TEXT: WEDDED BLISS IS ONLY A FEW RELATIVES AWAY
  THE WEDDING
  
  The Wedding
  CrediTs
  Author: Gareth Hanrahan
  Editor: Robin D. Laws
  Publisher: Simon Rogers
  Layout: Roderick Robertson
  Interior Art: : Jérôme Huguenin and Hilary Wade
  Playtesters: Sara McNaughton, Erich McNaughton, Mark Wyler, and Kam Wyler 
  ©2011 Pelgrane Press Ltd. All rights reserved. 
  http://www.pelgranepress.com
  
  2
  THe WeDDinG
  SkuLDuGGeRy
  Goals: 1) Keep the wedding under control 2) Obey the 
  whims of rich patrons like the Crescents or Howard 
  Forte
  Sample Favors: 1) Sort out wedding logistics, such as 
  décor, table layout, the menu and so on 2) Lock a guest 
  in a hotel room or eject them from the premises 3) 
  Provide gossip about the guests
  Rebuff Trumps/Trumped By: Eloquent/Charming
  Abilities: Appraisal 4, Etiquette 5, Gossip 2, Management 
  4, Mechanic 5, Mischief 3, Moxy 5, Perception 4, 
  Persuade (eloquent) 3, Rebuff (wary) 4
  Ronald Sharpe
  No-Good Brother
  “Hey, great to see you! Can I borrow some cash?”
  Ronnie’s slightly less reliable than a rotten rope bridge 
  over a chasm, and a lot less useful. He’s a one-bit 
  huckster, forever selling get-rich-quick schemes and 
  cheap plastic crap. His current scheme is diet pills. He 
  borrows money from anyone who’ll stand still long 
  enough to listen to his spiel; Martin was his target for 
  years, but now that Martin’s marrying into money, he’s 
  got lots more potential marks.
  Ronald felt peckish earlier, and nibbled the cheese-
  flavored icing off the wedding cake. This is the pebble 
  that starts the avalanche...
  Goals: Obtain at least $10,000 to cover his debts.
  Sample Favors: 1) Break into another guest's hotel 
  room 2) Commit some other act of petty thuggery or 
  vandalism 3) Intercede with his brother
  Rebuff Trumps/Trumped By: Eloquent/Charming
  The seTTing
  The PCs are guests at the wedding of Emma Blunt and 
  Martin Sharpe. It’s being held at the moderately-swanky 
  Elysian Country Club. Emma’s father, Gerald Blunt, owns 
  a processed-cheese empire, Martin’s one of his star 
  biochemists, and an unmistakably cheesy odor hangs 
  over the festivities. When Emma calls the whole thing 
  off in a fit of pique, it’s up to the player characters to 
  ensure the couple are forced back onto the path of 
  happiness.
  Cheese! They call it yellow gold in these parts. The 
  wedding takes place in a region known for cheese 
  production – if the game’s set in the US, then it’s 
  Wisconsin. The bride’s family made their fortune with 
  processed cheese, half the wedding guests are involved 
  in the cheese industry, and a new cheese product is 
  one of the key plot elements. Have some cheese cubes 
  on cocktail sticks to serve to the players as wedding 
  canapes.
  relaTionships
  Bob Greengulf
  Country Club Manager
  ‘Sir is making a scene. Sir will be ejected from the premises 
  if sir does not calm down.’
  Personality: Elysia Country Club would be perfect if it 
  weren’t for all those damnable guests running around, 
  trampling his rose bushes and dirtying his fine china. 
  Vistas are at their most beautiful when no-one else is 
  around to see them; hotel rooms are tidiest with no-
  one in them. Bob is a nervous little tyrant who runs his 
  country club like a concentration camp. The staff are 
  oppressed, and any guest who ‘causes a scene’ gets 
  screamed at by Bob.  
  Character Tracker
  Player
  Character
  key Temptation
  Gerald Blunt, Father of the Bride 
  Gladys Blunt, Mother of the Bride
  Vanessa Sharpe, Mother of the Groom
  Brie Blunt, Bridesmaid
  Reverend Goode
  Adrian Hughes, Best Man 
  
