TEXT:  
   
  DEATHS MAR CENTENNIAL 
  Greyhawk’s Centennial Celebrations 
  were the setting for the most aggressive 
  regime change in the Free City since the 
  Unfortunate Pudding Incident of CY 365. 
  Five Directing Oligarchs died in the course 
  of this year’s celebration, including Lord 
  Mayor Nerof Gasgal. Turin Deathstalker, 
  former 
  Oligarch, 
  disgruntled 
  former 
  governor of Safeton, and firm believer in 
  disproportionate retaliation, may have had a 
  hand in all the murders, but was only seen 
  killing the Lord Mayor. Torrentz Hebvard, 
  Oligarch, president of the Society of Magi, 
  and formerly frisky octogenarian, died of 
  shock when Turin killed Nerof right in front 
  of him. Renowned for his volatile temper, 
  Cariel Mansharn exploded in the street near 
  the River Gate. The City Watch said that 
  this was bound to happen sooner or later 
  and have not classified it as a murder. 
  Servants discovered the bodies of Glodreddi 
  Bakkanin and Stimtrin Cannasay and 
  testified that the two dwarves mutually 
  strangled each other and Turin was 
  “Absolutely Not Involved” making sure to 
  speak with capital letters. 
  Witnesses 
  have 
  widely 
  differing 
  opinions on the last words of Nerof Gasgal. 
  Our late Lord Mayor was renowned for his 
  rapier wit but this seemingly failed him. 
  Rundall Grast, a student at the University of 
  the Flanaess reported Nerof’s last words as 
  “I’m struck!” Tobe Deritt, a corporal in the 
  Greyhawk 
  militia, 
  disagreed, 
  claiming 
  Nerof’s last words were “Ack! Glurk!” 
  Lisera Hakerb, a laundress from Shacktown 
  watching the celebrations, said his last 
  words were “Mmm, fudge.” 
  These are all incorrect, or so I am 
  informed by an extremely large man from 
  the mayor’s office. According to him, 
  Nerof’s official last words were: “Here at 
  the end with my life fading, I have no 
  regrets. I have led this city through several 
  crises and into an era of great prosperity. It 
  is my earnest desire that Dernan Nathane 
  assume 
  leadership 
  of 
  the 
  Directing 
  Oligarchy. Greyhawk, my heart beats for 
  you and you alone!” Only then did he die. I 
  am assured by this heavily muscled man 
  who steadfastly refuses to give me his name 
  that any similarities between Nerof’s last 
  words and the death scene of King Belvoir 
  III in the play “A Dread and Awful 
  Presence” are purely coincidental and 
  further inquiries will result in a thorough 
  beating. 
  Aestrella Shanfarel, half-elf, recently 
  retired diva of the Royal Opera, and talented 
  beyond words, sang at Nerof’s funeral. The 
  Grumbler was inadvertently left off the 
  guest list, but Nerof’s coffin proved quite 
  roomy and he made no objection to sharing 
  it for a while. The Grumbler overheard Org 
  Nenshen, 
  Oligarch, 
  very 
  respectable 
  businessman, and certainly not the leader of 
  the Thieves Guild, declare in whispered 
  conversation that he intended to avenge the 
  death of his friend Nerof and hunt Turin 
  down. Org has since left town, but there has 
  been no news of whether he has managed to 
  assassinate the assassin. 
   
  TEN OLIGARCHS NOT 
  ENOUGH TO MAKE SOUP 
  Riddle me this: what’s got twenty hands 
  and no head? The recently decapitated 
  Directing Oligarchy of Greyhawk, of 
  course! With Oligarchs dropping like flies 
  and a Lord Mayor demonstrating that being 
  repeatedly ventilated is not a survivable 
  condition, the ruling body of Greyhawk is 
  crippled and unable to make basic decisions, 
  like picking new oligarchs, choosing a new 
  mayor, or deciding whether to ban certain 
  broadsides from the city. Since few 
  Greyhawkers who aren’t chronically dull, 
  cursed, or forced at knife-point have read 
  oligarchic procedure, many citizens are 
  wondering how this can be. It’s all due to 
  something 
  called 
  quorum, 
  which 
  is 
  surprisingly not a type of cheese. For the 
  Oligarchy to act, it must have enough 
  members present at a meeting to reach 
  quorum, and the magic number for quorum 
  on the Directing Oligarchy is eleven. Turin’s 
  death march through the Oligarchy has left 
  us with ten. Who made up such a absurd 
  rule? He wasn’t called the Mad Archmage 
  for nothing. 
  Politics abhors a vacuum, as well as 
  unspent tax revenue, and Dernan Nathane, 
  Oligarch, guildmaster of the Merchants’ and 
  Traders’ Union , and smooth as satin, has 
  slid into the role of unofficial Lord Mayor 
  to ensure that the city continues to function 
  in some fashion. Exclusive sources close to 
  Dernan, who are certainly not The 
  Grumbler disguised as a large potted plant 
  in the corner of the room, report that the 
  merchant prince plans to use the sideshow 
  that is the Public Council of Greyhawk to 
  ratify his appointment of a new Oligarch to 
  restore a quorum. Once the Oligarchy has 
  an eleventh member, they can select a new 
  Lord Mayor. The Grumbler gives you three 
  guesses as to who the Oligarchy will pick, 
  and the first two don’t count. 
   
