Sunday, April 19, 2009

Oreosoma pacificum

Connecting to server… 
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! 

Stranger: hey
You: yep
 Stranger: asl
You: I'm ready to defend the Fulci 'n' Watteau Connection
You: in and out of the ring 
Stranger: lolwut

Stranger: pics
You: I only have polaroids. Not scanned yet
You: I'm in a phone booth 
Stranger: what size
You: probably average
 Stranger: ooooo
You: Are you touching your false teeth right now?
 Stranger: dont have any
You: Sorry. When did you lose them? 
Stranger: ^^^
Stranger: stoned/hard now
You: Just add mustard
 Stranger: ha 
Stranger: wut
You: There's something very exciting we should chat about
Stranger: not another bot
You: No no u got me wrong
You: This is hot f'shizzle
Stranger: dude wtf
You: OK. I really really wanna talk about a certain something right now
You: You'll never guess what it is
You: but I just gotta fuckin talk about it
You: You'll never guess tho
You: It's what really excites me
Stranger: what its it
You: But you'll never guess
Stranger: fuck u
Stranger: what is it
You: It's....
Stranger: wutwutwutwutwut
You: ...the Ox-eyed false jelly (Oreosoma pacificum)
Stranger: uhh
You: it's a fish
You: completely translucent
You: almost impossible to see when in the water
You: but it's covered with hard, sharp conical protuberances
Stranger: this is on xbox right
You: A pelagic fish, often forming barely-perceptible schools
You: While technically omnivorous, the Ox-eyed false jelly's core diet consists of larger fishes who unluckily (and often unwittingly) swallow it whole.
Stranger: wtf
You: The Ox-eyed false jelly's jagged casing is guaranteed to tear up even the toughest insides -- including a shark's.
Stranger: swallow.. yeah
Stranger: more
You: With its merciless exterior doing most of the work, the Ox-eyed false jelly feeds on its devourer with a relatively unexceptional set of jaws and teeth.
You: It is only easily visible for a short time after feeding.
Stranger: um
You: yeah buddy
You: That was hot
Stranger: ok who r u
You: I'm four years old
You: I have nose hairs 
You: I don't exist
 Your conversational partner has disconnected. 

Retrieved from on 2009-4-17.