 you know how is he doing and he'll say oh i'm really encouraged you know and and so i think that we have to sort of let them go and let them think and let them um they're going to do what they're going to do anyway um and the harder we hold on the more of the sort of um the rebound effect will take place once you know they get out there just the rebellion will come and i think having secondary authority figures in in their life is really key to that i agree i agree