  HOLLARDEL RESIGNS, 
  FLEES, AND POSSIBILY DIES 
  Days after the terrible events at the 
  Centennial Celebrations, scandal erupted 
  amongst the wealthiest and most exclusive 
  guild in town. Gerda Hollardel, Oligarch, 
  guildmistress 
  of 
  the 
  Jewelers’ 
  and 
  Gemcutters’ Guild, and player of both sides 
  of the fence, was leaking crucial information 
  about the locations of valuable jewelry and 
  protections used by guild members to the 
  Thieves’ Guild of Greyhawk in return for 
  substantial kickbacks for more than a 
  decade. A little birdie revealed Gerda’s 
  secret double dipping in the time-honored 
  manner of leaving packages in the middle of 
  the night in the homes of prominent 
  guildmembers. 
  Loyal 
  readers 
  of 
  The 
  Grumbler will recall that Gerda had just 
  announced her engagement to Dernan 
  Nathane and many hardworking editors 
  were looking forward to the complimentary 
  buffet. That dream is ruined now along with 
  Gerda’s career. The disgraced jeweler fled 
  the city the next day just ahead of the horde 
  of angry guilders. Many Greyhawkers 
  witnessed the low-speed carriage chase 
  down the Processional as none of the 
  jewelers were willing to risk high speeds in 
  
  their expensive buggies on the pothole 
  riddled streets of the Free City. 
  Gerda’s good fortune was not to last. 
  She was found dead in Rel Astra less than a 
  month later with a bejeweled dagger 
  plunged into her back. Or so we’ve been 
  told. The Grumbler has many sources here 
  in Greyhawk, but he was unable to confirm 
  that the body in Rel Astra was the disgraced 
  Gerda. 
  Since 
  guilds 
  are 
  contractually 
  obligated 
  to 
  send 
  an 
  assassin 
  after 
  guildmasters who resign in disgrace (please 
  see Section 11.4 of the Guildmaster 
  Standard Litany), it is entirely possible that 
  Gerda faked her own death. The truth may 
  never be known, and when facts fail, there’s 
  only one solution – baseless opinions of the 
  average Greyhawker given weight in a poll! 
  Grumbler Poll: What became of Gerda? 
  The rich and wicked never die  
    23% 
  She’s as dead as a doornail   
    22% 
  Faking your own death is so cliché   18% 
  She’s not dead; she’s undead!  
    11% 
  There’s no undead in Keoland 
    9% 
  I was promised pie  
   
    5% 
  This doesn’t add up to 100%  
    3% 
   
  PUBLIC COUNCIL VOTE HAS 
  MEANING FOR ONCE 
  The City of Greyhawk is holding 
  elections for its Public Council at the end of 
  the month of Harvester. A fob for the 
  masses, this advisory body composed of a 
  councilor from each of the city’s eight 
  quarters (don’t ask how the city has eight 
  quarters; it shows you’re not from here) is 
  the closest thing the city has to a 
  representative government. It’s worked well 
  in the past and gave the population the 
  illusion that they were having an impact on 
  the city. This year promises to be different. 
  With the Directing Oligarchy in disarray and 
  the city on the edge of revolt, Dernan 
  Nathane needs the Public Council to ratify 
  an appointment of a new Oligach. Before, 
  the 
  council 
  was 
  a 
  sideshow 
  where 
  candidates included doppelgangers, talking 
  goats, and priests of Vecna. Now, it’s a 
  sideshow with the potential for power. 
  The combination has drawn political 
  parties out of the woodwork. The parties 
  favored to win the most seats are the 
  People’s Party for Golden Dreams and 
  Five-Fingered Discount, backed by the 
  merchants and thieves respectively. The 
  Marvelous Talking Goat Party, which 
  formed around the wildly popular Hector 
  the Talking Goat, is back even though 
  Hector has since passed on to the big 
  hayfield in the sky. Other parties include A 
  Chicken in Every Pot Party, advocating free 
  food for the masses, Absolutely Not a Front 
  for an Evil Cult, sponsored by the 
  fabulously wealthy Count Merleche, and 
  Two Drink Minimum, sponsored by the 
  Gnarleyhouse 
  fraternity 
  in 
  Clerkberg. 
  Campaigning is expected to be vigorous, 
  vicious, and violent throughout Harvester. 
  Political street theater will include such 
  staples as rallies, free food, buttons, answers 
  in the form of a circle, worthless promises, 
  and funny hats. The Grumbler is happy to 
  lease its presses to parties at economically 
  advantageous (to The Grumbler) rates. 
   
