TEXT: JOY
  JOY
  JOY
  JOY RIDE
  RIDE
  RIDE
  RIDE
  Page
  Page
  Page
  Page 1111
  By
  By
  By
  By Mark
  Mark
  Mark
  Mark Thornton
  Thornton
  Thornton
  Thornton
  Art
  Art
  Art
  Art by
  by
  by
  by Stanley
  Stanley
  Stanley
  Stanley Ditko
  Ditko
  Ditko
  Ditko
  Published
  Published
  Published
  Published by
  by
  by
  by Khaghbboommm
  Khaghbboommm
  Khaghbboommm
  Khaghbboommm Press,
  Press,
  Press,
  Press, 2013
  2013
  2013
  2013
  This is a Tunnels and Trolls Solitaire Adventure for use with the 7.5 edition rules
  (although it is easily adapted for earlier editions). Suitable for low level types but no
  spell casting please unless you want to GM the action! Take APs for all saving rolls as
  you go as well as those prescribed in the text.
  Tunnels
  Tunnels
  Tunnels
  Tunnels and
  and
  and
  and Trolls
  Trolls
  Trolls
  Trolls is
  is
  is
  is aaaa game
  game
  game
  game created
  created
  created
  created by
  by
  by
  by Ken
  Ken
  Ken
  Ken St.
  St.
  St.
  St. Andre
  Andre
  Andre
  Andre and
  and
  and
  and published
  published
  published
  published
  by
  by
  by
  by Flying
  Flying
  Flying
  Flying Buffalo,
  Buffalo,
  Buffalo,
  Buffalo, Inc.
  Inc.
  Inc.
  Inc.
  Author’s note:
  The name of the city this escapade is set in is
  based on that of the ancient enemy of Rome that
  gave birth to the ace general, Hannibal, son of
  Hamilcar
  and
  brother
  of
  Hasdrubal,
  he
  who
  marched upon the Seven Hills across the Alps with
  war-elephants. I think he would have liked Tunnels
  & Trolls. The solo sprang unbidden to mind when
  my car was stolen. Fortunately, dice and rulebook were
  recovered with the car (the rulebook had been autographed by the
  Trollgod so it would seem that the car thieves failed an INT SR).
  Let
  Let
  Let
  Let the
  the
  the
  the adventure
  adventure
  adventure
  adventure begin!
  begin!
  begin!
  begin!
  Saving
  Saving
  Saving
  Saving roll
  roll
  roll
  roll note
  note
  note
  note - Where you see in the text the instruction to make a SR and no level is given
  you may take it as L1 but if your character is too powerful you may set the level yourself in
  which case up every stated SR level accordingly e.g. if you start as L3 then add 2 to a L2 SR.
  
  JOY
  JOY
  JOY
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  Page 2222
  1A
  1A
  1A
  1A You are about to enter Caerthaeph’t, a city of cruel watchmen, cutthroats and small-minded
  bullies. There are some good folk but they tend to keep to themselves and stay behind locked
  doors, certainly after dark. Let us consider your status and your means of transport. You are
  certainly too good to have simply walked here (but maybe not by very much).
  Do you arrive in a flash carriage pulled by a team of white purebred stallions, driven by a
  stylishly tailored coachman (go to 5555) or do you plod along on a sledge on runners pulled by your
  faithful old donkey (go to 8888) or do you pass through the city gates carried on piggyback by a
  Spirit Mastered peasant, wheezing along on crutches, close to a cardiac arrest under your
  weight (go to 11
  11
  11
  11).
  If you arrive in the pomp and circumstance of the carriage, you may assume you have 5,000
  GPs in ready coin; if you are the donkey type, you may claim 100 GPs and if you are being
  borne by a crippled old wretch, you may take it that you are down to your last 13 copper pieces.
  1B
  1B
  1B
  1B If you return to this paragraph you are welcome to leave the city for greener pastures or to
  explore its thrills and spills further. If you enter Caerthaeph’t again, you hear the voice of an
  invisible benefactor who informs you that you are the heir of a recently deceased distant, long
  lost relative who has left you a bequest. This may all seem preposterous but it is quite true and
  the unseen wellwisher leads you to unremarkable building in which is a new means of transport
  – this is your legacy. Roll 1d6: 1-3 gives you a crippled servant and you’re off to 11
  11
  11
  11; 4 or 5 sees
  you with a donkey-drawn sledge and you go to 8888; 6 means you hit the jackpot, get a carriage
  and driver and go to 5555.
  2222 When you wake up the next morning you have a head throbbing like gristle in a groyne. After
  so many hairs that all the neighbourhood dogs are bald as coots, you finally stumble out on to
  the street to find you means of transport gone.
  Make a SR on LK and go to 71
  71
  71
  71.
  
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  3333 As you contemplate the exotic pleasures that lay ahead, a burly yeoman in a blood-stained
  smock carrying a pitchfork asks you if you want him to keep an eye on the carriage and the
  horses while you indulge your fancies within. He tells you that the going rate is 500 GPs. This is
  clearly a ludicrous sum by any reckoning. Do you want to haggle (go to 12
  12
  12
  12), do you tell him to
  take a hike with a ferret down his underpants (go to 14
  14
  14
  14) or do you figure you can afford to pay
  for your pleasures and fill his purse with gold (go to 72
  72
  72
  72)?
  4444 This doughty downer of draft bitter, Watney Skol, is actually good company, quick to get in the
  beers when it’s his round and full of funny stories of wooden legged leprechauns and
  emasculated elves. After quite a few too many, he jerks his head up from the puddle of ale on
  the table as serving wench calls out that there’s a hubbub out on the street. If you couldn’t give
  a toss and carry on drinking go to 2222; if you think you ought to check on your property make a SR
  on LK and go to 9999.
  5555 A rich merchant with a bevy of tittering beauties in tow hails you, beckoning you to join him
  inside his luxury mansion on Upper Crust Boulevard. If you want to tether your horses outside
  this opulent monument to plutocracy go to 3333; if you prefer to keep driving go to 7777. If you have
  been here before you can go straight up to the big front door. Make a SR on CHR and go to 84
  84
  84
  84.
  6666 The streets get progressively rougher and the pedestrians start spitting at you as you press
  on. The only people you see are on foot, all the carts, all the wagons you saw in better parts of
  the city are conspicuous by their absence. Eventually you reach a street which is literally
  running with blood as the butcher stands in the doorway to his shop slitting the throats of
  scrawny sheep. You can either stop here and go inside for what you hope will be safety (go to
  10
  10
  10
  10) or pay scant heed to the deteriorating standards of behaviour by the Caerthaeph’tians and
  trudge on (go to 17
  17
  17
  17).
  7777 You quickly begin to doubt that his city is going to give you the respect you believe you
  deserve and your coachman tells you that you are being followed. You can go back to the well-
  healed merchant’s pied-a-terre (go to 5555) or you can bull your way ahead, telling your driver to
  thwack anyone who shows discourtesy with the club studded with broken glass that you insist
  he carries (go to 8888).
  8888 As you pass by the Eviscerated Nun, Tavern a cheery if drunken fellow booms out a welcome
  to you, taking you for a long lost cousin. If you would like to go in to the Nun and join him tying
  one on go to 4444; if you think he is likely to lead you astray in his beer-fuelled folly and keep on
  trucking on go to 6666. If you have been to the Nun before you can go straight to the bar at 100
  100
  100
  100.
  
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  9999 If you made the SR the hammer-handed Watney goes outside with you; if you failed you are
  on your tod. What you find is…well, nothing. Your means of transport has disappeared. Make a
  SR on INT and go to 73
  73
  73
  73.
  10
  10
  10
  10 ‘Wotcha want, then?’ the butcher’s wife asks, stabbing a stubby, warty finger at your chest.
  ‘We got dog burger, sheep gut fritters, kitten kidneys and sausages. Can’t say what’s in them
  sausages ‘cos if I did I’d be in ‘em soon enough. Come on, make yer blimmin’ mind up. I ain’t
  got all day!’ She looks as if she must be a dab hand at the art of kidnapping to be married. You
  are probably lucky you are not a butcher. If you want to ask if you can taste the fare go to 16
  16
  16
  16; if
  you decide to call the Health & Safety Gestapo go to 19
  19
  19
  19.
  11
  11
  11
  11 Your slave grunts as a cart passes by a runs over his foot. It might need to be amputated as
  it is hanging on by a meagre scrap of flesh
  and flapping like a nervous debutante’s
  fandangos. If you decide to stop in at the
  butcher’s to ask for help go to 13
  13
  13
  13; if you
  think the old man is a whining malingerer
  and crack your whip to make him pick up
  his pace go to 15
  15
  15
  15. If you have been here
  before and have no reason to believe that
  the owners are deceased and you do not
  own the business you may either make a
  cash offer for the shop (write down how
  much and then go to 34
  34
  34
  34) or you may press
  on through the alleys and back passages
  of Caerthaeph’t (go to 17
  17
  17
  17) or return to the
  city gates (go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B).
  
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  12
  12
  12
  12 ‘Oright, you’re the guv’nor. I’ll take what I can get.’ Decide what you will pay the bumpkin,
  who tells you his name is Natty Haystack. Now make a SR on CHR and go to 20
  20
  20
  20.
  13
  13
  13
  13 The butcher, whose name the sign above his shop tells you is Woody Chopper, rushes
  outside and hacks your slave’s feet off with weighty swipes of his cleaver. The hapless drudge
  inevitably falls over and proceeds to bleed to death. ‘Some good black pudding there,’ Woody
  grunts. If you want to take revenge for this murderous act of capitalism and attack the cleaver
  wielding butcher go to 18
  18
  18
  18; if you want to demand money for the offcuts go to 21
  21
  21
  21.
  14
  14
  14
  14 This doyen of the backstreets takes offence pretty easily and you have rubbed salt in a
  festering wound in that a ravenously hungry uruk ate both his pet ferret and his Sunday best
  underpants last week. His blood is boiling and he wants to kebab you on a rusty skewer. His
  whistles piercingly for his mates in the City Watch (they like him because he gives them
  pedicures on quiet nights). Make a SR on LK and SPD and go to 22
  22
  22
  22.
  15
  15
  15
  15 Roll 1d6. This is the current CON of the almost terminally unwell invalid you ponce about
  upon. Make a SR on CON for him. If you fail your fleshy vehicle ain’t going nowhere, no time.
  You can go in to the butcher’s shop (go to 10
  10
  10
  10) or head on further into the nastier back passages
  of Caerthaeph’t (go to 23
  23
  23
  23).
  15A
  15A
  15A
  15A ‘Steady on!’ Woody warns you, bloody hand waving the dripping blade wildly and much too
  close to your face for comfort. ‘If it’s money we’re talking, you can make me an offer for the shop
  and then you can do what you like with the offcuts. Time I saw the world and got out of this
  bloody business’. You can decline to offer money for this butcher’s shop that even the most
  unsanitary uruk hygiene inspector would surely close down or you can seize the opportunity
  with both hands and a fat purse. Write down your offer or lack of one and go to 34
  34
  34
  34.
  16
  16
  16
  16 ‘You can taste this!’ shrieks the hormonally challenged harridan. Her fist travels ballistically
  towards your nose followed by her pastry-covered rolling pin. Make a SR on DEX and go to 25
  25
  25
  25.
  17
  17
  17
  17 You come to a crossroads. It has a sign, marked in entrails on the grounds, set in concrete
  and presumably remade freshly every hour, which proclaims it to be the way to Death (left),
  Painful Death (straight ahead) or Very Painful Death (right). You can go to 27
  27
  27
  27 for Death, to 29
  29
  29
  29
  for Painful Death or to 31
  31
  31
  31 for Very Painful Death. Oh yes. You can turn back and deal with the
  drooling group of Rednecks now marching towards you, swinging what would be tire irons if the
  wheels here had tires and carrying nooses. There are eleven of them that you can see and they
  all look angry and meaner than Scrooge on a day when he has lost his wallet. You can go to 33
  33
  33
  33
  if you want to either take them on or try to talk them round.
  18
  18
  18
  18 Woody Chopper is not bright (INT 6), he has no aspirations to be a wizard (WIZ 4) and he
  would neither win a beauty competition in which he was the sole competitor nor would he
  persuade a dying man in a desert to take a glass of water from him (CHR 5).
  
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  He is not very lucky either (LK 9). However, he is as tough as the steak he sells (CON 42), he is
  as strong as the smell coming from his undergarments (STR 36) and he is pretty deft at dealing
  anatomical damage (DEX 15). His speed lets him down because he has a wooden leg, this
  coming after he found himself in deep debt and hacked a leg off to pay for his wife’s anti-snoring
  potion – a fair trade in the view of his one friend, ‘Offal Oswald’ Mosely.
  His SPD is now 4. You must fight him. He gets 4d6 for his cleaver and +22 combat adds. He
  also gets the benefit of 10d6 plus 39 (that’s three times unlucky thirteen) for his wife, who joins
  in the fight on the second combat round (well, she’s not going to let anyone run off with her
  husband’s wooden leg, is she?). If you kill Woody in the first round go to 28
  28
  28
  28; if you die here,
  close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book knowing that you went into what was, to be honest, a horribly gamey stew. If
  you kill both Woody and his unlovely lady wife go to 56
  56
  56
  56.
  19
  19
  19
  19 ‘Like that, is it, Mr La-di-dah High and Mighty?’ the outraged trollop yells, swearing unlike
  any trooper not yet court-martialled for bad language. Within seconds, a big, ugly bruiser of a
  troll appears, his slime-crusted head sticking in through the door, his beady green eyes fixing
  you with a look that could be malice, hunger or both. Make a SR on CHR and go to 30
  30
  30
  30.
  20
  20
  20
  20 Natty has a CHR of 14. Make a SR for him too. Now go to 32
  32
  32
  32.
  21
  21
  21
  21 ‘Fair enough,’ Woody snuffles, hawking phlegm on your drone. ‘Name your price.’
  Write down what you ask of the butcher for the meat and bones and go to 15A
  15A
  15A
  15A.
  
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  22
  22
  22
  22 That SPD SR relates to your reaction to the punch he swings at you. It is a murderous
  uppercut that would break many a jaw it might land upon. Glass chins beware! If you made the
  SPD SR you ducked, dived or somehow dodged. If you failed, his oversized fist crashes into
  your mush and mashes it like a saucepan of potatoes. Go to 24
  24
  24
  24.
  23
  23
  23
  23 On Shank’s Pony you go where no sane person would go, not even a particularly bold
  Captain Kirk in a particularly blithe and numbskull mood. Your INT must be low so halve it for
  until you get a good night’s sleep. Make a SR on LK and go to 35
  35
  35
  35.
  24
  24
  24
  24 Natty Hayseed’s haymaker does 6d6 stun damage if it catches you (apply to CON). If you
  have been KO’d (at least he isn’t the sort of pugilist to bite your ear off) go to 36
  36
  36
  36. If the punch
  missed, he over-balances and topples splashily into a water butt that is home to several
  thousand voracious mosquitoes. Now that LK SR. Go to 38
  38
  38
  38.
  25
  25
  25
  25 If you failed the DEX SR, you got whammo’ed and then smashed on the head for 8d6 stun
  damage (apply to CON). If you are laid out by her onslaught go to 196
  196
  196
  196. If you stepped aside go
  to 39
  39
  39
  39.
  26
  26
  26
  26 Try for a L3 SR on LK – she might fall off those heels. If not she tears you limb from limb,
  peeling the skin off first, then the flesh from the bone and finally splintering the bones and
  sucking out the marrow. That is definitely death and it’s painful. No SPD SR because she’s
  learned as she’s got older that she has to be fast to get fresh meat. If you made the SR go to 69
  69
  69
  69.
  27
  27
  27
  27 You see a tall figure in aquamarine robes, carrying a gardening rake, coming towards you.
  The figure is wailing repetitively about your impending doom. There is a distinct smell of
  camphor drifting on the breeze from this apparition.
  Do you want to turn and flee hysterically – go to 40
  40
  40
  40 -, charge forward and give him a seeing to –
  go to 42
  42
  42
  42 – or make your peace with him, raising your palms in a gesture of submission – go to
  44
  44
  44
  44 - ?
  28
  28
  28
  28 Mrs. Woody appears and goes ashen at the demise of her husband. Then she steels herself
  in a way that the British were supposed to do at Agincourt and on the beaches of Normandy but
  not in Crimea, South Africa or most places where their generals came from public schools.
  ‘Well. You’re on the scrawny side and I can’t see you having much nocturnal stamina, if you
  catch my meaning, but you’ll do at a pinch!’ She eyes her fingers maliciously and then stoops
  down to remove Woody’s ring as well as the band of metal that indicates their legal coupling.
  ‘This’ll flavour the pot,’ she howls demonically. ‘Now put this on and then go inside and get an
  apron. There’s butchering to be done!’
  If you meekly accept this fate go to 41
  41
  41
  41; if you decline her offer of soul mate-ship go to 43
  43
  43
  43.
  
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  29
  29
  29
  29 Tottering your way on improbably high heels, clad
  in a pink leather bodysuit and wielding a cat o’ nine tails,
  is a woman in her sixties, face caked with cheap make
  up and hair piled high in a beehive. Do you want to turn
  and flee hysterically – go to 26
  26
  26
  26 -, charge forward and
  give her a seeing to – go to 45
  45
  45
  45 – or make your peace
  with her, raising your palms in a gesture of submission –
  go to 47
  47
  47
  47 - ?
  30
  30
  30
  30 If you failed the SR go to 46
  46
  46
  46; if you made it the troll asks
  you – relatively politely by the standards of trollish etiquette: he
  simply belches and calls a no-name nancy (somewhat self-
  contradictorily) before reaching for your most tender parts – to
  accompany him to his ‘Underground Den of Amusement’. If you nod
  that you are ready to trot alongside him go to 48
  48
  48
  48; if you have other
  ideas go to 50
  50
  50
  50. You may take a bonus 20 APs if you thought a
  sentence with a semi-colon, dashes, a colon and brackets before the
  full stop to be over-punctuated.
  31
  31
  31
  31 An opaque swarm of deafeningly buzzing devils, replete with
  barbed tails and cute little horns, screaming expletives, comes flying
  towards you. You can smell the decay of death in the air. At the same
  time you see a glowing, pulsing flyswatter, in the shape of an angel,
  at your feet. Do you want to turn and flee hysterically – go to 49
  49
  49
  49 -, grab the flyswatter and whack
  away manfully – go to 51
  51
  51
  51 – or put your head down and charge through,
  past or underneath the cloud of cursing hell fiends – go to 53
  53
  53
  53 - ?
  32
  32
  32
  32 If you made a higher SR on CHR than he did he takes the
  money and guards your vehicle. Go to 52
  52
  52
  52. If you did not get the
  better of him with that SR go to 54
  54
  54
  54.
  33
  33
  33
  33 It will take a L3 SR on CHR to talk the leader out of selling your
  body parts to zombie-making wizards and even then you need a
  L2 SR on LK for the mob to agree. If you succeed there must be
  something about you they like and they take you off to their secret
  (or so they think) hideout – go to 128
  128
  128
  128. If you fail the SRs above or
  you just get a rush of blood you’re in a bloody and brutal scrap. Each
  one of the ruffians (ruffians? no, that sounds too genteel by a long
  chalk – more like thieving, murdering good-for-nothing thugs) gets 2d6
  plus 4 except for the leader who gets 4d6 plus 8 (he’s a match for
  any two of them, as he proved when he had thirteen not eleven
  henchmen, worse luck for the missing two). 1d6 attack in the
  first round, then 1d6 more and so on until they are all piling in
  on you.
  
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  The leader joins in on the third round of fighting. If you kill six or more they will back off and let
  you escape. If you kill them all or get away make a SR on LK and go to 55
  55
  55
  55.
  34
  34
  34
  34 If you offered 100 GPs or more, Woody takes the cash and he and his wife pack their bags
  (with sausages) and bugger off leaving you in charge of the shop – go to 198A
  198A
  198A
  198A; if you offered a
  lesser sum Woody and his wife decide you probably have more and set about murdering you
  both for your money and your meat – go to 18
  18
  18
  18 for a torrid tussle but do not go to 28
  28
  28
  28 if you beat
  Woody in the first round because you are fighting the pair of them straightaway.
  35
  35
  35
  35 If you failed the LK SR go to 17
  17
  17
  17; if you succeeded go to 57
  57
  57
  57.
  36
  36
  36
  36 When you come to, you find that your feet are throbbing horribly.
  Make a SR on CON and go to 58
  58
  58
  58.
  37
  37
  37
  37 Suddenly you hear the sound of running feet. Lots of them. Then you hear voices. Some
  sound angry, others just seem intent on mindless violence. Against you probably. Just as you
  see how big these brutes are and how many there are and the nasty weapons they carry a
  voice calls to you from the plush mansion you were intending to visit. If you want to run to the
  door and go inside go to 60
  60
  60
  60; if you prefer to take on the mob or to sweet talk them go to 33
  33
  33
  33.
  38
  38
  38
  38 If you failed the SR on LK go to 37
  37
  37
  37; if you made it, it seems as if his whistle went unheeded.
  Perhaps everyone is busy bashing up some poor stranger in Caerthaeph’t alone without friends.
  You can go up to the gold-plated door to this luxury villa now.
  If you want to push the doorbell go to 59
  59
  59
  59; if you want to shout ‘Yoo-hoo!’ at the top of your lungs
  until someone takes notice of you go to 61
  61
  61
  61.
  39
  39
  39
  39 You can get the heck out of here before this mad woman marmalises you with the mincing
  machine she has just picked up (it weights about as much as an elephant force fed Big Macs for
  a year) – go to 62
  62
  62
  62 – or you can tenderise her loins with the best shot you can dish out – go to 64
  64
  64
  64.
  40
  40
  40
  40 Make a SR on SPD. If you make it you get away – go to 63
  63
  63
  63; if you fail…well, that’s not such
  a good thing but then you wouldn’t expect it to be, would you? (Go to 65
  65
  65
  65).
  41
  41
  41
  41 We can but hope you make a happy couple. You have steady income (as in steadily
  hovering on the breadline) and you get to chop up lots of flesh and kill lots of beasts. You should
  not – ever – think of leaving your beloved for she is a vengeful mistress and she knocked
  around with some very crusty ogres, uruks and trolls in her footloose and fancy free days (most
  things were loose really).
  You may take 300 APs and get on with the throat-slitting business and the trollop cuddling.
  
  JOY
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  JOY
  JOY RIDE
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  10
  10
  10
  42
  42
  42
  42 Really? You think you can mix it with Death Incarnate? Maybe you think
  it’s just masquerade week and you want your own fancy dress. OK, give a
  sucker an even break I say. Make a L2 SR on LK. If you succeed you can
  go to 66
  66
  66
  66 but if you flub it then it’s off to 68
  68
  68
  68.
  43
  43
  43
  43 Cruella de Chopper does not take kindly to your attitude. In fact,
  she takes most maliciously to it. She starts throwing carving knives at
  you. If you make a L1 SR on DEX you avoid the first blade; if you
  make a L1 SR on SPD you dodge the next death-metal missile; if
  you make a L2 SR on the average of DEX and SPD you twist and
  elude the third and can escape her temper tantrum and flee the
  butcher’s shop (go to 67
  67
  67
  67). You take 2d6 damage for every knife
  that strikes home (armour would protect you unless it’s a
  head/face shot – that’s 1 or 2 on 1d6).
  44
  44
  44
  44 Kinda playing into Death’s hands, aren’t you? Life been a bit
  to taxing recently? You’re not going to have to worry your pretty
  little head ever again. The icy nails that pluck out your heart numb
  your nerves very soon after they burn with the most searingly excruciating pain you have ever
  imagined.
  45
  45
  45
  45 Just what she wanted! You are a generous fellow and let us hope you are built to please.
  Painful Death accepts your kiss enthusiastically, drooling and simpering. Make a SR on CHR
  and go to 70
  70
  70
  70.
  46
  46
  46
  46 ‘I don’t like the way you look, sonny! Your eyes are too close together and your mouth curls
  in an insolent sneer. You’re taking the mickey out of me, aren’t ya? You’re on my manor and
  I’ve rumbled your game! You’re gonna pay for that!’ The troll advances on you and you can see
  his fingers squeezing and pumping, a fair indication of what
  he wants to do to your throat. You can fight him, try to
  placate him or leggit. Go to 104
  104
  104
  104 for the first; to 105
  105
  105
  105 for the
  second or to 106
  106
  106
  106 for the third.
  47
  47
  47
  47 Well, I know a solo is a lot about guesswork, getting to
  know
  the
  writer’s
  peccadilloes,
  his
  foibles
  and
  his
  predilections, much like becoming familiar with the author of
  cryptic crossword clues, but surely you could have guessed
  better than this? I mean, how would this not lead to Painful
  Death? A saving roll, you beg? No! No such luck. You
  should have gone some place else if you expected mercy.
  Still, a live and suffering delver is better than a stiffening
  corpse. Roll 1d6. If you get odds, you die in utter, utter, utter
  agony. If you roll evens you get an even break and can go to
  1B
  1B
  1B
  1B and start all over again.
  
