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Once a prude gets 'turned out,' there usually is no going back

Cécile de Volanges (Actress Uma Thurman) plays a very innocent, wholesome young lady who gets seduced by the amoral and promiscuous Vicomte Sébastien de Valmont (Actor John Malkovich) in the 1988 drama, "Dangerous Liaisons"

Can you turn a 'ho' into a housewife?

Famed rappers Jay-Z and Ludacris have some lyrics in their songs that suggest that you cannot. Many men I have conversed with say 'no,' 'hell no,' and 'no way.' A few others say, "It's possible."

In my opinion, it depends on what your definition of a 'ho' is. For every ten men you ask, "What is your specific definition of a 'ho'?" you're going to probably receive four or five different definitions.

If your definition of a 'ho' is a woman who has, or used to have, promiscuous tendencies, then I know a good number of women in this category who are currently married and playing the role of "happy housewife." Whether or not they are truly dedicated to being monogamous with their current husbands is another story.

Some men, who are into swinging and couple-swapping, might want a 'ho' as a wife. Gets them off.

Bottom line, I do not know if I can 100% agree with that adage.

The belief that I do agree fully with, and generally think is more valid, is that you cannot convert a kinky freak back into a prudish good girl. I will not go as far as to say that it is "impossible," but barring some sort of highly undesirable and really traumatic sexual experience (e.g., the woman gets raped, date-raped, or something similar), it is highly unlikely.

The vast majority of men who have daughters fear the day their daughter gets "turned out" by some guy who their daughter is infatuated with or intrigued by. I had a friend of mine by the name of Jason call into my talk radio podcast program, Upfront & Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie, last Thursday. At one point in the conversation, he said, "I've turned out a lot of women in my day ... and did the next guy a favor. Sometimes, I've had women come to me that had already been turned out by another brutha. He did me a favor."

What does it mean to be "turned out?" (I had a few female listeners, young in age, write me and ask me that question after last week's episode of my show concluded)

Let's say, you are a vegetarian. I offer you a bite of one of my jerk chicken wings. You say, "Well ... I don't know. After all, I am an active vegetarian ...." I say, "C'mon .... just have one bite. You know you want to taste this nice, juicy, grilled jerk wing ... it won't kill you ...." Finally, you say, "Okay ... just one bite of your jerk wing." You take a bite. You like the taste of it.

Now, to my surprise, you want ANOTHER bite. Instead of giving in to your wishes, I play with you a bit. I say, "No ... not so fast. Maybe next week. Or next month. But not right now." Next thing I know, you are like, "Please Alan .... please. Please let me have another bite of those delicious Caribbean jerk wings. PLEASE." What did I do? Even though you professed to being a vegetarian, I just "turned you out" on Caribbean jerk chicken wings.

Now ... I did not "force you" to take a bite. I did not put a gun to your head or even twist your arm. What I did was expose the fact that deep down, you really wanted to taste that jerk wing.

You ever wonder why men and women become addicted to alcohol, drugs, or other substances and activities? Without getting too lengthy or too academic, all of us have what is known as a "pleasure center" in our brains. Let's say that a thirty-floor building represents the various levels of enjoyment and satisfaction that your 'pleasure center' can experience.

Now if the highest floor you've ever visited is the twelfth floor, then you have no idea what you are missing on the fifteenth floor, twentieth floor, twenty-fifth floor, or thirtieth floor. But if someone invited you up to the twentieth floor - and it blew your mind - the twelfth floor is not going to seem as appealing any more. It's going to seem boring and mundane. Soon, you're going to start craving for a second, third, and fourth visit to the twentieth floor. Days, weeks, or months later, the twenty-first floor. Then, the twenty-second floor. And so on, and so on.

It's the same with sexual experiences for men and women. Most erotically conservative, 'prudish' type women can usually resist engaging in episodes of ultra-kinky, free-spirited, adventurous type sex because they really do not feel like they are missing anything. How could they miss the hedonistic pleasures of kinky sex if they have never indulged in even one episode of it?

This is where persuasive, charming guys with small "devil horns" on their head come into play. You noticed that I did not say, "coercive and/or abusive guys."

If I am dating a woman, and she just has no interest in having sex in public (like say, on a beach or in a park), and I start yelling at her, trying to make her feel bad or feel guilty for not wanting to accommodate me, and basically start trying to 'force' her to engage in a sexual act that she has no desire to, that is not representative of 'turning a woman out.' That would be foul. That is more so trying to forcibly turn a woman into your own personal sex slave against her will.

To truly turn a woman out is when a woman already possesses some degree of 'curiosity' toward a particular sexual activity, but she has resisted the temptation to indulge up to this point because of the 'taboo' or 'wildly kinky' nature of the activity. For example, the woman who deep-down has always wanted to perform fellatio on a partner of hers while he is driving, but her very religious mother told her as a teenager, "Good girls do not do such things." It is not so much that she is not interested in performing oral sex ... it's just that her mind keeps listening to her mother's domineering voice.

