Monday, January 07, 2008

Ice Fishing - a DIY Guide

Fellow Massachusetts escapee, Jim, over at Free New Hampshire has a post up with information on a free ice fishing class in Milford, being put on by the New Hampshire Fish and Game Department.

I'll save you all the trouble of driving to Milford by posting these free ice fishing instructions for your future use.

Ice Fishing - A "How-To" by Bruce

1. Get a bait bucket. Only a rookie "from away" shows up at the local "Bait, Bullets n' Beer" without a bucket. You don't want to start your ice fishing weekend by having the crowd of usuals assembled therein mocking you as you walk out with your Zip-Loc bag full of shiners.

2. When you've reached your destination, load up your plastic toboggan with all the supplies you'll need to set your traps, and head out onto the ice.

- Bait bucket
- Auger
- Skimmer (great for launching slush balls at your buddies when their backs are turned).
- Ice fishing traps, or "Tip-ups"
- Two cases of the cheapest beer you can find (I recommend Narragansett pounders) and at least one bottle of good Irish whiskey per person.

3. Drill holes in ice, alternating between turns at the auger and swigs of beer and whiskey. If the ice beneath your feet shifts and makes that real deep cracking sound, scream like hell and watch the "new guy" shit himself.

4. Bait and set your tip-ups.

5. Retreat to bobhouse (or cabin back on shore, as long as traps are still in your line of sight).

6. Play cards and drink. Be sure to play a few rounds of Asshole* throughout the day to determine which one of your loser friends will head out with the skimmer to break the ice in the holes to keep your traps from freezing in. Should he refuse, smack him upside the head with your cribbage board. You did bring a cribbage board, right?

7. If during the course of the afternoon, one of your flags pops up, go see if there's a fish on the other end of the line. If there is, you're doing something wrong. Repeat step 6 until you finally get the hang of it.

You're welcome.

* Caveat Imbibor: Those rules are for the sissy version of Asshole played at U. Maine Orono, in which a single 2 beats a pair and three- and four-of-a-kind. Buncha pussies.