TEXT: THE UNDERCROFT
  Illu{tration{
  Matthew Adams - 43
  Jeremy Duncan - 51, 63
  Anxious P. - 16
  Cedric Plante - Cover, 3, 6, 8, 9
  Sean Poppe - 28
  Layout Editing & De{ign
  Daniel Sell
  E{teemed Con{ultant{
  James Maliszewski
  We must Expire in hope{ of Resurrection to Life Again
  Editorial
  Daniel Sell
  Skinned Moon Daughter
  Benjamin Baugh
  101 Uses of a Hanged Man
  Barry Blatt
  The Doctor
  Patrick Stuart
  Everyone is an Adventurer
  Daniel Sell
  The Sickness
  Luke Gearing
  Dead Inside
  Edward Lockhart
  Cockdicktastrophe
  Chris Lawson
  Nine Summits and the 
  Matter of Birth
  Ezra Claverie
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  1
  Editorial
   
   
   
  Authors live! Hitler writes 
  a children’s book, scratches his name 
  off and hides it among the others. 
  Now children grow up blue and blond, 
  unable to control their minds, the 
  hidden taint in friendly balloons and 
  curious 
  caterpillars 
  wormed 
  itself 
  inside and reprogrammed them into 
  literary sleeper agents ready to steal 
  our freedom. The swine! We never saw 
  it coming. If only authors were dead.
   
  But if authors were dead you 
  wouldn’t be able to find them, to sit at 
  their side and learn all they had to say on 
  art and beautiful things, on who is wrong 
  and who is right, on what is allowed and 
  what is ugly and what should be done 
  about this and that. We would have 
  only words and pictures on a page, if we 
  can’t fill in the periphery with context 
  then how will we understand anything? 
  If they don’t tell us what to enjoy, how 
  to  correctly enjoy it, then how will we 
  know? Who is right and who is mad? 
  Whose ideas are poisonous and wrong? 
  Call to arms! Stop that! Help me! We must 
  slather ourselves in their selfish juices.
   
  We need guidance! We’re the 
  1930s, begging for cultural fascists and 
  the night of long knives. Show us the 
  way, lead us to progress, we march on 
  Poland in the morning.
   
  Or maybe we should just kill 
  them ourselves.
  
  2
  SKINNED MOON DAUGHTER
  A Basic Class For The Great North
  by Benjamin Baugh
  The Skinned Moon is rare, and red as fresh-butchered meat.  It means 
  hunger, a long winter, spoiled supplies, and the cold calculations 
  counting mouths to rations.  The Skinned Moon is not an omen to 
  ignore, but despite the hunger it promises, the Skinned Moon also 
  offers gifts.  Of course, like all gifts of the Otherworld, what the 
  Skinned Moon gives is not ease or safety, but wildness and power.  
  Power to feed a hungry family, to ward the land from evil, or the power 
  to seek revenge, to rule from a house built of fear.  When the Skinned 
  Moon shines, daughters are born with power.  
  A Skinned Moon Daughter does not feel the cold, and will wiggle 
  constantly to be freed from her mother’s amauti, crying and whining 
  until she is uncovered.  As a child, she will likely be neglectful of her 
  kamik and parka, leaving them off when she runs about with the 
  other children, and often losing them.  She might learn to wear them 
  if her parents beat her or take the pains to explain, but she doesn’t 
  understand what they are for.  There is one season for the Skinned 
  Moon Daughter, and it is always the Summer.  
  
  3
  Until she grows to young womanhood, no living animal will touch her 
  - not whale, seal, bear, or fox.  She can spoil a hunt just by edging too 
  near, and must walk because she panics the sled dogs and reindeer 
  so badly.  She is a poor fisher too, unless casting a long net or deep 
  line.  She must live mostly on the kindness of her 
  family, and so often excels at craft to 
  help make up for her poor hunting.  
  At some point, when hunger bites 
  deep, she will realize that she has 
  the stomach of a wolf - the meat of 
  a carcass, even bloated in Summer’s 
  brief warmth - smells as sweet and 
  tastes as fine as fresh killed caribou.  
  Skinned Moon Daughters who 
  indulge too much in this practice 
  find their teeth subtly sharpening, 
  and their eyes throw back lamp light 
  with the simmer of a night hunter.  
  She begins to smell of offal.  Other 
  people begin to smell of food.  
  When the Skinned Moon Daughter 
  first bleeds as a woman bleeds, 
  she changes.  Her dreams become 
  all of eating and being eaten, and 
  the spirits of her people are wary 
  of her.  She becomes wilder and 
  less dutiful, prone to vanishing 
  for days on end, alone out into 
  the wilds.  The Skinned Moon 
  comes again then, and teaches 
  her katajjaq throat singing, but 
  instead of singing in duet with 
  another woman, the Skinned 
  Moon Daughter learns to sing 
  duet with a beast.  
  
  4
  She learns to strip off her clothes, to smear herself down with 
  rendered fat or rub herself with seal blubber, and then sing until 
  a hungry beast comes to her.  Bear, wolf, ice eagle, great fox, orca, 
  walrus, devil seal.  Some hungry beast looking for meat instead finds 
  the Daughter waiting, and when it moves to eat, it stops and sings 
  instead.  For a time, the Daughter and the beast stand, eye to eye, arms 
  and limbs touching, and then the song ends, and the beast swallows 
  the Skinned Moon Daughter down all in one gulp.  
  Oiled and slick, she slides in easily no matter how large the beast, and 
  curls within it like a baby waiting to be born.  Until the Moon makes 
  a full turn, she and the beast are one.  Her mind, her skill, the beast’s 
  strength and senses, speed, and endurance.   The Daughter’s Beast can 
  speak in her voice, can hold any tools or weapons she knows the use 
  of, can walk on two or four, but can also swim or run or fly as it’s wont 
  to do, can bite and claw, can track and see.  The beast does not change 
  shape, exactly.  Or perhaps it does, but only as needed.  The Daughter’s 
  Beast will always seem somewhat swollen at the middle.  When the 
  Moon returns to the place it was when the Daughter was swallowed, 
  the beast becomes ill and vomits the daughter back into the world, 
  and flees.  Such beasts are left fatter and healthier than before the 
  Daughter possessed them, but will never again come when the Skinned 
  Moon song is sung.  
  If her Beast is killed, the Skinned Moon Daughter will be trapped 
  within, and unless she can somehow eat her way free, she will die 
  there too.  Sometimes far wanderers find skeletons out on the ice, bear 
  bones with a small human skeleton curled within.  If a hunter butchers 
  a killed Beast, and cuts the Daughter free, then she is bound to marry 
  the hunter, and serve as a faithful wife unless the hunter break taboo 
  or violates the Skinned Moon’s terms.  The hunter must never raise 
  voice to the Daughter, must never raise hand to the daughter, and 
  must never refuse to lie with her when she feels her womb ache.  Those 
  who break faith with a Skinned Moon Daughter find how sharp her 
  teeth can become.  
  
  5
  If twins are born under the Skinned Moon, then they both carry the 
  magic, and have an affinity for one another that is uncanny.  Some 
  twins finish sentences for one another, but the Skinned Moon Sisters 
  can speak simultaneously in the same voice, can sing together, and 
  can share the body of a beast of sufficient size combining their power 
  to master larger and deadlier animals.  If rescued from a beast corpse, 
  only one of the sisters becomes the hunter’s bride, but both come 
  to share the tent.  If the hunter ever mistakes the unmarried sister 
  for their wife, then the bond is broken and the sisters will pick the 
  hunter’s bones clean of meat.  
  The Prime Requisites for the Skinned Moon Daughter character are 
  Wisdom and Charisma.  If both are 13 or greater, that grants a bonus 
  of 5% earned experience.  If both are greater, and one is at least 16 
  then a bonus of 10% earned experience is granted.      
  RESTRICTIONS: Skinned Moon Daughters use six-sided dice (d6) to 
  determine their hit points.  They may use light armours of hide and 
  bone, but are often clothed in beastflesh so wear nothing typically.  
  They may use light bows and one-handed and thrown weapons.  They 
  may not use shields.  They may advance to a maximum of 10th level 
  of experience.  A Skinned Moon Daughter must have a minimum 
  Constitution score of 9.  Because of their strange preternatural aura, 
  they may not have animals or intelligent beasts as followers.  
  SPECIAL ABILITIES:  Skinned Moon Daughters are immune to the 
  cold, and indeed, hardly feel it.  This includes magical cold, as from 
  spells or monster attack.  They may consume meat of any quality, age, 
  or freshness without ill-effect, though an extended diet of carrion 
  reduces their Charisma by d10 until a season eating only fresh meat 
  passes.  Skinned Moon Daughters speak the common tongue of the 
  North, the language of the Moon, and of Spirits of hunger, the sky, and 
  beasts.  
  
  6
  
  
  Their greatest power is the ability to lure and physically possess 
  animals with their Moon Singing.
  Each night spent singing the Skinned Moon’s song, check for a 
  random encounter.  If a creature is attracted to the Daughter’s song, 
  it must make a Save vs Spell or be overcome by the magic.  It joins 
  the Daughter in song, and when it ends, swallows the daughter.  If it 
  succeeds on the saving throw, then it reacts as its nature and hunger 
  demand.  
  For one lunar month, or until the beast is killed, the Daughter remains 
  safe inside it, in control of the shared flesh. 
  Use the beast’s Armour Class, Hit Dice, Hit Points, Move, and any 
  Attacks or Special Abilities or senses it possesses.  Use the Daughter’s 
  Saving Throws, and languages.            
  If the animal they possess has more hit dice than they have levels of 
  experience, then the Skinned Moon Daughter will sometimes have 
  difficulty controlling the beast’s instinctive actions.  When she tries to 
  force the beast to act against it’s nature - making a bear enter a tent, 
  and sit in parley with an enemy for example - make a Morale check 
  for the beast, and if successful, it balks and does not cooperate.  If the 
  Skinned Moon Daughter is Lawful, the beast cowers and refuses to act.  
  If the Skinned Moon Daughter is Neutral, the beast flees until it feels 
  safe.  If the Skinned Moon Daughter is Chaotic, it attacks as its nature 
  demands.
  Sisters combine their levels when they share a beast, and so can master 
  much more powerful animals.  
  If another player’s character rescues a Daughter from the corpse of 
  their beast body, then the complexities of the marriage arrangement 
  might be explored in play if everyone is agreeable.  Those married to a 
  Skinned Moon Daughter gain some benefits - they become resistant to 
  cold and cold-based attacks (half damage) if they are of a different
  
  8
  alignment to the Daughter, and if they are of the same alignment or 
  change to become like the Daughter, they gain her full immunity and 
  can also then feast on carrion meat as if it were fresh.  If the marriage 
  is broken, then either daughter or spouse’s alignment will change - and 
  can not be the same afterwards - and while the former spouse can still 
  cut the Daughter from the body of a dead animal, they can never again 
  be married - assuming the Daughter does not eat them.  
  
