Birthers? O Brother

Picture if you will an astonishing scene: President Obama, on a sunny weekend, finally decides to take care of those boxes he moved into the White House garage two years ago.       

He flings up the door, pulls one out, and pops it open.  Suddenly his eyes blaze, he runs into the street waving a sheet of paper. “It’s here!  I’ve found it!  My birth certificate from Hawaii!”

Do you think that might finally shut up the birther brigade? I’m going to go with no.

Because as I watched the debate over his birthplace once again, inexplicably grind its way into the headlines this week, I became convinced that those who not believe he was born here, never will.  Period.  

If a dozen old nurses crawled from a cave, clutching Bibles, and insisting they delivered the baby Barack Obama in the 50th state (“We even had cake!”) it would not be enough.

If it turned out that the FBI, mindful of potential future shenanigans, kept detailed records of every birth and issued a statement swearing on the nightgown of J. Edgar Hoover that Mr. Obama is a born American; that would not be enough.

If the heavens opened wide, and the Creator of the Universe dropped a scroll; well, that would not be enough either.      

I understand that the birthers don’t like Barack Obama being president.  I accept that they have suspicions about his past.  And I am more than happy to look at any evidence to support their notion that he has hijacked the Oval Office.  If such proof ever emerges, I’ll run across hot coals in my bare feet to report it, because trust me, that would be a heck of a story.

But instead of proof, we’re getting a relentless stream of questions, innuendos, and conspiracy theories so convoluted that I long for days when we argued about Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster.   

Seriously, are we to believe that this man conspired years ago to create a file in official records, sneak a birth announcement into a newspaper, and spirit away any credible witnesses to this foul play, all because he might someday, maybe, somehow become President of the United States?

If he did all that, maybe he’s just what we need for a president; because that would take a genius.



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