Attachment Parenting

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Night after night after night after night...

Posted 02/26/2012

It's been a year now and no two nights are ever the same... except that they are all hard. I am so sick and tired of this. Why won't she just start sleeping!? I'm pretty much on my own because unless we do cio DH isn't really helping. I refuse to do it so I do all of the bedtime parenting. I'm just so burnt out! Like tonight I put her down fairly easily, but then she was up in a half hour and won't go back down. I'm taking a minute to write a quick post because I'm just so worn out and don't know what to do anymore. I've tried so many things and nothing seems to work. I so, so, so just want her to sleep. I have absolutely no life. I always have to be home at a certain time to get her to sleep. No one else besides me and every now and then DH has ever put her to bed.

I don't know, I don't even know what I'm looking for with this post. I'm just tired. And defeated. And depressed.




Comments (11)

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Posted 02/26/2012
I have no solutions for you, just empathy. I'm right there with you, but just six months in. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. I'm also the only one who can get LO to sleep most of the time (she's gotta have the boob).

I've read all the popular books and have been trying all different techniques. But sometimes I think that my LO just wants a lot of contact. Period. Then I remind myself that this phase won't last forever. I try to put aside some of my other goals and desires, try to cherish all the times we can cuddle and be close. I also try to make up for lost sleep by taking naps with her or by having DH take her for a little bit in the morning so I can sleep another half hour. When I don't make a point of getting my own sleep its really bad. Like last night I stayed up til 4am working on taxes, and today I could barely cope.

Hope you feel better, even if its just by venting here. Hugs!

Better late than never...first time mom  (42).   Our precious daughter arrived 8/23/11.

Group Owner
Posted 02/27/2012

Do what you can to get sleep. I promise they will sleep eventually but you can't make it happen, STTN is a milestone they have to reach on your own. You might be surprised, if they took a relaxed approach she might go to sleep for someone else. DS didn't STTN til he was 24 months. I lived. But I was tired. Especially around the year mark it was really hard. 

Focus on things that make you feel more rested/get you more sleep. Do you work or SAH?


Chelle, mom to DS 1/09 & DD 7/11

Posted 02/27/2012
So sorry! Have you checked to be sure it's not something medical? Do you cosleep? Bf? Those are the only two things that worked for my DS.

Btw, I've left him w my mom or sis to go out ocassionally. I just get home by 10. He waits for me and is usually ready to sleep!

Posted 02/27/2012

I know it's so hard!!!  I don't have much advice - my DD just slept all the way through the night (8-6:30) for the first time EVER last night, and she's 27.5 months old.  But just a week ago I disolved into tears one morning becasue I was just so tired and sick of it.  At a year I couldn't tell you how many times we were up a night. 

The only things that have saved my sanity is sleeping whenever I can - I'd go to bed at 8:30, take a quick snooze with her on weekends, or sometimes just hand her off to DH on weekends and say "I need a break" and go and catch an hour nap.  We BF and co-sleep, but that hasn't seemed to help, the only thing that has helped is her getting older.

It does get better.  Even a few months ago I wouldn't have believed it, but it does.  I know it's hard though - I'd honestly say it's one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with - being sleep deprived to the point of not being able to think and even depression.  Always feel free to come vent to us, and take care of yourself as much as you can



- Beth

mommy to my  DD since 11/14/2009. 

DS arrived 5/22/2013!

Posted 02/27/2012
I am so there with you!! Our twins are just about a year and wake up all. The. Time! Uuuuugggggh. We cosleep and I bf, doesn't matter they are still up. My odd was like this too, I guess I just hoped the second time around it be a little easier since she was so hard. I think I pretty much lay in bed all night waiting for someone to wake up, and it usually happens every 15min-30min. I just ordered some amber teething necklaces and the no cry sleep solution, I'm pretty sure they wont fix everything but at least I feel like I'm trying.
Posted 02/27/2012
DS is close to 14 months and the night before yesterday he slept from 7:30-10:30pm and I had 3 whole hours with DH! He then slept in 2 hour stretches the rest of the night Last night he fell asleep at 5:30 pm and woke at 6:45 pm. I tied and tried to get him to stay asleep because if he takes a nap that late he wants to be up for at least 3 hours before bed again. Finally asleep again around 10 pm and normally he is asleep by 7:30 most nights so this was odd. Up at 6 this morning so we have a rollercoaster when it comes to sleep too! Occasionally he will sit up and start pointing toward the living room. Like I want to get out of bed and go into the living room for some as yet unknown reason.

