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Bonding through laughter

Tracy Ormsbe, Times Union
Published 10:33 am, Friday, June 1, 2012
  • Laughter is good medicine for families. (Fotolia.com) Photo: Konstantin Yolshin / Konstantin Yolshin
    Laughter is good medicine for families. (Fotolia.com)


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The kids are throwing tantrums over the broccoli on their plates.

Your teenager snuck out of the house last night.

The last time you saw your hardwood floor beneath the pile of toys was sometime in December.

You could cry.

But, instead, you should laugh.

"Humor builds relationships," says Sister Anne Bryan Smollin, executive director of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Albany's Office of Counseling for Laity in Albany and a lecturer on spirituality, humor and wellness. We spoke with Smollin this week about how we can use humor in our homes.

Q: How can humor help us raise our children?

A: Humor builds relationships. It helps people relax together and it shows caring because people are bonded together. It helps because people can relax a little bit. We start to see there are other ways of seeing things and we can then keep ourselves open to each other and even learn to disagree with each other. We have to accept each other but we don't have to agree with each other. What happens with humor is that we relax. We just can put our hair down. And I'm not talking laughing at, I'm talking laughing with There's energy in that laughter. When we laugh together, it's a social event. We don't tend to laugh alone. It does connect us, but it relaxes us and lets us see that we don't have to take life so seriously, that things can by OK. It almost gives hope.

Q: What are some good ways to use it?

A: I think one of the important things about humor is it should be part of our day. It doesn't just come when we're having difficulties because then we're searching for it, we're working at it. We have to look at our children and we have to smile at them. That may sound simple but those two skills really start to build relationships. We don't even take time to look at each other anymore. We're busy, and parents are busy. They work, they come home, they have a million things to do and then they're trying to make time for their kids. In the meantime, it's like looking at people and smiling and even saying crazy things like, "So tell me, what happened in school today," and they'll say, "Nothing," of course, because that's always what they say. So say "OK, besides nothing, tell me something that happened. Tell me something funny." So almost ask questions to help people embellish the conversation. I'm really scared we don't have a lot of social skills in communication even. Laugh with the child. Then they find out they can laugh.

Q: What about sarcasm?

A: Sarcasm is really defined as "aggression." When people are sarcastic, they're really angry. That's not a good kind of humor because it's a hurtful kind of humor; so it's not calling people names or putting people down or making fun, it's learning to walk past them and ruffle their hair and say something crazy. It's like giving them a hug and knowing they're going to push you away because kids don't hug their parents. It's teaching them that they can relax in the moment. After a while it's so much a part of our communication that we really look forward to being with people we can do that with.

Q: So good humor is never a bad idea.

A: What do we remember? We remember the good times we've had, how we sit down and laugh together, the funny things that have happened. When families get together, what do they do? They start recalling memories. How many of those memories are based on just knowing that they've shared a few moments of laughter together?

Q: Do you have to consider age-appropriate humor?

A: If a child is 1 or 2 or 3, you're going to kind of toss them around and laugh with them. Rolling on the floor and throwing balls — stuff like that. They you get into kindergarten and they become little men and women. And they're probably smarter than I am — at least with computers. We have to teach kids humor. Then get to junior high, which is a really tough time, and then you get into high school. I also think if we would just relax with each other and laugh a little bit more, we would see a decrease in some of the bullying that's going on.

Q: How can you use humor to defuse a situation?

A: Sometimes it's just like catching a nice phrase or saying, OK, we'll take a deep breath and let's see if we can see things differently. That is one way to defuse a situation. It won't escalate to anger. You can't be mad and laughing at the same time.

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