  3
  skulduggery
  Abilities: 
  Appraisal 
  4, 
  Athletics 
  5, 
  Driving 
  4, 
  Eavesdropping 4, Etiquette 5, Gambling 4, Gossip 4, 
  Knowledge (the cheese business) 4, Management 4, 
  Mischief 3, Moxy 5, Perception 4, Performance (dance) 
  5, Persuade (glib) 4, Rebuff (Wary) 5, Stealth 3, Wealth 8
  Tom Sharpe
  Martin’s Uncle
  “That reminds me of something completely unrelated.”
  Personality: The regulation drunken relative. Tom 
  spends the entire weekend of the wedding dead drunk, 
  and encourages anyone nearby to join him. He’ll also try 
  to scam drinks off everyone within arm’s reach. When 
  drunk, Tom becomes very, very talkative. He rambles. 
  He babbles. He drones. He tells anecdotes that turn 
  into verbal death marches, and engages his victims in 
  incoherent debates about the issues of the day. He’s 
  like the Ancient Mariner – once he stoppeth you, you’re 
  stuck talking to him forever.
  Goals: 1) Get drunk 2) Stay drunk
  Sample Favors: 1) Stall someone with endless 
  conversation 2) Get someone else drunk 3) Pass on 
  Sharpe family gossip
  Rebuff Trumps/Trumped By: Glib/Intimidating
  Abilities: Gossip 3, Mechanic 4, Mischief 3, Moxy 
  3, 
  Performance 
  (raucous 
  singing) 
  4, 
  Persuade 
  (Obfuscatory) 3, Rebuff (Obtuse) 4.
  Leena Pitt
  Photographer
  “I’m being spontaneous for you.”
  Personality: Leena is convinced she’s quirky and 
  charming. In fact, she self-identifies as ‘wacky and 
  creative’. Those who have interacted with her for more 
  than thirty seconds invariably want to strangle her. 
  She’s the wedding photographer, but she eschews the 
  traditional posed group shots in favor of ‘real life action’ 
  – she stalks the country club like a big game hunter, 
  popping out when you least want a camera shoved in 
  your face. Worse, she’s immensely proud of her work, 
  and shows off the most embarrassing shots to everyone 
  nearby.
  Goals: Take interesting and creative pictures at the 
  wedding. Ones that are hilariously funny or full of 
  genuine emotion are the best.
  Abilities: 
  Appraisal 
  3, 
  Athletics 
  4, 
  Driving 
  3, 
  Eavesdropping 4, Gambling 5, Gossip 2, Living Rough 2, 
  Mechanic 4, Mischief 6, Moxy 3, Perception 3, Persuade 
  (Glib) 3, Rebuff (Wary) 4, Stealth 2, Wealth 1
  Jean-Philippe Cabot
  The Other Guy
  “This is, how you say, typical of your barbaric so-called 
  culture, non?”
  Personality: The heir to a French goats-cheese empire, 
  Jean-Phillipe is an ex of Emma Blunt’s. She left him 
  after six months to pursue her studies in law; he still 
  carries a torch for her, although admitting that would 
  contravene his commitment to being condescending 
  Eurotrash. He wants Emma back, but he wants her to 
  crawl to him instead of asking her directly. 
  Officially, he’s in town to find a local distributor for his 
  family’s goat’s cheese, and intends to speak to both 
  Howard Forte and Gerald Blunt, but this was just an 
  excuse for him to show up at the wedding. When Emma 
  learned he was in town, she felt obliged to invite him.
  Goals: Seduce Emma
  Sample Favors: 1) Offer a lucrative goats-cheese 
  distribution deal 2) Scorn someone or something in a 
  particularly cutting manner
  Rebuff Trumps/Trumped By: Eloquent/Charming
  
  4
  THe WeDDinG
  SkuLDuGGeRy
  addiTional supporTing 
  CharaCTers
  Martin Sharpe
  The Groom
  “Um... it’s all going to be fine? Right?”
  Personality: Quiet and myopically devoted to cheese, 
  Martin’s done very well for himself by getting engaged 
  to Emma. He’s nervous, indecisive and easily flustered, 
  so proposing to her was the bravest thing he’s ever 
  done. It’s clear that he is utterly devoted to his bride-
  to-be. He works in her father’s cheese company as a 
  biochemist, and it’s rumored that Mr. Blunt expects 
  great things of his new son-in-law. Martin’s likeable 
  enough in his nebbish, neurotic fashion, but he always 
  buries his head in the sand (or, rather, the cheese lab) 
  when faced with big personal problems. 
  Since Emma called the wedding off, Martin’s been 
  plunged into self-doubt. He’s binge-eating on Spicy 
  Dagobert, which causes mild hallucinations if excessively 
  consumed. He’s not sure if he wants to marry Emma, or 
  work in cheese. In fact, after that much Spicy Dagobert, 
  he’s not sure if his shoes are speaking Spanish or 
  Portuguese. 
  Goals: Find a new direction in life. 
  Rebuff Trumps/Trumped By: Charming/Eloquent
  Downfall: Nitpicking
  Abilities: Athletics 3, Craftsmanship (cheese-making) 
  6, Etiquette 3, Gossip 1, Knowledge (food science) 5, 
  Management 2, Moxy 2, Perception 2, Performance 
  (oratory) 2, Persuade (obfuscatory) 4, Rebuff (Contrary) 
  3, Stealth 3, Wealth 2
  Emma Blunt
  The Bride
  “It’s off! It’s all off! Off!”
  Personality: Some brides become Bridezillas, demanding 
  that everything has to be absolutely perfect and anyone 
  who quibbles will be trampled underfoot and torn limb 
  from limb. Emma’s more of a werebride – she appeared 
  quite placid and calm up until the night before, and then 
  she became a rampaging stress-monster. She wanted a 
  simple wedding, but her parents piled more and more 
  onto the ceremony until she cracked. She’s called the 
  whole thing off.
  Goals: Stand up to her parents. 
  Sample Favors: 1) Interrupt or distract someone 
  with intrusive photography 2) Fake embarrassing or 
  scandalous photos
  Rebuff Trumps/Trumped By: Forthright/Obfuscatory
  Abilities: Appraisal 2, Craftsmanship (photography) 
  4, Eavesdropping 5, Gossip 4, Mechanic 3, Mischief 4, 
  Persuade (glib) 3, Rebuff (lawyerly) 3
  Jerome everett
  Famous Food Critic
  Personality: Notoriously fussy and eccentric, Everett’s a 
  famous food critic. A word from him can make or break 
  a food company. He’s been invited to the wedding in the 
  hopes that he’ll endorse Spicy Dagobert as the cheese 
  of tomorrow. 
  Goals: 1) Get a high-paying consultancy gig from Gerald 
  Blunt or one of the other cheese producers in exchange 
  for an endorsement 2) Maintain his reputation as the 
  snob's snob by been absurdly picky.
  Sample Favors: 1) Endorse or scorn Spicy Dagobert 
  2) Scorn or praise the wedding menu 3) Prepare a 
  wonderful meal 
  Rebuff Trumps/Trumped By: Intimidate/Glib
  Abilities: Appraisal 5, Craftsmanship (cookery) 3, 
  Eavesdropping 2, Etiquette 4, Gossip 2, Knowledge (the 
  cheese business) 2, Mischief 1, Moxy 3, Perception 3, 
  Persuade (eloquent) 3, Rebuff (pure-hearted) 2.
  