  9
  Level
  Title
  Exp. Points
  Hit Dice
  1
  Barefoot Maiden
  0
  1d6
  2
  Sweet Singer
  4,000
  2d6
  3
  Skinchanger
  8,000
  3d6
  4
  Welcome Stranger
  16,000
  4d6
  5
  Sly Inwalker
  32,000
  5d6
  6
  Beast Dreamer
  64,000
  6d6
  
  Witcheye Woman
  120,000
  d6
  8
  Widow Child
  250,000
  8d6
  9
  Cold Hand Matron
  400,000
  9d6
  10
  Hungry Beast Queen
  600,000
  9d6+2
  
  10
  101 USES OF A HANGED MAN
  by Barry Blatt
  The gibbet was a metal cage in which dead criminals were displayed 
  pour encourager les autres. They were pretty popular in England in the 
  16th and 1th century and were still used as late as 1832. The usual 
  procedure was to hang the criminal first and then put the corpse in the 
  closely fitting cage, but on occasion people were gibbeted alive and just 
  left to hang and die of thirst and starvation.
  This practise is a boon to sorcerers and witches; there a lot of useful 
  magic in a hanged man.
  Magic Item Lore In 17th Century England
  There are no end of sources for recipes for magical potions and charms 
  from old Greek and Roman sources like Pythagoras, Empedocles and 
  Apollonius of Tyana, recycled by way of medieval and modern writers 
  and through word of mouth among the witches. The trouble is no two 
  sources agree on all the details involved in their manufacture.
  For any given item there are 2-12 key phases of creation; more 
  for more potent items, fewer for the less potent. The GM should 
  determine the true method for each phase; prepare at least two 
  options and roll d10. On a 1-3 the first option is correct, on 4-6 the 
  second option is and on a -10 the step is in fact of no importance and 
  reduce the potency of the final magic item by -1/(# of steps); a magic 
  item that has no risk or difficulty in its creation has no power to affect 
  reality. Thus a mandrake root has six steps to create; each step that 
  turns out to be bogus reduces final potency by 1/6. Always round down 
  at the end of the process.
  
  11
  For each step invent a bad result for getting the stage wrong. This may 
  be anything from a loss of potency in the final item through to risk of 
  death or localised or even global natural disaster.
  Now roll for the magic user researching the issue; for each 4d6 days 
  working on the matter at 20sp a day in experiments, bribing demented 
  witches with parsnip wine, cutting pages from library books with a 
  razor blade, pulling scrabble letters out of a peasant’s hat etc. the GM 
  should secretly roll 1d10 for ONE of the steps in the process adding 
  the PCs Wis bonus;
  4 or under: They have a definite answer! (And it is wrong!)
  5: They have both answers and cannot make up their minds which is 
  right, they will have to guess
  6: They are sure the step is irrelevant, or at least no one has mentioned 
  it being important in their research
  7+: They definitely know the right answer!
  The PC will not know how many steps will need to be worked on, at 
  least not at first. After the first period of research tell them a variable 
  number of steps equal to (the true number -1d6) to (the true number 
  +1d6), after the second +/-1d5 etc.
  Use 2*: Dead Man’s Hair
  Also known as muscus ex cranio humano. Gibbeted bodies could hang 
  about for months, even years, and eventually mould, fungi and moss 
  would grow on the decaying corpse, though there is quite a supply of 
  Irish skull moss from the many unburied bodies left laying around 
  on the lush hills after the various battles and rebellions. There is 
  an import duty of a shilling per skull for imports though, and it is 
  generally just the skull itself that is imported to be ground up by 
  apothecaries who are unaware of the value of the moss.
  * (For Use 1 see the Expanding Universe blog at www.expanduniver.
  blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/101-uses-of-hanged-man.html)
  
  12
  The polymath Francis Bacon wrote a pamphlet on the moss, the 
  young natural philosopher Robert Boyle has a recipe or two and John 
  Tradescant the antiquarian has a mossy skull from Ireland in his 
  collection and has conducted experiments with it.
  The base potency of the moss is 1d4 plus 1 per level of the former 
  owner of the skull, plus 1 per four magic user levels of the magician 
  harvesting and using it.
  Tradescant and his skull
  Step 1:
  Harvesting the moss must be done with care.
  A. Sterling silver scissors are the implement of choice, and can be 
  bought for as little as ten shillings a pair, the parings may be dried over 
  a moderate heat then ground in a coffee grinder;
  OR
  B. The moss must be shaved from the head with a rusty cut-throat 
  razor, then washed in red wine to get rid of the soil and any mortified 
  flesh, then ground in a pestle and mortar, though it has its uses raw.
  The ‘raw’ moss will lose 1 potency per 1d3 days after harvesting, the 
  dried and powdered version will lose 1/3 potency immediately, but will 
  be will be good indefinitely thereafter. Using the wrong harvesting/
  drying method will reduce the potency by a third again.
  Step 2:
  The skull must be of one who died by violence; the spirits of such can 
  be hard to deal with.
  A. After taking the moss you must crack the skull with a hammer to
  
  13
  release the unquiet spirit within. Any further moss taken from this 
  skull will have no special potency.
  OR
  B. You must utter a curse against the one who caused the death of 
  the skull to appease the spirit; for Irish skulls cursing the name of Sir 
  Humphrey Gilbert will usually suffice, for ones from gibbeted men the 
  name of the hangman must be found and he must be cursed. Don’t 
  feel too bad about this victimisation of a public servant; hangmen get 
  cursed a lot by the friends and relatives of those they execute anyway, 
  they are probably immune to it.
  If you get this wrong save vs Magic or the spirit of the unquiet dead 
  will make your skull moss poisonous and do 1 damage per point of 
  potency when used, 1d3 if they fail a save vs poison. This spoilage will 
  not be apparent until the final potion is made.
  Step 3:
  To achieve its greatest effect the moss must be used thusly; (roll 
  d1d10; 1-3 a, 4-6 b, -9 c, 10 d);
  A. To cure nosebleeds the powder must be snorted up the nostrils, for 
  other bleeding sprinkle the powder into the wound and sew it tight, 
  or use a wad of the raw moss to staunch the wound. This will heal 1 
  HP of damage immediately, and double the rate of natural healing for 
  (potency) days afterwards.
  OR
  B. Boyle’s Method is to hold the raw moss in the left hand and 
  concentrate upon drawing the blood back into the liver. Heals 1 
  damage per point of potency and stops all blood loss but can only be 
  used upon oneself. Will remove the power to cast one level 1 spell from 
  a magic user at random.
  
  14
  OR
  C. Dr Goddard’s Drops are made by mixing skull moss powder with 
  brandy, sucussing it seven times and distilling off the alcohol. The 
  drops will cure depression, epilepsy, lack of energy and even sexual 
  impotence; make a save vs poison with a bonus equal to the potency to 
  gain relief from the symptom for twice the potency in hours. Charles II 
  is a great fan of this preparation; after his reign they will be known as 
  the King’s Drops and used widely by the nobility of Europe.
  OR
  D. Chiffinch’s Spike uses a pinch of the powder in a glass of alcoholic 
  drink and a magic word equal to a level 3 spell to induce the drinker 
  to spill their secrets. The target gets a save vs poison at +4, minus the 
  potency of the moss. The magic word will require researching, but will 
  take only a third of the time and cost if the magic user already has 
  knowledge of the Suggestion spell.
  An ‘incorrect’ use of the moss will still work, but the effective potency 
  will be reduced by 1/3.
  Buying it
  Dried and powdered skull moss is available at a shilling per potency 
  point in any well stocked apothecary shop in a major town in Britain 
  such as London, Bristol, Norwich and Edinburgh and you have a 50% 
  chance of finding it in the smaller towns as well.
  Actual moss bearing skulls, usually from some forgotten Irish 
  battlefield, can be had for ten shillings to a pound from the right seller 
  in London, Liverpool, Bristol or Dublin, and dubious toerags in any 
  tavern will retrieve one from the nearest gibbet for you for a suitable 
  fee.
  
  15
  THE DOCTOR
  by Patrick Stuart
   
  No ordinary scholar, you have left the university, academy or 
  monastery in order to discover more about the world and put your 
  theories to the test. While you are a medical expert, you are deeply 
  learned in a variety of fields. You may have been banned from 
  attending University because you are a woman or a Jew, or simply for 
  promulgating radical theories. You may be a brilliant autodidact or 
  savant. Whoever you are, you are a bold, forthright and courageous 
  individual. While you never seek violence your studies and personal 
  development have given you the capacity to defend yourself, perhaps 
  with an exercise regimen or martial technique that you invented 
  yourself. Your Attack Bonus, Hit Points, Saves and Levels advance like 
  a Fighter.
   
  Do No Harm. You cannot willingly do lethal damage to another self-
  aware humanoid.  If any action of yours takes them below zero hit 
  points you must save their life. If you break this rule you have a Dark 
  Night Of The Soul and lose a level.
  Encumbrance. None of your special class abilities work if you are 
  encumbered. All negative effects and restraints gained through your 
  class abilities remain in force.
  
  16
  
  1
  You gain the following class abilities at character generation:
   
  Healing
  Out of combat, and in a calm, controlled environment, you can heal 
  d4 basic trauma damage per turn (10 minutes). This can be stuff like 
  splinting arms and stitching wounds, but also possibly replacing a bit 
  of someone’s broken skull with a coin.
  Saving Lives
  If in combat rounds for any reason (not just combat itself) you can 
  heal and even restore to life individuals who might otherwise die.
  You can attempt this on a living being that is at -4 hit points or below 
  so long as you reach them by the round after the damage took place 
  and there is enough of the body left to potentially sustain life.
   
  This consists of a mutual roll-off with you against the DM. On both 
  your turn and the DM’s;
   
  - You both roll a d10.
  - You add your INT bonus.
  - The DM adds the number of HP the target is under zero.
   
