 Because I had just let myself pretend like it didn't matter, like I didn't care. And then when I wrote the book, I realized how much it really mattered, how much it really cared. It really shaped me. And pretending like it didn't happen wasn't an option anymore. How did it shape you? It made me work harder. When I was younger, I worked hard because I thought if I worked hard, he would want to hang out with me.