This guy knows his targeted consumer. We came across this Craigslist post in Chicago of a guy trying to sell his fixie to the hipster in disguise because he needs to "pay my fucking nanny." The prose in the 500-word post is so brilliant that summarizing it would be an injustice. Instead, we'll highlight some of our favorite lines. He starts with painting the portrait of his buyer:

Your abs are courtesy of crossfit and your dimpled smile is courtesy of God's good grace. ...Shit, last month alone you notched each school in the Big 10 (except Northwestern, of course) and three chicks from Miami (Ohio, of course). 

Then why are you so. . .. lost? ...Because inside that chiseled cover boy of privilege exterior, you're a fucking hipster.

There it is, the unrestrained truth. Still, the seller is understanding and willing to be discreet.

Relax. Your secret is safe with me. Word is bond. Life is what life is. I mean, it's not like you're going to get an outpouring of support for coming out like Jason Collins. Right? I get it.

So, after all that overwritten preamble, here's the deal: I have something that's going to save your hipster soul.

The answer, of course, is a bike. Not just a bike, but Orange Crush...

a single speed masterpiece of orange, matte black, and tasteful touches of chrome.

It's the only fixie in the city that scores major hipster cred yet STILL will look great hanging on the exposed brick wall of your River North loft. 

Don't let the bikes low $250 price tag fool you, though. It's not for everyone. 

P.S.: Shorties and Napoleonic Complexes need not apply - this bike is an XL frame. Come long and strong, or don't come at all. Ain't got the time to watch any of you custom-hemmed jeans types try to touch the pedals.

The ad is still up, so we assume the bike is still for sale. If you're from the Chi-Town, have a bubbling hipster urge, and are looking for a bike, we suggest you pick it up. Or if you just want to be entertained, read the full post for more laughs. 

RELATED: Perfect Examples of Why You Should Never Buy a Car on Craigslist
RELATED: The 15 Weirdest Car Ads on Craigslist Right Now

[via Craigslist