  Every roll you win advances the patient to a higher stage. Every roll 
  you lose allows them to slip back one stage.
  Stage 1 - Stabilises & stops the bleeding.
  Stage 2 - Searches wound & removes any foreign object.
  Stage 3 - closes and stabilises. Restarts heart if necessary. The target 
  now has 0 hit points but is conscious and can speak.
  If a patient slips out of Stage 1 they return to their state before you 
  reached them. If they were at -4hp or below then they die.
  
  18
  Most Learned
  Once per game session for each level you can effectively cast ‘Identify’ 
  on any item or localised process. This can be an object, disease or ‘how 
  it works’ question.
  This isn’t magic. You are drawing upon the vast learning you are 
  assumed to be engaged in pretty much continually. You retain this 
  knowledge so if you find the same object, process or disease again you 
  know what it is. For very complex illness or curses, working out what it 
  is and how it is cured can be two, or more, separate things.
  Control Hold
  You are entirely adept at dealing with troublesome or irrational 
  patients. You always count as being armed with a garrotte. This 
  requires a successful attack from surprise or a successful grapple. On 
  a hit, the target loses d6 hit points per round. You can ‘pause’ this 
  damage at exactly zero hp.
  
  19
  SPECIAL QUALITIES
  On reaching 2nd, 4th, 6th, 8th and 10th level, you may roll a d6 on the 
  table below and apply the closest available result
   
  1. Intolerant Rationalist
  You know some magic is real because you have evidence of that, you 
  also know it’s entirely explicable and rarely what it seems, or claims 
  to be, more delusion and madness than meaningful knowledge. 
  The sooner everyone stops indulging in that claptrap, the better off 
  everyone will be.
   
  You gain a double save against any magical effect. This applies to 
  positive effects as well.
   
  BUT
   
  Magic will not work for you. Not scrolls, spells or items of any kind.
   
  In addition you tend to harangue those who speak imprecisely and 
  inaccurately about “the occult”, thereby making you rather tiresome to 
  be around.
  2. Dangerous Atheist
  There may well be a prime mover of some kind but talk of an 
  interventionist god, or gods, is nonsense and calumny. The claimed 
  ‘miracles’ of these religions are trickery, delusion or misunderstood 
  natural phenomena.
   
  You are immune to non-physical Clerical or divine magic. I.e., if a 
  divine rainstorm soaks everyone then you get soaked. But a Quest or 
  Harm spell has no effect.
   
  BUT
  You cannot be healed by said magic. You wouldn’t want to be anyway.
  
  20
  In addition you are dangerously outspoken about your views, utterly 
  refuse to recant them no matter the circumstances and are something 
  of a liability when dealing with the religious.
  3. Master Surgeon
  All ‘good’ or ‘evil’, whether it be in man or any other thinking being, 
  flows from the mind, that is to say, the brain. Therefore, by altering the 
  brain you may command morality itself. Whenever you have the time 
  and money you can, and must, try to do brain surgery on subdued 
  monsters and ‘evil’ people.
  Brain Surgery requires the living but sedated body of a person or 
  humanish monster and a carefully prepared antiseptic environment. 
  Simply transforming a normal room in this way with boiled sheets and 
  vinegar swabs costs 500sp in an urban environment. In a privileged 
  rural environment like a castle or monastery it costs 1000sp and may 
  be impossible.
  If any local law enforcement, religious authority or peasant mob 
  becomes aware of the planned surgery, they will almost certainly 
  intervene to prevent such an abomination taking place.
  Surgery requires an hour per HD of the individual being ‘improved’. 
  Each hour costs 50sp in materials. The subject must make a save each 
  hour to avoid death. If they fail a save they go below zero by the same 
  amount they failed by. You can attempt to resuscitate them with your 
  SAVING LIVES power.
  If they survive, the creature becomes a new, and perhaps quite horrific, 
  retainer who must be maintained at a rate of one silver piece per day 
  for each HD and special power they possess.
  On waking the referee rolls a loyalty value for the creation on the 
  retainer loyalty table. Deduct this number from the INT of the 
  creature. The very loyal are also very dumb. Should the creature fail a 
  loyalty test at any point it act according to its base nature.
  
  21
  If doubles are rolled then you have created a PERSONAL NEMESIS. 
  The Referee must add d20 intelligence to the creature’s base. If the 
  total goes above 20 INT for every point above they must be given a 
  strange other-natural power which may be selected by the Referee 
  or rolled on the table in the ‘Summon’ Spell. The Nemesis will 
  immediately attempt escape. Obsessed with their creator they will dog 
  your steps on and off until one of you is destroyed
   
  4. Charismatic Addict
  You have a dangerous addiction. In any environment and situation 
  when the referee thinks it reasonable, they may say that you need to 
  score. You lose d100% of the money you have on you.
  In addition, if carousing rules are in effect and the opportunity 
  presents itself, you must carouse.
  BUT 
  You always have drugs on you. If the PC’s come into contact with a 
  drug or druglike substance and its even slightly possible you could 
  have bagged some behind the scenes then you can simply mention it 
  and d4 doses will be present right there in your bag. This ability can be 
  used once per drug.
  5. Healer Of Minds
  Your genius and experience has given you a deep insight into the 
  minds of your fellow man. An insight the world is not yet ready to 
  understand.  You can heal people of madness’s and mental effects, but 
  this takes TIME and they must COMMIT TO THE TREATMENT.
  Usually it takes an hour long intensive meeting once a week with the 
  number of weeks equal to the level of the effect. The referee may ask 
  the patient and Doctor to role-play out at least part of this treatment.
  BUT
  
  22
  Your perception and sensitivity has lead you into behaviours and 
  attitudes that the ignorant masses would mistake for madness. Roll a 
  random Madness on whatever table the referee thinks best. You will 
  refuse to have this insanity treated in any meaningful way. If it is ever 
  cured, you lose your mind-healing ability.
  6. Renowned
  Your works are well known. It’s quite possible that for many medical 
  problems you literally wrote the book on it. You name alone gains easy 
  access to, and a degree of status within, any environment in which 
  rational enquiry is valued.
  BUT
  As your theories and works become more popular, they arouse 
  opposition as well as agreement. You have an Academic Enemy. This 
  person levels as you do, has a team of roughly the same competence 
  and ability as yours and has a belief system apparently similar yet in 
  fact opposite to yours. They exist only to foil you and prove you wrong. 
  They don’t necessarily want to kill you, they just want you to admit 
  that they are right. Which might involve you being very close to death.
   
  
  23
  EVERYONE IS AN ADVENTURER
  by Daniel Sell
  Follow these instructions. Classes are gone. Tear out those pages, eat 
  them. Glue these in their place. Everyone is an adventurer now.
  The Adventurer
  All saving throws start at 16.
  Experience and level progression works as Fighter.
  Everyone starts with +1 attack modifier.
  At level 1 the minimum HP regardless of roll is 3.
  Each level, including 1st, you must pick either fighting, learning, or 
  cunning. You do not need to record that you made this choice, just the 
  results of your decision.
  If you pick fighting you get +1 attack modifier, D8 HP and -1 Poison 
  & Breath saves with an additional point lowered on any save you like 
  (this may be used to double up on poison or breath).
  If you pick learning you get 2 skill points, D6 HP, and 4 points 
  deducted from saves of your choice.
  If you pick cunning you get D6 HP, 2 points lost from saves of your 
  choice and 3 random spells from any class or level. The precise method 
  for randomising isn’t important as long as it is random.
  
  24
  Casting spells
  No more memorisation, you know all the spells you know and can cast 
  them at your leisure.
  Adventurers have a pool of magic points (MP) equal to their highest 
  plus lowest attribute.
  To cast a spell you must pay MP equal to the spell’s level. Otherwise 
  you may not cast it.
  You recover 1MP per hour of restfulness. This can be sleeping or 
  meditating or quietly fishing or so on. As long as the action is not 
  particularly productive or stressful it probably counts.
  If a spell would normally be unavailable to a magic user of your level 
  (according to default Lamentations rules) it costs double MP to cast. 
  If your caster level is ever important assume it is equal to your current 
  level.
  Learning spells
  The only way to gain a new spell is levelling up. However if you have 
  found a spell book, scroll or tutor of a particular spell then you may 
  pick that particular spell instead of a single random choice. This 
  represents you having spent time learning it and finally committing it 
  to memory.
  Example: 
  A level 4 character casting a level 3 spell (not normally available until level 5) 
  would lose 6 MP upon casting it
  Example: 
  An imaginary character has stats with numbers, they look like this: 12, 8, 14, 
  13, 12, 10. The highest is 14, the lowest is 8, therefore this character has 22 MP 
  
  25
  THE SICKNESS
  by Luke Gearing
  Once you are within its grips, pray your friends stay sober. The heady 
  musk, that sex-stink; first it’ll fill your head with soft pink light and 
  set your desires aflame, body taught like a wire aching for release (oh 
  please). In this state, the awful tumours of the Sickness simply do 
  not bother you – any sexual offering brought to you would be gladly 
  accepted.
  Not long after this, it’ll swallow you whole. You’ll lose control and be 
  driven mad by desire, pure lust boiling through your veins as baser 
  instincts override all thought. If you’re lucky, you’ll find another 
  afflicted by the scent, and rut like animals there and then. If you are 
  not, you will suckle the tumours and be lost forever, another carrier.
  -
  The growths have a single property which allows them to wreak such 
  devastation – the secretion. The stink of a hundred whorehouses, bottled 
  and mixed with decaying rose petals. Those who do not steel their mind 
  against the intrusion find themselves aroused, suggestible, open to any 
  offered sexual encounter, regardless of usual preferences.
  This is simply the initial exposure – prolonged exposure reduces most into an 
  animalistic sexual frenzy, wherein they will attempt to rut with the nearest 
  member of their own species. Those already afflicted with the Sickness are 
  permanently in this state, affected by the scent just as strongly.
  If the secretion is ingested, the immediate reaction is a climatic, body-wide 
  sexual release impossible to achieve under any normal conditions. These 
  orgasms seemly serve two purposes – both encouraging further ingestion 
  and reducing potential mental resistance to the persuasive nature of the 
  Sickness.
  
