 experience this world and just not feel that and so I allow myself to feel like a lot of sorrow and also just like my family of origin like growing up like really poor and like still being like so deeply connected to that story and the impacts of that and so I try to hold that sorrow but also I'm like okay this is all made up by like this is someone's imagination we're living in right like I really love that meme that says like we could have created anything and a white man created credit scores because I'm like why like why are we living like this