 trying to get my head above, keep my head above water. And I don't like that. And I'm like, okay, well, where, what direction do I need to go in then? And where am I, what's, where am I going instead of, I don't want to be at this place. So how do I get out of it? But a lot of people can't do that. I mean, I've been to a lot of therapy and stuff, so.