  26
  Once ingested more than once, infection is certain. That individual is no 
  more, lost to an oblivion of sexual frenzy and endless climaxes. Groups 
  of these individuals will simple suckle at the growths of their fellows, 
  entirely content to die of dehydration, soiled in their own sexual discharge. 
  Lone individuals, however, seem to actively seek out and infect further 
  individuals. This is believed to be a mechanism to ensure they can continue 
  to experience the pleasure that has replaced all thought, memory and 
  personality.
  - Edwin Archibald Zwente, Field Surgeon, Emperors Seventh Horse
  Once infected, tumours become visible and begin secreting within 2 
  hours, and do not stop growing until the death of the host. Apart from 
  the swollen, purple-black stretched flesh of the tumours, they also 
  exhibit additional eyes, fingers, tongues and sexual organs – with no 
  regard to the gender of the host.
  If a host were somehow kept alive for long enough, the tumours would 
  first bury the original body under their ever-expanding bulk. Then, 
  they would form mouths and crude pseudopods. The tumour collective 
  would then set about its purpose – all that is known is that it seeks 
  depth.
  
  2
  Mature Form, The Sickness
  HD - 12 (Host has 1HD, but is entirely hidden. Killing the host kills 
  the organism)
  AC - as leather
  Move - as slime
  Attack - Pseudopod Slam – 1d10 +10
  Specials – Coated in the secretion, can spray it up to 10ft.
  Secretion Mechanics 
  Roll under Wisdom upon initial contact with the scent of the secretion, 
  and every 4 rounds thereafter. Failing to roll under Wisdom causes you 
  to advance 1 stage. You move down 1 stage every 15 minutes without 
  the scent.
  Stage 0 – Standard.
  Stage 1 – Aroused, suggestible, open to any offer of sex.
  Stage 2 – Aggressively seek out sex with any near you.
  The first ingestion of secretion allows a save-vs-poison. The second 
  does not.
  
  28
  
  29
  DEAD INSIDE
  Alternate Classes For Lamentations Of The Flame Princess
  by Edward Lockhart
  Those that delve into deadly unreal ruins are not well. Their madness 
  may lend them unusual strength, but more likely it will be their 
  undoing.
  Though there are many things beyond humanity, all four classes 
  remain (more or less) human.
  {The following four classes are meant to replace all player character classes 
  within Rules and Magic. The classes presented in Rules and Magic may or 
  may not be extant in the campaign but are now NPC only. You can ask the 
  referee if you must. It doesn’t matter, you have only narrow choices.}
  
  30
  Detached – Already half 
  removed from the world, numbed 
  from great pain and chemical 
  dependence, these men and 
  women march dead eyed and 
  raving into dark places.
  Starting Equipment
  Filthy Clothes
  Helmet (+1 AC)
  Axe Handle, Mace, OR Flail (1d6)
  Large amount of Favourite Drug 
  Large amount of Least Favourite 
  Drug
  3 torches
  1 useful item (rope, mallet and 
  spikes, lantern and oil, flask of 
  water, etc.)
  1d4 Silver
  Partners in Crime– They cling 
  to one another. Codependent and 
  desperate, these pairings dance 
  along a razor’s edge.
  Starting Equipment (split 
  between them)
  Sufficient Clothing
  Helmet (+1 AC) & Shield (+1AC)
  Weapon of Choice
  Knife (1d4)
  Full Waterskin
  1 tool (hammer, mallet, spade, 
  mattock, etc.)
  4 Torches
  1d4 Silver
  Equipment 
  & 
  Overview
  Fallen – Cursed but powerful, 
  these fools believe they were 
  once something more, something 
  whole. They are delicate and 
  strange. This world wears at them 
  like a thorned path.
  Starting Equipment
  Sufficient Clothing
  Knife or Club (1d4)
  1 Candle
  1d4 Silver
  Pariah – Cast aside by their own 
  peoples, set adrift in foreign lands, 
  these unfortunate souls wander 
  without peace.
  Starting Equipment
  Foreign Garb
  Helmet (+1 AC) & Shield (+1AC)
  Unique Weapon
  2 torches
  50’ Rope
  1 tool (hammer, mallet, spade, 
  mattock, etc.)
  Tent
  1d6 Rations and Full Waterskin
  1 Foreign Coin
  
  31
  The Detached
  You have known too much: glimpsed cosmic perspectives, touched the 
  river of time, or simply watched a loved one die in unearned brutality. 
  You are now dead inside; this is not quite a metaphor.
  Though you may yet smile or drink or seem merry, it won’t touch your 
  eyes. Certainly, many sad folk never leave the public house, find fights, 
  or wantonly fuck, and sometimes you might too.
  (Oh when you’re lost in the reckless dissolution of wits via drug or 
  drink, old fires can rekindle. A memory of joy forgotten might seem 
  again possible. You may very well chase the dragon until you die again 
  then waken with a sigh.)
  Some Detached can’t be still as though through movement alone, their 
  bodies remain animate. Others tick like tensioning springs: silent, 
  stiff, terse, waiting for a reason to explode. Others still are drunken 
  tilting folly, still living only by slapstick happenstance. Each, being 
  human, is his/her own terrible snowflake.
  So when a desperate fool decides to dig around old witches’ haunts for 
  fairy silver or explore old ruins seeking sacrificial gold, detached folk 
  often glom onto such escapades.
  
  32
  XP
  HP
  Paralyse
  Poison
  Breath
  Device
  Magic
  1
  0
  1d8
  10
  10
  14
  13
  11
  2
  1,000
  1d8
  10
  10
  14
  13
  11
  3
  3,000
  1d8
  10
  10
  14
  13
  11
  4
  9,000
  1d8
  10
  10
  14
  13
  11
  5
  2,000
  1d8
  10
  10
  14
  13
  11
  6
  80,000
  1d8
  10
  10
  14
  13
  11
  
  120,000
  1d8
  10
  10
  14
  13
  11
  8
  200,000
  1d8
  10
  10
  14
  13
  11
  9
  300,000
  1d8
  10
  10
  14
  13
  11
  10
  +100,000
  +3
  10
  10 
  14
  13
  11
  (Saving throws do not advance. Detached are frozen spectres of a living thing)
  BAB – +2
  Hit Dice – 1d8 (minimum 4HP)
  Numb Fire – When intoxicated (requires loads of beer, mounds 
  of cocaine, and/or whole bottles of laudanum) -1 to hit, takes half 
  damage from physical sources (minimum of 1 damage).
  Thoughtlessly Rash - Between fearlessness and the dim echo of a will 
  to live, detached always act first in combat when not surprised.
  Stone Hearts Pump No Blood - Complete immunity to emotion 
  based and mind controlling magic.
  
  33
  Partners in Crime
  Trouble has found them, again and again. Tireless, it will find them 
  always. It bubbles off of each in stuttering waves. Grinning, they laugh 
  recklessly into the abyss.
  Sometimes lovers, sometimes brothers, sometimes parent and child, 
  sometimes simply old friends: a strong bond links these two ne’er-do-
  wells. They look out for each other, and the whole rest of it can burn.
  The twain of ‘em are rarely out of earshot and work all too well 
  together.
  They’ve tried a little of this and dabbled at that, but mostly they know 
  how to survive.
  BAB - +1
  Hit Dice – d6 (no minimum, it is what it is)
  Dabbling – Two points each to distribute amongst these skills: 
  stealth, bushcraft, climb, search, tinker, backstab, sleight of hand, 
  rough medicine*.
  In Sync – For any action(s) which sees both Partners in Crime working 
  together, they may add their level to the roll(s).
  Two – These are two persons each of whom can attack or take any 
  other action each round.
  Trouble Finds You – At each level, including the first, an NPC from 
  the Partners’ past will turn up to haunt them:
  1. Former Lover, 2. Former Mark, 3. Former Victim, 4. Officer of the Law
  
  34
  XP
  HP
  Paralyse
  Poison
  Breath
  Device
  Magic
  1
  0
  1d8
  18
  18
  18
  18
  18
  2
  2,500
  1d8
  *
  *
  *
  *
  *
  3
  5,000
  1d8
  *
  *
  *
  *
  *
  4
  10,000
  1d8
  *
  *
  *
  *
  *
  5
  30,000
  1d8
  *
  *
  *
  *
  *
  6
  80,000
  1d8
  *
  *
  *
  *
  *
  
  100,000
  1d8
  *
  *
  *
  *
  *
  8
  220,000
  1d8
  *
  *
  *
  *
  *
  9
  320,000
  1d8
  *
  *
  *
  *
  *
  10
  +100,000
  +3
  *
  * 
  *
  *
  *
  Roll two separate sets of stats, one for each partner.
  Upon Levelling Each Partner Gets:
  +1 to BAB OR
  +1 on Saving Throws OR
  +1d6 HD.
  Should a Partner in Crime find him/herself to be the sole survivor, 
  Save vs Magic + Wisdom Modifier to avoid entering a suicidal state. At 
  his/her next level, the bereaved must choose to become a Fighter or 
  Specialist. Then live with that choice, until death comes ripping.
  
  35
  Fallen
  It is a curse. Blessings do not exist. Born of a bad end, the circle will see 
  itself completed.
  The divine sears you from deep within your golden bones … Once 
  maybe you were an angel or a demon or even a godling, but now you 
  are this.
  Once you were mighty. Once you could see the spokes and gears of 
  creation, now you are mortal, trapped by the very gears you once 
  turned.
  You were something more, something bigger, something complete. 
  Now you are a shadow, a stain of clotted blood, a dim reflection of 
  being. All you remember of before is a missing contentment and 
  contempt for mortality.
  Now you know hunger, pain, and toil. The indignity of illness and the 
  spectre of death greet you like old friends.
  Still, somehow your spark remains. You do not age, though you may 
  appear old. In brief moments you may even remember some tiny 
  fraction of the Truth.
  Remembrances Of Voice – Command (as per spell) up to 1d6 beings 
  1/day.
  Not quite here, not quite there – +1 AC, Requires only ½ typical 
  caloric intake.
  Dying Spark – May cast from wizard/clerical scrolls, wands, staves, 
  etc. (via literal consumption, takes 1d6 rounds). See level chart, may 
  cast each listed spell ONLY ONCE.
  
