TEXT: alley 
  of the
  Cracked Helm
  Union of Hirelings, Henchmen, & Hangers-on
  Written & illustrated by Billy Longino. (www.uhhhgames.com)
  O
  nce a paradise at the heart of dwarfdom, the Valley of 
  the Cracked Helm has lain forgotten for ages, lost to the 
  vagaries of natural disasters, goblin invasions, and generational 
  benders. Over the years since, its name has invoked only 
  shame—furtive, deep-seated dwarven shame—for the valley is 
  where the wild dwarves dwell. . .
  Littered with ruins of the obligatory lost dwarven civilization, 
  the valley has drawn hobgoblin squatters, prospectors, treasure-
  hunters, murder hobos, and other chaotic ne’er-do-wells to its 
  hidden dales—in turn attracting heroes and their lawful-minded 
  ilk. Will the wild dwarves survive? Remain oppressed? Or might 
  they rise up, refusing to be collateral in the cosmic conflict 
  between the forces of arbitrary, nine-point Weltanschauungen 
  (which are conviently forgotten by players and referees alike for 
  the sake of expediency several sessions in). 
  (This pointcrawl scenario can be dropped into any classic 
  fantasy campaign allowing gratuitous dwarven nudity. More 
  setting than adventure, it encourages/requires referees to 
  improvise or develop content further to fit their own needs. Low-
  level PCs may need to be lucky or clever to survive.)
  Old-School Essentials is a trademark of Necrotic Gnome. The 
  trademark and Old-School Essentials logo are used with permission of 
  Necrotic Gnome, under license.
  Requires Old-School Essentials Core Rules. 
  1d6 reaons the PCs may’ve come to the valley:
  1. THEY’S (allegedly) GOLD IN THEM THAR HILLS!!! 
  2. Dwarf PC must hold rites at The Grudgerock.
  3. To satisfy savior complex and liberate the wild dwarves!
  4. To deal with hobgoblins of Tribe of the Punctured Aorta. 
  5. Capture a wild dwarf for wizard’s menagerie in the city.
  6. Just crawling through another hex (i.e., totally lost). 
  Encounters (random)
  Roll below to ruin the PCs’ day (or lives): 
  2d4
  Results (unless you want to ignore them)
  2
  Roll twice and tell PCs to pray to Ye Gods!
  3
  Owlbear (1d3-1; scraggly, screech owl subspecies of 
  the valley). Roll 1d3: 1) molting; 2) eating live dwarf; 3) 
  guarding nest. (1-in-6 chance, it’s the Night Hooter [3b.]).
  4
  Prospectors (1d4; wiry; easily befuddled; territorial). 
  Roll 1d3: 1) arguing over a claim; 2) digging vigorously into 
  an absurdly deep hole; 3) drunk, cursing the earth.
  5
  Wild dwarves. Roll 1d4: 1) drunk on fermented owlbear 
  milk, 2) staring at bare rockface, 3) clacking two stones 
  together with great intensity, 4) itching (for a fight).
  6
  Wolves (3d3; scraggly valley breed, of doubtful pedigree). 
  Roll 1d3: 1) stalking wild dwarf; 2) scratching; 3) licking self 
  vigorously. 
  7
  Hobgoblins. Roll 1d4: 1) hunting wild dwarf, 2) gathered 
  around makeshift wolf-fighting pit; 3) Encamped.
  8
  Rival murder hobos (2d4 adventurers +2d3 hirelings; 
  well-armed; flexible ethics; 3-in-6 chance of 1d3 magic-
  users). Roll 1d3: 1) maimed, defeated; 2) eager, well-stocked; 
  3) arguing over course of action or onverthinking simple 
  problem/puzzle (you know what I mean).
  Developments (also random)
  Roll anytime below to get the proverbial boulder tumbling 
  (used to generate “plots” if that’s your thing):
  1d8
  Results (may vary)
  1
  Hobgoblins raid Fort Dearth [1.] (in-and-out; snatch 
  beefiest of citizenry; swipe lager & lederhosen).
  2
  Hobgoblins hold racing/dwarf hunting competition in 
  Brokenoggin Gorge [4] (who captures fattest dwarf and 
  returns first is declared winner; lots of backstabbing).
  3
  Prospectors discover gold in Brokenoggin Gorge [4] 
  (leading to comical skirmishes with wild dwarves that turn 
  into full-blown violent colonialist oppression in 2d3 days). 
  4
  Night Hooter climbs over walls of Fort Dearth [1.]  (gets 
  into garbage; eats pets/kids; Burli goes full Cap’n Ahab on 
  the owlbear, pursuing it with doomed mob into the night).
  5
  Wild Dwarves revolt in Fort Dearth [1.] (demand equality 
  under the lack of law; rolling battles in the streets between 
  dwarves, prospectors, miscreants; if successful, wild dwarf 
  crowns self king and rules as a vengeful despot). 
  6
  Rival murder hobos discover dwarf treasure vault  
  (return to Fort Dearth [1.]; poor financial planning 
  skills result in hyperinflation). 
  7
  Another Hobgoblin tribe invades the valley (Clan of 
  the Flanged Mace-Acquired Traumatic Brain Injury; 
  incites war with the Tribe of the Punctured Aorta; 
  collateral damage inevitable).
  8
  A squadron of progressive-minded paladins march 
  into the valley (rile up sympathy for the plight of the 
  wild dwarves; chaotically aligned valley-dwellers (wild 
  dwarves included) rally together against paladins; 
  massacres ensue).
  Clan Crackhelm
  Having forgotten the arts of working metal, grooming beards, 
  and donning britches, the dwarves of Clan Crackhelm live out 
  their brief, violent lives entirely au naturel. 
   
