The penultimate Game of Thrones episode, “The Bells,” was the exact opposite of The Lego Movie: everything is not awesome, and everyone is not okay. It wasn’t a war that descended on King’s Landing. It was pure devastation. This was a massacre, just wholesale violence for the sake of violence. If viewers thought that things could end peacefully between the Red Keep, the Mother of Dragons, and anyone unlucky enough to be caught between them, this episode proved that’s never going to happen. “The Bells” also reminded us that sometimes Game of Thrones doesn’t make sense. If you, like me, watch Game of Thrones with Twitter running in the background, there’s a good chance you noticed that almost everyone responding to the show was angry. Daenerys Targaryen’s decision to burn thousands of innocent people just to show Cersei Lannister she could didn’t exactly make sense. Neither did Jaime’s race to reconnect with Cersei after such a long slow-burn relationship with Brienne. “The Bells” fell into the category of “dumb entertainment,” and that’s not a bad thing — but it’s a lot to unpack. Let’s jump into it. There’s something poetic about this episode beginning with the death of its most prolific prophet. Courage is deciding to do the right thing, even if that means certain death. Varys doesn’t try to hide his concern about Daenerys taking the throne, and he goes to Jon (aka Aegon Targaryen) in the hopes that he may be able to convince Jon that he should reign. (+15 to Varys for betraying his queen) While this is happening, Tyrion goes to see his queen and turns into Randall from Disney’s Recess. He’s snitching all over the place about Varys’ betrayal, and the Maddest Queen will not stand for it. Hasn’t Tyrion ever heard the phrase “snitches get stitches”? Varys is dragged out of his room (where he was very peacefully writing some kind of fan fiction, I’m sure) by Daenerys’ guards, and he’s sentenced to death. There’s a quaint moment between once-good friends Tyrion and Varys when the former confesses “It was me [who ratted you out, which left you standing here in front of a dragon].” (+10 for a brutal one-liner, even if most of it’s just implied) Then Drogon unleashes a fierce, fiery attack (Drogon gets this +25 for killing a named character) burning Varys alive. (+25 for a memorable death) This is Daenerys embracing her Mad Queen side, which some, including Varys, worried was lurking in the wings. It’s troubling to watch her vengeful side play out against her former closest advisers — especially for Jon Snow, who’s realizing he shouldn’t be in a relationship with his aunt and is trying to handle that breakup as delicately as possible. Jon goes to check in on Dany, as a good ex does, but Daenerys doesn’t have time for him. She’s concerned about Jon taking her place, and she doesn’t let him forget that she warned him what would happen if he spilled the tea about his parentage. “Far more people here love you than me,” Dany declares. “I don’t have love here. I only have fear.” (+10) When Jon proclaims that he loves her — but only as a queen — Dany gives him one of her best disappointed looks and says, “Let it be fear.” (+10) Look, breakups are hard. It only gets more complicated when you’re breaking up with a family member you didn’t even know was a family member! Add in that you’re about to go to war together, and almost anyone would have trouble navigating these waters. It’s the first time I’ve felt bad for Jon all season. Dude is trying his best to move on, but he can only do so much without being turned into ashes on the spot if he says the wrong thing. Dany is now basically the queen, and that means she gets to spend half her day riding around on Drogon’s back, taking in the scenery, and the other half dealing with bureaucratic meetings. After finally ending things with Jon (praise be), she meets with Tyrion and Grey Worm. Daenerys and Grey Worm want blood; Tyrion wants peace. Only one person in this meeting has a dragon, and dragons rarely want to solve problems with words instead of fire. Tyrion argues with Daenerys for the thousandth time, but she’s not hearing it anymore, not after he recklessly passed on the Jon-tea to Varys, enabling his betrayal and getting him killed. “The next time you fail me will be the last time you fail me,” Daenerys threatens. (+10) Ruh-roh, Scooby. Time to skedaddle! With the exception of Jon and Tyrion, everyone in this episode is looking to kill. Bloodlust is in the air. Even Arya Stark, who arrives at King’s Landing on horseback with her good pal the Hound, is volunteering her violent dreams to anyone who asks. “I’m Arya Stark, and I’m going to kill Queen