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Your grown children don’t want your stuff…

There is a kink in the chain of passing down mementos from one generation to another in many Western societies. This resistance has its roots in changing aesthetic tastes combined with the current trend to eliminate clutter and strive for minimalism. Many families can minimize the hurt feelings and angst that accompany the rejection of family heirlooms and mementoes by deliberating sitting down and deciding what items will be donated to charity in lieu of the dumpster. Many in the Boomer generation collected “stuff” as status symbols for having achieved middle class status in addition to keepsakes from their work and travels. However, more and more older couples are downsizing and no longer have the physical space for their accumulated memorabilia. Younger generations, often living in smaller homes, do not have the space for your “treasures” and may want to start and curate their own collections from their memories and their personal life style. However, the real crux of the issue isn’t the actual items but all the memories and emotions that the accumulated articles illicit for you. But, for Heaven’s sake, don’t guilt your grown children into keeping all (or any) of your stuff! In our family, my children photographed our most memorable items. I then sat and wrote the 5 w’s (who, what, where, when and why) about each item and attached the paragraph to each photo. Each child received a copy of the photo collection to be viewed, or not, at a future time. The children felt good about the collective effort and I felt that we had succeeded in sharing and preserving some valuable memories. Remember, too, that your children may not cherish your collectibles but your grandchildren might. Grandchildren should not be removed from this process of downsizing and decluttering. Years ago, my young son wanted his grandfather’s five-in-dime wristwatch while my daughter sought out her grandmother’s tea towels! What we choose to keep is not always a practical but mostly an emotional association and experience.