Halo Wars

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Halo Wars.

Halo Wars (original name Star(Halo)Craft(Wars)) is a brilliant game made by award winning Game Developers Ensemble Studios. It is an RTS version of the FPS version of Star(Halo)Craft. It is also a pioneer in being the first Sci-Fi RTS game in the world and it is the most successful RTS game in the world (selling 5). The game starts out 20 years before the events of Star(Halo)Craft: Brood (Combat) War (Evolved).

Halo Wars is highly original. It features:

  • six diffrent leaders: Cutter, Forge, Anders, Arbiter, Brute Chieftian, and the Prophet of Regret.
  • New units and gameplay mechanics further distinguish each leader.
  • Groundbreaking single-player campaign.
  • Full multiplayer support, with new competitive features and matchmaking utilities available through halowars.com

Units & Buildings


  • Marine- Most basic of Infantry Units, carries two sticks and a rock for a whole platoon (and they have to share the rock). They are quite expendable.
  • Flame Thrower- A Marine with a Flamethrower. Known for their famous quote, "Need a light?"
  • Spartan- A super infantry unit that can take control of enemy vehicles.
  • Cobra- A Heavy vehicle with the ability to go into Lockdown "Siege" Mode which makes it immobile but grants it more range and a higher attack power with splash damage.
  • Chuck Norris- a.k.a Master Chief

Protoss Covenant

  • Zealo: Err...I mean Grunt: Most basic of Covenant Units. One grunt can take out three floodlings usually.
  • Dragon: This unit is NOT a DRAGOON.
  • Light Templar: An invisible unit with a very strong sword.
  • Low Templar: A visible spellcasting unit that can do Lightning Storm, Double Team, and merge to an Archon.
  • Wraith: A life-sucking species from the Pegasus Galaxy A Covenant Artillary Tank.
  • Archon: Though it may share the same name and concept as the Archon in Starcraft, it is completely original.
  • Light Archon: This is not at all to be confused with StarCraft's Dark Archon because the name is different.
  • Vampire: An Anti-Air Aircraft used to obliterate your enemies air units with a area spell that prevents units below it from attacking.

Zerg Flood

  • Floodling: Tier one unit of the Flood, most prevalent in the infamous Floodling rush. They can be upgraded in speed and attack speed and are then nicknamed "Speedling" or "Crackling".
  • Aqualisk: A ranged-attack Flood warrior. Aqualisks were brought into the Flood swarm through the assimilation of the docile species, Mothien.
  • Mutisk: Air worm thing that can evolve into Protectors or Consumers.
  • Superlisk: A heavily armored melee attacker commonly used to "soak" up damage. They are often paired with Floodlings in a tactic named the Superling.
  • Protector: An air unit that has slow movement, but extremely long range. It does exactly 20 base damage and can only attack land units.
  • Consumer: Anti air unit that slows down the movement of the unit being attacked.
  • Trickster: A spellcasting Flood that has Disease, Dark Horde, and Devour.
  • Dweller: A ground Flood that can only attack when it is underground. Dwellers are evolved from Aqualisks.
  • Infector: A flood spellcaster that has the ability to move while underground. It has the spells Infected Marine, Fungal Sprout, and Neural Infectation.


"Geez, if only I had more money, and they wouldn't explode."

Well known for being the only thing needed to explode all by yourself in this game, despite immense amount of orbital bombardment you are granted on the field.

Buildings gets things so you can use other buildings to get you people to come down from space which are equipped with things that are used to destroy other buildings that get things to another building to get people that destroy other buildings. On any case, they're vital because if you don't have a building, you lose. And if you don't blow one up, you lose. Like modern society.

Buildings vary amongst the three races. With it's many abilities, such as occupying space, costing a vast amount of resources, and flipping over, it can be used to call down an army from wherever the hell they come from. In humans, it's and underground fort with a door on top so they can surface smaller buildings. In that sense they resemble trees. And a colony of moles. Note, even though the functional buildings that come from the ground are already built when they're popping out, they're useless unless in contact with sunlight. The reason is currently unknown. For the P- I mean Covenant, it consists of a better looking, but even more prone to flipping over base. To stop the flip from occurring and possibly killing hundreds, the common tactic is to build tons of shields over it, when building more useful buildings would be helpful. They seem to be air-mailed from sky by a creation laser. Still under research. The Flood buildings are overall useless. When pretty much anything that is Flood will spew out a smaller Flood (which kills the need of making the oh-so mighty buildings.) thing that annoys. Their buildings have tentacles and occasionally shoot out eggs and slime, but still buildings are essential, otherwise they will extinguish and die.