Cersei,” she nonchalantly informs a guard. (+10) The brevity! The strength! I’m going to use this tactic the next time my boss asks me where I’m going. “I’m Julia Alexander, and I’m going to take a nap.” Arya is open about her plans to slice Cersei’s throat, but other people are forced to act more deviously. Tyrion betrays his queen (+15) by helping his older brother Jaime escape from the tent where he’s being held after he was caught trying to get to Cersei. How is it possible that Jaime keeps getting captured? This is the Kingslayer, a man so skilled that he took down a murderous mad king. And yet, every other season, he winds up captured in some part of Westeros. It’s truly incredible just how imbecilic my beautiful Jaime can be some days! At least it enables a gut-wrenching Tyrion and Jaime heart-to-heart, a conversation between brothers who love each other and know they’ll never be in the same place again. Tyrion begs Jaime to find Cersei, take her away from King’s Landing, and disappear forever. He wants them to raise their child in a city far away from Daenerys’ rule, and he hopes the urge to protect the baby might make Cersei see reason. “The worst things she’s ever done, she’s done for her children,” Jaime counters. (+10) Curses! Won’t anyone in this godforsaken place listen to Tyrion? Someone get him a soapbox and a megaphone already. Yeesh! Eventually, Tyrion gets Jaime to see his point of view (sans soapbox), and the two say their final goodbyes. Both are prepared to breathe their final breaths tomorrow — Jaime because he’s walking into a war zone, Tyrion because he expects Dany to execute him for setting Jaime free. But Tyrion thinks it’ll be worth it if Jaime can spirit Cersei away and end the war. “Tens of thousands of innocent lives, one not particularly innocent dwarf. Seems like a fair trade,” Tyrion points out. (+10) With all of the final goodbyes, breakups, and threats laid out, it’s time for the great battle to begin — except, as I said previously, it’s just wholesale slaughter. From about minute 35 until this episode ended, there was nothing but carnage. Daenerys sits atop Drogon (+20 for dragon-riding), and they lay waste to King’s Landing. While Dany’s first two dragons often seemed useless in battle, a pissed-off Drogon and Daenerys have more than made up for it. Both Drogon and Daenerys receive the episode maximum of 50 points for killing thousands of innocent people, which is almost hilariously sad, considering Daenerys defined her climb to rulership by freeing slaves and fighting for innocent people. But sure, let her just go against her entire character in the series’s penultimate episode. Who needs consistency in storytelling when you can just slaughter people for the sake of cool visuals? To make up for it, some less-innocent people are also thrown into the chaos. Harry Strickland gets incapacitated by Drogon and Daenerys during the battle (+10 each to dragon and rider) before being brutally killed by Grey Worm. (+25 for taking out a named character) If I’m being honest, I forgot who Harry Strickland was prior to this episode, but watching him get speared through the stomach and falling to the ground as bedlam breaks out around him is certainly a memorable way to go. (+25 to Harry) Congratulations on making me remember your name, Harry! Jon Snow and Grey Worm immediately enter warrior mode, taking out an absurd number of King’s Landing soldiers. (+50 episode max to both) Cersei isn’t particularly worried. Euron has taken down a dragon before, and she believes her army is the best. “The Red Keep has never fallen. It won’t fall today,” she declares. (+10) Except that’s not exactly true. Drogon easily takes down the Iron Fleet and the defenses at King’s Landing, and all of the destruction becomes too much for the city’s soldiers. The bells of King’s Landing are rung. Defeat is conceded. People are ready to bow down before Daenerys, the Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons. (+25 to Dany for taking the city) The people of King’s Landing might be ready to bend the knee, but she isn’t done wreaking havoc yet. This is her day to truly inspire fear in her new loyal subjects, and she’s going to do it, character consistency be damned! Happy Mother’s Day, Mother of One Remaining Dragon! Daenerys isn’t the only one who wants to continue fighting. Euron Greyjoy and Jaime Lannister run into each other down by the water. Aside from this basically being a dream come true for this thirsty writer, it also leads to a fun battle between two incredible soldiers. “If you kill another king before you die, they’ll sing about you forever,” Euron taunts. (+10) Jaime