2caed8cd33002af756cef1c108986384a0b7066b
movie
http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Harold-and-Kumar-Go-to-White-Castle.html
HAROLD AND KUMAR
FADE OUT .
 Investment banker Harold Lee is persuaded by his colleagues Billy and JD to do their work while they leave for the weekend. Kumar Patel attends a medical school interview, but intentionally botches it to prevent getting accepted. Harold meets his neighbor Maria, but is unable to admit his feelings. After smoking marijuana with Kumar, and seeing an advertisement for White Castle, the pair decide to get hamburgers. After traveling to the nearest White Castle in New Brunswick, they find it replaced by "Burger Shack" but are informed by an employee of another White Castle in Cherry Hill.
When Kumar becomes sober, he suggests stopping at Princeton University to buy more marijuana. Kumar buys marijuana from a student named Bradley and after smoking more marijuana, they are discovered by campus security and forced to flee, losing their marijuana. The guards discover Bradley's bag of marijuana and arrest him. Harold and Kumar resume their drive, and Kumar pulls over to urinate. A raccoon gets in the car and bites Harold. Kumar takes Harold to a hospital where Kumar's father and older brother work. Kumar steals ID badges to obtain medical marijuana, but after being mistaken for his brother, Kumar performs surgery on a gunshot victim and after a successful surgery the patient tells them how to reach White Castle.
On the road, Kumar spots Maria. He decides to get her attention so Harold can talk to her, but Harold panics and presses the accelerator, causing the car to crash into a ditch. They are rescued by Freakshow, a tow-truck driver, who takes them to his house to repair their car and gives them permission to have sex with his wife. Harold and Kumar are propositioned by Freakshow's wife, but after Freakshow suggests a foursome, Harold and Kumar flee in disgust. Kumar pick up a hitchhiker, Neil Patrick Harris, who is high on ecstasy. Harold and Kumar go into a convenience store to get directions and Harris drives away. The duo are then harassed by a racist police officer for jaywalking. Harold attempts to punch Kumar for teasing the officer, but ends up punching the officer.
In jail, Harold sees Bradley being released and his stash confiscated. Kumar fakes a 911 call to draw the police away and breaks into the station to free Harold. Harold and Kumar flee with Bradley's stash. The pair encounters an escaped cheetah, and after smoking marijuana with it, they ride it. They realize the cheetah took them in the wrong direction and consider returning home, but when Harold and Kumar see their Jewish neighbors Goldstein and Rosenberg eating at a hot dog restaurant, Harold wants the satisfaction from achieving their goal. After encountering a group of sport punks who harass the pair, Harold and Kumar steal their truck. A police officer spots the speeding truck and chases them. They are trapped when they reach the edge of a cliff. Spotting the White Castle below, Harold and Kumar use a hang glider from the truck to reach their destination. The pair place their orders but are disheartened to find they have no money. Harris suddenly appears, and pays for their meal as an apology for stealing and then trashing their car.
Kumar realizes he wants to be a doctor, but is afraid of conforming to the stereotype of Indians becoming doctors. Harold notices his co-workers pull up with two women and gets angry because they said they had to work with clients, when they were out partying. He confronts them for leaving their work to him, and threatens to get them fired if it happens again. After returning to their apartment they encounter Maria in the elevator. Harold professes his feelings for her and they kiss. She informs Harold that she is leaving for Amsterdam but will return in ten days. Kumar convinces Harold to go with him to Amsterdam to pursue Maria, reminding him that marijuana is legal in the Netherlands.
Investment banker Harold Lee is persuaded by his colleagues Billy and JD to do their work while they leave for the weekend . Kumar Patel attends a medical school interview , but intentionally botches it to prevent getting accepted . Harold meets his neighbor Maria , but is unable to admit his feelings . After smoking marijuana with Kumar , and seeing an advertisement for White Castle , the pair decide to get hamburgers . After traveling to the nearest White Castle in New Brunswick , they find it replaced by Burger Shack but are informed by an employee of another White Castle in Cherry Hill . When Kumar becomes sober , he suggests stopping at Princeton University to buy more marijuana . Kumar buys marijuana from a student named Bradley and after smoking more marijuana , they are discovered by campus security and forced to flee , losing their marijuana . The guards discover Bradley s bag of marijuana and arrest him . Harold and Kumar resume their drive , and Kumar pulls over to urinate . A raccoon gets in the car and bites Harold . Kumar takes Harold to a hospital where Kumar s father and older brother work . Kumar steals ID badges to obtain medical marijuana , but after being mistaken for his brother , Kumar performs surgery on a gunshot victim and after a successful surgery the patient tells them how to reach White Castle . On the road , Kumar spots Maria . He decides to get her attention so Harold can talk to her , but Harold panics and presses the accelerator , causing the car to crash into a ditch . They are rescued by Freakshow , a tow-truck driver , who takes them to his house to repair their car and gives them permission to have sex with his wife . Harold and Kumar are propositioned by Freakshow s wife , but after Freakshow suggests a foursome , Harold and Kumar flee in disgust . Kumar pick up a hitchhiker , Neil Patrick Harris , who is high on ecstasy . Harold and Kumar go into a convenience store to get directions and Harris drives away . The duo are then harassed by a racist police officer for jaywalking . Harold attempts to punch Kumar for teasing the officer , but ends up punching the officer . In jail , Harold sees Bradley being released and his stash confiscated . Kumar fakes a 911 call to draw the police away and breaks into the station to free Harold . Harold and Kumar flee with Bradley s stash . The pair encounters an escaped cheetah , and after smoking marijuana with it , they ride it . They realize the cheetah took them in the wrong direction and consider returning home , but when Harold and Kumar see their Jewish neighbors Goldstein and Rosenberg eating at a hot dog restaurant , Harold wants the satisfaction from achieving their goal . After encountering a group of sport punks who harass the pair , Harold and Kumar steal their truck . A police officer spots the speeding truck and chases them . They are trapped when they reach the edge of a cliff . Spotting the White Castle below , Harold and Kumar use a hang glider from the truck to reach their destination . The pair place their orders but are disheartened to find they have no money . Harris suddenly appears , and pays for their meal as an apology for stealing and then trashing their car . Kumar realizes he wants to be a doctor , but is afraid of conforming to the stereotype of Indians becoming doctors . Harold notices his co-workers pull up with two women and gets angry because they said they had to work with clients , when they were out partying . He confronts them for leaving their work to him , and threatens to get them fired if it happens again . After returning to their apartment they encounter Maria in the elevator . Harold professes his feelings for her and they kiss . She informs Harold that she is leaving for Amsterdam but will return in ten days . Kumar convinces Harold to go with him to Amsterdam to pursue Maria , reminding him that marijuana is legal in the Netherlands .
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harold_%26_Kumar_Go_to_White_Castle
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
<html>
<head><title>Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle Script at IMSDb.</title>
<meta name="description" content="Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle script at the Internet Movie Script Database.">
<meta name="keywords" content="Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle script, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle movie script, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle film script">
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1" />
<meta name="HandheldFriendly" content="true">
<meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1">
<meta http-equiv="Content-Language" content="EN">

<meta name=objecttype CONTENT=Document>
<meta name=ROBOTS CONTENT="INDEX, FOLLOW">
<meta name=Subject CONTENT="Movie scripts, Film scripts">
<meta name=rating CONTENT=General>
<meta name=distribution content=Global>
<meta name=revisit-after CONTENT="2 days">

<link href="/style.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css">

<script type="text/javascript">
  var _gaq = _gaq || [];
  _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']);
  _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);

  (function() {
    var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
    ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
    var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
  })();
</script>

</head>

<body topmargin="0" bottommargin="0" id="mainbody">

<table width="99%" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" class="body">
  <tr> 
    <td valign="bottom" bgcolor="#FF0000"><a href="https://www.imsdb.com" title="The Internet Movie Script Database"><img src="/images/logo_top.gif" border="0"></a></td>
    <td bgcolor="#FF0000">
	<center>
	    <font color="#FFFFFF"><h1>The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)</h1></font>
</center>
  <tr> 
    <td background="/images/reel.gif" height="13" colspan="2"><a href="https://www.imsdb.com" title="The Internet Movie Script Database"><img src="/images/logo_middle.gif" border="0"></a></td>
  <tr> 
    <td width="170" valign="top" class="smalltxt"> <a href="https://www.imsdb.com" title="The Internet Movie Script Database"><img src="/images/logo_bottom.gif" width="170" border="0"></a> 
      <br>
	<center><span class="smalltxt">The web's largest <br>movie script resource!</span></center>
	</td>
    <td>	
    <script type="text/javascript"><!--
	 e9 = new Object();
     e9.size = "728x90";
     //--></script>
    <script type="text/javascript" src="//tags.expo9.exponential.com/tags/IMSDb/ROS/tags.js"></script>
   </td>
  </tr>
</table>


<br>
<table width="99%" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" class="body">
  <tr> 
   
    <td width="180" valign="top">

<table class=body border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2 width="100%">
<tr> 
          <td colspan="2" class=heading>Search IMSDb<tr>
<form method="post" action="/search.php">
            <td width="180"> <div align="center">
                <input type="text" name="search_query" maxlength="255" size="15">
                <input type="submit" value="Go!" name="submit">
              </div></td>
</form>
</table>

<br>
<table width="100%" border=0 cellpadding=2 cellspacing=0 class=body>
<tr>
<td colspan=9 class=heading>Alphabetical
<tr align="center">
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/0">#</a> 
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/A">A</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/B">B</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/C">C</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/D">D</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/E">E</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/F">F</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/G">G</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/H">H</a><tr align="center"> 
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/I">I</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/J">J</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/K">K</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/L">L</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/M">M</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/N">N</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/O">O</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/P">P</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/Q">Q</a><tr align="center"> 
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/R">R</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/S">S</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/T">T</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/U">U</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/V">V</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/W">W</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/X">X</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/Y">Y</a>
        <td><a href="/alphabetical/Z">Z</a>
</table>
<br>
<table width="100%" border=0 cellpadding=2 cellspacing=0 class=body>
<tr>
<td colspan=3 class=heading>Genre
<tr> 
	<td><a href="/genre/Action">Action</a>
	<td><a href="/genre/Adventure">Adventure</a>
	<td><a href="/genre/Animation">Animation</a><tr>
	<td><a href="/genre/Comedy">Comedy</a>
	<td><a href="/genre/Crime">Crime</a>
	<td><a href="/genre/Drama">Drama</a><tr>
	<td><a href="/genre/Family">Family</a>
	<td><a href="/genre/Fantasy">Fantasy</a>
	<td><a href="/genre/Film-Noir">Film-Noir</a><tr>
	<td><a href="/genre/Horror">Horror</a>
	<td><a href="/genre/Musical">Musical</a>
	<td><a href="/genre/Mystery">Mystery</a><tr>
	<td><a href="/genre/Romance">Romance</a>
	<td><a href="/genre/Sci-Fi">Sci-Fi</a>
	<td><a href="/genre/Short">Short</a><tr>
	<td><a href="/genre/Thriller">Thriller</a>
	<td><a href="/genre/War">War</a>
	<td><a href="/genre/Western">Western</a>
</table>

<br>
<table class=body border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2 width="100%">
<tr> 
 <td colspan="2" class=heading>Sponsor<tr>
 <td width="300" bgcolor="#FFFFFF">
 <script type="text/javascript"><!--
	e9 = new Object();
    e9.size = "300x250";
 //--></script>
 <script type="text/javascript" src="//tags.expo9.exponential.com/tags/IMSDb/ROS/tags.js"></script>
 </td>
</table>


<br>
<table width="100%" border=0 cellpadding=2 cellspacing=0 class=body>
<tr>
<td class=heading>TV Transcripts
<tr> 
	<td><a href="/TV/Futurama.html">Futurama</a><tr>
	<td><a href="/TV/Seinfeld.html">Seinfeld</a><tr>
	<td><a href="/TV/South Park.html">South Park</a><tr>
	<td><a href="/TV/Stargate SG1.html">Stargate SG-1</a><tr>
	<td><a href="/TV/Lost.html">Lost</a><tr>
	<td><a href="/TV/The 4400.html">The 4400</a>
</table>

<br>
<table width="100%" class="body">
<tr>
<td colspan=3 class=heading>International
<tr> 
	<td><a href="/language/French">French scripts</a>
</table>

<br>
<table width="100%" border=0 cellpadding=2 cellspacing=0 class=body>
<tr>
<td class=heading>Movie Software
<tr>
    <td><a href="/out/dvd-ripper"><img src="/images/a/dvd-ripper.jpg" alt="DVD ripper software offer"></a>
<tr>
	<td><a href="/software/rip-from-dvd">Rip from DVD</a>
<tr>
	<td><a href="/software/rip-blu-ray">Rip Blu-Ray</a>
</table>

<br>
<table width="100%" border=0 cellpadding=2 cellspacing=0 class=body>
<tr>
<td colspan=3 class=heading>Latest Comments
<tr>
<td><a href="/Movie Scripts/Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith Script.html">Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith<td>10/10<tr>
<td><a href="/Movie Scripts/Star Wars: The Force Awakens Script.html">Star Wars: The Force Awakens<td>10/10<tr>
<td><a href="/Movie Scripts/Batman Begins Script.html">Batman Begins<td>9/10<tr>
<td><a href="/Movie Scripts/Collateral Script.html">Collateral<td>10/10<tr>
<td><a href="/Movie Scripts/Jackie Brown Script.html">Jackie Brown<td>8/10<tr>
</table>
<br>

<table width="100%" border=0 cellpadding=2 cellspacing=0 class=body>
<tr>
<td class=heading>Movie Chat
<tr> 
<td align="center">
<SCRIPT LANGUAGE="Javascript" TYPE="text/javascript" SRC="https://www.yellbox.com/ybscript_enhanced.js"></SCRIPT>
<iframe class="yellbox" frameborder=0 name="ybframe" height=170 marginwidth=0 marginheight=0 src="https://www.yellbox.com/yellbox.php?name=imsdb">
</iframe>
<form class="yellbox" action="https://www.yellbox.com/addmessage.php" method="post" target="ybframe" name="yellform"> 
 <input type="hidden" name="sub_username" value="imsdb">
 <input class="yellbox" name="sub_name" value="Name" size=21 maxlength=10 onFocus="if(this.value == 'Name')this.value = ''; return;"><br>
 <textarea class="yellbox" cols=15 rows=4 name="sub_message" wrap onFocus="if(this.value == 'Message')this.value = ''; return;">Message</textarea>
 <table><tr><td>
 <button onClick="javascript:makeNewWindow(); return false;"><img src="https://www.yellbox.com/images/smiley.gif" width=16 height=16></button>
 <td><button type="submit" value="Post" onClick="return clearMessageBox();">Yell !</button></table>
</form> 
</table>


<div align="center"><br><br>
      <a href="https://www.imsdb.com/all%20scripts">ALL SCRIPTS</a><br><br>
</div>

<td width="10"></td>
<td valign="top">
<br> <table width="100%"><tr><td class="scrtext">

<pre> 
<b>          
</b>
<b>                         HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE
</b>
<b>          
</b>                                     Written by

<b>          
</b>                         Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg

<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>                                           Script Revisions ­ Double White
                                                           May 28, 2003(b)

<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                                        FADE IN:
</b>
<b>          1   INT. BILLY OFFICE (BREWSTER KEEGAN INVESTMENT BANK)- 4:50 PM
</b>
<b>                                                                         1
</b>              BILLY CARVER (mid-20s, good looking, "romantic") is sitting
              at his desk, depressed, staring at a photo of his ex-
              girlfriend.

<b>                                  MAN (O.S.)
</b>                     Billy Boy!
              J.D. BANKS (mid-20s, always looking for a good time) enters
              the office.

<b>                                  J.D.
</b>                     Get your ass ready! It's almost five
                     o'clock and this bad boy needs to get his
                     drink on!
              J.D. notices his friend pining over the photo.

<b>                                  J.D.
</b>                     Oh God. Give me that.     I'm burning it
                     once and for all.
              J.D. snatches the photo, and pulls out his lighter. Just as
              the flame is about to touch the photo, BILLY grabs it back.

<b>                                  BILLY
</b>                     Don't!

<b>                                  J.D.
</b>                     Dude, it's been six months.    You have to
                     move on.
              BILLY nods knowingly.

<b>                                  J.D.
</b>                     You know what'll cheer you up? Some hot
                     chick riding your jock all night long.

<b>                                  BILLY
</b>                     You're such a romantic, J.D.

<b>                                  J.D.
</b>                     It would help get your mind off of Sarah.
              BILLY ponders this for a moment.

<b>                                  BILLY
</b>                     Whatever. Even if I wanted to meet other
                     women, I wouldn't even know what to do.
                     I've been out of the game so long.

<b>                                  J.D.
</b>                     Billy, you come out with me tonight, and
                     I promise you'll get laid.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   2.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                  BILLY
</b>                     Sounds tempting, but I can't. Berenson
                     needs me to update the financial models
                     for his meeting with the foreign
                     investors.

<b>                                  J.D.
</b>                     So what? It's Friday!      You have all
                     weekend to do that.

<b>                                  BILLY
</b>                     No I don't. The Germans are taking an
                     earlier flight back, so the meeting's
                     been moved to tomorrow.
              J.D. thinks for a moment.

<b>                                  J.D.
</b>                     Well, why don't you just get somebody
                     else to do your work then?

<b>                                  BILLY
</b>                     Who?
              J.D. gets a big smile on his face.    He has an idea.

<b>          2   INT. HAROLD'S CUBICLE - 4:55 PM                                 2
</b>              HAROLD LEE (22 years old, the typical Asian-American
              workhorse you'll find in any investment bank) is packing up
              his briefcase, getting ready to leave for the day.
              BILLY and J.D. approach...

<b>                                  BILLY
</b>                     Harold, listen, I need you to update
                     these models for me.

<b>                                  HAROLD
</b>                            (confused)
                     But aren't you supposed to...

<b>                                  BILLY
</b>                     I know, but something came up. I have to
                     meet with some clients tonight, so I
                     won't be able to get to it. It's your
                     responsibility now. Okay?
              Harold doesn't like this, but before he even has a chance to
              protest, J.D. steps forward...

<b>                                  J.D.
</b>                     And make sure it's in tomorrow by nine
                     o'clock sharp.

<b>                                  (MORE)
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                            DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES MAY 28 2003     3.
</b>                                  J.D. (cont'd)
                     With all the downsizing going on around
                     here, we wouldn't want to have to tell
                     Berenson that you've been slacking. He's
                     just dying to figure out who he should
                     fire next.

<b>                                  HAROLD
</b>                     Uh...okay...no problem...
              BILLY drops a big stack of papers on Harold's desk.

<b>          3   EXT. OFFICE BUILDING PARKING LOT - 5:00 PM                    3
</b>              BILLY and J.D. are walking through the parking lot.

<b>                                   BILLY
</b>                     Wow!   I can't believe how easy that was!

<b>                                  J.D.
</b>                     Dude, how do you think I get all my shit
                     done? I'm telling you -- those Asian
                     guys love crunching numbers. You
                     probably just made his weekend.
              The guys have reached J.D.'S CONVERTIBLE.

<b>          4   INT. J.D.'S CONVERTIBLE                                       4
</b>              Billy and J.D. enter the car.

<b>                                  J.D.
</b>                     Now get ready. It's time we embark
                     on...Operation Get Some!
              And with that, J.D. presses a button in his car that causes
              the top of the convertible to go down and a funky white boy
              song kicks in.
              Intercut:

<b>          5   INT/EXT. J.D'S CONVERTABLE                                    5
</b>              Billy and J.D. think they're hot shit as they cruise through
              the parking lot blasting their tunes. When the lyrics kick
              in, J.D. begins lip-syncing passionately. Billy loves it.
              When the chorus begins, the guys begin dancing in their seats
              in an unrealistic, synchronized, choreographed manner.
              J.D. gives a thumbs up to an ELDERLY PARKING ATTENDANT as his
              car zooms out of the parking lot.

<b>          
</b>              QUICK BOOM UP from J.D.'s Convertible and PUSH IN to Harold
              standing at a window watching as Billy and J.D. zoom off.
              He looks at the stack of papers they gave him...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   4.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                     Fuck.

<b>          6   OMIT                                                             6
</b>
<b>          7   INT. DR. WOODRUFF'S OFFICE - NYU MEDICAL SCHOOL                  7
</b>              KUMAR PATEL (22, Indian, Funky Hair) is answering questions
              from his NYU Medical School interviewer, DR. Woodruff (middle
              aged, erudite, very professional). Kumar has NO ACCENT.
              He's American.

<b>                                  KUMAR
</b>                     Mononucleosis or mono is an infection
                     caused by the Epstein-Barr virus.
                     Symptoms may include fever, sore throat,
                     headaches, white patches on the back of
                     your throat, swollen glands, sluggishness
                     and loss of appetite.

<b>                                  DR. WOODRUFF
</b>                     Excellent, Kumar. I have to say you're
                     one of the best applicants I've ever
                     interviewed. Not that it's a surprise.
                     Your father is very respected in his
                     field. You know he and I had some pretty
                     wild times when we were in med school.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                     Really?

<b>                                  DR. WOODRUFF
</b>                     Yeah. We started our own basketball team--
                     the Hemoglobin Trotters...
                            (cracking up)
                     Yeah, we were crazy.
              Kumar nods and smiles.   Woodruff finally stops laughing...

<b>                                  DR. WOODRUFF
</b>                     Anyway-- just one more question.
                            (reading from a clipboard)
                     What are some potential symptoms of
                     pancreatitis?

<b>                                  KUMAR
</b>                     Let's see. There might be epigastric
                     tenderness, diffuse abdominal
                     tenderness...
              Suddenly, we hear what sounds like be a match being lit, a
              gurgle, and a cough -- the distinct sounds of somebody
              smoking from a bong. Dr. Woodruff is confused. Kumar pulls
              out his cell phone. It's his personalized ringer.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                         DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES     MAY 28 2003   5.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (to Dr. Woodruff)
                 I'm sorry. Can you hold on one second?
          Kumar stands up and answers his cell phone.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (into the phone)
                 Kumar's phone. Kumar speaking.
                        (listening)
                 Oh, hey.
                        (listening)
                 Nothing important. I can talk. What's up?
          Dr. Woodruff is offended. He takes a sip of from a mug of
          coffee and watches as Kumar begins pacing around the office.
          Intercut:

<b>          INT. HAROLD'S CUBICLE - SIMULTANEOUS
</b>          Harold is talking on his office phone...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 I'm not gonna be able to partake in our
                 usual Friday night ritual. I've gotta
                 stay late at the office.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (into the phone)
                 Fuck that shit! We had plans!
          Dr. Woodruff can't believe Kumar's choice of words.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 I know, but I gotta get this work done.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Oh come on! When has getting high ever
                 prevented you from finishing your work?
          Dr. Woodruff is so shocked that the mug of coffee simply
          slips out of his hands. Hot coffee goes all over his shirt.
          Woodruff yells and starts wiping his shirt with a napkin.

<b>                              HAROLD (O.S.)
</b>                 Listen, I'd love to go home, but...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 No fucking buts! I just bought a quarter
                 of the finest herb in New York City, and
                 I'm not smoking it alone.

<b>                              (MORE)
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES MAY 28 2003         6.
</b>                              KUMAR (cont'd)
                 So you're just gonna have to chill the
                 fuck out, bring your work home, and
                 prepare to get blazed, because in a
                 couple of hours I expect both of us to be
                 blitzed out of our skulls. Got it?...Okay
                 good. See you later.
          Kumar hangs up the phone and sits back down.      Dr. Woodruff is
          stunned.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (to Dr. Woodruff)
                 Okay, where was I? Oh yes. More
                 symptoms of pancreatitis. Um...decreased
                 bowel sounds, possibly fever,
                 dehydration, and sometimes even shock.

<b>                              DR. WOODRUFF
</b>                        (livid)
                 Mr. Patel. This is supposed to be a
                 proper interview. Do you actually believe
                 after the way you've behaved that I would
                 ever even consider recommending you for
                 admission?

<b>                                KUMAR
</b>                 No.    I'd actually be pretty surprised.
          Dr. Woodruff is flustered.   He doesn't know how to react.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Look, I'm just interviewing so my dad
                 will keep paying for my apartment. I'm
                 not really planning on going to med
                 school.

<b>                              DR. WOODRUFF
</b>                        (confused)
                 But...you have perfect MCAT scores!

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Well, I'm not an idiot.
          Dr. Woodruff is at a loss for words.
          Kumar notices a framed picture of a HOT TEENAGE GIRL on Dr.
          Woodruff's desk. He picks it up.

