect us emotionally:

"Maybe if my ego helps prevent me from burning my hand over and over, it could help me figure out how to get mommy to not be angry at me, or how to get daddy to pay attention to me."

The above is a logical leap for that desperate little child, but an erroneous one. You see, the ego is designed to be the periscope on the submarine, but it is not the submarine itself, nor even the captain. Operating from a primary false assumption that all little children make - that the painful effects of the parents' lack of self-actualization could somehow be manipulated or avoided by the actions of child's ego - the child assigns the ego the impossible task of providing for its security and well-being.

The ego, in turn, does its best to take on the job, but its resources are inadequate to the task. What the ego comes up with as solutions are the very things that hinder our fulfillment as adults, because the ego's main efforts are directed at keeping the true self of the child hidden behind a false self (mask). In fact, for this defensive maneuver to have its effect fully, it becomes compulsory to believe that we in fact are our ego and its various masks. This false solution ultimately interferes with the real solution that nature and life provides for the child - growing up!

So, folks, try this exercise. It's much more than a word game or semantics. It's a way to aid the self-work you are hopefully doing to detach yourself from your ego and become your fullest, truest adult self, who is of course going about the business of becoming conscious of itself as your Higher Self, and ultimately, All That Is, your one true identity.


I read an blog post a while ago entitled, "The One Quality We Often Mistake For Weakness Can Actually Make You Stronger," which extolls the virtues of being "vulnerable." Citing examples from President Obama to the Dalai Lama, the piece gives examples of the strength that comes from being vulnerable. The post refers to a book, "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead," by Brene Brown.

While I essentially support what the post and book are trying to say, the language of the authors demonstrates a very common error which I would like to address here.

"I feel too vulnerable when..."

How often I hear individuals begin a sentence like that. Usually, the person in question who is perceiving themselves as "vulnerable" is talking about being "open" in some situation that is revealing of their inner life to another. But this common connection in one's mind between openness and vulnerability is erroneous. 

You are not vulnerable when you're open.

The definition of "vulnerable" in most dictionaries is: "susceptible to physical or emotional harm." Okay. That's pretty straightforward. So, when are we the most susceptible to harm in those ways? Well, in two situations, mainly: 1. when we are without an option for avoiding danger; and 2. when we are truly dependent on another person or persons who may choose to do us harm. And when are we most likely to be in such situations? Well, unless you are literally a hostage in a terrorist takeover, or a prisoner of war or in jail, the most prevalent time human beings are actually vulnerable to harm is - you guessed it - in childhood!

That's right. In childhood, especially early childhood, we are essentially hostages to our parents and caretakers, without options to avoid the slings and arrows of our environment. And we are utterly and completely dependent on those others for our well-being, even for our very existence. Whatever the vicissitudes of our parents' mental and emotional health, or lack thereof, we, as children, cannot protect ourselves or remove ourselves from harm's way. We can't stop adults from hurting us, nor can we trade in one set of adults for another. In other words... we are vulnerable. Truly.

Now, here's where the confusion comes in and how the erroneous connection gets made.

As children, as newly minted human beings, we are naturally open, physically, mentally and emotionally. We feel everything fully when we're first born, and to some degree, we stay that way throughout the very early years of life. However, because of the undeveloped, un-self-actualized aspects of humanity, we are injured by our environment. Our parents and caretakers hurt us. Yet, we cannot stop them, nor can we leave them.

So what do we do? We begin to shut down, distort, and/or disconnect parts of ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally in order not to feel the pain so acutely. We form a character structure, and initially, it actually does seem to mitigate the pain, which seems to validate the conclusion that open is vulnerable, and closed is safe.

See, we can't understand truly when we're little that we're little. We can't really picture that one day, we'll be adults ourselves, and have the choices adults have. In other words, we can't understand that it's being little that makes us vulnerable, not being open that makes us vulnerable. And so, stuck in the confines of our character structures as time passes, we miss the fact that nature provides the solution to the problem of vulnerability in childhood - we grow up!

In adulthood, we can realize that protecting ourselves emotionally with the armor of character defenses is very inefficient and inhibiting, and most importantly, no longer necessary. Wearing that suit of armor doesn't make for the easy enjoyment of a sunny day, let alone for making love. On the other hand, being fully open to our inner lives, which frees up the mind and body, gives us the energy and flexibility to creatively express ourselves, enjoy life and, if need be, avoid situations that would do us harm, which mainly means not engaging with negativity. Thus, in this realization, we can engage in a healing process, in an holistic self-work process, that can dismantle the armor and allow us to be ourselves fully.

So, let go of the false belief that when you love and reveal yourself to another, you are vulnerable. And Brene, forgive me for suggesting a slight change to the title of your book, but "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be OPEN Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead" would work better for me.


More and more people, that I've had the joy and privilege of serving as guide and facilitator for over recent years, have reached the 4th and 5th "Stages of Healing" (Follow this link, or read Chapter 3, Part 2 in the FPL book for more info).

