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DCYF - Help? Please?

Posted 11/28/2012

Hi. I'm 23 and I have a 4 year old daughter. She lives with me. Her dad is a Marine and he's leaving for Afganastan soon. I take care of my daughter as often as I can.

I'm in Med school for Medical Assisting and I am in my last module before Graduation. I have a 3.65 GPA 11 A's and 4 B's so far. I work at a restaurant and I make okay money.

I rent a room off my dad. My daughter and I share a bedroom. The house isn't super clean.. a bit messy but it's lived in. I can easily tidy it up.

Today a DCYF worked came and knocked on the door (I wasn't home), my dads best friend was over (a female) and she answered... the woman asked for me and then asked where my daughter was. My dads friend answered that I was doing laundry and that my daughter was with her father (he's home for thanksgiving, leaving this weekend). The woman gave her card and told my dads friend that I have to call her immediately. I called but she's already out of the office.

Now, I know why she showed up... my mom is angry with me over a disagreement because I hate her abusive husband and how my brother has to sleep on the couch so that her husbands kids (who only come over on weekends) can have a room. She got angry (she's very immature) and I'm guessing she called DCYF on me, making false claims. I don't know what she claimed. She's crazy and my whole life she's been mentally and emotionally abusive. I started getting kicked out at 12 years old. I did what I had to though to graduate hs, and get myself on my feet, take care of my daughter, pay myself through school, and get job after job to make it work. I've worked my butt off to get to where I am and I do not want her to ruin me again like she's kept trying to do my whole life.

Anyways... do you think that they could potentially take my daughter from me? I've never ever hit her, or hurt her, she's super intelligent she's only four but developmentally that of a 7 year old. She can use the computer, play games, write her name, tie her shoes, get dressed, bathe, all of it. I've taken care of her and I've done everything I could to make her life better and better every year. She's my entire life. She's my world. I don't know what I'd do if people came in and took her from me for no reason.

Also... I placed my son with a family 2 years ago this coming April at birth.. because I knew I couldn't provide and care for the both of them at the time. I love him and my daughter but I had to focus on my daughter and I gave him a beautiful home with amazing parents who I chose while I was pregnant. It's a semi-open adoption.. I get pictures and updates, etc. Would that have any influence on how they view me with my daughter?

Do I have anything to worry about? Any tips on how to cooporate with this worker woman? Thanks ahead of time.


Comments (8)

Posted 11/28/2012
Be honest and cooperative. It sounds like you've got nothing to hide and that the allegations are false (whatever they may be). Don't stress about it. If you're not abusive or neglectful, you have nothing to fear.

Loving my life surrounded by boys - DH, E (9), and L (4).

Relocating to the Seattle area? Join us at Amazon Transplants!

(Red for Scarlett)

Posted 11/28/2012

I can't see them taking your daughter.  I think it would have to be extinuating (sp?) circumstances for them to do so and real evidence that you are abusing your child.  They certainly aren't going to take her if the house you are in is messy!! 

As pp mentioned be honest and cooperative.  I'm sure you will be fine.  The person who will come and see you I'm sure will see that you are a loving parent and doing what's best for your child.

Posted 11/28/2012

I agree with being open and honest.  If you have presented an objective desrciption of the situation you have nothing to worry about.   Social Workers have a lot on their hands and unless they have a real reason to think there is abuse or neglect they will move on quickly. 

Be honest about your mom and her issues, but remember to sound rational, use appropriate language etc. 

It sounds like you spend quite a bit of time away from your daughter, so be prepared to talk about who is watching her when she is not with you.  Hopefully it is people you know fairly well, who know you daughter.

The fact that she was gone when you called makes me think they are not too worried about it.  If they were really worried you would have been told to call an on-call person or something like that, not a worker who has gone home for the day. 


Darbi Lyn

Twins G&J Nov 2009, Stepson A Feb 1994

Posted 11/28/2012

They don't want to take kids away from families. Even if it was a real reason, unless your daugter was severely abused or neglected, they would most likely not take her away, but work with you on how you can parent better.

Definitely take this seriously, but it sounds like you don't have much to worry about.


-ilona, mom to Charlie (8/25/11)

Where did we get the idea that in order for children to behave better, we need to make them feel worse? -Jane Nelson

Posted 11/28/2012
When someone calls and it sounds bad, they have to investigate. Many investigations turn up absolutely nothing. I'm guessing a case like yours would do the same.
If you have nothing to hide, just be straight forward and honest. Everything will be fine.
Putting a child up for adoption by choice is an honorable thing to do. I would think it would count in your favor.
Posted 11/28/2012

don't share any unnecessary information.

be polite and friendly

answer the questions honestly, but briefly

do not complain or vent

state the facts clearly

RedheadMommy8 · Original Poster
Posted 11/28/2012

Thank you all. Her dads family watches her while I'm at work or school. I'm soon going to start looking for a daycare and might put her in one for when I'm in school. 

It just worries me, because she's my absolute world. 

Posted 11/28/2012
They will likely do a home inspection. Just make sure it's clean (not white glove clean just not dirty or cluttered) and expired items in fridge are thrown out. Things like salad dressing are easy to forget about and get expired without being noticed. Have several days worth of appropriate nutritional food in your kitchen. Make sure dangerous items are out of reach, even if DD doesn't get into stuff put all chemicals and meds in a safe location. If there are any weapons in your home make sure they are locked up and safe. The inspector will quickly realize it was a false accusation. Make sure you take action for her making a false claim against you. Be nice and answer all question calmly. Don't get defensive or upset just answer clearly and don't let your anger towards your mom show.

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