Leonardo DiCaprio Is Going to Torture and Murder You

Well, if you are an actor in the new movie where he plays a serial killer, at least. Also today: the sweet, sweet success of Jamie Chung, James McAvoy lends his voice out, and Cameron Crowe casts.

If you, like maybe me, have spent countless nights praying to Santa-god that you will get James McAvoy for Christmas, well... prayer works. I mean, it sort of works. It works like wishing on a monkey's paw works. You're sort of getting James McAvoy for Christmas, but he is not wrapped in a bow and nothing else and handing you a cup of mulled wine and patting the sofa asking you to come cuddle up. No, instead he is just doing a voice for a movie called Arthur Christmas, about Arthur, the son of Santa. Which, what? Santa's last name isn't Christmas. He isn't Santa Christmas. Hello? Claus? Or if they didn't want to copy Fred Claus he could have been Arthur Kringle. Just outrageous. Well, you'll have to excuse me now, I made a monkey's paw wish for Andrew Garfield and the next day some stupid cat named Andrew who wants lasagna all the time showed up at my house. So, time to make the lasagna. [Variety]

Cameron Crowe, a guy who made some good movies a long time ago I think but mostly there's just Elizabethtown, is putting together the cast for his next movie, We Bought a Zoo, based on a memoir about a family that, well... they buy a zoo. Anyway, Matt Damon's been on board for a while, and now he needs his leading lady. It's not the wife, because, well, the wife dies. Anyway. He's rumored to be looking at: Amy Adams (Leap Year), Rachel McAdams (The Hot Chick), Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Live Free or Die Hard), and Scarlett Johansson (masturbation fantasies). Is it just me, or is it sort of beyond comprehension that Scarlett Johansson could be on the same short list as Amy Adams? That is like wanting spicy food and cotton candy at the same time. It just doesn't make sense! I think he should go with Rachel McAdams, because she is the best of all of them. Or me. I'll go work at a zoo with Matt Damon. Wha'do I care? Sure. Sign me up. [Deadline]

Uh oh! Watch out, late-1800s Chicago World's Fair attendees! Leonardo DiCaprio is coming to murder you. He's set to star as famous killer H.H. Holmes in a movie adaptation of the bestselling nonfiction book The Devil in the White City, which tells the parallel stories of architect Daniel Burnham and Holmes, sometimes deemed "America's first serial killer." While I've not read the book (I know, I know), Holmes' story is fascinating and macabre; he built an entire "murder castle" wherein he played Saw-like murder games with his victims. Our beloved Leo, a nefarious villain?? I don't know if I can bear it! (Yeah, I can bear it. Because I totally have to see the Murder Castle movie.) [THR]

Ohhh goodness! Lucas Grabeel, what plays the homo in High School Musical (it's funny to say THE homo in HSM, thus implying there is but one), is going to be on a new ABC Family pilot called Switched at Birth. It's about two teen gurlz (no, sadsack Richard, stop clutching your collar and gasping excitedly, Grabeel will not be playing one of the girls, those things don't happen, because you don't control TV yet, but when you do, and you will, it'll be a gender-bending fantasia, don't you worry) who are, um, switched at birth, so the one who's supposed to grow up rich grows up poor and vice versa. The poor one is deaf because of meningitis. Yiiikes. Lucas Grabeel will play one of the rich girl's brudders. This show sounds intriguing! Pick it up, please, ABC Family. (Hah, I just typed AMC Family. Now THAT would be a network! Again, when I rule television...) [Deadline]

Oh my gosh. Jamie Chung, Real World: San Diego alum turned actress, has signed on to play a major role in The Hangover 2. I love that. I have never even seen Jamie Chung act, but I love that she's working in big movies, because she did one of those Real World/Road Rules Challenge shows, but just one. And then she went on to a movie career, and all those other bloated rum monsters kept bellying up to the MTV bar, asking for more and more and more, until they became blubbery shells of their formal selves. I mean, the people who keep going on those Challenge shows are seriously some of the most pathetic people in this country and they must hate that Jamie Chung is doing so well. Oh how it must burn them so!!! I love thinking about that, because I am an awful person. Also, you know what's funny? The one Challenge that Jamie did, her first and last one? Ha, her team won it and she was there at the end. Ha. That must chap CT's and Wes's and Evelyn's asses so bad. They should do a whole Challenge series that's called Regulars vs. Jamie and in it the regulars are all sweating and heaving and bellowing at each other on some ridiculous obstacle course and meanwhile Jamie just goes to her IMBD page and shows it to TJ Lavin and, cue foghorn, the competition is over. Jamie has won. And always will. Glorious. [THR]