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‘Being left out’ and ‘being alone in the presence of someone’ – what is the difference?

Abstract This paper describes the observation of a little girl, Dora, an unexpected child of an immigrant couple in their late thirties, who was growing up in a guesthouse-like environment with many people, emphasizing the ostensibly similar but essentially different emotional states of ‘being left out’ and ‘being alone in the presence of someone’. I will describe Dora's relationship with her father which had a different quality to that she had with her mother, and reflect on my own experience of being a male observer. In the conclusions I suggest some possible trans-generational transmissions of unconscious feelings between mother and Dora, that is, mother's childhood experience probably has an impact on her way of looking after Dora.