Triple Distilled Gravy

Chocolate Fudgequake, Double Stuffed Banana Split, S’mores and Bacon, Triple Distilled Gravy, Old French Fries Stuck Between Couch Cushions––the flavours of protein powder in the nutritional supplement store seemed to be trying their very best to convince the consumer that, sure, you’re working out and getting in shape now, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it without a constant reminder, in shake form, of the diet that forced you here in the first place. Those flavours are like vaping to quit smoking or having a picture in your wallet of the ex that stomped your heart into the dirt (a week before your goddamn birthday and three days after your mom was diagnosed with severe rheumatoid arthritis, for Christ’s sakes) while you go on Tinder dates; essentially using the spectre of a vice as training wheels as you start down a new path, just hoping they’re sturdy enough so you don’t veer off of it into a lake.