Ask Hadley

What is the point of cufflinks? If I wear a peep-toe shoe do I have to paint my nails?
Stella McCartney peep toe shoe
Get out the nail varnish. Photograph: Linda Nylind

What is the point of cufflinks?

Martin Grossman, London

Well, aside from the blinking obvious, not flipping much. Like watches and stupid trainers, cufflinks are basically just a sop to those men who wish that, like women, they were allowed to have fun with accessories, but aren't quite camp enough for a man bag. Ooh, Louis Vuitton cufflinks - you're already drooling, aren't you, Martin? Poor men. It's almost enough to make you pity the dumb beasts.

There is, though, a slightly different demographic for whom the cufflink was invented and that is the the-world's-my-stand-up in-house comedian. Here is a guy who fancies himself to be a little bit [insert jazz hands] wacky and is a firm believer in the maxim that if it was funny once, it will be funny the 12th time. For this gentleman, the cufflink is not so much an accessory as a form of personal expression. Look! Here's a pair that makes a smiley face when you point them up, but a frowny face when you point them down! And here's a pair that is a martini glass on the left side and a naked woman on the right, just like George Clooney surely wears! George Clooney, my left foot - George Bush more like. And here's a classy pair that is just a set of snake eye dice! The endless bounty of hilarity!

The comedy cufflinks are actually on a marginally higher level of naffness than the comedy tie, simply because of their pretence of subtlety. It's the difference, if you require a feminine allegory (or metaphor, or whatever - what do I know, I'm just a fashion writer), between a Minnie Mouse-style dress and gimmicky shoes with a photo of a Yorkshire terrier on them for no good reason, as used to be sold in Office. Ultimately, the message is the same ("I'm quite annoying") but whereas the dress-wearer embraces her identity, the shoe- or, in this case, the cufflink-wearer thinks he's being ever so sly and sniggers with self-delight. And no one likes a sniggerer.


Isabelle Long, by email

Depends on the look you're going for. If it's full-on 40s vamp, "Hiya boys, remember me on the homefront, boop boop be do," kinda thing, then, yes, you do, and they must be either deep red or candy pink. If you're more of an au naturel, tres française in a Brigitte Bardot, letting it all hang out sorta way, then no, you don't. But "letting it all hang out" does not mean yellowed cuticles and scabby toe pads: as may have been mentioned on this page once or twice before; the French have a grating ability to carry off a low-maintenance look very well because it actually requires quite a lot of, well, maintenance.

Charlotte Gainsbourg is an excellent example, if I do say so myself: here is a young lass who looks as if she never bothers with fiddly things like makeup yet has the most perfect skin this side of Kristen Scott Thomas; whose hair always manages to look all sexy and rumpled, but never tangled and flat; whose outfits have a very "Oh, this old thing? I just threw it on without a glance in the mirror" air about them, but those "old things" just happen to be a pair of vintage YSL trousers and a jumper from the maestro's last collection. All in all, quite impressive but, more overwhelmingly, quite demoralising.

So the moral of this story, Isabella, is, either way, you're screwed. Either you have to bother with painting your toe nails, or you have to have a proper pedicure. Unless you're French, of course, in which case both are probably part of your daily routine. If you're English, on the other hand, you're probably chucking away the peep toes as we speak.


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