 The lazy river is a metaphor and at the same time a real body of artificial water in an all-inclusive hotel in Almeria, somewhere in southern Spain. We do not leave the hotel except to buy flotation devices. The plan is to beat our hotel at its own game. What you do is, you do this, you drink so much alcohol that your accommodation is effectively free. Only the most vulgar among us speak this plan aloud, but we're all on board.