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The Apprentice
9pm, BBC1

Inside his state-of-the-art HQ, deep inside an extinct volcano, Sir Alan sits flanked by his very own Rosa Klebb and Oddjob, preparing to grill Claire, Lee, Helene and Alex. Hopefully he'll do it over a very big barbecue. After marinating in their own juices for the last 12 weeks, they're certainly ripe for it - but not before one final task that involves launching a new men's fragrance with the help of the already jettisoned contestants.

Britain's Biggest Babies
9pm, ITV1

It's not rocket science, says one doctor here, to say that obesity is going to result in more maternal deaths. Indeed not. Moreover, as some babies are born so big that their collar bones and arms are broken during delivery, it seems that death and damage are a danger for all involved. From 34-year-old, 23-stone Karen, who, helpfully for any forgetful lover, has her name tattooed on her ripe belly, to obese twins Sara and Lisa, who both gave birth to babies over 12lbs, a selection of mothers are interviewed, including one who proclaims that her hefty toddler "loves her chips". And whose fault, you wonder, is that?

Back to You
9.30pm, More4

Though any show is going to be something of a come-down after Frasier, Kelsey Grammer's return to sitcom - as a "preening gasbag" of a news anchor - is still disappointing. Comparisons with Anchorman and the brilliant Drop the Dead Donkey are inevitable, and Back to You comes off worse. The traditional sitcom is dead: Back to You is a stake through the heart to make sure it stays that way.

Naked Parents: Hidden Lives
10pm, Five

Though not, you might reasonably think, hidden enough. To be filed under "And you thought your mum and dad were embarrassing", this examination of naturist parents is the usual freak show of odd individuals who prefer nudity to normality, especially, it seems, while ironing, making cups of tea and washing up. Anything that involves hot water, really. Packed though it is with mountains of pallid, quivering flesh, hairy dangling bits and pendulous breasts, it's nevertheless an empty hour with a cast of League of Gentlemen-esque characters. Call social services, someone.