 and uh because i had responsibilities with the company with all these things going on and it just sort of felt like i had done like this exploration of like being in a different place and when you're in a different place you the land brings out a different part of you you know like your person like the the area brings out different aspects of you and i felt like i had like expanded that out enough and like okay i got to go back now i don't know what i'm going to do when i go back but