The Marlins may be a festering pile of Jeffrey Loria's shit, but they still have Giancarlo Stanton on the roster. It's a welcome presence because at least someone in the organization is capable of reaching the brass ring beyond "total embarrassment to humanity."

In the sixth inning in Philadelphia, Stanton launched a juicy curveball from Ethan Martin into the concourse behind left-center, landing near something called Planet Hoagie, a place to buy what assholes call "heroes."