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Necessary and Terrible Moments

May–June 2013 Together, Kate and I lift the mattress onto the bed. Afterwards I raise my hand to my chest, hoping to coax out the tension gathering there. Kate seems like she is about to say something but stops herself; instead, she falls back, star-fished, onto the mattress. I still can’t figure out how to feel about her body, dreaming, vulnerable, on the ex-marital bed. Even more jarring the thought of Kate having sex on it.