  5
  skulduggery
  gone to the Mongolian’s cheap, dangerous cheese to 
  cut costs. 
  Initially, Dirk suspects Blunt Cheeses to be the culprit. 
  The characters can either deflect his investigation 
  towards Forte or Cabot, or just thwart him to protect 
  the company.
  Goals: Uncover the Mongolian cheese importers and 
  bring them down
  Rebuff Trumps/Trumped By: Intimidating/Glib
  Abilities: Appraisal 3, Athletics 3, Eavesdropping 
  4, Gossip 2, Knowledge (the cheese business) 3, 
  Mechanic 3, Mischief 3, Moxy 4, Perception 2, Persuade 
  (Intimidating) 2, Rebuff (pure-hearted) 3, Stealth 4
  Howard Forte 
  Rival Cheese Magnate
  “I’m a big cheese cheese.”
  Personality: The millionaire owner of Forte Classic 
  Cheeses, the long-standing local cheese corporation, 
  Howard’s affable like a well-fed shark. He’ll eat you soon, 
  but not just yet. Medical science has not yet advanced 
  to the point where they can locate his conscience; 
  spreading rumors that his former business partners 
  were all trampled to death by dairy herds are met by 
  immediate threats from Forte’s attack lawyers.
  He and Gerald Blunt despise each other, but maintain 
  the appearance of a friendly rivalry in public. Forte 
  Classic Cheeses was getting destroyed in the market by 
  the upstart Blunt Cheese until he started buying cheap 
  foreign cheese from Mongolia and rebranding it as 
  home-grown – completely illegal if he gets caught, but 
  with Blunt on the verge of bankruptcy, the risk appears 
  to have paid off.
  Rebuff Trumps/Trumped By: Obfuscatory/Forthright
  Abilities: Athletics 3, Driving 4, Eavesdropping 5, Gossip 
  3, Knowledge (law) 4, Management 3, Mischief 2, Moxy 
  4, Perception 3, Performance (dance) 5, Persuade 
  (Forthright) 4, Rebuff (Penetrating) 4, Stealth 3, Wealth 4
  Honora Blunt
  Emma’s Aunt
  ‘Family’s a congenital defect.’
  Personality: Gerald Blunt’s sister and Emma’s favorite 
  aunt, Honora is sarcastic and cynical about love after 
  a failed affair in her youth. She is very fond of young 
  Emma, even if she thinks that her niece is making a 
  mistake by getting married; she considers Martin to 
  be as interesting and marriageable as a rather wilted 
  potted plant. Honora’s a successful psychotherapist; 
  General Crescent is one of her patients. She 
  psychoanalyses everyone she encounters, and has a 
  knack for devastating insights (especially psycho-sexual 
  ones), which coupled with her high Persuade means 
  that anyone Honora talks to probably ends up on a 
  weird tangent of self-discovery. 
  Goals: Acquire at least one more client for her 
  psychotherapy business by poking at psychological 
  quirks until they burst. 
  Rebuff Trumps/Trumped By: Obfuscatory/Forthright
  Abilities: Appraisal 3, Eavesdropping 2, Etiquette 4, 
  Gossip 4, Knowledge (psychotherapy) 4, Management 
  2, Moxy 5, Perception 4, Persuade (Forthright) 4, 
  Physician 3, Rebuff (Penetrating) 5 Wealth 4
  Dirk Grey
  Undercover Detective
  ‘Freeze! Department of Dairy Produce Inspector!’
  Personality: He’s a cop on the edge with nothing to 
  lose. 
  Well, not a cop. Dirk works for the Department of 
  Dairy Produce Inspection. He’s heard a rumor 
  that one of the cheese factories in this area is 
  smuggling in cheap genetically engineered 
  Mongolian yak cheese and reselling it as 
  genuine local produce. To Dirk Grey, that’s 
  worse that murder. He’s gone undercover 
  to infiltrate the wedding and spy on the 
  Blunts. He knows about Blunt Cheese’s 
  financial trouble and believes that they’ve 
  