Alan Roger Currie's definition of "Turning someone out": Anytime a man or woman is able to persuade their spouse, partner, or casual sex lover to develop an enjoyable 'addiction' toward an erotic activity that this particular man or woman initially was very reluctant to indulge in because of the taboo or openly free-spirited nature of the erotic activity.

A handful of specific examples:

  • A woman initially refuses to use any sort of profane or erotically explicit language during foreplay or sex, but weeks or months later, because of the persuasiveness of her husband, long-term boyfriend, or casual lover, she now is practically addicted to engaging in X-rated erotic dirty talk. Verdict: She got 'turned out' on the idea of talking dirty.
  • A woman initially has a strong, adverse reaction to the suggestion by her boyfriend of them inviting another woman into their bedroom to engage in a ménage à trois; Six months later, this same woman is now regularly introducing her boyfriend to her attractive girlfriends and inviting them to have sex with her and her boyfriend. Verdict: This woman's boyfriend 'turned her out' on the idea of engaging in threesomes and group sex.
  • A woman initially only wants to have sex in the bedroom of her apartment; Weeks later, a charming guy who she is smitten with persuades her to have sex at the beach, and she slowly but surely starts warming up to the idea of having sex in public. Verdict: She got 'turned out' on the idea of having sex in public places.
  • A woman initially presents herself as a young lady who will only have sex with a man within the context of marriage, or at minimum, within the context of a long-term monogamous relationships ... but after indulging in a one-night stand with a male celebrity who she greatly adored, she is now very open to the idea of short-term, non-monogamous 'casual' sex with a number of other men she meets. Verdict: The male celebrity 'turned her out' on the idea of spontaneous, instantaneous sexual gratification with new male acquaintances
  • A man who initially categorized phone sex as 'silly,' 'stupid,' and 'a waste of time' has a woman he previously dated make him realize that hot, kinky phone sex can not only be enjoyable for him, but that he could actually earn some money from it (hint, hint, wink, wink). Verdict: The man who initially despised phone sex later on becomes damn near fanatical about the activity because a former flame 'turned him out' on the idea of enjoying phone sex and even profiting from it.

Returning to my original point, 90-99% of the time, once you turn a woman (or man) out ... there is no turning back.

Let's say that every woman falls on a scale from "1" to "10," with "1" representing a woman that is full of nothing but prudish thoughts, attitudes and beliefs and "10" representing a woman who is so kinky and open-minded that she would make the average adult film actress blush; Once a woman makes the transition from a "3" to an "8," she is not going to make a good wife for a man who is looking for a spouse who is a "5" or a "6." She can 'play the role' indefinitely .... but soon, she is going to become bored and start looking for a man who is more her "speed."

Sexual compatibility is crucial in marriages and long-term relationships. Realistically, very few relationships or marriages will be enjoyable, satisfying, or long-lasting if the woman is an "8" and the man is a "3" or the woman is a "2" and the man is a "9." At maximum, the relationship is going to end ... and at minimum, someone is going to cheat.

This is why many conservative mothers and overprotective fathers want their daughter's husbands to be the only men to "turn out" their daughters. They do not want "Joe Womanizer" from her college football team who has no plans on marrying her to convert her from a conservative prude into a wild kinky freak. Among other reasons, they know that once their former 'good girl' daughter truly gets 'turned out,' she is going to crave men with an 'adventurous edge' who offer lots and lots of erotic satisfaction and excitement' in bed for the woman. And nine times out of ten, the parents know that their daughter is going to be just "one of many" for Joe Womanizer. She will never be Ms. Special in his eyes.

As I alluded to above, it is not always men who 'turn out' women. I know a number of cases where women have turned out men. My own late mother hated when older women would flirt with me when I was a teenager. She would say, "I don't like that fast ass woman. She's just trying to get you under her spell and work her magic with you." That was my mother's very 'old school' way of saying, "That older woman wants to get you in bed and turn you out, and as your mother, I do not approve of that." Needless to say, years later, I did have some women who were ten-to-twenty years older than me teach me a new trick or two. I would be reluctant to acknowledge that they 'turned me out' though.

In conclusion, a woman being 'turned out' is not a totally 'bad' thing .... but it is not necessarily a 'good' thing either. Depends on the woman, and her long-term dating and relationship desires. If a man suffers from "Madonna / Whore Complex" issues, then yes ... her being 'turned out' can and will cause problems. Otherwise, not so much.

In the meantime, let me get back to responding to an Email message I received from a young graduate student. She listened to an episode of my adult-themed podcast program, The Erotic Conversationalist, and she wrote, "I had no idea that men and women talk like this! I feel like such a verbal prude!!"

Uh oh. I feel my little devil horns coming out of my forehead.

She's probably a "3" or "4" right now, but after a few provocative phone conversations ....

Happy Thanksgiving.