  36
  XP
  HP
  Paralyse
  Poison
  Breath
  Device
  Magic
  1
  0
  1d4
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  2
  1,000
  1d4
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  3
  3,000
  1d4
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  4
  6,000
  1d4
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  5
  12,000
  1d4
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  6
  24,000
  1d4
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  
  48,000
  1d4
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  8
  80,000
  1d4
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  9*
  100,000
  1d4
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  10
  +100,000
  +2
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  (Saving throws do not advance. Fallen are chained within their wretched 
  forms.)
  *Beginning at level 9, the character must make a save vs spell at each 
  new level or “revert” to their former state.
  BAB - +1
  Hit Dice – 1d4 (minimum 2HP)
  One Time Spell:
  Level 1 - Compel - Any living thing must obey a single command, issued 
  in a non-compound sentence. If it cannot understand, it will be MADE 
  to understand.
  Level 2 - Renew – Render an object into pristine condition.
  Level 3 - Bring Servant – As per summon spell but control is automatic.
  Level 4 -  Word of Undoing – Remove from existence any single creature 
  or object.
  
  3
  Level 5 - Calamity – Render apocalyptic devastation unto a 100 mile 
  radius. Form decided by caster.
  Level 6 - Transmutation – Turn ANY one object or creature into another 
  object or creature.
  Level 7 - Invigorate – Bring back to perfect health any living or newly 
  dead creature.
  Level 8 - Demand an Audience – Force ANY entity to hold a 10 minute 
  audience with you. Both you and the creature will be unable to harm 
  one another. The audience is held in a pocket dimension of infinite 
  empty space. Both parties are transported there and unable to leave 
  for the duration.
  Level 9 - Stop – The motion of ANY single object is ceased by will of the 
  caster.
  Level 10 - Reincarnation – Bring self or another sentient back as a 
  randomly determined thing.
  
  38
  Pariah
  You come from somewhere else. No longer do you have a home or 
  a family. You are cut off from your people. Cast unto the breakers 
  of foreign shores, you desperately tread water and fight against an 
  undertow perpetual.
  Someday you will drown in strange waters. For today, you simply try to 
  breathe.
  Long ago you would have perished were you not malleable. Were your 
  wits duller, your bones would already moulder far from your ancestors.
  You speak this new tongue but will never be welcome, forever held 
  between two worlds. In liminality, pariahs often find companionship 
  amongst other outcasts.
  To return home is to die ignobly. To remain away is a slower version of 
  the same.
  Foreign Ways – you may add your level to one the following: (Choose 
  NOW and Forever) Knowledge of a Specific Topic (i.e. normal 1/6 
  skill becomes 1+level/6 skill) OR When Fighting with a rare and Very 
  specific weapon add level to damage rolls.
  Quick Study – You learn new customs and new climes easily enough. 
  See Bushcraft and Language skills on XP chart.
  Serendipitous Delivery – Add the difference between your current 
  HP and your maximum HP to all saving throws.
  (Example: Having 4 out of 6 total HP, nets a +2 bonus to all saving 
  throws.)
  
  39
  XP
  HP
  Paralyse
  Poison
  Breath
  Device
  Magic
  1
  0
  1d6
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  2
  1,000
  1d6
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  3
  3,000
  1d6
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  4
  6,000
  1d6
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  5
  12,000
  1d6
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  6
  24,000
  1d6
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  
  48,000
  1d6
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  8
  80,000
  1d6
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  9
  100,000
  1d6
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  10
  +100,000
  +3
  16
  12
  16
  12
  10
  Bushcraft
  Languages
  1
  2/6
  5/6
  2
  3/6
  5/6
  3
  3/6
  5/6
  4
  4/6
  5/6
  5
  4/6
  6/6
  6
  5/6
  6/6
  
  5/6
  6/6
  8
  6/6
  6/6: 1/6 
  read magical 
  languages
  9
  6/6
  6/6: 2/6 
  read magical 
  languages
  10
  6/6
  6/6: 3/6 
  read magical 
  languages
  (Pariah saving throws do not change 
  with levels.)
  BAB - +1
  Hit Dice – 1d6 (min 3HP)
  
  40
  COCKDICKTASTROPHE 
  (Or, Simply, Cock Monster)
  by Chris Lawson
  The Cockdicktastrophe is a legendary monster, glimpsed by a few but 
  never truly encountered. That is what you should tell your players, 
  at least. The truth is that some people have encountered it but they 
  died so no one has told the story to other people! You have to really 
  hammer this home, so whenever the PCs ask people in town about 
  it make sure they say this at some point in addition to whatever you 
  want to tell them:
  “... but no one’s ever seen it. At least, no one who was alive after seeing it 
  has seen it. I mean they saw it, but they’re not alive any more so they didn’t 
  talk about it, to me at least”.
  After multiple NPCs have delivered this line the players should feel 
  confident in their understanding of the situation. Sometimes players 
  need help to identify what they feel, so don’t be afraid to lightly touch 
  each players hand and say to them “you are confident now”.
  
  41
  The monster’s lair can be wherever you would put a cave. Hills are 
  good for caves. Mountains are good for caves but are scarier so don’t 
  scare your players away. Plains are OK for caves but then you have to 
  put the cave entrance in the ground and then its hard to see that the 
  cave mouth looks like a vagina, which is important, which you’ll know 
  if you keep reading, or you would already know if you read ahead and 
  then jumped back to read this part afterwards. When the PCs approach 
  the cave, describe it like this:
  “The cave mouth looks like an open vagina. The polished stone walls glisten 
  in the sun or moon with a supernatural wetness. Above the cave there is a 
  huge phallus in the shape of a clitoris. Or is it the other way around? Make 
  a search check”. 
  Whatever the outcome oƒ the check, tell your players that it’s not the 
  other way around and that they were right the first time. When they 
  enter the cave, play some wet sucking noises from Youtube. Tell them 
  that it feels like the cave mouth is sexually aroused by their entry. It 
  sighs and moans loudly. These noises can be made by Youtube also.
  The air is humid and sexy. But not like arousing-sexy, it’s just like, 
  there is sex happening here.
  They are now in the outer chamber. There is a single wooden door. 
  When they notice the door, read the following text without stopping:
  “You open the door and step inside. Inside is the Cock Monster. The monster 
  has its arms in front of its crotch but it exposes itself to you in delight. What 
  it exposes is a penis. The monster itself has a throbbing veiny penis head for 
  a head and it nods at you knowingly. You get the feeling that it’s somehow 
  throbbing at you. It raises its rubbery arms and points at you with its cock 
  hands. Each finger is a dick, and each becomes aroused as they are pointed 
  at you in turn. It makes sure you notice and acknowledge each one. It will 
  wait.
  
  42
  
  43
  You spin to retreat the way you came. The door is dicks now. Dicks pounded 
  down to a rectangular board, dried and cured, and nailed together with 
  dozens oƒ other dicks to form a door. It slams shut, blood spurting from the 
  dicks due to the force. One oƒ the dicks comes (cums) into the door frame. 
  The cum spreads quickly in the vagina that is the space between the door 
  and the door frame. It dries hard. You probably can’t go that way any more. 
  You will have to fight your way out. You draw your weapon - but you find 
  yourself tugging on your own dick. This means your dick is where you 
  normally keep your weapon’s handle or hilt. If you didn’t have a dick before 
  you have one now, because of the cock monster’s dick magic. You grope your 
  crotch with your other hand, hoping to discover you are simply mistaken 
  and that your dick or genital of choice is safely where you put it earlier. You 
  are temporarily relieved to feel the contour of your usual genitals. But soon 
  you realize you actually have two cocks there now. They squirm against 
  your touch, not of your will. Your weapon’s flesh-hilt bends around to seize 
  your hand and forces you to stroke it. The weapon cracks its scabbard from 
  the inside like a chick bursting through its egg. It spills onto the floor and 
  unravels towards the cock monster. The hilt has fused with your hand so 
  now it’s your responsibility. This action is so psionically powerful that you 
  were telepathically aware oƒ it happening a moment ago, which is why you 
  thought you were tugging on your own dick earlier, at the beginning oƒ this 
  paragraph that I am reading to you.
  The cock monster’s cock slithers along the ground towards your hand/
  weapon-dick. They touch and appear to sniff each other. The cock monster’s 
  cock opens wide, revealing a constellation of irregular calcium studs set 
  against the deep space oƒ veins and the dark red puddle of light shining 
  through thin layers of skin. Your hand/weapon-dick coils up and springs 
  forward into the cock monster’s cock abyss. An impossible length of limp 
  cock slack is picked up and propelled into the apparently infinite tract of 
  the cock monster’s inner cock, beyond its open dick slit. “There is probably 
  euclidean geography in its dick”, you think. Finally the cock monster’s cock 
  snaps shut and twists on your hand/weapon-dick. The monster says “This 
  is called ‘docking’.”, but you can’t understand it because it doesn’t have a 
  tongue in its dick-head’s mouth, just another cock. 
  
  44
  You realize you can not fight it with conventional weapons. Your mind 
  scrambles for a solution. You recall your time spent in the nearby town near 
  this cave. A warty black-market gynaecologist warned you about something 
  like this. “Look out for dicks”, he had said while he was shitting on some 
  rats. He gave you a metal ring, about a foot in diameter with spikes lining 
  the inside. If you don’t remember this happening, its because the cock 
  monster’s magic was making you forget but you remember it now in the 
  heat of battle.
  With your remaining hand you unclip the spiked ring. You leap upon the 
  cock monster and end up straddling its face, with both your legs on its 
  shoulders, like a reverse piggy-back. You bring the spiked ring down on its 
  head, ripping its flesh. It quivers in delight even though its all ripped up 
  and bloody. The dicks in its eyes grab your double cock package and your 
  two dicks are drawn into its eye sockets. You furiously bring the ring up 
  and down, up and down its shaft face, shredding it to pieces. It only moans 
  louder. It fucks your dicks with its eye sockets and won’t let go. It bucks, and 
  you think it’s trying to throw you off but it’s actually trying to pound your 
  dicks harder, for your benefit. You somehow know that you are racing it for 
  an orgasm, and that the first to blow will lose and die. It’s so pleasurable 
  that you understand why no one has left to tell this tale. You have to get this 
  monster off before it gets you off! Make a save vs. magic”. 
  (DON’T READ THIS PART OUT LOUD: whatever the result, keep 
  reading! Just make your eyes roll and dart around all over the place 
  and your players will think you’re making this up on the fly).
  “Ok, so this means... You pound on the monster with the spiked ring, which 
  you now realize is called a spiked cock-ring, and the monster’s head is now 
  just a bare fleshy knob. You are proud of your progress but you suddenly 
  realize you are really close to orgasming! You let go of the cock-ring and grab 
  the monster’s fleshy knob face and put your mouth on its mangled tip. You 
  suck on its gore and bite down at the same time, realizing suddenly that it is 
  a mix of pain and pleasure that will defeat this monster. It moans so hard. 
  It ejaculates all of its insides with such force that you are thrown off its body 
  and into the ceiling. Luckily your two dicks pull out of the monster’s eyes 
  
  45
  just in time and you don’t climax. You take 1 hp damage.
  The monster lets out a cum-gurgling death cry. It becomes entirely flaccid 
  and falls to the ground like a house coat. You step on it to see if there’s 
  anything still there (like in Star Wars episode 4 when Vader steps on Obi-
  Wan’s robes) and you’re satisfied. You find 3d6 gems worth 2d6 sp each.
  As you are about to leave, you feel the undeniable urge to crawl into the cock 
  monster’s skin and do all the things that it was doing before you got here. 
  This is because you swallowed some of its cum when it came all over you. 
  There is no save, because you’ve already crawled into its skin and its taking 
  you over. You become dicks. Time to roll up a new PC!” 
  If there’s more than one PC, preface the boxed text with “The following 
  happens to each of you separately” and make sure to mention that there 
  are as many cock monsters in the cave as there are PCs while they are 
  investigating in town.
  