  •
  Hunted by hobgoblins as game animals.
   
  •
  Prone to suicidal feats of derring-do.
   
  •
  Speak mostly monosyllabic dwarvish. 
   
  •
  Go bare-naked save for beards
  Wild Dwarves
  Husky, hirsute demihumans who dwell in caves.
  AC 6 [13], HD 2+2 (16hp), Att 1 x stone handaxe (1d6-1) or 
  stone spear (1d6-1) or heavy rock (1d4), THAC0 19 [0], MV 60’ 
  (20’) / 90’ (30’) on all fours, SV D8 W9 P10 B13 S12 (D1), ML 
  8 (10 with leader), AL Neutral, XP 35, NA 1d6 (5d8) TT L x10, 
  Items 1d6 contents of beard (see below).
   
  •
  Hate hobgoblins. Normally attack on sight.
   
  •
  Beard for all occassions. Thickness provides protection 
  against attack and elements. May pull extra weapons or 
  random items from beard on 4-in-6 (see table). 
  1d4
  What emerges from the whiskery depths
  1
  Food. 1d4: 1) live salmon; 2) burnt rat-on-stick; 3) hard-
  boiled owlbear egg; 4) raw cave oysters.
  2
  Pretty rock. 1d6: 1) gold nugget; 2) rare gem; 3) gallstone; 
  4) ioun stone; 5) pebble; 6) dwarf knucklebones.
  3
  Beloved pet. 1d4: 1) rock (roll above); 2) psionic cave rat; 
  3) trained cave locust; 4) distraught gnome.
  4
  A surprise! 1d4: 1) a lock of elvish hair; 2) potion of 
  growth; 3) drum made from hobgoblin skull; 4) dead bat.
  Wild dwarf NPCs: 
  Gloi (brunette; loveable; steals food; attachment issues). 
  Dwal (black-bearded; grumpy; perpetual allergies).
  Boff (ginger; berserker rage; Yosemite Sam voice/temper).
  Hobgoblins of the 
  Tribe of the Punctured Aorta
  Translated from the goblin Rugga zul Lugmuk’Splukk!, the 
  tribe acquired its name through members’ skill at peppering 
  targets with enough arrows to guarantee death. Each 
  tribesmember tries to live a hobgoblin’s best life: open steppe, 
  a swift dire wolf, to slit your enemies’ thoats while they sleep , 
  and equal opportunity hearing of the lamentations.
   
  •
  Hold biweekly raids upon Forth Dearth.
   
