Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Need advice about in-laws behaviour

respect izzat honour

I am married since 5 months and Alhamdulillah have a very good husband but just one problem...he does not like to listen if I complain about something. My father-in-law is almost all the time in a abusive and bad mood, it impacts me a lot because i haven't seen anyone in my family talking in this tone. He is always dealing me and my mother-in-law as we are dull and inhuman and have no sense of our own. My husband does not listen if i ever try to complain and he does not let me tell anyone else (like my mother).

I am off with this stress and insulting behaviour all the time. I am fedup of this. I often think of getting divorce but this is not a solution as i love my husband a lot. I have been very active before my marriage but after marriage i am facing some medical conditions like the infection of urinary tract, i had to take lots and lots of medicine to counter it as my husband was not so hygienic in this respect and didn't try to follow doctor's advice. Now, i am not yet fully recovered of those heavy dose antibiotics certainly because i am not allowed to use milk or fruits (they are only meant to be for children and males of the family).

My health problems are increasing now, and my father-in-law has now started to tease me that i have always been ill and that my parents haven't given me anything to eat and also that they should not have allowed their son to marry me. I am off with this kind of things, i don't want to live here anymore, I have started to think about suicide though I know its haram. I know around the world people are facing a lot and lot of problems but I feel like my capacity is over. I have been very active throughout my life and now I am being dealt like a no value piece.

Please help me and advice me over this issue, I don't know what to do. I am a kind of person who value respect more than love and now I am getting least of it. This stress is eating me up.



6 Responses »

  1. Salam sister,
    It sounds like you need a change of scenery. Ask your husband to move out. Often it works better if you say you want to start a family with him and need more space...Though, if your husband is not willing to listen to your requests, then go and get yourself a job. Getting out of the house more often will take you away from your in-laws' constant insults. Your husband will appreciate if you say you want to help him out with bills or grocery costs, ect. Just make sure to get a job that matches his schedule of being home, as it is highly unpleasant to be newlywed and never see eachother!

    Alhamdulilah, your medical issues seem to be small. Having a urinary tract infection is a normal part of life that all women have more than once, like getting a cold or a flu. There is no reason to need to talk to your in-laws too much about smaller medical issues, as it sounds like your father-in-law may be a very dull man looking to pick anything he can just for a subject to talk on. Be strong, and be smart, sister. You have just gotten married and now is the time to woman-up and think of the future; therefore, if you let people talk down to you about simple medical issues now, they will continue the behavior. Think first before mentioning anything to your in-laws.

    Also, what is this mention you made of not being able to eat fruit or drink milk?? These items are meant for everyone, not just children and men! Whoever told you that needs to read up on the science of milk! Next time your father-in-law says anything about your health, kindly remind him that if you were to drink milk daily, it would strengthen your immune system. Buy your own milk and fruit if you have to! That rule is rediculous when considering your health.

    And above all, dua dua dua. Don't let your emotions cloud your iman. Remember that Allah swt always answers our dua, maybe not always directly or quickly, but always. He always rewards patience and kindness in the face of adversity. He is always watching our actions and silently testing our reactions to life events. Be aware of all the situations you are in, and look upon your actions and words as if they are someone else's. Remember the angels are always recording.

    You can do this, sister. Remember to be kind to your husband, and always think deeply before complaining too much. As long as there is strong love, he will support you indefinitely.


  2. Salam Sister
    Don't take these issues so seriously. Try to avoid direct contact with your father in law. Let your mother in law do his work. There are people in this world who take advantage of being adult so they have right to say anything to anyone. Best answer to these people is silence! Just do your work and skip silently.
    Don't complaint a lot as it's just been 5 months and your father in law is his father. Can you bear if your husband complaint about your father or mother. I m not saying that don't say anything. tell everything to your husband but choose words that don't point out directly your father in law. There are lots of different ways to convey msg. If you complaint he might not listen because you are new in his life. TelL him your father in laws behaviour towards your mother in law but not in complaint tone. These things always take time. Get you husband's opinion about your father in law. How he is thinking about his behaviour than you can get better idea how to convey your msg. Don't use words or tone that sounds like complaint.
    Ask your husband to provide you proper food and milk and Allah give you health infection will get better.

  3. Hi
    If you have no love from your in laws and its coming to a point where you are feeling suicidal then it's time to think about moving out regardless of what your in laws think. Consider moving out with your husband as you still love him and tell him the situation your going through as he might understand and probably agree with you. I think its best that you both plan on moving out of your in laws house as your a family of your own now and you would definitely need space for your children. What's important here is your life not how your in laws think about you and from what you have described I don't think they would care. So move out with your husband and in sha Allah will let make it easier for you ameen.

  4. Sister..Salam. ..Our bodies are natural so we treat it naturally....sometimes we don't know ...that BLK magic has been done on us or maybe we are commuting sins...This world is cause an effect.....From my experience knowledge and married to a alima ..There is a cure for every thing except death...Don't feel sad and never think worry. ...know that Allah is testing you in all conditions..Don't you know that the level hardship in this world will give you a high place in jannah provided you are praying 5 times a day and doing good advice is seek a sunn scholor at the local masjid and ask for some direction or experience in exorcism that person can examine you......We should also read MANZIL or listen to it and most of all l8ve reading Quran for in it is everything you need to be happy...

  5. You know what is the top level of freedom?
    It is when you do NOT care about what other people thinks about you.
    Get a freedom like that, you will not be bother of in laws anymore.

  6. Dear sister world is place of exam for muslims,pray for his hidayah and look at blessing u have got.getting divorce for littlethings ,or say making allah naraz for things u can ignore.what ever pains a momin face in this world there r rewards for him in hereafter.pray tahajjud seek help from allah giving him wasta of rassool inshallah everything will turn fine

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