  6
  THe WeDDinG
  SkuLDuGGeRy
  will never be part of the upper crust.
  Goals:  1) Find out if the Blunts are the right sort of 
  people 2) Keep an eye on her brother Frank and make 
  sure he doesn’t cause trouble or start a war.
  Rebuff Trumps/Trumped By: Intimidating/Glib
  Abilities: Appraisal 5, Etiquette 6, Gossip 4, Moxy 3, 
  Persuade (Forthright) 4, Rebuff (Pure-Hearted) 4, 
  Wealth 8
  names
  The other guests at the wedding are mostly cheese 
  people or influential society types. There are a few 
  friends of the bride and groom somewhere towards the 
  back. 
  opener
  Read, describe, paraphrase, mime or telepathically 
  convey the following to the players:
  It’s the wedding of the season, as processed-cheese 
  magnate Gerald Blunt gives his daughter Emma away to 
  promising biochemist Martin Sharpe. (The less said about 
  Martin’s family, the better.) The wedding is being held at 
  the very exclusive Elysian Country Club. In a short while, 
  there’ll be the wedding rehearsal, and tomorrow Martin 
  and Emma will walk down the aisle to wedded bliss. 
  Everyone’s here in the club bar – family, friends, business 
  partners, investors...
  Suddenly, Emma Blunt explodes into the room.
  ‘The wedding’s off!’ she screams.
  Go from there. There’s no sign of Martin. Sundry other 
  NPCs are scattered around the bar, speculating and 
  whispering about what just happened. Emma charges 
  off to her room and locks the door until someone 
  persuades her to come out or let them in. 
  Goals: Ensure that Blunt's new Spicy Dagobert cheese 
  is not a threat to Forte Classic Cheeses, either by 
  discrediting it or stealing the formula
  Rebuff Trumps/Trumped By: Eloquent/Charming
  Downfall: Avarice
  Abilities: Appraisal 5, Craftsmanship (cheese-making) 3, 
  Etiquette 4, Gossip 3, Knowledge (the cheese business) 
  5, Management 4, Moxy 4, Perception 3, Persuade 
  (eloquent) 4, Rebuff (wary) 4
  General Frank Crescent
  Eccentric Officer
  ‘It’s come over me again, Magnolia!’
  Personality: Frank fought in the war, you know. One 
  of the big ones. He can’t quite remember which, on 
  account of the shell-shock. He is mostly over the 
  flashbacks, thanks to medication and therapy from 
  Honora Blunt. The one lingering effect is a paranoid fear 
  of members of the clergy, which stems from when he 
  was prematurely given the last rites. The mere sight 
  of a priest sends him into paroxysms of rage, terror or 
  violent flashbacks, depending on how much he’s had to 
  drink. 
  Goals: Escape his sister's watchful eye and have a good 
  time.
  Rebuff Trumps/Trumped By: Obfuscatory/Forthright
  Downfall: Dissolution
  Abilities: Appraisal 2, Athletics 4, Driving (main 
  battle tank) 3, Etiquette 3, Gossip 2, Living Rough 
  3, Management 4, Mechanic 3, Moxy 2, Persuade 
  (Intimidating) 6, Rebuff (penetrating) 4, Wealth 6, 
  Weaponmaster 3
  Magnolia Crescent
  Society Heiress
  ‘It’s not exactly in keeping with tradition, I’m afraid.’
  Personality: The Crescents are the sort of people that 
  Gladys Blunt desperate wants to be – rich, inbred, 
  arrogant and snooty. Magnolia may be an elderly 
  spinster, but she’s the gatekeeper to high society. If 
  Gladys Blunt can impress her, which is no mean feat, 
  then the Blunts are in. If Magnolia remains unmoved, 
  then the Blunts are stuck as upstart cheesemongers and 
  Male:
  Nicholas Bragg
  Arthur Beard 
  Richard Addis
  Kenneth Bible
  Juan Swanson 
  William Long
  Shawn Pimental
  Charles Daigle
  Thomas Beard
  Antonio Matias
  Female:
  Verna Avila 
  Tina Ahner 
  Doris Garland
  Anne Shanks
  Clara Haywood 
  Ruth Weigel
   Alison Ulrich
  Brenda Emmons 
  Yvonne Aubrey 
  Carolyn Howe
  
