what time does lo wake up?

Help me deal with my mom and my impending birth

Posted 01/17/2013
So here's the deal...my mom is always volunteering to help or watch my 2 yr old but rarely, if ever, comes through. I totally understand that she works and still has 3 of my younger siblings (older teenagers) at home. She is one of those people who doesn't know how to prioritize and is constantly busy, trying to please everyone, doing a million things but not one of them well. I rarely, if ever, ask her for help because I just know she is busy and probably can't. However, this has become a real sore spot with me because multiple times I have made appointments or tried to just be alone with my husband when she has offered to keep him and she flakes out at the last minute causing me to have to cancel appointments, plans, etc. It has also come to my attention that the past few times she has had him he basically just ends up just being passed around between my siblings and dad because she is busy working or taking calls after hours. I don't have a problem with that because for the most part they are great with him and he thinks they are great fun! However it just really bugs me because I am just one of those people that can't stand not sticking to a commitment I've made. It is a respect issue that expect of all people, not just my mom. So this leads me to question the reliability of leaving him with her when I have the new baby in a few weeks. For one thing my DH works out of town and is 3 1/2 hours away 4 days a week. Just like today, I stupidly called to see if she could watch LO for an hour so I could run an errand and she couldn't do it and acted annoyed that i even asked. What on earth am I supposed to do if I go into labor at a time that is inconvenient for her? She is my mom! I NEED to be able to trust her and know that she is ready and willing to help in case DH isn't home to immediately help. I have really been weighing the idea of seeing if my doctor will schedule an induction when DH is home and him keeping LO at home until time for the birth. I don't really want it that way but if need be, LO could just stay in the room with us during birth right? This whole situation is stressing me out because there literally is no one other than her that can watch him during that time. Plus I don't want to be stressed out that he is just being pawned off on my sibs for the time that he is supposed to be with her. He has never even spent the night away from home because every time he was supposed to stay with her she cancels! I just don't understand why she is so bad at the grand parenting thing. She was such a wonderful, attentive mother to us when we were young and it like she has no interest in my child outside of just a token hug and kiss when we see each other. It really just makes me sad. Oh and I might add that we live just down the street from each other! I am just at a loss on what is best for everyone involved. I know that if I try to talk to her openly about it won't go over well and she will be in complete denial because she really genuinely thinks that because we happen to live in the same place, go to the same church, and see each other often that that makes her a wonderful grandmother. In reality, if we didn't live here, she would never see us at all because she is so consumed with other stuff. Sorry this turned into a bit of a vent but I just don't know what to do when the time comes! Any words of wisdom or fresh ideas? I am praying about this and not feeling led to do/say anything yet but I am getting nervous and impatient and just tying not to have a bitter attitude.

Comments (3)

Posted 01/18/2013
Hello. I'm sorry you are going through this. My advice is to pray, pray, pray and let God handle the details. Pour your cares upon Him because He cares for you and commands you as His child to not worry about anything (Philippians 4:6).
Posted 01/18/2013
Sit down with your mom and have a serious talk. The birth of your 2nd baby is important and you need her support. Watching your older child is the best way she can give it.

Your other option is to talk to a sibling or your dad about watching him instead of putting it on your mom. It sounds like they tend to be more available.

I'm having my baby on Monday via c/s. We've been in an interesting situation since my parents are on vacation until next Wednesday. It's been a strange backup plan just in case I went into labor with my sister working things out with her nanny job to take our 3 year old with her to work if needed. She actually ended up with next week off so she'll be watching him for a few days. A huge relief to us but it has been interesting to figure out.


For these children I prayed...

My Blog: Mom Needs Coffee

Posted 01/18/2013

Yes first pray about it and ask God to work out the situation according to His will.

Then I would have a gentle but serious talk w/ your mom about the history of cancellations and that you need to know that you can count on her for the birth.  I wouldn't worry too much if she passes him off to your dad or sibs...your child is being taken care of, and by his family.

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