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Mothering › Groups › August 2014 Due Date Club › Discussions › Just don't know what I want out of life anymore.

Just don't know what I want out of life anymore.

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 

I went into this pregnancy with such vivid clarity, and a determination to have an excellent pregnancy and to be positive and proactive and healthy and happy the entire time.  I knew I wanted a second baby and I knew that I wanted it as soon as possible (after 2 MC's in 2013).   I had a clear vision of how the future would unfold, about where we would raise our family and my hobbies and goals, so clear it was like everything was set in stone already. 


Now that I got my pregnant wish, I am just finding myself increasingly feeling disoriented and lost in life.  :(  I feel like I'm already mourning the additional free time I gained back as my son has grown older and am very worried about how I will handle another child.  I don't have ANY help out here in Hawaii, it sucks, I am so lonely all the time, any friends I make move away, etc.  


My energy levels never impressed much with the second trimester, I feel wiped out most of the time.  I never feel happy anymore either, I always feel moody.  


I'm just feeling so lonely out here on this island...we recently moved to live in the town of Hilo which is much more populated then where I was, but even then I am finding it hard to make friends.  I feel like I have no help, aside from my wonderful husband who is worried about me.  We're planning on moving back to the mainland in summer of 2015 but that seems so far away and I feel so alone and cut off from life.  


I've lost all interest in all of the things I used to like to do because I just feel like I lack the will or ambition or something...or the energy.  I find myself preferring to stay asleep but my toddler needs me so much I just feel like every day is getting so hard.  


I just feel so lost and confused...wondering why I feel this way and not sure who to talk to about it so I figured I would post about it here in the hopes I'm not the only one or something?   :-S  Don't know if anyone can relate or not.  

post #2 of 10

Oh hun, it sounds like you're having a little bit of depression :( Is there maybe a counselor you can talk to to work things out? If you're suddenly feeling this way after pregnancy, at least you can take some comfort in knowing that it's not permanent. 


I went through something that sounds sooo similar, minus pregnancy, a few years back and it's difficult to work through on your own. You need a support system that won't judge you or tell you to suck it up on bad days. I remember you saying that your husband got accepted into a University program a bit back, maybe that can give you access to on-campus services?


::Hugs:: and know that we're here for you! You might not have people around you, but we're there in spirit and we're your friends that you can talk to if things feel a little overwhelming. PM me if you need!  :Hug

post #3 of 10



i can totally relate.  i was in school w/ my first and had to drop out b/c i just didn't give a moon.gif


tried for my second after a m/c.  actually had morning sickness that pregnancy.  and every day was just survival.  i would wake up, make breakfast for my son and build him a train-track at the foot of my bed and go back to sleep while he played.  the huge blessing in my life was other mamas who were reaching out to me and my m/c made me so sad i had to respond so that i wasn't alone.  i became a beach bum for as much of that as possible, had a strict schedule to keep me seeing people and getting out w/ my son and many of my friends were other mothers who had the same problem.  i made a schedule and really focused on doing b/c i just didn't have anything internally to direct.


i spent a lot of time praying and seeking what to do next in my life.


and went back to school to become a health counselor.  of course, i got pregnant on the first weekend in school (in NYC) which was NOT MY PLAN!!!  i was so mad.  but then i was in this wonderful environment of learning, i had direction, and people and friends and clients and even more strict scheduling and focus!!


my husband is worried b/c i have clients and kids and loads of work and can't keep up and am always backed up and overwhelmed.  but it's better than the alternative of being undirected.  


i'd say pray- you might be being called into something, a new thing, or a different thing, and this discomfort may be just that movement in your soul to start seeking.  rest now- there's no rush.  but open that up and rest with it.  journal, meditate and pray and give yourself the room to grow.  right now you need to embrace growing and changing and resting but just know that it's your heart preparing you for change!!!!

post #4 of 10

I was lurking and joined this DDC just to respond. My last pregnancy (miscarriage) and this one were riddled with depression and anxiety. I'm nearing the end of my first trimester and have been on progesterone and I feel much much better. Unfortunately I had just started school this semester and ended up dropping everything already because I was so 'sick'. It sounds like pregnancy brought on some depression or anxiety. Talk to your provider and maybe a counselor about it. Your fears, concerns, and things you feel the need to mourn are normal but it shouldn't completely take over. (They're completely normal for planned pregnancies, even!)