Because of the realignment taking place in their inner lives, their outer lives are becoming more overtly synchronistic and balanced, and their manifestation capacities are becoming more conscious and immediate. They are organically using the Law of Attraction to enhance their human experience. They are lifting the veil to 4th, and eventually, 5th dimensions consciousness.

It is a wonder to behold!

This is from "The Book of Freedom," channeled by Paul Selig:

"You have designed a life in accordance with a blueprint of the True Self, which simply means that the True Self is creating for you. You are no longer the magician trying to bring something into being. You are no longer the one who must make decisions from a list of possibilities that you have created or inherited.
"Each one of you comes to this expression with a design. The bodies you are in, the energetic fields you hold, are in fact the design that is now being re-created in accordance with the Divine Self.
The vibration of the Divine Self, who has come to be known by the name I Am, assumes your body and the vehicle of expression, which is, in fact, the will. The will, you must understand, must be assumed in totality and in agreement with the Divine for alchemy to truly occur. This does not mean you don’t make choices, but how the choices are made are so much simpler because the knowing that you now possess aligns you to what you require.
"So the battles over ideas, the shoulds and the woulds, will be gone as this is done because you have no need for them."


            Everything gets better as we get older. That’s right. The natural trajectory of a human lifetime for a self-actualizing individual is like an upward spiral, from density to light. And while the depths of density, which is the unique experience of being physical on Planet Earth in 3rd dimensional consciousness, while that journey into limitation can be an exciting game, the crowning glory of the trip is the arrival back home to the lightness of our true being.

Like all of it, the experience of sex moves through the same passages from the highly focused intensity and dense physicality of adolescence and young adulthood to the glorious and soul-quenching adventures of mature sexual expression. Infused with uninhibited Eros and deep love and heart connection, sex in the later years of a human lifetime can literally bring you to tears from the sheer joy and pleasure as your crown chakra blows open with orgasms that are akin to giving birth. That sex later in life requires more time and care and attention to nuance and ambiance isn’t a sign of deterioration any more than the time and care that goes into producing a fine wine or writing a sonata is. As we grow, quality naturally replaces quantity as the prime directive.

It is only due to a lifetime of conditioning by social idealization of youth and fear of the illusion of death that we are led to believe that the golden years represent loss rather than the natural reaping of rewards for becoming conscious once again of who we truly are. These are the years to decant that wine, and play that completed masterpiece called a life.

For even more, check out these posts HERE!


I can't count the number of people I've seen for couples counseling over the years. Struggles in relationships are among of the most frequent of reasons people seek out therapy. How one measures "success" in a course of therapy with a couple is a matter for debate in my profession, I suppose, but if the yardstick is whether or not the couple holds their relationship together instead of splitting up, then I am an abject failure. I would have to guess that somewhere around 75 to 80 percent of the couples I see for therapy end up separating. One of my colleagues calls me "The Separator."

Indeed, when I first see a new couple in treatment, one of my first ground rules is that it must be understood that we are not engaging in a process to "save the relationship." I explain that we are going to use the arena of the relationship to increase the self awareness and understanding of each individual, and then, see where that leads. Interestingly enough, very few people are really thrown by that at first, because by the time a couple arrives to therapy, the relationship has gotten so congested with anger, pain and resentment that "saving it" is not really what they're desiring (even though they will need help admitting that).

But, what causes relationships to end? Well, first let's eliminate the word "fail" here as meaning ending, and redefine it this way: a relationship is "failing" when either the Eros has died and the couple is refusing to admit it, or the flame of Eros is still alive and the partners in question are not doing what it takes to fan the flame so it can grow higher. These are two very different situations and a necessary part of self-work within a relationship is to clarify the problem.

In my favorite Pathwork Guide lecture - "The Forces of Love, Eros and Sex" - the Guide, channeled through Eva Broch, says this:

"Eros lifts the soul out of sluggishness, out of mere contentment and vegetation. It causes the soul to surge, to go out of itself. When this force comes upon even the most undeveloped people they become able to surpass themselves. Eros gives the soul a foretaste of unity and teaches the fearful psyche the longing for it. The more strongly one has experienced Eros, the less contentment will the soul find in the pseudo-security of separateness. How then is Eros different from love? Love is a permanent state in the soul. Love does not come and go at random; Eros does. Eros hits with sudden force, often taking a person unaware and even making them unwilling to go through the experience."

Yes. Many of us have had a taste of that, some of us more than a few times. The Guide calls it "Eros," most of us refer to it as being "in love." I often refer to it as the "Free Pass" from the Universe that gives us a taste of how great existence can be in physical form. But if as the Guide says, Eros can "come and go," then how can we get to "keep it" in the context of one relationship?

Well, the first part of the answer to that is kind of Zen, like Sting's lyric: "If you love somebody, set them free."

