TEXT:  
  Yoon-Suin  
   
  the Purple Land : 
   
   
  1. Best Tea 852: According to the latest issue of 
  Kettlefiend’s Weekly Leaf Guide, it’s more accurately 
  the City’s 822nd Best Tea Parlor after a mysterious 
  arson took a score of neighboring establishments out 
  of the running. Squeaky, swiveling seats and sneaky, 
  sniveling staff. 
  2. Mossclad Moon: Purports to serve exclusively tea 
  brewed from the leaves plucked gingerly from trees 
  aged at least 1,004 years. They are then meticulously 
  palp-sorted and graded by a hive of obsessive-
  compulsive Chint-on. Try the spicy laphet rolls! 
  3. (Gesture for Silence): Private compartments are 
  ensorcelled hourly to insure a preternatural quiet. 
  Popular with the hung-over and shadier citizens of 
  the City, numerous contradictory signs outline the 
  complex gestures used to order.  
  4. Dô’s: Dô is a retired Slug-Man Magician who never 
  forgets a name or a face. The Crab-Man slave who 
  saved his life is always seated and soused at the far 
  end of the bar. Patrons come here for the family 
  atmosphere and the Feathered Man rafter-shows. 
  5. Leopard-Who-Laughs: This obnoxious franchise 
  has several locations. All advertise heavily with 
  annoyingly cloying butterflies. Their wing scales bear 
  the business name, address, coupons, daily specials, 
  and usually a corny joke. Some City-blocks are 
  blanketed with their fragile and colorful bodies.  
  6. Weeping Whelk: A not-too-discrete front for an 
  amputee family of deep-diving, Dwarven pearl 
  smugglers, it is said that they run a weekly raffle to 
  appease a Chu-srin, so always check the bottom of 
  your cup for a nacreous surprise. 
  7. The Teat: Pungent yak butter tea, you’ll smell it 
  before you see it. Popular with ex-pats from the 
  Mountains of the Moon. Staff customarily alternates 
  between insulting and praising customers when their 
  order is ready.  
  8. Petal Shrine of Kazurrus: Tea is brewed inside of a 
  tame but ill-tempered and extremely uncomfortable 
  water weird according to the taboo-laden strictures 
  of a neighborhood religious sect. Self-serve. 
   9. Sí Rhum: A popular, albeit insinuative date 
  destination. The tea here is rumored to freshen one’s 
  breath for a whole week. The sounds of incensed 
  slaps to would-be suitors are quite common.   
  10. The Grotto of 10,002 Delights: Very posh and 
  pricey, flooded knee deep with sparkling spring 
  water. It’s gauche to lift your own cup. Your tea is 
  ceremoniously served on gilt-lily pads and one can 
  only drink it with the help of one of several very 
  obliging and completely tongue-less Sirens.  
  11. SLOQ: A pickled squid-man glares balefully from 
  within a large cloudy tank that is re-suspended 
  precariously from the ceiling every morning by an 
  overworked sentient spider. Octopus arm-wrestling 
  for a round on the house if you win. 
  12. Dmitri’s: Features strongly brewed samovar-self-
  service Teas from far off Voivodja. The exotic taste is 
  catching on with locals. No mirrors allowed. 
  13. Unjinô: Luxuriate in clammy, muculent mists 
  while watching the wistfully beautiful, acrobatic 
  lovemaking that Slug-Men ecdysiasts are known for. 
  Professional performers, private rooms. Best-in-class 
  bubble tea and sweet-tempered narghiles.  
  14. The Wheel Which Squeaks: A favored buzz-hole 
  among rickshaw drivers, palanquin porters, and tour 
  guides that ply their trade to all the tourists. Some of 
  the teas are guaranteed to keep one wakeful and 
  alert. 
   15. L’req: Exciting affairs of honor are settled nightly 
  among members of the well-to-do merchant class. 
  Using 
  highly 
  trained 
  giant 
  ruby-throated 
  hummingbirds to fence dramatically in crystalline 
  cages. The seconds solemnly sip and insure that no 
  untoward nectar-doping takes place. 
   16. Eight Reeds Red: Terribly formal tea service 
  provided by eight clockwork waiters. The poppy pod-
  tea is always the perfect temperature, but the dim 
  sum selection would make a Preta balk. 
  17. The Aerie: Located in the cavities of a gargantuan 
  skull that fell from atop a tall spire. Run by a lonely 
  narcoleptic Peahen Kenku who writes ponderous 
  poetry about herself. 
  18. Dragon Boat #329: A glorious silver sampan that 
  lazily wanders the canals. Excellent and intoxicating 
  tea and views, but limited and season selection. 
   19. Slek-Z’nox’s Makihaus: Run by a very hospitable 
  clan of roach breeders, the tea here is exceptionally 
  weak and of poor quality, but the still-quivering 
  water bug sashimi is to die for. You get to pick your 
  own directly from the tank! 
  20. 
  Kata-ka-Rezal: 
  Housed 
  in 
  a 
  stunningly 
  stalacticous subterranean cavern beneath Jade 
  Serpent Row, they’re the only game in town for 
  Shrieker-Tea and the oft desired but distinctly 
  difficult to remember flavor of the Obliviax Blend.  
  
SOURCE: textdata/thevault/Yoon-Suin/Yoon-Suin Twenty Tea Houses.pdf