doesn’t waste any time deeming Euron unworthy of being a king, but he fights back regardless. Euron manages to get in a few good swipes, incapacitating Jaime (+10) and dealing him some presumably mortal wounds. But it’s Jaime who gets in the more devastating blow, killing Euron. (+25) Never one to be out-drama’d, Euron spends his last words making sure Jaime doesn’t get the last word. “I’m the man who killed Jaime Lannister,” he proclaims, smiling up at the sky. (+10 for that comment, and +25 for a glorious exit) (Note: This was a devastating moment for me. If someone wants to edit a montage of Euron Greyjoy — the Game of Thrones character most likely to make out with you on a lumpy bed under a pentagram poster while listening to The Cure — and send it to me, I would greatly appreciate it.) Back in the city, the Hound and Arya are making their way through the halls of the castle, trying to find Cersei. This is their moment; everything they’ve trained for has finally arrived. Unfortunately, the Hound won’t let Arya join him. He gets into protective big brother mode, pulling a line from Harry and the Hendersons, telling Arya to save herself. “You come with me, you die here,” the Hound warns. (+10) Arya thanks him, running in the other direction, and letting the Hound exact the revenge he’s dreamt of for so long. He does — kind of. After taking out four random guards (+40), he comes face-to-face with Qyburn, Cersei, and his big bad brother, the Mountain. Oh, goodie! Sound the alarms, call your closest friends, the Cleganebowl is here. Get hype! Qyburn orders the Mountain to defend Cersei, but the Mountain chooses instead casually squishes and smashes him (+25 murder points to the Mountain, +25 to Qyburn for a memorable death), betraying Cersei in the process (+15). And then it’s time for the most metal fight of the season. The only thing missing is a series of random guitar solos, a live mosh pit, and Gene Simmons floating around in the background. It was cool, friends. It’s also incredibly violent, and the Mountain looks suspiciously like Darth Vader in The Empire Strikes Back when he’s on the bridge with Luke Skywalker. But without question, it’s the best part of the episode. There are even funny moments between the two brothers who loathe each other more than anyone else on this show. The Hound yelling “Fucking die already” is absolute perfection.<doc-sep>Warning! This article contains spoilers for Game Of Thrones season eight, episode five, The Bells. Well. In the end, the bells for peace tolled, but Daenerys Targaryen was having none of it. The deaths of Missandei and Rhaegal in last week's episode did indeed prove to be the straw that broke the dragon's back, finally transforming the once benevolent Khaleesi into the feared Mad Queen who had not-so-subtly been promising to unleash herself throughout this entire final series. Jon Snow may not want The Truth, but he sure got to find out what happens when The Truth comes out. If The Long Night was the most breathtaking episode of season eight visually (the long dark gripes aside), The Bells was the one that had your heart in its grip from the beginning and never let go. Advertisement Grittier, rawer and perhaps a little less Hollywood, this was bigger than the battle against The Night King and a far more emotionally charged war. Because that was clear-cut, good versus evil; this time, the good turned evil and set the world on fire. Image: Arya Stark amid the destruction. Pic: HBO/ Sky Atlantic With so much to tie up, so little time, there will undoubtedly be certain scenes, deaths and questions from this penultimate episode that will divide fans. But for sheer exhilaration, The Bells delivered. This is what Game Of Thrones is all about. King's Landing incinerated With two dragons down and just one left, there had been much speculation about how Daenerys would fare against Cersei Lannister's bigger and less battle-weary army. With Rhaegal taken out so quickly (and conveniently) by Euron Greyjoy, would this fight to be more evenly matched than on paper? The answer was a resounding no. :: Listen to the Backstage podcast on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, Spreaker Getting to grips with Drogon after infuriatingly retreating from Greyjoy and faffing about with Jon during the Great War before that, the Mother Of Dragons finally showed that swords and spears and massive crossbows are no match for great balls of fire, and not before time. It quickly became apparent that who would win the Last War was never in question, with Drogon obliterating anyone standing in Dany's path. Oh, if only she'd thought to do this last week! Maybe