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  Page 11
  11
  11
  11
  48
  48
  48
  48 Inside the Den there is much to amuse a troll – but then that does not necessarily take very
  much doing. Halla has business to attend to so he leaves you in the company of another troll.
  His friend eventually and shyly – you can see why – introduces himself as ‘Susan’. He tells you
  life ain’t easy for a troll named Susan. He recounts his life story which mainly consists of his
  quest for revenge on the man who gave him that awful name and who he stomped him into the
  blood and the guts and the beer when he finally tracked him down. By this time Susan has got
  all teary eyed and maudlin and there isn’t much worse than a weepy troll, especially one with a
  girl’s name. He realises this as he has been to Dr. Braille’s Self-Awareness Awakening sweat
  lodge and so he offers you the chance to become his partner (platonically, at first at least) and
  rid unfair city of Caerthaeph’t of the mongrels who keep nicking everyone’s wheels (Susan had
  his penny farthing stolen from outside the sweat lodge last week). If you would like to tie the
  Gordian knot with Susan go to 288
  288
  288
  288; if you would rather eat a bricklayer’s singlet go to 279
  279
  279
  279.
  49
  49
  49
  49 If not the hand of friendship, that flyswatter was quite obviously an opportunity to strike back
  at Very Painful Death. Turning tail and running away is not. OK, you may be Samos Treek in
  disguise in which case if you make a L5 SR on SPD you get back to the city gates and can start
  all over again with your original mode of transport mysteriously and miraculously there waiting
  for you (go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B). If you are not that flash, the swarm latches on to you and a million sets of
  sharp pointy fangs suck every drop of goodness out of you and then, when that’s all gone,
  which may not have taken very long, they suck the rest of the muck out much more
  languorously and much, much more painfully. Close
  Close
  Close
  Close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book.
  50
  50
  50
  50 ‘Oi, sunshine! Where do you think you’re going. I told you, you is coming with me!’ The troll
  reaches out to grab you with a big catcher’s mitt of a paw. If you would to dodge and run for it
  go to 106
  106
  106
  106; if you decide it is better to go quietly than to risk upsetting the big lummox go to 48
  48
  48
  48.
  51
  51
  51
  51 Make SRs on STR, DEX and SPD. You can’t veto
  the
  decree
  of
  Very
  Painful
  Death
  without
  those
  prerequisites. If you fail even one SR the barb tails
  eviscerate you (it happened to the poor nun the tavern
  was named after) atom by atom, each jab sending
  electric agony down your spine to your toes. But if you
  succeed…You get a 1d6 plus 100 for the flyswatter. The
  fly cloud has MR 101 against it. You do not get personal
  adds. If you win you have a great weapon against flies
  and an admiring fan club. Go to 188
  188
  188
  188. If you somehow
  lose against the devils (like they roll 11 sixes to go with
  their 50 adds) close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book;
  book;
  book;
  book; you read it and wept.
  52
  52
  52
  52 With your carriage safely under the watchful eye of the diligent and determined Natty
  Haystack you stride purposefully to the door of the mansion. A few moments after you chime the
  door pull, a butler peers round the gold-inlaid door and asks a few pertinent questions,
  establishing your name, station and affability with a well-practiced words. Make a SR ON CHR
  and go to 84
  84
  84
  84.
  
  JOY
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  Page 12
  12
  12
  12
  53
  53
  53
  53 The devils are carnivorous. They don’t let you run through them – there are too many of
  them and they are too mean and evil. They remove every scrap of protein, every fat cell in your
  body, every molecule of edible matter in a haze of unendurable torment. That’s got to hurt.
  Really. Close
  Close
  Close
  Close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book. No one gets through Very Painful Death without suffering.
  54
  54
  54
  54 As you are reaching for the door pull you hear the crack of a whip and turn to see the
  agricultural oik driving away with your carriage, giving you the finger and yelling out, ‘That’ll
  learn you to be mean with your money, Mr Rockerfella!’ Your driver lies with a broken neck in a
  muddy, and now bloody, puddle. If you want to give chase go to 83
  83
  83
  83; if you think that would just
  look uncool and decide to go ahead with your unannounced visit go to 85
  85
  85
  85.
  55
  55
  55
  55 Well, stone the crows! Or any carrion birds you care to name – vous etes très formidable,
  Monsieur! Take 100 APs and now you’re on the run from the law. They may have been crims
  but you can’t just waltz into a strange town and murder the citizens – that’s not cricket! You get
  some dark looks and as you keep moving to avoid being pressed on the question of your
  conduct you slip down back streets that good folk would surely shun. Perhaps it is best to go
  back to the city gates and brew up Plan B. Go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B.
  56
  56
  56
  56 That was spiteful. You were lucky to get away with it as they were a formidable couple,
  capable of taking out starving ogres if necessary, as it often is in this jungle of a city. Still, they
  will not be missed by anyone of any discernment. You have a choice: back out on to the street
  or you can take over their shop. For the former go to 67
  67
  67
  67; for the latter go to 103
  103
  103
  103.
  57
  57
  57
  57 As you slog on through streets knee deep in mud thanks to an open sewer you see
  something sparkling in the murk and the filth. It looks like Troll Gold, a coin ten times the value
  of an ordinary gold piece. When you prize it out of the muck you find it is attached to a chain. If
  you want to pull the coin and the chain go to 102
  102
  102
  102; if you decide it’s all a bit too dodgy and wade
  onwards go to 17
  17
  17
  17.
  58
  58
  58
  58 If you missed the CON SR take 1d6 damage. While you were laid out (or otherwise
  occupied if you have been adventuring indoors) a thief was just seized control of your carriage
  and is absconding with it. What’s worse is the joy rider has just rolled a wagon wheel over your
  foot! If you want to give chase go to 83
  83
  83
  83; if you decide it’s hopeless and to knock on the door to
  the mansion go to 85
  85
  85
  85.
  59
  59
  59
  59 A few moments after you chime the door pull, a butler peers round the gold-inlaid door and
  asks a few pertinent questions, establishing your name, station and affability with a few well-
  practiced words. Make a SR on CHR and go to 84
  84
  84
  84.
  
  JOY
  JOY
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  13
  13
  13
  60
  60
  60
  60 A butler peers round the gold-inlaid door and looks you up and down with expert eye. Make
  a SR ON CHR and go to 84
  84
  84
  84.
  61
  61
  61
  61 An upstairs window opens and something is tipped out – the contents of a very full chamber
  pot. Make L2 SRs on SPD and DEX to avoid a coating with something very noxious, possibly
  toxic and maybe even pox-carrying. If you make it you can go to 59
  59
  59
  59 but the SR called upon
  there is now one level higher. If you failed there is no way in the Trollworld that you will be
  admitted now. Going back to the street you find your carriage to be gone – vanished, departed,
  probably not invisible but really no better as far as you’re concerned. You can either seek out
  the back streets (go to 17
  17
  17
  17) or return to the gates and set about stealing someone else’s
  transport (go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B). If you go for the latter, adjust for your present circumstances – it takes a L3
  SR on LK to steal a carriage, L2 for a sledge and L1 for the piggyback (failing L1 means you
  best go home – with 100 APs – while a critical fumble indicates your attempt at theft led to your
  demise, sad though that would be, and you would need to shut
  shut
  shut
  shut the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book with no chance to turn
  over a new leaf.
  62
  62
  62
  62 Cruella de Chopper hurls a troll haunch at you as you flee. Make a SR on the average of
  your LK and DEX. If you make it the meaty missile misses you and brains a stray dog instead. If
  you fail it clatters into the back of your skull and you see stars. Take 1d6
  damage and then try a SR on SPD to stagger away – fail and the
  butcher’s wife grabs you by the ankles and feeds you through her mincing
  machine (that would be close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book time). If the dog died and your
  head is still on your shoulders you have escaped and are running down
  the road, having loosened your load. You probably should have a world of troubles on your mind
  as you have to decide which way to go now. Go to 17
  17
  17
  17.
  63
  63
  63
  63 ‘Come back, come back, I want to give you a great big kiss on your bottom,’ laments a
  clearly unfit and out of breath Death, trying to give the impression of subservience. You can stop
  
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  14
  14
  14
  and give Death what it wants (go to 65
  65
  65
  65) or you can keep on running for the hills and then
  possibly the mountains until your lings burn (go to 57
  57
  57
  57).
  64
  64
  64
  64 Roll your combat dice – you can use weapons or just fists as you prefer. Her loins have not
  been tenderised for some time as Woody has long since learned that discretion is the better part
  of valour where she is concerned. She gets 1d6 plus 12 and has a CON of 18 (she’s as tough
  as the uruk steak she cells, cut from the bodies she digs up at the cemetery). She eats you for
  breakfast if she kills you – with eggs sunny side up to match her disposition. If you kill her you
  can flee before Woody has time to react – you can sprint down dark alleys and garbage-strewn
  lanes (go to 17
  17
  17
  17) – or you can claim the butcher’s shop as your own and wait for Woody to
  confront you (go to 198
  198
  198
  198).
  65
  65
  65
  65 You have turned your back on pursuing Death and have not had the velocity nor the
  elusiveness to escape the clutches into which you now fall. Make a L3 SR on LK. If you make it
  a passing Wizard-God takes pleasure in annoying Death and teleports you to the city gates (go
  to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B) at which you arrive landing on your backside with a bump and no more than a 1d6 injury
  (take 100 APs). Fail to attract the playful Wizard-God and Death’s clutches prove painful and
  lethal in equal measure as you are ripped to shreds and made into organic bunting. Close
  Close
  Close
  Close the
  the
  the
  the
  book
  book
  book
  book.
  66
  66
  66
  66 Death rolls up its sleeves and shows you that it still has its kid gloves on (the kid the gloves
  were made from was just kidding when it said Death could make gloves but Death is rather
  pedantic at times). Death offers you its hand to shake and before you can shake your head to
  decline Death extends its hand to yours in Reed Richards style. A cold chill spreads throughout
  your body. Make a L2 SR on WIZ. If you make it your WIZ is halved permanently by Death’s
  touch – Death says, ‘Thank you,’ pats you on the head in avuncular fashion and sends you off
  to the city gates, making sure no one rubs salt in your wounds (take 100 APs and go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B).
  If you fail, Death leeches all your WIZ from you and the khremmatic field of the Trollworld planet
  sucks you to its core where you join many other unfortunate no-magic no-lives in perpetual
  torment – close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book.
  67
  67
  67
  67 Phew! That was a close shave and you haven’t even been to the barber’s yet (his wife’s
  more hard core). Outside, all is quiet; the street is empty. Particularly with regard to your
  transport. Theft is a real problem here, unless you’re a butcher’s wife in which case thieves pick
  on someone less vindictive.
  You can call for a cop or press on into the darker warrens of the city on foot. If you call for the
  law go to 101
  101
  101
  101; if you’re up for some yomping go to 17
  17
  17
  17.
  68
  68
  68
  68 Death rolls up its sleeves and takes off its kid gloves (the kid the gloves were made from
  was just kidding when it said Death could make gloves but Death is rather pedantic at times).
  Death has big bony hands and smashes you hard on the head with them. Make a L4 SR on
  CON. If you make it all your teeth fall out but otherwise you are unharmed and Death dumps
  you at the city gates (take 100 APs and go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B); if you fail you become less than a millionth of
  
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  15
  15
  15
  an inch tall in less than a millionth of a second – you are very, very flat and very, very dead
  (close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book).
  69
  69
  69
  69 Painful Death is stalking you on nine inch platform heels and
  swinging a lethal handbag. Suddenly it gets very gloomy and not
  just your spirits. You can just make out to holes in the ground
  ahead of you. The handbag horror is closing in on you so you
  need to make a move fast. One hole sounds as if a
  hornets’ nest has just been revved up down there while the
  other sound as if a man with a very loud scream has just
  had a Portuguese Man ‘O War dropped down his pyjamas.
  Which is it to be? If you jump down the hole making the
  angry buzzing sound go to 86
  86
  86
  86; if you prefer the prospect of
  jellyfish stings go to 154
  154
  154
  154.
  70
  70
  70
  70 If you made the SR then Painful Death likes what she is getting.
  Good for you! Go to 87
  87
  87
  87 and take 100 APs for an experience which not
  many are ever going to be able to lay claim to (if you can make a SR
  on LK then a watching minstrel immortalises you in song and you
  never have to pay for your drinks again). If you fail the kiss was as
  passionate as that of a smoked kipper but not as hot. Painful Death
  sucks out your tongue and then your eyes and then your liver and
  kidneys. Hard to go on after that sort of kiss really so close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book.
  71
  71
  71
  71 A City Watchman with a supercilious grin from ear to ear saunters
  up to you and asks if you want to report anything missing. If you failed
  the SR on LK go to 75
  75
  75
  75; if you made it go to 77
  77
  77
  77.
  72
  72
  72
  72 The man kisses you wetly, a huge
  smackeroo
  that
  would
  remove
  the
  lipstick from a gorgon. Make a SR on CON. If you fail take the
  difference in emotional damage. Make a SR on CHR. If you fail
  you fall in love with the yokel and elope to Hughie Green, a place
  where opportunity knocks for odd couples. Let’s assume you made
  it and are still carefree and single. At the sight of you shovelling
  bucket loads of coin down the front of the man’s britches a butler
  leaves the desirable residence and asks you with a tug of his
  forelock to be so kind as to step inside as the master would
  like to make your acquaintance. Go to 76
  76
  76
  76 if you accede to
  this request; go to 78
  78
  78
  78 if you demur.
  73
  73
  73
  73 If you made the INT SR go to 80
  80
  80
  80; if you failed it go to 82
  82
  82
  82.
  
  JOY
  JOY
  JOY
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  Page 16
  16
  16
  16
  74
  74
  74
  74 ‘The master will be delighted to take tea with you, Sir. Please step this way.’ The servant
  walks in a comedic parody of a duck suffering from constipation while attempting to waddle
  along a tightrope over a bottomless chasm. If you do indeed, as Aerosmith and Run DMC would
  put it, walk this way go to 95
  95
  95
  95; if you follow him normally go to 97
  97
  97
  97.
  75
  75
  75
  75 When you make a formal complaint about your missing donkey and sledge the Watchman
  seems not to understand what you mean. Maybe it’s your accent – after all, you’re not from
  these parts. The word he shakes his head at is ‘donkey’. Slapping himself on the forehead he
  goggles as if in sudden comprehension. ‘Oh! Now I get it. You want to report serious trouble
  with your ass. Is that it?’ If you nod go to 79
  79
  79
  79; if you shake your ahead, in a disagreement,
  frustration and incredulity probably, go to 81
  81
  81
  81.
  76
  76
  76
  76 ‘Excellent, excellent,’ the servant croons smarmily. ‘Perhaps you would care for some
  refreshment before you meet Lord Lawkes?’ He lifts the top off a large wooden globe of
  Trollworld revealing an array of beverages within. ‘Name your poison,’ he leers as he rattles
  crystal glasses against cut glass decanters. If you would like a drink go to 187
  187
  187
  187; if you prefer to
  forego this preprandial pleasure go to 123
  123
  123
  123 with the butler tutting as he takes you to meet his
  master.
  77
  77
  77
  77 ‘Well, as it ‘appens, I did see a pretty young thing disappearing down Wreckers Row a few
  minutes ago. She was on a sledge pulled by a mangy looking beast that was probably your ass.
  Do you want to file a report or do you want to save me the paperwork and apprehend the
  suspect yourself? If you want to give chase go to 194
  194
  194
  194; if you want to set the wheels of justice in
  motion go to 98
  98
  98
  98.
  78
  78
  78
  78 ‘A most regrettable decision,’ the servant intones in a doom-laden voice. ‘Then I must adjust
  the master’s plans accordingly.’ You can stick around to see what happens - go to 184
  184
  184
  184 - or do a
  bunk out of a side door go to 186
  186
  186
  186.
  79
  79
  79
  79 ‘Now what sort of ass trouble is it that you have, exactly. You say your ass is missing?
  Hmmm! What evidence have you got then?’ This goes on for some time and then some before
  the Watchman finally admits he is illiterate and asks you if you would like to come back to his
  place and give him some private tuition. If you agree to coach him in the skills of the feather quill
  go to 99
  99
  99
  99; if you sigh in exasperation and tell him you’ll do your own sleuthing and track down the
  hijacker go to 96
  96
  96
  96.
  80
  80
  80
  80 You see the sledge disappearing down a distant lane. ‘Come on, lad!’ yells Watney
  belligerently. ‘We’ll give ‘em a taste of what for, we will!’ He puts his head down and thunders off
  towards your sledge. Go to 141
  141
  141
  141.
  81
  81
  81
  81 Your choices appear few. Dispensing with the services of the dopey copper, you can set
  about tracking down the villain who stole your sledge (the Watchman jerks his thumb and says
  he thinks ‘She went that-away’) or you can go back inside the comforting embrace of the Nun to
  drown your sorrows. If you follow the Watchman’s tip go to 96
  96
  96
  96; if you roll back into the bar for a
  snifter go to 100
  100
  100
  100.
  
  JOY
  JOY
  JOY
  JOY RIDE
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  RIDE
  RIDE
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  Page 17
  17
  17
  17
  82
  82
  82
  82 Watney shakes his head and falls over. You see something vanishing from view down an
  alleyway ahead. Watney gets up and wobbles a bit but then recovers his balance and charges
  off where you are pointing. ‘Up and at ‘em, lads. They don’t like it up ‘em!. Go to 148
  148
  148
  148.
  83
  83
  83
  83 Make a SR on SPD. If your foot was run over you must deduct 1d6 from your total. If you
  make it go to 88
  88
  88
  88; if you failed the carriage disappears and you are left choking in a cloud of dust.
  It is not a good look, In fact you look like a victim. A rich victim. Almost at once two grim looking
  figures emerge from an alley and advance on you, greedy faces lighting up. Go to 90
  90
  90
  90.
  84
  84
  84
  84 If you made it go to 74
  74
  74
  74. If you fail the butler looks at you disapprovingly and tells you the
  master is not receiving visitors today. If you argue he make sit clear that both he and the valet
  are crackshots with a blunderbuss and although he is currently unarmed he has but to call and
  his junior colleague will pepper your backside with such ferocity that you may never comfortably
  sit down again. If you choose to leave go to 91
  91
  91
  91; if you brush the butler aside and enter the
  mansion go to 93
  93
  93
  93.
  85
  85
  85
  85 Hopping on the doorstep may not make a good first impression but you never know, this
  may be a city where hopping is considered stylish. Make L2 SR on CHR and go to 84
  84
  84
  84.
  86
  86
  86
  86 The angry buzzing sound turns out not to be a bunch of little folk being very busy but an
  actual real to Betsy hornets’ nest, freshly stirred up by a woman in a rubber body suit called
  Betsy. You land on the hornet’s nest and get stung agonisingly and frequently. Make a L2 SR
  on STR to see if you can attract the attention of a passing Wizard-God who will save you and
  dump you at the city gates (go to 1111) with only 2d6 sting damage. That could still be book closing
  time which it certainly is if you did not scream loudly enough to attract salvation – ouch!
  87
  87
  87
  87 Painful Death wants more – much more – from you. She takes you back to her favourite
  graveyard and keeps you as a plaything. You can get a late pass every now and then but
  whenever you want one you must make a SR on CHR to see if she has tired of you. Fail and
  she sucks you dry of every water molecule in your body so don’t be frivolous about cavorting off
  to dungeons of desire. Every time you risk death by going gallivanting you can have 1,000 APs
  but like Cinderella you must be back by midnight (she’s not actually quite so possessive so we’ll
  say by 1d6 midnights). Closing
  Closing
  Closing
  Closing the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book time unless you want to go for a late pass right now: if
  so try that SR and if you live to tell the tale go to the city gates (1B
  1B
  1B
  1B).
  88
  88
  88
  88 Somehow you catch up with the carriage.
  Maybe you have been taking illegal substances?
  Do you want to leap for the railing on the
  back and then climb up on to the roof (go to
  92
  92
  92
  92) or do you want to increase your speed
  and get ahead of the stolen vehicle (go to
  94
  94
  94
  94)?
  90
  90
  90
  90 The two villains try to jump you. One comes
  from the left, the other from the right. They hurl
  
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  themselves upon you with gay abandon. You can fight it out with them, attempt to flip aside
  acrobatically or you can submit to their ministrations. For the first go to 108
  108
  108
  108; for the second go to
  110
  110
  110
  110; for the third go to 112
  112
  112
  112.
  91
  91
  91
  91 You can either sneak off without your carriage down an alley leading into dingy, dirty and
  dangerous back streets (go to 17
  17
  17
  17) or you can follow two figures sauntering up a deserted lane
  leading towards the heart of the city (go to 189
  189
  189
  189).
  92
  92
  92
  92 Make a SR on DEX to get up there. You take 1d6 damage if you fail have to trudge off down
  depressingly dangerous streets. Go to 17
  17
  17
  17. If you managed the gymnastics it shouldn’t be too
  hard to stay on board now you’re up top – provided, that is that the carriage thief does twig
  you’re there. A SR on STR to stay on and a SR on LK to be undetected. Fail the first and you
  come crashing down for 1d6 damage; fail the second and your game is rumbled – the driver
  passes under a low arch and you have to jump down or you would be smeared all over the
  brickwork (DEX SR or 1d6 damage as you land). Either way, if you don’t stay up top all you can
  do is wander off down increasingly shabby streets inhabited by correspondingly shabby people.
  Go to 17
  17
  17
  17. However, if you stay on your perch go to 114
  114
  114
  114.
  93
  93
  93
  93 The moment you enter the butler gives the alarm. ‘Release the war hamsters!’ Now that
  sounds ominous – at least it is meant to! Go meet some cute little furry mammals at 130
  130
  130
  130.
  94
  94
  94
  94 Make another SR on SPD – fail and you drop back and have to limp along streets where
  disconcertingly tough hoodlums lean against lampposts glaring at you as they seize you and
  start weighing you up with comments such ‘Not much meat on this one’ and ‘Probably best for
  magical research’. The leader nods and says ‘Sometimes the parts are worth more than the
  whole. Get your flensing knives out, boys.’ Go to 33
  33
  33
  33. If you did succeed in speeding up you are
  now in front of your carriage and can see the driver looking daggers at you. Do you want to
  seize the reins, put a hand up to stop him or throw something at him? Go to 150
  150
  150
  150 for the first, to
  116
  116
  116
  116 for the second and to 118
  118
  118
  118 for the third.
  95
  95
  95
  95 The butler turns round and watches you waspishly. ‘Do you need a doctor, Sir? The Master
  has a fine physician and would insist that you are, ahem, how can I put it, rendered hygienic –
  yes, that covers it – before he greets you. Follow me. This
  way!’ If you do as he asks go to 107
  107
  107
  107; if you decline the
  examination he suggests is necessary go to 109
  109
  109
  109.
  96
  96
  96
  96 You meet an old woman selling shiny red apples. She
  doesn’t have any customers, in fact people are crossing the
  street in droves. She offers you an apple and promises
  directions to ‘a place where you are guaranteed a good time
  every time’. If you want to buy an apple for a copper piece and
  take the card with the directions and the recommendation go
  to 158
  158
  158
  158; if you want to keep on going go to 163
  163
  163
  163.
  
