large/9146/troubledmarriages_1406_librivox_64kb_mp3/troubledmarriages_02_various_64kb_124
large/9146/troubledmarriages_1406_librivox_64kb_mp3/troubledmarriages_02_various_64kb
English
9146
For he was not indifferent to her  no, never for one instant could he persuade himself he was indifferent, never for one instant could he banish her from his thoughts. His mind's eye followed her during his hours of absence as pertinaciously as his bodily eye dwelt upon her actual presence. She was the principal object of the universe to him, the centre around which his wheel of life revolved with an appalling fidelity. FOR HE WAS NOT INDIFFERENT TO HER NO NEVER FOR ONE INSTANT COULD HE PERSUADE HIMSELF HE WAS INDIFFERENT NEVER FOR ONE INSTANT COULD HE BANISH HER FROM HIS THOUGHTS HIS MIND'S EYE FOLLOWED HER DURING HIS HOURS OF ABSENCE AS PERTINACIOUSLY AS HIS BODILY EYE DWELT UPON HER ACTUAL PRESENCE SHE WAS THE PRINCIPAL OBJECT OF THE UNIVERSE TO HIM THE CENTRE AROUND WHICH HIS WHEEL OF LIFE REVOLVED WITH AN APPALLING FIDELITY
owed her every movement, his ear noted every change in her voice. But then, instead of being charmed by everything as the lover is, everything jarred upon him. What was the meaning of this? Tonight the anomaly pressed upon him: he reviewed his position. Here was he, quite a young man, just twenty-six years of age, married to Esther, and bound to live with her so long as life should last--twenty, forty, perhaps fifty years more. Every day of those years to be spent in her society; he and she face to face, soul to soul; they two alone amid all the whirling, busy, indifferent world. So near together in semblance; in truth, so far apart as regards all that makes life dear. Willoughby groaned. From the woman he did not love, whom he had never loved, he might not again go free; so much he recognized. The feeling he had once entertained for Esther, strange compound of mistaken chivalry and flattered vanity, was long since extinct; but what, then, was the sentiment with which she inspired him?  HER LIKE A LOVER TOO HIS EYES FOLLOWED HER EVERY MOVEMENT HIS EAR NOTED EVERY CHANGE IN HER VOICE BUT THEN INSTEAD OF BEING CHARMED BY EVERYTHING AS THE LOVER IS EVERYTHING JARRED UPON HIM WHAT WAS THE MEANING OF THIS TO NIGHT THE ANOMALY PRESSED UPON HIM HE REVIEWED HIS POSITION HERE WAS HE QUITE A YOUNG MAN JUST TWENTY SIX YEARS OF AGE MARRIED TO ESTHER AND BOUND TO LIVE WITH HER SO LONG AS LIFE SHOULD LAST TWENTY FORTY PERHAPS FIFTY YEARS MORE EVERY DAY OF THOSE YEARS TO BE SPENT IN HER SOCIETY HE AND SHE FACE TO FACE SOUL TO SOUL THEY TOO ALONE AMID ALL THE WHIRLING BUSY INDIFFERENT WORLD SO NEAR TOGETHER IN SEMBLANCE IN TRUTH SO FAR APART AS REGARDS ALL THAT MAKES LIFE DEAR WILLOUGHBY GROANED FROM THE WOMAN HE DID NOT LOVE WHOM HE HAD NEVER LOVED HE MIGHT NOT AGAIN GO FREE SO MUCH HE RECOGNISED THE FEELING HE HAD ONCE ENTERTAINED FOR ESTHER STRANGE COMPOUND OF MISTAKEN CHIVALRY AND FLATTERED VANITY WAS LONG SINCE EXTINCT BUT WHAT THEN WAS THE SENTIMENT WITH WHICH SHE INSPIRED HIM
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