1284e77a2d72ec3a45540ada5416917eddd9f954
movie
http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/This-is-40.html
THIS IS 40
FADE TO BLACK
 The film begins with Pete and Debbie having sex in the shower. Pete reveals that he took a Viagra given to him by his friend Barry (Rob Smigel); this enrages Debbie and they stop. Debbie is angered that she is turning 40.
In the five years since Knocked Up, Debbie owns a boutique with Desi (Megan Fox) and Jodi (Charlyne Yi) working for her. Pete owns his own record label, with his friends Ronnie (Chris O'Dowd) and Cat (Lena Dunham) working with him. Pete's business is struggling financially as he promotes the reunion of Graham Parker & The Rumour. The couple also are having to deal with their daughters; Sadie, a young teenager, and eight-year-old Charlotte. For Debbie's birthday, the couple goes on a romantic weekend to a resort. There they get high from eating marijuana cookies, and fantasize out loud about ways they would kill each other.
After speaking with her friends Jason (Jason Segel) and Barb (Annie Mumolo), Debbie decides to improve her marriage and family through exercise, and becoming more connected with her parents. Debbie tells Pete that he needs to stop lending his dad, Larry (Albert Brooks), money, because it is hurting them financially. Pete goes to visit him, but is unsuccessful at giving him the news, and still agrees to give him money. Meanwhile, Debbie visits her gynecologist (Tim Bagley), and discovers that she is pregnant. She decides not to tell Pete about this. Later, she yells at a student, Joseph (Ryan Lee), who has been taunting Sadie. She yells at him so much that his mother, Catherine (Melissa McCarthy), gets into an argument with Pete. They later have a meeting with the principal, but the couple denies everything that happened. The couple is overjoyed when Catherine starts using the same language they used previously and the principal dismisses them.
One night between the school taunting sequences, Debbie takes Desi out dancing at a club, planning to confront her with her suspicions that she has been stealing money from the store. Debbie and Desi meet several players from the Philadelphia Flyers hockey team at the pub. Debbie awkwardly finds out that one of the players wants to hang out with her and possibly sleep with her. She is proud that he wants to have sex with her, but admits that she is married, has two kids, and is pregnant. Afterwards, Debbie drops Desi off at her house and confronts her about the missing money. Desi reveals she is able to afford nice things because she is also an escort. Later, Debbie meets up with Jodi, who confesses that she stole the money to buy Oxycontin. Debbie fires her and leaves. Meanwhile, Pete and Debbie are having to deal with Sadie and Charlotte fighting all the time, which results in arguments between the family.
On Pete's 40th birthday party, he argues with his dad about the money he wants from them. Debbie argues with her dad about not spending enough much time in her life, and how his is perfect. Oliver then explains that his life is not perfect, and how he has always cared about her and loved her. Later, Pete overhears Debbie talking about her pregnancy, and rides out of the house on his bicycle in anger. Debbie and Larry then go after Pete, trying to find him. Soon, they find that he wrecked after hitting his head on a car door. Pete then gets into an argument with the driver of the car who then punches him in the stomach. Debbie and Larry take Pete to the hospital, where Larry and Debbie reconcile, with Larry advising Debbie that it's because of her, that she keeps the family together. Debbie and Pete talk later and Pete explains that he is actually thrilled about having a third baby, and that he doesn't feel trapped, so the two reconcile. Sometime later, Pete and Debbie are watching a small concert with Ryan Adams performing. Debbie then suggests that Pete should sign him to his label and plan to talk to him as they finish watching the show. After the main credits roll, there's an extended alternate take of Catherine ad-libbing insults during the conversation with Debbie, Pete, and the principal.
The film begins with Pete and Debbie having sex in the shower . Pete reveals that he took a Viagra given to him by his friend Barry ( Rob Smigel ) ; this enrages Debbie and they stop . Debbie is angered that she is turning 40 . In the five years since Knocked Up , Debbie owns a boutique with Desi ( Megan Fox ) and Jodi ( Charlyne Yi ) working for her . Pete owns his own record label , with his friends Ronnie ( Chris O'Dowd ) and Cat ( Lena Dunham ) working with him . Pete s business is struggling financially as he promotes the reunion of Graham Parker & The Rumour . The couple also are having to deal with their daughters ; Sadie , a young teenager , and eight-year-old Charlotte . For Debbie s birthday , the couple goes on a romantic weekend to a resort . There they get high from eating marijuana cookies , and fantasize out loud about ways they would kill each other . After speaking with her friends Jason ( Jason Segel ) and Barb ( Annie Mumolo ) , Debbie decides to improve her marriage and family through exercise , and becoming more connected with her parents . Debbie tells Pete that he needs to stop lending his dad , Larry ( Albert Brooks ) , money , because it is hurting them financially . Pete goes to visit him , but is unsuccessful at giving him the news , and still agrees to give him money . Meanwhile , Debbie visits her gynecologist ( Tim Bagley ) , and discovers that she is pregnant . She decides not to tell Pete about this . Later , she yells at a student , Joseph ( Ryan Lee ) , who has been taunting Sadie . She yells at him so much that his mother , Catherine ( Melissa McCarthy ) , gets into an argument with Pete . They later have a meeting with the principal , but the couple denies everything that happened . The couple is overjoyed when Catherine starts using the same language they used previously and the principal dismisses them . One night between the school taunting sequences , Debbie takes Desi out dancing at a club , planning to confront her with her suspicions that she has been stealing money from the store . Debbie and Desi meet several players from the Philadelphia Flyers hockey team at the pub . Debbie awkwardly finds out that one of the players wants to hang out with her and possibly sleep with her . She is proud that he wants to have sex with her , but admits that she is married , has two kids , and is pregnant . Afterwards , Debbie drops Desi off at her house and confronts her about the missing money . Desi reveals she is able to afford nice things because she is also an escort . Later , Debbie meets up with Jodi , who confesses that she stole the money to buy Oxycontin . Debbie fires her and leaves . Meanwhile , Pete and Debbie are having to deal with Sadie and Charlotte fighting all the time , which results in arguments between the family . On Pete s 40th birthday party , he argues with his dad about the money he wants from them . Debbie argues with her dad about not spending enough much time in her life , and how his is perfect . Oliver then explains that his life is not perfect , and how he has always cared about her and loved her . Later , Pete overhears Debbie talking about her pregnancy , and rides out of the house on his bicycle in anger . Debbie and Larry then go after Pete , trying to find him . Soon , they find that he wrecked after hitting his head on a car door . Pete then gets into an argument with the driver of the car who then punches him in the stomach . Debbie and Larry take Pete to the hospital , where Larry and Debbie reconcile , with Larry advising Debbie that it s because of her , that she keeps the family together . Debbie and Pete talk later and Pete explains that he is actually thrilled about having a third baby , and that he does n't feel trapped , so the two reconcile . Sometime later , Pete and Debbie are watching a small concert with Ryan Adams performing . Debbie then suggests that Pete should sign him to his label and plan to talk to him as they finish watching the show . After the main credits roll , there s an extended alternate take of Catherine ad-libbing insults during the conversation with Debbie , Pete , and the principal .
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_Is_40
This Is 40
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<pre>



<b>                   THIS IS 40
</b>


                   Written by

                  Judd Apatow





<b>INT. MASTER BATHROOM - DAY
</b>
PETE (39) and DEBBIE (39) are having fantastic sex in the
shower. Debbie moans loudly. Pete is strong and sure of
himself. In total control.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Oh Pete! Oh my god! This is crazy!

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Oh my god. So incredible. Want to
          know a secret? I took a Viagra.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I took a Viagra. Those things
          totally work. This is awesome. Why
          don't I use this every day?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What? What did you do? Wait. Stop.

Debbie gets out of the shower. Pete follows.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What's the matter?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You just took a Viagra to have sex
          with me?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I thought it would make it better.
          It was better. It takes some of the
          pressure off.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Because you can't get hard without
          a Viagra? Is it because you don't
          think I'm sexy?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I thought you'd think it was fun
          for me to supersize it for once.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          That is the worst birthday present
          you could ever give someone.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I was just trying to go turbo for
          your birthday.
<b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>                                                           2.
</b>
<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          My hard-ons are still in analog.
          This shit's digital.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I don't want a turbo penis. I like
          your medium soft one.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Look, I can get it up. Just not
          that far up.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Where did you get this?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I got it from Barry.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What? You got it from Barry?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Why do you care? This is my dick
          we're talking about, not yours.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          We are young people. We don't need
          medication to have sex.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I only took it because it's your
          birthday. I thought you'd like it.
          Happy fucking fortieth birthday.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I am not forty! And I don't want to
          have a husband who has to take
          Viagra to get a hard-on.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I don't have to take it every time,
          but once in a while...

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Fuck forty! Forty can suck my dick.


<b>TITLE UP - THIS IS 40
</b>

<b>INT. HALLWAY/SADIE'S ROOM - MORNING
</b>
Pete sneaks down the hallway. He kisses SADIE (13) as he
wakes her. She wants to be left alone.
<b>                                                            3.
</b>

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Your breath smells weird.

Pete breathes all over her as he talks.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Wake up, wake up. Time to get up.


<b>INT. CHARLOTTE'S ROOM - MORNING
</b>
Pete lifts a sleeping CHARLOTTE (8) out of bed and walks her
downstairs. It looks ridiculous because she is too tall to
hold her like she is a baby.


<b>INT. BREAKFAST NOOK - MORNING
</b>
Pete and the kids set up a tray of muffins and donuts on the
table and decorate the room with birthday balloons,
streamers, etc. Pete sneaks bacon, cupcakes, and mini donuts
into his mouth occasionally. The house is a bit more
cluttered and messier than when we last saw it in Knocked Up.


<b>INT. MASTER BATHROOM - MORNING
</b>
Debbie opens a window and sneaks a cigarette.

<b>                    PETE (O.C.)
</b>          We're ready!

She holds her cigarette with a yellow dish washing glove. She
puts out the cigarette and goes through an elaborate routine
of hiding the smell of smoke. She puts some weird oil in her
hair and uses a wet nap on her neck and clothes and brushes
her teeth. She sprays cologne and walks through it.


<b>INT. KITCHEN - MORNING
</b>
Pete and the kids hold a cake and sing "Happy Birthday" as
Debbie walks in. When they are done she blows out the candles
on the cake which says "Happy 38th Birthday."

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Make a wish!


<b>INT. KITCHEN, TV AREA - MORNING
</b>
The kids eat cereal. Sadie watches Lost on her iPad while
Pete and Debbie talk in the kitchen.
<b>                                                4.
</b>

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          Can I watch Lost?

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          You can't handle Lost. It's too
          violent, and you won't understand.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          If I don't understand it, why can't
          I handle it?

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Because you're eight.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          I can handle it. I've seen a shark
          eat a guy on Shark Week.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Shark Week is fake.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          No, it's not.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          All of it is reenactments.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          I know but they--

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          That's scary! You shouldn't be
          allowed to watch that.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          --they show the reenactments but
          they actually happened.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          It's going to give you nightmares.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          I can handle a nightmare. You're a
          nightmare every day for me.


<b>INT. KITCHEN - MORNING
</b>
Pete clears the breakfast dishes.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Hey. Don't eat that cupcake.
<b>                                                         5.
</b>

<b>                      PETE
</b>          What?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          The one you just put into the sink.
          I saw you were hiding that.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          This cupcake? You think I'm going
          to eat this cupcake?

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>          Yeah.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I so don't want this cupcake. Look.

He turns on the faucet and pours water on the cupcake.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You're still going to eat it.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I'm going to eat this cupcake?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Just put it in the trash.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What would you like to do today?
          Your choice.

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>          Anything?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Yeah, anything.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Just hang out with you guys.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Don't you want to get a massage? Or
          do something fun? Forty's huge.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I'm turning thirty-eight.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Okay. Thirty-eight. We'll move on.
          Isn't it weird that our birthday is
          the same week and that we're going
          to have a party, and it's just for
          me?
<b>                                                         6.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          No. I don't think it's weird at
          all. Because you're turning forty
          and I'm turning thirty-eight.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Come on. Do you really want to be
          one of those ladies who's just so
          insecure about their age and they
          lie and then they've got to
          remember.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You don't get it. You don't
          understand how it works. I don't
          want to shop at old lady stores. I
          don't want to go to J. Jill and
          Chicos and Ann Taylor Loft. I'm not
          ready yet. I need two more years.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          That is so insane, it kind of makes
          sense.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What did you get me for my
          birthday?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I thought you said that we
          shouldn't get each other gifts this
          year?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What do you mean? You're supposed
          to get me a surprise gift. This is
          a big birthday. I'm turning forty!


<b>INT. CHARLOTTE'S ROOM - MORNING
</b>
Charlotte plays the theme from The Office on her keyboard.

<b>                    SADIE (O.C.)
</b>          Mom!!


<b>INT. SADIE'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
</b>
Sadie tears apart her closet looking for clothes.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Mom! Why can't I get new clothes?!
          Nothing fits me!! God damn it!!
<b>                                                          7.
</b>

<b>INT. KITCHEN - MORNING
</b>
Debbie is in workout gear. Pete enters wearing a lycra outfit
with all sorts of logos on it. He is a complete bicycling
asshole.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I am going to work out. I'll be
          back in about an hour.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Hey, did your father call to wish
          you a happy birthday?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          No. That's no surprise.

Debbie leaves. Pete picks the soaking wet cupcake out of the
sink and takes a bite.


<b>EXT. SANTA MONICA STAIRS - DAY
</b>
Debbie runs up a long flight of stairs with her trainer
JASON. Her friend BARB trails behind.

<b>                     JASON
</b>          Come on.

<b>                     BARB
</b>          Coming.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          You've got to keep up with us,
          sweetheart. That's why your body
          looks like your body and her body
          looks like her body. Before, after.
          Before, after.

<b>                    BARB
</b>          You guys just go on without me. I'm
          just gonna... fuck.


<b>EXT. BRENTWOOD - MORNING
</b>
We see Pete in a large group of bikers riding down San
Vicente. Pete's friend BARRY is part of the group.

<b>                     BARRY
</b>          Hey, thanks for letting me join
          this team.
<b>                                                            8.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          It's not really a team, it's just a
          bunch of guys who get together and
          ride.

<b>                    BARRY
</b>          I know, I know.

A car makes a right turn in front of Pete, nearly hitting
him. Pete bangs on the back of the car.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Bike lane, asshole! It's always the
          guy in the fucking Infiniti.


<b>EXT. STREETS NEAR THE STAIRS - DAY
</b>
Debbie is doing sit-ups while talking to Jason, who holds her
feet down. In the background, Barb stretches on a yoga ball.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          So why on earth is Pete taking
          Viagra? What's going on?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I don't know. I think maybe he just
          isn't attracted to me anymore.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          That is ridiculous. If you were my
          girlfriend, I would not need a
          Viagra. I would need an anti-Viagra
          pill. To try not to get a boner.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          But everyone gives you a boner.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          Don't sell yourself short like
          that. You give me a boner.
              (whispers)
          Barb doesn't give me a boner.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Maybe things are just getting
          stale. That's why maybe I work out
          really hard. Maybe he'll be able to
          get a boner again.

<b>                    BARB
</b>          Why do you need to have sex, Deb?
          Sex is the number one thing people
          fight about.
<b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>                                      9.
</b>
<b>          BARB (CONT'D)
</b>You stop having sex, there will be
no more fights. I am living proof.
I have no sex, and I am the
happiest I've ever been.

<b>          JASON
</b>I knew it. I knew you were not
having sex. I can see it on your
face. It's all puckered and pained.

<b>          BARB
</b>I'm enjoying our non-sex period,
that's all I'm saying.

<b>          JASON
</b>Don't you miss it?

<b>          BARB
</b>Well, I wouldn't know, because I
don't have any feeling down there
anymore. I have nerve damage from
my C-section so everything is just
kinda-

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>She's numb down there.

<b>          BARB
</b>I could sit down hard on a fire
hydrant, and I wouldn't even know
that I was sitting. I could get
stung by a hornet down there, and I
would not feel it. You could put
anything in there, and I would not
know what the object was. I used to
pee in a nice stream, and now it
just kind of goes like a shower
head.

<b>          JASON
</b>That is the saddest thing I've ever
heard.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>I think you need a family. Don't
you want a family?

<b>          JASON
</b>No, I think I want to Clooney it.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Clooney it?
<b>                                               10.
</b>

<b>                      JASON
</b>          Yup.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          He doesn't seem happy.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          Yeah, he is.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          No. He's lonely.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          No, he's not.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          See, I think he has sad eyes.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          Aw, you sweet little thing. He's
          doing sad, lonely eyes. To get the
          next lady. I can do it too, watch.

Jason demonstrates.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I bet George Clooney is really
          lonely. Just him and his pig.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          You'd fuck him.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I wouldn't.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          So would you.

<b>                    BARB
</b>          I would. I wouldn't feel it but-

<b>                    JASON
</b>          You'd fuck him with your numb
          vagina. Yes, you would. Ocean's
          thirteen inches, that's what you'd
          find out.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Do you think?
<b>                                                        11.
</b>

<b>INT. STARBUCKS - MOMENTS LATER
</b>
Pete and Barry eat frosted scones, happy to get some alone
time to delay their return home.

<b>                    BARRY
</b>          I mean that was idiotic. You have
          to understand. That's like the one
          thing you don't do is tell her you
          used Viagra. I think that's even on
          the warning label.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          We're in one of those phases where
          everything the other person says
          just annoys the shit out of each
          other. All the time. It's a blast.

<b>                    BARRY
</b>          Don't worry about it. You just
          gotta ride that out.

<b>                     PETE
</b>          This sounds terrible but do you
          ever wonder what it would be like
          if, say, you were separated by
          something bigger, like death. Like
          her death?

<b>                    BARRY
</b>          I have given it a fair amount of
          thought.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Not in a painful way. Just quietly
          slid into death. Like a gas leak.

<b>                    BARRY
</b>          Absolutely. It has got to be
          peaceful. I mean this is the mother
          of your children.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I'd want it to be a peaceful --
          just like, drift, into a coma, from
          which she never awakens.

<b>                    BARRY
</b>          Then you move on. Then you're a
          widower.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          That's just it. People love
          widowers.
<b>                                                        12.
</b>

<b>                    BARRY
</b>          They love widowers. It's like the
          polar opposite of divorced guys.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          It's the best.

