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chelle21689's avatar

Is it better to date locally first before moving in together when ending a long distance?

Asked by chelle21689 (5450 points ) April 26th, 2010

I was wondering if anyone has experienced long distance relationships ending and moving on to the next step of being together. Do you think it’s best to just move in with the person or just move closer and date locally for a while? I just think it’s a huge transition from being without them to being with them alllll the time.
Just curious. I’ve been with my bf 4½ years including one and half year long distance and during those 2 years I was always at his place.

Whattya guys think?

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12 Answers

chels's avatar

It really just depends on the couple. Most people will tell you that it’s better to date locally and then take the next step. However some people might just say screw it, and take the big step of moving in together. Are you ready to have less privacy and to have that person around most if not all of the time?
Richard and I started dating in January. We saw each other for 4 days in Jan, a week and a half in Feb, and in March I flew out here to the UK to stay ‘til we move back to the states. However my best friend and her boyfriend who have been together two years are in the position where they can afford to move in together and still haven’t.
Clearly it’s all about personal preference and whether or not you and your significant other are ready for that next step.

wonderingwhy's avatar

To play it safe, if you can afford to, I’d say find yourself a place locally, then if everything continues to go well, move in. That way it gives you time to get used to being together constantly again, and it can take some getting used to. It also allows you the chance to go slow in the “moving in” process which, even if just purely logistical, can be handy. It also gives you some time to yourself to adjust to the change in location, not everyone wants/needs that, but it can help give you a sense of self-reliance in getting around and learning the area.

deni's avatar

I also think it depends on the relationship. Some couples are not fond of seeing each other every day. I, on the other hand, will take as much time with my boyfriend as I can get. I don’t get sick of him and he makes me so happy and we have tons o fun together, so why not? We were long distance for 4 months until I moved out here, and we’re moving in together in January and I don’t have any regrets about signing a lease with him and even though everyone tells me we’ll argue about everything once we move in together, I disagree. I just don’t think we’re the type of couple to let something like DISHES or hogging the bed come between us. Even bills. And plus at this point since we spend most nights together anyhow, it just makes sense.

But everyone isn’t like this….obviously. I do think it would have been too much to move out here and then move right in with him. That would have been risky, I think. Too soon.

marinelife's avatar

It depends on your history as a couple. Have you lived together before? Has your relationship always been long distance?

To be on the safe side, why not get your own place locally at first?

downtide's avatar

My partner and I went from long-distance straight to living together, and it worked fine, although we’d already lived together for a short while beforehand, so we both knew what we were getting into.

We’re celebrating our 22nd wedding aniversary in 2 months. :)

chelle21689's avatar

Hmm…we’ve been together for 3 years before he moved. I was always at his place and we always were together almost every day. I know his habits, which are annoying haha. I don’t think there is surprises…but I just think it’s a huge transition. I honestly just would hate to find a room mate to live with because I don’t know what to expect from a stranger I’m moving in with ya know?

chels's avatar

@chelle21689 If you were basically living with him at his place, as you said you were always at his place and you were together everyday for the most part, then how come it’s such a huge transition? To me that would make it easier and less of a transition.

chelle21689's avatar

Just because long distance we’re 2,000 miles away right now. I don’t know. Haha. I guess I could test it out when he has his own place and I’m there for 2 wks instead of 1. He is messy but I don’t know many guys who are neat at all lol.

chels's avatar

@chelle21689 When Richard and I started dating I was in New Jersey and he lived here in the UK. Like everyones said, it really just depends on you and your man. If you need to, write out all the pros and cons of moving in together, and the pros and cons of you living apart for a while. See which has more pros and less cons.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Take care of your own needs beforehand. Long distance relationships usually don’t work when they get close distance if the people’s only contact prior to the move in, was long distance.

Online lovers:
Sure you love each other now but that’s only from afar. Don’t get carried away unless you really know what you’re doing.

Even then, ask your real life friends about it. Don’t ask online friends. They mean well but they just don’t know you like your real life friends do.

chels's avatar

@Captain_Fantasy Understandable but not always true. Some of my Fluther/online friends know me way better than my friends in real life do.

Also, saying.. ”Long distance relationships usually don’t work when they getti close distance if te peoples ony contact prior to the move in, was long distance.” is quite a sweeping generalization, don’t you think?

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Nope I don’t think it is.
At all.

It’s rare that relationships that start out over the internet turn out to be real close ones.

Yes my original post was wrought with typing mistakes but the intent is the same.

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