BFF Missandei would still be alive and there would be no need for all this. This had become about vengeance, and when Cersei's soldiers waved the white flag, Dany carried on, incandescent with rage; destroying King's Landing and killing the thousands of innocent people she had once vowed to rule over peacefully. Goodbye, Cersei and Jaime This was the episode where the mask dropped and we saw Cersei, the frightened mother-to-be, desperate to protect her unborn child as her city collapsed around her. Reunited briefly with Jaime, she was reduced to tears as King's Landing fell. Yes, she's a monster and deserved everything coming, but you couldn't help feeling sorry for her as that rarely seen vulnerable side came out. As the walls caved in around them, the star-crossed twins/lovers died in each other's arms in an ending that will no doubt enrage fans who wanted to see revenge served cold and torturously (to Cersei, obviously, but also to Jaime, who we can't forgive for breaking Brienne's heart). But actually, this was a fitting end. Cersei didn't die battling for the throne and proudly standing up to her enemies, she died helpless and weak - her biggest fear. Image: It's goodbye Cersei. Pic: HBO/ Sky Atlantic 'Someone has betrayed me' The episode started with Varys, foreseeing his death it seems and committing Jon's secret to paper. Sure enough, Dany quickly ordered his execution by dragon fire, setting the tone for what was to come. If that wasn't enough for lovestruck Jon to have a polite word with the woman he has bent the knee for, surely the destruction of King's Landing and its people will be? Come on, Jon! Varys did warn you, mate. With just one episode left, sadly the time for polite words has passed; now is the time to be the hero we have known and loved in seasons before. We know you've got it in you, even if you have been a bit rubbish this series. The Night King is gone. Cersei is gone. The question now is about the final battle for the Iron Throne: now he's witnessed the full scale of her penchant for burning people alive, will the last war be between Jon and Dany? Cleganebowl "Hello, big brother," said The Hound, in the biggest TV reunion since Sharon witnessed the resurrection of Dirty Den. This was the moment Game Of Thrones fans had been waiting for: The Hound versus The Mountain, and it didn't disappoint. Swords clanged as the brothers fought to the bitter end, with the superhuman and super-gruesome Mountain surviving everything his brother could throw at him, even a knife straight through the head. As it looked like the Hound was about to become another of his poor eye-crush victims, little brother locked his grip and pulled them both from a wall and down to a fiery death below. Arya: She's only human, after all Before his death, the Hound and Arya Stark shared their goodbyes. After arriving in King's Landing announcing her intention to kill Cersei, once the city started to fall the Hound was quick to point out to Arya that continuing with him meant certain death. After slaying the Night King and becoming the hero of Winterfell, and turning down Gendry's proposal to pursue her quest for killing, the young assassin had become almost robotic in her search for vengeance. But the Hound's words resonated. "You think you've wanted revenge a long time? I've been after it all my life, it's all I care about, and look at me. You want to be like me? You come with me, you die here." Suddenly, she was little Arya Stark again. "Thank you," she whispered as she turned to flee, the understanding that this was farewell as the Hound left to meet his fate. Image: Many are killed in the inferno. Pic: HBO/ Sky Atlantic Brotherly love Before his death, Jaime also had a poignant reunion with his other sibling, Tyrion. "If it weren't for you, I never would have survived my childhood," Tyrion told his brother. "You were the only one who didn't treat me like a monster. You were all I had." It was an emotional scene. Trying to do the right thing, Tyrion betrayed his queen and freed Jaime from capture, wanting to save him and also believing he was the one who could bring about peace. He knew his fate should Daenerys find out. "Tens of thousands of innocent lives, one not particularly innocent dwarf," he said. "Seems like a fair trade." In the end, Tyrion was the last Lannister standing. And finally… Viewers who kept up with other fan favourite Line Of Duty will have spotted a familiar face in King's Landing this week. Detective Inspector Michelle Brandyce, who popped up in the final episodes of the police drama, had inexplicably hot-footed it from AC-12 to Westeros. What's worse, you wonder: bent coppers and an OCG, or angry dragons? Sadly for the DI, it turned out to be the dragons, and she met a fiery end along with her young daughter. Oh, Ma'am. When DI Kate Fleming told you to "stop making a t*t out of yourself and p*ss off", I'm not sure this was quite the punishment she had in mind. So this is it. The end is nigh. Take a look at what's in store next week in the very last trailer. :: The final series of Game Of Thrones airs on Sky Atlantic at 2am and 9pm on Mondays. :: Want to recap on the story so far? All episodes of Game Of Thrones from series 1-7 are now available to watch on Sky Atlantic and NOW TV.<doc-sep>
