 You can think in at yourself, at your own reputation, at what this has cost you, at how much it hurts, or there's a third option. You can look up at God. And as long as you were proclaiming the deeds of the one who sinned against you or lingering in your own hurt and anger, you will struggle to forgive. But what if every time, and you're going to be able to practice this soon, I promise, so am I,