Never mind Facebook, it's Topshop the broken-hearted need to avoid

Yes the internet can exacerbate heartbreak, but at least it's under your control. The same can't be said for the real world
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Psychologists say that break-ups among those between 19 and 34 are much harder to get over if they use social networking sites. Photograph: Chris Jackson/Getty Images

There's nothing worse than being freshly dumped and having to leg it from your local because someone has put Adele on the jukebox and the song reminds you of your ex enough to forcibly expel several kinds of bodily fluid via your nostrils and tear ducts. Or having to chuck their toothbrush away, leaving yours in the mug, sad, forever alone, decaying and covered in a thickening layer of dull, drying Colgate. Or seeing a dog in the park and having to dive into a bush for some noisy, semi-private weeping because "Tim really liked dogs". But according to experts, the physical signs of the end of a relationship aren't the worst parts to deal with – it's the digital element that does the most damage.

Psychologists from the University of Santa Cruz have found that among people aged between 19 and 34, break-ups are much harder to get over when you use social networking sites, because the reminders of the relationship last for much longer. It's easy to delete your own photos and messages, but much harder to get rid of the stuff that lives forever on other people's walls, from party invites to joint threads to all 588 pictures of "Josh's Mega Magaluf Adventure Album 2009!!!"

When two people fall in love, the fabric of their lives becomes interwoven. Parents, pets and pals all come together and form one joint, joyful force. A relationship usually creates a number of subsidiary relationships among friends of friends. Sites like Facebook make it much easier to track these connections, but they didn't create them – they just drew attention to something that had always existed.

However, before Facebook, your pool of potential contacts was more limited because before everything became digital, everyone was constrained by geography. You could meet a prospective partner at school or university, at work or through relatives. Romantic comedies fostered a false hope that led delusional sentimentalists to believe they might just meet someone at an airport departure gate, or when shipwrecked on an island, but realistically, your next crush was probably just a friend you hadn't met. As an increasing number of relationships begin online, you're more likely than ever to start dating someone outside your social circle, who does not come recommended by Auntie Violet. In time, your lives, friends and newsfeeds will end up colliding, but the roots of the relationship won't ever run quite as deep.

We've always curated our memories and documented our lives. Admittedly, it is easier to burn pictures, letters and diaries than it is to completely wipe out every trace of your relationship on the internet. But physical memories are much harder to ignore. There's something a bit 80s soft rock about attacking your old photo albums with a box of matches – and if you're feeling emotional and dramatic, your tears might extinguish your memory bonfire anyway. But deleting, defriending and signing out of an account for a bit can be done quietly and with dignity. And when you're newly single, preserving your dignity should be your top priority, up there with avoiding hair salons and karaoke nights.

If you want to wallow, the internet is packed with opportunities for self-torture – but if self-preservation is your bag, you just need a little discipline and decent broadband access. The real, unavoidable relationship reminders will come from the people who will always connect you. It's easy to escape an old lover's mother on Facebook, but far less easy to do so when she's spotted you in Londis. You can decide not to look at your ex's holiday albums to find out how great his new girlfriend looks in a bikini, but there will always be a risk of bumping into her with a mutual friend in the Topshop changing rooms. The internet can enhance and exacerbate the best and worst bits of being human, but it didn't invent any of them. Realistically, once your heart is broken, being online can't make it break any harder. And if you think it has, you can always pull the plug.

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