Not able to trust and move now/h

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Not able to trust and move now/h
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 2:36pm
I found out a little over one year ago that my h was obsessively email erotic massage people. I was checking my email on his phone when his secret email account popped up with thousands of emails from as a far back as 2005. I later found out that he had first created the account when we were dating in 2001. I had just started to go through the emails when became downstairs and could tell by the look on my face that something wasn't right. At first he denied everything, then he let me see into his account and I could see that he had actually followed through and had seen one prostitute that only offered hand jobs (?) and had had 2erotic massages over the past 5 years. A little background info about us is that last year at that time I was 8 months pregnant and we had a 3 and 5 y/o. We started therapy right away and I decided to stick it out temporarily for the baby. He has been doing everything "right" this past year but I do not trust him. I still feel like he is very distant and I feel very lonely in the marriage. Last night after we went to bed I woke up and he was gone, he thn came back in the room and said he had got up to watch snl. It may be true but I have post traumatic stress because over the past 5 years when he couldn't sleep he would get up and look at porn. The other thing is that he did most of his cheating at work. He has a flexible job where he can come and go. He also had a emotional affair at work that I realized about afterwards. So I just feel like I can't trust him one bit...... What would you do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 7:09pm
Actually yes it does sound believable. Especially the too afraid of getting a std and even the too cheap. BECAUSE both would lead to you finding out. So knowing he is doing stuff he shouldn't be doing, those are two good (in his mind) reasons to not go further. Addictive behaviors are so hard to understand by those of us who don't have those traits.
Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 5:50pm

I would find out what is missing in his life and try to fullfill his unmet needs.

If that didn't work, I would kick his ass to the curb and move on. 

What is the sense of being married to someone you can't trust?

