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By Chris
Interview with Dave in Front Magazine, 2004

Comedy Dave is the foil to Chris Moyles, the normal-looking gag man to Moyles' drowning elephant seal. But is he comedy? What does he actually do for flip's sake? We asked him.

What does Moyles's breath smell like in the morning? He looks the sort who'd finish off last night's curry for breakfast.

Chris's curry-swilling days are behind him now that he's joined the gym. I don't normally like to get too close to his mouth, but I'd imagine it would smell of teeth.

You're often described as his sidekick, has Chris ever kicked you in the side?

No. I've kicked him before, but only when playing football. Never professionally.

Who are the best guests you've had on air and have any of the women fancied you?

Most guests are dead nice to us, on account that they've inevitably got a record/film/ book/knickers to promote. Kylie might even fancy me, although I suspect she'd prefer it if I were better-looking, and French.

Your work leads to strange hours of wake/sleep. Does it give you nightmares?

I don't think I get nightmares, which I put down to not eating cheese after 7pm.

You've managed to swing your own show, What can we expect?

I think we were as surprised as anybody, but it's very complimentary and hugely exciting. We haven't fine-tuned the show yet, but it promises to be two-hours long, with me and Chappers titting around.

What has been your biggest fluff-up live?

There are a couple of great stories that I'm sadly unable to share on the grounds of taste, decency and legal implications, but the most famous one involved me taking Simon Mayo off the air for 20 minutes during his Radio 1 heyday, in an unfortunate studio-unplugging incident involving myself and nobody else.

What do you actually do, mate?

Write stuff and piss about with Chris.

How many buttons do you get to press? I bet they're not the important ones.

I sit on the other side of the studio from Chris, well away from all the buttons, wires and technical stuff. I refer you back to the incident with Simon Mayo in his heyday.

Should mental hospitals have radio stations, or do you think they'd rather listen to Radio 1?

I don't see why mental hospitals shouldn't have their own radio stations. Normal hospitals have them, and to be excluded would be unfair on mental people.

Would you rather be eaten by a whale (slow death) or piranhas (minutes of pain)?

I'd go for the whale option, so you'd at least have a chance of getting rescued by the coastguard while waiting to be digested.

You've won the lottery Dave, you don't need to work. How would you sign off on your last show? Zoe Ball got away with telling someone to shut the * up.

I think I'd probably still work even If I had won the lottery. It must be really boring sitting around the house all day. You probably want me saying something wild, crazy and dangerous and go out in a blaze of glory, so for the purpose of this question, I'd say "shit" before being manhandled out of the building and having my BBC ID pass taken off me indefinitely.

I can't speak for at least an hour after I wake up - any Colombian involved in the breakfast show?

I don't speak Colombian. In fact, embarrassingly. I don't speak any other languages.

Because you're up so early, have you ever been stopped by the OB?

If OB is a * abbreviation for Old Bill, I've never been stopped by them in the morning. My driving and public order offences have all taken place either at night

* Catch Dave and yet more of his hilarious quips on The Chappers 81 Dave Show, Saturdays, 1pm-3pm from 15 May, Radio 1.
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