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  97
  97
  97
  97 You enter a divinely furnished room. Every piece of furniture must surely have been carved
  by elven craftsmen of illustrious ilk and the ornaments would likely fetch a king’s ransom.
  Seated leaning forward, fingertips pressed firmly together, is a refined elderly man, wearing a
  cravat, smoking jacket and kilt.
  He dismisses the butler with a casual flick of his cigar, scattering ash over the tapestry-carpet
  which a scantily clad maid stoops to sweep up. ‘Good day to you, Sir. I am Lord Lawkes. My pet
  wizard had scanned you clairvoyantly and informed me of your pedigree and your business
  affairs. I am hosting a dinner party tonight and I fear it becomes frightfully drab and dreary
  hosting the same old crowd. I should be delighted to have you join us and your renowned wit
  and grace to our table. What do you say? Do say you shall – I hate disappointments. They
  make me awfully crabby!’ If you agree to attend the dinner party go to 111
  111
  111
  111; if you give your
  excuses go to 113
  113
  113
  113.
  98
  98
  98
  98 The wheels grind slowly because Watchman Ken is all but illiterate and you have to fill in the
  paperwork which he has doodled all over. Eventually your claim is processed at the City Gaol
  and you stand before Officer Dribble, a man who gushes to an extent which makes you long for
  prohibition. Dribble takes you out in to the yard for an identity parade. This consists of a witchy
  woman, a black magic woman, an evil woman and a duck. Go to 204
  204
  204
  204.
  99
  99
  99
  99 The Watchman’s wife is rather surprised to see you. ‘There’s enough tripe and onions to go
  round and I’ve got a bit of the jellied eel pie left from yesterday. By the way, Ken, I think some of
  your newts got out again.’ Ken looks perplexed and rushes out to the potting shed to find his
  missing newts. ‘I think they’re pissed again,’ she says. ‘My name’s Stanley by the way. I know
  it’s not very feminine but them neither am I. Ken wears the skirts in this house to be honest.’
  When Ken returns he is wearing a kilt and playing the bagpipes. He is happy because his newts
  are sobering up. ‘Now for some book learning,’ he says heavily when he stops the caterwauling
  noise he thinks of as music. He gets out his fountain pen and inkpot and starts work painfully
  inscribing the alphabet, looking to you for expert tuition. Make a SR on INT and go to 176
  176
  176
  176.
  100
  100
  100
  100 The landlord is very pleased to see you and your fat purse. Things are a little quiet. There
  are some uruks playing darts, a fortune teller hoping for customers, palm upturned ready to be
  crossed with silver, a group of rednecks playing Montana Red Dog and some skeleton men
  downing shots and displaying the progress of the drinks down their innards. If you want to play
  darts go to 203
  203
  203
  203; if you want your fortune told go to
  205
  205
  205
  205; if you want to play cards go to 207
  207
  207
  207; if you want
  to join the skellies go to 209
  209
  209
  209.
  101
  101
  101
  101 You’re in luck! A beady eyed bobby is passing
  by on his beat, truncheon in hand. ‘What’s that?
  Another vehicle theft? That’s the fifth complaint
  about stolen transport I’ve had today! Do you want
  to come to the station to make a report or do you
  want to search for it. If you think we can catch them
  I’ll go that way and you go thatta way.’ The
  Watchman jerks his thumb towards a dark and evil-
  
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  smelling alley. If you want to make a formal complaint go to 98
  98
  98
  98 and if you want to go off in less
  than hot pursuit go to 17
  17
  17
  17.
  102
  102
  102
  102 Make a SR on STR. If you fail you can’t pull the coin free nor can you shift the manhole
  cover it’s attached to. On you must slog to 17
  17
  17
  17. If you make the SR you get the coin (which is
  worth 20 GPs) and you are able to lift the manhole cover you discover. There is a wooden
  ladder dropping down 20’ to a tunnel illuminated faintly by glowstones. Can go down the ladder
  if you want (go to 269
  269
  269
  269) or you can leave well alone and slink down the ever more dangerous
  streets (go to 17
  17
  17
  17).
  103
  103
  103
  103 Might as well carve up Woody and his wife and make a bit of coin. Do
  you want to shut up shop when the flesh is off the bones and explore the city
  or are you content to end your adventure and settle down to a life of butchery?
  If you want to boldly go where no sane man has gone before you should take
  a knife and trim your whiskers so that you look presentable and then go to 67
  67
  67
  67;
  if you sharpen the knives and concentrate on slaughtering animals take 200
  APs and close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book.
  104
  104
  104
  104 ‘Spunky sort, are ya? OK, I’ll play nice and keep one hand behind me back. Bring it on,
  Buster!’ The troll does indeed put one hand behind his back and fights you with just one tree
  trunk-like digit. A small crowd of ne’er-do-goods gather to watch the sport. ‘Come on, ‘Halla!’,
  ‘Smash ‘im, Big Guy!’, ‘Let’s see his guts hanging out!’, ‘Go, ‘Halla, you da troll!’, ‘Get ‘im in the
  hole!’ – those are the sort of chants you hear and you guess no one is rooting for you. ‘Halla
  gets 11d6 plus 50 for his middle finger. Go to 129
  129
  129
  129.
  105
  105
  105
  105 ‘So…you wanna grovel a bit, do ya? Well, if you say, “Pretty please, ‘Halla, you’re da Boss
  Troll, ‘Halla,’ and lick my boots I might just tickle ya and not crumple ya. How’s that then?’ If you
  want to grovel and lick ‘Halla’s boots go to 131
  131
  131
  131; if you want to run for it rather than taste his dirty
  leather go to 133
  133
  133
  133; if you decide to man up and take him on go to 135
  135
  135
  135.
  106
  106
  106
  106 The troll is not that quick on his feet but his wits are like a whippet in a hurry. He whistles
  and it is like unto a hurricane and a thunderclap, yea verily and forsooth. Make a L2 SR on CON
  and if you fail take 1d6 troll whistle damage (TWD to those meteorological experts among you, o
  readers). Two lean and nervy kobolds appear from the shadows. ‘Don’t fret none, Boss,’
  simpers the first. ‘Yeah, we’ll nab ‘im for ya, ‘Halla,’ whines the second. If you go for battle now
  roll your sleeves up, put your heart on one of them and go to 137
  137
  137
  137; if you put the pedal to the
  metal (an anachronism, I know) go to 139
  139
  139
  139.
  107
  107
  107
  107 The man servant shows you into what appears to be an operating theatre. The multitude of
  instruments on show are either for medical purposes or for something far more diabolical. While
  you peruse the sharp metals and leather straps the door slams shut behind you and you hear
  the lock seal your fate. A hitherto hidden door opens and a leprechaun staggers out clutching a
  bottle labelled ‘Jamiesons’. “I’m Dr. Khwaq,’ he tells you uncertainly and reels across to the
  table and pats it. ‘Lie down here. Take the weight off your feet and I’ll give you some happy
  
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  gas.’ You can do as he bids you (go to 156
  156
  156
  156) or tell him that you’d sooner arm wrestle a bilious
  baboon (go to 138
  138
  138
  138).
  108
  108
  108
  108 Chas and Dave are well versed in the murky arts of mugging. They get 4d6 plus 15 each.
  They don’t bother within weapons at this stage. If you have hurt your foot your combat adds are
  halved due to the inconvenience and discomfort. If you lose the first round they will overpower
  and subdue you and bundle you off for who knows what delights to come?
  If that happens go to 143
  143
  143
  143. If you survive the first round then they try to kick your legs out from
  under you and pin you. You must make a L3 SR on DEX to avoid that indignity and your DEX is
  temporarily down by 1d6 (just for this SR) if you have a damaged foot. If they succeed in pinning
  you then you are dragged off to 143
  143
  143
  143.If you beat them in the fighting they run off as they do if
  they fail to pin you if the fight goes to second round. If you they flee you can only stumble on
  through increasingly mean little streets where increasingly mean little people walk – go to 17
  17
  17
  17. Ah
  but if you killed one or both of them then you must go to 145
  145
  145
  145.
  109
  109
  109
  109 ‘In that case, I must ask that you remove yourself from these premises before the master
  decides to let loose his war hamsters. They may be small but they are very aggressive when
  they are hungry. I should imagine they are hungry right now.’ You may leave in good grace (go
  to 91
  91
  91
  91) or stick around to meet the war hamsters (go to 130
  130
  130
  130).
  110
  110
  110
  110 That’s going to be some stunt if you pull it off. If your foot was run over your DEX and SPD
  are down by 1d6. You need to make L2 SRs on DEX and SPD and also SRs on STR and LK.
  Manage those rolls and you get clean away to the sound of the muggers applauding your
  cunning stunt – go to 17
  17
  17
  17. If you didn’t pull those four SRs off, well good on you for being spunky
  but now your in for it! The villains pounce on you and you do an impersonation of ten pins doing
  the decent thing for a perfectly directed bowling ball. Strike! Go to 143
  143
  143
  143.
  111
  111
  111
  111 You are taken to a luxury suite where champagne is served and a fruit
  basket holds fruits the like of which you may well never have seen or tasted
  before. A tailor arrives to measure you for your dinner jacket and then the valet
  leaves to allow you some ‘quiet time’. You hear the lock click from the other side.
  If you are content to rest go to 115
  115
  115
  115; if you wish to attempt to open the door go to
  117
  117
  117
  117.
  112
  112
  112
  112 They like a bit of grovelling. Make a SR on CHR. If you make it they don’t bother to hit you.
  Fail and you don’t have as many teeth as you did a moment ago. Take 1d6 damage. You are at
  their mercy and the quality is certainly strained. Go to 143
  143
  143
  143.
  113
  113
  113
  113 Lord Lawkes turns purple and screams apoplectically for ‘the Bad Boy’. The door to the
  drawing room is ripped off its hinges by a very large and twice as ugly ogre who looks ready to
  use the whole door as a shield or a bludgeon. ‘Lawkes-a-Lordy!’ the ogre bellows. ‘Have you
  upset the Master, you worm?’ You can grovel on your knees and beg for forgiveness or you can
  either fight the ogre or try to jump out the window.
  
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  If you fall to your knees and pray go to 119
  119
  119
  119; if you rush the monster and commence battle go to
  121
  121
  121
  121; if you leap for the window go to 123
  123
  123
  123.
  114
  114
  114
  114 The driver careers through the streets, recklessly
  running over pedestrians and small animals. Finally, he
  slows at an old warehouse on waste ground. You can
  either stay up top (go to 162
  162
  162
  162) or leap down now – it’s
  easy – and duck behind a wrecked wagon lying on its
  side (go to 164
  164
  164
  164).
  115
  115
  115
  115 As the door opens you hear the dinner bell gong
  – or maybe it was the dinner gong belling?
  Anyhow…a man dressed as a penguin would
  dress if it were waiting in a top class
  restaurant bids you follow him to the dining
  room, where Lord Lawkes and his other
  guests await your arrival. Delicious aromas
  wafting your way would take you to this
  Bacchanalian supper even if the penguin flunky lost his way. Seated at the table are his
  Lordship and six other guests, Lord Monty de Wally de Honk, Lady Money Sterling, Lord Snot,
  Mr. Kendall Mintcake, Bambi Gascoigne and Jerzi Bolowski, who claims to be 115th in line to
  the Khazan throne and a second cousin of the Death Goddess herself. You make up the eight.
  ‘We are about to play a game,’ Lord Lawkes announces. You take the place of Lord Lucan, who
  is missing. He went missing in action, actually, at last week’s soiree.’ Go to 155
  155
  155
  155 and find out
  what the game is.
  116
  116
  116
  116 Like he’s really going to stop? He mows you down and the carriage wheels carve into you
  like a Thanksgiving turkey under the knife. Make a L2 SR on LK. If you make it a passing
  Wizard-God resurrects you just because you look like you might do something stupendously
  dumb again – take 100 APs and go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B; if you fail, close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book.
  117
  117
  117
  117 As you turn the handle the door conducts a vicious burst of electricity, Make a L2 SR CON
  and if you fail take the difference in damage. You hair now stands up vertically (if you are bald,
  choose a body part instead). Go to 171
  171
  171
  171.
  118
  118
  118
  118 What are you going to throw? The kitchen sink? There’s no time to draw a dagger, let
  alone string a bow – your (well, not so much yours now) carriage zips by and all you could
  possibly do is hit the rear end of it. Reflecting on your decision-making acumen, you drift along
  into the parts of Caerthaeph’t keep well off the tourist maps. Go to 17
  17
  17
  17.
  119
  119
  119
  119 ‘Very well,’ the reddened lord drawls and spits at the same time, if you can imagine that. ‘I
  shall spare your life if you sign over to me half your assets. You agree of course (you don’t
  actually have much choice now). I shall send my lawyer up to see you once my faithful footman,
  
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  Peeves, has secured you in a guest bedroom. You will be most comfortable, I have no doubt,
  but should you try to escape you will be most uncomfortable for a short while and then you will
  be most dead. I know a butcher who will be glad of your body parts for his pies. Peeves, take
  him away and see that Honeydew watches him at all times on his scrying stone.’
  Two hours later, the door to your suite open and a centaur enters (it’s a big door) to present you
  with a contract to sign. When you have taken the porcupine quill and scrawled your name,
  Kelba witnesses it and leaves you to stew in your own financially depleted juices. Go to 115
  115
  115
  115.
  120
  120
  120
  120 ‘You didn’t ‘ave to do that, now! You gone an’ murdered me, you ‘ave!’ Arfa crashes
  heavily to the floor and utters his last words. ‘Lads, wot ‘e done to me, wot never hurt no one, as
  I swear on my mother’s grave, orphan as I am, but you need a leader. Take ‘im to the thrones.
  See if ‘ell do. I feel cold now, I do. It’s all going dark. Oh! There’s a beautiful lady wiv wings an’
  all coming to get me. I’m gonna be alright, boys, Arfa’s going home.’ So saying Arfa expires and
  the gang grab you, blindfold you and force you along what seems to be a tunnel with little head
  room. Make a SR on LK. If you fail take 1d6 express delivery damage. Now go to 126
  126
  126
  126. (Don’t
  feel too much remorse over Arfa – he’s a little dodgy, maybe, but underneath (like, about 6’),
  he’s all right, is Arfa, and anyway he has a curse on him that causes him to rise again twelve
  hours after death.)
  121
  121
  121
  121 Let’s see – what’s suitably unfair? The ogre has a 24 hour Little Feets which fighting
  triggers; he has Whammy’d knuckle-dusters (invisible)
  that get 20d6 each.; Uncle Ugly (for he is an avuncular, if
  hideous to look upon, fellow when not engaged in
  ‘corrective’ work) has anti-magic codpiece that thwarts
  L1-6 magic. Probably time to close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book, huh? Well,
  maybe not… If you are winning against Unc, Lord
  Lawkes ‘Intruder Remover’ teleports you to the city gates.
  If you are losing (and this kicks in immediately, not at the
  end of Round One) and you make a SR on LK, the
  Intruder Remover saves your bacon. If you are teleported
  go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B - and take 200 APs, why don’t you?
  122
  122
  122
  122 ‘Now that’s just not friendly, is it? After all I dun for
  you! Boys, what are we going to do with ‘im? Lemme
  see… First, punch ‘im in the hooter, second, punch ‘im in
  the teeth, third punch ‘im in the unmentionables. If ‘e’s
  still breathing, tie ‘im up, blindfold ‘im and bring ‘im down
  the tunnel. ‘E’ll be right after a few good whacks. Anyhow,
  I’d a dun the same, I would.’ Forgiving fellow, heart of
  gold really. Each punch you take does 1d6 damage but if
  a make progressively higher LK SRs it’s just stun damage. When all the fisticuffs are over and
  you wrapped up like a kipper go to 147
  147
  147
  147.
  123
  123
  123
  123 Make a SR on LK. If you succeed you crash through the glass (you must have hit a
  hairline fracture) and land gratefully in the ornamental fishpond (it was a ground floor drawing
  
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  room) – go to 125
  125
  125
  125. If you failed the LK SR, you rebound from the magically reinforced window
  and flop, stunned, into the muscly arms of Uncle Ugly the Ogre. Everything goes black. When
  you awake you are somewhere quite different but very clean. Go to 107
  107
  107
  107.
  124
  124
  124
  124 If you made the SR, Arfa and his boys decide to give you a break – the middle finger of
  your left hand to be precise. Take 1d6/2 CON damage. Then they knock you out and dump your
  sorry carc-ass. Go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B. If you failed the SR they do the breaking bit and the knocking out bit
  (they like those bits and they’re good at them because they practice a lot). Then they blindfold
  you and take you for a more exciting adventure. Go to 147
  147
  147
  147.
  125
  125
  125
  125 The pond is only 3 ft deep so you won’t drown. You hear the voice of Lord Lawkes
  chortling manically at the sight of you bedraggled with pond weed on your head. Uncle Ugly
  laughs too – it sounds like either thunder or a ruptured dragon. Then you see why they are
  laughing. A shoal of little silver fish with pearly white teeth are coming your way. Make a L2 SR
  on DEX. If you make it go to 127
  127
  127
  127; if you fail they strip you to the bone (there are just too many
  for any spell to take out and they are too fast to employ a shield, magical or mundane, let alone
  somersault to safety.
  126
  126
  126
  126 The blindfold is removed by rough hands. A face speckled with stubble is thrust up close to
  yours. ‘You bin chosen, see. You’re the chosen one, son, so you better get this straight. You bin
  cursed so you gotta do what Arfa says, see. E’s all right, is Arfa – diamond geezer, ‘e is, so e’ll
  treat you right if you do right by ‘im. My name’s Gripper and I’m your best pal now so you’d
  better listen to me good, right?’ Gripper takes a pace back and then continues. ‘See that door
  there?’ You’d be blind not to - a glowing door with runes etched into the burnished wood is set in
  stone at the end of a tunnel. The runes mean nothing to you except for one: the letter ‘K’. The
  pulses emanating from them leave you in no doubt that magic is at work here. Gripper speaks
  again, softly but urgently.
  ‘The curse means you must serve the owner of this
  house as long as he remains within the house. Arfa
  is the owner – all legal an’ kosher – and Arfa says
  ‘e ‘as no intention of leaving until you have passed
  through this door, taken the challenge and ‘e can
  tell you wot ‘e wants done. I’m gunna go now. Enter
  exactly one minute after I go. I’ll return in one hour
  to fetch you for a chin wag wiv Arfa.’ With that said,
  Gripper spits on the floor, turns and leaves. If you
  do as he says go to 301
  301
  301
  301; if you do otherwise go to
  313
  313
  313
  313.
  127
  127
  127
  127 You sprint for the garden wall. A SR on STR
  will get you over it before the rabid poodles
  patrolling the grounds sink their teeth into you and
  you froth, foam and fester (that is, you die horribly).
  OK, you could fly over if you have the means. If you
  
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  get over the wall make a SR on CON to see if you kinda crashed into the wall rather than
  hurdled it a la Ed Moses (look him up – he was a mega-star) go to 58
  58
  58
  58.
  128
  128
  128
  128 After more twists and turns than you’d find in a barrel full of agitated eels a dozen or so
  water butts are moved aside by the gang to reveal a trap door. Once opened it reveals a rusty
  iron ladder leading down to a grubby room littered with the remains of drinking and gambling
  sessions. The leader of the gang offers his hand after spitting on it. Best not to refuse. ‘The
  name’s Arfa Daley, innit? Wot’s yours, cock?’
  After you tell Arfa a bit about yourself he makes you a proposal. ‘I bin turned over by this other
  mob, ‘in I? You could be on a nice little earner if you pal up wiv me, see? Wanna do business
  wiv Uncle Arfa, do you? Bit of wedge in it, son.’ He rolls his sleeve up and draws an obviously
  well used knife. ‘Once we’re blood bruvvers I’ll tell you what you gotta do to make us top dogs in
  this town.’ If you are prepared to become blood brothers with Arfa go to 136
  136
  136
  136; if you tell him to
  find some other patsy go to 134
  134
  134
  134.
  129
  129
  129
  129 You have to roll for ‘Halla too, of course. His skin takes 100 hits and he regenerates
  damage at 10 points per minute, no matter how much damage he takes (why last year he had a
  wizard cast Hell Bomb Bursts on his rotten tooth). If you beat him then, fair enough, you get to
  run away. Take 100 APs and make a SR on the average of INT and LK before going to 132
  132
  132
  132. If
  you did not beat him the good news is he was going easy on you. Any damage is just stun
  damage. If you were stunned you are now unconscious. His finger has magical properties that
  he could not fully describe but nonetheless serve him well. He scoops you up and takes you off
  to his ‘Underground Den of Amusement’ – go to 48
  48
  48
  48.
  130
  130
  130
  130 The war hamsters are duly released. These small furry, cute little mammals are quite nippy
  and have been trained to home in on particular scents. They haven’t eaten
  since tiffins yesterday and they are ready for a bumper feast. It is your scent
  that has been hardwired into them. When they reach a target they scurry
  upwards until they find exposed flesh and they gnaw with gusto. Their
  teeth have been magically primed to explode when in contact with non-
  hamster flesh. There are 4d6 war hamsters. To avoid any given hamster you
  need to make a L0 SR on LK. We shall say that just means avoiding a critical
  fumble. For each one. If you do roll the dreaded 1, 2 you get a nasty little
  nibble and a lethal large explosion, which would entail closing the book.
  Survive and Lord Lawkes has his door guards throw you down quite roughly
  at the city gates (that would entail going to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B).
  131
  131
  131
  131 Well now, as trolls go Halla’s not the worst at personal hygiene but those boots have
  kicked many a dirty derriere, especially when he visits Castle Lostreld to practice with his pal
  Buttbooter the Ogre (see ‘The Poisoned Chalice’ from Khaghbboommm Press). Make a SR on
  the average of your CON and your LK. This is somewhat crucial as failure means the millions of
  microscopic bacteria on his boots scamper merrily into your mouth via the red carpet of your
  tongue and eat you from the inside out. That would mean dying and closing the book. However,
  if you don’t get eaten by tiny single cells beings you have earned ‘Halla’s forgiveness and he
  scoops you up and takes you off to his ‘Underground Den of Amusement’ – go to 48
  48
  48
  48.
  
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  132
  132
  132
  132 If you made that SR on the average of your INT and LK you are lost. If you failed it you are
  hopelessly lost. For the former go to 157
  157
  157
  157; for the latter go to 17
  17
  17
  17.
  133
  133
  133
  133 He sighs and says, ‘What is it? I used my deodorant this morning! Oh well, time for Plan
  B.’ Go to 106
  106
  106
  106.
  134
  134
  134
  134 ‘Who’d Patsy, then?’ says Arfa. ‘Oh, I see, it’s like that, is it? Right boys. Let’s play darts,
  shall we?’ The boys are keen to play darts. It is a game they enjoy although they have the
  disadvantage of not owning a dartboard. Actually, it’s not a disadvantage as they have you.
  They quickly overpower you (there are three more of them than you could handle), tie you up
  and start their game. They mark some spots on you with permanent yellow paint and add the
  numbers from 1 to 20 in red. They always play 201 up. Roll 2d6 DARO to see what each dart
  scores. If the result is greater than 20, consider it a bullseye worth 50 (they marked that on your
  forehead). Each dart does one point of damage to CON. When they reach 501 the game is over
  and under the cover of darkness they dump your body at the city gates (go to 1111). If you are still
  alive take 200 APs.
  135
  135
  135
  135 ‘Alright! Bring it on! It’s clobberin’ time! Funny thing to say, I know, but I don’t feel grim, I
  feel fantastic!’ He seems genuinely happy at the thought of clobbering you. It is a good thing to
  spread a little happiness as you go through life so take 100 APs and also add 1d6 to your CHR
  because a watching Wizard-God feels all gooey and touchy-feely about you right now. Go to
  105
  105
  105
  105.
  136
  136
  136
  136 Arfa nicks your arm and a bead of blood wells up. Is your immune system up to what’s
  coming? Make a SR on CON. Fail and the answer is an emphatic ‘No’. Your arm swells up to
  balloon size and it is very quickly too much for your heart. It stops, never to start again. Close
  Close
  Close
  Close
  the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book. If you made the CON SR, your body is up to the task of repelling the invaders. Now
  your turn to nick Arfa. If you do as he did go to 140
  140
  140
  140; if you stab the oily geezer in the heart go to
  142
  142
  142
  142.
  137
  137
  137
  137 You lucky! (OK, let’s not make that assumption – make a SR on LK and if you fail you
  develop a migraine because of the stress and your STR is halved for the next 2 paragraphs
  after this one.) ‘Halla calls the kobolds off and takes you on without their help. Take 50 APs
  because I said so and go to 105
  105
  105
  105.
  138
  138
  138
  138 A rather queasy simian appears at the click of the doctor’s fingers. It squats in a Greco-
  Roman wrestling position, wearing a spandex leotard. Dr. Khwaq cries, ‘Seconds out, Round
  One!’ and the baboon leaps at you. There is no running away, no other option – you are in a
  catchweight contest for the Caerthaeph’t Inter-Species Belt. The wrestling is based on the
  average of your STR, DEX and SPD. The baboon’s average is 24. You roll 2d6 DARO and
  apply to your average, no level bonus for either of you. The match lasts three rounds and you
  can be tapped out with a forced submission if either of you are beaten by ten or more in one
  round. Otherwise whoever wins the best of three is the victor, with a sudden death round in the
  event of a tie after three. Oh yes, the baboon is extremely bilious and if it rolls doubles in any
  round it vomits copiously without you ever knowing if it stops (that would be an unpleasant way
  