Mark Epstein, my favorite Buddhist psychotherapist, in his fantastic book, "GOING TO PIECES WITHOUT FALLING APART," says it this way:

"Clinging is as much of a problem in lovemaking as in the rest of life. In order for sexual relations to be deeply satisfying, there must be a yielding of this clinging in a manner that actually affirms the unknowability and separateness of the loved partner. It is the peculiar convergence of awe and appreciation with pleasure and release that characterizes the best sexual experiences. Separate and together cease to be mutually exclusive and instead become reciprocally enhancing and mutually informative. There is wisdom in this state, not just raw instinct."

So, Part One of how to keep Eros, like anything else you want to "keep," is to let it go. (I know. I know. Keep trying to wrap your head around it. It will come to you.)

Part Two is to try and penetrate that "unknowability" that Epstein refers to, and simultaneously allow your own hidden self to be penetrated, even though you will never be completely successful.

Here's the Guide again:

"Eros strengthens the curiosity to know the other being. As long as there is something new to find in the other soul and as long as you reveal yourself, Eros will live. The moment you believe you have found all there is to find, and have revealed all there is to reveal, Eros will leave. It is as simple as that with Eros. But where your great error comes in is that you believe there is a limit to the revealing of any soul, yours or another's. When a certain point of usually quite superficial revelation is reached, you are under the impression that this is all there is, and you settle down to a placid life without further searching."

Okay, to summarize - the way to keep Eros alive is to first, not cling or grip onto it, or onto the person who is the object of your desire, and second, to simultaneously seek to know that person at greater and greater depths while revealing yourself in the same way. Now, let's be honest - this is rarely done in most relationsihps, mainly because it requires very intensive and persistent self-examination and staying connected to the full range of feelings, including pain and sadness. Many more couples would rather either settle into a "comfortable" relationship without any passion, or have serial experiences with a lot of partners to get that initial rush when Eros provides its universal "Free Pass."

However, on those rare occasions when the "whatever-it-takes" effort is made, the result is a soaring, sublime experience of the depths of love and pleasure and soulfulness that is nothing less than the first and main reason we all became human. And know this, if you achieve such a state at any point in your lifetime, you won't care when it is or how old you are. You won't look back and regret that you didn't find such joy when you were younger. You'll be way too busy being happy and satisfied for regrets.

Now, can it all still end, even if you make all of the above efforts? Well, again the answer is a Zen "yes" and "no." Sometimes people come together for a particular soul purpose, to accomplish something together - like bringing a child into the world, or to work on a developmental task - like overcoming one's repetition compulsions from childhood up to a point. In such a case, the Eros that may have brought said couple together will come to the natural end of its lifespan between those two people. They will fall out of love. Not coincidentally, in such a situation, the couple will lose their motivation to continue the intensive, in-depth revelation process with their mate. So, couples counseling also comes to an end.

Which brings us to another subject for another day - how to end things. So much is damaged and lost during endings because we're so "bad" at them, and fear them so much, when in fact, a healthy ending can be the very crowning glory of a relationship when all of the love that was there and all that was accomplished can be integrated and made permanent in the psyche.

But again, that's a talk for another day.


Ahhh... rejection. So many live in fear of it, do almost anything to avoid facing it, often to a point where many prospective artists (or lovers for that matter) decide not to even put their creative work or their hearts out there. Yet, as the examples below demonstrate, rejection is at worst an illusion, at best a "sifting" process.


Yes, if you understand that the "rejection" of passion-inspired art or passion-inspired love can only be experienced as such if you define it that way. Rejections always include beliefs, "formulas for success," calculations about "what will sell," measurements of one's "worthiness," etc., instead of just a loving focus on the simple but powerful desire and joy of offering one's gifts to another or to the world. In that latter framework, "pitching" or "auditioning," then, becomes more like looking for the right home, the right chemistry with another for your work or love.

Here's a short list of rejections received by some names you might recognize:

To Dr. Seuss:
"too different from other juveniles on the market to warrant its selling."

Here's a rejection letter for THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANK:

"Jonathan Livingston Seagull will never make it as a paperback." From the publisher of a magazine refusing an offer to bid on the paperback rights to Richard Bach's best selling novel. Avon Books eventually bought those rights and sales totaled more than 7.25 million copies.

H.G. Wells had to endure the indignity of a rejection when he submitted his manuscript, "The War of the Worlds" that said, "An endless nightmare. I do not believe it would "take"...I think the verdict would be 'Oh don't read that horrid book'." And when he tried to market "The Time Machine," it was said, "It is not interesting enough for the general reader and not thorough enough for the scientific reader."

Jacqueline Susann's "Valley of the Dolls" received this response, "...she is a painfully dull, inept, clumsy, undisciplined, rambling and thoroughly amateurish writer whose every sentence, paragraph and scene cries for the hand of a pro. She wastes endless pages on utter trivia, writes wide-eyed romantic scenes ...hauls out every terrible show biz cliché in all the books, lets every good scene fall apart in endless talk and allows her book to ramble aimlessly ..."

