What I'm really thinking: The vegan

'I'm fascinated by the fact that my friends' desire for food they enjoy the taste of overrides any ethical considerations'
Vegan diet
Look, no animal products! Photograph: Sarah Lee for the Guardian

When I eat with one of my carnivore friends, I usually find myself helplessly distracted by their food. I stare at it on the plate: ham on a pizza, chicken in a salad. And then I watch it disappearing into their mouths. Normally, I have to pull myself back into the conversation.

I stare because I'm fascinated by the fact that these intelligent, thinking people actually eat the flesh of dead animals. This seems to be the point at which their ethics vanish. They recycle, eschew the use of cars, buy fair-trade coffee and bananas, use environmentally friendly detergent. But when it comes to the moral and environmental issue of meat consumption, their desire for food they enjoy the taste of, the sensual pleasure it gives them, overrides any ethical considerations.

I was raised a vegetarian and have never tasted meat, so I don't crave it. I do miss the macaroni cheese, cream cakes and milk chocolate I had to give up five years ago, when I acknowledged my own hypocrisy and became a vegan.

Now, I avoid having meals at the homes of my meat-eating friends. I'm uncomfortable with the hassle that feeding me causes them, and the inevitable awkward conversations about food. I wouldn't express my real views, as I know I would offend them. I could never tell them that their lack of conscience about what they eat creates a barrier between us. Or that it means we will never be quite as close as we could be.

Tell us what you're really thinking at mind@guardian.co.uk