Parenting Dilemmas: Dr. Phil's Advice

  Dr. Phil speaks with parents who say their little ones are testing them every single day by stealing, cursing, biting and getting naked at the neighbors! See more of their stories and get Dr. Phil's advice:   Stealing Eric and Patty's 8-year-old son has been stealing various items since he was 4 — and it's only getting worse.
  • Children are products of their family system. This is not an isolated act and the child should not be a scapegoat for what may be a family problem. Think about what kind of disruption has taken place in the child's life. Is the child a product of divorce? Did you move recently? Was there a dramatic change in this child's life? Think about why the child's behavior may have started.
  • Does the child's stealing lead to undivided attention for him? Be aware that that may be rewarding him/her.
  • To stop this behavior, you have to find the child's currency, and take it away. To start with, try removing everything from the child's room except for a mattress, box spring, sheet, blanket and pillow. Then, make him earn back creature comforts with good behavior. Secondly, find a consequence that is in kind. For example, if he steals something worth $8, make him do an unpleasant job until he earns back that $8, plus $8 more. Then the extra $8 has to be given to a needy child.
  • Children can be fast learners. If you're child is cursing, it's most likely because someone modeled that behavior in front of him/her. The most powerful role model for a child is their same-sex parent. And the opposite-sex parent is a close second. Don't fight in front of your child and watch your own mouth.
    Biting Miren and Scot's 19-month-old son is going through a biting phase. How can they stop the behavior before someone gets hurt?
  • Remember to use age-appropriate discipline techniques. If time-outs don't work on your child, it may be that he's too young.
  • Be aware of your reaction to being bitten. It's a powerful reward for a child to know he's gotten mom and dad's immediate attention.
  • Kids explore with their mouths; it's a communication tool and it can be effective for them.
  • Communicate for your child. Tell him what you know he wants, so he knows you understand. "You're mad because you want that toy. You want that toy, don't you?" Don't give him what he wants, but telling him what he wants makes him feel he's understood.
  • Never bite your child back. You may suppress the behavior instantly, but it's confusing to him and the child may have a bad reaction to that later.
  • Relax. This is not a sexual behavior in any way. This is a free, unrestricted, natural and normal behavior. They are simply curious, and it's not bizarre. It's not relevant to them. Kids don't understand what being naked means.
  • Don't send a negative message by being too rigid about it. You don't want your child to think they are bad or dirty.
  • If you want to suppress the behavior, supervise them closely and communicate to them that they can't do that. But don't overreact. Tell them, "Put your clothes back on" in the same manner you would say, "Don't climb on the counter."

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