  7
  skulduggery
  Any character can identify the wedding dress as a knock-
  off with Appraisal or a similar skill. Emma will notice this 
  too if she has a chance to examine the dress.
  As an added complication, Jean-Philippe Cabot bought 
  the original, real wedding dress off eBay – Emma 
  mentioned she loved that style during their engagement. 
  The Wedding rehearsal
  This is the scene with the most scope for intrigue and 
  sub-plots, so give the players plenty of scope to talk 
  and connive with people. Use this scene to set up Spicy 
  Dagobert Unveiled, Entanglements and The Blunt Truth. 
  If the action lulls, throw in one of the complications.
  • The cheque that Gerald Blunt used to pay for the 
  reception just bounced, and now the manager, Bob 
  Greengulf, is looking for the father of the bride or 
  another representative of the wedding party to pay 
  up. 
  • Emma's unhappy with the whole wedding. She 
  wanted something simple, with just a few close 
  friends, instead of the over-ambitious extravaganza 
  planned by her mother. To convince her to go 
  through with the wedding, the characters have to 
  either redo the whole celebration and convince the 
  snooty guests that it's minimalist chic, or hide the 
  evidence of said over-ambitious extravaganza from 
  Emma until it's too late for her to back out. 
  •  There's a Potemkin village vibe to the whole 
  wedding; it's all very fancy at first glance, but  if you 
  look beneath the surface, you notice that corners 
  have been cut all over the place – the wedding band 
  is a trio of yodelers, all of whom work for Blunt 
  Cheeses, the ice sculpture is actually plastic and 
  doesn't melt, the champagne appears to be white 
  wine that's been put through a Soda Stream and so 
  on. It's up to the pro-wedding characters to put a 
  shine on the whole affair.
  •  Uncle Tom or General Frank Crescent causes chaos 
  in the kitchen, disrupting the wedding dinner 
  preparations.
  •  As the best man, Adrian Hughes has to make his 
  speech. Again, this is a Perform (oratory) check, but 
  give the player bonuses for good roleplaying or if 
  he sought out embarrassing stories about Martin 
  from friends and family.
  If the characters don’t immediately get involved, then 
  Jean-Phillipe announces that he will go and ‘console’ 
  Emma. 
  What caused her to call off the wedding? The final, final 
  straw was finding that someone defiled the wedding 
  cake (Ronald Sharpe), but the real stresses are:
  • The wedding dress isn't back from the dry cleaners 
  (see The Wedding Dress Shuffle,below)
  • Her own mother's interference with the wedding 
  (see Gladys Blunt, page 10)
  • Martin's mother's snide comments (see Vanessa 
  Sharpe, page 10)
  • Martin's lack of interest in the wedding. (see 
  Motivating Martin, below)
  If the characters convince her that they can deal with 
  some or all of those woes, they can get her to agree to 
  go through with the wedding. 
  Motivating Martin
  Martin has responded to the crisis in his usual decisive 
  fashion – he’s retreated to his room to pace back and 
  forth while eating too much cheese. He’s confused, 
  angsty, directionless and rather gassy. If he keeps 
  nervously eating Spicy Dagobert, add ‘increasingly 
  bizarre hallucinations’ to the list. The characters need 
  to give Martin a new direction in life, or push him back 
  onto his original course of marrying Emma and working 
  in Blunt Cheeses.
  It’s clear to the characters that the only way Emma 
  will put the wedding back on is if Martin makes 
  some spontaneous romantic gesture. Martin is as 
  spontaneous as a monthly bank statement, so it’s up to 
  the characters to come up with some suitable gesture 
  or declaration of love.
  The Wedding Dress Shuffle
  Emma bought a genuine Vera Wang wedding dress, 
  costing tens of thousands of dollars. A week ago, her 
  father claimed to have spilt a glass of wine on it, and 
  sent it to be ‘cleaned.’ What actually happened was 
  that Gerald Blunt sold the wedding dress on eBay and 
  bought a much cheaper knockoff instead without telling 
  her. (Why? He’s running out of cash – see The Blunt 
  Truth, page 8). This knock-off dress was delivered to the 
  Country Club this morning, but it got mixed up with the 
  missing baggage belonging to another guest. 
  
  8
  THe WeDDinG
  SkuLDuGGeRy
  The company can avoid ruin by accomplishing one or 
  more of the following:
  •  Making Spicy Dagobert a smashing success 
  • Uncovering Forte's dabbling with Mongolian 
  cheese 
  • Entering into an alliance with Forte or Jean-Philippe
  If Spicy Dagobert is a flop, if the company's financial 
  state is revealed or if Martin quits the cheese business, 
  then Blunt Cheeses is doomed.
  impressing the Big Cheeses 
  To win the approval of local high society and realize 
  their social ambitions, the Blunts need to:
  • Actually hold a wedding. Two people need to get 
  married, there has to be a photographer and a meal 
  and a lot of free drink. 
  •  Successfully persuade Magnolia Crescent, General 
  Crescent, Bob Greengulf and Howard Forte that the 
  wedding is a complete success, explaining away any 
  catastrophes.
  •  Ensure that the influential guests are kept 
  entertained.
  get Me To The Church on Time
  With some measure of harmony restored, everyone 
  decamps to the local church for the wedding ceremony 
  itself. Everyone is still very tense; forced smiles and 
  levity all around. 
  Other possible complications before the wedding 
  ceremony:
  • The groom's car breaks down. One of the 
  characters needs to drive Martin there at high 
  speeds.
  spicy dagobert unveiled
  Spicy Dagobert is a new cheese developed by Blunt 
  Cheeses. It’s a bright shade of greenish orange, and 
  smells like a chemical weapon. It has a distinctive taste, 
  reminiscent of having your skull blown open by a cheese-
  flavored shotgun blast. Not only is the wedding cake a 
  Spicy Dagobert cheese-cake, the bride and groom will 
  be toasted with cheese platters instead of champagne. 
  •  If the characters can convince key opinion-setters 
  like Everett, Magnolia Crescent and Bob Greengulf 
  that the cheese is delicious, the rest of the guests 
  will follow their lead and like the cheese. The 
  cheese on its own is much too strong for most 
  palates, but the blander cheesecake form is quite 
  appealing.
  •  Dirk Grey suspects Spicy Dagobert is of Mongolian 
  origin. He'll try to obtain a sample, and may attempt 
  to persuade Adrian Hughes to help him in his 
  investigations.
  entanglements
  The not-especially-happy couple are already jittery and 
  paranoid after the morning’s meltdown, and there are 
  several people at the wedding who can take advantage 
  of this. If Emma catches Martin in a compromising 
  position with, say, Brie or Leena Pitt, or if Martin 
  finds Emma with Jean-Philippe or another man, then 
  misunderstandings inevitably happen. 
  Jean-Phillipe will take advantage of any such situation 
  to try to win Emma back and turn her off Martin. This 
  is also a time to turn up the heat on any unresolved 
  antagonism involving other characters.
  The Blunt Truth 
  Blunt Cheese is getting killed in a price war with its rival, 
  Forte Classic Cheese. Up until last year, the situation 
  was the reverse, with Blunt Cheese consistently taking 
  market share from the established cheese brand. Blunt 
  doesn’t know that Forte is actually importing cheap 
  Mongolian cheese and rebranding it as local produce, 
  but this underhanded tactic is killing Blunt Cheese.
  Gerald Blunt hasn’t told any of his family about his 
  financial worries, but he’s rapidly running out of cash. 
  If Spicy Dagobert doesn’t take off, he’s ruined. He’s so 
  caught for cash that he sold his daughter’s wedding 
  dress on eBay and has skimped on every aspect of 
  the wedding. If this comes out publicly, then both the 
  company and the Blunts’ social ambitions are doomed.
  
