October 7th 2020 Wednesday 5:46am

My mind is blank as fuck right now. I was thinking of the peanut butter at work and how no one has filled up containers recently. Even more concerning I haven’t told anyone to fill them up, so it stay empty. I have a favor house Atlantic playing in my head by coheed. I did recently hear the song so it makes sense that it would be on blast but whats up with waking up with songs in your head that you haven’t heard in a real long time. What about the songs you hear in altered states that aren’t even songs yet? At some point I formulated a weak suspicion that during altered states especially sleep an individual like myself that has power to create has their subconscious hacked by an information gathering entity. The stronger suspicion is that supposing that everything is inherently one big möbius strip that connects everything always then that would facilitate the condition for everything to be creating and sharing all information. I think the flaw in my thinking comes from the supposition that my thinking is actually mine. Since if everything is connected then there may be no me to be mine. Suppose that what you perceive as a creation of music, stories, or visions is really just sharing. Everything connected actually means there is no creation nor destruction only our perception and meaning of it. We generally perceive creation as a something from nothing story. Yet we can never be absolutely certain about the existence of nothing. If everything’s connected then nothing is everything. They cancel each other out, neither exist, nothing exists outside everything and everything exists inside nothing. I am basically just playing with words here to see what sound cool and possibly rings true. All of this is subject to criticism and deserves proper argument. That is why I am not claiming to know much of anything about any of this. This is simply a practice to imagine through words and word through imaginations. This is not going to highlight any point or conclusion about everything nothing, I feel like I am simply throwing paint on a canvas, that is all. With that there is still a hope, maybe even an expectation that you will see something in the spattered mess of paint dribblings and it will be acknowledged as genius. So if there were to be anything like a point to all of this today it would be something like, if I throw paint at a canvas and I end up seeing something else, is that an original creation? or is it a sharing of the collective vision of everything? Today I am leaning towards everything, maybe because I feel an odd comfort in removing the individual judgements from myself, he who is called Spencer and calls himself I, me, myself. It’s-a-me Spencer-o, except not really, Spencer, me, I, myself, he, are relative definitions for an experience of being, hmm. Its not like I don’t exist but “I” doesn’t exist inside or outside everything. There is no separation, this is when my head starts spinning attempting to gain some solid ground to stand on and formulate judgments. I think therefore I am is relative, right? Also the other side of all of this is what benefit does knowing things about existential stuff afford me? At some level sure there is definitely a benefit to having a solid groundwork of beliefs that rely heavily on thinking critically. However it seems that going down a rabbit hole of thought about the nature of things isn’t cleaning up my room any faster, or getting my career as a health practitioner started. As a judge part of me wants to say you are wasting time and distracting yourself from what is important. As a witness it occurs as play, the subject, me, myself likes to play. To what extent does it become detrimental is all situational. You have allotted time in the morning to write, and thats it. You have no rules other than reaching 750 words. The unrestricted nature of the practice is the groundwork for play. Without judgement and expectation, other than the 750, the objective is completed daily regardless of the content. I could type one word 750 times in a row and that would qualify as a completion of the objective. I want to do more, yes, but when it comes to actually narrowing the ideas down you justify and reason as to why the work isn’t as important as when you initially wanted to do more. 756…

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