large/11252/lizaoflambeth_1704_librivox_64kb_mp3/lizaoflambeth_12_maugham_64kb_106
large/11252/lizaoflambeth_1704_librivox_64kb_mp3/lizaoflambeth_12_maugham_64kb
English
11252
Well, Mr. Brownin', 'e was a great big man, thirteen stone if 'e was a ounce. Well, 'e stood on the coffin, an' a young man 'e 'ad with 'im stood on it too, an' the lid simply wouldn't go dahn; so Mr. Browning', 'e said, "Jump on, missus," so I was in my widow's weeds, yer know, but we 'ad ter git it dahn, so I stood on it, an' we all jumped, an' at last we got it to, an' screwed it; but, lor', we did 'ave a job; I shall never forget it.' WELL MISTER BROWNAN HE WAS A GREAT BIG MAN THIRTEEN STONE IF HE WAS AN OUNCE BUT HE STOOD ON THE COFFIN AND A YOUNG MAN HE HAD WITH HIM STOOD ON IT TOO AND THE LID SIMPLY WOULDN'T GO DOWN SO MISTER BROWNING HE SAID JUMP ON MISSUS SO I WAS IN MY WIDOW'S WEEDS YOU KNOW BUT WE HAD TO GET IT DOWN SO I STOOD ON IT WE ALL JUMPED AND AT LAST WE GOT THICK TO AND SCREWED IT BUT LAW WE DID OF A JOB I SHALL NEVER FORGET IT
Mr. Footley," says I, "for my own private opinion, when you've got a nice brass plite in the middle, an' nice brass 'andles each end, there's nothin' like hoak." "Quite right," says 'e, "thet's wot I think; for coffins give me hoak any day, an' I 'ope," says 'e, "when the Lord sees fit ter call me to 'Imself, I shall be put in a hoak coffin myself." "Amen," says I.' 'I like hoak,' said Mrs. Kemp. 'My poor 'usband 'e 'ad a hoak coffin. We did 'ave a job with 'im, I can tell yer. You know 'e 'ad dropsy, an' 'e swell up--oh, 'e did swell; 'is own mother wouldn't 'ave known 'im. Why, 'is leg swell up till it was as big round as 'is body, swop me bob, it did.' 'Did it indeed!' ejaculated Mrs. Hodges. 'Yus, an' when 'e died they sent the coffin up. I didn't 'ave Mr. Footley at thet time; we didn't live 'ere then, we lived in Battersea, an' all our undertikin' was done by Mr. Brownin'; well, 'e sent the coffin up, an' we got my old man in, but we couldn't get the lid down, he was so swell up. AT'S THE QUESTION WELL MISSUS FOOTLEY SAYS I FOR MY OWN PRIVATE OPINION WHEN YOU'VE GOT A NICE BRASS PLATE IN THE MIDDLE AND NICE BRASS HANDLES EACH END THERE'S NOTHING LIKE LIKE HOPE QUITE RIGHT SAYS HE THAT'S WHAT I THINK FOR THE COFFINS GIVE ME THE HOOK ANY DAY AND I HOPE SAYS HE AND THE LORD SEES FIT TO CALL ME TO HIMSELF I SHOULD BE PUT IN A HOPE COFFIN MYSELF AMEN SAYS I I LIKE HOCH SAYS MISSUS KEMP MY POOR HUSBAND HE HAD A HOKE COFFIN WE DID HAVE A JOB WITH HIM I CAN TELL YE YOU KNOW HE HAD DROPSY AND HE SWELL UP OH HE DID SWELL HIS I AND MOTHER WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN HIM WHY HIS LEGS SWELLER TILL IT WAS AS BIG AS TILL IT WAS AS BIG ROUND AS HIS BODY SWAT ME BOB IT DID DID IT INDEED EJACULATED MISSUS HOGS YES AND WHEN HE DIED THEY SENT THE COFFIN UP I DIDN'T HAVE MISTER FOOTLE AT THAT TIME WE DIDN'T LIVE HERE THEN WE LIVED IN BATTERSEA AND ALL OUR UNDERTAKING WAS DONE BY MISTER BROWNING WELL HE SENT THE COFFIN UP WE GOT MY OLD MAN IN BUT WE COULDN'T GET THE LID DOWN HE WAS SO SWIFT
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