<b>                                KUMAR
</b>                 Wow!    Is this your daughter?
          A disturbed Dr. Woodruff grabs the portrait out of Kumar's
          hands.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                                                    CUT TO:
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   7.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          8    INT. HAROLD'S CUBICLE                                           8
</b>               Harold shuts down his laptop. He then puts the laptop along
               with all his paperwork into a bag and leaves the office.

<b>          9    EXT. OFFICE BUILDING PARKING LOT                                9
</b>               Harold walks to the end of the parking lot, where his car is
               parked. As he walks, the strap of his laptop bag breaks and
               falls to the ground. Harold is frustrated as he picks it up.

<b>          10   EXT. PARKING LOT EXIT GATE                                  10
</b>               After other cars zoom through uninterrupted, the ELDERLY
               PARKING ATTENDANT stops Harold and checks his ID before
               letting him leave.

<b>          11   EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING PARKING LOT - 6:21 PM               11
</b>               Harold's driving his WHITE INFINITI G20. He finds a spot...

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                      Yes!   Right in front...
               Harold carefully lines up his car to parallel park. As he
               starts to pull in, A YELLOW JEEP STEALS THE SPOT FROM BEHIND.
               The jeep is loaded with "alternative" stickers, and has a
               KAYAK, HANG-GLIDER, and other sports equipment on the roof.
               Harold almost hits the JEEP. He knows this car.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                             (frustrated, to himself)
                      Those assholes.
               The driver, COLE (20's, asshole, high energy, intense, loud
               mouth), puts down his window...
               COLE is joined in the jeep with his EXTREME SPORTS PUNK
               FRIENDS, who all laugh at Harold.

<b>                                   COLE
</b>                             (mock Asian accent)
                      This is America, dude! Learn how to
                      drive!

<b>                                   EXTREME SPORTS PUNK #1
</b>                      Better ruck tomorrow!
               Frustrated, Harold turns around and continues driving...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                                 DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   8.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          11A   EXT. SEMI-URBAN STREET                                      11A
</b>                He ends up parking far from the building. He has to parallel
                park. He's anal with his parking, going in and out a bunch
                of times, until the car is positioned perfectly in the spot.

<b>          11B   EXT. HAROLD AND KUMAR'S APARTMENT BUILDING                  11B
</b>                Harold walks a bunch of blocks to his apartment building. He
                walks up the steps to the LOBBY ENTRANCE of his building...
                Suddenly, he stops in his tracks. Through the glass door, he
                sees... MARIA-- A beautiful, sweet-looking young woman of
                Puerto-Rican descent. She's standing by the elevators.
                HAROLD can't move. He's mesmerized. This is his dream girl.
                Harold takes a deep breath...

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       Okay, be yourself. Don't be nervous.

<b>          11C   INT. APARTMENT BUILDING (LOBBY) - DAY                       11C
</b>                Harold enters the building and walks over to Maria. They
                give each other a friendly smile. We hear a "BING" sound,
                indicating the elevator has arrived. The doors open and
                Harold and Maria walk inside.

<b>          12    INT. ELEVATOR                                                12
</b>                HAROLD and MARIA are standing silently as the elevator goes
                up. Eventually, Harold gets the courage to speak...

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       So Maria, what's been going on?

<b>                                    MARIA
</b>                       Oh, nothing. It's just been a long week.
                       How about you?

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       My week was great. Work wasn't too bad. I
                       caught up on some sleep. Plus, the guy
                       who works next to me decided to bathe for
                       a change.

<b>                                      MARIA
</b>                       Really?

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                              (deadpan)
                       Oh wait, I meant the exact opposite of
                       that. Work sucked. I barely slept. And
                       the guy next to me still smells like
                       crap. But a man can dream, right?

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   9.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>               Maria laughs.   Harold's pleased that his joke worked.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      So what are you up to tonight?

<b>                                   MARIA
</b>                      Actually, I'm probably gonna work out a
                      little bit, clean up the apartment, and
                      then go over to my boyfriend's place.
                      He's cooking me a really nice dinner.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                             (disappointed)
                      Really?

<b>                                    MARIA
</b>                             (smiling)
                      Oh wait, I meant the exact opposite of
                      that.
                             (beat)
                      I'll actually probably just sit on my
                      ass, eat a pint of Hagaan Daz, and watch
                      Blind Date.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                             (playful)
                      That sounds awful.
               Harold laughs, as does Maria.    They smile at each other...

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Well, if you want some company, maybe you
                      could sit on your ass at my place.

<b>                                     MARIA
</b>                               (flirty)
                      Maybe.

<b>          
</b>               We hear the "BING" of the elevator...

<b>          13   INT. APARTMENT BUILDING(LOBBY)                                 13
</b>               We're back in the lobby. EVERYTHING THAT JUST HAPPENED WAS A
               FANTASY. Harold and Maria enter the elevator.

<b>          14   INT. ELEVATOR                                                  14
</b>               HAROLD and MARIA stand silently while the elevator goes up.
               It's clear Harold wants to say something, but he doesn't have
               the courage. They reach their floor and exit the elevator.

<b>          15   INT. HALLWAY                                                   15
</b>
<b>                                     MARIA
</b>                      Bye.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   10.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>               MARIA walks over to her apartment and goes inside.

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                      Bye.

<b>          16   INT. HAROLD AND KUMAR'S APARTMENT - 6:30 PM                  16
</b>               Tired and frustrated, Harold enters his apartment. The place
               is minimally decorated, with one of the highlights being a
               poster of "BILLY MADISON."

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                      Kumar?

<b>                                   KUMAR (O.C.)
</b>                      Yeah, I'm in here!
               Harold walks over to Kumar's room and looks inside. It's
               Martha Stewart's nightmare-- dirty laundry all over the
               floor, etc. On his walls we see old school gangsta rap
               posters. MARIJUANA PARAPHERNALIA is everywhere. We see a
               Giant Photograph of Kumar with his arm around Mr. T. Kumar
               is not in the room, however.

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                      Kumar?

<b>                                     KUMAR (O.C.)
</b>                      In here...
               Curious, Harold walks over to HIS ROOM (neat, tidy, IKEA
               furnishings), where he sees KUMAR STANDING BUTT NAKED IN
               FRONT OF A FULL-LENGTH MIRROR. There's a "clipping sound"
               coming from Kumar's direction. Harold stares at him, shocked
               and appalled. Harold walks inside...

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Kumar, what the hell are you doing!

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      I'm trimming my pubes.
               Kumar looks at himself in the mirror as he makes a couple
               more snips. On the floor, we see LARGE CLUMPS OF HAIR.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Why aren't you doing this in your room!

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      The mirror's in here.
                             (re: his crotch)
                      Hey, check it out! It looks like a Bonsai
                      tree!

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      I'm gonna puke. Get your clothes on.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003    11.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Chill out. It makes my Johnson look
                       bigger. Besides, if I don't do this, I'll
                       end up with pubes like my dad. You've
                       seen Osama Bin Laden's beard, right?
                HAROLD notices something...

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       Are those my scissors? Oh my God!     I
                       trim my nose hair with those!

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Dude, I've been cutting my ass hair with
                       them for the past six months.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>
<b>                       GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!
</b>                Kumar puts the scissors down and EXITS THE ROOM. Harold
                shakes his head and sets up his laptop on his desk...

<b>          16A   INT. KUMAR'S BEDROOM                                        16A
</b>                Kumar puts on some boxers and a T-shirt (I love Bush: the
                pussy not the president).

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                              (calling out to Harold)
                       So what the hell is your problem, anyway?

<b>                                    HAROLD (O.C.)
</b>                       Other than my roommate's boney ass?

<b>          17    INT. HAROLD'S BEDROOM                                        17
</b>                Harold turns on his laptop and is ready to start working.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                              (calling out)
                       One of the senior analysts asked me to do
                       a bunch of his work for him tonight.
                Kumar walks back into Harold's room...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       I assume you gave him the appropriate "go
                       fuck yourself."

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       If by "go fuck yourself" you mean "no
                       problem sir" then yes, he got the message
                       loud and clear.
                KUMAR shakes his head in disgust...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   12.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Oh, no wonder you tried cancelling on me
                      today. Dude, you gotta learn how to say
                      "no" once in a while. Now lets get high.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                      No.   I got a lot of work to finish.
               Kumar shuts Harold's laptop.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Fuck that! You'll have plenty of time to
                      get that shit done later. Come on, let's
                      smoke a couple joints.
               Harold thinks for a moment and then caves...

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      One joint.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      One and a half. Now let's do this...
               Kumar exits the room...
               HAROLD hangs his jacket up in his closet, which we see
               organized in rows of suits and button downs.

<b>          18   INT. LIVING ROOM                                           18
</b>               Kumar walks over to a table in the living room where he finds
               AN M.C.A.T. TEST PREP BOOK. Kumar lifts open the cover--
               inside, we see a hollowed-out circle filled with marijuana.
               Kumar smells it and shudders in ecstasy.
               The phone next to the book starts to ring. Kumar doesn't
               care. He lets it ring until the answering machine picks up.

<b>                                   MAN WITH THICK INDIAN ACCENT
</b>                             (on the answering machine)
                      Kumar...it is daddy. I hope your
                      interview today was good. I'm calling to
                      remind you that you have another one
                      tomorrow morning with Dr. Wein from
                      Cornell at 10:00 a.m. Do not be late!
               Kumar rolls his eyes as he tears some pages from the M.C.A.T.
               book and starts rolling a fat blunt...

<b>                                   MAN WITH THICK INDIAN ACCENT
</b>                      It is very important you show up on time!
                      Mommy and I will be very upset if you do
                      not go. Good luck, Kumar. Remember, the
                      meeting is at ten o'clock. Bye bye.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003    13.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>               Harold (still wearing his button-down shirt, only now
               untucked) enters the living room. Kumar is now licking the
               blunt.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Don't you think you should take at least
                      one of your interviews seriously? At some
                      point your dad's gonna get really pissed.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      So what? It's not like there's a
                      shortage of Dr. Patel's out there. My
                      dad's a doctor. My brother's a doctor.
                      Just because everyone in my family went
                      to med school, doesn't mean I have to.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Well, then what are you going to do?

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm
                      gonna smoke this fat blunt, get
                      ridiculously high, and then get something
                      to eat.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Sounds like a plan.

<b>                                                           DISSOLVE TO:
</b>
<b>          19   OMIT                                                         19
</b>
<b>          20   INT. LIVING ROOM - 7:00 PM                                   20
</b>               HAROLD takes the first hit off the blunt. He nods to Kumar,
               as if to say "that's good shit." Kumar takes the blunt from
               Harold and inhales...

<b>                                                           DISSOLVE TO:
</b>
<b>          21   INT. LIVING ROOM - 7:30 PM                                   21
</b>               Harold and Kumar are now smoking out of an ENORMOUS BONG,
               while watching TV. The room is filled with smoke.

<b>               ANGLE - TELEVISION
</b>               It's an episode of "The Router Workshop."

<b>               ANGLE - HAROLD AND KUMAR
</b>
<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      I think we've already seen this one.
               Harold changes the channel...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                            DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES     MAY 28 2003   14.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          ANGLE - TELEVISION
</b>          It's an anti-marijuana commercial. Two teenagers are
          listening to rock music in a house without parents. One
          teenager (blonde) passes a joint to the other (brown haired).

<b>                                 BLONDE HAIRED KID
</b>                    Come on, dude. Just take one hit.       Don't
                    you want to be cool?
          Nervously, Brown Haired Kid takes a hit of the joint. Right
          after he exhales, he walks over to his DAD'S GUN RACK and
          takes out a LONG RIFLE...

<b>                                 BLONDE HAIRED KID
</b>                    Hey man, what are you doing?

<b>                                   BROWN HAIRED KID
</b>                    I'm so high!    Nothing can hurt me!
          The Brown Haired Kid puts the end of the rifle in his mouth.
          We see Blonde Haired kid in slow motion go "Nooooo!" BANG!

<b>          WE HEAR A GUNSHOT AS THE SCREEN TURNS BLACK...
</b>
<b>                                 ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
</b>                    Marijuana kills.

<b>          ANGLE -    HAROLD AND KUMAR
</b>          They're laughing their asses off at the commercial.

<b>                                 KUMAR
</b>                    I love that shit!
          Harold continues flipping channels...

<b>          ANGLE- TV
</b>          We see a News report

<b>                                 NEWSCASTER
</b>                    Tonight...a Cheetah escaped from the
                    Morristown Zoo...
          ANGLE - Harold and Kumar
          Harold's not interested.       He continues flipping...

<b>                                  HAROLD
</b>                    Nice.   Sixteen Candles is on.

<b>                                 KUMAR
</b>                    And the award for least heterosexual
                    statement ever made in this apartment
                    goes to...

<b>                                 (MORE)
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                       DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES MAY 28 2003       15.
</b>                              KUMAR (cont'd)
                        (mock opening an envelope)
                 ...Harold Lee! Come on down! Take a bow!

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Oh come on. It's a John Hughes movie!
                 It's a classic! It's a beautiful story
                 about someone who feels unnoticed,
                 unappreciated, unloved...

<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                 Hey look!   It's you!
          Kumar points to the TV where we see a CLIP FROM SIXTEEN
          CANDLES--[Long Duk Dong talking about quiche/round pie]
          Kumar laughs.   Harold isn't amused.
          We see another CLIP [Long Duk talking about the chores he
          does for the grandparents].

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Hey, when are you gonna start doing some
                 chores around here?
          Harold gives Kumar a "don't even joke" look. He then
          violently grabs the bong from Kumar and lights it. Kumar
          laughs as Harold exhales a lot of smoke...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 We're so high right now.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 We're not low.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 I don't know about you, but I'm hungry as
                 balls.

<b>                                KUMAR
</b>                 No shit!    Let's eat!
          HAROLD bends down and picks up A BUNCH OF DELIVERY MENUS that
          have been left on the floor...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Nah, I don't feel like delivery tonight.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 What about KFC?

<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                 Nah, we've been there too many times.
                        (beat)
                 I want something we haven't had in
                 awhile. Something different. Something
                 that'll really hit the spot. I want the
                 perfect food...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   16.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                   VOICE ON TV
</b>                      Are you hungry?
               HAROLD and KUMAR turn their attention to the TV, where they
               see A WHITE CASTLE COMMERCIAL taking place. In the
               commercial, we see DOZENS OF TINY BURGERS lined up in a row.

<b>                                   VOICE ON TV
</b>                      Then come to White Castle and try our
                      Slyder Special-- six burgers, fries, and
                      a soft drink for only 2.99.
               HAROLD and KUMAR start salivating, as they see THE STEAM RISE

<b>               FROM THE BURGERS ON THE T.V.
</b>
<b>                                   VOICE ON TV
</b>                      Imagine all those burgers in your stomach
                      right now. Mmmmmh....
               HAROLD and KUMAR move closer to the TV to smell the burgers.

<b>                                   VOICE ON TV
</b>                      Don't you like food that's tasty and
                      delicious?
               Almost in a trance, HAROLD and KUMAR nod agreeingly.

<b>                                   VOICE ON TV
</b>                      Then what are you waiting for? Head over
                      to White Castle. It's what you crave.
               The commercial ends. HAROLD and KUMAR look at each other--
               this is clearly an emotional moment for both of them.

<b>          22   INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE APARTMENT - 7:45                        22
</b>               HAROLD and KUMAR exit their apartment.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      You're sure you know how to get there?   I
                      haven't been to White Castle in ages.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      I'm telling you, there's one right around
                      the corner from that multiplex in New
                      Brunswick.
               They walk down the hallway, stopping at another apartment.
               On the side of the doorway is a MEZUZAH IN THE SHAPE OF A
               NAKED WOMAN. Harold and Kumar walk in without knocking...

<b>          23   INT. ROSENBERG AND GOLDSTEIN'S APARTMENT                     23
</b>               HAROLD and KUMAR walk into an apartment that looks almost
               identical to theirs. (Instead of a "BILLY MADISON" poster,
               there's one of "HAPPY GILMORE.")

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   17.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>          Sitting on the couch is ROSENBERG (a seemingly "nice Jewish
          boy," wearing khakis and a sweater) and GOLDSTEIN (a more
          depraved Jewish boy, wearing a t-shirt with a picture of the
          OLSEN TWINS-- underneath the picture we see the words,
          "FINALLY LEGAL ON JUNE 13, 2004"). Both of them are taking
          bong hits (out of a shofar bong) while watching TV as Harold    
          and Kumar enter...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Rosenberg, Goldstein-- get up.    We're
                 going to White Castle.
          Rosenberg and Goldstein continue staring at the TV...

<b>                              ROSENBERG
</b>                 Wait-- we're watching The Gift on HBO.

<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                 No waiting.   We're starving...
          Out of the corner of Kumar's eye, he notices Harold grabbing
          a piece of beef jerky from Rosenberg & Goldstein's coffee
          table.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (scolding Harold)
                 ...Put that down! We're not eating `til
                 we get to White Castle.
          Harold acts like he's going to put the jerky back, but as
          soon, as Kumar turns his attention back to Rosenberg and
          Goldstein, he slips it his pocket.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (to Rosenberg and
                         Goldstein)
                 Now come on guys, let's go.

<b>                              GOLDSTEIN
</b>                 Sorry man! We're not going anywhere.
                 Supposedly, Katie Holmes shows her milk                  
                 paps in this movie!                                      

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Is that all you Jews ever think about?
                 Tits?

<b>                              ROSENBERG
</b>                 We're talking about Katie Holmes here.
                 You would never think a sweet, innocent
                 girl like her would ever take her top
                 off. Which is precisely why we have to
                 watch her do it.

<b>          
</b>
<b>               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   17A.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                        GOLDSTEIN
</b>          Dude, the things I'd eat out of her ass,
          you have no idea.
                 (beat)                                           
          Bacon, shellfish, milk with meat, you                   
          name it...                                              

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   18.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                   ROSENBERG
</b>                             (to Goldstein)
                      That's a very vulgar statement.

<b>                                   GOLDSTEIN
</b>                      So is "I want to pound Britney Spears in
                      the pussy." But it's true.

<b>                                   ROSENBERG
</b>                      Touché.
                             (to Harold and Kumar)
                      Anyway, if you guys want to wait till the
                      movie's over...
               HAROLD and KUMAR have already shut the door.

<b>          24   INT. BY THE ELEVATOR - 7:50 PM                               24
</b>               HAROLD presses the "down" button. KUMAR notices that Harold
               has his LAPTOP BAG on his shoulder...

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      What the hell are you bringing that for?
               Harold hands Kumar his keys.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      You're driving. I'm gonna try to get
                      some of my work done in the car.
               Kumar then checks his pockets and comes up empty.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Shit, I forgot my cell phone.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Why don't you just run back and get it?

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                             (thinks for a moment)
                      Nah, we've gone too far.
               Reveal that the guys are less than 20 feet from their door.
               "Bing!" The elevator door opens and the guys enter.

<b>          25   INT. ELEVATOR                                                25
</b>               As Harold and Kumar enter, we hear a DOOR SLAM behind them.
               They turn around and see MARIA locking her door. She hasn't
               noticed Harold and Kumar yet.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Hey, there's your girlfriend. You
                      actually gonna talk to her this time?

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   19.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>                Harold's answer becomes clear as he pushes the "door closed"
                button repeatedly. The door closes before Maria sees them.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       What the hell are you doing? That was a
                       perfect opportunity! You could have asked
                       her if she wanted to go to White Castle.
                Harold doesn't say anything.   He looks down in shame.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       You're worthless.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       I'm not worthwhile.

<b>          26    INT. APARTMENT BUILDING (LOBBY)                             26
</b>                Harold and Kumar exit the elevator...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Dude, it's only awkward because you're a
                       pussy. Just talk to her once and I
                       promise you it won't be weird anymore...

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       It doesn't matter. The only girls
                       interested in me are girls I have no
                       interest in. Like Cindy Kim.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Speaking of Cindy, she called earlier.
                       One of those 58 Asian clubs she's in is
                       throwing a party at her dorm tonight.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       God, she invites me to everything.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       So what? She's fucking cute.     Let her
                       touch your penis.
                They exit the front door of the building...

<b>          26A   EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING                                    26A
</b>                Harold and Kumar walk down the steps, where they see COLE and
                the EXTREME SPORTS PUNKS doing lame skateboard tricks on the
                sidewalk near their jeep. They're about to get back in the
                jeep, when Cole sees Harold and Kumar walking near them.

<b>                                    COLE
</b>                       Hey look, it's the Brother's McFag!
                              (to Harold and Kumar)
                       Let me guess, the yellow one's the
                       catcher!

<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   20.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>               COLE AND THE PUNKS LAUGH HYSTERICALLY. Harold is
               uncomfortable. Kumar just ignores them.

<b>                                   COLE
</b>                             (to the Punks)
                      Come on, guys! Let's get ourselves some
                      fucking Mountain Dew!

<b>                                   EXTREME SPORTS PUNK #1
</b>                      Extreme!
               They take off, driving by Harold and Kumar.   Harold gives
               them a pissed off look as they drive away.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Why do I have to be the catcher?

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Dude, forget about those pricks.    Let's
                      just go.
               They continue walking...

<b>          27   OMIT                                                         27
</b>
<b>          28   EXT. STREET                                                  28
</b>               Harold and Kumar finally reach Harold's car...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                             (getting frustrated)
                      Jesus, that took forever. You know the
                      purpose of a car is to avoid walking.
                             (beat)
                      And what kind of parking job is this?
                      You're like a mile away from the curb.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Don't even start.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                             (laughing)
                      Just fucking with you.   Now let's go out
                      and get those burgers.   I'm fucking
                      starving!
               They get in the car and slam the door. The engine starts and
               the car takes off, revealing that they were parked next to a

<b>               MCDONALD'S.
</b>
<b>          29   OMIT                                                         29
</b>
<b>          30   OMIT                                                         30
</b>
<b>          31   OMIT                                                         31
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   21.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          32   OMIT                                                         32
</b>
<b>          33   OMIT                                                         33
</b>
<b>          34   EXT. HIGHWAY - 8:30 PM                                       34
</b>               We see Harold's Infiniti driving down the highway.

<b>          35   INT. HAROLD'S INFINITI                                       35
</b>               Harold is meticulously rolling a joint.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Hey, Rold-- do you think C3PO is gay?

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Of course he's gay! You remember in the
                      first Star Wars when he was like...
                             (in a gay C3PO voice)
                      "Thank the maker! This oil bath is going
                      to feel soooo good!"
               Kumar laughs.

<b>          36   EXT. HIGHWAY - 8:45PM                                        36
</b>               Harold's Infiniti approaches a line of TOLL BOOTHS.

<b>          37   INT. HAROLD'S INFINITI                                       37
</b>               KUMAR pulls up to an EXACT CHANGE TOLL BOOTH.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Dude, give me thirty-five cents.
               HAROLD sorts through some change in his hand and gives Kumar
               the money. KUMAR tosses the change into the basket and waits
               for the TOLL BOOTH STOPLIGHT to turn green. It doesn't.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                      What's going on? It didn't register.
                             (beat)
                      Dude, give me thirty-five more cents.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      I don't have anymore change.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Should I just go through?

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                      No.   I don't like breaking the law.
               Harold licks the joint as he puts the finishing touches on.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                         DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   22.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 I can see that.
          A CAR HONKS BEHIND THEM. Kumar turns around and sees a
          number of cars lining up behind them. Right behind them, A
          BIG BURLY GUY leans his head out of a car...

<b>                                BIG BURLY GUY
</b>                 Hey!    Move your ass!

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (to Harold)
                 I'm going through.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Just hold on. I'll walk over to one of
                 the manned booths and tell them what
                 happened.
          The honking continues as HAROLD starts to open the door...

<b>                              BIG BURLY GUY
</b>                        (over the honking)
                 Move, you fucking twat!
          Kumar can't take it anymore. Just as Harold is about to get
          out of the car, Kumar hits the gas and screeches away.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Are you crazy?

<b>          A LOUD ALARM GOES OFF BEHIND THEM...
</b>
<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Oh shit, we're dead!
          Harold throws the joint out the window.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 What the fuck is wrong with you?!

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (paranoid/looking back)
                 You just tore out of there! The cops are
                 gonna catch us!

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 No they're not!

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Take this exit!

<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                 What?

<b>          HAROLD GRABS THE WHEEL AND TURNS IT!
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   23.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          38   EXT. HIGHWAY                                                38
</b>               We see Harold's Infiniti swerve onto the Newark EXIT...