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  to die bit Mr. Creosote is an unpleasant baboon even in baboon society and so you might be
  glad to close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book).
  If you lose you get thrown out with the trash and wake up at the city gates (go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B); if you win
  you avoid the surgery and go straight on to the dinner – the butler escorts you to the brink of the
  room where the company is assembled and no doubt enjoying a snifter or two (go to 115
  115
  115
  115).
  139
  139
  139
  139 Make a L2 SR on SPD. If you make it after a few desperate sharp turns and frantic
  scrambles over walls you lose the kobolds. I guess ‘Halla is going to teach them a lesson so
  they will do better next time. By now you are probably lost. Make a SR on the average of your
  INT and LK and go to 132
  132
  132
  132. Oh yes, if you failed the SPD SR, the kobold twins, Kuffbert and
  Kudgel, catch you and knock you down, leaving you to the tender mercies of their boss, ‘Halla
  the Troll. Go to 104
  104
  104
  104.
  140
  140
  140
  140 Make a SR on CON. If you fail then the germs on the knife tip are about to wage war
  inside you. Make a SR on STR. If you fail that then your body waves the white flag and you go
  into a coma. Go to 146
  146
  146
  146 if you made either of those SRs you’re quite chipper – perky in fact.
  What doesn’t kill you sometimes makes you stronger so add 1d6/2 to both STR and CON.
  ‘Now that we’ve bonded, you can consider yourself one of us – part of the family, you might say.
  After some consideration, I’m going to show you the Throne Room. It’s not here but we’re right
  by a passage that leads there. It’s secret so we’re gonna have to blindfold you. That’s not a
  problem, is it? Not afraid of the dark, are you?’ If you allow yourself to be blindfolded go to 147
  147
  147
  147;
  if you don’t fancy secret tunnels in the dark with this crew make a L2 SR on CHR and go to 124
  124
  124
  124.
  141
  141
  141
  141 The two hoods who have ass-napped your donkey
  and sledge are having problems with the braying donkey
  – it obviously doesn’t like them one iota. ‘Wot’s wrong
  wiv the beast, Rodney?’ wails the short one in the flat
  cap. ‘I dunno Del!’ whines his, weedy partner. ‘You’re the
  one ‘sposed to be good with asses, you are’. You catch
  them up easily. Watney’s all for giving them a seeing to,
  his knuckles grazing the pavement as he eyes them up.
  If you want to wade in fists blazing go to 208
  208
  208
  208; if you want
  to yell out to the pair that the game’s up and they need to
  surrender the sledge and get their mitts of your ass go to
  211
  211
  211
  211.
  142
  142
  142
  142 Make a SR on SPD and on DEX. If you make them both you are quick enough and
  accurate in your thrust. The knife plunges in between Arfa’s ribs. Go to 120
  120
  120
  120. If you failed either
  roll it is Arfa who is too fast or perhaps you are nervous and the blade twists in your hand and
  fails to penetrate his diamond geezer vest. Go to 122
  122
  122
  122.
  143
  143
  143
  143 They must have stuffed a rag drenched in chloroform over your mouth because when you
  come round you can see you are not on the streets of Caerthaeph’t any longer. You are in an
  
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  old warehouse, piled up with crates and one of your two assailants is sitting an old piano in a
  corner.
  The other, heavily bearded and wearing a check cap at a jaunty angle, is standing in front of you,
  hands on hips, pouring a glass of stale, cold beer over you. ‘Gertcha!’ he crows. ‘On yer feet,
  sunshine. Let’s ‘ave a look at yer. Yer not much, is e’ Dave?’ Dave bashes out a few bum notes
  on the piano and replies with a musical lilt, ‘Nah, bit of a tosser really. Wotcha gunna do wiv ‘im,
  Chas? Feed ‘im to Tik-Tok?’ You might well wonder who Tik-Tok is…go to 183
  183
  183
  183 and you will find
  out!
  144
  144
  144
  144 If you failed CHR SR the troll takes exception and charges you. It has MR 100 (11d6 +50).
  You can flee up the ladder if it is still intact and you make a SR on SPD (you flee to a nasty
  place if you get away – go to 17
  17
  17
  17). Otherwise, you’re in a life or death fight. If you made the CHR
  SR the troll introduces himself cordially. ‘My name is Trollkien. I’ve got a ring for you.’ You can
  take the ring (go to 151
  151
  151
  151) or decline (go to 165
  165
  165
  165). If you happen to kill Trollkien you can take 100
  APs and his money pouch with 20 pieces of Trollgold in it (he had a well paid job and the
  Trollgold is worth 400 GPs) – go to 149
  149
  149
  149.
  145
  145
  145
  145 As you draw breath, a heavy hand comes down on your shoulder and a hand grips you by
  the scruff of the neck. “’Allo, ‘allo, ‘allo! What’s going on ‘ere? You’re on my manor and you’re
  nicked, sonny!’ The voice is deep and sounds like broken glass. The hand feels as if it could
  crush nuts by the sack load. You can whirl and attack (go to 201
  201
  201
  201) or submit to the will of your
  captor (go to 199
  199
  199
  199).
  146
  146
  146
  146 Arfa and his cronies dump your body at the city gates. A passing Wizard-God takes pity on
  you because he thinks a few more drops of amusement could be wrung from your near lifeless
  husk. He sends an angel of mercy to you, an ex-sea captain now pursuing a career of nursing.
  Florence Fightingwhale sets you on your feet again and, even though you fall over the first
  
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  dozen or so times, eventually you are able to totter off and stay upright. You have your sea legs
  so you can go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B.
  147
  147
  147
  147 You are bundled along down what is a tight fitting tunnel. Make a SR on LK. If you fail take
  1d6 ‘in transit’ damage as these boys are pretty clumsy with whatever they are moving. Now go
  to 126
  126
  126
  126.
  148
  148
  148
  148 Two hard looking geezers are paying off a kid to take your donkey and sledge to their
  hideout you can see. ‘There’s a farthing in it fer yer if you get that sledge back in one piece
  before last orders, Darghh. You can be as mean as you like to that ass, I don’t like the look of it!’
  the bearded geezer is saying. Watney hurls himself at them and misses, smashing head first
  into a brick wall, knocking a head shaped hole in the wall and himself unconscious. The two
  hard men give your ass a slap and then advance on you. Do you want to run (go to 167
  167
  167
  167) or fight
  (go to 213
  213
  213
  213).
  149
  149
  149
  149 You explore the tunnel and he takes you to a locked door that you just cannot open. You
  can put that ring on and try again (go to 215
  215
  215
  215) or you can leave the tunnel (if the ladder is still
  there) and go though mean streets until you wind up at 17
  17
  17
  17. If you can’t get out because the
  ladder’s gone you can either starve to death here in a tunnel with a dead troll (close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book)
  or put the ring on and open the door (go to 215
  215
  215
  215).
  150
  150
  150
  150 This takes a L3 SR on STR. If you make it go to 152
  152
  152
  152; if you fail
  all you can do is pray that he will rein the horses in as the carriage
  bears down upon your frail and inadequate from - go to 116
  116
  116
  116.
  151
  151
  151
  151 Trollkien gives you the ring which tingles when you put it on.
  The word ‘Precious’ reverberates through your skull. The troll turns
  round and leads you to a door marked ‘Stage Entrance’. He opens it
  and pushes you through before slamming it shut. You hear chortling
  as the door closes. Go to 215
  215
  215
  215.
  152
  152
  152
  152 You cling on as the carriage screams round a corner on two wheels and breaks all
  Caerthaeph’t speed records as it kicks up clouds of dust and shreds limbs in its maniacal
  journey. The thief points a finger at you and a mist of spray jets out at you. You could let go of
  the reins but you’d surely die so you have no choice but to suck it (whatever ‘it’ is) up. Go to 160
  160
  160
  160.
  153
  153
  153
  153 The first card is ‘The Traveller’. ‘I see that you are not a native son of this city, that you
  have journey steadfastly through life’s trials to become the man you are today. Your past
  labours have not been in vain – you would not be where you are now without the triumphs of
  your yesterdays.’ She looks at you and smiles with a warming, entrancing frankness. Well and
  good, you might think, but she hasn’t actually told me anything concrete. True, o prince, but be
  patient. Go to 161
  161
  161
  161.
  
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  154
  154
  154
  154 You land next to a very unhappy man with a face which does not hide the agony he is in
  having just landed, as you to have done, on a Portuguese Man O’ War. ‘I think I’m about to die!’
  he cries and you don’t have to be a doctor to see he is right when his eyes roll back, his blacked
  tongue pops out and he spasms backwards and stops moving.
  Make a L2 SR on STR to see if you can attract the attention of a passing Wizard-God who will
  save you and dump you at the city gates (go to 1111) with only 2d6 sting damage. That could still
  be book closing time which it certainly is if you did not scream loudly enough to attract salvation
  – ouch!
  155
  155
  155
  155 Surely you guessed? Lawkes-a-Lordy! (as they say in these parts) – it’s Russian roulette!
  ‘Now this week,’ Lord Lawkes proclaims jovially, ‘it will be more spiffing fun than ever! Old Lucan
  was a jolly good sport last week and I know he’d approve. We’ll play until two of you have gone
  to join him. My man servant, Blenkinsop, will provide fresh pistols for every shot. Now I warn,
  you – he looks at you with steelly gaze before relaxing into the smug, supercilious smirk that he
  perennially wears – no monkey business or Blenkinsop will eliminate you with or without an
  enema. I shall keep the body count. You can rely on me!’ These primitive pistols explode one
  shot in nine on average. You will go last and a 1, 2 or 1, 3 roll (that is, adding up to 3 or 4
  without doubles for the avoidance of egregious cheating!) means that the pistol explodes
  instead of the freshly filled chamberpots you are all shooting at. If you ever decide to run for it or
  aim for something different go to 180
  180
  180
  180; otherwise roll on! If your gun explodes so does your head.
  If two other guests get blown to smithereens go to 179
  179
  179
  179.
  156
  156
  156
  156 He really is pretty pissed (in an English sense, not an American). ‘I’m a little tiddly –
  sloshed in fact!’ he announces with a grand sweeping gesture that sends a blood drip flying.
  ‘You shouldn’t be operated on by an inebriated physician!’ His false teeth fly out as he says this
  and he picks them up quickly and puts them back. ‘Three second rule, don’t worry about germs!
  Ah, here come my student doctors! There’ll have steady hands.’ Four clueless looking but well-
  heeled young people come through the same door the doctor did. They are wearing surgical
  masks and gowns and flapping their arms excitedly. ‘This is Lord Monty de Wally de Honk; this
  is Lady Money Sterling and that is Lord Snot, who really should not be answering calls of nature
  in the operating theatre – cut that at once! No! Put that scalpel down, you clot!’ When this little
  difficulty is dealt with and Lord Snot has rather mournfully stopped sawing at the fourth fellow’s
  cummerbund with the aforementioned scalpel Dr. Khwaq introduces the now jumpy fellow as
  ‘Mr. Kendall Mintcake.’ You must pick one of the four to perform your cleansing. If you would
  like it to be Lord Monty go to 166
  166
  166
  166; for Lady Money Sterling go to 168
  168
  168
  168; for Lord Snot go to 170
  170
  170
  170;
  for Kendall Mintcake go to 172
  172
  172
  172.
  157
  157
  157
  157 You may be lost but you have been lucky and
  you have not succumbed to panic. Roll 1d6: 1 or 2
  means you follow the troll to his Den and make inside,
  catching him on a good day; 3 or 4 means you
  stumble across a driver parking his carriage and
  fiddling with the padlock of a shabby warehouse; 5 or
  6 means you manage to sneak into the cellars of a
  rich mansion where a butler named Blenkinsop is
  
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  discussing roles and responsibilities with a man called Roger. For the first go to 48
  48
  48
  48; for the
  second go to 164
  164
  164
  164; for the third go to 185
  185
  185
  185.
  158
  158
  158
  158 The old crone, who tells you her name is Dolly Dawkins, has a reputation that is not
  entirely deserved. Some of her apples are very good and then there are others – just a few,
  mind – that spoil the barrel. What you get is a lottery, frankly. Dolly means no harm, it’s just that
  she has a good tree that bears lots of fruit and an evil one that is less productive. Roll 1d6. 1-4
  means you got a good one while 5 or 6 indicates you pulled an evil apple out of the barrel. All
  Dolly’s apples are enchanted: once you touch one you can’t help but eat it. The good ones have
  healing properties, repairing the next 1d6 wounds you receive, regardless of magnitude; the evil
  ones open up wounds – for the next 1d6 paragraphs you must roll 1d6 and take that much
  damage as wounds mysteriously open up at random. Dolly’s map takes you to a warehouse
  where a driver is fiddling with a padlock, having parked a carriage. Go to 164
  164
  164
  164.
  159
  159
  159
  159 Beneath the cellars are an uninviting maze of labyrinthine passages. As you follow
  Blenkinsop you begin to realise that if he were to disappear it is very doubtful that you would be
  able to find your way out of here in a hurry. Fortunately Lord Lawkes’ faithful servant does not
  move in anything other than a docile plod, looking from time to time over his shoulder to see that
  you are still behind him. Eventually you come to a glowing door with runes etched into the
  burnished wood. The runes mean nothing to you except for one: the letter ‘K’. The pulses
  emanating from them leave you in no doubt that magic is at work here. Blenkinsop speaks now,
  softly but urgently. ‘You have been cursed now, just as I have. You must serve the owner of this
  house as long as he remains within the house. Lord Lawkes has no intention of leaving, I must
  inform you, until you have passed through this door, accepted the risk within and returned to
  hear the work he requires you to carry out on his behalf. I shall leave you now. Enter exactly
  one minute after I have gone. I shall return in one hour to fetch you for your audience with Lord
  Lawkes.’ With that said, Blenkinsop turns and leaves. If you do as he says go to 301
  301
  301
  301; if you do
  otherwise go to 313
  313
  313
  313.
  160
  160
  160
  160 When you come round you are sitting on a comfortable high backed chair with you ankles
  and your wrists tightly bound. The driver stands before you and is taking his cloak and hat off.
  Once unencumbered, you that ‘he’ is a she – a most pleasing elven maiden stands before you.
  She reaches to her thigh and draws a misericord and bends to slit the cord tied about your
  ankles. Do you want to kick out at her (go to 283
  283
  283
  283) or wait to see what she will do next (go to
  282
  282
  282
  282)?
  161
  161
  161
  161 ‘I see you demand more and rightly so. You deserve to know your present fate.’ Rhiannon
  rings like a bell through the night and wouldn’t you love to love her? With wavering hands
  tracing mystic patterns above the centre card, she suddenly descends like a falcon seizing a
  rabbit and flips the card over. It is ‘The Pilgrim’. ‘Ah, yes. Your loss,’ she sighs. ‘Your transport
  has been stolen. No – don’t jump up without knowing your future. Perchance the Scales of
  Fortune will balance out this day. Let us see…’ Go to 173
  173
  173
  173 and learn what is in store.
  162
  162
  162
  162 The driver takes out a key and undoes the padlock to the warehouse so that the carriage
  can go inside. Then, once the door is shut and secured again, he takes off his cloak and hat.
  
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  Long, lustrous red locks tumble free and the beautiful face of an elven maiden is revealed. You
  can watch to see what she does (go to 193
  193
  193
  193) or you can call out to her (go to 217
  217
  217
  217).
  163
  163
  163
  163 Next you meet a man who will swap a sealed envelope
  (which he claims contains very valuable information but which
  he simply can’t bring himself to use) for a gold coin, a weapon or
  even a quick massage. His name, he tells you, is Larry Grayson
  and he impresses upon you the importance of shutting doors. If
  you want to take his envelope go to 174
  174
  174
  174; if you prefer to push on
  down unknown avenues and burlesque boulevards, well, that’s
  your unalienable
  right as a free player character in
  this
  increasingly PC world we live in (go to 17
  17
  17
  17).
  164
  164
  164
  164 The driver fumbles with a padlock and gets the carriage
  inside the warehouse. Do you want to try to slip inside before the
  door is shut again (go to 275
  275
  275
  275) or do you want to stay outside and
  maybe try to pick the lock later (go to 290
  290
  290
  290)?
  165
  165
  165
  165 ‘Suit yourself. It’s a nice ring and I wouldn’t give it to any
  codger that came stumbling down a tunnel to meet a troll. Tell
  you what – take or fight. That’s fair, I’d say!’ If you want to fight
  go back to 144
  144
  144
  144 and see it through; if you want to take the ring
  then go to 151
  151
  151
  151 ; if you want to run away flapping like a chicken
  go back to 144
  144
  144
  144 and run like the wind!
  166
  166
  166
  166 Lord Monty will never make a doctor although his father was, setting the Caerthaeph’t all-
  time record for most healthy patients lost in a waiting room. You need a L2 SR on LK to survive.
  If you succeed go to 115
  115
  115
  115 for a rest; if you fail you are flung in fairly lifeless form at the city gates
  – if you make a SR on CON you revive and may continue at 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B.
  167
  167
  167
  167 The geezers start chucking, of all things, shurikens at you. They have a penchant for sushi
  and sumo too. Make a L2 SR on DEX and you get away un-shuirkened to 17; fail and you get
  him by either one or two death stars (SR on LK for just one, they get 3d6 each). Die and you
  close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book. Then you have to make a SR on DEX to get away to 17
  17
  17
  17 - again a LK SR or two
  rather than one shurikens embed themselves in your flesh. After two huzzes of razor sharp steel
  the geezers give up the game and leave you to it. You can follow them – go to 191
  191
  191
  191 - or pursue
  the nearest lane away from them – go to 17
  17
  17
  17.
  168
  168
  168
  168 Miss Money Sterling’s father is frightfully rich and she has the nicest, dandiest chariot in
  town (well, she did but it has just been stolen). However, she has no bedside manner that will
  help you here. You need a L2 SR on LK to survive. If you succeed go to 115
  115
  115
  115 for a rest; if you fail
  you are flung in fairly lifeless form at the city gates – if you make a SR on CON you revive and
  may continue at 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B.
  
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  169
  169
  169
  169 You find the head troll honcho, Halla embroiled in a discussion about the potential value of
  a transport monopoly here in Caerthaeph’t with another troll, clearly male but introduced as
  ‘Susan’. Susan does not seem pleased at the interruption.
  ‘Awww, no!” he slaps his head with thunderous reverberation. ‘Now I’ll have to start again and
  I’d never got passed a million before…one, elephant…two, elephant…three, elephant…’ Halla
  shows no sympathy – he needs to maintain a ‘tough boss’ reputation – and beckons you to go
  somewhere with him for ‘a good time’. Go to 294
  294
  294
  294.
  170
  170
  170
  170 Lord Snot is squeamish and faints at the first sight of blood which is unfortunate as it is
  your blood. You need a L2 SR on LK to survive. If you succeed go to 115
  115
  115
  115 for a rest; if you fail
  you are flung in fairly lifeless form at the city gates – if you make a SR on CON you revive and
  may continue at 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B.
  171
  171
  171
  171 If you will now wait go to 115
  115
  115
  115; if you would try the door again go to 117
  117
  117
  117.
  172
  172
  172
  172 Mr. Kendall Mintcake just bought both of Caerthaeph’t’s political parties this morning – he
  thought there would be plenty of jelly and ice cream. That sort of misjudgement does not qualify
  him to wield the knife over your supine form. You need a L2 SR on LK to survive. If you succeed
  go to 115
  115
  115
  115 for a rest; if you fail you are flung in fairly lifeless disfiguration at the city gates – if you
  make a SR on CON you revive and may continue at 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B.
  173
  173
  173
  173 Make a SR on LK. If you fail, Rhiannon turns over ‘The Exterminator’, looks at you in
  horror and drops stone cold dead on the floor. The City Watch is called and you are bundled off
  to the City Gaol for interrogation. Go to 182
  182
  182
  182. If you make the SR Rhiannon turns over ‘The
  Hypnotist’. ‘So,’ she exhales, ‘you will have the power! It has been awakened! From this
  moment on, once each day you will have the power to hypnotise another if you focus aright. Use
  your ability wisely and you will surely gain dominions and live long in the tales of bards!’ With
  that she blows out her candles and ushers you away. This power works if you make a SR on
  CHR. Now you may go seek other entertainments in the tavern (go to 100
  100
  100
  100) or you may leave (go
  to 231
  231
  231
  231).
  174
  174
  174
  174 Larry’s envelope contains an invitation to ‘Halla’s Den of Amusement’. The card has a
  luminous, coruscating design that hypnotises anyone seeing it with WIZ less than 1,000 to
  gleefully accept and scuttle off following the directions on the back. ‘Shut that door,’ Larry calls
  out as you motor off in pursuit of amusement. Go to 48
  48
  48
  48.
  176
  176
  176
  176 Watchman Livingstone is not quick to catch on but if you made the INT SR he is very
  grateful and seems to remember the vowels at least. ‘Ah!’ he exclaims. Then ‘Ee’, followed by
  ‘Aye’, ‘Oh’ and ‘OO?’ Then again they could have been attempts at making conversation. Happy
  to be able to take off the dunce’s hat Stanley makes him wear when he doesn’t get off the
  scholastic starting blocks, Ken gives you a card with an address scribbled on it. ‘Shouldn’t do
  this but you’ve been a pal. Go see Arfa and tell him Newbie sent you. He’s a diamond geezer,
  Arfa.’ After a bit too much of Stanley’s exotic cooking, you leave. You can follow Ken’s tip and
  go to 181
  181
  181
  181 or you can pick your won way through Caerthaeph’t at random (go to 17
  17
  17
  17). And make a
  
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  CON SR against the tripe and jellied eels combo – fail and you are at half STR for the next five
  paragraphs.
  179
  179
  179
  179 ‘Splendid, simply splendid!’ cries the ecstatic Lord Lawkes. ‘Why, I like this new fellow,
  he’s quite a card. I say, Blenky, old bean – take him down to the cellars and release Roger! This
  chap can take his place in our jolly wheeze. He looks much
  more dashing than old Roger!’ With that ringing endorsement,
  Blenkinsop will take you to the cellars unless you want to bolt.
  You can have 150 APs for surviving the game regardless.
  If you will allow yourself to be escorted to the cellars go to 185
  185
  185
  185;
  if you want to make a break for freedom go to 190
  190
  190
  190.
  180
  180
  180
  180 Blenkinsop takes careful aim and shoots. Make a L3 SR
  on CON or LK as you prefer. Success means that the
  concussive shot just knocked you out and your limp body gets
  dumped at the city gates – go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B.
  Fail and your dead. It’s that simple. That
  That
  That
  That would
  would
  would
  would mean
  mean
  mean
  mean book
  book
  book
  book
  closing
  closing
  closing
  closing time
  time
  time
  time.
  181
  181
  181
  181 You are admitted to a well dodgy warehouse by a gang
  of dubious scallies covered with tattoos and body piercings. Their leader is the craftily conniving
  and cockily charming Arfa Daly. Arfa looks at the card Ken gave to you and claps you on the
  back noisily. ‘E’s alright, lads. Kennie the Kilt sent ‘im, ‘e did. We need another likely lad now
  that Wozzer’s gone and swallowed his tongue. Come on, sunshine, give us yer arm and we’ll be
  blood bruvvers, you and yer Uncle Arfa.’
  He gets out a knife that has seen many a misuse, quite clearly. Go to 136
  136
  136
  136.
  182
  182
  182
  182 At the Big House on the Hill, the face of law and order is not remotely interested in some
  dodgy clairvoyant shuffling off this mortal coil. ‘They’re a dime a dozen!’ he dismissively states.
  ‘I’ve got a hot potato here – missing vehicles all over town. What do you know? Was it you? Did
  you see anything? Come and have a look at the crew we’ve just picked up on suspicion’.
  Maybe it’s just as well the policeman has other matters at hand. Go to 204
  204
  204
  204.
  183
  183
  183
  183 Tik-Tok proves to be a crocodile which has swallowed a very noisy clock. He is rather
  befuddled these days because, having spent many a happy year pursuing the fabled pirate
  Captain Hook, the latter was let off the hook when the crocodile was transported by a drunken
  Wizard-God to Khaghtch’an two months ago. Chas and Dave have been training him to pursue
  and bite the legs off rich folks that they can pick their pockets at their leisure. Another cunning
  plan worthy of many a fine turnip. The cocky pair securely chain your arms and then free your
  legs so that you can properly test Tik-Tok. They fill your pockets with 50 GPs to rev him up.
  
