The class of 2012 and all its friends can breath a collective sigh of relief about at least one thing as May 11th approaches, thanks to some timely research conducted by the University of Southern California.
According to chief researchers, 98% of the student body was under the impression that Commencement, or “graduation” in dirty slang terms, was a death sentence, while the remaining 2% were actually ousted as robots programmed to not recognize fear.
Fortunately for everyone, researchers were able to successfully debunk this widely accepted belief by taking five minutes to call up anyone that has ever graduated college before. What they learned was jarring, to say the least.
It turns out that in fact, even after diplomas have been received, graduates go on living, because apparently graduating college isn’t a lethal act after all.
This is all excellent news because for awhile, the Commencement diagnosis had hit our own USC CB family, namely myself and fellow Head Writer Leah Folta, and the future was uncertain until the recent breakthrough.
In spite of the reality that the class of 2012 is moving on to something different, you can rest assured that we’re alive and well and living it up.
Now that we know we’re not dying, that is.