This happened in Kashmir; he was giving discourses on Mahavira – Mahavir Meri Drishti Mein. One afternoon he was resting and I was sitting in the veranda. A few people came to see him. They said to me, “We have come for the darshan of pir baba.” They called Osho pir baba. I told them, “He is resting right now. You can’t see him.” They were curious to know something, so they asked me, “Are you his daughter?” I said, “Yes.” I didn’t want to get into telling those details about him being my guru and my being his disciple. I was trying to avoid more questions so I just said yes.
The next question was, “Has your mother also come here with you?” I thought, my God! Now I am caught in a net. So I said, “No, my mother is not here, she has died.” Then they asked, “Do you have any sisters and brothers?” I became really shaky now; this thing just kept going further away. I replied, “No, I’m the only daughter.” Now they were satisfied and left. I heard them discussing among themselves as they left, “Poor girl, she is the only daughter of pir baba. She has to take care of him alone.” I was surprised at the drama the simple question had turned into!
I told Osho about the incident when he woke up. He just laughed and said, “Now you know, if you tell a single lie, you will have to carry it further with an entire chain of lies.” And this little incident went so deep inside me. Since then I’m more aware of what I’m saying, not to create such situations. It was a very simple situation but it had a deep impact.
Osho would give insights for our learning from different situations. Once in Ahmadabad, Osho was having his afternoon tea. He just asked me, “Will you become my secretary?” I spontaneously replied, “I can’t take care of my own work, I’m so lazy that I need a secretary myself. How can I be your secretary?” He laughed and said, “You don’t know my laziness, your laziness is nothing compared to my laziness.” And he went on telling a story from his own life to prove his point.
Osho used to make us laugh all the time with these small stories. He then concluded the story by appreciating lazy people, saying that lazy people are very good. Active people create a lot of chaos in the world. He mentioned that if Hitler had been a little bit lazy, there would have been no second world war.
Until then I used to feel that something was wrong with me: “I’m a lazy person.” His message was to accept myself, to relax into myself and not to compare myself with others. I also realized that I’m not lazy. I’m doing whatever is needed. Maybe it has just been an idea put inside me by others or by my past conditioning. I had been feeling that I’m lazy but the whole thing dropped from me in that second. This was Osho’s keyword – acceptance; accept and relax into yourself, do not fight. Mostly we have some ideas; we feel that we should be in a certain way. With acceptance, the ‘shoulds’ drop, we are what we are! On that day something shifted inside me, the energy which was in conflict, which was fighting inside, got released.
The other thing I observed in Osho is trust in existence. He was so relaxed, there were no worries! I will tell you a small incident. One day he was travelling from Mumbai to Jabalpur by train. Two cars set out for the railway station; one with Osho in it and the other carrying his luggage. For some reason the second car did not arrive at the station in time. We were all getting worried, “It’s time and the train will leave. The luggage has not arrived.” I was watching him. He had no tension on his face, he was totally relaxed. There was this trust – whatever will happen is ok. Finally the train was ready to move and we heard the whistle. Osho got on the train and stood on the steps. And then a man came running with his luggage. Surprisingly, even after the whistle, the train had not moved for another two minutes. The luggage was put on the train and it took off.
Immediately that incident comes back to mind and I say to myself, “Ok, just relax and trust, see what happens.” And in all my travels I have never missed a flight but the nagging mind is still there. And the trusting part keeps the mind away with “You shut up! Let’s see what happens.” So this is really important for me: to trust. I learnt this just by observing Osho while being with him. He has given me many insights for my practical life.
Sometimes we have to face extreme situations. These come as tests; tests to check where we truly stand. When Osho was in the body I never felt like leaving the commune, no matter what the situation was. It was clear, “I’m here for my master and everything else is not of much importance.” I continued to stay 10 more years in the commune after Osho left the body, feeling his energy there. But in the year 2000, this strong feeling came, “Ok, now it’s time to move out.” There was no space for thinking, “Why should I move out?” I trusted the feeling, it was a decision which came from inside: “It’s time for you to move out!” – and I moved out. I did not know where I should go nor what I should do.
My friends started asking me, “Where will you live?” I told them, “I don’t know, but I have decided to move out.” Then a friend said to me, “I have an apartment lying vacant, why don’t you stay there?” So I moved into his apartment and the next thing was that I started getting phone calls from friends in Delhi, “What are you doing sitting in that apartment? Why don’t you come to our centre?” So I went to Oshodham.
All this happened by itself, it was existential. First I thought that after living a very comfortable life in the commune, where everything is taken care of, now I would have to take care of myself. But when I went to Oshodham, after a month in that apartment, again I felt that everything was taken care of. I knew that if I trust and don’t live in the head then existence takes care of things.
Later a new phase started in my life: friends from around the world, on hearing that I had moved out of the commune, sent me invitations. Many sannyasins had settled in different countries, they started calling and saying, “Why don’t you come visit us?” This is how I started travelling to many countries.
Life has become very beautiful – an adventure. I always feel there is some energy, I call it Osho energy. I feel it surrounding me, protecting me, travelling with me. I have had no problems in my travels so far. Sometimes there are small incidents. On one of my trips abroad, I was held back at the immigration counter. There are two categories of passports; mine was the one having a restriction on travelling to certain countries, including the one I was visiting on this occasion. I just kept standing at the immigration counter silently. I remembered Osho, “Your lovers have gathered in this city for meditation, and these people say that I can’t go… so now what?” I tried from another counter, but in vain.
Finally I went to see some higher official who amazingly decided to give me clearance. I was very relaxed and silent, watching what was happening. I was surprised to see the whole situation work out all by itself. Existence sometimes puts us to the test. I was happy I passed!
Osho said that after leaving his body he will be more available and that we will experience it. He was limited when he was in the body. Now he is all over the world and he is still at play!