large/6923/diary_pilgrimage_1112_librivox_64kb_mp3/diaryofapilgrimage_03_jerome_64kb_38
large/6923/diary_pilgrimage_1112_librivox_64kb_mp3/diaryofapilgrimage_03_jerome_64kb
English
6923
It is very foolish of me, I know, but I cannot help it. I suppose it is the human nature that exists in even the best of us that makes us act like this. IT IS VERY FOOLISH OF ME I KNOW BUT I CANNOT HELP IT I SUPPOSE IT IS THE HUMAN NATURE THAT EXISTS IN EVEN THE BEST OF US THAT MAKES US ACT LIKE THIS
ad, and try to get away from the smell of the engines and the proximity of people who smoke green cigars. There was a man smoking a peculiarly mellow and unctuous cigar on deck when I got there. I don't believe he smoked it because he enjoyed it. He did not look as if he enjoyed it. I believe he smoked it merely to show how well he was feeling, and to irritate people who were not feeling very well. There is something very blatantly offensive about the man who feels well on board a boat. I am very objectionable myself, I know, when I am feeling all right. It is not enough for me that I am not ill. I want everybody to see that I am not ill. It seems to me that I am wasting myself if I don't let every human being in the vessel know that I am not ill. I cannot sit still and be thankful, like you'd imagine a sensible man would. I walk about the ship--smoking, of course--and look at people who are not well with mild but pitying surprise, as if I wondered what it was like and how they did it.  A SEA ON I FEEL SAD AND TRY TO GET AWAY FROM THE SMELL OF THE ENGINES AND THE PROXIMITY OF PEOPLE WHO SMOKE GREEN CIGARS THERE WAS A MAN SMOKING A PARTICULARLY MELLOW AND UNCTUOUS CIGAR ON DECK WHEN I GOT THERE I DON'T BELIEVE HE SMOKED IT BECAUSE HE ENJOYED IT HE DID NOT LOOK AS IF HE ENJOYED IT I BELIEVE HE SMOKED IT MERELY TO SHOW HOW WELL HE WAS FEELING AND TO IRRITATE PEOPLE WHO WERE NOT FEELING VERY WELL THERE IS SOMETHING VERY BLATANTLY OFFENSIVE ABOUT THE MAN WHO FEELS WELL ON BOARD A BOAT I AM VERY OBJECTIONABLE MYSELF I KNOW WHEN I AM FEELING ALL RIGHT IT IS NOT ENOUGH FOR ME THAT I AM NOT ILL I WANT EVERYBODY TO SEE THAT I AM NOT ILL IT SEEMS TO ME THAT I AM WASTING MYSELF IF I DON'T LET EVERY HUMAN BEING IN THE VESSEL KNOW THAT I AM NOT ILL I CANNOT SIT STILL AND BE THANKFUL LIKE YOU'D IMAGINE A SENSIBLE MAN WOULD I WALK ABOUT THE SHIP SMOKING OF COURSE AND LOOK AT PEOPLE WHO WERE NOT WELL WITH MILD BUT PITYING SURPRISE AS IF I WONDERED WHAT IT WAS LIKE AND HOW THEY DID IT
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