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" --David Sarnoff's Associates in rejecting a proposal for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible." -- A YALE UNIVERSITY professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" --H.M. Warner (Warner Brothers) before rejecting proposal for movies with sound in 1927.

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." --Gary Cooper on his decision to reject the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."-- Rejection letter to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.


"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." --Ken Olsen, pres., chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 (I owe this quote to Yasemin Urkmez).

"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training." --Rejection letter to Arthur Jones, who invented the Nautilus Fitness Machine.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981, rejecting proposal for larger computer memory.




"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." --Marshall Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.


"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." --The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall in rejecting a book on data processing, 1957.

"I do not believe the introduction of motor-cars will ever affect the riding of horses" -- Mr Scott-Montague, MP, in 1903 in the United Kingdom 

"I do not think it would be practicable to introduce pedestrian crossings in London" -- Colonel Ashley, MP, Roads Minister in Britain, in 1927 


"So we went o Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" --Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P inetersted in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

"Who the hell wants to copy a document on plain paper???!!!" -- 1940 Rejection Letter to Chester Carlson, inventor of the XEROX machine (Note: In fact, over 20 companies rejected his "useless" idea between 1939 and 1944. Even the National Inventors Council dismissed it. Today, the Rank Xerox Corporation has an annual revenue in the range of one billion dollars.)


Decca Records rejecting The Beatles in 1962, an executive saying: "guitar groups are on the way out" and "the Beatles have no future in show business."


You get that?



THIS was in the news this week:



This is from one of my posts on the subject:



Julia Moulden, in a piece entitled,  "



Thanks, Jack!


The Declaration of Independence, even given the 3D limitations of the men who wrote and signed it, was a great document. I use phrases from it in my book, "FULL PERMISSION LIVING: The Journey from 3rd to 5th Dimensional Consciousness," in my blog's tag line, albeit with my own added twist: "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness... through Self-Actualization!" and in my FPL radio podcasts, also embellished with a 5th Dimensional twist: "We hold these truths to be self-evident... that we create our own reality, we are all one and love is the essence of All That Is!"

Below is a repost of an FPL 4th of July "classic" - 


How about celebrating independence on Independence Day, and, you know, "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?" We aren't a colony of Great Britain's anymore, or of any other country for that matter, so what do we actually need to become independent of in present time?

How about illusion? Yes, illusion. And while we're at it, how about declaring our freedom from beliefs? From dogma? And from the repetitive, rote behaviors our illusions lead to? How about setting off the real fireworks of Reality?

Everything we suffer from is the result of an illusion. Money problems, relationship issues, a less than vibrant sex-life, the stifled expression of creativity... all are a function of holding onto to that which isn't rooted in reality. Quite frankly, it's crazy!

The laws of reality are so simple, so straightforward, so all-encompassing, you'd think everyone would be living accordingly. Soon, we will be. But it hasn't always been so. You see, on the old 3D version of planet earth, we were experimenting with letting our egos rule our experience of reality. Yes, our egos, that little part of our mind was only supposed to be a temporary stand-in for a brief time in early childhood, when fantasy was a way of adapting to untenable situations, until our Higher Self mind could be integrated and grounded into our personalities and lead the way out of the wilderness of childhood. But then, out of fear, confusion, laziness, we allowed our egos to stay in charge and become the ongoing dictators of our paths. Well, then, the lives that so many were leading were perfect examples of what the ego at its best could create - limitation, drama and fear.

On the other hand, on 5D Earth, as we align with our Higher Selves, and the simple laws of the Universe - we create our reality; we are all one; love is the essence of All That Is; and everything is in a continuous state of change - life is becoming much more like surfing. (Yes, I'm going to the beach shortly after writing this!) Instead of trying to constantly control and predict events, we are simply learning to stay balanced while the wave of our Higher Selves carried us to our first, best destiny.

On this Independence Day, then, why not celebrate your independence from illusion and wake up to the freedom of living in reality. It's not just about flags or fireworks or hot dogs (although Wes' "adult hot dogs" at the Seaview Market are something to celebrate!). It's about freedom.

Read the Declaration of Independence today. It's a remarkable document. It's about "Self-Evident Truths."

Self-Evident Truths.


"Terminal Lucidity" - A common phenomenon known to medical professionals tending to the terminally ill in which, just before death, there is a surprising surge of energy. Doctors caution family members that this surge is not a sign of strength or remission, but rather a sign that death is near. It is the proverbial "last gasp."
Consciousness-wise, this is what we are witnessing collectively right now - the death throes of 3D and its low vibrations of separation and limitation, fear and hate, and even duality itself. Just like with the end of any illness, the final clearing is often the most messy, but it is nonetheless a precursor to better days. Take heart!


Have you noticed that some people can seem very sure of themselves even though they are predominantly living in a state of unreality in many areas, while some people seem to judge themselves for feeling confused about things, when in fact they are much closer to the truth than the falsely confident are. One cannot skip steps to arrive at genuine clarity, and one cannot get there simply by acting sure of oneself.