  9
  skulduggery
  · You dance with the grace of a drunken walrus and I 
  sincerely mean that as a compliment.
  · I'm going to drink until that makes sense, then do it.
  · Your disenchantment does you no credit.
  · Have you considered branching out into other ways 
  of being annoying, or does this current mode really 
  work for you?
  · It's less of a celebration of love, and more the 
  triumph of lust and alcohol.
  · He's got the charm of a dying fish, only he doesn't 
  elicit as much pity.
  · My presence at this wedding is due to certain baleful 
  influences that I dare not name here.
  · Your objections, while heartfelt, must perforce be 
  trampled upon for the greater good.
  · Happiness is a zero-sum game. 
  · Stand back, or I shall do irreparable damage to this 
  wedding cake.
  · I shall contrive a crude shotgun that should serve our 
  purpose well.
  · The first step in marriage counseling is admitting 
  your mistakes, but that would be a mistake in your 
  case.
  · I first met Martin when he tried to poison me with 
  experimental yoghurt. 
  · The point of the wedding is to stress-test your 
  marriage. If you're miserable, it's working.
  · You grab her legs, and we'll work from there. 
  · I have something of earthshattering importance to 
  confide in you, in exchange for a modest bribe.
  · The fat lady singing is not a traditional part of 
  a wedding, but it's entirely appropriate in this 
  instance.
  · Marry me or else!
  •  The ceremony is being held in a tiny little church in 
  the middle of nowhere. It's picturesque, charming, 
  bucolic, but also entirely absent from all maps 
  and GPS devices, and surrounded by a nigh-
  impenetrable maze of narrow country lanes and 
  cows. Getting there may taking cross-country short 
  cuts.
  •  The rings go missing, possibly filched by Ronald 
  Sharpe, or lost (dropped in a drunken stupor, left 
  embedded in the wedding cake, left in Mrs. Blunt's 
  room, stolen by a vengeful guest).
  If the characters have successfully reconciled the bride 
  and groom, the wedding ceremony goes off without a 
  hitch. 
  If they’ve forced them back together, then neither 
  Martin or Emma keeps to the script. Martin’s ‘I do’ 
  is muffled as it’s addressed to Emma’s shoes, while 
  Emma’s response of ‘probably’ in answer to ‘do you 
  take Martin Sharpe to be your lawful wedded husband’ 
  is an accurate assessment of her state of mind at this 
  point, but not quite the traditional line that’s expected. 
  The wedding might go ahead, but it’ll all fall apart in the 
  closing scene.
  Closer: JusT Married
  The wedding, or lack thereof, marks the end of the 
  shenanigans and conspiring. The die is cast from this 
  point, and the wedding reception is where events are 
  resolved. Use this scene to wrap everything up. Is there 
  a happily married couple? Is Spicy Dagobert a success? 
  Have the characters accomplished their goals, or does 
  the whole wedding collapse into an anarchic cheese 
  fight?
  Taglines
  · She threw that bouquet with intent to maim.
  · You're a third round invitee and a second-rate friend.
  · There's a certain bovine aroma about the whole 
  affair.
  · I always make people cry at weddings.
  · It's all right, the cake broke the fall.
  · True love conquers all, like a genocidal tyrant.
  · Romance isn't dead, it's just bruised and in need of 
  therapy.
  
