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Book Review: Romantic terrorism: An auto-ethnography of domestic violence victimization and survival

If you have ever walked, in real time or in retrospect, with a domestic violence victim who said, ‘‘I’ve never been hit, but I am afraid,’’ you will find the content of Romantic Terrorism: An Auto-Ethnography of Domestic Violence Victimization and Survival eerily familiar, as it describes the dis-ease that you couldn’t quite identify. Sharon Hayes and Samantha Jeffries, two Australian criminologists, courageously exposed themselves to retraumatization in order to provide insight into both the dynamics and personal experiences of emotional abuse and entrapment. They describe perpetrators’ gendered exaggerations of romance aimed at achieving control over victims and the insidious nature of their undermining victims’ agency, so that the abusive relationships include isolation, while following a social script that demeans victims and exalts perpetrators. Their feminist analysis of the social construction of romance and sex facilitates the readers’ understanding that ‘‘the victim’s experience of coercive control can be likened to being taken hostage; the victim becomes captive in a dreamlike world created by the perpetrator, in which she is entrapped by confusion, contradiction and fear’’ (p. 13). Romantic Terrorism provides an extension of Stark’s (2007) Coercive Control. In four short chapters, Hayes and Jeffries provide an overview of romantic terrorism, describe the dynamics, share their own experiences as victims of romantic terrorism, and outline paths to recovery; they also integrate suggested social improvements to prevent and respond to this abuse. Although the final chapter contains a specific focus on the Australian justice system, the recommendations are applicable to others addressing and responding to domestic violence. Using autoethnography, the authors share their own experiences of romantic terrorism by describing the romanticism that led them into abusive relationships. This book is unique in its interweaving of the dynamics of abuse in a same-sex relationship with those of a heterosexual one. Of particular importance is the fact that these criminologists, both of whom had experience researching, teaching, and responding to domestic violence, did not recognize the coercive relationships in which each was involved until late into or after the end of those relationships. If those criminologists did not recognize the domestic violence in their own lives, how can others be expected to avoid such control? That lack of recognition makes this book critical reading for people struggling to understand discomfort within their own relationships and those of others in their lives. Feminist psychologists in clinical practice will particularly appreciate the details of the description of tactics (e.g., crazy making, restricting personal territory and freedom) employed to undermine victims’ self-esteem and agency. All feminists can benefit from reading about the ways in which conflicts about femininity and homophobia can increase the vulnerability of all women to gendered coercive control: ‘‘Attention needs to be taken away from the victims’ ‘flaws,’ ‘faults,’ and ‘neuroses’ and turned squarely on the perpetrators of abuse because the abuse is purely a result of their intentions and deceptions’’ (p. 48). The book ends with an appendix of international services and contacts for victims of domestic violence. Many current references are included and woven throughout the text. Much material is repeated throughout the book, but that makes it readable and ties together the foci of all four chapters, while emphasizing the most critical issues. Readers seeking a case book about coercive control might also read Aronson Fontes’s (2015) Invisible Chains (see Banks, 2016), which provides a broad range of clinical examples. Like Romantic Terrorism, Invisible Chains is accessible to both general public and professional audiences.