  46
  NINE SUMMITS 
  AND THE 
  MATTER OF BIRTH
  by Ezra Claverie
  “O fleeting joyes
  Of Paradise, deare bought with lasting woes!
  Did I request thee, Maker, from my Clay
  To mould me Man, did I sollicite thee
  From darkness to promote me, or here place
  In this delicious Garden? as my Will
  Concurd not to my being, it were but right
  And equal to reduce me to my dust, 
  Desirous to resigne, and render back
  All I receav’d, unable to performe 
  Thy terms too hard, by which I was to hold
  The good I sought not.”
  --John Milton, Paradise Lost, book 10, lines 41-52
  Overview
  For generations the Elves’ Principal Trading Company has exercised de 
  facto rule over the Sea People who dwell on the great tropical island of 
  Nine Summits. Once a wilderness of montane jungle, Nine Summits 
  now brings forth crops sold across the Metropole, from tea and 
  candlenuts to witches’ nutmeg, cloud-forest vanilla, and the vaunted 
  Fourth Summit saffron, the “Breath of Amber” that tints the wedding-
  feasts of landed families. 
  
  4
  Soon, however, disaster will come to Nine Summits: an astronomical 
  conjunction will bring about the season of an alien Generative 
  Authority that manifests in monstrous births. During this season, the 
  Authority will influence expectant mothers on Nine Summits, causing 
  the premature birth of creatures that recapitulate human phylogeny; 
  most such offspring will immediately gave half-birth to still larger 
  monstrosities.
  For the Referee: Using Nine Summits
  The humans who call themselves the Sea People resemble                   
  pre-modern Polynesians. They live in a patriarchal society organized 
  into matrilineal clans, subsisting by agriculture, aquaculture, and 
  fishing. What few metal tools they have, they bought from Elven 
  merchant adventurers, who resemble early modern Europeans.
  The Referee has many options for how to scale and deploy this 
  scenario, either as an episode in a larger campaign or as a one-off 
  catastrophe. This text assumes nothing about number of players or the 
  power of their characters. The Referee shall decide both how soon the 
  astronomical conjunction occurs and how long it lasts, depending on 
  his or her plans for Nine Summits as a setting.
  When the season of the Generative Authority begins, rumours of 
  monstrous births will ripple through the villages of Nine Summits, 
  leaving fear in their wake. Chiefs may order the detention (or worse) 
  of foreigners, obviously pregnant women, or suspected witches; they 
  may organize war parties to seize enemies from rival villages. Accused 
  or accusers may riot. The Principal Trading Company may deploy 
  imported or indigenous soldiers to defend plantations or ports.
  On the other hand, some village chiefs may seek the aid of 
  outside experts, especially those lettered in Elvish astronomy and 
  thaumaturgy. Others may hire foreign mercenaries to help them 
  enforce unpopular emergency edicts. (See “In Eaning Time,” below.)
  
  48
  A History and a Prehistory
   
  Nearly a thousand years ago, the Elves overthrew the indigenous 
  Theocracy that ruled Nine Summits, not by force but by stoking 
  resentment against that Theocracy among the Twelve Clans of Sea 
  People on the neighbouring islands. The Twelve Clans had long refused 
  to trade or intermarry with the people of Nine Summits because of the 
  Theocracy’s ritual sacrifice of newborn infants, a custom the Twelve 
  Clans regarded as bestial, and for which many refused even to speak 
  that island’s name. Infanticide kept the population of Nine Summits 
  far smaller than such an island might support using the agricultural 
  methods of the Sea People. Only fear of the Theocracy’s potent war-
  priests kept the Twelve Clans from conquering the island, casting 
  down the Theocrats, and putting the land to decent cultivation. 
  Neither the Principal Trading Company of the Elves nor the Twelve 
  Clans of the Sea People realize that the Theocracy of Nine Summits 
  merely continued, in debased form, practices that terror long ago 
  forced upon the people the island. According to the creation stories 
  of the Theocracy, in the First Times, an alien Being grafted upon Nine 
  Summits a demonic Generative Authority; as long as human beings 
  dwelt there, this Generative Authority would cause pregnant women 
  to bring forth monstrous children unless the Sea People appeased it 
  through infant sacrifice. 
   
  The priests of the Twelve Clans had rituals for dealing with malformed 
  infants and for consoling clan and village over such misfortunes, but 
  they had none to deal with malformed births so colossal that they 
  destroyed birthing bed, longhouse, village and all. In the hope of 
  propitiating the power responsible, the Theocracy ritually sacrificed 
  one healthy infant in five and punished any who would shelter infants 
  chosen for that fate.
  Although the Theocracy’s sacrifices kept the population low and 
  themselves in power, they actually did nothing to appease the 
  Generative Authority, which has no aims except those given it by its
  
  49
  creator, and which only intrudes into the material universe during 
  certain astronomical conditions. Those conditions recur in a cycle so 
  long that none living know their period. The Twelve Clans, having no 
  written history, recall the aberrations caused by the Authority only in 
  the myths of a Theocracy they crushed nine centuries ago. 
  The Referee shall decide how much the player characters may 
  learn about the Generative Authority. The oral epics, aristocratic 
  genealogies, navigational mnemonics, and even planting songs of the 
  Twelve Clans may contain clues about the astronomical conditions 
  that obtained when the previous conjunction happened, as well as 
  how soon it will recur. So might ancient petroglyphs, ritual platforms, 
  and stele aligned to the stars’ old positions. Arcane or banned Elvish 
  books may chronicle the Elven Principality’s first contacts with the 
  Theocracy. At the Referee’s discretion, spells of divination may allow 
  insight into the workings of the Generative Authority.
  The Circle of Unbirth
  The Theocracy survives on Nine Summits in the secret antinatalist 
  cult that calls itself the Circle of Unbirth. The Circle regards life as an 
  unhappy accident and therefore seeks to prevent conception and birth. 
  As a matter of doctrine, they do not seek to cause death, for Existence 
  brings death to all flesh; in fact, many who join the cult do so out of 
  pity for the suffering of others, whether humans, beasts, or the ghosts 
  of ancestors. The Circle abstains from eating the flesh of animals, and 
  many abjure harm even to plants, consuming only those leaves and 
  fruits that fall in due season. 
   
  The priesthood of the Twelve Clans considers the Circle of Unbirth 
  witches and therefore places upon them the strongest taboo, 
  interdicting their ritual practices (see below) on pain of death. Most of 
  those practices interfere only symbolically with the life of the Twelve 
  Clans, but their supernatural interference can cause grievous mischief. 
  (In game terms, treat full initiates to the Circle as clerics or as anti-
  druids.)
  
  50
  Solemnities of the Remainder: This ritual requires human 
  afterbirth. The Twelve Clans consider this substance holy and 
  thus taboo for non-priests to handle, so the Circle can obtain it 
  only by illicit trade or theft. 
   
  The Solemnities of the Remainder ritually convert the 
  placenta and other material remaining from a live human 
  birth into that of a stillbirth, relic of the Most Fortunate of the 
  Conceived. The Circle then divides this consecrated substance and 
  scatters it for the birds, ants, fish, and so on.
  Sacrament of the Nonborn: In this ceremony, the Circle 
  takes alcohol enemas to celebrate a miscarriage or stillbirth, 
  ritually condoling the mother’s house while celebrating the Most 
  Fortunate of the Conceived for the mercy of premature cessation. 
   
  Sacrament of the Unnascent: In this ceremony, the Circle takes 
  hallucinogenic enemas to celebrate the perfection of the Blessed 
  Infinities, those beings never conceived.
  Liturgy in Execration: The Circle ritually curses the Earth itself 
  as the unburied and unburiable carrion left by a dead star. A 
  whispered antiphon condoles the Void. 
   
  Liturgy in Commiseration: This ritual laments with the 
  Universe the misfortune of its birth, which stained the eternal 
  perfection of the Void. Participants curse the Earth as meconium 
  vented by wailing newborn stars.
  Nascence of Wisdom: The Circle buries a postulant in a shallow 
  grave, then exhumes him or her into the wisdom of opposition 
  to the creation of life. (After this initiation, members of the circle 
  may learn spells.) 
  Feast of Refusal: An experienced male initiate takes sedatives 
  and then undergoes castration. The Circle then prepares the flesh 
  into a parody of some dish eaten by the Twelve Clans (e.g. keke
  1.
  2.
  3.
  4.
  5.
  6.
  .
  