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  You need to make a SR on SPD and go to 192
  192
  192
  192.
  184
  184
  184
  184 ‘Release the war hamsters!’ the butler yells. A loud voice from deep within the mansion
  shouts back, ‘What was that? Release Roger?’ ‘NO1’ the butler answers hastily. ‘He’s still got
  work to do with Thamthon the Thaducee Thtrangler from Thamaria. I said ‘Release the war
  hamsters – and clean the wax out of your ears while you’re at it. We are rich enough o have
  candle holders – we don’t need you to insert them aurally!’ With that sorted out you may go to
  play with the war hamsters at 130
  130
  130
  130.
  185
  185
  185
  185 Down in the cobwebbed cellars where all the really good vintages are kept at perfect
  temperature, Blenkinsop tells a scraggly chap with a straggly beard and unkempt hair that he
  can go roam freely in the streets of Caerthaeph’t as the master no longer requires his services
  for the caper previously assigned to his care. Roger blinks unbelievingly and then runs upstairs
  squealing happily about crucifixions. Blenkinsop opens the hinged top of a wine cask revealing
  stairs leading downwards. In he goes, clearly expecting you to follow. You can do just that (go to
  159
  159
  159
  159) or bugger off after Roger (go to 180
  180
  180
  180).
  186
  186
  186
  186 Make a SR on SPD. If you make it you explode out of the mansion, rush across the lawns
  knocking over croquet hoops (you can have a mallet if you like – it’s a 2d6 weapon) and out on
  to a mean street where mean people lurk. You warily follow two men trudging along, thinking
  there might be safety in numbers. Better than appearing to be alone anyway. Go to 189
  189
  189
  189. If you
  failed the SPD SR the butler shoves you unceremoniously through a doorway as you try to
  escape through an adjacent window. You have no choice but step into the room beyond. Go to
  93
  93
  93
  93.
  
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  187
  187
  187
  187 The drinks have been teleported in from all over Khaghtch’an and beyond (they are not
  shipped in because the seas around this continent are filled wit krakens): you have a choice of
  Ogre Advocat, Minotaur Meths, Zombie Sambuca, Vampire Vodka, Wizard Wine, Balrog Bitter,
  Lamia Lager and many other strange brews (Lord Lawkes likes his liquor to be alliterative).
  Make the best SR you can on LK. A critical fumble means the drink rots your guts instantly –
  close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book; failing L1 means you make a mess and vomit and are dumped semi-comatose
  at the city gates (go to 1111); success at L1 means any CON loss is restored; success at L2 allows
  you to add 1d6 to an attribute of your choice; success at L3 or higher means you add 1d6 to two
  random attributes. Provided that you could hold your liquor you may now meet his Lordship. Go
  to 123
  123
  123
  123.
  188
  188
  188
  188 There are no flies on you! Or little bitey devils. You have thwarted Very Painful Death and
  fully deserve the 200 APs bundled up and coming your way. What next for VPD’s conqueror?
  Well, I don’t know the future but I can see two rough looking blokes sizing you up and they
  probably don’t mean to send you to a tailor for a made to measure suit. A box maybe. Go to 189
  189
  189
  189.
  189
  189
  189
  189 Once they are at the opening to an alley on the right with piles of garbage strewn across
  the road, they turn and come towards you, whistling cheerily as they approach. ‘Nice night for a
  bit of villainy, ain’t it Dave?’ the first says. ‘Your not wrong in your summation, Chas! I fink we
  got ourselves a playmate,’ his shaggily bearded partner in crime nods. Go to 90
  90
  90
  90.
  190
  190
  190
  190 Make a L4 SR on LK. If you succeed you getaway. It’s a miracle. Blenkinsop shoots all the
  other guests trying to pick you off. You have to take the back alleys and it’s not much safer out
  there than it was in here. Go to 17
  17
  17
  17. If you failed the SR go to 180
  180
  180
  180.
  191
  191
  191
  191 Make a SR on the average of INT, LK and DEX (we’ll call that stealth). They don’t like
  being tailed, these two, and they weren’t born yesterday. If you make the SR you see that they
  have spotted you and you can run inside the Eviscerated Nag Tavern (go to 100
  100
  100
  100) or high tail it
  back to the city gates (go to 1111) unless you want to let them catch you in which case read on to
  find out what they do to people who follow them and don’t do it very well... If you don’t spot them
  spotting you then you get spotted with their fists which beat out a steady rhythm of pain. So
  many brain cells are lost that you lose 1 or 2 points of INT (odds or evens). Go to 143
  143
  143
  143.
  192
  192
  192
  192 Did you outpace the ticking saurian? If you did he’s quite ticked off now. If not he bites
  your legs off and you die, played out by honky tonk piano tunes the Keystone Cops would
  doubtless enjoy cavorting to. Close
  Close
  Close
  Close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book if you are now legless – and bloodless. If you
  made it you must now make a SR on DEX to stay clear off his mashing molars. Fail and you’re
  gone. Succeed and your captors decide to give Tik-Tok a tea break, tossing him a fresh snerg.
  Then they turn to each other and think about giving you a break. Make a SR on CHR and go to
  195
  195
  195
  195.
  193
  193
  193
  193 She moves lithely, as silent as a panther, returning to the carriage to tend to the horses.
  Without warning she spins and throws a cloud of yellow, bitter smelling powder directly where
  
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  you are hiding. Make L2 SRs on LK, CON, DEX and SPD. If you make them all go to 277
  277
  277
  277; if not
  go to 285
  285
  285
  285.
  194
  194
  194
  194 Make a SR on LK. If you fail the trail takes you to 17
  17
  17
  17. If you make it you find
  yourself watching a driver parking a carriage outside a rundown warehouse.
  There’s no sign of your sledge. If you want to investigate the warehouse go to
  164
  164
  164
  164; if you want to make your way back to the city gates which are handily
  signposted go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B.
  195
  195
  195
  195 If you failed they give you a break – your left arm to be precise. Then
  they put you in a wheelbarrow, cover you with manure and take you to the
  city gates where they dump you. Take 100 APs, lose 1d6 CON and go to
  1B
  1B
  1B
  1B. If you make the CHR SR they stroke their chins, one stubbly to the
  extent that the owner of the thumb winces, the other bushily bearded so
  that the luckier owner is not surprised when he pulls out a plum. This
  stroking duly done they offer you the chance of joining their gang of second
  rate chancers. When I say ‘offer’ I mean of course that they insist. They
  take you down a stairway they reveal by shifting the crocodile’s kennel (it’s
  only sleeping dogs you have to let lie and the crocodile is very honest
  anyway). Go to 200
  200
  200
  200 where you will hear of their master plan.
  196
  196
  196
  196 The butcher’s wife, Cruella de Chopper, likes a bit of fun and
  games now that Woody isn’t so keen on hanky panky. She waits for you to come round in her
  bedroom and then grabs some meat with a crushing grip. The she tells you that you have
  precisely three seconds (three is as far as she can count when she’s been on the ethanol) to
  jump through her bedroom window. Go to 62
  62
  62
  62.
  197
  197
  197
  197 If you failed you were dropped and what you failed by indicates the number of d6’s of
  damage you must suffer. If the fall killed you let’s assume you were impaled on railings and then
  you can close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book. If you failed but did not die (and I am afraid a critical fumble means the
  railings did more than spike your drinks) you may limp your way through ever unfriendlier streets
  as the monkey lawman doesn’t care for droppings – go to 17
  17
  17
  17 if you fell and live. If you were
  dropped, Gringling Gibbons gets you safe and sound to the city dungeons where he hands you
  over to its Warden, Jim Panzee. Go to 202
  202
  202
  202.
  198
  198
  198
  198 When Woody sees what you have done he claps you on the back and kisses you heartily.
  ‘Ding dong, the witch is dead!’ he cries and dances on her corpse as she does not yet have a
  grave. He offers you an equal partnership in the shop. If you accept, take 100 APs and eke out
  your living in Caerthaeph’t, a city of dubious distinction. You may double cross Woody and seek
  to eliminate him. You would still get the APs but need to make a SR on LK for him not to twig,
  turn the tables and murder you. He likes a bit of murdering, does Woody. If you get to be sole
  proprietor of ‘Offal Offcuts Butchery you make enough money to hire some help and so you can
  go back to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B and explore the city so more rather than closing the book.
  198A
  198A
  198A
  198A As the sole proprietor of ‘Offal Offcuts Butchery’ you may either grow fat on the business
  profits although there may be lean times ahead or you may hire Offal Eddie to mind the shop
  
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  while you go off adventuring. Either close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book or go back to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B. Either way you gain 100
  APs.
  199
  199
  199
  199 You have been apprehended by an office of the law
  who, judging by his arms, must have simian parentage.
  In fact, Gringling Gibbons was swinging from tree to tree
  not so long ago, master of vines and creepers, but a
  capricious and bored Wizard-God gave him a brain and
  face transplant and set him up with a badge and a job in
  Caerthaeph’t. Now he has to take you to the dungeons,
  there to wait trial by were-kangaroos, a methodology
  they
  have
  found
  ensures
  99.9%
  of
  cases
  end
  in
  conviction. He does not march you but tucks you under
  one muscular arm and leaps for a flag pole and traverses
  Caerthaeph’t from on high. Make a SR on LK to see if he
  drops you and go to 197
  197
  197
  197.
  200
  200
  200
  200 ‘We’re going to get rich and you’re going to make us rich. You’ve been cursed and you
  didn’t feel a thing! Come on, we’ll show you what you’ve got to do.’ Chas and Dave lead you
  firmly but not hurtfully along an uninviting maze of labyrinthine passages. As you follow the lads
  you begin to realise that if they were to disappear it is very doubtful that you would be able to
  find your way out of here in a hurry. Fortunately they have plans that involve you at the core.
  Eventually you come to a glowing door with runes etched into the burnished wood. The runes
  mean nothing to you except for one: the letter ‘K’. The pulses emanating from them leave you in
  no doubt that magic is at work here. Dave speaks now, softly but urgently. ‘You’ve been cursed
  now, just like I said. You must serve the owner of this house as long as he remains within the
  house. We own this place and we’ve got no intention of leaving until you’ve passed through this
  door, accepted the risk behind it and returned to hear the work need you to do for us. We’re
  gonna leave you now. Enter exactly one minute after we’ve gone. We’ll come back for you and
  give you the low down.’ With that said, Chas and Dave leave.
  If you do as they say go to 301
  301
  301
  301; if you do otherwise go to 313
  313
  313
  313.
  201
  201
  201
  201 You can read 199 to find out about the creature that nabbed you then read on from here.
  Gringling Gibbons gets 8d6 plus 35 combat adds
  and if he rolls two sixes on his combat dice he
  manages to insert a banana in a random orifice of
  his
  opponent.
  The
  bananas
  he
  carries
  are
  explosive – think Hell Bomb Bursts – so they would
  kill you very messily and you would need to close
  close
  close
  close
  the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book. If he knocks your CON down to a value
  between zero and minus nine, you will be saved by
  a passing Wizard-God if you make a SR on LK
  (then you would be dumped, fully healed, at 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B). If
  you kill the anthropoid cop you can take 100 APs
  
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  but you need to get away from the crime scene pronto. Racing down mean, dirty streets you
  emerge at 17
  17
  17
  17.
  202
  202
  202
  202 There’s a one in a thousand chance you won’t be convicted so Jim doesn’t fret none about
  the squalor of your cell. He scratches under his arm thoughtfully then tells you that you might
  have to wait a while for your day in court because they ate all the were-kangaroos last week, A
  Caerthaeph’t tradition at this time of year. The he leaves you to play with the rats and to
  contemplate the bucket in the corner, your only form of entertainment. Fortunately for you an
  observing Wizard-God decides you don’t really belong here and so he teleports you to
  Khaboom where you may find you are offered a job. Take 150 APs and close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book. You
  will find the job at hand by purchasing ‘Jailbait
  Jailbait
  Jailbait
  Jailbait –––– Hero
  Hero
  Hero
  Hero For
  For
  For
  For Hire
  Hire
  Hire
  Hire’ for $1.99 at Drive Thru RPG. It
  is published by Khaghbboommm
  Khaghbboommm
  Khaghbboommm
  Khaghbboommm Press
  Press
  Press
  Press of course.
  203
  203
  203
  203 The uruk on the oche pulls his shot as you approach, hitting the biggest member of the
  players in the foot. This does not please Hoppy, as his now so aptly named, and he glares at
  you before demanding that you apologise. Make a SR on INT and go to 222
  222
  222
  222.
  204
  204
  204
  204 Officer Dribble asks you to look carefully at the suspects assembled and say now if you
  can positively identify any of these suspects as the thief. He tells you that there have been a lot
  of reports of carriages, carts, wagons and even wheelbarrows disappearing in Caerthaeph’t
  recently and these suspects should be off the street anyway. If you can identify the thief (or
  claim to) go to 206
  206
  206
  206; if you say you really didn’t see any of those in the line taking your vehicle go
  to 210
  210
  210
  210.
  205
  205
  205
  205 The wild-eyed gypsy looks up and gazes
  penetratingly into your eyes as you sit in front of her.
  She undoes two buttons at the neck of her high laced
  dress
  and
  sprays
  a
  musky
  perfume
  over
  her
  décolletage. ‘Show Rhiannon your palm, my beauty,’
  she croons. ‘Ooh, your lifeline is so strong, so good,
  so promising.’ How much will you
  give her to
  continue? If it is less than 10 gold go to 226
  226
  226
  226; if it is
  between 10 and 50 go to 228
  228
  228
  228; if it is more than 50 go
  to 230
  230
  230
  230.
  206
  206
  206
  206 Who are you going to finger? Go to 212
  212
  212
  212 for the
  witchy woman, go to 214
  214
  214
  214 for the black magic woman,
  go to 216
  216
  216
  216 for the evil woman or go to 218
  218
  218
  218 for the duck.
  207
  207
  207
  207 “The minimum bet is 10 gold,’ the dealer barks as you pull up a chair and join the card
  circle. He has an eye patch, a hook instead of a left hand and there is a parrot on his shoulder.
  If you want to be dealt in go to 232
  232
  232
  232; otherwise go to 100
  100
  100
  100 and choose another diversion or leave
  the tavern. If you leave go to 231
  231
  231
  231.
  
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  208
  208
  208
  208 Make a SR on CHR. If you fail they’re up for a fight – go to 268
  268
  268
  268; if you make it they meekly
  surrender – if you accept their hands on heads gesture of submission go to 263
  263
  263
  263; if you steam in
  regardless go to 268
  268
  268
  268.
  209
  209
  209
  209 A skeleton pours a shot of absinthe down his gullet, gulps, glugs, gargles and gurgles,
  before passing the bottle to you. You see on the label that this oft times banned tipple is 113%
  proof. If you sink your tot of grog like a trooper go to 234
  234
  234
  234; otherwise go to 100
  100
  100
  100 and choose
  another diversion or leave the tavern. If you leave go to 231
  231
  231
  231.
  210
  210
  210
  210 The lawman frowns. ‘Well,’ he says ponderously, ‘I’d better ask the duck then. You swap
  places.’ The duck waddles over and eager young constables make sure you stand in the line.
  ‘Quack,’ says the duck. ‘Really?’ says Officer Dribble. “An insurance fraud, I suppose. Well then,
  take him away, lads.’ The eager constables frog march you into the courtroom where Judge
  Dreadlocks is presiding. Go to 220
  220
  220
  220.
  211
  211
  211
  211 Del and Rodders immediately leap into the sledge and give your ass a whack. The donkey
  brays angrily and rockets off down the street. Make a SR on SPD. If you make it go to 271
  271
  271
  271; if
  you fail go to 273
  273
  273
  273.
  212
  212
  212
  212 Eagle’s eyes lock onto yours and a psychic battle begins. Calculate combat adds on WIZ,
  INT, LK and CHR. The witchy woman gets 3d6 for these attributes. You both get 2d6 DARO for
  this magical mental struggle, the difference between the two scores coming off INT (but do not
  recalculate adds when INT drops). When the battle is over go to 223
  223
  223
  223.
  213
  213
  213
  213 ‘Don’t make us laugh, mate!’ says Dave. ‘I bleeding ‘ate laughing, I do,’ says Chas. Then
  they collapse into chortles of mirth streaked with murder and mutilation. If you still want to fight
  go to 221
  221
  221
  221 otherwise hop it with rapidity - go to 167
  167
  167
  167.
  214
  214
  214
  214 Santana’s eyes lock onto yours and a psychic battle begins. Calculate combat adds on
  WIZ, INT, LK and CHR. The black magic woman gets 4d6 for these attributes. You both get 2d6
  DARO for this magical mental struggle, the difference between the two scores coming off INT
  (but do not recalculate adds when INT drops).
  When the battle is over go to 223
  223
  223
  223.
  215
  215
  215
  215 You find yourself blinded by bright lights and when you finally blink some meaning into
  your battered eyes you find yourself on a stage before an audience of grinning trolls, drinking
  heartily and generally making merry. The rough hands that pushed you here command you in
  an ugly, barbarous accent, thick with anticipation, to ‘sing, dance or pull rabbits from anywhere
  you can’. You realise that it is show time and that you are the main act. You can start performing
  (go to 272
  272
  272
  272) or protest, refuse and otherwise risk the ire of the paying customers (go to 276
  276
  276
  276).
  216
  216
  216
  216 Elo’s eyes lock onto yours and a psychic battle begins. Calculate combat adds on WIZ,
  INT, LK and CHR. The evil woman gets 5d6 for these attributes. You both get 2d6 DARO for
  
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  this magical mental struggle, the difference between the two scores coming off INT (but do not
  recalculate adds when INT drops).
  When the battle is over go to 223
  223
  223
  223.
  217
  217
  217
  217 A voice as melodious as the face is entrancing hushes you by placing a finger on her full,
  rosy lips. ‘I knew you were there,’ she whispers. ‘I was testing to see what you would do. Come
  in here with me,’ she goes on, pointing to the warehouse. ‘I’ve got something I’d like to show
  you if you’ve a mind for business.’ You can go through the door she is opening again, ask her
  more questions or seek to overpower her. For the first go to 265
  265
  265
  265; for the second go to 274
  274
  274
  274; for
  the third go to 281
  281
  281
  281.
  218
  218
  218
  218 The duck quacks plaintively. Officer Dribble decides the best thing
  to do is to tie you both to the ducking stool and see who can stay under
  the icy water longest. Howard gets 3d6 for CON and you both must
  make progressively higher CON SRs with failure meaning you pass
  out, with damage equaling whatever the roll is missed by. When the
  battle is over go to 224
  224
  224
  224.
  219
  219
  219
  219 If you made the SR on CON these two likely lads give you a nod
  of grudging respect before they stop mucking about and describe in
  glorious technicolour the seeing to they’re going to give you (go to 321
  321
  321
  321
  – as you do if you failed the CON SR except that there are a million
  stars going super nova before your eyes, there are kettle drums
  playing in your head and you don’t get any respect from Chas,
  Dave or Aretha).
  220
  220
  220
  220 The judge is busy swishing her hair about, knocking over a glass
  of water and hitting the usher rather stingingly in the teeth. ‘Let me see
  the accused,’ Judge Dreadlocks demands in stentorian tones.
  ‘Alas, we have no kangaroos at the moment to make up the jury
  so we will employ those upright citizens you had lined up outside,
  Office Dribble.’ Dribble fetches the witchy woman, the black magic
  woman, the evil woman and the duck and sits in the jury box himself. ‘Quite right, Officer,’ the
  judge comments. ‘We can have a deadlock now can we? Or do I mean dreadlock?’ The aroma
  of herbs is evident in the courtroom as the judge drifts off into a trance. When she stirs she says,
  ‘Obviously this is a hanging offence if the prisoner in the dock is guilty. Let’s not beat about the
  bush – jurors, the evidence is writ plain on the accused’s face: make up your minds, innocent –
  as if! – or guilty? Thumbs up or down, if you please!’ Make a SR on CHR for the first juror, the
  witchy woman, and go to 225
  225
  225
  225.
  221
  221
  221
  221 The two hairy blokes stick their chins out and tell you to take a pop. If you want to take a
  swing at Dave go to 320
  320
  320
  320; if you throw a left hook at Chas go to 325
  325
  325
  325.
  
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  222
  222
  222
  222 If you made the INT SR you know that it is foolish to apologise in such circumstances.
  Instead you hurl another dart at Hoppy’s other foot and get invited to play in the game. Go to
  236
  236
  236
  236. If you failed the INT SR you are not well versed in urukish etiquette and your abject
  apology sees you pinned to the dart board by two hulking brutes while Hoppy lines you up. Go
  to 238
  238
  238
  238.
  223
  223
  223
  223 If you INT went to less than minus 10 you are brain dead and you should close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book
  except that you are no longer capable of that. If you lost the psychic combat it is you who is put
  on trial – go to 220
  220
  220
  220. If you won take APs to the tune of 50 times the number of dice your
  opponent got for her attributes. It is the woman who goes on trial and you are given an invitation
  to dinner at one of Caerthaeph’t’s most illustrious citizen’s gloriously splendid mansion this
  evening. Go to 115
  115
  115
  115 and enjoy the company of Lord Lawkes and his guests.
  224
  224
  224
  224 If you CON went to less than minus 10 you are as dead as the dodo and you should close
  close
  close
  close
  the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book. If your CON is between zero and minus 9 inclusive you are revived with a wet kipper
  and dumped at the city gates – go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B. If you won take APs to the tune of 10 times the duck’s
  CON and you get to eat the duck for lunch. You are given a ticket for a spectacular show at
  Halla’s ‘Den of Amusement’ this evening. Go to 48
  48
  48
  48 and enjoy the entertainment.
  225
  225
  225
  225 Roll 4d6 for the witchy woman’s CHR then make her SR. Her name is Eagle you learn. If
  she makes a higher level than you she gives you the thumbs down. Now go to 227
  227
  227
  227.
  226
  226
  226
  226 Why so ungenerous, good sir? I have a roof to keep over my head and would turn to other,
  less savoury, means of making ends meet. Will you not increase your donation to my
  wellbeing?’ She bats her heavily mascara’d eyelids and pursues her full, ruby lips appealingly. If
  you increase the money offered to between 10 and 50 gold go to 228
  228
  228
  228; if you up the ante to more
  than 50 go to 230
  230
  230
  230; if you tell her to be grateful and get on with it go to 240
  240
  240
  240.
  227
  227
  227
  227 Roll 5d6 for the black magic woman’s CHR then make her SR. Her name is Santana you
  learn. If she makes a higher level than you she gives you the thumbs down. Now go to 229
  229
  229
  229.
  228
  228
  228
  228 The Mistress of Future Fate flashes pearly white teeth and rubs her hands together briskly
  before clicking her fingers in staccato rhythm. Cascading down from the ceiling come paisley
  backed playing cards, stacking themselves neatly before her. Rhiannon takes them and deals
  three before you without shuffling them. She points first to the left hand card, then the middle
  and finally the right. ‘This is your past, this your present and this your future.’ With a pause, she
  breathes out purple mist which swirls about you sweetly, obscuring the view of any nosey
  neighbours. Then with ringed fingers flashing in the candle light and bangles jangling musically,
  she begins to turn the cards over one by one. Go to 153
  153
  153
  153 and learn what is written in the stars
  and revealed in the cards.
  229
  229
  229
  229 Roll 6d6 for the evil woman’s CHR then make her SR. Her name is Elo you learn. If she
  makes a higher level than you she gives you the thumbs down. Now go to 233
  233
  233
  233.
  
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  230
  230
  230
  230 ‘I may not be able to tell your future tomorrow but I can today – you’ve got more money
  than sense, you have!’ With that shrewd observation the gypsy cries out to everyone else in the
  tavern that there are rich pickings at her table. Suddenly you could hear a pin drop. All eyes
  swivel and rest on you, covetously. Do you want to buy everyone in the bar a drink (go to 252
  252
  252
  252),
  tough it out and preen and posture (go to 256
  256
  256
  256) or jump through the nearest window (go to 262
  262
  262
  262)?
  231
  231
  231
  231 Tarnation! Your ‘wheels’ have gone – not a sign of them. You have three choices: make
  your way back on foot to the city gates (go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B), wander the ever meaner back passages of
  Caerthaeph’t (go to 17
  17
  17
  17) or report this theft to an officer of the law who happens to be passing by,
  cracking an old fellow on the noggin with his truncheon (go to 98
  98
  98
  98).
  232
  232
  232
  232 The One-Eyed Jack’s hands move in a blur and cards are spewed out in front of each
  player. One by one the other players fold, grumbling about walking under ladders, breaking
  mirrors and being stalked by black cats – a rough smelling minotaur bellows that he can’t
  believe he can be so unlucky as to be dealt five aces, asking ‘when, oh, when’ will he get some
  big cards. Make SRs on INT, LK and CHR and go to 242
  242
  242
  242.
  233
  233
  233
  233 Roll 3d6 for the duck’s LK then make its SR. It’s name is Howard you learn. Now make
  your SR on LK. If it makes a higher level than you she gives you the thumbs down. Now go to
  235
  235
  235
  235.
  234
  234
  234
  234 Make a SR on the average of your WIZ and your CON. If you fail your knees buckle and
  you begin to fall – go to 246
  246
  246
  246. If you succeed you find the aperitif most stimulating. The skellies
  down another shot each and offer another to you. If you think better of it you can leave (go to
  231
  231
  231
  231), go back to the bar and find another pastime (go to 100
  100
  100
  100) but if you match them in their cups
  go to 244
  244
  244
  244.
  235
  235
  235
  235 Officer Dribble turns his thumb down quickly. Count up the votes. If the majority are
  against you go to 237
  237
  237
  237; if more thumbs were up than down go to 239
  239
  239
  239.
  236
  236
  236
  236 This is the best of nine sets of three darts. Hoppy will take you on – he looks nervous
  jumping from foot to foot on the oche but it’s just the infection growing in his foot where the dart
  went in. Roll 4d6 for his DEX. Roll 2d6 DARO for him then you nine times, keeping track of the
  score. The highest after twenty seven darts is the winner. If you win go to 241
  241
  241
  241; if Hoppy is the
  better player go to 243
  243
  243
  243.
  
