Love and Relationships

with Mary Jo Rapini

Before School Begins, Cyber-Bully Proof Your Kids

Back to school ads are full of new clothes, running shoes, and back packs. The photos show smiling kids with perfectly groomed hair, freshly brushed teeth, a book bag on their back, and looking forward to the beginning of school. None of these kids appear to be anxious, sleep deprived, or worried about the stranger who is sending them bad texts or posting on their Facebook wall. The ads won’t show that, because many times with cyber-bullying we don’t see those things. This is the reason cyber-bullying is so dangerous to your child. The secret bully lurking behind the screen is many times someone they actually know, but with a different alias.

This year, along with the clothes, back packs, and perfect shoes, make sure you educate your child in regards to safety on the internet, social networking and texting. After cyber-bullying begins, it is very difficult to stop, and it never ends without hurting your child’s self esteem. It’s estimated by the National Education Association that up to 160,000 kids miss school each day for fear of being embarrassed, bullied, or both. Being proactive is the advantage every parent has before school ever begins. Sit down and go through the rules with your child or take several nights and make flash cards with your child to help them remember.

True Care Online is a company that I am an expert for. They encourage parents to learn and be involved with what their children are doing online. They also offer 24 hour monitoring for parents whose children are followed by a bully or are at high risk for cyber-bully behavior. They believe if parents are proactive and engage with their children each day about who they are talking to, they will have the advantage of knowing when and if something is out of the ordinary. Together we provide the following tips to parents. It is called “Back to Basics 101”:

  1. 1. Discussion. Discussion. Discussion.
    Parents must have a good sense about what’s going on in their kid’s online world. Since using Facebook and other social media sites has become a daily routine for kids, it needs to be part of the daily conversation.

  1. Keep the Computer in a Common Area
  1. 3. Manners for Texting, E-Mailing or Chatting Online
    As you have in every aspect of your child’s life, set the expectations for manners and appropriate behavior. Coach them to behave as you have taught them in real life.  Typed content is the same as verbal communication. Digital manners need to be reinforced just as regular manners do.

  1. Understand the Settings of Social Media Sites
    Settings can sometimes be difficult to find and hard to navigate. Understanding the settings can save you time and heartache down the road. They control what information people can and can’t see and what information is sent out upon posting.  You are the parent, be certain that any preferences or settings are set to your liking. Also remember that Facebook prohibits children under 13 from even having a Facebook account. Being a good parent means setting strong boundaries.
  1. Posting Pictures – Interpretation is in the Mind of the Beholder
    Make sure that your children are aware that mistakes do happen and so-called private messages go public, or that sometimes people you trust make mistakes in judgment.  Once a photo hits a social media site, it can be downloaded and reposted across the entire web within hours.  It’s okay to tell your kids “No picture sending until you are over the age of 18 years unless I approve it.”
  1. 6. Kids and Adults Should Not Be Friends
    Don’t allow your kids to “friend” adults on social media sites. When your child connects with an adult, even if it’s a trusted friend or relative, they are exposed to the adult content and images posted on that adult’s site.
  1. 7. Teach Children What to Do if They Get an Offensive or Threatening IM, E-mail, or Chat Room Post
    The latest statistics indicate that 42% of children have been the victim of an online bully. Of that number, 58% never discussed the situation with their parents.

  1. 8. If Your Child Has a Social Media Account, They are at Risk
    No one can hide on the Internet.  A social media account allows for some of a child’s personal information to be viewable in a search engine. Be certain that content is managed appropriately. Performing a Google search every once in a while may be a good idea to make sure that you’re aware of your kid’s online presence.