<b>                    BARRY
</b>          It's like, oh, that poor widower.
          You know. If I could only--

<b>                       PETE
</b>          Somehow...

<b>                    BARRY
</b>          ...make him happy.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Somehow ease his pain.

<b>                    BARRY
</b>          ...cocksuck away his sadness.


<b>INT. CAR - DAY
</b>
The family is driving. Sadie watches an episode of Lost on an
iPad. The Pixies play on the stereo, and Pete sings along.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Did you know that the Pixies did
          this song about a Salvador Dali
          short film called "Un Chien
          Andalou"?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          This music doesn't make people
          happy.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          This song kicks off Doolittle, one
          of the best albums of the last
          thirty years. An important record.

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          Look how angry you get while
          listening to this.
              (beat)
          It's my birthday. You don't control
          the radio on my birthday. I control
          the radio on my birthday.

Debbie switches the radio and sings along to "Take On Me" by
Ah-Hah.
<b>                                                        13.
</b>

Sadie stares at her iPad. We see a violent scene.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          Sadie's watching Lost.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Sadie, how many times have you
          watched Lost this week?

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          I've only watched eleven. I have
          eight more and then I'm done.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          How many are there?

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          A hundred and fourteen?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Are you kidding me? You can't watch
          over a hundred episodes of a show
          in five weeks. It'll melt your
          brain.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          It's not melting my brain, it's
          blowing my mind.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          That's really bad, Sadie. You're
          not allowed to do that.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          My relationship with Lost is not
          your business. It's extremely
          personal.

Charlotte grabs for Sadie's iPad, then starts trying to lick
her.

<b>                     SADIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Stop it!

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Be nice to your sister. You guys
          are going to cherish each other one
          day.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Stop it! Stop!
<b>                                                        14.
</b>

<b>EXT. MONTANA AVENUE - DAY
</b>
Pete and Debbie get out of the car and walk down the street.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          It's your birthday, you don't need
          to go to the store.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I know, just five minutes. I think
          Desi and Jodi are fighting.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          All right, five minutes. But then
          I'm pulling you out.


<b>INT. DEBBIE'S STORE - DAY
</b>
Pete and Debbie enter and we see their two employees, JODI
and a new, gorgeous employee, DESI, who is up on a ladder.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Hi. How's Jodi treating you?

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Jodi? Oh, Jodi's my new BFF. She's
          like a little kitty cat. Sometimes
          she comes and rubs up against my
          leg.

<b>                    JODI
</b>          You're a ball of shit.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          She loves me.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Huh.

Debbie goes behind the register. She looks at Jodi.

<b>                    DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Can you do inventory so that we can
          do the sidewalk sale? And you
          really need to pay attention to the
          numbers because we have twelve
          thousand dollars unaccounted for.

<b>                    JODI
</b>          I think it's probably Desi. She's
          been having a really hard time
          using these simple computers.
<b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>                                                15.
</b>
<b>                    JODI (CONT'D)
</b>          It's because she's stupid. I think
          she might be stealing.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          She's not stealing. She's our best
          employee. She made nine grand last
          month.

<b>                    JODI
</b>          Well, how much did I make?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You brought in twenty-two hundred.

<b>                    JODI
</b>          That's not bad.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Well, that's not that good. I mean,
          I'm not comparing you, but you're
          not as good.

Pete is still staring at Desi on the ladder.

<b>                    PETE
</b>              (to Desi)
          All right. See you.

Pete walks over to Debbie.

<b>                     PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          I don't think she's wearing
          underwear.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          It's all dark up there.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What? Why are you looking?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I didn't mean to look, I just said,
          `Hey- woah!' There it was.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Maybe she's wearing dark underwear.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Yeah. Maybe she has underwear that
          has a picture of a vagina painted
          on it.
<b>                                                        16.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Stop looking.

Desi comes down to help a CUSTOMER at the front of the store.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Maybe some deep oranges and browns
          and maybe dark greens? That would
          really play up your features.

<b>                    CUSTOMER
</b>          I'll just take out my AmEx and you
          pick what stuff you think is good.


<b>EXT. BACKYARD - DAY
</b>
We see quick cuts of Debbie playing with the kids on the
trampoline outside. She does a full flip and lands on her
feet. Pete is nowhere to be found.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Woo! Where's daddy?

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          I think he went to poop.

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>          Pete!


<b>INT. HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
</b>
Debbie walks down the hall and into the bathroom without
knocking. Pete is on the toilet playing Scrabble on his iPad.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What are you doing?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Going to the bathroom.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          We're all downstairs waiting for
          you. You've been up here for a
          really long time now.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Oh, I'm almost done. I'll be down
          in a second.
<b>                                      17.
</b>

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Charlotte just did her first flip
on the trampoline, and she landed
on her feet. She was really proud
of herself.

<b>          PETE
</b>Oh, that's great.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>And you missed it.

<b>          PETE
</b>She'll do it again.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>It's just that this is the fourth
time you've gone to the bathroom
today.

<b>          PETE
</b>Give me a break.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Why is your instinct to escape?

<b>          PETE
</b>It's not my instinct to escape from
you. It is my instinct to come into
the bathroom when I need to go to
the bathroom.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>How come I don't smell anything?

<b>          PETE
</b>It's because I shoved an Altoid up
my ass before I came in here.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Let me see then.

<b>          PETE
</b>What?

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Let me see!

<b>          PETE
</b>No, I'm not going to let you see.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>You're not going to let me see
because you're not taking a poop.
<b>                                                        18.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I've been flushing as I go.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You're flushing as you go? Who
          takes a half hour to go to the
          bathroom?

<b>                    PETE
</b>              (thinks for a second)
          John Goodman.

She angrily grabs his iPad and walks out.

<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          Don't press Enter! I'm not sure I
          want to make that move!


<b>EXT. SMALL NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT
</b>
A sign outside reads: "Tonight Only: Graham Parker"


<b>INT. SMALL NIGHTCLUB - STAGE - NIGHT
</b>
Pete stands on stage speaking to a small crowd.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          You know, when I started this
          label, my dream was to work with
          musicians and bands whose music I
          just admired so much. The person
          that I thought, "My god, wouldn't
          it be incredible to work with" was
          Graham Parker. Tonight we have him.
          Solo. Because we couldn't afford to
          fly in The Rumour.

The crowd applauds as Graham Parker (60's) leaps on stage.

Pete and Debbie watch Graham sing a very moving song. The
song is fantastic and personal, but clearly not commercial.

We watch Debbie. Although the music is great, it's a little
depressing and not working on her. She quickly gets bored.


<b>INT. CAR - NIGHT
</b>
Pete and Debbie are driving home.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          It's just not my kind of music.
<b>                                                        19.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Really. What is your kind of music?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I like Lady Gaga.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Oh, god, of course you do.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Shallow dance music.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          It's not! It's fun, and it's about
          release and sex and power.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          You know, you don't have to like
          it. It's really not for you, that's
          fine.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          This is a job. This is not a hobby.
          Can't you love him just as a hobby?
          And sign a fifteen-year-old hot
          girl so we can eat?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Graham Parker and The Rumour had
          two albums in the Rolling Stone Top
          500 Best Albums of All Time. Two of
          `em. If I can just sell ten
          thousand records to his hardcore
          fan base, we're golden.

An ambulance drives by, sirens blaring.

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>              (pause, then laughing)
          The last of Graham Parker's fans
          just died.


<b>INT. SADIE'S ROOM - NIGHT
</b>
Pete and Debbie walk in mid-argument. Sadie is listening to a
song on her iPhone.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Sadie. Sadie, what are you
          listening to?
<b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>                                                        20.
</b>
<b>                    DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Okay, this is music that makes
          people happy. And this is what
          people buy. Right, girls?

She puts Sadie's iPod in a dock and plays the Nikki Minaj rap
"Roman's Revenge." They all start rapping along to it.

They all laugh and dance and go crazy. Pete turns the iPod
off.

<b>                    DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Why did you take it off?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Now, something that really rocks.

Pete puts on "Rooster" by Alice In Chains.

<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          This is called good music. From
          somebody's heart.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          This is bumming me out. This isn't
          fun.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Just listen to these words, okay?

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          I don't understand the words.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          This is lyrics, this is poetry.
          This is what is going to survive in
          a hundred years.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          It just doesn't make people happy.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          It makes me happy. I can dance to
          it.

Pete starts dancing around like it is fun.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You're the only one in the room
          who's happy.

Pete stops his music.
<b>                                                        21.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Sometimes, I wish just one of you
          had a dick.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          Well, we don't want one.


<b>INT. HOUSE - MORNING
</b>
Pete sits with the kids and eats breakfast. Debbie scurries
around him to prep the kids for school.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>              (to Pete)
          Is there something that you can do
          to be helping me right now?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Yeah, I'm ready to help. Just tell
          me what to do.

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          Can you go get a lunch box or
          something?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          For me or for them?

Charlotte runs away towards her room. Sadie screams.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Charlotte! I've got a test!

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          I'm coming! I'm coming!

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Charlotte, I'm going to kill you!

Debbie covers Sadie's mouth.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Shhh!


<b>EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - MORNING
</b>
Debbie drives the kids to school.
<b>                                                           22.
</b>

<b>EXT. SCHOOL - MORNING
</b>
Debbie runs Charlotte into the school. Along the way they see
a lot of parents. Debbie says "Hi" to them in the way that
lets us know that she does not know anybody's name. Debbie
says "Hello" to a PREGNANT FIFTY-YEAR-OLD PARENT, towing a
seven-year-old boy.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Hi, any day now, huh?

<b>                    PREGNANT FIFTY-YEAR-OLD PARENT
</b>          Not really. Three more months!

Another parent, BETH, and her adorable child walk over.

<b>                    BETH
</b>          Katie's dying for a play date.
          Let's hook these two up.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          That would be great, I'll call you.

Beth and Katie walk off.

<b>                       CHARLOTTE
</b>          No.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          "No" what?

<b>                       CHARLOTTE
</b>          No.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What? She's sweet.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          She's evil.


<b>INT./EXT. CHARLOTTE'S SCHOOL - MORNING
</b>
As they walk into class, the teacher pulls Debbie aside.

<b>                    TEACHER
</b>          Hi. Listen, Charlotte really needs
          to get here on time because she
          needs the extra time to just settle
          in.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Oh. We are on time.
<b>                                                           23.
</b>

<b>                    TEACHER
</b>          Being on time means being early.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Oh. Okay.

<b>                    TEACHER
</b>          Well, it's nice to see you in
          class. We'd like to see more of
          you.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I come to--

The teacher walks away before Debbie can defend herself.

<b>                       GRANDMA MOLLY
</b>          Hi Debbie!

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Hi, Grandma Molly.

<b>                    GRANDMA MOLLY
</b>          How are you? I'm so happy about the
          science fair. It's going very well
          I heard. I love you. You look so
          beautiful. Happy birthday! I just
          learned it's your fortieth. Are you
          forty?

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Yeah.

<b>                    GRANDMA MOLLY
</b>          I remember when I was forty, and
          then I blinked and there I was,
          going to be ninety. My god, where
          did it go? One day you're going to
          blink, and you're going to be
          ninety, and I won't be around to
          see it. And that makes me very sad.
          I'm telling you, I'm warning you.
          Don't blink. Don't blink.


<b>EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - DAY
</b>
As Debbie pulls out of the lot, she lights a cigarette.


<b>INT. PETE'S MUSIC LABEL - DAY
</b>
Pete paces around his office on the phone.
<b>                                                        24.
</b>

<b>                    ACCOUNTANT (O.C.)
</b>          And then you missed the mortgage
          payment, and that's the second
          mortgage. You've got to tighten
          your belt. You've got to go home,
          sit down, look at your expenses,
          come clean with Debbie.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Oh, god. I can't tell Debbie.

<b>                    ACCOUNTANT (O.C.)
</b>          You have to tell her, Pete.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          She knows it's bad, but she has no
          idea just how bad.

<b>                    ACCOUNTANT (O.C.)
</b>          If you sell the house, it'll really
          buy you some time.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          No. Debbie's not really into
          selling the house.

<b>                     ACCOUNTANT (O.C.)
</b>          As your business manager and your
          friend, I can't recommend that.
              (beat)
          Hey, how funny would it be if I
          bought your house?

<b>                       PETE
</b>          Okay. Bye.

<b>                    ACCOUNTANT (O.C)
</b>          Hang in there.

Pete is with RONNIE and CAT, employees at his record label.
They are watching an electronic press kit cut together for
Graham Parker. There is a montage of him performing
throughout the years from the seventies to the present.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          What are you doing?

<b>                    CAT
</b>          I'm contextualizing him as one of
          the great figures in rock history.
<b>                                      25.
</b>

<b>          RONNIE
</b>You can't show him in his prime in
`77 and then jump straight to him
as he is now. It's terrifying. You
have to reverse it. You've got to
show him as he is now very briefly,
and then show him in 1977. You have
to "Benjamin Button" it.

<b>          CAT
</b>I don't know what you're talking
about, okay? All rock stars are
older now. Steven Tyler, David
Bowie, Mick Jagger--

<b>          PETE
</b>Paul McCartney.

<b>          RONNIE
</b>Okay, stop it. Everybody you're
mentioning looks like an old woman
now. You're just mentioning a bunch
of Jessica Tandys. Keith Richards
gets away with it. But that's
because Keith Richards looked
seventy when he was forty, and now
that he's seventy, he looks sixty-
nine. He's regenerating.

<b>          CAT
</b>I like it. And I think Graham
Parker is sexy.

<b>          RONNIE
</b>Would you fuck him?

<b>          CAT
</b>Yes.

<b>          RONNIE
</b>You'd fuck him, and you won't fuck
me?

<b>          CAT
</b>I mean, I kind of fucked you once,
if you could have finished.

<b>          RONNIE
</b>Oh, I finished.

<b>          PETE
</b>You know what, enough of who fucked
who and who finished what.
<b>                                                       26.
</b>

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          I finished.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Look. It's a retro label. That's
          our niche. That's our market. It
          costs money to break new bands, I
          can't do that.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          Oh, okay. And also you're the guy
          who turned down Arcade Fire.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Everyone turned down Arcade Fire.

<b>                    CAT
</b>          It's crazy, there are so many of
          them!

<b>                    PETE
</b>          We don't have the money to market a
          new band. We just need to make
          Graham seem relevant. Who is he
          talking to?

<b>                    CAT
</b>          Um, the Jewish Journal.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          The Jewish Journal?

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          Apparently old Jews are the only
          ones who still buy hard copies of
          records. Because they don't like to
          download music. Because they don't
          know what downloading means.

Angle on Graham and a journalist wearing a yarmulke.

<b>                    INTERVIEWER
</b>          Why is this album different from
          any other album?

<b>                      GRAHAM
</b>          It isn't.

Angle on Pete, Cat and Ronnie.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What is he wearing?
<b>                                                27.
</b>

<b>                    CAT
</b>          It's a hat with the Oreo logo on
          it.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Why?

<b>                    CAT
</b>          I don't think he's being ironic, I
          think he just really likes Oreos.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Look. The Paul Westerberg record
          did okay. Frank Black did all
          right. The Haircut 100, not so
          much. We have to break this record.
          Otherwise, we're not here next
          year.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          He's coming. Oreo man is coming.

Graham walks up.

<b>                    GRAHAM
</b>          Hey guys, how are you?

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          Aren't cookies the best?

<b>                    GRAHAM
</b>          Yeah. Jewish Journal guy loves the
          record.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Great!

<b>                    GRAHAM
</b>          Got a bit of a problem. Touch of
          gout.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Gout?

<b>                    GRAHAM
</b>          Yeah, my whole family, they all had
          gout.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Jesus.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          That's very unfortunate.
<b>                                                        28.
</b>

<b>                    GRAHAM
</b>          My auntie Queenie, she had a foot
          like the size of a small pig. I've
          got a photo of it.

<b>                     RONNIE
</b>          I'd love to see that photo of that
          gout foot.

<b>                    GRAHAM
</b>          A couple of bunions as well.

<b>                      RONNIE
</b>          Fuck.

<b>                     GRAHAM
</b>          I've got to go to the podiatrist,
          and I hope he can shoot me up with
          something.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Yeah, well, let's get you to the
          podiatrist.

<b>                    CAT
</b>          Bye, Graham.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          See you later, Graham. Good luck
          with your gout!

<b>                    GRAHAM
</b>          Rock and Roll, baby.


<b>INT. PETE'S HOME OFFICE - AFTERNOON
</b>
Pete and Debbie are talking. Debbie holds a list of changes
she wants to make.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          The happiest period in people's
          lives is from age forty to sixty.
          So this is it. We're in it, right
          now.

<b>                      PETE
</b>          Says who?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Says a lot of people, most people.

<b>                      PETE
</b>          Huh.
<b>                                      29.
</b>

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>We have everything we need right
now to be completely happy. We're
going to blink and be ninety.

<b>          PETE
</b>What?

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>So, let's just choose to be happy.

<b>          PETE
</b>Yeah.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Your eyes are kind of glazing over.

<b>          PETE
</b>No, I'm just processing it all.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Some of these I wrote for you. So,
we have to exercise every day.
Spend more time alone together. We
have to go to the therapist every
week.

<b>          PETE
</b>That's a little pricey.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>No stressing over tiny things.

<b>          PETE
</b>Yeah, that's good. You should do
that.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>We have to get more involved in
school. Have more patience with the
kids. And we need to work on our
anger.

<b>          PETE
</b>Yeah, I think it would be good if
you could take care of your anger.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>No, I said both of us.

<b>          PETE
</b>That's what I said. Our anger.
<b>                                      30.
</b>

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Okay. No more smoking.

<b>          PETE
</b>Yeah, you've got to cut that out.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>I don't want to make this about a
fight, I want to just be positive.

<b>          PETE
</b>Sorry.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Okay, and then no more holding on
to resentments. We have to just let
that go.

<b>          PETE
</b>So, you're saying that if we're
arguing and I apologize, you'll let
it go and not throw it back in my
face later?

<b>           DEBBIE
</b>Well, I don't do that, but I will
continue not to do that. What did
you write?

<b>          PETE
</b>All of that. That's plenty. That's
a lot.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>And you're going to eat better?

