Reviews for Secrets of the Past
whylime chapter 1 . 5/23/2005
Hey, I saw that you reviewed my story so I came to check out what you have posted. I have only read the first chapter so far, but I am mostly leaving this post to bring balance to this message board. Some of those remarks were really uncalled for (esp. the one about dectuplets being impossible - hello this is fiction!). Anyway you should be congratulated for having the dedication to write a story this long and complex.

I'll post again when I've finished to tell you what I think about it. :)
LanceIsHot chapter 37 . 11/19/2004
Okay, well i read your story, you should be proud, yours is one of the only one's i've ever read with OC's and that was more than 10 chapters, its taken me forever to read. i can't say i like the dec...duc...the ten people, there mean! yeah, thats the worst insult i have, but, Lance was a total brat! i mean, i understand he and scott didn't get along, but keeping him in chains and beating him? doesn't that make him the bad guy?

And also, the mom's been in a coma for years, shouldn't they have made a bigger deal out of it, i Know i'm probably the only one who cares, but, still, if i was in a coma for that long, i'd want people to notice.

Also, once again, some stupid little thing that nobody else noticed, but, being the idiot that i am, have to point out, Arthurs supposed to be a good guy, right? then why did he insult guirell...guiello...well, you know who i mean, that was just so low, he's a little kid, yeah, random i know.

Also, wow, this review is longer than most of my stories, I don't know where your going with Sissy, she seems, evil somehow, i mean, she purpoesly got Kitty pregnant, i mean, she didn't make her, but she set it up, and Lance is evil, and well, the plot was good, but, i don't know, this reveiw is so long i forgot what i was talking about,

oh, that reminds me (i'm truely sorry about all this btw) there were so many characters, i actually had to write down who was who, which, is pathetic i know, but i seriously couldn't keep up, and how some of the lines were in spanish, and, as my spanish teacher tells me all the time, i suck at spanish, so, i don't know, maybe some translations at the bottom? i think i missed some main points because i don't know how to translate.

Anyways, to wrap up this incredibly long and somewhat pointless review, i did actually enjoy the story plot, the thoery behind it at least, Lance getting kitty was cool, but the lengths he had to go 2 get her was a bit... extreme, i mean, marrying at 15? And the fact that Lance was a total jerk, well, upset me a bit, but, hey, your the author, I am going to read the sequel, to see what happens next, but, i didn't see as much lancitty as i thought i would, it mainly contained the girls, but, whatever.
Cactus Wren chapter 3 . 10/3/2004
Sorry it's taken me a while to read past Chapter 1 - busy. I'm intrigued by your character development. Most writers like to portray their original characters as possessing at least some likeable or positive characteristics, but you've taken a different tack. When Jean politely - and accurately - points out that the "dectuplets" are dressed in a fashion completely inappropriate and impractical for school, " " flies off the handle, snidely demanding, "{W}ho exactly are the people there to tell us what to do? They are nobody to judge us. I suppose they’re perfect?"

The matter of the class schedules is also intriguingly handled. "We have to be together", one of the sisters insists obstinately. But why? Apparently they just DO. And so, of course, they get their way. It doesn't matter how many people are inconvenienced, or that the school's entire schedule has to be rearranged to suit their little whim. The only thing that matters is that "the dectuplets" get their way.

Frankly, this isn't healthy. They are (aren't they?) individuals, not some sort of bizarre ten-headed unit. Eventually they'll have to live separate lives. They should have been attending school, and in separate classrooms, for at least ten years now.

But they are presenting themselves as a closed unit, showing the world a single face. Have they no idea how bizarre, how utterly creepy, it would be to have one's school invaded by ten identical and identically dressed newcomers who are neurotically unable to be separated? Perhaps they do, and it doesn't matter to them: certainly nothing else does, including rules that apply to everyone else. That the school has a dress code doesn't matter. That their class schedules have already been arranged doesn't matter. That other people's schedules have to be rearranged at the last minute, that they're throwing the entire school into a turmoil to suit their little whim, doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is their convenience.

You're taking a very interesting tack in characterization. I shall be interested to read the rest of your story and to observe the development and adjustment of these snide, maladapted, self-centered, bitchy, arrogant, superior, profoundly unlikeable young women.
Cactus Wren chapter 1 . 9/28/2004
Okay, so this story is set, I presume, in the immediate future. Which means your "dectuplets" (the correct term would be decuplets) were born in roughly the year 1990?

Er, no. At that time, the largest multiple birth on record to produce any surviving offspring was of septuplets: the Frustaci septs, born in 1985. Of those, only three have survived. All suffer from cerebral palsy and mental retardation.

At this writing, the largest litter - and I use that word deliberately - to have all its members survive is the McCaughey septuplets. Several of them have medical problems, including two with cerebral palsy. The largest multiple birth in which all the siblings were identical was the birth of the Dionne quintuplets in 1934.

A singleton birthing is a strain on a woman's system. The strain must go up exponentially for multiples. A woman's body simply is not designed to carry larger-order multiples: humans are not a litter-bearing species. Both Bobbi McCaughey and Nkem Chukwu were confined to bed with their cervixes sewed shut during the last weeks of their pregnancies, simply to prevent any of the fetuses falling out.

A uterus can only expand so far. The more fetuses that have to be crammed into it, the smaller they are going to be at term - and the less likely the pregnancy is to reach term in the first place, simply because the fetuses won't all fit. Thus, higher-order multiples are all too likely to be born as tiny, fragile, underdone, skinned-rabbit-looking things (do you have any idea what a one-pound neonate looks like?) with breathing problems and digestion problems, and to grow into tiny, fragile children with breathing problems, digestion problems, walking problems, vision problems, and thinking problems. (At least two of the McCaughey litter seem to be mentally handicapped: it's hard to be precise, because their mother is still in a perfect frenzy of denial.)

Decuplets can't happen. A woman cannot carry ten fetuses to term, or anything close to term, and have them all survive. It's simply not in the state of the medical art, and will not be for several decades if ever.
Black Pearl chapter 1 . 9/28/2004
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

First of all, even if you believe that ductuplets is a great idea, I seriously suggest you rethink it. It's a bad idea, especially if you are going to give them the same first name. Yep, as if they *weren't* confusing enough to begin with.

The idea may have worked well for Dr. Suess, but I doubt it will work at all here. Change the names and or eliminate some of the siblings. Less is more, author.

Secondly, I don't know who said it, but they *would* look ridiculous in public. Something less over the top would be better suited for the siblings, Like tee-shirts (with their names on the front) and blue jeans.

Also, I think you've managed to give birth the the largest group of Mary Sues ever. Congratulations.

And finally, unless the cat's really a mutant, has been mutated, or is a cat from space bent on world domination, I think it would be a better idea to let it be a normal cat. Lord knows all those Marias are enough.

BP the cookie monster
x-BeypokeDigiTeenTitansfan chapter 33 . 9/27/2004
It was ok I like it I just hope Scott and rogue to be together but even their not never mind _
Anc7 chapter 1 . 9/11/2004
nice story. keep it up...
Chaos-Shadow05 chapter 8 . 9/4/2004
Well, you wanted a review, so here's mine! Cool story, Lance is my favourite character! I don't have any flames but try to make your chapters a bit longer! This story rocks! Update soon! By the way, if you have time, check out my first fanfiction 'The Elements Of Apocalypse'it's finished now... but hey! This story is too good not to updated quickly!