Kingdom Hospital
Goodbye Kiss

Episode Report Card
Sobell: B- | Grade It Now!
Physician, learn to shut your mouth

Dr. Stegman is stalking down the hall, Dr. Abelson churning in his wake. He fusses over a Project Morning Air sticker on the door, and she peels it off for him with great ceremony. And then he tells some log-toting woman to get back in her hospital bed. Kidding! I just wanted to comment on how irritating the whole "quirky crap happening for no discernible reason" business is.

Mrs. D is carrying around her doll and her magic crystal as she wanders hither and yon. If she's hoping to attract Stevie Nicks, she's nowhere close. She wanders through the door labeled "Johnny B. Goode," and Johnny looks up from his copy of Bag of Bones (subtle, Steve) to greet Bobby and Mrs. D, and snot about how Bobby's carrying Mrs. D's bag. Bobby says, "Hi, Johnny," uncomfortably, and Johnny, still on the subject of the bag, replies, "Debonair, but sleek." Bobby and Mrs. D wander off again, and the phone rings. Johnny answers, "Maintenance."

Back in Steg's office, Dr. Abelson is picking up books and twittering around. Dr. Stegman says, "That isn't your job." On the other end of the line, Johnny answers, "All I did was pick up the phone. And it is my job." Stegman says he's from the neuroscience department, and "the earthquake has rendered my office a shambles. I need someone to put it right immediately, please." Johnny tells him that's housekeeping's bag, and Stegman shrills, "No! I want you to do it." Stegman asks, "Is this Goode? John B. Goode?" and Johnny lies, "Hawke. John's out with his teeth." He blows off the Steganator and goes back to reading his book. My kind of guy. Dr. Abelson then does the most disturbing thing I've seen on this episode -- rubs Stegman's back while chirping, "All better! Mama fixed it. See Mama fix office, and now Mama fix Steg. Kiss it and make it all better." Ew. Ew, ew, ew, ewwwwwww. The kissing was gross. Steg grumbles, "The head of the hospital is brainless, the staff are morons, Hook defies me at every turn." Abelson coos that he needs to calm down and try to play nice with the other MDs. Stegman grumbles that now "they want me to join this idiotic organization, the Keepers of the Kingdom…" He shouldn't grumble; this whole show keeps alluding to "The Old Kingdom," so clearly it's important.

The name rings a bell with Dr. Abel, who does the weird thumb-sucking greeting thing Drs. Hook and James did earlier. Dr. Abelson cuddles closer and asks about the Klingerman meeting. She's awfully canny -- I wonder if she's using him for some darker aim, or if this is just some sort of clumsy exposition. Maybe it's both. Stegman mutters about Renee Klingerman's threat to go to the medical review board, and says in a fit of self-pity, "Hasn't anyone ever told you, you go prospecting around in a person's nut, sometimes things happen?" Abelson gets a calculating look and says, "If things should go bad, the keepers may be able to help you." Stegman looks down and Abelson's eyes get very wide as she nods. She butters him up with, "You are a great man, Steg. You are a genius. A genius can see far, even from the shoulders of little men. So if you should run into problems with Mona's mother, for the Keepers, such problems sometimes go away." Steg looks thoughtful. Maybe he's imagining standing on people's shoulders and looking off into the middle distance. He and Abelson do the Keepers gesture together and laugh.


Kingdom Hospital




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