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Sunday, April 16, 2017

Las Vegas Trip-Plannin' Gyrations - The Strip and Off Strip

There's Vegas. And there's reality. Being in Vegas is like dreaming. And then you wake up in your hovel, heated by a coal-fired soup can stove, eating dollar store frozen dinners heated in your armpit, poaching the library internet, and wondering just where you went wrong.

But, a little hard work can remedy those justifiable feelings of despair - and it's even better if its paid work.

Case in point, I looked out my window today to "see what that gawdawful fucking racket" was and spied my next door neighbor, Jay Koy, running a wood splitter next to a huge pile of what had to be, upon close inspection, unsplit wood.

(Insert painful split wood joke here.)

He had a trailer backed up near the splitter, and his wife was handing him logs.

(Insert wife / log joke here. C'mon you lazy bastards, write your own for a change.)

Dark purple clouds gathering heavy moisture from the west signaled impending and unrelenting doom - similar to one of 'Jackie' Moosreiner's farts.

I had a bunch of things to do in the yard, so out I went and do them I did. You know, yard stuff. Requiring exertion.

A couple of drops fell and I overheard Jay Koy saying he wanted to finish TODAY - and that meant before the rain made a very poor soup of us all.

So I wandered over with my work gloves on.

"Hey Jay Koy," I said, "looks like you and the wife laid down some log here."

Jay looked at me with one of those looks that I used to get from my father in church.

"Hey Jay Koy," I said, "I guess you'd rather be splittin' something with your wood, rather than having your wood split!" I said, emphasizing the italics on the appropriate syllables.

In my imagination, Jay Koy and his wife Dee shared a belly laugh with me, and the three of us began working.

In reality, the three of us began working like chimps who only know how to do one thing, but do it silently, repeatedly and fairly well, whilst wearing colorful overalls and bellman's hats perched at a cocksure angle. Jay Koy glanced my way and muttered something that rhymed with 'putz', and also sounded exactly like 'putz'.

Perhaps he didn't like the angle of my bellman's hat.

The rain, much to my chagrin, never got going past the spitting stage (something else reminiscent of Moosreiner). On and on we split our wood, on and on we trailered our wood, and on and on we stacked our wood.

A couple of hours later, when it was done I stumbled in (and note I have skipped the part about the mouse) and swapped my clothes, sweat-drenched, with a side of rain spittle, for clean dry ones, took a Celebrex and six Tylenol, and flopped.

"You okay?" asked the quad queen hours later, watching me limp around the kitchen to build a double Evan Williams on the rocks.

"You know," I said, "It feels kind of good to be sore all over after a really good, hard effort outside."

She nodded.

"It's something I'm unused to."

I then crawled to the Win Sim 3000 laptop and started chicken pecking out this blog post, which is actually about the state of my Strip offers, not about mice (nevermind) and wood splitting.

Mandalay Bay and the Despicable Rest of MGM Mirage

When it comes to money grubbing customer rip-offs, MGM Mirage is now playing a game of "how far can the teenage boy put his hand down my economic pants before getting slapped".

Parking fees have not only stuck, they have sprouted at Caesar's properties and a few others. And as part of pushing past the economic waistline of my panties, MGM has increased them by up to almost 40%.

When there is a long unrelenting march of death line-up at the Bellagio buffet, what do they do to mitigate the situation? They walk down the line selling line passes for $10 a pop.

They are not only screwing us, they are laughing at us.

I am happy to report that the last couple of outings in which totally underplayed, as we enjoyed free rooms and freeplay at Mandalay Bay and Delano have resulted in my offers dwindling into the insulting range. Which is fine by me, I enjoyed stiffing them and sucking up the free rooms.

*Update - Luxor has come through with an offer of 2 comp nights (not including $30 a night resort fee plus 12% tax on that, so $67.20) AND $10 FREE PLAY. Can I afford NOT to book this?!!!

Yes I can.

Caesar's Entertainment Travesty

I used, on occasion, play a twenty here and there at Harrah's or whatever, and CET would constantly throw room offers at me. And I intended to take them up on it.

Sadly, they have dried up completely. I must have fallen off some arbitrary time-based bean counter 'my Mom said' rule.

Fuck 'em.

Circus Circus Circus Circus

God love you, you clown-colored orphan, you Circus Circus Circus Circus - the Tiny Tim of the Las Vegas by Charles Dickens set.