<b>          39   INT. HAROLD'S INFINITI - 9:00 PM                            39
</b>               HAROLD and KUMAR drive through the dangerous streets of
               Newark. They're very quiet, until Kumar breaks the silence.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      That was the last of our weed.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Look, I get a little paranoid sometimes.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Now we're in Newark of all places.    You
                      know we're gonna get shot.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Maybe it's not as bad as they say.    It's
                      probably just a bunch of hype.
               They look out the window and see another ASIAN and INDIAN guy
               (Daniel and Shankar) walking down the street. Suddenly,
               THREE HOODS jump out from an alley and start beating the
               living shit out of Daniel and Shankar.
               Kumar gives Harold a dirty look.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Let's get the hell out of here.
               KUMAR continues driving. He makes a turn. All of a sudden, he
               stops short, causing he and HAROLD to jerk forward quickly.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                      What the...

<b>          40   EXT. MARTIN LUTHER KING BLVD                                40
</b>               Directly in front of Harold's Infiniti, A BASKETBALL GAME IS

<b>               GOING ON BETWEEN A BUNCH OF HUGE BLACK DUDES, RIGHT IN THE
</b>               MIDDLE OF THE STREET! (There are hoops on both sides.)
               The BASKETBALL PLAYERS briefly look over at Harold's Infiniti
               before continuing their game.

<b>          41   INT. HAROLD'S INFINITI                                      41
</b>
<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Dude, we are NOT driving through that
                      basketball game!

<b>          
</b>
<b>                          DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   24.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 We have to if we want to get out of here.
          Kumar points to a sign indicating that the HIGHWAY is ahead.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Forget about it. No way.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Come on. How do you know they're not
                 peaceful Gregory Hines-like black guys?
          With that, the HUGEST ANGRIEST BLACK MAN OF ALL TIME ROARS AS
          HE COMPLETES A MONSTER DUNK. In celebration, he violently
          bumps chests with his teammates.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Turn the car around.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Why? Are cars not allowed to go through
                 when a game's going on? When we were
                 kids, we used to move to the side when we
                 were playing in the street.
          The HUGEST ANGRIEST BLACK MAN stares HAROLD and KUMAR down.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 For some reason, I don't think this is
                 the same thing.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 I'm going through.
          KUMAR begins inching forward.

<b>                                HAROLD
</b>                 Don't!
          The BASKETBALL PLAYERS slowly begin moving aside.

<b>                                KUMAR
</b>                 Look.    They're moving.   I told you.
          Even though the Players are making way for Harold and Kumar,
          they're still no more than a foot or two from the car at all
          times. Harold is scared shitless. He then notices the
          HUGEST ANGRIEST BLACK MAN holding the basketball.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Shit, he's gonna throw the ball at us.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 How do you know?

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES     MAY 28 2003   25.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                      Look at him!
               The HUGEST ANGRIEST BLACK MAN has an ESPECIALLY ANGRY FACE.

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                      Oh fuck.
               KUMAR puts the pedal to the metal and ZOOMS AWAY FROM THEM.

<b>          42   EXT. MARTIN LUTHER KING BLVD                                  42
</b>               The BASKETBALL PLAYERS watch the car speed away. AFTER A

<b>               COUPLE SECONDS, THEY ALL LOOK AT EACH OTHER, AND START
</b>
<b>               LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY! A RANDOM BASKETBALL PLAYER TURNS TO
</b>
<b>               THE HUGEST ANGRIEST BLACK MAN...
</b>
<b>                                   RANDOM BASKETBALL PLAYER
</b>                      Man, you scared the shit out of them!
                      Make that face again!

<b>                                   HUGEST ANGRIEST BLACK MAN
</b>                      Okay, okay, okay...
               THE HUGEST ANGRIEST BLACK MAN suppresses his laughter and
               tries to make the face. He bursts out laughing again.

<b>                                    HUGEST ANGRIEST BLACK MAN
</b>                      Shit.   I can't do it.
               His friends laugh harder.      He tries to regain his composure.

<b>                                    HUGEST ANGRIEST BLACK MAN
</b>                      Hold up.   Hold up...
               He manages to make his angriest face for two seconds, before
               bursting out laughing again.

<b>          43   EXT. HIGHWAY - 9:45 PM                                        43
</b>               We see Harold's Infiniti back on the highway, driving fast...

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      That was close, dude.

<b>          44   INT. HAROLD'S INFINITI                                        44
</b>               KUMAR sees a HIGHWAY SIGN-- "NEW BRUNSWICK-- NEXT EXIT."

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Rold, check it out!      We're almost there!

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                      Yes!    Thank God! I'm starving!

<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   26.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Well, prepare to gorge yourself.

<b>          45   EXT. NEW BRUNSWICK EXIT                                     45
</b>               We see Harold's Infiniti take the exit...

<b>          46   EXT. SUBURBAN STREET (NEW BRUNSWICK) - 9:55 PM              46
</b>               Harold's Infiniti drives down a street, loaded with mini-
               malls and fast food joints...

<b>          47   INT. HAROLD'S INFINITI                                      47
</b>               HAROLD and KUMAR are looking for the White Castle...

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Oh man, I'm so hungry. I'm gonna eat like
                      twenty of those burgers.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      I'll see your twenty and raise you five
                      orders of fries.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      God, where the hell is this place?

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Don't worry, we'll find it.
               HAROLD sees a HIGH SCHOOL up ahead...

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      There's the multiplex!

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      That means the White Castle should be
                      just around the corner...

<b>               HAROLD AND KUMAR'S MOUTHS DROP! INSTEAD OF WHITE CASTLE,
</b>
<b>               THEY SEE A BURGER SHACK. THEY'RE IN TOTAL SHOCK.
</b>
<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      What the hell's going on, Kumar?! That
                      doesn't look like a White Castle to me!

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      We gotta get to the bottom of this!

<b>          48   EXT. BURGER SHACK DRIVE THRU - 10:00 PM                     48
</b>               KUMAR drives right up to the PICK UP WINDOW, where we see a
               chubby BURGER SHACK EMPLOYEE...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                         DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   27.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              BURGER SHACK EMPLOYEE
</b>                 I'm sorry. You have to order at the
                 drive thru menu...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 What happened to the White Castle?

<b>                               BURGER SHACK EMPLOYEE
</b>                 Excuse me?

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 There used to be a White Castle right in
                 this spot. Where is it?

<b>                              BURGER SHACK EMPLOYEE
</b>                        (remembering)
                 Oh yeah. There was a White Castle here.
                 Look guys, I hate to be the bearer of bad
                 news, but Burger Shack bought this
                 location four years ago.
          HAROLD and KUMAR look at each other, devastated.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Please tell me there's another White
                 Castle in town.

<b>                               BURGER SHACK EMPLOYEE
</b>                 Nope.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Are you sure?

<b>                              BURGER SHACK EMPLOYEE
</b>                 Do I look like the type of guy who would
                 be unsure about something like this?
          HAROLD and KUMAR are freaking out.

<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                 Shit.   What are we gonna do?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 I don't know. Should we just eat here?

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Do you really think that'll satisfy us?
          The BURGER SHACK EMPLOYEE senses their desperation.

<b>                              BURGER SHACK EMPLOYEE
</b>                 There's a 24 hour White Castle in Cherry
                 Hill, about forty-five minutes away.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   28.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (to Harold)
                 I can make the trip if you're willing to.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Kumar, I have a shitload of work to
                 finish. And you have that med school
                 interview in the morning.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Forget about the med school interview.
                 It's a non-issue.

<b>                               BURGER SHACK EMPLOYEE
</b>                 If I may interject for a moment...
                        (beat)
                 I've been an employee here for three
                 years now, and if there's one thing I've
                 learned, it's that when you're craving
                 White Castle, the burgers here simply
                 won't cut it.
                        (in his own little world)
                 In fact, just thinking about those tender
                 little White Castle burgers and those
                 grilled onions makes me want to burn this
                 place to the ground and re-build a White
                 Castle in its place.
                        (back to reality)
                 If I were you, I'd suck it up and make
                 the trip.
          KUMAR looks at HAROLD. The guy makes a convincing case.
          HAROLD is clearly torn. We sense that this is an important
          moment for the guys...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (enticing Harold)
                 You can always do your work in the car.
          HAROLD thinks for a moment, then licks his lips.

<b>                                HAROLD
</b>                 Let's do it.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Then it's settled. No matter what, we're
                 not ending this night without White
                 Castle in our stomachs. Agreed?
          KUMAR puts his hand out.   HAROLD shakes it.

<b>                                HAROLD
</b>                 Agreed.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   29.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                   BURGER SHACK EMPLOYEE
</b>                      Wise choice. Besides, you wouldn't want
                      to go near our special sauce tonight.
                      Some of the guys and I added an extra
                      ingredient, if you know what I mean.
               HAROLD and KUMAR look confused.

<b>                                   BURGER SHACK EMPLOYEE
</b>                      I'll give you a hint...
                             (whispering)
                      It's semen.
               We hear Harold and Kumar scream in disgust as Harold's
               Infiniti zooms out of the drive thru...

<b>          49   EXT. HIGHWAY - 10:30 PM                                      49
</b>               Harold's Infiniti is back on the highway...

<b>          50   INT. HAROLD'S INFINITI                                       50
</b>               KUMAR is driving with determination in his eyes.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      White Castle, here we come. I just wish
                      we had some more pot. I'm almost
                      completely sober right now.
               HAROLD ignores this. He's TYPING FEVERISHLY ON HIS LAPTOP--
               trying to get his work done. Meanwhile, Kumar notices a sign
               on for the PRINCETON EXIT.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Nice. Princeton. We're getting off here.
               Kumar takes the exit.

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                      Why?

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      We're gonna sweet talk Cindy Kim into
                      finding us some weed.

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                      Oh no.    I'm not seeing Cindy.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Why the fuck not? You talk to her on the
                      phone all the time.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      She calls me. Then she rambles on about
                      her East Asian Students club or whatever.

<b>                                   (MORE)
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                            DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES MAY 28 2003     30.
</b>                                   HAROLD (cont'd)
                      And I have to pretend like I actually
                      give a shit, or she'll call me a twinkie.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                      A twinkie?

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      You know, yellow on the outside, white on
                      the inside.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Look you twinkie bitch, you threw our
                      weed out the window, so now it's your
                      duty to make sure we're high as shit by
                      the time we're eating those burgers.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Well, I can't help you out there. Cindy
                      doesn't smoke. She's not gonna help us.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      As long as she buzzes us into a dorm,
                      we're set. Give me ten minutes in there
                      and I guarantee I'll find some hizzy.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      No, forget it. I'm not seeing Cindy Kim.

<b>          51   INT. CINDY KIM'S DORM ROOM - 11:OO PM                        51
</b>               HAROLD is sitting on a bed, next to CINDY KIM (very cute,
               prim and proper, Korean girl). Sitting on the floor are A
               DOZEN ASIAN STUDENTS-- pure stereotypes (glasses, nerdy
               clothes, etc). Harold is kind of creeped out by them.

<b>                                   CINDY
</b>                      I'm so glad you showed up, Harold!

<b>                                  HAROLD
</b>                            (unenthusiastic)
                      Yeah. Me too.

<b>                                   CINDY
</b>                      Did you like the Hibiscus petals I glued
                      to the envelope I sent you?

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                      Uh, yeah.    They were...nice.
               Suddenly, one of the nerdy Asian students (KENNETH) raises
               his hand. HAROLD looks at him strangely, and then over to
               Cindy. "Does this guy think I'm a teacher or something?"
               Harold sits there and stares at Kenneth for a while...

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                             (to Kenneth)
                      Uh, yes?

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   31.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              KENNETH
</b>                 Kenneth Park. Class of 2004. Is it true
                 you're an analyst at Brewster Keegan?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Yeah, I'm a junior analyst.

<b>                               KENNETH
</b>                 Awesome!
          KENNETH high-fives with the nerdy Asian student next to him.
          He then raises his hand again. HAROLD rolls his eyes...

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 Yes?

<b>                              KENNETH
</b>                 Uh, this is actually a two-part question.
                 I'm applying for a summer internship at
                 Brewster Keegan, and I was wondering a)
                 what it's like being an investment banker
                 and b) if you would write me a
                 recommendation.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 What it's like being an investment
                 banker? Well Kenneth, to be honest, it's
                 pretty...
          HAROLD looks into the eyes of the young, eager, Asian
          students. He can't bear to tell them the truth...

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 ...awesome?
          All the Asian students start high-fiving with each other.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 As for the recommendation, I may be able
                 to make a call or two...
          CINDY looks at her watch...

<b>                              CINDY
</b>                 Actually Harold, we should be getting to
                 the party. We can discuss all this stuff
                 there. It's just down the hall.
          All the Asian students get up...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Sorry, Cindy. I can't go. I have to wait
                 for Kumar...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   32.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                    CINDY
</b>                       You'll see him when we're done. Trust me,
                       you're gonna love this. Kenny's mom
                       dropped off a big jar of kimchi jigae.
                Kenneth looks proud of himself.

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                       Nice.
                CINDY grabs HAROLD's hand and drags him away.

<b>          52    INT. DORM HALLWAY - 11:15 PM                                 52
</b>                KUMAR is standing in the hallway, accosting random students.
                He sees one RANDOM STUDENT walk by...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Hey! You know where I can get some
                       chronic?
                The RANDOM STUDENT doesn't respond. Kumar is frustrated...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       What kind of Ivy League school is this?

<b>          52A   EXT. PRINCETON DORM - 11:16 PM                             52A
</b>                Kumar exits the dorm, and walks throughout the quad, asking
                random students for drugs. Eventually, a HIPPIE-LOOKING
                STUDENT (Phish t-shirt, Birkenstocks) taps KUMAR on the back.

<b>                                    HIPPIE ASSHOLE
</b>                       Heeey, Man. Lookin' to toke up?
                KUMAR breathes a sigh of relief...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Thank Christ! Look, just give me a dime
                       of your finest herb.
                The Hippie Asshole opens his backpack. Inside, Kumar sees A
                GIANT PLASTIC BAG FILLED WITH WEED. He's awestruck...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Oh my dear sweet lord...
                Kumar reaches for the weed, but the Hippie Asshole knocks his
                hand away...

<b>                                     HIPPIE ASSHOLE
</b>                       Yo, man!   Not cool! This is my baby,
                       man!

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003     33.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>          Hippie Asshole sizes Kumar up and then gives Kumar him a
          measly dime bag...

<b>                              HIPPIE ASSHOLE
</b>                 That'll be eighty bucks.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Eighty bucks?! It's worth forty tops,
                 bro!
          The Hippie Asshole grabs the baggy back from Kumar.

<b>                              HIPPIE ASSHOLE
</b>                 I'm not your bro...bro. And if you feel
                 like staying sober, go ahead, don't buy
                 it. That's cool with me. I can find lots
                 of people who want to get high. I can
                 smoke it myself, man.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Jesus, what the hell kind of hippie are
                 you?

<b>                              HIPPIE ASSHOLE
</b>                 One who understands the concept of supply
                 and demand, dude.
          Kumar and the Hippie Asshole stare each other down. After a
          couple seconds, Kumar shakes his head, pissed off. He takes
          out his wallet and hands all his cash to the Hippie Asshole.

<b>                              HIPPIE ASSHOLE
</b>                        (laughing like a prick)
                 Dumbass.
          Suddenly, CHRISTY and CLARISSA (TWO GORGEOUS TWINS, BLONDE,
          BLUE EYES, BIG BREASTS, BRITISH ACCENTS) approach carrying
          take-out bags. They see KUMAR and the Hippie Asshole making
          their deal.

<b>                              CHRISTY
</b>                 Hey, you guys about to smoke?
          KUMAR and HIPPIE ASSHOLE turn and see THE TWINS.   They're
          both floored by their hotness.

<b>                             HIPPIE ASSHOLE
</b>                       (to the Twins)
                 Yeah. Wanna come back to my place?

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Please. Like they want to go listen to a
                 bunch of Phish records while you read
                 your lame ass poetry.

<b>                              (MORE)
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES MAY 28 2003    34.
</b>                                     KUMAR (cont'd)
                               (to the Twins, showing his
                                bag of weed)
                        Ladies? Wanna get high and have some fun?
                CHRISTY and CLARISSA look at each other. They like this dude.

<b>                           CHRISTY                           CLARISSA
</b>                Sure!                           Sure!

<b>                                     HIPPIE ASSHOLE
</b>                               (butting in)
                        Hey, my poetry isn't lame! It's actually
                        quite good.
                The girls clearly aren't convinced. The ignore him and turn
                to Kumar. Hippie Asshole is oblivious to the fact he's not
                part of the crowd.

<b>                                     CHRISTY
</b>                               (re: bag of food)
                        We're just gonna eat before this gets
                        cold. What do you say we meet you back
                        in our room in twenty minutes?

<b>                                     CLARISSA
</b>                        We're in room 109.

<b>                                      KUMAR
</b>                        109.   Got it. I'll see you later.

<b>                                     HIPPIE ASSHOLE
</b>                        Yeah, see you there.
                THE TWINS walk away. Kumar's excited. Hippie Asshole tries
                to pound fists with Kumar like they're all of a sudden
                friends. Kumar snubs him and runs off.

<b>                                     HIPPIE ASSHOLE
</b>                        Not cool, man.

<b>          52B   INT. DORM HALLWAY                                        52B
</b>                Kumar runs down the hall and finds HAROLD walking with CINDY
                and the ASIAN STUDENTS. He runs over to them...

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                        Rold! Rold! You gotta come quick!
                        There are these two filthy pussies who
                        are just aching to get boned by us.
                KUMAR notices that CINDY is appalled by his choice of words.

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                        Uh...I mean...there are two very lovely,
                        young pussies who would like to have a
                        chat with you and I.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   35.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                     CINDY
</b>                      Sorry.    Harold's coming with us.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      That's bullshit. He's coming with me.
                      Isn't that right, Rold?
               CINDY gives HAROLD an evil eye-- he's intimidated by her.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                             (to Kumar)
                      Let's go to the party for a little while.

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                      Fuck that!
               KUMAR notices an open dorm room nearby. He enters the room,
               and returns a few moments later dragging an ASIAN FRESHMAN in
               his pajamas. He pushes the Asian Freshman over to Cindy...

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Here-- this is Harold's understudy.     You
                      can do whatever you want with him.
                             (to Harold)
                      Let's go.
               KUMAR grabs HAROLD by the arm and drags him away. CINDY
               looks pissed as she watches HAROLD being taken away from her.

<b>          53   INT. DORM HALLWAY (DIFFERENT WING) - 11:30 PM                53
</b>               KUMAR takes the first puff of a joint.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      I can't believe you were gonna ditch me
                      for the Joy Luck Club. You know what
                      their parties are like.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Look, what do you want me to say?     I was
                      under pressure.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Just say "no"! That's all it takes.      Now
                      take a hit of this.
               Kumar hands Harold the joint...suddenly, a nearby door opens
               and a SECURITY GUARD enters the hall. He sees HAROLD and
               KUMAR with drugs.

<b>                                   SECURITY GUARD
</b>                      Hey, what are you two doing?!
               HAROLD and KUMAR start running down the hallway.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003     36.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                   SECURITY GUARD
</b>                      Hey, get back here!
               HAROLD and KUMAR duck around the corner.     They see a door to
               the WOMEN'S BATHROOM.

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                      Quick.    In here.
               The guys rush into the WOMEN'S BATHROOM.

<b>          54   INT. WOMEN'S BATHROOM                                          54
</b>               HAROLD and KUMAR try to decide where to hide.

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                      Shit!    What if he finds us?

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Dude, chill out. He's not gonna look for
                      us in the women's bathroom.
               Harold and Kumar hear TWO FEMALE VOICES outside the bathroom.

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                      Shit!    Get in that stall!
               There's a line of THREE BATHROOM STALLS on one wall. HAROLD
               RUNS INTO STALL NUMBER TWO (the middle one). KUMAR sees the
               BATHROOM DOOR START TO OPEN. He also runs into STALL NUMBER
               TWO and shuts the door behind him.
               The guys struggle to STAND ON THE TOILET BOWL.    Harold's
               laptop bag keeps smacking Kumar.
               CHRISTY and CLARISSA (THE TWINS) enter the bathroom.       They're
               in mid-conversation.

<b>                                   CHRISTY
</b>                      Hurry up, I want to go smoke pot with
                      that cute Indian bloke.

<b>               INTERCUT:
</b>               IN STALL NUMBER TWO, KUMAR'S ears perk up, as we see HAROLD
               and KUMAR both standing on the toilet bowl. From Kumar's POV,
               he sees CHRISTY and CLARISSA through the crack of the door.

<b>                                   CLARISSA
</b>                      It'll be a few minutes, I'm about to have
                      the worst case of the taco shits.
               KUMAR is clearly upset to hear this.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES      MAY 28 2003   37.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (whispering)
                 Ew...gross.
          CLARISSA runs into STALL NUMBER ONE and shuts the door.
          The sound of the door shutting causes HAROLD and KUMAR to
          look over at that stall.

<b>                               CHRISTY
</b>                 Oh great.   Now I think I have to go.
          CHRISTY enters STALL NUMBER THREE and shuts the door.
          The sound of the door shutting causes HAROLD and KUMAR to
          turn their attention to the other stall. They then look at
          each other grossed out.
          From above, we see HAROLD and KUMAR struggling, while the
          girls have taken their places in the surrounding stalls.

<b>          WE HEAR THE SOUNDS OF DIARRHEA HITTING THE BOWL.
</b>
<b>                                CLARISSA
</b>                 Ahhhhh!
          HAROLD and KUMAR look horrified.      There is silence for a few
          seconds until....

<b>                              CHRISTY
</b>                 Hey Clarissa. Do you wanna play battle
                 shits?
          We see HAROLD quizzically mouth "battle shits?"

<b>                              CLARISSA
</b>                 Oh my God. We haven't played that since
                 back in camp!
          HAROLD and KUMAR look confused.

<b>          WE HEAR A LOUD FARTING NOISE, THEN THE SOUND OF SHIT HITTING
</b>
<b>          THE WATER...
</b>
<b>                                CHRISTY
</b>                 Wait for it.    Wait for it.    Ahhhhh!

<b>                                CLARISSA
</b>                 Hit!
          HAROLD and Kumar look terrified.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   38.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          55   EXT. DORM COMMON ROOM                                        55
</b>               Meanwhile, CINDY has left the other students and is roaming
               the hallways, looking for Harold. She sees Hippie Asshole
               walking by, counting Kumar's money...

<b>                                   CINDY
</b>                      Have you seen a Korean guy around here?

<b>                                   HIPPIE ASSHOLE
</b>                      Uh, yeah. There's like, two hundred of
                      them in this dorm.
                             (to himself, but audible)
                      `Tard.
               Cindy can't help but feel a little stupid.

<b>          56   INT. WOMEN'S BATHROOM                                        56
</b>               We hear the sound of diarrhea splattering against the bowl.

<b>                                    CLARISSA
</b>                      Hit!
               We see HAROLD dry heave.
               We hear the sound of diarrhea hitting the bowl again.
               CLARISSA smiles.

<b>                                   CHRISTY
</b>                      You sank my destroyer! Scag!
               KUMAR almost pukes as HE DROPS THE POT INTO THE TOILET BOWL.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                              (whispering)
                      Shit!

<b>               THEY SEE THE MARIJUANA UNPROTECTED FLOATING IN THE TOILET.
</b>
<b>               WE THEN HEAR THE MOST DISGUSTING DIARRHEA SOUND YET.
</b>
<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>
<b>                      I CAN'T TAKE THIS!
</b>               With that, HAROLD runs out of the stall and exits the
               bathroom. The girls look shocked.

<b>                                   CHRISTY
</b>                      Who was that?
               KUMAR looks nervous. He quickly bolts from the bathroom.

<b>                                   CLARISSA
</b>                      Christy, are you still here?

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   39.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>                Silence until...We hear a SUPER LOUD FART.    CHRISTY starts
                laughing.

<b>                                     CLARISSA
</b>                       Damn!   You sank my battle shit!

<b>          57    EXT. HALLWAY                                                   57
</b>                Harold and Kumar run down the dorm hallway, grossed out.    As
                they run, they suddenly see--

<b>          57A   INT. COMMON ROOM                                            57A
</b>                Harold and Kumar stop in their tracks when they see the EAST
                ASIAN STUDENTS ASSOCIATION party in full blast. All the
                "nerdy" asian kids from Cindy's room are grinding with each
                other as KENNETH RAPS A FILTHY RAP.
                Harold and Kumar look at each other in shock. Some of the
                dancing Asian chicks look pretty hot. Kenneth jumps off the
                couch he was standing on, holding a big bag of POT BROWNIES.

