Spain's skinny Zidane back at last to lift Deportivo

Juan Carlos Valerón Santana returned to inspire Deportivo to victory last night, but he has a job to do to keep them up, says Sid Lowe
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There were still 15 minutes to go when the board went up, the fourth official flashing it around like a bejeweled dolly-bird in high heels and not very much else. The number on it belonged to Mexican playmaker José Andrés Guardado, the afternoon's finest performer. But rather than trudge slowly, dejected to the touchline shaking his frizzy head in disgust, the Deportivo de La Coruña midfielder started shaking his fists in celebration, a huge grin stretching across his face as he bounded, almost Pleat-like, across the pitch. A roar went up from Riazor, and soon they were joined by football fans all over Spain.

Not because Depor were on their way to a 3-1 win over Valladolid but because waiting on the touchline was a thin, awkward bloke from the tiny Canary Islands town of Arguineguín, an evangelist so devout he sponsors a local team called Abrisajac - Abraham, Issac and Jacob welded together in the kind of clumsy compromise that makes you wish Chris Rea would join Dire Straits. A bloke with a voice so ludicrously high, so silly, it makes Joe Pasquale sound like James Earl Jones, with a dead man's tendon inserted into his knee but not a bad bone in his body, and a look of nervy relief on his face.

His name is Juan Carlos Valerón Santana and he is a player of class, touch and vision, described by one commentator as "Spain's Zidane, only better" and by team-mate Manuel Pablo as "unique". Nicknamed el flaco (the skinny one), he seemed too nice to succeed but succeeded anyway in the side that destroyed Arsenal at Highbury and Manchester United at Old Trafford, and reached a Champions League semi-final. Quiet, likeable, utterly unpretentious, he is universally admired, even by fans of Real Madrid whose 100th birthday he helped to ruin by winning the Copa del Rey at the Santiago Bernabéu, earning Depor hero status in the half of the country that was thoroughly sick of the centenary. He is the most graceful, unusual playmaker; an apparently feeble man permanently stuck in slow motion, putting the brakes on and watching opponents race by, unable to stop - like cartoon characters careering off a cliff.

Or at least he was. Before 6.45pm yesterday evening, Valerón hadn't run on to a football pitch for 378 days. The last time he did run on, he had to be carried off again. A torn cruciate ligament in his left knee had him on the edge of retirement. He was talked about like an ex-player, a deceased footballer. As one guidebook pen picture put it: "Valerón might never play again, but he'll always be a great."

He has played just 15 minutes in two years, been under the knife three times, and spent a couple of months training in a different colour bib - a warning not to tackle him. Even with the bib removed, even with Valerón insisting they hit him, even with one goalie punching the other in the face, yielding eight stitches, six months in jail and over 8,000 in fines, and even at a club where players have headbutted managers, beaten up journalists and turned on fans, no one really dared. Hardly surprising: not only is Valerón the footballing equivalent of a guy in glasses, he's been here twice before - and twice broken down again. Which is why Riazor's delight was tinged with fear, why the chants of "Valerón! Valerón!" were an act of prayer as much as worship, and why Spain was so glad to see his suffering end but concerned lest it start up all over again.

Which was also why another smooth nutmeg on a hapless defender was the best thing Spanish football saw this weekend. Better even than the fighting and cheating-fest at the end of Sevilla-Osasuna, complete with throttling, bottling and coppers wading in. Better than Madrid's impressive 3-2 victory over Villarreal; Levante beating Murcia thanks to the worst penalty ever and the striker being treated "like a slave"; Zaragoza's brilliant trick of facing Racing three times in a fortnight under three different coaches, bringing Jabo Irureta back to La Liga; Javier Clemente and Iran joining forces in another accident waiting to happen; or even the latest episode of Ronald Koeman's Comedy Hour. This week, Ronald builds a wall but still can't build anything approaching a team!

But if Spain was happy to see Valerón, for Deportivo his return was more significant still. Even without playing, it's as if his presence brings hope to a thoroughly depressed club. Just over 12 months ago, with Deportivo winless in nine and relegation-bound, he was included in the squad and they beat Madrid 2-0, sparking a mini-revival that saved them. Yesterday, Deportivo clinched a first home victory since September. "Valerón is one of the most important solutions to our problems," remarked coach Miguel-Ángel Lotina.

When Valerón ran onto the pitch, a ray of sunshine sneaked into the rainiest, most melancholic corner of Spain. Trouble is, the club's problems go deeper than a footballing genius with a voice like a kid sucking on a helium balloon. Despite yesterday's victory they remain second bottom. They have a deadpan coach the players don't believe in and a bank account with no money in. The players who brought success have gone and the long, long list of those who replaced them on the cheap have not replaced them at all. Bodipo and Lopo, like Valerón, have been injured. They got Rikki from Getafe but might as well have got Ricky from Eastenders. The "Baby Depor" kids showed that if you're bad enough, you'll never be old enough. And striker Rubén has suffered four relegations in six years, hardly boding well for a club in steady decline - from five successive top three finishes, Deportivo have finished eighth, eighth and 13th in the last three years. Right now, they'd settle for 17th, for staying up and the skinny one staying fit.

Results Athletic 1-1 Barcelona, Recreativo 1-3 Getafe, Espanyol 1-2 Betis, Deportivo 3-1 Valladolid, Valencia 0-1 Almería, Madrid 3-2 Villarreal, Mallorca 1-0 Atlético [here we go again?], Murcia 2-3 Levante, Racing 2-2 Zaragoza.

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