A Second Chance.( A Jedi Apprentice fanfic)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by JediKnight-Obi-Wan, Feb 15, 2000.

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  1. JediKnight-Obi-Wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 13, 2000
    star 5
    Okay yall here is. *Cringes* I'm really nervous about posting this. If you think it really hoovers let me know and I won't post anymore. If I messed up on getting the thing to make italics or makeing it bold,forgive me I'm new at this. Also forgive me if I have the whole Xantos thing wrong. I haven't read the JA books. But HEY, I ordered them today. YEAH!
    Okay here it is. gosh I'm nervous.
    Any tips would be helpful. I've already written the whole thing but I can still change it. Like I haven't before. I've edited like Four times. By the way I will be posting it in parts because I don't have time to post it all at once.

    Qui-Gon awoke with a start.
    Heavy silence hung in the night air. That was strange. Why had he suddenly woken up out of a deep sleep. He had heard something.....he thought.....
    There! He heard it again, a low groan coming from Obi-Wan's room.......Obi-Wan! In a flash Qui-Gon was on his feet, lightsaber in hand, heading for his apprentice's room.

    Qui-Gon hadn't wanted to take another Padawan after his last apprentice Xanatos, had turned to the dark side. He had been hurt too deeply, his trust broken. So when he was faced with the opportunity to take Obi-Wan as his apprentice, Qui-Gon had refused. That was Obi-Wan's last chance at becoming a Padawan before his 13th birthday. If a initiate wasn't taken as Padawan they were sent of to be farmers after their 13th birthday. Qui-Gon was Obi-Wan's last hope, a hope that was dashed. As fate would have it though, the two were thrown together in an adventure on Bandomeer. Where Obi-Wan proved to Qui-Gon he was a true Jedi at heart. Obi-Wan had tried time and again to prove himself to Qui-Gon. Finally Qui-Gon had relented and taken him as his Padawan, but vowed to himself never to open himself up to Obi-Wan as he had with Xantos. Because of this the two were still struggling to create the Master and Padawan bond.

    Qui-Gon hurried to his apprentices room where he could now clearly hear groans of pain. He reached out over their small bond only to meet a force shield around Obi-Wan. He rushed into the room and looked over to Obi-Wan's bed. Obi-Wan was curled up in a fetal position rolling back and forth. His forehead glistened with sweat. "Obi-Wan! Whats wrong?" Qui-Gon asked as he rushed over to his apprentice. Obi-Wan opened pain filled crystal-blue eyes. "I'm sorry Master, I didn't mean to wake you." Qui-Gon knelt by the bed. "Is that why you had a mental shield up?" Obi-Wan nodded. "Padawan you should never hide anything from me, just to let me sleep." He said in a stern voice. "Now whats the matter?" Obi-Wan groaned and shut his eyes. "I think I ate to much cake last night...my stomach hurts so bad."
    Qui-Gon felt relief pour over him as he realized nothing really serious was wrong.
    A smile tried to erupt but he hid it with a cough. He didn't quite manage to keep it from reaching his eyes however.

    Obi-Wan looked at his Master with a reproachful look. "Its NOT funny Master, I hurt very badly." Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow. "But if you had listened to me my Padawan you wouldn't be in this state. However we won't discuss this right now. I'll return shortly with something to help calm your stomach."

    "Thank you, Master." Qui-Gon stood to leave the room. As he left, Obi-Wan groaned again. Qui-Gon suddenly had a bad feeling. As if there was more to it than met the eye. It passed from him though, like a teasing wind. He continued to the kitchen where he kept the med-kit, his senses on full alert. As he re-entered Obi-Wan's room another loud groan split the nights calm. His brow creased with worry, he knelt by Obi-Wan's bed. "Perhaps you should see a healer,Obi-Wan, this doesn't sound like a normal stomach ache."

    Obi-Wan's eyes flew open. "NO, Master!" he almost yelled. Qui-Gon gave him a stern look.
    "I mean no thats not necessary Master." he said in a gentle voice.
    Obi-Wan didn't want Qui-Gon to think he was a weak baby. He didn't want to make Qui-Gon disappointed in him. To regret taking him as his Padawan.
    And to make it worse Qui-Gon had warned him not to eat to
  2. Marie D Padawannabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2000
    star 1
    That was good! I just spent the past two
    days reading all 6 JA books....and this
    was great! Keep writing!

  3. Alli-Wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 1999
    star 3
    Very good work! Awaiting more. Poor Obi-Wan. Illness and angst in the same night.
  4. Scully-Wan Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 20, 1999
    Oooh, I really like this story so far! This is well-written Obi-torture at its best! More please, and soon!
  5. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    I really like this story, too. I've always thought that Obi-Wan had a dislike for healers, and I'm pleased to see that somebody else does, too. Along with Qui-Gon, I also feel that there's more here than meets the eye. I'm looking forward to finding out what happens after Obi-Wan takes too many pills! Good work!
  6. Kit' Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Oct 30, 1999
    star 5
    Uh Oh I think from personal experiance i know what OBi-1's about to go through.