<b>          PETE
</b>Oh, yeah. I've been doing a decent
job, but I don't think there's
anything wrong with having some
fries every now and again.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>And then I'll smoke that day.

<b>          PETE
</b>That's not the same thing.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>It is the same thing.

<b>          PETE
</b>I like fries.
<b>                                                        31.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          And the other thing is your dad
          stuff.

Pete picks up a guitar and starts playing with it.

<b>                    DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>          The not letting him guilt trip you
          all the time, because that puts a
          lot of pressure on you, and the
          whole family feels it. He's a grown
          man, and he's not our
          responsibility. And you're not
          giving him money anymore, right?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          No, I haven't been giving him money
          for years, I told you.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Can you please put that down?


<b>INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
</b>
Pete and Debbie are in bed. Debbie has a computer on her lap.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          A lot of people are RSVP-ing to
          your birthday party.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          You sure you don't want to just do
          a joint birthday party?

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          No.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          We always used to.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          No.

We reveal that Debbie is watching security cam footage of the
store.

<b>                    DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Did Jodi tell you she thinks Desi's
          stealing?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Are you serious?
<b>                                                        32.
</b>

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>          Yes.

<b>                      PETE
</b>          How much?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Twelve thousand dollars.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Oh, god. And Desi's taking it?

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          Well, I don't know. That's what
          Jodi said.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          We really need the store to work.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          It is. Don't put that kind of
          pressure on me.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          That's not what I mean.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Are you nervous about money? Are we
          okay?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Yeah. Maybe we just suck it up
          because she's clearly earning so
          much more than any other employee
          we have.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Oh, yeah. For sure. We can't fire
          her. We're barely breaking even
          with her.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          That's why we have to keep her.

We watch the footage and suddenly Desi's BOYFRIEND enters. He
walks behind the counter, and she sits on his lap. She
adjusts herself.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Look at this, she's making out with
          somebody.

On the screen, they kiss. Desi seems to be popping up and
down a little.
<b>                                                33.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Is she screwing him??

<b>                    PETE
</b>          That might be like a dry hump.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Look at the position of her skirt.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          That's too grainy to know for sure.
          Oh my god, this is the middle of
          the day. Customers could be in
          there.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          At least she's getting some.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What did you say? "At least she's
          getting some"?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Yes.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What are you talking about? We had
          sex the other night. You have to
          give me a little credit for that.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          It's not about credit. We need to
          have more passion. Like this.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          That's not passion.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          It looks like passion to me.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What--

Pete farts.

<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          What is she doing?

He farts again. It is longer.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Oh my god. Don't do that!

Debbie hits Pete with a pillow.
<b>                                                        34.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What am I doing?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Don't fart in the bed!

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I'm not, it's the springs.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          This is why we never have sex.
          That's disgusting. You're gross.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I don't know what you're talking
          about.

Pete farts again.


<b>INT. SADIE'S ROOM - NIGHT
</b>
Charlotte jumps around in front of Sadie's door. Sadie sits
on her bed quietly doing homework.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>              (singing)
          Sadie. Sadie, Sadie! Sadie, Sadie!

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Charlotte. I'm doing my homework.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          Okay, watch this. There's a haunted
          cow back here, and I'm pretty sure
          it does not have milk!

Charlotte grabs her own head and makes it look like she's
being dragged away.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE (CONT'D)
</b>          Did you see that? They took me
          away!

Sadie does not even look up.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE (CONT'D)
</b>          You're no fun. You never want to
          play.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Charlotte. How many times do I have
          to tell you--
<b>                                                        35.
</b>

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>              (singing)
          Sadie! Sadie, Sadie! Is boring!

Charlotte plays air guitar. Sadie does not respond.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE (CONT'D)
</b>          You're so mean since your body got
          weird.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Close the door.


<b>EXT. HOUSE - MORNING
</b>
Debbie and Pete begin their "fresh start." Debbie tosses her
cigarettes in the garbage cans outside. Pete tosses a packet
of M&M's in the garbage. He throws out all of his cupcakes
except for one. He takes a bite, tries to throw it but again,
can't. He takes another bite, holds it over the garbage, then
takes one last bite before dumping what little remains.


<b>INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY
</b>
Pete runs on a treadmill while getting an electrocardiogram.


<b>INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY
</b>
Debbie is getting a mammogram. The machine clamps too hard on
her breast. She screams.


<b>INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE- DAY
</b>
Pete gets his testicles examined.

<b>                    DR. BOWE
</b>          Did I tell you that my son is going
          to Stanford?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          No, that's great.

<b>                    DR. BOWE
</b>          Great for us and great for him.
          Cough again. Everything looks good.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Your face is close to my face.
<b>                                                        36.
</b>

<b>INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY
</b>
Debbie is getting a colonoscopy.

<b>                    TECHNICIAN
</b>          Descending colon. I'm about four
          feet in right now.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>              (laughing)
          That's what he said.


<b>INT. DENTIST OFFICE - DAY
</b>
Debbie has some sort of very painful oral surgery. She's a
little high from the laughing gas.

<b>                    DENTIST
</b>          Do you grind your teeth?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I grind all night.

<b>                    DENTIST
</b>          I think we need to turn the gas
          down.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Turn it up!

<b>                    DENTIST
</b>          No, we're going to turn it down.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Turn it up!


<b>INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY
</b>
Dr. Bowe has his finger inside of Pete's anus, giving him a
prostate exam.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Do you have to breathe right on my
          neck?

<b>                    DR. BOWE
</b>          Sorry.
<b>                                                        37.
</b>

<b>INT. GYNECOLOGIST OFFICE
</b>
Debbie is at the Gynecologist. He is the same one from the
beginning of Knocked Up, DR. PELLIGRINO. Debbie's legs are up
in stirrups.

<b>                     DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          What are you all doing for
          Christmas?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I don't know.

<b>                    DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          Do you have a tree and everything?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Yes.

<b>                    DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          Isn't that fun. Get in the spirit--

Two nurses enter the exam room.

<b>                    NURSE #1
</b>          Hi, sorry I just have one quick
          question. On your form you said you
          were born in 1974, but your paper
          said 1972. I just need to know
          which it is.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Oh. It's 1974.

<b>                    NURSE #2
</b>          Because on your last form you said
          that you were born in 1975.

<b>                    DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          Didn't you tell me you were born in
<b>          1976?
</b>
<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          No. That's funny.

<b>                    NURSE #2
</b>          So you want to go with 1974?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I'm not going to "go" with 1974, it
          is 1974.
<b>                                                38.
</b>

<b>                    NURSE #2
</b>          Okay. Just remember to write 1974
          every time.

<b>                    DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          It's okay. It's 1976.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I lie about my age, okay?

<b>                       DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          Okay.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Okay? Okay? Okay?!

<b>                    DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          You're tightening up.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Oh my gosh.

<b>                    DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          I know how old you are. By counting
          the rings! Little gyno joke.


<b>INT. BEDROOM - LATER
</b>
Debbie comes in the bedroom.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What are you doing?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Getting ready to go for my ride.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You want a blow job?

<b>                       PETE
</b>          Yeah. Why?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I really want a cigarette right
          now.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Well, happy to help.


<b>INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
</b>
Sadie runs down the hallway.
<b>                                                         39.
</b>

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Charlotte, where is my backpack?


<b>INT. OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
</b>
Charlotte tries to open the door, it's locked.


<b>INT. BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
</b>
Debbie is giving Pete a blow job out of frame. Pete is
sitting on a chair, super happy.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE (O.C.)
</b>          Hello?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Mom's busy!

<b>                    CHARLOTTE (O.C.)
</b>          Why are you locking the door? Mom!


<b>INT. OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
</b>
<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          What's going on in there?

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Mom, I can't be late for school, I
          have a test!

<b>                    PETE (O.C.)
</b>          Mommy can't talk right now!


<b>INT. BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
</b>
<b>                    SADIE (O.C.)
</b>          This isn't funny, Mom. I need to
          go.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE (O.C.)
</b>          Mom, let me in!


<b>INT. OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
</b>
<b>                    SADIE
</b>          That's not going to help.

Charlotte shoves Sadie.
<b>                                                        40.
</b>

<b>                    PETE (O.C.)
</b>          Put on your shoes. We'll meet you
          in the car.

The fight between Sadie and Charlotte escalates and becomes
physical.


<b>INT. BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
</b>
<b>                    CHARLOTTE (O.C.)
</b>          Sadie hurt me!

<b>                      SADIE (O.C.)
</b>          I didn't!

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Hit her back!

<b>                    SADIE (O.C.)
</b>          She's faking!


<b>INT. OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
</b>
<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>              (crying)
          I'm not!

<b>                    PETE (O.S.)
</b>          Go downstairs.


<b>INT. BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
</b>
<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>              (shouting to kids)
          Stop crying!

<b>                    PETE
</b>              (to kids)
          Stop crying!

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>          Stop it!

<b>                    PETE
</b>          God damn it!
<b>                                                          41.
</b>

<b>INT. OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
</b>
<b>                    SADIE
</b>              (banging on the door)
          Open the door! Open it!


<b>INT. BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
</b>
Muffled screams from the girls outside.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Forget it.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          No. Don't forget it. Don't forget
          it. Don't. Oh, god.


<b>EXT. LARRY'S HOUSE - EL SEGUNDO - DAY
</b>
Pete walks to the front door. His father, LARRY, greets him.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Hey, Boychik.

A low flying 747 lets us know he lives too close to the
airport in a small house.

<b>                    LARRY (CONT'D)
</b>          That's the eleven o'clock from
          London.
              (yells up at the plane)
          Drop something valuable, you shit.
              (back to Pete)
          How are you?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          That's loud.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Every eight minutes, buddy.


<b>INT. LARRY'S HOUSE - DAY
</b>
Pete sits down and talks with Larry.

<b>                     LARRY
</b>          You look pretty good. Your hair is
          different.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Yeah, I'm growing it out.
<b>                                                        42.
</b>

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          I'd get it cut.

<b>                    TRIPLET #1
</b>          Daddy, you never play with me.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          I do but right now look who I'm
          talking to. It's your brother.

<b>                    TRIPLET #1
</b>          You don't look like my brother.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          I told you honey, that's because of
          the egg donor. Remember?

<b>                    TRIPLET #1
</b>          I came from a test tube.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          How's business?

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          It's not good. Nobody wants
          curtains. They think of it like a
          luxury. It's not a luxury. You need
          shade, you need privacy. Who wants
          to have other people watch you
          fuck?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I know how you feel. You know my
          business is going through some
          growing pains right now.

Two other identical children enter and jump on Larry.

<b>                    TRIPLET #2
</b>          Daddy come play with us.

The kids crawl around on him.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Be careful, don't jump on Daddy.
          Remember, Daddy has high blood
          what?

<b>                    TRIPLETS
</b>          Blood pressure.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          That's right. Can you go outside
          without me for a little bit?
<b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>                                                43.
</b>
<b>                    LARRY (CONT'D)
</b>          All right? Do the Three Stooges
          routine you were practicing.

The three exit.

<b>                    LARRY (CONT'D)
</b>          I can't tell them apart. I swear to
          god. I need tattoos.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Look, I wanted to talk to you about
          scaling back a little bit. You
          know, Deb and I are thinking about
          selling the house.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          I think that house is more than you
          need. I think it was too big of a
          purchase when you made it.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Yeah. In the meantime, I'm going to
          have to make some changes. Going to
          have to cut back.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          What do you mean?

<b>                      PETE
</b>          With you.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Oh. I'm sorry, what?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I can't lend you any more money.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          No, that's a bad idea. That's not
          the way to cut back. I have three
          children, here.

<b>                     PETE
</b>          What about Claire? Why can't she
          get a job?

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Claire takes care of your brothers.
          What do you want her to do? If she
          goes to work, then I've got to hire
          somebody.
<b>                                                   44.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Well you've got to figure something
          out because I can't do it.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Okay, fine. Why don't we kill them?
          Come on, we'll kill two of them.
          I'll keep the best one. Really, it
          will save us both a lot of trouble.

Larry stands up and walks outside. Pete follows.


<b>EXT. LARRY'S BACKYARD - CONTINUOUS
</b>
Larry prepares to spray the kids with the hose.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Line up! Line up for murder! Come
          on! Who wants to be killed?

<b>                       TRIPLET #1
</b>          I do!

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Okay, we're eliminating one, we're
          cheaper already.

Larry sprays him with the hose.

<b>                       TRIPLET #2
</b>          Murder me!

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Boom, dead. You're dead.

<b>                       TRIPLET #2
</b>          I'm dead!

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          All right, the kids are murdered.
          That will save us some money.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Why would you have three kids,
          anyway? I mean, you're sixty years
          old. You have no money.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Because Claire wanted a baby. If we
          didn't at least try, she would have
          left me. She was forty-five years
          old. Nobody thought it would take.
<b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>                                                45.
</b>
<b>                    LARRY (CONT'D)
</b>          The doctor when we were doing in
          vitro was winking at me like,
          "Don't worry, don't worry." We were
          very unlucky. And now we have these
          three beautiful children... Come
          on, I've got to tell you something.


<b>INT. LARRY'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
</b>
<b>                    PETE
</b>          What?

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Your mother wanted you aborted.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Oh, Jesus Christ.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          It's the truth. It was the
          seventies. We were twenty-two years
          old. That's what everybody did. You
          did some blow, had sex, had an
          abortion.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Really.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Yes. We were on the way to the
          doctor's office. I said, "Let's
          stop, have a pizza, talk about it,
          if you still want to do it after
          lunch, it's okay." The pizza saved
          your life. But don't give me money.
          Because I'm not worth it.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          So how much do I owe you for saving
          my life?

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          I don't have a number. You just
          keep giving like you're giving.

Larry's wife, CLAIRE, enters.

<b>                    CLAIRE
</b>          Oh, hi Pete.
              (to Larry)
          Why aren't you playing with kids?
<b>                                                      46.
</b>

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          We were playing with them all day.
          Pete's just talking to me about his
          fortieth birthday party... Whatever
          I can do to help.

<b>                    CLAIRE
</b>          Okay. Did you feed them?

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          I fed half of one. Okay, let's feed
          them. Who wants tuna with a side of
          jet fuel?

Larry gets up and walks outside.


<b>INT. RESTAURANT - DAY
</b>
A nervous Debbie approaches a hostess.

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          Hi, I'm looking for my dad, an
          older man?

Debbie sees OLIVER (65) sitting stiffly at a table.


<b>INT. RESTAURANT - LATER
</b>
<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          So how's Sony treating Pete?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Oh, he's not with Sony anymore. He
          went out on his own. Now he's able
          to focus on the artists that he's
          really passionate about.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          How's Sadie doing? Last time I saw
          her she was throwing her Cheerios
          on the floor. What a mess.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          She just got her period.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Well. I guess she's not a little
          baby anymore.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          It would be nice to see more of
          each other.
<b>                                                         47.
</b>

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Well, we can certainly arrange for
          that. I'd love to see the girls.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          That would be nice. Do you have a
          good day?

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          I would say the weekends, but our
          weekends are hell. Soccer
          competitions, kids exams. I mean,
          we're both so busy. I have young
          children, you have young children.
          I don't think we should judge
          ourselves too harshly about that.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I know, I wasn't. I'm glad we're
          here. I think this is a good start
          and that if we can spend more time
          together, it would be nice.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          It would be nice.
              (pause)
          Do you want to see pictures of the
          kids?

Oliver takes out his iPhone and starts showing Debbie photos.

<b>                    OLIVER (CONT'D)
</b>          This is Kell, my son.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          He's handsome. He's thirteen?

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Yeah. And that's Alexandra, my
          daughter, she's a real
          perfectionist. A lot like you.
          That's the whole gang at Cabo.
              (pause)
          Will you excuse me, dear? I've got
          to use the restroom. Be right back.

He exits. Debbie picks up his iPhone and sadly scrolls
through all the happy pictures of his new family.


<b>EXT. HOUSE - LATE AFTERNOON
</b>
The family's hanging out, relaxing at dinner.
<b>                                                           48.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Daddy and I are making some changes
          so that we can be happier and
          healthier, and we're starting with
          this meal that I prepared.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I think it looks great.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Doesn't it look good?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What is that, grilled cheeses?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          No, baked tofu. It's actually
          really tasty. And the lettuce is so
          fresh and tasty that you forget how
          good lettuce tastes on its own
          without dressing.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Yeah, dressing always gets in the
          way of the natural taste of the
          lettuce.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          And another thing we've decided is
          to cut back on all of the
          electronics we use. What we're
          going to do is get rid of the wi-fi
          and only use the computer from
          eight to eight-thirty at night.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          How are we going to go on the
          computer?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          We're going to have a hard line in
          the kitchen.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Yeah, we'll supervise that.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          You can't do this. You can't take
          away the wi-fi.

Charlotte holds her iPhone to her face using an app that
animates her mouth to look like a talking monkey's.
<b>                                      49.
</b>

<b>          CHARLOTTE
</b>    (from behind her iPhone)
No wi-fi! Ha-ha-ha!

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>You don't spend enough time with
the family when you're constantly
on your iPhone and your computer.
You're only here five more years.

<b>          SADIE
</b>So you won't see me after five
years?

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>No, but you won't be living with
us. And you should get to know your
little sister.

<b>          PETE
</b>You've got the perfect friend right
here.

<b>          SADIE
</b>I don't want to be friends with her
now. I'll be friends with her when
she's twenty and a normal person.

<b>          CHARLOTTE
</b>I don't want to hang out with her
when I'm in my twenties.

<b>          PETE
</b>You're on your computer too much as
it is. You need to get outside
more.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Yeah. You can build things. You can
build a fort.

<b>          SADIE
</b>What?

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Yeah, build a fort. Play with your
friends.

<b>          SADIE
</b>Make a fort?! Outside? And do what
in the fort?
<b>                                                           50.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          When I was a kid we used to build
          tree houses and play with sticks.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Nobody plays with sticks.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          You and Charlotte can have a
          lemonade stand.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Play Kick the Can.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Look for dead bodies.

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>          It's fun.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Get a tire and then take a stick
          and run down the street with it.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Nobody does that crap. It's 2012.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You don't need technology.

Charlotte holds the iPhone monkey app to her lips again.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          No technology!