I dropped in one fateful (and hilarious) day to play their advantageous Aces and Eights game near the men's room and they have been showering me with comp night offers (with no resort fee) ever since.

They qualify this by stating the offer isn't available on blackout dates.

Looks pretty much 'wide-open desperate' to me.

One of these trips... one of these trips.... I pledge I am going to stay at Circus Circus Circus Circus and eat the buffet.


I'm mad at T.I. I hate T.I. I'm mad because I'm a loser there. Big time. But they do keep offering 3 nights comped, no resort fees, and $150 free play.

And, I recently got an improved offer for $200 free play.



I've stayed here twice, and dropped in for some low-play a couple of times. I wasn't expecting anything, but the sell-off to Penn National Gaming seems to have worked in my favor in the form of a teaser offer that I really don't deserve. Which is good.

Two nights comped, no resort fuck you fee, and - get this - $10 free play per day.

I'm rich like Warren Buffet.

The Rest Of The Strip

I don't have much else going on as far as offers to elsewhere on the strip. I used to get some stuff from Cosmo but it dried up before I could jump on it. Shame, that.

Wynn keeps sending me what are basically discount offers. Like buy 3 nights at $109 get $100 freeplay. (The Quad Queen gets the same but with $200 free play - again, the better offer goes to the lady.)

Off Strip

For some reason I have offers at Sam's Town, and Gold Coast, both Boyd properties. Meanwhile, I've centered 99% of my Boyd play at Fremont/Cal/Main Street, and The Orleans.

Boyd is doing weird things with their offer system lately. Sam's Town is a dark horse for the upcoming trip.

I have lot's more to blabber about, but right now, I have to go and have a hamstring transplant from wood-induced stiffnes. OWWW!


    1. we like sam's town,,,,lots of video poker,,,good food places,,,movie theater,,,,,next door the Cannery casino,,,we discovered has the most video poker machines and they are loose !!! they have a thing join their slot club,,,if you loose up to $200 they give it back to you,,,,I won so it didn't matter,,,they are also a Boyd property now,,,also the free shuttle to the strip and downtown....give it a try :)

    2. why would you fly all the way to vegas to stay at some crappy dump hotel. Stay at the best play at the rest.

      1. Because I blew all my money on airfare and can only afford some crappy dump hotel? ;)

    3. Here ya go then

    4. Free play is a joke out of the 100 u might win 5 bucks. free rooms are the best. Super bad playing videopoker this year- brutal almost every time i go and its like 2 0r 3 hours between wins so id stay away from the machines.

    5. I recently returned from a 23-day Blackjack Run (March 21-April 12. I stayed at the Palace Station, Gold Coast, Fremont, and Tropicana, and it didn't cost me one dime. It can be done if you are diligent and creative. I used to stay at Harrahs and Rio, but once they instituted those rip-off resort fees I bolted.

      I agree with you, Downtown is the way to go as far as Video Poker is concerned. I hit four deuces on three consecutive days at the Freemont.

    6. I actually stopped going to Vegas because of resort fees. Literally 5 years ago you paid for nothing if you gambled say $50 a hand at blackjack for 4 hours a day. I mean even at Wynn. Room comped, free food depending on whether you a great or bad day at the tables. Free drinks. My longest blackjack marathon session was 22 hours straight at the same table, same seat. In the last 20 years I have been to Vegas about 100 times. When I was at Harrah's in a comped room and had a host they tried to hit me with those BS fees at checkout. I bitched up a storm, the host waived them but CET lost a player forever that trip. I won't go to any CET property by my house.(there are two as I live close to a state line) My logic is there is nothing that I use in those resort fees, I can find better gambling rules by my house, Stand on ALL 17s - resplit Aces 3 times in high limit and IF I have a bad night I can just drive home.

      Why fly almost 4 hours to be in a city that I have seen everything they have and done everything there is to do? Hell even downtown isn't anything special anymore, I used to love Binions but now 6/5 games? The 4 Queens? I stayed there ONCE because it took 3 rooms before I got one that didn't have a mold problem with the AC. I'm talking about eye burning dead body mold stink. They sent up a maid and she's spraying air freshener. Finally the third room didn't stink. Then you have to pay the airlines their extortion fees, paying to pick your seat? I'm 42 and just remember the days when they asked you if you wanted anything. Now they want you to beg for basic things.

      Fuck That Noise


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