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Investigating the Post-Traumatic Lens in the Choreographer’s Work

1.1 Personal Background I have now lived with the aftereffects of trauma for fifteen years. I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (ptsd) a full 15 months after being the victim of a number of overlapping psychologically traumatic events.1 ‘At that point, I consulted a mental health professional for complications I was experiencing in developing new personal relationships’.2 The ptsd diagnosis came as a relief. During the period between the trauma and the diagnosis, I had felt detached, depressed, misunderstood, judged, unable to relate, emotionally unstable and physically dissociated. It was reassuring to hear that my state resulted from a condition; that contrary to what I had burdened myself with believing, it wasn’t my fault. I had not been manufacturing my feelings for self-destructive purposes, but rather had simply been suffering from a condition also affecting countless others. With the help of a cognitive-behavioural therapist, I learned to make new sense out of life moving forward.3 That held until recently. As a dancer-choreographer by profession, I began to notice elements characteristic of dissociation arising in my work.4 ‘It is important to note that it was not the traumatic events themselves that appeared to manifest in my choreographic work, but rather my long repressed post-traumatic symptoms’.5 As such, in this context, it was deemed irrelevant to provide further information on the nature of those events.6