Buildings themselves also have five necessary roles.

1. Get things for the number 2 buildings. If anything, they're referred to as "Supply Pads".

2. "Train" the people mentioned above that go ahead and wreck havoc amongst the enemy masses and their respective buildings. They actually just threaten their families and force them to fight off armies.

3. Produce loads of energy via harmful nuclear fusion. It leaves the surrounding area a polluted mess, but they don't care. Apparently, the bases are semi-permanent.

4. Give away shields for the prone to flipping buildings. These should be valued above anything else. Bases flip when exposed to wrath of anything as small as those kids with the shared rock, to as big as orbital bombardment, carpet bombs, or even small supernovas.

5. Research things that are already known to man. Seriously, does it honestly cost so much just to give him a bigger gun?

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Chuck Norris is an avid player of Halo


There are known species who seem to take the game a little too far.. these people.. mainly one.. Matthew Killen.. His known phrase is "Halo Wars!!!!" This phrase has caused the device to become very discrimiated against.

Halo Wars nerds therefore have no right or purpose to exist and should be purged with fire.

Other notable Halo Wars nerds include no-lifers such as Suicidal Kihz, Eternal Virgin Domed, and Ass-Raped Justin.


The story of Halo Wars is presented through its instruction manual, the briefings to each mission and conversations within the missions themselves, along with the use of cinematic cut scenes at key points. The game itself is split into three episodes, one for the player to command each race. In the first segment of the game, the player and Master Chief are attempting to control the colony of Harvest in the wake of the Covenant attack on other Human worlds. After the UNSC arrests Master Chief for destroying UNSC property, despite the fact that it had been infested by the Flood, the player joins Captain Cutter and the Spirit of Fire. Master Chief, who is freed by Cutter's troops, also joins and frequently accompanies the player on missions. Cutter then begins to use UNSC technology captured on Harvest to lure the Flood to UNSC installations and further his own goals. After forcing UNSC general John Forge to join him, Cutter sacrifices his own second-in-command, Ellen Anders, to ensure the destruction of the UNSC by luring the Flood to the UNSC capital Earth. Master Chief is outraged by Cutter's true aims of obtaining power at any cost and deserts, taking with him a small army of the former colonial militia of Earth. Cutter reorganises what remains of the Human population into the Human Dominion, crowning himself as emperor.

The second campaign reveals that Anders was not killed by the Flood, but rather is captured and infected in an effort to incorporate her magcial traits into the Flood gene pool. She emerges with far more magical powers and physical strength, her DNA completely altered. Meanwhile, the Covenant commander Ripa 'Moramee discovers that the Flood's cerebrates cannot be killed by conventional means, but that they can be harmed by the powers wielded by the heretical Brutes. Ripa 'Moramee allies himself with the Brute Chieftan, who assassinates one of the Flood's cerebrates in their hive clusters on G 617 g. The cerebrate's death results in its forces running amok through the Flood hives, but briefly links the minds of Brute Chieftan and the Flood Gravemind, allowing the Gravemind to learn the location of the Covenant homeworld on Orion's Arm, which it has been seeking for millennia. The Flood promptly invade and despite heavy Covenant resistance, the Gravemind is able to embed itself into the crust of the planet.

The final section of the game sees Prophet of Regret and the Covenant government branding Ripa 'Moramee a traitor and a heretic for conspiring with the Brutes. The player initially serves Prophet of truth in defending the Orion's Arm from the Flood invasion, but while on a mission to arrest Ripa 'Moramee, the player joins him instead. A Covenant civil war erupts, pitting Ripa Moramee,the Brute Chieftan, and their allies against the Covenant establishment. The brutes prove their worth when they use their energies to slay two more of the Flood cerebrates on the Orion's Arm, and the Conclave reconciles with them. Aided by Master Chief's forces???who sided with Ripa 'Moramee back on G 617 g???the Covenant break through the Gravemind's weakened defenses and destroy the Gravemind's outer shell, but take heavy casualties in the process. Ripa 'Moramee channels his own magical energies in combination with those of the brutes through the hull of his Spirit of Fire and crashes it into the Gravemind, sacrificing himself in order to destroy it.

See Also


Starcraft 2

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