Stumbling through parenthood with Nicki Britton and Andrew Dansby

Jobs we would hate and other ongoing debates


At Sunday breakfast out the kid was approached by a balloon twisty artist. This guy was particularly talented, too — not one of those crappy “twist-twist-twist now doesn’t this balloon stick look kind of like a poodle” kind of balloon animal dudes. He respected the craft of balloon animaling.

Balloon twisty artist is high on the list of careers I do not want. Walking up to tables of cranky parents as they’re trying to get their kid to STAY IN YOUR SEAT DAMMIT and cheerfully entertain and then wait awkwardly for someone to dig through their wallet for a few bucks. No thank you.

Andrew and I keep lists of careers we do not want. It’s never anything like garbage collector, because garbage collector actually might be a cool job, what with all the heavy machinery and all.

Here’s our combined list of jobs we would be ill-suited for:

Children’s swim instructor
Gymboree teacher
Customer service phone answerer
Customer service person in any capacity
Flight attendant
And now, balloon twisty artist

What are yours?

I would be ill-suited for your job, Mr. Balloon Twisty Artist

Categories: General
Nicki Britton

20 Responses

  1. Going Coastal says:

    Cat piller.

  2. Aunt B says:

    High rise window washer…….I am afraid if heights and I believe having this job would be worse than being unemployed.

  3. Ed Truitt says:

    * TSA screener (the term “crotch anomaly” just gives me the willies)
    * prison/jail guard
    * police officer
    * anything in a meat processing plant (I will – and have -, however, dress an animal I have killed.)
    * Quality control tech in a plant making artillery shells
    * Playing the role of “Wyle E. Coyote” in a live show


  4. maryg says:

    Anything related to cooking or serving food.
    Anything related to putting up with ill-mannered kids or adults.

  5. TortugaMom says:

    Cooking, cleaning, and children… oh wait that’s motherhood.

  6. LauraH says:

    On a completely different subject, here’s a recipe for homemade Twix:

  7. Jar says:

    Nothing to do with any roadkill.

  8. Penelope says:

    I am an everyday reader of this blog, but this is my first time commenting. I just had to laugh because one of your choices was Customer service phone answerer and that is my #1 choice of jobs I don’t want. But, unfortunately,…that’s what I do. Oh well. On a separate note,I really enjoy reading the antics of Hazel and family everyday, so thanks for that!

  9. AgLee16 says:

    I’m with EdT on TSA screener. Also, any regimented office job. Blech.

  10. Nicki Britton says:

    Ooooh. I thought of another one:

    Dog groomer

  11. Auntie B says:

    Children’s hair stylist!

  12. JustMe says:

    Paging company telemarketer (yep, that right…you heard me…pagers. Remember those?)

    I actually did this in college. Like selling your soul to the devil…horrible horrible job.

  13. Deanna says:

    Babysitter on a Disney cruise line. Or babysitter in general.

    You can add teacher to that list. I can barely deal with my own child (wait, I have two)CHILDREN.

  14. lara says:

    In college, I had a job calling people to sell coupon books. You know, the ones that all the little kids in your neighborhood try to sell to raise money for band, drama, tenickling team, etc.? That was fun. Getting hung up on was a good call. Getting cursed out could even be funny and educational. The worst calls were the ones that asked questions about the !@#$* coupons. What did I know? I was a college student trying to make money selling the stupid things! I certainly didn’t have any money to buy one or shop at these stores! After a few days, I volunteered to switch to the job of delivering books to people who had agreed to buy them. That was so much better. Fighting off rabid dogs in rural East Texas was amazing.

  15. lara says:

    Anything that has to stand on the side of the road and hold a sign, whether or not a costume is required – the big bird that advertises mattresses, the dancers that advertise gold and silver buyers, the cow for the steak place….

  16. neona says:

    Middle school principal. And the TSA thing. Ugh. Oh! Masseuse. Pedicurist. And anything having to do with rats/mice (no. JUST NO).

    I would also add bikini girl @ any beer barn, but I figure I’d get paid a boatload of cash to put some clothes on. =p

  17. Rob R says:

    Taste tester at a cat food factory. Yes there is such a thing.

    Test pilot. “The engineers were afraid that might happen. Over.”

    At a job many years ago, there was a guy named Fred, and everything that went wrong in the entire company was somehow his fault. Fred would be blamed, and would hang his head in shame and confess his guilt for the whole situation. You’d think Fred should worry about job security… And you’d be wrong. This went on for years. Whenever anyone suggested getting rid of him, all the other department heads would leap to his defense. Fred’s title was Purchasing Manager, but his job was to be the scapegoat. Everybody got to deflect all their failings onto Fred, and in exchange everyone stood up so he wouldn’t get fired. Fred had a good salary and a ridiculously hot assistant, but I still wouldn’t want to be Fred.

  18. Amy Hernandez says:

    Oh, damn, I wanted to see Andrew show me the emergency exits (especially the ones over the wings) and how to buckle and unbuckle my seatbelt!