It’s like “wrist” but without the “t!”

Hey, did you notice our website totally changed while I was out of the country? How did it do that? It’s like it was waiting for me to leave, so it could change. Oh,, why are you so shy? I’ve seen you naked before.

I want to talk about all the great new things this page does, but there are so many of them, I don’t think I can describe them all in one news post. There just aren’t enough words! Well, actually there are a lot of words, but there isn’t enough space on the page! Oh, okay, I’m just lazy. I try not to type too much in one sitting because I’m worried it will give me big, blue veins on the back of my hands like in Scanners.

So let me just talk about this one thing. The thing that started the thing. This was the thing that people complained about the most, and the loudest, and for the longest time. No, I’m not talking about Meat Circus. HAHAHAHA. [Look up the emoticon for “Daggers coming out of Eyes” and paste it here before posting.] No, I’m talking about


Don’t you mean RSS feed?” You say. Haha. That is soooo 2002, buddy. There are many, many different kinds of syndication now, and we’ve got both of them! We have RSS, because that’s the one I understand. And we’ve got Atom, because that’s the one this guy who works at Google told us about at a party, and when someone who works at Google talks at a party, everyone stops talking and turns around to listen like in one of those old E.F. Hutton commercials which you only remember if you are forty years old like me. There are probably many more types of syndication, but really, who cares?

So what does this mean to me?” you ask, selfishly. Well, it means that you no longer have to submit yourself to the agonizing, self-abuse that is checking this website everyday for new posts. Now you can sit back and wait for the news to come to you. Like you weren’t lazy enough already.

How can I do this?” you somehow get up the energy to ask. Well, click on either the RSS or Atom feed over there on the bottom of the navigation bar. Then you will SEE THE FEED. Isn’t it beautiful? Careful. It’s dangerous to look at it directly. It’s meant purely for the eyes of robots. Just paste that url into your feed aggregator and—what’s that? You don’t know what a feed aggregator is? Okay, look. You’re just going to have to look this up on Wikipedia like I did. You can use almost anything. Google Desktop, or iGoogle, or some other tentacle of the benevolent Google millipus can do it. I don’t know. I use SharpReader. I hear that Mozilla thing all you Nader Voters use can do it. My PSP can do it, for crying out loud. I think my toaster can read news feeds now.

We are probably the very last website in the world to get RSS. I’ll bet you all know much more than I do on this topic. So I’m really just writing this for my mother. Hi mom! Hurry up and set up that RSS feed!

That goes for all of you, too. I want everybody, not just my mother, to go right now, and set up an RSS or Atom feed from us. Everybody! Do it! Otherwise, how will you know when I accidentally click “Quick Save” halfway through a post, thinking it will just save my text in progress, but actually posts a half-written news post by me? Or if I fixed a typo in that line about my mother? Answer: you will not.