One way that I’ve conceptualized the process of personal evolution has been as a kind of three-part journey from false clarity to genuine confusion to genuine clarity.

Initially, when someone first arrives to a place where they're ready to take the step of engaging in a full-spectrum self-work process, they are in a state that I’ve found myself thinking of as "false clarity." This is a frame of mind in which one’s personal belief systems are so firmly in place and embedded so far down in the subconscious mind that the person feels certain of their validity, rarely questioning them. From this place, people will frequently start sentences out with "I believe…"

"I believe that I can't only get what I want through the manipulation of myself and others."
"I believe that if I am honest and assert myself directly, no one will like me."
"I believe that if I acted strictly according to my desires, I’d be out of control."
"I believe it’s impossible for Eros and passion to last in a relationship."
"I believe that if I want something done right, I have to do it myself, because no one will ever be there for me."
"I believe that to truly give to others means to sacrifice something of what I want."

And so on…ad infinitum. There are many, many such axioms or beliefs with variations and derivatives aplenty. (In my class on beliefs, and in each of the character structure classes, I present a more extensive list of some of the more common beliefs that we run our lives by.)

Since these beliefs are not doubted for the most part, the person initially coming for therapy is seeking ways to better cope with what are accepted as the harsh “realities" of their life. Much energy has been invested in trying to find better and better ways of manipulating the self and other people to "get what I want". To that end, a person will develop what some theorists have referred to as "masks" ("personas", according to Carl Jung), or false selves, constructed to present to the world in order to gain sought after praise, recognition, validation or other substitutes for what they truly need: unconditional self-love. Indeed, many come to therapy looking to polish up their masks so they might "work better", and are surprised to find out that a key part of the actual self work is, in fact, to expose and "take off" the masks.

One of the first endeavors in a person’s unfolding process, then, is to begin uncovering the embedded beliefs behind the masks, and challenging their validity, thereby confronting the false clarity they offer as a substitute for real knowingness and security. It is not easy. Indeed, if you believe something so thoroughly, you will invite, create or only be able to see that very thing in your life most of the time, so its reality will seem absolute. And, if you have been so invested for so long in a particular method of trying to attain a modicum of happiness, you will not readily forgo it. To face that a strategy that you have been devoting much of your life force to is actually faulty is a heartbreaking proposition.

Let’s consider a common scenario. A person may come to therapy because they have had a series of love relationships in which they’ve found themselves feeling emotionally deprived. In spite of tireless efforts to be agreeable, accommodating and self-sacrificing, they were just "not getting enough" - attention, sex, support, appreciation or affection from their partner. This person feels so defeated and frustrated because while they believe that there really isn’t enough love in the world to go around, they are sure that the way to get what is available is by being…agreeable, accommodating and self-sacrificing! What they are in denial of is the fact that their accommodating, etc., behavior is part of a mask, attempting to hide a very demanding and childish attitude towards their loved one based on a buried belief in deprivation. The partner being bombarded with these masked demands will often withdraw and indeed be less inclined to "give" affection, etc. This then seems to validate the underlying belief that "there is not enough." So therefore, one must manipulate even more, all the while building up a stockpile of resentment. On and on, in a self-fulfilling, vicious cycle that Eva Broch referred to in one of her Pathwork Guide Lectures as a "circular trap." The failure of the manipulations to get more of what is wanted is often what brings the person to therapy, seeking to find out what they’re doing "wrong", why the mask they’re sure is based in reality is not having its designed effect.

This is life in a state of false clarity. Sure you’re right, sure you know how life works, but inexplicably unhappy, which, if the beliefs are seen as clearly right, can only lead the person to the conclusion that they are "failing" - meaning manipulating inadequately.

So, where can one go from there, from this place where the self is so rigidly defined according to firmly held beliefs that only lead to frustration and a sense of inadequacy? When blocked feelings are released through an integrated mind-body-spirit psychotherapy, the embedded beliefs start appearing in higher relief. This is because the beliefs were previously being used to justify keeping emotions trapped in the body. As the emotional channels are opened, the old beliefs become subject to challenge and dismantling. People find themselves at that point without the familiar, stereotypical ways of viewing the world, themselves and others. They feel somewhat lost at first, anxiously free-floating for a while and they will experience a shift in their "I am" completion to the more immediate feeling expressions. "I am…feeling lost now. I don’t know how to act. What can I count on? Where can I find security?" Meaning, without the illusions created by projecting static images into the future, what can they count on for predictability? Again, the reason they are in therapy in the first place is because they realize that their lives have never successfully followed their projections anyway, and the fulfillment promised by the illusions always seemed to remain unattainable or just out of reach. Now, they are starting to realize that they didn’t know what they thought they knew. Now, they are in a state of "genuine confusion!" At this moment, I usually congratulate patients! It is here, at the "I don’t know who I am" place, that true wisdom begins.

