large/6138/signsofchange_1209_librivox_64kb_mp3/signsofchange_07_morris_64kb_5
large/6138/signsofchange_1209_librivox_64kb_mp3/signsofchange_07_morris_64kb
English
6138
And if I have no means wherewith to rouse up that mood of energy to do its duty in making me happy, and I have to toil while the idle mood is upon me, then am I unhappy indeed, and almost wish myself dead, though I do not know what that means. AND IF I HAVE NO MEANS WHEREWITH TO ROUSE UP THAT MOOD OF ENERGY TO DO ITS DUTY IN MAKING ME HAPPY AND I HAVE TO TOIL WHILE THE IDLE MOOD IS UPON ME THEN I AM UNHAPPY INDEED AND ALMOST WISH MYSELF DEAD THOUGH I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
ficult to believe that that is not the universal desire: so that, whatever tends towards that end I cherish with all my best endeavour. Now, when I consider my life further, I find out, or seem to, that it is under the influence of two dominating moods, which for lack of better words I must call the mood of energy and the mood of idleness: these two moods are now one, now the other, always crying out in me to be satisfied. When the mood of energy is upon me, I must be doing something, or I become mopish and unhappy; when the mood of idleness is on me, I find it hard indeed if I cannot rest and let my mind wander over the various pictures, pleasant or terrible, which my own experience or my communing with the thoughts of other men, dead or alive, have fashioned in it; and if circumstances will not allow me to cultivate this mood of idleness, I find I must at the best pass through a period of pain till I can manage to stimulate my mood of energy to take its place and make me happy again. MERRY AND I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO BELIEVE THAT THAT IS NOT THE UNIVERSAL DESIRE SO THAT WHATEVER TENDS TOWARDS THAT END I CHERISH WITH ALL MY BEST ENDEAVOUR NOW WHEN I CONSIDER MY LIFE FURTHER I FIND OUT OR SEEM TO THAT IT IS UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF TWO DOMINATING MOODS WHICH FOR LACK OF BETTER WORDS I MUST CALL THE MOOD OF ENERGY AND THE MOOD OF IDLENESS THESE TWO MOODS ARE NOW ONE NOW THE OTHER ALWAYS CRYING OUT IN ME TO BE SATISFIED WHEN THE MOOD OF ENERGY IS UPON ME I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING OR I BECOME MOPISH AND UNHAPPY WHEN THE MOOD OF IDLENESS IS ON ME I FIND IT HARD INDEED IF I CANNOT REST AND LET MY MIND WANDER OVER THE VARIOUS PICTURES PLEASANT OR TERRIBLE WHICH MY OWN EXPERIENCE OR MY COMMUNING WITH THE THOUGHTS OF OTHER MEN DEAD OR ALIVE HAVE FASHIONED IN IT AND IF CIRCUMSTANCES WILL NOT ALLOW ME TO CULTIVATE THIS MOOD OF IDLENESS I FIND I MUST AT THE BEST PASS THROUGH A PERIOD OF PAIN TILL I CAN MANAGE TO STIMULATE MY MOOD OF ENERGY TO TAKE ITS PLACE AND MAKE ME HAPPY AGAIN
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