Not going out to formal events because I genuinely can't fit appropriate clothes.

(76 Posts)
FlabbyFFF Sat 09-Nov-13 17:05:10

My DH has just told me I am ruining our social life and while I agree I genuinely cannot find dresses to fit me that are suitable.
I am desperately dieting after having 4 children in quick succession but my shape is alwful and am 3 sizes up from pre -pregnancies . I reckon about size 18 -20 because of stomach and arms need covering .
I have tried shopping so many times and it all ended in tears. It is the black tie, cocktail ball type things that I am so afraid of and it is his work crowd ( I am at home ) .
He doesn't get it at all and won't help shopping wise .

Is it that you can't find anything or just feel to self conscious to wear the dresses that fit you?

SparklyFucker Sat 09-Nov-13 17:07:36

He's an arse. Is he like this about other things in your marriage too? Criticising? Undermining? Ridiculing?

I know it is easy for me to say, but I am sure other people won't notice your size as much as you do.

What do you normally wear?

bimbabirba Sat 09-Nov-13 17:09:19

I was the same as you after 3 kids - previously a 10. I'm now down to a 14 after nearly 2 years and I still refuse to buy expensive or very smart clothes in size 14. I also feel very self conscious and prefer not to go to vey formal dos.
One day we'll get there. Have faith smile

gaggiagirl Sat 09-Nov-13 17:09:56

Bumping for you. I know exactly what your going through. For so many of us finding a dress is difficult no matter what our size.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Sat 09-Nov-13 17:10:19

You poor thing! Your size is not the problem. Your lack of confidence and crushingly low self-esteem is.

You can look brilliant in the right style of dress, but yes you do need someone who knows about this stuff to come shopping with you and make trying things on fun and enjoyable. I speak as the recently converted overweight girl who has shied away from dressing rooms for years.


-Invest in some really good shapewear to smooth down lumps and bumps. Make sure you're wearing this when you go out shopping for dresses.
-Find something you DO like about your figure. I have pretty huge awesome boobs so I focus on them and go for dresses that draw attention away from my wobbly belly.
- Accessorise! If you feel self-conscious about clothes, go for something simple and flattering, then dress it up with a some gorgeous jewellery, shoes and handbag.
- When feeling low, shop for shoes. My mantra is you can never be too fat for shoes.

Chocotrekkie Sat 09-Nov-13 17:10:45

I am size 22 and have loads of lovely clothes from cocktail dresses to scruffy.

I shop mainly in tesco or asda or Evans (sale) or sometimes sainburys do 22 and new look does plus size in some shops or online.

My total favourite stuff is joe brown from simply be but it's quite expensive.

He sounds lovely btw hmm

ButEmilylovedhim Sat 09-Nov-13 17:12:05

I sympathise. I'm a size 22. I would love to be near a size 18 again but that's by the by. Have you tried online? Simply Be have a lot of posh dresses/outfits that might be just the thing. Sending a hug ((())). It's shit, isn't it?!

Waswondering Sat 09-Nov-13 17:12:17

Book a personal shopper at Debenhams or JL. Before you arrive, get a blow dry so you know your hair is as it might be on the night. If you have nice shoes with height, take them too.

Then enjoy being dressed up!

There will be a beautiful outfit for you out there ....

sleepdodger Sat 09-Nov-13 17:12:53

There re definitely appropriate clothes for you, the issue is you don't eel comfortable in them because its not the pre sized you... So...
Focus in the good- is there a part of you you like?
Grooming grooming grooming
Good blow dry, shellac nails, get someone (make up counter, good friend) to do your make up
Light dusting - I mean light- of fake tan, as everyone looks better with a hint if colour (sorry I've made assumption you're white, that might be incorrect)
Then, scaffold up so good well fitting bra- bravissimo etc
Pant which are comfy with support tights- more comfy and flattering than support undies
Shoes which you can walk in but perhaps More glam
Then a dress which fits but feminine so something like knee length black lace with lace arms etc- coverage, but not over showing!
Go fitted not floaty
And finally, lipstick and smile
You will look Great and soon will be a size you're happy with
Have fun and think about having a light off with dh rather than being out with work mate etc
Will look for frocks and post link later