What keeps people going at this stage, fortunately, is that despite the confusion, they feel better, and often, in spite of an apparent lack of direction, their outer lives frequently are improving. For one person, it may be physical health that improves, for another financial abundance arrives, or work-life becomes more creative. For still others, they break through a relationship barrier. Yet, for all, it is really the new inner feeling of self-possession and inner connectedness that provides motivation.

At this stage of the process, the person in the above example has uncovered a belief in deprivation and scarcity of love that’s been embedded in the subconscious mind since very early in childhood, based on a less-than-fully-gratifying relationship with a parent. The feelings stored in the body since that time, the hurt and rage, have also now been energized through the therapy and partially released at this stage as well. The origins of the person’s masks are getting uncovered and seen as primitive attempts by the child to "get more" from a parent - with poor results, of course. It is now becoming understood that the world of love has been viewed through this tainted lens for the last two, three, four or more decades, since infancy usually. It is experienced as a revelation to consider that one could be fully gratified in an adult relationship, could give and receive all of the love that one is capable of without having to do anything to "get it". It is also startling to realize that one has discounted or ignored the possibilities for greater love because to see that would have run counter to the "absolutely certain" beliefs that they were holding onto. This is a point at which the resistance to being "wrong" about one’s strategy for living gets confronted. It is painful. One is faced with the fact that all of the feelings of failure and frustration, and of course, self-hate, were not based on reality at all, but on an erroneous conclusion about life which originated in early childhood. Great courage is required by the person to forge on here.

If one does indeed forge ahead, what is the next step on the journey?

When the deep primal feelings have been to a great extent released, and the core negative beliefs very much unveiled, the person comes to a new place of overall inner security and openness that provides both confidence to trust what one knows in the moment, and simultaneously, flexibility to re-evaluate one’s "knowledge" and change when called to do so. This is "genuine clarity."

The person knows how they feel in the moment, and is aware of their immediate inner thought processes as well. Judgmental attitudes about emotions and the contents of one’s mind are not held onto. A person at this stage follows their instincts in major decisions without a lot of second-guessing or rigidly gripping to projections and anticipated outcomes. When one is in a state of genuine clarity, the truth of matters is no longer mainly sought through deductive reasoning, but rather through inner resonance with the truth, and actions are decided upon by trusting "gut feelings." The person at this stage knows that whatever transpires, they will be open and flexible enough to creatively move with the events. Mistakes and temporary obstacles are accepted as information, not measured against images of perfection or rigid beliefs about success or failure. One can experience the "joy of being wrong" in this state, that is the freedom from needing to come up with the "right" strategies, free from worrying about "blowing it" when making decisions, etc.

In our example, the person who once believed in deprivation now knows through experience that life is abundant with opportunities to exchange love and pleasure with another and that the only "efforts" one must make to that end are to keep the emotional channels in oneself clear. Gratifying experiences have begun to come to this person, now in genuine clarity, without manipulation, indeed, without even "wanting" them in the old way at all. "Good things" seem to just arrive as a by-product of being more genuinely oneself. The person understands, too, that we all act like magnets for experiences in life, and that we will attract whatever we are "charged up" with. If it is joy and love that we are energized with, we will attract joy and love. If it is hostility, likewise that is what we will attract. So, unpleasurable events are dealt with by going within to examine one’s inner state. The person is also clear now that one’s attitude towards oneself is one’s attitude toward others. (I believe that a common misunderstanding of "Love thy neighbor as thyself" is corrected intuitively by the person in this place. Most people think this expression means you should love your neighbor as much as you love yourself, as if it were a rule for behavior. In fact, I believe it means that you will love your neighbor to the degree that you love yourself.)

The person who has achieved genuine clarity will also feel it in their body when they are in truth. No other "proof" will be needed to determine the "rightness" for them of courses of action. This person will explain, "I have to do this or that because it just feels right." They will also say about their actions, "To do otherwise would be not being my-self."







"Miracles are the result of nature unimpeded."

Get that? Reread it:

"Miracles are the result of nature unimpeded."



Clear - Intend - Let go - Follow-up.



Here's Baggar:


Thanks, BV!


Take any negative statement - about yourself, about love, relationships, finances, your body, about any aspect of life - and put those three words - "It feels like..." in front of the statement, and you will change your life for the better.

Sound too simple? Ah. Try saying: "It feels like it sounds too simple."

"I can't get my financial life together," you say? Try saying: "It feels like can't get my financial life together."

"I don't know how to let go in sex." Change to: "It feels like I don't know how to let go in sex."

Make up your own and try it out.

You see, our outer experiences and circumstances follow the dictates of our inner statements to ourselves. When we make declarative statements like, "I can't stop smoking," for example, the Universe around us, which is one, big creation factory, just responds by saying "Okay! You can't stop smoking!" This is commonly known as the "self-fulling prophecy" syndrome. And the Universe is completely neutral about what you create. You can keep on creating the same painful experiences over and over until you're done with your declarations of your right to suffer.

But when you add "It feels like..." in front of a negative statement, you're acknowledging that it's a subjective, emotional perception or judgment that you're making, and so you won't activate the creative process.

