 But despite her preparation, it wasn't straightforward and it wasn't easy. In fact, Julia's mental health deteriorated. When she talks about it now, she seems to create a barrier, a distance, a wall with that darkest time in her life. But when things got really bad, Julia had thoughts about suicide. There's a point when your oldest daughter, Bathsheba, she graduates high school, she's getting ready to get married, she's only 19. This is a pretty dark time for you.