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  237
  237
  237
  237 Judge Dreadlock dons a black cap and sentences you to death. You are brought before
  the judge who whacks you on the head with her gavel. Take 1d6 damage. Everything goes
  black…but you do wake up…at 17
  17
  17
  17.
  238
  238
  238
  238 Hoppy aims for your nose. He’s rather irate and that makes him less accurate fortunately
  for you. You can find his DEX with just 3d6 instead of the normal 4d6. He gets just one shot. If
  he makes L1 SR on DEX or better he gets your nose and you take 1d6 damage then the uruks
  let you go with a kick in the pants (go to 100
  100
  100
  100 if you want to spend more time in the tavern or to
  231
  231
  231
  231 if you want to leave).
  If Hoppy rolls a critical fumble he misses you completely - the uruks laugh and release you. If he
  misses L1 without a CF then he hits you somewhere else. Go to 245
  245
  245
  245 and find out where.
  239
  239
  239
  239 ‘Pity,’ the judge observes icily. ‘We’ll let you off with a fine then. No, on second thoughts,
  you can make a will and leave everything to me.’ Once the will is signed, the eager young
  constables take you to the city gates and leave you there. The witchy woman, the black magic
  woman and the evil woman all blow you kisses as you go. If you make a SR on WIZ for each
  kiss you gain 1d6/2 to STR, CON and CHR respectively; if you fail, you lose 1d6/2 from those
  attributes. The duck quacks placidly at you and gives you a knowing wink. It is not a world of its
  choosing either. Now go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B.
  240
  240
  240
  240 Rhiannon looks startled at your brusque manner, rather like a woman taken by the wind.
  ‘Keep your hair on,’ she whispers. ‘If that’s all you think knowing the future is worth go through
  that curtain and my dear friend, Mystic Meg, will see to you. Off you go, don’t dawdle, I’ve got
  proper paying customers to attend to. Look! Here come’s Fleetwood the Giant now.’ Making
  way for the giant and his inseparable friend Mac, you go to 251
  251
  251
  251.
  241
  241
  241
  241 Hoppy is a sore loser and takes you outside for a fist fight. No
  weapons allowed, his mates see to that. He gets 2d6 DARO plus 10,
  you get 2d6 DARO plus your combat adds. All damage is stun damage.
  If you are beaten unconscious take 1d6 damage to CON – you wake up
  at 1111; if your punches put him out for the count you get 100 APs and
  can take his money pouch which has 5d6 GPs within – either go
  back inside (go to 100
  100
  100
  100) or leave (go to 231
  231
  231
  231).
  242
  242
  242
  242 There’s just you and the dealer left in the game. The
  minotaur tells you that every night he vows never to play
  again with a luck-thief but every morning he wakes up
  unfortunate enough to forget his vow. As the bullman speaks, One-Eyed
  Jack fingers the throbbing ring in his left ear lobe. Make a SR on LK. If
  you fail you lose one point of LK and he grins broadly. If you make it he
  scowls and hawks into an overflowing spittoon that doubles as a plunge
  pool for the paralytic. Go to 247
  247
  247
  247.
  
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  243
  243
  243
  243 Hoppy enjoys winning and insists on buying you drinks. He sees the skeletons at the bar
  downing shots like there’s no tomorrow and pays for you to join them. Go to 209
  209
  209
  209.
  244
  244
  244
  244 One of the skeletons pats his tummy and calls
  out to his friend’s for a bottle of the hard stuff. You
  can see the absinthe cascading down his throat and
  spiralling through his guts. ‘Sure thing, Clavicle – you
  got it!’ His girlfriend hands him a bottle of clear spirit.
  It smokes when he uncorks it. ‘Thanks, Ulna. Don’t
  think the twins should touch this stuff!’ The twins, who
  introduce themselves as Metacarpal and Metatarsal
  shake their heads and watch Clavicle take a long pull on the
  bottle. Steam comes out of his ears as he passes the bottle to
  you. Go to 248
  248
  248
  248 if you will take a drink of the hard stuff with him
  or go to 250
  250
  250
  250 if you think your guts would fry.
  245
  245
  245
  245 Make a SR on LK. If you fail consult Table
  Table
  Table
  Table AAAA, if you succeed
  consult Table
  Table
  Table
  Table BBBB. Roll 1d6 when you know the table to utilise.
  Table
  Table
  Table
  Table A:
  A:
  A:
  A: 1 = the dart breaks a tooth (1d6 CON loss); 2 = the dart
  goes through your left ear (1d6 CON loss); 3 = the dart sticks in your
  cheek (1d6 CON loss); 4 = the dart lodges in your adam’s apple (1d6
  CON loss); 5 = the dart sticks in your chin (1d6 CON loss); the dart
  enters your right eye (2d6 CON loss and you are blind in this eye
  meaning all DEX SRs are now one level higher).
  Table
  Table
  Table
  Table B:
  B:
  B:
  B: 1 = the dart hits a barmaid bending over to much merriment;
  2 = the dart goes in Hoppy’s beer and he drinks it to hoots of laughter; 3
  = the dart bounces off a wire on the board and kills the landlord’s cat on
  the rebound and the uruks and you are barred; 4 = the dart sticks to
  his mucky fingers and when he scratches his head it sticks in his
  scalp; 5 = the dart passes through a window and hits a passing
  troll who later on wreaks awful revenge on poor Hoppy; 6 = the dart
  knocks a diamond earring from the lobe of an ogre’s moll and you pocket the diamond, having
  seen where it ended up (the diamond is worth 100 x 1d6 GPs).
  When the fate of the dart has been found you can either find something else to do (go to 100
  100
  100
  100) or
  leave if you have been barred or have had enough (go to 231
  231
  231
  231). Take 100 APs for your trouble.
  246
  246
  246
  246 The skellies catch you, bony hands digging into your softly yielding flesh. ‘Sorry!’ one says
  chummily. ‘It’s rough stuff if you’re not used to it. My name’s Clavicle and these are my friends
  Ulna, Metacarpal and Metatarsal – those two are twins and she’s my lady,’ he adds proudly,
  nodding at Ulna. ‘Here’s something to wash it down with – Hair of the Dog.’ Clavicle hands you
  a bottle full of a golden, creamy syrup, smiling encouragingly.
  
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  If you want to take his pick-me-up go to 259
  259
  259
  259; if you decline, politely or rather rudely saying you’ll
  never drink again with a man who’s entrails are clearly visible, go to 250
  250
  250
  250.
  247
  247
  247
  247 The dealer asks you if you would like an extra card or if you want to change up to two
  cards. For the former go to 249
  249
  249
  249, for the latter write down how many and go to 253
  253
  253
  253.
  248
  248
  248
  248 Make a L2 SR on the average of your WIZ and your CON. If you fail the Hard Stuff
  hardens in your stomach and it’s like having a lump of concrete there – you are seriously
  constipated now. The skellies feel sorry for you and escort you to the mansion of a rich man
  they are on good terms with and there they leave you with his resident surgeon, a leprechaun
  who was thrown out of the Nun earlier tonight for being too much the worse for wear. They are
  very sorry that the evening has gone sour and hope you ill be able to get unblocked soon. Take
  100 APs and go to 156
  156
  156
  156. If you made the combination SR then the Hard Stuff scorches your
  lungs and coats them with dragon vapours, a substance which allows you to breath fire which
  will extend up to 50’ once every hour. The flames will do your level d6 damage plus you combat
  adds much like a Blasting Power spell. However, you must make a SR on CON or you take 2d6
  internal conflagration damage.
  The skellies love your company and give you a skelly necklace which means skeletonmen will
  come to your aid if you are in trouble and you make a SR on CHR. Take 100 APs - you can find
  more entertainment in the Eviscerated Nun at 100
  100
  100
  100) or to leave – go to 231
  231
  231
  231.
  249
  249
  249
  249 Jack slings you a card that is tatty and dog-eared. Make a L2 SR on LK. I f you fail you
  lose the difference from your LK permanently and Jack grins maliciously. Go to 258
  258
  258
  258. If you
  succeed he winces, coughs and tells you it’s show time – go to 261
  261
  261
  261.
  250
  250
  250
  250 If you failed a SR on your first drink with the skellies you will find that all sixes become
  fives for the rest of this solo; if you didn’t fail the SR you feel no ill effects. The skellies go back
  to their drinking, their transparent stomachs uncovered by clothing bloated and distended by
  excessive binge drinking. There’s going to be an eruption soon!
  You can find more amusement in the Nun at 100
  100
  100
  100 or you can leave – go to 231
  231
  231
  231.
  251
  251
  251
  251 You emerge into a gloomy chamber with an open coffin on the table. An unmoving,
  unspeaking woman with very pale skin and black robes lies in the coffin. If you want to kiss her
  go to 270
  270
  270
  270; if you want to go back to Rhiannon and protest that her friend Meg is dead go to 254
  254
  254
  254.
  252
  252
  252
  252 This is going to cost you! Shell out 100 GPs and you’re very popular indeed at least for a
  Warholian five minutes. Go to 255
  255
  255
  255 if you have the cash to splash or to 256
  256
  256
  256 if you haven’t the
  means to match your mouth.
  253
  253
  253
  253 Jack slings you cards that are tatty and dog-eared. Make a L2 SR on LK if you changed up
  to two cards, L3 if you changed more.
  
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  If you fail you lose the difference from your LK permanently and Jack grins maliciously. Go to
  258
  258
  258
  258. If you succeed he winces, coughs and tells you it’s show time – go to 261
  261
  261
  261.
  254
  254
  254
  254 ‘No she’s not! She’s just very tired. She’s been working hard lately.’ The giant Fleetwood
  prods you back to where Meg lays, still motionless, with spindly batons he handles deftly. Once
  he is gone you can either kiss Meg (go to 270
  270
  270
  270) or go back to Rhiannon and tell her friend is
  definitely deceased – go to 257
  257
  257
  257.
  255
  255
  255
  255 You now have many, many new friends. If you need allies at some stage in the next twenty
  four hours you are likely to be glad you bought this popularity. Write down the word ‘Whistle’.
  You can go back to the bar and find more amusement here, you can make your way back to the
  city gates, you can delve into dark back passages or you can report the theft of your vehicle (it’s
  not there when you look if you had one). For the first go to 100
  100
  100
  100; for the second go to 1111; for the
  third go to 17
  17
  17
  17; for the fourth go to 204
  204
  204
  204.
  256
  256
  256
  256 Suddenly there is a deathly hush throughout the
  Eviscerated Nun, much as there was when the pub was
  renamed after the ex-holy woman met her unwanted fate.
  Your
  date
  with
  destiny
  is
  unlikely
  to
  be
  similarly
  commemorated. Everyone piles in on top of you, flailing
  way in their rage. Make a SR on the average of your LK
  and SPD. If you make it you can jump through a window
  with only 1d6 damage taken. Go to 262
  262
  262
  262. If you fail you
  are beaten to a bloody pulp but a Wizard-God disguised
  as a serving wench takes pity on you. He rescues you
  and dumps you – for entertainment value – in a rich
  man’s mansion. The rich man has his own physician, Dr.
  Khwaq, who has spent more time in the Nun tonight than
  is good for him or his patients. Go to 156
  156
  156
  156.
  257
  257
  257
  257 I told you she knows about the future,’ the gypsy
  shrieks. ‘She’s just practising for her own future. We all
  die one day you know! Now stop interrupting me. I’m
  hearing about their dreams. Go back to Meg.’ Fleetwood
  drums you back to Meg’s parlour once more. Once he is
  gone you can either kiss Meg (go to 270
  270
  270
  270) or go back to
  the gypsy and insist she comes to feel her friend’s pulse – go to 260
  260
  260
  260.
  258
  258
  258
  258 There is great interest in the game by now and hulking, knuckle-crunching bouncers are
  there to make sure you can’t leave. Make a SR on LK. If you fail, One-Eyed Jack has a better
  hand than you do (his other body parts are probably worse) – he has five kings, all with very big
  swords. Roll 2d6 – this is how much LK you lose and he gains. If your LK is zero or lower a
  spider falls from the ceiling, someone cries ‘Watch out!’, you look up open-mouthed, the spider
  lodges in your windpipe (rent free) and you choke to death in unseemly panic. Close
  Close
  Close
  Close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book.
  
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  If you live you are free to find more entertainment in the Nun (got to 100
  100
  100
  100) or to leave – go to 231
  231
  231
  231.
  If you made the LK SR, you have better cards than Jack. He is a bad loser but the bouncers
  force him to give you his ear-ring.
  If you make a L2 SR on WIZ, this magic trinket has the vampiric power to drain 1 point of LK
  from anyone you make eye contact with – you can only use it three times a day (it can only be
  used once more today) and your victim has to fail a L1 SR on LK. Jack runs bawling his eyes
  out to the bathrooms where he slits his wrist (the ear-ring has a L13 curse on it which causes
  the loser of it to commit suicide). You are now after much back slapping – no one liked Jack -
  free to find more entertainment in the Nun (got to 100
  100
  100
  100) or to leave – go to 231
  231
  231
  231.
  259
  259
  259
  259 Make a L2 SR on the average of your WIZ and your CON. If you fail the Hair of the Dog
  does two things to you: you sprout a tail (which removing will cause a fatal liver and kidney
  failure) and you become very hairy all over. You are now a were-mutt, not affected by the moon
  – unchanging in fact – but your attributes as modified (STR x 2, Con x 2, CHR halved as it’s not
  a good look). Strange and terrible what drink can do to you. If you made the combination SR the
  drink does you no harm and sobers you. You are now immune to the effects of alcohol. The
  skellies love your company and give you a skelly necklace which means skeletonmen will come
  to your aid if you are in trouble and you make a SR on CHR. Take 100 APs either way - you can
  find more entertainment in the Eviscerated Nun at 100
  100
  100
  100) or to leave – go to 231
  231
  231
  231.
  260
  260
  260
  260 Rhiannon reluctantly steps inside the parlour, followed by Fleetwood and the silent Mac.
  She feels Meg’s pulse and falls the floor crying, ‘Murder! Murder! He’s killed dear, sweet,
  innocent Meg, a girl filled with such a zest for life. He’s cut her down in her prime and she’ll
  never walk down Lime Street anymore with her friend Maggie!’ Fleetwood knocks you out with
  an oversize drumstick and he and Mac cart you off to the police station. When you come to it
  looks as if you could be going down for a big bowl of porridge. Go to 182
  182
  182
  182.
  261
  261
  261
  261 You see that Jack has, of course, been cheating. You can call him on this – go to 267
  267
  267
  267 – or
  you can let it pass, perhaps assuming he has friends and influence here – go to 258
  258
  258
  258.
  262
  262
  262
  262 There are two things outside the window: a water trough and a man-trap the landlord leave
  here to stop people sneaking in and bypassing the bouncers. Make a SR on LK. If you succeed
  go to 264
  264
  264
  264; if you fail you land on the trap and set it off, taking 6d6 damage (it is a trap designed
  to deal with ogres and trolls). If you doe here close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book, if you live – albeit in great pain - a
  passing Wizard-God disguised as a naughty nurse takes pity on you. He rescues you and
  dumps you – for entertainment value – in a rich man’s mansion. The rich man has his own
  physician, Dr. Khwaq, who has spent more time in the Nun tonight than is good for him or his
  patients. Go to 156
  156
  156
  156.
  263
  263
  263
  263 ‘It’s a fair cop, Guv,’ the short one says, spreading his hands wide and grinning in what he
  hopes is an endearing fashion. ‘Forget about your ass. We got something much more
  interesting to show you if you know what I mean.’ If you want to go take a look at what the
  Trotters have to show you go to 278
  278
  278
  278; if you want to call for the City Watch and dob them in go to
  75
  75
  75
  75.
  
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  264
  264
  264
  264 The water trough is not for horses but is another trap to stop unwanted punters getting
  back into the Eviscerated Nun after the bouncers bounce them out. There is a spell on the water
  that freezes it solid but it won’t be triggered if you make a SR on WIZ.
  Fail and you both drown and freeze to death (book shutting time!); succeed and a passing
  Wizard-God disguised as a pantomime horse takes pity on you. He rescues you and dumps you
  – for entertainment value – in a rich man’s mansion. The rich man has his own physician, Dr.
  Khwaq, who has spent more time in the Nun tonight than is good for him or his patients. Go to
  156
  156
  156
  156.
  265
  265
  265
  265 You might be here because you chose to come or you might have been a captive. You
  might be here with limbs unbound or you might be trussed up like a turkey. Adrienne has
  decided you are that you are worth considering for a speculative joint venture and so the
  captivating elf, criminal mastermind that she is, makes sure that you are comfortable and opens
  a book with recent reports scrawled inside, in a variety of ill-trained scripts. These reports detail
  thefts of all types of vehicles ranging from hansom cabs to children’s scooters from all parts of
  Caerthaeph’t. ‘See, my champion,’ she says softly. ‘Something is afoot, something unlawful. If
  there are ill-gotten gains to be made in this town, I want the lion’s share. I will make you a 33%
  partner if you will go through that door behind me.’ She clicks her fingers and a door magically
  appears. It glows with runes etched into the burnished wood. The runes mean nothing to you
  except for one: the letter ‘K’. The pulses emanating from them leave you in no doubt that magic
  is at work here. Adrienne speaks again, still softly but urgently. ‘You’ve been cursed now, just by
  seeing that door. You must serve the owner of this warehouse as long as she remains within its
  walls. I own this place and I have got no intention of leaving, until you’ve passed through this
  door, accepted the risk behind it and returned to hear the work I need you to do for me. I am
  going to leave you now. Enter exactly one minute after I have gone. I will come back for you and
  give you the details of my plan.’ With that said, Adrienne turns and moves away towards the
  darker part of the room. You decide - if you do as she says go to 301
  301
  301
  301; if you do otherwise go to
  313
  313
  313
  313.
  266
  266
  266
  266 ‘Excellent, splendid, quite splendid. A good egg and a jolly good fellow, I say. Well then, I
  shall allot you one fifth of the proceeds of this endeavour. You will need to move quickly. I will
  have my minions work in tandem with you – together but separate for, should you fail, you shall
  not sully my good name. My family’s crest and motto shall be untarnished, I tell you!’ His eyes
  seem bloodshot and spittle flies from his lips as he pounds his fists on Blenkinsop’s upturned
  cheeks. ‘Soon enough the cry of ‘Lawkes-a-Lordy’ shall be everyone’s watchword in this city!
  Bring every means of transport you can lay your hands back here – there’s no shortage of
  space for storage.’ Now go to 292
  292
  292
  292 and set about your part in the Great Caerthaeph’t Carriage &
  Cart Caper.
  267
  267
  267
  267 Jack looks daggers at you and tries to stare into your eyes but the minotaur bumps into
  him with a drunken lurch and the contact is quickly broken. Make a SR on CHR. If you make it
  the bouncers show how tired everyone is of Jack by picking him up and ramming him head first
  into an already full (no flush here) dunny. You are feted and can scoop the pot of 1d6 x 100 GPs
  and take 100 APs. Now you may go find more fun in the Nun (go to 100
  100
  100
  100) or leave (go to 231
  231
  231
  231). If
  you failed the CHR SR, apparently the folk here like you even less than Jack. He stares intently
  
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  into your eyes and drains your LK to zero. Ecstatic with his luck boost, he has his friends (well,
  the men he pays a gold piece each to) to escort you to the city gates. Take 200 APs and go
  lucklessly to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B.
  268
  268
  268
  268 They’re no much chop really at fighting. Watney has sledgehammer fists and gets 4d6 +16
  barehanded. The Trotters get 1d6 +5 each and have CONs of 12 and 14 respectively. If you do
  not kill them in the first round of fighting you had been run because a mob of their mates will
  come to their whistle. Run to 17
  17
  17
  17. If you kill them make a SR on LK. Fail and the law comes – go
  to 280
  280
  280
  280; succeed and you a free to go back to the city gates (go to 1111), have a drink at the
  Eviscerated Nun (go to 100
  100
  100
  100) or explore dark alleys and unsanitary back passages (go to 17
  17
  17
  17).
  269
  269
  269
  269 Make a SR on LK. If you fail the ladder sprouts teeth and bites you wherever it can reach,
  causing 1d6 damage for every point you missed the SR by – armour does help. If you are bitten
  to death by a ladder close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book. If you get to the bottom alive you see a tunnel with a troll
  at the end of it. Make a SR on CHR and go to 144
  144
  144
  144.
  270
  270
  270
  270 Make a SR on the average of your WIZ and LK. If you fail you get a nasty reputation for
  necrophilia but will always be able to make mummies, zombies and the like feel like you’re the
  sort of guy who would understand how it is from their side of the tracks and they won’t willingly
  harm you – you do get barred from the tavern but you are free to go (on foot as any transport
  you had is long gone) to the city gates (go to 1111) or you can roam the less civilised streets (go to
  17
  17
  17
  17), taking 100 APs for your adventures to date. If you made the SR combo then there is magic
  in the air – you are metamorphosised into a Froglet, a humanoid frog. You can breathe
  underwater, swim three times as fast as before, jump as if your STR was tripled and it is almost
  impossible for anyone to take hold of your naked skin as you are so slimy. Your CON is also
  doubled. Who says fairy tales aren’t true? And Mystic Meg? Sorry, she’s no princess waiting to
  be woken, just a corpse left their as part of a scam. You can take 100 APs
  and either go to the city gates on foot as any transport you had has been
  nicked (go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B) or you can explore the nether regions of Caerthaeph’t
  (go to 17
  17
  17
  17). You were spotted kissing the corpse and are barred from the
  tavern.
  271
  271
  271
  271 ‘Leggo! Geroff!’ squeals one of the Trotter boys. ‘Wot we dun to you, I
  arsk yer!’ pleads the lanky one. ‘Look, don’t ‘urt us and we’ll show you
  something special. Wot d’yer say?’ If you want to see what they have to show
  you go to 278
  278
  278
  278; if you want to beat them to a pulp go to 268
  268
  268
  268.
  272
  272
  272
  272 Fortunately,
  trolls
  are
  easily
  amused.
  You
  could
  be
  particularly
  unappealing and unfortunate at the same time but it would have to be both to
  displease this mob tonight because they are in their happy place having tucked
  into dwarf sausages and seen a Medusa strip in the Dance of the Seven Veils
  (this made them stoned and very mellow as well as happy). Make a SR on
  both LK and CHR. If you fail both the troll boss, a cheery tyro named Halla,
  has a special way of turning a bad ass act to his advantage within one minute
  of the jeering starting – go to 313
  313
  313
  313; if you make even one of those rolls, they love you and you
  
