 somehow being in that hard winter and with all of those for me like impossible events like the ongoing the natural disasters just just being a single parent in a burned-up town and it was all so impossible and so then when I would hear like oh you can only access your property with this or with that and these all of these rules it would be too much and so I just I couldn't go at all until I had a friend come to visit and she said that she would go down to the property with me and and we went together and it was