TEXT:  
  (Section 2 of 6) 
  Getting Started 
  You will need: 
  -a deck of normal playing cards.  
  -one 20-sided die or 3 six-sided dice 
  - At least 3 people you don’t mind arguing with 
       -A desire to please Master, you can certainly 
  do a better job than those other mooks! 
   
  Your biggest obstacles will be your fellow 
  minions, and the hardest part of any task will 
  be working together. Whether or not you get 
  along with each other matters little to me. 
  It is more important that my tasks are carried 
  out quickly and efficiently. Those who perform 
  their tasks successfully will be well rewarded! 
  Those who fail will be sent back for…processing 
  and debugging. 
   
       To Start: Deal 2 cards to each Minion, face 
  up. Each Minion will always have two piles of 
  cards in front of it/him/her. The top cards of 
  each pile, added together, determine a Minion’s 
  current Score. Ace, Jack, Queen, and King are 
  all equal to 1--after all, in this game, you are 
  the servants, and Royalty is all but useless to 
  you! Jokers, however, are quite valuable….and 
  are closer to you than Royalty! HAH! 
  Card Values       Example Piles and Scores 
  King = 1                  Pile 1       Pile 2       Score 
  Queen = 1
            9              5             14 
  Jack = 1
            6              1              7 
  Ace = 1
            K             Q             2 
  Numbers = 1-10     Jack          8              9 
  Joker = 20                10         Joker         30  
  (Section 6 of 6) 
  Flow of the Game 
  Start) The Band chooses a Mission. 
  Plan) The current Leader proposes their Plan 
  for the next phase of the Mission. 
  Bicker) If there is any disagreement, then a 
  Contest for Leadership occurs. 
  Roll) If the Leader fails his roll, then the 
  Minion with the highest Score becomes Leader. 
  If the current Leader has the highest Score, he 
  must propose an entirely new plan.  
  [go back to Planning phase] 
  Success) Once a Leader succeeds in his roll or 
  there is no disagreement with the Plan, the Plan 
  is carried out successfully. 
  Plot) After a plan is executed, the other 
  Minions Plot with Cards, while the Leader 
  thinks of their next plan for the next phase of 
  the Mission. [go back to Planning phase] 
  Example Missions 
  ➔ Kidnap a Pretty Lady (or Dude) and 
  bring them back to the Master. 
  ➔ Go to a shopping Mall and bring back a 
  Large Pizza for the Master without 
  being noticed or drawing attention. 
  ➔ Find a qualified sidekick for the Master. 
  No, it can’t be one of you! 
  ➔ Rent a movie from Blockbuster. Yes, I 
  know Blockbuster is out of business! 
  ➔ Find a new location for Master’s Secret 
  Base. Recommend you use Craigslist. 
   
  Examples of Play, Advice and Missions: 
  schirduans.com/david/ 
  my-creations/welcome-minions 
  (Section 1 of 6) 
  Welcome, Minions! 
   
       Welcome, [insert designation here]. I am 
  your new Master! Hopefully, the cloning 
  /construction/hatching process was successful, 
  and you have the ability to read….among  other 
  things. This handy brochure contains 
  everything you need to know in order to work 
  with/against your fellow Minions and do my 
  bidding!  
       Here is deal: You will now be working in a 
  Band made up of other Minions like yourself. 
  You are all indestructible, loyal, and incredibly 
  unstable. You were not made for to be good 
  looking, but for efficiency, and probably will 
  look VERY strange to most people. In short, 
  you’re definitely NOT human, and will 
  not easily pass for a human in public. This 
  will make even the simplest tasks much more 
  complicated than they may seem at first glance. 
  But! Your lack of beauty is no excuse for a lack 
  of success! Don’t be sad, I love you. Just no one 
  else does. 
   
   
  Alrighty then! No more sugar-talk!  
  I have things for you to do! 
  
