large/7245/short_story_053_1212_librivox_64kb_mp3/shortstory053_04_titbottomsspectacles_lja_64kb_132
large/7245/short_story_053_1212_librivox_64kb_mp3/shortstory053_04_titbottomsspectacles_lja_64kb
English
7245
I longed to enjoy the luxury of ignorant feeling, to love without knowing, to float like a leaf upon the eddies of life, drifted now to a sunny point, now to a solemn shade  now over glittering ripples, now over gleaming calms,  and not to determined ports, a trim vessel with an inexorable rudder. I LONGED TO ENJOY THE LUXURY OF IGNORANT FEELING TO LOVE WITHOUT KNOWING TO FLOAT LIKE A LEAF UPON THE EDDIES OF LIFE DRIFTED NOW TO A SUNNY POINT NOW TO SOLEMN SHADE NOW OVER GLITTERING RIPPLES NOW OVER GLEAMING CALMS AND NOT TO DETERMINED PORTS A TRIM VESSEL WITH AN INEXORABLE RUDDER
ses. "If two were quarrelling about a marble, or a ball, I had only to go behind a tree where I was concealed and look at them leisurely. Then the scene changed, and it was no longer a green meadow with boys playing, but a spot which I did not recognise, and forms that made me shudder, or smile. It was not a big boy bullying a little one, but a young wolf with glistening teeth and a lamb cowering before him; or, it was a dog faithful and famishing--or a star going slowly into eclipse--or a rainbow fading--or a flower blooming--or a sun rising--or a waning moon. "The revelations of the spectacles determined my feeling for the boys, and for all whom I saw through them. No shyness, nor awkwardness, nor silence, could separate me from those who looked lovely as lilies to my illuminated eyes. But the vision made me afraid. If I felt myself warmly drawn to any one, I struggled with the fierce desire of seeing him through the spectacles, for I feared to find him something else than I fancied. OOKED AT THEM THROUGH THE GLASSES IF TWO WERE QUARRELLING ABOUT A MARBLE OR A BALL I HAD ONLY TO GO BEHIND A TREE WHERE I WAS CONCEALED AND LOOK AT THEM LEISURELY THEN THE SCENE CHANGED AND IT WAS NO LONGER A GREEN MEADOW WITH BOYS PLAYING BUT A SPOT WHICH I DID NOT RECOGNIZE AND FORMS THAT MADE ME SHUDDER OR SMILE IT WAS NOT A BIG BOY BULLYING A LITTLE ONE BUT A YOUNG WOLF WITH GLISTENING TEETH AND A LAMB COWERING BEFORE HIM OR IT WAS A DOG FAITHFUL AND FAMISHING OR A STAR GOING SLOWLY INTO ECLIPSE OR A RAINBOW FADING OR A FLOWER BLOOMING OR A SUN RISING OR A WANING MOON THE REVELATIONS OF THE SPECTACLES DETERMINED MY FEELING FOR THE BOYS AND FOR ALL WHOM I SAW THROUGH THEM NO SHYNESS NOR AWKWARDNESS NOR SILENCE COULD SEPARATE ME FROM THOSE WHO LOOKED LOVELY AS LILIES TO MY ILLUMINATED EYES BUT THE VISION MADE ME AFRAID IF I FELT MYSELF WARMLY DRAWN TO ANY ONE I STRUGGLED WITH THE FIERCE DESIRE OF SEEING HIM THROUGH THE SPECTACLES FOR I FEARED TO FIND HIM SOMETHING ELSE THAN I FANCIED
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