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Charlotte, put that down.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          I don't need to be monitored all
          the time on the computer. I don't
          do anything bad.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Nobody said you were bad.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          I don't do things I'm not supposed
          to. I don't illegally download
          music. I don't look at porn like
          Wendy.
<b>                                                        51.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          She is up to no good. She's not
          allowed to come over here anymore.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          What's porn?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          No, she said "corn."

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          This isn't turning out the way I
          wanted it to.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          I'm not hungry.

Sadie gets up and stomps off.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          No computer.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Listen to your mom.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          I need to use it for my homework.

She walks off.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          She's outplaying us.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I know. She's tough.


<b>EXT. PETE AND DEBBIE'S CAR - DAY
</b>
Pete and Debbie drive down the Pacific Coast Highway.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          This is the best birthday present.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          It's good to get away, you know? We
          haven't been to Laguna without the
          kids in years.


<b>INT. PETE AND DEBBIE'S CAR - CONTINUOUS
</b>
<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I know!
<b>                                                           52.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          If we're happy, they're happy.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I mean I can't take it. With the
          hormones, and the crying, and "do
          my homework"...

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Them's little bitches.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Them's lil' bitches! Bugging us for
          shit all the time. And they never
          appreciate anything.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          God no. They're selfish assholes.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>              (laughs)
          Aw, I feel bad. I love them.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I know.


<b>EXT. LAGUNA HOTEL - CONTINUOUS
</b>
The car pulls up to a beautiful hotel in Laguna.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I miss them already. Should we go
          home?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Nah.

<b>LAGUNA HOTEL - MONTAGE
</b>
Pete and Debbie hold hands as they walk the hotel grounds.

They enter their room, which has a beautiful ocean view.
Debbie jumps on the bed. Pete jumps on top to kiss her.

Pete and Debbie jump into the hotel pool together.

Pete holds Debbie in the water. They kiss.


<b>INT. LAGUNA HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
</b>
Pete and Debbie are in bed in their underwear.
<b>                                      53.
</b>

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Why do we fight?

<b>          PETE
</b>I don't know, it makes no sense at
all.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>It makes no sense.

<b>          PETE
</b>When we get in a fight, look in my
eyes. Let's remember this moment
right now and know that we never
have to fight.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>But you're such a dick sometimes.

<b>          PETE
</b>I know, I am a dick sometimes.
People think I'm so nice, but I'm
such a dick.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Thank you for admitting that.

<b>          PETE
</b>And you get so mad at me. I feel
like you want to kill me.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>I do want to kill you.

<b>          PETE
</b>How would you do it?

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>I don't know... poison you. I'd
poison your cupcakes that you
pretend not to eat everyday. And
just put enough in to slowly weaken
you.

<b>             PETE
</b>I love it.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>I would enjoy our last few months
together.

<b>             PETE
</b>Me too.
<b>                                                54.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Because you'd be so weak and sweet,
          and I could take care of you but
          while killing you.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          See? You know what I love about us?
          You can still surprise me. I
          figured for sure you'd knock me out
          with one fell swoop. But you would
          extend it over a series of months.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Have you ever thought about killing
          me?

<b>                      PETE
</b>          Oh, yeah.

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>          Really?

<b>                      PETE
</b>          Sure.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          How would you do it?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Wood chipper.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          A wood chipper?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Did you see Fargo?

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>          Yeah.

Pete makes a wood chipping splatter noise.

<b>                    DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Wow. That's a bad plan. The
          cupcakes is a way better plan.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          It is. You know what? I won't
          murder you.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Aw. I love you.
<b>                                                        55.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I love you too... Hey. You know
          what I brought?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          A medical marijuana cookie. Ben
          gave it to me last Christmas.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Chocolate chip koo-kie.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Should we do it?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Let's eat the cookie, and then
          we'll order a bunch of
          cheeseburgers. Let's order the
          entire room service menu.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Just get all of it. You deserve it.
          You really do.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Wouldn't you rather have me around
          for less years and I'm incredibly
          happy than longer and miserable?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Yes, and I just realized that right
          now. Go get the cookie!

Pete runs into the bathroom. He looks for the cookie.

<b>                    DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Should we watch porn when we eat
          the cookie?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Should we get a block of porn?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I don't think we need twenty-four
          hours of porn.
<b>                                                        56.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Yeah, but you know, two porns cost
          about as much as a block.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I think that's too much porn.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          We don't have to watch it all, but
          for the value it makes sense.


<b>INT. HOTEL ROOM - LATER
</b>
Pete and Debbie eat the cookie.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          How much are we supposed to eat?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I don't know. I think like six or
          seven cookies, right?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Plus, it's old. It probably has
          lost some of its-

<b>                       PETE
</b>          Potency?

They sit in silence for an incredibly long amount of time,
staring through each other in a haze. They are stoned.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          We should have sex. More.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I mean, girls have it so easy. You
          just show up with your sexual
          organs and you're good to go. All
          the pressure is on the guy.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          It's true.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          And I look at guys, like I look at
          a guy like Prince, and you know
          that guy fucks. I know I don't fuck
          like Prince. Prince can fuck. I
          fuck more like David Schwimmer.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          You do.
<b>                                                          57.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I fuck like Ross from Friends.

They're laughing and having a good time.


<b>INT. HOTEL ROOM - LATER
</b>
<b>MONTAGE
</b>
Stoned, Pete and Debbie jump up and down on the bed.

They fall down on the bed, kissing.

Almost totally under the covers, they watch as a WAITER
brings in a room service cart full of food.

Pete does magic tricks for the waiter.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          How does he do it? The floating
          spoon.

<b>LATER
</b>
Debbie hands Pete a banana and two oranges, which he holds to
his crotch in front of the waiter.

<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          Check it out. My dick and balls.
          I'm going to eat my own dick!

Pete eats a bite of the banana.

<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          I ate my dick!

<b>LATER
</b>
Debbie crawls on the floor while Pete lays in bed.

<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          I think this room has rodents. I
          just saw it!

<b>LATER
</b>
Pete stands with a starfish sticking out of his underwear.

<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          Have you seen my starfish? Where
          did I put my starfish?

<b>LATER
</b><b>                                                        58.
</b>

They eat room service. Chips and desserts and everything.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I'm going to deep throat this
          eclair.

She tries to deep throat it. Pete loves it.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I want to make out with you so bad.


<b>INT./EXT. CAR - DAY
</b>
Pete and Debbie drive back from Laguna. They could not look
happier or more refreshed. They hold hands and smile at each
other. It is a beautiful day.

They pull up to their house, shut off the car and sit for a
beat, knowing they're about to head back into the stress of
the real world, not wanting their peaceful, loving time to
end.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          That was nice.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          That was nice.

Sadie walks outside. Jodi follows her.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Mom! Charlotte's crying. She's got
          an ear infection again.

<b>                    JODI
</b>          I didn't know what to do.

<b>                    PETE
</b>              (to Debbie)
          We're home.


<b>INT. CHARLOTTE'S ROOM - DAY
</b>
Charlotte is crying really hard.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Are you okay? What's the matter?

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          I just want to rip my ear off, it
          hurts so much.
<b>                                                        59.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>              (to Pete)
          I told you the pediatrician didn't
          know what he was talking about.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Oh, come on. You can't blame it on
          our doctor. Ear infections are
          common in little kids.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Not in kids over six years old.
          We're going to the Eastern doctor.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          If she's in this much pain, we
          should call a real doctor.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Are you kidding right now?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Okay.


<b>INT. DOCTOR SEDUKU - DAY
</b>
Charlotte sits on the table. Pete and Debbie are talking to
DR. SEDUKU, a foreign doctor.

<b>                    DOCTOR SEDUKU
</b>          What we should do is easy and
          simple. No more dairy, no more
          wheat, no more sugar.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Sugar, wheat and dairy. Okay.

<b>                    PETE
</b>              (mutters)
          What the fuck is left? Sorry. Isn't
          everything sugar, wheat and dairy?

<b>                     DOCTOR SEDUKU
</b>          She can have vegetables and
          f-r-ruits.

Dr. Seduku has both an accent and a lisp.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Oh, she can eat fr-r-ruits.

<b>                    DOCTOR SEDUKU
</b>          Fr-r-ruits, yes.
<b>                                               60.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Any kind of fr-r-ruits?

<b>                    DOCTOR SEDUKU
</b>          Mangos, pineapple...

<b>                    PETE
</b>          It isn't like there are safe fr-r-
          ruits and then unsafe fr-r-ruits.

<b>                       DOCTOR SEDUKU
</b>          No, no.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What about F-r-r-rench f-r-r-ries?
          Can we do something like that?

<b>                    DOCTOR SEDUKU
</b>          Are you okay? Would you like to
          come on the table?

<b>                       PETE
</b>          I'm okay.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Why don't you go on the table?

<b>                       PETE
</b>          No.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Why don't you go on the table? It
          looks like you need to get on the
          table.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I don't want to get on the table.


<b>EXT. BRENTWOOD - DAY
</b>
Pete cycles with the crew.


<b>INT. HOUSE - DAY - LATER
</b>
Debbie looks around the house for Pete.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Pete!
<b>                                                        61.
</b>

<b>INT. BEDROOM - DAY
</b>
Debbie sees Pete on the bed, his legs up in the air. He still
has his bike top on but is naked from the waist down.

He is trying to look at his back end. He is holding a mirror
and an iPhone.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What are you doing?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I need you to look at something. In
          my butt.

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          Why?

<b>                     PETE
</b>          I think I've got something in
          there, and I'm not limber enough to
          see. I need you to look at it. I
          might have like an anal fissure or
          a hemorrhoid or a worm or
          something.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What are you doing with your phone?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Trying to take pictures of it, so I
          can compare it to something on
          Google.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Can we just keep like a small shred
          of mystery in our relationship?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Look, I saw you have two babies,
          okay? Seriously, I need you to get
          all up in that.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I do not want to investigate your
          anus.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          It's payback time.

Pete has his naked legs hiked up over his head. Debbie takes
a very quick glance inside.
<b>                                                        62.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          It's a hemorrhoid.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Thank you. Now erase that from your
          memory.


<b>INT. DEBBIE'S STORE - DAY
</b>
Debbie talks to Jodi while they fold clothes and watch Desi.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Where did she get those clothes?
          Those are expensive.

<b>                     JODI
</b>          Where do you think? I don't want
          this to sound harsh, but everything
          that comes out of her mouth is a
          lie. Everything that comes into it
          is a dick.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Everything that goes in is dicks?

<b>                      JODI
</b>          A dick.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Don't say that.

<b>                    JODI
</b>          I'm sorry, I'm just being
          protective of the store.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I'm going to go talk to her.

Debbie walks over to Desi.

<b>                     DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Hey Desi. Is that your new Acura
          out front?

<b>                      DESI
</b>          Uh, yeah.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          It's so nice. Do you love it?

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Well, I mean, it's not a fucking
          Porsche, but it'll do for now.
<b>                                                        63.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Hey Desi, would you mind wearing
          some of the clothes we have in the
          store?

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Yeah, sure. I'm sorry.

Desi picks a shirt.

<b>                       DESI (CONT'D)
</b>          Good?

Desi begins to take all her clothes off in front of Debbie.

<b>                    DESI (CONT'D)
</b>          You know, I actually made this one
          myself.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Did you?

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Yeah. I did the tiger on a piece of
          paper separately, and then I
          transferred it to the t-shirt.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Wow. So you stenciled on the tiger?

<b>                    DESI
</b>          I drew it on a piece of paper, and
          then I transferred the drawing to
          the t-shirt.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You have an amazing body.

<b>                       DESI
</b>          Really?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Yes. Are those real?

<b>                    DESI
</b>          My boobs? Yeah... Do you want to
          touch them?

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Really?

<b>                       DESI
</b>          Touch `em!
<b>                                                        64.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Okay.

Debbie squeezes Desi's breasts.

<b>                    DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Wow. Jesus. I mean they really are
          amazing. That's firm, for real.
          They're like a memory mattress.
          Like Tempurpedic, you know? They
          look amazing. My kids just sucked
          the meat right out of mine.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          No. There's some meat in there.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Since I had kids, my boobs are just
          gone. They didn't even say goodbye.
          They just left.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          By the time I'm forty, these are
          going to go National Geographic on
          me.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I feel bad about myself right now.


<b>INT. RECORD LABEL - DAY
</b>
Pete talks is in his office on the phone with his REALTOR.

<b>                    REALTOR (O.C.)
</b>          I think this is a really good offer
          on the house.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          We expected more. I mean, I know
          it's a bad market but that's still
          way under what we were looking for.

<b>                    REALTOR (O.C.)
</b>          I know, but based on the market,
          it's like you're gaining money.
          Because it's so much more than what
          you deserve. But these people are
          from Iran and they don't really
          know that they're offering too
          much. Is there any chance that
          Debbie will go for it?
<b>                                                        65.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I doubt it. I don't know.

<b>                    REALTOR (O.C.)
</b>          There's a lot of inventory out
          there. What's her problem?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          She has unrealistic expectations.


<b>EXT. YARD - DAY
</b>
Sadie and her friend WENDY run around the yard with Charlotte
and the triplets.


<b>INT. KITCHEN PANTRY - DAY
</b>
Larry and Debbie greet the kids when they enter the kitchen.
Larry picks up one of the triplets.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Did you miss me Travis?

<b>                       TRIPLET #1
</b>          It's Jack!

<b>                       LARRY
</b>          Hey, Jack.

<b>                    TRIPLET #1
</b>          My daddy doesn't know my name.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          Can I go show them my crystals
          before they leave?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Yeah, really quick.

Charlotte leaves with the triplets.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Go play with your tiny uncles.
              (to Debbie)
          So, what are you doing, spring
          cleaning?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I'm getting rid of everything in
          the house that has gluten or sugar.
<b>                                      66.
</b>

<b>          LARRY
</b>Why? What's wrong with gluten?

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Gluten's really bad for you.

<b>          LARRY
</b>I don't think so. It's wheat.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Don't you watch Dr. Oz?

<b>          LARRY
</b>As in the Wizard of?

<b>          SADIE
</b>Hey, Mom. We were wondering if we
could use the computer to iChat.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Remember the rules? Eight to eight-
thirty?

<b>          SADIE
</b>Yeah, but I have a friend over.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Hi Wendy. Why don't you guys go
play? You could go build a fort!

<b>          LARRY
</b>Remember the Alamo?

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Have you ever built a fort, Wendy?

<b>          WENDY
</b>Like on Facebook?

<b>          LARRY
</b>I will take this if you're going to
throw it away, because at our
house, we're wheat eaters.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>But don't you want to live long
enough to see your kids grow up?

<b>          LARRY
</b>That's up to god, honey.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>But that's really not good for the
kids.
<b>                                                   67.
</b>

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          The kids eat grass. This is fine.

Larry takes some of the food she's throwing out.

<b>                     SADIE
</b>          Wendy's mom lets her go on whenever
          she wants.

<b>                    WENDY
</b>          My mom's pretty cool about it as
          long as I finish my homework.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Yeah. Well, I guess I'm not the
          cool one. But the rules are just
          different in our house.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          But I get better grades than Wendy.

<b>                    WENDY
</b>          She does. She's so smart.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Let me just grab the candy worms.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Your rules are ridiculous.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Don't sass me.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          I'm only sassing you because you're
          throwing out all the food in our
          house and I'm freaking starving.
          You're being stupid.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Wendy, can you go stand in the
          other room, please?

<b>                       WENDY
</b>          Yeah.

Wendy exits.

<b>                       SADIE
</b>                 (whispers)
          Mom.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Give me your iPhone now.
<b>                                                        68.
</b>

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          The nougat things are good.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          I have all my contacts in there.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Okay, if you don't give me your
          phone right now, then I'm going to
          have to take away your phone and
          your computer.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Jesus Christ--

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          That's it.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          I need my computer to do homework.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          No phone, no computer.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          This is B.S. This is a bunch of F-
          ing S. You're acting like a B.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Kids! Time to go!

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You go to your room right now.

Sadie runs off.

<b>                    DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>              (calling after her)
          You are not allowed to use iPhone,
          iPad, iPod Touch, iTunes, Netflix,
          Pandora, or Spotify!

Pete enters from the hallway. He sees Larry and turns around
before anyone notices him.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          She's a little pip. Just like her
          mommy. So I might have a job
          tomorrow, at least I'm going to go
          try to give an estimate. Do you
          mind taking the kids for a couple
          hours?
<b>                                                        69.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>              (conflicted)
          Okay.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          This is nice. You and I don't spend
          enough time together, do we?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          We spend enough time together.

<b>                       LARRY
</b>          We do?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          It's quality time.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Then we do. I'll go with what you
          think.


<b>INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
</b>
Pete and Debbie are in bed. Pete is reading Sadie's iChats on
her confiscated iPad out loud to Debbie.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What else did they say?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Some kid named Joseph--

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I know Joseph.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          You do? He's making a "Hot or Not"
          list.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          What?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          So, Sadie said, "That's so   lame and
          immature that you're doing   that."
          And then Joseph says, "Yo,   girl.
          We're just having some fun   so don't
          be a bitch, yo."

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          That is not nice.
<b>                                                70.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          So, then Sadie said, "Don't call me
          a bitch." And Joseph said, "I
          didn't call you a bitch, I said
          don't act like a bitch. And by the
          way you're in the `Not Hot'
          column."

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Who made him the judge of hot?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Do you realize what that could do
          to her self-esteem?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What a little fuckhead. I'll kill
          him.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          So then Sadie said, "You're in the
          jackass column. I've got to go. I'm
          bored of you."

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          That is cool. That's taking the
          high road.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          For some reason, there's an
          emoticon of a panda doing push-ups.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I wonder what that means.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I don't think it means anything, I
          think it's just adorable.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Aww. She's a good girl. She was
          polite, and she stood up for
          herself.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          That's pretty cool.

They hear a door slam. Debbie gasps.

<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          What?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Shit. I thought she was coming in.
<b>                                                        71.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Oh my god, that scared me to death.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          If she caught us, she would kill
          us.

Debbie starts looking through the iPad. Pete's iPhone chimes.
He sees a message from Ronnie from work. It reads: "Got the
numbers. Call me."

Pete looks ashen. He looks over at Debbie who is oblivious.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I've got to make a call.


<b>INT. HOME OFFICE - NIGHT
</b>
Pete paces.