<b>                                    KENNETH
</b>                       Pot brownies for everyone!
                Kenneth throws some pot brownies in the air. People grab at
                them. Harold and Kumar can't believe it.
                Two Cute Asian Chicks approach Kenneth...

<b>                                     CUTE ASIAN CHICK #1
</b>                       Hey, K-dog!   Can we have some brownies?

<b>                                    KENNETH
</b>                       To tell you the truth, I'm running low.
                       But a quick titty flash may persuade me.
                The Korean chicks look at each other. "Should we?" "Okay!"
                They lift up their shirts and bras, revealing their boobs.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Dude, I'm starting to think you made a
                       mistake by not going to this party...
                Harold gives him a dirty look. Then, suddenly, the SECURITY
                GUARD from before appears in the hallway with ANOTHER

<b>                SECURITY GUARD (#2)--
</b>
<b>                                     SECURITY GUARD
</b>                       Hey, you!
                The guys turn and see the guards running at them. HAROLD AND

<b>                KUMAR RUN AS FAST AS THEY CAN DOWN THE HALLWAY, WITH THE
</b>
<b>                GUARDS CHASING AFTER THEM...
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   40.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>               Further down the hall, they pass the party. The partygoers
               watch as the guys run by, except for Kenneth, who makes a
               quick grab at one of the topless girl's boobs. When she
               notices, Kenneth quickly looks away, as if he did nothing.
               Cindy Kim notices Harold...

<b>                                     CINDY KIM
</b>                      Harold!
               They keep running, past the bathrooms, where Christy and
               Clarissa exit...

<b>                                     CHRISTY AND CLARISSA
</b>                      Kumar!
               They continue running.
               The guards are still running after Harold and Kumar, who see
               the EXIT DOORS just ahead. Suddenly, the Hippie Asshole
               walks by, blocking their path.

<b>                                   HIPPIE ASSHOLE
</b>                             (to himself)
                      Where the hell is 109, man?
               Harold is about to avoid him, but Kumar grabs Harold close
               and the two of them BASH INTO THE Hippie Asshole-- KNOCKING

<b>               HIM ON HIS ASS.
</b>               Harold and Kumar burst out the doors and EXIT THE DORM...
               The Security Guards run by the Hippie Asshole, but stop when
               they see his backpack, which is half-open, and is exposing
               THE GIANT BAG OF WEED. The Security Guard picks it up...

<b>                                   SECURITY GUARD
</b>                      Well, well, well. What have we here?

<b>                                   HIPPIE ASSHOLE
</b>                             (reaching for the bag)
                      Aw, dude! Don't take it! It's mine!
               He continues to protest as SECURITY GUARD #2 holds him down.

<b>          58   EXT. DARK ROAD (PRINCETON) -11:45 PM                         58
</b>               Harold's car races down a road in the middle of a FOREST.

<b>          59   INT. HAROLD'S INFINITI                                       59
</b>               KUMAR is pissed off as he drives.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   41.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                             (using his fingers)
                      I can't believe it. We were this close
                      to getting high and getting laid.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Oh, come on, you always exaggerate.    We
                      weren't gonna get laid.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Hey, the diarrhea twins would've had sex
                      with us! And what about Cindy?! She was
                      looking hot tonight! The fact that you're
                      not into her just might make you gay!

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      I know Cindy's cute, it's just...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                      What?   You'd rather have Maria?
               From Harold's reaction, it's clear he hit it on the head.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Look, it doesn't matter. I'm gonna end
                      up with Cindy anyway. It's just more
                      practical. Now can we drop this and get
                      our asses to White Castle?

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                      Fine.
               Suddenly, KUMAR pulls the car over to the side of the road...

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Now what are you doing?

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Daddy needs to urinate.
               Harold rolls his eyes.

<b>          60   EXT. WOODS NEAR ROAD - 11:50 PM                              60
</b>               KUMAR gets out of the car (leaving the car door open). He
               walks onto the grass near the road for about fifteen yards
               until HE FINDS A NICE BUSH. HE UNZIPS HIS PANTS AND STARTS

<b>               PEEING ON THE BUSH..
</b>
<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                      Oh yes!   Yes, that's nice.

<b>          61   INT. CAR                                                     61
</b>
<b>               HAROLD TAKES OUT HIS LAPTOP AND BEGINS WORKING FEVERISHLY.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   42.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>               As he types, A RACCOON JUMPS INTO THE CAR AND CRAWLS INTO THE
               BACK SEAT. HAROLD doesn't see this.

<b>          62   EXT. BUSH NEAR DARK ROAD                                     62
</b>               KUMAR is still peeing. Suddenly, A CREEPY GUY (FROM OUT OF
               NOWHERE) walks over to him. The Creepy Guy unzips his pants
               and starts urinating IN THE SAME BUSH, RIGHT NEXT TO KUMAR!
               Kumar looks at the Creepy Guy -- totally confused. The
               Creepy Guy simply goes about his business. It's clear that
               Kumar wants to say something. He remains silent for a couple
               seconds, until he can't take it anymore...

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Excuse me...I'm sorry, I just have to ask
                      you...why are you peeing here?

<b>                                   CREEPY GUY
</b>                      What do you mean?

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Why did you decide to piss here right
                      next to me? Why not that bush over there?

<b>                                   CREEPY GUY
</b>                      Well, this looked like a good bush to pee
                      on. Why'd you choose this bush?

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Nobody was here when I chose this bush.

<b>                                   CREEPY GUY
</b>                             (getting heated)
                      So you can pee here and nobody else can,
                      is that it?

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      I was just saying....

<b>                                   CREEPY GUY
</b>                      Is this like your special bush or
                      something?

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                      No, I just...
                             (beat)
                      You know what? Forget about it. I'm not
                      in the mood to get stabbed right now.
               The CREEPY GUY calms down. He and KUMAR silently urinate
               next to each other for about TEN SECONDS, until the Creepy
               Guy subtly looks at Kumar's package.

<b>                                    CREEPY GUY
</b>                      Nice pubes.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                                DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   43.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                      KUMAR
</b>                      Thanks.

<b>          63   INT. CAR - 11:55 PM                                             63
</b>               KUMAR gets into the car and shuts the door.     He hits the gas
               and continues driving down the dark road...

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Do you even know where you're going?

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      I'll be honest, I'm a little lost. But
                      don't worry. Once we get on the highway,
                      we'll be there soon.

<b>                                      HAROLD
</b>                      We better.                                                     
               It starts to rain...                                                  

<b>                                   HAROLD                                            
</b>                      Shit, now it's raining.                                        

<b>                                   KUMAR                                             
</b>                      What's the big deal?                                           

<b>                                   HAROLD                                            
</b>                      Look, I'm completely on edge right now,                        
                      okay? After all the shit we've been                            
                      through tonight, I don't know how much
                      more of this I can take.

<b>               AT THAT MOMENT, THE RACCOON JUMPS OUT FROM UNDER HAROLD'S
</b>
<b>               SEAT, CRAWLS OVER THE LAPTOP, ONTO HIS CHEST, AND STARTS
</b>
<b>               BITING HIS NECK...
</b>
<b>                                      HAROLD
</b>
<b>                      AHHHHH!!!     FUCK!!!!
</b>               KUMAR turns and sees the raccoon on Harold.

<b>                                      KUMAR
</b>                      Holy shit!
               HAROLD tries to pry the raccoon away from his neck.     KUMAR
               tries to help him.

<b>          64   EXT. DIRT ROAD                                                  64
</b>               We see Harold's Infiniti SWERVING BACK AND FORTH.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                           DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   43A.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          65   INT. CAR                                                  65
</b>               HAROLD FINALLY GETS THE RACCOON OFF OF HIM. He holds it as
               far away from his face as possible. The raccoon's arms and
               legs are scurrying around-- trying to escape.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      How the hell did that get in here?

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Shit! It bit my neck! I probably have
                      rabies now or something!

<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES     MAY 28 2003     44.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                 KUMAR
</b>                           (looking at Harold's neck)
                    Don't worry. He didn't even break your
                    skin. You'll be fine.

<b>          SUDDENLY, THE RACCOON COUGHS UP BLOOD ONTO HAROLD'S SHIRT.
</b>
<b>                                 HAROLD
</b>                    Oh, that's not good!

<b>          HAROLD TURNS THE RACCOON AWAY FROM HIM.          THE RACCOON COUGHS
</b>
<b>          UP BLOOD ONTO KUMAR.
</b>
<b>                                 KUMAR
</b>                    Ahh! Dude, get that fucking cancer
                    raccoon away from me!!!

<b>          KUMAR SWERVES THE CAR IN A PANIC, AS HAROLD OPENS HIS WINDOW.
</b>
<b>          KUMAR WATCHES AS HAROLD CHUCKS THE RACCOON OUT THE WINDOW.
</b>
<b>                                 KUMAR
</b>                    Thank Christ!
          Kumar looks back onto the road, where HE SEES A PAIR OF

<b>          HEADLIGHTS HEADING STRAIGHT FOR HIM!
</b>
<b>                        HAROLD                                KUMAR
</b>          Shit!!!                                Shit!!!
          KUMAR quickly hits the brakes, as does the other car. HAROLD
          and KUMAR look at each other, breathing heavily. They watch
          nervously as the other DRIVER exits his car and begins
          walking over to them.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                    Uh-oh.
          KUMAR rolls down his window.         The DRIVER peers inside...

<b>                                 GOLDSTEIN
</b>                    What the hell do you think you were
                    doing? You almost killed us!
          GOLDSTEIN sees that it's HAROLD and KUMAR.

<b>                                   GOLDSTEIN
</b>                    Holy Shit!

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                    Goldstein?
          HAROLD breathes a sigh of relief.

<b>                                 GOLDSTEIN
</b>                           (to his car)
                    Dude, it's Rold and Kumar!

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003    45.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>               Rosenberg gets out of the car and walks over.     HAROLD and
               KUMAR get out of their car.

<b>          66   EXT. ROAD - 12:00 AM                                           66
</b>               The four of them stand in the middle of the road.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      What the hell are you guys doing here?

<b>                                   ROSENBERG
</b>                      We got the munchies, so we're out trying
                      to find a Hot Dog Heaven.                                     

<b>                                   ROSENBERG
</b>                      What about you guys? How was White
                      Castle?

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                             (feeling his neck)
                      We haven't gotten there yet.   I think I
                      got rabies, though.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                             (to Goldstein/ignoring
                              Harold)
                      Dude-- how were Katie Holmes' tits?

<b>                                   GOLDSTEIN
</b>                      You know the holocaust?

<b>                                      KUMAR
</b>                      Yeah.

<b>                                   GOLDSTEIN
</b>                      Picture the exact opposite of that.

<b>                                      KUMAR
</b>                      Nice.

<b>                                   ROSENBERG                                        
</b>                      Apologize to Hashem.                                          

<b>                                   GOLDSTEIN                                        
</b>                      Who the hell is...                                            

<b>                                   ROSENBERG                                        
</b>                      Just apologize!                                               

<b>                                   GOLDSTEIN                                        
</b>                      Okay, I'm sorry.                                              

<b>                                   ROSENBERG                                        
</b>                             (to Goldstein)                                         
                      You really need to meet a girl.                               

<b>          
</b>
<b>               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   45A.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                       KUMAR
</b>                 (to Goldstein)
          Well, if you have the yellow fever
          tonight, there's a rocking Asian party
          over at Princeton tonight.

<b>                       GOLDSTEIN
</b>          Man, I have the yellow plague. There's
          nothing sexier than a hot Asian
          chick...or dude for that matter...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   46.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>               Goldstein starts moving towards Harold, and reaches out to
               grab his cock. Harold quickly backs away...

<b>                                   GOLDSTEIN                                      
</b>                             (reaching for cock)                                  
                      Come on, let me suck it...let me see it                     
                      and suck on it...come on, Rold, let's rub                   
                      our dicks together...Jewish swordfight...                   
               Harold backs away as the other three laugh...                      

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Will you stop it? I'm feeling very
                      woozy. I may have to go to the hospital.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Dude, you don't have rabies! We're not
                      going to the hospital.

<b>                                   GOLDSTEIN
</b>                             (to Rosenberg)
                      Yo, we gotta hit this Asian party.

<b>                                   ROSENBERG
</b>                      Oh no! No more detours! Let's just stick
                      with the plan and get to Krispee Kreme.
                             (to Harold and Kumar)
                      You guys wouldn't believe some of the
                      weird shit we've been through the last
                      couple hours.
               Harold and Kumar look at each other-- "if they only knew..."

<b>          67   OMIT                                                         67
</b>
<b>          68   OMIT                                                         68
</b>
<b>          69   OMIT                                                         69
</b>
<b>          70   OMIT                                                         70
</b>
<b>          71   OMIT                                                         71
</b>
<b>          72   OMIT                                                         72
</b>
<b>          73   EXT. HOSPITAL - 12:20 AM                                     73
</b>               Establishing.

<b>          74   INT. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM                                   74
</b>               Kumar is sitting in the waiting room. He hides his head in a
               jittery manner, as if he's hiding from someone. Next to him
               are DANIEL and SHANKAR, who are both badly beaten and nursing
               their wounds. They all make eye contact. It's weird.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                       DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   46A.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>          Harold enters the room with a band-aid on his neck...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 I don't have rabies.
          Kumar stands up quickly.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                         DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003    47.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Great, let's get out of here.
          Just as Harold and Kumar walk down the hallway to the EXIT...

<b>                               MAN WITH THICK INDIAN ACCENT (O.S.)
</b>                 Kumar!!!
          Kumar know that voice all too well...

<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                 Shit.

<b>          
</b>          KUMAR turns around and sees HIS FATHER standing next to HIS
          BROTHER SAIKAT (a nerdy-looking Indian guy with glasses, five
          years older than Kumar). Both are in doctor attire.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Oh, now I see why you didn't want to come
                 to the hospital.
          Kumar gives Harold an annoyed look as his dad approaches.

<b>                              KUMAR'S FATHER
</b>                        (thick accent)
                 I hope you are here to apologize for what
                 you did in your interview today. Dr.
                 Woodruff is a very good friend of mine,
                 and let's just say he was not at all
                 amused by your antics...and neither am I.

<b>                              SAIKAT
</b>                        (no accent)
                 What the hell's wrong with you, Kumar?
                 Look at me. I own my own house. I drive a
                 beamer. And I get laid whenever I want.
                 You can have all that too, if you'd just
                 get off your ass and go to med school.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Eat my balls, Saikat.

<b>                              SAIKAT
</b>                 God, you're 22 years old already! When
                 are you gonna grow up and stop with this
                 post-college rebel bullshit? Like your
                 life is so tough.
          Kumar doesn't have a response.   Saikat's right.

<b>                              KUMAR'S FATHER
</b>                 I will not tolerate this business from
                 you any longer. You have one more
                 interview tomorrow and it is the last one
                 I'm setting up for you.

<b>                              (MORE)
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                       DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES MAY 28 2003      48.
</b>                              KUMAR'S FATHER (cont'd)
                 If I hear from Dr. Wein that you were
                 anything short of spectacular, I'll
                 completely cut you off!

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Oh, come on, dad!

<b>                              KUMAR'S FATHER
</b>                 "Daddy will not be coming on anything!"
                 You will be there and you will behave!
                 I've put too much time and effort into
                 you to let you go and fuck it all up.
          KUMAR lowers his head.   He's been put in his place.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 You're right. I'm sorry.
          KUMAR gives HIS FATHER a hug.   He even gives SAIKAT a hug.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 It won't happen again.

<b>                               KUMAR'S FATHER
</b>                 Good.   I'll speak with you tomorrow.
          KUMAR'S FATHER gives KUMAR a quick kiss on the head, then he
          and SAIKAT walk away. HAROLD is stunned...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Wow. So I guess you're going to med
                 school after all, huh?

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Fuck that! Like I care what my dad
                 thinks. I can't wait to see the look on
                 his face when he finds out I skipped the
                 interview tomorrow. He wants to cut me
                 off? Fine! I don't need his money!

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (extremely confused)
                 But...you just hugged him...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 I just needed to get my hands on these...
          KUMAR holds up SAIKAT and HIS FATHER'S SCAN CARDS.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Two words-- medical marijuana.
          HAROLD shakes his head in disgust.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   49.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          74A   INT. DOCTOR'S LOUNGE                                       74A
</b>                Using the SCAN CARDS, Harold and Kumar walk into a room where
                there are loads of medical supplies, including SCRUBS. Kumar
                grabs a couple and hands one to Harold. They put them on...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Look, I'm telling you, they see   an Indian
                       and Asian guy wearing these and   they'll
                       just assume we're doctors. Then   we walk
                       right into the pharmacy and get   the weed.
                Harold does not appear happy he's doing this.

<b>          75    INT. HALLWAY                                                75
</b>                HAROLD and KUMAR (now wearing blue jackets and doctors masks)
                walk out of the lounge and head down the hallway...

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       If we get caught, you're taking the
                       blame. This wasn't my idea.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       We're not gonna get caught. We're gonna
                       get toasted and then we're gonna eat
                       delicious White Castle-- just like we
                       planned.
                All of a sudden, a hand grabs Kumar from behind. Freaked
                out, they turn around and see a MALE NURSE (frazzled, touchy
                feely).

<b>                                    MALE NURSE
</b>                       Dr. Patel, thank God I found you!    I need
                       your help immediately!
                The NURSE drags them to a nearby emergency room...

<b>          76    INT. EMERGENCY ROOM                                         76
</b>                The scene is very fast paced, with several YOUNG MEDICAL
                TECHNICIANS rushing around. Harold is confused and concerned
                as the Nurse leads he and Kumar over towards a patient...

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                              (whispering to Kumar)
                       What the hell's going on here?

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       He must think I'm Saikat. Don't worry.
                       Leave the talking up to me.
                On the operating table is a PATIENT BLEEDING FROM HIS CHEST.
                He is conscious and appears to be in a lot of pain.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   50.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              MALE NURSE
</b>                 The patient was brought in by EMS five
                 minutes ago. He has three gunshot wounds
                 with entry in the anterior abdomen. No
                 exit wounds.
          HAROLD sees blood squirt out of the PATIENT'S chest.

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 Oh shit!   This guy's gonna die!!!

<b>          THE PATIENT HEARS THIS AND LOOKS NERVOUSLY AT HAROLD.
</b>
<b>                              MALE NURSE
</b>                 It's a good thing I found you two. All
                 the other surgeons are working on other
                 patients...
          The NURSE hands HAROLD a surgical instrument.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Wait. Hold on. You see you got this all
                 wrong. We're not doc...
          KUMAR interrupts before HAROLD can tell her the truth.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 What Dr. Lee is trying to say is that we
                 need to sedate the patient first or else
                 he could go into cardiac arrest.
          HAROLD looks at KUMAR confused and nervous.

<b>                              MALE NURSE
</b>                 Alright. I'll get the anesthesiologist.
          The NURSE is about to rush away, but Kumar stops him.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Hold on. What we should probably use is
                 marijuana. That'll sufficiently sedate
                 the patient for surgery.

<b>                              MALE NURSE
</b>                        (confused)
                 Marijuana? But why...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 We don't have time for questions! We
                 need marijuana now! Get as much of it as
                 possible! Like a big bag of it!
          KUMAR shows the amount he wants with his hands.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                         DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   51.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              MALE NURSE
</b>                 But doctor, we don't have marijuana in
                 this hospital.
          HAROLD gives KUMAR a dirty look.

<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                         (to himself)
                 Shit.
          Suddenly, more blood squirts from the Patient's chest.
          Harold shouts in disgust, making the Patient more nervous...

<b>                              MALE NURSE
</b>                 We're losing him! You gotta do something!

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (disappointed)
                 Very well. I guess we'll have to do this
                 the old fashioned way.
          KUMAR puts a nitrous oxide mask over the Patient's face.
          Harold gives Kumar a look-- "What the fuck are you doing?"

<b>                              KUMAR (CONT'D)
</b>                 First, we need to clear his C-spine. I
                 want stat x-rays of the chest and
                 abdomen. Give me two large bore IVs and
                 start a ringers lactate push. Nurse, we
                 need 2 units of O neg on board.
          Using the surgical equipment, Kumar actually begins removing
          bullets from the bleeding patient!!! Harold can't believe
          what's going on.
          Suddenly, the Patient begins having trouble breathing! He's
          gasping for air! The BEEPING SOUND monitoring his heart rate
          begins speeding up to an insane pace.

<b>                             MALE NURSE
</b>                 Doctor! The patient is desatting!
          Kumar quickly examines the patient's chest...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Ah, I see. The Patient's got a collapsed
                 lung. Get me a 14-gage Angiocath, stat!
          After a couple seconds go by...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 What's taking so long?

<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   52.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>               The NURSE hands KUMAR what is essentially a LARGE NEEDLE!
               Kumar directs the needle in the direction of the Patient's
               chest. It's a tense moment. The Patient is scared. So is
               Harold. The Nurse looks hopeful. Kumar looks determined.
               With a quick thrust, Kumar jabs the needle into the Patient's
               chest, causing a rush of air! The Patient breathes easier.
               His heart rate drops back to normal.

<b>                                   MALE NURSE
</b>                      Great catch doctor! His sat is up to 94!
               Kumar is cool and collected. He turns to the YOUNG MEDICAL
               TECHNICIANS who have been aiding the surgery.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                             (casual)
                      Will one of you guys put the chest tube
                      in and wrap this up?
               A chorus of "yes, doctors."

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                             (taking off his gloves)
                      Well, it looks like my work here is done.
               Kumar pulls the gas mask from the patient's face up to his
               face and takes a deep breath, getting a big hit of nitrous.
               He then leans down to the BLEEDING PATIENT, who is just
               barely conscious -- but seems in good spirits...

<b>                                   KUMAR (CONT'D)
</b>                      Say, you wouldn't happen to know the
                      quickest way to get to the White Castle
                      in Cherry Hill from here, do you?

<b>          77   EXT. TOWN STREETS - 1:00 AM                                  77
</b>               Harold's car is cruising down some streets lined with stores.

<b>          78   INT. HAROLD'S INFINITI                                       78
</b>               Harold is very excited. Kumar is proud of himself, but
               playing it cool.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      I'm telling you. That was amazing!    Even
                      your dad would've been impressed!

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                             (nonchalant)
                      Yeah. It wasn't bad.

<b>          
</b>
<b>               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   52A.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                       HAROLD
</b>          This is perfect! We're back on the road.
          We have directions now. The rain let up.                
          And guess what...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003    53.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>          HAROLD clicks on the "SAVE" option on his laptop...

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 I'm officially done with my work.
                        (beat)
                 I'm telling you, things are finally
                 starting to go our way.
          While they're stopped at a red light, Kumar takes in his
          surroundings and notices something...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Hey, check it out!     Your movie's playing.
          Outside, to Kumar's left, on the marquee of a movie theater
          we see: "JOHN HUGHES RETROSPECTIVE. CURLY SUE - 9:00.

<b>          SIXTEEN CANDLES - 11:00.
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 And look who went to see it...
          Harold looks at the crowd leaving the theater and sees MARIA
          standing outside, all by herself. He can't believe it.

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 Holy shit.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 You see? You thought you two had nothing
                 in common. But it turns out you both
                 have the same lame taste in movies. Hey,
                 you wanna see if she wants to come with
                 us to White Castle?

<b>                                HAROLD
</b>                 No way.    Forget about it.   Just drive.
          Kumar puts his hands on Harold's shoulders to get his
          undivided attention.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Harold. It's one in the morning. We're an
                 hour from home. And who do we see, but
                 your dream girl standing outside a
                 theater playing your favorite movie. I
                 mean, if we were in a cheesy romantic
                 comedy, and I was your annoying gay
                 friend, this would be the moment I'd tell
                 you "this is a sign."

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 Stop it.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   54.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Come on. Just pretend you're a nerdy
                 Asian Tom Hanks and she's a hot Latina
                 Meg Ryan...with bigger tits. Besides, you
                 yourself said things are starting to go
                 our way...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Let's just go!
          KUMAR presses a button CAUSING HAROLD'S WINDOW TO GO DOWN.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 What are you doing?!

