 me what i needed to deal is like god was putting a spotlight on my own heart and saying this is actually about you changing you know i think the first couple years i was focused on trying to get my kids to change and how do i fix them and how you know and god was like no no i i'm looking at you and your heart and i want your heart and that process was painful you know to see your weaknesses to be exposed your cracks you're like you're doing it for them and then god says i'm actually doing this for you