DEAR AMY: I am lucky enough to have both parents still living and in general good health. They live independently in senior housing. I realize that with age comes a certain amount of "slowing down." However, one thing that seems to be slipping a little for them is general hygiene.

Sometimes they just smell a little "off," have greasy hair, bad breath or stray hairs growing in odd places. My mother has decided that they don't need to wash their clothes often because they don't get dirty.

Well, they do get dirty. Their facility does not have care available, otherwise I would ask for an assistant to clue them in. How do I bring this up without hurting the feelings of my dear parents?

Querying Daughter


You can broach this by offering to help with some of the little daily chores and hygiene issues that might have become difficult for them. Tell your parents: "Sometimes it smells a little stale in here when I come in. How about I do your laundry for you every Saturday? We'll change the sheets together and launder all of your clothes."


Also -- please -- offer to help them with their hair, etc. It may be challenging for them to see clearly what is out of place, and it might have become physically difficult to wash thoroughly. In my experience, this sort of personal care offers a level of intimacy that might be beautiful for all of you.



Before moving in together, I got rid of a lot of household items. Now, in my single state, in addition to replacing those small things, I also find myself having to make some larger purchases for furniture.

I have a birthday coming up and plan to throw a brunch party. Is it inappropriate to have a small gift registry? There are some things I need.

Is there a way to tactfully let them know that some household items that cost less than $20 would be preferred?

Suddenly Single

DEAR SINGLE: You can approach this awkwardness by throwing yourself an "I'm Suddenly Single" birthday bash/apartment-warming party. Instead of a registry, you could ask your guests to help restock your kitchen with small implements. You cook the eggs -- they bring the wooden spoons, dish towels, etc.