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (calling out)
                 Hey Maria!
          MARIA looks up. HAROLD QUICKLY DUCKS IN HIS SEAT. HE THEN

<b>          REACHES DOWN WITH HIS HAND TO HIT THE GAS PEDDLE. THE CAR
</b>
<b>          STARTS PEELING OUT...
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Hey, get your hand off the gas!
          Kumar tries kicking Harold's hand off the gas.   Just then,

<b>          THE CAR BEGINS SHAKING INTENSELY...
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (looking up)
                 Oh shit!
          Harold's Infiniti HAS DRIVEN OFF THE ROAD AND IS SPEEDING

<b>          DOWN A DIRT AND ROCK COVERED HILL.
</b>          KUMAR grabs control of the wheel and tries to steer the car
          safely. HAROLD is bumping around on the way down the hill.
          Finally, they reach the bottom of the hill, near a DIRT ROAD.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 You asshole! My car's probably all
                 scratched up now!

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Don't blame me. You're the one who ran us
                 off the road!

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 I told you I didn't want to speak to her!
                        (composing himself)
                 Whatever. Let's jut get back on the
                 highway.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003     55.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                      Fine.
               KUMAR presses the gas. Suddenly, we hear a "POP!"   Harold and
               Kumar look at each other-- angry and frustrated.

<b>          79   EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD - 1:15 AM                               79
</b>               HAROLD examines the flat tire. Kumar is standing nearby.
               There's not another car in site.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Godammit. You know how to change a flat?

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Please. Only hicks and Italian guys know
                      how to change a tire.
               Harold looks in his trunk for the spare.    It's missing.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Where's my spare tire?

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      I don't know.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Shit, where the hell is it?
               Kumar suddenly remembers...

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Oh yeah! Don't you remember that time we
                      got baked and started throwing shit off
                      that bridge to see if it would float?

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      What bridge? What the hell are you
                      talking about?

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                             (realizing)
                      Oh shit. That's right. I was with
                      Goldstein. We borrowed your car that day.
                      My bad.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                      Your bad?   What are the hell are we gonna
                      do now?!
               Suddenly, they see AN OLD PICK-UP TRUCK driving in their
               direction. HAROLD and KUMAR wave it down. The truck stops
               in front of them. The door opens and a SHADOWY FIGURE begins
               walking towards them. Harold and Kumar are nervous. As soon
               as the FIGURE reaches them, LIGHTENING STRIKES.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   56.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>               It's the UGLIEST MAN OF ALL TIME-- he's in his fifties,
               wearing a crappy mesh cap, but most notably, HE HAS LARGE
               BUMPS AND BOILS ALL OVER HIS FACE. Harold and Kumar jump
               back in fear as they catch their first glimpse of him.

<b>                                   UGLY MAN
</b>                      You boys need some help?
               The UGLY MAN takes off his mesh cap. Even his haircut is
               freaky. He has a SKULLET (A MULLET BUT WITH NO HAIR ON TOP).
               HAROLD and KUMAR look at each other, freaked out.

<b>          80   EXT. DIRT ROAD - 1:20 AM                                    80
</b>               The UGLY MAN'S TRUCK tows Harold's Infiniti down a dirt road.

<b>          81   INT. TRUCK                                                  81
</b>               The UGLY MAN is driving. KUMAR is in the front seat, on the
               passenger side. HAROLD is sandwiched between them.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Thanks for helping us out.

<b>                                   FREAK SHOW
</b>                      No problem at all. Saw you boys stranded
                      there and thought to myself, "what would
                      Jesus do?"
               Harold and Kumar look at each other. They then notice a
               JESUS CHRIST bobble-head doll on the dashboard...

<b>                                   FREAK SHOW
</b>                      So, you boys worship Christ?
               The guys look at each other again, not sure how to respond.

<b>                            HAROLD                           KUMAR
</b>               Uh...Yeah.                        Sure, he's great.

<b>                                   UGLY MAN
</b>                      Great. Good to hear it. The name's
                      Randy...but everyone calls me Freak Show.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      I'm Kumar. This is Harold.     Good to meet
                      you, Mr...Freak Show.

<b>                                   FREAK SHOW
</b>                      Pleasure's all mine.
               After a while, HAROLD starts to notice that they're driving
               in the middle of a dark woods. It looks very sketchy.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      So where exactly are we going?

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003    57.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              FREAK SHOW
</b>                 Don't worry. My place isn't too far from
                 here. Once we get there, I'll have your
                 ride fixed up in a jiffy.
          The guys silently continue driving, until KUMAR notices a

<b>          RASH OF BOILS ON FREAK SHOW'S NECK.
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (whispering to Harold)
                 Eww-- check out those boils on his neck!
          HAROLD nudges him to be quiet. KUMAR looks back over at
          FREAK SHOW and sees that ONE OF THE BOILS IS PULSATING.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (whispering)
                 Oh my God! You gotta look!     One of
                 them's actually pulsating!

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (whispering)
                 Will you shut up? He's right next to me!
                 He can hear you!
          KUMAR sees that A WHITE PUSS IS NOW OOZING FROM THE BOIL.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (whispering)
                 Now there's some sort of puss! It's the
                 most disgusting thing I've ever seen!

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (whispering)
                 What's the matter with you? You think
                 that just because you're whispering, he
                 can't hear what you're saying? He's two
                 feet away from us. He can hear this
                 entire conversation. He can hear me
                 talking right now.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (whispering)
                 Don't worry, he can't hear anything.    Not
                 with all that crust in his ear.
          HAROLD gives KUMAR a hard elbow to the stomach. He then
          looks nervously at FREAK SHOW, who doesn't seem to have heard
          a thing. Harold seems relieved.

<b>                              FREAK SHOW
</b>                 I heard every word you said.
          FREAK SHOW doesn't say anything else. HAROLD and KUMAR don't
          know how to react. They feel really uncomfortable. The fact
          that nothing happens makes it all the more awkward for them.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   58.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          82   EXT. FREAK SHOW'S HOUSE - 1:30 AM                            82
</b>               HAROLD (with laptop in tow) and KUMAR stand by their car, as
               FREAK SHOW brings out some tools and a new tire from his
               house, which is run-down and in the middle of nowhere.

<b>                                     FREAK SHOW
</b>                        Now it's gonna take me a little while
                        here, so if you boys like you can go
                        inside, wash up, fuck my wife, have
                        something to drink, watch tv-- anything
                        you want. Mi casa es su casa. Just
                        don't do anything Jesus wouldn't do.
               FREAK SHOW gives HAROLD a pat on the back and starts changing
               the tire. KUMAR and HAROLD look at each other. Slowly, they
               walk towards FREAK SHOW's house...

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                        Am I deaf or did he just say we can fuck
                        his wife?

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                        He couldn't have said that.

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                        But he did! It may have been in mid-
                        sentence, but it was still clear as day.
               They reach the front door and are about to enter...

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                        Who cares? You've seen Freak Show. What
                        do you think his wife is gonna look like?

<b>          83   INT. FREAK SHOW'S HOUSE                                      83
</b>               HAROLD and KUMAR walk inside and see THE HOTTEST CHICK OF ALL
               TIME (LIANE) walk out of the kitchen. She is dressed Daisy
               Dukes and a tight, skimpy shirt, that accentuates her chest.

<b>                                     LIANE
</b>                        Hi. I'm Freak Show's wife, Liane.    Would
                        you boys like some pink lemonade?
               HAROLD and KUMAR can't move.   They're awestruck.

<b>                                     LIANE
</b>                        Let me go bring in a pitcher.
               LIANE   leaves to go into the kitchen. Along the way, she
               turns   on a record player, which starts playing a CREEPY SONG
               ABOUT   JESUS CHRIST. HAROLD and KUMAR look around the house.
               There   are crosses and Bible Verses on the walls, along with
               Freak   Show and Liane's wedding picture...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   59.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Okay. It's official.     We've entered the
                 Twilight Zone.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Dude, Liane is fucking hot!

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 She's not ugly.
          LIANE comes in with the pitcher of lemonade.    She pours them
          drinks and hands them the glasses...

<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                 Thanks.
                        (beat)
                 So, tell me Liane-- how are things
                 between you and Freak Show presently?

<b>                              LIANE
</b>                 Oh, never been better.    We love each
                 other very much.
          KUMAR looks disappointed.    HAROLD, however, is intrigued...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Can I ask-- how does a guy...like Freak
                 Show...end up with a woman like yourself?

<b>                              LIANE
</b>                 Well, I met him at choir practice `bout
                 four years ago. Freak Show was very shy
                 back then-- you know, because of all the
                 hideous boils on his face and neck. But
                 he had the most amazing voice -- like a
                 baby canary.
          Harold and Kumar look at each other in disbelief -- "are we
          talking about the same Freakshow?"

<b>                              LIANE
</b>                 Well, one day after Easter service, I
                 told him how much I enjoyed his solo, and
                 he just mustered up some courage and
                 asked me out. The rest is history. And
                 we've been in love ever since.
          HAROLD ponders this for a moment.    He and KUMAR begin
          drinking their lemonade.

<b>                              LIANE
</b>                 So you boys gonna fuck me or what?
          HAROLD and KUMAR spit the lemonade out simultaneously. They
          look at each other in complete shock. Kumar turns to Harold.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   60.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Rock, paper, scissors to see who goes
                 first?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Wait a second-- what about Freak
                 Show...and this whole Christian thing you
                 guys have going on?

<b>                              LIANE
</b>                        (a little offended)
                 Oh, so just because we're passionate
                 about our Lord, you assume we don't know
                 how to have a good time?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 No, I just...
          Liane starts playing with the knot in her shirt. Harold and
          Kumar stare unabashedly. Harold looks outside the window,
          where he sees Freak Show changing the tire, apparently busy.

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 Nevermind.
                        (to Kumar, swinging his
                         hand)
                 Okay, rock, paper, scissors...

<b>                              LIANE
</b>                 Sorry-- if you boys want me, you gotta do
                 me at the same time.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Huh?

<b>                               LIANE
</b>                 Come on.   Give me the double stuff.
          HAROLD and KUMAR look at each other confused.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 I'm not sure we quite understand...

<b>                              LIANE
</b>                 I want you both inside me simultaneously.
          HAROLD and KUMAR look at each other again, more confused and
          kind of disturbed. Kumar turns to LIANE...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Um, are we talking about one hole or two?

<b>                              LIANE
</b>                 However you want to do it.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   61.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Sorry, no thank you.

<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                        (to Harold)
                 Shh! Two holes it might not be that bad.
                        (beat)
                 Shotgun anus!

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Forget it! I don't want our balls
                 rubbing against each other. No way!
          KUMAR turns to LIANE in desperation...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 What about blow jobs?! Can we get blow
                 jobs!?

<b>                              LIANE
</b>                 Well...okay.
                        (to Harold)
                 Can you help me with this...?
          Liane walks over to Harold, seductively. Harold is nervous
          and doesn't know what he should do. She takes his hand and
          puts it on the knot in her shirt. Harold looks over to Kumar,
          who gives him a reassuring nod. Harold then pulls on the
          cloth, causing the knot to come loose, thereby releasing her
          shirt. The shirt is now hanging and just barely covering her
          breasts.

<b>                              LIANE
</b>                        (to Harold, re: breasts)
                 Do you want to play with them?
          Harold looks over to Kumar, then back at Liane...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Okay, let's do that.
          Liane takes Harold's hands and places them on her breasts.
          Kumar looks on enviously. Liane moans in pleasure as Harold
          starts to massage her chest.
          AT THAT MOMENT, FREAK SHOW ENTERS THE ROOM, holding a
          particularly threatening TIRE-IRON...

<b>                              FREAK SHOW
</b>                 Hey boys-- I changed your tire...
          FREAK SHOW sees HAROLD with LIANE...

<b>                              FREAK SHOW
</b>                 What the hell are you doing with my wife!

<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003    62.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                             (scared shitless)
                      Uhh...you said outside that we can have
                      sex with her!
               FREAK SHOW runs over to HAROLD and grabs him by the collar!

<b>                                   FREAK SHOW
</b>                      I most certainly did not say that!

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                      No.   You did. We both heard you.

<b>                                   FREAK SHOW
</b>                             (calming down)
                      Are you sure?

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                      Positive.
               FREAK SHOW ponders this.

<b>                                   FREAK SHOW
</b>                      Oh...my mistake then.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                      No problem.

<b>                                   FREAK SHOW
</b>                      Well, since we're all here, why not make
                      it a foursome?

<b>               FREAK SHOW PULLS HIS PANTS DOWN AND PUTS HIS ARMS AROUND
</b>
<b>               HAROLD AND KUMAR...
</b>
<b>                                   FREAK SHOW
</b>                      Who wants the first reach-around?

<b>          84   EXT. FREAK SHOW'S HOUSE                                      84
</b>               HAROLD and KUMAR burst out the front door and run towards
               their car. They get in and peel out as fast as they can.

<b>          85   EXT. DIRT ROAD - 1:45 AM                                     85
</b>               Harold's Infiniti is driving down a dusty trail in the woods.

<b>          86   INT. HAROLD'S INFINITI                                       86
</b>
<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Okay, let's agree never to talk about
                      what just happened.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                      Agreed.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                                DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   63.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>               KUMAR searches for some clue of where they are.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Dude, I have no idea where we are.
               All of a sudden, A HITCHHIKER waves them down up ahead.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Hey, a hitchhiker. Should we pick him up?

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      And get chopped to bits?     Are you crazy?
               Kumar pulls over to the side of the road...

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Oh, calm down. We're lost. He may know
                      how to get us back on the highway.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Fuck that! It's my car! We're not
                      picking up a hitchhiker!
               The back door opens and Neil (hitchhiker), gets into the car.

<b>                                   NEIL
</b>                      Yo, man, thanks for picking me up.
               HAROLD and KUMAR look at NEIL and then look at each other.
               THEY ARE IN COMPLETE SHOCK. Harold is no longer angry.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                             (to Neil)
                      Uh...excuse me, but...are you Neil
                      Patrick Harris?

<b>                                      NEIL
</b>                      Yep.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Holy shit, dude! Doogie Howser, M.D. was
                      my favorite TV show growing up! You were
                      my idol!

<b>                                    NEIL
</b>                             (curt)
                      Hey, that's great. Do you think we could
                      get going? I'm bored as shit back here.

<b>          87   EXT. DIRT ROAD                                                87
</b>               We see Harold's Infiniti drive back onto the road...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   64.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          88   INT. CAR                                                   88
</b>
<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      So, Neil, I have to ask you-- did you
                      ever get it on with Wanda off the set?

<b>                                   NEIL
</b>                      Dude, I humped every piece of ass ever on
                      that show.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Even the chick who played the hot nurse?

<b>                                   NEIL
</b>                      No, I didn't go all the way with her.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Hey, you don't know how to get back on
                      the highway, do you?

<b>                                   NEIL
</b>                      I don't even know where the fuck I am
                      right now. I was at this party earlier
                      tonight, and this dude hooked me up with
                      some killer X. Somehow I ended up
                      getting thrown out of a moving car, and
                      I've been tripping balls ever since.
               HAROLD and KUMAR both find this to be quite strange.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Well, our night's been pretty crazy too.
                      We've been driving around for hours,
                      trying to get to White Castle, but we
                      keep getting sidetracked.

<b>                                   NEIL
</b>                      Dude, forget White Castle.   What we need
                      is some pussy.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Huh?

<b>                                   NEIL
</b>                      It's a fucking sausage fest in here.
                      Let's get us some poon-tang. Then we'll
                      go to White Castle.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      You don't understand, Neil. We've been
                      craving these burgers all night.

<b>                                   NEIL
</b>                      I've been craving burgers too.   Fur
                      burgers, that is.

<b>                                   (MORE)
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                            DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES MAY 28 2003       65.
</b>                                   NEIL (cont'd)
                      Let's pick up some trim at a strip club.
                      The Doogie line always works on
                      strippers.
               HAROLD and KUMAR look at each other-- weirded out.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Hey, there's a gas station! Let's stop
                      and get directions.
               KUMAR quickly makes a turn onto a NORMAL-LOOKING STREET
               leading up to a gas station in the distance...

<b>          89   EXT. GAS STATION/CONVENIENCE STORE - 1:50 AM                  89
</b>               HAROLD and KUMAR get out of the car.   NEIL is still in the
               backseat. The car is still running.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      We'll be right back, Neil.
               NEIL shakes his head, disappointed. Harold and Kumar start
               walking over to the CONVENIENCE STORE.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      What's the deal with Neil Patrick Harris?
                      Why's he so horny?

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      I don't know. But we can't let him
                      interfere with our quest.
               Suddenly, Cole's Yellow Jeep drives right by them. They have
               to jump out of the way. Cole parks the jeep and exits with

<b>               TWO OF THE EXTREME SPORTS PUNKS.
</b>
<b>                                   COLE
</b>                      Late night math league meeting, homos?

<b>                                   EXTREME SPORTS PUNK #1
</b>                             (to Cole)
                      Extreme!

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                             (upset)
                      Oh shit. These idiots.
               Cole and the Two Punks push past Harold and Kumar and walk
               into the store. Harold and Kumar enter after them...

<b>          90   INT. CONVENIENCE STORE                                        90
</b>               HAROLD and KUMAR walk into the store, where they see Cole and
               the Punks are nonchalantly knocking over random items from
               the shelves. They then begin playing HACKEYSACK with a
               HOSTESS-like PIE. The CASHIER (an OLD INDIAN MAN IN HIS
               SIXTIES) throws out a couple indecipherable protests...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003    66.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              INDIAN CASHIER
</b>                        (to Cole and the punks)
                 Please...the pies...do not...
          Cole and the Punks ignore him.    Harold and Kumar then
          approach the Indian Cashier...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Excuse me-- can you tell us how to get
                 onto the highway from here?
          The INDIAN CASHIER shrugs his shoulders.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (to Harold)
                 He probably can't speak English...

<b>          KUMAR SAYS A FEW WORDS IN HINDI, WHICH LIGHTS UP THE
</b>          CASHIER'S EYES. Kumar listens as the Cashier tells him the
          directions in Hindi-- it takes the Cashier a long time to
          explain it. He mentions numerous streets and routes. It
          sounds like it's very complicated.
          Meanwhile, while they are talking, HAROLD suddenly sees TWO
          MORE EXTREME SPORTS PUNKS enter the store, CARRYING A KAYAK
          AND A PADDLE. They carry the kayak to the back of the store.
          Harold has no idea what the hell is going on. KUMAR and the
          CASHIER are too busy talking to notice. Harold watches
          nervously as COLE PUTS ON A HELMET AND GETS INTO THE KAYAK...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Who knew that learning Hindi would
                 actually pay off? The guy says the
                 highway's just down the road. We should
                 be in Cherry Hill in ten minutes.
          HAROLD is still focused on COLE and the EXTREME PUNKS...

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                         (to Kumar)
                 Huh?   Oh, good.

<b>                              COLE (O.S.)
</b>
<b>                 EXTREME KAYAKING!!!
</b>          HAROLD, KUMAR, and the INDIAN CASHIER immediately turn and
          look at COLE, WHO IS IN THE KAYAK-- WHICH IS BEING HELD UP BY

<b>          THE EXTREME SPORTS PUNKS. THE PUNKS RUN DOWN THE AISLE WITH
</b>
<b>          THE KAYAK AND LAUNCH IT INTO THE AIR...
</b>          In slow motion, we see COLE swing his paddle around in mid-
          air, KNOCKING OVER EVERYTHING ON THE SHELVES-- BAGS OF CHIPS,

<b>          GLASS JARS OF JELLY, BOTTLES OF SODA, ETC.
</b>          The EXTREME SPORTS PUNKS cheer COLE on, while HAROLD, KUMAR,
          and the INDIAN CASHIER watch in disbelief.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                          DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES     MAY 28 2003    67.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>          The kayak lands on the floor.     COLE gets out and celebrates
          with his friends.

<b>                                 COLE
</b>                    That was so fucking extreme, man!

<b>                                 EXTREME SPORTS PUNK #1
</b>                    Yeah man, on a scale from one to ten--
                    one being not so extreme, ten being
                    extremely extreme, I'd give it a nine
                    point five.
          Meanwhile, all the Extreme Sports Punks begin going crazy
          throughout the store, knocking food off the shelves,
          bothering other customers.
          The INDIAN CASHIER begins yelling at them in HINDI.
          Extreme   Sports Punk #1 casually looks through a shelf of
          various   kinds of snack chips, discarding them one after an
          other.    Finally, he stumbles upon EXTREME CHEDDAR DORITOS.
          He goes   apeshit over his find.

<b>                                 EXTREME SPORTS PUNK #1
</b>                    Extreme Cheddar!
          He tears open the bag and starts pouring them into his mouth,
          getting the chips all over the place.
          The INDIAN CASHIER is still yelling.      Cole picks up the
          Cashier...

<b>                                 COLE
</b>                    Extreme Cashier!!!
          Harold and Kumar watch on as Cole spins the INDIAN CASHIER
          around and around.

<b>                                 HAROLD
</b>                    Somebody should do something.

<b>                                 KUMAR
</b>                           (to Cole)
                    Hey asshole! Why don't you leave the guy
                    alone and go jerk off to some
                    snowboarding videos or something.

<b>                                  EXTREME SPORTS PUNKS
</b>                    Oooooooooh!
          Pissed, Cole stops in his tracks and drops the Cashier on the
          floor. He's pissed. It's clear to Harold that they may get
          their asses kicked.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   68.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                             (to Kumar)
                      I didn't mean you should do something.
               Cole slowly walks over to Kumar. The two stand face to face.
               Cole looks pissed, but Kumar keeps his confident exterior.
               It's a tense moment.
               Suddenly, Cole makes a quick motion as if he was going to hit
               Kumar, trying to get him to flinch. Kumar stands his ground
               without flinching, still looking Cole in the eye. The Punks
               don't know what to think as their leader is shown up.
               Seemingly impressed by Kumar, Cole begins to turn around as
               if he's going to walk away, but he quickly doubles back,
               doing the same fake punch he did before. Caught off guard,
               this time Kumar flinches like a nervous weakling...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                              (pissed off at himself)
                      Shit.
               Cole and the Punks burst out laughing.

<b>                                   COLE
</b>                      Yeah, that's right, bitch! Try fucking
                      with me one more time. Just try it!
               Cole jumps up and town gloating and pounding on his chest.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                             (to Kumar, embarrassed)
                      Come on, lets get out of here.
               Harold and Kumar walk out of the store, deflated.   With their
               leader victorious, the Punks begin celebrating.

<b>                                   COLE
</b>                             (like Apu)
                      Thank you, come again!

<b>          91   EXT. GAS STATION/CONVENIENCE STORE                           91
</b>               HAROLD and KUMAR walk back towards their car...

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Kumar-- you okay?

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                      Yeah, I just hate those dicks.
                             (beat)
                      Fuck it. At least now we know where we're
                      going. I'm so friggin' hungry...

<b>               SUDDENLY, WE HEAR A CAR ENGINE START.    HAROLD AND KUMAR STOP
</b>
<b>               WALKING AND LOOK OVER AT KUMAR'S CAR.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   69.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          THEY SEE NEIL IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT, TURNING THE KEY. THEY
</b>
<b>          WATCH AS HE PUTS THE CAR INTO DRIVE, HITS THE GAS, AND TAKES
</b>
<b>          OFF, DRIVING THROUGH A SIGN, AND GETTING ON THE ROAD...
</b>          Harold and Kumar stand there for fifteen seconds, without
          saying a word, as they watch the car slowly disappear in the
          distance. Eventually, Harold breaks the silence...

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                        (calm)
                 Did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking
                 car?

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 I think he did.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>
<b>                 FUCK!!!!!!
</b>                        (to Kumar)
                 You! You had to pick up a hitchhiker!

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Rold, calm down!

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Why the hell did you leave the keys in
                 the car?!

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 I figured that Neil Patrick Harris was a
                 trustworthy guy. How was I supposed to
                 know that he'd fuck us over?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 This is all your fault! This whole
                 fucking night! You know I leased that
                 car! They're gonna make me pay for it!
          Harold starts to walk back to the convenience store.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Where are you going?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 I'm going to call the police!   I don't
                 want to talk to you anymore!
          Harold is about to walk in, when he sees Cole wind up and
          throw a Hostess-like snowball right in the Cashier's face.
          "Extremes" all around!

