 sure like there's that yeah there's that version of it I mean I think it's just you know incredibly just wanting wanting to do good wanting to succeed and you know your own it's your own version of it whatever that looks like for you so whether it's panic attacks or just like I suck I'm an idiot you know whatever your version of it is I'm not saying that was mine I was quoting Scotty J from Boogie Nights but I'm just saying like that's that's what it is it's your version of self-deprecation yeah