 um what happened and i'm i'm you know it's just it's terrible and it happens way too much in this country and if i can put a personal um you know spin on this i mean you're right that things worked out for my mom and you know in some ways you have this this almost guilty feeling over it because when it works out for your family and it doesn't work out for somebody else's you just you wonder you know why do we get lucky and why did others not