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 There's a pay phone across the street, if
                 you don't want to deal with those
                 assholes.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   70.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>          Harold turns around and walks back towards the street. Kumar
          walks with him, keeping his distance. They reach the street.
          On the other side, he sees AN ORANGE "DON'T WALK" SIGN LIT
          UP. Harold presses the "WALK" BUTTON on the post next to him.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 So after you talk to the cops we're still
                 going to White Castle, right?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 I'm not speaking to you.
          Harold waits for the "DON'T WALK" sign to change. It
          doesn't. HE STARTS PRESSING THE "WALK" BUTTON REPEATEDLY.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 You know, pressing the button a bunch of
                 times doesn't make the sign change any
                 faster. The computer responds to the
                 first press. Every press after that is
                 extraneous.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Thank you, Mr. Wizard.
          HAROLD waits for a few seconds, but when the light doesn't
          change, he begins pressing the button again.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Jesus Christ! When are they gonna
                 fucking develop button technology that'll
                 understand urgency?
          The "DON'T WALK" sign still won't change. Kumar looks to the
          left and then to the right. The street is completely empty
          and there is no place for a police car to hide.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 This is ridiculous.   Just walk across.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 It'll change in a second.
          They stand there for another ten seconds.   It doesn't change.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Come on, there's not a car in sight!

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Alright fine. You want me to cross?
                 I'll cross. Just leave me alone!
          Harold starts walking angrily across the street.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Finally.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                         DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   71.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>          Before Kumar has a chance to follow, a POLICE CAR FROM OUT OF

<b>          NOWHERE FLASHES ITS LIGHTS AND STOPS HAROLD DEAD IN HIS
</b>
<b>          TRACKS.
</b>
<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 Shit!
          Harold walks back over to Kumar, clearly upset within him, as
          OFFICER PALUMBO (30's, good looking, tough) gets out of the
          car and walks over to them...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (looking at cop's name-
                         tag)
                 Good evening. Is there a problem,
                 Officer...Palumbo?

<b>                              OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                 Is there a problem? Ever hear of
                 jaywalking?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Yes. Yes I have. I'm so sorry. I promise
                 I'll never do it again.

<b>                              OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                 Yeah, like I give a fuck. I'm writing
                 you up a ticket.
          OFFICER PALUMBO begins writing a ticket.    Kumar walks over,
          flabbergasted...

<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                 A ticket?!   Are you serious?
          Harold motions Kumar to "shut the fuck up!"

<b>                              OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                        (to Kumar, unthreatened)
                 Who the fuck are you, shitwad?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (stepping in front of
                         Kumar)
                 Let me apologize for my friend. I promise
                 I will pay the fine. But actually, I'm
                 glad you're here. You know the TV show
                 Doogie Howser, M.D? You see, Doogie
                 Howser just stole my car and...

<b>                              OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                 Pipe down and give me your ID.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (to Officer Palumbo)
                 Wait. Hold on.

<b>                              (MORE)
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                       DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES MAY 28 2003     72.
</b>                              KUMAR (cont'd)
                 How can you give him a ticket for
                 jaywalking? I mean, look at this street!
                 He wasn't causing traffic or anything!

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Kumar, shut up...

<b>                              OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                        (to Kumar)
                 Yeah, that's not the best tone to use on
                 a cop who could bust your ass.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Bust my ass?!

<b>                              OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                 Yeah, Koo-mar. Bust your ass.
                        (to Harold)
                 What's with that name -- Koo-mar -- with
                 like three o's and shit. What happened to
                 good old fashioned American names like
                 Dave, Jim...
          Harold points to his ID.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Harold.
          Harold is starting to pacify Palumbo.

<b>                              OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                 Yes. Harold. That's a great name.    You
                 should be proud of that name, son.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Thank you.
          OFFICER PALUMBO hands Harold his ticket and begins to walk
          away.

<b>                              OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                 As you were, ladies.
          Kumar grabs the ticket from Harold and looks at it.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 220 dollars!? Are you crazy?
          Palumbo quickly turns around and returns to the guys.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Kumar, I swear to God, if you don't...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (to Officer Palumbo)
                 No, no, no. I understand what's going on.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   73.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>               Harold steps in front of Kumar and puts his arms up to block
               him. Palumbo interprets the movement as a hostile movement
               towards him.

<b>                                   OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                      Hey, hands down! No sudden moves!
               Harold puts his hands down and Kumar continues his rant, with
               Palumbo improvising little responses.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Let me guess. You were probably the big
                      asshole in your high school, right?
                      You'd pick on guys like us every day.
                      But then graduation came, and we went to
                      college and you went nowhere, so you
                      thought, "How can I still give them shit?
                      I know! I'll become a cop!" Well,
                      congratulations. Your dream's come true.
               Both Officer Palumbo and Harold are getting really pissed.
               Kumar steps in front of Harold and offers his friend over to
               Palumbo.

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                             (to Officer Palumbo)
                      Hey, while you're at it, why don't you
                      write him up another ticket? Or better
                      yet, arrest him. Lock him up!
               With that, HAROLD TAKES A BIG SWING AT KUMAR. Kumar sees
               Harold's fist coming and quickly ducks. Harold's fist ends
               up hitting OFFICER PALUMBO in the face. SMACK!!!

<b>                                      HAROLD
</b>                      Oh shit.

<b>          92   INT. JAIL CELL - 2:30 AM                                    92
</b>               The CELL DOOR SLAMS.    Harold is behind bars.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                             (calling out)
                      Hey, are you gonna do something about my
                      car? Hello?
               Palumbo is in the main office area, dealing with HIPPIE
               ASSHOLE and his MOM. The Mom hands Officer Palumbo a check.

<b>                                   OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                      Thanks, Mrs. Ogelthorpe. Your donation
                      to our Police Charity is very
                      appreciated.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003     74.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              HIPPIE ASSHOLE'S MOM
</b>                 Well, thank you for being so
                 understanding about Bradley. I promise
                 you he won't ever do it again.

<b>                              OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                 Oh, I'm sure he won't. Not after the
                 talk we had, right Brad?
          Officer Palumbo gives Hippie Asshole a threatening look.

<b>                              HIPPIE ASSHOLE
</b>                        (shaken)
                 Mom-- please take me home...
          The Mom leaves, with Hippie Asshole clinging to her like a
          frightened child.
          Palumbo shakes his head and sits down at his desk, where we
          see HIPPIE ASSHOLE'S BIG BAG OF WEED, along with Harold's
          WALLET and LAPTOP. He then starts filing a report on
          Harold...
          Harold looks at Officer Palumbo through the bars...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Can I at least give you my car's licence
                 plate number?
          Ignoring Harold, Palumbo turns up the volume on his radio...

<b>                              RADIO   ANNOUNCER
</b>                 The search for the   escaped cheetah
                 continues tonight.   It was last spotted in
                 Randolph Township,   heading South...
          Harold turns around and examines his cell. Inside with him
          is a black man (TARIK) sitting down, reading a book. Harold
          sits down, across from Tarik.
          While Harold isn't looking, we see Officer Palumbo take the
          cash out of Harold's wallet and pocket it.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 So what are you in here for?

<b>                              TARIK
</b>                 For being black.

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 Come on.   Seriously.
          TARIK sits up. He looks at OFFICER PALUMBO who, with his
          Walkman on, is oblivious to their conversation.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                         DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   75.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              TARIK
</b>                 I am serious. You wanna know what
                 happened?
          Harold nods.

<b>                              TARIK
</b>                 I was walking out of a Barnes and Noble,
                 and a cop stops me. Evidently, a black
                 man robbed a store in Newark. Therefore,
                 since I'm black, it was probably me,
                 right?
          Harold shrugs his shoulders.

<b>                              TARIK
</b>                 Well that was the logic the cop used. I
                 told him I haven't even been to Newark in
                 months. Then he pointed a gun at me and
                 told me to stop resisting arrest. I
                 said, "Hey, I'm not resisting anything."
                 So he starts beating me with his gun,
                 screaming at me, telling me to stop
                 resisting.

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 Holy shit.   What did you do?

<b>                              TARIK
</b>                 I kept saying, "I understand that I'm
                 under arrest. Please stop beating me."
                 But that didn't work. Then another cop
                 showed up. Then another. When it was
                 all said and done, it took nine cops to
                 bring me in here.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 That fucking blows!
          Tarik nods and continues reading his book.    Harold sees that
          Tarik is remarkably relaxed.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 I don't understand how you're able to be
                 so calm about all this.

<b>                               TARIK
</b>                 Son, I'm fat. I'm black. I can't dance.
                 And I have two gay fathers. I've had
                 people messing with me my whole life.
                        (beat)
                 I learned a long time ago, there's no
                 point in getting all riled up every time
                 a bunchy of idiots gives you a hard time.
                 Because in the end, the universe tends to
                 unfold as it should.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   76.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>               Harold takes this all in.

<b>                                   TARIK
</b>                      So what are you in here for?

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Assaulting an officer.

<b>                                   TARIK
</b>                      They tried to pin that shit on you too?

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      No. I actually did hit the cop. But
                      only because I was trying to hit my
                      friend. Well, ex-friend.

<b>          
</b>               Suddenly, OFFICER REILLY hangs up the phone on his desk. He
               shouts out to the other officers in the room:

<b>                                   OFFICER REILLY
</b>                      Hey, listen up guys! Multiple gun shots
                      fired in Millbrook Park! It sounds bad!

<b>                                   OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                      Finally, some action! I'm going!
               Another cop, OFFICER MARTONE, gets up...

<b>                                   OFFICER MARTONE
</b>                      No-- I'm going!
               All six officers in the room jump out of their desks and run
               for the door. Harold and Tarik can't believe it.

<b>          93   EXT. POLICE STATION - CONTINUOUS                            93
</b>               We see the officers get into their POLICE CARS and drive off.

<b>          94   INT. JAIL CELL - CONTINUOUS                                 94
</b>               Harold and Tarik are now left all alone in their cell.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      That was strange.
               Suddenly, a loud banging sound is made from a VENTILATION
               SHAFT on the ceiling, above one of the officer's desks.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      What the hell was that?

<b>                                  KUMAR (O.C.)
</b>                            (from inside the shaft)
                      Rold? Is that you?

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   77.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>          Although his voice is muffled, we can hear Kumar's words.
          Tarik is very confused.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (shouting out)
                 Kumar?! What the fuck are you doing?!

<b>                              KUMAR (O.C.)
</b>                 Are the cops still there?

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 No, they...   Wait a second, did you...

<b>                              KUMAR (O.C.)
</b>                 I called and made up some story about a
                 shooting in Millbrook park...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Jesus Christ! What did you do that for?!

<b>                              KUMAR (O.C.)
</b>                 I'm fucking starving! I figured I'd bust
                 you out, and we'd get over to White
                 Castle.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Forget it! I don't want to get in any
                 more trouble! I'm already in here because
                 of you!

<b>                              KUMAR (O.C.)
</b>                 Hey, fuck you! What did you want me to
                 do? Stand there and take the hit? You
                 know, I've never taken a swing at you
                 before. Never.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Well, I never got your car stolen!

<b>                              TARIK
</b>                 Hey, I'm trying to read here.

<b>                              KUMAR (O.C.)
</b>                 Look, Rold, I'm sorry. But you're not
                 the only one dealing with shit. My dad's
                 cutting me off, remember?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Hey asshole, I'm in jail! Don't bitch to
                 me about your problems! Just leave me
                 alone. I don't want your help.

<b>                              KUMAR (O.C.)
</b>                 You don't want my help? Fine!    I'm outta
                 here!

<b>          
</b>
<b>                          DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   78.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>          We hear a couple banging sounds from the ventilation shaft.
          Then a couple more. Then a couple more. Pouting, Harold
          pretends to ignore it.

<b>                                KUMAR (O.C.)
</b>                 Uh...Rold?    How do I get out of here?
          Tarik rolls his eyes in disbelief.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 How the hell should I know?

<b>                              KUMAR (O.C.)
</b>                 This isn't good.
          We hear the banging noise again. And again. Suddenly, THE

<b>          VENTILATION SHAFT BREAKS OFF THE CEILING AND KUMAR FALLS OUT
</b>
<b>          ONTO THE GROUND...
</b>
<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Jesus Christ.
          Tarik shakes his head.

<b>                                KUMAR
</b>                 Ow...my ass.
          Kumar gets up and walks over to the cell.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 You sure you don't want to get out?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 And become a fugitive? Are you nuts?
                 The guy has all my information.
          Harold points to Palumbo's desk, which has the police report,
          Harold's I.D., and his laptop.

<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                 So what? We'll take everything he wrote
                 down about you and leave.
                        (beat)
                 Unless you want to stay here all night
                 and not be able to hand your work in
                 tomorrow.
          Harold thinks about this for a second.

<b>                                HAROLD
</b>                 Fine.    Hurry up.
          Kumar smiles.   He begins searching for a key.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003    79.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          95   EXT. POLICE STATION - CONTINUOUS                            95
</b>               We see ALL THE POLICE CARS RETURNING TO THE STATION.

<b>          96   INT. POLICE STATION                                         96
</b>               Kumar finds A BIG METAL KEY RING on Palumbo's desk...

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      Yes! I was hoping it would be one of
                      these big ring of keys. Now I get to try
                      all of them to see which one will...

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Kumar, hurry the fuck up!
               Kumar runs over to the cell door. He tries out a couple
               keys, when he suddenly smells something...

<b>                                   KUMAR
</b>                      What's that smell?
               Kumar turns his head and sees the ENORMOUS BAG OF WEED on
               Officer Reilly's desk.

<b>                                   HAROLD
</b>                      Kumar?...Kumar!
               Kumar can't hear Harold. He's in a trance. We begin to hear a
               romantic song as Kumar stares lovingly at the BAG OF WEED...

<b>                                                          DISSOLVE TO:
</b>
<b>          97   EXT. PARK (SWINGSET) - DAY                                  97
</b>               It's a beautiful, sunny day in the park, as KUMAR pushes THE
               BAG OF WEED on a swing, like young lovers do in movies...

<b>                                                          DISSOLVE TO:
</b>
<b>          98   INT. MINIATURE GOLF COURSE - NIGHT                          98
</b>               KUMAR has his arms around THE BAG OF WEED as he helps it
               swing the golf club. It's a hole in one! KUMAR TURNS THE

<b>               BAG OF WEED AROUND AND GIVES IT A KISS.
</b>
<b>                                                          DISSOLVE TO:
</b>
<b>          99   EXT. HIP STREET - NIGHT                                     99
</b>               Kumar and THE BAG OF WEED are sitting down, posing for a
               CARICATURE SKETCH ARTIST. The Artist reveals his sketch to
               Kumar and The Bag of Weed. It obviously looks ridiculous.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003    80.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          100    INT. KUMAR'S BEDROOM - NIGHT                               100
</b>                 THE BAG OF WEED is lying on KUMAR's bed, while KUMAR gives it
                 a massage...

<b>                                                            DISSOLVE TO:
</b>
<b>          101    INT. KUMAR'S BEDROOM - NIGHT                               101
</b>                 KUMAR is lying on the bed, while THE BAG OF WEED is giving
                 him a massage (yes, the bag has little arms and hands now).

<b>                                                            DISSOLVE TO:
</b>
<b>          102    EXT. ALLEY - DAY                                           102
</b>                 THE BAG OF WEED is holding a box containing pictures and
                 memorabilia of it's relationship to the HIPPIE ASSHOLE. The
                 Bag of Weed throws the box in a GARBAGE CAN.
                 Kumar lights a match and throws it in the can, setting it
                 aflame. He and the bag of weed face each other and kiss...

<b>                                                            DISSOLVE TO:
</b>
<b>          102A   INT. KUMAR'S BEDROOM - NIGHT                              102A
</b>                 A NAKED KUMAR and THE BAG OF WEED are kissing in bed. The
                 BAG OF WEED starts to go under the covers. We watch, as the
                 sheets move up and down. KUMAR STARTS TO HAVE AN ORGASM...
                 THE BAG OF WEED comes up from under the covers. Kumar gives
                 it a kiss. THEN, HE GOES UNDER THE COVERS. We see THE BAG

<b>                 OF WEED START TO TREMBLE AND SHUDDER IN ECSTASY...
</b>
<b>          103    INT. KITCHEN TABLE - AFTERNOON                             103
</b>                 KUMAR (wearing a wife-beater undershirt and boxers) is
                 frustrated as he looks at his BILLS. THE BAG OF WEED (wearing
                 a pink bathrobe) comes out of the kitchen holding a MUG OF

<b>                 COFFEE. IT GIVES KUMAR THE COFFEE. KUMAR TAKES A SIP. IT'S
</b>
<b>                 TOO COLD. HE SPITS IT OUT AND SLAPS THE BAG OF WEED...
</b>
<b>                 DEPRESSED, THE BAG OF WEED WALKS AWAY FROM THE TABLE...
</b>                 KUMAR hears THE BAG OF WEED crying from the other room.   He
                 obviously feels guilty...

<b>                 KUMAR GETS UP AND RUNS OVER TO THE BAG OF WEED. HE PICKS IT
</b>
<b>                 UP, GIVES IT A KISS, AND EMBRACES IT WITH ALL OF HIS SOUL...
</b>
<b>                                                            DISSOLVE TO:
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                 DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   81.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          104   INT. JAIL CELL                                                104
</b>                Kumar walks away from the cell, goes over to the desk, picks
                up the bag of weed and caresses it...

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       What the hell are you...
                Suddenly, all six police officer come back into the room,
                pushing a black man wearing pajamas (NATHANIEL BANKS).
                Nathaniel seems very gentle. He's even wearing a turtleneck
                sweater.

<b>                                    OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                              (to Nathaniel)
                       You thought you could get away with this,
                       huh?

<b>                                    NATHANIEL
</b>                       Where am I? I was in bed.         I didn't fire
                       any gun, I swear...
                Suddenly, Officer Reilly looks over to the jail cell...

<b>                                       OFFICER REILLY
</b>                                 (pointing)
                       Look!
                All the cops turn to the cell. Kumar is still holding the
                weed. He doesn't know what to do. Harold is scared shitless.

<b>                                   OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                             (re: Tarik)
                       Shit! Jackson's trying to escape!
                Tarik looks up from his book...

<b>                                       TARIK
</b>                       What?     Oh, not again!
                The cops handcuff Nathaniel to the leg of a desk, and run
                over to the jail cell, ignoring Kumar and the weed.

<b>                                    OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                       Stop trying to escape!

<b>                                    TARIK
</b>                       I'm not trying to escape!        Look at me,
                       I'm sitting down!
                They turn the key that is already in the keyhole and storm
                into the room. Harold stands back, confused. Tarik leans
                against the wall, ready to be handcuffed. The cops grab him
                and throw him down against the bed.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   82.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                    OFFICER REILLY
</b>                       He's trying to break free! Hold him
                       tight!
                In the midst of all the action, Kumar grabs Harold and pulls
                him out of the cell. HAROLD GOES OVER TO PALUMBO'S DESK AND
                PICKS UP HIS WALLET AND LAPTOP, along with the police report.
                They start running out of the room. Kumar's still clinging
                to the weed.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                              (to Kumar)
                       Wait-- shouldn't we do something about
                       this?

<b>                                    NATHANIEL
</b>                              (to Harold)
                       If I were you, I'd get out of here as
                       soon as possible.
                With that, Harold and Kumar run out...

<b>          105   EXT. POLICE STATION                                       105
</b>                HAROLD and KUMAR (still clinging to the weed) burst out the
                door and run down the steps. They race through the street
                and start heading towards a FOREST.

<b>                                      KUMAR
</b>                       Hurry up!

<b>          106   EXT. FOREST - 3:20 AM                                     106
</b>                HAROLD and KUMAR have stopped running.   They start catching
                their breath.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       Jesus Christ! That place was a fucking
                       mad house! Thanks for getting me out of
                       there, dude.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Hey, man, the burgers wouldn't taste as
                       good if you weren't there.
                              (beat, re: weed)
                       Dude, look at this. It's like we went
                       from being broke to being millionaires.
                Suddenly, they hear what sounds like A COYOTE'S HOWL.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       What was that?

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Just a coyote. Don't worry.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                         DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   83.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Aren't people supposed to be scared of
                 coyotes?

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 That's only because they sound scary. In
                 one on one combat, either one of us can
                 take a coyote down.

<b>          SUDDENLY, A CHEETAH JUMPS OUT FROM BEHIND A BUSH AND LETS OUT
</b>
<b>          A MONSTROUS ROAR!
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR (CONT'D)
</b>                 Now cheetahs, they're another story.
          The CHEETAH stares HAROLD and KUMAR down.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 We're gonna die.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Just calm down. Cheetahs are used to
                 eating zebras and shit. They're not
                 known for eating humans.

<b>          WITH THAT, THE CHEETAH WALKS OVER TO A NEARBY BUSH AND DRAGS
</b>
<b>          OUT A HALF-EATEN HUMAN CORPSE IT'S OBVIOUSLY BEEN DEVOURING.
</b>
<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 We're gonna die.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Okay, I'll admit, that's not a good sign.
                 But I'm sure if we just stay calm he'll
                 probably leave us alone.
          HAROLD and KUMAR stand silently. SLOWLY, the CHEETAH begins
          walking directly over to HAROLD...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (whispering)
                 This isn't working.

<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                 Shhh.
          Suddenly, the CHEETAH OPENS HIS MOUTH WIDE AND CHOMPS DOWN ON

<b>          WHAT APPEARS TO BE HAROLD'S GROIN AREA.
</b>
<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (eyes closed, screaming)

<b>                 HE'S MAULING ME! HE'S MAULING ME!
</b>          HAROLD continues screaming for the next TEN SECONDS.
          Eventually, he calms down and looks at the CHEETAH.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003    84.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                THE CHEETAH IS NOT EATING HAROLD.    HE'S EATING THE BEEF JERKY
</b>
<b>                THAT HAROLD HAD IN HIS PANTS.
</b>
<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                              (annoyed)
                       I thought I told you not to take that
                       jerky!
                HAROLD simply falls to the ground relieved that he hasn't
                been eaten. The Cheetah walks over to Harold and begins
                licking Harold's face in friendship.

<b>                                      HAROLD
</b>                       He likes me.
                Suddenly, Kumar's eyes light up...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Dude, I think I have an idea.

<b>                                      HAROLD
</b>                       What is it?

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       I'll tell you, but first we have to get
                       really high.
                Kumar opens the bag of weed.
                Pan up to the night sky for a time lapse.   We see smoke
                coming up from below. Pan back down...

<b>          107   OMIT                                                        107
</b>
<b>          108   EXT. FOREST - DAY                                           108
</b>                Harold and Kumar are now sitting on top of the CHEETAH,
                smoking joints. Kumar has a belt around the cheetah's neck
                like reigns on a horse.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       Has it come to this?    Are we really gonna
                       ride this cheetah?

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Hey, cheetahs are the fastest animals on
                       the planet. It's as good as a car.
                Kumar takes one last drag of a joint and flicks it away.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       This is either a really smart move, or by
                       far the stupidest thing we've ever done.
                HAROLD puts his arms around KUMAR to hold on.    Kumar puts the
                bag of weed under his shirt...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003    85.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Well, we'll soon find out.
                              (like to a snow dog)
                       Mush! Mush!

<b>                SUDDENLY, THE CHEETAH DARTS OUT LIKE LIGHTENING WITH HAROLD
</b>
<b>                AND KUMAR ON IT'S BACK. EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO
</b>
<b>                SENSE, WE SEE THE CHEETAH ZOOMING PAST STREETS AND FORESTS.
</b>
<b>                HAROLD AND KUMAR ARE BOUNCING UP AND DOWN AS IT RACES ACROSS
</b>
<b>                A MAJOR HIGHWAY...
</b>
<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       Dude, am I just really high or is this is
                       actually working?!

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                       Both!

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       This is great! We'll be at White Castle
                       in no...

<b>                SMACK! A BRANCH HITS HAROLD IN THE FACE, KNOCKING HIM OFF THE
</b>                CHEETAH. Harold lands on the ground-- his head bleeding.
                His eyes slowly close as he goes unconscious...

<b>                                                            DISSOLVE TO:
</b>
<b>          109   EXT. THE LAND OF BURGERS - DAY                              109
</b>                THE LAND OF BURGERS is an OZ-like world-- the entire terrain,
                with all it's rolling hills, IS MADE UP OF HAMBURGERS. Music
                plays as HAROLD and MARIA skip through THE LAND OF BURGERS,
                holding hands.
                Along the way, they run by...
                The BLACK GUYS from the BASKETBALL GAME, all waltzing with
                each other, in white tuxedos. HUGEST ANGRIEST BLACK GUY
                gives Harold the same scary look from before....
                FREAK SHOW is shoveling some burgers from the ground into a
                wheelbarrow. He waves to Harold and Maria. He then takes out
                a CHAINSAW and starts cutting off the arm he's waving with.
                KUMAR and the MALE NURSE, who are playing Twister, while
                getting high. After a spin of the wheel, Kumar reluctantly         
                gets in a position where it looks like he's taking the Male
                Nurse from behind. Kumar's not happy.
                Harold and Maria fall to the ground-- they roll down a hill,
                UNTIL HAROLD IS ON TOP OF MARIA. Harold picks up a burger
                from the ground. Maria does the same. They proceed to feed
                each other their burgers. They munch on them, looking into
                each other's eyes...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   86.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                    MARIA
</b>                       I love you, Harold.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       I love you, Maria.
                MARIA gets up and runs away. HAROLD playfully chases her.
                Maria runs over to a FRENCH FRY TREE. SHE PLUCKS A COUPLE

<b>                FRENCH FRIES FROM THE BRANCH AND FEEDS THEM TO HAROLD.             
</b>
<b>                                    COLE (O.S.)
</b>                       Wow, you guys are really extreme...
                HAROLD turns and sees COLE KAYAKING DOWN A NEARBY STREAM...

