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“We will remember them”: a mixed-method study to explore which post-funeral remembrance activities are most significant and important to bereaved people living with loss, and why those particular activities are chosen

In an increasingly secular age in which society no longer offers a code of behaviour for those who are bereaved as in Victorian times, the majority of people do not seek support from church-based rituals of remembrance. Most hospices provide religious Services of Remembrance and Thanksgiving or non-faith remembrance gatherings for families and friends, and although these are usually well attended, the average number of families represented is usually less than 20% raising the question of whether alternative support should be offered to the remaining majority of families. This study explored which post-funeral remembrance activities are most significant and important to people living with death-related loss, and why those particular activities are chosen. A total of 43 participants took part in a mixed-method study using 2 different data sets: a self-report questionnaire and semi-structured interviews. To add further contextual data to support the study, a third dataset was created when six hospice bereavement counsellors met as a Focus Group. Results indicated that although formal remembrance events are valued, informal rituals created by the bereaved are more important and significant to them. Results could be divided into four different categories: rituals to maintain a ‘direct link’, or those undertaken ‘for’ the deceased, rituals that remember the deceased within the community and those viewed as an act of remembrance. The most common reason for choosing a ritual was to keep a bond with the deceased or ensure that the deceased was remembered by others. Remembrance and ritual is personal to each individual and is dynamic, altering from day to day. Remembrance appears to be a journey made up of many small daily rituals, some of which are generic to bereaved people and some of which are highly individualistic. For the majority of people, their informal rituals are far more important than the large planned events that hospices offer because the informal rituals occur and serve to sustain people in the context of their daily lives.