The best way to grow old

Irma Kurtz's reflections on ageing are full of the wisdom and humour she has acquired over a long and adventurous life

I have a new hero. I know I should be all journalistic and calm and sensible when I write about the Hay festival, but I'm none of those things at the best of times, so there's no point in starting now. The fact is that Irma Kurtz is the finest individual in the world, and I want to be her when I grow up. She's joyful, bohemian, warm, funny and utterly unafraid of ageing. In a world in which Botox is considered an appropriate 18th birthday present, that's simply marvellous.

I'm probably the youngest person at the talk, which doesn't matter a jot, because despite the topic being Irma's book (I should probably refer to her throughout this as "Kurtz", but she's so groovy, I can only call her Irma), About Time: Growing Old Disgracefully, this afternoon isn't about age at all – it's about living. There's nothing talked of that I can't apply to my life right now, except the bit about getting up several times in the night to go to the loo. But, of course, that's only a matter of time.

In the hour we go from personal reflections – that death's no more worthy of thought than regrets; that being a grandma feels like falling deeply in love again; that high heels are best avoided in later life – to the universal: we're in a time of financial and environmental crisis, and we need to work together, so that the "generation gap" is becoming meaningless. And the lovely thought that one's children are not to be invented, but discovered.

Several years ago Irma went to Alaska to see the Northern Lights. She figured she'd reached the north of life and should check out an ancient part of the planet and explore. It didn't disappoint. Despite being assured by her guide that the lights were having a bit of an off night, she found them magnificent and reached, not that she called it that, a kind of enlightenment: "It's now that counts". I'd hazard a guess that she knew that before, but it's always nice to have things confirmed once in a while.

Age can bring wisdom, but she's far too wise (aged?) to believe that that's a universal truth. Plenty of old people never do, but if you're going to gain wisdom, it'll take time. As if to exemplify different attitudes to life exhibited in older folk, a gentlemen asks a question about why it is that he can't jolly well hear a word she's saying: whether it's her voice, the sound system, or the fact that she's not facing straight towards him, he's heard virtually nothing, it's a disgrace etc. Irma, god bless her, takes the appropriate pause before asking if he's free for a cup of tea afterwards. Cool!

It's almost a shame that this event was so clearly labelled as about age, because it actually revolved around a woman who's taken her time to work out what's important, and then share that. And what's important is to know who you are, and be that. It's easy to think that's wishy-washy, but it's also enormously profound. It takes time to work out who you are and, thanks to longer life expectancies, there's now time to be who you are. Which makes old age something of a boon.

A questioner asks if she'd add anything to Seamus Heaney's philosophy "Read, Trust, Forgive". She adds curiosity to the mix, unsurprising from an ex-pat who regularly strikes up conversations with strangers, and who a few years ago dressed up as her younger self for the day. The best way to deal with life? "Be there!" I'm glad I was.