Hugs mama<3 I really know how you feel.  

post #5 of 10
I think all of your feelings are completely understandable. I would likely feel just the same without a support system. Motherhood is so isolating anyway, but you have been so much more isolated and it must be so hard to fight the dark days without someone to talk to. I agree that a counselor would be good. I also wonder what else you can do to find some mama friends over there? Can you call some schools, churches, comm centers, yoga centers etc. to find groups and meetups? Even if you have to drive 45 mins. You need some regular friend time! Maybe you could task hubby with making some calls and helping you build a network? Maybe your midwife would have some ideas? Or a local hospital. I am so sorry you feel like this and admire your bravery. But it's definitely time for you to get some support!!
post #6 of 10
I totally agree about support. I'm an extrovert who wilts without people...

But, I wanted to add that you should do a vitamin mineral check. When I am not taking floradix, I get so tired and weak and blah, it probably seems like I am depressed, but really my iron is low. Also, I tend to feel anxious when my blood sugar is low. And I also get funky when I am dehydrated and my blood pressure drops. That causes feeling of doom and gloom for sure. A lot of getting through pregnancy for me is recognizing that all theese strange feelings are my body trying to tell me something. I can be beyond worried and sad because I don't know many people and don't know where ro find them and the house is a mess and and and...and I eat peanut butter and jelly sandwich and everything snaps back into focus again.

So, maybe the cause is more physical than emotional. Personally, I didn't need counseling or meds, I just needed to take much better care of myself. (I wasn't deliberately not taking care of myself, pregnancy just requires much more to keep things balanced).
post #7 of 10

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way, OtherSoul. I understand about feeling isolated and it being hard to make friends. I've been living in rural/northern Montana for the past year and a half and have found it hard to make friends, as most people that live here are elderly or just in different places in life. Slowly I've made a few friends, not many I would call close. I get bouts of depression still, for sure. And the loneliness sure does hurt. This is my first pregnancy and I have been seeming to struggle more with it. I know its hard for my husband to understand. I just feel very sad sometimes. I saw my midwife last week and she gave me vitamin D3 supplements. It has surely helped. I noticed that you're in Hawaii, though...surely you must get enough sunshine? In my regular, non pregnant life, I've struggled a bit with seasonal depression. I don't know if its the placebo affect, but I haven't felt nearly so sad this whole week. I agree with FisherFamily, your depression just may be a signal from your body that you're missing a nutrient. Ballard Baby's suggestion to find groups is a good idea...I also look at the events page in the local newspaper on a regular basis. I joined a knitting group where I was the youngest by 40 years. I learned a lot and it got me out of the house (need to start going again). You may not feel right at home with the new folks, but at least it takes your mind off things. Take care!

post #8 of 10

It really sounds a lot like depression.  I am very isolated too and don't have many friends.  No help at all, but my dh.  Pregnancy triggers both depression and anxiety for me, I guess it must be the hormones.  I suggest you talk to someone about it and consider medication if nothing else helps.  Depression during pregnancy increases your risk for PPD.  {{ hugs }}

post #9 of 10
As a professional counselor, I would strongly recommend that you connect with a counselor. You've gone through numerous life changes and that can be hard to deal with (even when the changes are positive). If you can't find on in your area, some counselors are starting to offer online counseling (just make sure they are licensed). Often individual counseling will lead to participation in peer support groups. Can definitely be a great long term source of solidarity.
post #10 of 10
Thread Starter 

Thanks everyone for the feedback.  I'm actually feeling a lot better now that I expressed myself here.  My situation definitely isn't ideal, but when I got pregnant and wanted another child I felt strongly at the time that I could handle it and things would work out.  I know this post sounded pretty depressing but I mostly just needed to vent.  I don't believe I need medication but I am open to finding a good therapist to talk to.  We're only going to be in Hawaii another year and a half and then I'll be back on the mainland living much closer to family and friends so I just need to keep plugging along.  Island fever is an actual condition, and I have it.  But I'm going to make the best of my situation.  I've decided to take up knitting and learn to make scarves, mittens, hats and socks.  I feel like that will help because I'll need those things eventually when I leave the island.  I basically just need to keep myself as productive and proactive as I possibly can.  

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