large/1823/stage_land_0803_librivox_64kb_mp3/stageland_01_jerome_64kb_28
large/1823/stage_land_0803_librivox_64kb_mp3/stageland_01_jerome_64kb
English
1823
That if A forges B's name to a check, then the law of the land is that B shall be sentenced to ten years' penal servitude. That ten minutes' notice is all that is required to foreclose a mortgage. That all trials of criminal cases take place in the front parlor of the victim's house, the villain acting as counsel, judge, and jury rolled into one, and a couple of policemen being told off to follow his instructions. THAT IF A FORGES B TO A CHECK THEN THE LAW OF THE LAND IS THAT B SHALL BE SENTENCED TO TEN YEARS PENAL SERVITUDE THAT TEN MINUTES NOTICE IS ALL THAT IS REQUIRED TO FORECLOSE ON A MORTGAGE THAT ALL TRIALS OF CRIMINAL CASES TAKE PLACE IN THE FRONT PARLOUR OF THE VICTIM'S HOUSE THE VILLAIN ACTING AS COUNSEL JUDGE AND JURY ROLLED INTO ONE AND A COUPLE OF POLICEMEN BEING TOLD OFF TO FOLLOW HIS INSTRUCTIONS
ut his explanations only made the matter more confusing to our minds than it was before. He was surprised at what he called our density, and said the thing was all clear and simple to him. But we discovered afterward that he was an escaped lunatic. The only points of stage "law" on which we are at all clear are as follows: That if a man dies without leaving a will, then all his property goes to the nearest villain. But if a man dies and leaves a will, then all his property goes to whoever can get possession of that will. That the accidental loss of the three-and-sixpenny copy of a marriage certificate annuls the marriage. That the evidence of one prejudiced witness of shady antecedents is quite sufficient to convict the most stainless and irreproachable gentleman of crimes for the committal of which he could have had no possible motive. But that this evidence may be rebutted years afterward, and the conviction quashed without further trial by the unsupported statement of the comic man. LITTLE WHILE AGO BUT HIS EXPLANATIONS ONLY MADE THE MATTER MORE CONFUSING TO OUR MINDS THAN HE WAS BEFORE HE WAS SURPRISED AT WHAT HE CALLED OUR DENSITY AND SAID THE THING WAS ALL CLEAR AND SIMPLE TO HIM BUT WE DISCOVERED AFTERWARD HE WAS AN ESCAPED LUNATIC THE ONLY POINT STAGE LAW ON WHICH WE ARE AT ALL CLEAR ARE AS FOLLOWS THAT IF A MAN DIES WITHOUT LEAVING A WILL THEN ALL HIS PROPERTY GOES TO THE NEAREST VILLAIN BUT IF A MAN DIES AND LEAVES A WILL THEN ALL HIS PROPERTY GOES TO WHOEVER CAN GET POSSESSION OF THAT WILL THAT THE ACCIDENTAL LOSS OF THREE AND A SIXPENNY COPY OF A MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE ANNULS THE MARRIAGE THAT THE EVIDENCE OF ONE PREJUDICE WITNESS OF SHADY ANTECEDENTS IS QUITE SUFFICIENT TO CONVICT THE MOST STAINLESS AND IRREPROACHABLE GENTLEMAN OF CRIMES FOR WHICH THE COMMITTAL OF WHICH HE COULD HAVE HAD NO POSSIBLE MOTIVE BUT THAT THIS EVIDENCE MAY BE REBUTTED YEARS AFTERWARDS AND THE CONVICTION QUASHED WITHOUT FURTHER TRIAL BY THE UNSUBORDINATE STATEMENT OF THE COMIC MAN
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