<b>                    PETE
</b>              (whispering loudly)
          We sold how many?

<b>                     RONNIE (O.C.)
</b>          Six hundred and twelve album
          downloads.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Wait a minute. There are no zeros
          after that?

<b>                    RONNIE (O.C.)
</b>          There are zeros, but all of them
          are before six hundred and twelve.
          There are none after.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          How is that even possible?

<b>                    RONNIE (O.C.)
</b>          Out of three hundred million
          Americans, six hundred and twelve
          people chose to download the album.
          You could personally call everyone
          who bought this record.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          We're fucked! Here's the deal. I
          want you to meet me tomorrow
          morning at eight o'clock. I want a
          list of at least thirty ideas of
          what we can do to change this.
<b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>                                                        72.
</b>
<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          We have to change this. I started a
          record label because I couldn't get
          a job, so I have no other options.


<b>INT. CAR - MORNING
</b>
Pete is driving. Sadie and Charlotte sing show tunes loudly
and happily. Pete is very upset about the record not selling.


<b>INT. ACCOUNTANT'S OFFICE - DAY
</b>
Debbie is talking to their ACCOUNTANT.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What financial problems?

<b>                    ACCOUNTANT
</b>          Well, for one thing, you were
          right, you are missing about ten
          thousand dollars from the store.
          And then, Pete's record not selling
          well.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I thought we weren't supposed to
          hear for three weeks?

<b>                       ACCOUNTANT
</b>          We heard.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          You heard.

<b>                    ACCOUNTANT
</b>          And they're bad. You know, it's
          that, and it's the money that he's
          been lending to his father, that's
          creating a strain.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          How much have we lent him?

<b>                    ACCOUNTANT
</b>          Eighty thousand.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Did you say "eight thousand" or
          "eighty thousand"?
<b>                                                        73.
</b>

<b>                    ACCOUNTANT
</b>          Eighty thousand, over the past
          couple of years. And then you
          missed the mortgage payment--

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          On the house?

<b>                    ACCOUNTANT
</b>          And you missed the rental on the
          office.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Does Pete know that?

<b>                    ACCOUNTANT
</b>          Oh, yeah. We're on the phone all
          the time. Look, I know you're going
          through a hard time, and I want you
          guys to know that we're here for
          you, okay? Anything you guys need,
          that's why we're here. We're here
          for times like this.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What are you going to do?

<b>                    ACCOUNTANT
</b>          There's not much I can do.

<b>INT. RECORD LABEL - MORNING
</b>
Pete enters and walks into Ronnie's office. Ronnie is drawing
on a blackboard behind his desk.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What are you doing?

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          I'm drawing the album cover for Van
          Halen's Diver Down.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          If you spent a little bit more time
          focusing on Graham Parker instead
          of drawing album covers, I wouldn't
          be in this predicament.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          I'm focused on Graham Parker.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          You're supposed to help me with
          him!
<b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>                                                        74.
</b>
<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          You're supposed to call the
          companies, you're supposed to get
          people to the show!

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          I've done everything I can, Pete.
          You had me pushing around a corpse.
          It was like being in fucking
          Weekend at Graham's.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What should we do? I'm out of
          ideas.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          You fly in The Rumour. I can't sell
          a reunion concert without the band.
          It's ridiculous.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          With what? I can't afford it.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          You put this on yourself. You
          wanted the responsibility, take it
          on the chin, and stop acting like a
          bitch.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What did you call me?

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          Chin.

Pete walks out of Ronnie's office and into the main office
space. Ronnie follows.

<b>                    RONNIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Pete -- wait. I have an apartment,
          I have health insurance, I have car
          payments. I have responsibilities.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Don't talk to me about
          responsibilities. I have a life. I
          have a family. I can't afford to
          sit in my apartment getting high,
          jerking off, and then going to
          Tommy's Chili Burgers at three in
          the morning.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          That's not even the order that
          happens in!
<b>                                                75.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I have everything to lose here.
          Everything.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          Yes. Because you spent thousands of
          dollars on shit we don't need. You
          really need to spend thirty
          thousand dollars on a fucking neon
          sign, dude? Which is inside? It's
          not even outside. We know where we
          work.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          If you want to sign a band, you
          have to look like you're the real
          deal.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>              (to Cat)
          Princess Labia, how much is it to
          fly The Rumour in?

<b>                    CAT
</b>          It's twelve thousand.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          Twelve thousand dollars!

<b>                    PETE
</b>          You know what? Fine. Fly in The
          Rumour. Put it on my AmEx.


<b>INT. GYNECOLOGIST'S OFFICE - DAY
</b>
Debbie sits in Dr. Pelligrino's office.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          No, you said it was impossible.

<b>                    DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          I don't think I said it was
          impossible.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Yeah.

<b>                    DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          I usually don't say impossible. I
          like to leave some wiggle room.
<b>                                                76.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You said that my fibroid was like a
          giant boulder, like the one from
          the Indiana Jones movies blocking
          up my uterus.

<b>                    DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          And I need to stop using that
          reference of Indiana Jones. I think
          that's not appropriate when talking
          about the reproductive system.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          It's okay.

<b>                    DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          Anyway, somehow the Eastern
          medicine has worked and the fibroid
          has dissipated.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          That's great.

<b>                    DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          Yes. Your fibroid shrunk, and
          somehow it allowed you to get
          pregnant.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          What?

<b>                    DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          You're going to have your third
          baby. Congratulations.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          No.

<b>                       DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          Yes.

Debbie does not react.

<b>                    DR. PELLIGRINO (CONT'D)
</b>          Would you like some water?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          That's good news. Another baby, at
          forty.

<b>                       DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          Debbie?
<b>                                                        77.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I am thrilled. And Pete is going to
          be so happy.

<b>                    DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          So, you're okay?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What a relief. I can finally relax
          now, you know? I'm so happy, I
          really am. It's good.

<b>                    DR. PELLIGRINO
</b>          Great. Great.


<b>INT. CAR - DAY
</b>
Debbie drives. We cannot tell what she is feeling. Then after
a few beats, a joyous smile appears across her face.


<b>INT. RECORD LABEL - PETE'S OFFICE - DAY
</b>
Pete takes a framed item off of his wall.


<b>EXT. LARRY'S HOUSE - DAY
</b>
Larry answers the door. Pete is there with a framed drawing
made by John Lennon.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Hey, why are you in a bathrobe?
          It's the middle of the afternoon.


<b>INT. LARRY'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
</b>
<b>                    LARRY
</b>          I took a late shower. Why are you
          busting my balls? Look, I'm sorry
          about the record. You're going
          through financial shit. This is
          what I live with. This is a
          horrible time in human history.
          What is that?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Something that might help both of
          our situations.

Pete hands him the drawing.
<b>                                      78.
</b>

<b>          PETE (CONT'D)
</b>This is a drawing by John Lennon. I
got it ten years ago for five
thousand dollars. I don't know how
much it's worth now. Could be five,
could be twenty.

<b>          LARRY
</b>I don't want this. I don't even
like it. I'm not going to hang it
up.

<b>          PETE
</b>It's not for you to hang up. It's
for you to sell. That way I can
give it to you and you can make
some money, and Debbie doesn't know
that I'm giving you anything.

<b>          LARRY
</b>Well, you're not giving me money.
You're giving me a project. I don't
know how to sell this. I'm not an
art dealer.

<b>          PETE
</b>Just sell it online. Do some
research, make some calls. Or is
that too hard to do with your high
blood pressure?

<b>          LARRY
</b>All right. Don't get snippy. Just
because you write a great song
doesn't mean you can draw.

<b>          PETE
</b>It's incredible. John Lennon drew
it.

<b>          LARRY
</b>I think it's a Ringo. Don't beat me
up if I get three hundred dollars
for it.

<b>          PETE
</b>Don't take less than sixty-five
hundred for that. It's very
valuable. It's important to me. I
want you to sell it so I can help
you.

<b>          LARRY
</b>Okay.
<b>                                                          79.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I'll see you at my party.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          What should I bring? You want wine
          or something?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          No. Don't buy wine with my money
          and give it to me at my party.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          That's mean.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I love you. Bye.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          All right. Bye... How do I call
          eBay?


<b>INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM - DAY
</b>
Sadie and a bunch of other kids are building sets for a
school play. Sadie talks with a FRIEND.

Pete and Debbie are watching from afar, sitting next to each
other. Debbie tries to gently break the news.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          She's so cute. She's so tall.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I know. How did that happen?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Do you ever wish we had a bigger
          family?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          No, never for a second. Never.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Never?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Never. I love what we have. One? A
          breeze. Two? Brutal. Three? Put a
          bullet in my head.

Debbie is totally deflated.
<b>                                                           80.
</b>

<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          I think about that gray-haired
          pregnant lady from school and I
          just feel bad for her. And I feel
          bad for the kid. Can you imagine?
          All the other little kids, "Where's
          your mommy?" "Oh, she's the one
          sitting in that scooter eating a
          soft cracker." Kids don't want to
          have old parents. You know, it
          would also be nice for us to spend
          some time apart. Kind of rediscover
          who we are individually. It would
          be so great to not see you for like
          a chunk of time so that I could
          really just miss you. Remember when
          we used to miss each other?


<b>EXT. SCHOOL - DAY
</b>
Debbie is walking through the campus upset. She sees a kid
and darts over to him.

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>          Hey!

JOSEPH (13), the kid who insulted Sadie on her Facebook,
turns and sees Debbie.

<b>                      JOSEPH
</b>          Yo, sup?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I'm Sadie's mom.

<b>                      JOSEPH
</b>          Sadie...?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Sadie, the one you chat with on the
          internet?

<b>                    JOSEPH
</b>          Nah, man. That ain't me.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Well, it was you, I saw your
          picture. Did you make a "Hot" list
          and not put Sadie on the "Hot"
          list?

<b>                    JOSEPH
</b>          She was not on my list, no.
<b>                                                       81.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You know what I'm going to do? I'm
          going to make my own "Hot" list,
          and you know what? You're on the
          "Not Hot" list. How does that feel?

<b>                    JOSEPH
</b>          It doesn't bother me. I'm
          comfortable with the way I am.

She gets even quieter, scarier and more in his face.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Maybe you shouldn't be so
          comfortable with yourself. You know
          why? You look like a miniature Tom
          Petty. How's that feel? Huh? You
          think that haircut's cool? It's
          not. It looks like you put your
          Justin Bieber wig on backwards. You
          still comfortable with yourself?
          Why are you wearing a tank top?
          Huh? So you can show off your bald
          pits, you little hairless wonder?
          Cool tank top, man. So next time
          you think about writing something
          nasty on my daughter's Facebook
          page, just remember me. Remember
          me. I will come down here, and I
          will fuck you up.

Joseph looks upset.

<b>                    JOSEPH
</b>          Okay, I'm sorry.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Wait a minute. Hey. Are you crying?

<b>                    JOSEPH
</b>          Just let me go.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I'm sorry. I'm not in my right
          head.

<b>                    JOSEPH
</b>          I understand. My mom is going
          through menopause, too. It's a hard
          time.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What did you say?
<b>                                                        82.
</b>

<b>                    JOSEPH
</b>          You're going through menopause?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I'm not going through menopause!
          I'm not going to go through
          menopause for twenty years. I'm
          pregnant you little bitch. God damn
          it!

She storms off.


<b>INT. MASTER BEDROOM - BATHROOM - NIGHT
</b>
Debbie pulls open the door, Pete is on the toilet playing on
his iPad.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I'm going out to coffee with Desi
          to find out if she's stealing from
          us.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I've got the Graham Parker concert.
          Who's gonna watch the kids?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I don't know. Figure it out.

Debbie exits. Pete flips her off after she's gone.


<b>INT. BAR - NIGHT
</b>
Debbie and Desi are talking as they walk down the stairs into
a loud club.

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          I just wanted to talk. Maybe we
          could go to a coffee house or
          something?

<b>                    DESI
</b>          You want coffee? This place has
          coffee. They have all kinds of
          drinks.


<b>INT. BAR - NIGHT
</b>
Debbie and Desi talk to a group of young men, PROFESSIONAL
<b>HOCKEY PLAYERS.
</b><b>                                                           83.
</b>

<b>                    DESI
</b>          What sport do you guys play?

<b>                    HOCKEY PLAYER
</b>          We play hockey.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Oh, I like hockey.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Who do you guys play for?

<b>                    HOCKEY PLAYER
</b>          We play for the Philadelphia
          Flyers.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You guys are all from Philadelphia?

<b>                    HOCKEY PLAYER
</b>          No, actually none of us are.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Do you guys still have all of your
          teeth?

<b>                    HOCKEY PLAYER #2
</b>          Well, I've got all my teeth, except
          for these ones.

He takes a plate of his teeth out.

<b>                    HOCKEY PLAYER #2 (CONT'D)
</b>          Want to try them on?

Desi takes them and tries to put them in her mouth. Everyone
laughs.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Do I look sexy?

Desi looks insane. She tries to kiss Debbie. Everyone is
laughing.

<b>                    HOCKEY PLAYER #3
</b>          They definitely look way better on
          her than they do on you.

She hands the teeth back to their owner. He pops them back in
and everyone cheers.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          So, should we go to the quiet area?
<b>                                                        84.
</b>

<b>                    HOCKEY PLAYERS
</b>          No, no.

<b>                    HOCKEY PLAYER #4
</b>          Where are you going?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          We kind of have to have a little
          business meeting tonight.

<b>                    HOCKEY PLAYER
</b>          Business meeting? You have to
          celebrate with us. We won tonight.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          I want to party with these winners,
          come on Deb.

<b>                    HOCKEY PLAYER #4
</b>          Come dance with us.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>              (thinks about it)
          Okay. Let's fucking dance! Yeah!


<b>INT. NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
</b>
Pete on stage in a half-filled nightclub.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Thank you so much for coming, this
          is so exciting! For the first time
          in over thirty years, Graham Parker
          and The Rumour.

Pete watches Graham Parker perform with his band. The song is
amazing. It is about issues Pete is going through, and he is
really connecting.

<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>              (to Ronnie)
          Where are his fans? Where are they?

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          It's hard to watch a band when you
          know all of them remember D-Day.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What's press turnout like?

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          Are you serious? Nobody came.
<b>                                                        85.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Nobody is here?

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          Oh, the guy from Green Day is here.

BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG sits nearby, watching the show.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Yeah, Billie Joe, I emailed him.
          He's a fan.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          You've got to get a photo of the
          two of them.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          No, he says he doesn't want to do
          any press, he's just watching the
          show.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          Oh, how punk rock of him. "I don't
          like photographs."
              (to Billie Joe)
          Grow up, Green Day!

<b>                    BILLIE JOE
</b>          Shut up, Tom Selleck.


<b>INT. NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT
</b>
Desi and Debbie dance with the hockey players to a Nikki
Minaj song. Debbie lets loose, she's having the time of her
life.


<b>INT. NIGHTCLUB - MOMENTS LATER
</b>
Debbie is talking to a hockey player named JAY who is twenty-
four and cute.

<b>                    JAY
</b>          I wouldn't call them classically
          good dance moves, but you left it
          all out there. You're a blast to
          dance with.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Thank you.
<b>                                      86.
</b>

<b>          JAY
</b>We're having a little shindig at
the hotel after this, you should
come by and hang out.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>You want me to come to the hotel?

<b>          JAY
</b>Yes. I want you to come by the
hotel with me.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Well, what would we do there?

<b>          JAY
</b>Maybe we can find somewhere quiet,
have fun, and see where it goes.
Like adults do sometimes.

<b>             DEBBIE
</b>Like, sex?

<b>          JAY
</b>I mean, if you want. If that's on
the docket. I'm not trying to force
that.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>So you would do sex with me?

<b>          JAY
</b>Do sex? What are you, Borat?

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Are you hitting on me?

<b>          JAY
</b>Yes. I'm hitting on you. You're hot
and cool and nice and you have
beautiful eyes.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>I'm sorry. I'm married, I have two
kids, and I'm pregnant.

<b>          JAY
</b>That is what we call the "hat
trick." Wow.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm
just really enjoying you being so
nice to me.
<b>                                                   87.
</b>

<b>                    JAY
</b>          I hope this doesn't come off as
          super cheesy, but I think you're a
          very rare find.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Thank you.

<b>                    JAY
</b>          And I would totally do sex with
          you.

They laugh.


<b>INT. NIGHTCLUB - LATER
</b>
Graham is packing up to go. Pete approaches him.

<b>                     PETE
</b>              (to the band)
          That was spectacular guys, really
          well done.
              (to Graham)
          Hey, Graham.

<b>                    GRAHAM
</b>          Pete! How are you, man?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Well, the first numbers came in.

<b>                    GRAHAM
</b>          Happy? How's it looking?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          About half of your last record.

<b>                    GRAHAM
</b>          Ah, so you were expecting it to
          sell. They never sell anymore. They
          used to sell. But now they don't.
          I'm not a sexy sixteen-year-old
          girl.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          But I wanted to sell it. It's such
          a good record. I feel like I let
          you down.

<b>                    GRAHAM
</b>          No, I'm going to be fine. My
          overheads are so low. I just got a
          song in Glee.
<b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>                                                88.
</b>
<b>                    GRAHAM (CONT'D)
</b>          Guy in the wheelchair is going to
          sing it to the Asian girl, I
          believe. I don't know, I've never
          seen the show, but that's what I'm
          told. Secret is, make sure you have
          a small nut. That's the key to
          life.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Graham, I don't have small nuts,
          all right? I have big nuts. And I
          need to provide for them.

Billie Joe comes over to congratulate Graham.

<b>                    BILLIE JOE
</b>          Graham, hey, what's up?

<b>                    GRAHAM
</b>          Billie!

<b>                     BILLIE JOE
</b>          How you doing, man? Great show. I'm
          inspired. I want to write a song
          right now.

<b>                    GRAHAM
</b>          Inspired, huh? That inspires me.

<b>                    BILLIE JOE
</b>          Let's go get a drink.

<b>                    GRAHAM
</b>          Let's get a drink.

<b>                    BILLIE JOE
</b>              (to Pete)
          You coming?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          No. I'm fine. You guys go.
          Congratulations on Glee.

They walk away.

<b>                    BILLIE JOE
</b>          You got a song on Glee? That's
          killer, man. That's so much money,
          that's good for all of us.


