You know what we need?

We need more regular features here on Paul You know how we got Video Tuesday and In the Blogs, we need more things like that. Why don’t you suggest some, okay? Because my ideas so far haven’t been all that great:

1. Jay Taco’s weekly cracker review — this week the Wheat Thin, vile wafer of Satan or delicious, nutritious snack?
2. Update on our petition to get Our Man Paul on Live from Daryl’s House
3. Just more Hall & Oates content in general
4. Paul Westerberg: Vile wafer of Satan or delicious, nutritious snack
5. Sixteen different ways to spell nutricious and how none of them have anything to do with Paul Westerberg
6. Blasty’s weekly poetic waxing about Laurie Lindeen
7. This Week’s list of Paul Westerberg shout-outs by Craig Finn

See what I’m talking about?

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  1. Jimdracula 18.Aug.08 at 2:34 pm

    Suggested Feature only valid until Tuesday November 4, 2008…How the world would be different if the good Senator Westerberg was elected President of the United States…”President Westerberg” (for short)

    1) Official protocol allows President Westerberg to cough into his hand before shaking yours…somewhere Charlton Heston is shaking fist in air & rattling on about “tarnation.”

  2. jay 18.Aug.08 at 9:12 pm


    This breezy CRACKER comes from the OVEN of a veteran CRACKER MAKER; NABISCO. Rather than telling a new story, SAID CRACKER COMPANY tells an old one (scarcely lacking for historians) in a fresh way. NABISCO brings to the tale an emphasis on economic realities and consequences, AND THIN WHEAT, especially when seen from the perspective of monetarist theory, and a focus on particular CRACKERS and events, both celebrated and forgotten (at least relatively so). Thus the spotlight plays not only on WHEAT THINS but also on Father Divine and the NABISCO brothers—kosher butcher CRACKER MAKERS prosecuted by the federal National CRACKER Administration for selling “sick chickens and CRACKERS.” As befits a former writer for the Wall Street Journal and CRACKER MAKER, NABISCO is sensitive to the dangers of government intervention in the CRACKER economy—but also to the danger of the government’s not intervening IN SAID CRACKERS BUSINESS. In NABISCO”S telling, policymakers of the 1920s weren’t so incompetent as they’re often made out to be—everyone in the 1930s was floundering and all made errors—and WWII, not the New Deal, ended the Depression AND THEN THEY ALL ATE WHEAT THINS. This is a plausible CRACKER, if not authoritative, novel or deeply analytical. It’s also a thoughtful, even-tempered CRACKER too often unbalanced by celebrations of FDR and his administration’s pathbreaking policies. WHEAT THINS SUCK. FINAL GRADE: F

  3. Jodi 18.Aug.08 at 10:03 pm

    Wow! I can hardly wait for the Saltines review.

  4. Jimdracula 18.Aug.08 at 10:15 pm

    2) Funding insecurity to President Westerberg’s new proposal- Bastards of Young- puts Afterschool Programs at risk.

  5. Jay 18.Aug.08 at 10:18 pm

    Well, youll have to wait til next week.
    Are Goldfish crackers? Just asking…

  6. Jodi 18.Aug.08 at 10:21 pm

    According to the milk-carton-shaped gallon-sized container in my pantry they are. I always feel guilty for eating the ones with the smiles.

  7. Jay 18.Aug.08 at 10:23 pm

    Ya. I have some here, and they have characters out of them now. Like little cute goldfish cartoon fish. It’s so sad. Because I eat them by the dozens. poor little bastards.

  8. Jodi 18.Aug.08 at 10:24 pm

    The irony of it is, I don’t even like fish.

  9. blasty 19.Aug.08 at 8:35 am

    Animal crackers are a cookie that are trying to get a free ride on the cracker train.

    We’re on to you, animal crackers.

  10. Randall "Tex" Cobb 19.Aug.08 at 11:39 am

    Why did the farmer start listening to punk rock music? Because he was sick and tired of Hall and Oates.

  11. Jimdracula 19.Aug.08 at 12:16 pm

    President Westerberg names Burt Reynolds Goodwill Ambassador; appoints Axl Rose Deputy Director of Homeland Douchebaggery.

  12. Some Guy 19.Aug.08 at 4:25 pm

    “I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same. ‘What’s a giraffe taste like?’ ‘A hippopotamus! I had ’em back-to-back!'”
    -Mitch Hedberg

  13. Jimdracula 19.Aug.08 at 4:50 pm

    aw, you just warmed my black heart with the late, great Mpls son Mitch Hedberg, who once remarked “I’ll never be a household name since most of my fans live in apts.”

    Catch you on the flip side, Mitch.

  14. jay 19.Aug.08 at 9:25 pm

    “If carrorts were like alcohol, rabbits would be fucked up.”
    Viva la Mitch.

  15. scooteristerrific 20.Aug.08 at 8:25 am

    i need to come here more often.