large/1823/stage_land_0803_librivox_64kb_mp3/stageland_09_jerome_64kb_37
large/1823/stage_land_0803_librivox_64kb_mp3/stageland_09_jerome_64kb
English
1823
SHE. Well, one of us must be hard. You're soft enough. HE. Yes, I shouldn't want to marry you if I weren't. Ha! ha! ha! SHE. Oh, you gibbering idiot! (_Said archly._) HE. So glad I am. We shall make a capital match (_attempts to kiss her_). WELL ONE OF US MUST BE HARD YOU'RE SOFT ENOUGH YES I SHOULDN'T WANT TO MARRY YOU IF I WEREN'T HA HA O YOU GIBBERING IDIOT SO GLAD I AM WE SHALL MAKE A CAPITAL MATCH ATTEMPTS TO KISS HER
 slanging matches and bullyragging competitions which form their courtship it is always the maiden that is most successful. Against her merry flow of invective and her girlish wealth of offensive personalities the insolence and abuse of her boyish adorer cannot stand for one moment. To give an idea of how the comic lovers woo, we perhaps cannot do better than subjoin the following brief example: _SCENE: Main thoroughfare in populous district of London. Time: Noon. Not a soul to be seen anywhere._ _Enter comic loveress R., walking in the middle of the road._ _Enter comic lover L., also walking in the middle of the road._ _They neither see the other until they bump against each other in the center._ HE. Why, Jane! Who'd a' thought o' meeting you here! SHE. You evidently didn't--stoopid! HE. Halloo! got out o' bed the wrong side again? I say, Jane, if you go on like that you'll never get a man to marry you. SHE. So I thought when I engaged myself to you. HE. Oh! come, Jane, don't be hard. ED LIFE WILL BE LIKE WE SHUDDER TO THINK IN THE VARIOUS SLANGING MATCHES AND BULLY RUGGING COMPETITIONS WHICH FORM THEIR COURTSHIP IT IS ALWAYS THE MAIDEN THAT IS MOST SUCCESSFUL AGAINST HER MERRY FLOW OF INVECTIVE AND GIRLISH WEALTH OF OFFENSIVE PERSONALITIES AND THE INSOLENCE AND ABUSE OF HER BOYISH ADORER CANNOT STAND FOR ONE MOMENT TO GIVE AN IDEA OF THE COWARD LOVER'S WOO WE PERHAPS CANNOT DO BETTER THAN SUBJOIN THE FOLLOWING BRIEF EXAMPLE SCENE MAIN THOROUGHFARE IN POPULOUS DISTRICT OF LONDON TIME NOON NOT A SOUL TO BE SEEN ANYWHERE ENTER COMIC LOVES RIGHT WALKING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD ENTER COMIC LOVER LEFT ALSO WALKING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD THEY NEITHER SEE THE OTHER UNTIL THEY BUMP UP AGAINST EACH OTHER IN THE CENTRE WHY JANE WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT OF MEETING YOU HERE YOU EVIDENTLY DIDN'T STUPID HALLO GOT OUT OF BED THE WRONG SIDE AGAIN I SAY JANE IF YOU GO ON LIKE THAT YOU'LL NEVER GET A MAN TO MARRY YOU SO I THOUGHT WHEN I ENGAGED MYSELF TO YOU OH COME JANE DON'T BE HARD
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