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English
8934
He broke off—half in anger with himself. Was he changing one illusion for another? HE BROKE OFF HALF IN ANGER WITH HIMSELF WAS HE CHANGING ONE ILLUSION FOR ANOTHER
's heart: "Silencieux, I bring you my little child." There were times he heard this so plainly when he was with Beatrice that he had to leave her and walk for hours alone. Only unseen among the hills dare he give vent to the mad despair with which that memory tore him. Yes, for words—"only words"—he had sacrificed that wonderful living thing, a child. For words he had missed that magical intercourse, the intercourse with the mind of a child. How often had she come to him for a story, and he had been dull and preoccupied—with words; how often asked him to take her a walk up the lane, but he had been too busy—with words! O God, if only she might come and ask again. Now when she was so far away his fancy teemed with stories. Every roadside flower had its fairy-tale which cried, "Tell me to little Wonder"—and once he tried to make believe to himself that Wonder was holding his hand, and looking up into his face with her big grave eyes, as he told some child's nonsense to the eternal hills. IMES TO HEAR THE BEATING OF ONE'S HEART SILAJO I BRING YOU MY LITTLE CHILD THERE WERE TIMES HE HEARD THIS SO PLAINLY WHEN HE WAS WITH BEATRICE THAT HE HAD TO LEAVE HER AND WALK FOR HOURS ALONE ONLY UNSEEN AMONG THE HILLS DARE HE GIVE VENT TO THE MAD DESPAIR WITH WHICH THAT MEMORY TORE HIM YES FOR WORDS ONLY WORDS HE HAD SACRIFICED THAT WONDERFUL LIVING THING A CHILD FOR WORDS HE HAD MISSED THAT MAGICAL INTERCOURSE THE INTERCOURSE WITH THE MIND OF A CHILD HOW OFTEN SHE HAD COME TO HIM FOR A STORY AND HE HAD BEEN DULL AND PREOCCUPIED WITH WORDS HOW OFTEN ASKED HIM TO TAKE HER A WALK UP THE LANE BUT HE HAD BEEN TOO BUSY WITH WORDS O GOD IF ONLY SHE MIGHT COME AND ASK AGAIN NOW WHEN SHE WAS SO FAR AWAY HIS FANCY TEEMED WITH STORIES EVERY ROADSIDE FLOWER HAD ITS FAIRY TALE WHICH CRIED TELL ME TO LITTLE WONDER AND ONCE HE TRIED TO MAKE BELIEVE TO HIMSELF THAT WONDER WAS HOLDING HIS HAND AND LOOKING UP INTO HIS FACE WITH HER BIG GRAVE EYES AS HE TOLD SOME CHILD'S NONSENSE TO THE ETERNAL HEELS
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