I hate myself and some days I feel more dead than alive. Ive been sleeping 10-11 hours each day. More than my usual sleep time. There are days when I feel extremely sad and I dont understand why. Ive self harmed again and again, but Im trying to stop. The urge is just hard to resist. Ive planned out how Id mill myself many previous times and Ive attempted a few times,but could not go completely through with it. I dont know what to do. I dont k ow whats wrong with me.
Hi, Welcome to Chat Doctor. We understand your concern. I am Chat Doctor Psychiatry from India. I will try to help you with best of my effort.  Apparently you are suffering from a Severe Depressive Episode. Depression is a serious but curable mental illness. Any person in world may have this illness. Depression may precipitate suddenly after some triggering factor/ stressing situation, or it may come insidiously over a period of days to weeks without any obvious trigger. Like in your case you do not know why it is happening to you as apparently there are no precipitating factors.  The suffering may continue from few weeks to years if not treated. But with treatment, a person have significant improvement of symptoms in an average of 2-3 weeks. A person suffering from depression have the following main symptoms1.  Sadness of mood2.  Preference for solitude and social with Chat Doctor.  Reduced energy and lethargy4.  Reduced pleasure in pleasurable activities which he/she used to enjoy earlier5.  Poor appetite and disturbed sleep6 Feeling of helplessness, that none can help me in present situation7.  Hopelessness, that condition can not be better in future8.  Low self-esteem & guilt (thinking himself as a cause of all the mishappening and responsible for all the wrong things in past)9.  Ideas of worthlessness (life is not worth living), and even suicidal ideas or attempt.  As you revealed, you have many of the above-mentioned symptoms like sadness of mood, reduced energy and lethargy causing excessive sleepiness, ideas of worthlessness (feeling more dead than alive), suicidal ideas and multiple attempts of self harm/suicide. The person suffering from depression can be easily cured by psychiatric medicines and psychotherapy.  I advise you to consult a psychiatrist at the earliest who may assess you in detail and prescribe you antidepressant 