DEAR CAROLYN: Two acquaintances are having an affair, one married, one single. They are not being discreet, and a lot of people know. We live in a small city, so I am surprised the spouse has not heard yet, as it has been going on for well more than a year. The spouse is not the sort of person who would react well, so I am sure there is no tacit understanding or agreement going on.

I am so much for a MYOB stance in situations that don't involve me. But I keep thinking that if I were the partner, I would be grateful if someone told me. Mortified, for sure. But eventually grateful. I was wondering if there was ever a situation where an anonymous buttinski note was appropriate?




Presumably you are not close to this person, or else you'd have said something. If you just happen to be close to someone who is, then that's it for options -- to ask that person whether and why (ahem) the spouse still doesn't know. Besides, of course, MYOB.

DEAR CAROLYN: I have a friend who lives in the suburbs, so when he plans a night out, he stays with a friend in the city. We attended the same party, and when it was over he was unable to get in touch with the friend, so he asked if he could crash on my couch.

Apparently he overindulged, because in the middle of the night I was awaked by his throwing up. He was sick everywhere -- in my living room, hall and bathroom (but not the toilet). He watched me clean up some, then face-planted on my couch.

He sheepishly apologized the next morning and left without offering to finish cleaning. I have spent more than three hours cleaning/disinfecting my house and doing laundry. I also discovered that my couch is stained. Is it inappropriate to ask him for some money to help pay for the costs of all of this?

Sick of Cleaning

DEAR SICK: He owes you whatever you spent in removing him from your worldly goods. You owe him a measure of gratitude on behalf of your metropolitan area, for knowing to stay off the roads.

