 sitting there on top of this and it's just she's i mean because i know because grandma and grandpa have been picking up the three-year-old and getting her off because she's driving everybody crazy so he's driving everybody crazy she's not but um so you know that's that's what all this dynamic is going on and she feels like you've uh left her at home to deal with all of it and so i think what we're talking about is woven into this and then sit down and go okay i'm going to help you with these kiddos