I just try to roll with it. Sleep is so important to your babies health and behavior but you can really only do so much. I'm trying really hard to get a set routine in place that relaxes DS (which is easier said than done for us) and helps him to prepare for sleep around the same time each night. DH also wouldn't mind CIO so i know how you feel. I'm just happy I can stay at home with him and rest whenever he does. I would love a second child but not so sure I could handle two at this point.
Last edited 02/27/2012

Would it make any sense to talk with your DH (again) about the issue? To explain to him why you feel so strongly about CIO, but that you also need his help and support? Even just having my DH's psychological support can make all the difference sometimes. For us, it does sometimes take a while until we both understand the other one's point of view and until we find a place/solution/approach that works for both of us, but I'm usually very happy I made the effort to at least explain how I feel... often, DH had no idea!

Personally, I also think that especially if one parent does most of the night time parenting (which often happens, especially with BF), it's only fair for the other parent to chip in in the mornings, if at all possible... So I'm thinking, instead of DH taking over some of the evening parenting, if that doesn't work so well for you, maybe you could arrange for mornings where he takes LO and you can get some sleep or rest - on weekends, for example? My DH and me take turns getting up with C on the weekend, and so each of us gets one morning to sleep in and lounge in bed, and we both *really* treasure "our" morning... We also switch off during the week sometimes, so that DH gets up with LO and I can sleep until he goes off to work (he leaves very early, but LO usually wakes up when he gets out of bed). For me, that makes a huge difference, even if it's just 15 minutes I get to "sleep in". Of course, I don't know if that would make sense in your situation at all... In any case, (((hugs))) to you - it's hard to function on too little sleep! And pp's are right, it *does* get better, but of course that's not much help when your still in the middle of it... :-( Hang in there!



Posted 02/27/2012

Thanks for all of your support ladies. That's probably what I needed most :) I feel better today. She got fussy in the morning and I just stopped cleaning up the dishes and went and played with her in her room. That helped both of us a lot. We even played "kissy wars" where we take turns giving each other a bunch of kisses. Love it.

I love her so much and really except for sleep she's amazing. She's very social, vocal, smart, sweet, etc. I think sometimes you just hit a wall. We've been really busy with planning her bday, going out of town (across the country), having family around, teething, dr. appts, etc. So, I think a big goal right now is to just tone it down and get into a routine again. There was also a lot of tension between DH and I and we've worked most of that out, so I think we're in a good place.

He's a good man, but fairly immature in the relationship department. We have pretty poor communication and have been in counseling for it. Progress is slow. In response to some pp's I've asked him many times if he could get up with her one morning a weekend, but it's never happened. I'm not sure how to make it. Maybe we can address it in counseling. I'm not sure how to make him see how unfair it is that I do all the  nighttime parenting and he doesn't help me make up for it.He says he'll help, but then he doesn't. I think that's what builds even more resentment for me because while I'm trying to get her to sleep he'll be down watching tv or playing video games. Then I'm up with her in the morning and he's sleeping in. Every. single. day. Partially we fell into that it's easier for me to just nurse her routine, partially he's not willing to suck it up and put in the time!

Anyway, thank you. I really appreciate the support. You just never know how hard being a mama is going to be until you are, and sometimes it will make you nuts when you hear about the babies who sleep 12 straight hours a night!! I can't even imagine. I'd be over the moon if she only woke up twice a night!



Posted 02/27/2012

I totally know where you are coming from.   My son was like that, I couldn't go anywhere and I would get so frustrated.  Now my dd is the same way, waking after I nurse her down after about 5 min....15 if I'm lucky.   I just keep in mind that everything is temporary and that my dd gets so much comfort from me that she wants to snuggle.  I know in a few years I'll wish that she wanted to cuddle like this.  "The days [nights] are long but the years are short" is a quote that keeps me sane.

Posted 02/28/2012
I don't have much time to write and usually don't but so totally felt where you are coming from. Its like you took my issues and wrote them for me. Everyyything. So I am in the same boat. Trying to make it better each day. I get frustrated w dh never w dd I. Am always so happy playing w her and cuddling even if it is for the 77th time at 4am lol. I guess just wanted to say you are not alone.

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