    Winces in sympathy,

    This is cool, keep going

  7. mouse2 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 1999
    star 4
    This is great. I can't wait to find out what's wrong with Obi-Wan. Hey, I was nervous the first time I posted, but the more you post (and the more comments you get) the easier it gets.
  8. JediKnight-Obi-Wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 13, 2000
    star 5
    Uh I forgot to mention that this is like right after Obi-Wan became Qui-Gon's apprentice. They have only been on like one mission. He is like later thirteen early fourteen. *winces* I think I don't feel so well either. I'm still nervous. By the way don't think Obi is gonna like take any more pills. Its what happens when they wear off.
    Okay thats all the hints you get for now.
    I'll see if I can go get another post up.
    Since I don't know what happens in the JA books this story may not line up with it. But oh well. Thanks for the encouragment. I almost had a heartattache when I saw all those replies.
  9. HealerLeona Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2000
    star 4
    Oh Great! Another wonderful story to keep track of. I look forward to more, JediKnight-Obi-Wan
  10. Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 14, 1999
    star 2
    Do we get to see Obi-Wan overdose and then have his stomach pumped?
  11. JediKnight-Obi-Wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 13, 2000
    star 5
    Okay here is some more.Ahhh the next few post are going to be iffy to me.
    I hope they don't hoover.

    "Wake up, Padawan"
    Qui-Gon called as he strode into Obi-Wan's room.
    Obi-Wan opened his eyes and immidiatly regretted having done so. They felt like someone had poured salt in them.

    "Yes Mastah" he replied sleeply. "Padawan you have to be in the training room in an hour and I have to report to the Council.
    I do trust your feeling better?" he asked as he peered down at his sleepy Padawan. "Yes Master!" Obi-Wan quickly jumped out of bed ignoring the dull pain in his side. "I feel perfectly fine, Master."

    "Good." Qui-Gon said. "I trust you have learned your lesson in over indulgence?" Obi-Wan lowered his head in shame. "Yes Master."
    "Very well, go get ready for the day then, Padawan."
    Obi-Wan moved slowly to gather his robes. "Yes Master"
    Qui-Gon eyed him supiciously. Obi-Wan wasn't a morning person, Qui-Gon knew that, but he usually didn't move that slow.
    //Hmmm...I'll keep my eye on him.//
    Thirty minutes later the two Jedi parted ways. "Wait for me in one of the training rooms Padawan. I should be there shortly."
    Obi-Wan inclined his head in acknowledgement. "Yes Master."
    Qui-Gon turned and headed for the Council chambers deep in thought.
    //He wasn't acting normal....I suppose when I get through here I ought to take him to the healers.// An amused smile tipped his lips. //No matter how much he fuss's.//
    He hadn't time for further thought though because he was at the Council Chambers.
    Obi-Wan moved slowly off down the hall.
    // Well I don't feel awefully bad but I don't feel very good either.
    I hope he doesn't want to do anything very vigerous today. Of course he will. He always puts you through a grueling practice, then he doesn't say one word to let you know if you've pleased him or totally failed.//
    Obi-Wan frowned. //You would think if he was pleased with you, he would say something to that effect.// Obi-Wan shook his head as if trying to rattle the unpleasant thoughts out of his head.//Stop it!//

    OOOOOF! Obi-Wan bounced off someone as he turned the corner, landing him on his butt in the middle of the hallway.
    "HEY! Watch where your going Oafy-Wan!"
    //O'Force, its Bruck.// "I'm sorry Bruck I didn't see you." Obi-Wan said as he stood slowly to his feet.
    Bruck Chun was an old enemy of Obi-Wan's. The two had never gotten along, even as kids. Bruck sneered at Obi-Wan.
    "Where's your Master, little Padawan?" he mocked.
    //I will NOT give into anger.//
    "He had to report to the Council Bruck." //Even though its none of your business anyway.// Obi-Wan thought, while trying to keep a calm face.
    "Oh! is he in trouble Again?"
    Obi-Wan couldn't help but catch the implied meaning his Master was always in trouble with the Council. Despite his efforts he felt the anger starting to rise inside of him. "No, Bruck, now if you will excuse me I need to go practice." Obi-Wan turned to enter the training room behind him.
    Suddenly Obi-Wan was sent flying face downward from a push behind him. His body slammed into the floor with a jar, increasing the dull pain in his side.

