However, his diaries list a self-censored string of encounters with youths and men (“young barber lad";"very much in love with the lad"; "I have done it"), and recurring fear following the arrest of Karl Heinrich Ulrichs with whom he corresponded ("Awful days!...Horrible nightmares.
Međutim, njegovi dnevnici navode "samocenzurisani niz susreta sa mladićima i muškarcima" ("mladi berberin"; "jako sam zaljubljen u tog dečka"; "uradio sam to") i periodični strah nakon hapšenja Karla Hajnriha Ulrihsa s kojim se dopisivao ( "Grozni dani! ...