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  are pelted with rose bushes in appreciation (take 1d6 damage unless you can make a SR on
  DEX and then go to 169
  169
  169
  169 as Trollkien takes you off to wild applause to meet Halla).
  273
  273
  273
  273 The donkey puts on a burst of speed and your sledge and your ass are now owned by the
  Trotters. Del and Rodney turn to grin and wave, throwing grenades as a parting gesture. Make a
  SR on LK. If you make it there’s only one grenade going for each of you and Watney, fail and
  you can double the trouble. It takes a SR on DEX to dodge the first bomb, a SR one level higher
  to dodge the second if there is one. You need to roll 3d6 to find Watney’s DEX (and for his
  CON). The grenades do 2d6 damage each (armour protects) but doubles means a leg is blown
  off. If you die here close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book. If you live you may go back to the city gates (1111) or explore
  nasty smelling back passages where not even donkeys go (17
  17
  17
  17). You may be limping. If you lost
  a leg a passing Wizard-God gives you a wooden leg and a crutch and heals your CON but your
  SPD is now just 1d6 as is you DEX for acts of agility that require the use of legs. If you did lose
  a leg you can have 200 APs to boot (!).
  274
  274
  274
  274 ‘There is no time you fool! I gave you a clear run at fortune and fame and you have
  spurned it!’ Like a tiger she leaps closer to you and throws a cloud of yellow, bitter smelling
  powder directly where you are hiding. Make L2 SRs on LK, CON, DEX and SPD. If you make
  them all go to 277
  277
  277
  277; if not go to 285
  285
  285
  285.
  275
  275
  275
  275 As you slip into the building a hand suddenly jams your arm tightly into a hammerlock
  behind your back while another grips your larynx. A woman’s eyes, twinkling yet backed with
  steel, smile at you, boring into your thoughts it seems. Go to 21
  21
  21
  217.
  276
  276
  276
  276 That’s not smart when you’re in this sort of company and all eyes are upon you. The troll
  boss, a cheery tyro named Halla, has a special way of turning a bad ass no-performer to his
  advantage within one minute of the jeering starting – go to 313
  313
  313
  313 unless you have a change of
  heart and decide that cavorting and frolicking like a lead-footed ballerina would be the wiser
  option (go to 272
  272
  272
  272).
  277
  277
  277
  277 ‘You are good, very good! I am Adrienne and I give you a choice: accompany me and hear
  my proposition or leave this city forever!’ If you want to hear what Adrienne has to say go to 265
  265
  265
  265;
  if you decide it better to leave Caerthaeph’t go to 287
  287
  287
  287; if you seek to overpower her go to 281
  281
  281
  281.
  278
  278
  278
  278 ‘You going to show ‘im the hot seats, Del?’ asks the tall streaky one as you are towed
  through dingy, dirty back streets. ‘Well, yeah, I am, Rodders. He looks like he could do with
  taking the weight of his plates of meat. Gotta find out what they do somehow before some other
  criminal gets a leg up on the Trotter Brothers, ain’t we?’ You arrive at a particularly foul smelling
  public convenience and Del lifts up a manhole cover revealing a rusty ladder going down into
  darkness. ‘After you, squire,’ he prompts. You can clear off by sprinting down a desolate alley
  (go to 17
  17
  17
  17) or you can descend into the unknown (go to 290
  290
  290
  290).
  279
  279
  279
  279 Susan is rather upset at this rejection (he has been jilted more than once at the altar so is
  a little tender at times). He begins to sob plaintively until Halla comes to find out what has upset
  
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  him. ‘Just you wait a minute!’ Halla says, stabbing a finger in your chest rather hurtfully (1d6
  damage in fact). Go to 313
  313
  313
  313.
  280
  280
  280
  280 ‘Errrr….gotta go!’ Watney yells as he disappears down a lane. ‘I’ve framed, I’ve been set
  up, I’m out of here!’ And with that he is gone. You can get on your bike and vamoose or you can
  answer the officer’s questions.
  For the former make a SR on SPD and go to 284
  284
  284
  284; for the latter go to 286
  286
  286
  286.
  281
  281
  281
  281 Roll your combat dice and take your personal adds. If you want to try a stunt you can –
  make a DEX SR if its that sort of stunt or perhaps SPD or at a stretch STR. Adrienne, known as
  the Eel, is a slippery and dangerous opponent. She gets just 1d6 for her bare hands but 150
  personal adds. If you failed a stunt SR these are doubled. Roll 1d6 to see the level you needed
  to halve her adds. If you kill her, you upset a watching Wizard-God who was understandably
  rather partial to the lustrous elf – he dumps you unceremoniously at the city gates and revives
  her with a deft touch of his power rod (you go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B and take 300 APs).
  If she kills you, close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book. If she wins the first round but does not kill you she knocks you
  out, heals all injuries and tries to shake some sense into you. When you regain consciousness
  she is talking with intense purpose – take 200 APs and go to 265
  265
  265
  265.
  282
  282
  282
  282 Your disadvantage is too great given her heightened senses and military training. She
  easily evades your foot, slaps you lightly on both cheeks and laughs. Go to 277
  277
  277
  277.
  283
  283
  283
  283 She reaches down and strokes your cheek lightly and clicks her tongue. ‘I think you might
  be better alive than dead. What do you think? We’re not going to argue about that now, are we?
  Listen carefully as I won’t repeat this and I should of course deny I ever said it if it comes to
  that…’ She stands back and watches you for a moment and then begins to speak again. Go to
  265
  265
  265
  265.
  284
  284
  284
  284 If you made it you escape the not so long arm of the law after a long chase in which you
  end up back at the city gates (go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B); if you failed the officer feels oddly motivated about his
  policing duties today, catches up with you and bangs you on the head with his magically-
  charged knock out truncheon. You are duly knocked out and carried off to the station by an old
  man pushing a wheelbarrow under the supervision of the triumphant Watchman. There you find
  yourself accused of the murder of a fortune teller – well, they get paid for solving crimes not for
  finding the person who actually did it. Go to 182
  182
  182
  182.
  285
  285
  285
  285 Adrienne was too alert, too quick, too prepared for your deception (you could always try
  Strangebrew!). You roll off the top of the carriage and hit the ground with a hearty thump,
  breaking a rib or two. STR SRs are one level higher for the rest of your time in Caerthaeph’t and
  your unconscious form takes 1d6 damage. Go to 160
  160
  160
  160.
  
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  53
  53
  53
  286
  286
  286
  286 ‘You’re nicked, sunshine!’ the Watchman says gleefully as he collars you. ‘Say, you look
  like that bloke wot dun in the fortune teller! At least, you look like the shape in the tea leaves at
  the bottom of my cup. There’ll be a promotion for me if I bring you in, you murdering villain, you!’
  With excitement he clouts you on the head with his special magically-charged truncheon and
  has you carted off to the station for interrogation. Go to 331
  331
  331
  331.
  287
  287
  287
  287 How sad to see you go before the fun really gets started. Oh well, bon voyage.
  Take 200 APs for your endeavours and don’t think too long on what might have been with the
  delightful Adrienne.
  288
  288
  288
  288 Susan is visibly elated at your acceptance of one such as he (he has been jilted more than
  once at the altar so is a little tender at times). He begins to slobber over
  you until begin to resemble a swamp. Fortunately Halla comes to find
  out what has caused him to blubber like a whale’s innards. ‘So
  we can count on you, great!’ Halla says, swabbing you
  dry with a particularly crusty handkerchief. ‘Come down
  to my special place and I’ll show you a good time.’ He
  grins in a spectacularly ugly fashion. Go to 294
  294
  294
  294.
  289
  289
  289
  289 ‘As I said, I will give you a one third share – we
  need not quibble about decimal roundings unless you
  are a mathematician rather than an adventurer. Well and good,
  you will need to move quickly. I will do my share but eyes will be
  upon me. I will distract our adversaries with my associates, the
  Trotters. Del and Rodney may appear to be clueless but they’ve
  never had to do a day’s honest work in their lives so they are neither
  fools nor horses. Bring every means of transport you can hijack back
  here – there’s no shortage of space for storage.’ Now go to 292
  292
  292
  292 and set
  about your part in the Great Caerthaeph’t Carriage & Cart Caper.
  290
  290
  290
  290 Maybe you use a lock pick, maybe you don’t. Make a L2 SR on INT and on LK. If you
  make both go to 295
  295
  295
  295; if you don’t then go to 299
  299
  299
  299.
  291
  291
  291
  291 The door glows with runes etched into the burnished wood. The runes mean nothing to
  you except for one: the letter ‘‘‘‘KKKK’. The pulses emanating from them leave you in no doubt that
  magic is at work here.
  Halla speaks again, quietly but urgently. ‘You’ve been cursed now, just by seeing that door. You
  must serve the owner of the Den as long as he remains within its walls. I own this place and I’ve
  got no intention of leaving, until you’ve passed through this door, accepted the risk behind it and
  returned to hear the work I need you to do for me. I’m going to leave you now. Enter exactly one
  minute after I’ve gone. I will come back for you and give you the details of my plan.’
  
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  With that said, Halla turns and moves away up the staircase.
  If you do as he says go to 301
  301
  301
  301; if you do otherwise go to 313
  313
  313
  313.
  292
  292
  292
  292 The different types of transport to be found on the streets of Caerthaeph’t can be divided
  into the following types with the saving rolls needed for a successful heist in brackets afterwards
  along with the number to be found on the streets of the unsuspecting city and the Joy Ride
  points value (JRP) of each type:
  Caerthaeph
  Caerthaeph
  Caerthaeph
  Caerthaeph’’’’tttt Car
  Car
  Car
  Car Theft
  Theft
  Theft
  Theft Table
  Table
  Table
  Table
  A. Armoured
  Armoured
  Armoured
  Armoured carriages
  carriages
  carriages
  carriages with
  with
  with
  with armed
  armed
  armed
  armed escorts
  escorts
  escorts
  escorts drawn
  drawn
  drawn
  drawn by
  by
  by
  by aaaa team
  team
  team
  team of
  of
  of
  of six
  six
  six
  six horses
  horses
  horses
  horses – 50 (L3
  AVG plus L2 INT – JRP 50)
  B. Cushioned-suspension
  Cushioned-suspension
  Cushioned-suspension
  Cushioned-suspension hand
  hand
  hand
  hand carved
  carved
  carved
  carved carriages
  carriages
  carriages
  carriages – 50 (L2 AVG plus L2 DEX – JRP 30)
  C. Military-style
  Military-style
  Military-style
  Military-style chariots
  chariots
  chariots
  chariots – 50 (L2 AVG plus L2 SPD – JRP 30)
  D. Covered
  Covered
  Covered
  Covered wagons
  wagons
  wagons
  wagons – 100 (SR AVG plus SR LK – JRP 10)
  E. Pony
  Pony
  Pony
  Pony and
  and
  and
  and trap
  trap
  trap
  trap – 100 (SR AVG plus SR DEX – JRP 7)
  F. Donkey
  Donkey
  Donkey
  Donkey and
  and
  and
  and cart
  cart
  cart
  cart – 200 (SR AVG plus SR SPD – JRP 5)
  G. Slave-pulled
  Slave-pulled
  Slave-pulled
  Slave-pulled rickshaw
  rickshaw
  rickshaw
  rickshaw – 100 (SR AVG plus L2 LK) – JRP 2)
  H. Hand
  Hand
  Hand
  Hand cart
  cart
  cart
  cart or
  or
  or
  or wheelbarrow
  wheelbarrow
  wheelbarrow
  wheelbarrow – 200 (SR AVG only – JRP 1)
  I.
  Children
  Children
  Children
  Children’’’’ssss scooters
  scooters
  scooters
  scooters and
  and
  and
  and penny
  penny
  penny
  penny farthing
  farthing
  farthing
  farthing bicycles
  bicycles
  bicycles
  bicycles – 200 (SR AVG only –
  JRP 1/2)
  J.
  Vaguely
  Vaguely
  Vaguely
  Vaguely round
  round
  round
  round rock
  rock
  rock
  rock with
  with
  with
  with stick
  stick
  stick
  stick to
  to
  to
  to roll
  roll
  roll
  roll itititit along
  along
  along
  along (not good going up hills) –
  100 (SR AVG only – JRP 1/10)
  (There
  (There
  (There
  (There is
  is
  is
  is aaaa score
  score
  score
  score chart
  chart
  chart
  chart at
  at
  at
  at the
  the
  the
  the very
  very
  very
  very end
  end
  end
  end of
  of
  of
  of this
  this
  this
  this book
  book
  book
  book which
  which
  which
  which will
  will
  will
  will help
  help
  help
  help you
  you
  you
  you keep
  keep
  keep
  keep track
  track
  track
  track of
  of
  of
  of
  things.)
  things.)
  things.)
  things.)
  You should make a note of this paragraph number as you will need to consult the table again.
  Now go to 300
  300
  300
  300 (that’s 328
  328
  328
  328 when you’ve finished all your dice rolling here).
  293
  293
  293
  293 ‘You done yourself a service there, squire!’ Arfa says gleefully, rubbing his greasy palms
  together ‘You can have a quarter of whatever we make on this rort. Get your skates on! My
  boys’ll snatch whatever they can and we’ll have this job stitched up in no time, see if we don’t!
  
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  Bring every means of transport you can lay your hands back here – there’s no shortage of
  space for storage – I got a old abattoir we can lay ‘em up in.’ Now go to 292
  292
  292
  292 and set about your
  part in the Great Caerthaeph’t Carriage & Cart Caper.
  294
  294
  294
  294 The good time Halla has in mind does not include the now petulant Susan. After
  descending a spiral staircase at the back of the gents, Halla wiggles his little finger rhythmically
  and a door lights up. ‘Now that’s your door, that is,’ he states flatly. Go to 291
  291
  291
  291.
  295
  295
  295
  295 Just as well you had your wits about you and luck on your side – that lock was set to blow
  if you hadn’t stop just when you did. Instead the door opens and a beautiful, elegant and intense
  elf woman draws you inside with a strong and supple arm. She speaks to you in an alluring
  voice. Go to 277
  277
  277
  277.
  296
  296
  296
  296 ‘Glad that’s sorted. We’re in business! You can have two fifths of whatever we make on
  this malarkey. You must move quickly. My patrol of trolls who have fathered offspring will take
  control of this city and make it easy for you to nab anything with wheels or runners! Bring every
  means of transport you can lay your hands back here – there’s no shortage of space for storage
  in the Den.’ Now go to 292
  292
  292
  292 and set about your part in the Great Caerthaeph’t Carriage & Cart
  Caper.
  297
  297
  297
  297 In through the out door to claim your date with destiny... If you came here from Lord
  Lawkes go to 304
  304
  304
  304; if you came here from Adrienne go to 306
  306
  306
  306; if you came here from Arfa go to
  308
  308
  308
  308; if you came here from Halla’s Den of Amusement go to 310
  310
  310
  310; if you came here from Chas
  and Dave go to 312
  312
  312
  312.
  298
  298
  298
  298 ‘Good move, son!’ Chas says, snorting loudly as Dave claps you on the back, forgetting he
  has a meat pie in his hand. ‘We’ll give you half – that’s fair! That’s a quarter as there’s two of us
  and only one of you and anyway we’re bigger’n you. Pull you finger out! We’ll go ahead and
  distract drivers and carters so you can thieve their transport! Bring every thing you can shift
  back here – there’s no shortage of space for storage – we
  use the catacombs for hiding other people’s ‘lost’ property.’
  Now go to 292
  292
  292
  292 and set about your part in the Great
  Caerthaeph’t Carriage & Cart Caper.
  299
  299
  299
  299 Everything goes red. There is intense heat. Then
  everything
  goes
  white.
  There
  is
  intense
  pain.
  Then
  everything goes black. You have been exploded to death.
  Close
  Close
  Close
  Close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book.
  300
  300
  300
  300 AVG SRs are made on the average of all eight prime
  attributes so you will need to total them and divide by eight,
  rounding up to the nearest whole number. Start with rock and stick and decide if you want to
  steal any of these then work your way up the list until you get to those fine luxury carriages
  employed by the rich and famous. You don’t have to go for any of a type if you so decide –
  
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  simply move on to the next type of transport you wish to try hijacking. If you make a SR you gain
  1d6% of the total up for theft; if you fail a SR you may well be apprehended and you must
  consult the appropriate paragraph to see if you manage to get away to thieve some more (you
  go to 311
  311
  311
  311 if you get spotted). Now go to 318
  318
  318
  318.
  301
  301
  301
  301 The door shuts with a sound that communicates more clearly than mere words ever could
  that it is not a door you will be able to open again by yourself. As that realisation permeates your
  mind, you see an ancient creature standing in front of three sparking, luminescent high backed
  thrones. The wizard –for such he must be, garbed in robes of Kraken hide and carrying a
  gnarled staff with a silver kraken head atop - is almost as tall as a troll but as slender as an elf. It
  is not often that he wears his natural form and yours is a rare experience in this millennia upon
  Trollworld. He speaks in a cracked, rasping voice, at once both guttural and melodic. ‘Do not
  trifle with me and I will not harm you. You must choose: will you gamble everything or will you
  gamble part of the whole? Speak now: I am too old a relic for patience!’ Go to 305
  305
  305
  305 if you will risk
  all; go to if you will risk less 309
  309
  309
  309.
  302
  302
  302
  302 Now you need to roll for the other criminal organisations of Caerthaeph’t. You teamed up
  with Arfa Daly (a little dodgy, maybe, but underneath – he’s alright, is Arfa). Most of his thieving
  is done for him by his minder, Terry, who’s a bit tasty with his fists, is young Terrence. Enough
  of that though – roll for the others in this order: 1) Halla (he’s a heavyweight troll who runs ‘The
  Den of Amusement’) 2) Adrienne (she’s an elven enchantress and mistress of disguise) 3) Lord
  Lawkes (he’s an upper class twat, truth me told, but he’s got a title, an opulent mansion,
  servants galore and an overdraft that is hurricane force) 5) Chas and Dave (two crafty cockneys
  with a penchant for strumming and knocking a tune out on the old joanna). They roll 2d6 DARO
  for each class of transport with a critical 1-2 fumble putting them behind bars. If you exhaust the
  supply of a particular mode of transport then those to follow just miss out. When you have
  calculated the JRPs for each gang go to 330
  330
  330
  330 if you and Arfa came out on top or to 329
  329
  329
  329 if you
  slipped off the pace.
  303
  303
  303
  303 The trelf smiles thinly. ‘I cannot wish you well but I do not wish you ill. Choose one of the
  three Thrones of Chaos and take your place in the cosmic dance. I cannot advise you which
  one you should take but I advise you not to deviate nor to dawdle. My brother will know when a
  seat is sat upon and a seat sat upon is enough to unseat even the most experienced of riders.
  Be seated!’ He bangs his staff upon the floor of the chamber and you are plunged into a terrible
  darkness that neither flame nor magic can penetrate. (If you have played before then you must
  roll 1d6 to decide where to go next – 1&2 = left; 3&4 = centre; 5&6 = right.) If you grope your
  way to sit in the left hand throne go to 315
  315
  315
  315; if you elect for the centre go to 317
  317
  317
  317; if you prefer the
  right hand throne go to 319
  319
  319
  319; if dawdle or deviate go to 323
  323
  323
  323.
  304
  304
  304
  304 ‘Good – you’re alive. His Lordship was worried. To be truthful, he would have tried that
  himself or got one of his staff to do it but an oracle said that if he made any such attempt on the
  Thrones of Chaos he would lose all his fortune and become a leper…I shudder to think of it!
  Now to business – I must take you to Lord Lawkes.’ Blenkinsop leads you to his master’s study
  where the eager aristocrat hands you a ring. ‘Put it on…I cannot for it is cursed - but now that
  you have sat on a Throne of Chaos the Wizard-God watching over this city will not touch you. I
  have been offered a contract, a lucrative contract – a monopoly, in fact. All I have to do – all! –
  
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  is strip Caerthaeph’t bear of all means of transport…’ Here Lord Lawkes spreads his hands wide
  to signal the enormity of the task. ‘…so that hostile powers can lay siege and starve the
  authorities into surrender. It is a ragtail collection of mercenaries of all kindreds that seeks the
  keys to the city but the bogwoppit in the chair of command is sure and swift and without mercy.
  The Mayor will yield if there is no means of feeding the people of reinforcing the soldiery and the
  wizards of the Guild. All we have to do – you and I – is secure possession of the greatest share
  of Caerthaeph’t’s transport before the twin moons meet over the city – tomorrow night! We must
  work fast!’ If you are ready to share in the spoils and accept the risks go to 266
  266
  266
  266; if you want
  nothing to do with such a dastardly plot it will take the insulted nobleman a minute to take this in
  - go to 313
  313
  313
  313.
  305
  305
  305
  305 The trelf smiles thinly. ‘I cannot wish you well but I do not wish you ill. Choose one of the
  three Thrones of Chaos and take your place in the cosmic dance. I cannot advise you which
  one you should take but I advise you not to deviate nor to dawdle. My brother will know when a
  seat is sat upon and a seat sat upon is enough to unseat even the most experienced of riders.
  Be seated!’ He bangs his staff upon the floor of the chamber and you are plunged into a terrible
  darkness that neither flame nor magic can penetrate. (If you have played before then you must
  roll 1d6 to decide where to go next – 1&2 = left; 3&4 = centre; 5&6 = right.) If you grope your
  way to sit in the left hand throne go to 315
  315
  315
  315; if you elect for the centre go to 317
  317
  317
  317; if you prefer the
  right hand throne go to 319
  319
  319
  319; if dawdle or deviate go to 323
  323
  323
  323.
  306
  306
  306
  306 ‘Good – you’re alive. I was worried. To be honest, I would have tried that myself but an
  oracle said that if I were to try the Thrones of Chaos I would emerge half the person I was…not
  for me, thank you very much! Now to business.’ Adrienne hands you a ring.
  ‘Put it on…I cannot for it is cursed - but now that you have sat on a
  Throne of Chaos the Wizard-God watching over this city will not
  touch you. I have been offered a contract, a lucrative contract –
  a monopoly, in fact. All I have to do – all! – is strip Caerthaeph’t
  bear of all means of transport…’ Here Adrienne spreads her
  hands wide to signal the enormity of the task. ‘…so that
  hostile powers can lay siege and starve the authorities into
  surrender. It is a ragtail collection of mercenaries of all
  kindreds that seeks the keys to the city but the bogwoppit in
  the chair of command is sure and swift and without mercy.
  The Mayor will yield if there is no means of feeding the people
  of reinforcing the soldiery and the wizards of the Guild. All we
  have to do – you and I – is secure possession of the greatest
  share of Caerthaeph’t’s transport before the twin moons meet over
  the city – tomorrow night! We must work fast!’ If you are ready to share
  in the spoils and accept the risks go to 289
  289
  289
  289; if you want nothing to do with such a dastardly plot
  it will take the pouting Adrienne a minute to take this in - go to 313
  313
  313
  313.
  307
  307
  307
  307 The ancient trelf totters across to you on unsteady feet and extends a liver-spotted hand to
  raise you from the throne. As you watch, you see years slough from his flesh, his bones
  seeming to straighten. Alarming intelligence gleams in those moments-ago milky eyes. ‘Quite a
  
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  tonic my brother arranged for me – and thanks to you too. Now I must return the favour to
  Khaghbboommm so that the madness that rules his heart recedes just as the shackles placed
  by the Arch Demon on my will have been broken. I think we may meet again, my young
  accomplice but it is for you to make that pathway through chaos actualise.
  Farewell! You must go through that door now because the Arch Demon will radiate this chamber
  with lethal khremm in scant seconds.’ Khaghtch’an blinks out of view on this plane. Your last
  glimpse of his eyes reveals a determination for retribution. Not such a good time to be an Arch
  Demon, perhaps. You may either pass through the glowing, shimmering door (go to 297
  297
  297
  297) or you
  may wait to be irradiated (go to 314
  314
  314
  314).
  308
  308
  308
  308 ‘Gordon Bennett! – you’re alive. I never thought I’d be seeing you again! To be honest, I
  would’ve given it a whirl meself but this old crone did the mystical spiel gig and claimed the
  Thrones of Chaos would halve my unmentionables…fair gave me the shivers, she did! Now let’s
  talk turkey.’ Arfa hands you a ring. ‘Put it on…I can’t – the bleedin’ thing is cursed - but not for
  you that you been and sat on a Throne of Chaos. The Wizard-God what watches over this city
  won’t lay a finger on you now, ‘e won’t. I been offered a contract, see - a doosie of a contract, a
  monopoly, no less. All I got to do – all! – is strip Caerthaeph’t bear of all means of transport…’
  Here Arfa spreads his hands wide to signal the enormity of the task. ‘…so that hostile powers
  can put a knife to the throat of them that are in charge and make ‘em surrender. A ragtail mob of
  mercenaries of all kindreds they are what wants to run this joint but the bogwoppit that is the big
  cheese is as ‘ard as nails and twice as sharp. His nibs the Mayor will kiss his backside if ‘e can’t
  get no more grub and there’s no way ‘e can ‘ire ‘eavies and wizards. All we have to do – you
  and me, pal – is make sure we get more of Caerthaeph’t’s transport than all the other villains
  before the twin moons meet over the city – tomorrow night! No time to waste, we gotta get
  crackin’!’ If you are ready to share in the spoils and accept the risks go to 293
  293
  293
  293; if you want
  nothing to do with such a dastardly plot it will take the effing and blinding Arfa a minute to take
  this in - go to 313
  313
  313
  313.
  309
  309
  309
  309 ‘Very well! Hedge your bets and retain something of yourself no matter what. Tell me what
  you will stake against your future prosperity – be it strength, constitution, speed or dexterity; be
  it intelligence, wizardry, luck or charisma. You may tell me no more than five and no less than
  three for I will remember no more and make up for less.’ Write down between three and five
  prime attributes – for these are what you are gambling - and go to 303
  303
  303
  303.
  310
  310
  310
  310 ‘Good – you’re alive! I was worried about you, my little friend. To be honest, I would have
  tried that myself but a prophet once said that if I ever tried the Thrones of Chaos I would emerge
  half the troll I was…not for me, not this side of Trollhalla! Now it’s cards on the tables time.’
  Halla hands you a ring. ‘Put it on…I can’t because it’s cursed – but now that you’ve sat on a
  Throne of Chaos the Wizard-God watching over this city won’t touch you. I’ve been offered a
  contract, a fat, juicy contract – a monopoly, in fact. All I have to do – all! – is strip Caerthaeph’t
  bear of all means of transport…’
  Here Halla spreads his hands wide to signal the enormity of the task. ‘…so that hostile powers
  can lay siege and starve the Mayor into surrender. It’s a ragtail collection of mercenaries of all
  kindreds that wants power but their bogwoppit leader is smart, mean and without mercy. The
  Mayor will yield if he can’t feed the people and can’t hire mercenary soldiers and wizards. All we
  