<b>INT. CAR - NIGHT
</b>
Pete sits in the car crying.
<b>                                                89.
</b>

<b>INT. CAR - NIGHT
</b>
Debbie is dropping Desi off at her apartment.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Why did you put that guy's teeth in
          your mouth? That's so gross. He was
          dirty.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          No, he was wearing a tie.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          That's true.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          When I kissed him, I felt his
          little tiny teeth nubs with my
          tongue.

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          You did?

<b>                    DESI
</b>          It was like kissing a baby. French
          kissing a baby.

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          Can I ask you something stupid? Do
          you know why we're missing money at
          the store?

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Are you guys missing money?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Like twelve thousand dollars.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Wait. Do you think I took it?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Well, no. I did, but now I don't.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          It's not me.

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          Then, why do you live in such a
          nice apartment and have such a
          fancy car?
<b>                                                90.
</b>

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Yes, you're right. Look. I... am an
          escort. I get paid to go out on
          dates.

Debbie looks shocked.

<b>                    DESI (CONT'D)
</b>          But only three to five times a
          year. Ten times max. But it's not
          technically "prostitution" because
          I don't have to sleep with them.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Well, that's good.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          But I always do. That's why I only
          do it four to eight times a year,
          fifteen times max.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Huh.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          One year I did it twenty.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          As long as you think it's safe.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          It's safe. I only do it ten to
          thirty times a year.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          So, who do you think is stealing
          money?

<b>                       DESI
</b>          It's Jodi.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          No.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Yeah. She's a pilled-out whore.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Since you told me, I want to tell
          you something.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          You're pregnant.
<b>                                                           91.
</b>

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>             How did you know?

Desi nods.

<b>                       DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>             Wow. Maybe you should tell Pete.

<b>                       DESI
</b>             You didn't tell Pete yet? Why not?

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>             I don't know. I just want him to
             want me. I don't want him to want
             me because I'm pregnant.

<b>                       DESI
</b>             Go home and suck his dick and tell
             him then and he will love it.

<b>                          DEBBIE
</b>             You think?

<b>                       DESI
</b>             He'll be so excited. Or even better
             yet, you should tell him while
             you're sucking his dick.
                 (mimes a blow job)
             "I'm pregnant."


<b>INT. BEDROOM - NEXT MORNING
</b>
Pete on his iPad laying in bed. Debbie comes in to talk.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>             What are you doing?

<b>                       PETE
</b>             I'm returning some emails.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>             What time do you have to go to
             work?

<b>                       PETE
</b>             Like ten minutes ago.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>             Want to be late?

Debbie's shirt is unbuttoned and she is topless.
<b>                                                92.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>              (not looking up)
          No, I can't be late. Not today.

Pause.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Do you see me? Standing here in
          front of you? Half-naked?

<b>                      PETE
</b>          Yeah.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          And does that make you feel
          anything?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Come on. Are you trying to start a
          fight?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          No, I'm not trying to start a fight
          with you. I'm trying to fuck you!

<b>                     PETE
</b>          Oh god, you know what? Today of all
          days you need to give me a break,
          all right?

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>          Whatever.

She exits into the bathroom. There's silence.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I didn't realize it was
          intentional! I didn't say anything
          because I didn't want you to be
          embarrassed. I thought I was being
          gallant.

No response.

<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          All right, fine, I'm an asshole.

Debbie returns, dressed.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You know what your problem is?
          You're never in the moment, you're
          never present. You're never in your
          body.
<b>                                                93.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          That's not true. I am in the
          moment. You know how I know? I want
          to get the fuck out of the moment.
          I swear, I can't win with you.

Pete walks out of the room. Debbie follows.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You can't just walk away.


<b>INT. PETE'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
</b>
<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          How's the record company going,
          Pete?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What? Not great. I'm still waiting
          for numbers to come in.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What have you heard?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          A couple numbers have trickled in.
          It's lower than we expected.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Then why are you giving Larry
          money?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I know everything. I talked to the
          accountant.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          All right, you know what? I don't
          want to get into some nasty fight.
          So can we please talk to each other
          like the therapist told us to talk
          to each other?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Fine. It makes me feel sad when you
          are dishonest.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I understand it makes you feel bad
          when I am dishonest with you.
<b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>                                                        94.
</b>
<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          It hurts my feelings when you treat
          me with contempt and corner me and
          try and trick me into lying.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Okay. It makes me sad when it's so
          easy to trick you into lying
          because you're such a lying
          shitbag.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          You can't do that. The therapist
          said you're not allowed to judge
          me.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          That's not a judgment. That's just
          a fact.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Fair enough. Sometimes I withhold
          truth, that is true. But it's only
          because I'm scared to death of your
          crazy-assed illogical
          overreactions.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Well, it hurts me inside and
          triggers me that you're such a
          dishonest shit that you're lending
          your father money without telling
          me, while your record company is
          going bankrupt and we're on the
          verge of losing our fucking house!


<b>INT. CHARLOTTE'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
</b>
Charlotte plays piano in her room alone. Through the wall,
she can hear Debbie and Pete fighting.


<b>INT. BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
</b>
<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What else are you lying about?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I've taken Viagra for two years. I
          ate six muffins downstairs a while
          ago and my cholesterol level is
          305. My heart could explode at any
          second. These might be my very last
          words.
<b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>                                      95.
</b>
<b>          PETE (CONT'D)
</b>And I gave Charlotte antibiotics
when you weren't looking. That's
why her ear got better. So, go fuck
your witch doctor.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>What are we even doing? This is not
making me happy. You're not happy.
You don't like me. I can feel that.
I'm not blind. Jesus. We're like
business associates. We're like
brother and sister. There's no
passion there.

<b>           PETE
</b>We're not like brother and sister.
You know what we're like? We're
like Simon and Garfunkel, and
somehow you turned me into
Garfunkel.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>I don't even know what that means.

<b>          PETE
</b>Art Garfunkel.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>What's wrong with Art Garfunkel? He
has a beautiful voice.

<b>          PETE
</b>He's got an amazing voice. He could
put a harmony to anything, but what
I'm saying is that you turned me
into him.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>What the hell are you talking
about?

<b>          PETE
</b>Simon controls him.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>That's because Simon writes the
fucking songs! He's the better one.

<b>          PETE
</b>You know what? I see the way you
look at our kids. You have so much
love and compassion for them. You
never look at me like that. Ever.
<b>                                                        96.
</b>

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          Would we even still be together if
          I didn't get pregnant fourteen
          years ago?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I'm not going to go down that road.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Would we?

Pete doesn't say anything.

<b>                       DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Okay.

Debbie starts walking away.

<b>                     DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>          You know what? I don't even want to
          have a party here. You need to
          cancel it.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          No, I'm not. I already paid for the
          catering, I put down deposits, and
          I`m not going to call everybody
          back in two days when change your
          mind.


<b>INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
</b>
They all are laying in bed watching Spongebob Squarepants. It
is tense. Charlotte is licking her fingers.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Can you please stop licking your
          fingers?

Charlotte does it more.

<b>                    SADIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Do you know how many germs are on
          your hands? And you're putting them
          into your mouth. It's gross. Stop.

Charlotte pokes Sadie with her wet fingers.

<b>                    SADIE (CONT'D)
</b>          I'm going to kill you!
<b>                                                        97.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Hey! Sadie, enough! She isn't
          hurting anyone. If you want to say
          something, keep your mouth shut.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You have never been nice to her and
          now she's getting aggressive with
          you. I told you this would happen.

Sadie leaves and slams her door.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          I'm sick of everybody fighting.

Charlotte leaves.


<b>INT. CHARLOTTE'S ROOM - NIGHT - LATER
</b>
Charlotte writes a note at her desk.


<b>INT. HALLWAY/SADIE'S ROOM - NIGHT
</b>
Charlotte walks by Sadie's room. She puts the note up on the
door. It reads, "I'm sorry you think I'm gross. You are
right. Love, Charlotte."


<b>INT. HOME OFFICE - NIGHT
</b>
Pete sits alone, listening to music.


<b>INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
</b>
Sadie sits alone watching Lost on an iPad.


<b>INT. CHARLOTTE'S ROOM - NIGHT - LATER
</b>
Debbie rests next to Charlotte in bed.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What do you think you're going to
          be like when you grow up?

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          I don't know.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Do you think you want kids?
<b>                                                           98.
</b>

<b>                      CHARLOTTE
</b>          Just one.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Just one? Why?

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          Because if I have two then the one
          will fight with the other one.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Does it make you sad when you
          fight?

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          I don't want anyone to fight.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I love you.


<b>INT. FAMILY ROOM - MORNING
</b>
Pete is sleeping on the couch.


<b>INT. KITCHEN - MORNING
</b>
Pete sits at the counter. Debbie and the kids are at the
breakfast table.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          Why isn't anybody talking? Why is
          it so quiet?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          It's the sounds of silence.


<b>INT. CAR - DAY
</b>
Pete is driving Sadie and Charlotte to school. On the stereo
is "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" by Meatloaf. Pete is
eating an egg sandwich and manically singing along.

<b>                    PETE
</b>              (singing)
          I don't think that I can really
          survive... I'm praying for the end
          of time, it's all that I can do.
          Praying for the end of time, so I
          can end my time with you.
<b>                                                        99.
</b>

<b>                       SADIE
</b>          Stop, Dad.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          It was long ago and it was far
          away, it was so much better than it
          is today.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          How many of those are you going to
          eat?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          As many as I want.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          I'm going to tell Mom on you.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Try it. See what you get for
          Christmas. Nothing. Snitches wind
          up in ditches. Remember that.


<b>EXT. SCHOOL - DAY
</b>
Pete walks Charlotte in. He gives her a kiss then walks back
towards his car. On the way he bumps into Joseph and his mom,
<b>CATHERINE.
</b>
<b>                       CATHERINE
</b>          Peter!

<b>                       PETE
</b>          Hey.

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          Catherine. I'm Joseph's mother.

<b>                     PETE
</b>              (pleasantly lying)
          Oh, right. No, I know. Hi,
          Catherine.

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          Our kids have gone to school
          together for eight years.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Sorry.
              (to Joseph)
          Hello, Joseph.
              (to Catherine)
<b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>                                                         100.
</b>
<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          I hear our kids have been chatting
          online.

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          Yeah? I heard that your wife has
          been screaming at my son and I
          don't appreciate it.

<b>                       PETE
</b>          Excuse me?

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          She screamed at my son.
              (to Joseph)
          Right? She threatened you?
              (to Pete)
          She cursed at him. He's thirteen
          years old for god's sake. What the
          hell is the matter with her? You
          better check her meds and get them
          right.

Pete thinks for a moment, not sure how to handle this.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Okay, why don't you back the fuck
          off, because that's my lovely,
          sweet wife you're talking about.

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          Oh, I need to back off?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Yeah, you need to back off because
          your kid is an animal. Why don't
          you put him on a leash?

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>              (to Joseph)
          Turn around!

<b>                    PETE
</b>          If he insults my daughter again,
          I'm going to hit him with my car.
          Got it? In fact, if you insult my
          wife again, you know what I'm going
          to do? I'm going to show up at your
          house when you're sleeping, and
          I'll take your iPad and your iPod
          or your iMac and I'll shove them up
          your fucking iCunt. I've got
          nothing to lose. Your kid is the
          problem. My kid is a fucking angel.
          I don't have time for this shit.
<b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>                                                101.
</b>
<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          So I'm keeping it together. But if
          I wasn't at school right now...

He pokes her shoulder.

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          Don't touch me.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I didn't touch you.

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          You touched my upper breast!

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I didn't. I got right below your
          shoulder.

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          You got right here.
              (to Joseph)
          He hit my nipple!

<b>                      JOSEPH
</b>          You what?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          You're insane.

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          Why would you do that?

<b>                    JOSEPH
</b>          Did you just touch my mom's nipple?

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          He just touched my nipple! Why
          would you do that?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I poked you on the shoulder.

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          I have very high nipples.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I touched your shirt.

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          What do you think is under my
          shirt? My breasts are under my
          shirt.
              (to Joseph)
          He just touched my breast.
<b>                                                102.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Your shoulder, your shoulder.

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          That's a funny place to put a
          shoulder. My boob!

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Hello! There are children around.

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          This isn't over. You're going to be
          sorry.
              (to Joseph)
          Let's go!


<b>INT. COFFEE BEAN AND TEA LEAF - DAY
</b>
Debbie is talking to Jodi, who is crying.

<b>                    JODI
</b>          Why the fuck would you believe
          Desi?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You just admitted it.

<b>                       JODI
</b>          Did I?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You stole twelve thousand dollars
          from me, Jodi, and I need you to
          pay me back.

<b>                    JODI
</b>          Can you at least give me a
          referral?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You babysat my kids while you were
          on Oxycontin.

<b>                       JODI
</b>          Oxycotton.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Oxyconton?

<b>                       JODI
</b>          Oxykitten.
<b>                                                          103.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What's oxykitten?

<b>                    JODI
</b>          Meow.

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          Jodi. You put me in danger. Me and
          my family.

<b>                    JODI
</b>          It was a cry for help. Help.
              (getting weirder)
          Help. Why don't you help me? Just
          help. Help. Why don't you help me?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Are you high right now?

<b>                    JODI
</b>              (weirder)
          Help me.

Debbie's phone buzzes.

<b>                    JODI (CONT'D)
</b>          Is that about me? Is that the cops?
          Is this a set-up?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I need to go.

<b>                    JODI
</b>          Okay, see you later.
              (creepily)
          Fuck you, Debbie. Fuck. You.


<b>INT. VICE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - DAY
</b>
Pete and Debbie are sitting across from VICE PRINCIPAL
LAVIANI. In another seat is Joseph's mother, Catherine.

<b>                    MS. LAVIANI
</b>          Joseph was very upset when I spoke
          to him about this, so I thought it
          was important that we join together
          and work this through.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Absolutely.
<b>                                                104.
</b>

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          We're going to work through it, but
          Debbie told my son that he looked
          like Tom Petty, in a negative way--

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Who's Tom Petty?

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          You know who Tom Petty is. And she
          said that if she had to come back,
          that she was going to "F up his
          pussy ass." Which is what she said.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Are you serious? I didn't. I would
          never. To a child? Your son has
          been defiling my daughter's
          Facebook page now for months.

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          These people are liars. He said
          that my son was an animal and that
          if I didn't keep him on a leash
          that he would hit him with his car.

<b>                    MS. LAVIANI
</b>          Did you say that?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          That's ridiculous. Who talks like
          that?

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          You do.

Debbie tries to hide a smile.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          He didn't say that.

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          He said it. To me.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What I said was that we need to
          keep an extra eye on our kids
          because with all the technological
          advances, they need to learn to use
          them responsibly.

<b>                    CATHERINE
</b>          No. He called me an "iCunt."
<b>                                      105.
</b>

<b>          PETE
</b>A what?

<b>          MS. LAVIANI
</b>Language, Catherine!

<b>          CATHERINE
</b>How am I going to relay what these
two nutballs said to me unless I
say it.

<b>           MS. LAVIANI
</b>Can you please not talk like that,
Catherine? Music Man is rehearsing
next door.

<b>          CATHERINE
</b>Sorry, fucking Music Man. Maybe if
I looked more like this fake
bullshit couple, looks like they're
in a bank commercial. That's what
you look like. Like a bullshit bank
commercial couple.

<b>          MS. LAVIANI
</b>None of this talk is productive.

<b>          CATHERINE
</b>I'd like to rear up and jackknife
my legs and kick you both in the
jaw with my foot bone.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>You're just really scaring me.

<b>          CATHERINE
</b>This is what happens when you
corner a rat. You corner me, I will
chew through you.

<b>          MS. LAVIANI
</b>Catherine, you're better than this.

<b>          CATHERINE
</b>Fuck you, Jill. You're a horrible
woman. This is why everybody hates
you. This kind of shit.
Ineffective. Bullshit hair. And I'm
glad your husband died. Because
you're a fucking asshole. He
probably killed himself.
<b>                                                         106.
</b>

<b>                    MS. LAVIANI
</b>          Okay, Catherine. I think we know
          what's happening now.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Now you know what we're dealing
          with.


<b>EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY
</b>
Pete and Debbie leave the school together, surpressing
smiles. They get in separate cars and drive off.


<b>INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
</b>
Debbie is making dinner. Pete and Charlotte sit at the table.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          I'm not going to eat that chicken.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Why not?

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          Because I feel like I'm going to be
          a vegetarian.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Can you become a vegetarian
          tomorrow?

<b>                       CHARLOTTE
</b>          No.

Sadie storms in.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          You guys have been reading my
          texts?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          No, we haven't.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Yes, we have. We're supposed to
          keep an eye on you.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          How did you find out?
<b>                                      107.
</b>

<b>          SADIE
</b>Joseph told me that you flipped out
on him and his mom and that you
guys are nuts, and I agree.

<b>          PETE
</b>Don't be disrespectful.

<b>          SADIE
</b>You're the ones who are
disrespectful. Reading my texts is
like reading my diary.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>You were really sweet on your
iChat. We were really proud of you.

<b>          PETE
</b>Yeah, we were going to give you
your computer and phone back.

<b>            SADIE
</b>Fuck you!

<b>          PETE
</b>Okay, there's the first official
"Fuck you."

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>That is not how we talk to each
other in this house.

<b>          SADIE
</b>You guys talk to each other like
that all the time! And to Joseph
and his mom. You made Joseph cry.

<b>          CHARLOTTE
</b>Joseph has a crush on you. You like
a boy who cries.

<b>          SADIE
</b>Shut up, Charlotte. You guys so
desperately want me to be perfect
and to make no mistakes. Well, you
two are fucking insane.

<b>            DEBBIE
</b>Okay.
<b>                                                       108.
</b>

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          All you do is fight. Or you don't
          fight, which is even worse because
          it looks like you hate each other
          for weeks. You obsess over every
          little thing I do, and you don't
          trust in me or believe in me. Well,
          I'm fucking sick of it! Yeah, I
          said "fuck." Fuck fuck fuck. Ground
          me forever I don't care. I don't
          care about anything.
              (crying hard)
          I hate everything, everyone's going
          crazy, I don't care if I have no
          friends.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Are you still upset about Lost?

