'Pires Go Boom!

Summary: Angelus accidentally brings death to the factory after the Judge is assembled. Total crackfic!

Challenge: from the forums this time. http:/ forum. tthfanfic. org/ index. php ?topic=56853#msg56853

Timeline: season 2 BtVS 'Innocence'; what book did Edward and Bella get married? – after that for Twilight.

Warning: umm, only if you like the 'pires at all.

A/N: Darn you, Bushido, DeepBlueJoy, Shulik and JoeB for putting this in Musie's head!

Thanks to my betas: none this time.

Disclaimer: BtVS and AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon / Mutant Enemy. Twilight characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.

The Factory

Just before dawn, Angelus came swooping into the factory, followed closely by two teenagers – or they at least looked like teenagers; with vampires you could never tell just by looking at them…except for how they dressed sometimes, but that's digressing.

"Who are they?" the Judge demanded.

Before anyone could respond, Drusilla started singing, "Twinkle, twinkle, little star…" then grabbed her head in pain, running from the room.

"My name is Edward, and this is my wife Bella," the male introduced the newcomers. "I was told this was a safe place for vampires to stay, and since Mr. Angelus had yellow eyes instead of red, I knew you would be like us…vegetarians."

Angelus started laughing and all the vampires joined him. "Vegetarians?" he snorted derisively. "We drink blood, you idiot!"

"Your little girly there ain't a vamp," Spike replied. "Smell her blood, I can."

The Judge just walked over to the young couple – who were starting to get the idea that maybe coming here was dangerous after all – and examined them. Tilting back his head, he smelled the air surrounding them like a human would sniff a tasty food. He shuddered as if reaching a sexual climax and groaned appreciatively, "Oh…the emotions of the boy are so rich and enticing! The girl is worthless as a meal to me – you may feed on her, vampires."

With that, the Judge tossed Bella into Spike's lap, who vamped out, shocking Bella and Edward, and proceeded to drink her dry.

Edward tried to save his lady love, but couldn't escape the grasp of the blue monster in front of him. His skin burned where the creature held him. It was excruciating; almost like being turned again.

When he lasted longer than expected, the Judge tried to stop feeding, fearing what would happen if he kept going. The endless pit of emotions was intoxicating, but never before had a meal lasted this long. The anomaly created a sliver of fear in the unkillable demon. That sliver grew when he found he couldn't let go.

More and more emotions poured into him – mostly guilt and self-loathing, but also quite a bit of obsession – and he was actually starting to feel full. Again, this was something he had never encountered before, and it worried him.

The vampires in the room were mostly too stupid to be worried at how long it was taking Edward to burn up. Spike was still enjoying his fresh meal, so that just left Angelus to be concerned. At the last second, he recalled Drusilla's reaction and decided that maybe getting out was for the best.

Angelus had just reached the door when Edward and the Judge exploded. The force of the blast knocked the evil vampire to the ground where he was trapped by the weight of the conveyor belt from the middle of the room. Since he was on his stomach, Angelus never saw the wooden beam that fell, piercing his back and dusting him instantly.

The next day…

"Are you sure this was where the factory was?" Giles inquired of his distraught Slayer. Maybe learning that Angel was a monster again caused her mind to slip?

"Just because it's a smoldering wreck right now doesn't mean it isn't the place, Giles," Buffy snapped back. "Who knows, maybe they torched the place so we wouldn't know where their new hideout was."

As they were talking, some boards moved in a shadowy part of the factory. Drusilla stepped out, looking even more frazzled than usual. "Star light, star bright…last night came in the room…The Judge, he fed and all the 'pires went boom!" she started cackling insanely, then leapt out into the sunlight before Giles or Buffy could ask her anything else.

"What the heck?" Buffy asked. "What was she talking about?"

Giles walked over to the wheelchair near the center of the room. Despite being on its side, it covered the only evidence they had to go on…the body of a human being. A girl if the long hair was any indication.

While he was looking at the body, Buffy was doing her own search. "Uh, Giles? I think I might have found part of the Judge! It kinda looks like it came from him, but there's too much glitter fused into the skin to be sure! Did somebody blow up a glitter piñata in here last night?"

A/N: Okay, Musie is satisfied to get this out of her system.