 you find your identity and passion in speaking. And now that is being taken away. What was that like? Well, it was crushing. I mean, there's hardly a big enough word to describe what it was like for me. I had grown up in a faith home and really believed that God was good and real and could be trusted. And then the rug got pulled out from under me, not once, but multiple times over a couple of decades. And then I had to sit there and ask this really difficult,