SkinnybitchWannabe Sat 09-Nov-13 17:13:22

Could you get some hold in undies? Ive seen some amazing results when friends and fellow mums wear them.
Have you got a family member or friend you could take with you shopping? If not Im sure a nice sales person would happily help you. I know I would!
Being at home with 4 dc means you probably dont get alot of time to yourself..can you get the afternoon of the party child free so you could get your hair and make up done?
You sound like your stuck in a rut and need a glam night out.
I feel exactly the same, Ive lost 4st but still have heaps to lose (I wish I was a 18/20 grin ) and have a eorks party coming up..havent a clue what to wear.

bakingaddict Sat 09-Nov-13 17:14:40

I'm that size I find Monsoon good for cocktail and fancy occasion dresses. I tend to either buy dresses with a 3/4 sleeve or buy a sparkly bolero type shrug to hide the batwings. Nothing much you can do about the stomach when you are this size just buy something that skims over the belly rather than being tight across it is my tip. I'm quite tall 5''9 with slim legs for my size and this helps me quite a bit

gaggiagirl Sat 09-Nov-13 17:14:45

I agree with over there are probably plenty of dresses you would look great in. Its the anxiety and dread and feeling crap that is holding you back.

Caitlin17 Sat 09-Nov-13 17:16:07

Could you insist he pays for a dressmaker to make you something suitable if it's so important to him?

Although to be honest I'm not sure why it should be so difficult to find off the peg black tie dresses for an 18-20. The attendees come in all shapes and sizes.

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 09-Nov-13 17:17:17

OP you need Spanx and a sleeved dress. That's it. It's not difficult. But I, like Over am wondering if it is really that you can't find a frock or if you are using this as an excuse not to go out.sad

gaggiagirl Sat 09-Nov-13 17:19:58

Ooops cross post with many others.

LIZS Sat 09-Nov-13 17:19:58

Don't assume you need to wear skimpy for that sort of occasion . Layer up a dress with a sheer blouse over the top or sparky wrap if you don't want to feel too exposed. Choose something with detail to detract attention away from your least comfortable parts and invest in accessories. Take a good friend along or book a personal shopper.

TigerFeet Sat 09-Nov-13 17:20:22

We could probably help you find a dress but I think your problem runs deeper than that tbh. Do you only ever go to black tie dos? What would you wear to, for eg, a meal out? How is your self esteem generally? Sounds on the floor to me. Is your dh usually so blunt?

Plenty of people your size and bigger scrub up well, I'm bigger than you and despite not being drop dead fabulous I can make myself look presentable.

Sorry for the list of questions but you sound really miserable and like you're reaching out for help about more than just finding a frock.

Moxiegirl Sat 09-Nov-13 17:20:29

Simply be and yours clothing do some nice larger going out stuff. I'm a size 22/24 and although I want to be slimmer I manage to socialise!

Moxiegirl Sat 09-Nov-13 17:21:10

Your dh needs to be more supportive angry

Caitlin17 Sat 09-Nov-13 17:24:55

If this is within budget these are what Nigella wears. They go to 18.

Good foundation wear (aka a proper corset as worn by all women in 50s) works wonders.

Caitlin17 Sat 09-Nov-13 17:26:21

Sorry meant as in the decade the 50s

missmargot Sat 09-Nov-13 17:28:16

My suggestion would be to stop going shopping and start ordering online, or at least buying in store but bringing things home to try. I have put on weight over the years and am currently seven months pregnant trying to dress for some black tie events. Hot, crowded shop changing rooms with unflattering lighting do not help my self esteem. I find that bringing things home and trying them on with proper lighting and my own mirror make a huge difference.

Strapless styles suit me best but I don't like my upper arms so have a few little shrugs to cover up the bits I don't think. Use jewellery to draw the eye away from the areas you don't like and don't forget some decent Spanx or similar supportive underwear.

Greenfircone Sat 09-Nov-13 17:28:18

Order stuff on his credit card from a catalogue them you don't have to traipse around shops getting depressed. You can try it all on at home and send back what you don't want.

I'm sure you'll find something. I've seen many glamorous women in your size.

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