Satan's biography




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    I believe that Satan was conceived during a gang rape of a Canaanite girl during the Jewish conquest. Unfortunately, the young Satan was given a linen and woolen garment by his Uncle Mephisto.

    "Neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woolen come upon thee." -- Leviticus 19:19

    By his early 20's he was only able to grow a cheesy beard and thus was sent to Hades Community College where he first heard some heavy metal. He graduated with a degree in marketing and began a career tempting fundamentalists christian preachers to have homosexual experiences, however this proved to be no challenge and he soon became bored. Next he.....

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    Tom Sarbeck

    Some of Satan's offspring can be found in the Vatican, attending services at Westboro Baptist Church, in the Republican Party, and in Salt Lake City.

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      ..Next Satan.became a program manager for TV and introduced dozens of popular reality shows. Satan did this just to make it easier for God to see what his sheep were really doing (since God is busy hiding all those fossils.) Well, it turns out that God became a huge fan. He especially likes "Pawn Stars" because it reminds him of all the wheeling and dealing back when Catholics used to pay for forgiveness. Satan was like "God is such a freak, you just never what he will do next"

      Since Satan's plan backfired, he went to Vegas to lay low for a while and also to enjoy the hot weather. While there he did a little consulting work for Circus Soleil and got to meet Al Pacino (one of his favorite actors). Then...