<b>                                    COLE
</b>                       ...extremely gay that is.

<b>                SUDDENLY, AN ARROW GOES RIGHT THROUGH COLE'S NECK! BLOOD
</b>
<b>                STARTS GUSHING OUT. HE FALLS OFF THE KAYAK, INTO THE WATER.
</b>                HAROLD is shocked. He turns around and sees MARIA, HOLDING A
                CROSSBOW. She smiles at him. HE THEN JUMPS ON TOP OF HER

<b>                AND THEY BEGIN MAKING LOVE ON TOP OF THE BURGERS...
</b>
<b>                                    MARIA
</b>                       Oh Harold! Yes! Yes! Oh, God-- you
                       have the biggest dick of all time! It's
                       so long! And wide, for that matter!
                Suddenly, Harold turns and sees the BURGER SHACK EMPLOYEE
                lying down near them. He is staring at them, with no
                expression on his face, with his hand down his pants--
                rubbing his penis furiously. Harold is disturbed.

<b>                                    MARIA
</b>                       Don't worry about him...
                MARIA rolls over so SHE'S ON TOP OF HAROLD. SHE STARTS

<b>                LICKING HIS FACE, LIKE A DOG. WHEN SHE DOESN'T STOP LICKING,
</b>
<b>                HAROLD STARTS GETTING A LITTLE CONFUSED...
</b>
<b>          110   EXT. WOODS NEAR ROAD - 4:00 AM                              110
</b>                HAROLD wakes up to find KUMAR LICKING HIS FACE.   HAROLD JUMPS

<b>                AWAY FROM HIM...
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES     MAY 28 2003   87.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 What the hell are you doing?!!!

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 I'm sorry! You've been out cold for the
                 past half-hour! I figured that maybe if
                 I did some gay shit you'd wake up.
          HAROLD wipes his face with his sleeve. He then gets up-- he
          sees that they are by a random road, all by themselves.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 What happened to the cheetah?

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 It ran away. But forget about that. I
                 have some bad news and some worse news.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (nervous)
                 Tell me the worse news first.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 I checked out some road signs. The
                 cheetah took us in the wrong direction.

<b>                                HAROLD
</b>                 That sucks.    What's the bad news?

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Your laptop is completely destroyed.
          Kumar points to the laptop, which is outside of it's bag,
          broken in pieces.

<b>                                HAROLD
</b>
<b>                 WHAT????????
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 It smashed against a tree when you fell
                 off the cheetah.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Why the hell didn't you say that THAT was
                 the "worse news"?

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Well, the laptop really only effects you.
                 Whereas the White Castle situation
                 effects both of us equally.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Oh no! No! No!

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Don't worry, dude. Your laptop's insured.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES     MAY 28 2003   88.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       It's not that! All my work was saved in
                       there! Now I gotta go back to the office
                       and re-do everything!

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Exactly. First, we'll take a cab over to
                       White Castle, then we'll...

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       Forget White Castle.   There's no time!

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Come on, Rold! You can get that shit done
                       in a couple hours. We can't quit now!

<b>                SUDDENLY, THEY HEAR LOUD RAP MUSIC PLAYING IN THE DISTANCE.
</b>
<b>                HAROLD AND KUMAR SLOWLY TURN AROUND AND SEE...
</b>
<b>                HAROLD'S CAR AIRBORNE AS IT SCALES A HILL!    THE CAR LANDS,
</b>
<b>                CAUSING SPARKS TO FLY FROM THE SHOCKS.
</b>
<b>          111   INT. HAROLD'S CAR                                           111
</b>
<b>                NEIL PATRICK HARRIS IS DRIVING THE CAR, SURROUNDED BY FOUR
</b>
<b>                HOT COMPLETELY NAKED STRIPPERS.
</b>
<b>                THE STRIPPERS ARE ALL OVER NEIL, KISSING HIS NECK, AND
</b>
<b>                PASSING A JOINT AROUND.
</b>
<b>                ONE OF THE STRIPPERS LIES ACROSS THE FRONT SEAT WITH HER ASS
</b>
<b>                IN FRONT OF NEIL. ANOTHER STRIPPER POURS A LINE OF COCAINE ON
</b>
<b>                THAT STRIPPER'S ASS. NEIL SNORTS THE COCAINE FROM THE
</b>
<b>                STRIPPER'S ASS!!!
</b>
<b>          112   EXT. STREET                                                 112
</b>                Harold and Kumar stand there, speechless, as Neil drives
                right past them, splashing a puddle in Harold's face!
                They stand there, watching silently as NEIL drives off.
                Harold is now drenched. Muddy water drips from his hair and
                clothing. He gives Kumar a dirty look. Kumar knows he
                shouldn't push Harold any further.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Fine...We'll find a pay phone and get a
                       cab back to your office.
                Harold, furious and almost in tears, simply nods "yes."

<b>                                                           CUT TO:
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                  DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   89.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          112A   EXT. DIRT ROAD                                              112A
</b>                 Kumar, disappointed, walks down the road with a miserable
                 Harold. When they reach the corner...

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                               (pointing)
                        Look, there's a Krispee Kreme.     We'll
                        call from there.

<b>          113    EXT. KRISPEE KREME DONUTS                                    113
</b>                 Harold and Kumar walk over to the parking lot. Unfortunately,
                 they notice a familiar YELLOW JEEP COVERED IN STICKERS.

<b>                                        KUMAR
</b>                        Oh great.     Here we go again.
                 COLE and the EXTREME SPORTS PUNKS are hacky-sacking in the
                 parking lot. Their skateboards are sitting nearby.

<b>                                     COLE (O.S.)
</b>                               (to Kumar)
                        Hey Apu!
                 COLE laughs.   Kumar tries to ignore him...

<b>                                     COLE
</b>                        Who's running the Quik-E-Mart while
                        you're gone?
                 COLE pounds fists with his friends.

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                               (to Rold)
                        Fucking asshole.
                 Suddenly, HAROLD stops in his tracks. He's noticed something
                 through the Krispee Kreme window. He stops KUMAR and
                 points...

<b>                                        HAROLD
</b>                        Look!
                 Through the window, we see ROSENBERG and GOLDSTEIN inside,
                 sitting at a booth. They both have a dozen donuts and five
                 cartons of milk. It looks like they just sat down...
                 Goldstein savors his first bite of his POWDERED BLUEBERRY
                 FILLED DONUT and Rosenberg licks his fingers after his first
                 bite of his CHOCOLATE CREAM FILLED DONUT.
                 HAROLD and KUMAR watch through the window longingly...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                         DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   90.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (yearning)
                 I want that.

<b>                                KUMAR
</b>                 What?    A chocolate cream filled?

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 No.  I want that feeling.
                        (beat)
                 The feeling that comes over a man when he
                 finally gets exactly what he desires.
                        (beat)
                 I NEED that feeling.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Are you saying what I think you're
                 saying?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 We gotta go to White Castle.
          KUMAR gives HAROLD a hug.

<b>                                KUMAR
</b>                 Yes!    I knew you had it in you!
          Suddenly, Kumar notices something else inside. Someone else
          is sitting down at Rosenberg & Goldstein's table...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Is that Cindy Kim?
          Harold watches as Cindy Kim sits down next to Goldstein.
          Goldstein puts his arm around her and feeds her a piece of
          donut. It looks like Goldstein and Cindy are "an item."

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 You should have boned her when you had
                 the chance.
          Before Harold can respond, he's hit in the back of the head
          by a hacky sack! Cole and the Punks laugh at Harold.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (to Cole)
                 Hey, why don't you just leave us alone?

<b>                             COLE
</b>                 Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it,
                 Mr. Miagi?
          Cole gets in the CRANE POSITION a la THE KARATE KID...
          Harold is quiet for a moment as he looks at Cole's little
          racist routine. He then lets out a little laugh...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES     MAY 28 2003   91.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       Nothing.
                Harold turns around and starts walking towards the Krispee
                Kreme entrance. Kumar follows. In the background Cole and the
                Punks are laughing about what a "pussy" Harold is.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                              (pissed off, but
                               powerless)
                       Fuck! I'm so sick of their bullshit!

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                              (totally calm)
                       Don't worry. The universe tends to
                       unfold as it should.
                Kumar gives a "What the fuck is he talking about?" look.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       Besides, I have a plan.   Follow my
                       lead...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Your lead?
                Harold walks past the Krispee Kreme entrance and heads
                towards the YELLOW JEEP at a brisk pace. KUMAR follows.

<b>                SUDDENLY, HAROLD SNATCHES COLE'S KEYS FROM THE HOOD OF THE
</b>
<b>                JEEP AND RUSHES INSIDE THE DRIVER'S SIDE.
</b>                One of the Extreme Sports Punks sees Harold doing this...

<b>                                     EXTREME SPORTS PUNK #1
</b>                       Hey, Cole!   Look!
                Cole turns to see Harold in his car. Kumar is about to get
                in the passenger's side. Cole and the Punks start running
                towards the car! Kumar sees this and quickly gets inside.
                HAROLD puts the car in reverse, nearly hitting the punks.

<b>          114   INT. COLE'S YELLOW JEEP                                     114
</b>                Harold is shifting gears...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       What the hell are you doing?!

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       I'm stealing their car.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       This is your plan?

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       It's working isn't it?

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003    92.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>                Harold drives the car out of the parking lot.   Cole and the
                Punks give chase on their skateboards.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                              (laughing)
                       Hey, slow down to like 25 mph, so they
                       think they have a chance to catch up.

<b>          115   EXT. ROAD                                                   115
</b>                Harold drives COLE'S JEEP down at a speed just slow enough
                for COLE and the PUNKS to think that they have a chance...

<b>          116   INT. COLE'S YELLOW JEEP                                     116
</b>                Kumar then sticks his head out the window...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                              (in thick Indian Accent)
                       Thank you, come again!
                Harold guns it-- leaving Cole and the Punks in the dust.

<b>          117   EXT. ROAD                                                   117
</b>                We see Cole and the Punks watching in disbelief as Harold and
                Kumar drive off with their car.

<b>                                    EXTREME SPORTS PUNK #1
</b>                       Dude, that was so NOT extreme!

<b>                                    COLE
</b>                       I know Extreme Sports Punk #1, I know.
                The Extreme Sports Punks walk away, leaving Cole by himself.

<b>          118   INT. COLE'S YELLOW JEEP                                     118
</b>                HAROLD and KUMAR are laughing and slapping five.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Victory is sweet! Nice job, Roldy!

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       I had to do something.
                KUMAR begins sniffing something in the air...

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                       Wait.   Do you smell that?
                KUMAR keeps sniffing. He turns around to the back seat. He
                reaches back and picks something up from off the floor. It's
                a WHITE CASTLE bag. He pours out the contents and we see
                EMPTY WHITE CASTLE HAMBURGER CARTONS fall onto Kumar's lap.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   93.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Those assholes got to have White Castle?!

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       This world is so unfair.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Don't worry . Forget about that. We
                       have a car now. We're back in the game.
                       Pretty soon we'll be eating our own White
                       Castle. Want me to drive?

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       No. I've got everything under control. We
                       should be able to get there with enough
                       time for me to get my work done after our
                       feast. Just find us some tunes.
                A tape is resting in the tape deck.   KUMAR pushes it in...
                HAROLD and KUMAR look at each other amazed that COLE has some
                lame chick song on his tape.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Those guys are fucking posers!

<b>          119   EXT. HIGHWAY                                               119
</b>                We see COLE'S YELLOW JEEP speeding along the highway. We see
                signs indicating they're getting closer to Cherry Hill...

<b>          120   INT. COLE'S YELLOW JEEP                                    120
</b>                Harold and Kumar are now listening to another lame chick
                song. While they aren't fully embracing the song, it's clear
                they're kind of enjoying it.

<b>          121   EXT. HIGHWAY                                               121
</b>                The guys take the Cherry Hill exit.

<b>          122   INT. COLE'S YELLOW JEEP                                    122
</b>                Harold and Kumar are singing along passionately to a third
                lame chick song.

<b>          123   EXT. HIGHWAY - 6:25 A.M.                                   123
</b>
<b>                A SIGN READS "YOU ARE NOW ENTERING CHERRY HILL."
</b>
<b>          124   INT. COLE'S YELLOW JEEP                                    124
</b>
<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Dude, we're almost there!

<b>          
</b>
<b>                                DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   94.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          125   EXT. CHERRY HILL ROAD                                       125
</b>                They're speeding down a road lined by forests on both sides.
                We see the Jeep speeds by a COP CAR...

<b>          126   INT. COP CAR - 6:30 A.M.                                    126
</b>                OFFICER BRUCKS (middle-aged, tough, toothpick in his mouth)
                sees the yellow jeep speed by. He reloads his rifle...

<b>                                      OFFICER BRUCKS
</b>                       Bingo.

<b>          127   INT. COLE'S YELLOW JEEP                                     127
</b>                HAROLD and KUMAR are still singing...
                All of a sudden, HAROLD and KUMAR hear a POLICE SIREN.

<b>                                      KUMAR
</b>                       Oh shit!
                KUMAR turns around and sees the police car behind them.

<b>          128   INT. COP CAR                                                128
</b>                OFFICER BRUCKS is speaking into his POLICE RADIO.

<b>                                    OFFICER BRUCKS
</b>                       I found them. And I'm gonna need back-up.

<b>          129   EXT. CHERRY HILL ROAD                                       129
</b>                The COP CAR is tailing the Jeep. The Jeep pulls away...

<b>          130   INT. COP CAR                                                130
</b>                Officer Brucks sees the jeep pull away...

<b>                                    OFFICER BRUCKS
</b>                              (into police radio)
                       Oh boy! We got a chase on our hands!

<b>          131   INT. COLE'S YELLOW JEEP                                     131
</b>                HAROLD looks determined as he puts the pedal to the metal.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       What are you doing?!

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       I'm not going back to jail!     We've come
                       too far! Now buckle up.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   95.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                       Buckle up?
                Kumar buckles his seat belt.   HAROLD MAKES A SHARP TURN...

<b>          132   EXT. CHERRY HILL ROAD                                      132
</b>                The YELLOW JEEP goes around a turn in the road and then CUTS

<b>                INTO THE FOREST, DISAPPEARING IN THE WOODS...
</b>                We then see the COP CAR go around the turn. It passes by the
                point where HAROLD and KUMAR entered the forest.

<b>          133   INT. COP CAR                                               133
</b>                From OFFICER BRUCKS'S POV, we see that he has a long stretch
                ahead, with no cars in sight.

<b>                                    OFFICER BRUCKS
</b>                       What the hell?
                He puts his foot on the brakes, bringing the car to a
                screeching halt.
                OFFICER BRUCKS gets out of the car and looks around wondering
                where the YELLOW JEEP went. HE THEN HEARS THE SOUND OF

<b>                BRANCHES CRACKING IN THE WOODS...
</b>
<b>          134   EXT. WOODS - 6:35 A.M.                                     134
</b>                The Jeep bounces up and down as it heads uphill in the woods.

<b>          135   INT. JEEP                                                  135
</b>                Harold is holding onto the wheel for dear life. Kumar is
                scared as shit. They're both bouncing up and down.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Where the hell are we going?!

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       Just hold on!

<b>          136   EXT. WOODS                                                 136
</b>                The Jeep continues going uphill, higher and higher...

<b>          137   INT. JEEP                                                  137
</b>                Harold and Kumar are still bouncing up and down...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       It's a good thing I have an empty
                       stomach, or else I'd puke right now!

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES     MAY 28 2003   96.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                        Don't worry. We're gonna make it.
                        Everything's gonna be...

<b>                THEY NOTICE THEY'RE ABOUT TO DRIVE OVER THE EDGE OF A CLIFF.
</b>
<b>                            HAROLD                             KUMAR
</b>                Shit!                               Fuck!

<b>                HAROLD HITS THE BRAKES AS HARD AS HE CAN...
</b>
<b>          138   EXT. CLIFF - 6:40 AM                                        138
</b>                We see the jeep stop just short of the cliff. Harold and
                Kumar get out of the jeep and walk over to the edge of the
                cliff and look down. IT'S A VERY STEEP DROP.

<b>                SUDDENLY, KUMAR SEES SOMETHING OUT IN THE DISTANCE...
</b>
<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                              (pointing)
                        Rold! Look out there!

<b>                HAROLD LOOKS TO WHERE KUMAR IS POINTING-- IT'S A WHITE CASTLE
</b>
<b>                WAY DOWN BELOW, ABOUT A MILE AWAY.
</b>
<b>                THEY THEN HEAR A POLICE SIREN COMING FROM BACK IN THE WOODS.
</b>
<b>                                      HAROLD
</b>                        Oh shit!   We're trapped!
                Kumar notices something...

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                        Not necessarily.
                KUMAR walks over to the JEEP and points to the HANG-GLIDER...

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                        No. No way. Not a chance.       I'd rather
                        turn myself in than die.

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                        Dude, it's okay. I used to hang-glide
                        with my dad all the time when I was kid.
                        I know how to do it.

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                        You hang-glided? I don't remember that.

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                        We did it on our trips   to India. I
                        swear. I know exactly    what I'm doing.
                        I've even done it with   two people at the
                        same time. My brother    and I did it.

<b>                                     (MORE)
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                       DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES MAY 28 2003       97.
</b>                              KUMAR (cont'd)
                 Just hold onto the outside bars and let
                 me take care of the rest.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 No, Kumar. I'm not risking my life over
                 a bunch of hamburgers.
          KUMAR walks over to HAROLD and stares him in the eye...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 You think this just about the burgers,
                 huh? Well, let me tell you-- it's about
                 far more than that.
          KUMAR walks over to the edge of the cliff and looks out onto
          the EARLY MORNING HORIZON. The sun is still rising. The
          scene is very picturesque...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Our parents came to this country,
                 escaping persecution, poverty, and
                 hunger. Hunger, Harold. They were very,
                 very hungry. And they wanted to live in
                 a land that treated them as equals. A
                 land where their kids could study and get
                 into good colleges. A land filled with
                 hamburger stands. And not just one type
                 of hamburger. Hundreds of types-- with
                 different sizes, toppings, and
                 condiments. That land was America.

<b>          THE POLICE SIREN IS GETTING LOUDER...
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                        (turning to Rold)
                 You think this is just about the burgers?
                 No. This is about achieving what our
                 parents set out for. This is about the
                 pursuit of happiness. This is about the
                 American dream.
          KUMAR walks over to HAROLD.

<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                 And so we've reached this point. The
                 point which all men eventually have to
                 face. The point of no return.
                        (beat)
                 We can stay here, get arrested and end
                 our hopes of ever going to White Castle.
                 Or we can take the hang-glider and make
                 our leap towards freedom. I leave the
                 decision up to you.
          From the sound of the sirens, it seems that the police are
          getting closer. Harold turns back, facing Kumar...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                              DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003    98.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       I hate you, Kumar.

<b>          139   EXT. NEAR THE CLIFF - 6:45 AM                                139
</b>
<b>                HAROLD AND KUMAR ARE ABOUT FIFTEEN YARDS FROM THE CLIFF,
</b>
<b>                HOLDING THE HANG-GLIDER. THE SIRENS ARE GETTING LOUDER...
</b>
<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       Hurry up...they're almost here!

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Grab onto the end of the bars and hold on
                       tight.
                HAROLD does as he's told. They are both holding onto the
                bars (Harold behind Kumar).

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Okay. Here's how this is gonna work. On
                       the count of three, we're gonna run to
                       the edge of the cliff. When I say
                       "jump," launch yourself forward as if you
                       were diving into a pool, got it?

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                              (nervous)
                       I think so.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Don't worry-- everything's gonna be fine.
                       Are you ready?
                HAROLD's too nervous to speak.   KUMAR gets into position.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Okay, here goes. One...two...three!
                HAROLD and KUMAR START RUNNING TOWARDS THE CLIFF.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Good job, Rold! Keep running!

<b>                THEY'RE GETTING CLOSER...
</b>
<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Rold, there's something I gotta tell you.
                       I've never hang-glided before.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>
<b>                       WHAT???
</b>
<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>
<b>                       JUMP!!!
</b>
<b>                HAROLD AND KUMAR JUMP OFF, JUST AS THE COP CAR ARRIVES.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES       MAY 28 2003   99.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>                 The hang glider coasts through the air for a couple seconds.

<b>                 THEN, SUDDENLY, THE GUYS START GOING DOWN AT A SHARP ANGLE!
</b>
<b>                             HAROLD                            KUMAR
</b>
<b>                 AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!                   AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
</b>
<b>                 JUST THEN, THE HANG GLIDER CATCHES ONTO THE WIND AND STARTS
</b>
<b>                 GLIDING THROUGH THE SKY.
</b>
<b>                                       HAROLD
</b>                        Oh my God!    Oh my God!   Oh my God!

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                        Dude, it's working!

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                        I can't believe you lied to me!

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                        Hey, how else was I gonna convince you to
                        jump off a cliff?

<b>          140    EXT. CLIFF - 6:46 AM                                          140
</b>                 OFFICER BRUCKS gets out of the car, holding his rifle and
                 runs over to the jeep. He looks inside...

<b>                                     OFFICER BRUCKS
</b>                               (to the walkie-talkie)
                        It appears they've escaped. They ditched
                        their jeep.
                 OFFICER BRUCKS opens the front door of the car and peers
                 inside. He notices THE BAG OF WEED ON THE DASHBOARD. He
                 opens it and TASTES SOME WEED in the same way a drug cop
                 would taste cocaine during a bust.

<b>                                     OFFICER BRUCKS
</b>                               (to the walkie-talkie)
                        Good news. I found enough dope in the
                        car to send those skateboard punks to
                        jail for the next couple years. Looks
                        like they've terrorized their last
                        convenience store.
                 Suddenly, Officer Brucks realizes that the taste in his mouth
                 is strangely appealing. He thinks for a beat as he eyes the
                 bag of weed. He then takes another taste of it. He looks
                 again at the bag. Like Kumar, we can tell that he's in
                 love...

<b>          140A   EXT. OLD PICK UP TRUCK - DAY (FANTASY)                       140A
</b>                 OFFICER BRUCKS and the BAG OF WEED drink bottles of BUDWEISER
                 while sitting in the back of a PICKUP TRUCK.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                                DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003    100.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          140B   EXT. SKEET SHOOTING RANGE - DAY (FANTASY)                   140B
</b>                 BRUCKS is skeet shooting, as the BAG OF WEED watches.      Brucks
                 gives the bag a kiss, after a successful round.

<b>          140C   INT. BARN - NIGHT (FANTASY)                                 140C
</b>                 BRUCKS is having sex with the bag doggy-style.    He slaps it's
                 "ass" as he goes.

<b>                                                             DISSOLVE TO:
</b>
<b>          140D   EXT. CLIFF - NIGHT (BACK TO REALITY)                        140D
</b>                 BRUCKS hugs and caresses the BAG OF WEED, as he's lost in the
                 fantasy.

<b>          141    EXT. MID-AIR - 6:50 AM                                       141
</b>                 Our triumphant heros are gliding across the morning sky.
                 Harold and Kumar look down as they soar above the trees...

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                        Dude, we're so high right now.

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                        We're not low.
                 They continue gliding though the sky for a while...

<b>                                       HAROLD
</b>                        Hey, Kumar?

<b>                                       KUMAR
</b>                        Yeah?

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                        How are we gonna get down?

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                        Uh...well...I guess it's just gonna go
                        down at some point.

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                        That's a great answer. Made me feel
                        really comfortable. Thanks a lot.
                 KUMAR looks down as they fly over a playground.

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                        Is it a problem if we fly into birds?

<b>                                     KUMAR
</b>                        Why do you ask?

<b>          
</b>
<b>                       DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003    101.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Because we're about to!
          KUMAR looks up and sees at least A HUNDRED CROWS FLYING

<b>          STRAIGHT TOWARDS THEM.
</b>
<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                 Oh shit!
          HAROLD AND KUMAR FLY RIGHT INTO THE CROWS.   Numerous birds
          collide with their faces...

