A recent thought has been driving me absolutely insane with guilt/shame as I battle to understand something I did as a child. As a 12-year-old, I babysat my neighbor s kids all the time. They were like family to me. I m a 28 y/o female now. For some reason, a memory was triggered recently. I remember being 12 and while changing the 2-year-old boy s diaper, I touched his penis to see what it felt like for a second. I remember immediately being grossed out. I can only assume that at that age, I was just curious but at the same time, I cannot believe I would think that was an okay decision to make. What on earth? As a side, I ve worked with kids all my life and never recalled this, thought twice about anything or had any weird thoughts like that. Remembering this event is making me feel like a terrible person, as if I m all of a sudden labeling myself and changing my own sense of self. I ve been struggling with this for two weeks now and I m starting to have a difficult time just making it through the day. I m starting to think that this has simply become rumination. Can I really feel guilty for something like that as a 12-year old child?
HIT hanks for using Chat Doctor Whatever you have done, that is past now and no one could change your past. If you feel guilt on that incidence, this could lead to either depression or psychosis. Being a child, what ever you did, was not wrong. Sometime in curiosity, you do such things and same you did in childhood. Better to stay relax and enjoy your life. In case you need further help, you can ask. Thanks