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Mr and Mrs Ovid

The title of this paper will immediately make the informed reader ask himself ‘which of Ovid's three wives does he mean?’ Writing about the first two, however, would hardly be more than a paraphrase of the poet's own words: paene mihi puero nee digna nee utilis uxor est data, quae tempus per breue nupta fuit. illi successit, quamuis sine crimine coniunx, non tamen in nostro firma futura toro. (When still almost a boy I was given a completely useless wife who was married to me for a short time. She was succeeded by a spouse who, although flawless, was still not going to remain faithful to me.)