Does this feel like it's too easy, too good to be true? Well, check it out and let me know the results of your own personal experiment.


This is from Joya Pope's book, "UPCOMING CHANGES," a book that I discovered, not coincidentally, exactly when I was trying to understand what makes people different from one another, even when many of their circumstances and backgrounds seem the same. Discovering the "soul age" concept was part of a significant shift in my life. If you are reading this, perhaps it will be for you, too.

Meanwhile, below is a lengthy excerpt from the description of the "Old Soul." Is this you?

Check it out:

"While Old Souls do not tend to grow into their full soul perceptivity until about age thirty-five or so, they will, even before then, be accused of stepping to the beat of a different drummer. They are unusual - two steps away from the norm - in this Young Soul culture. Because they are inclined to individualistically follow their inner perceptions and desires, they may be seen as eccentric, though usually harmlessly so.

"While there is great motivation for spiritual growth, motivation tends to be lacking when it comes to developing political or material punch. Seldom doing anything they don't want to and preferring their own unconventional pursuits, they often seek the path of least resistance as far as work, so that all energy can be poured into spiritual development. The Old Soul's essence may be willing to let him or her be dirt poor for the duration of many lifetimes as long as one is gaining the desired spiritual and philosophic lessons. Sometimes an essence actually interferes with a person gaining money when it's clear that riches would distract attention from the real inner work. Remember, you are your essence while you are astral; it is you who decides not to give yourself the wealthy Young Soul parents or the drive and ambition to go out and get powerfully rich.

"Because of the essence's richness gathered over many lifetimes, Old Souls tend to be extremely competent in a wide range of things - which often aren't pursued! They will try to find work that supports their personal growth: counseling, teaching, bodywork, gardening and carpentry being some favorites.

"Many are magnetized by philosophy and art. If higher education proves necessary in order to teach, less orthodox schools allowing more opportunities for inner exploration will be favored.

"A fancy house or car, or impressive clothes and jewelry aren't often too high on an Old Soul's real priority list. Neither is a nine-to-five job. Plain laziness on the physical plane sometimes creates difficulty paying the bills, but the material game just isn't what it used to be. However, Old Souls do have one advantage with the material world: as they begin to seek, understand and use the laws of the physical universe, goals can be attained with less effort. Thus, there is an outer, as well as an inner draw to understand the universal laws distilled in astrology, metaphysics, tarot and other ancient teachings.

"Old Souls may explore many religions and teachings, being most drawn to those emphasizing love and to those they've resonated with closely in past lives."

For MLK!

This is an excerpt from a post of mine from 12 years ago, posted during the presidential campaign that led to the election of Barack Obama. I am reposting it today to honor Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. on his birthday this year:

Lately, I am struck by how much hatred has begun to infuse our public discourse around the presidential campaign, and in particular, how much hatred is being directed at the least hateful candidate, Barack Obama. Spewing so much less vitriol than either Hillary Clinton or John McCain, Obama is spreading a message of unity and hope, and yet to watch the two other candidates and the far right pundits and talking heads, you'd think he was the devil incarnate.

Why do they fear him, and therefore hate him, so much? Is there something so insidious about Mr. Obama that I am somehow missing, even after thirty years of studying the nature of human beings as a psychotherapist and sociologist? Is Barack Obama really the Antichrist? Or could it be that perhaps those individuals who hate him have become so fearful of facing how separated they've become from their own best potential, so unable to inspire anything but negativity, anger and despair in others, and so removed from their genuine capacity to love, except abstractly of course, like loving the flag or the cross or the "troops," that they must seek to denigrate and destroy anyone who puts forth a message that is positive and loving?

We've been here before haven't we? Martin Luther King, the Kennedy's, Ghandi, and of course, Jesus himself, all messengers of hope and unity, all brutally murdered for delivering that message.


I can't predict what will happen in the public square as this election year progresses. As a species, the human race seems to barely be in its adolescence developmentally, and we know how that goes so often.

Maybe these more optimistic words by MLK can offer us some solace:



THIS is a post from 11 years ago - 

Okay, now get this: The American Psychiatric Association has never officially recognized extreme racism as a mental health problem, although the issue was raised more than 30 years ago. After several racist killings in the civil rights era, a group of black psychiatrists sought to have extreme bigotry classified as a mental disorder. The association's officials rejected the recommendation, arguing that because so many Americans are racist, even extreme racism in this country is "normative" — a "cultural problem" rather than an indication of psychopathology. 
The psychiatric profession's primary index for diagnosing psychiatric symptoms, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), does not include racism, prejudice, or bigotry in its text or index. Therefore, there is currently no support for including extreme racism under any diagnostic category. This leads psychiatrists to think that it cannot and should not be treated in their patients in therapy. How do I say this? 
Could anyone who scapegoats a whole group of people and seeks to eliminate them to resolve his or her internal conflicts NOT meet the criteria for a major paranoid delusional disorder? Are you kidding me?! Am I ever going to be able to stop asking... 
"HOW STUPID ARE WE?!" If we don't start treating extreme racism, greed, homophobia, xenophobia and religious fanaticism as psychiatric disorders, we will never be rid of them. A "cultural problem" is figuring out and debating whether or not we want to watch sex and violence on public TV or celebrate Christmas as a national holiday or if Jon Stewart's "Daily Show" is more relevant than CNN for getting the real news. But hating someone you don't know because of their skin color or sexual orientation or nationality, or stealing a person's pension so you could have a $50,000 ice sculpture at your daughter's sweet sixteen party, or believing that an all-knowing creator God could truly love only your particular sect of believers is... right - 
Say it!


