Flying Quirks

I have taken many flights over the years. Each and every time I diligently take out the instruction card and look at the safety features of whatever plane model I happened to be sitting in.

Flight Information Card


I always pay attention to the flight attendants’ briefings. It probably doesn’t surprise anyone that a teacher’s pet would listen up. That is not the full reason for my behavior, however.

Years ago I was flying Southwest Airlines a lot. They are known for giving funny safety briefings. My favorite all time flight announcement included this message: “In case of the loss of cabin pressure, masks will fall from the component overhead. Nobody tell the guy in sea 18A what to do. He isn’t paying attention.” I would have been mortified for life had I been called out like that!

I remember being so excited the first time the information card said I had a life vest under my seat. I reached down and felt around for it, and sure enough, it was there. Normally I was simply told to hug my seat cushion in case of a water landing. That didn’t sound very safe. Plus, wouldn’t my arms get tired?

Ever since my CERT training, I’ve never entered a building without looking for a secondary exit route. When I board an aircraft, I count the number of rows to the nearest exit. On my flight home from our latest snowy adventure, that number was seven, and the exit was behind us. I told this to DH2U, and he dutifully nodded.

Speaking of my last flight, I pulled a Kleenex out of my carry-on and didn’t zip the bag back up afterwards. I hoped, for a brief moment, that the rest of my stash wouldn’t float away during flight, you know, when we lost gravity. That is when I started to giggle. It was that moment when I realized that the sci-fi show The Expanse that we’ve been watching lately is realistic enough to fool my brain.

The Expanse

What is the funniest safety instructions you’ve heard onboard? Or Am I alone in listening carefully to the instructions each time?

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