 The problem is, there's a good chance you're not allowed to see them. To turn a blind eye is basically saying, well, I hope the justice system works. That's not good enough for me. This is the story of how these secret lists have warped our view of cops for decades. It was confusing for me because I had, for all intents and purposes, as you said, won. But it didn't feel like I won for the right reasons. It felt really dirty.