  Reverend Good
  The Clergyman
  Weddings! 
  You 
  love 
  weddings! Happy, joyous 
  occasions, 
  marked 
  by 
  a dinner, a paycheck 
  and a lot of free drink! 
  Presiding over weddings 
  is the biggest perk of your 
  calling, right up there with 
  the personal relationship 
  with 
  the 
  Almighty 
  of 
  course. In fact, you enjoy weddings a little more than you 
  should – you got wasted at the last one you presided over, and 
  your superiors in the Church are asking questions. This one has 
  to go off without a hitch. 
  Personal Goal: Unite Martin and Emma in wedded bliss or some 
  approximation thereof. 
  General Abilities: Appraisal 2, Eavesdropping 3, Etiquette 4, Gossip 
  4, Knowledge (theology) 4, Management 3, Mischief 3, Moxy 6, 
  Perception 5, Performance (oratory) 4, Physician 4, Stealth 2.
  Gladys Blunt
  Mother of the Bride 
  You’re obsessed by social 
  class, and yearn for the 
  respect 
  and 
  acceptance 
  of the country club set. If 
  they ever found out that 
  she started out as a factory 
  worker, 
  your 
  burgeoning 
  reputation would be ruined. 
  The Blunt family are rich, but 
  they’re not yet part of the 
  local upper crust. Your plan is to use this wedding to impress 
  them and show how cultured and snooty the Blunts can be. 
  Emma can’t be allowed ruin your ascension to high society – it’s 
  her wedding, but it’s your big day!
  Personal Goal: Impress the Crescents, Howard Forte, Everett 
  and other influential figures by throwing the most impressive 
  wedding ever.
  General Abilities: Appraisal 3, Athletics 2, Eavesdropping 4, 
  Etiquette 4, Gossip 3, Management 2, Mischief 2, Moxy 3, Perception 
  3, Wealth 4
  Brie Blunt
  Chief Bridesmaid
  It’s just not fair. Emma never 
  had any interest in weddings 
  – this whole event should be 
  your special day. You’ve always 
  been the pretty one, the centre 
  of attention, daddy’s little girl. 
  Playing second fiddle just isn’t 
  you, especially when it’s your 
  boring, whiny older sister who’s 
  forcing you onto the sidelines. Worse, you know that your 
  wedding will always be second best – this is the big one, ‘cos 
  your mother wants to impress the upper crust. 
  Now Emma’s called the whole thing off, the silly cow, and it’s 
  your chance to shine. If you can find someone to marry, then 
  this can be your dream wedding instead of Emma’s! You’ll be 
  the star of the show again! 
  Personal Goal: Steal Emma’s thunder, either by taking over her 
  wedding or otherwise.
  General Abilities: Appraisal 4, Athletics 3, Craftsmanship (makeup) 
  5, Eavesdropping 4, Etiquette 3, Gossip 3, Management 1, Mischief 
  5, Moxy 4, Perception 3, Stealth 3, Wealth 4 
  Vanessa Sharpe
  Mother of the Groom
  You knew that girl was trouble 
  the first time you met her. 
  Martin’s such a good boy, but 
  he’s easily led astray. Emma 
  Blunt’s a spoiled rich bitch, and 
  her family’s even worse. They 
  look down on you, and you 
  can’t stand that. Look at this 
  wedding! Cheese everywhere, 
  and you’re violently lactose-
  intolerant! That’s a deliberate snub, that is!
  People have always tried to cheat you out of what you rightfully 
  deserve, but it all stops now. You’re drawing the line with your 
  son! The wedding’s off, and you’ll do anything to make sure it 
  stays off!
  Personal Goal: Get Martin away from the Blunts’ influence so 
  that he stays emotionally crippled and dependent on you. He can 
  still get married, but only on your terms. 
  General Abilities: Appraisal 1, Athletics 2,  Eavesdropping 6, 
  Etiquette 1, Gambling 3, Gossip 4, Mechanic 4, Mischief 5, Moxy 6, 
  Perception 2, Stealth 3, Wealth 1
  Gerald Blunt
  Father of the Bride 
  You’re a self-made millionaire, 
  thanks to your ‘upstart’ cheese 
  empire, Blunt Cheeses, and 
  you’re 
  going 
  to 
  use 
  your 
  daughter’s 
  fancy 
  society 
  wedding as a launch-pad for your 
  newest cheese, Spicy Dagobert. 
  Unfortunately, 
  things 
  aren’t 
  going as well as they appear. The company is being crushed 
  by the resurgent Forte Classic Cheeses, a rival company run 
  by Howard Forte. The company is nearly bankrupt, and you’ve 
  secretly cut the budget for your daughter’s wedding without 
  informing her or your wife. Notably, you had to secretly sell her 
  wedding dress on eBay. You’ve replaced it with a cheap knock-
  off, and maybe she won’t notice the difference. 
  Personal Goal: Save Blunt Cheeses by successfully launching 
  Spicy Dagobert at the wedding.  
  General Abilities: Appraisal 3, Athletics 1, Craftsmanship 
  (cheesemaking) 2, Eavesdropping 1, Etiquette 3, Gambling 2, Gossip 
  4, Knowledge (cheese industry) 4, Management 4, Mechanic 1, 
  Mischief 2, Moxy 3, Perception 3, Wealth 6
  Adrian Hughes
  Best Man 
  Martin asked you to be 
  best man because, well, 
  he doesn’t get out of 
  the lab very much and 
  doesn’t have any friends. 
  You work with Martin for 
  Blunt Cheeses. You and he 
  developed Spicy Dagobert 
  together. 
  You’ve 
  heard 
  rumors that Blunt Cheeses 
  is in big financial trouble, and if the cheese fails, one of you is for 
  the chop. It’s time to start looking for a new career, and there 
  are lots of potential employers at the wedding. 
  Personal Goal: Find a new job (or get promoted at work by 
  taking Martin’s job) and impress the heck out of the prospective 
  boss with your charm, competence and toadying. 
  General Abilities: Appraisal 3, Athletics 2, Craftsmanship 
  (cheesemaking) 3, Eavesdropping 2, Etiquette 3, Gossip 2, 
  Knowledge (cheese industry) 3, Management 4, Mechanic 2, 
  Mischief 3, Moxy 3, Perception 2, Performance (oratory) 4, Stealth 
  1, Wealth 2
  The Wedding
  The Wedding
  The Wedding
  The Wedding
  The Wedding
  The Wedding
  