  SILENT, SHORT BLUE 
  THREAT PLAGUES CITY 
  In this era of dead Lord Mayors, fleeing 
  guildmasters, and ineffectual Directing 
  Oligarchies, a new threat to the City of 
  Greyhawk has reared its ugly blue head. 
  Contorted to fit into the smallest of boxes, a 
  silent enemy is filtering into this historic and 
  histrionic city. Who are these black-clad, 
  white-faced agents of annoyance? Mimes, 
  and not just any mimes – xvart mimes. Even 
  a Heroes' Feast spell won’t protect you from 
  the horror, and they have replaced the 
  mono-browed beggar by the Black Gate as 
  The Grumbler’s Direst Threat to Greyhawk. 
  Just when a cynical and jaded broadside 
  editor thought he had seen it all, these 
  disturbing grotesques, which cross the 
  lowest rung of the comedic ladder with the 
  lowest rung of the humanoid ladder, are 
  lurking in the alleyways ready to mimic 
  pulling a pretend rope. The Grumbler urges 
  citizens not to tip these monsters for their 
  performances no matter how much you 
  believe they are trapped in a box as it will 
  just encourage them. Instead, ignore the 
  xvart mimes until they get real jobs like 
  mugging, extortion, or gambling. 
   
  NEW GOBLIN NATION 
  EMERGES ON WILD COAST 
  Details of the peace treaty that Nerof 
  Gasgal was negotiating with Turrosh Mak, 
  the orc warlord who controls the Pomarj, 
  continue to leak. Oh yeah, Greyhawk is at 
  war and has been for the past two years. 
  Don’t worry if you forgot about it; lots of 
  people did. Nerof’s surreptitious negotiation 
  with the orcs to end the war was the catalyst 
  for Turin to go off his nut and sharpen his 
  dagger on the Lord Mayor’s sternum. Loyal 
  readers of The Grumbler may remember 
  that the goblins of the Wild Coast have been 
  up to something for a while. Now we know 
  what. Somehow the goblins managed to 
  sneak in a provision that grants them their 
  own country, named the Jebli Free State, as 
  part of a possible peace treaty between 
  Greyhawk and the Pomarj.  
  How the goblins managed to build a 
  nation, The Grumbler has no idea. Have 
  you ever seen the inner workings of a 
  Goblin tribe? It’s like stuffing 50 toddlers 
  full of sugar, make them watch Xvart mimes 
  for an hour, and then giving them all sharp 
  objects. I’m amazed that the goblins can 
  spell Jebli Free State, much less run one. 
  The treaty would carve the goblin nation 
  out of the southern Wild Coast as a buffer 
  between the Greyhawk and the Pomarj. As 
  you can imagine, this proposal has gone 
  over with the Wild Coast refugees about as 
  well as the ill-fated sponge barge that the 
  priests of Olidamarra were attempting to sell 
  to 
  the 
  Rhennee. 
  Eritai 
  Kaan-Ipzirel, 
  matriarch of St. Cuthbert, former Oligarch, 
  and approximate size of the sponge barge, 
  has roundly condemned the treaty and urges 
  the city to press the fight against the wicked 
  humanoid hordes of the Pomarj. 
   
  CITY MOOD SOURS, LEAVES 
  BITTER AFTERTASTE 
  Recent events have caused the mood 
  on the street to take a sharp downturn. The 
  typical 
  low-level 
  mutterings 
  of 
  the 
  discontent has increased in volume in recent 
  months as the infighting within the 
  Directing 
  Oligarchy 
  degenerates. 
  The 
  dismissal of Eritai Kaan-Ipzirel from the 
  Directing Oligarchy touched off numerous 
  protests throughout the city. The City 
  Watch had just gotten these under control 
  when the assassination of Nerof Gasgal set 
  off another round of riots. Sir Gavin 
  Ambus, 
  oligarch, 
  city 
  constable, 
  and 
  surprisingly still alive, has raised the city’s 
  Bitterness Level to Flat-Out Caustic – the 
  second highest stage on the City Watch’s 
  bitterness scale. 
  Greyhawk Bitterness Level 
  Spitting Vitriol 
  Flat-Out Caustic 
  Full Blown Hissy Cow 
  Kinda Surly 
  Just Moody 
  Because of the heightened Bitterness 
  Level, Sir Gavin has imposed a curfew, 
  restricting travel on the streets within two 
  hours of dusk, doubled the watch patrols, 
  and generally been a wet blanket on the fires 
  of fun. Greyhawkers have had mixed 
  reactions. 
  “They 
  should 
  make 
  each 
  Bitterneff Level a different color,” said 
  Nearly Toothless Len. “I like color-coded 
  things like inns an’ dragons.” Aisley 
  Lockswell, 
  collegian, 
  self-appointed 
  advocate for the people, and surprisingly 
  vindictive, had a much stronger opinion. 
  “I’m still mad at you, idiot. You totally 
  outted me to Talamar. Ha, got your inkpen. 
  Let’s see you write with it in pieces.” 
  Fortunately, The Grumbler has an excellent 
  memory and a near infinite supply of Quall’s 
  feather pens. 
  
SOURCE: textdata/thevault/Dungeons & Dragons [multi]/EXTRAS/Greyhawk/Living Greyhawk - RPGA/_Greyhawk Grumbler/Living Greyhawk - Greyhawk Grumbler #3 - Goodmonth 598.pdf