  •
  Live off the fat of the land (and wild dwarves)
   
  •
  Daydream of conquests beyond the valley.
  Hobgoblin Raiders
  Heftier, unpleasent goblins just looking for a good time.
  AC 6 [13], HD 1+1, (5hp), Att 1 x spear (1d6), 2 x shortbow 
  (1d6), THAC0 18 [+1], MV 90’ (30’), SV D12 W13 P14 B15 S16 
  (1), ML 8, AL Chaotic, XP 15, NA 1d6 (4d6) plus wolves. TT D.
   
  •
  Conceived on wolfback: Gain +2 to hit and damage 
  while riding a dire wolf.
   
  •
  Dire wolves. Rides a dire wolf they have raised since 
  infancy. If either dies, other mourns/howls for 1d3 rds., 
  attacks killer relentlessly (+2 att./dmg, -2 AC)
  
  What to Find in the Valley
  Travel along ranger paths between points takes 2 hours (if 
  sober). Random encounters happen on a 2-in-6 chance per hour. 
  Going off the beaten path results in referee improvisation.
  1. Fort Dearth
  Far-flung frontier outpost rife with intrepid ne’er-do-wells
  1a: Village Proper
  Muddy streets (at least 25% feces). Wild dwarves (live on 
  the streets; fight over scraps; treated like pests). Few houses 
  (prospectors; desperate merchants; itenerant hirelings).
  1b: The Verboten Owlbear Tavern
  Alpine kitsch (carved wood features; stuffed dead things; 
  owlbear rug by fireplace; staff wears lederhosen). Burli 
  Shinkickerstein (dwarf; tends bar; owlbear hunter; lost left 
  arm to the Night Hooter in The Wooded Encroachment [3], 
  becomes anxious/despondent if brought up).
   
  •
  Cracked Helm Lager (overpriced swill; resulting urine 
  attracts owlbears and wild dwarves; locally sourced).
   
  •
  Rival murder hobos (see Random Encounters).
  1c: Rangers’ Tower
  Lookout (2-in-6 chance of hobgoblins making obscene gestures 
  beyond walls but within bowshot). Equipment (at double price).
   •
  Guides for hire (know more than PCs and remind them 
  often; 10 gold a week; lower random encounter to 1-in-6; 
  lost only a 1-in-6 in The Wooded Encroachment [3.] and 
  Levee 19 Marsh [7], 3-in-6 in Hidden Hill Paths [9]).
  2. Soggy Beard Ford 
  Boulder-strewn crossing over Skullspout River
  Getting Across
  Rapids (Str checks: 3 successes to cross. 3 failures carried 
  downstream, 1d8 dmg). Bones (of dwarves among river stones).
   
  •
  Leaping salmon (THAC0 19 [0], 1d3 dmg, if hit succeed 
  Dex check or suffer failure for crossing Rapids).
  3. The Wooded Encroachment 
  Spillover of abhorrent trees from the next valley over
  3a: Dreaded, Dark Woods! (trans. from Dwarvish)
  Forest depths (serene; quiet; shaded). Whismsical woodland 
  critters (playful; attracted by song). Sylvan paths (winding; 
  nonsensical; lost on 3-in-6). Owlbears (lots of owlbears).
  3b: Predations of the Night Hooter
  Legendary owlbear (10 HD; mite-ridden; heavily scarred). 
   
  •
  Hoots in the night (screeching; carry for miles; woodland 
  critters go silent; Save vs. Spells or suffer cause fear).
   
  •
  Nest (dank cave; moldy; 1d3 eggs: huge, mottled red, 
  worth 2d3 gems in trade with wild dwarves).
  4. Brokenoggin Gorge 
  Ancient, well-weathered quarry riddled with mine shafts
  4a: Abandoned Quarry
  Bare rockfaces (blue stone). Teetering piles (of discarded 
  blocks, easily tipped over.).  Eerie quiet (echoes; rusting mining 
  equipment; distant clacking of small rocks). Gems (in rock 
  walls; 5d20x10).
   
