Friends or more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
Friends or more?
Thu, 12-24-2009 - 10:41pm

Hi! I have a friend with benefits that is also currently living with me. We have been living together for 6 months now and things were great. We get along great and spend a lot of time together just being friends. In the beginning, we were good friends and decided that it would be convenient to live together. Things sort of went from there. We had the understanding that we were just friends with benefits and nothing serious, and we would not have sex with anyone else while we were sleeping together. He even said that he didn't want to cuddle or kiss because that would cause feelings between us. For a long time there were no problems, all of a sudden he has become somewhat jealous and suspicious of me all the time. He doesn't want me even having guy friends and gets upset and says he is moving out if he finds out I have been talking to a guy on the phone. He also gets upset when I go out with friends or alone and he will sit at the house and wait on me. While I am at home, he will go out and have fun with his friends though. He still stands by his decision that he wants nothing more from us but friends with benefits. It would be easy to cut things off if he wasn't so good to me. He does everything for me and I don't want to lose him as a friend. I don't know what he wants from me. Should I cut my losses or is he developing feelings for me? I do have strong feelings for him and would commit to him immediately, but he says he doesn't want

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 9:01am

Tell me how you think this would go over:

"Hey, listen I know you say you don't want a relationship with me but I have strong feelings for you and my friends say you're into me. So I don't really care what you want, I'm not going to listen to you. We should start a relationship right now because I want one."

Neither you nor your friends have the authority to tell this guy what he wants or doesn't want. He's his own human being, different from you, and he can't be told what to think or feel. He doesn't want a relationship with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 9:34am

Time to have a sit down with him, tell him what's on your mind and get it out of your system. Bottom line either it is or it isn't. His actions are speaking louder than his words, so it's time to "drop the bomb" on him so to speak and tell him what's up.

Your FWB relationship has already screwed with your head because you have feelings for him, and he says he doesn't but you are thinking otherwise. The longer this continues with him in the house, the more issues you are going to encounter, so realize something is gonna have to happen in order for you to get your answers and move on with life.