 and eventually your spine will break. And when you feel the pain night after night, you think of all the what-ifs that could happen. And I had a good long bout of about six months where pain was worse than I've ever experienced in my 12 years of having this disease. And I would sit on my couch with heat and ice and watch the sunrise in the mornings. And it was just me and the Lord and me asking all my questions about,