Public Denied Its Rightful Claim To Historic Celebrity-Political Sex ScandalSomething that our modern age is not equipped to process: a man paying millions for a high-profile sex tape of a famous star, only to keep the thing secret. No special downloads available for $29.95. No DVDs, Cinemax licensing fees, or posters. But that's exactly what an anonymous and principled oddball memorabilia collector did this week when he paid $1.5 million for a 15-minute tape of tragically deceased starlet Marilyn Monroe giving a blow job to an unidentified man—who just might be tragically deceased president John F. Kennedy!



The man convinced that the mysterious recipient of Monroe's affection was JFK? None other than sworn Kennedy enemy and vindictive crossdressing fascist, former FBI director J. Edgar Hoover!


As there are no precedents in the Gawker archives for this "put your money where your mouth is" display of upright moral fiber, we have no further comments at this time.