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  have to do – you and I – is to grab the greatest share of Caerthaeph’t’s transport before the twin
  moons meet over the city – that’s tomorrow night! We must work fast!’ If you’re ready to share in
  the loot and take the risks go to 296
  296
  296
  296; if you want nothing to do with such a dastardly plot it will
  take the gobsmacked Halla a minute to take this in - go to 313
  313
  313
  313.
  .
  311
  311
  311
  311 The first time you fail you need to make a SR on SPD to get away; the second time you
  need to make a L3 SR on LK to elude angry transport owners intent, understandably, on
  fracturing your cranium; the third time you need to make a L2 SR on LK, L4 on DEX and L6 on
  LK. On fourth and subsequent failures you need to throw 10 or higher on 2d6, no DARO, as
  people are used to your clumsy attempts at hijacking and there are wanted posters all over
  Caerthaeph’t with your handsome features well depicted. If you get away after failure go back to
  the paragraph that brought you here and take 100 APs; if you are nabbed, you get stripped and
  soundly beaten (possibly to death – take 4d6 damage) and slammed in the slammer (another
  1d6 damage) and then you stay there until you throw double sixes on 2d6 – one attempt per
  year and book
  book
  book
  book closing
  closing
  closing
  closing time
  time
  time
  time with 200 APs to go with your captivity and physical abuse.
  312
  312
  312
  312 ‘Stone the crows! – you’re alive. We never thought we’d be seeing you again! To be
  honest, we would’ve given it a crack but some old bint read in the tea leaves that the Thrones of
  Chaos would cut our virility in half…Rosie Lea, ‘er name was. No chance we want to risk being
  impotent, eh Dave? Now let’s cut the crap.’ Chas hands you a ring. ‘Put it on…we can’t – the
  smegging thing is cursed - but not for you that you’ve parked your ass on a Throne of Chaos.
  The Wizard-God what watches over this city won’t lay a finger on you now, that’s right ain’t it
  Dave? Dave nods obligingly and Chas continues.
  ‘We’ve been offered a contract – worth a king’s ransom, a monopoly, more or less. All we have
  to do – all! – is strip Caerthaeph’t bear of all means of transport…’ Here Chas spreads his
  hands wide to signal the enormity of the task. ‘…so that hostile powers can get some leverage
  and make the top brass here surrender. A ragtail mob of mercenaries of all kindreds they are
  but the bogwoppit that pulls the strings is a cunning, evil type. The Mayor will have to suck it up
  if the people are going hungry ‘cos he can’t bring in food and there’s no way he can hire
  warriors and wizards. All we have to do – you and me, sunshine – is make sure we get more of
  Caerthaeph’t’s transport than all the other villains before the twin moons meet over the city –
  tomorrow night! No time to waste, we gotta get our A’s into G’!’
  If you are ready to share in the spoils and accept the risks go to 298
  298
  298
  298; if you want nothing to do
  with such a dastardly plot it will take the darkening pair a minute to take this in - go to 313
  313
  313
  313.
  313
  313
  313
  313 After 59 seconds all is well.
  One
  second
  later
  and
  nearly
  everything is well. The exception
  is you. In response to your lack
  of
  cooperation,
  a
  magical
  disease gas jets out from above,
  below and about you. Hmmmm –
  you probably think you should
  
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  get a saving roll…OK – L10 on WIZ, LK and CON (not DEX or SPD as the jet of gas travels only
  fractionally slower than photons do).
  Make those three rolls and you impress a passing Wizard-God who dusts you down and takes
  you back to her place for tea and conversation – you may take 1,000 APs and be set down
  upon Trollworld wherever you wish, then close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book). Supposing you don’t have the
  wherewithal and dice skills to make those three colossal saving rolls then you must roll 1d6 and
  consult the Table of Magical Diseases below before being dumped at the city gates with the
  word ‘Unclean’ branded on your forehead (go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B):
  Table
  Table
  Table
  Table of
  of
  of
  of Magical
  Magical
  Magical
  Magical Diseases
  Diseases
  Diseases
  Diseases (all 10 curses)
  1. The disease causes your nostrils to triple in size and suck like a vacuum; the bacteria
  you inhale reduce your CON by 1 every time you roll less than 8 on ANY future SR
  2. The disease causes your knees to buckle whenever you are fighting and roll more than a
  single 1 on your combat dice, leaving you defenceless for one round
  3. The disease causes you to faint whenever magic is cast within 100’ of you unless you
  roll doubles on 2d6
  4. The disease causes you to act as a powerful magnet for any arrow fired, spear or
  dagger thrown within 100’ of you, the projectile homing in on you unfalteringly unless you
  roll more than 6 on 2d6 for EACH projectile
  5. The disease causes you to shoot 30’ directly upwards at the sight of dwarves with a
  collision force of 1d6 for every 100 pounds you weigh unless you roll less than 7 on 2d6
  6. The disease causes your knees to knock violently and your arms to flap uncontrollably
  for five minutes whenever you are within 100’ of someone drinking beer unless you roll 6,
  7 or 8 on 2d6
  314
  314
  314
  314 This is not about you. That means no saving roll. Theta rays bombard the chamber the
  trelf has just vacated but where you have chosen to remain. Roll 1d6. 1-5 indicates your utter
  annihilation, reduced to indiscernible theoretical sub-atomic particles posited by strange wizards
  in strange towns. You are free to roam the cosmos at will for eternity but you are not remotely
  aware of this ultimate gift. Close
  Close
  Close
  Close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book. A roll of 6 indicates the Arch Demon has taken you
  to one of his dominions. Do
  Do
  Do
  Do not
  not
  not
  not close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book. Send an email to Khaghbboommm via
  mark.findlayrd@gmail.com
  mark.findlayrd@gmail.com
  mark.findlayrd@gmail.com
  mark.findlayrd@gmail.com – the adventure is about to begin… (and take 2,000 APs).
  315
  315
  315
  315 As you take your place on one of the Thrones of Chaos, timeless, unbridled Chi energy
  torrents through your veins. It is rather ticklish and many would be inclined to laugh. All your
  prime attributes are doubled if you staked everything, just the ones you gambled otherwise.
  ‘You are a blessed child of the Trollworld!’ observes the archaic trelf wizard. ‘My brother,
  Khaghbboommm, is quite taken with you, I’d say.’ Now go to 307
  307
  307
  307.
  316
  316
  316
  316 Now you need to roll for the other criminal organisations of Caerthaeph’t. You teamed up
  with the glamorous and resourceful elven temptress, Adrienne. She has an advantage which
  may cause you to celebrate – any other gang boss rolling double 5s or 6s must re-roll one of the
  dice. Now roll for the others in this order: 1) Lord Lawkes (he’s an upper class twat, truth me told,
  but he’s got a title, an opulent mansion, servants galore and an overdraft that is hurricane force)
  
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  2) Chas and Dave (two crafty cockneys with a penchant for strumming and knocking a tune out
  on the old joanna) 3) Arfa (a little dodgy, maybe but underneath – he’s alright, is Arfa)
  4) Halla (he’s a heavyweight troll who runs ‘The Den of Amusement’). They roll 2d6 DARO for
  each class of transport with a critical 1-2 fumble putting them behind bars. If you exhaust the
  supply of a particular mode of transport then those to follow just miss out. When you have
  calculated the JRPs for each gang go to 330
  330
  330
  330 if you and Adrienne came out on top or to 329
  329
  329
  329 if
  you slipped off the pace.
  317
  317
  317
  317 As you take your place on one of the Thrones of Chaos, timeless, unbridled Chi energy
  torrents through your veins. It is rather ticklish and many would be inclined to laugh. All your
  prime attributes are halved if you staked everything, just the ones you gambled otherwise. ‘You
  are a cursed child of the Trollworld!’ observes the archaic trelf wizard. ‘My brother,
  Khaghbboommm, is quite disgusted by you, I’d say.’ Now go to 307
  307
  307
  307.
  318
  318
  318
  318 Each time you successfully make the SR(s) called for you gain 1d6% of the total number
  of that type of Caerthaeph’t transport available to be thieved in the city. You may try several
  times at the same transport type but of course you increase the risk of failing the SR – in which
  case you must go to 311
  311
  311
  311. However, you can only try the very best, the luxury carriages, once.
  When you are calculating how many carriages or rickshaws or whatevers you nicked you can
  round up. When you have got to the end of your audacious caer-thievery you must find out how
  your partner(s) in crime did. Go to 328
  328
  328
  328.
  319
  319
  319
  319 As you take your place on one of the Thrones of Chaos, timeless, unbridled Chi energy
  torrents through your veins. It is rather ticklish and many would be inclined to laugh. All your
  prime attributes are shifted if you staked everything, just the ones you gambled otherwise. ‘You
  are an unusual child of the Trollworld!’ observes the archaic trelf wizard. ‘My brother,
  Khaghbboommm, does not know what to make of you, I’d say.’
  Attributes shift as follows – STR becomes INT, WIZ becomes LK, INT becomes SPD, LK
  becomes STR, CON becomes CHR, DEX becomes WIZ, CHR becomes DEX and SPD
  becomes CON. Attributes can shift more than once. Now go 307
  307
  307
  307.
  
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  320
  320
  320
  320 Before you can complete your roundhouse swing, Chas gives you a vicious crack on the
  back of the neck. Make a L1 SR on CON and go to 219
  219
  219
  219.
  321
  321
  321
  321 You don’t have much of a chance against these two. They are veterans of urban warfare.
  Still, they sometimes do take prisoners. Make a L1 SR on the average of your LK and CHR. If
  you make it, one kneels on your chest while the other applies something definitely non-
  medicinal to your mouth. Go to 143
  143
  143
  143. If you fail, they trample all over you with their hobnail boots
  until a passing Wizard-God takes mercy on you, heals your wounds and dumps you at the city
  gates. Go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B.
  322
  322
  322
  322 Now you need to roll for the other criminal organisations of Caerthaeph’t. You paired up
  with the mighty troll, Halla. He has an advantage which may cause you to cheer – any other
  gang boss rolling double 3s or 4s must re-roll one of the dice. Now roll for the others in this
  order: 1) Chas and Dave (two crafty cockneys with a penchant for strumming and knocking a
  tune out on the old joanna) 2) Arfa (a little dodgy, maybe but underneath – he’s alright, is Arfa) 3)
  Adrienne (she’s an elven enchantress and mistress of disguise) 4) Lord Lawkes (he’s an upper
  class twat, truth me told, but he’s got a title, an opulent mansion, servants galore and an
  overdraft that is hurricane force). They roll 2d6 DARO for each class of transport with a critical
  1-2 fumble putting them behind bars. If you exhaust the supply of a particular mode of transport
  then those to follow just miss out. When you have calculated the JRPs for each gang go to 330
  330
  330
  330
  if you and Halla came out on top or to 329
  329
  329
  329 if you slipped off the pace.
  323
  323
  323
  323 ‘You are either stupid, deaf or both! I am Khaghtch’an and my wrath is terrible to behold
  and therefore I blind you!’ You eyeballs melt. Take 4d6 damage. If you live, take 2,000 APs and
  find yourself dumped, irrevocably sightless, at the city gates (go to 1B
  1B
  1B
  1B). If you die, do you best
  to close
  close
  close
  close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book with unloving, unfeeling fingers.
  324
  324
  324
  324 Now you need to roll for the other criminal organisations of Caerthaeph’t. You paired up
  with the diamond geezers, Chas and Dave. They spend most of their time strumming and
  tinkling the ivories when they’re not thieving. Now roll for the others in this order: 1) Arfa (a little
  dodgy, maybe but underneath – he’s alright, is Arfa) 2) Lord Lawkes (he’s an upper class twat,
  truth me told, but he’s got a title, an opulent mansion, servants galore and an overdraft that is
  hurricane force) 3) Halla (he’s a heavyweight troll who runs ‘The Den of Amusement’) 4)
  Adrienne (she’s an elven enchantress and mistress of disguise). They roll 2d6 DARO for each
  class of transport with a critical 1-2 fumble putting them behind bars. If you exhaust the supply
  of a particular mode of transport then those to follow just miss out. When you have calculated
  the JRPs for each gang go to 330
  330
  330
  330 if you and Chas and Dave came out on top or to 329
  329
  329
  329 if you
  slipped off the pace.
  325
  325
  325
  325 Before you can complete your pugilistic act of warfare, Dave smacks you hard in the chops.
  Make a L1 SR on CON and go to 219
  219
  219
  219.
  326
  326
  326
  326 Now you need to roll for the other criminal organisations of Caerthaeph’t. You were put in
  service by that upper crust toff, Lord Lawkes, a thoroughly bad card and scoundrel. Famous for
  
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  his family motto, ‘Lawkes-a-Lordy, my bottom’s on fire (he once had a fling with that scarlet
  woman, Ruby Murray, and found her vindaloo too hot to handle), the cad has no loyalty to
  anyone but himself. Now roll for the others in this order:
  1) Adrienne (she’s an elven enchantress and mistress of disguise) 2) Halla (he’s a heavyweight
  troll who runs ‘The Den of Amusement’) 3) Chas and Dave (two crafty cockneys with a penchant
  for strumming and knocking a tune out on the old joanna) 4) Arfa (a little dodgy, maybe but
  underneath – he’s alright, is Arfa). They roll 2d6 DARO for each class of transport with a critical
  1-2 fumble putting them behind bars. If you exhaust the supply of a particular mode of transport
  then those to follow just miss out. When you have calculated the JRPs for each gang go to 330
  330
  330
  330
  if you and Chas and Dave came out on top or to 329
  329
  329
  329 if you slipped off the pace.
  327
  327
  327
  327 You gain 1,000 Aps for your strife and endeavour here in Caerthaeph’t. As a military
  policeman in the service of the tyrant Bogwoppit you are armed with a TTYF wand that can fire
  at a WIZ cost of 1 every 30 seconds doing damage equal to your INT. You are have a
  Protective Pentagram shield that will stop magic up to and including L5 provided that you make
  a L1 SR on SPD to get it in position; it also absorbs up to 50 plus your STR and CON physical
  hits each round and is well-nigh unbreakable. You get Spy-Ears that fit over your ears and triple
  your hearing abilities and Snoop-Goggles that allow you to see in the dark and treble your
  seeing capabilities. You are provided with a throat amulet which is a voice modulator – this
  enables you to issue commands ala Spirit Mastery to anyone who hears your voice and
  understands your language who fails to make a higher SR on CHR than you do. All in all, you
  are pretty handy as part of the Bogwoppit’s secret police. Walk the streets and bring terror to all
  who behold you. Close
  Close
  Close
  Close the
  the
  the
  the book
  book
  book
  book.
  328
  328
  328
  328 Roll 1d6 for each category of transport to find out how your partner(s) did. Round up when
  calculating – anything from .5 upwards takes you to the next whole number. Add the JRPs
  gained by your partner(s) to your haul and then go see who the other gangs of villains did.
  Where you go depends on which team you are on.
  The links are: Arfa 302
  302
  302
  302; Adrienne 316
  316
  316
  316; Halla 322
  322
  322
  322; Chas and Dave 324
  324
  324
  324; Lord Lawkes 326
  326
  326
  326.
  329
  329
  329
  329 A miss is as good as a mile, even in metric countries. You failed. The price of failure is to
  lose one’s home, one’s family, one’s freedom. Your partner(s) fare no better. The winning gang
  are rewarded by the outside forces that wish to seize control of Caerthaeph’t. The evil
  Bogwoppit that is the head of the beast supplies them with the hardware
  and spell capability to become the Caerthaeph’t equivalent of the KGB.
  The streets are not safe and homes are not safe under this brutal regime
  with friends turning in friends and everyone having to carry a copy of the
  Bogwoppit’s creed, ‘The Rules of TOG’. Life is not worth living and six-
  sided dice are banned. It becomes necessary to consult three rule books
  and throw 1d20 to find out if you will be allowed to draw breath at any
  given moment. However, as has happened throughout history across
  countless planets a totalitarian regime eventually spawns a challenge
  and the oppressed rise up, today’s terrorists becoming tomorrow’s democratic heroes – or not.
  
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  Take 500 APs for your time and troubles in Caerthaeph’t and watch out for the sequel, ‘Five
  Five
  Five
  Five
  Card
  Card
  Card
  Card Frank
  Frank
  Frank
  Frank and
  and
  and
  and the
  the
  the
  the Fairy
  Fairy
  Fairy
  Fairy’.
  330
  330
  330
  330 You and your accomplices are top dogs. You have won the favour of the forces of evil now
  ready to seize the critically wounded city of Caerthaeph’t. With utter control of transport, the
  Mayor folds and the evil Bogwoppit leads his unopposed forces through the city gates. A reign
  of terror begins and you and your accomplices are rewarded with lethal hardware and insidious
  spell capability to ensure the citizens of Caerthaeph’t are subdued to the point of slavery. Nice
  one Comrade. You may go to 327
  327
  327
  327 and find your rewards for disabling the city and opening its
  gates to fascist control. The Bogwoppit may of course find that the day dawns when the worm
  turns, early bird or not. Whose side will you be on when the crushed spirit of the oppressed rises
  to reclaim freedom? That is another story, tentatively entitled ‘Five Card Frank and the Fairy’.
  331
  331
  331
  331 You wake up in a jail cell with a skull-splitting headache. Take 1D6 in CON damage. If that
  takes your CON to zero or less, go to 332
  332
  332
  332. Otherwise, make a SR on LK.
  If you fail the saving roll, the constables come a few hours later and take you to your date with
  the judge - go to 220
  220
  220
  220. If you make the saving roll, an administrative error makes the Watch think
  you might be a witness and they haul you out of your cell to talk to the sergeant - go to 182
  182
  182
  182.
  332
  332
  332
  332 Even if your CON was negative, you don't die - you just look that way. The guards think
  you're dead and cart your body, minus anything of value, out the back way to the city dump and
  throw you on a pile of refuse. A few hours later you wake up - your CON has restored itself to a
  postive number (roll 1D6 for a new CON rating). You are alive and outside the city. You may
  either leave (that would be the end) or make your way back through the main gate by going to
  1B
  1B
  1B
  1B.
  The
  The
  The
  The End
  End
  End
  End
  
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  Caerthaeph
  Caerthaeph
  Caerthaeph
  Caerthaeph’’’’tttt Cart
  Cart
  Cart
  Cart Heist
  Heist
  Heist
  Heist Score
  Score
  Score
  Score Card
  Card
  Card
  Card
  You
  You
  You
  You
  Your
  Your
  Your
  Your
  Partner(s)
  Partner(s)
  Partner(s)
  Partner(s)
  Arfa
  Arfa
  Arfa
  Arfa
  Adrienne
  Adrienne
  Adrienne
  Adrienne
  Chas
  Chas
  Chas
  Chas &&&&
  Dave
  Dave
  Dave
  Dave
  Halla
  Halla
  Halla
  Halla
  Lord
  Lord
  Lord
  Lord
  Lawkes
  Lawkes
  Lawkes
  Lawkes
  Armoured
  Armoured
  Armoured
  Armoured
  carriages
  carriages
  carriages
  carriages
  Hand
  Hand
  Hand
  Hand carved
  carved
  carved
  carved
  carriages
  carriages
  carriages
  carriages
  Military
  Military
  Military
  Military chariots
  chariots
  chariots
  chariots
  Covered
  Covered
  Covered
  Covered wagons
  wagons
  wagons
  wagons
  Pony
  Pony
  Pony
  Pony and
  and
  and
  and traps
  traps
  traps
  traps
  Donkey
  Donkey
  Donkey
  Donkey and
  and
  and
  and carts
  carts
  carts
  carts
  Slave-pulled
  Slave-pulled
  Slave-pulled
  Slave-pulled
  rickshaws
  rickshaws
  rickshaws
  rickshaws
  
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  Hand
  Hand
  Hand
  Hand carts
  carts
  carts
  carts or
  or
  or
  or
  wheelbarrows
  wheelbarrows
  wheelbarrows
  wheelbarrows
  Scooters
  Scooters
  Scooters
  Scooters or
  or
  or
  or penny
  penny
  penny
  penny
  farthings
  farthings
  farthings
  farthings
  Rock
  Rock
  Rock
  Rock and
  and
  and
  and sticks
  sticks
  sticks
  sticks
  TOTALS
  TOTALS
  TOTALS
  TOTALS
  The
  The
  The
  The Duck
  Duck
  Duck
  Duck Kin
  Kin
  Kin
  Kin
  There is a duck that appears within the pages of Joy Ride and its kindred
  is by no means uniquely found in Caerthaeph’t. Below and to the right can be
  seen our feathered friend in uniformed variety. He is so captivatingly
  charming that you may wish to play someone like him (surely destined to
  become one of your most esteemed PCs). So – some more about the
  duck kindred.
  There are six types of duck kin (they are listed below with the
  variations
  from
  the
  standard
  type
  which
  distinguishes
  each
  evolutionary
  offshoot).
  These
  creatures
  all
  speak
  Quackney,
  Common and Avian (the last pretty badly, it must be admitted). These
  ducks are typically 2/3 human height and weight and struggle with
  
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  many ordinary tasks as they lack hands. Their wings, however, enable them to hold on to many
  objects and perhaps even utilise them with a DEX SR according to the improbability of the task.
  The genetic norm for duck kin is as follows:
  STR
  STR
  STR
  STR - 1.25
  WIZ
  WIZ
  WIZ
  WIZ - 1.5
  INT
  INT
  INT
  INT - .75
  LK
  LK
  LK
  LK - 1
  CON
  CON
  CON
  CON - 1.5
  DEX
  DEX
  DEX
  DEX – 1
  CHR
  CHR
  CHR
  CHR - 2
  SPD
  SPD
  SPD
  SPD – 1
  Ducks have a +10 swimming talent on DEX, get 3 points of feather protection, are much less
  likely to feel cold than humans, can fly for short distances but
  need a good run up (it is not a quickly achieved feet) and can
  hold their breath for twice as long as humans
  Sub-species:
  Sub-species:
  Sub-species:
  Sub-species:
  Quackerel
  Quackerel
  Quackerel
  Quackerel – This duck has the ability to confuse in the same
  way the Befuddle spell works but with no WIZ cost (it merely
  has to be heard by those liable to being confused).
  Mallard
  Mallard
  Mallard
  Mallard – It is able to breed with just about any kindred and
  grows to maturity in just one week from egg fertilisation.
  Bombay
  Bombay
  Bombay
  Bombay – More like a fish than a duck, this kindred is able to
  breathe fire doing 1d6 damage per level (range up to 30’ with
  one combat round’s rest required before another fiery breath
  can be exhaled); immune to fire damage.
  
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  Peking
  Peking
  Peking
  Peking – This creature is a master of disguise, specifically as a favourite food of its intended
  victims (kindred/beast lore talent +8 on INT); it is very accomplished at leaping up at would-be
  diners as they are about to tuck in.
  Evader
  Evader
  Evader
  Evader – This duck is just very, very good indeed at ducking – arrows, gunshots, spears,
  whatever – they all go sailing over its head (talent +12 on the average of DEX and SPD).
  
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  Character
  Character
  Character
  Character Sheets
  Sheets
  Sheets
  Sheets
  Name -
  Kindred–
  STR -
  WIZ -
  INT -
  LK -
  CON -
  DEX -
  CHR -
  SPD -
  COMBAT ADDS –
  WEAPONS –
  ARMOUR –
  SPELLS –
  OTHER –
  Name -
  Kindred–
  STR -
  WIZ -
  INT -
  LK -
  CON -
  DEX -
  CHR -
  SPD -
  COMBAT ADDS –
  WEAPONS –
  ARMOUR –
  SPELLS –
  OTHER –
  Name -
  Kindred–
  STR -
  WIZ -
  INT -
  LK -
  CON -
  DEX -
  CHR -
  SPD -
  COMBAT ADDS –
  WEAPONS –
  ARMOUR –
  SPELLS –
  OTHER –
  
SOURCE: textdata/thevault/Tunnels & Trolls/Tunnels & Trolls Adventures & Settings/Joy Ride (T&T).pdf