  Persuade (Glib) 8
  Trumps: Pure-Hearted
  Is Trumped By: Obtuse
  “I offer an excellent rate of return on the moment 
  of time invested in listening to me.”
  “My only aim is to maximize happiness on this 
  already-happy day.”
  Persuade (Forthright) 7
  Trumps: Penetrating
  Is Trumped By: Lawyerly
  “Put down the wine bottle and we’ll talk.”
  “Have you considered a course of action that 
  isn’t completely moronic?”
  Persuade (Obfuscatory) 8
  Trumps: Lawyerly
  Is Trumped By: Penetrating
  “The matter I obliquely refer to will not attend 
  to itself.”
  “Your inability to listen to good advice verges on 
  the pathological.”
  The Wedding
  The Wedding
  The Wedding
  Persuade (Eloquent) 7
  Trumps: Contrary
  Is Trumped By: Wary
  “Love is the highest of virtues, up there with 
  patience and forgiveness.”
  “Can we not take the happy couple as an example 
  for us all to live by?”
  The Wedding
  Persuade (Charming) 9
  Trumps: Wary
  Is Trumped By: Contrary
  “I don’t want to say you’ve stolen the show, but 
  we all know where the cameras were pointing.”
  “So, we’ve established we have a friend of sorts 
  in common. From such small connections, let us 
  forge an enduring partnership.”
  The Wedding
  Persuade (Intimidating) 9
  Trumps: Obtuse
  Is Trumped By: Pure-Hearted
  “I’ll not stand for this! I’ll sit down for it!”
  “Shut your cheese-hole!”
  The Wedding
  
  Rebuff (Pure-Hearted) 6
  Trumps: Intimidating
  Is Trumped By: Glib
  “How could you do this, on today of all days?”
  Rebuff (Contrary) 6
  Trumps: Charming
  Is Trumped By: Eloquent
  “In theory, a thousand times yes! But, in practice, 
  a single and far more meaningful no.”
  Rebuff (Lawyerly) 6
  Trumps: Forthright
  Is Trumped By: Obfuscatory
  “I refuse to engage on the advice of my legal 
  team.”
  The Wedding
  The Wedding
  The Wedding
  Rebuff (Penetrating) 6
  Trumps: Obfuscatory
  Is Trumped By: Forthright
  “I think a moment of quiet would serve you well.”
  The Wedding
  Rebuff (Wary) 6
  Trumps: Eloquent
  Is Trumped By: Charming
  “My astrologer told me not to trust people like 
  you.”
  The Wedding
  Rebuff (Obtuse) 6
  Trumps: Glib
  Is Trumped By: Intimidating
  “To the bar, to drown your sorrows in a vat of 
  cheap champagne.”
  The Wedding
  
  Relationships: 
  Tom Sharpe 2
  Bob Greengulf 4
  Ronald Sharpe 3
  Relationships: 
  Ronald Sharpe 3
  Leena Pitt 3
  Jean-Philippe Cabot 4
  Relationships: 
  Tom Sharpe 2
  Jerome Everett 2
  Leena Pitt 4
  The Wedding
  The Wedding
  The Wedding
  Relationships: 
  Tom Sharpe 2
  Ronald Sharpe 4
  Jerome Everett 3
  The Wedding
  Relationships: 
  Leena Pitt 4
  Bob Greengulf 3
  Jean-Philippe Cabot 3
  The Wedding
  Relationships: 
  Bob Greengulf 3
  Jean-Philippe Cabot 2
  Jerome Everett 3
  The Wedding
  
  key Trait: Lusty
  Resistances: Avarice 6, Arrogance Ω, Dissipation 
  4, Gluttony 4, Lust 1, Spite 2
  key Trait: Greedy
  Resistances: Avarice 1, Arrogance 2, Dissipation 
  6, Gluttony Ω, Lust 4, Spite 4
  key Trait: Arrogance
  Resistances: Avarice 6, Arrogance 1, Dissipation 
  4, Gluttony 4, Lust Ω, Spite 2
  The Wedding
  The Wedding
  The Wedding
  key Trait: Gluttony
  Resistances: Avarice 4, Arrogance Ω, Dissipation 
  2, Gluttony 1, Lust 4, Spite 6
  The Wedding
  key Trait: Spiteful
  Resistances: Avarice 4, Arrogance 6, Dissipation 
  4, Gluttony Ω, Lust 2, Spite 1
  The Wedding
  key Trait: Drunken
  Resistances: Avarice 6, Arrogance 4, Dissipation 
  1, Gluttony 4, Lust 2, Spite  Ω
  The Wedding
  
  Sharpe/Blunt
  Wedding Program
  12.00pm: Ceremony at the Little Country Church
  12.45pm: Photographs on the church grounds
  3pm: Champagne reception at the Elysian Country Club, 
  with classical music, ice sculpture and other entertainments
  5pm: Dinner
  6.30pm: Surprising Toast & Speeches
  7pm: Wedding Cake
  
SOURCE: textdata/thevault/Skulduggery/The Wedding.pdf