large/3914/beast_in_jungle_1012_librivox_64kb_mp3/beastjungle_5_james_64kb_47
large/3914/beast_in_jungle_1012_librivox_64kb_mp3/beastjungle_5_james_64kb
English
3914
He couldn't have made known she was watching him, for that would have published the superstition of the Beast. HE COULDN'T HAVE MADE KNOWN SHE WAS WATCHING HIM FOR THAT WOULD HAVE PUBLISHED THE SUPERSTITION OF THE BEAST
istinction, the dignity, the propriety, if nothing else, of the man markedly bereaved. It was as if, in the view of society he had not _been_ markedly bereaved, as if there still failed some sign or proof of it, and as if none the less his character could never be affirmed nor the deficiency ever made up. There were moments as the weeks went by when he would have liked, by some almost aggressive act, to take his stand on the intimacy of his loss, in order that it _might_ be questioned and his retort, to the relief of his spirit, so recorded; but the moments of an irritation more helpless followed fast on these, the moments during which, turning things over with a good conscience but with a bare horizon, he found himself wondering if he oughtn't to have begun, so to speak, further back. He found himself wondering indeed at many things, and this last speculation had others to keep it company. What could he have done, after all, in her lifetime, without giving them both, as it were, away? REASON HE COULDN'T SEIZE BY THE DISTINCTION THE DIGNITY THE PROPRIETY IF NOTHING ELSE OF THE MAN MARKEDLY BEREAVED IT WAS AS IF IN THE VIEW OF SOCIETY HE HAD NOT BEEN MARKEDLY BEREAVED AS IF THERE STILL FAILED SOME SIGN OR PROOF OF IT AND AS IF NONE THE LESS HIS CHARACTER COULD NEVER BE AFFIRMED NOR THE DEFICIENCY EVER MADE UP THERE WERE MOMENTS AS THE WEEKS WENT BY WHEN HE WOULD HAVE LIKED BY SOME ALMOST AGGRESSIVE ACT TO TAKE HIS STAND ON THE INTIMACY OF HIS LOSS IN ORDER THAT IT MIGHT BE QUESTIONED AND HIS RETORT TO THE RELIEF OF HIS SPIRIT SO RECORDED BUT THE MOMENTS OF AN IRRITATION MORE HELPLESS FOLLOWED FAST ON THESE THE MOMENTS DURING WHICH TURNING THINGS OVER WITH A GOOD CONSCIENCE BUT WITH A BARE HORIZON HE FOUND HIMSELF WONDERING IF HE OUGHTN'T TO HAVE BEGUN SO TO SPEAK FURTHER BACK HE FOUND HIMSELF WONDERING INDEED AT MANY THINGS AND THIS LAST SPECULATION HAD OTHERS TO KEEP IT COMPANY WHAT COULD HE HAVE DONE AFTER ALL IN HER LIFETIME WITHOUT GIVING THEM BOTH AS IT WERE AWAY
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