Joke of the day

Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Joke N° 3041
Fine By Me
Fernando M.
Joke N° 3042
Airplane Meeting
A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turns, smiles and says, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago." He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he as ever seen, sitting next to him and she's going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer", she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really," he says, swallowing hard, "what myths are those?" "Well", she explains, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed. When, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck." Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!" "Tonto!" the man says, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
David P. Rigby
Joke N° 3043
Sex Drive
The FDA finally recognized a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 98%. => It's called a wedding cake.
Benito Baca
Joke N° 3044
Don't Read and Drive
One day a TV crew had to do a feature about the modern cowboy's way of living. So they went to a little Texan town and asked a farmer named John to tell the viewers all about a normal working day. John starts, "Well, I wake up very early to feed the cows and the horses but not before having a nice shot of whiskey." The reporter orders the camera man to stop shooting and says to John, "Sir, listen, I think you should skip the part about the booze and instead tell people who will watch this feature that you do something else, something more ethical and educating, like reading." "Okay," says John, "So, I feed the cattle and then I read something, a good book. Every day my neighbor Bill comes over and together we take the thirsty animals to the river. While they drink water, we read a few chapters from my book. Then they eat grass and by sunset we finish the book." "Good," the satisfied reporter interrupts him, "then you go home." "Not quite, we stop at the public library where the librarian pours, err, I mean gives us books to read at ease, he has best-sellers there, but unfortunately he closes down by midnight and throws us all out." "And then, of course, you go home," the reporter expresses his hope. "Not straight home," John replies calmly, "my friend Bill has a cousin nearby who has one hell of a printing press and we go there to read something really strong."
Dan Creta
Joke N° 3045
The Scotsman
A Scottish man was at a baseball game. It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming, "Run, Run!" This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. The Scottish man was now excited and ready to get into the game. The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called "walk," and the batter started on a slow trot to first. The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, "Run ye bastard, run!" Everyone around him started laughing so the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down. The fan sitting next to the Scotsman noticed his embarrassment, so he leaned over and explained, "He can't run because he got four balls." The Scotsman immediately stood up and screamed, "Walk with pride, man! Walk with pride!"
Joke N° 3046
Redneck At A Bar
The bartender was washing his glasses, and an elderly Irishman came in and with great difficulty, hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, asked for a sip of Irish whiskey. The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded and the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey also. The next patron was an ailing Italian with a hunched back and slowness of movement. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting down there. The bartender nodded and the Italian said to give him a glass of Chianti also. The third patron, a redneck, swaggered in dragging his knuckles on the floor and hollered. "Barkeep, set me up a cold one. Hey, is that God's boy down there?" The barkeep nodded, and the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one too. As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, and he got up and danced a jig to the door. Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness you are healed!" The Italian felt his back straighten and he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door. As Jesus walked toward the redneck, the redneck jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me, I'm drawin' disability!"
Tom Lemke
Joke N° 3047
Silence Please
Roelof M

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