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Of course I'm upset about Lost! You
          guys took away my shit before I
          could watch the last two episodes!
          I don't know what the fuck happens!

She walks off.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          She's becoming just like us.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          I hope I never get my period if
          this is what happens.


<b>INT. SADIE'S ROOM - NIGHT
</b>
Sadie does her homework on her bed. Charlotte brings in
Sadie's electronics and puts them down in a pile beside her.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Where did you find these?

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          I stole them.

Charlotte walks away and starts to slide the door closed
behind her.

<b>                       SADIE
</b>          Thank you.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          No big deal.
<b>                                                       109.
</b>

<b>INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
</b>
Debbie is sitting on the couch. Pete paces around the room.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Our kids are crazy. And it's our
          fault.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Do you think there's anything we
          can do to turn it around?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Sadie's thirteen. She might be a
          lost cause.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Where did she learn that kind of
          language? We don't talk like that.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I have no fucking idea... Do you
          think Sadie is this crazy because
          of us? Or is it hormones and Lost.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          J.J. Abrams. He's ruining our
          daughter. That fucking geek.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I feel bad for us.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          All of a sudden we're like a magnet
          for negativity. Why do people keep
          attacking us? What did we do? We're
          just doing our best.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Should we talk about our fight?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I think we're under enough
          pressure. Let's just let it go this
          time.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Yeah.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          We can give each other a break.
<b>                                                 110.
</b>

<b>                       PETE
</b>            Great. Thank you. And I'm sorry
            about my dad. You're right. I'm
            sorry that he's just an endless
            mooch.
                (beat)
            The truth is, this isn't about us.
            It's about our parents.

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>            We're not even mad at each other.
            We're mad at them.

<b>                         PETE
</b>            Exactly.

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>            Let's just take away our parents'
            power by loving them.

<b>                      PETE
</b>            Can we do that?

<b>                         DEBBIE
</b>            Yes.

<b>                         PETE
</b>            Thank god.

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>            I kind of feel better already, do
            you?

<b>                         PETE
</b>            I do.

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>            I love you.

<b>                      PETE
</b>            I love you too.

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>            It's not us, it's them.

<b>                         PETE
</b>            Totally.

They hug.
<b>                                                       111.
</b>

<b>INT. SADIE'S ROOM - MORNING
</b>
The shades are closed and the room is dark. Sadie watches the
end of the last episode of Lost on a laptop. Pete enters.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What are you doing? We need to get
          ready for the party.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>              (devastated)
          I just finished the last episode of
          Lost.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          We don't have time for this right
          now. We have a lot of people coming
          over--

<b>                    SADIE
</b>              (losing it)
          They're all dead.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What?

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Jack, Kate, Sawyer...

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I don't care about the show right
          now-

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Jin, Sun...

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Okay? I need you to just get in the
          shower. Get dressed. Let's just put
          it on hold.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Walt, Juliet. All those people.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Don't think about Lost today.
          Tomorrow: Lost. All day. I can't
          wait to hear about it. Jack? No
          way. Really? Right now, shower.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          I don't make fun of your stupid Mad
          Men.
<b>                                                       112.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          First of all, I don't get worked up
          over Mad Men.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          That's because Mad Men sucks.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          What Don Draper has gone through
          beats whatever Jack is running from
          on some island.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          A bunch of people smoking in an
          office, it's stupid.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          You're getting me off topic. Please
          get dressed.


<b>EXT. HOUSE - DAY
</b>
Debbie is speaking with Barb as they set up the kitchen for a
barbecue for Pete's fortieth birthday.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I am so glad you're here. I need a
          buffer in case it gets weird.

<b>                    BARB
</b>          Well, I'm ready to buff.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Here, grab these napkins.


<b>INT./EXT. HOUSE - DAY
</b>
Desi jumps in the pool in a small bikini. She is playing in
the water with the kids.

<b>ANGLE ON BARRY AND PETE
</b>
<b>                    BARRY
</b>          So that's the girl who works for
          you.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Yeah, that's her.

<b>                    BARRY
</b>          Seems nice. My wife would never let
          me have a hot employee like that.
<b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>                                                          113.
</b>
<b>                    BARRY (CONT'D)
</b>          Everyone that works for us looks
          like they've been in some kind of
          horrible accident.

Angle on Barb and Debbie.

<b>                    BARB
</b>          You're comfortable with that around
          your husband?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Pete wouldn't know what to do with
          that.

Angle on Barry and Pete.

<b>                    BARRY
</b>          You think our wives are looking at
          us right now?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Oh, definitely.

Angle on Barb and Debbie.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          They look like pedophiles.

Barry and Pete turn toward their wives, smile and wave.


<b>INT. KITCHEN - LATER
</b>
Pete greets guests, including Graham and Grandma Molly.


<b>EXT. BACKYARD - LATER
</b>
Pete and Ronnie are talking in the backyard.

<b>                       DEBBIE (O.C.)
</b>          Hey, Pete!

Debbie walks over with Jason.

<b>                    DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Jason's here.

<b>                       JASON
</b>          Peter, hi.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Hey, how's it going?
<b>                                                         114.
</b>

<b>                    JASON
</b>          Great, you look well. How do you
          like what I've been doing to your
          girl? How do you like Debbie's
          after body?

<b>                       RONNIE
</b>          It's nice.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          Come on, show `em. Look at this.
              (points to her ass)
          It's beautiful. Look at that after-
          ass. Now it starts here, but it
          used to start here. And I brought
          it up. You're welcome.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          Are you a trainer?

<b>                    JASON
</b>          Yes, well, but not just physical.
          Spiritual. I'm sort of a guide.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          You guys should talk. I think
          you'll get along. Come here, honey,
          I have to tell you something.

They leave Ronnie and Jason alone. The guys spot Desi
swimming in the pool.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          Who's that in the pool?

<b>                       RONNIE
</b>          Mine.


<b>INT./EXT. FRONT DOOR - DAY
</b>
Debbie and Pete open the front door. Standing there is
Oliver. He gives a nervous smile.

Debbie looks at him and tries to be nice, but we feel her
effort.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Hello.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Hello, Debbie.

She opens the door wider. They do not hug.
<b>                                                       115.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Remember my husband, Pete?

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Oh, yes. I didn't recognize you
          with the long hair.

<b>                    PETE
</b>              (people pleasing)
          I've been growing it.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Happy birthday.

He hands him a bottle.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Thank you so much.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Very old scotch.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Oh, wow. You know, I hope it hasn't
          expired.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          No, scotch doesn't expire. It
          improves with age.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          No, I know. Thank you so much.


<b>EXT. BACKYARD - DAY
</b>
The party is in full swing. Pete, Debbie, Oliver, Barry and
Barb are getting food from the buffet. Barb and Barry are
trying to help keep the conversation going.

<b>                    BARRY
</b>          What do you do in Chino, Oliver?

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          I am a surgeon.

<b>                    BARB
</b>          Wow, what kind?

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Mainly of the spine. My specialty
          is scoliosis surgery.
<b>                                                         116.
</b>

<b>                    BARRY
</b>          My mom used to talk to me like I
          had scoliosis because I'm a little
          hunchy, but that's a different
          thing.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Well, you definitely don't look
          right.

Larry arrives, with Claire and the triplets. Claire is
holding two of them, while Larry carries one.

The triplets now have very different HAIRCUTS so he can tell
them apart. One has a faux hawk, one has bangs, and one has a
buzz cut.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Hello everyone! I'm sorry we're
          late. I was in the lab cloning
          myself. We're going to have another
          seven more tomorrow... Look, we cut
          their hair different so we can
          finally tell who they are.

Larry lifts one of the triplets up and down by the arms,
simulating an elevator.

<b>                    LARRY (CONT'D)
</b>          You like the new haircut, Travis?

<b>                    TRIPLET #1
</b>          I'm Jack, damn it.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Of course you are.

Larry puts Jack down and he runs off.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Larry, this is my father.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Really? How are you?

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Oliver.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Oliver. "Can I have some more?
          Please, Oliver, I need a little
          morsel." I love that movie. You
          must get that all the time.
<b>                                                117.
</b>

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Not really.

<b>                    CLAIRE
</b>          I'm Claire, Larry's wife. Very good
          to see you, but excuse me, I'm
          going to go get the kids.

Claire runs off.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          We won't see her now for the whole
          day. I'd help honey, but I've got
          the blood pressure, and I don't
          want to.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Dad, you want a drink?

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Yeah, a little white wine.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          White wine? Okay, heavy stuff.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          So, who knew that Debbie had a dad!
          Where have you been for fifteen
          years? Never seen you at Hanukkah,
          Christmas, Ramadan, nothing. How do
          you get out of all that stuff? Do
          you have a wife?

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          My wife is at home.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Why didn't she come?

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Construction. They're sanding our
          deck.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          You let the woman sand the deck?

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          She supervises it, yes.

Sadie, Charlotte and Desi walk over.

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>          Hey guys.
<b>                                                       118.
</b>

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Look how big the kids are. Sadie!

He gives Desi a hug.

<b>                       DESI
</b>          Hi, Larry.

<b>                     LARRY
</b>              (to Sadie)
          Hi, Sadie.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Mom. Who is Oliver?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What do you mean?

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          Is he your dad?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          He is my biological father.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          What does that mean?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          He and my mom had a baby and that
          was me.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Oh, so you're our grandpa.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Why don't you ask your mother?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Yes, well, that would make him your
          grandpa. Do you want him to be?

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          Yes. Then we get another grandpa.
          Come on!

Oliver gets up. Charlotte, Sadie and Desi run off. Oliver
follows.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          That was deeply uncomfortable.
          Thank god the pretty girl was here
          to divert our attention.
<b>                                                       119.
</b>

<b>EXT. POOL - DAY
</b>
Desi is gracefully swimming under water. She looks gorgeous.
She sees Jason and Ronnie under water, but they look
grotesque, red-faced and awkward. They both reach for each
other and come to the surface.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          Oh, hi. I did not see you there.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          I saw you there.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Did you guys come together? Are you
          a couple?

<b>                    RONNIE / JASON
</b>          No, we didn't come together.
          Absolutely not.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Sorry, the mustache is a little--

<b>                    JASON
</b>          That's fair.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          I just assumed.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          This is a straight man mustache.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          What is the different between a gay
          man's mustache and a straight man's
          mustache?

Pause.

<b>                       JASON
</b>          The smell.

<b>                       DESI
</b>          Excuse me.

Desi swims away.


<b>EXT. BACKYARD - LATER
</b>
Larry is talking to Oliver.
<b>                                      120.
</b>

<b>          LARRY
</b>So, spinal surgery just seems to me
to be at the top of the surgery
chain.

<b>          OLIVER
</b>Well, we're not cardio, we're not
neuro, but I like to think we're an
important part of the spectrum.

<b>          LARRY
</b>Do you operate every single day?

<b>             OLIVER
</b>Most days.

<b>          LARRY
</b>Multiple times a day?

<b>          OLIVER
</b>Three, four times.

<b>           LARRY
</b>So what's the price range? Like if
I wanted--

<b>          OLIVER
</b>Oh, I'd rather not say.

<b>          LARRY
</b>It's so big you're embarrassed to
say.

<b>          OLIVER
</b>I wouldn't say embarrassed.

<b>          LARRY
</b>Are there hunchbacks today?

<b>             OLIVER
</b>Of course.

<b>          LARRY
</b>I've never seen one.

<b>          OLIVER
</b>Well, that's because there are
spinal surgeons.

<b>          LARRY
</b>That's because of you. Each time I
don't see a hunchback, you're
getting that much richer.
<b>                                               121.
</b>

Oliver smiles, amused.

<b>                    LARRY (CONT'D)
</b>          You like The Beatles, don't you?

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Who doesn't like The Beatles?

<b>                      LARRY
</b>          Nobody.


<b>EXT. POOLSIDE - DAY
</b>
Jason and Ronnie are talking to Desi.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          So what's your sun sign?

<b>                      RONNIE
</b>          Libra.

<b>                      JASON
</b>          Oh, boy.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          That's not good.

<b>                      JASON
</b>          No, sir.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Not for me, that's not good.
          Sexually we are completely
          incompatible.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          That's not true.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          That's such a shame. That's as bad
          as it gets.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          What's yours?

<b>                    JASON
</b>          I'm a Cancer.

<b>                      DESI
</b>          Really?

<b>                    JASON
</b>          Is that good?
<b>                                                          122.
</b>

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          What does it mean?

<b>                    DESI
</b>          That's really strange. Well, Taurus
          and Cancers are sort of soul mates
          of the Zodiac. We're like perfectly
          compatible. I balance what you
          lack, and you make up for what I
          lack. And a quiet Cancer almost
          always has a huge penis.

<b>                    JASON
</b>              (quietly)
          You're making me embarrassed.


<b>EXT. BACKYARD - LATER
</b>
Debbie, Pete, Larry, Oliver, Barb and Barry are eating.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I wanted to make a toast. Thank you
          guys so much for coming... Pete's
          turning forty.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Weird.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          And we're ready to start this new
          phase of our lives with open
          hearts. Ready to just choose joy
          and forgive everybody, so thank you
          all for coming.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Wait. Forgive who?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I think she just meant generally.
          You know? Put the past behind us.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          And live without resentments.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          But specifically who are you
          forgiving? I like to know the
          details before I toast.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Well, you and my dad and others.
<b>                                                123.
</b>

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          I see. I know you have some issues
          with me, but I'm curious, what's he
          in for? Before today nobody even
          knew he existed.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          My parents divorced when I was
          really young and we don't spend
          that much time together and I'd
          like to work on that. Just like
          we'd like to work on how you have
          financial issues.

<b>                    BARRY
</b>              (to Larry)
          She means all the lending. And the
          borrowing...

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          I know what she meant.


<b>EXT. POOLSIDE - CONTINUOUS
</b>
Ronnie, Jason, and Desi talk.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          You are a beautiful woman, but you
          are not totally maxed out. I would
          say honestly, you're a six. Six and
          a half. I could make you an eleven.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Really?

<b>                    JASON
</b>          When I found Deb, she was a seven.
          And now she's a twelve.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          I want to be a twelve.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          You can't be lazy.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          I don't want to be lazy.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          Look at me. You cannot be lazy.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          I won't be lazy.
<b>                                               124.
</b>

<b>                    JASON
</b>          Do you know how she got her body?
          Bodies By Jason.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Wow.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          Say it.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Bodies By Jason.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          Say it again.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Bodies By Jason.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          And now just say Jason.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Jason.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          Again?

<b>                    DESI
</b>              (whispers)
          Jason.

<b>                    JASON
</b>          That sounds right, doesn't it?

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Yeah.

<b>                    RONNIE
</b>          What the fuck is happening right
          now?


<b>EXT. BACKYARD - CONTINUOUS
</b>
<b>                    LARRY
</b>          When was the last time you two saw
          each other, if you don't mind me
          asking?

<b>                     OLIVER
</b>          Actually, we had lunch together
          last week.
<b>                                      125.
</b>

<b>          LARRY
</b>And before that?

<b>          OLIVER
</b>It's been about seven years.

<b>          LARRY
</b>Seven years? That's a joke, right?
That's like two Olympics. And I'm
the bad guy. What Debbie doesn't
understand is that it's not bad to
help out a parent. And it's
certainly not bad for a parent to
help out a child. I'm sure Oliver
would agree.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Are you really doing this right
now?

<b>          LARRY
</b>Am I doing what? I didn't start the
toast.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Are you really about to hit up my
dad for money?

<b>          LARRY
</b>What? He does four operations a
day. It's perfect. It helps
everybody, and it relieves his
guilt from all the abandonment
issues.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>You can't buy forgiveness, right
Pete?

<b>          PETE
</b>I don't think anyone's looking for
handouts... We'd pay him back.

<b>          OLIVER
</b>If you two are in a bind I'd be
more than happy to help.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>No. It's not good to borrow money
from family members because it
causes resentment, remember?

<b>          PETE
</b>Yeah.
<b>                                      126.
</b>

<b>          LARRY
</b>What do you want me to do? Admit
that my life is shit? Is that what
you want me to say? You happy?
Aren't I allowed a little joy with
these children I never wanted to
have?

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>You have never once stopped asking
us for money.

<b>          LARRY
</b>Family helps family.

<b>          PETE
</b>It's true. Family helps family.
Look, I don't expect you to fully
understand. Your dad left. You're
broken inside. It's not your fault
you can't feel love. There's
something that you can't -- this is
coming out wrong.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>You know what? I would rather have
my dad than your dad, because he
doesn't drive me crazy. You know
the best quality my father has? He
asks for nothing. I don't know what
the fuck he's thinking right now.
Look at that. Nothing. I don't even
know him. And I turned out
perfectly fine without his input.

<b>          LARRY
</b>I just figured out what your
problem is. You hate Jews. Which is
so odd because your children are
Jewish.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Don't play the Jew card, Larry.

<b>          LARRY
</b>I'm not playing any Jew card.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Seriously, it's used up.

<b>          LARRY
</b>You can't use up a Jew card. That's
the whole point of a Jew card.
<b>                                                127.
</b>

<b>                    BARRY
</b>          That's right. You can't use it up,
          it goes forever.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          You know what? I have to go.

Oliver gets up to leave.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Great. What a big surprise. Bye
          Oliver. See you later. See you in
          another seven years. Make sure to
          say goodbye to the grandkids, who
          you met today. You know, nothing I
          do is right because of you?
          Nothing. No matter how hard I try,
          I'm just the asshole here, but you
          know what I realized? It's you.
          You're the asshole.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Good luck working that out. Happy
          birthday and go fuck yourself.

Oliver walks out.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          See you when the Cubs win the
          Pennant.

<b>                    BARB
</b>          I'm going to light the candles. Get
          it going.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Maybe we should try the toast
          again.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Can you be quiet?
              (to Pete)
          You just threw me under the bus.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          No. We agreed to let go and
          forgive, but then you started
          ripping into my dad like a crazy
          person.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I'm not ripping into your dad. I'm
          just saying to him what you say to
          me.
<b>                                                       128.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Don't be such a ball buster.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I am not a ball buster. You make me
          one! I am a fun girl! I am fun-
          loving! I am a good time Sally! I
          dance hip-hop. I cannot believe
          I've wasted my whole life busting
          the balls of people who have no
          balls. I am the only one here who
          has any balls.