  51
  
  52
  pua’a, lū moa, manapua, ’ota ’ika, palusami, pokē, sapasui, or even a 
  full ahima’a, hāngi, or lovo). By night, they arrange this food on the 
  ground in some lonely place, most often in the shape of a stylized 
  human figure or the Elvish verb root meaning “to refuse,” leaving 
  it to be consumed by animals. (To assume a position of formal 
  authority in the Circle, a male must undergo this ritual.)
  Feast of Denial: An experienced female initiate takes sedatives 
  and then undergoes mastectomy. The Circle then prepares the 
  flesh as in the Feast of Refusal, above. (To assume a position of 
  formal authority in the Circle, a female must undergo this ritual.)
  Reverence of the Cessation: Celebrants bathe in ashes and 
  whisper prayers to celebrate the menopause of member of the 
  Circle. She imbibes drugs and then carves a stylized skull on her 
  belly. (Only women who have gone through this ritual may occupy 
  positions of senior leadership in the Circle.) 
  Song of Cooling: The Circle gathers to sing a Song that causes 
  its target, man or woman, to lose any and all sexual desire for 
  the opposite sex for one year. The Circle must know the target’s 
  name and have some piece of the target, however small: hair, nail 
  parings, urine, and so on. Provided the Circle has this object as 
  its focus, they can direct the Song against the target from any 
  distance, even without knowing the target’s location. (Treat as a 
  Curse. For every three initiates assisting the caster, penalize the 
  target’s Saving Throw by two.)
  Song of Quieting: This Song causes its target, typically one half 
  of a married couple, one year of infertility. (The same conditions 
  for casting obtain as with the Song of Cooling, but the caster 
  requires the help of at least six initiates.)
  Song of Peace: This Song painlessly kills a fetus, resulting in 
  miscarriage or stillbirth. The Circle must know the mother’s name 
  and have some piece of the mother: hair, nail parings, urine, and 
  8.
  9.
  10.
  11.
  12.
  
  53
  so on. (Otherwise, the same conditions for casting obtain as with 
  the Song of Cooling, but the caster requires the help of at least 
  nine initiates. The fetus and the mother each get a Saving Throw; 
  if either succeeds, the Song fails.)
  The Circle of Unbirth may have whatever other rituals, unique spells, 
  lore, iconography, shibboleths, and so on that the Referee desires.  
  In Eaning Time
  Consider the following as starting points for player characters’ actions 
  on Nine Summits. 
  A chief hires foreign adventurers to visit ruins taboo to the 
  Twelve Clans, in the hope of finding clues regarding the coming 
  astronomical conjunction.
  After two monstrous births in a large village (possibly on the 
  route back from the ruins in #1, above), violence erupts along clan 
  lines. Mobs now surround longhouses where pregnant women 
  hide, their kin defending. 
  A wealthy farmer seeks the help of outsiders to smuggle his 
  pregnant daughter to safety at his sister’s remote farm. A 
  shortcut takes the party through a wilderness reputedly home 
  to dangerous beasts, whereas well-traveled paths will put the 
  party in the way of war parties, frightened mobs, drunken Elven 
  mercenaries, or witch-finders.
   
  An agent of the Principal Trading Company hires the player 
  characters to escort a Sea Person comprador or an Elven merchant 
  from the highlands to the coast. The party must choose among 
  three beaten paths or a trek through forested mountains; in the 
  wilderness dwell dangerous beasts and pregnant women seeking 
  refuge.
  1.
  2.
  3.
  
  54
  First Path: In this village, a gigantic, monstrous birth rampaged 
  yesterday. Remaining villagers meet outsiders with desperation or 
  suspicion.
  Second Path: During the party’s transit of this valley, unrest 
  comes. Players must roll to determine its nature.
  d[X] for the number of incidents (die size determined by 
  Referee).
  d[Y] for nature of each incident. For example:
  request for aid
  riot
  mass exodus 
  mobilization of warriors to arrest outsiders
  mobilization of warriors to slay monstrous birth in 
  village
  mob attempts to kill comprador/merchant
  monstrous birth ahead of party
  monstrous birth behind party
  Third Path: In this village, the Circle of Unbirth has declared itself 
  openly: the chief, his wife, and several influential householders 
  have revealed themselves as initiates. They and fellow cultists now 
  hold hostage children from two households, proposing exchange 
  for the pregnant women of those households, dead or alive. d[X] 
  hours after the party’s arrival in the village, one of the pregnant 
  women gives birth to a monster.
  Being and Authority
  A twenty-seven-dimensional Being, eternal by the standards of the 
  material universe, created the Generative Authority as a means of 
  interacting with and observing biological life. The emergence of 
  complex phenomena from simpler phenomena in a plane of such 
  crude stuff as baryonic matter fascinates the Being. However, it has 
  not troubled to understand the principles of thermodynamics or even 
  temporal causality that govern such life, leaving that to the Authority.
  1.
  2.
  3.
  4.
  5.
  6.
  .
  8.
       •
       •
  
  55
  When the Sun, Planets, and the Galaxy’s disc of dark matter align 
  favourably, the Authority causes bizarre propagations of life, and it has 
  caused them, in various locations, since prokaryotes first scummed 
  the rocks of the primordial seas. Millennia ago, the Authority battened 
  on the Sea People of Nine Summits (having shifted its attention from 
  a population of mantis shrimp inhabiting a bay on the far side of the 
  world).
  The Authority causes women in their third trimester to go into 
  labour, often prematurely, delivering children that recapitulate the 
  phylogeny of humans far back into their chordate ancestry. Through 
  free-associative zoöplasty, the Authority grafts onto the aborning child 
  material from its vast library of animal DNA and life patterns, then 
  causes that material to grow. In its enthusiasm for generating life, the 
  Authority makes these births much larger and more robust, physically 
  and metabolically, than the matter and energy available in the child’s 
  environment would normally allow. 
   
  Moreover, the Authority causes most such offspring to give half-birth 
  to chains of increasingly larger bodies. Since chordates have a wide 
  variety of genital tracts, the Authority, in an effort to streamline its 
  work process, uses the organism’s mouth as the standard means of 
  egress for each new birth. The Authority’s limited awareness of events 
  on the Earth means that it has not yet realized that each subsequent 
  birth only half-emerges from the distended mouth of its parent, 
  remaining grafted together as a single organism. 
  Whether male or female, the first birth in the chimeric chain appears 
  normal, until the newborn child’s mouth stretches preternaturally 
  wide, as a python’s does when it swallows prey much larger than its 
  head. Then, this first child half-disgorges a much larger one, which 
  may, in turn, half-disgorge another, again independent of the sex of 
  the second birth in the chain (for the Generative Authority disregards 
  such minutiae). The brain of the last such birth in the chimeric chain 
  controls the flesh of the entire zoön (i.e. group organism), while the 
  final zoöid trails its predecessor forms like a prehensile tail studded 
  with paws, flippers, and tiny hands.
  
  56
  Parturition: Midwifing the Births
   
  The Referee has latitude in determining the severity of the Authority’s 
  effects during its season. He or she might simply decide that d[X] 
  villages experience d[Y] monstrous births each during a time period 
  of [Z], then generate those births using the two tables below, Size and 
  Type. However, to determine the effects of the Authority in greater 
  detail, the Referee might consider other parameters.
  Population: the population of Sea People on Nine Summits 
  Rate of pregnancy: the percentage of the total population now 
  pregnant
  Rate of monstrous birth: the rate at which currently pregnant 
  women spontaneously deliver monstrous births during each 
  increment of the Authority’s activity (see below)
  The population will depend on the Referee’s preference for his or her 
  own campaign setting. A standard rate of pregnancy sees 1% currently 
  pregnant, while a high rate sees 5%. The Referee must also decide 
  how frequently monstrous births occur among women in their third 
  trimester. Does every such woman stand a 100% chance of delivering 
  a monster during the season of the Generative Authority? Must she 
  succeed in a daily Saving Throw to avoid this, possibly modified by the 
  use of medicine or magic? The Referee shall decide.
  Whatever degree of detail the Referee chooses, he or she should 
  consider dividing the season of the Authority’s activity into two or 
  more increments as a means of gradually intensifying the Authority’s 
  effects during its season. To generate the Size of the monstrosity In 
  the first increment, roll d(X) for Size; in the second, [d(X) +1] or 2d(X); 
  and so on. 
   
  Note that each Size number doubles the mass of the previous result. 
  Therefore, large dice pools risk ecological, geological, tectonic, and 
  even gravitational consequences. (See the table below for Size values 
  up to thirty.)
  •
  •
  •
  
  5
  During the season of the Authority’s activity, spells of conjuration 
  and summoning allow wizards to bring forth, deliberately, monstrous 
  births from pregnant women in their third trimester. A creature 
  brought forth in this manner has Hit Dice equalling those of a being 
  the caster might have called up according to the spell’s guidelines, with 
  a corresponding Size number from the chart below. The caster may 
  then attempt to control the monstrosity accordingly.
  Of Teratology
   
  To determine the properties of a monstrous birth, first roll for Size. 
  This number indicates three things.
  The number of times the final zoön doubles the birth weight of a 
  healthy infant 
  The number of animal types in the chimeric chain (with the first 
  always human)
  The number of game rounds the chimeric chain takes to unfold to 
  full size
  If we take two kilograms as a healthy birth weight for a Sea Person 
  infant, then a roll of five for Size will indicate the following.
  Five different animal types (i.e. one human followed by four non-
  human zoöids)
  Four doublings of mass (for a total weight of 32 kilograms)
  At a Size number of six, the zoön or chimeric chain has one Hit Die. 
  Each Size number above that adds another die.
  •
  •
  •
  •
  •
  Size 
  Number
  Mass of zoön (in kilograms)
  2
  4
  3
  8
  4
  16
  5
  32: ½ Hit Die
  6
  64: 1 Hit Die
  
  58
  Size 
  Number
  Mass of zoön (in kilograms)
  
  128: 2 HD
  8
  256: 3 HD
  9
  512: 4 HD
  10
  1,024: 5 HD
  11
  2,048: 6 HD
  12
  4,096: 7 HD (the weight of an African elephant, 
  Loxodonta africana)
  13
  8,192: 8 HD
  14
  16,384: 9 HD
  15
  32,68: 10 HD
  16
  65,536: 11 HD
  1
  131,02: 12 HD (heavier than Dreadnoughtus schrani, 
  one of the largest sauropod dinosaurs)
  18
  262,144: 13 HD (heavier than the largest whale, 
  Balaenoptera musculus)
  19
  524,288: 14 HD
  20
  1,048,56: 15 HD
  21
  2,09,152: 16 HD
  22
  4,194,304: 17 HD
  23
  8,388,608: 18 HD
  24
  16,,216: 19 HD
  25
  33,554,432: 20 HD
  26
  6,108,864: 21 HD (heavier than the RMS Titanic)
  2
  134,21,28: 22 HD
  28
  268,436,456: 23 HD
  29
  536,80,912: 24 HD (this nears the deadweight 
  tonnage of the Seawise Giant, largest ship ever built)
  30
  1,03,41,824: 25 HD
  