Parents need to tell their children frequently that whatever they post never goes away, it usually goes around. Many children don’t understand the danger of what they post as they live in the present. Being a parent who provides strong, clear boundaries can cyber-bully proof your child, and help deter your child from being a victim or aggressor. –Mary Jo Rapini

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Mary Jo Rapini, Licensed Relationship and Family Therapist

22 Responses

  1. Great Post even though I don’t agree with everything you said.

    • maryjorapini says:

      Clickbank Scam Reviews, You never have to agree with everything I said. However, if you can offer something that will help others I would really appreciate hearing it. I write the articles, but as you can see, I think the comments have such power to heal. Please, I encourage you to give to others, by offering your opinion. Thanks for reading and commenting. Mjo

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  3. rtyecript says:

    I really liked the article, and the very cool blog

  4. AgonyOfSlumber says:

    An awful lot of you seem to have all kinds of ideas about how to handle bullying, how to make your kids use fake names on Facebook, how to prevent them from using it at all. Try having a teenager, see how well your plans work out. 1. They aren’t going to tell you everything that happens- Facebook, text, or otherwise. 2. If you have them register with a fake name, odds are high they’ll create a second account. Watch for it. Do searches on Facebook occasionally on their REAL name, see what comes up. Facebook is just like anywhere else on the internet, you can make as many accounts as you can get away with…and when someone wants to hide something, they’ll find a way. Forming a strong relationship with your kids is the only solution.

  5. chris says:

    getting bullying is a way of life and it helps the weak get stronger..teach our kids how to get past it and not avoid it. Trust me bullying never goes away, just the physical contact will go away as you get older, but ppl still get bullied in the office.

  6. SHIPLEY says:

    Teach you kids how to “kick ass”.


  8. Chris says:

    These are good tips. Thank you.

  9. Explain: says:

    What kind of idiot would put his real name on the internet? No sympathy for them!

    • Plexico says:

      You would be surprised that the vast majority of kids use their real names when they go on Facebook. My daughter gave me such crap about using a fake name, but I held my ground. Just because “everybody does it” doesn’t mean that everybody is not an idiot.

  10. Meow says:

    Just how many of your kids would take up for someone being bullied, mine did and was suspended. He vows to never do it again. The Schools are so totally messed up with their values, it no wonder the children are confused.

  11. Bob says:

    Cyber Bullying, I still cannot believe how far we have dummied down society.

  12. rrr says:

    facebook is for total idiots. try having a real life and real friends.

    • Blueski says:

      Your the idiot. I’m an adult and I love facebook. It helps me keep in contact with family and friends that is not possible in todays busy world without it. I have family in other states that I can see what is going on in their lives every day. How else am I supposed to do this? As for kids mine was raised well enough I don’t have to worry about her on facebook. Shes not stupid. And parents should always be a friend to their kid so you can see who they talk to. duh.

    • SHIPLEY says:

      Your right…Facebook is for dummys.

  13. Captain Cook says:

    Sadly, some people (children and adults) think they are bulletproof and do not understand the risks of the current social media. New companies and jobs are being created to protect people from themselves and from preditors. On one hand, you can pay a company to find people, on the other hand, you can pay someone to prevent people from finding you. Bullies have been around since the inception of time. Parents cannot protect their children for every bully and maybe some kids need to be told the truth about their behavior from someone other than a doting parent. I pitty these poor young people when they hope to make it in the workplace or in politics and especially in global competitions when NOT EVERYONE is ethical but you still have to learn to DEAL WITH IT.

  14. Plexico says:

    One thing you can do to give your kid a measure of privacy is to tell them if they want to go on Facebook, they have to use a fake name. It may not do much for cyber-bullying, but it makes it much harder for college admissions people, potential employers, etc. from being able to snoop on them.

  15. drifter007 says:

    Would you as an adult give your kid a Smith&Wesson and say now don’t point that at anyone. How about letting your twelve year old have the keys to the car and say keep it under the speed limit. Most adults would go slack jawed and look at you as if you were stupid. So why would any adult with minimal intelligents give full reign of a computer to a kid under eighteen years of age. I’m aware that Soap Opera Book allows kid thirteen and older to open accounts. How many thirteen year olds do you know that are social geniuses. I feel sorry for the things that are happening to the kids as they need an adult figure to keep them safe. As far as todays parents, I just shake my head feel ashamed of the generation of parents that my generation spawned.

    • drifter007 says:

      Doh! intelligence!

    • tjohnson says:

      I, too, despaired of the job this generation is doing as parents. Then, yesterday, while eating in a popular restaurant, I actually saw a misbehaving child being tken out of the restaurant by a disapproving parent. When they came back in, I was ready to give the parent a big reward. The child behaved quite well for the rest of the meal. Add Mom and Dad dback into the bullying equation and I bet it would lower the incidences of bullying.