Last Christmas, I wrote a post spinning off an article in the Health section of the Huffington Post entitled: "Why Christmas Is So Deadly." The piece attempted to explain why thousands more people die of sudden cardiac arrest on Christmas, a fact that I became aware of many Christmases ago when a friend's father died suddenly on Christmas Eve and a cop on the scene mentioned that there is a big spike of such deaths on Christmas every year, mostly from heart attacks.

The Huffpost article sites and rules out excessive eating and stress, but then makes a somewhat convoluted case about health care in the U.S. 

So, what's really happening? What's going on in such a big way at Christmastime that people are keeling over and leaving the planet in such large numbers, and will that be so here in 5D? 

Well, beginning with Thanksgiving and continuing relentlessly until Christmas, we are bombarded with messages about love and closeness with loved ones, peace on Earth, giving, sharing, redemption, compassion and "Joy to the World." And at a spiritual level, we are calling in the main heart-centered spiritual energy on Planet Earth - the Christ. According to some channeled information, that energy is particularly intense now. It is said that the Christ energy "literally expunges from your being frequencies that no longer serve you." (By the way, Jesus' last name wasn't "Christ;" he was "Jesus The Christ," meaning that he embodied that heart chakra energy of unconditional love in a unique way in his time.) 

So, picture all that powerful heart-centered energy rising up in our emotional and physical bodies leading up to Christmas.  What would happen if that energy hits a closed heart? 

CRACK! Literally, a broken heart

It's Christmas, folks. And it's 5D, but if you want to stick around for this "Golden Age," as it's being called, you have to start operating by 5D rules

Check on your heart. How open is it? And if an opportunity presents itself to you today to laugh or cry heartily, take it.

Ho! Ho! Ho!


I have spoken often about the concept of free will, and as in the "Serenity Prayer," what it actually means in the larger scheme of things, where it applies and where it doesn't. I've used the analogy of human beings as swimmers in a powerful river, said river being our Higher Self will, our destiny. One can exercise free will as a human being by swimming against the current, struggling, fighting, ultimately exhausting oneself, or one can turn around, and go with the flow, having a much smoother and faster time time of it on this trip called physical life.

The key point I've made, however, is that someone on the bank of the river would see that whether you're swimming against the current or going with the flow, either way, you're being taken downstream to your destination, which is self-actualization and awakening to the truth of your oneness with All That Is.

We are almost home, folks, almost at our destination, which is to wake up and remember who we are as conscious creators of our reality. We are coming to understand that the conflicts and limitations we've experienced for seemingly so long were just part of a mega-game we created. But now, arriving back home (And it's not necessary anymore to leave physical life to get there.), we can enjoy being human beings in the fullest, most ecstatic ways. That's why we came here in the first place.

Here's an eloquent description of the moment from "Oneness":

There would be no exultation in the discovery of the first tastes of limitlessness, were that experience not preceded by massive doses of the experience of limitation. The journey was designed, by you, to deliver you back to the beginning, but not before you were given every opportunity to experience fully what it was like to have ventured far from home. You embarked on this adventure fully confident that the signposts and maps would be there, at the appropriate moment, to enable you to return safely. For, you placed them there yourself, to await your own rediscovery, after an appropriate amount of time was provided for you to forget, totally, where they were hiding. Since this is your game, you structured it to be challenging and exciting, yet built in safeguards that would insure your safe return. At the deepest level, you know that there is no way you can fail at this. You will not be stranded for all eternity in the illusion of separation because you did not 'get it.' You have seen to that. You have simply programmed sufficient detours and side trips into the itinerary to insure the greatest possible sense of gratification in discovering that you are, at last, heading home. You are heading home whether you consciously subscribe to such ideas in the present time period or not. For the energy that propels you in that direction does not emanate from the limited perspective of your conscious physical identity, but rather, is being directed from a place of greater awareness that knows, like a loving parent, that you have been ‘out there’ long enough.”

Here's the Serenity Prayer with some revisions I've made for my meditation purposes. See if you can spot the changes and why I made them:

"God grants me the serenity to accept the things that my ego and lower self will cannot change; God grants me the courage and mindful intention and Higher Self Will to change the things I can; God grants me the Wisdom in my knowing of myself as Word to know the difference."




blogger templates 3 columns | Make Money Online