


From Yu's clients, to Yu, to his family: If we were talking about symptoms of a fast-spreading virus, officials with the Centers for Disease Control might be dispatching scientists in biohazard suits.





Philosophers and psychologists have long pondered the ways people wittingly or not influence other's emotions. Their curiosity makes sense, considering that humans are "fundamentally social creatures," said Dr. David Spiegel. He is the director of the Center on Stress and Health at Stanford University's School of Medicine, which studies the effects of stress on mental and physical health.










For the babies in Waters' experiment, their acute sensitivity to their mothers' distress probably signals a healthy evolutionary adaptation -- relying on their mothers' emotional cues to know if an environment is safe.

But Waters acknowledges the growing body of research suggesting that chronically stressed-out parents could hurt their children's development, especially of young children or babies in utero.

She hopes that work like hers provides child-care experts with data they can use to develop coping strategies for parents and their kids. "I think that's one of the things we're starting to explore is the extent to which parents can start to pay attention to stress inside the body and help themselves and their children to bring those stress levels down, by doing deep breathing or other calming exercises."

Because stress is a part of daily life, it never helps to avoid or deny it, Spiegel said. This is particularly true if you're concerned about spreading your worries to people close to you. For one thing, your friends and family will notice if you seem down, and kids often spin that observation into the fear that they have done something wrong.

"With partners it's a balance," he said. "You can't let your stress take over your relationship, but you won't have a relationship if you can't share what's troubling you." As for children, he said, they need to see parents model healthy ways for navigating life's ups and downs.

Santa Clara University psychology professor Thomas Plante agrees we can't entirely eliminate secondhand stress, but we can become more discerning about how much we allow certain people and situations into our lives. "We absorb the dysfunction of those around us if we aren't careful," he said.

Understanding how easily stress passes from one person to another underscores the importance of reducing our own stress so that we don't be "stress carriers" ourselves, Plante said.

As for Yu, he does his best to help his clients face the financial and emotional fallout of their money and tax ordeals. At the same time, he's learning not to take their situations too personally. And, he says he is doing a better job of communicating with his family, adding that maybe one day he'll take up their suggestion that he try meditation.

  • Mindful meditation, prayer and positive self-talk can reduce some of the "drama" that surrounds you and can lessen the chance of becoming a "stress carrier" yourself.

  • Stay healthy through exercise, good nutrition and sleep; resist overeating or abusing alcohol and other substances.

  • If you're worried about anything, keep the lines of communication open with people you trust; don't isolate yourself.

  • While you shouldn't over-share with your kids, don't shield them from the fact you're going through difficult times.

  • Focus on situations with other people you can change; reduce or end your involvement in situations you can't.

  • Be helpful to others.

    Sources: Dr. David Spiegel, Stanford University; Thomas Plante, professor
    of psychology, Santa Clara University