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 Ahhhh!   My eyes! Don't peck out my eyes!

<b>          THE BIRDS CAUSE THE HANG-GLIDER TO GO AGAINST THE WIND,
</b>
<b>          SENDING HAROLD AND KUMAR DOWN FAST. THEY ARE SCREAMING AND
</b>
<b>          YELLING AS THEY PLUMMET...
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 We're gonna die! We're gonna die!

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 I hate you!   I hate you so much!

<b>          THE HANG-GLIDER FALLS STRAIGHT INTO A TREE AND GETS CAUGHT IN
</b>
<b>          THE BRANCHES. THEY APPEAR TO HAVE BEEN SAVED.
</b>
<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                 We're gonna live! Ha! Ha! We're gonna
                 live!
                        (beat)
                 You see, Rold? That wasn't so bad.

<b>          SNAP!!! THE BRANCH BREAKS OFF, SENDING HAROLD AND KUMAR
</b>
<b>          STRAIGHT DOWN. THEY FALL ABOUT THIRTY FEET, THUMPING ON
</b>
<b>          BRANCHES AS THEY FALL...
</b>
<b>          SMACK!!! THEY HIT THE GROUND AND IMMEDIATELY START ROLLING
</b>
<b>          DOWN A HILL. THEY CONTINUE ROLLING...ROLLING...ROLLING...
</b>
<b>          FINALLY-- THEY STOP ROLLING WHEN THEY HIT HARD PAVEMENT.
</b>          HAROLD gets up before he can catch his breath...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (breathing heavily)
                 That's it...I'm gonna kill you...

<b>          HAROLD GRABS KUMAR BY THE NECK AND STARTS CHOKING HIM!
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Stop...I...can't...breathe...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 That's the point!

<b>          
</b>
<b>                               DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   102.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                HAROLD CONTINUES STRANGLING KUMAR, WHO NOTICES SOMETHING...
</b>
<b>                                      KUMAR
</b>                       Rold...

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       You're gonna die!

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                              (pointing)
                       Rold...look!

<b>                HAROLD TURNS AROUND. HE RELEASES KUMAR FROM HIS GRIP. KUMAR
</b>
<b>                STARTS CATCHING HIS BREATH. HAROLD STANDS UP. SOON AFTER,
</b>
<b>                KUMAR STANDS UP. KUMAR THEN PUTS HIS ARM AROUND HAROLD...
</b>
<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       We made it, dude.

<b>                FROM HAROLD AND KUMAR'S POV, WE SEE THE WHITE CASTLE IN FRONT
</b>
<b>                OF THEM. THEY ARE STANDING IN THE PARKING LOT. HAROLD AND
</b>
<b>                KUMAR SLOWLY WALK OVER TO THE ENTRANCE.
</b>
<b>                THEY BOTH LOOK AT EACH OTHER-- THEY'RE TOO HAPPY TO SMILE,
</b>
<b>                BUT THEIR EYES SAY IT ALL. THEY ENTER THE RESTAURANT...
</b>
<b>          142   INT. WHITE CASTLE - 7:00 AM                                  142
</b>                Harold and Kumar walk inside. Their shirts are torn and
                tattered, their bodies are scratched up, and they're covered
                in dirt. Everyone in the restaurant turns and stares at them.
                They approach the counter, where A TEENAGER STANDING...

<b>                                    TEENAGER
</b>                       Looks like you guys had some night, huh?
                Harold and Kumar look at each other, and then back at the
                teenager. Their expressions are stone cold...

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       I want thirty slyders. I want five french
                       fries. I want four large Cherry cokes.

<b>                                      KUMAR
</b>                       Same.    Only make mine Diet Cokes.

<b>                                    TEENAGER
</b>                       Wow. That comes to...forty-two dollars
                       and seventy-five cents.
                HAROLD and KUMAR take out their WALLETS.     THEY OPEN THEM UP.

<b>                THE WALLETS ARE EMPTY!
</b>
<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       Hey...hey...hey...where's my money?!

<b>          
</b>
<b>                       DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   103.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 You don't have money?! Shit, I gave all
                 mine to that asshole at Princeton! Fuck
                 that hippie fuck! This can't be
                 happening! We're so close and we're
                 fucking broke!

<b>                              MAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
</b>                 Let me take care of it.
          HAROLD and KUMAR turn around and see NEIL PATRICK HARRIS
          finishing his coke. He throws it in the trash. HAROLD and
          KUMAR are stunned.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 What are you doing here?

<b>                              NEIL
</b>                 You guys kept talking about White Castle
                 last night. It made me start craving it
                 too.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Where's my fucking car you prick!

<b>                              NEIL
</b>                 Yeah. Sorry about that. Like I said, I
                 was tripping balls last night. I don't
                 know what came over me. Your car's out
                 in the parking lot. Here are the keys.
          NEIL tosses HAROLD the car keys.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Do you realize what we had to go through
                 after you stole the car?

<b>                              NEIL
</b>                 I know. It was a dick move on my part.
                 That's why I'm paying for your meal.
          Harold and Kumar look at each other, relieved.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Thanks, I guess.
          NEIL hands them some cash...

<b>                              NEIL
</b>                 Here's fifty for the meal, and two
                 hundred for the car.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (concerned)
                 What happened to the car?

<b>          
</b>
<b>                       DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES    MAY 28 2003   104.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              NEIL
</b>                 I made some love stains in the back seat.
                 You'll see. Anyway, take it easy guys.
                 I'll see you around.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Where are you going?

<b>                              NEIL
</b>                 Wherever God takes me.
          With that, NEIL walks out of the restaurant.   HAROLD and
          KUMAR look at each other, confused.

<b>                              TEENAGER
</b>                 Hey guys...it's gonna take a little while
                 to make all those burgers. You might as
                 well sit down.
          HAROLD and KUMAR walk over to a booth and take a seat.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Dude, we're here. Isn't it great?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 I know. I can't believe we made it. AND
                 we got the car back! If we can just get
                 out of here in a half hour, I can get
                 back to my office and get the work done.

<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                 Hey, look!
          KUMAR points to a TV in the corner of the restaurant.    On the
          screen we see A MORNING NEWS SHOW.

<b>          ON THE TELEVISION:
</b>
<b>          A FEMALE ANCHOR IS REPORTING THE NEWS...
</b>
<b>                              FEMALE ANCHOR
</b>                 Today's top story...Rutgers professor
                 Tarik Jackson and attorney Nathaniel
                 Banks are suing the state of New Jersey
                 for racial discrimination and police
                 brutality. We go live to the municipal
                 state courthouse in Muckleburg...
          Tarik and Nathaniel have a bunch of microphones in front of
          them...

<b>                              TARIK
</b>                 What happened last night was a complete
                 moral travesty. My family and I are
                 outraged and will not settle for anything
                 less than justice...

<b>          
</b>
<b>                       DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   105.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>          We see Tarik joined by his parents (Two Old Gay Black Men--
          one is comforting the other). Nathaniel walks in front of
          the microphone...

<b>                              NATHANIEL
</b>                        (very professional)
                 And by justice, we mean somewhere in the
                 ballpark of ten million dollars....

<b>          INT. WHITE CASTLE
</b>
<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (to Kumar)
                 Hey, good for those black guys!

<b>          ON THE TELEVISION:
</b>          We see footage of OFFICER PALUMBO and THE OTHER COPS taken
          away in handcuffs...

<b>                              OFFICER PALUMBO
</b>                 I'm not racist! This is bullshit! If
                 those black bastards think they're gonna
                 get away with this, they've got another
                 thing coming! Me and my white buddies
                 are gonna [bleep] them up!
          Officer Palumbo gets shoved forcefully into the back of a
          police car.
          Harold and Kumar enjoy this.

<b>          ON THE TELEVISION:
</b>
<b>                              FEMALE ANCHOR
</b>                 This just in...police have arrested a
                 gang of hooligans...
          We see a picture of COLE and the EXTREME SPORTS PUNKS in the
          corner of the screen.

<b>                              FEMALE ANCHOR
</b>                 ...after they found their abandoned car
                 in the forest in Clifton, containing a
                 large bag of marijuana. The young men
                 could face up to five years in prison.

<b>          INT. WHITE CASTLE
</b>          HAROLD and KUMAR slap five.

<b>          ON THE TELEVISION:
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES     MAY 28 2003   106.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                    FEMALE ANCHOR
</b>                       And finally...the Muckleburg Police
                       Department has informed us that they ARE
                       STILL looking for ANOTHER FUGITIVE who
                       escaped from the Police Station last
                       night, along with a companion, believed
                       to be his accomplice...

<b>                INT. WHITE CASTLE
</b>                HAROLD'S JAW DROPS. He's scared shitless.

<b>                ON THE TELEVISION:
</b>
<b>                                    FEMALE ANCHOR
</b>                       Police have made the following sketch of
                       the two fugitives, which they believe to
                       be quote "extremely accurate."

<b>                ON THE SCREEN, WE SEE A HORRIBLE POLICE SKETCH OF "HAROLD"
</b>                and "KUMAR"-- IT IS BASICALLY AN ASIAN MAN IN HIS SEVENTIES

<b>                WHO LOOKS LIKE CONFUCIOUS; THE KUMAR SKETCH IS AN OLD INDIAN
</b>
<b>                MAN WITH A JEWEL ON HIS FOREHEAD, WEARING A TURBAN.
</b>
<b>                INT. WHITE CASTLE
</b>
<b>                HAROLD AND KUMAR BREATHE A SIGH OF RELIEF.
</b>
<b>                                    TEENAGER
</b>                              (to Harold and Kumar)
                       Hey, guys...I got your orders!
                HAROLD and KUMAR run out of the booth.

<b>          151   INT. WHITE CASTLE - MOMENTS LATER                            151
</b>                HAROLD and KUMAR have put three tables together, on which we
                see SIXTY WHITE CASTLE HAMBURGERS-- EACH ONE STEAMING HOT.
                TWO GOOD-LOOKING GUYS (JON and HAYDEN) stare at Harold and          
                Kumar's orders, amazed by their size. They then look at             
                their own orders and realize how worthless they are.                
                HAROLD and KUMAR are sitting across from one another, looking
                at the smorgasbord in front of them. HAROLD IS ABOUT TO DIG

<b>                IN, BUT KUMAR STOPS HIM...
</b>
<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Wait...let's do it together.

<b>                HAROLD NODS. THE GUYS ARE HAVING A MOMENT. HAROLD AND KUMAR
</b>
<b>                EACH PICK UP A BURGER. SLOWLY, THEY BRING THE BURGERS TO
</b>
<b>                THEIR MOUTHS...CLOSER...CLOSER...CLOSER...
</b>
<b>                HAROLD AND KUMAR TAKE THEIR FIRST BITE.   THEY SAVOR IT IN
</b>
<b>                THEIR MOUTHS AS THEY CHEW SLOWLY.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                      DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   106A.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          THEY FINISH THE REST OF THEIR FIRST BURGERS IN ONE BITE, AND
</b>
<b>          THEN QUICKLY EAT TWO MORE...
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   107.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                WE SEE A BRIEF MONTAGE OF HAROLD AND KUMAR SCARFING DOWN THE
</b>
<b>                BURGERS AND FRIES. THEY'RE CRYING TEARS OF JOY!
</b>
<b>          152   INT. WHITE CASTLE - 7:45 AM                               152
</b>                HAROLD and KUMAR have finished their meals. They both look
                full and satisfied. Harold takes one last sip of his soda.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       Oh...that hit the spot.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       It was the best meal of my life.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       Mine too.
                The two of them sit there, looking at all the empty
                containers and wrappers. After a long pause of silence,
                KUMAR speaks...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Dude, you know what? I think I may
                       actually go to my interview today.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       Seriously?

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Yeah. You know, my whole life I've been
                       afraid being just another nerdy Indian
                       guy turned doctor. Well, tonight got me
                       thinking...

<b>                SUDDENLY, HAROLD NOTICES A CONVERTIBLE PARKING OUTSIDE THE
</b>
<b>                RESTAURANT-- IT'S BILLY AND J.D. WITH TWO WOMEN.
</b>
<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       There are far worse things in the world
                       than being tagged for having a natural
                       ability in medicine...
                HAROLD pretends to be listening to KUMAR-- BUT HE IS MORE
                FOCUSED ON BILLY AND J.D., who get out of the car with their
                women and start walking towards the front door.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Like having boils all over your face. Or
                       dealing with the shit those black guys
                       had to go through.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                              (not paying attention)
                       Uh-huh.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                       DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   108.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Besides, I have to admit, it felt pretty
                 cool saving that guy's life last night.
                 Somewhere between that, getting yelled at
                 by my dad, and seeing Neil Patrick
                 Harris, I realized that I've always
                 wanted to be a doctor-- I've just been
                 too scared to admit it.
          KUMAR sees that HAROLD isn't paying attention...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Hey, Rold, are you listening to me?   I'm
                 having a major epiphany here.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 I'll be right back...
          At that moment, BILLY and J.D. walk in the restaurant with
          their women, ZOE and TRACY, respectively. TRACY looks like
          some bimbo slut that J.D. picked up at a strip club. ZOE, On
          the other hand, has a sweet RENEE ZELLWEGER quality about
          her. She and Billy are the perfect Hollywood couple...

<b>                              J.D.
</b>                 Hey, Billy-- you paying for this or what?

<b>                              BILLY
</b>                 I'll be there in a second...
          J.D. and TRACY check out the menu. BILLY takes ZOE aside--
          whatever their story is, it seems to have reached the "you
          complete me" moment...

<b>                              BILLY
</b>                 Look, I have to admit something to you.
                 At the start of last night, all I really
                 cared about was getting some. But then I
                 met you, Zoe. You're so different from
                 all the other women I've ever met.
                 You're smart, funny, artistic. I guess
                 what I'm trying to say is...

<b>                              HAROLD (O.S.)
</b>                 What the fuck is going on here?
          BILLY turns around and sees HAROLD...

<b>                               BILLY
</b>                 Harold?   What are you...?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Never mind me. What are you doing here?
                 I thought you and J.D. were busy all
                 night with "clients." Isn't that why I
                 had to do YOUR work?

<b>          
</b>
<b>                       DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   109.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>          J.D. hears the commotion and turns around...

<b>                              J.D.
</b>                 Hey! What the hell is going on here?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Back off, cock boy! What I have to say
                 to him goes double for you!
          KUMAR sees what's going on-- he can't believe it.

<b>                              J.D.
</b>                 Cock boy? I'm sorry, but did you just
                 call me "cock boy?"

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Yeah, you know I did. You're just
                 stalling because you're not quick enough
                 to think of a comeback.

<b>                               J.D.
</b>                 Oh, I'm not quick enough?
                        (to Billy)
                 He thinks I'm not quick enough.
                        (to Harold)
                 Well, I got news for you...
                        (long beat, thinking)
                 I am quick enough...
                        (beat)
                 ...cock boy!
          J.D. is embarrassed. BILLY tries to placate the situation.

<b>                              BILLY
</b>                 Listen Harry...

<b>                              J.D.
</b>                        (to Billy)
                 Don't even bother with him.   We'll just
                 tell Berenson later...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Tell him what? That I'm your work horse!
                 That you guys think you can just party
                 all weekend and leave all your work to
                 the quiet Asian guy in your office! Huh?
          J.D. is stunned.   Now he's a little nervous.

<b>                              J.D.
</b>                 No, no-- you don't understand...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 No, YOU don't understand. I'm not doing
                 your work anymore.

<b>                              (MORE)
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                            DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES MAY 28 2003       110.
</b>                                    HAROLD (cont'd)
                       And if either one of you douchebags ever
                       tries to pull this shit again, I'll go to
                       Berenson and tell him what's really going
                       on.
                Harold notices Traci and Zoe listening...

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       And I'll tell everyone in the office how
                       you both caught gonorrhea from that
                       whore.
                TRACI and ZOE hear this and are freaked out.   They slowly
                back away from BILLY and J.D....

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get
                       going. See you on Monday.
                HAROLD leaves the RESTAURANT. KUMAR follows.     Billy and J.D.
                are left embarrassed and in shock.

<b>          153   EXT. WHITE CASTLE PARKING LOT                                153
</b>                HAROLD and KUMAR walk over to Harold's Infiniti...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Way to go, Rold! Where the hell did that
                       come from?

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       I don't know. Eating those delicious
                       burgers made me feel like a new man. Now
                       I'm actually looking forward to work this
                       week.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       No shit! I guess you're worthwhile after
                       all.

<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       I'm not worthless.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       So those dudes have gonorrhea?

<b>                                     HAROLD
</b>                       Beats me.
                              (beat)
                       Now, come on, let's get going.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       What's the rush? There's plenty of time
                       before my interview.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                             DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003     111.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                       I have some unfinished business to take
                       care of.
                They both get into the car (Harold gets in the driver's
                side). The car zooms out...

<b>          154   OMIT                                                        154
</b>
<b>          155   EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING LOT - 9:00 AM                       155
</b>
<b>                HAROLD'S WHITE INFINITI PULLS INTO TO A SPACE RIGHT IN FRONT
</b>
<b>                OF THE BUILDING.
</b>
<b>          156   OMIT                                                        156
</b>
<b>          157   INT. HALLWAY BY THE ELEVATOR - 9:02 AM                      157
</b>                The elevator doors open. Harold and Kumar exit. Kumar gives
                Harold a pat on the back...

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       Good luck, dude.
                KUMAR stands behind, while HAROLD approaches MARIA'S door.

<b>                HAROLD TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND THEN KNOCKS ON THE DOOR...
</b>
<b>                THERE IS TENSION AS HAROLD WAITS. THEN, FINALLY, THE DOOR
</b>
<b>                KNOB BEGINS TO TURN AND THE DOOR OPENS--
</b>
<b>                A GOOD-LOOKING, MUSCULAR HISPANIC MAN (LUIS) IS STANDING
</b>
<b>                BEHIND THE DOOR WEARING ONLY HIS BOXERS. HE HAS LIPSTICK ALL
</b>
<b>                OVER HIS NECK AND CHEST...
</b>
<b>                                    LUIS
</b>                       What do you want?

<b>                A LOOK OF EXTREME DISAPPOINTMENT GOES OVER HAROLD'S FACE.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                                    HAROLD
</b>                              (lying)
                       Oh...uh...nothing...wrong room.

<b>                                    WOMAN (O.C.)
</b>                       Come back to bed!

<b>                                    LUIS
</b>                              (calling to woman)
                       Hey, Papi's coming! Hold on!
                              (to Harold, laughing)
                       This girl is crazy, man.

<b>                                    (MORE)
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                      DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES MAY 28 2003       112.
</b>                              LUIS (cont'd)
                 She seemed so sweet at first, but it
                 turns out she's into some pretty freaky
                 shit. She even did this thing where she
                 took a lollipop and shoved it...

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                        (grossed out/depressed)
                 Look, I really don't need to hear it. I
                 guess I just made a mistake. Sorry for
                 interrupting you guys...
          Harold starts to walk away, almost crying. SAD, DEPRESSING
          MUSIC BEGINS TO PLAY. Kumar feels sorry for his friend.
          Just then, Luis leans his head out the door...

<b>                              LUIS
</b>                 Hey-- if you're looking for Maria, she
                 left for Europe this morning.
          Harold quickly turns around and runs back over.

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 Huh?

<b>                              LUIS
</b>                 She's going to Amsterdam for ten days.
                 I'm Luis -- Maria's brother.
          Luis shakes Harold's hand.    Harold suddenly feels better.

<b>                                HAROLD
</b>                 Oh!    Maria's brother!

<b>                              LUIS
</b>                 You must be that Chinese guy Maria keeps
                 talking about.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Actually, I'm Kor...wait a second-- she
                 talks about me?
          A HOT BLACK CHICK (AISHA), wearing only a bra and g-string,
          walks over to Luis and wraps her arms around him...

<b>                              AISHA
</b>                 Are you coming or what?

<b>                              LUIS
</b>                 Hey, I'll be there in a second, baby. Do
                 me a favor-- make me that omelette you
                 were talking about. You know, with the
                 sun-dried tomatoes.
          Aisha kisses him, and walks away to the kitchen. Luis gives
          her a little a slap on the ass. Harold doesn't quite know
          how to respond to this.

<b>          
</b>
<b>                        DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   113.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>                              LUIS
</b>                        (to Harold)
                 So you want me to leave her a message or
                 something?

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 Uh, no thanks. I'd rather do it in
                 person.

<b>                              LUIS
</b>                 Then take it easy, hermano.
          Luis shuts the door.    Kumar runs over to Harold...

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Dude...we gotta go!

<b>                                 HAROLD
</b>                 Huh?   Where?

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 To Amsterdam! We can pack up right now
                 and take the next plane.

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 What are you talking about? Are you out
                 of your mind? What about your interview
                 with the med school guy?

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 Whatever. I'll tell my dad to reschedule
                 it. He won't have a problem, as long as
                 I'm taking it seriously for a change.
                 Now, let's fly to Europe and find Maria!

<b>                              HAROLD
</b>                 She's coming back in ten days! It's not
                 like I'm never gonna see her again.

<b>                              KUMAR
</b>                 For a hot chick, ten days in Europe is
                 the kiss of death. There are gonna be
                 suave, sophisticated guys all over her.
                 By the time she gets back, she may not be
                 available.
          Harold feels a little nervous about what Kumar is saying.

<b>                               HAROLD
</b>                 Forget it.   I'll just wait till she comes
                 back.
          Harold starts to walk away from Kumar...

<b>                               KUMAR
</b>                 Hey, Rold!   Wait!

<b>          
</b>
<b>                                DOUBLE WHITE REVISED PAGES   MAY 28 2003   114.
</b>
<b>          
</b>
<b>          
</b>                Harold stops.

<b>                                    KUMAR
</b>                       You do realize what's legal in Amsterdam,
                       right?

<b>                HAROLD TURNS AROUND. KUMAR HAS A BIG SMILE ON HIS FACE.
</b>
<b>                SLOWLY, BUT SURELY, HAROLD STARTS TO SMILE AS WELL.
</b>
<b>                THE SCREEN GOES BLACK.    "TO BE CONTINUED..."
</b>
<b>                                                             FADE OUT.
</b>
<b>          
</b><b> 
</b>
</pre><br>
<table width="85%" border="0" align="center" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="body" style="BORDER-TOP: #000000 1px solid; BORDER-RIGHT: #000000 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: #000000 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: #000000 1px solid;">
  <tr> 
	<td align=center><img src="/posters/Harold-and-Kumar-Go-to-White-Castle.jpg" border=0>
	<td><h1>Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle</h1><br><br>
	    <b>Writers</b> : &nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="/writer.php?w=Jon Hurwitz" title="Scripts by Jon Hurwitz">Jon Hurwitz</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="/writer.php?w=Hayden Schlossberg" title="Scripts by Hayden Schlossberg">Hayden Schlossberg</a><br>
    	<b>Genres</b> : &nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="/genre/Adventure" title="Adventure Scripts">Adventure</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="/genre/Comedy" title="Comedy Scripts">Comedy</a><br><br><br>
		
		<a href="/Movie Scripts/Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle Script.html#comments" title="Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle comments">User Comments</a>
	</td>
</table>
<br><br>
<div align="center">
<a href="https://www.imsdb.com" title="Internet Movie Script Database"><img src="/images/lilbutton.gif" style="border: 1px solid black;"  alt="Internet Movie Script Database" border=1><br>
Back to IMSDb</a>
</div><br>
<br><br>
  </tr>
</table>
<br><br>
</table>

<table width="99%" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" class="body">
  <tr> 
  <td background="/images/reel.gif" height="13" colspan="2">
</table>

<div align="center">
 <a href="https://www.imsdb.com" title="Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)">Index</a> 
 &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;|&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 
 <a href="/submit" title="Submit scripts">Submit</a> 
 &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;|&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 
 <a href="/links" title="Other sites">Links</a> 
 &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;|&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 
 <a href="/link to us" title="Link to IMSDb">Link to us</a> 
 &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;|&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 
 <a href="/feeds" title="IMSDb RSS Feeds">RSS Feeds</a> 
 &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;|&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 
 <a href="/disclaimer">Disclaimer</a> 
 &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;|&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 
 <a href="/privacy">Privacy policy</a> 
</div>

<br />

</body>
</html>
What did Kumar Patel do at his medical school interview?
What did Kumar Patel do at his medical school interview ?
He botched it to prevent being accepted.
He botched it to prevent being accepted .
He tried to mess it up.
He tried to mess it up .