<b>EXT. BACKYARD - DAY
</b>
Graham Parker sings "Happy Birthday" to Pete as Charlotte
accompanies him on a keyboard. The party is tense.

Debbie looks over and sees that Oliver never actually left.
He stands in the back looking uncomfortable, quietly singing.
She's shocked he's still there.


<b>EXT. HOUSE - DAY - LATER
</b>
Debbie smokes a cigarette at the side of the house. Sadie
appears.

<b>                      SADIE
</b>          Mom?

Debbie turns, caught.

<b>                    SADIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Mom! What are you doing?

<b>                      DEBBIE
</b>          What?

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          You're smoking? In the front yard?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          No, they're Barb's.

She walks away towards the house. Sadie follows.


<b>INT./EXT. FOYER - CONTINUOUS
</b>
Sadie storms through the front door after Debbie.
<b>                                                         129.
</b>

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Mom! Since when have you been a
          smoker?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I'm not a smoker.

Debbie keeps walking down the hall. Sadie follows her.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          I thought you said smokers die.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I wasn't smoking.

<b>                       SADIE
</b>          I saw you.

Barb is in the kitchen with Pete and Charlotte.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          Mom, you're smoking?

<b>                    BARB
</b>          Deb, you can't smoke, you're
          pregnant. You've been doing so
          well.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          You're pregnant?

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          No f-ing way. I don't want another
          sister.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          I don't want her as a sister.

<b>                    BARB
</b>          I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It just
          slipped out.

Debbie turns the corner to find Pete standing in front of the
fridge, stress eating.

<b>                    PETE
</b>              (mouth full of cupcake)
          Are you really pregnant? Since when
          are you pregnant?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Since when do you care? You don't
          want another baby.
<b>                                     130.
</b>

<b>          PETE
</b>You have no idea what I want.

<b>          CHARLOTTE
</b>I want an Asian baby.

<b>          SADIE
</b>We're not going to have an Asian
baby.

<b>          CHARLOTTE
</b>Yes, we are!

<b>          SADIE
</b>They're not Asian.

<b>           DEBBIE
</b>Sadie.

<b>          CHARLOTTE
</b>We'll buy one.

<b>          SADIE
</b>Shut up, Charlotte.

<b>          CHARLOTTE
</b>You shut up!

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Shut up, Sadie!

<b>          SADIE
</b>Shut up, Charlotte!

<b>           CHARLOTTE
</b>Shut up!

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Okay, Sadie. Shut up.

<b>          SADIE
</b>Shut up, Charlotte!

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Okay, stop saying shut up!

<b>          PETE
</b>Since when are you pregnant? When
did you find out?

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Will you stop eating cupcakes,
please! Stop eating cupcakes. Stop
eating cupcakes!!
<b>                                                       131.
</b>

Debbie storms off back towards the foyer. Larry pops out from
the living room, stopping Debbie in the foyer. Claire and the
triplets are right behind him.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Hey! We just heard. You're having a
          baby! See, it can happen to
          anybody.

<b>                    CLAIRE
</b>          That is so wonderful. We're so
          happy for you.


<b>INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
</b>
Pete throws his cupcake against the wall.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>              (to Charlotte)
          This is too adult for you. Let's go
          outside.


<b>INT. FOYER - CONTINUOUS
</b>
Larry and Claire walk away as Pete storms in.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Well, I guess we're stuck together
          forever, then, right?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Weren't we always?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You don't even want a baby.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Of course I do. I never said that.
          Look, I didn't want one if I could
          choose.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I should put that on a Hallmark
          card. That's beautiful.

Oliver passes Pete and turns to Debbie as Pete walks away.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Good luck with the pregnancy,
          Debbie. But please, take care of
          yourself. It's a much riskier
          pregnancy after forty.
<b>                                                       132.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I'm not forty.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Of course you are. You were born on
          December 5th, 1972.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          How do you know?

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          I was there. I'm the one who took
          your mother to the hospital.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          That's not what she said.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Your mom was in labor for only
          twenty minutes. It was like you
          couldn't wait to meet me, can you
          imagine that?

Debbie is stunned.

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          I don't even know you. You can't
          just come into my house and
          reminisce.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>              (walking out)
          Look, maybe we were just not meant
          to be in each other's lives. I'm
          not sure this was such a great
          idea.

Debbie follows him out the door and onto the front porch. She
closes the door behind them.


<b>EXT. FRONT PORCH - CONTINUOUS
</b>
<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Hey, wait a minute. You did leave.
          And you didn't come back.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>              (getting agitated)
          My first life was ruined. I did my
          best with my second.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          So I ruined your life? I was eight.
<b>                                                       133.
</b>

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          People do better when I stay out of
          their lives. That's what my son
          tells me. You think my life is so
          perfect? I've got a thirteen-year-
          old who's a pot head, I've got a
          wife who's keeping Zoloft alive.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You never said that before.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          You don't think I want to talk to
          you about this? To share it with
          you? It's just not our way! We
          don't talk to each other, we don't
          know each other. I thought that's
          the way you wanted it. How do I get
          out of this? How do I get you all
          to just help me down off the cross?

Debbie looks at him for a moment.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You sound just like Sadie.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Who's Sadie? No. Your daughter,
          your younger?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          The big one.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          Your older. I know that! She's a
          wonderful girl.

Larry opens the door and peeks out. We reveal that everyone
at the party (except Pete) is still standing in the foyer.

<b>                     LARRY
</b>          Hi, guys. Some of us need to leave.
          Would this be a good moment to
          sneak out?

From the side of the house we see Pete storming by on his
bike, wearing his street clothes and a helmet.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Where's Dad going?
<b>                                                       134.
</b>

<b>EXT. CITY STREETS - DAY
</b>
Pete exits his home riding his bike. He is very angry. He
rides with great emotion like he is trying to get all the
frustration out of his body.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Best birthday ever!

Pete rides his bike onto San Vicente Boulevard.

Pete rides down the street. A CAR passes by him. When it does
a fifteen-year-old TEENAGER sticks his head out the window
and yells to scare Pete.

<b>                    TEENAGER
</b>          Bike lane, asshole!

Pete almost falls.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Fuck you, you Twilight pimply-ass
          motherfuckers!


<b>INT. KITCHEN - DAY
</b>
Debbie and Barb are cleaning up. They look out the window to
see Oliver picking up glasses and putting them in a bin.

<b>                    BARB
</b>          Your dad's still here.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I know. It's weird. Where the hell
          is Pete?

Sadie walks in with Joseph.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Mom, is it okay if Joseph hangs out
          here for a while?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Sure. Hi, Joseph.

<b>                     JOSEPH
</b>          Hi.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Do you want a piece of cake?

<b>                    JOSEPH
</b>          Oh, yeah sure. Thank you.
<b>                                                       135.
</b>

Sadie walks off.

<b>                    JOSEPH (CONT'D)
</b>          All right, then.

Joseph follows.

<b>                    BARB
</b>          They are so cute.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          So cute.

<b>                    BARB
</b>          He looks exactly like Tom Petty.


<b>EXT. STREET - DAY
</b>
There is no bike lane and cars going very fast have to swerve
to avoid Pete. A car honks when traffic clogs up behind him.

<b>                       PETE
</b>          Go around!

A car makes a right turn, and Pete almost rides right into
it.

<b>                       PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          Watch it!

He pulls up alongside Jason's van. Desi is riding with Jason.

<b>                    DESI
</b>          Hey, Pete. Great party!

They speed off.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Yeah. The best!


<b>EXT. BACKYARD - DAY
</b>
Oliver and the kids are playing with an iPhone.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          Then you shake it. And then a
          restaurant comes up.

Debbie walks outside.
<b>                                                       136.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Dad? Excuse me. I'm going to go
          look for Pete. Would you mind
          staying with the girls for just a
          little bit?

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>              (shocked)
          Well, if you want me to.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          If you don't mind. You don't have
          to.

<b>                     OLIVER
</b>          Sure.
              (beat)
          Can I let Sadie show me the last
          episode of Lost? She asked me if
          I'd seen it, I haven't.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          That would be nice. Thank you.

<b>                       OLIVER
</b>          Thank you.

Debbie exits.

<b>                    OLIVER (CONT'D)
</b>              (to Sadie)
          She said we could watch it.

Sadie turns to Charlotte, puts her arm around her.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          I'm going to let you watch Lost.
          Come on.

Charlotte smiles, delighted to be accepted by her sister.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          Is it scary?

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          I'll cover your eyes if it gets too
          scary.
<b>                                                          137.
</b>

<b>EXT. STREET - DAY
</b>
Pete starts riding really fast and passes a car. When the car
stops for a red he keeps going, tears off to the left,
crosses four lanes of traffic in both directions and almost
gets hit.

Pete rides his bike up a steep hill.

He passes some other bikers almost hitting them.


<b>INT. DEBBIE'S CAR - DAY
</b>
Debbie drives around the neighborhood with Larry in the
passenger seat.

<b>                     LARRY
</b>          Are you mad at me? Did I say
          something?

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Shh. Larry, please.


<b>EXT. STREET - DAY
</b>
Pete flies down a steep hill going crazy fast. Close up of
his front wheel shaking. It is as if he wants to crash.

He rides down the street when suddenly a MAN IN A RANGE ROVER
opens his door to exit his car and Pete slams directly into
the man's car door -- hard, breaking the man's window and
falling to the ground.

The man is an incredibly thick fifty-five-year-old.

<b>                    MAN IN RANGE ROVER
</b>          Are you fucking kidding me?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          You opened your door on me.

<b>                    MAN IN RANGE ROVER
</b>          I didn't open my fucking door on
          you. I opened my door!

Pete slowly gets to his feet.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I was right there! You are supposed
          to look before you open your door.
          I was in the fucking bike path.
<b>                                                       138.
</b>

<b>                    MAN IN RANGE ROVER
</b>          That's a blind spot. There's no
          fucking bike path. This is a
          residential section. Get your head
          out of your ass.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Pay attention!

<b>                    MAN IN RANGE ROVER
</b>          Open your god damn eyes. What are
          you doing, sleepwalking?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          You're supposed to look to see if a
          biker is coming through. You're
          supposed to look!

<b>                    MAN IN RANGE ROVER
</b>          It's not my job to look out for
          you. You look out for yourself. I
          don't look out for you. I don't see
          you. I don't now where the fuck you
          are and what you're doing.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          No one is ever looking out for me!

<b>                    MAN IN RANGE ROVER
</b>          I need your name and number.

<b>                      PETE
</b>          Why?

<b>                    MAN IN RANGE ROVER
</b>          Because you're going to pay for my
          door.


<b>INT. DEBBIE'S CAR - CONTINUOUS
</b>
They drive near the scene of Pete's accident and overhear.

<b>                      PETE (O.S.)
</b>          Fuck you!


<b>EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS
</b>
<b>                    PETE
</b>          Why don't you pay for my bike --
          and my face, you fucking prick!

The man punches Pete in the face where he's already bleeding.
<b>                                                         139.
</b>

<b>INT. DEBBIE'S CAR
</b>
Debbie sees the punch and gasps, realizing it's Pete.


<b>EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS
</b>
Pete looks stunned.

He punches the man in the gut, to no effect. The man punches
Pete back in the stomach. Pete sinks to the ground.

<b>                    MAN IN RANGE ROVER
</b>          Don't disrespect me.


<b>INT. DEBBIE'S CAR - CONTINUOUS
</b>
Debbie watches Pete fall to the ground. She opens the car
door and starts to run over toward him.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Are you sure that's him? I don't
          think that's him.


<b>EXT. STREET- CONTINUOUS
</b>
As the man starts his engine, Debbie runs toward Pete.

<b>                    PETE
</b>              (in pain)
          I'm going to write down your
          license plate number.

The car drives away, revealing that it is new and has
dealer's plates with no numbers.

<b>                    PETE (CONT'D)
</b>          "Range Rover of Sunland."

Debbie reaches him and holds his head up.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          What are you doing?

<b>                      PETE
</b>          Ow.


<b>INT. HOSPITAL - NIGHT
</b>
Debbie and Larry sit in the waiting area of the hospital.
<b>                                                140.
</b>

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          I guess the party didn't turn out
          like you planned.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          It wasn't a good party.

A NURSE walks over to them.

<b>                    NURSE
</b>          Hi. I'll bring you in as soon as
          his x-rays are finished.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Is he okay?

<b>                    NURSE
</b>          Yeah, he has a broken rib and he's
          been crying a little bit, but he'll
          be fine.

The Nurse walks away.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          You know Pete was never a real
          fighter. But that's why he married
          you. That's why he loves you.
          Because you're the fighter, and you
          need that. One person in a
          relationship has got to punch.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Do you mean that in a good way?

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Oh, it's a high compliment.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Thanks.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          Listen, I know what you're worried
          about. You think he's going to turn
          into me, but I don't think it's
          going to happen. He's smarter and
          probably a little cuter. A little
          less Jewy. Although, after fifty,
          that's all going to change. Be
          prepared to wake up one day with a
          a rabbi. But the good news is,
          he'll love you forever. That's in
          our DNA. We stick around.
<b>                                                141.
</b>

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          He worries about you. It puts a lot
          of pressure on him.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          I know. I just don't have anyone
          else to talk to about it.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          You can talk to Claire.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          No. If I open up to her she'll
          leave me.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          No, she won't, Larry, she loves
          you.

<b>                     LARRY
</b>          I know, but there's a certain point
          at which you just can't stay.
              (beat)
          I guess it's hard to forgive
          somebody if they don't formally
          apologize to you.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Are you apologizing?

<b>                     LARRY
</b>          I'm very close.
              (beat)
          Yes, I'm sorry. And I'm glad
          everybody's okay.

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          Thanks.

She hugs him and starts to cry a little bit.

<b>                     LARRY
</b>          I'm off.

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          Okay.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          This is awkward.

<b>                     DEBBIE
</b>          What?
<b>                                                       142.
</b>

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          I need forty dollars for a cab.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>              (laughing)
          That's funny.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          No, I'm not kidding. You drove me.
          I wasn't prepared.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I only have a hundred.

<b>                    LARRY
</b>          That's okay. I'll bring you the
          change.

He grabs the bill out of her purse and walks off.

<b>                    LARRY (CONT'D)
</b>          All right, give him a kiss for me.


<b>INT. HOUSE - NIGHT
</b>
Oliver is sitting on the couch with Charlotte and Sadie
watching the last scene of Lost. Joseph has joined them.

<b>                    OLIVER
</b>          I don't get it.

<b>                    SADIE
</b>          See, it's not sad, it's happy
          because they helped each other
          achieve their destiny.

<b>                     OLIVER
</b>          Oh.

<b>                    CHARLOTTE
</b>          Great. I'm going to have some
          freaky ass nightmares.


<b>INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - NIGHT
</b>
Debbie walks into Pete's room, sits on the bed next to him.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I really liked our lives so much
          better before we tried to change
          everything. I'm sorry.
<b>                                      143.
</b>

<b>          PETE
</b>No. I'm sorry. I don't want to keep
anything from you. I love you.
You're my wife. I just didn't want
to let you down.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Are you mad that I'm pregnant?

<b>          PETE
</b>No. I'm not mad. I'm thrilled.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>You don't feel trapped?

<b>          PETE
</b>Sometimes I feel like I trapped
you.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>I don't feel trapped.

<b>          PETE
</b>Really?

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>No.

<b>          PETE
</b>You should, because I've trapped
you. You can't go anywhere. I'm
going to get you pregnant every ten
years for the rest of your life.
You can never leave me. Ever.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>I never feel trapped by you. I'm so
happy to be with you. I love you so
much. You're my favorite person in
the whole world. god damn it, why
am I crying like this? Something is
wrong with me.

<b>          PETE
</b>You're pregnant.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Oh, yeah. Shit. I was just outside
telling your dad that I liked him.
What if he thinks I like him now?

<b>          PETE
</b>No, he won't think that.
<b>                                      144.
</b>

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>I don't want him to think I like
him that much.

<b>          PETE
</b>It'll never happen.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>    (suddenly giddy)
Can you believe it? This is the
craziest thing ever. What are we
going to do with a third baby?

<b>           PETE
</b>I have no idea. How are we going to
afford it?

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>We'll sell the house.

<b>          PETE
</b>We don't have to.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>We kind of do.

<b>          PETE
</b>We kind of do.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>We'll make new memories in a new
house.

<b>          PETE
</b>I love you.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Is there anything you want to do
for your birthday? It's been the
worst birthday ever.

<b>          PETE
</b>There is one thing, but I don't
think you'll like it.

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>What?

<b>          PETE
</b>I wouldn't mind going to see some
music. Would you want to do that?

<b>          DEBBIE
</b>Yeah.
<b>                                                       145.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Really? I don't believe you, but
          you're sweet for saying that.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          How do we break you out of here?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          I can just leave on my own
          volition. It's not a mental
          institution.

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Can you?

<b>                    PETE
</b>          It's not like One Flew Over the
          Cuckoo's Nest. Please don't put a
          pillow over my face.

Debbie laughs.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Let's get out of here, McMurphy.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          You got it, Chief. Will you carry
          me?

As Debbie helps Pete off of the hospital bed, Pete kisses her
passionately.


<b>INT. SMALL NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT
</b>
Pete and Debbie watch Ryan Adams perform "Lucky Now" with his
band.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          I like this song.

<b>                       PETE
</b>          Really?

<b>                       DEBBIE
</b>          Yeah. Why?

Pete smiles.

<b>                    DEBBIE (CONT'D)
</b>          Why don't you sign him?
<b>                                                         146.
</b>

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Ryan Adams? No, he wouldn't sign
          with me.

<b>                    DEBBIE
</b>          Why not? You're the best.

She smiles at him and he smiles back, almost blushing. This
is the smile he has been waiting for.

<b>                    PETE
</b>          Well, he is in between labels.
          Let's go try and talk to him after
          the show.

The camera pulls back as Ryan Adams finishes his song.

<b>FADE TO BLACK
</b></pre><br>
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	<td><h1>This is 40</h1><br><br>
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    	<b>Genres</b> : &nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="/genre/Comedy" title="Comedy Scripts">Comedy</a><br><br><br>
		
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What are Debbie's employees names?
What are Debbie s employees names ?
Desi and Jodi
Desi and Jodi
desi and jodi
desi and jodi