   
   
  (Section 3 of 6) 
  Leadership 
       Got your scores? The Minion with the 
  highest Score is the now Leader. In case of a 
  tie, play a game of paper-rock- scissors, flip a 
  coin, or engage in a shouting match. The 
  shouting match MUST be conducted in a 
  foreign language (preferably imaginary), 
  and the winner is chosen by the other Minions. 
  Don’t forget your place, Minion Leader. You 
  must still obey me! 
  Planning 
        The Leader’s job is to come up with a Plan. 
  Explain the plan to your fellow Minions (use 
  small words!). Any Plan that a Leader presents 
  should move the Band closer to accomplishing 
  their Mission. Plans are also not more than one 
  or two steps forward, and Leaders should break 
  their Mission into as many Plans as possible. 
  Also: It is recommended that Leaders try to 
  appease their fellow minions by proposing 
  creative or enjoyable plans. 
   
       If there is any disagreement with your plan 
  from your fellow Minions (and there usually 
  will be!), then a Contest begins.  
       When you become the Leader, you 
  should completely change (or heavily 
  modify) the previous Leader’s plans. After 
  all, if it didn’t work for them, why would it 
  work for you? 
   
       Also: Once a plan is agreed upon by the 
  group, or forced by the Leader in a Contest, it 
  is always carried out successfully. 
  (Section 4 of 6) 
  Contest with Dice 
       In order to maintain Leadership when there 
  is disagreement, the current Leader must roll 
  the dice and compare the result to their 
  current Score. There are 3 possible outcomes: 
  1)   The roll is below or equal to your current 
  Score, you remain the Leader, and your plan is 
  forced upon the group and is carried out 
  successfully! Your success will cause the other 
  Minions to grumble and Plot with Cards 
  behind your back. 
  2)   The roll is above your Score, a new Minion 
  becomes the Leader, and they must propose an 
  entirely new plan. 
  3)   The roll is above your current Score, AND 
  you also have the current highest Score. Since 
  you still have the highest score, you remain 
  Leader, and must continue proposing 
  brand new plans, either until there is no 
  disagreement, or you roll below your Score. 
   
       Also: As long as the current Leader has the 
  highest Score, then they will remain the 
  Leader. You must Plot with Cards against 
  them and lower their score! I recommend that 
  you agree with their plans until you can lower 
  their Score, then disagree and initiate a 
  Contest! 
   
  Writing & Design: David Schirduan  
  Editing and Artwork: Lauren Smith 
  | Version 2.0 | May 2014 |  
  License: Creative Commons attribution 
  non-commercial share-alike. 
  (Section 5 of 6) 
  Plotting with Cards 
       Here is where things get interesting. Every 
  time a plan is carried out by the current Leader, 
  all other Minions may Plot with Cards. 
  Plotting starts after a plan is successful, either 
  because the Leader forced it, or there was no 
  disagreement.  
       Work together with other Minions as little or 
  as much as you like, but don’t forget that one 
  day, you’ll be the Leader, and the others will be 
  plotting against YOU! 
       Minions take turns drawing a card from the 
  deck, from the highest Score, to the lowest. 
  Once you’ve drawn a card, you may place it, 
  face up, on top of anyone’s pile on the table.  
  ●
  If it is a high card, for example, you 
  may place it over one of the cards in 
  your pile, increasing your Score.  
  ●
  If it is a low card, you may place it on 
  someone else’s pile, decreasing their 
  Score. 
   
  The Leader can’t Plot with Cards, making 
  them vulnerable! While the other Minions 
  are Plotting, the Leader should begin thinking 
  of their next plan. And it better be a good plan, 
  because the Scores on the table have almost 
  certainly changed after your last plan! 
   
  Inspired by: Hercules by Disney | 
  Despicable Me by Universal Studios | 
  Dungeon Keeper by Electronic Arts | 
  Venture Brothers by Adult Swim | 
  Paranoia by West End Games 
  
SOURCE: textdata/thevault/Other (Unique) Systems/Top Secret Games Two Page Tabletops/Welcome Minions.pdf