  •
  Gorge spiders (8 HD; size of cows; feed upon cave 
  locusts, wild dwarves; spin webs across gorge, between 
  piles of stone).
  4b: Ruined Underground Dwarf Stronghold
  Wild dwarf dwellings (10d8 dwarves; in abandoned buildings; 
  primitive; crude pictographs of dwarves mining, drinking, 
  mining, smithing, mining, on walls). Unlooted vaults (TT H; 
  guarded by 2d3 Stone Golems shaped like huge dwarves). 
  5. Bridge of Judgement
  Grand, mile-long causeway over Skullspout River
  5a: Superior Dwarf Engineering
  Looming statues (of dwarf warriors; very judgmental). Smooth 
  paving (no cracks). Well-built (entirely of blue stone). 
   
  •
  Bridge dwarves (wild dwarf sub-culture; cannibals; 
  live in Bridge Tunnels [5b]; hold bungee-like rituals 
  involving stones tied to feet by vines tossed over bridge).
   
  •
  Judgement of ancestors (dwarf PCs experience shame at 
  poor life choices under gaze of statues; Wisdom check or 
  feel compelled to overcompensate next battle/carouse).
  5b: Bridge Tunnels
  Entrances (within dwarf statues).  Extensive passageways 
  (within bridge; mossy; haunted by green slimes which bridge 
  dwarfs use to make potent grog). Bridge dwarf dwellings 
  (guano-plastered; captive wild dwarfs; toll vaults: TT B).
   
  •
  Blind bridge troll (stalks tunnels; bad gout from eating 
  raw dwarf offal (-30’ MV); blind; great sense of smell).
  6. The Grudgerock
  Hobgoblin-shaped megalith much abused by dwarves
  Bust of Ancient Hobgoblin Conquorer, Rizzragg
  Defaced (partially; scowling mangled by axe and hammer 
  blows; urine stains). Graffiti (engraved dwarf runes; names of 
  those who’ve, allegedly, wronged the engravers plus threats). 
   
  •
  The Grudgeoning (dwarves inscribe name of one who 
  has, allegedly, wronged them upon stone; gain +2 hit and 
  damage against target; every month subject of grudge 
  lives, lose 1 Constitution as grudge gland inflames).
  7. Levee 19 Marsh
  Sunken marsh formed after engineering disaster
  Sunken Tombs
  Hermetically sealed (float despite being stone); Unlooted (TT 
  B, bubbles of explosive corpse/swamp gas, if carrying torch: 
  2d6 dmg); Soggy dwarf wights (as normal wights but ornerier, 
  soggier). 
  8. Hobgoblin Watchtower
  Overlooks plain between hills and Skullspout River
  Plain of the Feathered Dead
  Quiet fields (of arrow-riddled remains). Eager vultures (circle 
  overhead). Watchtower (of stretched hill giant hide; houses 3d3 
  hobgoblin raiders; bow range doubled; swanky interior furs).
   
  •
  Feathered Death (countless arrows; Sv. vs. Breath or take 
  3d6 dmg, comically riddled with arrows).
  9. Hidden Hill Paths
  Labyrinthine canyon trails with confounding dead ends
  Randomly Winding, Labyrinthine Trails
  This way, No THAT way! (4-in-6 chance of becoming lost; 
  random encounters on 3-in-6; takes 3d4 hours to traverse). 
  10. Hobgoblin Encampment
  Leisurely stopover on bloody campaign of conquest
  Yurts
  Stretched hides (of hill giants).  Hill giant skull (used as 
  cauldron for wild dwarf stew; appetizing aroma). Bonfire 
  (blazing at night; stinks of dwarf hair; wild dwarfs tied to poles).
   
  •
  Hoboglins raiders (12d6 raiders; 2-in-6 chance of 
  suffering food coma from too much dwarf meat).
   
  •
  King Zengak-Ruuk (brooding; hast lost joy in slaughter, 
  wonders if peaceful life not so bad; coup incoming ).
   
  •
  Tugmarug (enslaved hill giant; indigestion from diet of 
  undercooked wild dwarf; chained to boulders).
  
SOURCE: textdata/thevault/Old-School Essentials BX Essentials/Old-School Essentials Adventures & Settings/uhhh games (OSE)/Valley of the Cracked Helm (OSE).pdf