    [This message has been edited by JediKnight-Obi-Wan (edited 02-15-2000).]
  12. Alli-Wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 1999
    star 3
    Very good. Coming along nicely. I didn't have time to mention yesterday how well you portray Obi-Wan's and Qui-Gon's thoughts and motivations. Keep up the good work.

    (A small minor point, but only because you asked. Qui-Gon's last padawan spelled his name "Xanatos.") Everything else is fantastic! Onward!
  13. Mekial Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 9, 1999
    star 1
    Stomach pains, a possible overdose of pills, and now this? Poor Obi-Wan!

    I'm really enjoying this! Keep going!
  14. JediKnight-Obi-Wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 13, 2000
    star 5
    Thanks Alli-Wan
    Okay people, Forget the pills,LOL He won't overdose...those are out of the picture.
    Like I said its what happens when they WEAR off. hehee. Gee I guess you could call this a short story. Or it will be since I put such long post. Gotta go. I'll post more later if its not to horrible boring.
  15. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Trust Bruck to be around when things are bad anyway! Good touch!

    I also like the way you describe the thoughts of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. They are so real, so believeable!

    "...no matter how much he fusses..."

    "...and then he doesn't say one word to let you know if you've pleased him or totally failed..."

    Keep going! I'm really looking forward to finding out what happens next!

    [This message has been edited by Jane Jinn (edited 02-15-2000).]
  16. Sat'zi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 6, 2000
    star 2
    Do keep writing & posting!
    Be a frequent poster too and we'll love you even more for it!
  17. JediKnight-Obi-Wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 13, 2000
    star 5

    Okay I'm REALLY iffy about this post.
    I mean I'm not good at writting fighting scenes. Heck I'm probably not even good at writting. Well tell me what yall think.

    "Don't turn your back on me when I'm talking, Oafy-Wan!" Bruck said in a Menacing tone.

    Obi-Wan stood up carefully, seething with anger.
    //NO! I will not get angry. I will not allow myself to get angry. Anger is the power of the dark side.// Obi-Wan took a deep breath calming himself. "Why did you do that Bruck?"
    "Why did you do that Bruck?" mimicked Bruck in scorn. "You really are a loser. Why did Qui-Gon ever pick you as his Padawan?"

    Bruck smirked arching an eyebrow as if making a discovery. "OHHHHH..thats right...I forgot. He felt sorry for you."
    Obi-Wan felt like someone had slapped him.
    Unknowingly Bruck had mocked that which Obi-Wan himself doubted.

    Obi-Wan sometimes found himself wondering why. Qui-Gon was one of the most noble Knights at the temple. The fact that Qui-Gon had refused him time and again didn't help his confidence. Obi-Wan was shaken from his thoughts, as Bruck said " Whats the matter, Oafy-Wan? Did I hit a little to close to home?" he laughed loudly.
    Obi-Wan's blue eyes narrowed. "No, Bruck you didn't. Thats not true." Obi-Wan hoped to sound more confident then he felt on the inside.
    Bruck glared at him, " All right Oafy-Wan, show me then your not a sissy." he taunted. Obi-Wan held back a sigh. //Apparently I didn't.//
    With that Bruck ignited his lightsaber and took a fighting stance in the center of the room.
    Disregarding the voice in the back of his mind that said he shouldn't do this and for that matter wasn't in the shape to do it, Obi-Wan un-clipped his light saber. "Alright Bruck, fine. But remember you asked for it." Obi-Wan said as he threw off his robe and took a fighting stance.
    He knew he shouldn't have taunted Bruck like that. His body was telling him he really shouldn't do it as well. But Obi-Wan ignored it putting it on the back shelf of his mind. Unconsciously he wasn't just doing this to prove to Bruck he wasn't a loser but also in his mind he was doing this to prove to himself that he was worthy to be a Padawan to Qui-Gon Jinn.

    Bruck flew at Obi-Wan and the two sabers clashed. Obi-Wan knew Bruck was fighting in anger. This gave him the upper hand, for Obi-Wan fought using the Force. The two boys fought around the room lightsabers clashing. Obi-Wan normally would have won quickly because Bruck's anger made him clumsy.

    But Obi-Wan was starting to feel worse and worse and the pain was returning.
    He continued to fight letting the force guide him and tell him when to doge and block.
    Slowly Bruck let go of his anger and finally started using the force to help him. The battle increased in intensity. So did Obi-Wan's pain.
    Bruck dodged Obi-Wan's downward swing and caught the blade with his own. He then slid his blade up Obi-Wan's blade and jabbed his lightsaber into Obi-Wan's hand.
    Obi-Wan jumped back in pain. //What is the matter with me. I should have seen that coming!//
    Obi-Wan was having a hard time concentrating on the force and the battle. His breath came in ragged gasps and sweat poured off his brow. His skin paled.
    He continued to fight but started ducking slower, dodging slower,blocking slower.
    The pain worsened and Obi-Wan started faltering.
    Encouraged by his small victory Bruck lunged forward attempting a brash move, that if the sparring had been for real, would have gutted his opponet. Obi-Wan saw it coming however and flipped over Brucks head to ecscape.
    As Obi-Wan flipped he felt a searing pain in his side as if he had been sliced through.
    Obi-Wan screamed in pain. A thought flashed like a neon sign in his mind as he lost consciousness. //UNWORTHY// By the time he slammned into the floor he was unconscious.

