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Agreements, rules and agentic fidelity in polyamorous relationships

Drawing on data from 343 surveys and 12 interviews gathered as part of a large-scale research project on intimate relationships in the United States, this study examines agreements and rules within self-identified polyamorous relationships. Findings illustrate that polyamorists explicitly resist the master monogamous template through multiple sexual and emotional partners although commitment remains salient within such relationships. Results indicate that polyamorists do violate the rules of their relationships although ‘cheating’ is not a relevant construct for such behaviour. Although polyamory affords explicit rejection of sexual and emotional exclusivity, survey and interview data suggest that by underscoring their ability for multiple loves, there remains a continued emphasis on emotional rather than sexual intimacy. The article introduces ‘agentic fidelity’, which is a certain form of commitment among polyamorists that relies upon acute self-knowledge and choice exercised through the ability to express needs and boundaries.