How Would You Cheat In the 24 Hours Of LeMons?

With the news that Corvettes have finally entered LeMons, the floodgates are likely to open for other semi-exotic hardware. The 'Vette was probably legit, but cheaters have almost certainly won LeMons before. What would you try?

We've asked the always loquacious and often-times polarizing Jack Baruth, the author of SpeedSportLife's "Avoidable Contact," reigning champion in the high-stakes game of auto forum trolling and three-time runner-up for the "Color Blind Drivers of America Annual Achievement Award" to step in this week on Question of the Day. — Ed.

You don't need to cheat to win LeMons. I won the first round-the-clock one (Flat Rock 2007) with a second-generation Supra that hadn't even had its oil changed. All you need is to take long driver stints (two hours minimum, three hours preferred), avoid contact, make every reasonable pass while skipping every unreasonable one, and have solid mechanical help in the pits. If you follow that strategy and have a relatively reliable car, you will finish at or near the top, guaranteed. The undeniable truth of this in no way deters people from showing up with everything from ten-thousand-dollar Improved Touring racers to five-hundred-horsepower, hand-built LS V-8s. Most of the time, these efforts end in obscene numbers of pre-race penalty laps or spectacular on-track failure, but I can think of one or two times where a ringer made it to the podium.

I have an idea for a LeMons cheater. I'd start with a Super Stock car from my local oval track, and then I'd put just enough interior parts back in the car to make it look like it had recently been somebody's street-whip, dubbed-out Cutlass Supreme. Factory exhausts would quiet it enough to avoid enraging the judges or the fellow competitors. Then I'd sandbag in 10th place or so until after People's Curse. It's not a bad idea, but I suspect there are better ones out there. Let's hear your ideal LeMons Cheater, shall we? And don't bother to suggest running a NASA SE-R Cup car. It's. Been. Done.
