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Heymen: Buying a TV today is no simple task

Posted: February 14, 2010 - 1:14am

The silence is deafening.

The very, very, very huge TV in the family room has gone to its reward, and I am faced with replacing said machine.

Silly me. I thought getting a replacement set was a simple thing.

You go to the store, you look at TVs, pick out the size you want and zip -- it's over.

Of course, I do have the serious problem of getting rid of the very, very, very huge thing, and that will probably be a project of major proportions in itself. I sure can't do it alone, and I'm pretty certain that Dawgie and HowLing, the family felines, have no thoughts of dirtying their precious little paws with the project, but I'll face that problem another day.

Since I'm not well versed in the mechanics of purchasing such an important item as a TV, I thought it would probably be prudent to ask for advice.

I should have known better.

Apparently, to men, purchasing a television is like buying a car.

As far as I'm concerned, if a car has a good CD player, power windows, air conditioning and those little numbers on the door so you don't have to use your key to open the car, I'm good to go.

Okay, a motor would be nice, too, but I'm not too particular about that -- I don't care about the number of cylinders, although I'm pretty sure the more cylinders, I think it is, the peppier the car, but that also means it probably slurps more gas.

But, a car is not my current concern. A TV is.

"The TV in the back room died," I said to the guy who smells good. "I need to get a new one."

I also recited similar words to a friend from long, long, long ago.

Little did I know that with those six seemingly innocent words, men go into an almost catatonic state. Their eyes glaze over, and they go into macho mode.

"Well," said the guy who smells good, "you really need to go to a store that has lots and lots and lots of TVs, AND you need to compare them side by side.

"You also need to decide what size you want -- measure it diagonally; decide if you want" and from there he went into a bunch of letters that made my head spin and MY eyes glaze over.

"You also need to make sure its compatible with your satellite service," cautioned the guy from long, long, long ago, and then he spouted some more stuff about TVs which caused me to glaze over even more.

So, here's the end of this story.

I still have the dead TV in the back room. I've been told where to go to look at TVs and where not to go by my advisors, and I'm almost afraid to venture out to search. I know I'll do something wrong, I just know it.

And then there's the thing about hooking it up once I get it. That makes my head spin.

I think I'll just put off the whole thing until tomorrow -- just like Scarlett.

Or maybe better yet, I'll look for a TV with a pretty cabinet color. Do they make cabinets in baby blue perhaps? It would match the rug in the family room, and I'm all about coordinating when in interior design mode.



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