Don't Let Age Stand In The Way

January 07, 1997|By Ann Landers.

Dear Ann Landers: I am writing in response to the letter from "Oak Park," the 60-year-old man who is in love with a woman in her 30s. She wants a child, but he doesn't. He is concerned about being too old to raise another family and doesn't think they could afford to live comfortably if they had a child.

I was married to an abusive husband and had five children with him. We divorced when my youngest was 6 months old. A year later, I met "George." I was 27. He was 57 and had three grown children.

After six months, George and I realized we were in love. My children loved him, too, and he was wonderful to them. He took them fishing and to ballgames, showed them how to plant flowers, and was a real dad. It took me five years to talk him into marrying me. He thought he was "too old."

George passed away last year, after our 10th wedding anniversary. I can truthfully say they were the best 10 years of my life. He treated my children as if they were his own. My youngest is now 17, and George raised her. My other kids are all doing extremely well, and I know George helped make them what they are today. My only regret is that I had no children with George. I would give my right arm to have his child with me now.

If that woman in her 30s understands that she might be raising the child by herself, the two of them would be foolish not to try for a life together. As for the financial problems, they will work themselves out. George and I had nothing when we met, and we ended up owning a home, a boat and a car.

If people truly love one another, the age difference is no big deal and money doesn't matter. Tell "Oak Park" and his 30-year-old sweetheart to go for it.

Been There and Done That in Mountain Home, Ark.

Dear Ark.: You told 'em and in a way I never could. There's no substitute for having Been There and Done That. Thanks for the autobiographical input and your warmhearted encouragement.


Dear Ann Landers: I hope you will allow me to share an experience that made a tremendous impact on me.

Yesterday, I was at the gas station, paying for the gasoline at the counter, when a young man approached and ordered a pack of cigarettes. He appeared to be in his early 20s.

After 10 years of biting my tongue every time I saw a young person light up, I decided I was going to say something. I looked at him and blurted out, "I hope what happened to my husband doesn't happen to you. Ten years ago, he died of lung cancer after a lifetime of smoking." I then turned and headed for my car.

The young man came running after me. "Ma'am," he said, "I'd like to say something. It will take just a minute." I braced myself for what I was sure would be an angry outburst ending with, "Mind your own business." I was stunned when he said, "I want to thank you for speaking to me as you did. I've been wanting to quit smoking for a long time, but I couldn't quite do it. When you spoke to me that way, something clicked. I no longer wanted to buy that pack of cigarettes. I'm quitting."

Struck by emotion, I asked if I could hug him. We embraced, and he said, "I will remember you for the rest of my life." Needless to say, I left in tears.

A Grandmother in Wisconsin

Dear Wisconsin: Thanks to you, that young man may have a longer life and a healthier one. What a sweet story. Thank you for sharing it.