    Bruck spun around as Obi-Wan's scream tore through the room.
    // What the.....I didn't hit him...whats he screaming about?//
    Bruck looked down at the unconscious Jedi. His eyes narrowed.
    //I'll get blamed for this. Well I'm not hanging around to be blamed.
  18. Scully-Wan Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 20, 1999
    I'm really impressed with this story! You don't give yourself enough credit...this story has everything: emotion, good characterization, saber fights,...oh yeah, and some darn awesome Obi-Torture! Keep up the wonderful work!
  19. Alli-Wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 1999
    star 3
    Scully-Wan is right! This story is great! Definitely not "iffy." (Suddenly, Alli-Wan has the sinking feeling she will be haunted by this word for the rest of her life.) Very good depiction of the fight and Obi-Wan's decline. More! More!
  20. Mekial Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 9, 1999
    star 1
    I really like your depiction of Bruck. Makes him sound evil as a Sith (well, maybe not that evil, but you get what I'm saying). Keep going!
  21. Jedi Igraine Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 20, 1999
    star 1
    Leans back in her chair letting a long drawn out "exceeellent" escape her lips in her best Mr. Burns imitation.

    Please post more soon you can't stop there.

  22. Sat'zi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 6, 2000
    star 2
    What do you mean, "iffy"???
    That was an excellent post!
    Please post some more! Don't go to bed yet before throwing up another post.

    ~Sat'zi~ (who appreciates a great cliffhanger no matter how much impatience it gives her for the next post)
  23. KSkywalker Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 7, 1998
    star 3
    This is a wonderful story! Keep up the Great work!!

    Hurry Qui-Gon,,,Obi-Wan is in pain!!!!
  24. JediKnight-Obi-Wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 13, 2000
    star 5
    Okay here is a short one for yall to sleep on. I know...I know it doesn't help much right? Well you know I've been watching the cliffhanger queen very closely.
    AND I hope I got Yoda right.
    Alas for Obi-Wan things just get worse.
    I really hope yall like this storie.

    Qui-Gon stood before the Council, arms folded in the sleeves of his robe waiting to be dismissed.
    He had recounted his and Obi-Wan's last mission to the Council and was answering the occasional question directed at him.
    Outwardly he bore his usual stoic Jedi demeanor, but inside he was going over in his mind Obi-Wan's strange behavior earlier. He hadn't been his normal self. He had been moving slower and seemed lethargic. Qui-Gon nodded to himself internally. // Yes, when I'm through here I will take him to see a healer. Somethings definitely not right.//
    This Council meeting was taking longer than he had expected. He didn't like leaving Obi-Wan alone for so long, when he had been acting so strange.
    Qui-Gon suddenly noticed how quiet the Council Chambers had become. He snapped out of his reverie with a start. He looked up and noticed everyone staring at him.

    "Here with us you were not,Qui-Gon.
    Something else bothering you there is."
    It was more a statement than a question.

    "Yes Master Yoda, Obi-Wan was sick last night from eating to much cake. However I fear there is more to it than that. This morning he was not himself."

    Master Yoda smiled. "Remember I do my last Padawan's weakness for cake. Sick you were Qui-Gon Jinn, but over it you got."

    Qui-Gon heard a poorly suppressed snicker coming from the dark skinned Jedi Master to the right of Yoda.
    Qui-Gon sent a cool glance towards Mace Windu then replied. "Yes Master Yoda, nevertheless I sense something wrong with Obi-Wan."
    Yoda stared at Qui-Go for a few minutes then nodded. "Excused you are Qui-Gon. Report to us you will what you find out?"
    Qui-Gon nodded. "Yes Master....."

    Qui-Gon gasped sharply and doubled over as a wall of pain slammed into him. Obi-Wan's scream tore through their bond as Qui-Gon clutched his middle.
    Master Yoda's eyes widened, his ears rasing in suprise. Furious whispering broke out among the Council members.
    "Your apprentice that was Qui-Gon?" Yoda asked. But Qui-Gon didn't answer. His face pale, he turned and rushed out of the room at a dead run.
  25. Sat'zi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 6, 2000
    star 2
    I'm not sure I'm going to get much sleep knowing another post won't be up until tomorrow.
    Most cruel. But a nice post!
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