Spoiler alert: this recap is published after Game of Thrones airs on HBO in the US on Sunday night and on Foxtel in Australia on Monday. Do not read unless you have watched episode five of season eight, which airs in the UK on Sky Atlantic on Monday at 2am and 9pm, and is repeated in Australia on Showcase on Monday at 7.30pm AEST. ‘They say every time a Targaryen is born, the gods toss a coin and the world holds its breath’ I don’t think I have ever been more frustrated by an episode of Game of Thrones. There was so much that could have worked here, so many emotional pay-offs and beautifully shot scenes – and it was all let down by how little work was put into earning those moments. In part I’d argue that this is not entirely the fault of this series. Indeed, I have enjoyed many of the individual episodes while hoping that they would somehow coalesce into a coherent whole. Instead, the seeds of destruction were sown in series seven, a meandering mess in which too much time was spent circling various plot points. This in turn created a pacing issue that has ensured that now, with the end in sight, everything feels breathless and rushed. That was certainly the case with The Bells, which was largely (though not entirely) a triumph of spectacle over depth. Dany embraced her dark side, took note of the Targaryen motto ‘Fire and blood’ and razed King’s Landing to the ground even as the bells for surrender rang out. As a series of images it was undeniably powerful, without ever ringing entirely true. There are many things about Dany’s transformation into the Queen of Ashes that I can buy: that she’s lost and out of her depth in Westeros, that she’s grieving and desperate and alone without the counsel of those she trusted most, that the razing of one city could be seen as a small price to pay to end the tyranny she so abhors. The problem is that the writing has given us none of this. Instead, a series of men (Tyrion, Varys, even Jon) have pontificated about whether or not Dany is as mad as her father while the Dragon Queen herself remains silent. It’s as though coming to Westeros has stripped Dany of both agency and character development, just at the time she (and we) needed it most. Would it have killed the writers, David Benioff and DB Weiss, to give us one scene where the girl raised on the stories of her noble older brother and mad father, who saw in the shape of her younger brother Viserys how ambition could curdle and who has faced down slave owners and raised dragons from a funeral pyre, actually considered what her raw grief and desire for destruction might give birth to? I don’t object to the idea that Dany – who has always had something of a messianic streak – could be more tyrant than saviour. But if that is your endpoint you have to sell it more than one small scene in which the future destroyer of a city offers her loyal general the one thing the love of his life owned, only for him to throw it in the fire. ‘Look at me … do you want to be like me?’ From mother of dragons to mad queen in one scene ... Dany in Game of Thrones. Photograph: HBO/Helen Sloan Game of Thrones has always prided itself on the brutal reality of its war scenes and, whatever the issues with this episode – and increasingly it felt as though Benioff and Weiss were doing little more than gleefully destroying the world they once carefully depicted – there’s no denying it worked as a visceral display. From the early incineration of Varys to the final haunting shot of a dust-covered and bleeding Arya riding out through the charred remnants of what was once the finest city in Westeros, this episode was steeped in blood, guts and gore and determined to remind us that all the ice zombies in the world are nothing next to man’s inhumanity to man. Yet while that was a powerful point (I particularly loved that the Golden Company turned out to be an irrelevance) there were still problems. A long time ago, Jorah told Dany that the Unsullied were incapable of behaving like the brutal men she so despised.