  59
  The Size number also indicates the number of different types of 
  creature present in the chimeric chain. For each step in size, roll d6 to 
  determine animal category, then d12 to determine more specifically 
  the type. The Authority may bring forth recently extinct species, 
  especially among taxa closer to humans. 
  1. Invertebrate Chordates and Invertebrate Deuterostomes
  doliolid (e.g. Dolioletta gegenbauri)
  pyrosome (e.g. Pyrosoma spinosum)
  salp (e.g. Thetys vagina)
  amphioxus (e.g. Branchiostoma lanceolatum)
  acorn worn (e.g. Yoda purpurata)
  xenoturbellid (e.g. Xenoturbella monstrosa)
  benthopelagic holothurian (e.g. Enypniastes eximia)
  benthic holothurian (e.g. Thelenota anana)
  starfish (e.g. Acanthaster planci)
  brittle star (e.g. Ophiothela danae)
  crinoid (e.g. Naumachocrinus hawaiiensis) 
  urchin (e.g. Heterocentrotus mamillatus)
  2. Fishes 
  1. hagfish (e.g. Eptatretus stoutii)
  2. lamprey (e.g. Entosphenus tridentatus)
  3. carpet shark (e.g. Orectolobus leptolineatus)
  4. requiem shark (e.g. Carcharhinus longimanus)
  5. ray (e.g. Aetobatus narinari)
  6. skate (e.g. Amblyraja hyperborea)
  . moray eel (e.g. Gymnothorax meleagris)
  8. sculpin (e.g. Rhamphocottus richardsonii)
  9. coelacanth (e.g. Latimeria menadoensis)
  10. lungfish (e.g. Protopterus aethiopicus)
  11. carp (e.g. Ctenopharyngodon idella) 
  12. catfish (e.g. Pangasianodon gigas)
  1.
  2.
  3.
  4.
  5.
  6.
  .
  8.
  9.
  10.
  11.
  12.
  1.
  2.
  3.
  4.
  5.
  6.
  .
  8.
  9.
  10.
  11.
  12.
  
  60
  4. Reptiles
  boa (e.g. Bolyeria multocarinata)
  elapid (e.g. Aipysurus foliosquama)
  tentacle snake (e.g. Erpeton tentaculatum) 
  gecko (e.g. Hoplodactylus delcourti) 
  monitor (e.g. Megalania prisca)
  skink (e.g. Emoia nativitatis)
  meiolanid (e.g. Meiolania damelipi) 
  tortoise (e.g. Cylindraspis inepta)
  mekosuchine crocodile (e.g. Quinkana fortirostrum)
  saltwater crocodile (e.g. Crocodylus porosus)
  gharial (e.g. Gavialis gangeticus)
  tuatara (e.g. Sphenodon punctatus)
  5. Birds
  cormorant (e.g. Phalacrocorax perspicillatus)  
  falcon (e.g. Falco duboisi)
  honeyeater (e.g. Chaetoptila angustipluma) 
  ibis (e.g. Threskiornis solitaries)
  merganser (e.g. Mergus australis)
  owl (e.g. Sceloglaux albifacies)
  penguin (e.g. Eudyptes chathamens)
  lapwing (e.g. Vanellus macropterus)
  parrot (e.g. Cyanoramphus ulietanus)
  dodo (e.g. Raphus cucullatus)
  elephant bird (e.g. Aepyornis maximus) 
  moa (e.g. Dinornis novaezealandiae)
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  2.
  3.
  4.
  5.
  6.
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  11.
  12.
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  3.
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  5.
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  61
  6. Mammals
  echidna (e.g. Zaglossus attenboroughi)
  bilby (e.g. Macrotis leucura) 
  possum (e.g. Gymnobelideus leadbeateri)
  kangaroo (e.g. Procoptodon goliath) 
  wallaby (e.g. Onychogalea lunata)
  wombat (e.g. Diprotodon optatum)
  thylacine (e.g. Thylacinus cynocephalus)
  marsupial lion (e.g. Thylacoleo carnifex)
  Sea Person
  A zoön has the preternatural vitality given it by the Authority, which 
  frees the creature from the need to breathe or to oxygenate its gills. 
  Moreover, the Authority’s power allows the zoön to defy the laws of 
  mechanics that would ordinarily prevent animals of great bulk from 
  moving about on land under their own power. Thus cartilaginous and 
  even invertebrate zoa may sway higher than the tallest longhouses of 
  the Twelve Clans. 
  However, this borrowed vitality soon runs out: after d100 minutes, 
  the creature will shudder, spend 2d6 rounds convulsing, and then 
  die. In death, the zoöids (i.e. the zoön’s animal components) exhibit 
  all the normal properties of their respective kinds of flesh, attracting 
  scavengers as they begin to decay.
  Monster Island: Giant Zoa All-Out Attack
  After the birth of its final zoöid, a zoön mewls (or hisses, or silently 
  gapes) it birth agony, lashing out at creatures and objects nearby. In 
  the case of a large Size number, the birth of a chimeric chain in an 
  enclosed space may also endanger bystanders by virtue of its bulk.
  Assume a zoön has an Armour Class two steps better than a human 
  being. If the final zoöid in the chain has tough scales, spines, or the 
  like, give the zoön a still better Armour Class.
  1.
  2.
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  .
  8.
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  62
  As its primary attack, a zoön will bite. As its secondary attack, it will 
  lash or constrict using its prehensile body. For the primary attack, use 
  the damage progression below, starting with d3 for a zoön having less 
  than one half a Hit Die. The secondary attack causes damage two steps 
  below the primary. 
   HD: d4
   HD: d6
   HD: d6+1
   HD: d8 
   HD: d8+1
   HD: d10
   HD: d10+1
   HD: d12
   HD: d12+1
   HD: 2d6+2
   HD: 2d8+2
   HD: 2d10+2
   HD: 2d12+2
  Above twelve Hit Dice, the creature’s attack rolls affect an area of a size 
  to be determined by the Referee. The creature makes a single attack 
  roll against that area, and the attack kills all who fail the relevant 
  Saving Throw. Those who succeed lose half of their current Hit Points. 
  At the Referee’s discretion, the final zoöid’s forelimbs may offer 
  further means of aggression or special abilities (e.g. digging, flight, 
  reach, and so on). Only the final zoöid has a functional mouth, 
  although many of the preceding zoöids may have functional eyes and 
  forelimbs, depending on their animal types. Furthermore, depending 
  on the nature of the final zoöid, its mouth may give it special abilities 
  (e.g. amputation, blood drain, envenomation, and so on), again at the 
  Referee’s discretion.
  The vitality that the Authority lends the monster allows it to 
  regenerate one Hit Die’s worth of Hit Points per round. 
  ½
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  8
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  64
  At twelve Hit Dice and above, only long, piercing weapons like whale 
  lances can affect the zoön’s Hit Points. At fourteen Hit Dice and above, 
  no weapon small enough for a single human to wield can hurt the 
  monster, and siege engines become necessary. 
  The Referee must judge the effectiveness of magic and spells used 
  against a zoön based on relevant circumstances.
  After Birth: Requiem
  The scale of this disaster depends greatly on the Referee’s control of 
  its parameters. The author urges the Referee to set those parameters 
  publicly, before the players. For example: “In each of [X] increments 
  of time, I will roll d[Y] in the open to determine the number of 
  unspecified weird events in this locale, as well as d[Z] to determine 
  their scale.” This commits the Referee to the fatality of a certain 
  quantity of dice, yet it keeps the players in suspense, for they need not 
  know the nature of those “weird events” nor see the Size table. 
   
  If the Referee sets only a two or three intervals and uses small dice 
  pools, then posterity may record this season of the Generative 
  Authority as a time blighted by a monstrosities quickly destroyed. 
  Such an evil season may prove either the making or the undoing of 
  various factions on Nine Summits, indigenous or Elven. The Circle of 
  Unbirth may gain new followers or sympathy among the priesthood 
  of the Twelve Clans; alternately, the Twelve may drive them further 
  underground or even extirpate them. 
   
  However, if the referee sets more intervals and uses larger dice pools, 
  then posterity may record a different story. Gargantuan monstrosities 
  may destroy crop terraces and dikes, or raze entire villages; births of 
  sufficient Size may cause landslides, destructive waves, earthquakes, 
  and worse.  
   
  Furthermore, although the power of the Generative Authority allows 
  the zoa to support their own bulk while they live, that power ceases
  
  65
  upon death. Therefore, from their bones may flow tsunamis of flesh. In 
  an inversion of proper burial, carrion might bury the earth—valleys, 
  plains, whole provinces—under flood basalts of corruption, beneath a 
  sky black with scavenger birds and flies. When the eaters of the dead 
  can gorge no more, how long until such carcasses decay into the rich, 
  black soils on which Nine Summits built its fame?  
  Recommended Reading and Viewing 
  Arnold K. “Azathoth the Microbiologist.” Goblin Punch. Web. 11 October 2015. 
  http://goblinpunch.blogspot.hk/2015/10/azathoth-microbiologist.html
  Benatar, David. “Why it is Better Never to Come into Existence.” American 
  Philosophical Quarterly. 343 (July 199): 345-355. http://www.jstor.org/
  stable/20009904.
  Bosch, Heironymous. The Garden of Earthly Delights. c. 1490. Oil on oak. Musel del 
  Prado, Madrid.
  Kneale, Nigel (screenwriter). Quatermass [AKA The Quatermass Conclusion, AKA 
  Quatermass IV]. Euston Films and Thames Television, 199. Clear Vision DVD, 2003.
  Ligotti, Thomas. “The Last Feast of Harlequin.” 1990. American Fantastic Tales: 
  Terror and the Uncanny from the 1940s to Now. Ed. Peter Straub. New York: Library of 
  America, 2009: 351-388.
  Lovecraft, H. P. “The Dunwich Horror.” Weird Tales. 13.4 (April 1929): 481–508.
  Space Amoeba [AKA Yog: Monster From Space, AKA ゲゾラ・ガニメ・カメーバ 決
  戦! 南海の大怪獣]. Directed by Ishiro Honda. Score by Akira Ifukube. Toho, 190. 
  Tokyo Shock DVD, 2006.
  
SOURCE: textdata/thevault/Lamentations of the Flame Princess/LotFP Periodicals/The Undercroft (LotFP)/The Undercroft #09.pdf